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amarabliss · 4 years

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Oaths and Hearts - 22 (Ignis Scientia/Reader)

You fell through a rift into the fade fighting the demons you swore to protect your world from. When you popped out you were no longer in the lands of Ferelden instead trapped in Insomnia. The gracious king allowed you to say recognizing power when he saw it. One thing led to another and now you were part of the procession of the prince to his wedding years later. Before the final battle, after years of fighting, losses, and love…your friend…your king…Noctis has asked you to change it all…

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21

Note: IT HAS BEEN FOREVER! But rereading everything I found my spark! I hope you all enjoy as this story continues! Much love!

You twisted your hands together as you looked out at the gathering crowd. You absolutely hated being paraded in front of people. Even being the Inquisitor, you only did it if it was absolutely necessary.

“You’re going to be fine.” You looked over to Luna stepping over to you. She was the perfect image of grace and nobility in her long ivory dress, “You look beautiful…”

“Luna…” You took in a deep breath shaking your head, “I don’t know how to be a queen…I barely knew how to be a lady…”

She gave you a bright smile as she tried to be reassuring, “But from what I understand you led a people to victory. It’s just like that…but a little more glamorous.”

“Yeah...” You looked down to the dress you were in. You weren’t sure what to make of the rich multi colors. It felt more like a battle garment, “I’m not sure if I’m greeting the people or going to war.”

“A bit of both honestly. You look amazing.” Luna took your hands in hers making you look to her face, “And you’re going to be fine.”

You sighed shutting your eyes, “There’s no going back after this, is there?”

“No…today everything changes for everyone.” Luna looked down taking in a deep breath, “Noctis and I will be by your side the whole way. We’re not going to abandon you.”

“I know Ignis will be relieved to hear it. He wants Noctis to rule…he desires to serve him.” You looked at her with concern, “I just hope the people understand why we’re doing this. Do you know what they’re doing right now?”

“I do…and all I can say it is something every king must do. It’s something the gods require for all in the Lucian…I promise it’s nothing to worry about.” She rubbed your arms frowning, “You’re so cold…”

“Ma’am…” You looked over seeing Tor approaching you, “his majesty, he’s requested your presence before everything gets started.”

Luna smiled at you when you looked at him, “You’re going to be fine. Go to him, reassure him that everything will be fine.”

You stepped forward giving her a hug, “Thank you, Luna.”

“Oh…Uh…” She smiled putting her arms around you, “Of course…we’re family after all.”

That’s right they were family. You kept reminding Ignis and Noctis that they were brothers…but it also connected you to Luna. It was strange how a year ago you barely had anyone to call family and now you were getting family left and right.

You stopped in the hall outside of the throne room leaning against the wall briefly. Tor was at your side instantly, “Ma’am?”

“I just got a little dizzy.” You put a hand to your head before giving him a smile, “I’m alright.”

“You’ll forgive me if I don’t necessarily believe you.” Tor smirked a little bit, “I do know how much of a pain in the ass you are…”

“Hey…” You pouted a little.

“And if I didn’t trust you…” You both looked over to Ignis walking down the hall. You felt your heart flutter seeing him in the royal uniform, smile planted firmly on his face, “I’d be warning you that you’re talking to your queen…”

“Forgive me sir…” Tor bowed slightly, “I just happen to know my charge very well.”

“As do I.” Ignis reached out taking your hands in his. His eyes twinkled as he looked into yours, “Tor, could you give us a moment…Ulric is looking for you, he’s inside with Noctis.”

“As it is my duty to protect and serve him, I will head that way…you have about five minutes…” Tor bowed again leaving you both in the hall alone.

You smiled hearing Ulric squeak with excitement that his favorite playmate was back just as the door shut, “He’s been alright?”

“Perfect. I’m sorry we had to go on alone for a moment.” You sighed feeling him scrutinize you, “Kingly duties…”

“I’m fine.” You squeezed his hands before pulling his arms around you before embracing him, “You have much more important things to worry about today.”

He rested his cheek against the top of your head, “You and Ulric will always be my first priority.”

You let out a heavy sigh shutting your eyes, “And I love you for that.”

“Are you sure you’re alright?” He whispered rubbing your back gently, “I’ve noticed you’ve been more tired lately.”

“We have a one year old who runs us both into the ground.” You murmured back to him, “And my husband is a king, who I am always worrying about. It’s a full-time job juggling you two.”

He pulled away looking into your eyes with the greatest affection, “Hmm…I suppose my guess is wrong then if you feel that strongly about it.”

“Guess?” You squinted at him confused.

“Never mind.” He smiled before he kissed you, “Are you ready?”

“Do I have a choice?” You reached up adjusting his cape before running your hands down his arms stopping when you saw the bracelet on his wrist, “I thought they said no…”

“If there is one thing Noctis has truly taught me…” He smirked a little happy that he was still able to surprise you before he laced his fingers with yours letting the bracelet he made for you gently rub against his, “I am the king…and I get what I want...to a point…”

“Your majesty…” You looked over to Tor holding Ulric in his arms as he stepped out from the throne. He winced a little as he pulled on a braid, “Ah…um…it’s time…”

“Ulric…” Your son looked over to you when you spoke. You smiled when his eyes got big and he reached for you and Ignis make soft mm-ing noises, “Come here…”

Tor handed him over to you with a smile, “Thank you ma’am…”

“It’s karma for that jab earlier.” You chuckled as Ulric grabbed your necklace amusing himself already. You glanced at Ignis who had paled a little bit, “Hey…”

He looked down to you as you both began walking into the throne room, “This is when it all begins…”

You didn’t get a chance to ask him what he meant as they announced you both. All eyes fell on your family as you approached the level below the throne. You looked out at the people who stared at you whispering to each other.

Ignis gained your attention as he squeezed your hand as Noct stood up from the throne to speak, “Thank you all for gathering with us today. It has been…a hell of a couple years.”

Laughter rippled through the crowd and you made eye contact with Gladio across the way with Luna. He smirked pushing Prompto with his elbow as the blonde began snapping pictures. The squabbled, but only for a second as Noctis continued.

“I cannot thank any of you enough. Each and everyone of Insomnia’s citizens…new and old…have put forth effort into making our city a home again.” Noct smiled a little, “We’re still fixing it…we’re still growing…I have no doubt that we will achieve everything and more.”

The crowd applauded and he raised his hands to silence them. His face became a little serious, “I now have some news that…well I’m not sure how everyone will take it, so I’ll tell you how I did.”

He looked over to Luna with such love and sadness, “Recently, it has come to my wife and I’s attention that we’re unable to have children…I was heartbroken. Devastated that I couldn’t fulfill the one thing I have dreamt about since I understood what becoming a king meant.”

Your eyes shifted from him to Luna who also looked crestfallen as Noct went on, “Though I suppose…I always knew even if I had children…my calling was to leave them, after all I’m supposed to rid the world of its darkness…it’s strange how fate works…”

“But then I found out I have a brother.” Noct looked out to the crowd, he chuckled, “At first I was hurt…My father, King Regis, how could he have done such a thing? He was a great man, sacrificed his life for his people, inspired others to do the same…Thankfully…he didn’t betray anyone, but instead followed an archaic rule to ensure the line of Lucis continued…”

“But he was only in the same position I am now. So, then I was excited by the prospect of having an older brother.” He smiled glancing over to Ignis, “Yet…in our own way we still developed that relationship with one another, and ironically my brother has been doing my job long before I was mature enough to care. Both jobs actually…He has always protected me, as older brothers do. He has guided me, offered me council when I didn’t know what to do, and single handedly ensured the Insomnia will prosper for the next thirty years.”

“I’ll have you know…” Noct began to step down the steps leading to Ignis, “He doesn’t want to be king. Even now he is loyal to me and would have me remain on the throne until I’m old and grey, despite the fact that it is his birthright to be where I am. Now, you’ll ask me, then why tell us? Why does it matter?”

“Lucis needs a king from the Lucian line to protect it’s borders. I can’t give you that, and I won’t subject any retainer to do what my father did.” He paused on the final step, “Instead, I am abdicating the throne to my brother Ignis Lucis Scientia.”

There is was. The people hummed excitedly at the news. You could feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand up nervously as you scanned the crowd.

Noct stepped next to Ignis looking at him as an equal, “You all know him already. You know he is capable. You all know he has no other care then to see Insomnia prosper. I hope you will accept him as I have…”

You heard Ignis take in a sharp breath as Noctis took a step down from the level you were on before he dropped to one knee bowing his head. Soon Luna walked over to his side doing the same. Then Gladio and Prompto. Tor and Cor behind you, and soon the whole room. You had felt this before, back in Skyhold, and even that did not compare to the allegiance you felt in this place.

You squeezed his hand one final time before taking a small step back leaving him to the stage he needed stand on. You watched him taking in a deep breath before he raised his head, “Of all the things my father prepared me for, being king was not one of them. No Roderick Scientia, he raised me to be a man who worked for the king, at his side, with his people…”

He stepped forward offering his hand down to Noct and Luna as he spoke, “I would be a fool to change that now, despite having a crown.”

“Your majesty…” It was clear to you by the look on Noct’s face that this was not how it was planned.

He raised them both up to their feet before stepping past them looking out at the people, “I have given this a great deal of thought…I will wear the title king to protect these lands…as will my son, and his children, and so on and so on…I will teach this line of Lucis to be one with the people…not above it and we will work side by side with you as our former King Noctis has done so.”

“Traveling with you and watching you grow into the man you are was and still is my greatest honor and privilege.” Ignis turned to Noct smiling, “So, I hope you will stand by my side brother and work with me to make this city into a bright and brilliant star to shine in this world. Not as someone who is obligated to serve but as someone who would want to. As I wanted to be by your side.”

Noct smiled looking at Luna who beamed giving him a nod, “How do you say no to an offer like that?”

“I’m happy you see it my way…” He turned back to the crowd addressing them with confidence, “I know you have so many questions. I will answer them if I am able to…I cannot guarantee that nothing will change under my rule, but I can guarantee that my goals align with Noctis’. As he said we worked tirelessly to create a plan for Insomnia together. One that you all have already approved of.”

“I have taken the oath all the kings have before me.” He took a deep breath in taking a step forward to drive his point, “So let it be known now if the gods deem me unworthy…”

You felt your heart quicken as he pulled out the Ring of Lucis. He looked over to you giving you a nod and you felt yourself tense up. That ring made you feel uneasy. Like it was a curse. You wished he didn’t have to do this, but you knew there was no other way.

He turned away shutting his eyes he pushed the ring onto his middle finger. Brilliant light blinded you and you quickly covered Ulric’s eyes as you held your breath. Slowly the light began to fade and Ignis stood there his hand held out before him.

“Come to me…” His voice was a low whisper as he summoned forth the Sword of the Father. He took several large breaths as he held the sword in his hand. There could be no doubt to anyone that he was the heir to the throne.

Slowly the crowd erupted into thunderous applause. The rest of the ceremony was purely ceremonial. Passing of the crown…pictures…changing of the guard from one king to the other…more pictures…You found yourself felling dizzy again. You took in a deep breath turning to Tor, “I need to leave.”

He looked at you with concern nodding as he discreetly guided you out pressing his earpiece informing everyone of the change. As soon as you were out in the hall you handed Ulric to him before stepping away taking in several deep breaths.

“Ma’am…I think we should take you to the infirmary…” He watched you as you leaned against the wall. Ulric began to fuss pushing on Tor to get away.

You shook your head, “I’m alright…I think…I think it might be this dress. It just feels so…tight…”

You pulled at it trying to make it breath, but it didn’t seem to give. Finally, you felt hot bile rushing up your throat. You barely made it over to a planter before Tor started radioing for medical to come meet you in the hall.

It wasn’t long after they arrived that you saw Ignis rush out into the hall. You were finishing with Tor asking him to lay Ulric down for a nap before you saw him. You shook your head sitting on the windowsill drinking some water as they checked your blood pressure, “They shouldn’t have bothered you…go back, do what you need to do.”

“I am exactly where I need to be.” Ignis told you as he began rubbing you back in a soothing circular motion.

You looked up at him as the medic spoke, “Everything seems fine now, but I think you should see a doctor just in case. Get a full work up.”

“Of course…I’ll do that tomorrow and I’ll take it easy the rest of today.” You told them as they took their bag away packing it up, “I’m sure it’s just the dress.”

You looked up at Ignis as he let out a half laugh, “It’s not the dress…”

“Oh really?” You glared up at him, “If it’s not the dress…then what is it?”

He smiled at you before taking a seat once the medic moved away and he spoke softly, “You are…pregnant.”

You stared at him your mouth falling open and closing several times before you kept it shut looking away. You could feel his smile washing over you as you thought about it. Finally, you turned to him tearing up, “This is not how it’s supposed to work…I’m supposed to know, and you’re supposed to be the one surprised…”

His hands took your face wiping away the tears, “I have had my suspicions for a while…”

“Well…I didn’t…” You felt yourself getting more emotional by the moment, “What are we going to do?”

“I imagine there is some sort of guideline and announcement protocol…” He moved some loose hair behind your ear, “Let me worry about that. You just need to focus on you and Ellie…”

“Ellie…” You smiled at him, “What if it’s a boy?”

“Eli…” He smirked before he kissed you. You pushed him away, “What?”

“I just vomited and … it’s not really…” You paled a little.

“Oh dear…uh…” He stood up with you as you rushed once more to the planter, “Is this normal?”

