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charsal24 · 9 months

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Fan Autoethnography

In summary: This autoethnography summarizes the various ways I interact with fandom and how each one has shaped me differently. My relationship to every media is fundamentally different, as this will share. I've learned that while in style and talk I haven't been effected by fandom, creatively and the themes that carry with me, has.

Note: My peer review partners did not suggest changes, so I've kept it as is with the summary above added.

My experience as a fan ebbs and flows between deeply engrossed in the tv show/book/series, etc. to casually enjoying. With the former, I’m on Tumblr reblogging GIFs and fanworks like a madman, occasionally rambling in the tags about x character’s arc and y’s characterization and — fuck, tumblr user Kinegg, you must be a prophet from the Gods. Modified the actual user’s name there, but their take on Collector from The Owl House? Absolutely immaculate. Even in my fandom spaces, I can’t escape my writing-major-ness, and I really search for those users who share my love of analysis of characters/themes/subtext. It’s crazy the amount of essays that will be poured out over what could be a single line, a single painting, a piece of clothing.

In the Owl House (spoilers —albeit somewhat vague — ahead!), users poured essays over the tapestries in the Archive house and what they meant for the Collector’s backstory. I had found myself following along with their detailed descriptions and theories in such a way that I rewatched the scenes they mentioned and found myself nodding along to their takes: of course Collector is an orphan of war! Of course his siblings didn’t like him mixing with the titans! Of course this parallels the segregated magic system!

Surprisingly, despite the glory and beauty of anonymity, and my deep love of character analysis, I’ve never actually thrown my hat — or, well, a post — into the void, into my fandom community. Instead, I stay to the tags or rambles in friends’ DMs.

Here’s a particular long example about the game Dredge, another fandom favorite of mine taken from a friend’s DMs.

Massive spoilers ahead for the game!

Just the fact that like… it’s been Y o u and it’s always been Y o u just augghhhhhhhh when hands of love become hands of destruction and you burn away every piece of yourself resisting the natural course of grief because goddamn !!!!! You *will* bring them back !!!! But if you do, they can’t recognize you anymore, and if you can’t, then you destroy every part of yourself trying and just aughhhhhhhhh aughhhhhhhh just the way grief warps every part of you until all you can think of is *them* I just augghhgghhhhhhhh and then you can’t move on because to move on would be to leave them would mean it was all for nothing and you’ve come so far to stop and it’s just another step and then they’ll back and just another step until they’ll be back and just another step until you have buried yourself neck-deep in the ocean and still you will go one more step because you’re !!! So !!! Close !!! But !!! You !!! Can never!!! Be close !!! And just aughhhhhhhhh

Okay so there’s like three main colors, right? This sorta dark purple red — raspberry-esque — this sorta slightly darker sea foam green and I think there’s either like a yellow or another green, can’t remember. I think it’s another green. There’s also the colors of different fishing areas: coastal, shallow, dredge, abyssal, hadal, but not important I’m taking about the dialogue and some item colors

So — and as you can guess — the colors coincide with their usual associations: red is bad, green is good, etc. now what’s interesting is that parts of the horror elements come with that color association that “oh red is evil/corrupt” and so there’s a really neat sorta psychological element of like when a text reads “be careful” and it’s in red and those color associations tell you that “oh no something bad” and the like. But what’s really really fucking cool and sorta subtle is that during the game this “Collector” guy — so cool lore around this guy but won’t spoil anything if you wanna play/watch — asks you fish up some relics for him and in exchange he compensates you very nicely with some nice power ups that are very much Monkey’s Paw-esque.

So, you fish up some of the relics: necklace, ring, music box, key, watch, and other stuff and when you put them in your inventory, the items are *red* whereas usual items like wood or metal or non-relic rings are just like grey or whatever. Now what’s also red you may ask? Four things, but let’s talk about the first two first. One: mutant fish. Sometimes when you’re fishing you’ll pull out an oddity like a bass with three heads or its spine out—something mangled and warped beyond recognition. And that, too, is *red* in your inventory whereas regular fish are like grey

Two: panic. So, if you stay up too late you start to get this thing called “panic” and it presents itself as an eye appearing under the time looking around worried and not only that but everything gets red like a red fog and rocks may appear out of nowhere or scarier creatures start to chase you—it’s a lot like a gameplay mechanic of “oops you’ve stayed up too late now you’re paranoid and seeing things that aren’t there or are they” kinda thin

