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ostensiblynone · 2 years

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PREVIOUSLY, ON PUPPET HISTORY

[deep breath] This is a show where a fuzzy little freak named The Professor teaches a guy named Ryan and a special guest about history.

Each week, there's a different lesson, and The Professor rewards his guests with jelly beans. Aw, cute! He also poops jelly beans. He then awards a trophy called the 🏆Coveted Cup🏆 after consulting with what he claims to be a complex victory algorithm. Ryan has lost every episode, even though he's definitely gotten more jelly beans than the guest on countless occasions.

Zach got no questions right, for instance. Sorry, Zach. Each episode also features a musical guest. They all seem a little unwell. In season three, a HORSE! died. 🙂 Check it out.

Sometimes, The Professor offhandedly mentions a 🧞 genie. Sometimes it seems like he may have time-traveled. We know for sure that he eats spiders and has a perfect score on wikiFeet. Look, okay, so it turns out The Professor discovered a magic lamp long ago and wished for the ability to time travel, and the 🧞 genie was like, “Whatever.”

But then everywhere The Professor 👓 went throughout time—his very presence being a blasphemous affront to the space-time continuum and all—would cause local inanimate objects to turn into the singing abominations featured at the end of each episode. This whole mess was more than the genie could deal with, so he chased The Professor through 🕰️time. But the little blue ballsack, as Ryan lovingly calls him, always managed to evade capture.

So, last season, the genie covertly made a deal with the devil and the Demon Asmodeus. In exchange for a 🏆Coveted Cup🏆, Ryan would steal all of The Professor's precious jelly beans, making him vulnerable enough for the Demon 👿👿👿 Asmodeus to possess him, and then wish himself back to the 🦖Cretaceous. This happened, and Ryan was pretty psyched, but then he asked Satan😈 if The Professor would be all right, and Satan😈 was like, "I don't know, man." And Ryan was like, "Oh, boy, I don't know about this," which was merited, because as soon as The Professor landed in the 🦖Cretaceous, this happened.

Yikes. Okay, so then last Christmas, there was a big memorial for The Professor held by all the singing puppets. But at the end of the service, they remembered that in cleaning up The Professor's time travel shenanigans, the genie had actually turned them all back into inanimate objects. So their kinda-souls are now trapped in purgatory, A.K.A. a beautiful state-of-the-art amphitheater called The Wondrium Arena. Their souls hang in the ether. It's grim. They hope that Ryan can find a way to save them, along with The Professor.

Then there was a shot of the professor in a little egg sac. Ex-squeeze me? What's going on there? I don't know.

Anyway, the pandemic was really weird, and this is basically what I've been up to the whole time. It's a lot of lore, but I mean, fuckin'... come on, man.

Just sit back and enjoy the new season. You're gonna learn a lot, you'll have a good time, all right?

Enjoy season five.

How Hippo Meat Almost Saved America • Puppet History Season 5 Episode 1 Nov 11, 2022

#puppet history #important puppet lore #ostensiblygif #watcheredit #puppethistoryedit #watcher #ryan bergara #shane madej #watcher entertainment #🙂

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moog-rt · 2 years

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ᴄʏʙᴇʀʙᴜʟʟʏ [ʀɪꜱᴇ!ᴅᴏɴɴɪᴇ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ]

PART ONE

Links to parts: one two three four five

Summary:

Fate brought you and that purple-clad turtle together in the form of endless battles of code.You were a purple dragon recruit, and he was your target. He plays your games as you tease him with the slim possibility of victory.

You may just let him win if you are feeling particularly merciful.

Notes:

enemies to lovers (I think?); slow burn; takes place after the movie; reader is a villain

If you’d prefer to read it on Ao3, here’s the link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/43043685/chapters/108159981#workskin

Otherwise, enjoy!

♡ ♡ ♡

“God, dammit!” Donatello threw himself back into his pimped-out desk chair, hands dragging themselves down his face as he groaned. “How could this happen?” His human friend beside him perked up at his frustrated tone.

“Uh, everything good, D?” April asked, grateful to have a reason to turn her attention away from her biology assignment. You know…that assignment that Donnie was supposed to be helping her with before he got sucked into his computer.

