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tsxkkis · 2 months

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# tsukishima kei - eyes don't lie

a/n: as @moonswolfie said, this man has me wrapped around his finger, so here's another tsukki fic^^ i wanted to post it earlier, but bcs of school i sadly wasn't able to do that

summary: tsukishima definitely isn't jealous. or is he?

warnings: none

tsukishima's eyes were always glued to you.

his world revolved around you ever since you were little. although distant and dry at first, tsukishima seemed to take keen interest in your person almost immediately. he was lucky enough to end up in the same high school and class as you, even more lucky when he found a handwritten love letter in his locker, the writing obviously yours.

his eyes would glint whenever they landed on your frame, his lips always curving into a small, barely noticeable smile. yet this time, his look was completely different.

he looked annoyed, almost mad as he stood in the corner, his back against the wall as he carefully scanned the situation. the music was quite loud at the party, the house spacious enough to fit too many people for tsukishima's liking. it wasn't his party, of course; if it were up to him, he wouldn't be here in the first place. but something about your sweet, slightly pouty face while you asked him to accompany you was enough to convince him.

and now he was left watching as none other than kuroo tetsurou shamelessly flirted with you, talking and laughing at the other end of the room.

he seemed so irritated he didn't even notice his best friend standing right beside him, the freckled boy trying to contain his laughter upon seeing tsukishima's expression.

'ah, tsukki, you look even more grumpy than usual.' yamaguchi said, a small giggle leaving his mouth when his friend turned to face him, his expression so funny he couldn't contain his laughter anymore. 'i've never seen you so jealous.'

'i am not jealous.'

'right, and my name's hinata shoyo.'

tsukishima rolled his eyes, well aware that yamaguchi was, in fact, right. he was jealous beyond belief, almost to the point of making his blood boil. but it wasn't without its reasons.

you were beautiful, and not only in his eyes. many people from your high school, as well as outside of it, found you attractive, and due to this specific factor, tsukishima was afraid of someone swooping in and taking you away from him. no matter how many times yamaguchi assured him that you're not interested in anyone else, there was always a voice in the very back of his head telling him otherwise.

but still, he didn't utter a word to you about it. ever. he didn't want to show any weakness, brushing it off for the time being and pretending like he's not, in fact, quite hurt.

his eyes landed on you once again, his expression softening a bit when noticing you walking in his direction, a bright, wide smile gracing your face.

'i finally found you.' you said, tsukishima immediately noticing the sparkles in your eyes the moment they met his. an almost unnoticeable smile appeared on his face, his hand gently patting the top of your head, fingers brushing through your soft hair. 'want to go get some fresh air?'

the blonde hummed, nodding in response as you quickly grabbed him by his hand, almost dragging him to the nearest exit with a big smile on your face.

upon leaving the building, tsukishima laid his back against the wall, eyes glued to you and carefully scanning your every move.

'what're you thinking about?'

his head tilted to the side, a small mumble leaving his lips.

'nothing.'

hearing his answer, you sighed, walking up a few steps to stand right in front of him, a semi pouty look on your face. your hands went up to cup his cheeks, immediately scoring a theatrical groan from him, the boy trying to hide that he obviously liked whe you did it.

'i don't believe you. you seem deep in thought.'

'what were you and kuroo talking about?'

tsukishima's eyes were focused on yours, his gaze gentle. and yet there was something in the way he looked at you that indicated something wasn't right.

'oh, we just talked about volleyball, what he's been doing after graduating high school, and- wait.' you stopped in the middle of the sentence, making a face that ysukishima couldn't quite decipher; something between an excited and mischievous look. she took a deep breath, her grin growing bigger with each second.

'are you jealous?'

'no, i'm not.'

'yes you are! i knew it.'

'no, i'm not.'

'you are.'

'i'm no- alright.' tsukishima sighed, admitting defeat this time. 'maybe i am. but it's your fault.'

you furrowed your brows, trying to understand what he meant by that. tsukishima saw the expression of yours and almost immediately continued talking, a short but sweet explanation.

'you're too pretty, one day someone's going to steal you from me.'

he didn't expect you to laugh in response, standing up on your tip toes to give him a quick, sweet kiss on the lips.

'it's cute.' you said, giggling at your boyfriend as you saw his cheeks flushing a light shade of pink. 'but i'm not going anywhere. there's only one guy in this world who i view as a life partner.'

'and who would that be?' tsukishima asked, a nonchalant tone as he played dumb just to hear the answer.

'you, idiot.'

the blonde boy smiled, and this time it was a genuine one, that would only appear on his face when around you. he ruffled your hair playfully, laughing when you got annoyed about him ruining your hair.

he looked over to the sides, smiling when realized it was just the two of you. he quickly leaned down to kiss you, hand resting on the side of your face.

'i love you.'

you smiled into the kiss upon hearing his whisper, pulling back for a second to look at his face. she wrapped her arms around him tightly, trapping him in a hug.

'i love you too, you know? and i don't plan on going anywhere.'

taglist: @moonswolfie

#tsxkkis #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima kei x reader #karasuno x reader #tsukishima fluff #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff

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elysiansparadise · 11 months

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Are there any placements you wish you had in your birth chart?

I'm very happy with my chart, but yes, there are placements that I would love to have.

Placements I wish I had

🤍Virgo Moon. I think this is because of the love I feel towards these people, I genuinely consider them very admirable people and considerate of those around them. Empathetic, rational, highly intelligent and a trustworthy personality, they are often not given credit for that stunning creativity and I don't see them being mentioned for having the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. Their self-sufficient and independent personality that is very aware of the needs, emotions and essence of others seems incredible to me, they have that remarkable balance. Many are introspective and are not afraid to analyze the depths of their emotions and it is something that not many usually do.

🤍Libra Mercury. Minutes have passed and you won't even know how but you will be there, listening or reading what they communicate, because they have the quality of catching and captivating through communication. Convincing, astute and above all highly intelligent communicators. Since I mentioned their intellect, in addition to seeing a situation from many different perspectives, they understand ideas quite quickly, in addition to this, these people love the idea of continuing to learn about... any subject in general, they have a wide variety of interests.

🤍Uranus in the 5th house. Their personality is enigmatic, sassy, multifaceted and full of charisma. They know how to grab your attention, but more importantly, they know how to keep it. They have an impressive stage presence and everyone I've met has a skill that stands out considerably from the rest. They are highly creative, very witty and socially charming, even if they call themselves introverts, they make memorable first impressions. They are passionate and unique lovers, I would dare to say that they are even difficult to forget.

🤍Venus in the 6th house. Beyond being charming, kind and self-conscious people, I have noticed that they have a unique quality that they don't realize, that of giving beauty touches to anything. Impeccable taste in fashion, aesthetics and an incredible eye for details and any organizational issue. They do things with their heart, they put their soul into projects, hobbies or causes that they consider important. Their souls are gentle and beautiful, knowing them will bring you many surprises, and each one will be better than the last. They are great as a friend and as a couple, they always seek the well-being of those they love and are capable of giving their best in their relationships. As a personal comment, the dates with them are incredible, they seek to do things that both enjoy and find a balance in their relationships.

🤍Mercury in the 9th house. Smart, funny, eloquent and people with extensive knowledge in their areas of interest. I love it. They are curious people by nature and once something catches their attention they dig deep. A quality to highlight in addition to all the above is their maturity and ability to understand that others think differently and instead of seeing it as a threat to their beliefs, they find what is fascinating in ideas different from their own. They defend their points of view tenaciously and can be very persuasive and skillful with their speech.

🤍Mars in Earth house. I think that in any of these houses [2nd, 6th or 10th] you have two things that I deeply admire, productivity and ambition. I really admire their ethics and the way they work, tenacious, strategic and excellent at long-term planning. They usually have a back-up plan and don't put expectations on anyone. They are demanding of themselves and are very professional in getting the work done. Qualities that I find very attractive. I add that I would like that in addition to this there was either a sextile with Saturn or an opposition.

🤍Moon-Saturn trine, sextile, quintile or biquintile. The self-control and resilience that these aspects give me fascinates me, it gives birth to a strong individual who is aware of all the difficulties they have gone through and is capable of trying to move on. When the Moon-Saturn aspects are used positively, the natives tenaciously rebuild themselves and although they look back to see those things from their past that afflict them, they know that they deserve better than that, that they are better than that and that their past does not define them. Likewise, they give a lot of peace and tranquility in their relationships, they are a great pillar for a partner, friends and family, and most importantly, they seek to understand and take care of what they most love.

#astrology #natal chart #birth chart #astro notes #placements I wish I had

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queer-reader-07 · 2 months

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a love letter to trans romance

because i can't be normal about media and i'm making it y'all's problems

hi hello and welcome to my mildly unhinged ramblings about love and gender. this post comes to you in three sections, enjoy <3

t4t romance novels made me believe in love again

the first romance book i ever read was The Feeling of Falling in Love by Mason Deaver. TFOFIL is a t4t (trans for trans) romance that follows a teenage trans boy, Neil Kearney, and a figuring-out-their-gender teen, Wyatt Fowler, as they get themselves wrapped up in peak YA romcom shenaniganary and eventually fall in love. cute, right? just a fun little romcom, not much more to it?

yeah well that's what i thought going in, but coming out of that book i was in tears. tears because i'd never read a story about trans love before. tears because at that point in my life i'd never allowed myself to fully claim the word "trans." tears because Wyatt made me feel so seen and so real.

there's this one scene where Wyatt is talking to Neil and they describe themself as being the kind of person who sometimes wants to wear makeup and dresses, but other times they like their body hair and scruffy beard. and i just remember nodding along and then absolutely melting because Neil takes it in stride, he comforts Wyatt and let's them know that they don't need to have it figured out just yet. Neil makes it clear that he's there, and that Wyatt doesn't need to come out to anyone unless they're ready.