Three: crimson and silver book, which is the source of corruption happening in this place and causing all the auroras to turn red and shit to get warped and corrupted and stuff

Four: infection. One of which you never actively see so much as much as you just see a dialogue of a package you can deliver saying that it’s “squelching and wet” or something like that

And so back to relics and mutant fish! If you notice those colors when the mutant fish appear, you can start to notice that hey !!!! These relics you are fetching are fucking cursed !!! And not only that but like when you use the “power ups” that fetching the relics gets you, they come with a cost

So like the power-ups you get are: haste (move faster, but increase panic), manifest (teleport back to the first island, increase panic/time speeds up), atrophy (catch a whole area of fish in one go, fish rot and get infected faster), and I thiiiiiiink one has to do with like sounding a signal to scare fish away or something like that

But like all of them are strengths that come at a cost!!!!! Which feeds into the narrative of “everything has a cost/you cannot get what you want without sacrifice” and just that theme of time and madness and aughhhhhhhh power comes with sacrifice and you are losing a piece of yourself for every “power-up”

And like!!!!!!!! Everyone knows more about you than you do!!!! And like they are just watching you spiral once again and once again and once again and just aughhhh aughhhh everyone knows of the madness except for you

And then you have green!!! Green is like the stuff that’s good, that’s helpful!! And like you see certain characters who dialogue highlights some words in green !!! And you can tell “oh yes this is friend, they are good” like the lighthouse keeper who is wearing green and has green dialogue occasionally !!

And then you have the other green as like “location for you to go” and again it’s like you can use these colors to 1. Make things easier to remember 2. Have a psychological impact 3. Associations !!!!!!!! And it’s just such a subtle thing to impact how you intake and receive information and hints to the overall corruption of the items you’re fetching and the corruption of the book itself and just aughhhh aughhh aughhh aughhhh

God and just the eye imagery is so cool fucking love eye imagery !!! But god yeah just the fact that it’s you and it’s always *been you* AND THE POCKET WATCH!!!! One of the relics is a pocket watch whose hands cannot move forward because you !!! Cannot !!! Move forward !!! You cannot move on !!! And you keep finding pieces of your life you can’t remember and aughhhhhhh!!!! Aughhhhhhhh

God. Just….. unable to move forward without That Person in your life, unable to move on, the need to rewrite what was written, to grab death by the bones and shatter them until your beloved has returned, until your beloved has returned and sees not a shadow of who they knew and just…. God.

You were always bait……. You were always the hook on the fishing line going to and fro… all to see her again, all to see her again…. And everyone knows except You that she isn’t coming back and will never come back and still you will burn yourself to pieces to try

*Goddamn* just unable to go back, unable to play god, unable to bend the forces of nature to your whims. Aughhhhhhhhh

As the above long example suggests: I love the deep analyses and most importantly the emotional core of any given work. As I said, couldn’t escape my writing-major-ness even if I wanted to and that dips into my main fandom experience: fanfiction writing.

Surprisingly, it’s only Gen loss and Gravity Falls I’ve written fanfiction for. Gravity Falls was the first, of course, and I still remember the cringey Wattpad “Author Notes” — a staple of the ol’ era of a 12-year old’s writing in 2013. I haven’t revisited those old Wattpad fics and I never will, but I know for all their cringe, they’ve been stepping stones for my writing.

Gravity Falls, especially, hugely influenced what became of my writing style and interests. The show introduced a world that balanced its lightheartedness with moments that had you staring at your screen like “what the fuck just happened?” and it balanced those moments beautifully. Not only that, but the premise of “normal kids move in to weird town but everyone who lives there just kinda deals with the weird stuff so it’s normal to them” has become one of my favorite things to write. I think what I like the most about that kind of premise is that it challenges the idea of what normal even is. Especially since “normal” means something different across cultures and what I, as an American, may find completely normal (let’s say, steering wheel on the left instead of the right), completely boggles the mind of someone who’s never seen that. To them, I’m the weirdo, and to me, they are the weirdo, but neither one of us is wrong or right and that’s the beauty of it.