“No, everything is not good. In fact, everything is quite bad!” he began to raise his voice. “It seems that one of our old purple dragon friends decided to hack into my system to get access to some of my blueprints…” Queue an eye twitch of rage. “And they very much succeeded…” He began muttering and laughing to himself. It had all happened almost in an instant. One second, all of his servers were fine, untouched and secure. The next, some black hat hacker had busted right through his firewalls without any warning at all, and just like that, his blueprints were gone…

“Well? What are we waiting for then? Let’s go kick their sorry asses!” April hyped, throwing a fist in the air with a determined grin. Donnie met her enthusiasm, jumping up on his chair and pumping his tech-bo above his head with a maniacal smile.

“Yes! We shall show them what is to come when you attempt to hack Sir Othello Von Ryan!” He began laughing madly, leaping from his chair to start gathering his equipment. Time for things to get physical. April began packing her bag as quickly as she could manage. However, she was stopped in her tracks as she heard her phone go off from a text message, quickly picking it up to check who it was.

“Ah… actually, Donnie, I’m gonna have to put a raincheck on that. One of my classmates wants to meet up to work on that bio assignment I was telling you about.” She threw her backpack over her shoulder and waltzed out, leaving the poor turtle dumbstruck.

“Huh, but what about the—huh?”

♡ ♡ ♡

God, you were good.

You couldn’t stop the wide grin from spreading across your face. Who could blame you though? You had just broken through the firewall of one of the strongest security systems you’ve had the pleasure of coming in contact with, and boy was it fun. You got to play around with some algorithms you hadn’t had the chance to use yet, and they worked like a charm. On top of that, you were now in possession of some pretty cool blueprints for a variety of tech, from drones, to multitools, to sentient AI…

They were incredible designs.

The person you hacked must be some crazy genius. Their cyber security as solid as they come, and to have the ability to design such complex technology, considering all the knowledge of physics, engineering, and everything in between that was needed to create them… Incredible. Simply incredible.

You picked up your phone, ignoring all the notifications you had received and sending the blueprints over to Kendra. She got back to you almost immediately, sending praise for your quick and efficient work. Your heart swelled with pride. Of course, you already knew that you were fairly skilled when it came to coding and whatnot, but to have someone like Kendra acknowledging your good work felt nice… especially since it was your first assignment as a purple dragon.

Flopping down on your bed with a happy sigh, you decided it was probably best to get started on some of your homework. You scrolled through your contacts to find your lab partner’s name, shooting her a text to see if she’d be down to work on one of your assignments together. She gave you a warning when you were first assigned to each other that her area of expertise lay outside the realms of STEM, to which you offered to help her out to the best of your abilities. You weren’t the biggest bio nerd around, but it was an interesting subject, and you knew enough to be a good tutor to your upperclassman.

She, too, responded with lightning speed, eager to meet up and work together. The two of you agreed to meet at her place, and she promptly sent you her address. It wasn’t too far by transit, so you got your things together before starting your trek over. You let her know when you arrived so she could meet you to let you in. When she greeted you at the entrance to her building, you noticed she was breathing a bit heavily, and there was just a touch of sweat above her eyebrow.

“You good? You seem a bit out of breath, girly,” you said, giving her a gentle nudge with your elbow. She let out a breathy laugh in response.

“Oh, I am fine. Don’t you worry. I just got a little caught up in something, so I had to run a bit to beat you here,” she smiled, waving you off.

“Huh? You should have told me! I would have been totally fine coming later—”

“Nah, girl, seriously, I think you actually saved me from getting caught up in some nonsense tonight,” she chuckled, and unlocked the door to her apartment, allowing you in first.

Her place looked incredibly cozy. It wasn’t too spacious nor too cramped. Décor was strewn about tastefully, and there were fairy lights draped around the perimeter of her living room, creating a welcoming ambiance.

“April, this is such a nice setup,” you beamed.

“Why thank you very much!” She put her hands on her hips with a smile in return. “Now set your stuff down and get comfy. You want something to drink?”

“Water is good. Thank you!” You plopped down on April’s couch, pulling your laptop out of your bag to take a look at the assignment. She soon joined you after handing you the water, and the two of you began working through the problems. Luckily, most of the problems were addressing fairly basic vocabulary and cellular functions, which you could get through easily enough. April got stumped just a couple of times, but you were happy to explain anything she was having trouble understanding.

You eventually found yourselves working on the final question of the problem set. This one proved to be a bit more of a doozy. It was asking about the lipid bilayer that forms the cell wall, but it was more of a problem-solving question rather than just a test of basic knowledge. It even challenged you quite a bit, leaving you stumped for a minute or so. When you finally came to a conclusion, April had come to her own, as well. You both blurted out your solutions at the same time. They were very much not the same.

