No one will ever understand how much I think about agent 8/sheldon/Annie/Marie friendship dynamic potential it’s everything to me *starts grabbing head and yelling* THEYRE EVERYTHING TO ME!!!!!

PLEASE MAY I ASK YOU QUESTIONS ABOUT SET A COURSE FOR HOME BECAUSE IT IS LOW KEY EATING MY BRAIN <3

What is Donnies relationship with the Doctor? I imagine it isn't very cordial at first, considering he will be hovering over Donnie when he first wakes up in sickbay, and I'm guessing Donnies reaction is going to be Quite Violent, BUT... in an environment where everyone is pretty accepting of non-human species, the Doctor is really the only one that truly understands what its like to be OTHERED. Donnie grew up in a world dominated by humans; a world where he would be treated as Less Than because he is a Mutant Turtle. A world where being seen by humans is potentially extremely dangerous, because he essentialy had no rights. Even when they find the Hidden City, Donnie and his brothers are still Different, because they aren't Yokai, they're mutants. Add to that that all the other mutants we see started off as human (or adult animals) first; they have no idea what it's like to grow up so isolated and different. There is no one else quite like turtles, in form or circumstance.

Then there is the potential connection in the fact that both of them were created for specific reasons, and that, purposefully or not, they have both chosen their own paths and operate outside of their specific function. Donnie was designed to destroy the human race, yet he chooses to become a hero. The Doctor was designed to be nothing more than an emergency medical programme, yet he chooses to become a person.

Add on to all of this the fact that the Doctor is functionally tech, which Donnie is going to want to take apart... but at the same time, Donnie had no issues recognising Sheldon as sentient. Donnie is also arguably more comfortable with technology than people, so would he have an easier time interacting with the Doctor? Although I can see Donnie's intensity and many direct questions about his coding making the Doctor extremely uncomfortable XD.

(I have so many other questions, but I will leave this here for now as it is getting kind of long. I honestly and truly love this AU.)

Hell yeah dude ask away! There’s a lot to get into here so I’ll try as best I can.

I’ll be honest I haven’t given too much thought into their how their relationship develops after their initial meeting, this AU is still very much in the “Figuring it out as I go” stage. You’re right on the money though about how their relationship begins, which is to say pretty rocky.

Donnie’s first thought when he got transported isn’t anywhere near time/dimensional travel, he just thinks he’s lost and that his brothers will come get him, so of course when he wakes up from being passed out on a medical table, with a grumpy human man hovering over him, unknown device in hand in a place that smells of antiseptic… his mind definitely goes right to, “OH SHIT THEY FOUND ME” Goes to bite the Doctor's hand on reflex…. And ends up biting his own tongue because the Doctor is just photons and can just Do That. Needless to say, even after Donnie calms down those couple hours that he's just hanging around Sickbay until Sam volunteers to take him in are a bit tense.

It's definitely something that eases over time, especially as Donnie comes to realize that the Doctor is, in fact, a person and not just an interactive medical interface.

(taking this a little out of order) Donnie is absolutely going to be itching to understand everything he can about the Doctor (definitely not so he can recreate his own version for their medbay at home, nothing like that), and as we all know, the Doctor loves to talk about himself, so I think at first he'd be very obliging in answering Donnie's questions, but eventually he probably would get irritated that Donnie is only interested in his codes/subroutines/holomatrix, and would probably burst out with something like, "Why don't you ask me about the holonovel I wrote? I do have interests outside of my medical practice, you know?" and Donnie would have to buffer for a second before going, "You have interests???" (Cuz yeah, Donnie recognizes the Shelldon is sentient, but that's because Donnie made him, he probably assumed that the EMH wouldn't be designed for the capacity for sentience until the Doctor himself kind of slaps him in the face with it lol)

Okay I'm gonna try and circle back on to the subject of Donnie and the Doctor and feeling like outsiders because there's a LOT to dissect here. Because you bring up a really interesting point in that there is that parallel between them, however while that's something that can be seen on a meta level, in-universe I actually don't know if the characters themselves would make that connection. Like I said I haven't given a whole lot of thought to it yet because I just haven't gotten up to that phase in planning, but you have given me something to chew on. Donnie has always grown up with the knowledge that humans have the potential to be extremely dangerous for him and his brothers (see above, "OH SHIT THEY FOUND ME"), April being the supreme exception. Maybe I'm leaning a little bit into Roddenberry's vision here when I say this, but I think for Donnie, being in a place that is so accepting of non-human species, on a ship full of explorers, are they the very best of humanity? They're trying their damned hardest to be. Seeing a future where humans meet the impossible every day and try to greet it back with kindness whenever they can, I like to think it gives him some hope for the people back at home.

Please if you have more questions feel free to ask, I'm always super down to talk about what I'm working on. Thanks for this long one, you really gave me a lot to think about and it was fun! Hope I covered everything as best I could.

A frat boy's graduating and you know what that means: Everyone on campus and former alumni are summoned to one giant party!!!

(hot tub woohoo counter: 1)

It starts off fine. A lot of Montys show up from the usual invitation and everyone else who is summoned is starting their socialization.

Erik decided to try to get his first kiss from Melody. This failed. Remember this, because it's about to become a Problem. a very annoying and repetitive problem.

The party moves inside because that's where the music is. Romeo hangs out on the couch while everyone else starts dancing. Everyone's swooning over Miranda Capp. This is what happens. The party jumps right to a "Not Bad" score.

The feud is fueled entirely by these two. Notice all the Montys and Capps socializing just fine. I would just keep them separated, but there's no fun in that. Romeo can't just not invite his cousin to his graduation.

(hot tub woohoo counter: 2)

(first kiss rejection counter: like 4 by this point)

(desdemona-benedick fight counter: 2)

everyone crowds into this hallway to get rejected. for some reason, Alexander kept trying to hit on Mercutio, who is somehow loyal for once in his life, probably due to the fact that I don't even think they have chemistry. thank god. we don't need tybalt sent on a whole new warpath... YET! Fortunately, they got bored of that and went on to eat pizza and slap dance and make friends.

On the other hand, I quickly lost count of the number of times I heard the first kiss rejection sound. or the mental breakdown sound due to Erik spiraling dramatically at this graduation party for a guy he barely even knows because he cannot take a fucking hint. their apartment situation is getting rougher by the second. Melody keeps walking away from him and hitting on her actual receptive various crushes.

Romeo mysteriously disappears for the majority of the party. The hot tub woohoo counter hits 3. These things are related. The guests don't care, they have pizza and music. The party kinda keeps going as is. aside from ACR doing whatever no-jealousy high-autonomy thing it has going on today, it's a good time. I have to keep sending the other frat brothers down to talk to Erik so he'll stop ruining his life. this is what they call the "bro code", I believe.

Oh, it's okay. Graduating can wait. No rush. Take your time.

There's one more hot tub woohoo going on over there because they moved this one to a bed, and I don't even remember who all was in that thing, but I'm sure it needs sterilized by this point. Somehow, not a single jealousy event happened despite ACR going nuclear the whole time. It's some kind of frat house miracle.

Romeo finally found the time to graduate and age into an adult, picking out this wonderful outfit for himself. Nobody was around to witness it. Angela had already left the room to move onto something else.

the something else is Jimmy. I'm so proud of her, going for someone who isn't Dustin OR a romance sim.

Romeo and the majority of the guests leave and the guys work on their skills in the aftermath. Hal is giving a passionate speech about oil. Sheldon is rambling about his plans to be president. He's probably destined for a life of being a townie, so that's unlikely. I feel like Romeo's party is the last big excitement for a while, because the guys left are all pretty content to just hang out and not have 5 lovers at once.

Angela sticks around to clean up the whole house for some reason.

happy (almost) valentine's day from oresha-hoh-var fraternity, i guess

Spellbound - Chapter 3

A collaboration by @mdelpin​ and @oryu404​

AO3 | Prev: Ch 2

Chapter 3

October 14, 2012

Ever since Sting had accepted his impulsive invitation to study for the upcoming midterms at his house, Rogue had felt like time had slowed to a crawl. Not even his gig in Clover the previous evening had done anything to curb that feeling. And now that the time had finally come, all his excitement seemed to have turned into an insecurity he wasn’t familiar with. 

He knew that most of their time together would be spent studying for exams, but he couldn’t help the hope that something more might develop in the moments in between. It certainly didn’t hurt to make an effort. But what if his neatness drove Sting crazy? Or he managed to insult him somehow? Or Gods, what if he’d been reading the signals all wrong, and he ended up throwing himself at the guy only to find he wasn’t interested? He’d had plenty of chances to kiss him and had taken exactly zero of them.

He’d worked himself up the whole drive down to the University.

By the time Sting got into the car, Rogue was a tangle of nerves. They spent the ride home discussing which midterms they would be studying for and agreeing to relax for the remainder of the day before they got started. While the thought of starting off their week together with a lazy Sunday was precisely the type of thing he’d been hoping for, it also put pressure on him to have everything go right.

“Thanks again for letting me stay,” Sting huffed as he carried his duffel bag and oversized, filled to the brim backpack into the house, refusing Rogue’s offer to help.

“Yeah, no problem,” Rogue tossed his keys on the kitchen counter. Feeling suddenly shy and not wanting to show it, he led Sting to Gray’s old room so he could drop off his stuff.

Sting followed him, dumping his bags unceremoniously on the bed and looking around with curious eyes. “That’s your brother, right?” Sting asked, pointing at a family picture that was hanging on the wall. “I feel like I’ve seen him before.”

“You probably have. He’s been working as a model for a few years now.”

“He looks a lot like your dad,” Sting remarked before shifting his scrutiny to the collection of medals and trophies Gray had accumulated since he’d first started playing hockey.

“How about you? Do you have any siblings?” Rogue asked, scrambling for any conversation topic that might ease him out of his timidity.

“Nah, it’s just me. So, do you play too?” Sting eyed him with interest.

“For fun, but you won’t find any trophies in my room. That was Gray’s thing.” Rogue chuckled, “I just like to skate.”

When he was younger, he’d considered giving competitive figure skating a go. His dad had even supported the idea, spending hours building a rink in the backyard together with him and Gray so he wouldn’t have to drive them to the local one as often. It had been grueling work to get the hang of the moves, and while Rogue had been good at it, he’d eventually discovered things he loved more.

“I do have a nice keepsake from my hockey days, though,” he grinned, rubbing his finger over the scar that crossed the bridge of his nose.

“Oh, wow! That must have hurt,” Sting moved closer to examine his nose, wrapping him in the smell of that enticing cologne of which Rogue still hadn’t discovered the name. “Yeah...” Rogue answered absently, paying more attention to the way Sting’s lips moved when he spoke than he did to the words that came out. They were temptingly close. All he had to do was lean over and kiss them, but just when he’d been about to close the remaining gap between them, Sting had already moved away.

“Hey, you got anything to eat around here?” Sting asked, leaving Rogue to stare at him in confusion.

“Oh, right,” he blinked himself back to reality, “I put off grocery shopping until you got here, wasn’t sure what you’d like.”

“Oh, that’s great! I’ve only been to the convenience store near the dorm. I can’t wait to see what a big Magnolian grocery store has to offer!”

“Well, at least one of us is excited,” Rogue muttered, amused at fielding question after question on a place he usually tried to avoid. It gave him an idea, though. That adage about the way to a man’s heart being through his stomach could work to his advantage here.

True, he couldn’t cook worth a damn, but surely there must be something he could pull off to impress Sting. 0-0

The trip to the grocery store was certainly memorable. Sting had walked through every single aisle, oohing and aahing over items he’d never tried and piling them into their cart. Rogue had finally given up and gotten his own cart, not finding it in his heart to dampen Sting’s enthusiasm.

They’d also gotten plenty of looks from other shoppers, which Rogue had done his best to ignore. He hadn’t come up with any great ideas for dinner. Everything he’d considered seemed so involved. That was until he walked past the lobster tank and remembered how disappointed Sting had been when he hadn’t gotten to eat ”Sheldon” at that seafood restaurant.

He was pretty sure you just chucked the things into a pot of boiling water. Sounded easy enough to him. Feeling pleased with his choice, he studied the tank’s contents, searching for the two largest lobsters he could find, knowing both of them ate a lot.

Once he’d identified the ones he wanted, he went off in search of an employee.

0-0

Rogue had managed to keep the contents of the cooler a secret. It wasn’t all that difficult considering the amount of bags in the trunk. He was more concerned about where they were going to store all the food they’d bought. At least it was cold enough that they could leave the drinks out on the porch.

Not that he should have worried, Sting kept picking items out of the bags and shoving them in his mouth, making pleased noises that were driving Rogue crazy.

“Mhmmmmmm, these are amazing! Want some?” Sting waved a bag of onion-flavored rings under his nose.

Rogue grabbed a couple, realizing he hadn’t had them for years. “Oh man, I used to love these. I didn’t know they still made them.”

Sting finally noticed the cooler when it moved slightly from its perch on the counter. “What’s in there?”

“Oh, that?” Rogue replied evenly, feigning indifference, “Just something I picked up. I thought I might try cooking dinner tonight.”

Sting arched an eyebrow and promptly removed the lid, peering in at the contents. “You got lobsters?”

“Yeah, it seemed like you liked them,” Rogue shrugged, finding spots for the rest of the groceries.

“I do! My mom makes really good Lobster Thermidor.”

Well, fuck. What the hell was lobster...whatever Sting said? It sounded a lot fancier than Rogue’s idea of boiling the shits like a pack of instant-ramen, not to mention the fact that he’d set himself up to compete against Sting’s mother’s cooking. He didn’t know a thing about the woman, but he’d bet his life that she was a better cook than he was.

“Those are big fellas. Oh, wait,” Sting had picked up one of the lobsters to examine it, “I think this one might be a Sheila.”

“How can you tell?”

“Oh, uhm,” Sting chuckled, sounding embarrassed, “when I was younger, I wanted to be a marine biologist. My parents would take me to the aquarium whenever they could, and I learned a lot. Pretty lame, huh?”

“Not at all. I mean, if you want to talk lame, I wanted to be a figure skater at one point,” he confessed, encouraged by Sting sharing that with him. “So which one's Sheldon and which one's Sheila?”

Rogue listened with interest as Sting pointed at the tails’ subtle differences and revealed what they meant. Once the explanation was over, Sting glanced at the pot that sat on the stove.

“You’re going to need a larger pot to boil these.”

“Right.” Challenge number one, where the heck did his mom keep the big pots? Rogue opened the cabinets, searching for anything bigger than the one he used to boil pasta.

“I’ll be right back,” he went to the basement, remembering his mother sometimes sent him there to find appliances she didn’t use all the time, and heaving a sigh of relief when he saw a pot big enough to bathe in. Okay, maybe not quite that big, but it should be enough for two lobsters.

And while he was down there, he took the opportunity to do a quick google search on how to cook lobster thermostat. Thermidor. Whatever. It turned out that it would involve cooking as well as broiling, which was even worse than he’d imagined, and the long list of ingredients wasn’t exactly reassuring either. But it was that list that turned out to be his saving grace, as he was sure he didn’t have everything on it. Oh no, such a shame, he smirked to himself as he continued to look for a less intimidating lobster recipe.

“Everything okay down there?”

Crap!

“Yeah, found one,” Rogue called out, putting his phone away and lugging his discovery up the stairs.

He’d washed the pot, filling it with water and as much salt as he dared, and then setting it on the stove to boil. They’d talked about watching a movie after dinner, and Sting had left him in the kitchen while he’d gone to Gray’s room, determined to set up his work area, as he called it, for the next day.

And now, Rogue found himself facing his next challenge. Once the water had come to a rolling boil, he’d grabbed one of the lobsters, ready to plunge it into the pot, when he’d made one fatal mistake. He’d looked into its eyes.

No matter how much he told himself that the thing wasn’t intelligent, he just couldn’t find it in himself to kill it. And as he stared into the eyes of the crustacean he’d condemned to death, Rogue couldn’t help but think of how much simpler his life had been before he’d decided he wanted something more from his relationships.

“What are you doing?”

There was no mistaking the amusement in Sting’s voice, and it both irritated and humiliated him. It had been his bright idea to do this, and he couldn’t even go through with it.

‘“It was staring at me,” he murmured.

Sting chuckled but took pity on him, “Here, I’ll do it.”

He grabbed the lobster and asked for some scissors. He snipped the bands off its claws and lowered it into the pot carefully, repeating the procedure with the second one before placing the lid on the pot. There was an awful noise that followed, making it sound like the lobsters were screaming.

Rogue shuddered.

“Relax, it’s not what it sounds like,” Sting assured him, “Lobsters don’t have lungs or even vocal cords. It’s just air escaping through their shells.” “Whatever. The damn things better taste good,” Rogue pouted, still displeased by the way his plan was failing so far. But hey, the lobsters were boiling away now, and he’d found a cooking time table online, so there wasn’t much that could go wrong from here. “I guess that depends on the sauce or seasoning.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. His face must have mirrored his frustration because once again, he heard the sound of Sting’s laughter. “It doesn’t have to be anything complicated. Oh, actually! We got mac and cheese, right?”

“Mac and cheese? With lobster?”

“Yeah! My mom used to make that for me when I was little. Well, she made it from scratch,” Sting admitted, “but this will be good too!”

By this point, Rogue just wanted to be done with the whole thing, so the idea of at least being able to make something he knew he couldn’t fuck up cheered him immensely. He walked over to the pantry and moved stuff around until he’d found the family size box of mac and cheese they’d bought and set about preparing it.

The timer went off, and he watched as Sting used tongs to take out the lobsters, which had turned a promising shade of bright red. He lay them on a cutting board and let them sit while he searched for a knife.

Rogue turned away as the sounds of Sting removing the meat from the shell revolted him. He busied himself with his task, trying not to think about what was happening.

“Do I have to do anything differently?”

“Nope, just let me know when it’s ready.”

