Rules: Pick any 10 of your fics, scroll somewhere to the midpoint, pick a line (or a few), and share it! Then tag 10 people.
tagged by @oneawkwardcookie - thank you !
1. love finds a way
He feels a soft touch against his hand then, and he blinks, turning to find Eddie smiling at him. His hand is on his hand, and Buck gulps, before heās moving his hand under, and he watches as Eddieās eyes flicker for a moment, unsure.
Until he realizes that Buckās not pulling away, but opening his palm up, intertwining their fingers together. Eddieās breath hitches then, and he smiles.
2. to watch someone you love (come home)
āYeah? Well, it was your girlfriend that didnāt want to eat my food,ā Eddie returns with a shit-eating grin, putting the food on the coffee table, as Buck lays his head back with a sigh.
āEx-girlfriend,ā he mutters uselessly and Eddie snorts, sitting beside him finally, his thigh pressed against his.
āThank God for small blessings.ā
3. what we deserve
āYou okay for us to stay here? I gotta work on the deck, while these two have fun without us,ā he says, side-eying Chris then, and making him giggle. His dad blinks only once, before nodding.
āOf course,ā he says, and thereās a smile on his face that Eddie is still not used to seeing. At least, not directed at him in his adult life. He canāt help but wonder if theyāll continue to be good the way they are when theyāre alone. What if itās just the momentum of seeing each other for the first time since El Paso? What if itās just this first day and then itās back to how it was before? Did his dad mean any of it so far, or is he just placating Eddie? But before he can get too deep into it, he feels a nudge on his knee and comes back to Chris is calling his name.
4. this heart of mine
Joe knows heāll be stuck on that for a while, so fundamentally entrenched in the pain the betrayal caused. Because there is always a choice. There is always a choice for people, to do good. To do the right thing. To do what is kind, and generous. If he digs into his very own memories as a child, he can feel the teachings of his mother and father: that in our hearts light and kindness we can give to the world, it is up to us how we choose to share it.
5. to forget is to remember, to cherish
Andy takes him by the arm then, and with promises to be back within a monthās time, they go away together, and Joe lets himself be swept away in his sisterās presence. Letās himself drown in it, because he knows one day, sheāll be a memory. And if their life were to continue beyond more than what they have already been blessed with, then one day, heāll forget her face, her laughter, her joy.
6. letās right, these wrongs, together
āYou made me believe you were gone. My whole family. Our friends. They allāFuck, Nicolo, how could you?ā he whimpers, and Nicky deserves it. He deserves it all.
7. in parts, i fall, in love
āHere, let me hold that for you.ā
Joe hands over his glasses with his only free hand, the other clutching the ever-melting ice bag over his face as he walks.
āāDank you.ā Great, now he sounds like Kermit the frog. He glances at Nicolo who gives him a weak smile, walking beside him, one hand on Joeās elbow, the other holding the rest of their things.
8. hand-shaped bruise
They are afraid of anything they cannot understand, even if benefits them. So they stay away and leave the Prince alone in his castle.
9. beautiful, i see you
āIād be staring at myself too if I had your face,ā he says, smoothly, and Joeās mouth drops open and he swears his face is going to fall off it feels so warm. Then the manās own face flushes red then, but instead of being frozen like him, he steps forward and tilts his head at him.
10. baby immortal research
"I could survive this drop."
tagging: @queen-shuri @nilefreemans @catdadeddie @polarcell @rafael-silva
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based on this concept of steve and mike coming out to each other
š¤ also on ao3
The sun is setting in beautiful hues of pink and purple, tinging the town of Hawkins, Indiana, in a light of serenity and beauty it doesnāt really deserve. Steveās hands are gripped tight around the steering wheel as he carefully scans the road and the houses he passes.