“Uh… April, I still don’t see how you got that answer…” You scratched behind your ear as you stared at the page of scribbles your classmate had created in an attempt to show you her thought process.

“It’s because the lipids have more kinks in them that the bilayer is more fluid as a whole—” you began to explain, however, she interjected again to argue for her own point. Your little debate went on for several more minutes. Papers filled with diagrams and chicken scratch began covering April’s once tidy floor.

“Okay, you know what?” The spunky girl whirled around to reach for her phone which was about 5 feet away from her. She stretched out way more than you would have thought possible, grabbed the phone, and sprang back into her previous sitting position. “Imma just call my nerd friend real quick.” She smiled at you with gritted teeth, eyes not leaving your form as she aggressively typed on her phone.

It didn’t even ring for a single round before her friend picked up. She immediately put the guy on speaker, not giving him a chance to even get a simple “hello” in as she was already explaining the whole situation at an inhuman speed. There was a moment of silence on the other end, and you both waited, biting at your nails in anticipation.

“So—uh… Yeah, no. Your friend’s answer is pretty much perfect,” the guy stated.

“Ha-HA!” Immediately, you threw your fist into the air in celebration of your academic victory. April slumped with her arms crossed and bottom lip jutted out just slightly.

“This ain’t fair,” she pouted. You giggled leaning over to her phone.

“Thank you, April’s friend,” you sang. Again, it was silent until you heard the quiet sound of his throat being cleared.

“Ah—uh… Yeah, it was—” The poor guy had to take another break to clear his throat before proceeding to speak with a bit more confidence. “It was totally no probles. Sciency stuff is kind of my thing, so if you ever need a tutor—”

“Okay. Donnie? I’m gonna have to stop you right there before you embarrass yourself,” April cut in. She put him off of speaker, but you could still vaguely make out some hollering from his end. “Buh-bye now!”

“He seems like a funny dude,” you chuckled. “Maybe next time we should invite him to the study group. He seems to know his shit.” The other girl sweat-dropped at this and began playing with her fingers.

“Yeah, maybe just over the phone… He’s kinda got this thing…” she trailed off, seemingly trying to think of the right word to use.

“This thing…?” you echoed, urging her to continue explaining. You didn’t actually mind, but now you were curious.

“He’s—uh…”

You waited.

“He’s just really shy!” You stared at her and allowed your head to tip to the side. She was giving you a wide toothy smile, not meeting your eyes as beads of sweat ran down her face. She was clearly desperate for you to be appeased by that excuse. Lucky for her, you were a merciful god and accepted her explanation. Besides, if you really wanted to know, you could easily find out.

Now that you finished your bio assignment, the two of you decided to spend a while longer working on other assignments. April had turned on some chill lyric-less music and brought over a good variety of snacks. You guys worked for a while until there was nothing major left to do, and you lost yourselves in simple chit-chat. It was now fairly late, however, so you decided to finally part ways until your next shared lecture.

Your journey back home was just a bit chillier, but still rather quick. You tapped into your building, jotting in the passcodes where they were needed, and made your way to your bedroom swiftly. Throwing yourself onto your desk chair, you spun around twice before stopping in front of your PC. A nice big warning message that your servers were now under attack greeted you. Your heart skipped a beat, and a wide grin was forcing its way onto your face once again.

Your dear friend was deciding to fight back.

♡ ♡ ♡

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survive-object-poll-island · 7 months

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Hosty, what do you do to keep calm and joyous? I need your tips and tricks to a silly life!!!

Yours truly, curious co-host!

Ummm well I think a lot about perspective

Like sure, in my mind I am freaking out and having a bad day and I have a million worries as a beast of high intelligence

But I look out and I see the humble crab scuttle across the shore and find itself a fantastic feast of small fish

I think about how incredible it must feel having made such an achievement

Then I watch as it battles with a neighbor crab over territory.. Nearly defeated but pulling through victorious

I just witnessed perhaps the most monumentous moment of that animal's life

its highs, its lows, its resolution

All while I sat here worrying about my countless pointless qualms

But as I see a ladybug make it all the way to the top of that blade of grass it had spent all afternoon climbing... To think that that's all it has in this moment. Did it really feel triumph? Or did it simply carry on following its pre-disposed algorithm for survival?

I am grateful for my complexity, for my long life, for my capacity to worry, for my capacity for joy and silliness

As well as feel at peace knowing I, too, will have struggles, triumphs, moments of peace, resolution

All while the ancient trees above me laugh gently to themselves as they admire how fleeting my worries must be......