Sting walked to the porch, grabbed two beers, opened them, and handed one over to Rogue, that amused smirk never far from his face. Once the mac and cheese was done, all they had to do was add the lobster meat, top it off with some breadcrumbs, and put it in the oven for a few minutes. In the meantime, Rogue began the process of cleaning the kitchen, pulling a face as he dumped the hollowed out shells in the trash bin and wiped the lobster juices off the counter. Although it wasn’t all that fancy, the dish that came out looked better than any of Rogue’s previous attempts to cook his own food. Not that he felt he had much to be proud of, as he’d mostly just boiled water and made instant mac and cheese, but cooking was definitely a lot less frustrating when he didn’t have to do it alone. Maybe they could cook together again sometime this week, preferably with food that couldn’t scream, move or stare at him. They settled on the couch, and while Rogue was browsing through Netflix, looking for a movie they could watch, he could tell by the moaning sounds that Sting had already dug into his food. “It’s good!” he said with his mouth still half full, “but you know what the best part is?” “Hm?” Rogue took a hesitant first bite, and he had to agree it did taste a lot better than he’d expected. “It’s that from now on, every time I eat lobster, I’ll remember your look of horror.” Sting dissolved into giggles, “I should have taken a picture!”

Rogue tried to glare, but now that it was over, he found himself laughing along. “Alright, but I hope you got a good look cause I am never doing that again. Next time we do this, it’ll be at a restaurant.”

“Deal, as long as we stop at the tank first,” Sting laughed at his pout, and it was arguably the best sound Rogue had ever heard.

He sat back, having found a movie they were both interested in, and feeling more relaxed than he had all day. The realization that Sting hadn’t been against the idea of a next time boosted his confidence enough to let him enjoy the rest of the night and to set him thinking of what he might try next.

A/N: 2020 was a really busy year for us. We participated in a lot of events and as fun as that was we've decided to mostly step away from that for this year. Unfortunately trying to match event prompts kept us from moving forward on stories we'd been planning on for months and we'd like to try setting our own schedule for now. 

We've started the year out with a Works in Progress month, in the hopes that we can finish or move along some of our open multis, or one-shots we started but never finished. It will also allow us to work on some of the individual projects we've been ignoring for too long. 

We've decided to expand on this story a bit more than we'd originally planned so there will be a few more chapters than we'd anticipated. We hope you enjoy this one!

HGPC 17 - 21 | Koi to Producer 2 - 6 | Appare 5 - 8 | Fugou Keiji 4 - 6

...only just realised I was missing some tags. They should be there now or soon.

HGPC 17

Why do I get the feeling the Sawaizumi family will be held hostage one day…? (Maybe I’m just being negative?)

The episode title mentions Chiyu by name, so I wonder why the translation didn’t…

Customer service! You can’t get away from it, even in COVID times…! (Impressive!)

Hmm…you can actually read part of the booking for the Smiths in the book if you know the kanji.

I thought the Smiths would speak in English, but they actually speak in fluent Japanese if the word “susume” was any indication.

Ah, Sukoyaka sweet buns! (from the other episode about the festival)

HGPC 18

Don’t burn down your house with scented candles, kids!

Also remember to use your knees when lifting heavy boxes! (<- says a charity store volunteer, who does this stuff on the regular)

These days the mascots usually have a human form. I wonder if this is implying that particular direction…? (I woke up today and was craving a certain oneshot I’d read during my scanlation days…if it is, it would fill that niche nicely.)

I wonder if the kids will recognise this Ashita no Joe parody…?

HGPC 19

“…since you were young?”

Oh! Element of Wind again!

Koi to Producer 2

This almost feels like Victor is assigning a school project to Protag-chan…it’s a bit sad, really.

It’s nice they let Protag-chan have a personality.

It’s fine if you can’t read the katakana, but Gavin’s name is Haku in Japanese, so it throws out the immersion somewhat…also, I know I shouldn’t be complaining – I’m the target audience here – but do these guys look kinda similar or what…? (partially kidding)

High school sweethearts, huh? “Childhood friends” is my favourite angle of a romantic relationship, but it gets so overused by harems it comes around to being boring…!

I-Is this Stand My Heroes…?! (LOL…?)

Can we not with 1st person cam…?

As cute and dorky as this stuff gets…how does Gavin never get found?! Does nobody ever look up in this city?!? (I thought Evolvers were meant to be a secret…?)

GPS tracker? That’s no better than large corporations using your location data…Isn’t that creepy…?

Hold on, when did she get his phone number? You would assume it was before this entire chase after the boy happened, but still…?

LOL, the English on the board.

This anime is gonna cause me some frustration, but it gives the good stuff in roughly equal measure. It seems to omit the fact you interact via phone with your bois for intimacy (in the game).

Koi to Producer 3

LOL, that’s so clearly Gavin…

By googling, you find out Uptown and Queens are in New York.

Ohmygosh! Did the creators know I love the trope where only people with superpowers can move in certain circumstances?!

Uh…his name is Kira in Japanese? Did someone read the katakana wrong?

Pictured: Depressed bishonen eating bad pudding. (…That joke sounds better in my head. I forgot what meme I was meant to be parodying there, but I had a meme in mind.)

Lemme guess…this man (I dunno if it’s one of the previous bishies with an identical face or a new one) is looking for MC-chan. *sigh* Update: Yep, just Victor again. To be honest, I don’t like anyone who calls harsh words “their sign of love” – love should be honest and upfront. That’s how it becomes heartmelting.

Koi to Producer 4

Okay, in order, it seems to be hexadecimals, Javascript (you can tell from the “const”), some kind of profiles which are apparently for human lab rats (which seem to have some kind of nonsense filler text), a DNA model and DNA bases (ACGT).

The text on the screen says something along the lines of this being an official broadcast of this man’s arrest and this man was a genetic researcher. Obviously, if I wanted to put more attention into what it meant, I would, but I won’t sweat the details this time (because it doesn’t seem to impact the plot).

The guy’s name is Minor because minor key (geddit?)…that’s my guess.

I started playing the game due to this anime, if you didn’t know, and I unlocked an expert in ch. 2. I thought he was Minor, but turns out his name is Spine (an older man).

The diary, true to form, contains details about either one case or several cases, two involving children. The bottom of the 1st page says “if it’s fake, I’ll laugh”.

Hey, I once told Crunchyroll I wanted an anime about hacking (so is this a dream come true? I reveal all in the next sentence!). Hackers don’t congregate like this…they’d be too conspicuous, even with the secret hideout!

The code in the top left appears to be…C? I think? (Note they declare “unsigned int”.)

Kiro sometimes reminds me of Masayoshi (SamFlam)…it puts a derpy smile on my face.

*blah blah blah I’m Key* - Wuh…? F*** you, Kiro!!! (There is such a thing as piling too much cool stuff on to a character, y’know – I’m guilty of it in my own writing.)

3684 isn’t a very safe password (says someone who once aspired to be in cybersecurity).

What bugs me is that Simon is a perfectly fine name…it’s just a bit boring. Kiro/Kira I get (a bit), but Lucien/Simon…? *shrugs*

Ohh! Based MAPPA! Thank you for making this adaption look great!

Koi to Producer 5

Oh, I got an SR in the game recently and it has a line like, “Only a fool stays up all night to do others’ work. Victor talks like that a lot…

The sign so obviously says “Renka”, meaning “love flower”. “Loveland” really is a step down from that…

Where’s Gavin’s guest badge…?

“Happiness Noodle Store”…?

“…the end of our first year…”

If this weren’t a Chinese work by origin (or Japanese work by translation), I’m sure Protag-chan would have gone after Gavin, despite being told the contrary.

Kanya = Minor. I’ll take a note of that.

One of the books behind Minor says “Gale Start”…hmm…

That GPS tracker is still unintentionally creepy, IMHO.

Koi to Producer 6

…oh. (dejected) Probably a beach episode or something.

What the actual heck was going on with Lucien…? It’s like he was having a tiny stroke there…

Lucien’s power is listed as “???” in the game. I thought he was an aura-reader when he said “show me your colour”, but that shield thing he did means he might just have various psychic powers…? *shrugs* We’ll find out eventually.

Running in heels is hard…

LOL, that’s so clearly recreating a CG from one of the cards.

This is the 2nd time this has gone pseudo-isekai. As much as I like to joke about it…I fully expect someone to be sent to another world at this point.

I couldn’t possibly see Victor on any kind of game show, come to think of it.

Appare 5

This guy’s middle name is “Rich”! That’s silly!

A boombox from the 19th century…makes sense, somehow.

I only just (?) realised Al has a tiny tie on his usual outfit.

Back to the beginning already…just start!

Appare 6

…I just realised Appare mouths “I got it!” in the OP.

Al Lion (sic…?)

Isn’t Sofia in that train…? Update: She might have been, she might not. Hard to tell when they don’t confirm.

This series seriously could’ve done with a dub…Even with weird hokey Hetalia accents, it would be good stuff.

These bunches of people at designated points…reminds me of the book I was reading while in Japan. The Long Walk by Stephen King (part of a compilation). It still gives me shivers down my spine when I remember it.

This “leave in the middle of the night” thing reminds me of the Amazing Race.

“Valley of Despair” is made-up, but Death Valley exists. It’s one of the hottest places on earth, hence the name.

LOL, Kosame scores himself one (1) prarie dog and two (2) Hototos.

I thought Appare was being inconsiderate at first…but he’s being considerate, in his own way.

Oh! I didn’t realise, but Saito Soma is Al.

Appare 7

“It’s not one plus one, but one times one!” – LOL.

Hybrid engine? In the 1900s? Hmm…

LOL, I think Al just did a hadouken.

This stuff’s like an animated Galaxy Brain meme! It’s amazing!

I managed to successfully predict – without watching ahead – Appare would catch himself with his traps.

Kosame with his hair down…is rare. Not exactly attractive because we have to care about the racers rather than lust after them (and the artstyle actually prevents me from doing so, because it’s deliberately quite cartoony), but it’s rare.

Appare is surprisingly childish…that’s what makes him more than a Sheldon Cooper, I think.

The spelling of the place is actually “Ely”, if Google-sensei is any indication. C’mon, subbers! You’re American (most likely)! Can’t you put in the legwork (or the Google-fu) to discover what place in Nevada this is?!

Subbers make characters say “shit” a lot in this show, hmm? (contemplative)

Now this evil guy here *points to screen*…that’s hair I like.

Appare 8

I just love this OP…don’t you?

I like how the steam/gas boat/car has Chinese numerals on its dial.

Kosame means “small rain”, so “heavy rain” is obviously to contrast that.

The Hototo joke never gets old.

I thought I just saw someone leave the saloon…

Nice hair + terrible face = bad equation.

I can almost imagine the wee-oo-wee-oo-ooooooo…wah-wah-wahhh…(You know the one sound snippet, right? The one theme from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly - or whatever movie it is – that maybe involves a tumbleweed rolling across the screen, and then a huge shootout? If you don’t know it, play a sample on this Wikipedia page!) playing in the background.

It’s convenient the prarie dog didn’t appear when Hototo (old) had his revenge spree.

I noticed there’s a bit of a mark under Kosame’s left eye…it suggests that he’s been crying (or maybe it shows tiredness from the race…?), but it’s not that noticeable.

So that’s the real Gil…and tose were his henchmen that threatened to hang everyone bar Kosame. Got it.

(notes to self) So, for charting a course with Appare Ranman!, it’s Los Angeles -> Death Valley -> Ely -> Denver -> ??? -> New York. Got it.

Fugou Keiji 4

“Daisuke-sama” isn’t “Lord Daisuke”, it would be “Sir Daisuke”, I think…but “lord” has a proper translation in Japanese.

The truck has a Shinagawa licence plate. Anime really does like Shinagawa, huh? (Based on ID: INVADED and this.)

I think it’ll be interesting to see Kambe handle this without HEUSC.

The board for Sanchome (which is equivalent to a suburb…or a county, I guess?) has posters saying stuff like “take your dog poop home” and “let’s protect the environment!” (technically, it says “let’s protect the region/area!”, but that doesn’t translate right. There’s even a flea market. Still, those posters don’t have any big hints…not that I know of so far.

I kind of forgot that dude was the gardener for Kambe’s house…er, mansion.

I noticed a poster in the kouban says haru (spring) on it. That’s probably the same one that Haru’s name is signified by, assuming that’s not in combo with another character or few.

Oh great…the sister is an overbearing one.

Ahh…he doesn’t like natto. So that’s the problem. Daisuke is childish (like Appare)…Note I don’t like natto either, but I wouldn’t run away from home (or similar) because I was fed natto.

I noticed Kambe uses shinseki (which doesn’t refer to close family). “Relative” is a correct translation of that word, I just wanted to check that word was the right one for the context.

There’s a green tea bottle by the sink…I don’t think I’d mistake that shade of green for anything else.

LOL, I didn’t think we’d actually get to see Kambe with his hair “down”, so to speak. It’s…an interesting look, for sure.

Oh my gosh! It cost him (Haru) $15!!! (LOL, cheapskate…says the cheapskate…*suddenly droops and stops laughing*) Update: Sorry about the sudden downer there. I was having what the kids these days call a “woke moment”…at least, I think that’s how they use that term.

…I’d watch that crime drama. It’s funny.

Just realised Kato has an older model of phone than Kambe does.

This episode was kinda like a Tokyo Sonata kind of thing, huh? The sensational in the middle of the not-so-sensational…”sensational” for this show, anyway.

Those kids look like the ones from Erased.

*lightbulb goes off in brain* What if the dog went to Kambe’s…?

Can Suzue actually hear HEUSC while Kambe is using it…? $2.46 though…that is cheap, in comparison to the ham.

This was the cheapest episode so far (about $550)…probably because it was an insight into Kato’s life, more than Kambe’s.

Fugou Keiji 5

The flag seems to be based on Cameroon’s (which is in Africa, not America) and the “Arita Kinen” seems to refer to Arima Kinen, meaning this episode is set around Christmas-ish. Credit goes to Kambe Zaibatsu on this show.

I-It’s a Humvee!

Polyadoll (sic)…?

The Poliador guy speaks perfect Japanese…(?)

The star! It’s a key thingy!

I thought Kamei was the 1st Division dude with the reddish hair. Turns out it was the blonde…? Update: Redhead is Hoshino.

Ummmmmm…he was reading porn…? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh…okayyyyyyyyyyyyy…

…oh, the costs for Kambe’s tuxedo are on there. So’s the cost for repairing the bike Suzue rode.

Fugou Keiji 6

I never knew there were so many money proverbs to be used as episode titles…

What is Kambe doing with his hands…? He’s not even using the computer.

Imura seems to use a Windows 10 with Cortana on the taskbar.

HGPC 20

What’s with all the Naruto running this episode…?

HGPC 21

(no notes, sorry!)

Hey, saw you were taking prompts! How about where shamy come back from Stockholm and finally decide that it’s time to start trying for a baby. :) thanks!

A/N: Hope this fits the prompt, I haven’t done something like this in a long time so if it sucks (probably) I apologize in advance. 😊

Amy wanted a baby.

She also knew that Sheldon wanted one. However, the subject had not been brought up again since the day they watched Howard and Bernadette’s children. Even then, the matter was left on a somewhat mysterious note, with Sheldon mentioning his 15 children idea again and leaving it at that.

It wasn’t that Amy was opposed to having lots of children, but 15? That was too many. She knew that they would find a way to compromise, but she did not know how to broach the subject again. They had just recently got back from Sweden after receiving their Nobles, and they were still trying to settle back into a regular routine. Plus with Leonard and Penny’s baby on the way, Amy didn’t want to detract any attention from them.

But she wanted a baby.

It was one of those rare days where they had the opportunity to spend the day alone in their apartment. Sheldon doing god knows what on his computer and Amy treating herself to a relaxing bath. She figured that she could broach the subject during dinner, and she had practiced her speech multiple times in her head. However, finding it in herself to actually bring it up would be the hard part.

She pulled her hair into a half ponytail as she walked into the living room. She found Sheldon in the same place she left him almost two hours ago when she retreated to the bathroom. On the couch with his computer.

At first, she thought he was playing one of those online video games with his friends, but the way that his shoulder’s seemed stiff clued her into the fact that he was doing something else.  

“Hey,” Amy softly greeted, snaking her arms around her husband’s shoulders, placing a gentle kiss to his cheek as she did so. With her chin finding it’s home near the crook of his neck, he was able to get a glance as to what he was doing on his laptop. Ikea?

“Are you shopping?” She asked, furrowing her brow in confusion.  

He nodded. “Yes, I need to find a new closet organizer,” he said, clicking on something he already saved to his bag. “What do you think of this one?”

He lifted up the screen so she could get a better look. Unlocking her arms from around him, she took the laptop from his hands. “Why are you looking for a new closet organizer? What’s wrong with the one we have now?”

Sheldon gave her an incredulous look, as though the answer was obvious. “Amy, before you changed your wardrobe it consisted mainly of skirts, blouses, and cardigans; shorter items if you will. Then you went out and bought all these dresses that are much longer than anything you owned before. I don’t know if you have checked recently, but some of them are dragging on the floor, and that is just unacceptable.”

Amy’s mouth hung open as she tried to process what he just said. However, when she caught a glance at his, almost concerned face, she softened. “Oh, Sheldon, it’s very sweet of you to look for this, but I really don’t mind, honestly,” she assured him, handing back his laptop and joining him on the couch.

“But I do!” he exclaimed, rubbing at his temples. “It bothers me, Amy.”

Amy thought about it for a second. It would be nice not to clean of lint from dresses she hung on the bottom. Or to iron dresses that wrinkled because there was no room to accommodate its length. She conceded. “Ok, if it’s bothering you that much, I think it would be good to get a new system.”

Sheldon perked up, ecstatic that she was on board. Amy loved watching the way his eyes sparkled with excitement. “Great! Let me tell you about the one I picked out. Don’t worry I’ve measured and everything…”

Amy smiled while Sheldon explained to her all the great things about the new closet. She still couldn’t figure out why things like this made him so happy, but nevertheless, it was one of his many idiosyncrasies that she loved.