This lends itself into the question of “us” vs. “them” — again, thinking about the “what is normal?” — that appears in some spaces in fandom. I think an “us” vs. “them” in fandom comes from the lack of acknowledgment that no one is right and that’s okay. There’s definitely a huge “us” vs. “them” in fandom spaces when it comes to shipping. Personally, I’ve never really understood why some people feel so personally to certain ships, and I’ve never really cared, but maybe it has something to do with what Jensen talks about: compensating and parasocial relationships.

For me, I find myself less compensating and more so either exploring pieces of myself through the other (a lot of this with grief narratives as found in Dredge) or examining other people. Characters and studying them and their actions is fascinating for me and I find that understanding characters allows me to be better at understanding people in my own life. After all, what is the self if not a character we all play?

@officeofdocmalone

#255fandom #the office of doc malone

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officeofdocmalone · 1 year

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SEM 601: Lightroom

Use some of the pictures from our shared folder, and play with Lightroom presets. Using Adobe's standard presets, try giving the same picture different tones. Try a few different presets, and/or the same preset on multiple pictures to see the differences.

When finished, post at least three of the pictures here as a Photo post. In the caption, make sure to let us know which presets you used. Tags: Office of Doc Malone; SEM 601; Lightroom

#education #Office of Doc Malone #SEM 601 #Lightroom #digital storytelling

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mikaelaasem601 · 1 year

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Welcome to Guided Meditations for Students by Mikaela Arnold, a series of podcast dedicated to helping students throughout the day. Produced and directed by Mikaela Arnold with Marissa Nollan as assistant to director. Music curated from Pixel Bay and Freesound. Mixed in Adobe Audition and Audacity. Cover art by Mikaela Arnold with background art by Marissa Nollan. Produced during SEM 601 Digital Storytelling at the University of Tampa with Professor Dr. Malone.

#office of doc malone #meditation #podcast #Spotify #digital storytelling #sem 601

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khalidalsufi · 1 year

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#Office of Doc Malone

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marcmarcmomarc · 15 hours

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Spider-Man: Beyond the Spider-Verse