“…uh…” You stood up slowly wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, “Yes…I’m assuming…I was in an airship for a majority of Ulric…”

“Well I can promise you two things…” He came to your side guiding you down the hall, “There will be no airships and I will be by your side the entire time.”

“I like the sound of that.” You smiled at him leaning into him, “I like the sound of that a lot.”

“At least one good thing happened today.” He sighed putting his arm around you, “I can remember all of it now with this news.”

“Don’t you need to alert the masses that you’ve gone missing?” You looked up to him.

“I have.” He looked down to you, “Gladio is informing everyone that I’m tending to the queen and will return once I’m done escorting you back to our room.”

“Already asserting yourself I see.” You took in a deep breath clearing your throat as another attack swelled on you.

“Oh my love…” He stopped you before scooping you up into his arms, “I am going to be so worried about you…”

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boughtwithaprice · 3 years

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I Kissed His Books Goodbye

Kae Salonzo Perez- Dilla

April 30, 2021

It was in 2019 when one of my favorite Christian authors shocked the Christian world by announcing his separation from his wife. It was Joshua Harris, the famous author and pastor who wrote, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and "Boy Meets Girl" which sold millions of copies since their publication in the 90s and made him like a Christian celebrity. I was totally heartbroken when this news popped on my IG feed. A year before this devastating news, I came across Joshua Harris on Facebook and YouTube where I learned about his recent project at that time which is also the reasn why he resurfaced. He was on some documentary film of some sort where he reevaluated his very own books mentioned earlier. I have also watched his TED Ed segment where he apologized for the lives destroyed by his book. He said that he was too young when he wrote his famous books. I was puzzled at that time which led me to do more research a.k.a stalking. I am a good stalker, you know. Kidding aside! So, from there, I started stalking the Harris couple on their social media accounts. I will not forget feeling that something was already off from their relationship since they are both absent from each other's daily activities. I do not know if that is just normal with other people but to me, it isn’t. Also, it struck me that Shannon and the Harris daughters "appear" to be highly modern and very much "in the trend" kind of way when it comes to their clothes, music, and social media posts. Given that they are in the limelight of conservative believers, this is a diversion. I was not a diehard fan of Joshua Harris and so I do not really know what happened to him after writing his books, after getting married to the girl of his prayers, and after pastoring a mega church for 17 years. However, I suddenly recalled an information he disclosed in one of his books. It was about Shannon whose inches close to starting her music career but then converted to her newfound faith and so this dream career of hers was aborted. This, I strongly recalled when I found lots of her IG post informing the world that she is about to release her music albums -which her songs don’t have the slightest expression of her love for God. For a preacher’s wife, for a Christian woman, so to speak, her recent project gave me another major what-in-the-world-is-happening moment. These findings surprised me! That's why I'm not really taken aback when Joshua Harris announced that he and his wife, Shannon, are eventually divorcing. Perhaps something bigger is afoot since then.

I know I am very late to make a fuss about Joshua Harris and his chosen path today, but I just want to express my thoughts since I kept seeing him lately. I was instantly reminded that I followed him on IG! And now I think about unfollowing him so I would be free from another stress. So, following his separation from his wife in 2019, more of his announcements on the social media just got more terrible as time pass by. He then denounced his Christian faith and joined an LGBTQ parade publicly. What worst could happen now? He has been posting his personal criticism on “Christianity" and against people "in the faith" with the notion of man's freedom being suppressed by God's will. He makes obedience to God appear so vexing and that it’s the very thing that stifle man from enjoying earthly pleasures. He just twisted the truth about ‘love the sinner but hate the sin’. God is angry at the wicked every day and so we were all once hated by God until he shows us His grace (Psalms 7: 11). But tolerating a sinner could never equate to any form of love. Unless man sees himself as a sinner, he will never repent and seek God. Harris has numerous posts about this particular topic! As I see it, one could assume that it is his way of answering back to the spiteful comments he keeps on receiving from the Christian group. He’s making the believers look like a group of unbelievable people for hurting him with God’s truths. The truth will surely hurt him.

There is no denying of the fact that Joshua Harris is still a hot issue among Christians today. Every time Christians talk about relationships, Joshua and his books are brought into place. Before the declaration of his newfound path away from Christ, his books were said to be the "Bible" of Christian romance. Decades ago, Joshua and his books were often referred to when Christians tend to look for godly relationships to pattern theirs. I personally and seriously took note of the contents of his books since I was in a relationship when I read them back then. Just like the other Harris loyalists, I would always mention his name and the things I have learned from his books when giving advice to my friends both in and out of the church during girl talks. It's such a shame that I have to evaluate my old self and admit that I have passed onto others the words of Harris more than God's. This, I humbly ask forgiveness from the Lord. And so, fast forward to the present time, look at how events have turned now. No one knows what really happened between Joshua and Shannon, but I'm pretty sure that whatever hit their relationship is a reflection of their individual relationship with God which have finally come in fruition in time. The book of Jeremiah says in chapter 7 verse 24, But they hearkened not, nor inclined their ear, but walked in the counsels and in the imagination of their evil heart, and went backward, and not forward. Whilst spending years and years of their life in the ministry, I could not help but wonder, was God really there "in" them? Frankly, although no man is in the position, it’s hard not to question their salvation thinking about what happened to them.

Joshua Harris have said in an interview that he excommunicated himself from his church because he failed to follow the standards required by the scriptures. In his words, he sounded like he was the victim more than the traitor. To add, one of his videos on YouTube showed live reactions from the offended readers of his books. I personally think that was a clear picture answering the question of why he ended up retracting his beliefs in public. He responded to those people in oppose to what Christians should be doing when being persecuted. He wanted to please them so bad to the point where he just decided to abandon his post, leave his God or god and follow them as if that was the best decision to reach out to them. His mindset is just so disappointing. At some point, did he blame God for earning his haters? Is that why he went after people he doesn’t personally know and has no relationship with God? Was he supposed to reevaluate through the Bible or through people’s lenses? How many were Christians in that pool of readers? It was just necessary to apologize for the wrong points that resulted to misguided readers, but why leave the faith? It’s true that it takes lots of courage to face the music but I don’t see the part where leaving your faith is a new definition of bravery.

When a Christian is found to be challenged, he ought to thrive. What happened to standing fast in the faith written in 1 Corinthians 16:13? But instead, Joshua Harris allowed the enemy to overpower him. He heard the wrong side. Well, to start with, he's probably not a genuine Christian. We don't want to judge him but again, we have been warned in Ephesians 4:14 That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; A Youtuber also commented that a Christian should never find his life in the Lord burdensome. Sadly, Harris has put down his cross, got tired and stopped following the Savior. A believer's walk with Christ was never promised to go through an easy road but we will always find ourselves consistently rejoicing in His grace despite the way. Otherwise, those who are just pretending to understand the gospel will soon be revealed and will simply walk away because they were not meant to be in the fold of Christ in the first place.

Just recently, not only Harris have denounced his faith in Christ. There were others. Although this is not new anymore because there were others even before Harris’s time, but in this age of social media, issues like this have great impact in the Christian society perceived in various wavelength. And this case has left Christiandom a question-- what do we do with the learnings gained from such persons? It is fitting to know where the line should be drawn when reading Christian books. The Lord has commanded us to daily seek Him in prayer and in the scriptures. Even the prophets enquired and searched diligently (1 Peter 1: 10). Hence, to check if the materials we read carry God’s truth in them, they must be aligned to what the Bible says. God’s words should affirm the ideas being offered to us by other books whether they appear new or not. I believe that the things I learned from Joshua’s books really helped me assess my former relationship and double check if it indeed glorifies the Lord. But I do not give credit to the author because most of the concepts of the godly dating he presented were extracted from the Bible and were inspired by the people around him that were ‘in Christ’, and Lord willing, still walking with Him until now. Joshua Harris have miserably left his once professed faith and no wonder when ‘his followers’ do the same too. The Lord only revealed the impending danger of following leaders and prominent individuals with such devotion that should only belong to God. We should be vigilant and be fully aware of where and with whom do we pour our faith into. 2 Peter 3:17, KJV: "Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own steadfastness."

The books written by Joshua Harris have heavily influenced his Christian readers. However, more than those pages that illuminated his beliefs before, what would really speak for himself is the life he chose to live today. I have kissed dating goodbye long time ago, not because of his books, but because God has been gracious to me and provided me a godly man to marry. I won’t recommend Joshua’s books but I will be keeping them. If people see them on my shelf one day, I know significant lessons could be drawn from them --more than courtship and dating, but particularly about a Christian’s walk with Christ.

We are in the end times and we are witnessing the falling away of man as said in 2 Thessalonians 2:3. But by God’s grace, His true children will persevere until His glorious return. The sad story of Joshua Harris just proved that our God is a perfect God who is solely worthy of receiving man’s adoration and trust. Not that He needs any of it, but it’s just crystal clear that no one else does. And that no earthly relationship should we model ours after except that of Christ and His love for the church which we could learn nowhere else but from the scriptures.

Isaiah 40:25-31

To whom then will ye liken me, or shall I be equal? saith the Holy One.

Lift up your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things, that bringeth out their host by number: he calleth them all by names by the greatness of his might, for that he is strong in power; not one faileth.

Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the LORD, and my judgment is passed over from my God?

Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.

He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.

Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

#joshuaharris #ikisseddatingggoodbye #joshuaharrisbooks #boymeetsgirl #kaperanggot #dating #courtship #christian #christianity #christianromance #godlydating #romance #christianlove

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graphicabyss · 4 years

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?人 NEWS

I wrote an enormous post, or rather an essay, concerning NEWS, Tegoshi, and everything that went through my mind in the past month. Honestly, it’s mostly my way of coping, getting it out of my system and sorting out my thoughts and feelings. But I decided to also post it here for those who might want to read.

It was a long time coming. The rumours were lurking around for years and a month ago they bloomed. And yet, the full realization is yet to dawn on me. When something devastating happens, our mind tends to shake off the pain by either exonerating the beloved person who hurt us, or blaming them and distancing away from them. It's really hard to stay objective. But I'll try.

Coming into this fandom, I prepared myself for disappointment. Once I was a TVXQ fan. You know, the 5-nin TVXQ that was going to be "together forever" and all that. So I wowed never to get that invested in a pop band. When NEWS came along, I tried not to get too attached. I knew it would hurt me, sooner of later. And for awhile, it worked. But, as years went by, I knew I lost the battle. We humans need to cling to something. Thus, nearly 7 years have passed.

To me, Tegoshi has always been a key component. He was the one that led me to NEWS. Or rather, how pretty he looked in a dress. Tegoshi always kept me interested. Sometimes he excited, sometimes he annoyed, but he was never ever boring. He was made of contradictions, both in words and in actions. Nothing ever adds up with him. He made me want to understand him but I could never quite grasp it. Thinking about it now, perhaps it was because he doesn't really understand himself either.

In these years, I had several crisis points where I considered leaving the fandom, all caused by something shitty Tegoshi said or did. But every time I bounced back. Of course, I didn't do it for him. I did it for myself. However, his selfishness has always been offset by his kindness. The last time was him crying at the end of Neverland tour and how sorry he looked. Till the end, I wanted to believe that his common sense and loyalty won't let him do something reckless and stupid. Yet, here we are. The interview he gave to Bunshun led me to believe that he would do the right thing. He said he would show his gratitude to JE and would definitely make his fans happy but now it's the furthest thing from the truth. The fandom is disappointed, confused, angry.

Some people say to get over it, that Tegoshi was meant to leave or some shit. But I think those people fundamentally misunderstand the heart of the problem. It's not that he left that infuriated the fandom. It's how and when he left. Most fans would support his decision to leave if the transition was done properly. He owed us that much. A proper apology. A proper gratitude. A proper farewell. The announcement had me in disbelief. I expected him to at least finish the contract, do the Story Tour, no matter how long it takes, and show the members, staff and the fans the respect they deserve. To cut it short feels like a violation. At the very least, we need a closure. The last goodbye. The last concert. The last something. He just left JE after 17 years like it was nothing.

More than anything, what he did seems so stupid. He had it so fucking good. He was always in the spotlight, both on stage and in TV shows. The other members did most of the offscreen work allowing him to shine. He was supported by endlessly patient members and staff. He had the freedom to choose and all the work he wanted for each of his passions - ItteQ, Soccer Earth, OpenRec. And he had fans that always supported him, no matter how many scandals he had.

What was so important that he had to give up on all the amazing benefits he had? To betray all this trust? And on top of it, at a time like this? When all world is going through so much shit? When the fans need moral support more than ever? What were the "dreams" that he talked about?

The ability to rant on Twitter? Making duckface selfies? Fucking around? Assembling a shitty rock band? Performing with strippers? Some kind of unique business opportunity? He talked for years about wanting to perform overseas or hosting fan events but right now these things are offlimit anyway. Why couldn't he at the very least explain his decision properly? Just that alone will definitely hurt his further career in the long run. The press-conference lasted 2 hours but it answered none of the questions that really mattered and there was no remorse. Though at this point, I can't trust anything he says anyway. He created his Twitter account the the evening it all went down and didn't bother explaining himself. He just jumped off the ship and let other people deal with the damage.

Even now, it all seems like some kind of bad dream. Then again, all of the 2020 does.