He almost misses the bike where itās lying on the curb, carelessly discarded by the looks of it, and a tinge of worry shadows his frown. Worry that doesnāt quite dissipate when he spots the figure sitting on the roof, almost black against the lilac colour of the sky, but he breathes a sigh of relief. He considers grabbing the radio to let the others know he found Mike, but decides against it. Something tells him that maybe theyāll take a while. Something tells him thereās more to Willās stunned silence and Mikeās sudden departure from where they were all hanging out at Steveās after another successful Hellfire session.Ā
With a sigh, Steve cuts the engine and gets out of the car, keeping his eyes on Mike the whole time ā ready for him to take off again, ready to go sit a while and wait for him to come back. But Mike doesnāt move, even after he shuts the door and approaches the Wheelersā house. He doesnāt acknowledge Steve when he pulls himself up to the roof, easier this time than the first time he did this.Ā
Thereās a snide comment in the air between them, a version of Mike that would have lashed out at him, made fun of and insulted him. But this one just sits there, hands in his lap, frown on his face, and stares ahead.Ā
āWhat do you want,ā he asks eventually, though it doesnāt have the kind of heat that Steve expects. He barely even sounds like a teenager. Just sort ofā¦ dejected. Steve aches for him; just a little bit.Ā
āJust making sure youāre alright,ā Steve says, shrugging, looking ahead as well so Mike doesnāt feel watched. Or seen, maybe.Ā
Because the thing is, Steve does see him. He sees the way he looks at Will sometimes, and the way his eyes fill with something that can only be described as yearning, or aching, followed by regret and fear. Which always, always turn into anger. Into frustration. Into snide comments and rolled eyes and walls that keep getting an inch added to them each day. Itās never directed at Will, that anger, and rarely at the rest of the Party, but Steve still sees it. Gets the worst of it and takes it, because he knows something about how that feels.Ā
He knows something about looking at someone like that, about feeling that fear, that regret, that worry that come with it. He knows something about never really daring to meet someoneās eyes for fear of what they would see.Ā
āIām alright,ā Mike says, sounding anything but. Thereās a bitterness in his voice. Frustration in the way his thumb is picking at the skin of his fingers. Confusion in the tension of his shoulders, and Steve feels like he only needs to make one wrong move, say one wrong word, make a single sound thatās off key to the melody of this moment, and Mike will jump off the roof and take off again with his bike.Ā
So all he says, after a momentās consideration, is, āCool.ā Like he believes him. Giving Mike room to breathe, room to pretend. He knows something about that, too.Ā
He knows and he sees and he feels.Ā
And suddenly he wants to say something heās never said before, something he didnāt even get to tell Robin because she knew and saw and felt, too, taking something from him that he hasnāt yet been ready to reclaim for himself.Ā
And maybe itās because he sees something of himself in the way Mike holds himself, in the way he snaps at anyone willing to listen, in the way he frowns in regret and barely meets anyoneās eyes except when itās in challenge ā and, most of all, in the way he never, never meets Willās eyes. In the way he looks away when the other boy turns to him, and in the way his eyes will snap back and take in everything about his best friend when heās not aware of it.Ā
Maybe itās because the sky is pink and lilac and purple above them, allowing for a certain magic to happen, allowing for a bravery that doesnāt come easy to him; but as he sits on the roof next to Mike Wheeler, the only one of the Party he never really connected with, he closes his eyes against the breeze that catches in his hair and opens his jacket a little further, slithering beneath the fabric as if in a brief embrace, a nudge, a sign to take this leap, and takes a deep breath.Ā
His heart is picking up its pace inside his chest, taking this leap along wit him, and pulls up one of his legs to wrap his hands around it ā just to have something to hold onto.Ā
He opens his mouth once, twice, three times, but the words never really come out. They donāt know how, and heās beginning to tremble a little with it, tension building in his chest where the words are still locked away, hidden among layers of truth.Ā
Mike looks over with a frown and eyes him warily. It makes Steve want to laugh, this sudden change of pace, but he just keeps staring ahead; even when Mike asks, āAre you alright?āĀ