Shameik Moore

Hailee Steinfeld

Brian Tyree Henry

Luna Lauren Vélez

Jharrel Jerome

Jason Schwartzman

Jake Johnson

John Mulaney

Kimiko Glenn

Issa Rae

Karan Soni

Amandla Stenberg

Masi Oka

Shea Whigham

Greta Lee

Lily Tomlin

Andy Samberg

Pedro Pascal

Marc Maron

Liam Neeson

Bobby Cannavale

Mark Hamill

Keanu Reeves

…with Mahershala Ali

…Nicolas Cage

…Daniel Kaluuya

…Kathryn Hahn

…Liev Schreibner

…and Oscar Isaac

Cast

Shameik Moore as Miles Morales

Hailee Steinfeld as Gwen Stacy

Oscar Isaac as Miguel O’Hara

Mahershala Ali as Uncle Aaron

Bryan Tyree Henry as Jefferson Davis

Luna Lauren Vélez as Rio Morales

Jharrel Jerome as Miles G. Morales

Jason Schwartzman as Spot

Jake Johnson as Peter B. Parker

John Mulaney as Spider-Ham

Kimiko Glenn as Peni Parker

Nicolas Cage as Spider-Man Noir

Issa Rae as Jessica Drew

Daniel Kaluuya as Hobie Brown

Karan Soni as Pavitr Prabhakar

Amandla Stenberg as Margo Kess

Masi Oka as Takuya Yamashiro

Shea Whigham as George Stacy

Greta Lee as LYLA

Lily Tomlin as Aunt May

Andy Samberg as Ben Reilly

Kathryn Hahn as Doc Ock

Liev Schreiber as Wilson Fisk

Pedro Pascal as Otto Octavius

Marc Maron as Adrian Toomes

Liam Neeson as MacDonald Gargan

Bobby Cannavale as Aleksei Sytsevich

Mark Hamill as Maxwell Dillon

Keanu Reeves as Flint Marko

Melissa Sturm as Mary Jane

Michelle Ruff as Mayday

Peter Sohn as Ganke

Rachel Dratch as Ms. Weber

Ziggy Marley as Lenny

Nathalie Morales as Miss Calleros

Erick Avari as Inspector Singh

Priyanka Chopra as Gayatri

Elizabeth Perkins as May

Atsuko Okatsuka as Yuri

Jack Quaid as Peter Parker

Freida Pinto as Maya Auntie

J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson

Zoë Kravitz as Mary Jane Watson-Parker

Edwin H. Bravo as Brooklyn Visions Security Guard

Lorraine Vélez as Maria

Ayo Edebiri as Glory

Nicole Delaney as MJ

Antonina Lentini as Betty

Anthony Ramos as Benny

Chris Pine as Spider-Man

Marvin Jones III as Tombstone

Joaquín Cosio as Scorpion

Jorma Taccone as Adriano Tumino / Green Goblin / ‘67

Jorge Gutierrez as Officer Gutierrez

Donald Glover as Aaron Davis

Stan Lee as Stan

Lake Bell as Vanessa Fisk

Kim Yarbough as Alchemax Scientist

Nic Novicki as LEGO Spider-Man

Sofia Barclay as Malala Windsor

Taran Killam as Web-Slinger

Danielle Perez as Charlotte Webber

Michael Rianda as Max Borne / Ezekiel Sims / Spider-Man Patient

Leland “Metro Boomin” Wayne as Metro Spider-Man

Yuri Lowenthal as Insomniac Spider-Man

Josh Keaton as Spectacular Spider-Man

Rino Romano as Spider-Man Unlimited

Grey DeLisle as Spinneret

Meg Turney as Annie-May Parker

Paola Andino as Anya Corazón

Ryan O’Flanagan as Tarantula

Lauren Ash as Cyborg Spider-Woman

Daran Norris as Spidercide

Tara Strong as Spider-Canada

Jess Harnell as Officer Parker

Robbie Daymond as Ultimate Spider-Man

Post Malone as Brooklyn Bystander

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heyyyitsmaddy · 7 months

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Fan Works Assignment 3: Theme Park

@officeofdocmalone

#office of doc malone #255fandom

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qvietlight · 4 years

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time for the big archie fact file!!

The Basics

Name? Archie Virginia Taylor

Age? 37

Approximate height? 5′8

Hair colour? Blonde

Eye colour? Blue

Do they speak with an accent? No

Where are they from? Zuzu City

Where are they now? Stardew Valley

Backstory

Who are their parents? Charles and Anthea Taylor

What is their earliest memory? Meeting her little brother, Aubrey, for the first time. She turned to her parents and asked if they were sure he had to come home with them.

What did they want to be when they grew up? Still a ghost hunter, but more the Scooby Doo type - busting baddies and hanging out with the loch ness monster.

What did/do their parents want them to be? Archie’s job is a point of contention with her father. Charles wants her to have a ‘proper’ career. Any career. Preferably something in an office that made use of her degree.

Do they have siblings? Older or younger? Brothers or sisters? Yes, one younger brother, Aubrey. He’s adopted, and they have a very good relationship.

Do they have or have they ever had children? How many? No. Gross.

Do they or have ever had a significant other? Are they still with them? Why? Why not? Penelope. They were together for fifteen years, and broke up only a couple of months ago. Penelope wanted to get married, Archie didn’t.

Up until now, what’s the most noteworthy thing they’ve done? To them? To the people around them? To Archie? Starting That’s the Spirit! To other people? Graduating summa cum laude from Colombia with joint honours in Sociology and Political Science.

Tastes

What’s your character’s favourite colour? Red

Do they/would they choose to wear a scent? What would it be? She wears a Jo Malone scent - Blackberry and Bay.

Do they care about what things look like? All things, or only some? In some ways? She likes things organised, and likes to appear put-together herself.

What’s their favourite ice cream flavour? Pistachio.

Are they a tea, or coffee drinker? Or soft drinks, or do they drink a lot of alcohol? What kind? Coffee coffee coffee! She doesn’t really drink soft drinks, but in terms of alcohol, she prefers her drinks uncomplicated. Beer, whiskey, etc.

What kind of books do they read? What TV shows and movies do they watch? Mostly non-fiction, she’s always looking to expand her knowledge in whatever way she can, but she does have a soft spot for pulpy detective novels. In terms of TV, she watches lots of documentaries, and likes British Crime dramas. She’s also a big Twin Peaks fan.

What kind of music do they like? Do they like music at all? Is it loud? Angry? Fronted by a female singer? She’s into it.

If they were about to die, what would they have as their last meal? Japanese food. Bang bang cauliflower, gyoza, yaki soba...

Are they hedonistic? In all cases? Or does practicality sometimes/always/often win out? No, Archie is practical to a fault.