She never did bring up the topic of babies until two weeks later when they were setting up the new closet.

Trying to find an appropriate time to bring up the topic was proving to be more difficult than she thought. Every time she tried, she either got too nervous, or there was something else he wanted to talk about. However, never once did Sheldon hear the word ‘baby’ out of her mouth. It was beginning to frustrate her.

Sheldon was handing her various articles of clothing while she set them neatly onto her bed. Cleaning out the closet was proving to be more of a task than she thought. However, they had worked themselves into a routine, finding their rhythm. There was nothing but silence between them as they worked. Sheldon didn’t even need to turn his body to hand her the various dressed he pulled from the closet.

The amiable silence between them was something that Amy knew he loved; however, it was starting to burn a hole in her skull.  The topic that had been on the tip of her tongue for weeks was beginning to bite at her.

Amy knew there would be no better opportunity.

“Sheldon, I think we should have a baby.”

What happened next shocked Amy. Of all the scenarios she came up with in her head, his reaction did not fit any of them. He didn’t yell, he didn’t freak out, he didn’t leave, he didn’t just pass out. In fact, his reaction was very demure, he was calm as he rotated his torso slightly to look at her. There was no crazed look in his eye that showed her any contempt. His hands seemed steady as he handed her more dresses. There was no lecture, all that came out of his mouth was a simple:

“Ok.”

And although his arm was outstretched with yet another of her garments, she did not move to take it. Her mouth hung open in shock, and she gawked at her husband’s calm demeanor.

Sheldon’s brow furrowed, and he gazed quizzically at his wife. “Amy?”

His voice seemed to snap her out of her stupor. “Sorry,” she said, taking the dress from his outstretched hand. “That was not the reaction I was expecting.”

He moved back to the closet. “What reaction were you expecting?” He questioned, handing her the last of the clothes.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “I guess I figured you would freak out and leave or something.”

Amy saw a certain softness behind Sheldon’s eyes that warmed her heart. It was the side of Sheldon that no one else got to see; the side of him that only she had privileges to. “You know I want to have children with you, why would you assume I would freak out at the notion of them?”

Again she shrugged. “In all the years we’ve been together, we’ve never really excelled in the serious discussion department. And the only other time we have talked about having children was when we helped Howard with babysitting. Even then,” she paused, averting her eyes from him to look at the clothes neatly sprawled across the bed. “I didn’t think you were taking it that seriously.

Hearing him sigh, she felt him move closer to her back, wrapping his arms around her midsection and resting his head on her shoulder. ‘I’m sorry I made you feel that way. You should never be afraid to come talk to me, you know that, right?”

“I know.”

“And I do want to have children with you. Lots of them. If 15 is too many for you, then I’m sure we can find a suitable number for both of us.” His arms tightened around her, and his lips moved closer to her ear. “How does 12 sound?”

By the tone of his voice, she knew he was joking. She giggled at his playfulness and turned in his arms to face him. While his eyes still held their playful glint, she could tell he had gone serious again.

“Amy, I do want a family with you, I have for a long time,” he said. “And I do think that now is the perfect time to start trying, I’ve actually thought of talking to you about it, but things kept getting in the way.”

He’d been thinking about it too? It was so strange to her that they were both having the same struggle. However, it made her all too happy. He wanted it, it was real, they were going to try and have a family.

“So, we’re going to do this then?” She asked. “We’re going to try and have a baby.”

His hands that had settled on her hips squeezed them slightly. “If we’re both in agreement, yes.”

She wanted a baby.

“We’re both in agreement, my love.”

He flashed her a gentle smile, placing an equally gentle kiss upon her lips. He didn’t pull away like she thought he would, in fact, he lingered for a while. His mouth dancing perfectly with her own. His hand caressed her back in the most tender of touches before it buried itself into the back of her short hair.

Deciding to go along with him, she tangled her own arms around his neck. The loving and gentle kiss was turning into one of passion a lust, something that happened many a time for the couple after their nuptials. Sheldon was desperate to get her as close to him as possible, but no matter what he did, it never seemed to be enough. He pried her mouth open with his own, still not close enough. He pulled her so close to his own body that it was almost painful for both of them, yet, not close enough.

He suddenly broke away from her, leaving her rooted in the place where he left her. She was panting as she watched him begin to hang all the clothes back into the closet. “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like? I’m putting the clothes back,” he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it was, but she was still confused. He noticed this and clarified it for her. “We’re going to need the bed, sweetheart, if you help me it will go faster.”

It should have been clear to her before what he was doing. So, when he did explain it, she mentally slapped herself for not realizing it before. However, that was quickly forgotten when the anticipation caught up to her.

Baby-making was starting early.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading!

Prevailing Winds (Prologue)

Currently seeking a reliable beta reader for this WIP! DM me if you’re interested.

"Another win!" the blonde maiden raised her arms in victory and shimmied in her seat, green eyes sparkling.

Penny's shift at the tavern was over but she decided to hang around when a group of sailors entered. They were a strange lot; not very tall, and one was definitely not from around here. His skin was dark caramel, his eyes chocolate. If he were dressed better he might've been exotically attractive. As it was, he was still cute, but it was a puppy kind of cute. She sat next to him mostly to avoid his short friend. He was incredibly skinny and wore clothes that were entirely too tight, almost as though he were expecting to put a suit of armor on over them - which was ridiculous considering how small he was, he'd fall right over.

The one across from her, whom she played against, was obviously the leader, but only obviously because the other two looked to him. He wasn't quite as short as the tightly clothed man, but he wasn't exactly average height, either. His brown hair was wavy and his eyes squinted behind his wire-framed spectacles when he looked further away than the next table. As it was, he seemed to be the most normal of the trio.

He'd said he was captain of a ship called Constance, though he was thinking of renaming her. She found it a little hard to believe - he didn't exactly exude leadership qualities. In fact he very much looked like a follower. Penny was willing to bet that he was only captain because the others were so ill qualified. Something probably happened to the original captain, leaving him in charge.

Throughout the night, Penny won a lot. She also pretended to lose a lot so they'd keep playing. The more they drank the more confident they felt, and the more they bet.

Penny was almost finished for the night. She was about to take them for all they were worth when something she was not expecting happened: Captain Hofstadter bet his ship. She'd purposefully lost the last few rounds to lull them into betting high, but she wasn't expecting an entire ship!

"Well," she said, mockingly thoughtful. "If you're gonna give up your ship I should bet something real big too." Here she put on her biggest pout and her saddest eyes. "Except I don't really have anything."

She hung her head in 'shame' and 'spotted' her biggest assets and an 'idea' came to her. "Oh! I know! If I win I get your boat, but if you win you can have me!" she said with her biggest grin. "Not forever, mind you, but for the rest of the time you're in town." She winked and the captain swayed in his seat. I think the last of the blood in his head just travelled south, she thought.

This'll be a cinch.

Just as she'd planned, the last round went to her.  She was the new owner of Constance.

The former Captain Hofstadter passed out in shock and as a gesture of pity she paid for a room for him and his friends before leaving for home.

Despite Penny's penchant for sleeping in, she made her way to the ship early. The earlier they set sail the less chance the previous captain and his mates had to renege on their bet. As it was, they were likely still passed out. When Penny won the ship she'd also won its crew along with it. The crew, who had had no real loyalty to Hofstadter and his mates, took to Penny like - well, like fish to water, really. They were rude, and crude, and not exactly the cleanest men on the sea, but they were fun. Penny grew up on a pig and cattle farm so they quickly got used to Penny's lasso and hogtying if they tried anything with her.

She learned the art of sailing from the Boatswain who, since her takeover left them without a Quartermaster, became the Quartermaster. It was as though she were born for it and soon the Queen P.'s Revenge was one of the most known - and most feared - pirate ships of the realm.

Penny had never been happier. She took what she wanted and gave nothing back. She went where she wanted and never looked back.

~*DD*~*DD*~*DD*~

Sheldon Cooper, captain of the privateering sloop Constance, sat on a bench in a dank cell on a small island and fumed.

When I find those yellow-bellied, mutinous bilge rats, not even Davy Jones himself will save them...

“Up” is Relative

Will could vaguely hear everyone around the campfire behind him laughing, undoubtedly laughing at some humorous recollection Blossom was telling about defeating a hideous monster or apprehending a super-criminal. It was an interesting mish-mash of canons and OCs at the campsite: The Powerpuffs themselves along with Jenny, Sheldon, Vega, and even Tootie representing the former; and for the latter, Nick, Shayde, Russell, Roulette, Xavis, Luca, Reita, and the young man that wasn’t sitting around the campfire with everyone else.

They were all so enraptured with each others’ fantastic exploits that no one had noticed Will slipping away a few feet and laying back upon the hill that overlooked the City of Townsville. It was his first time in this area, a universe he’d never seen before, and he was instantly taken by the sprawling urban metropolis. His eyes traced the skyline, trying to remember each and every feature, but there was just so much to look at.

Strange how superheroes always have that one city they need to protect. Jenny has Tremorton, and the Powerpuffs have this place. Gotta admit...it’s always a beautiful city that needs protecting.

He had just spotted a strange observatory in the middle of the city when he started to notice lights flickering out. It started in the suburbs around the edges of the city, but soon there was a wave of blackness that overtook the entire sprawl before him. He heard some commotion behind him as the others took notice.

“Oh, great.” Blossom grumbled.

“What’s happening?” Sheldon asked.

“Probably just Mojo Jojo trying another dastardly plot.” Buttercup snarled. “Time to go to work, sisters.”

“You need any help?” Xavis inquired. “If my tanktop had sleeves, I’d be rolling them up right about now.”

“Nah, I think we’re good.” Bubbles replied, cheerily. “Besides, this might take a while, so you shouldn’t have to wait up for us. Thanks for the offer, though!”

“Let’s roll!” Blossom commanded.

The beams of the three superpowered siblings streaked across Will’s field of vision as they flew toward the city in search of danger to defeat. They were so bright that Will needed to shield his eyes from the sudden intensity. As he lowered his hand, however, the first thing he saw was the field of stars above him.

It took his attention instantly.

“You guys go on ahead,” Jenny insisted to the others as they began to file out. “I’ll clean up our campsite.”

“Thanks, Jen.” Nick smiled in appreciation. “We’ll keep the portal open until everyone is back.”

Jenny nodded before getting herself ready for work. One hand turned into a bucket which immediately filled up with water; inverting it over the flames released a stream which instantly doused the campfire. Shifting both her arms into a broom and dustpan, respectively, she began sweeping up the hot ashes to prepare them for disposal. In order to make sure she got them all, she turned on her thermal vision and scanned the immediate area for embers she may have missed. To her satisfaction, there was none...but she caught a glint of someone’s body heat just over the crest of the hill.

I thought that was everyone. Who else did we bring? Xavis, Shayde...

After she buried the charred remnants of the campfire, she turned her attentions to the unknown individual, slowly and cautiously advancing upon the heat signature until she could finally tell who it was.

“Will!” She exclaimed softly as she knelt down over him from behind his head. 

How could I forget?!  She thought to herself silently. I was the one who invited him here anyway!

Will stirred from his focus upon the sky, realizing Jenny was speaking to him. “What’s up?”

“Since the Powerpuffs left, we’ve all decided to turn in for the night.”

“Oh, uh, okay.” Will muttered. “You all go on ahead; I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Everyone else is gone; it’s just the two of us now.”

Will’s heart lept up into his throat. Just...us?

“What were you doing over here, anyway?” Jenny asked. “I thought you wanted to hang out with everyone.”

“Well, yeah, of course!” Will said, somewhat defensively. “And yeah, that’s been great and all, but...I got a little distracted while looking at the skyline.”

“You mean the skyline that’s completely out of view right now?” Jenny noted sarcastically.

“Yeah, that one.” Will added, unaware of the irony in Jenny’s statement.

“I mean,” she clarified with a characteristic giggle, “why are you still here if there is nothing to look at?”

Will snapped his head toward her. “...nothing to look at?” He asked her incredulously. “After the city lights disappeared, there is everything to look at.”

Jenny cocked her head to one side. “Say what, now?”

“Lie down here next to me.” Will asked. “I’ll explain.”

Wait...did I just ask her that?

“Okay.” Jenny responded, still somewhat confused but willing to try it out. Since she was behind him, she decided the best way to go about it was to lay herself in the opposite direction from Will with her head almost right next to his.

“When I was 10,” Will began, “one of my favorite things to do was go stargazing. I would try to memorize all the constellations, watch satellites pass, and even - if I was lucky - see a shooting star go by. If there was ever a night that I was bored, it didn’t take long to cure it if I just brought out a blanket or towel, spread it out on the back lawn, and kept watch on the night sky. That all changed for me when I was 13, though.”

“What happened?”

“I had just taken a science class where we were talking about gravity. Something about that class stuck with me that night, so when I looked up at the sky, I didn’t feel like I was looking up anymore. I felt like I was looking down. The only thing keeping me from floating away forever into space was the gravitational pull of the planet. Think of it like...you spend so much time walking right side up that you lose your sense of perspective on how things really are. In space, 'up’ is relative. Earth is in space. We are on Earth. Therefore, we are in space, too.”

“I...” Jenny slowly replied. “...I can kind of see it. You start to feel like you’re on one of those rides at a fair where they spin you around and then release the lap bar, but the spinning force keeps you in place.”

“Right,” Will nodded, “but on a planetary scale.”

“What happened after that?”

“I was scared.” Will admitted. “I remember gripping the blanket tight, thinking that if I let go I would fall into the sky. I started breathing hard. I almost started to cry. But I shut my eyes and slowly allowed myself to sit up, bringing myself back to the familiar before opening them again.” He sighed. “It was a while before I tried it again, but after the first time the sensation was never quite as bad. The downside was it was replaced by another feeling.”

“What feeling was that?”

Will struggled to find the word he was looking for. “...I don’t want to say loneliness, but...more like insignificance. Such a massive universe and I’m only a small part of it.”

“Will...” Jenny rolled over onto her side so she could look directly at the human next to her.

“And when I saw the sky here,” Will continued, “I realized this is a completely different universe, yet it’s every bit as big. And it’s only one of however many there are that can be accessed in Reaper High, and-”

“Will.” Jenny whispered, placing a hand upon his shoulder.

oh god she is touching me

“You’re not insignificant.” Jenny insisted. “Not to me.”

Will could not bring himself to speak for a few seconds. “...you really think so?”

“I enjoy being around you. You clearly enjoy being around me, otherwise you wouldn’t hang out with us at lunch so much. You can make me laugh just about every day, and when I don’t feel like laughing you’ve been so supportive to me.” She pulled out a concealed drawer in her skirt (Yay, built-in pockets!) and removed a gold, music-note-shaped device. “Then there’s this.”

Will sat up slightly, slightly awe-struck by the sight of his old Musique: the one he gave to her at their second meeting. “You still have that?” He queried. “I figured you would have gone for the new special edition they came out with last week”

Jenny laughed. “First of all, that new one is $12,000; the last time I tried getting one that expensive, it did not end well for me. Second, it - what - has a built in cardiometer? I’m not going to need that unless I start doing this-” Jenny pounded her chest to the rhythm of a heartbeat. “-everywhere I go.” Will grinned and chuckled softly at the mental image of Jenny doing exactly that.

“But, most importantly,” Jenny continued, “is this.”

She turned the device over in her hands and, using a small flashlight from her fingertip, illuminated the name “Will Perringer” across the back.

She noticed that?

“This was personally yours.” Jenny explained. “You could have bought me one or something: I know you’ve been getting stuff for your other friends. But instead you decide to give me this Musique - incredible condition, deluxe edition, gold plating, and personally inscribed with your name, for Pete’s sake - without as much as a second thought. Sometimes, I think about what could make someone do that.”

“Jenny, you saved my life.” Will rationalized it the same way he did when he gave it to her.

“I’ve saved plenty of lives.” Jenny retorted. “But if I’m lucky, I’ll just get a ‘thank you’ out of the mountain climber I just saved from falling to his doom. Not that many have been willing to give something like this up; in fact, I can count them on...well, one finger.” Jenny extended her index finger to prove her point, and then pointed it into Will’s chest.

“You deserve better than that.” Will insisted.

“And you deserve better than to be left alone like this.” Jenny shot back, a bit more insistently than she’d let on before.

A brief pause took over, with only the wind supplying any noise to fill the gap before Jenny sighed.

“I’ve heard things.” Jenny finally said, softly. “Not good things. Things which make me worry about your safety when you’re alone. And I’m not the only one, either; everyone who knows you has had their lives made better because of it.” She gently touched his shoulder again. “I’m not going to force you into making promises, but I’d like you to know you don’t need to run away if you are feeling so small or worthless. You can always talk to me.”

Slowly, her arms wrapped around him as she pulled him in for an embrace.

“It’s what friends do.”

Will could feel the tears start to rise, but held them back as best as he could as he allowed his arms to reciprocate the hug. “Thank you, Jenny.” He whispered, feeling so secure and satisfied in her touch.

It was a while before Jenny loosened her grip. “Let’s head on back. We had a campfire started for a reason, after all; it’s kinda chilly for you to be out here much longer.”

“Yeah, good idea.” Will added, starting to realize he was developing a shiver. Whether that was actually from the temperature or from the adrenaline of ohmygodshejusthuggedmeicandiehappy, he had no idea, but he was definitely looking forward to his warm room as they headed back toward the portal together.

Can you write a sexy fic maybe related to Sheldon loving Amy’s dress? I love them so much!

Note: How you may have understood, this totally outgrew my initial intention. Beside this, it’s probably more fluffy than sexy (but indeed it’s rated M). Since it’s longer, you can find it also on ff.net as a single story, The Royal Consort Admiration. Enjoy!