When I first saw "手越退社" trending on Twitter back in May I felt like I was spinning into a downward spiral, like all air was sucked out of me. And it wasn't the "oh, no! what will the band do?" I never went to a NEWS concert and never brought any merch. To me, it wasn't really the feelings of a fan whose band faces a crisis but rather that of an entrepreneur who invested too much money into one asset and watched it plummet.

Fandom stuff is a currency that can devalue in a blink of an eye. Its valuable as long as its core message is intact. This is why I can't stand people being petty over scans or videos. I share when I can knowing it will make someone happy because I know that tomorrow that someone might move on. When I stumble upon old closed journals with password-protected downloads they feel like ancient abandoned temples. The treasures in them turned to dust.

4nin NEWS were based on unity, the combination of 4 unique characters. Four components, each of them essential. Now that concept failed. It's like standing in front of a collapsed building. I try to assess the damage. How much of it can I salvage? Repurpose? How much is lost and needs to be cleaned up? Should I even bother?

What do I do with hundreds of live performances and TV shows, in HD, lovingly downloaded and stored?

What to make of thousands of scans, magazines, pamphlets, almost each image edited and sorted? Thousands more stored neatly in folders, waiting to be posted. Countless screens and gifs.

What of the member ai fanvideos that gained over 100k on Youtube bringing joy to so many people? I already got the first heartbroken comment saying "we won't ever see them like that again, will we?"

What to make of my unfinished stories? Honestly, it's one of the things I'm most proud in my entire life. Now their future is uncertain.

Do I take down the poster on my wall? The CDs on my shelf? Soon I will have to looks at my enormous stash and decide for each item. Things that once brought joy now cause pain.

NEWS weren't selling music, they were selling ideas and dreams. The cute band photos now cause hurt and anger. The uplifting songs about unity won't be convincing. All the concerts lost their charm.

Am I being too dramatic? Probably. Perhaps the issue itself may seem trivial to an outsider but our grief is real.

Tegoshi keeps saying he loves NEWS and adores the members. But to me, loving is doing everything you can to avoid hurting the ones you love. Perhaps he means it, but that love will never compare to the love he has for himself. Despite what he says, I doubt we'll even see them together again and I'm not even sure I want to. I knew apart from Koyashige, the members aren't really that close personally. Tegoshi is shallow and seeks popularity more than anything. I'm sure than now he'll hang out with even shadier characters than before. The members used to provide him with the much needed tough love. Now, with nothing and noone holding him back, he'll give in to his overblown ego.

I'm not sure how I feel about NEWS continuing as 3. I mean, I support their decision and that's probably what most fans want but to me, I don't know if it'll work out that well. They were already a band with a lot of luggage and now, just like in 2011, they are a band that induces pity. They would have to rearrange so much to try and fill this huge gaping hole. Not to mention they will struggle vocally. No songs, no choreography can be unaltered. It might be better to go on within the agency doing their own things. But then that would just mean Tegoshi was indispensable and all the work they put in will be wasted. The Story must be competed.

In the past week I went through various stages of grief. The anger was strong and so was disbelief. Now it's finally subsiding, giving way to acceptance. It won't come soon but I'll let all the emotions run their course. The fact is Tegoshi remains very entertaining and the temptation to keep following him and rant about him is strong. I probably wouldn't even fight it if he were to leave with at least a shred of dignity. But with the way things are, I refuse to support him in any way. And I will at least try to phase him out as much as I can as I realize that even my anger is playing into his hands as he wants nothing more than attention, good or bad. Instead, I'll try to focus on those who do deserve support.

I'm not yet sure how to proceed with the blog and everything else but I'll take my time and figure it out. The truth is Tegoshi was one of the two major things that have kept me here for so long. And no, the second reason is not Shige. It's the people. Out of all the fandoms I've been in over the years this one really felt like home. I met so many amazing people here, even though many of them have since moved on. I felt accepted and appreciated.

This week has been an emotional roller-coaster. But today I feel fine. I have a dozen reasons to be depressed. But I'm not miserable right now because of the fandom. I've had about 10 people write to me within several days. Some of them I haven't talked to in months, some I've never talked to before, and some from other fandoms. They reached out to share their thoughts and feelings, and I appreciate it so much. I felt less alone. I felt a sense of solidarity, a sisterhood. Many agreed with me and it was touching but even more touching were the people who didn't necessarily agree with me and still wanted to hear what I had to say.

Perhaps it's patronizing but I feel like right now the best I can do is stay connected and go through this together. If I can help others, through informing, making someone smile, or supporting emotionally, it's all worth it.

#musings

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disneydreamlights · 4 years

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i did not realize tippi/bleck was your OTP please tell me more about why you love them (i also like them but its been years since i played spm so i need to renew that love)

(It’s been years for me too and I’ve been meaning to replay I will just never tire of them.)

So I’m actually going to break this ask down into two parts. The first just talking about their relationship in general and what the game presents, the second actually getting into how they are the ship that very much defined what I consider a lot of my personal ship tropes today. This also isn’t the first time I’ve gone off about them either so I’m going to link this post from 2013. (It’s not my best analysis and I don’t necessarily agree with everything in it now but I mean I was 17 so for a seventeen year old who had no critical thinking skills, I think it was good for what I wanted to convey at the time. XD)

So with that out of the way let’s talk about those memories.

"I remember that day well... The room was warm. The whole place was at peace."

This is the introducing line to the first memory, to the story of Blumiere and Timpani that serves as the foundation for the story of the game, and it shows how much this day meant to Blumiere that even lost in the shadow that became Count Bleck, fallen into darkness and depression and utter self loathing, that he remembered this day as a positive despite it being, as he himself says, “the day that our tragedy was set in motion.” The memories are fond to him and his small bits of happiness, and the idea of that is heartwarming to say the least. It also gives a very early establishment on why their interactions are significant. A lot of the lore is read between the lines, but the game establishes quickly that humans and the Tribe of Darkness do not like each other. So when Timpani shows that she doesn’t care what he is, just that he needed help, it very quickly establishes both her character and why we should empathize with this unknown, and it establishes her bond with Blumiere.

She saved him without knowing who he was. Her kindness and empathy is what draws Blumiere in. And it proves a very strong foundation for their relationship as it progresses. From here in story, we’re only given snippets of who they were before. They give further background on the prejudices against them, how Blumiere’s father is working to keep them apart, and how they seem willing to overcome the obstacles at every turn. Despite the warning from the first memory, you cheer for these unknowns and hope for their happiness, it’s what they deserve. The memories where they’re happy (Blumiere proposing to Timpani, the one with them under the stars, even them just getting to talk again) are wholesome and heartwarming. And the one where Timpani tries to leave after Chapter 3 is heartbreaking. Because you want to believe in their happy ending.

Which of course gets taken away in the Chapter 6 interlude. Watching Blumiere learn that Timpani is gone, well...I’ll grab the dialogue exchange here:

"Timpani! What did you do with her? I must see her!" "Still your tongue, Blumiere... Can't you see you've been duped by a dirty human? You have brought shame to my name...and to the entire Tribe of Darkness!" "And so what if I did? That doesn't matter to me! She's my entire world!" "Well, then it will interest you to know...that she no longer resides in this world." "What... What do you mean by that?!" "This is the price those who resist their own fate must pay, my son." "She... No... It can't be so!" "Someday you will see, Son. Our kind and humans must never mix."

Yeah, it’s pretty depressing honestly. Blumiere is so clearly heartbroken and destroyed to the point that it basically convinces him that nothing matters. That he’s willing to destroy his home and everything else in the entire universe because he has nothing. This is a broken man, and it’s why he finally heeds the Prognosticus’s call in the final interlude before the main fight to become Count Bleck.

Now granted it’s not a sucker punch to see the interlude unless you haven’t been picking up the hints in the Castle Bleck scene (Chapter 6 does a fantastic job of hammering in who Blumiere is) watching Blumiere in desperation turn to the book right before you lead into Chapter 8 really hammers home how little he had to live for.

And this is double if you take a lot of the popular fan headcanons (his mother being dead, often times at the hands of humans. His father being abusive. That kind of stuff) as fact for Blumiere’s story. This was quite possibly one of the only people to ever show him kindness, and he lost her, for as far as he’s concerned, forever, and it destroys him.

Which takes us to the timeline of the main game which does an equally good job of fleshing out their love. While the game first points Count Bleck out as an absolute madman and threat with a desire to do nothing more than destroy and recreate the world however he wants, he doesn’t stay that way. The game first foreshadows that something happened to push him over the edge early on and his interactions with Nastasia where he even lets her back out show that he’s fully aware of his actions and not some delusional monster, but chapter 6 in this exchange really drives everything home.

Count Bleck: You QUESTION Count Bleck?! This worthless world's destruction matters not! Far better for Count Bleck to wipe it out of existence than let it remain! Tippi: How can you say that? That's...horrible! Count Bleck: Count Bleck scoffs at you! An insignificant Pixl lectures Count Bleck on what is right and wrong? Tippi: This is not up for discussion! You're wrong...and sick! All living things have a heart. They're all priceless. You can't just...erase them! Count Bleck: Of all things, you defend the heart? Nothing could be more worthless...All things...are meaningless. Aside from Timpani, no treasure mattered in the least to me...

First since this happens before the memory I put earlier this is your first sign that something awful happened to Timpani, but it also just really drives home just how the loss of Timpani drove the hopelessly in love Blumiere into depression and sent him spiraling. All you know is that Blumiere lost Timpani, and he might as well be dead for what’s left of him, and it’s heartbreaking.

But then Tippi remembers, and Count Bleck realizes exactly who she is. Blumiere learns his quest for destruction of the worlds that took her away from him and of himself is meaningless, and Timpani learns that the madman she’s hated, wanted desperately to stop, is the one person who means the world to her. And the result when they reunite is absolutely devastating as Blumiere attempts to play the part the prophecy sets out for him, and Timpani just wants her husband to stop. Blumiere is throwing the battle because now that he knows she’s alive, he can’t hurt her. He doesn’t want to win. He wants to die, and he wants the world to be safe for her, because all he wants is her happiness and her ability to live. The final boss sequence is absolutely killer if you have any investment in their relationship for that reason at all because they’re so in love and both know what they want can’t happen. And it’s heartbreaking.

Then Dimentio happens and in a desperate attempt to save the world, they confess they love each other and use the power of the Pure Hearts and their love for each other to destroy the Chaos Heart. The lines like actually made me emotional now and I’m reading them out of context in a script and not after the about ten hour journey of the main game.

Count Bleck: There were so many things I wanted to say to you...but I could not find the words. Tippi: Oh, Blumiere... Only one thing matters to me now. I never had the chance to return your question... Blumiere... Do you still love me, as well? Count Bleck: Of course... I have thought about you every moment since you disappeared... But I have caused you so much suffering... Tippi: Perhaps...my life would have been more carefree without you, that is true. Count Bleck: But I had to be with you, Timpani. I will never apologize for that... Tippi: I know, Blumiere. And I love you... Count Bleck: And I love you, Timpani... Hundreds of thousands of years from now, that fact will not have changed...

Like look I’m not here to provide an emotional analysis I don’t have to this is just very good. “And I love you, Timpani... Hundreds of thousands of years from now, that fact will not have changed...” is just honestly a beautiful line and I honestly cry just reading it now. (I’m not joking I have fangirl grin on my face just from reading this I miss these two so much.)

And to get their final dialogue, much like the memory scenes from earlier in the game, the conclusion to their tale immediately after this:

"Timpani...do you remember the promise we made to each other that day?" "Yes, I remember..." "If there was a place where we could be happy together, we would find it." "Will you come with me to that place now?" "Blumiere... Of course... I will always be with you..."

It’s just very sweet and satisfying after going through the story. You’ve spent so long rooting for them to have their chance (since the moment you understood what was going on in the memories) that it makes the conclusion all the more just wholesome and satisfying that after everything they’ve been to, they finally get to be together and happy, as shown by the scene in the after credits where they walk down the hill together.

So to tie all this part together, the brilliant writing of SPM is really what gives this ship the chance to shine. By giving us time to get attached to Count Bleck and Tippi first before revealing who they are, we already have a baseline investment in their happiness and thus in the ship. The ship comes secondary to their characters so you have these two already very enjoyable characters (Tippi’s sarcasm and interactions with the heroes of light are a a lot fun, and Count Bleck is so charismatic that whenever he and his minions are on screen they dominate) and then you add in ship that makes an enjoyable build up to the game with good chemistry and mostly heartwarming moments, and make it a tragedy, and it becomes very easy to get invested in it, and to love. And it makes for one of my personal favorite love stories I’ve seen in gaming.

The rest of this essay is more to do with my personal taste and less objectivity so I’m going to throw it under a read more but oh boy did this ship either literally shape my ship tropes or just hit almost every single one of them I have that well.

So needless to say I have loved this ship since I first beat the game probably about thirteen years ago so it’s hard to say whether my ship taste came first or this game defined my ship taste but let me just list all my tropes and you’ll see what I mean:

Light/Dark Dichotomy - From looks to roles, these two embody this trope to a tee. Timpani is light, she’s a descendant of the Tribe of Ancients, the guardians of the Light Prognosticus, and in game is represented in the rainbow butterfly form, who while angular her colors and overall form (butterflies) tend to give her this general association of friend. She fights for the heroes and radiates a presence of general light. Blumiere is her opposite, a member of the Tribe of Darkness, the guardians of the Dark Prognosticus, and in game is represented by mostly darker colors. He is the main antagonist and his presence in game is often tied to some of its darker moments. They embody this contrast.