Do they have any philias or phobias? Not really. She’s largely unflappable.

Morals, Beliefs, and Faith

Do they have an internal or an external moral code? Internal, I guess. She’s not above a little light law-breaking to accomplish what she needs.

To what extent are their actions dictated by this code? Mostly?

Do they believe in a God or Gods/Goddesses/Higher being of some description? Nah.

Are they superstitious? Not really.

Do they believe in an afterlife? If so, what’s it like? Not really. All of her research has disproved an afterlife so far.

Do they have any specific beliefs that manifest obviously? No.

Are the respectful of the beliefs of others? To what extent? She tries to be. But some people are stupid.

Have they ever had to stand up to criticism for being religious? Or not being religious? Nope.

Would they be more likely to act for the good of the one, or the good of the many? The good of the one.

Relationships

Do they make friends easily? Not at all. Her personality is kind of abrasive.

Do they have a best friend? It was Penelope. So not anymore.

Can they get people to do what they want them to? If so, how? Sometimes? Mostly though just being completely relentless.

Do they have a lot of romantic relationships? Serious, or short term? Not a lot. She had a couple of girlfriends in college before Penelope, but that’s all.

Do they fall in and out of love easily? Not at all. It takes her a long time to warm to people.

Do strangers and acquaintances actually like them when they meet? No.

Do they have a network? Probably just her dad and brother now.

What is their relationship like with their family? Complex. After her mother died, she and Aubrey were raised very hands-off, and their father always treated them as adults rather than children because he simply didn’t know how else to relate to them. Archie and her father are very alike, which is part of the reason they butt heads so much. But there is no doubting their love for each other.

Are they still in touch with non-family people they were in touch with a year ago? Five years? Ten? More? She’s got a couple of friends from college she still talks to, but her social group isn’t exactly huge.

Do they like children? Do they want children of their own? No, and no.

Physical Appearance

How does this character dress? How would they choose to dress, if all options were open to them? Mostly dark clothes, clean and simple, and Doc Martens.

Do they have any tattoos? What do they mean? None.

Do they have piercings? How many? Just her ears, one in each lobe and one in her right cartilage.

Do they have scars? Where did they come from? Yes, from gender reassignment surgery.

Do they alter their appearance in some way on a regular basis? She wears makeup almost every day.

Is there something they’d choose to change about their appearance if they had the opportunity to? Nope, she looks hot.

Is there something about their appearance they’re particularly proud of/happy with? She’s got nice eyes, and she likes her freckles.

Objectively, are they physically attractive? Fairly plain? Unattractive? Attractive...

Do they have an accurate mental picture and opinion of their physical appearance? Yes, I think so.

How much time do they spend thinking about their physical appearance? Not much at all anymore. She looks how she always wanted.

General Knowledge

Can they navigate their own local area without getting lost? To what degree? Yeah, she’s confident and fairly intuitive.

Do they know who the top politician or monarch is where they live? What about elsewhere? Yes, she tries to keep up to date with current affairs, being a Poli-Sci major.

Do they know if/where there are any major conflicts going on right now? Yes.

Do they know the composition of water? Yeah.

Do they know how to eat a pomegranate? Obviously.

Are they good with the technology available to them? Average? Completely hopeless? Her lifestyle is very tech-based, so yes.

Could they paint a house? Without making a mess of it? She certainly thinks she could - whether that’s actually true is debatable.

Could they bake a cake? Would you eat it if they did? She can follow instructions because she’s not an idiot, so the cake would be fine, but she wouldn’t be excited to waste time on it.

Do they know how to perform basic maintenance on the common mode of transportation? She knows how to change a tire and the oil in her car. She has to, since her car is a pile of crap.

Do they know the price of a loaf of bread? Yes.

Specific Knowledge

Do they have a specific qualification in a narrow area? No, he dropped out of college.

Is there something they do or know exceptionally well that most other people don’t? Well, she knows a lot about mythology and the supernatural.

Do people often comment on a particular skill or area of knowledge to this character? Behind their back? Probably not?

Is there an area this character could be considered top of their field or a genius in? Probably not. She’s very intelligent, but lots of people are.

Have they deliberately sought to gain knowledge in a specific area? If so, why? She deliberately seeks knowledge in many different areas, because you can never be too educated.

Do they speak more than one language? More than two? Why? She speaks English, and some rudimentary Chinese and Spanish. It just seemed smart to learn.