Mason Deaver has another t4t romance, Okay, Cupid. and that similarly had me in my feels because there is something so special about finding people who embrace you for all that you are.

every t4t romance I've read has one thing in common, the fact that the love interests do not love each despite the other's transness. their transness is not an obstacle to love or to attraction or to adoration, it is an object of it. their transness is something to be admired and to be loved and to be cared for. it is not something the other has to "get over."

reading The Feeling of Falling in Love was the first time i ever thought to myself "maybe, just maybe, i can call myself trans and still be loved." because up until that point i hadn't let myself accept that i was some flavor of trans. up until that point i'd said "not cis" without ever saying trans because i was so scared my being trans would make me unlovable. t4t romance books showed me how wrong i was. they showed me that my ability to be loved was not dependent on my girlhood.

ha you thought i could write something this long on tumblr and NOT mention good omens? think again bestie

i have held a trans reading of crowley since i read the book and the show only solidified it for me. crowley canonically plays with gender.

he's dressed femme during the crucifixion scene, his modern look is a mix of men's and women's pieces, his hair is a Whole Thing in and of itself. i could go on but i digress.

but it's not just the way he plays with gender that informs my trans reading of him. it's also how his character arc can very easily be read as an allegory for transness.

an angel who falls (a girl who isn't a girl anymore)

a fallen angel turned demon (a girl who is a boy now)

a demon who isn't really a demon anymore (a used to be girl, a thought to be boy, is now nonbinary)

girl = angel and boy = demon is entirely arbitrary in this please don't read into it

now, you may be thinking "A how in god's name does this apply to trans romance?" to which i say, aziraphale falls in love with every version of crowley. aziraphale beams heart eyes at angel!crowley before the beginning and loves crowley as a demon for millennia and is so deeply and unabashedly in love with crowley in his not-quite-demon form of s2.

aziraphale loves all the versions of crowley because crowley's angel or demon-ness (gender) is not the reason aziraphale loves crowley. aziraphale doesn't love crowley because he's a demon or because he used to be an angel, aziraphale loves crowley because it's crowley. crowley in whatever clothes he chooses to where, crowley with whatever hairstyle he's fancying at the moment, crowley as he inhabits the shades of grey just a little more.

to me, that is so easy to read as a trans love story. you could argue it's t4t depending on how you read aziraphale, but to me, it's at the very least a love story between a mostly-demon who gets down to some gender fuckery and an angel who loves him very much.

fuck it let's talk about fanfiction

i don't think i could make this post without mentioning @ineffabildaddy's fic I'm Beginning to See the Light.

i have a complicated relationship with my body. i don't plan to ever medically transition because i don't want to make any permanent changes to my body. but there are days where all i want is to have a flat chest and hips that are flush with the rest of my body but instead i'm stuck with tits and an hourglass figure cis people always seem to focus on.

i don't hate my body, but the idea that anyone could look at it and not just see A Woman is beyond me. i walk through life being perceived as a very feminine woman even on the days that i feel the most androgynous. the idea that a lover could look at my body and still see me for who i am feels like a dream that could never happen.

and IBTSTL slapped me (lovingly) across the face with the message that, actually, i can be loved as my whole self and that there are people out there who don't look at me and see A Woman and those people don't love me any less. IBTSTL made me feel safe in my trans body because it said "you are worthy of love and adoration because your transness is not something to get past it is something to admire. it is something to love."

i think the point i'm trying to make here is this: trans love stories are so special to me. they've been so vital in my own journey to love and accept myself. they're the reason i can imagine myself maybe having romantic love in the future.

representation matters, it can quite literally change your life.

#well wasn't that fun?#now excuse me while i go hide from the internet because my feelings are being perceived #anyway #trans love everything!#good omens #trans books #t4t romance #trans

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jess-the-vampire · 2 months

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You have mentioned at some point you're not sure about Philip ever having a love interest, right? Is he like aro ace in you au or something else? I have seen a lot of people who either ship him as aro ace or gay.

i've honestly never really confirmed his sexuality in the au, i don't think i've really been sure of what best suits him, at least in my work, and to be fair if i were to try and add romance in the au with him i'd probably worry about it being taken out of context if it were with another canon character.

Because let's be fair here, people absolutely take my au out of context and if people are willing to openly complain to me about philip and hunter's relationship being less abusive despite the fact this is a swap au at the end of the day and it makes sense to make philip less terrible for that concept to work....there's no way people won't make a bit of a stink if i tried shipping him in my au as well.

i'm sure the fact i don't personally ship philip with anyone in the actual show probably also adds to why there's never been a proper love interest in the au. You can def interpret terra as a love interest but it's unlikely to go anywhere, for a number of reasons in this au.

all sexuality headcanons for philip are valid to me, and personally i'm of the opinion that he is queer in some fashion, both because i think it adds more to this character, and that i don't quite like the mindset that all villians like him can only be cishet. Philip being a repressed outcast who self destructs because of gravesfield and trying to live up to their standards and further hurting himself is a more intriguing concept to me and i think even gives him a further interesting parallel to luz.

(yeah, fun fact for those who don't chat with a lot of people who enjoy belos's character, most of his fans headcanon he's queer, i guess the man radiates it)

but yeah, even with that in mind, i have not been sure of what sexuality to actually give him, so i've been dancing around the subject ever since.

A lot of people pick aroace as mentioned, some pick gay, i'm fond of both those interpretations (Though i am not fond of people making him aroace JUST because he's evil and they don't want him with anyone, please don't do that), i've just had some rough patches on this version of him regarding that part.

he is queer tho, at the very least in this au.

#my art #the owl house #toh #a reverse of feathers and mud au #areverseoffeathersandmudau #a reverse of feathers and mud #toh hunter #golden guard #the golden guard #hunter #hunter wittebane #hunter noceda #hunter deamonne #emperor belos #philip wittebane

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olderthannetfic · 2 months

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I don't even think this is the type of thing you would normally get Asks about, but at this point I genuinely can't think of anyone better to come to and ask for their opinion.

I don't know if any of your followers have seen this situation as it's been occurring, but this massively popular mobile game that's been blowing up recently (called Love and Deep Space) has incurred a lot of drama and discourse as of a few days ago.

So LADS is an otome game, with a visibly femme/female protagonist who romances the male love interests. And a few days ago, the dev team behind LADS introduced this rule to all of their official groups and servers like Facebook and Discord: "Absolutely no BL materials are allowed to be posted or discussed in official spaces"

So, naturally, quite a few people are upset about what is basically a "no gays allowed" rule being forced onto the fandom. Because the "no BL" rules includes the posting of ANY queer content with "official" #LADS tags. Which for platforms like Twitter is absolutely unreasonable. They're stating that fanart of M/M ships can't be posted with any tags for the source material? It's ridiculous.

There's been people trying to defend it, saying things like "oh it's because of CN censorship laws" despite the fact that LADS isn't a CN game and the company isn't a CN company. Or "they only banned queer stuff in their official Discord and official Facebook group and for the official LADS tags on socmed!" even though that is still censorship and erasure of queer content (and somehow the fact that it's officially sanctioned makes it okay?)

But the worst part is the fact that there’s been an EXPLOSION of aggressive homophobia within the fanbase. It's as if all the cishet women who play the game were just waiting for their chance to go mask off, because the second those "no BL" rules were put in place the rampant harrassment and bullying started. People are getting attacked for M/M ship fanart, people are getting attacked for having male self-inserts or male MC or OC designs, and several artists have already been harrassed into deleting all of their artwork and leaving the fandom.

There's now a LOUD number of fans screeching that otome games "are only for girls" and that anyone even slightly queer or masc-leaning "doesn't belong in otome fandoms" and "needs to go play something else"

I've seen baseless accusations that "men want to force us to play as a gay male MC!" and "gay men are demanding that LADS turn the female MC male!" when absolutely no one anywhere has ever said anything close to that.

I have tried telling these fans that queer people, including queer men, have ALWAYS played otome games, that gay men and queer people have ALWAYS been a part of the otome community from the very beginning, but anyone who deviates even slightly from the new majority of "no gay shit allowed, otome is for straight women only and everyone else kys" gets immediately shouted down and harrassed/attacked. I know a lot of people have deleted the game and have stopped playing because of both the official "no gays" rule and also the extremely toxic and homophobic fanbase.

I was wondering if you knew about any resources (blogs, articles, anything) talking about the history of queer people playing otome/dating sim games, or even if you happen to know anything anecdotal about it yourself. Because we've ALWAYS been here, otome games have never been JUST for cishet women. I'm also just wondering what your/your followers' thoughts are about this whole mess in general.

Oof. I don't play many games of that sort, so I don't know a ton about their history, but there has often been pointless beef between the more self inserty types and the more m/m shipping types.

I don't think you need evidence that people besides cishet women consume media X. It should be self-evident from being a human who lives in the world. These people are denying it because they don't want it to be true, not because they do or don't have evidence.

"LOL, you're a homophobe in 2024? Criiiinge!" is the only appropriate type of response to these idiots. Facts won't help.

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khaohomies · 4 months

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TTTE OCS I'VE BEEN WORKING ON, YAY!!!

The sillies... (I'm too lazy to draw trains)

LORES UNDERCUT!

Milo BR Class 90

Human name: Milo Mansfelid

Freshly out of the workshop, it's true to say that Milo is new to the world. Because of this, he's very unaware of his surrounding. He is a very approachable engine, loving to chat about random new topics he found interesting(The topic can literally be anything). He can go on and on forever and very unaware of how the others think of it. He have a very open and optimistic point of view and doesn't mind opening up a conversation with anyone, this causing some problem when the conversation is not appropriate for the current situation. oh boy he LOVES gossiping and talking behide someone's back. When his chattiness get one someone's nerve he isn't afraid to snap and taunt them back, causing him quite a joker reputation in the railway.

Note:

During his early years. Milo doesn't have a name, only a BR numbers. He got his name from when he ask his first driver what he was drinking, thus the name 'Milo' origin.

He've never visit the island of sodor, but would love to if they ever install electric polls

Love reserching and learning random knowleges.

He learned many creative and hurtful insults he can use from Bulldog.

Bulldog BR Class 55 'Deltic'

Human name : Bud Ballin Burton

Your usual grumpy engine. Losing many coworkers and friends from both roads and rails to scrap and accidents can be quite hard. The large diesel mostly keep to himself, not wanting to build up many relationship with the others. The few that he have close relation with are his crews and few vehicles and rolling stocks. The class 55 is the type to get easily annoyed and can be seen snapping at the others, this putting him in many problems with the others. But don't worry! He eventually tone down with the help of his close coworkers and Milo.

Note:

He used to be one of those ''I HATE STEAM ENGINE!!!" Diesels but quickly come to his senses years later.

His driver call him "bulldog" because when he snap at the other engines, his driver think of a dog barking.