Holding hands, they walk down the corridors of The Athenaeum, heading to their reserved suite. They are quiet, but every few steps Sheldon turns to her and catches a new smile. He doesn’t think he has ever seen her smiling so much, so long. She is thinking the same.“Are you sure you are okay in not spending the night home?” Amy checks again when they reach their destination. Sheldon nods, “Of course. It’s a present from Leonard and Penny, and most importantly, Einstein slept here. Who am I to refuse to sleep where he did?” Amy grins, “I’m glad you’re happy about this,” she comments. She has loved Penny’s idea of spending their wedding night somewhere fancier, but she doesn’t want to push Sheldon away from his comfort zone, especially on a special day like this. It’s nice to have confirmation he is okay. Sheldon retrieves the key card from his inner coat pocket and opens the door. Amy is about to enter, but Sheldon stops her. “Where are you going?” He moves in front of her, “That’s not the way you do it on the wedding night,” he reminds her, offering his hand. Amy smirks once she understands what he means, and lets him pick her up. She wraps her arms around his neck and leans on his shoulder. He remains still a moment, officially to be sure she’s steadily hooked on him. In fact, to enjoy the feeling of her nuzzling on his neck. 

Carefully, he carries her inside. He studies the elegant sitting room of the suite and finds it reasonable to head toward the refined small couch dominating the room. He gently lays down his bride there and sits on the nearby armchair.“You look beautiful,” he mutters while taking her hand again.Amy can’t help blushing a bit, despite the fact he has told her so a few times already today. “You say that so often lately; I couldn’t quit hearing that,” she jokes.“I can add it to the newest version of our agreement.” Amy looks up at her husband. He has such a sparkle in his eyes it seems he won’t really need a legal clause to compliment her.“You do really look beautiful,” Sheldon added after a while, “I keep saying that because it’s true. You look like a princess.” He also wonders why she does keep blushing. She must know it is so. He decides to list the evidence, “Of course, it’s because of the tiara,” As he says this, Amy’s cheerful proclaim on that of many years before echoes in his mind, “But it’s not only this. It’s the puffy gown and the exquisite fabric,” he fervently continues his explanation, his eyes running up and down, “It’s the fine shawl, and the triangle-shaped gloves,” he brushes her hand he’s holding. “Those particularly make you look like a fantasy princess,” he adds, kissing the hand. “There’s only a problem,” he says then, staring back at Amy. His gaze is turning to something Amy would call kind of aroused. She not far from the truth, as he’s about to confess. “On one hand, I would admire you and your royalty all night. On the other hand…” He pauses, and Amy is able to catch a small gulp, “I can’t honestly wait to get rid of all those layers and lawfully consummate our marriage.” The sudden realization that the moment is approaching gives her a thrill. Despite it having been highly anticipated by everyone’s expectations and their own, despite the newest version of their contract explicitly mentioning the first night, and a regular schedule. Sheldon had even added a ‘spontaneity’ clause (much to Amy’s surprise and pleasure), and she had decided to go on the pill. Despite all the preparedness, she now feels her whole body trembling and her mind in a flutter. Her cheeks blush again. She tightens her grip on his hand. Sheldon looks at her still in awe, eyes full of joy, love, and desire. This is enough to give her all the confidence she wanted. “You still can admire me while undressing me,” she suggests in a small voice, “I assure you it’ll take you a while…”Sheldon stands almost abruptly, offering her his hand. She joyfully accepts it and they head to the adjacent bedroom.Once the door closes behind them, they remain still in front of each other, their faces glowing in large smiles. He moves first and gently grabs her hips, pulling her closer for a kiss. Amy wraps her hands around his neck like in a slow dance. When he dares to deepen the kiss, she lets him pull her even closer, holding a laugh when he mutters something about her gown being in the middle. Good thing he likes it, she guesses.It’s good to finally kiss like that. Of course, they have kissed the whole day: when pronounced husband and wife, at every toast, a few times during the reception, and at the end of their first dance. However, everyone always stared at them, even cheering and clapping. They were too happy to really care about this, but it prevented them from holding their spouse too tight, or letting their tongues play, or sucking their lips. Exactly what they are busy with now.For a while, it doesn’t even seem they need much air. After detaching to grasp some, they immediately return to the other.  It’s only when Sheldon starts to feel flushed and in need to get rid of his bowtie that they finally break their embrace. He immediately rushed to untie it. “Let me help you,” Amy offers. He lets her take care of it, enjoying her warm and soft touch in the meantime.“When we’re back home, remember we need to keep it safe. It has been fundamental for our breakthrough,” Sheldon says.As the knot comes undone, Amy replies, “Hopefully someone will display it in some museum or exhibit.” Sheldon proudly smiles, his mind projected for a moment in a future where this happens, but soon his attention is caught back by very actual circumstances.“May I?” He now asks pointing at the precious tiara. As soon as he gets the nod, he carefully lifts it from her head to deposit the piece of jewelry on the near table. With Amy’s help, her veil is taken off as well as her earrings. Sheldon hopes their box is still somewhere in their luggage (which, to be fair, he has noticed only now in another corner of the room). She reaches for her glasses, “You could have kept them on during the ceremony”, Sheldon says. “I hope you could at least see enough.”“It was okay. I could see you, and that’s all that mattered. I wanted to be prettier,” Amy explains.“You don’t need to impair your sight for this,” he observes, “And you would have been beautiful with them anyway,” he concludes. Before she can even blush at the compliment, he is back at kissing her.It is a brief kiss though. When he breaks it, he quickly takes off his jacket and rushes to unbutton his waistcoat. Amy moves to help him through, but he is so fast. She has barely enough time to undo one button before he is already removing the piece of clothing.She is expecting him to be on her right away, but suddenly he doesn’t move anymore. She can see he is now breathing harder, but he remains still in front of her, his stare running all over his spouse.“Are you still in awe, or you don’t know where to start from?”  “Both,” he admits, “Definitely both.”She smirks and lifts her arms, “I’d start simple. What about the gloves?”He nods, and they are soon gone. She then takes a few steps toward him, and he quickly understands he has to aim at the shawl. Once he has taken it off, he carefully folds it and hangs it on the chair next to the one where his clothes are.He returns to her and finds her turning her back to him. Instead of looking immediately for the dress zipper or whatever the pile of swans is held by, Sheldon leans on her, his head resting on Amy’s shoulder, wrapping her waist.Again, he would want to love her right away and just continue to relish her. He breathes in her scent and leaves a short trail of pecks on her neck. Amy closes her eyes and enjoys the chills that come with each of them, the warmth of his lips, his secure hold on her. “I love you,” he mutters over her skin. Amy still keeps her eyes closed, and raises her hand to touch his face. “I love you,” she whispers back. She is slightly disappointed when he eventually moves his head (and mouth) away. Thankfully, it is for a greater good. “The ribbon!” He exclaims.Amy chuckles, “You were thinking of it this whole time?” She jokes as he pulls the ribbon around her waist. Then, he moves on to the dress’s zipper. Gracefully, he opens it.“More layers?” He gulps when his touch finds further fabric under the open back of the dress.“You do like it, don’t you?”Sheldon slips his hand inside the dress, looking for the front and her chest. “I do, indeed,” he replies as he finds her breasts. Amy moans and throws her arms behind to pull him closer and feel him on her. He lingers a while inside that dress, much for Amy’s satisfaction. She bites her bottom lip when he dares to squeeze one breast. She also feels his hardness against her, growing with enthusiasm as she pulls him tighter to herself. Lovely layers, indeed, but too many layers now. They loosen their grip on each other, and Sheldon steps back to finish his task. Carefully, he slides the top of the dress down her shoulders. Is that a corset? He finally realizes. Once she has slipped out of the sleeves, he lowers to pull down the gown, and Amy steps out of it. While she sits to take off her shoes, he tries to be as delicate as possible as he moves the dress on the free portion of the table. They should have thought of retrieving a hanger for it instead of immediately engaging in amorous activities.  He forgets about the hanger for the moment he turns back and sees Amy. Of course, the corset he has already glimpsed, narrow straps leading to a very generous view of her cleavage, and down enlacing the sweet curves of her waist. And still, this is not the best part of the ensemble. Through the frilly petticoat, he sees she’s wearing a garter belt, stockings, and a pair of short ruffled bloomers. “Do you like it?” She asks, despite Sheldon gaping at her and clearly having a hard time remembering how to breathe.Sheldon gulps hard and takes a deep breath hoping to be able to talk. When it’s clear he won’t, he just nods.Amy is happy for such a reaction, but still she feels she’s blushing again. Never she has imagined that someday she would have worn fancy underwear and especially that Sheldon would have appreciated it. “It’s vintage attire,” she explains. “I thought it matched my dress well.”“It-It really suits you,” he eventually manages to mumble. Stop rocking those hips, wife - it’s all Sheldon is able to think of now, as Amy has been moving that way ever since she has revealed herself. His eyes keep roaming on her. What a creature he married. They remain silent until Amy decides it’s time to go on. She approaches him. “My turn,” she declares, bringing her hands on his shoulders. Speechless again, he agrees, and she proceeds to pull down his pants suspenders (taking a mental note to ask him to wear those some other time). Unbuttoning the shirt, she smiles when she spots the red undershirt below, “What happened to the Star Trek uniform?” She asks.Trying to not fo focus on her soft hands or her proximity, Sheldon answers, “Leonard made me realize it’d be nice to have matching underwear.” He lowers his stare and slightly lifts his pant leg up. Amy looks down as well and sees his Flash socks. She finishes with the buttons and dares to move further south. She gently unzips his pants fly to find that at this point he is very much ready for action and that his briefs match the undershirt and the socks. She is almost tempted to just pull down his briefs and pants together, fall on her knees and have her way with him. This thought alone turns her face the same color of his underwear. Eventually, she only brushes against his groin and returns her attention to get him out of his shirt. As she disposes of it, he gets rid of his shoes and pants.Standing back, they are one in front of the other again, a few steps apart. One wearing superheroes underwear, the other an attire coming from the previous century. Amy wonders what anyone would say if they found out. Probably that they are not surprised at all. She also wonders how long they can go on with this slow dance to undress. Clearly, they are the ultimate experts in dragging things out, but there are also some human, natural thresholds to which they are getting very close. At least, this is what she can read in his burning eyes. She kisses him and decides to help him a bit by quickly removing the petticoat. She then heads to the bed and sits at its edge. He remains still for a moment, always staring at her and in her awe. When he finally follows her to the bed, Amy is already working to peel one stocking away. Sheldon knees in front of her and takes her place for that. His hands caress her tight and go down her leg as slow as he can. As the other is gone as well, he stands up and helps Amy to do the same and then, once again, turns her back to him. He wastes no time and begins to undo the corset laces. “How many of those there are?” He complains halfway. “This must be against some law, making the husband going through all these.”“I thought you liked this.” “Only stupid people never change their mind,” he replies, his hands working frantically to get rid of that beautiful, damn corset as soon as possible.Without anymore layers left, Amy instinctively puts her arms on her chest before facing back to Sheldon. On his side, her husband seems to be lost in the adoration of her again. Silence fills the room, broken only by their accelerating breathing.Amy smiles. Somehow, she loves how they end up feeling like two naive teenagers every time they are intimate. Modesty will probably always be there, and it’s okay. Sheldon smiles back and asks for permission. He doesn’t need to speak, his eyes make the request for him. She grants him consent exposing herself before standing up to kiss him. As the kiss slowly deepens, Sheldon pulls her closer, while Amy plays with the fabric of his undershirt. It is only a matter of time before she decides it is time to dispose of it. She grabs its hem to take it off and unceremoniously launches it somewhere around the rest of their clothes. Once it is off, Sheldon wraps her in a hug just for the sake of feeling her on him. He leisurely caresses her back now, at the same time enjoying her breasts pressed against him. He buries his head on her shoulder, nuzzling her still-combed hair. They both close their eyes for a moment, as he gets lost in her and she only listens to their hearts pounding. His manhood pulsing in between them makes Amy decide to go for the next move. Quickly, both his briefs and her bloomers are down on the floor. She takes his hand and steps back to the bed, leading Sheldon there. She sits and slides up over it as he follows her on all fours. Before she can go under the covers, he stops her and catches her lips in another kiss. Once on the bed, he doesn’t return immediately to her. Amy can see he licks his lips as he takes a moment more to worship her figure. She uses this time to return the favor, as her gaze lingers on him as well. She may not have an eidetic memory, but she wants every detail to be printed in her mind. Unable to resist any longer, they crush back into each other soon. He adjusts between her legs and bears down on her body. As his mouth moves on her breast and he cups her bottom, she grabs his posterior with both hands, urging him to grind faster against her. She cries with pleasure then, because Sheldon is now sucking on her nipple. He moans too, although more quietly, every time she squeezes his butt, or when he finds his face pressed into her bosom. Her wetness against his flesh assures him she is ready.  He stops moving and places a small kiss back on her lips. She lifts her hands to his face, caressing his cheeks. He brings her left to his mouth and kisses the wedding ring. Amy reaches for his hand to do the same with his ring.“Do you think lovemaking will be different now that we are married?” Sheldon asks.Amy shakes her head, “I don’t know. Maybe,” she admits.Sheldon raises his eyebrows. “Okay… Let’s find it out then.” Amy smirks. “Please,” she authorizes him.She slams her head back when he enters her. He shuts his eyes closed in that moment, trying not to feel overwhelmed too soon by the feeling. Good thing it has only been five months since their last time.He decides to pump slowly. He re-opens his eyes, and their gazes meet again. They kiss, then Sheldon rests his forehead on hers. His wife has the most astonishing eyes, he thinks..They smile until a sudden wave of pleasure makes Amy look away and cry. She hitches her legs up around his hips to pull him deeper into her, her hands search for his face. Sheldon takes advantage of the new position to hold her bottom and accelerate his rhythm. Amy breaths hard and writhes behind Sheldon’s body as her climax builds within her. When he understands she is close he catches her louder scream with a kiss. He stops moving his pelvis, but he keeps himself busy nuzzling and pecking her neck, still caressing that rear end of hers he adores. He even elicits a small laugh when he doesn’t realize he’s somehow tickling her with his hair. He has started to move into her again, but his thrusts are still sparse and slow. Amy is nibbling her lip and staring at him with a mischievous grin. “Would you like…?” She barely manages to say as Sheldon is nodding already. He kisses her cheek and quickly pulls out to roll to her side. She returns the kiss and takes her place straddling him. Sheldon’s stare is fixed on Amy. He relishes the pleasure of her slow rocking on him and the magnificent view he can have on her. From time to time he reaches for her breasts, or her hips, or just caresses her hands resting on his shoulders. Amy smiles when she hears him moaning or whispering her name, his eyes full of love. Soon she hastens. He can’t resist and grabs her backside to accompany her movements, arching his lower body. Amy lowers to kiss him a few times, and she doesn’t miss the satisfied grin on Sheldon’s face every time she rubs her breasts against his chest in her ministrations. He lets her a few more times until he just needs to fully feel her on him, and wraps his arms around her to keep her body pressed on his own. Her ride is more and more frenzied as she draws near a new orgasm; he is just as close. When she screams his name and her core tenses around him, this is enough to push him over the edge too. Sheldon continues to hold her, both panting and trying to retrieve a little energy. He brushes her hair and her back, listens to their hard breathing, and hopes her body can remain blended with his as long as possible. Amy hasn’t moved yet. With her eyes closed, she only enjoys his attentions. To be honest, she’s also surprised he hasn’t asked for them to clean themselves right away.  It’s an unusual feeling. “I wish this day would never end,” she proclaims.“I’m sorry dear,” Sheldon answers, “I’m afraid it’s after midnight already. May 12th is over.”Amy smiles, “Not strictly speaking,” she explains, “I mean today as a whole. It truly has been the perfect day. They say the day of your wedding is the best of your life and… it has been, for me.”“It has for me too,” he replies. He cups her face, and kisses softly. “I promise you I’ll try my best to give you as many perfect days as possible. Hopefully, every day is gonna be May 12th. Well, not literally…You know what I mean.” She moves from him and lies down to his side, offering him her back to be the little spoon. Sheldon joins her and kisses her cheek, “Good night, my lady wife,” he smirks against her face.“Good night, my lord husband,” Amy responds in kind.

                                   SEND  ME  A  TOPIC  TO  WRITE  A  META  ABOUT  MY  MUSE  ON  !

meme   ›   accepting  !

@alamiras  asked: topic : family. #notsorrybutsorry.

@acadamias  said:  talk  about  chris  and  his  relationship  with  mister  eyeball  chambers :////

                                    family  ---  the  chamberses  !

i  put  it  in  a  post  by  itself  because  i  knew  it  would  get  wordy,  &  i’ll  probably  want  to  reblog  it  in  the  future.

gods.  i’ve  spoken  on  &  off  about  chris’  relationship  with  his  family  (  1,  2,  3,  4,  5,  6,  7  just  to  start  ),  but  .  .  .  i  have  a  lot  to  say,  &  it’s  probably  going  to  be  very  ineloquent  &  roundabout.  i’ll  split  it  into  family  member  sections  because  it’s  ,,,,  probably  easier  that  way.  it’s   2,131  words,  i  think.  read  at  your  own  risk  :/  i’ll  have  refreshments  ready

JOSEPH  ‘JOE’  CHAMBERS  —  FATHER  !