Does their cultural background effect what they would be expected to know? Idk, white people shit?

Have they ever been publicly acknowledged for being well-versed in something? Well, she graduated college summa cum laude so yes!

Have they ever been bullied for knowing a lot about something? People wouldn’t dare. She’s scary.

Do they actively seek new knowledge, or let it come to them naturally? Actively.

Miscellaneous

What did they have for breakfast this morning? A cup of coffee.

What ridiculous belief/s did they have as a child? ): None really.

Do they like marshmallows? Not really. Not vegetarian.

Do they sleep on their side, front, or back? Side

Do they work better with sound or silence? Sound, but only sound she can moderate herself.

Do they have a strange obsession with something minor? Ghosts? Mythological creatures?

Do they like art? Some?

How fast can they run? Fast enough.

Do they prefer to sit on the floor or on a chair? Chair.

What do they want, right now? Another cup of coffee. And a cigarette.

#archie: about

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spideymybucky · 5 years

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Make it stop

MJ x Peter Parker (Kind of) Reader x Peter Parker, Ned x Betty, Tony Stark x adopted!reader

warnings: depression, sadness, angst, betrayal.

A/N: I was bored and did this. Based on some level of my life.

Word count: 2k+

Chapter 1, Next >>>

(Y/n) hadn’t realized when the change between MJ and Peter had started. Maybe, it was the party she didn’t go to. No, she was pretty sure it was there. Peter didn’t give out to much detail but Ned had; and with the bits and pieces she heard around school, she was sure that Peter and MJ had kissed or something similar to that.

(Y/n) didn’t say anything or wanted to ask, because that would mean her best friend had betrayed her. She had already lost to many people in her life, so the best thing she could do was ignore Peter and MJ until the flirting stopped. Was it going to be hard? Yes, but she was sure she could make it, probably.

“Hey (Y/n), you’re hearing me out? Cause I really wouldn’t want to say it all again.” Ned said, leaning against her locker. She nodded and smiled at him, not really concentrating as she was overlooking at MJ’s and Peters interactions. God, please don’t let MJ fall for him. She thought to herself.

“I know. We’ve been planning this for a while now Ned. Its gonna be MJ, Betty and Me on the big room. You’ll be next door with Pete, so we; we’re all good.” She said closing my locker. MJ smiles sweetly at Peter, as he grabs some of her stuff. Ned looks at her and then turn around to see what she’s ignoring him for.

“They’ll probably get together in Europe, y’know? I really think he deserves this, after all with Liz and her dad, and well the other stuff… He deserves happiness.” (Y/n) faked a smile and nodded. The heavy, unsettling, feeling was burning through her chest and telling her how good MJ was for Peter. She was always going to be the better version of her.

“I’ll should get going, see ya later ned” She said quickly. Ned waved enthusiastically at her and left as well. She wasn’t prepared to talk to Peter or MJ, or face the reality of her feelings towards her best friends. She wanted one more day of normality, of ignorance and bliss. (Y/n) passed right through them, not acknowledging their smiles or small hand gestures. She bee lined to the bathroom and ran to the stall, closing it quickly.

Everything was changing and it was to fast. She couldn’t handle this. Sitting on the toilet, she looked at the blue doors. Her breathes were uneven, her palms sweaty and her feeling taping away. She couldn’t control her anxiety; she couldn’t control her feeling, which made everything worse. She liked her lips and tried breathing in and out. In and out. In and out. The door opened and the sound of feet cluttering in stopped her breathing. She looked down and saw black doc martins with a white and black Adidas super stars. It was MJ and Betty.

“You’re gonna tell (Y/n) about the thing?” Bettys perky voiced broke the silence.

“What thing, Betty? That he breaths and I breath?” MJ retorted back, jumping on the counter.

“No, the thing between you and Peter, like the kiss and the semi-date to Delmars…” Betty responded pushing MJ down. (Y/n) sat there hearing everything, as her heart broke little by little.

“No, it’s not like she likes him and, this is between me and Peter. No one else should be involved.” MJ responded, walking towards the door. Betty followed her but (Y/n) couldn’t hear her answer. She walked out of the stall and looked at herself in the mirror. She didn’t know tears were running down her face, she also didn’t know that MJ, the loyal and almighty girl, could’ve done this to her. She was stupid in trusting her. This was the last time.

