steddyhands soulmates brainworm where in some magical post-canon (maybe s1? s2?) timeline the revenge is boarded by (gasp) actual capable pirates

izzy isn‘t up on deck when it happens, which is how it happens in the first place, and quite frankly he had a bad feeling about dropping anchor this close to port (insert past blackbeard shenanigans that turned him grey a good decade before anyone else) but when does anyone ever listen to his years of experience and expertise on this clown boat anyways

and. ok interlude. obviously they’re soulmates. obviously izzy has said nothing about it. he’s a fucked up little man with the selfesteem of a wet limpet this is selfexplanatory. obviously ed and stede are Eyeing him, but stede’s too repressed to say anything about it and ed’s too unwilling to admit he’s a very similar brand of fucked up to do much about it.

so. back to the program. even izzy cannot fight a whole entire crew - given that it is both the size it should be for a ship twice as large as the revenge and actually trained, go figure. does he still try? absolutely. everything comes screeching to a halt when someone gets a gun aimed at black pete’s head though, and they’re all rounded up on deck. there is no getting out of this one, izzy knows - he’s been on the other end of this too often not to. he wonders which one they’ll kill first, maybe fang or ivan to make a point, they’re on the stronger end of the crew -

“well well, what have we here?” the captain says, stopping in front of izzy with a leer that would usually see him relieved of one of his hands. he lifts the sharp edge of his sword to izzy’s neck, tracing the edges of the swallow izzy is cursing himself for putting in such a visible spot. “the polite thing to do here seems to inform you for the sizeable bounty on your head, hands.”

izzy sneers out a get fucked, and realizes several things at once: 1, edward cut off his beard just a week ago last, and is currently lounging in the last silk robe onboard. 2, bonnet has not a single frippery left in his closet, and has been forced into the man’s equivalent of torture (sensible clothes). 3, there’s no way charlie vane, who’s currently backhanding him to the ground, didn’t recognize at least edward.

and, 4: it may have been a mistake leaving the man to die of starvation and also marooning three years ago. obviously he can hold a grudge. should’ve shot him and be done with it.

this, izzy thinks as he’s manhandled over to where they’ve set up a plank to cross to vane’s ship, is where on the queen anne, the crew would’ve jumped into one of blackbeards ingenius rescue plans. scratch that, on the queen this would’ve never happened because the people are competent. the revenge’s crew is just shouting a lot and- whoa, he’s upright again.

vane is still smiling, the unsettling fucker, when he circles izzy’s gloved wrist with iron pressure. “you know”, he says, conversationally, “i’ve always wondered, about your mark.” cold fingers slide the glove off his hand, roll up his sleeve. izzy tries to squirm away from it, tries to throw his head back and break someone’s nose, but this is not pirate playgroup - this is a group of actual competents, a fact he curses silently as the mark is exposed to open air, a perfect match for his captains’. there’s a sharp chorus of gasps and then horrible silence that izzy cannot face, closing his eyes instead.

“hm”, vane says, “thought so.” and then pain explodes at the back of izzy’s head, and the world really does fade away.

We Gave 6 Comedians An Enemy With An Alliterative Name And You'll Never Guess What They Did With It (ep 1 - 10)

still cannot get over how much of a toxic sweat joel is. like if you watched his pov for mcc you would have no idea that his main schtick is that he's literally a builder on a fantasy roleplay server he is one of the most unnecessarily competitive players ive ever seen. the guy taught himself to speed bridge for tgttos and he occasionally does it on empires just to show off. he posted a clip on twitter of him playing tgttos on mcc island and the only words he says in the whole clip are "fuck off" four times. he camps the subreddit and viciously attacks anyone who places his team lower than top 5. someone so much as looks at him funny on stream in empires and he goes back to his base, grabs a chestplate and 5 golden apples, and hunts them down in complete silence until they're dead. you just know that man spends hours of his free time grinding competitive minecraft and for WHAT. to build a floating island???? to babysit his armor stand son????? NOBODY does it like him

I just woke up + opened Tumblr. Old man Zack jumpscare 😨

i needed an hour or so but im into it now. ill embrace it.

hot take: Skibidi Toilet (as in the og series and not the stupid exploitative content farm shit) isn't even as bad as people say it is. like yeah it's definitely silly and nonsensical, and maybe super young kids shouldn't exactly be watching it, but can you really say that the insanity of Skibidi Toilet isn't at all similar to the types of Gmod videos we used to watch when we were kids and teenagers? are we seriously trying to act like our own nonsensical Source Engine shitposting from way back in 2007 is somehow better than the more modern shitposting of Skibidi Toilet? or are we just deeming anything liked by kids as "cringe" now. cause that's what it seems like.