‘  chris's  dad  was  always  on  a  ‘mean streak’,  more  or  less;  he  was  a  drunk  who  got  welfare  off  &  on – mostly  on –  & spent  most  of  his  time  hanging  out  in  sukey's  tavern  with  junior  merrill, ace  merrill's  old  man,  &  a  couple  of  other  local  rumpots.  chris  didn't  talk  much  about  his  dad, but  we  all  knew  he  hated  him  like  poison.  chris  was  marked  up  every  two  weeks  or  so,  bruises on  his  cheeks  &  neck  or  one  eye  swelled  up  &  as  colorful  as  a  sunset,  & once  he  came  into school  with  a  big  clumsy  bandage  on  the  back  of  his  head.  other  times  he  never  got  to  school at  all. [ .  .  .  ]  that  was  the  time  mr  chambers  put  chris  in  the  hospital  for  an  overnight  stay, when  his  dad  heard  chris  was  suspended,  he  broke  chris's  nose  & his  right  wrist.  ’

chris  ‘hating  his  dad  like  poison’  is  an  understatement ; joe  chambers  is  the  single  reason  chris  never  drinks (  won’t  even  take  one  sip  when  the  despain  kids  smuggle  in  some  beer  to  the  treehouse  ) —  chris  is  terrified  of  turning  into  his  dad.  he  knows  what  the  townspeople  think  of  his  dad,  &  he  agrees  ——–  fuckin’  rummy.  joe  is  abusive - physically & verbally -, &  doesn’t  actively  contribute  to  the  family.  when  he  is  receiving  welfare,  he’s  spending  most  of  it  on  alcohol  &  coming  home  at  two  in  the  morning,  looking  to  use  his  kids  or  his  wife  as  a  punching  bag.  off  topic,  but  it’s  no  surprise  that  ace  merrill  turns  out  the  exact  same  way  ( if  you  replace  alcohol  with  cocaine ),  seeing  as  joe  & junior  merrill  are  on  pretty  chummy  terms.  similarly,  if   castle  rock  tv  is  to  be  taken  as  canon  .  .  .  richard  ‘  eyeball  ’  chambers,  too.  abusive  addicts  who  are  wastes  of  oxygen,  & are  as  awful  as  the  town  they  hail  from.

everything  chris  does  in  life  is  a  direct  attempt  to  not  turn  out  like  his  father.  he’s  physically  affectionate  to  his  loved  ones,  he’s  encouraging  of  their  pursuits,  & he’s  smart  —-  eventually  going  so  far  as  to  actually  put  that  to  use.  hardworking,  determined,  ambitious,  &  looking  out  for  children,  chris  is  the  antithesis  of  joe.  unfortunately,  years  of  systematic  abuse  from  both  his  father  & the  other  townsfolk  have  really  sunk  their  claws  in,  & chris  spends  his  entire  life ( deep  down )  worried  that  something’s  going  to  go  wrong, &  he’s  still  going  to  turn  into  his  father.  it’s  always  there  in  the  back  of  his  mind,  sitting  in  the  pit  of  his  stomach,  & he  dies  still  afraid  he’s  going  to  turn  into  joe.  the  phrase  like  father,  like  son  makes  him  feel  sick  to  his  stomach.  he  can’t  stand  joe,  &  the  second  he’s  cut  from  chris’  life,  there’s  a  definite  weight  lifted  from  his  shoulders.

RUTH  CHAMBERS  —  MOTHER  !

‘  other  times  he  never  got  to  school  at  all.  his  mom  would  call  him in  sick  because  he  was  too  lamed  up  to  come  in. [ .  .  .  ]  his  mom  had  gone  off  to  lewiston  to  stay  with  her  sister,  the  way  she  almost always  did  when  mr  chambers  was  on  a  bender.  she  went  &  left eyeball  in  charge  of  the  younger  kids.  ’

don’t  let  chris’  reverence  for  his  mother  fool  you  ——-  ruth  chambers  is  a  neglectful,  emotionally  manipulative,  emotionally  abusive  woman  who  has  attempted  to  foster  within  chris  a  sense  of  co-dependency.  she  dotes  upon  him  as  much  as  a  narcissist  can,  using  chris  as  a  vessel  in  order  to  make  herself  feel  better.  she  has  absolutely  no  issue  in  abandoning  her  family  when  the  going  gets  a  little  too  tough  for  her,  but  she  won’t  let  pass  an  opportunity  to  make  herself  look  like  an  angel  in  chris’  eyes.  when  joe  sent  him  to  the  hospital  for  a  night  that  first  time,  ruth  made  sure  she  was  the  one  holding  his  hand  when  he  woke  up  the  next  morning,  his  broken  wrist  in  plaster.  she’s  the  one  who  calls  him  in  sick  to  school  -  partially  because  she  knows  someone  has  to,  but  mostly  because  she  wants  him  to  think  she  cares  enough  to  keep  him  home  to  recuperate  &  heal.

she’s  a  religious  woman,  &  even  though  chris  stopped  believing  in  god  a  long,  long  time  ago,  he  still  very  occasionally  accompanies  her  to  church  with  deb,  because  he  knows  how  much  that  means  to  her.  ruth,  in  all  her  gratefulness,  makes  sure  to  let  chris  know  about  the  things  that  god  considers  a  sin  (  homosexuality,  pridefulness,  sex  for  pleasure,  sex  before  marriage  .  .  . )  ——  all  things  that  screw  chris  up  during  his  teen  years,  & leave  him  very  confused  &  unsure  about  who  he  is  for  a  long  time.

he  thinks,  when  he  tells  her  he’s  going  to  college  in  portland,  &  she  stops  speaking  to  him  for  three  weeks  before  he  leaves,  that  that’s  the  worst  of  it.  ruth  gets  actively  upset  that  he’s  leaving  ;  she  sees  it  as  her  son  abandoning  her.  she  can’t  stand  the  thought  that  chris  has  chosen  himself  over  her.  he  struggles  with  her  lack  of  communication,  &  gets  upset  when  the  day  comes  for  him  to  leave  &  she’s  nowhere  to  be  found,  but  ruth  comes  around  eventually  &  they  talk  on  the  phone  about  once  a  week  or  so  (  more,  if  she  decides  to  call  him  ),  &  chris  thinks  things  are  back  to  normal.

it  takes  him  about  a  year  &  a  half  of  living  away  from  ruth  to  tell  her  his  biggest  secret  ———–  that  he’s  not  entirely  straight,  &  if  he  was  upset  by  her  reaction  to  him  moving  to  college,  it’s  nothing  compared  to  what  happens  when  he  breaks  this  news.  despite  having  said  i  love  you,  baby,  always  a  mere  two  sentences  earlier,  chris’  confession  is  met  with  thunderous  silence,  &  eventually  a  curt  ‘  well  then,  you’re  going  to  hell.  &  i  don’t  want  anything  to  do  with  you  any  more.  ’  a  few  choice  derogatory  slurs  later,  &  she  hangs  up  on  him.  when  the  reality  of  the  situation  hits  chris  about  two  weeks  later,  &  he  cries.  true  to  her  word,  they  never  speak  again.

but  despite  that,  chris  never  realises  ruth  isn’t  a  good  person.  he’s  so  used  to  physical  abuse  being  his  benchmark  for  what  constitutes  as  abuse,  that  he  never  considers  the  fact  that  his  mother  .  .  .  isn’t  the  angel  he’ll  always  think  she  is.  he  sees  their  relationship  as  normal,  as  loving,  &  is  wholeheartedly  convinced  ruth  loves  him  as  much  as  he  loves  her  -  even  if  her  religious  beliefs  don’t  leave  much  room  for  him  at  times.

FRANK  CHAMBERS  —  OLDEST  BROTHER  !

‘  [ frank  ],  the  eldest,  ran  away  from  home  when  he  was  seventeen,  joined  the  navy,  &  ended  up  doing  a  long  stretch  in  portsmouth  for rape  &  criminal  assault. [ .  .  .  ]  like  my  dad,  when  frank  got  thrown into  the  stockade  in  portsmouth.  that  was  when  he  started  always bein'  mad  at  us  other  kids  &  hitting  us  all  the  time.  ’

chris  was  six  when  frank  was  thrown  in  jail.  he  doesn’t  remember  much  about  his  brother,  but  he  doesn’t  particularly  want  to.  a  rapist  for  a  brother  -------  chris  doesn’t  want  that.  as  far  as  he’s  concerned,  frank  can  rot  in  portsmouth, &  that’s  more  than  he  deserves.  he  doesn’t  care  that  that’s  when  joe  starting  beating  on  his  family  -  that’s  joe’s  problem  -,  but  to  think  that  that  is  in  his  family  .  .  .  that  frank  is  what  chris  has  every  potential  to  be  .  .  .  that  people  see  frank  &  think  chris  is  going  to  go  the  same  way  .  .  .  it  makes  him  even  more  determined  to  prove  everyone  wrong.

RICHARD  ‘EYEBALL’  CHAMBERS  —  OLDER  BROTHER  !

‘  his  brother  eyeball  had  broken  his  arm  in  two  places  & had  left  his face  looking  like  a  canadian  sunrise.  they  had  to  set  the  elbow-break  with  a  steel  pin.  mrs  mcginn  from  down  the  road  saw  chris staggering  along  the  soft  shoulder,  bleeding  from  both  ears  & reading  a  richie  rich  comic  book.  ’

it’s  funny  .  .  .  chris  spends  his  entire  life  thinking  joe’s  the  one  he  should  be  most  afraid  of,  when  time  &  time  again  it’s  shown  that  richie’s  the  real  antagonist  in  his  story.  not  only  does  rich  break  chris’  arm  badly  enough  that  it  needs  surgery  & steel  pins,  he  does  it  because  he  & his  friends  were  sore  about  the  brower  situation.  i’ve  argued  before  that  richie  very  possibly  did  it  to  warn  chris  away  from  ever  saying  something  as  fucking  stupid  as  ‘ 'oh,  why  don't  you  go  home  &  fuck  your  mother  some  more?  i  hear  she  loves  the  way  you do  it. [  .  .  .  ]  i  heard  your mother  fucks  for  bucks  [  .  .  .  ]  in  fact,  i heard  she  throws  blowjobs  for  jukebox  nickels.  i heard -'  ’  to  someone  like  ace  merrill  (  &,  in  fact,  that’s  almost  what  gets  him  killed  )  .  .  .  some  kind  of  twisted  family  morals  thing,  perhaps.  doesn’t  want  to  see  his  little  brother  get  killed  by  his  best  friend  [ SIDE  NOTE:  SEE  HERE  FOR  AN  INTERESTING  EYEBALL  REACTION ! ].  but  there’s  also  the  argument  that  .  .  .  richie  is  just  like  joe,  just  like  frank  :  a  petty  abusive  drunk  who  has  no  issues  hitting  someone  far  younger  than  him  to  the  point  of  landing  them  in  hospital,  & who  almost  definitely  is  going  to  be  an  abusive  husband  to  a  woman  of  low  self-esteem  who  finds  herself  easy  pickings.  he’s  a  coward  just  like  ace  ------  they  pick  on  those  they  don’t  think  can  fight  back,  &  they  get  power  from  it.

chris  once  said  he  didn’t  hate  richie  ; once  thought  richie,  maybe,  could  be  saved.  that’s  long  gone  out  the  window, & chris  can  feel  it  in  his  bones  that  richie’s  going  to  go  the  same  way  as  frank  &  their  daddy.  richie’s  a  high  school  dropout  who  hangs  around  with  ace  getting  drunk  & picking  up  girls  with  loose  morals  &  legs.  

the  older  chris  gets,  the  more  he  realises  rich  is  too  far  gone,  & there’s  fuck-all  he  can  do  but  watch  his  brother  drown  in  the  life  he’s  made  for  himself.

SHELDON  &  EMERY  CHAMBERS  —  YOUNGER  BROTHERS  !

though  they  aren’t  twins  (  there’s  a  four  year  difference  between  sheldon  &  emery  ),  i’ve  put  them  together  because  chris  .  .  .  doesn’t  differentiate  much  between  them.  they  may  be  five  &  nine  respectively  ( when  chris  is  twelve,  at  least ),  but  he’s  already  certain  how  they’re  going  to  turn  out  ------  just  like  the  other  men  in  his  family.  they’re  rude,  aggressive,  & violent,  expecting  their  mother  to  spoil  them  &  then  throwing  fits  when  she  doesn’t.  they  also  gang  up  on  their  sister,  &  sheldon  &  chris  have  gotten  into  numerous  rows  before  because  of  their  closeness  in  age  &  difference  in  personality.

DEBORAH  CHAMBERS  —  BABY  SISTER  !

chris  loves  his  sister.  maybe  it’s  because  she’s  so  young  &  he  basically  acts  as  her  proxy  father,  or  maybe  it’s  because  she’s  the  only  other  woman  in  the  house  (  &,  consequently,  will  turn  out  exactly  like  her  mother,  emotional  manipulation  towards  chris  &  all ),  but  whatever  the  case,  he  fucking  adores  deb.  they’re  incredibly  close  -  particularly  as  they  both  grow  older  -,  &  she’s  about  seven  when  he  leaves  for  college.  same  as  with  his  mother,  chris  never  realises  the  abusive  tendencies  in  deb,  or  how  she,  too,  just  so  happens  to  dislike  anyone  he  dates  because  it  means  she  doesn’t  have  his  undivided  attention.  chris  loves  deb,  &  they  vaguely  stay  in  contact  when  possible,  even  after  ruth  cuts  off  contact  with  him.  the  contact  with  deb  is  changed  permanently  from  then  on,  though  ----  there’s  a  slight  coldness  to  the  way  she  talks  to  him,  as  if  blaming  him  for  something  that  isn’t  his  fault.  it  doesn’t  help  that  she  likes  to  hear  him  apologise  to  her,  either.

Division: Chapter 1

“As she turned to leave a sharp rattling sound above her head drew her attention. The tabby she-cat glanced up to watch the leaves on the maple tree twist and shudder fiercely in the wind. A small cluster was suddenly snatched off the tree, torn away by the wind. Fowl counted nine flaming red pieces as she watched them hurtle through the air, straight in the direction of the far-off mountains.” Read Chapter 1 of Division below, or check it out on Wattpad here!

Fowl opened her eyes slowly, head spinning with the remnants of her dream. Weak shafts of light shone between the rotting walls where she had built her nest. Her jaw split in a yawn as she recalled what she had witnessed seemingly moments ago. A group of four starlit cats had been gathered around the base of a glowing oak tree, their heads bowed together as they spoke quietly amongst themselves. But why had Fowl been there to witness this seemingly private conversation? The tabby she-cat shook her massive head, thick strands of fur billowing around her as she heaved herself to her paws. This wasn't the first time Fowl had dreamed of starry cats in unknown places- she was all too familiar with Starclan, a group of deceased ancient cats with strange powers and countless moons of knowledge. For reasons that had always been somewhat of a mystery to her, StarClan had been walking in her dreams since she was a mere kit, watching over her. Fowl reluctantly pushed herself out of the space she slept, pricking her ears and taking in her surroundings. She had made her home in an abandoned Tree-Nest; a small twoleg structure that gripped the trunk of a thick tree, suspended many fox-leaps off the ground. One corner of the Tree-Nest had a square shaped hole above ground, which Fowl was able to tuck into and protect herself from wind on the colder nights. The Tree-Nest itself was decently sheltered from the elements. It had only two large holes in it; one which was quite high up and far too small for a Twoleg to fit through, and another which was almost the height of the nest itself. Lost in her thoughts, Fowl picked her way across the soft floor, stretching her stiff limbs. She thought back to the dream; the hushed voices of the mystical cats sat heavy in her mind and she couldn't help but to wonder who they were. Something about them seemed to be incredibly important. She remembered them speaking of a curse, and her fur prickled along her spine. She let out an impatient hiss as she stepped outside, shaking her head to clear her mind of the dream all together. I've told them a thousand times. Fowl thought in annoyance. If they want to tell me something, tell me. No vague messages. Determined to push the dream out of her mind, Fowl quickly scrambled down to the base of the tree; hopping on the low hanging branches before landing with a dull thud on the soft forest floor. She raised her head and scented the air, hoping to catch an early morning meal after a long night of rest. Almost instantly the scent of a cardinal hit the roof of her mouth, and Fowl dropped into a hunter's crouch to follow its trail. She quickly spotted the little red bird a few pawsteps away and observed it for a moment, before springing and biting hard on its neck. The creature gave a loud screech before going silent. Fowl finished the bird in a few gulps before straightening up and wandering off, thoughts going back to the dream. No matter how hard she tried focusing on other things her mind kept flashing back to the four cats crouched together and speaking in anxious tones. It seemed as though they were saying something important, something that Fowl couldn't help but to think was something she needed to know. Lost in thought, Fowl didn't realize where she had wandered to until the strong scent of twolegs hit her nose. She quickly trotted over to a thick patch of bracken and dropped into a crouch, eyes narrowing as she observed the twoleg nest in front of her.