———————————————————————————————————

“God MJ, he’s so cute and just… hot” she said admiring Peter from afar. The way his brown hair moved as he ran through the field made her heart beat faster.

“You should stop staring, drools forming on the corner of your mouth.” MJ said, not even looking up from her book.

“You think Pete will notice me one day?” (Y/n) asked, turning her full attention to her best friend.

“He would be stupid if he didn’t.” MJ replayed with a full on smile, leaving her book down.

———————————————————————————————————

(Y/n) grabbed her bag, that was left in the stall, and quickly made her way to principals office. She entered the small common area and looked at Rachel, Mr. Moritas’ secretary. She walked straight up to her and smiled, trying to get her attention.

“Oh hey, (Y/n), shouldn’t you be in class?” She said as she adjusted her glasses.

“Yes, well I’m here cause Tony just called with an emergency and wanted me to retrieve from the Europe trip.” (Y/n) said. She looked at her nails, biting the small freckles of skin leave the sides of the nails. Tony hated when she did that, beating her nails till they were raw or bleeding.

“You already did the first deposit, and they aren’t refundable. You do know that, right?” She said looking at the screen.

“Yeah, we know that and don’t, actually, mind. I just have this really important meeting the same week as Europe so…” Rachel nodded in an understanding way. She looked at her screen for a few more minutes and printed a form and handed it to her.

“You’ll have to return this signed by your parent or guardian, ok? After that you’re laid off of Europe and can go do that important event.” (Y/n) nodded and thanked her repeatedly, only stopping when she left the room.

She looked at the time, 11:50 am, if she ran for it she could still make it to Chemistry but didn’t want to. She slowly walked down the hall, mumbling to a Post Malone song, when she saw Peter and MJ slightly close to each other. MJ turned her head and instantly jumped away from Peter. She smiled at (Y/n) and walked up to her, trying to do their handshake but failing.

“Hey (Y/n), aren’t you supposed to be in Chem?” MJ asked.

“Since when do you call chemistry “Chem”? MJ shrugged and leaned away from her. She wasn’t feeling welcoming or as appreciated like other times.

“You ok?” Peter asked, sensing something off.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” (Y/n) stated walking past both of them, not really wanting to be there. She passed the school doors, leaving towards the sunny streets. (Y/n) walked through the streets of queens, deactivating her location so she wouldn’t be found. Nothing really stuck. She was going in circles until she found a subway station. She went down, paid her ticket and boarded the first train she found. The motion of going forward and back, for the first 2 hours, made her fall asleep.

“Fuck” She squealed, startled by the smack on her cane. She looked up to see a small old man, smiling widely at her.

“Well, aren’t you a beautiful young girl.” The old man stated.

“Thanks.” She smiled uncomfortably at him and looked away.

“Well, aren’t you gonna move young lady? You’re seating on a reserved sit. I feel young but my body ain’t.” He asked again.

“Oh, sorry Mr…” (Y/n) said, quickly standing up and moving out of his way.

“Mr. Stan and you are?” She looked at him weirdly. Should she say her name or not? He didn’t seem anything but nice.

“(Y/n)” She responded courtly. He nodded and smiled, patting the seat next to him.

“What made you come on this train? You’ve been sleeping for more than hour” She looked at the time, 5:48. She was utterly fucked. Happy must be worried out of his mind, she thought. The last thing she wanted to do was put more pressure on Happy or Tony.

“Oh shit. I must’ve fallen asleep… Shit!” (Y/n) exclaimed jumping out of the seat. The train stopped and she ran out, screaming a goodbye to Mr. Stan. She grabbed her phone, turned it on and told F.R.I.D.A.Y. to activate her location status. In matter of seconds, her screen was filled with notifications from texts to missed calls, and DM’s on Instagram. With a small sigh she entered “Main Danger”, which was Tonys handle on her phone.

12:48 - School called and said you missed class. You ok?

1:58 - I’m starting to think you ditched school, might as well come back to the compound

3:08 - Where the hell are you? Happy can’t find you.

5:09 - When I get my hadn’t on you, you’re dead kid. Peter’s looking for you near queens, pray he finds you first.

She was in so much shit for this. Grabbing her backpack, she exited the subway near Delmars market. She was near Peters place and the probabilities of him finding her were big. She didn’t want that cause then he would find the need to probe into her mind, asking her why she did it. Sometimes, his nice and interested attitude wasn’t what she needed.