Opposing Sides - I need to preface the way I’ve phrased this. In most instances I would call this “Enemies to Lovers” however because of the storyline of this game it’s not quite enemies to lovers but it sure does embody the spirit of the trope where two people are fighting against each other despite loving each other and spend the majority of the game not in love with each other because Blumiere has no idea who she is and Timpani has zero memories. The important thing is that they are working against each other, and the tension of going against somebody you love is wonderful. The scene preceding the Count Bleck boss fight embody everything good about this trope.

Forbidden Love - I mean this is literally obvious but Blumiere’s father is literally against the pairing from minute one and literally tries to kill Timpani over it this pairing is as forbidden as they come.

Tragic - I don’t need to define why Timpani and Blumiere are tragic but boy do I love me some good angst and these two are legitimately swimming in it it’s very very good. My favorite thing about the angst is that it never affects the overall tone which is a testament to how well the game is written. Slight tangent but like SPM as a whole gets very very dark, partially due to the Timpani/Blumiere elements and their tragedy but also in part due to the last three chapters of the game. Like Chapter 6 is definitely the heaviest hitter but there’s a lot to unpack in Chapters 7 and 8 as well. But despite this the game’s atmosphere never feels oppressing, it’s still fun with lighthearted moments and it’s still a game that won’t make you feel super depressed. It balances its darkness with the bright colors and the tone of the writing very well. And because of that, despite the fact that they literally destroy a world while you’re on it and then send you to the Mario version of hell, the game never feels too dark to be enjoyable.

The rest of these aren’t as clearly defined by words but I am very much a sucker for the idea of “my love for you is my one weakness” and the one thing that could be used to bring somebody down and drag them to hell. But also being the one thing that’s keeping them out of going down and the one thing that can bring them back out. It makes me emotional and I love it. I would also like to propose the idea that Timpani and Blumiere are soulmates since they’re most definitely true loves but things like soulmates are kind of subjective in the first place.

To tie it all home you can see the elements of my long standing SPM obsession littered in my fandom tastes today if you look hard enough for it. This game had a major part in forming my tastes because before Kingdom Hearts, even before Pokemon Mystery Dungeon, this was the game that captured my heart and attention. It’s the only game to have an amount of (sadly unpublished and lost on old devices that no longer work) writing to rival the amount of things I’ve written for KH over the years. And at the heart of the phenomenal game is a wonderful ship that, years after my last playthrough of the game, still holds a spot in my heart reserved for it.

Timpani and Blumiere are a fantastic ship and between its wonderful writing and its effects on my taste, it has a lot of reasons to still be my favorite ship of all time.

#Paper Mario #Super Paper Mario #Tippi #Count Bleck #Timpani #Blumiere #I love these two beyond words #taliaxlatia #Heather Answers #Heather Does Something #Forgot to add my analysis tag to this post

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oneyanderegirl · 7 years

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Reviving Sunflowers in the Dark

Chapter 3 SH Month Day 3 (roads)

It had been a week since the incident. Hinata was currently sitting on her bed reading over the notes she had written the day after she had been attacked. She was supposed to meet Tsunade later today to talk about Sasuke and his future, but she found herself unsure of what to do.

Word had already spread around the village about what had happened between the two. Many of the villagers were unhappy about it. Some were already calling for his head. Kiba and Shino had thrown a fit, threatening to kill the Uchiha (although Hinata had managed to calm them down). Her clan had been in an uproar as well, having already previously disapproved of her decision. That was a mess that took Hinata and Tsunade hours to solve. Her other friends had also chimed in their opinions, with the consensus being he should be toss in prison. Overall, the village was in chaos over Sasuke.

There was really only one person who didn’t advocate for him to die. Even Sakura and Kakashi had given up on him after that incident. When the two had visited her in the hospital as she was getting herself checked for any other injuries that may have appeared, they looked devastated. Kakashi had locked himself up in his apartment asking for the rest of the month off after seeing the wound on her face and hearing about the wound on her chest. Sakura had apologized to her. The pink haired girl had crumbled before her, in tears as the realization of the situation had finally sunk in.

The Sasuke Uchiha that everyone knew had died.

He was no longer the Sasuke they knew. He was not the little boy who smiled nor was he the genin that cherished team 7 anymore. The day when Sasuke had defected from the village at the age of 12, was the day he had left behind everything and everyone. Sasuke Uchiha had changed. The 17-year old was now a man full of scars, secrets, and darkness. A darkness that would never go away. Everyone knew he had changed, but no one had realized that the change was permanent. It was something that many could not deal with or accept.

Except for one man of course.

“ Naruto-kun…” she whispered.

The blonde man had fought tooth and nail with Tsunade during the week, desperately trying to convince the woman to give him a chance. It was all for naught however, as she recalled his visit to her at the hospital. He had also apologized for Sasuke’s actions. Naruto had begged Hinata for forgiveness, had tried to explain his actions, rambling in desperation to help him convince Tsunade to give Sasuke therapy.

Hinata found herself unable to look at him.

She had avoided him after that visit. It wasn’t really because she did not want to help him, in fact she did want to help Sasuke even without Naruto asking her. She just could not face him at the moment. Ever since the war had ended, she had found herself unable to think about the man. The feelings that had been in her heart since childhood had seemingly disappeared after the war. She knew of his feelings already. She wasn’t sad or heartbroken. She only felt numb.

She looked at her notes again and wondered if she was doing the right thing. Sasuke had tried to kill her; it was a fact. The scene replayed in her mind over and over again. Was it truly hopeless?

Hinata didn't know.

Getting out of bed, she changed into a black mesh shirt and black pants. Then she put on her white and lavender jacket and stepped out of the room. She was still staying at Sasuke’s house, despite protests from quite a few people.

She could have gone back to the Hyuga, but she did not want to. It would have made it seemed as if she had given up, which she hadn't. She was unsure of what her decision should be, but she knew going back would mean she had decided to leave. This was something she definitely did not do. At least not yet.

It was almost time for her to go. After taking the notebook and placing it in a small backpack, she walked outside and closed the door behind her. Looking down the road, she had a feeling this day would be a long one.

She wasn't wrong.

XXX

Every step taken felt heavier than the last. The dead leaves made a crunching sound as she walked along the road. Other than that, everything was quiet. The village was still in scrambles after all. Both the Uchiha and Hyuga district were at the far end of the village, so walking towards the busy streets always took a bit of time. However, the path that was usually taken had been destroyed, making it take even longer to get to the Hokage tower located at the center of the village.

She often wondered why the two most powerful clans were located so far away from the busy streets. Not that it mattered too much. In fact she was a bit grateful since it had allowed both districts to avoid most of the damage that had occurred during the war. Even then however, the war had done a number of damage. The Hyuga district had suffered quite a bit and were currently in the process of rebuilding. The whole village was rebuilding as well. In fact, the entire nation was currently in the process of rebuilding. The war had reduced the land to its knees. The rivers were tainted and food was scarce. Konoha was one of the luckier villages, having just enough resources to get by and keep its citizens healthy. Starvation and famine had become the norm among the land. When news had spread to Konoha, Tsunade had sent some of the shinobi out to help neighboring villages. The other hidden villages had also done the same.

She was halfway through the road. Climbing over boulders and under dead logs, it seemed that the pathway had become even more ragged than when she had walked on it last week. It made for a nice warm up though, so she didn’t mind too much since she hadn’t done any training for the past 2 weeks.

Training reminded her of Sasuke.

She remembered the strands of black hair soaked with blood and dirt that clung to his forehead, and the dried blood that stained his cheeks and eyes. His arm had been torn. The flesh that held it bled out profusely. He was lying on the ground near Naruto, yet not one person stood by his side. While Naruto was being treated with great care surrounded by joys of the people, Sasuke had been left in the cold alone. He was still bleeding when Hinata had noticed him, his eyes still opened. However, despite bleeding red second by second, he remained quiet. He did not move nor did he speak.

Hinata did not know how long she had stared at him, but he eventually turned his head at her direction. He had sensed her gaze. This shocked Hinata, causing her to jump.

White eyes met black.

It was then that Tsunade had finally decided to come over to Sasuke’s side. Green energy formed around her hands as she worked to heal the superficial wounds around his body. Yelling for a medic team, they all proceeded to carry him away to further heal him. His eyes never left hers.

Even after they were long gone, she had continued to stare at the direction they had gone to. A strange feeling washed over her as she replayed the moment in her mind. Despite winning the war and saving the land, despite the cries of happiness that had engulfed the two -

Sasuke’s eyes had remained vacant the entire time.

She looked at the sky in a daze as she recalled their interaction with one another. She knew the war had affected him, even if no one had noticed.

Yet..

She had turned off her Byakugan. A sad expression was now on her face. Slowly, she released her stance until she was standing with her hands by her sides to show that she did not want to fight him. Her eyes gently looked into his, hoping he would understand her intentions. His eyes remained cold. “ You’re in my way.” He pulled his sword out once more, letting the tip face her. Though she was still a few feet away from it, the sharp blade made her feel uncomfortable. She slowly backed away until her back was near the front door. “ We-we only want to help you...” She said with a mix of sadness and fear. The statement only seemed to offend him. His glare made her tremble. “ You can’t help me...” He angrily said. Raising his sword slightly, they looked at each other once more. His eyes never left hers as he took a step forward. He began to advance towards her. “ No one can help me.”

She wondered what he had been thinking. Did he truly believe he was alone? She knew of his revenge, she knew why he had left Konoha all those years ago, but everything was over now. There were no more wars to be had, no more fights to be fought.

So why did Sasuke pushed them away?

Having finally reached the Hokage Tower, she walked up the stairs and into the hallway until she had reached the office. She could hear various voices inside, some yelling while others sobbing.

She knocked on the door.

The voices instantly silenced.

After a few moments, a woman with short black hair and onyx eyes opened the door to greet her inside. After she had stepped inside, Shizune walked back over to go behind the Hokage Desk, where she stood next to Tsunade, who had been sitting in her seat with various documents spread all along the table. Kakashi was standing in the corner of the room letting his silvery hair cover his eyes from view. Leaning against the wall by the windowsill was Shikamaru, who turned to look at her when he noticed her presence. Standing in front of the desk across from Tsunade was a crying Sakura.

“ Sakura-chan…” She softly gasped.

Her pink hair was messy and her emerald eyes that normally sparkled were dull with sadness. Hinata could tell she was exhausted. She had been working day and night treating injured patients from the war. Now she had to deal with the incident that Sasuke had caused. She wasn’t sure of her feelings anymore, but she knew that Sakura still cared about him. She wouldn’t have been here otherwise.

Hearing her name, the pink brunette turned to Hinata with tears still in her eyes. Running to her, she tightly wrapped her arms around her neck pulling Hinata towards her. She was trembling.

“ Hinata.. I’m..I’m so sorry,” she cried.

“ Sakura-chan, I’m fine. It’s okay.” she softly replied.

She felt Sakura hug her tighter as if she would disappear if she didn’t. She was still shaking. It made Hinata feel sad for her friend. She knew how difficult it had been for her all these years. All she had wished for was to have Sasuke back on team 7. All she had wanted was to spend more time with him.

But it seemed fate had other plans.

After a few moments, she finally let Hinata go. Walking to the corner, she stood near Kakashi with her head hung low. It was then that Tsunade spoke.

“ Hinata, thank you for coming. As you know, this meeting is about the future of Sasuke Uchiha,” She said.

Hinata nodded her head.

“ After discussing this with everyone, we have decided on his punishment. The reason why I have summoned you here is because we would like to hear your thoughts on this. Although, you've only spent one day with him, we would still like to hear your opinion.” She continued.

She, again, nodded in response before asking.

“ What is his punishment?” She asked.

The question hung in the air for what felt like an eternity. Shikamaru sighed, running his hands through his black, spiky ponytail before turning to face the window. Shizune nervously organized the papers spread out on the desk while holding on to her small pet pig, tonton. Sakura’s face became blank. Kakashi remained silent.

Tsunade’s light-brown eyes darkened as she stared at her with a tense expression.

“ Death.”

#personal #sasuhina #sasuhina month #fanfics #fanfiction #writing #rsfd #AL

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haleyroachstafford · 7 years

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inside the head (or heart) of an enneagram 4

Hi my name is Haley and I am addicted to feeling.

I have recently learned that I am addicted to my own feelings. I am addicted to feeling in general. I want the elated, top of the world feeling. I want the kicked in the stomach, devastated feeling. I want the hopeless, sobbing in bed feeling. I want the crazy, can’t believe you still love me after all this time, love story feeling. I crave it all.

When the waters get too calm I self sabotage. And I don’t even know I am doing it. But I make up some reason to feel something, because I am addicted to the high and low. To the knock out, drag out fight and the redeeming hugs that follow. I am addicted to the fear and agony and misery of it even though in the moment I can’t understand why anyone would chose it.

Sometimes I reread the things I wrote when I felt completely heartbroken. I can remember feeling terrified that the grief would never end. I remember thinking that I would do anything to just get back to the surface and stop feeling so low. But I read what I wrote in those times, even now, and what I feel is nostalgia. And then I feel so crazy to be grown up and married and feeling nostalgic over the heartbroken journal entries of my 17 year old self. But I know it’s not about the boy or the friend or whatever else. It’s about the feelings. It’s about how much I was feeling in that moment. That’s my weakness. That’s my addiction. So I have to ask why? Why is something burning inside me to feel so much?