It sat in a secluded spot, with a thick growth of forest on three sides and a clearing in the front. By the stench Fowl knew that was where a small, dirt thunderpath was located. At the back of the nest a smooth path of stone was laid out, leading to a jumbled twoleg garden that was heavy with the scents of various herbs and flowers. An impressive maple tree had also taken root in the soft grass, resting between the back forest and the garden. It's shining red leaves glowed a fiery color in the early afternoon sun. Fowl watched the Twoleg nest for a bit, crouching low in her hiding place and enjoying the warmth of the thick sunlit air. Suddenly, with a loud clatter, the back door opened. Fowl caught only a glimpse of a long twoleg arm outstretched, holding the door open as two cats trotted out. One had dark fur with a white belly while the other was completely black, head to toe. Fowl let out a soft purr, seeing her two kittypet friends tread carefully out into the garden. Once both of them were outside the twoleg let the door close with a loud slam, causing Fowl's ears to twitch from the unpleasant noise. The tabby she-cat listened to the sound of the twoleg lumber away before letting out a soft hiss, attempting to alert the kittypets to her presence. They didn't seem to notice her; the black one was sniffing at the flowers in the garden before reading forward and chewing on a few leaves. The other was pawing about curiously, raising his muzzle to sniff the air. Fowl exhaled in annoyance that the kittypets hadn't noticed her presence. She pushed her way out of the undergrowth warily, eyes keeping a close watch on the twoleg nest. She didn't have a particular fear of the twolegs, as she knew some were harmless. But some she knew, were not. Fowl padded over to the black and white cat first, who didn't seem to notice her presence until her nose almost touched the tip of his tail. Upon seeing her shadow behind him he whipped around, ears plastered flat against his head and yellow eyes wide. His mouth was open and his white tipped paw was raised af if he intended to swipe at Fowl, before he realized he recognized the Loner and instantly relaxed. "Fox Dung!" He spat, forcing his fur to lie flat. "You should give a cat a warning before sneaking up on them like that!" "I did warn you, Whiskers." Fowl spoke politely. "And if your ears and nose weren't stuffed with twoleg scent you might've noticed me." Whiskers waved his paw dismissively, already over the excitement. His sister came bounding over at the disturbance, purring at the sight of the Loner. "Oh hello Fowl!" She mewed, bright green eyes sparkling. "It's nice to see you!" "Hello Flower." Fowl responded, moving to sit and drawing her fluffy tail over her paws. "You seem to be enjoying the nice weather." Her whiskers twitched as she smelled the scent of herbs oozing from Flower's dark pelt. "Oh yes." Flower responded, mimicking Fowl's position and sitting delicately in the grass. "I almost caught a bee in the garden! But I remember when Sheldon down the road got stung and his nose turned three times its size! So I left it alone." The three cats purred in amusement together for a moment. "So what brings you here?" Whiskers asked Fowl, before licking his paw and drawing it over his ears. Fowl hesitated at the question. She had known Whiskers and Flower for some time and in fact, had practically raised them. She was quite close with the kittypet siblings but she didn't particularly enjoy telling them about her dreams. They knew of Fowl's connection to StarClan but being the kittypets that they were, often dismissed her interactions with the starry Warriors as nothing more than an overactive imagination. Fowl admitted that had she not been meeting with the mystical cats since she was a kit herself, she most likely would dismiss their existence as well. A strong gust of wind buffeted Fowl's fur and she realized the two kittypets were staring at her, waiting for an answer. "Err..." Fowl meowed. "I had a strange dream." At once both of the kittypets shot each other glances, which Fowl knew meant they were preparing to dismiss her dreams before even hearing them. Fowl suppressed a sigh, digging her claws into the short grass beneath her paws. Can't you at least pretend to care? She thought in frustration. "Well..." Whisker meowed uncertainty. "What happened?" Fowl glanced between the two, wondering if she should even bother. She closed her eyes and inhaled before pouring out what she had witnessed; starting with the darkened cave before moving onto the mysterious conversation, and finally ending with the four cats disappearing into the moonlight.

Whiskers and Flower blinked at Fowl as she finished, neither looking as interested in what the dream could mean as Fowl felt. "Is..that all?" Flower asked gently, trying not to sound rude. "Yes." Fowl responded. "And I know it's not a lot but it was still so different than any of the other dreams I've shared with StarClan in the past. These cats seemed important- and whatever they were talking about seemed important." Both kittypets looked unimpressed as Fowl continued, desperately. "There was a curse!" She added on. "Surely that's a cause for concern?" Whiskers stood up, stretching casually. A small butterfly fluttered above his head and he glanced at it, distracted for a moment before responding. "I think you're just looking for things to stress over." Whiskers meowed in a relaxed tone, lazily turning his gaze back to Fowl. "You probably ate some bad prey before sleep- that's the real curse." Fowl gave a disappointed sigh. Of course Whiskers wasn't interested- he never was. "I'm sure you have nothing to worry about." Flower added on, shooting her brother a sharp look. "Your dreams have never led to anything bad before, right?" Fowl shrugged. Her relationship with StarClan may have never led to anything too serious, but she couldn't deny that it began out of tragedy. Another gust of wind blew, stronger than the last. Whiskers and Flower ducked their heads down and gave annoyed yowls as they were almost knocked off their paws. "This is no weather for us." Whiskers called over the rushing wind. "It's cold!" Flower whined. The two kittypets offered the Loner friendly mews of goodbye before dashing back to their twoleg nest, yowling to be let in. Fowl watched them sprint away, fluffing up her thick fur against the wind. As she turned to leave a sharp rattling sound above her head drew her attention. The tabby she-cat glanced up to watch the leaves on the maple tree twist and shudder fiercely in the wind. A small cluster was suddenly snatched off the tree, torn away by the wind. Fowl counted nine flaming red pieces as she watched them hurtle through the air, straight in the direction of the far-off mountains. She stared for a few moments more before ducking her head and running into the forest, hoping to find some shelter from the fierce wind among the thick trees. The ominous rumbling of thunder followed her as she sprinted back to the Tree-Nest, and Fowl found that she had a hard time getting the sight of the distant maple leaves out of her head. 

Jupiter’s Legacy: Matt Lanter on Becoming Skyfox

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Failing to win the Manhunt: The Search for America’s Most Gorgeous Male Model reality show competition in 2004 may have been the best thing that could have happened to Matt Lanter, because between that year and 2006 he had recurring or starring roles in the series Point Pleasant, Commander in Chief, Heroes, and Shark. Besides guest roles, he’d star in a number of films, voiced the character of Aquaman in a variety of animated productions from Warner Bros/DC Comics and was a series regular on the cult favorite Timeless.

All of that was eclipsed, however, by his voicing the character of Anakin Skywalker on the animated Star Wars: The Clone Wars, which he began doing in 2008 and continues to do periodically. Now he is taking on the role of George Hutchence, aka Skyfox, on Netflix’s Jupiter’s Legacy, which will elevate him even higher insofar as genre fans are concerned. That possibility, as well as his view of Hutchence as a character, are among the things discussed in the following exclusive interview. 

Who is Skyfox?

NAME: George Hutchence

ALTER EGO: Skyfox

POWERS AND ABILITIES: Flight; super strength; can survive a mile above Earth; uses engineering skills to create tech to use against villains

NEED TO KNOW: Another founding member of The Union and Sheldon’s former best friend before they had a falling out. Now considered the greatest supervillain in the world, George hasn’t been seen for years—his whereabouts and loyalties remain a mystery.

Den of Geek: What appealed to you about George?

Matt Lanter: I remember seeing a bit of Robert Downey, Jr. as Tony Stark in that character. I also kind of saw a little bit of flair, like a Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean. 

I also wanted a bit of Paul Newman, who’s one of my favorites. Paul Newman to me always looks like he has a secret just in every movie. If you go back and watch, you’ll see what I’m talking about. He just always feels like he has a secret and I really love that about him. I think it makes him interesting… It felt like I could be a part of something really huge that could be just loved by a lot of fans here in the next several years and just had a chance to be a part of an epic superhero show. Of course, to put on a superhero costume is not something that many of us get a chance to do. So, here I am.

This question would have come later, but I might as well ask it now since you brought it up. What is it like to be strutting around in a superhero costume?

It’s amazing…. but the stylization of our suits are a little different. They’re angular, a lot of straight lines versus kind of rounded pecs. But yeah, the suits are incredible. Lizz Wolf, the costume designer, did just an amazing job. There’s been so much thought and so much detail put into these suits. It’s really a wild thing to see and I think fans are really going to have a heyday with this because each costume has individual characteristics. The costumes have so much intricate detail in them. Every costume is made of different materials, different fabrics, different stitching… It’s a really cool thing so kudos to the design of the suits. They are the highest of quality… they definitely did not shortchange us in that area at all. 

You can’t ignore the fact that you put the thing on and you’re a superhero. It’s meant to accentuate the physique that we’ve already been training to build at the gym, and it’s very empowering. It’s just a really cool experience that I feel so honored to be doing.

How do you view George as a person? I know the show jumps in and out of the past and present, but how would you chart his evolution through the course of this first season?

The course of the first season is really different from the overall arc that we see in the graphic novels. We don’t hang with George very much in the “present day” of the first season [but] we see a lot of him during the origin.

George is such an interesting guy. He is sort of our Batman in a way. He’s kind of our Bruce Wayne. He’s this multimillionaire playboy. He appears to have everything. He’s great with women, he’s got tons of money in his pocket, he’s got everything in the world.

But I think very quickly, we see as an audience that George is very empty inside. I think he’s dealt with a lot of pain and loss in his life. I think because of that, George sees Sheldon [Sampson, the Utopian] and even maybe Walter [Sampson, Brainwave]  as his family. They were buddies growing up.  George’s loyalty is probably, I believe, one of his strongest assets. He’s a great friend and family member. So in an emotional respect, I think that Sheldon and Walter and the acceptance into the Sampson family is everything to George. 

I think it’s also fun to play him because everything is big and grand and a performance for George, because why not? What else does he have to do? There’s a lot of layers there and I love that he has fun and he’s sharp-tongued and quick-witted, but I think he feels deeply.

Given your success with The Clone Wars, you’ve had a taste of the scrutiny that fandom can put you under. Is that tough to cope with or have you gotten used to it at this point?

Well, it’s funny you’re asking that, because just a couple of days ago, I did a panel with my Clone Wars pals and I actually talked about the level of scrutiny I did not realize that came with the job when I had originally booked the job of Anakin, but that’s one of the things that I’ve enjoyed most. Mostly, I feel like it’s been positive from the fans on my portrayal of Anakin, so I’ve not really been hammered too hard, but there is a scrutiny there. I think, as long as you keep in check in your own head that scrutiny, whether it be positive or obviously negative, comes from a place of passion with the fans and it comes from a place of things wanting to be good. I mean, of course, you’re going to have a couple of trolls here and there for anything you might do.

But I think sci-fi audiences are really, really smart. I think they want good storytelling. They want characters with depth, so that’s going to come I think with whatever you’re doing. But I can tell you, this is a character driven show first and foremost, and it’s a relationship driven show and they happen to be superheroes with incredible powers. I think when your characters are there and your relationships are solid and established and you understand why people are doing what they’re doing, I think it really helps the story overall. 

This is such a great time for fans of superheroes, with the Justice League, Avengers, The Boys, and now, Jupiter’s Legacy, and they’re all so unique.

They are, and I think in a few years people are going to realize how big this actually is in terms of being the first show that’s opening up “Millarworld.” People are going to realize that it’s DC, Marvel, and Millarworld, and it’s exciting to be a part of that.How cool is it that I get to be the first guy to ever play George Hutchence, Skyfox? There’s so much to fanboy about. 

This show focuses on the relationship between the parents and their kids and the journeys they all go on.

Which is what makes this story so unique. We’ve seen the guy in the suit and he’s saving the world, but this multi-generational family dynamic is so interesting that Mark Millar has created. And it’s such a basic idea, in a way. What if Superman had a kid and he’s a jerk and can’t live up to being Superman? And the world Millar’s built has the kids of these six superheroes signing contracts with big companies like modern day influencers. 

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It’s just a wild, cool idea. It’s something that seems so grounded. I think I heard Mark say this, that these guys can have everything and they can do everything and everything’s perfect in their world if they want it to be, except for matters of the heart. It’s just an extra level of detail on these characters that I don’t think we’ve ever seen before in other shows or movies.

Jupiter’s Legacy premieres on Netflix on May 7. Read more about the series in our special edition magazine!

The post Jupiter’s Legacy: Matt Lanter on Becoming Skyfox appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3sTEqyv

The Book v2 Chapter 8

-the twins head to their Ultra Being class-

Chris walks there

*jeff’s already in his desk, playing with some water floating above it*

-Jolly Johnny and a beat up girl with tears in her eyes appear in front of the class-

Chris: zoey?

-Jolly Johnny turns to their teacher- "Hello there Mr. Taio. This girl here needs a favor from you."

Mr. Taio: Huh!? Who are you!?

"Zoey....McChevy...sir"

Mr. Taio: McChevy.... Related to Chris McChevy?

She nods

Mr. Taio: If you want me to release another spirit, you'd need to give me something in return.

Jolly Johnny: Life for a life?

"N-not him someone else"

Mr. Taio: That will do.

-Jolly Johnny uses Jeff's power to teleport Neon here-

Jolly Johnny: Hi brother.

Chris looks at the girls confused

Jea: What's happening? -she falls asleep-

-Jolly Johnny stabs Neon-

"Ok then"

-he takes out the knife then slits his throat-

-students in the class look horrified-

"WHAT THE HELL"

Jolly Johnny: there ya go.

"Could i see cyberblast please?..."

Mr. Taio: The Cyberclad who recently died? Sure.

"Yes"

-Cyber blast appears as a phantom-

"C-cy?...."

Cy: Zoey? -he looks at his hands- I actually died?

She nods

Cy: Have you told Cheenato and Kelly yet?

"T-they know"

Cy: How well are they taking it?

"V-very well actully..."

Jenifer: Anyone else extremely confused?

sorta

Chris: yes

*popcorn appears in his hand*

-Neon's body vanishes along with Jolly Johnny-

-Jea wakes up-

Mr. Taio: Do the two of you mind? I wish to return to my lesson.

Cy: Where are we Exactly?

keaton city

*pops over to him* i’m jeff

you are?

Cy: You live in Keaton City and you don't know who I am?

no

Jea: That's Cyber blast. One of Skull City's most famous heroes and that girl is Foxy Clockwork. His girlfriend and one of the members of his team.

Jea: They helped fight off the cyberclads years ago.

Jea: But... Why do you look like a ghost?

-she gets a worried look-

Cy: My jobs dangerous enough on it's own. That with the fact that I'm seen as a traitor to my own planet meant I had a high chance of being killed. Guess I couldn't beat the odds.

Jea: A cyberclad did this? There's still bad one's on this planet?

Cy: There's at least one thanks to that guy in the fucking bow tie. (Jolly Johnny)

-Mr. Taio looks at Jeff and Zoey with glowing white eyes-

Mr. Taio: Both of your souls are blinking. One of you will become the Divine Guardian of teleportation at some point.

Mr. Taio: At the moment. Jeff... You are in the lead.

"WHAT"

what?

-he turns back to Zoey- "It's either because he is better or because your other powers are getting in your way"

Mr. Taio: a Divine Guardian's soul is different from most. Their soul glows brightly. Both of yours are slowly fading between a normal soul and a Guardian soul.

"Cy can you teleport as a ghost"

well how do i become one?

Mr. Taio: He cannot. He can vanish, fly quickly, and phase through solid objects but he cannot teleport.

"I protect skull city and i will coutine to do that!"

Mr. Taio: No one truly knows all the rules of becoming a Devine Guardian. I'd suggest you prove that you have better mastered your ability than Zoey has

Mr. Taio: Once you prove you're the best, I'm sure you will become a Divine Guardian. Though to be honest there's nothing that special about it.

still seems awesome

so who are the divine guardians right now?

Mr. Taio: Depending on your power, it will either become easier to control or more powerful. Divine Guardians also reincarnate after death. Their memories are blank at first but slowly come back during adolescents and adult hood.

Mr. Taio: I only know of a few current Divine Guardians.

Mr. Taio: There's me, that guy who was just here, a criminal who's currently locked away at a SCOPE facility, Blue Rebel, and Shadow Walker.

Cy: I'm going back to check on the kids.

-he flies away-

Zoey goes with him

well i guess we got out ultra beings lesson for today. *smirks* you want me to clean up this blood?

Mr. Taio: What blood? [Neon's blood vanished along with his body]

ummm... o-kay...

-the dismissal bell rings-

Chris runs home

-he twins walk to their bus-

*jeff pops into the seat behind the twins* hey

Jenifer: Hey.

that was crazy

why does johnny always put you to sleep *looks at jea*

Jea: How should I know

Jenifer: It's for the best. She's far too innocent to have seen what he did.

Jea: I've seen him do many horrible things in the book.

Jenifer: Seeing him kill some random person in your book is different from seeing him killing his own brother with a knife.

Jea: WHAT!?

Jea: Neon? Noooo he was my favorite character!

Jenifer: Probably shouldn't have said that.

-the bus get to their stop-

-the girls walk to the house but see their dad's car parked out front-

Jenifer: He's home already?

Jenifer: I just realized. Dude, Jeff, you could totally build your own house will your ability. Hell, you could be rich dude.

Jea: Think of what that would do to the economy.

Jenifer: It's just one guy doing it. The economy will be fine

sounds like fun

what should we do first?

-Jenifer pulls up google maps on her phone- We'd need to find a place to build it.

Jea: He'd have to own the land to legally build a house there and we're not old enough to buy property

Jenifer: Shit, she's right

Jenifer: you think that Jolly Johnny guy could help us?

i doubt it but he might

-Jolly Johnny appears looking like a phantom- "What's in it for me?"

i don’t know. whatcha want? he said i might be the divine guardian; is there anything i can do for you when that happens?

Jolly Johnny: Nope. Hmm.... I'll do it and we'll just say that you owe me one. Both of you

Jenifer: So long as it doesn't get me arrested, sure.

ok

already ripped a girl’s heart out so sure

Jolly Johnny: Look at you stealing young girl's hearts like a true lady killer

*busts out laughing*

-Jea walks home-

so... where do you recommend johnny

-he points out a spot near the edge of the city. Its about 40 miles from Skull City while still on one of Keaton High School's bus routes

ok

what now?

Jolly Johnny: I'll go and buy the land. I'll get back to you when I'm done.

-he vanishes-

*looks at jenifer* you gonna help me build it?

Jenifer: What do you expect me to do?

Jenifer: Mr. Godly teleportation

you could help me design the layout

Jenifer: True

Jenifer: Alright.

-Jenifer walks into her house-

Mr. Kon: Hey sweetie, who was that guy you were talking to outside?

Jenifer: a friend from school. Mind if he comes in?

-Mr. Kon looks out the window and examines him- "sure."

-Jenifer walks out onto the porch- "Come on in."

ok *follows jenifer*

Jenifer: Him and... His god father are having a new house built and he asked me to help designing it.

Mr. Kon: Oh cool. A buddy of mine is an architect. I could give him a call if you want.

thanks, but we’re doing it as kind of a family project

Mr. Kon: oh, okay.

Jenifer: Hey dad. How come you're home so early?

Mr. Kon: Day off.