It's all about perspective

#ask #anonymous #curious cohost

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marine-paint · 11 months

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guess who's back!!!

this is a bit complex to explain um. so like long story short my friends and i thought "hey what if the substitute & complex victory algorithm partnered up". basically the substitute gathered scraps from the dumpster and his own box to make this. he operates under ennard/molten freddy mechanics.

alt version under read more

#puppet history #puppet history spoilers #i swear if i have to draw one more wire 😭#the substitute

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moth-yknowtheartist · 11 months

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oh my god this one took me forever for some reason HIII

second business partners installation right in time to come before the new ep!! I've got a bit of a story in mind so hang tight hopefully it turns out

also pay little mind to the actual mechanics of the last panel, I'm a cybersecurity guy not a hardware guy HAHAHAHAH

palette for this installment is Infinite Tommorrows Await!

#puppet history #ph: business partners #the substitute #the complex victory algorithm

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esmethenightdemon · 2 years

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the end scene was genuinely so heartbreaking :( the professor isn’t even mad at ryan for what he did :( and with the reveal that there really is a complex victory algorithm that just adds to it :( the professor might have been a little nasty but he never truly did anything wrong and he still isn’t even angry with the beef boy even though he has every right to be :(

#i need them to have some kind of reconciliation #anything #the professor #ryan bergara #puppet history #puppet history season 5 #puppet history s5 #watcher #watcher entertainment

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bergoozter · 2 years

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still can’t believe we got to meet the famed complex victory algorithm

#like we know what it is now how crazy #watcher #puppet history

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phantoms-lair · 2 years

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Puppet History Theory

(contains Spoilers for season 4 and 5 of Puppet History)

So Puppet History has some serious lore now, and last episode gave us a look at something I'm sure many viewers (And Ryan) didn't think actually existed - The 'Complex Victory Algorithm' . And it was illuminating.

Because the categories it was assessing while we watched weren't on correct answers and historical accuracy. It was on jokes. And suddenly things make sense. How much joy the contestants have and bring. And suddenly things make a sad sense.

Back in Season 1 Episode 1 There wasn't an algorithm. It was based solely on the points. That's why we saw ties. But at some point the Professor switched from using points as the sole victory condition to implementing the algorithm. Maybe he thought that enjoying history was just as important, or maybe algorithm's were just the new hotness.

Or maybe it was sold to him by a magically genie in disguise who had realized just chasing the Professor wasn't enough to catch him and used his own time traveling powers to set up a Xanatos Gambit to turn the Professor's own love of teaching into the catalyst for his downfall, further provoking things by disguising himself as a mortal named Shane and making Ryan think he was behind Puppet History, making Ryan start the series feeling put out with the Professor based on his feelings on Shane, the genie laughing internally at all the humans who pegged him as not human, but thought he was a demon instead of a genie.

When the algorithm was implemented it took things like humor and enjoyment into account. But the Professor never explained those extra criteria and thus Puppet History became a losing game for Ryan. The guests started off excited while he was fulfilling an obligation, thus giving them and incredible lead. He could tally up the points and know he'd won by them, but still lose. And that just made him all the more bitter, thus making victory all the more impossible. Guests could come in and know they could win without getting a single point. Ryan knew he could get every question right and would still fail. The gulf became impassible.

The Professor just wanted for Ryan to have fun and enjoy history, but as with hippo burgers, a lack of communication caused it all to fall apart. Ryan didn't see this as a game or educational. It was just a half hour to forty minute window for the Professor to tear him down.

Then Season 4 happened and Ryan's 'turning over a new leaf'. He still didn't win, yes, but the Professor said the algorithm was twitching. The new positive attitude WAS working. But perhaps the algorithm never called the victory because it knew it was being faked.

At the end of Season 4 Ryan betrayed the Professor to the Genie. And yet even then it's showed he never wanted the Professor hurt. He just wanted the prize he'd, by the criteria given to him, won several times over.

To Ryan he was getting what his tormentor promised him. To the Professor, though, he was being betrayed by the student he'd put the most work into. The one he'd wanted to succeed the most. It twisted him.

I can't say what happened to the Professor between seasons, but one thing is for sure. He's not playing the game anymore. He's out for revenge against Ryan. To what end, I don't know. At least not until we find out what's behind the 'Puppet Cream'? Seasoning him up to eat? Turning him into a puppet to steal his body? Absolutely nothing and this is all a scheme to fuck with Ryan's head and make victory seem hollow? Who can say.