When he did laugh he laugh LOUD

He was annoyed by Milo at first meet but eventually keep him around cause' he's fun

He went from "We all are going to get scrap anyway so why should I care" To "We don't last forever so lets make the most out of it"

Share things he knows with Milo

(human) Milo is literally the reason he quit smoking

Milo and bulldog have mentor/apprentice and Sibling sort of dynamic and they did other shenanigans with the other mainland engines

+ Some face concept of milo!

#my art #artists on tumblr #digital art #ttte #oc #ttte oc #ttte humanized

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partyinthemysterymachine · 4 months

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hello, everyone. this will be my first and only time i will be publicly addressing this. i am not answering questions about this, and for the first time ever, i am also disallowing anons.

first of all, i want to say that i've chosen to address this now out of my own volition. because i do not find it fair at all that i have felt that i could NOT address it at any point in order to maintain peace and harmony during, and in the wake of the event.

however, i feel that due to the nature of what happened, and the absolute damage that it has done to my mental health, that i must, in order to further my own recovery from it all, and as so no longer feel bullied into silence.

there will be no names mentioned. this is not a vaguepost. this is my formal statement for my own peace of mind and progressing on my path towards recovery.

if you know, you know; and if you don't, you don't.

so.

let's talk.

throughout this past year i have been the target of a smear campaign concerning GOOMT. it actually began late 2022, but escalated long into 2023.

what entailed was nothing short of bad faith reading and interpretation from someone whose skill in character analysis was something i'd admired. in fact, i had agreed many a time with how they'd interpreted characters and the world of Silent Hill. although my interaction with said person had historically been minimal, it had been civil, and i strived to be respectful of them.

i am unfortunately unsure of what caused this, or why it happened at all; and i do not think they know either. what i do know is that many upon many lies were told about what i write, and that it turned needlessly personal on many occasions. people were turned against me for one reason another, and i'm saddened to have seen this happen.

i stayed quiet during it all. i did what many people facing ruthless targeted harassment do, and pretended i didn't know in hopes of minimizing damage, and in hopes of responsible parties losing interest; but this did not happen. i was sent bad faith anons, i was subject to lies, and saw hypocrisy.

and i understood who they were and why they were here. they were looking for "gotcha's!" that didn't exist, digging for reasons to further vilify me.

worse, the bullying was praised. it was encouraged, and it was near-constant. a whole tag was created. the intent was to hurt and isolate me, and it did. it did hurt me, and it did make me feel isolated, and i withdrew quite a bit.

but i did not stop writing. it took longer for me to post, but i did not stop writing.

and moreover?

i REFUSE to stop writing.

i write a fanfic for a fandom i love. i am as how you see me and how i present myself. i'm enthusiastic and encouraging to others because that is genuinely how i feel. i LOVE to see others create. i LOVE to see the vast amount of interpretations, and silliness, and new OCs and pairings and OC/canon pairings, and i LOVE to see others thrive.

and i am in competition with exactly no one.

i did nothing wrong. i KNOW i did nothing wrong. i also know that those involved know that i did nothing wrong, and i did nothing to deserve the treatment i received, no matter how they try to justify it to themselves.

the behavior i faced, and how others reacted with encouragement and cheer is becoming too common and too normalized.

and it needs to stop.

i've been in therapy for the better part of my life. although i've been without a therapist since i've moved, i've finally found one to not only continue my lifelong recovery in other matters, but to help myself recover from what i faced this year.

i am extremely hurt. i know that this was the goal, and it has succeeded. if hearing this fills those involved with pride and glee, then something is wrong, because that should not elicit that reaction. i am extremely, deeply disappointed in those involved for this, and all the hypocrisy, and all the contradictions, and all the willful bad faith asks sent and posts made.

and i have done nothing wrong.

i do not hate anyone. i do not hate who started this, or even who engaged with them; and i never did.

it is okay if someone doesn't like what or how i write. in fact, i have made multiple posts about how i view my attitude towards my writing. one of the points i have made is that i encourage people who do not like what i write, to NOT read it.

there is a very old saying on fandom internet: Don't Like? Don't Read. now, this should be obvious, but the practice of hate-reading is an extremely unhealthy behavior that has, again, become unfortunately normalized in the recent handful of years.

unlearn hate-reading. you do not read to read anything you do not like. it, in many cases, can actually constitute as self-harm. and if you choose to do this, it is not the author's fault.

it is yours. and you need to take responsibility for your own actions.

there are people here who were needlessly cruel to me and who i feel do not feel a lick of remorse for what they've done. i hope some day that they can reflect with a clearer head and understand, and take some responsibility for their actions.

and i genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, with full raw sincerity, hope that they do get to heal; that they do learn and grow; that they UNlearn these toxic behaviors; are able to move away from people who exhibit them; find the courage and strength to stand up for themselves and/or others, to end the cycle; and that they understand that i do not hate them, and that i wish them full success in their future health and endeavors.

that said, i hope all involved will never forget the harm they have done. i hope they cringe. i hope it keeps them up at night, and i dearly hope they actually regret their actions, or at some point come to regret it.

i do not hate any one of them, and i won't. i never will.

and never will anyone involved ever be forgiven for it either.

most of all - and on a much lighter note - i want to say thank you to those who supported me during this time. your patience and reassurance has been a saving grace that words unfortunately cannot do justice. you are precious to me, and i love you all, and i hope that i can be just as strong and supportive to you in your times of need.

thank you too to all my readers, my followers, and my friends. i'm sorry to have been largely absent this past year, but this was the reason why. next year it will be better, not just for me, but for all of us. i promise. i love you all.

i also love me, my art, my writing as a whole, and myself. i am a tough cookie. i may have cried a lot, i may have gotten frustrated and angry, but i am human. i'm allowed to feel this way, and i will feel this way for a while as i heal, yet i refuse to be bitter; and i refuse to stop loving what i do.

because i love GOOMT. i love developing GOOMT, i love drawing for GOOMT, and i love writing GOOMT. i always will love GOOMT, no matter how many years more it takes for me to write it. so thank you to all who have read and enjoyed GOOMT, and have matched my enthusiasm for it and its future. i am so, SO blessed to have you here, and i am SO excited to spin my story.

and i am so, SO glad to be alive to be able to share my piece of this silly foggy world with you.

cheers, mates. i look forward to a new year, better health for me and all, and to what beautiful things we can create and share together.

i love you - and i promise that we will be okay.

for we are alive, and with wounds that WILL heal.

#ches writes

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dessarious · 4 months

Text

This was not the Plan

New Years one shot (please let it stay a one shot)

Marinette could not for the life of her figure out how she'd ended up here. She was supposed to be at home, in her pajamas, asleep before the ball dropped. She had a plan, damn it.

That plan did not include Alya showing up at her apartment in London. Especially since she was supposed to be covering the ball drop in New York. It didn't involve said friend dragging her to an upscale party where Adrien and Felix just happened to be in attendance. And it damn sure didn't involve listening to Alya try to give her a pep talk (read lecture) about asking Adrien to kiss at midnight. No, this was definitely not the plan.

—————————————————-

Cass and Steph were supposed to be on a plane to Gotham. Unfortunately, some asshole (read Scarecrow) gassed the airport, and it was in lockdown until a HazMat team gave the all clear. Instead, they were stuck in an upscale London hotel. Which wouldn't be bad except there was a fancy New Year's party going on and the host had cornered them as they were checking in to invite them. Cass hated having to keep up a public image. But at least she had Steph to make things bearable.

They were standing along one of the walls, Steph making highly inappropriate comments at other people's expense, when Cass noticed two women. One obviously excited to be there and the other... not so much. As they wandered closer, Cass could hear their conversation.

"I feel I've been very clear on this." The one who looked like she'd rather be anywhere else sounded frustrated and annoyed.

"I know you think he's out of your league, but you'll regret it if you don't shoot your shot, girl!" Her tone was exasperated, if fond. Given the reaction from the other woman, this was a recurring debate. Cass didn't think she'd ever seen anyone roll their eyes so hard.

"I don't think he's out of my league. I'm just not interested in him. I really wish you would stop acting like we're still teenagers. It was an adolescent crush, and it wasn't healthy on top of that." Her friend didn't seem to hear her.

"Look! There he is. Now's your chance."

"Alya, you're not listening to me. Besides, that's Felix, not Adrien."

"Oh? You can tell that just by looking, huh?" Her tone seemed to imply that meant something but her friend just gave her a dry look.

"Anyone who's met them should be able to tell that." She gestured to the man Alya had pointed out. "Grumpy cat." Then she scanned the crowd before pointing to another man identical to the first. "Excited puppy."

Cass observed the two and had to admit the other woman was right. It kind of reminded her of the difference in Damian and Jon's personalities. The first man was comfortable in the setting, but was extremely standoffish and full of himself. The other was happy and friendly, talking to anyone who got close to him.

"Quit stalling. It's almost midnight."

"Alya, I'm not-"

"You can't bail on me this time. Do you have any idea what it took for me to get tickets to this party? Give me one good reason why you can't go ask him to kiss you for New Years."

Given how red the other woman's face had gotten during her friend's rant, Cass expected an explosion. What she wasn't expecting was for the woman to turn and pull her down into an angry, almost desperate kiss. She didn't know how to react, so she just let it happen. Honestly, she felt bad for her... it was also kind of nice if she was being honest with herself. When the woman pulled back, Cass was a bit dazed. She turned on her friend.

"That's why!" And promptly stormed out to the balcony. Cass was startled out of watching her when Steph let out a laugh.

"I'd say that's a pretty good reason." Steph's amused tone caused Alya to flush red before storming off in the opposite direction from her friend. "You should go check on her." Cass raised an eyebrow at her and Steph gestured to the balcony with a knowing smirk.

"Do you really think she wants to see me? That had to have been embarrassing." Cass signed at her in confusion, but Steph just turned her and gave her a push towards the balcony. Cass still wasn't certain it was a good idea, but Steph had a better understanding of such emotions, so she went. She found the other woman leaning over the balcony, muttering into her crossed arms. "Are you okay?" She spoke in English even though they'd been talking in French before hoping she understood since they were in London. She could understand French well enough, but speaking it was trickier.

"I'm fine." She said it in English, barely audible. When she looked up Cass watched her go through a variety of emotions. First was exhaustion, then confusion, recognition, embarrassment, and ending with horror. "Oh dear Kwami, I can't believe I sexually assaulted a complete stranger. I am so sorry!"

"It's okay." Cass hadn't thought of it that way, but she supposed it was technically true.