also the whole "Skibidi Toilet Syndrome" thing is really stupid and is literally just describing kids reenacting stuff they like on the internet which is a completely normal thing for kids to do. i used to reenact Viva Reverie's old MLP toy horse nonsense videos back when their channel was still called "IMATOONLINK" because they were funny as hell. kids acting out their favourite medias isn't new and it isn't suddenly a bad thing or a "syndrome" when it's something that's generally considered to be "cringe" on the internet. you guys are just mean.

it's kind of weird to me that they didn't bother releasing sushi and tempura internationally at all but at the same time i'm kinda glad they didn't cuz like. yo-kai watch was financially failing in the west by the time 3 released. i feel like if they had released sushi and tempura the franchise would've completely tanked before we got sukiyaki which would've sucked. honestly if anything i feel like it's more surprising that we got all three versions of 2 instead of them just releasing psychic specters but tbf i think yo-kai watch was doing well in the west when 2 released. 2 is just inexplicably what killed the franchise despite being a masterpiece-

saw a post about projecting your ethnicity onto a character and started missing vespa ilkay. so so bad

I don't know if Gus will be joining the Hell Castle Gang(though i hope he does…. the potential hilarity of him apprenticing under Adrian when he is already more powerful than the coven head as a kid. Also i love him) but I think it would be really fucking funny if Gus joins the Fuck Amity squadron with Hunter and Willow. Girl bullied his best friend for years and is also a giant bitch to Hunter, who:

1. Befriended Willow in the castle after she worried so much about going there and anyone who's nice to Willow is a good guy in his eyes. 2. Somehow Gus befriends him as well and they bond over being child prodigies among people older than them and living up to expectations. That might come later when Hunter's more relaxed though and not a highstrung walking pin cushion with all needles pointed outward for anyone who isn't Luz.

Now suddenly there's three people who are both or either very powerful, promising witches, in high positions of power, or the favourite of another important witch in the castle, two of which from her past she would have Very Much liked to never see or think about again, around her every day who all hate her guts. She's falling into the holes she's dug over the years and is too stubborn and prideful to get out.

obsessed obsessed obsessed. just. all of this. the hexsquad forming an anti-amity union to amity's increasing consternation. amity being a miserable prideful stubborn idiot who nonetheless cares So Much about everything, all the time. hunter having places to direct his energy beyond Protecting Luz and Murdering Amity. luz being the sole person in the group who's like "amity might not be that bad" while the other three are like "OF COURSE SHE'S FINE AROUND YOU, YOU'RE THE EMPRESS" and luz is like "but of course i can't have a bad opinion of anything she does, i'm the empress :((((" GOD. they're all So Funny. i love this So Much.

That’s not- y’know what, that’s probably an easier explanation actually (Patreon)

one of my favorite parts of rereading the republic is how fucking petty plato can be

sure, sure, there’s a lot else going on about what makes a good leader/governance/society but so much of it is plato going so anyway, fuck that cephalus dude in PARTICULAR (and ps this isn’t just my opinion so don’t come at me, this is SOCRATES talking hey guys, did i mention he was my mentor? anyway “socrates” says cephalus is a virgin who can’t even drive and we should all throw rocks at him)

Love how we all thought Pavitr would end up getting traumatized or killed from his “Being Spider-Man is so easy!” line but then it turns out that his entire plot is about NOT having any Spider-Man related trauma

i think about this picture a LOT

EDIT: WARNING I JUST INFODUMP IN THE TAGS IM SORRY ???

the "ichijou discovers his breeding kink and gets embarrassed and defensive about it" fic has gotten a fair bit of positive reception that has made me quite proud of it but i'm still hesitant to put it in my pinned list because... that's embarrassing.... i'll get defensive...

Yesterday I had two cups of strong coffee and I don't think I've ever done that before and it gave me a similar feeling to when I was drunk the first time: "oh my god when will this stop I'm tired of it" and feeling physically energized but very tired right behind my eyes and unable to stop singing Hedgehog Stew at work and I felt like when I was a child experiencing sugar rush for the first time. I did crash from it pretty hard too

i really want to start making a table collecting statistics on the audience demographics i'll perform my aubrey material for (like what generation most of the audience is, whether i'm performing in a predominantly queer space, etc.) and how well the jokes land bc like. i need to collect more data points before i can properly present my findings but the results so far have been fascinating

cause when you leave, you take more than your love