#Puppet History #Puppet History Spoilers #Theory

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jujuberry136 · 2 years

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Puppet History theories?

New puppet history dropped, the lore is increasing exponentially. Theories below the cut - anyone have additional or other ideas?

So, the Professor is back and not giving any explanation as to how he is here in the present and not dead, but there was some weirdness going on in the episode (prior to the post-credits scene):

The professor’s appearance is off. If you pause the screen at some of the side-by-sides in the early episodes, the Professor’s eyes are a different color and his fur seems much more washed out. I don’t buy that the Watcher team suddenly doesn’t know how to light their studio!

There’s a mysterious box that is hooked up to the theater that the Professor doesn’t want any questions on

For the first theater sketch, you can hear the Professor’s voice say “where does he keep those guys”. Definitely sketchy

The Professor won’t let Ryan touch him nor does he actually answer the question “are you a ghost?” While there may be some legitimate bad feelings with Ryan killing him last year, it does seem suspicious

The Professor has that “rest break” in the middle of the show where he just collapses for a few minutes and his voice definitely seems oddly amplified/doubled during periods of the show

There is a long conversation about meat and how much the Professor likes it, but previous all we knew about his eating habits was that he ate spiders and jelly beans. This is reiterated in the show’s intro, so it seems a bit odd that he’s now craving “flesh”

While there’s a reference to the complex victory algorithm in the main body of the show, but when Ryan is crowned the winner of the episode he doesn’t reference it directly - the Professor talks instead about tallying/counting points

There’s no victory trophy! Instead we have “Puppet Cream” that the Professor insists that Ryan apply immediately. The instructions also say it needs to be applied daily. The Professor claims this is due to supply chain issues... but it’s a real Buffalo Bill vibe going on when insisting that Ryan applies it

The show was nominally about hippo, but really focused in on the idea of imposters (and faking your death)... giving us a clue that not is all it seems?

Then there was the post-credit scene! We see that Ryan is suspicious at the Professor’s survival and doing some research, including going on a e-commerce site to bid on a lamp with an actual genie in it. Some clues from the screen:

Open tabs include: puppet necromancy, trophy supply chain, Chicxulub extinction, time travel methods, and blue man group (I guess even a mystery doesn’t stop Ryan’s love)

The Science Simp website has articles on:

What looks like the professor’s fossilized hat and glasses being found in Mexico; the article notes that’s like super weird

An article on what is known about the meteor that killed the dinosaurs (aka the Chicxulub extinction)

An article on how good holograms are now

A note on the Pope being jokerfied (an on-going joke about Ryan being jokerfied happened in early seasons)

When Ryan goes to bid on the lamp with the real genie, the description notes that it came from a local estate sale seemingly run by the devil and a three-headed demon

And then we have the same noise that was heard in the show being heard in the Watcher studio before we had that scene with the shelf of Professor plush toys (with the middle one’s eyes MOVING before the lights went out and they started glowing).

Theory time!

The “professor” we are seeing is actually an advanced hologram being powered by that box that has been added to the theater. The weird lighting, the weird voice effects, the “rest break” are all related to the hologram’s technical glitches, and that’s why he wouldn’t let Ryan touch him early in the episode. The hologram is being operated by the devil, who is now interested in further punishing Ryan.

The “puppet cream” could either either a getting a Buffalo Bill situation where the devil is prepping Ryan for hosting asmoedeus himself OR it could be a play on the idea of “puppet cream” since we’ve seen that the show can turn humans into puppets (aka, see how Ryan likes being a LITERAL puppet rather than the figurative puppet he was last season)

There are TWO professors - the Faux!professor seen during the main episode who is slightly off, who is some sort of imposter with an agenda and the real professor, who is working in the background of the show and the post-credits trying to foil these plans. The show had the story of the Black Panther taking on a false identity and going on a speaking tour of the United States - is this our in-universe parallel? Then there was also the post-credits scene of a Professor plush on the ground (that Ryan stepped on), but no immediate gap on the shelves of plush toys. There was, however, the plush in the middle shelf whose eyes moved as Ryan was exiting the building and then whose eyes GLOWED in the dark. This Professor looked slightly different from the others on the shelf - more like the Professor we know and love rather than merch! I think this is the true Professor who has made a new deal with a genie or found some other method of time travel (since his gear was fossilized, but not him!) and is working in the background to try to thwart this imposter.

#puppet history #the lore #spoilers #long post

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