"It's not okay! It's the complete opposite of okay. I can't believe I did that. I'm such a terrible person. I understand if you want to call the authorities. Or I can do something to make it up to you. I'm a fashion designer, not that you need new or better clothes, you look amazing in that dress, but if you wanted something, or I can tailor some things if you need it. Nothing will make up for-" The woman wasn't stopping to breathe and Cass had been trying to get her attention, but ended up latching onto her forearms to get her to stop. The guilt in the woman's eyes was painful to watch.

"I'm Cass." It wasn't what she really wanted to say, but it did stop her, well for a second anyway. Then she looked embarrassed.

"Oh, I'm Marinette. Marinette Dupain-Cheng." She started going through her handbag and pulled out a business card. She wrote on the back before handing it over. "That's my work phone on the front. I put my real name on the back and my personal phone number so you can get a hold of me for whatever you decide. I really am sorry." Cass frowned at the card for a moment. "Is something wrong?"

"You're the designer for Foundational Fashions?" She couldn't help her surprise. It was an innovative brand that Jason had actually introduced her to.

"Oh, um, yes, but I'd appreciate it if you would keep that to yourself. I try to stay below the radar."

"I know." That got a confused blink. "My brother and I have been trying to find a way to commission you for a couple of years."

"Then I can make you something, both of you, to apologize." She sounded almost excited at the idea, and Cass had to force herself not to frown. No way was this worth whatever her prices were.

"I wouldn't feel right not paying you. Just getting a slot for a commission is more than enough." The woman's expression fell and Cass would blame that for what happened next. She really didn't like seeing her unhappy. "There is something else."

"Of course. Anything."

"Let me kiss you at midnight."

"Sure, no problem... wait what?" Cass looked for any sign she'd made Marinette uncomfortable, but all she saw was confusion. "After what I did, why..." She didn't seem to be able to finish the thought. "I mean, I'm sure there are plenty of people who would love to... why would you pick me?"

She seemed genuinely confused, and Cass didn't really know how to respond. The longer she stayed silent, the more Marinette drew in on herself and she had no idea why. She didn't seem to object to the actual kissing part though, so Cass felt a bit less creepy about asking.

"I don't want to kiss anyone else." Marinette's cheeks turned bright red and Cass was worried she'd said the wrong thing. "Earlier I felt... I would like to try it again." It was times like this she wished she was better with words. When she looked back at Marinette, the woman was studying her. She seems less embarrassed and more thoughtful.

"There's still half an hour until midnight. Why don't we sit and talk? Maybe start on you commissions."

————————————————--

Cass looked relieved at the suggestion, and Mari realized she wasn't the only one floundering. She still couldn't believe she'd done something so stupid and could only be glad that Cass didn't want her arrested. Once they were settled at the table that happened to be on the balcony, Mari wasn't certain where to start.

"So, what are your hobbies?" That was a good starting place, right?

"Ballet, and I do martial arts."

"Well, that certainly explains the physique." Yes Mari, let's be even more creepy. She absolutely should not be flirting.

"What explains yours?" She could practically feel Cass' eyes running down her figure. Okay, maybe she should be flirting.

"I grew up in a bakery. When it comes in bulk, everything is heavy. And once I got into design, bolts of fabric aren't light either. Then, Hawkmoth showed up, and I ended up in self-defence and parkour classes with a lot of my friends. Nothing anywhere near as structured as what you've done, though." And the whole superhero thing, but that was definitely not a conversation for a first... whatever this was.

"What happened to him?" Marinette fought not to wince. That was the million dollar question that only she knew the answer to. It was an extremely messy take down, and she'd had to wipe the memories of everyone involved. Including Adrien because of how badly he'd reacted to finding out Gabriel was Hawkmoth.

"All we know is that Ladybug said he'd been taken care of and she and Chat were retiring. Most people were just grateful it was over, to be honest." Granted, that attitude was helped along by the fact that no one could find her to question the official story. "Where are you from? Your accent sounds American."

"I live in Gotham." Cass' tone was odd but Mari couldn't place why.

"Oh, then you're used to worse. At least most of the damage Hawkmoth did could be reversed. The emotional toll was bad enough, but I can't even imagine constantly being afraid that anyone around you could end up dead in the next attack." Cass gave a hum, and Mari was worried she'd offended her.

"It is... difficult." Mari noticed Cass moving her hands as she spoke and realized she'd been doing it since they started talking. "I think most people have developed a sense of apathy, or maybe just put on blinders to the danger until it actually happens, since there's not much they can do if one of the major rogues decides to attack. At the same time, more and more people and organizations are coming together to try and help each other. It is still hopeful, and Gothamites are stubborn."

"Yes, people seem to be able to get used to just about anything if they have to." Humans were extremely adaptable, and that wasn't always a good thing. "Oh! You're signing, aren't you?" Mari hadn't meant to say that out loud and given the embarrassed look on Cass' face, she shouldn't have. "Sorry, I just noticed the movements."

"It's how I first learned to communicate. My childhood was... unorthodox." Given her tone, Mari had a feeling that was an understatement. "I can stop if you-"

"No! I mean it's fine. I wasn't trying to make you uncomfortable." Mari really, really wished she could stop making an idiot of herself in front of the woman. She'd like to blame the sleep deprivation from her per Christmas dash to get everything done, but this was just how she was. She always turned into a disaster around pretty people. It's why she was so nervous around Adrien originally, because he had always been extremely pretty. Other people had called him handsome, but his features had always been too delicate for that. It took Mari three years to understand why she thought she liked him. And wasn't that a fun week long mental breakdown?

"It's fine. Some people just seem to think I'm trash talking them instead of going through the motions to help find the right words." Mari could only blink at her for a moment.

"I feel like those are the same people who are constantly trash talking people in their head and projecting that on to you." Cass let out an amused snort.

"Probably." They settled into a comfortable silence. It was nice, if Mari was being honest. Too many people she knew felt like they had to fill the silence, even when they had nothing to say. As the minutes ticked by though, she started to get nervous. Cass obviously noticed.

"We don't have to, if you don't want to." Mari started at her voice. God, she needed to not be so high strung.

"It's not that... honestly, this whole thing is just a bit bizarre. It would have made more sense for you to have slapped me. I'm just... trying to make sense of things." Mainly because, in her personal life, she wasn't this lucky. Then again, Cass was from America, so this probably wouldn't lead anywhere. And that thought made her realize that so far, she did want this to go somewhere. Great.

"I don't think there's a lot of people here that would slap a beautiful woman for kissing them." Mari felt like her face was on fire. This woman, her seriously could be a model, thought she was beautiful? Yep, crush officially formed. Shit.

"That still doesn't excuse my bad behavior. I shouldn't have taken out my frustration with Alya on other people. My being pissed off that she never actually listens to me is no reason to do what I did."

"I don't know. She seemed to get the message." Mari just sighed.

"Maybe. That or I'll be getting an extremely long lecture about embarrassing her tomorrow." Probably the second. Might be a good idea to find somewhere else to crash after the party. And figure out when Alya was set to leave London so she could avoid her until then. She loved her, but she was beyond sick of the whole Adrien thing.

"She should stop talking and start listening." Mari let out a giggle.

"Can't say I disagree, but I don't see it happening. Alya's extremely stubborn about certain things."

"If you're not willing to make excuses for your bad behavior, you shouldn't make them for hers, either." Mari blinked at her before letting out a huff.

"In theory that's true. But I can't control her actions, only mine." Cass let out another hum. Before she could say anything, people inside started counting down.

Oh dear Kwami, this was really happening, wasn't it?

Maybe it was a trick. Cass' way of getting back at her for what she did.

No. The way she was looking at Mari... she was actually going to do this.

Come on, Mari. It's just a kiss.

A kiss from someone with the softest lips she'd ever felt, but just a kiss.

Okay. Her heart felt like it was about to explode. She might actually pass out.

No. She is not going to create another scene tonight. She just needed to breath.

When did Cass get so close?

What if she was disappointed in the kiss? Mari was pretty confident in her abilities, but she had no idea what kind of experience Cass had.

What if she wasn't disappointed? What were they going to do then?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Cass closed the distance, and Mari just closed her eyes. Yep, definitely the softest lips ever. She was going to have to ask how she managed that. When Cass deepened the kiss, Mari's brain completely short-circuited. This. This is what home was supposed to feel like. She was so screwed.

When Cass pulled back, it took her a minute to remember to breathe. When she finally opened her eyes, she was on the receiving end of the softest look she'd ever seen. Suddenly, Gotham was looking like a better idea. Surely she could do some good there. She forgot how to breathe again when Cass cupped her cheek and ran her thumb over Mari's bottom lip.

"Happy New Year." The words were as soft as her look and Mari, for once, thought that for once, it actually was a good start to what was looking to be the best year she'd had in a long time. Even if it hadn't been her plan.

#maribat #cassandra cain #marinette dupen chang #alya cesaire #adrien agreste #Marinette snaps

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nimrism · 22 days

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could you make this post? please, it's so fascinating i really want to hear your thoughts on it

"The Dark Tower" Morgwen Interactions Analysis

i've literally been waiting for someone to ask me this so i can go all out in answer, so you're literally my favorite- THANK YOU! i've tried to put all the thoughts swirling around in my head into one coherent post, so strap in and let's LOOK AT THE IMPLICATIONS (from my perspective)!

first and most importantly, i want to zero in on morgana's choice of kidnapee; she could've chosen anyone in camelot, any one of the knigts who were regularly privy to arthur's battle plans and schedule, but nope. if we're looking at it from the perspective of "she needs the closest person to arthur" wouldn't that be merlin? she could have kidnapped and brainwashed him; he would've made for a fabulous inconspicious mole in the court, and arthur literally goes to him for anything and everything. i actually think it would make for a really interesting au/fic if it were merlin who was kidnapped instead of gwen (love confession/magic reveal possibilities are ENDLESS), but maybe it's a little too close to the plot of "a servant of two masters" and the writers didn't want to be repetitive. i'm going to be biased and delusional in believing that morgana did choose gwen, in particular, for more personal reasons as well as for her nefarious ones.