Maybe it’s because feeling that much always made me know that I was living. That I was fully invested in this thing that we call life. The ugly and beautiful.

Maybe it is because reading that stuff reminds me that I have never just wanted to brush up against other humans, I want our souls to become intertwined. In the past I would say I want that despite all the pain it can cause. Now I realize maybe I want that because of the potential for pain or challenge that comes with it.

Maybe it is because I have the ability to take the strong feelings and create something beautiful out of them. My sorrow has always been my fuel. And in creating I have always found myself.

Today my life is full of consistency. I have my own home. I have a full time job. I have a college degree. I have a budget. I have a husband. I do not have a need to sit in my closet at night crying as I fill composition notebook after composition notebook about my 16 year old boyfriend who won’t look at me in the hallway.

Maybe this consistency is why I wake up and read the news everyday lately. Because sometimes it fills me with rage and rage works as good fuel too. Maybe that is why in some sick and twisted way I cannot wait till someone I disagree with says something, because it makes me feel so angry and I find comfort in feeling so much. Maybe it is because the feelings make me move in a way that nothing else does.

I feel my way through this life. Because feelings are drive me to act. They are the gasoline to my soul. It is why I could stay in an on and off relationship for three years even though it felt like constantly being stuck on a rollercoaster. Or like you are drowning and just as you come up and get a breath of air someone shoves you back under. I would tell myself, I would kill for something steady but now I see that the exact reason I stayed was because I was addicted to how much I felt in the “I love you, no I hate you” back and forth. I thought it was about the person, but it was more about the spectrum of emotions I was experiencing.

I have lived a lot of my life thinking something was extremely wrong with me because I was drawn to hearing about things like the holocaust or because I would fantasize about how I would feel if something tragic happened to me. And while I knew I didn’t really want anything horrible to happen, I could not help but think about how much I would feel if something did.

I have always felt a little obsessive and weird because break ups or other relationship fallouts have always taken me forever to get over, and many years later I would still happily recall the details of my heartbreak to anyone who asked.

Even today I will still tell my husband stories about many years ago and I will always say things like, “I was just so sad. I was really really sad. I was super sad.” I never knew why I was doing it. I guess I just look back on these feelings with some weird type of fondness and I feel a need to share them. I just want to revisit feelings that at one point consumed me. To experience the weird nostalgia of years old devastation. For me It’s almost like talking about an old friend.

My dad asked me a couple weeks ago, “would you say you are addicted to your feelings?” and I didn’t give it a ton of thought. But it’s popped into my mind a few times since then and I am overwhelmed now with how it suddenly explains all the things about me I have so deeply questioned for so long.

It is easy for me to start thinking about how egotistical I must be to be addicted to my feelings. How needy it probably makes me at times. How impossible and unreasonable it causes me to be. How most people probably wouldn’t pick someone who is addicted to their feelings to be with all the time. I have the voice in my head that says, this is probably why people think you’re annoying.

But I also have to remember that I have worked hard to try and take all the feelings and create beautiful things with them. I have tried to use all the feelings that swirl around inside me to become wiser and more compassionate. I have to remember that it is my addiction to feeling that gives me a deep longing to come beside people in their deep grief and in their celebration.

The other day as I was falling asleep my friend called me. She was bawling and it was hard to understand her and she apologized a lot for calling me in this state, but she just needed to talk to someone. And I kept telling her she should not be sorry. I wanted her to understand that her inviting me into this vulnerable time was a gift to me. I couldn’t explain to her or myself why it felt that way, but I have always felt honored when someone lets me into their sacred times of grief or joy.

This now makes me realize that it is always for slightly selfish reasons that I have such a longing to share all of life’s highs and lows with people. But love is definitely a feeling. And it is one I feel strongly and genuinely. So it is out of this deep feeling of love that I also long to be with people.

As I write this I also have to give myself a pat on the back for being in a relationship for a whole two and a half years that has now turned into a marriage (okay I know everyone is thinking Grant should get the pat on the back for dealing with all this and you are 100% right). We never even broke up which is pretty impressive because of the self sabotage thing, but I think the thing with Grant is that the strong feeling of love has always been enough that I never felt the need to try and create anything else.

I have read that it is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply. It is one of the most true things I have ever heard. I wouldn’t change it for anything. I am grateful that I experience this life so fully. I can’t wait to get to feel everything else this world has for me.

If you are not familiar with the enneagram you should check it out (by clicking the links below) and learn some more about yourself because this morning I feel a little more at peace with who I am thanks to this pretty awesome tool.

Take the test.

Read more about the numbers.

Listen to a podcast!

P.S. just realizing how I didn’t say “I am a little more at peace with who I am,” I, of course, said, “I feel a little more at peace.”

ALL THE FEELINGS

2 notes · View notes

tanaka-koki-blog · 7 years

Text

Creepy Questions - all.

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? It was Kaasan so yes. She means it.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? I wouldn’t ‘not’ date anyone due to age. If I really cared about her and we had a lot in common - I would.

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? When I left Kat-Tun - I was pissed as hell from management, it was pissed not aggravated and I was also happy as hell to be out from under that heavy thumb. But I was heartbroken and devastated to be leaving something and people I loved so damn much. It was a pretty crazy time for me: emotionally and mentally.

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? Course. All the time.

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? I’m not dating anyone. And if I were I wouldn’t give two shits if someone was pissed about it. My life, not their’s.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? No.

7. What exactly are you wearing right now? Under ware, T-shirt.

8. How often do you listen to music? Everyday. Music is LIFE!

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? I guess jeans.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2018? I changed it to next year - Probably.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? I can be both. Depends on my mood.

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? Not that I remember. That sounds bad. But you know.

13. What about ‘R’? Again, same answer.

14. Can you drive a stick shift? I prefer it.

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? Hell nah! Haters gonna hate.

16. Are you going out of town soon? More than likely.

17. When was the last time you cried? I honestly can’t remember. Is that bad?

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? Yes.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you? No.

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? My brothers.

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. Nothing. It’s a great day to be alive.

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? I have no clue. Never happened.

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? No.

24. What are you sitting on right now? I’m laying, on my bed.

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? Yeah, my friends.

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Yes.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? I’m not saying his name.

28. Do you get a lot of colds? No.

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? It was a gift.

30. Does anyone hate you? I’m sure someone does.

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? Not hidden but I’m sure there are some just laying around.

32. Do you like watching scary movies? Yes.

33. Do you want your tongue pierced? It IS pierced!

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? None. Every year was important and made me the man I am today.

35. Did you have a dream last night? I’m pretty sure I did and ‘he’ came true. No, really. I didn’t. Just kidding.

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Today. *edited cause I read that wrong.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? No.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you? I’m sure lots of people do. Not to be egotistical but I am in the ‘business’ so I would only imagine.

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? I know that for a fact.

40. Did you have a good day yesterday? Yes but a better one today.

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? Nope., still not!

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? Leah and Nina. Leah owes me lasagna.

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yes. What a lie that was.

44. What’s the best part about school? Skipping. Hah!

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? --------

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? I did.

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? All the time.

48. Were you single over the last summer? Yes.

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? For the most part.

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? Showering. Or sleeping.

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? Not at all. I like him, rather a lot. Yeah, that’s YOU!

52. Are you nice to everyone? No. Hah!

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Again. Yes. YOU!

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Yes. I have before.

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? Yes.

56. Do you think you like someone? ‘Like’? Is the person that wrote this twelve?

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? OH YEAH! DAMN!!!!!!!! Drunken kisses that burnt into my head.

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? Both.

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? Yes.

60. Do you hate anyone? Doesn’t everyone hate someone, it’s called being human.

61. How’s your heart? Fine, how is yours?

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? Several things.

63. Have you ever cried over a guy? Yes.

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? No clue and I could care less.

65. Are your toenails painted pink? No. Black.

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? I hope not but how would I know this?

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? Sure?

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? Hah! Yes. And they’ve been pulled down. Fuckers.

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? Kaasan.

70. How do you look right now? Like a hot mess.

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? Yes.

72. Can you commit to one person? Yes.

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? Leah, that girl is my rock.

74. Have you ever felt replaced? No.

75. Did you wake up cranky? Not at all.

76. Are you a jealous person? No.

77. Are relationships ever worth it? Very much so.

78. Anyone you’re giving up on? Yes.

79. Currently wanting to see anyone? Kinda.

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? Wake up.

81. Last person you cried in front of? I don’t know. probably someone in Kat-Tun.

82. Is there someone you will never forget? Yes. That J I kissed.

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? I don’t have ‘feelings’ for anyone right now.

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? Cuddling.

85. Are you over your past? Well over it!

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? Yes.

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? Yes. Again, that’s Leah.

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? Hell NO !!!!!!!!

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? Yeah.

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? No.

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? I would know this, how?

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? No.

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? No.

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? No.

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? It’s March now.

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? FUCK YEAH HE IS!!!

97. Who do you have texts from? Lots of people.

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? Peace out!

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yes.

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you? No one.

101. Ever kissed under fireworks? No.

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies? Yes.

0 notes

justsaying40 · 4 years

Text

August 11, 2020

It is 1:22 a.m. and I am sitting up in bed and my thoughts are racing. I have no idea where my life is headed, but I know it is going in a totally different direction than I had planned. Apparently, a power greater than myself had other plans.

I will be 42 years old in three days. In 42 years, the only thing consistent in my life, is that it always seems to be a mess. I am hoping after this last round in the fight for my life will be different. Hope, a funny word I hate to use. To me, h-o-p-e is a four-letter word. One to not be used lightly, hope can have you fucked up. With hope comes disappointment. That has been my experience. Yet, I still manage to hope. Like the Lana Del Rey Song, Hope is a Dangerous Thing for a Woman Like Me to Have. She is my favorite artist, one who sings about my and my life as if she knows me. This song is my anthem, sadly enough, but a damn good song!

As I was saying, in the last round of the fight for my life I lost, the man I love and best friend. In that, I found out the life I had with him has been a lie for I do not know how long. He told me he did not love me anymore and said he has not for a while. How long? Your guess is as good as mine. I was devastated. I spend four and a half years with this person. I saw his dark side and helped him through some of the hardest moments of his life and he cut me off without warning. No explanation, nothing. Just blocked me out of his life. There is more, but I will get to that another time. Due to the fact I have Borderline Personality Disorder, my reaction was not good.

The depression after the roller coaster of emotions I continue to feel is so exhausting, I called out sick at work for 3 days. I could not get out of bed. My heard and my spirit had been broken. I was afraid I might be going crazy. Four and a half years, not knowing how many months or possibly years were genuine. When I got back to work, I was let go. Yes, I lost my job due to my absences. I was not surprised. You see, only two months ago I came back to work after being out for 5 months. Due to addiction, yes, I am also an addict. More on that later.

So, I lost my job and became very depressed. Even more depressed. Not only this but I am dealing with a dealership regarding a car I purchased about 4 weeks before losing my job. I purchased the car the day my ex blocked me without warning. It was not a happy exciting day. The car broke down three times in four weeks and was at the dealership. Here I am, heartbroken, depressed, fired, scared shitless, out of sorts, and dealing with this. The day I go to pick up my car from the dealership, the bank pulls the loan because I lost my job and they take the car back. I was so beside myself and pissed. After everything I have been through with this car, I get this. I cussed and yelled and cried my eyes out.

In the span of four weeks I lost the man I loved and thought loved me. My best friend, same person, two different functions. I was fired from my job and the bank pulled the loan and I lost my car.

I am a fucking mess! I got even more depressed. My mind started to go to some dark places. Thoughts have been frightening. I sleep as much as possible, so I do not have to be awake. I cry constantly and out of the blue. Memories of recent and past events that are not pleasant play in my mind like movie reels. Sometimes on repeat. I am every negative emotion I can think of and finding joy in anything seems impossible. I was in bed for four days, slowed speech, no interest in life, and as far as I was concerned dead to the world.

If I did not have my two kids, I have a 23-year-old and a 17-year-old, I would not be here today; but this is not the end of my story.

I have decided to take control. I reached out for help and have been following through with getting the help. I was fired so my medical is no longer active, but I have applied for help with that. I have an income, not enough but I will figure it out somehow. I do not have to worry about it just yet. I am preparing to check myself into a residential home to get mentally stable. It is possible I will check in on my birthday. It is funny, I have always considered my New Years to be my birthday. After all, it is the day I was born, and I am about to start a new year. I have no idea where I will be on my birthday, but it will be moving forward. I have decided to look at me going to this place as a failure on my part, because I was. I have decided to look at it as a success. I reached out, I am trying, I want to live. I want to live…

Four words that in this moment, I do not believe; fake it until you make it, I must make it. I want to make it. I just cannot seem to make it on my own right now. I do not have a lot of family and the family I do have is busy with their families. My mom lives in another state. So does my dad, but we do not talk anyway. I have me and my kids, it is all I need. Although, the guilt I feel, knowing they see me this way is also not good. I beat myself up constantly. I need help in so many different areas of my life. Right now, I need help learning to love myself again, if I ever even did. My choices since I started to make choices, would suggest otherwise.