(Y/n) walked towards Delmars, thinking what her next move should be. Should she just go to Peters and end this or call Tony? Each one had their own consequence but the latter seemed better. Facing Tony was much better than Peter. Right now If she saw him, she might explode. She was never good with feelings, better to avoid them. She dialed Tonys number, embracing herself for the worst but hoping that he might be in a good mood somehow.

“Where the fuck are you?” He screamed through the phone.

“At Delmars, looking for a ride home.” (Y/n) sighed out.

“Wait there, I’m gonna call Peter to pick yo- ”

“No! Don’t call Peter. ” She screamed at the phone.

“What? Why?” Tony said confused.

“I’m just not in the mood. All I want to do is go home, please?” She was desperate, and Tony heard the pleading in her voice. He sighed, knowing he shouldn’t cave in but he still did.

“I’m sending Happy, don’t move ok?” He murmured.

“Don’t worry Tony, I’m gonna stay here.�� She hanged up the phone and went inside the store. 30 minutes and a sub half eaten passed until Happy arrived. She walked out of the door and into the car, where Tony awaited her.

“Where the hell were you all day?” Tony screamed at her.

“I’m sorry, ok? I just feel asleep on the subway, I was tired and just…” She sighed, holding back tears. These past few weeks were hard on her, she didn’t say anything but they were. Training everyday was taking its toll. She was loosing interest in everything; going out didn’t seem fun anymore, her grades were slowly decreasing and the only thing she held hope for was Peter and her feelings towards him. She felt like MJ had taken her only hope, but she didn’t blame her. How could she? MJ was gorgeous, smart, funny, witty. She was everything she could never be.

“I couldn’t handle school today.” She whispered out. (Y/n) looked out the window, ignoring Tonys presence.

“You’re gonna have to talk to me or Pepper. She was worried out of her mind, you know? We were all worried.” He said towards the teenage girl. He thought taking care of her would be easy, thats why he volunteered when her parents died.

“It was a one time thing Tony. It won’t happen again.” She mumbled out, with her eyes closed. An hour later the mumbling of her name woke her up. Tony had already left the car, without (Y/n).

“How long have I been asleep?” She said in a husky voice.

“M'bout an hour or so” Happy said, turning off the car.

“I fucked up, didn’t I?” He sighed.

“You did kid. I haven’t seen Tony like that since Peter fucked up.” She sighed and left the car, walking towards the elevator.

“Doesn’t mean they won’t forgive you.” Happy screamed out. She stepped in the elevator, not really knowing where to go. She didn’t want to face them today, maybe ever, but it seemed easier to do it the next day. She was drained and had homework to do.

“Tony had requested your presence at the common area” F.R.I.D.A.Y. broke the silence.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. tell’em that we can have this discussion tomorrow. I have homework to do.”

“He insists.” F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s feminine voice said.

“Just take me to my floor please.”

“Sure (y/n)” the AI responded. The elevator moved rapidly towards her floor, as she stepped out and unlocked her door. She wasn’t in the mood for anything. Exhaustion had filled her bones, as she threw herself on her bed. It wasn’t late, at all, and she should be awake but her body was refusing to cope with her.

At taping on her window startled her, making her jump out of the her bed. She looked at the clock, 11:46 PM. Who the hell has knocking at almost midnight? She thought. Slipping into her bunny slippers, she walked to her door and opened it but no one was there. What the hell? I swear to god I hear knocking. Confused, she went back to her bed and opened her phone. Missed calls were pilling up, and the text notification had grown from one digit to three. The tapping continued, slightly scaring her.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. can you check who’s knocking?”

“Mr. Parker is outside your window, trying to get your attention.” The AI stated. (Y/n) closed her eyes and sat down on her bed. She didn’t want to see him, her wounds were fresh and it would be messy. She hated causing a mess.

“Tell him, I’m sleeping or something. I can’t do this right now.” Her voice cracked at the end of the sentence. A few minuted passed in complete silence. Tears prickled down her skin, leaving wet traces and falling down to her favorite sweater. She felt wrong and tired, like she was missing something. It wasn’t her first time feeling this but it was augmented by her feelings towards her spiderlying friend. God, she hated herself for feeling like this towards MJ and Peter.

All she wanted was to make everything stop.

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