the way i see it (and this is obviously very objective), by the time we get to this point in s5, morgana is LONELY, like, has-no-one-in-the-world-except-aithusa type of lonely, and her choice of allies has been lacking diversity as of late (why are they all men 💀), AND they all end up dying anyway. so, she needs a plan, and she needs a trusted ally (she also needs a bit of love and lip balm cause DAMN). BUT the thing is, why would anyone be loyal to her? she's never kept any allies (or friends) thanks to her wit and charm alone, she's only ever kept men loyal to her by striking fear in their hearts. it's the same for her friends and family, i think. she doesn't believe they even tolerate her existence, so she needs to be crowned queen to subdue them and FORCE them to respect her. the same goes for gwen. she was only morgana's friend when morgana was a naive and vulnerable girl, plagued by nightmares and unexplained fears, and the second morgana grew out of them (or learned to control them) gwen stopped being affectionate, stopped being open. that's how morgana sees it, and it only reinforces her belief that gwen would never understand the person she's become now, she wouldn't quite see what morgana was trying to do. unless morgana forced her to.

the whole kidnapping affair was to MAKE gwen understand, because she wouldn't do it of her own free will. gwen would never willingly be on morgana's side, so she had to jump through a few morally questionable hoops to bring her over. in the end, i do believe all morgana really wanted was a friend (maybe a little bit more, amirite ladies), though by this point her concept of friendship had become twisted beyond recognition, and in all the chaos, this was the only way she thought she could have one. throughout the episode, a lot of the old morgana shines through, even if it is portrayed as just manipulation, and i do think that was her either slipping back into old habits or forcing herself to, for the sake of the brainwashing and for the sake of their friendship that she's trying to rekindle.

a point that i've seen several people make is that between the niceties, the "real" morgana peeks through several times throughout the ep, but i kinda disagree. i don't necessarily think that just because her smile drops, it means that the niceties were a facade and her "evil" side pops back out. i read the sudden change in expression more as disappointment. gwen fights back with such vigour that it's probably painful for morgana to realize that her former friend sees her as nothing more than an evil witch who's hell-bent on hurting her, now. she's disappointed that gwen, who was supposed to know her best, believes what the others do, and doesn't believe that morgana is being sincere in her offer of friendship.

a small remark i also have is: why wasn't morgana one of the visions/hallucinations gwen had in the dark tower? it's interesting to see that the closest three people to gwen are her brother, arthur, and merlin, of all people. i feel like gwen's history with morgana has to have had a lasting effect on both of them, even if morgana is supposed to be "evil" now. you don't stop loving someone just because they've chosen (or BEEN chosen by) the dark side. morgana was one of the people gwen cared about most in seasons 1 through 3 (s3 is pushing it a little, but still), it doesn't really make sense for it all to be forgotten so completely like we see in this episode. i also think it would've been super interesting to see a hallucination of younger morgana in particular, partially as a reminder that part of gwen still cares about morgana and largely because i'd like to see how gwen would react to that vision... would it differ from the other three? what would morgana do? would she sneer and laugh like elyan and arthur? would she do a little rawr like merlin (😭)? i feel like a ficlet is in order for this concept cause i would like to see it but i have to imagine it first (but that's the hard part 😭)

NOW ONTO THE MOST DELICIOUS PART OF THIS ANALYSIS: THE QUOTES

M: "Would you prefer some chicken?"

i just found this one hilarious tbh like she's so out of pocket what are you doing offering your kidnapee some chicken and WHAT WAS THE OTHER OPTION, IF NOT CHICKEN?

M: "I know how lonely you must be, all by yourself in that room. At least you're not shackled, and there's daylight. You can move, you can see."

oof. she's obviously referring to her own capture and torture, pulling from her own experience. it's heartwrenching that morgana has been through all of this, traumatised beyond reason, but it's even more heartwrenching that she thinks she's doing gwen a service, like this. it might not seem like that to any sane person, but after everything she's been through, morgana's worldview is completely different. in her mind, however twisted and detached it has become, she's being merciful to gwen this way, giving her luxuries that she was never afforded when she was captured. (including a warm meal with chicken at miss havisham's table 🤩)

M: "I too have suffered, Gwen. I spent two years living in darkness. I spent two years chained to a wall at the bottom of a pit... You did not know."

goddddd this line... it's just so painful, so powerful, so indicative of SO MANY THINGS. it's EVERYTHING. every acting choice katie and angel made in this scene was brilliant but ESPECIALLY their facial expressions in this particular part WOAH. the way morgana's voice cracks on the word "pit" is DEVASTATING. i was floored. the way gwen's face falls as she processes her words and they properly set in... INCREDIBLE. the concern in gwen's eyes is palpable as she realizes the horrors inflicted on her friend. and the final "you did not know" was so, so powerful. morgana realizes that gwen didn't know about and clearly wasn't okay with what she went through. gwen had no part in it. morgana SMILES at gwen's reaction, but instead of it being a smile of malice or evil it's one of RELIEF, and one that she hides very promptly. she's reassured in the knowledge that gwen had no idea she had suffered so immensely, and that, more importantly, she wasn't involved in it. it's SO important to note that morgana has no idea whether arthur had a hand in her own torture or not. it's especially not a good look on him that he invites the sarrum as a friend of camelot so soon after the events of "the dark tower", so, as far as morgana knows, he could've been a "friend" when she was being tortured for years, too. i wonder what would've happened if morgana had kidnapped gwen AFTER the sarrum's visit to camelot... i feel like that would have complicated things with gwen much further, if morgana thought she was complicit in her imprisonment.

M: "I would have sold my soul for someone to show me kindness such as this."

only two points on this heartbreaking line: 1- FUCK the sarrum of amata. all my homies HATE the sarrum. s4 and s5 morgana might both be textbook cases of "evil", but they're two VERY different people with two very different worldviews and tactics. morgana's imprisonment turned her into the cold husk of a person she is by s5. and 2- this just further confirms that morgana thinks she's doing gwen a favor, dining with her and letting sunlight into her room and choosing not to tie her up etc.

M: "Your hands are cold... I have a warm fire going for you."

oh boy is this a MOMENT. the way morgana keeps her hand held out. the way gwen reluctantly puts her hand in hers (MORGWEN HAND-HOLD!) *ivy by taylor swift starts playing out of nowhere* {ohhhhh goddamn, my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand, taking mine, but it's been promised to another, ohhh}

um anyway i digressed. then the way gwen wriggles her hand out of morgana's grasp, while morgana grips her fingers with unwavering determination... it's just delicious.

M: "Anything you want, you can have. I'll give it to you."

idk about you but personally i'm SOLD. take all my money. i read this as morgana trying her utmost best to sell gwen on joining her, but i can also see the manipulation laced in it.

G: "Why are you doing this?"

M: "Because we're friends. We always were."

to me, this reinforces the theory that morgana's just trying to get her friend back on her side. by stating that they've always been friends, morgana reaffirms their friendship as much to herself as to gwen. she was her friend once, and she can be again.

M: "I'm helping you. I'm looking after you."

this sort of feels like morgana is telling herself that, more than she's telling gwen. maybe it's just part of the manipulation process, but i do believe that this was morgana's conscience reassuring her that what she's doing is in gwen's favor and that she's being kind to her.

M: "It's alright, I'm here."

UGH this line. morgana is being the person she needed when she was imprisoned. this scene is also a parallel to all the times morgana woke up screaming in the middle of the night and gwen was there to comfort her in s1/2. this time the tables have turned and it's morgana comforting gwen. simply delicious.

M: "My darling, I was wrong to make you suffer."

TEA! to say that this line was spoken from the bottom of morgana's heart might just be a bit too delusional, but i like to think there's at least some truth to it. torturing gwen had a lot of paralells to morgana's own imprisonment and torture, and she did want to make her suffer, at least in the beginning. but it was also different from what morgana went through. this is NOT to justify torture, btw, torture is BAD, but her "manipulation" tactics got a bit too personal at some point, and i like to think at least a part of it was genuine.

G: "No. Whatever twisted game you're playing, I want no part in it. I would rather stay here and die."

ouch. gwen's resistance to the last possible minute shows such strength on her part (cause me? i would've given in before she even dragged me through the desert tbh) and it gave us such a delicious performance from angel; the reluctance? the uncertainty? the distrust? the relief that morgana is there but also the FEAR of what she's doing? the contradiction between the morgana that gwen once knew and the morgana that everyone KNOWS is evil? but the morgana that gwen once knew is shining through now, and she's saying everything gwen wants to hear... grade-A angst.

IN CONCLUSION they're gfs your honor, this was all just a plot to snatch gwen back from arthur cause morgana didn't think seducing her herself would work. (this phrase could be in reference to this ep or the "lancelot du lac" ep i'm cackling morgana really is hopeless) there are also SEVERAL psychological layers to it, but describing it this way is just easier.

SO... this is possibly the longest post i've ever made. it got a little more comprehensive than i originally thought it would be, but THERE YOU HAVE IT! that's my take on the morgwen interactions in the dark tower. if i seem a little biased, that's because i 100% am :) i hope that clears things up. this is an open invitation to keep sending me asks (even if it's about the most random things ever) cause i love them and i love every single person who sends in an ask, and a public apology for how long these answers get sometimes 😭

#the fuckass sarrum is public enemy number one #hate that guy #morgana defender til the day i die #yes she's done some questionable things but have you considered that she's baby #can you tell i'm biased #save me morgwen save me #morgwen will probably be my undoing at this point #they're so special to me #the dark tower #this episode was a whole rollercoaster #morgana's gf might've been stolen from her but she stole her BACK #and now she's dragging her across the desert #now they're having a lil heart to heart #back to torture #fruity #HAND HOLDING #torture again #bunch of other stuff happens #FRUITY AGAIN!#that's pretty much the summary #anyway i hope this is coherent enough to be read #feel free to discuss #include me in the discussion too i'm making an effort to socialize #bbc merlin #morgana pendragon #morgana #guinevere #morgwen #merlin theory

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ghostgirl101 · 1 year

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Hiiiii can u do green haired BEN relationship headcanons? Tyty 🫶

Dating BEN Would Be Like This:

A/N: I certainly can, I've been thinking about this green-haired hive-minded being, so I'll give it my best shot 🙃 There's quite a lot I wrote here, so enjoy. For those who don't know, these headcanons are based around BEN, not Ben Lawman. The difference is that Ben is one person, a Moon Child trapped in Majora's Mask, who seemed a threat but was actually trying to warn Jadusable, and "BEN is an evil entity made up of several Moon Children, with the Majora Moon Child serving as the main leader." I'll try making this as accurate as possible but I won't go into confusing specifics 😅

🎮• Well, I'll start by saying that BEN here is the most annoying, unpredictable, crazed, dark sons of biatches you will ever have the pleasure of putting up with for... basically, eternity.