Mental illness is a cold hearted mutha fucka. It can paralyze you, turn you into someone you are not, and tear your life apart, if you let it. I refuse to continue to let it ruin my life. I want to level up and do good. They say that is the sweetest revenge. I think revenge is a harsh word. Not only this, but it suggests I want to do good for myself so others who have tried to take me down will see I am unfuckwithable. Well, I am. However, I am this way for me and me only. I want to have peace in my heart, mind, body, ad soul. I want to be healthy, still curvy but fit, and emotionally and mentally stable. I want to get a better job and live comfortable with happiness in my heart. I don’t want these things out of revenge, I want them out of love a love I need to have for myself. FUCK THE REST!

Again, mental illness is a cold hearted mutha fucka and I know there will be many challenges along the way. The fight for one’s life is one with blood, sweat, and tears. Hopefully, you are alive at the end to tell your heroic tale and live like royalty in your newfound world, putting yourself on a pedestal. Before I start to ramble even more, I am calling it a night. Knowing I must do it all again tomorrow is disheartening, ugh! We must go on though…at least that is what I am told. Just saying...

0 notes

weworldnewsforalllove-blog · 5 years

Video

Newsagent worker is stabbed to death 'in a robbery at his shop' in 'safe' Pinner and six more people are knifed in yet another night of bloodshed in London Officers were called to an address in Marsh Road, Pinner, at 6am on Sunday #Azaan_Kaleem_is_attacked The unidentified victim was pronounced dead at the scene Metropolitan Police said enquiries were under way to identify the man Six more stabbings occurred overnight as London's knife epidemic continues There have been 29 deaths classed as 'homicides' in the capital so far this year By JESSICA GREEN FOR MAILONLINE PUBLISHED: 08:51 GMT, 24 March 2019 | UPDATED: 15:02 GMT, 24 March 2019 Outnumbered: CCTV shows gang surrounding #Azaan and his girlfriend As one guard tries to stem the flow from a massive gash in the 17-year-old's thigh, he pleads with the boy: 'Hold my hand and keep your eyes open.'

These horrific scenes, caught on CCTV, are a devastating depiction of Knife Crime Britain – a tide of violence rolling across towns and cities across the country.

In Luton, many miles from London's knife crime hotspots such as Islington or Tottenham, cases of stabbings have almost doubled over the last five years.

And no region is immune, with national crime statistics showing 40,000 blade-related incidents across the country in the year to September 2018.

Even this disturbing figure probably understates the total.

Brutal: Azaan is attacked, despite the appearance of a bystander. Shannon runs to escape #online The terrifying trend is brought into sharp focus in tomorrow night's special edition of Channel 4's 24 Hours In Police Custody, in which TV cameras follow Bedfordshire detectives as they struggle to tackle a form of crime now so widespread it has become almost routine.

Tom Hamm is the detective sergeant who investigates the bloody Luton shopping centre knife fight.

He tells viewers: 'I'm tired of coming into work thinking, 'I wonder who is going to get stabbed today.' I've never known it in ten years to be as bad as it is now. If you were to equate it to a disease, this would be a national emergency.'

It was nothing more than a 'wrong' look that led to the senseless death of 18-year Azaan John Kaleem – the second violent episode at the heart of tomorrow's documentary.

Azaan had never been in trouble with the police and wasn't even known to the four-man gang that killed him.

He'd been walking through Luton with his girlfriend, Shannon, when he made the mistake of exchanging looks with a boy on a bicycle on the other side of the street.

As Shannon explains it, the other boy put his hand inside his trousers as though to pull out a knife. Azaan reached towards his pocket to show he too was armed.

Felled: Azaan crumples on to the road, fatally wounded in the sustained attack

He had started carrying a knife for his own protection a year earlier after being badly beaten up – a terrible error.

The boy on the bike sped off and the incident appeared to have ended but minutes later CCTV cameras record a grey BMW pulling up alongside Azaan and his girlfriend. Even the police were shocked by the level of brutality that ensued.

Four boys emerge from the car and immediately set upon Azaan. One seems to punch him repeatedly – but is actually stabbing him, probably with a bladed knuckleduster he was later found to be carrying.

Azaan is left lying in the road with multiple stab wounds to his back, chest and face, blood pouring out as the gang flee. He died of his injuries in hospital two days later.

His heartbroken mother, Roseann Taylor, told me about her teenage son's last moments.

'When they declared Azaan brain dead, curtains were pulled around and piece-by-piece they turned off equipment,' she said.

'They allowed me to stand behind him. I stroked his hair and told him I loved him. We waited for his heartbeat to stop.

Left to die: The thugs leave stricken Azaan as the bystander stays to offer help

'When I watched the CCTV and found out they didn't know Azaan, it reminded me of a pack of animals seeking out their prey.

'He was not a person, he was some 'thing' they wanted to attack.'

It was terrible twist of fate that Roseann had moved away from London to Luton when Azaan was a toddler. She believed Bedfordshire would be safer.

The men suspected of killing Azaan were identified thanks to a tip-off from a member of the public and were then rounded up by armed officers.

All four were known to police and one, 19-year-old Reece Bliss-McGrath, driver of the BMW, is shown in the film telling an officer: 'When you're not wearing that badge, I'll slap that smile off your face.' Share or comment on this article: Police launch a murder investigation after a man is stabbed to death in north London

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gyrlversion · 5 years

Text

Butchered for a wrong look: The reality of Knife Crime Britain

It is broad daylight early on a Sunday afternoon and, just as in any other shopping centre up and down the country, The Mall in Luton is packed with families dragging bored children in and out of chain stores.

Suddenly, shouts and piercing screams erupt, the crowd parts and three teenagers start slashing at one another with knives, including a terrifying 18in machete.

Two run off – one of them wounded – as the third boy collapses to the ground with a terrible injury, blood spurting scarlet on to the polished marble floor. By the time security guards arrive at the scene, his life is ebbing away.

Scroll down for video

It was nothing more than a ‘wrong’ look that led to the senseless death of 18-year Azaan John Kaleem – the second violent episode at the heart of tomorrow’s documentary

Outnumbered: CCTV shows gang surrounding Azaan and his girlfriend

As one guard tries to stem the flow from a massive gash in the 17-year-old’s thigh, he pleads with the boy: ‘Hold my hand and keep your eyes open.’

These horrific scenes, caught on CCTV, are a devastating depiction of Knife Crime Britain – a tide of violence rolling across towns and cities across the country.

In Luton, many miles from London’s knife crime hotspots such as Islington or Tottenham, cases of stabbings have almost doubled over the last five years.

And no region is immune, with national crime statistics showing 40,000 blade-related incidents across the country in the year to September 2018.

Even this disturbing figure probably understates the total.

Brutal: Azaan is attacked, despite the appearance of a bystander. Shannon runs to escape

The terrifying trend is brought into sharp focus in tomorrow night’s special edition of Channel 4’s 24 Hours In Police Custody, in which TV cameras follow Bedfordshire detectives as they struggle to tackle a form of crime now so widespread it has become almost routine.

Tom Hamm is the detective sergeant who investigates the bloody Luton shopping centre knife fight.

He tells viewers: ‘I’m tired of coming into work thinking, ‘I wonder who is going to get stabbed today.’ I’ve never known it in ten years to be as bad as it is now. If you were to equate it to a disease, this would be a national emergency.’

It was nothing more than a ‘wrong’ look that led to the senseless death of 18-year Azaan John Kaleem – the second violent episode at the heart of tomorrow’s documentary.

Azaan had never been in trouble with the police and wasn’t even known to the four-man gang that killed him.

He’d been walking through Luton with his girlfriend, Shannon, when he made the mistake of exchanging looks with a boy on a bicycle on the other side of the street.

As Shannon explains it, the other boy put his hand inside his trousers as though to pull out a knife. Azaan reached towards his pocket to show he too was armed.

Felled: Azaan crumples on to the road, fatally wounded in the sustained attack

He had started carrying a knife for his own protection a year earlier after being badly beaten up – a terrible error.

Azaan is left lying in the road with multiple stab wounds to his back, chest and face, blood pouring out as the gang flee. He died of his injuries in hospital two days later.

His heartbroken mother, Roseann Taylor, told me about her teenage son’s last moments.

‘When they declared Azaan brain dead, curtains were pulled around and piece-by-piece they turned off equipment,’ she said.

‘They allowed me to stand behind him. I stroked his hair and told him I loved him. We waited for his heartbeat to stop.

Left to die: The thugs leave stricken Azaan as the bystander stays to offer help

‘When I watched the CCTV and found out they didn’t know Azaan, it reminded me of a pack of animals seeking out their prey.

‘He was not a person, he was some ‘thing’ they wanted to attack.’

It was terrible twist of fate that Roseann had moved away from London to Luton when Azaan was a toddler. She believed Bedfordshire would be safer.

The men suspected of killing Azaan were identified thanks to a tip-off from a member of the public and were then rounded up by armed officers.

All four were known to police and one, 19-year-old Reece Bliss-McGrath, driver of the BMW, is shown in the film telling an officer: ‘When you’re not wearing that badge, I’ll slap that smile off your face.’

The interviews that follow are hard-going: three of the suspects – 18-year-old Rashaan Ellis, 19-year-old Callum Smith and 17-year-old Harrison Searle – answer ‘no comment’ to every question.

Ellis is said to be the main assailant, with the fearsome knuckle duster, but Smith is also accused of stabbing Azaan.

Bliss-McGrath is willing to talk, however, provided that the police can ensure his protection.

He tells detectives the four of them had been driving around in his newly purchased £2,500 BMW when Searle received a call from the boy on the bike to say Azaan had ‘pulled a knife’.

They decided to ‘go and do this’, Bliss-McGrath explains, before telling officers that Ellis is ‘the crazy one. He’s nuts, he’s hyped up. Like someone who takes coke’.

Flashpoint: Two of the knife-wielding youths, one brandishing a huge bladed weapon, square up in the shopping mall before one of them is stabbed

Bliss-McGrath believes the confession will allow him to walk free. After all, he didn’t deliver any of the fatal blows. But he is deluded, and the cameras show his face turning ashen as he is charged with ‘joint enterprise murder’ alongside the other three.

As one of the detectives explains: ‘With joint enterprise you don’t have to be the person who did the stabbing. If you think you didn’t play a part in it, it doesn’t matter.’

The gang were jailed for a total of 63 years.

The two teenagers stabbed and wounded in the shopping centre knife fight are lucky – they have recovered. But now, they and the other youth involved are sitting in Luton police station, charged with affray and wounding with intent.

They show not the slightest sign of fear or concern. Slouching, bored on plastic chairs, anyone would think they’d been arrested for stealing a packet of crisps.

Che Stephens, 17, escaped without injury after stabbing Luca Sanni in the leg. Stephens is shown footage of the fight and asked how he feels when he sees Sanni collapse. He refuses to answer. Even Sanni sticks to ‘no comment’ despite the terrible wound he suffered, as does Imani Pobi Da Silva, 17, who was slashed.

DS Hamm says: ‘The biggest obstacle we face in solving a lot of our stabbings is the reluctance of those involved to talk.

‘It is definitely out there that if something happens, you don’t tell the police. It’s frustrating, tiring and demoralising. They’re receiving some pretty serious injuries. Some of them are near death – and they don’t want to be seen as a grass.’

Stephens, who instigated the fight, was jailed for seven-and-a-half years after admitting wounding with intent, Sanni, who produced the machete, was sentenced to five years and Imani Pobi Da Silva 12 months.

‘Carrying a knife doesn’t make you safer. It’s either going to make you a criminal or a victim,’ the detective says.

‘But to go from a dirty look to dying is ridiculous. It just doesn’t make any sense.’

Terrifying: CCTV shows the bloody aftermath of the knife fight in the mall in front of horrified Sunday shoppers

Meanwhile, the brutal manner of Azaan John Kaleem’s death continues to haunt his mother.

She tells me: ‘I didn’t think [knife crime] was my problem because I didn’t think my son would ever be engaged in it.

‘I’ve never had the police come to the door, he’s never been in trouble. He’s just an average 18-year-old.

‘He’s not a threat to anybody and certainly wouldn’t harm anyone. I just want to know why.

‘Watching your child be murdered over and over again on CCTV during the court case was just gut-wrenching. I still play it over and over in my head. I feel like I’ve failed. At the very last moment I wasn’t there for him.

‘I’d do everything to hear him call me Mum again. The reality is, that will never happen.’

She now goes into schools to talk to children about the dangers of carrying knives but says that much, much more is needed – from everyone in society.

‘We all need to play a part, from the Government to the people who allow knives to be delivered through the letterbox, to the witnesses and man on the street who doesn’t go to help when they see someone being attacked,’ she says.

‘The younger generation has this energy but have nowhere to put it. Everything is disposable – even life.’

24 Hours In Police Custody airs tomorrow at 9pm on Channel 4.

The post Butchered for a wrong look: The reality of Knife Crime Britain appeared first on Gyrlversion.

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#Entertainment News

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incursionofthedamnedrpg · 6 years

Photo

Paige Leary Accepted, you know what to do, Ruby!

Name: ruby

Age: 20

Timezone: gmt

State an account where we can message you: here!

How active you’re going to be: 5-6

How did you find out about this roleplay? in it!

Why do you want to play this character? i feel like we need more human pure beans that got no idea what they’re in for. plus, i love rachel mcadams. PLUS, i have some great stuff figured out to make her fit into this picture. and lots of possibilities and plots in mind.

Anything else you would like to tell us? (Changes, suggestions…etc) ya, for the graphic: it’s brown-haired rachel.

IC:

Preferred Ships: chemistry, always.