Jenifer: Oh. Okay. -she turns to Jeff- ready to get started?

sure

-the next day-

-saturday-

Jolly Johnny: the land is all yours kid.

awesome!

where would you recommend for me to get the resources?

Jolly Johnny: Sheldon Forest is full of pre-chopped lumber. Some Ultra being goes there whenever he's upset and kills off trees left and right.

that’s no fun

i could just steal a house

or pieces of some and fuse them together

Jolly Johnny: You could do that too I suppose.

Jenifer: What about SCOPE? Surely they'd notice.

Jolly Johnny: SCOPE's anti-teleportation devices are handy but I doubt they'd be much use against Jeff.

Jolly Johnny: Anyways, I'll leave the building to you guys. I own this place but as far as I'm concerned, its all yours.

this is gonna be fun... thanks johnny

Jolly Johnny: No problem. -he walks off-

so... what’s first jenny?

Jenifer: Game room.

oh yeah!

you know... since ur helping, this’ll be ur place, too.

Jenifer: In that case, I'd like my room to have a view of the back yard where we could have a pool.

Jenifer: I guess I could come here during nights that my dad is out late.

if you want, you can just tell him you’re going to bed and then signal me somehow. then i could teleport ya up here

I guess that could work.

Jenifer: *

just call me whenever you have time to come up here

Jenifer: Alright.

-looking at what's already been completed- "This place'll be great for parties."

Jenifer: Best part is, no neighbors.

hell yeah!

-Jea calls Jenifer-

oh i got an idea

Jenifer: Hello? Hold that thought.

-she puts Jea on Speaker-

Jenifer: What were you saying Jeff?

Jea: You're with Jeff? Where are you guys?

i can shift this hill around a bit and make it steeper and we can get one of those infinity pools that looks like it goes forever

Jenifer: Were working on his new house.

yeah she’s with me. why, is that bad?

Jea: It's not bad. I just don't trust you.

oh... thanks. that makes me feel good. *smiles*

Jenifer: He's not gonna kill me or anything Jea. Relax.

Jea: Just keep your guard up

-Jea sends her a text reading "he likes you"-

-Jenifer returns a text saying- "he knows I'm into girls"

Jea [aloud]: does he?

do i what?

-Jea hangs up in a mini panic-

-Jenifer shows him her phone-

what, know you’re into girls? no i didn’t know that. thanks for informing me, i guess?

Jenifer: I've said it before

i don’t pay attention

anyway, about the pool idea

Jenifer: Sounds like a plan to me

nice

you might wanna stand back a bit. this is probably gonna cause a small earthquake!

-she hops up onto a branch of a nearby tree-

"Seems strong enough"

*puts his hands out and begins to concentrate. the hill begins to lose pieces, and then those pieces reform into a cliff, extending the hill about 100 feet, then dropping off*

nice. now we got more room to build.

Chris scratches on jea's door

-jea opens her door-

Jenifer: Sweet

Jea: Hey there Chris

jenny, you can get down now. we should make secret passages through the house that i can use when in snake form

-she picks him up-

Jenifer: Dude, that could lead to some great prankd

Pranks*

He licks her face

Jenifer: We could pretend to have a snake problem if we had any guests over and you could freak them out

Jea: What's with you and licking faces? -she laughs-

*there is a knock on the door*

ok so what else should we add. we got a game room, three bedrooms with bathrooms, a kitchen and a living room.

-Jea goes to answer it-

Jenifer: Mini gym?

Jenifer: I usually don't work out but we could have it just cause

A man pushes her aside and looks for Chris the man grabs him and runs out

sure

Jea: DADDY!

-Mr. Kon comes out of his room and runs after him-

Mr. Kon: HEY! THAT'S NOT YOUR DOG!

-Jea calls Jenifer-

-jenifer answers-

"hello?"

Jea: Some guy stormed into the house, pushed me, and grabbed Chris!

Jea: Dad's chasing him right now.

what’s wrong?

Jenifer: Some asshole pushed my sister and is trying to dog nap Chris

Jenifer: I need you to teleport me home.

oh shit. hold on... *grabs jenifers arm and they both teleport back to jenifers house*

-she looks around. When she spots her father she runs after him-

The man throws a knife at him

*jeff teleports in front of the attacker* boi put my friend down

He pushes him

-the knife barely scratches Mr. Kon's face-

Mr. Kon: the hell?

*teleports chris into jenifers arms and teleports the guy into the sky above jeff*

*jeff teleports up there too and they both just sit there*

excuse me sir

why did you take that dog?

Jenifer [shouting]: Thanks!

He shoots jeff and mr. kon

-she walks back home petting Chris-

Jea: DAD!

*jeff teleports the bullets away*

sir that’s not nice

-Jenifer turns her head-

Chris whimpers

-she looks back at Jea-

you see, if you hurt me, i stop keeping you here

Jenifer: Why'd you shout?

and you fall to your death

Jea: That guy shot at him.

He teleports down and shoots mr. Kon

"That dog is a person and beat up my family"

who are you

"Sam"

sam who?

chris wouldn’t hurt a fly so why would i believe you?

*teleports chris up there with them* chris who is this guy?

"You don't know his past"

Jenifer: 😐😑😐

"A friend from school"

why is he saying you hurt him?

ok well should i put him down or kill him? because he’s annoying the shit out of me

"Put him down"

*looks at sam* are you gonna try to shoot anyone else? if you do i will remove your kidneys and put them where your eyes go.

"O-o"

you can ask chris... that’s not a joke

so are you gonna refrain from shooting at people?

"Yes....."

ok... *they all appear back on the ground*

guys... this is sam

he said he won’t shoot anyone

He runs off

should i bring him back?

or kill him?

Jenifer: I say kill him

Jea: NO KILLING!

what do you say, mr. kon?

Mr.Kon: I don't support murder

ok

i guess i’m not killing him

*whispers to jenifer* yet

Mr. Kon: but you can bring him back though.

*sam appears in front of them*

sam stop running bro

eh i kinda wanna leave. *a metal cage appears in front of the house and sam gets teleported inside*

there ya go

jenifer wanna go back to working on the house?

Jenifer: Sure.

aight *grabs jenifers hand and they teleport back to the hill*

*a gym appears along with an infinity pool* what now?

Jenifer: Now, I guess we're done. Until we want to add more at least

noice, we have our own house now

Chris sleeps in jea's door way

-Mr. Kon texts Jenifer-

Jenifer: Gotta head home.

-Jea picks Chris up and brings him inside so she can close the door-

He groans

-she lays him down beside her bed before going to sleep-

ok. *teleports jenifer home and goes inside the newly constructed house*

He climbs on the end of the bed and sleeps

-the next day, Sunday-

Chris sleeps in

*jeff pops to the front door of the house and knocks on it*

-Jea opens it "Jenny, it's for you."

well, can i come in?

Jea: Oh yeah. Sorry, thought that was implied.

Jea: If I'm being honest, it's kinda strange hearing you ask permission to enter when you'd pop into my room unannounced.

i have some morals... jeez.

Chris groans

Jea: says the guy who literally stole a heart and put it in a girl's shirt.

that’s why i said some... duh... *walks inside*

He falls jea's bed

Jea: What was that thud?

Jenifer: Came from your room. Hey Jeff.

sup

-Jea goes to her room to see what she heard-

Chris groans in pain

Jea: Was that you Chris?

"Ya"

jenny, wanna head up to the store so we can pick out some shit for the game room?

Jenifer: Sure

*grabs her hand and they both vanish, appearing at a furniture store*

Jenifer: Follow me. The best games are in the back.

ok

*follows behind jenifer* we need a really big tv and some awesome chairs!

Jenifer: Indoor theatre?

i think we should go with that but also get a few flat screens

Chris calls jenny

-she answers-

Jenifer: Hello?

"Could i help design?"

Jenifer: Help design what?

Jenifer: Did you mean Jeff's house by any chance?

5 Sucky Things That Suck On Purpose

This may come as a surprise, but I like it when things don’t suck. In fact, I would say that I devote 80 percent of my efforts toward avoiding suckage. Sadly, though, I can’t control the actions of others, and I won’t ever be able to until The Device is perfected. But until then, some people make shitty things, and the rest of us have to deal with it. And while we can comfort ourselves with the knowledge that everyone makes mistakes as we eat a pizza which inexplicably arrived topped with double olives and pineapple, there’s no solace in the knowledge that some people do shitty things entirely on purpose. On that note, here are five terrible things which people made fully knowing that they’d be terrible.

5

The Google Glass Battery

If you were sober or literate in 2013 and 2014, you may have had to endure the deluge of tech profiles and extremely not-boring thinkpieces on Google Glass. If you could not in fact read or legally drive in 2013 and 2014, Google Glass was basically Google’s answer to the question “What’s a super expensive piece of shit I can intrusively wear on my face which will obscure my vision and make anyone around me fearful that I’m videotaping them like some kind of creeper?” You know, a question that we’ve all asked.

While most of us immediately dismissed Glass as being about as appealing as a herpes scab parfait, there were naturally a few fans who couldn’t wait to be the dollar store version of Geordi LaForge. But even amongst those die-hard tech fluffers, there was a clear issue: Glass had a battery that sucked like a leech in the coldest recesses of the vacuum of space.

The battery life of Google Glass clocked in at around 45 minutes, meaning that you had just enough time to stream yourself watching one episode of Young Sheldon and then crying about it afterwards before it shut off. Google tried to explain this away as an intentional design feature that was actually beneficial and not an example of a battery assembled by a one-eyed guy in an flea market who smells like cats.

According to Google, your cellphone is just a dangerous espionage device constantly listening to you from your pants pocket and maybe sending all that sweet, sweet pants gossip back to Samsung or the Kingsmen or whoever the fuck cares what you’re doing. So in an effort to heroically protect you from filthy spies, Google intentionally made a shitty battery so that the New World Order agents will only be able to watch half of your masturbation session before they’re left hanging. Suck it, dickholes! You’ll never know how this one ends!*

*Hastily, with a climactic yawp.

4

Low-Quality Viral Commercials

In 2011, the internet was blessed with one of the worst commercials for a taxidermy business that anyone had ever seen. I say this not as a connoisseur of taxidermy ads, but as a logical human being. Also, do taxidermy places really need commercials? What more needs to be said, other than “Hey! Do you like wolves, but hate the bitey, movey kinds?”

This commercial for Ojai Valley Taxidermy featured the one-two punch of Chuck Testa’s taxidermy skill and acting, and made us all fall in love with the stuffed corpse of a coyote and the overall awfulness of the entire experience. It was poorly made, clearly cheap, and its only redeeming quality was that all of the badness made it charming as hell. Chuck Testa became an internet hero. And it was all bullshit.

Testa is just one of many viral commercial stars made famous for being in videos often shared as “the worst commercial I’ve ever seen.” One commercial for a mall from 2014 featured employees singing a jingle that sounded like a cross between 3 a.m. barf-in-your-own-shoe-drunk karaoke and a cat stuck in a well. It sucked large, and people went nuts about it.

For a local business trying to drum up some attention, you have two options: Legitimately make a forgettable, boring, low-budget commercial which blandly explains whatever you’re trying to sell, or roll the dice on potentially going viral by making an abomination. Create such an abysmal crime against advertising that the sun refuses to shine when the video is playing and birds immediately stop singing and synchronize-shit on your car. Make it so bad that everyone immediately shares it with everyone they know. And then your craptastic commercial becomes an internet sensation.

They say people are ten times as likely to share a bad experience with a business than a good one. People like to complain more than they like to praise, probably because if something goes right, it fits in with your expectations and is therefore unremarkable. It’s only when things go wrong that you get worked up and make a stink over it. So when you see a commercial that damn near offends you with its utter fuckshittery, you’ll share that monstrosity with everyone. And that’s exactly what they want.

3

Web Brutalism

When I first got the internet in my house as a kid, we got a state-of-the-art, badass, lightning-fast 56k modem. I could download an MP3 in like ten minutes, and sometimes an entire dirty picture would load up before something went buggy and the poor woman was cut off at the knees. And seven out of every ten websites looked like a low-res My Little Pony pony ralphed cotton candy and Four Loko across a small-town church bulletin board.

As time passed, we all grew up and became better people with better websites. Dancing baby GIFs gave way to interstitial ads and Flash videos. Designs that looked like they were made by a guy with vinegar in his eyes working in the dark faded away, and sleek, professionally designed mega porn sites took their place. It was a great time to be alive. Or so we thought, because I guess people got sick of things that don’t look like shit and Web Brutalism was born.

If the terribly cheesy name didn’t give it away, Web Brutalism is a kind of artsy shitsy internet aesthetic. You purposefully make your website look like the south end of a northbound horse. Ugly, disorganized graphics, shockingly off-putting colors, a veritable dumpster of design techniques shat out onto a screen — if your site doesn’t look a fourth-grader’s glue and cardboard collage, you’ve failed.

A classically bad website was designed on Angelfire by your aunt who collects figurines of Jesus playing sports when she wanted to do something to commemorate her love of beat poetry. Some links were unclickable, images didn’t quite line up right, and it had charm in the same way your macaroni artwork had charm to your mom, who never told you that it looked like shit because she loved you. By the way, your macaroni art looked like shit. It’s cool, though, mine looked like the shit that shit takes after eating shit sandwiches. And somehow, someone decided a forced version of that was a good idea.

Web Brutalism seeks to make a website harder to navigate and uglier to look at than a fine, upstanding site, like the one you’re currently enjoying. Why? The answer is best summed up in this quote I heard from a guy in a bar once: “Fuckin’ because.”

2

Bioware’s Female Designs

Back in the day when I had an NES, there were basically two female characters you could name across the spectrum of video game characters: Princesses Peach and Zelda, and I don’t even think Zelda was actually in her game. But I did beat Super Mario Bros. 2, and Peach helped a brother out on that one, so yeah, you could say I’m like a video game feminist or some such. Which is why Bioware’s curious history with female characters is such a headscratcher.

Bioware makes some pretty impressive-looking games, like Mass Effect, and the character designs are amazing. There is a definite problem with some of them, though, insofar as that amazingness is in how straight up nuts-on-a-donkey ugly they are.

When Mass Effect: Andromeda was released, fans were quick to notice that the male version of the player character, Ryder, looks super badass and cool and almost exactly like the male model who lent his likeness to the game designers. The female version of Ryder looks like the model if you rolled her in a sack of sadness and didn’t let her sleep for four days while feeding her a straight diet of CHUD.

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So why, if you have the ability to render characters in a way that makes them look like not vaguely emotive ballsacks, would you make your character look like a vaguely emotive ballsack? This one requires a bit of creative tinkering in the ol’ thinky bag, but it does make sense. Female characters in gaming, as you may be aware, have a bit of a lackluster history in terms of realistic representation. After Princess Peach, the next big name in lady characters was Lara Croft, who was at first presented as polygonal boobs on blocks, and then later as well-vectored boobs on well-vectored short pants. And thus began a tradition of most video game women being little more than boobs and confusion. So maybe Bioware makes their female characters less appealing on purpose so as to not be considered sexist or douchey.

Bioware has never come out and said they’ve made purposefully ugly characters. They have acknowledged abhorrent animation issues and terrible facial expressions which they set to work on fixing, but fans were all pretty convinced that there had to be more behind the distractingly objectionable visages of the female characters. As noted gamer nerd and feminist Lisa Kerzner argues in her video, it looks an awful lot like Bioware put considerable effort into downplaying the character’s face to make her more of an ugmo hero type (but just in the face), while trying to pawn it off as a technical limitation. Despite the fact that numerous other games can feature women who don’t look like victims of barnyard mad science, including a lot of Bioware’s previous games.

Unfortunately, dealing with matters of sex, sexism, and gender in video games is like opening a bag of cat shit lined with explosive squibs right in your damn face. If you recall anything to do with Gamergate, you know this is ground no one wants to tread on, so you almost can’t blame Bioware for not saying jack shit about it, as you don’t want to feed any trolls. But at the same time, when it’s obvious that they can make a nearly identical male character, there’s clearly a reason they’re not putting that same kind of effort into their females.

1

Scam Email Grammar

Usually when I send emails, I spell the multi-syllable words incorrectly and use grammar that’s about as fucked as a friction-burnt Fleshlight. But that’s my own bugaboo to deal with, and has little-to-no bearing on the world of scam email.

The odds of you having never received a Nigerian scam email are slimmer than Slender Man’s weird dick, which I’ll tell you about sometime if you buy me a few beers. But for the sake of the kids in the audience who are reading this on the wall I inscribe all my articles on and have never received email before, a Nigerian scam email is a poorly worded piece of fuckery that shows up in your inbox claiming to be from some African prince who has millions of dollars tied up in banks overseas, and if you could just help pay some transfer fees, you can keep a buttload of it!

Typically, these emails use terrible grammar and atrocious spelling, not because the person sending you the email is a blithering idiot, but because they need you to be so gullible that you believe a Wakandan prince personally sent you a one-way ticket to being a millionaire, and he typed the message with a greasy turkey leg in his hand while riding a homemade roller coaster.

Most of us can identify a scam email right away. Another subsection of people will be suspicious but interested. And an even smaller division will write back to test the waters. The scammers want nothing to do with any of those people. They want the person who immediately responds with their bank account number in the signature line, because they only want to deal with people who may have mistaken a ham bone for Tony Danza more than once in their lives. So don’t be too proud if you recognize right away that someone sent you a weak as shit attempt at ripping you off; they just didn’t want you to waste their time.

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Haha soz

so looks like I haven’t done an update since Barcelona, which was about 15 months ago.. 

A shit tonne has actually happened since that trip, I will endeavour to give as much detail as possible, but I make no promises.

Here we go:

Olivia and I flew into Paris and spent the first day exploring Paris, which was amazing. We did the Eiffel Tower, ate pastries and of course, went and got macarons from Laduree. We lasted 2 days before we finally exploded and it resulted in me packing my bags and flying back to Edinburgh. Olivia ended up doing the rest of the trip by herself, which probably wasn’t terrible. She really enjoyed being able to do her own thing. 