🎮• I've seen that basically everyone who's written for these guys thinks that it'd be a through-and-through toxic relationship, with no care for feelings, little to no romance or intimacy and you being toyed with like all their other victims. And, to an extent, I agree with your end relationship with BEN not being what you'd call a typical healthy relationship, which applies to pretty much all the slashers and creepypastas... but come on. If you're in a romantic relationship with BEN, I think there's gotta be something.

🎮• And I say there is. 😀

🎮• Don't get me wrong, though. They're not nice guys to anyone, they're devious, malevolent little brats who like getting into unsuspecting players' heads and twisting their world until they snap. You're one of the beginning targets who obliviously starts playing the warped copy of Majora's Mask, or a later victim once they've escaped to the internet. Either or, there's not much difference in the way they are. It's not like, you're unusually pretty and interesting to a few of them for whatever reason, so they'll take it easy on you. If anything, they'll make their methods worse.

🎮• Let's say you're a later victim, in which case, there are glitchy jumpscares out of nowhere while you're on your laptop doing work. YouTube videos crashing and pages redirecting to horrific ones with no URL. The screen flashing green when you're not using it from the corner of your eye, and weird, hard buzzing noises that wake you up from your already restless sleep. Then your phone starts playing up. Even your TV glitches and waves with bright colours every so often, all except the times when you have company or witnesses to prove you're not going mad.

🎮• It's when you're at your lowest mentally and really think you're losing your mind that they'll start making their proper appearances. First, it's through Cleverbot, or any documents and templates you'll be typing on. Then, one day, you'll go into your room and see a terrifyingly unnatural grinning face on your screen, before it disappears within the second you've seen it, leaving you reeling.

🎮• They can be very unpredictable in the ways they act and speak to you, because they're more than one person, and you never really know who you're interacting with. At this point, when you're having longer conversations on Cleverbot with different Moon Children from BEN, you're probably going to have to write out the differences based on what they say and how. But write it with pen and paper, because anything you type up can get mucked up by them, and it probably will.

🎮• When they're speaking collectively, you can tell, because the sentences are usually repeated loads of times, or their answers are shorter. It'll go from one of the telling you their real name and how strange you are to be talking so curiously with a hive-minded terroriser, to 'WE SEE YOU WE SEE YOU WE SEE YOU-'

🎮• That's the only way you really interact with BEN at first. Through them rifling through your computer programs and documents, redirecting you to pages when they feel like talking. Sometimes you have to wait days for them to feel like chatting, and other times they can't stop interacting with you. Depending on who it is that's driving them to talk, it could either be a fairly normal conversation, or just freaking crazy and disturbing. And the main person in control of the hive-minded being that makes up BEN is the Majora Moon Child.

🎮• Now, he's a real bitch.

🎮• I'm going to headcanon that all of Link going up in flames and the creepy messages through the game and the main ideas behind all of that was Majora. That's what you've grown to call him. He's the leader of BEN and makes the most appearances. He's the one that talks the most, that has the strongest personality, and is probably the most sadistic one of them all. He will absolutely get on your nerves and be the one you'll be dealing with him. So that's fun.

🎮• BEN collectively decides not to kill or hurt you after you've been associating with them for a month or so, since you're not trying to escape from them or screw up their plans anymore. It's a big debate; five of them don't understand why they feel like they should protect you from the world that turned them into monstrosities, three of them don't realise that what they're feeling might be love and are going mad with it, two of them have already decided that's its fate you and them met and they should start a more 'official' relationship with you. Four of them are annoyed by the fact that you're somehow different and pretty and nice and innocent, two others don't mind either way and see you more as a friend, while Majora decided days ago that you're theirs now.

🎮• So after that whole deliberation, you're woken up in the middle of the night to your computer buzzing and beeping, the screen going green, and red, pixelated text reading:

'YOU'RE OURS NOW YOU'RE OURS NOW YOU'RE OURS NOW' 'YOU ALWAYS HAVE BEEN' 'YOU ALWAYS WILL BE' 'OURS OURS OURS' 'OK??'

🎮• I beg of you to just say okay to them, otherwise they're gonna keep asking and asking and asking at the worst times and proving themselves to you in very drastic measures until you've got to accept them to make the madness stop.

🎮• Congratulations, you've got brats. For life. If things where chaotic before, get ready.

🎮• Now you're dating or whatever romantic relationship you're somehow in with BEN has started, you realise pretty early on that they are full-on yanderes. A few of them don't have much interest in romance and are more like weird friends or siblings to you, a few of them are surprisingly soft and quiet, but still just as brutal as the rest, and then there are the maniac lovers that are 100% possessive, protective, obsessive and clingy.

🎮• Sometimes they can act in contrasting ways because different people are taking control, and attitudes vary, but you can keep up with the shifting of personalities after a while. There are subtle hints, like the way their faces change slightly depending on who's appearing, and what and how they say things. Most of the time, though, you'll be faced with Majora. He's the fully green-haired grinning psycho boy who leads BEN, and being around him is... well, intense.

🎮• You'll know when you're chatting to him on Cleverbot or Word or whatever he's on, because he's a confident, arrogant jerk, and it shows. He's the one who likes making you jump by randomly appearing on your screen, toying with electricity and other things when he's not toying with unsuspecting peoples' minds. Sometimes you get BEN's face and a glitch, broken computerised voice - again, whose tone varies ever so slightly depending on who's talking - but most times, it's just typing.

🎮• If BEN are talking or arguing with each other, it's not really aloud, its in their shared mind, and I wanted to add the funny thought of you doing something random or asking a deep question, and how BEN's face goes completely blank and unblinking with that god-forsaken smile while they all fight in their head about how to react. So it's just him frozen for a solid ten minutes like 😀 on standby and you finding it funny until one of them snaps back to life - usually Majora - and jumpscares you by changing his face into something disturbing and blueish.

🎮• Yeah, he finds everyone's pain funny, but your screaming and cursing at him is even better. Then he and the others start thinking about trying to become more materialized to grab out at you and stuff, which leads to another debate. Seven of them are terrified at the concept of being vulnerable and weakened in a physical form, five of them don't care and want to be closer to you, four of them are trying to plan how it could best work, and Majora shuts them down with demanding they're doing it somehow, and takes the argument to you. Lucky you.

🎮• It turns out that the best way for them to appear in a glitchy, disturbing physical form is for the most amount of electricity and energy to be running in the house. You're going to need some stronger fuses, that's for sure. And your electricity bills are going to skyrocket. But, again, they can find a way to alter the prices in the system so it's not too much of a problem.

🎮• Of course, you're probably apprehensive by the idea of them being able to get to you physically now as well as through your devices and mentally, so ground rules have got to be set. You need to get them all listening and quiet, which could take ages if Majora's teasing you, or moments if he tells them all to shut up. Then you need to confirm that they won't hurt you, or anyone else, and understand that they can't leave the house and anything else that you want to avoid. If they don't follow the rules, you'll pull the plug.

🎮• 'PULL THE PLUG PULL THE PLUG PULL THE PLUG??' 'YOU WOULDN'T DARE' 'NO NO NO DON'T PULL THE PLUG'

🎮• And you're like "I will and I can if you don't do as I say 🙄"

🎮• Majora agrees to the terms in the end, and so they wait for you to plug and switch everything on, connect your computer to the TV, and let the horror of them climbing out of the screen unfurl as the glitchy green mass of a boy is standing in your home, grinning but blank, trying to adjust to their surroundings. Half of them are panicking, and half of them are just happy that they've found a way to be closer to you. And they can get pretty close.

🎮• If you leave everything electrical on all day, and especially when you're about to sleep, you're probably going to get intruded on by Majora, who almost gives you a heart attack when you wake up in the middle of the night to his glitchy figure and grin literally centimetres away from your face. He's impossible.

🎮• Right, now comes the physically affectionate side of things 😵‍💫

🎮• If it's anyone but Majora, you probably won't be too overwhelmed by it, since some of them or more twisted-friendly than they are romantic. But where it's the other way around with the group of Moon Children who are just as obsessive as Majora is, then that all goes out of the window. Any one of them can come out at any time, and once they're used to the natural world and the sensation of touch and basic senses they've been deprived of, you're gonna get ambushed.

🎮• He, along with the others, finds being materialised and almost a part of the real, outside world, fascinating and new in a way, so if they're out of the screen, they're probably touching all your stuff, looking through and studying everything like they're aliens. Some more carefully than others. Majora will knock some stuff over just to annoy you. He's a pain in the ass.

🎮• But since Majora is probably the one you'll be seeing the most out of BEN, you'll get used to him. He and the others like him are really grabby, since they're getting more comfortable in a material form and place, and they also find it funny when you get frustrated and push their glitchy, electric self off you so you can focus on your work. They're the type of guy that's always lingering curiously over your shoulder, playing with and examining your hair. Everything about you is fascinating to them, so you're gonna have to learn to get used to having this inhumane being hover over your shoulder with an absentminded grin while you watch Netflix or something.

🎮• When it comes to affection, they are very new to the concept of it. BEN are used to ruining people's lives, driving them so insane that they'll chuck themselves out of windows, do whatever they tell them to, just for the fun of it. So when they're introduced to coupley things like hugging and kissing and intimate conversations, you're going to have to explain and show them very slowly. Majora feels stupid doing it and has to get used to it, but he will get used to it. He just makes it a whole lot more intense.

🎮• Intense being realllly tight hugs where you're like "Majora, get off me, I actually can't feel a thing," because he's electrically charged and unstable and way too full-on. And he's all innocently grinning and cocking his head to the side with a "Why?"

🎮• "Because I can't breathe and you need to calm down." "Why?" "Because-" "Why?"

🎮• That's Majora 😑

🎮• Also, when you're hugging one of them, you're hugging all seventeen of them, so they're all going to feel it. Some of them get annoyed by that because they're possessive crazy people, and start arguing about who it was meant for and petty stuff like that, until Majora tells them to shut up.

🎮• They don't mind you touching them either, again, when they're used to it all. They trust you enough for it, but you might get shocked every so often, which is most of the time an accident, but if Majora's around, it most likely isn't. There'll be a sweet moment with you hanging around a shyer member of BEN and playing with their eye-watering green hair, and then Majora jumps in and says how annoying it is and tries untying yours or something stupid. It's safe to say that playfighting and winding you up is Majora's main love language and way of getting attention from you, even if it is enough to make a saint swear.