Sample para:RFP

Template must be filled out, please make your character 16+ (we do not accept young ages), and be sure to run a faceclaim by the main first!

Name: Paige Leary Birthday: July 2nd (28) Species: Human Lookalike: Rachel McAdams Availability: Taken

Personality

Paige is an old school optimist and believer in all things good and sacred. She's clever and humble, preferring to keep her talents and successes under wraps. But above all, she loves wholeheartedly, whether it's a love aimed at her family and friends or just life and the world in general. Eluding death through her miracle recovery, she's learned to embrace life wholly, cherishing every day of her life, though that took a major blow after Blake's death. The incident drained her of some of her cheerfulness, leaving her a lot more pragmatic and struggling with the remnants of the major depression that had plagued her. Right now, Paige is a mess, obsessive over her quest for the truth to the point when she's willing to do anything to uncover it.

Past

Paige Shannon was born in the town of Landmark, in Montana. Daughter to heart surgeon Matthew Shannon and accountant Elisabeth Shannon, she was also the only daughter and younger child of the couple. Growing up with three older brothers, she was definitely spoiled, but in the best of ways, which reminded her of humility and the importance of hard work. She was a normal child, with just-above-average performances and who enjoyed activities such as bird watching and playing the violin.

At the age of 12, she met a boy named Blake Leary, who had just moved into town and seemed to be hastily getting himself in trouble. Curious about his mysterious nature and what seemed like a heavy baggage on his shoulders, Paige made great efforts to befriend him, which paid off in the end. They started spending a lot of time together, though all she managed to learn about him was that, apparently, he and his father traveled a lot. Then, a year later, he told her he had to leave, only to end up staying, muttering words about building his own life. He was taken into an orphanage after lying about the fate of his father and, as promised, started to build a life for himself.

When Paige was 15, she and Blake started dating, already making plans about leaving Landmark behind and attending college together, in California. However, these plans were quickly tarnished when Paige received some devastating news. Only 17, she was diagnosed with a terminal illness and given only a few months to live. Everyone around her was heartbroken, Blake most of all. No matter how much Paige begged him to travel the world with her as her dying wish, he insisted that she would not die. Then, one night, he kissed her forehead and told her that everything would be alright. And alright it was. Like a miracle, next day’s check-up revealed that she was completely healthy.

Paige couldn’t help but find a connection with Blake’s eerie certainty, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t not find a logical explanation. All he told her was that he’d prayed and that faith had saved her. Decided to trust him, Paige eventually accepted this as the source of her salvation. Although not necessarily pious, she did start to harbor strong faith in her heart since then.

Now with a future ahead of her again, Paige left Landmark together with Blake and the two started their new life in California: her, as a Law student and him, as an Architecture student. They went through all the bumps and rides of a young couple reconstructing their lives: rent, loans, brief break-ups, emotional drama. By the time she was 25, Paige was a rising lawyer, owning a house with Blake and taking care of two dogs and a cat. Blake was doing fantastic too, both of them decided to place priority on their careers, hence the reason why marriage and children were never really on the table.

That is, until around the time when Paige turned 27 and Blake suddenly started talking about weddings. But because he didn’t insist, Paige saw nothing urgent, assuring him that, hey, maybe the 30s would be the perfect time to focus on their family. Her career was peaking, having just received an offer for a four-month internship in England. Encouraged by Blake, she crossed the ocean and grabbed life by the reins. At home, unknown to her, Blake was struggling with the reality of his time running out. He’d sold his soul to cure her illness and, now, the time to collect the debt was approaching fast.

One night, he called her, said he loved her, but didn’t make it all seem like a goodbye, too concerned with not saddening her. He told her they’d see each other in a few days, upon her return from England. Except they didn’t. When Paige returned and saw Blake wasn’t waiting at the airport, she immediately knew something was wrong. She found him at some warehouse, in a pool of his own blood, torn and maimed. Dead. She was taken home by Blake’s friend Shawn, the only person who had arrived there before her. Not that she noticed that at first.

The heartbreak nearly destroyed her, throwing her in a deep grief and a depression that lasted for weeks. It impaired her work, costing her a job. But did it matter anymore? It had been her job to begin with that had kept her away from Blake for so long, after all. Then, one day, a chat with one of their neighbors unveiled that on his death’s night, Blake had left with Shawn in the middle of the night. Although this sparked many questions, he was no longer in town, leaving Paige with the realization that something was off. The official cause of death was a vicious dog attack, which her instinct told was wrong.

In time, Paige started to grow obsessive over Blake’s death, finding more and more things that didn’t add up. At last, she determined there were many hidden things out of her reach. And she was going to uncover them. She discovered the phone number of a person who knew Blake’s father, who hadn’t even showed for the funeral, and decided to trail him and learn about something she’d believed in, yet chose to ignore: that Blake had been harboring a deep secret.

To preserve his memory, she legally changed her name to Paige Leary, haunted by the guilt of postponing the building of their family for so long. Paige packed her bags and took off. She met with that friend, who pointed toward another friend, and then toward another. By the time she knew it, she was bouncing from town to town, trailing Blake’s mysterious father in search for answers, learning some unsettling things. Links with murders, with disappearances. Witnesses claimed Josh Leary had a trunk full of guns and that he’d been convicted for murder and maiming in plenty of towns.

At some point, she ran into a man named Aleks, who said he’d crossed paths with Josh Leary and pointed her in the direction of a town in Virginia called Mystic Falls. Those around her warned her that this town was infamous for its strange occurrences, but Paige was confident this would be the end of the line.

Present

Having arrived in town for a few days, Paige is now on the lookout for Josh Leary. From the information she’d gathered, he has a habit of returning to Mystic Falls, so she plans to be here when that happens. She doesn’t know what to expect, but she knows the truth is better than nothing.

Connections

Jasper

The demon that, unknown to Paige, sealed the deal with Blake.

Shawn Maddox

Friend she met through Paige. Unknown to her, Blake went with Shawn to try to break the deal on the night he died.

Aleksandr Woods

Paige met him during her travels for the truth about Blake’s death and he pointed her toward Mystic Falls.

#accepted

0 notes

headhunterjosh-blog1 · 7 years

Photo

There’s a first time for everything.

WC: 1.329

Book

He was just a baby. Too young to understand the words his mother mumbled under her breath as she read Le Petit Prince to him quietly in soft French, voice warm and loving. But he grew into it. Grew to understand the words and the meaning behind them. He was still young and gullible. To him, every word that left his mother's mouth was an undeniable truth like the blue of the sky.

He believed every word. Took the good and the bad and everything in between at face value. He let it shape him and the way he saw the world around him.

Only that the bad seemed to outweigh the good.

As years passed by, he forgot the parts about stars and love and hope.

On risque de pleurer un peu si l'on s'est laissé apprivoiser. tought him not to get attached. That letting your guard downs was just another way to allow people to hurt you.

Tu deviens responsable pour toujours de ce que tu as apprivoisé. tought him that others, too, would be hurt if he'd allow himself to get too close.

“Où sont les hommes ? reprit enfin le petit prince. On est un peu seul dans le désert…” “On est seul aussi chez les hommes“, dit le serpent. tought him that whether he was close to people or not didn't even matter in the end.

Memory

He was three. That's when they moved away. Left London behind and moved into a tiny little town by the coast.

And yet when he spoke of home he thought of London.

He remembered it.

Remembered running through their house, remembered sitting on the hardwood floor of their dining room by himself, looking at his mother, watching her prepare dinner in the kitchen. One of the rare occasions she would cook.

It was nothing life changing. Didn't even seem important.

But it reminded him of different times. Not necessarily easier. Or better. But different.

Movie

He was six. Finally, finally old enough to watch the one movie all the kids in school talked about.

Star Wars Episode I.

A movie that was older than himself. He couldn't even read the intro text.

And yet he was hooked. Incredibly hooked. Kicking of a secret obsession that lasted years and years.

Friend

He was 8.

And he had met her over and over again at his parent’s stupid parties.

Red haired, quiet girl.

Never cared much about her. Barely even noticed her while he was playing with the boys, even kept forgetting her name.

That was until one day.

Where it was just him, her and this one kid he really, really, really hated.

So he pushed him down a flight of stairs. And that kid had the audacity to cry and tattle on him.

And he was so sure that he'd be in trouble. Basically as good as dead. So he did what he had to do and lied, told his parents that the boy was clumsy, tripped and fell. And then his father looked at her. And ask him if it was true.

And she just gave a sly smile and nodded.

And from that moment on he knew that she was someone he wanted to keep around.

Kiss

He was 12.

He was in middle school and people thought that he was the coolest because he didn't care about anything. Because he broke the rules. Because he got into fights and got send to the principle, bruised and bloody and smiling.

She was his classmate. Too clever for her own good and too naive, too.

It was a cliché really, like a scene from some terrible movie, when he kissed her after school because she let him copy her answers for the maths exam he didn't study for.

Time Drinking

He was 13.

And suddenly he felt so, so right. Hanging out with his friends in their back yard. Breaking into his father's liquor cabinet while his parents were out, attending some stupid dinner party, leaving him at home out of fear he would embarrass them.

His first sip burned, made him cough and pull a face.

His second sip still burned, but it warmed him up, inside out.

He didn't remember how many sips he had, but his mind was buzzing, his head felt fuzzy and vision was blurry but they were laughing.

And he was really, really happy for the first time in a very long time.

Tattoo

He was 16.

And he was in pain.

He didn't mind the scars he had. The ones he could hide under a t-shirt. The ones no one had to see.

But this one was different.

He could feel people looking, staring even, at mark at the back of his neck where is father's belt had split the skin deep enough to leave a mark. Just a little bit too high. High enough for it to always peak out above his collar, no matter what he was wearing.

It was messy. A rush job. An idea that only came up after a party and too many shots of tequila. And it hurt. A lot.

He could feel people looking, staring even, at the mark at the back his neck. Deep black ink replacing whatever was there before. But this time, he didn't mind.

It started a habit. Scars covered in ink, replacing old marks with new ones. Some from beatings, some from fights, some he could blame on no one but himself.

Without the story behind them, his skin looked like a sketchbook covered in random doodles, but to him, they painted a picture, told a story.

Heartbreak

He was 17.

People would go on and on about how they were heartbroken when someone left them.

But they always fail to mention that your heart also breaks when you leave.

In this case not a person.

But a place.

His parents moved him to the US.

He hated New York. Spend his first week in bed on his own. Blinds closed. Staring into the darkness. Not talking. Not eating.

He was devastated.

And if he ever experienced heartbreak in his life, this was it.

Car

He was 18.

He still remembered how he got it. Just got his license and of course, as rich parents do, they gave their spoiled son a brand new car for his birthday.

A Porsche.

Fancy enough to have people staring when he arrived at school, music blasting from his speakers, stepping out of it with a smug smile as if this was his kingdom.

He and his friends would spend endless hours in it. Smoking and laughing and singing along to the radio. Drinking and cruising through the city as if it as theirs to own.

He still remembered how he thrashed it.

The memory of crunching metal and glass shattering and people screaming forever edged into his memory. Waking him up at night.

He didn't miss it.

Job

He was 19.

Just out of Britain.

Just out of school, too.

He never had to work a day in his life and he didn't expect he'd ever would.

But now he was away from home and without something to occupy him he didn't know how to function.

He worked at a café for a while, selling coffee and giving out smiles, earning himself tips and phone numbers.

But still, he knew he couldn't work there forever. There were things he just couldn't handle.

The most important one being people expecting him to show up and having a boss.

So he called his dad and asked for a favour.

Bought a coffee truck.

Sold wherever he wanted, whenever he wanted, stayed in bed when he didn't want to at all, took people to bed that he met at work.

Love

He's 22.

No stranger to desire and lust and passion.

But he had never felt love.

Never said I love you.

Not to friends. Not to his family.

Never heard I love you.

Not from friends. Not from his family.

Instead, he drifted in and out affairs. Spend more nights with strangers in his bed than even he would like to admit.

And for the longest time, he thought that this would never change.

But slowly.

Very slowly.

He felt like it just might.

#bfrpgcdt008 #tanslations:#[ one runs the risk of weeping a little if one allows himself to be tamed ]#[ you become responsible forever for what you have tamed ]#[#Where are the people? resumed the little prince at last. It's a little lonely in the desert...#It is lonely when you're among people too said the snake.#]#okay #now for triggers #abuse //#blood //#domestic violence //#self harm //#everything only mentioned or implied

0 notes

gyrlversion · 5 years

Text

Jodie Chesneys devastated family call for justice

Hundreds of wellwishers marched through Romford town centre tonight in support of Jodie Chesney, who was brutally stabbed to death in a children’s playground while with friends.

The 17-year-old’s heartbroken family have made a heartfelt plea for anyone with information about her death to come forward, as her father urged people to ‘do the right thing’.

She was sitting with friends in a children’s playground in Harold Hill, east London, when she was brutally knifed in the back in a seemingly motiveless attack last Friday.

People carry purple balloons through Romford town centre, near to where Jodie was brutally killed on Friday in a children’s play park

Hundreds of people took part in the march through east London tonight to denounce knife crime in the capital

Protesters looked visibly moved as they made their way through Romford tonight carrying purple balloons in honour of Jodie

Men, women and children all took part in the march through east London on Thursday evening, carrying their own placards. One sign read ‘lives not knives RIP Jodie’

Huge banners were brought out onto the march with read ‘RIP Jodie’, along with love hearts drawn onto the sign

People march through Romford town centre to protest the fatal stabbing of Jodie Chesney

A young boy ties a purple ribbon in Romford town centre to protest the fatal stabbing of Jodie Chesney

Tonight, people carrying purple balloons and placards denouncing knife crime marched near Jodie’s home, as the capital struggles to get to grips with escalating knife crime.