Edinburgh was a bit lame in those 2 weeks as Tristan was away on an army camp and Anna was away as well. I spent my days cooped up in Anna’s flat trying not to spend any money before jetting off to DC. I managed to kill a week (even though it felt like forever) and I finally hopped on the plane down the London before boarding another flight to DC where I did a layover in Iceland. It was a long, painful flight and I was so jet-lagged when I finally arrived into Baltimore Airport where Connor picked me up. Seeing him again was magical, I didn’t realise how much I missed him. We headed back to his place and I was trying so hard not to fall asleep. I felt awful because all I wanted to do was chat and sing and just enjoy being with Connor. We finally get back to his place and head out in search of food. I almost fell asleep eating my food, so we headed back to his place and I crashed around 10pm and Connor headed out to mates place in another apartment for a bit so I could get some rest. 

The next few days he showed me around DC and we visited the monuments which we beautiful. I would love to go back some day and do it all again. DC was my favourite state in America (so far). After a few days with Connor, I jumped on a bus up to Philadelphia to visit Aunty Liz and Uncle Arthur for a week. It was amazing to see them again, and see their house and see what their lives are like. They live in a really nice, quant suburban area of Philly where they are surrounded by woodlands and little coffee shops. Their house was beautiful and it was great to catch up with William and Alex as well. After spending a week with Liz and Arthur, I jumped on another bus up to the next state; NEW YORK!

So wow. New York was next level! Connor and I were staying at a hostel on the edge of Central Park, it was alright.. I’ve stayed in better places, but for the price of it, we couldn’t complain. We spent our first day walking from our hostel (north west central park) through central park and down in the centre of Manhattan to walk through Broadway and experience the real New York. One of the nights that we were there, we even went to a Broadway show - MISERY. One of my favourite books by Stephen King. The main character - Paul Sheldon, was played by Bruce Willis which was pretty cool to see him doing some live play acting. It was such a great night! The next day Connor and I walked across the Brooklyn Bridge and explored the back streets of Brooklyn. After quite awhile, we finally came across the hipster area of Brooklyn which was so cool (I did not feel cool enough to hang out there). It was full of guys with beards and top buns. It was surreal. I would have bought all the clothes if it weren’t for the fact that everything costed ridiculous amounts of money. That day was a lot of weeping, whining and window shopping.

From New York, Connor and I headed back down to Philly together to spend Christmas with Liz, Arthur and Alex (William was in the Canary Islands with his boyfriend). It was the most incredible few days, they loved Connor and Connor loved them. We all got drunk together on many occasions and spent our days playing board games and setting up the house for Christmas Day. After Xmas, Connor and I headed back down to DC for New Years where we ended up just spending it in his apartment getting drunk, dancing, and making ridiculous videos of ourselves! We spent the next few days just chilling, teaching ourselves to play guitar and eating amazing food. We rented a car and drove to West Virginia and it was the best road trip possibly ever. We sang and sang and sang. We stopped off at Shenandoah National Park and explored that for a bit. We eventually made it to Connors flat mates house, whose family we were visiting as there was a massive post christmas party taking place down the road. Holy shitting christ - this was probably one of the most surreal experiences of my life (other than the caving in Budapest). The house party we ended up going to was a lot of family friends gathering together in the massive, white estate looking house in the middle of bumfuck nowhere in Virginia. The wives were all perfect and the husbands.. well they weren’t so perfect. It was almost like stepping in the movie, The Stepford Wives. The children were perfection, we all got high, and they all sat around and sang beautiful songs and played instruments. Connor and I just sat back and enjoyed. It doesn’t sound like much, but you needed to be there to experience it. For them it was so normal, but my god, yeah surreal..

We headed back to DC the next day and headed onto our next destination, Boston. Now, I can’t really say much for Boston. Maybe it was because it was our last state on the trip, or because it was fucking freezing, I don’t know. But neither of us loved it. We visited Harvard whilst we were there and it was pretty underwhelming. I can’t even recall what else we did there - we did stumble upon this cool comic book store. But that’s basically it. (I couldn’t even tell you how long we were there).

I flew home after Boston, and the first thing I did when I landed was call Anna and tell her I was craving Wings, and then I texted Tristan and told him the same thing. 1 hour later and I found myself sitting in Wings with my two favourite people, in my favourite cafe, in my favourite city in the world. I couldn’t have been happier. It was great to catch up with them and just seeing their faces again were great. I hadn’t seen either of them in 6 weeks. It was great to see Tristan again and know that we could be apart for 6 weeks and still have the flame. Especially because we had only been seeing each other for 3 weeks when I made the decision to stay in Edinburgh for a further 6 months. 

Tris and I had booked an AirBnB for my return as we wanted to spend some time together and celebrate our own little Christmas. We rented it up near Toll Cross really close to where Charlie was living. It was a really cute little apartment. I had gotten Tris a mug from the Friends store and he got me a copy of Child44 - my favourite book at the time. It was a lovely weekend with him.

I got a job pretty quickly at JLT - an occupational pension administrator company. It was lame as hell, but it paid the bills - well until Tristans mum asked me to move in with them about 4 months into Tris and I dating. I said yes and I was suddenly living cost free - which was great as Tristan had decided to come back to New Zealand with me in June. Not a lot happened in my last 6 months of living in Edinburgh. It was a pretty mundane lifestyle as Tristan and I were frantically saving for New Zealand and I worked a VERY mundane job. I saw the girls as much as possible, but after moving out to Dalmeny, it was pretty hard to see them most days. It was mainly in the weekends. I miss them all so damn much.

Tristan and I came back in NZ in June 2016, and we spent 2 months adventuring around the North Island and spending time with Mum and Nigel and then Dad and Drew. Tris had planned to only spend 2 months here as he needed to get back to Scotland for Uni and Army. I was OK with that at the time, and I am certainly OK with it now. I think I always knew that I didn’t see Tristan as a long term partner. Which is a shame - because I know that he saw me that way. I broke up with him about a week after he left. I realised that I didn’t miss him as much as I should have. Every time he called me, it felt like a chore to have to answer the phone and chat to him. So that was the end of that..

I got a job pretty quickly, working at Fisher Funds for a month covering a guy called Matt who was heading to America to visit his mum who was sick. The job was a crappy job, but I ended up making an incredible couple of friend through the job. Mainly - Helen. Helen has become one of my closest friends in Auckland and I don’t know what I would do without her. She is currently 6 months pregnant and I cannot wait to be ‘Aunty Elle’ and she has named me. I utterly adore her <3. Another couple of friends I have made from Fishers is Sarah and Matt. Both incredible and I love hanging out with all of them.

I last at Fishers for a few weeks but ended up resigning as there ended up being a bit of a complication as I outted them accidentally to the recruitment agency that Fishers was lying to them and avoiding paying recruitment fees.. so post that, there ended up being some bullying and I wasn’t going to stand for it, so I was OUT. I moved to Perpetual Guardian, which really wasn’t any better. It was a total bore - it was working in Wills, EPA’s and Trusts which could not have been more boring if i’d tried. Whilst working there, I got a call from Nuala from Hudson tell me about this new job at Network for Learning where I would be Admin/Receptionist in this really awesome tech company in Parnell. Well, you shoulda seen my face when I was offered the job after an interview the week before. I couldn’t have got out of Perpetual Guardian fast enough.

So,

Since June last year, Tristan and I ventured around the North Island together for 2 months, then I broke up with him a week after he left because I realised I didn’t love him anymore. I have jumped between 3 jobs since being back. I moved into Glen Innes/St Johns with Dad and Drew since being and home, and hopefully we will be moving again soon. Mum and Nigel live in Te Aroha and Olivia is killing it at The Raw Kitchen. Nothing overly noteworthy has happened over the past 10 months other than I now work at N4L which I love, living at home still, and am currently ‘seeing’ someone who I think is pretty damn cool. Hope he sticks around when he finds out how much of a weirdo I am.

Oh on a kinda exciting note: I have flights booked to Japan in August for a 20 days solo trip. Also, heading down to Dunedin/Wanaka for 6 days next week. Hopefully after that I will have some interesting things to talk about.

Ciao.

5 Sucky Things That Suck On Purpose

This may come as a surprise, but I like it when things don’t suck. In fact, I would say that I devote 80 percent of my efforts toward avoiding suckage. Sadly, though, I can’t control the actions of others, and I won’t ever be able to until The Device is perfected. But until then, some people make shitty things, and the rest of us have to deal with it. And while we can comfort ourselves with the knowledge that everyone makes mistakes as we eat a pizza which inexplicably arrived topped with double olives and pineapple, there’s no solace in the knowledge that some people do shitty things entirely on purpose. On that note, here are five terrible things which people made fully knowing that they’d be terrible.

5

The Google Glass Battery

If you were sober or literate in 2013 and 2014, you may have had to endure the deluge of tech profiles and extremely not-boring thinkpieces on Google Glass. If you could not in fact read or legally drive in 2013 and 2014, Google Glass was basically Google’s answer to the question “What’s a super expensive piece of shit I can intrusively wear on my face which will obscure my vision and make anyone around me fearful that I’m videotaping them like some kind of creeper?” You know, a question that we’ve all asked.

While most of us immediately dismissed Glass as being about as appealing as a herpes scab parfait, there were naturally a few fans who couldn’t wait to be the dollar store version of Geordi LaForge. But even amongst those die-hard tech fluffers, there was a clear issue: Glass had a battery that sucked like a leech in the coldest recesses of the vacuum of space.

The battery life of Google Glass clocked in at around 45 minutes, meaning that you had just enough time to stream yourself watching one episode of Young Sheldon and then crying about it afterwards before it shut off. Google tried to explain this away as an intentional design feature that was actually beneficial and not an example of a battery assembled by a one-eyed guy in an flea market who smells like cats.

According to Google, your cellphone is just a dangerous espionage device constantly listening to you from your pants pocket and maybe sending all that sweet, sweet pants gossip back to Samsung or the Kingsmen or whoever the fuck cares what you’re doing. So in an effort to heroically protect you from filthy spies, Google intentionally made a shitty battery so that the New World Order agents will only be able to watch half of your masturbation session before they’re left hanging. Suck it, dickholes! You’ll never know how this one ends!*

*Hastily, with a climactic yawp.

4

Low-Quality Viral Commercials

In 2011, the internet was blessed with one of the worst commercials for a taxidermy business that anyone had ever seen. I say this not as a connoisseur of taxidermy ads, but as a logical human being. Also, do taxidermy places really need commercials? What more needs to be said, other than “Hey! Do you like wolves, but hate the bitey, movey kinds?”

This commercial for Ojai Valley Taxidermy featured the one-two punch of Chuck Testa’s taxidermy skill and acting, and made us all fall in love with the stuffed corpse of a coyote and the overall awfulness of the entire experience. It was poorly made, clearly cheap, and its only redeeming quality was that all of the badness made it charming as hell. Chuck Testa became an internet hero. And it was all bullshit.

Testa is just one of many viral commercial stars made famous for being in videos often shared as “the worst commercial I’ve ever seen.” One commercial for a mall from 2014 featured employees singing a jingle that sounded like a cross between 3 a.m. barf-in-your-own-shoe-drunk karaoke and a cat stuck in a well. It sucked large, and people went nuts about it.

For a local business trying to drum up some attention, you have two options: Legitimately make a forgettable, boring, low-budget commercial which blandly explains whatever you’re trying to sell, or roll the dice on potentially going viral by making an abomination. Create such an abysmal crime against advertising that the sun refuses to shine when the video is playing and birds immediately stop singing and synchronize-shit on your car. Make it so bad that everyone immediately shares it with everyone they know. And then your craptastic commercial becomes an internet sensation.

They say people are ten times as likely to share a bad experience with a business than a good one. People like to complain more than they like to praise, probably because if something goes right, it fits in with your expectations and is therefore unremarkable. It’s only when things go wrong that you get worked up and make a stink over it. So when you see a commercial that damn near offends you with its utter fuckshittery, you’ll share that monstrosity with everyone. And that’s exactly what they want.

3

Web Brutalism

When I first got the internet in my house as a kid, we got a state-of-the-art, badass, lightning-fast 56k modem. I could download an MP3 in like ten minutes, and sometimes an entire dirty picture would load up before something went buggy and the poor woman was cut off at the knees. And seven out of every ten websites looked like a low-res My Little Pony pony ralphed cotton candy and Four Loko across a small-town church bulletin board.

As time passed, we all grew up and became better people with better websites. Dancing baby GIFs gave way to interstitial ads and Flash videos. Designs that looked like they were made by a guy with vinegar in his eyes working in the dark faded away, and sleek, professionally designed mega porn sites took their place. It was a great time to be alive. Or so we thought, because I guess people got sick of things that don’t look like shit and Web Brutalism was born.

If the terribly cheesy name didn’t give it away, Web Brutalism is a kind of artsy shitsy internet aesthetic. You purposefully make your website look like the south end of a northbound horse. Ugly, disorganized graphics, shockingly off-putting colors, a veritable dumpster of design techniques shat out onto a screen — if your site doesn’t look a fourth-grader’s glue and cardboard collage, you’ve failed.

A classically bad website was designed on Angelfire by your aunt who collects figurines of Jesus playing sports when she wanted to do something to commemorate her love of beat poetry. Some links were unclickable, images didn’t quite line up right, and it had charm in the same way your macaroni artwork had charm to your mom, who never told you that it looked like shit because she loved you. By the way, your macaroni art looked like shit. It’s cool, though, mine looked like the shit that shit takes after eating shit sandwiches. And somehow, someone decided a forced version of that was a good idea.

Web Brutalism seeks to make a website harder to navigate and uglier to look at than a fine, upstanding site, like the one you’re currently enjoying. Why? The answer is best summed up in this quote I heard from a guy in a bar once: “Fuckin’ because.”

2

Bioware’s Female Designs

Back in the day when I had an NES, there were basically two female characters you could name across the spectrum of video game characters: Princesses Peach and Zelda, and I don’t even think Zelda was actually in her game. But I did beat Super Mario Bros. 2, and Peach helped a brother out on that one, so yeah, you could say I’m like a video game feminist or some such. Which is why Bioware’s curious history with female characters is such a headscratcher.

Bioware makes some pretty impressive-looking games, like Mass Effect, and the character designs are amazing. There is a definite problem with some of them, though, insofar as that amazingness is in how straight up nuts-on-a-donkey ugly they are.

When Mass Effect: Andromeda was released, fans were quick to notice that the male version of the player character, Ryder, looks super badass and cool and almost exactly like the male model who lent his likeness to the game designers. The female version of Ryder looks like the model if you rolled her in a sack of sadness and didn’t let her sleep for four days while feeding her a straight diet of CHUD.

Twitter

So why, if you have the ability to render characters in a way that makes them look like not vaguely emotive ballsacks, would you make your character look like a vaguely emotive ballsack? This one requires a bit of creative tinkering in the ol’ thinky bag, but it does make sense. Female characters in gaming, as you may be aware, have a bit of a lackluster history in terms of realistic representation. After Princess Peach, the next big name in lady characters was Lara Croft, who was at first presented as polygonal boobs on blocks, and then later as well-vectored boobs on well-vectored short pants. And thus began a tradition of most video game women being little more than boobs and confusion. So maybe Bioware makes their female characters less appealing on purpose so as to not be considered sexist or douchey.

Bioware has never come out and said they’ve made purposefully ugly characters. They have acknowledged abhorrent animation issues and terrible facial expressions which they set to work on fixing, but fans were all pretty convinced that there had to be more behind the distractingly objectionable visages of the female characters. As noted gamer nerd and feminist Lisa Kerzner argues in her video, it looks an awful lot like Bioware put considerable effort into downplaying the character’s face to make her more of an ugmo hero type (but just in the face), while trying to pawn it off as a technical limitation. Despite the fact that numerous other games can feature women who don’t look like victims of barnyard mad science, including a lot of Bioware’s previous games.

Unfortunately, dealing with matters of sex, sexism, and gender in video games is like opening a bag of cat shit lined with explosive squibs right in your damn face. If you recall anything to do with Gamergate, you know this is ground no one wants to tread on, so you almost can’t blame Bioware for not saying jack shit about it, as you don’t want to feed any trolls. But at the same time, when it’s obvious that they can make a nearly identical male character, there’s clearly a reason they’re not putting that same kind of effort into their females.

1

Scam Email Grammar

Usually when I send emails, I spell the multi-syllable words incorrectly and use grammar that’s about as fucked as a friction-burnt Fleshlight. But that’s my own bugaboo to deal with, and has little-to-no bearing on the world of scam email.

The odds of you having never received a Nigerian scam email are slimmer than Slender Man’s weird dick, which I’ll tell you about sometime if you buy me a few beers. But for the sake of the kids in the audience who are reading this on the wall I inscribe all my articles on and have never received email before, a Nigerian scam email is a poorly worded piece of fuckery that shows up in your inbox claiming to be from some African prince who has millions of dollars tied up in banks overseas, and if you could just help pay some transfer fees, you can keep a buttload of it!

Typically, these emails use terrible grammar and atrocious spelling, not because the person sending you the email is a blithering idiot, but because they need you to be so gullible that you believe a Wakandan prince personally sent you a one-way ticket to being a millionaire, and he typed the message with a greasy turkey leg in his hand while riding a homemade roller coaster.

Most of us can identify a scam email right away. Another subsection of people will be suspicious but interested. And an even smaller division will write back to test the waters. The scammers want nothing to do with any of those people. They want the person who immediately responds with their bank account number in the signature line, because they only want to deal with people who may have mistaken a ham bone for Tony Danza more than once in their lives. So don’t be too proud if you recognize right away that someone sent you a weak as shit attempt at ripping you off; they just didn’t want you to waste their time.

Ian’s Twitter is awesome on purpose. Go look.

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