🎮• So when Majora's being surprisingly nice-ish and easier on you to the point where you'll let him kiss you...

🎮• BEN is going to short-circuit the first time, because holy hell, this is new, and they don't mind itttt-

🎮• It's literally the cliche of electric, because that's what BEN's running on, but all of them are different in their own ways. Some of them are a little gentler, some are surprisingly bashful, but once Majora's kissed you once and had his five minutes to pull himself together to make one of his proud remarks, he'll be a lot more confident in the future. He likes leaving you rolling your eyes in annoyance or completely spellbound, so it'll end in one way or the other. With a bit more time though, you will see that underneath all the dark humour and psycho-ness, he's the Moon Child that's been trapped in BEN the longest, and takes the longest to open up and let himself be vulnerable and surprisingly thoughtful and sweet. When he lets himself.

🎮• With some more time, more of them will tell you about who they were before BEN, though the details are a little fuzzy and painful to remember. That's pretty much the ultimate sign of trust, because there's no going back on what you've learnt, and what they learn about you. They remember every single thing you tell them, which is sweet sometimes, because they can order you stuff you said you want online for no cost on hacked accounts... or they can kill your enemies.

🎮• They can and they will. Even if it's a friend who you had a little disagreement with, BEN are going to take it personally. Basically, all of them think you can do no wrong and anyone that wrongs you is their new game. They won't leave that person alone, doxxing them, filming them and sending you clips of them terrified as a way to make you proud. And whether you choose to be proud, roll your eyes at the typical behaviour, or be completely unnerved by it is up to you, though it won't stop them. It's one way they show their love, and they will show it.

🎮• Majora, again, is a massive yandere, trying to watch you at all times, getting some of the others in BEN to lead with manipulation and terror in the screens while he obsesses over you with another few Moon Children. If you ever need one of them while they're busy on their latest 'game,' they've given you some intricate coding or website link to enter into your phone, and at least three of them, including Majora, are there and searching for the problem you need help with.

🎮• But even though, to the world and people they torture, BEN seems like an unfeeling, sadistic monster, you, one person out of all the others, somehow, are the only one who knows what they're really like.

🎮• Just don't tell anyone 🙃

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y-rhywbeth2 · 7 days

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@leomonae Hmm. Were [judges] always chosen from the ranks of the patriars, even 200 years back?

That's actually a good point that I failed to factor in and just had to go research - the only aspect of it I'd considered prior was the fact that the new money minority amongst the Peers wouldn't count in this equation (whether Astarion would be from a Patriar family, and thus require human ancestry to make sense in the lore) because he died long before they were established. (I was also incorrect about lawyers: barristers are a rare (and insanely expensive to hire) minority within the city, though from what else I've seen on the topic of lawyers in the realms that is a very new evolution. As Astarion says himself though; he was a judge, he made rulings.)

By default the role of judge is performed by the Dukes, when a crime is too serious and under dispute (or a Patriar, or somebody in similar power (*cough*high ranking temple clergy*cough*) wants it taken to court) and can't be settled by officers of the Fist or the Watch. Within the Gate's legal system it's rare for a case to require a magister to rule on it, so there's not much call for judges in the first place. Rule of thumb: you just go straight to jail… or the gallows! Hm, I'm suddenly reminded of Angelo sentencing the party back in BG1: "I am commander of the Flaming Fist. I will be your judge, jury and executioner, pardon the cliché."

In the 15th century the Dukes may delegate to a member of the Parliament of Peers, but that itself raises some questions because the Peers exist because the Patriars saw an opportunity to grab power and took it*, and this power was not delegated… so it's quite possible that when Astarion was alive you had to be a Grand Duke to serve as a judge. Grand Duke Ancunín! The Gate is doomed. (I somehow don't think Astarion was ever a duke, I think that would've come up at some point.)

*"Hand all the power over the nobility". Even before the Peers the Patriars were using their money and influence - Dukes were voted for, and democracy held sway, but the nobility are still happy to try and game the system, though they weren't as successful before they could overrule the Council of Four. Nowadays they're doing it with the Peers, who will have a handful of non-Patriar members that got in by having money and (trades) Guild and Patriar connections. Dalyria, I have always mistrusted you even before finding out you were experimenting on 12 year olds, and I am staring very suspiciously at you right now. What were your connections, doctor? (The part of the systems that aren't rigged by the Patriars are usually rigged by the Flaming Fist.)

However there's nothing concrete about legal systems in the Gate in the late 13th century that I can find, only information for the 15th. So if you don't like the idea of Astarion being a Patriar here's your grounding (Which tbh, I don't necessarily like it. I see him as new money for some reason.) He would need connections and money for one of the city rulers to known him to declare him a proxy judge, if they did that back then (which, again, suggests Patriar), but there's nothing textual here to say anything concrete or say anyone's wrong.

Another tidbit of information: you don't get paid for sitting in as a judge unless you're taking bribes from interested parties. It is not a career, it's an occasional hobby. "I was a magister" = "Sometimes people bribed me to decide who lives and who dies and I probably decided based on the highest bidder and/or who was less likely to shank me for making this ruling."

#Baldur's Gate is so fucked #I will say human ancestry could explain the undertone of his skin though #which should be blue rather than pink - that's a decidedly N'Quess undertone. (Alternatively: gold/bronze or violet... not pink)#Which doesn't really need much explaining past “Larian”#we're familiar with me being irate about the physical appearance of underdark races in this game yes?#I feel like Vel and Dal would have a lot in common. Medical science; lack of ethics; politicking... I would've romanced her #/astarion #long post

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bbygirl-aemond · 1 year

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When villainizing Alicent backfires (or, how victimizing Rhaenyra can actively make her look worse)

Hi everyone! There's something I've seen happening a lot within the fandom that really frustrates me. Before anyone starts, this post is very explicitly pro Rhaenyra, and I'm going to be arguing that Rhaenyra is actually more intelligent than most people give her credit for. I've seen a lot of fans, in an attempt to defend Rhaenyra by villainizing Alicent, rob Rhaenyra of both her intelligence and her agency.

It's a pretty common criticism of Rhaenyra that she's not good at playing the game of politics, so I think it's interesting when fans who support her will go out of their way to make her seem like a helpless victim in situations where she's not only actively playing the game, but winning. I'm going to discuss one example of this and explain why it actually makes Rhaenyra look better, especially as a future Queen, to let her be antagonistic right back towards Alicent rather than pretending that she was only ever tricked or outsmarted.

I'm talking about the scene where Rhaenyra takes Joffrey to see Alicent right after giving birth. So many people claim that Rhaenyra was only acting here out of fear for her children, which does succeed in making Alicent look bad, but misses the genius of what Rhaenyra's actually doing. Alicent was trying to make a power play here; she was trying to rub it in the court's faces that Rhaenyra was repeatedly having children via an affair. Rhaenyra not only foiled this plan, but actively turned the tables against Alicent. So let's discuss further below the cut:

Rhaenyra does not go with Joffrey because she genuinely thinks Alicent will physically hurt him. At this point in time, pre-Driftmark, Alicent has literally never done anything to suggest she would physically harm a child, let alone a newborn. Stop acting like Alicent was planning on smothering him with a pillow or something equally ridiculous. It's not in Alicent's character (she's quite passive when it comes to violence), and Rhaenyra also doesn't have any information to suggest this.

Rhaenyra goes with Joffrey specifically to shift the court's attention off of Joffrey being a bastard, and onto Alicent being unreasonable. This is the DEFINITION of malicious compliance: She knows it looks bad if the court thinks Alicent demanded Rhaenyra personally bring the baby to her. She WANTS people to see her sweat, she WANTS them to see the trail of blood, and she wants them to think Alicent did this to her, rather than Rhaenyra doing it to herself. She also brings Laenor with her specifically to add to the public perception of legitimacy.

Alicent wanted Rhaenyra to come away from this looking like a shameful harlot, but Rhaenyra turned the tables and came away from this seeming like a hero and a dutiful stepdaughter who bravely endured the pain Alicent forced on her, while simultaneously making Alicent seem evil and unreasonable. This is a calculated political move to shift blame onto Alicent and to paint her as crazy. And from the reactions we get as Rhaenyra walks to and from Alicent's chambers, I think she succeeds.

There's one other example where I think Rhaenyra plays the game of politics against Alicent and wins, and where a lot of fans ignore Rhaenyra's intelligence in favor of trying to make Alicent look as bad as possible. It's the scene where Rhaenyra suggests the betrothal of Jacaerys and Helaena, which I'll talk about eventually since I got an ask about it. But basically: Rhaenyra made a proposal that she knew would look good on the surface but that she knew Alicent couldn't accept without endangering her children, ensuring that when Alicent turned it down she would look bitter and crazy. When I make the post, I'll link it here.

TLDR: If your favorite character's biggest source of criticism is her political ineptitude, don't go out of your way to dumb her down in the scenes where she demonstrates remarkable political intelligence. I promise it'll make your character look better if you allow her these instances of agency and competency.

#hotd #house of the dragon #rhaenyra targaryen #rhaenyra #alicent hightower #alicent #team black #pro rhaenyra #joffrey velaryon #joffrey strong #laenor velaryon #laenor #show #hotd meta #meta

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thechosenanubis · 8 months

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Hey, @mask-of-anubis hope you don't mind that i made a separate post with your tags as the main focus point. ( the tags are taken from this post if anyone is curious) But I felt the the topic is too important to just be kept in the tags.

Thoughts under the cut.

I want to preface this post by saying that you're completely right, that the hoa girls are held at a much higher standard compared to the boys. Sadly this is a common reccurence in most media.

Female characters are scrutinized for everything they do, no matter if you are a "traditonal gal", a "female warrior" or something in between.

As you pointed out, these girls are complex and they make mistakes ( and thank god that they do, because if they didn't and were instead some mary sues hoa would be boring as hell). We have to thank the writers for that because they wanted to create human characters.

Simply put: people scream about wanting "complex female characters!" and when they get them on screen they whine about how "toxic" "pathetic" "whiny" "bitchy" they are.

Let's take for example the worst form of this behavior: The S2 Joy-Nina rivalry. (yes, i'm really going there).

I'm one of the few people in the entire hoa fandom, that thinks that their rivalry ( while i can agree that it overstayed its welcome sometimes) was actually a good arc, and in some ways was inevitable.