Earlier on Thursday, Jodie’s heartbroken father has described his daughter as ‘the nicest person ever’ and that she ‘wouldn’t have done anything to deserve this – no way.’

The 17-year-old Explorer Scout was murdered in a random and unprovoked attack as she sat with her boyfriend and three other friends in a park in Harold Hill.

A man has been arrested in Leicester in connection with the murder.

Her distraught father Peter Chesney, told Sky News today: ‘She was the nicest person any of us know or knew, everything about being kind and good and thoughtful.

A man has been arrested in Leicester in connection with the murder of Jodie Chesney (pictured), who was stabbed in a park in east London last week. Image undated

The heartbroken family of Jodie Chesney have spoken out today. Peter, stepmother Joanne and sister Lucy

‘There’s just no way you could do this to a nicer person. I mean, everybody is going to say that about their own kids obviously, but really, look what everyone is saying in other interviews and stuff, she really was just the nicest person ever.

‘She would not have done anything to deserve this.’

The arrest came after police received a tip-off the suspects travelled to the east Midlands – nearly 115 miles away – following the brutal stabbing.

Mr Chesney has issued a plea for those with information about the attack to come forward.

He added: ‘The message is just do the right thing. Someone knows who did this… the person needs to be caught. Jodie needs justice.

‘We need for Jodie to have justice. No one thinks this is OK. Surely nobody who knows the guy who did this thinks it is OK.

‘You can’t get kudos for stabbing a 17-year-old in the back. So, just dob them in, grass them up, this is not alright.

‘It was obviously a murder as well, it wasn’t accident… it was so ferocious the attack. She lost so much blood. This was on purpose, someone meant to murder her.’

Peter Chesney alongside his daughter Lucy and partner Joanne. The heartbroken family said Jodie was the ‘nicest person any of us know’

A man arrested in Leicester is thought to have travelled more than 100 miles away from London to Leicester

Mr Chesney said Jodie’s death has torn the family apart and that they are ‘a mess’, adding: ‘We don’t know how to deal with it.

‘Everyone is suffering because she was so good… everyone just can’t believe – why her? It is not one life deserves to be killed over another, but specifically her, she was so kind.’

Asked what Jodie was like, he said she was a ‘proud geek’, who was a ‘great girl’, and added: ‘The fibre of her being was just about being good, kind… there was nothing bad in her body.’

Her stepmother Joanne said Jodie, who did not realise how popular she was, was ‘very dry’ and ‘did not have a filter’, who said exactly what she thought whether someone wanted to hear it or not.

Family members of murdered teenager Jodie Chesney. Devastated stepmother Joanne and sister Lucy hold each other

‘Infectious personality, easy to get along with, no pretension at all. She wouldn’t have hurt anybody,’ Mr Chesney added.

Jodie’s stepmother Joanne said: ‘Even now it is still going on days later, the next day someone was killed. And then now a few days after that another person. Tomorrow someone else probably, Saturday someone else probably.

‘When, where do you stop? How many more families are going to have to sit here and go through this?’

Asked for their thoughts on the calls for tougher sentences for those who carry and use knives, Mr Chesney said ‘that would do it – 100%’.

Mr Chesney, who was wearing a purple ribbon pinned to his chest that was made by Jodie’s friends, said many of her peers are dying their hair purple in her honour.

The colour was her favourite, her family said.

‘There is purple everywhere in the area, I like that. But people who know Jodie, she will be remembered for being kind,’ Mr Chesney said.

‘It is nice to know she is being remembered by so many people. It is good, I love it.’

Her family said she loved animals – particularly dogs – and had once wanted to be a vet.

Asked what message the family have for those who carry knives or are thinking about it, Mr Chesney said: ‘I don’t know when this happened, when this was OK to carry knives and use them, it wasn’t like that when I was at school.’

He added: ‘The message is, just think about what you are going to do with your life. If you are going to carry a knife and if you’re going use a knife, you are going to ruin your life, and others – and why?’

Police said the killer and an accomplice were spotted watching the five friends, who were socialising on Friday evening in a playground in Harold Hill.

Composite picture of some of the people who have lost their lives to knife crime this year. Top row, from left: Tudor Simionov, Jaden Moodie, Nedim Bilgin, Lejean Richards, Dennis Anderson. Middle row, from left: Patrick Hill, Sidali Mohamed, Bright Akinleye, Abdullah Muhammad, Glendon Spence. Bottom row, from left: Kamali Gabbidon-Lynck, Hazrat Umar, Che Morrison, Jodie Chesney, Yousef Ghaleb Makki

Sadiq Khan rolls his eyes when probed on knife crime funding

Major of London Sadiq Khan today rolled his eyes when he faced questions from a Sky News reporter about funding for the fight against knife crime.

Mr Khan claimed he had done ‘as much as I am allowed to do under the law’ by setting up a £45million youth fund and raising council taxes.

But the Major insisted cuts in funding from central government had left him hamstrung.

Sadiq Khan during today’s interview on knife crime

‘I’ve raised council tax three years in a row, but also used the money from business rates to invest in policing and youth services,’ he told Sky.

‘The investment we are putting in doesn’t fill the massive hole left by the Government.’

At this point Sky’s Sarah-Jane Mee interrupted, saying: ‘You keep shifting it onto central government.’

Mr Khan then rolled his eyes in frustration, before the presenter asked why he wasn’t ‘taking personal responsibility’ for the issue.

The duo left but returned at 9.30pm wearing balaclavas and one of them, described by the Metropolitan Police as a young black male, stabbed Jodie once in the back, all without saying a word. The pair then ran off in the direction of Romford Road.

Friends from Havering Sixth Form College said Jodie had no enemies and suggested she could be the victim of mistaken identity.

Eddie Coyle, her 18-year-old boyfriend, screamed for help as his girlfriend lay bleeding with the knife lodged in her back. She was pronounced dead an hour later.

Detective Chief Superintendent Shabnam Chaudhri, who is leading the police response to the murder in the local community, said on Monday afternoon: ‘We still don’t have any idea (why Jodie was attacked).’

She said investigators were ‘focusing totally’ on a witness appeal to try and track down the suspects. Police have asked anyone who may have CCTV or dash cam footage between 7pm and 11pm on March 1.

Ms Chaudhri refused to speculate on whether the attack could have been some form of gang initiation.

She said the Met’s Violent Crime Taskforce had been deployed in the Havering area as well as on additional patrols in the boroughs of Redbridge, Barking and Dagenham and Havering.

A post-mortem carried out on Sunday established that the cause of Jodie’s death was trauma and haemorrhage, and police released a photograph of the teenager on the same day.

Jodie was a Girl Scout and school friends said students at Havering College would be wearing purple next Friday in honour of Jodie and her Barking & Dagenham scout troop colours.

She posted a photograph on Instagram with fellow scouts at 10 Downing Street on Remembrance Day last year, with the caption: ‘I’m basically famous now … this was such a good opportunity and so much fun.’

It came as two teenagers were charged over a fatal stabbing attack on Yousef Makki in Hale Barns in Trafford on Saturday night.

Last night Greater Manchester Police said a 17-year-old boy had been charged with Yousef’s murder.

He has also been charged with possession of a bladed article. A second 17-year-old boy has been charged with assisting an offender and possession of a bladed article.

The boys, neither of whom can be named due to their age, were kept in custody overnight to appear before youth court in Manchester this morning.

The scene of the crime in Romford on Sunday where Jodie Chesney was knifed to death. Forensic police officers search the park as flowers and lanterns are left nearby

The family of Ms Chesney are among those to back tougher sentences to tackle the knife crime crisis.

Relative Karen Chesney appealed on Facebook for support for a petition calling for a 10-year jail term for knife possession and 25 years for using a knife.

It comes as a man in his 20s has become the 14th stabbing fatality in 16 days as police and politicians struggle to contain the wave of violence.

The Spanish national, named by police locally as David Martinez, was stabbed six times inside a house in Leyton, east London, before being chased barefoot down the street, reportedly by three men, before collapsing and dying.

Within hours of his death, the 22-year-old victim of an attack in Oxford on February 27 died in the John Radcliffe hospital. He had been run over and repeatedly stabbed, police said.

Police officers fought in vain to save Britain’s latest stabbing victim, pleading with the dying man ‘My friend. Can you hear me? Talk to me’ as he lay on the street in Leyton, east London.

Another witness described seeing the victim running down the street with no shoes on after first being attacked in his home. After being pursued he collapsed on the pavement.

Despite frantic efforts by police, and witnesses who rushed to bring blankets to the injured man and gave him a cushion to rest his head, the man died at the scene in East Leyton at around 5.10pm.

Officers cut away his clothes and attempted to stem the flow of blood before paramedics arrived. One was heard to say as he cut away the trousers: ‘He’s been stabbed in the leg too.’

As blood poured out of the victim’s body a bystander screamed: ‘Oh my god.’ The officer begged the victim to stay awake at one stage pleading: ‘My friend. Mate, mate, mate, talk to me. Can you hear me.’

Another officer says: ‘Are you with me? No, he’s going.’

Within minutes paramedics arrived and took over giving him oxygen and attempted to save his life. The officer could be heard desperately urging the victim to ‘stay with me’ as the ambulance arrived and paramedics took over.

In Coventry a 14-year-old schoolgirl was chased by up to 15 other teenagers before being attacked with what one witness described as scissors. The victim’s injuries are not life-threatening an a 16-year-old girl was arrested.

On Tuesday afternoon, the Parliament petition had been signed more than 33,000 times. A total of 100,000 signatures are required before a petition can be considered for debate by MPs.

Britain’s most senior police officer, Metropolitan Police Commissioner Cressida Dick, clashed with the Prime Minister on the issue, insisting there is ‘obviously’ a connection between reductions in officer numbers and street violence. She also refused to rule out calling in the Army to help.

Police officer numbers in England and Wales have dropped by more than 20,000 since 2010, while levels of violent crime have risen in recent years, and Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson said the military would be ‘ready to help’ play a part in tackling knife crime.

Ms Dick told LBC: ‘If you went back in history, you would see examples of when police officer numbers have gone down and crime has not necessarily risen at the same rate and in the same way.

‘But I think that what we all agree on is that, in the last few years, police officer numbers have gone down a lot, there’s been a lot of other cuts in public services, there has been more demand for policing and therefore there must be something, and I have consistently said that.

‘I’m basically famous now’: The innocent caption Jodie Chesney posted on the day she visited 10 Downing Street months before she was brutally stabbed in the back in a park in Romford

‘I agree that there is some link between violent crime on the streets obviously and police numbers, of course there is and everybody would see that.’

Asked if he thought the British military could help play a part in tackling knife crime, Mr Williamson told the Press Association the armed forces and Ministry of Defence ‘always stands ready to help any government department’.

Mr Williamson said they have had no requests for assistance but ‘would always be ready to respond’.

‘As we look at all of this, obviously our thoughts and prayers are with those family and friends of those who have lost someone,’ he said.

‘I know that the Home Secretary is looking very closely at how he can ensure that everything is done to tackle this problem at the moment.’

At a Cabinet meeting on the issue of knife crime on Tuesday, Mrs May said the killings of Jodie and Yousef last week were ‘absolutely appalling’ and told ministers her thoughts and sympathies were with the teenagers’ families.

Her official spokesman said she had tasked the Home Office with co-ordinating an urgent series of Cabinet-level ministerial meetings and engagements to accelerate the work Government is doing to support local councils and police.

Mrs May said the problem would require ‘a whole-of-Government effort, in conjunction with the police, the wider public sector and local communities’.

Meetings will take place ‘as soon as possible’ and were being treated as ‘a priority’ by the PM, said her spokesman.

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn said on Tuesday evening: ‘Since 2010, we’ve seen 21,000 police officers taken off our streets and 760 youth centres closed.

‘We’ve experienced the tearing of the social fabric of our communities.

‘The Prime Minister says there is no link between cuts to our police and soaring levels of violent crime.

‘She needs to listen to grieving families, police chiefs across the country and her own Home Secretary, and the communities decimated by cuts.

‘Young people shouldn’t pay the price for austerity with their lives.’

Jodie’s grandmother Debbie Chesney wrote on Facebook on Monday: ‘This is a nightmare as you can imagine. I just hope that they catch the boy who did it’

Police figures show violent crime rose by nearly a fifth in the year to September 2018, intensifying the debate over whether the increase is linked to falling officer numbers.

Chairwoman of the National Police Chiefs’ Council Sara Thornton, who will attend Wednesday’s meeting, and Labour former minister Vernon Coaker called for the issue to be treated as ‘a national emergency’.

Several MPs, including a former Home Office minister, have called for the Government to convene a meeting of the Cobra emergency committee.

Home Secretary Sajid Javid will today meet police chiefs amid claims of a national knife crime emergency.

Senior officers from seven of the forces most affected by violent crime – the Metropolitan Police, Merseyside, Greater Manchester, West Midlands, South Wales, South Yorkshire and West Yorkshire – will attend Wednesday’s meeting.

Mr Javid is reported to have demanded the Treasury for more money to tackle the issue.

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