People thinks that feminism means "the girls must always get along!" Ignoring that forcing two girls who have very different views, becoming friends just for the sake of Feminism™ is actually going to diminsh the quality of the story, and the characters themselves too.

In fact, since its quite implied in the pilot that joy has a major crush of Fabian, and i'm sorry to burst anyone's bubble, but no girl is going to be happy that her crush isn't single anymore, especially when (at least from joy's pov) she and fabian were quite close. Of course, the way joy went about it in s2 was wrong, but the girl is traumatized ( as all the characters in the show are to various degrees lol) and instead of blaming the teachers, she focused her anger on the easy target.

But keep in mind that Nina isn't a saint either: she's passive aggressive to an unhealthy degree, she lashes out at her friends, and is very possessive about a boy who isn't her boyfriend anymore.

But people, instead of trying to understand why they act that way, They prefer the easy way out aka calling them something along the lines of "Bitch" "Horrible" "Toxic" "Pathetic" "Whiny" "Bully" and everything else under the sun.

Really it's quite concerning that i've seen this behavior in multiple fandoms, and it has no intention of stopping. And no matter how you spin it, female characters can never win, because people will find a way to hate them regardless.

Because as you said, when did male characters ever been held responsible for their own actions? Right, never.

Because fans, somehow to make their fave male character "he's just a soft boy™ who can do no wrong ever" , they have to ignore every single flaw they have. Even if those flaws make them interesting.

Instead female characters are always blamed, villified for the same things the male characters do.

And really everything comes down to the double standard , doesn't it?

#house of anubis #hoa meta #fandom critical #selikor rant #sorry i'm quite heated about this topic #since its something i debated quite often in other fandoms #where people villanize the female characters just to prop up the male fave #sorry for any incoherence i wrote this right before i went to bed lmao

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variousqueerthings · 5 months

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i do think one of the things i really enjoy about nu!who is that so many of the doctor's relationships are either established to be -- or retroactively written as in the case of some classic!who returning characters -- Super Intense in a way that cannot be quite nailed down. that ambiguity is key to my enjoyment

some of this is because of nu!who playing alloromantic-chicken -- that is, they kinda wanna do something sexy and romantic, which they see as functionally the same thing, but they veer off to the left at the last second every time (which, fascinating to analyse on its own) -- but that just means that these relationships take on a fascinating tinge of not romantic not platonic but a secret (queer) third thing that is heightened because of the science fiction Element of it all (the doctor is an immortal alien who travels around time and space, functionally forever until the show decides otherwise, while everyone else must eventually leave the show for some reason... except for the master, of course, who has themself defined their relationship as basically a secret third thing in canon... in fucking m*ffat's canon no-less), but it is still grounded in incredibly real human identity concepts and relationship constructs... but... not necessarily on purpose a lot of the time? (donna is on purpose, but would they ever describe it as an aroace qpp... maybe one day, I've just gotta get a one-on-one with rtd or david tennant, they'd get it, I know they would!) (my parasocial relationship with these two consists of me explaining aroace queer philosophy to them and both of them nodding and instantly understanding and telling me how smart I am)

this to say that anyone who does enjoy the alloromantic read of things, can obviously have at it, that's their enjoyment and the show doesn't not say that's a possible read, but it's always interesting to me when the people who don't enjoy it can't read (queerly) outside of their amatonormative box to know/understand that there are a million and one ways that these relationships can be described. there's just... no curiosity there in delving into the actual dynamics, because once something has a will-they-won't-they romantic undertone, any interesting analysis of the actual Bones of what's going on just seems to fly out of the window. it's been cursed by amatonormativity. it is nothing other than Romantic. the end

there's something about the way that amatonormativity actively makes interacting with this show worse (it's the inherent aroaceness of the main character and people not engaging with that read because they either don't know aroaceness exists or they don't think it's a real thing or they don't think it's "actually" queer, and so instead the show is hetero-ized, to the point that people might be shocked that the doctor could call a man hot, because nothing else that could be read as queer -- never mind the onscreen gay shit that's happened already -- is happening in this show, that's... that's what it is). it limits the kind of spaces it can go into and it limits the ability to enjoy the intensity of these relationships for what they are in the text, by simply reading what you don't want into it and then making up a guy to get mad at (the exception may be river song's arc, but even that -- in its own, flawed "river song consistently reads as having no self-esteem when it comes to the doctor and was also groomed from birth to be obsessed with them" kind of way -- goes beyond strictly normative alloromantic allosexual reads)

but this show -- specifically nu!who, because classic!who never allowed that kind of ambiguity in the same way from what I've seen so far/have read, the word "Asexual" meant something different on that show (celibacy, monkhood, the learned scholar, etc) -- has (unintentionally?) offered a smorgasbord of intense, well-written, aromantic and asexual relationship dynamics, all centred around one single character, and people don't see it as an option, because they don't quite... get it... as concept... as a real, human concept, not just a science fiction conceit

anyway, the arguably most easily definable relationships the doctor has are with all the characters one might describe from the doctor's perspective as "proteges/students/ersatz children/grandchild," and that's not to say those relationships are not super intense, it's just a slightly easier dynamic to pinpoint and explain (although i think if, for example, bill had met thirteen that dynamic might have become very muddied very quickly......)

#doctor who #dw #doctor who meta #aspec doctor #aroace doctor #the doctor #not to say twelve wasn't a butch lesbian ofc #but i think bill's type skews younger #long post

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mochiwrites · 3 months

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ALWAYS FEELIN' A BIT INSANE ABOUT SONGBIRD!! 💥💥💥💥

Currently very invested in the Scar character development, he's very silly and I am obsessed with how you write him. Eating ur writing, I literally never shut up about it heryehur

He has so much depth to his personality. His struggle with identity, hiding the truth, opening up to others, traumatic experiences, etc. His complicated relationship with Mumbo as they walk on their tip-toes wondering what happened to get them to this point... His love for Tubbo and his hate for humanity. His conflicting emotions about death. His ever-changing view of Grian and what made him so worth it when nobody else caught his eye. The fragile concept of simply being himself and not the monster people think he is. He's so WONDERFUL AAAA!! *shakes you*

EEEEEEEEE YAY :D

scar has easily become one of my favorite songbird characters. he's definitely rounded out a lot since the start of songbird and I'm so !!!!!! about him -- and now that arc 2 is finished, I can actually talk about scar's character arc because GOD DOES IT MAKE ME INSANE. OKAY.

I remember being kinda nervous about introducing scar way back when in welcome to the circus, because I wasn't sure how he'd be received -- I mean, he's basically introduced as an antagonist right away, and he feels so different from his typical characterization. well. he's not that different, but I certainly lean wayyy more into the intimidating, scary image. and when you don't know a character's motivations for that... depending on the writer executes the writing, you could either be Incredibly interested, or you could write it off as out of character/bad writing. so welcome to the circus was absolutely a HUGE gamble. hell, everything that followed was a big gamble!

but I am so happy with how scar's development went. I think I could've added maybe one or two more one shots right before enchante to add a bit more pacing of scar's development, but overall I really am pleased with it.

arc 2 was heavily focused on scar and his betrayal (which like,,, yeah, obviously @ myself GJFHJFG) my biggest goal when writing arc 2 was showing the readers that there was more to scar than just his cold personality. that there was a reason for his behavior. it's kinda similar to how mumbo was first introduced. mumbo was off as well, though granted his true personality came about a lot quicker than scar's did.

so this arc was about exploring scar's character (and his understanding of/warming up to grian) and his growing internal conflict between betraying grian and mumbo and keeping tubbo safe. I really wanted to get across that at first scar had no remorse for what he was doing. but when he started getting to know grian, being given his kindness, when scar started to let down the walls around his heart, that's when the guilt kicked in.

I love scar's whole battle with his identity -- it's one of my favorite pieces of his character, and something that'll be explored a TON more in arc 3 (and perhaps the reason why that battle is there to begin with 👀) the way I've always looked at is: scar isn't human, but he's not quite fae either. so he's had to carve out an identity for himself; the grim reaper, a monster, it's all the same to him. he's not just standing at the cross between two worlds. he's carving a path between these two worlds -- he's creating a third world, specifically for himself

and I think scar's struggle with his identity is something the fandom as a whole doesn't touch on nearly enough as we should. scar is a man who's constantly wearing a mask, and that mask is everchanging. there's some seriously fun concepts to be played with there! which is exactly what I want to explore in songbird and this upcoming arc.

I also feel really insane about all of the backstory crumbs I've left in arc 2 for him. this one in particular drives me crazy:

( it's from the weight of living chapter three in case anyone is wondering :3 )

if you've ever seen in anime where a character has like. some ominous shadow figure looming over them and they look really afraid or panicked, that's exactly the kind of image I was picturing when writing this scene. and that's kinda what happens here! (one day when mumbo and scar's backstories are revealed, I would love to like. comb through songbird for all of the crumbs I've dropped and explain them)

but scar's character is so complex, and I think that's what makes him so fun. he doesn't operate on human morals, but he very much does have human emotions and a human heart that he buries and AUGH!!!

and I can't talk about scar's character without mentioning enchante, because C'MON. IT'S LIKE. THE SONGBIRD SCARIAN FIC HFGJDFGHJ

enchante is SUCH an interesting turning point for scar and grian's dynamic. mumbo and the boys have been kidnapped, scarian are forced to work together and they don't entirely trust one another, and they're running on limited time. and it's through this situation that they're forced to learn about each other. scar learns just how far grian's kindness goes, how he views the world. and grian starts to get some insight into why scar behaves the way that he does.

we see scar step in to defend grian against taurtis the first time under the guise of being offended at taurtis' bad negotiation skills, and not even knowing himself why he steps in! it's the first time scar sees the depth of grian's humanity and his guilt and his care for the ones that he loves. and then in turn, grian learns why scar is so apathetic and uncaring and there's some sort of understanding the two of them reach. it drives me SO insane fae. I cannot express.

AND THE GRIM REAPER STUFF MMMMMMMMM WE'RE GONNA COME BACK TO THAT. IT'S GONNA BE GLORIOUS. I've got some scar story that are gonna make people go INSANE when I drop it. it makes me want to gnaw on my arm man

songbird!scar is just so delightful to me, and I really love writing him a lot. his relationship to mumbo and then to grian is SO fun to examine, and we'll definitely be doing more of that in arc 3. I'm really glad that people love him as much as I do because <3333

#mochi speaks #songbird’s blood au #friend moment

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