āYeah,ā Steve says. And then then dam is broken and breaking further, and with another deep breath, still not meeting Mikeās eyes, instead focusing on the tree tops in the distance that shine in hues of purple, he finally says, āIām kind of dating Eddie Munson.āĀ
And just like that, itās out. Heās out.Ā
He doesnāt know if the world still spins, if time still passes, if he still breathes, because for a moment there is only silence. Mike stops picking at the skin of his fingers, Steve stops trembling, and neither of them moves.Ā
Itās both anticlimactic and momentous, this silence between them when their eyes meet. When the words unfold and grow wings, when Mike understands, his eyes growing big with something that Steve canāt quite read with how tense he is despite his best efforts.Ā
The silence stretches between them, surpassing comfort and overstaying its welcome, and suddenly itās Steve who feels like heās about to take off if Mike so much as twitches his brows.Ā
āYouā¦ What?āĀ
Forget it, Steve wants to say. Nothing.Ā
But also, Iām in love with Eddie Munson. And I used to be in love with Nancy. And thatās okay. Both of that, itās okay.Ā
He ends up repeating his words, though, because they know what itās like to be spoken now. āEddie. Iām kind of dating Eddie.āĀ
āButā¦ā Itās Mike now whose mouth is opening and closing without saying anything. Mike whoās blinking, trembling a little, twitching, picking at his skin again, moving further along his hand this time to pinch the skin between his thumb and pointer finger. Steve almost reaches out to stop him, but he doesnāt really dare to.Ā
āBut?ā he prompts after a while, not quite comfortable with this loaded kind of silence.Ā
āEddieās a boy.āĀ
But Tammy Thompson is a girl.Ā
āI know,ā Steve says, his tone carefully neutral, wanting to see, to wait where Mike takes this, to hear whatās on his mind, to watch the wheels turn and the gears shift. He feels awfully raw and open, vulnerable with someone who hasnāt been treating that with care yet. But thereās something about this moment that feels bigger than his own fears, bigger than the light nausea settling in his gut; far more important than the way he wants to run and hide, away from the scrutiny.Ā
āAndā¦ā Mike continues, still battling the words inside his head. Steve wonders if there are too many or none at all. āBut youā¦ You loved Nancy.āĀ
Ah. Smart boy. āI did,ā Steve says with a small smile. āAnd it was never a lie. But I found thatā¦ Yeah, I can kinda like boys, too, yāknow? And thatās, like, okay.ā
A beat. A frown. A confused, hopeful, small, āIt is?āĀ
Steve just nods, smiling in reassurance and relief at equal measures. Silence settles once more, now that the sky has darkened into a deeper, darker blue; but itās not as loaded this time, not as tense. Itās an invitation. An offering. A promise of Iām here, Iām with you, you can take as long as you need. To get down from the roof, to come back, to come out of wherever you think you need to hide from the world.Ā
Mike takes it. He stays, pulling up his leg, too, mirroring Steveās pose and staring ahead, but not as far away. He seems alert, seems to be thinking rather than dwelling, seems to be gearing up for something. Steve watches and sees and knows, remaining patient beside him, his chin resting on his knee as Mike learns to deal with this new world that has been presented to him. This new world that comes with opportunities and chances and possibilities that are scary and big and difficult to make.Ā
āYāknow,ā Mike starts at last, interrupting the silence, playing with it, his voice hushed and quiet to keep it from disappearing completely. āLucas, when he had that championship game? He told us, Dustin and me, that we didnāt have to be the losers this time. The nerds. The outcasts. Different. And all I wanted was to scream at him, becauseā¦āĀ
Mike swallows his words, keeping them from tumbling out of his mouth, and Steve aches for him again. He wants to reach out, wants to say itās okay, tell him itās alright, to take his time. But he waits in silence, lets Mike find the bravery he needs on his own, and waits.Ā
āBecause how could he say that, you know? How could he, whenā¦ Will wasnāt there. And all I did, all I ever did anymore, was miss him. And I loved El, I knew I did. And she was gone, too, butā¦āĀ
He trails off again, and this time Steve picks it up. To let him know heās not alone. To let Mike know he understands what heās saying. He understands. āBut sheās not Will. You needed Will.āĀ
āBut I shouldnāt!ā Mike explodes suddenly, riled up because Steve adds fuel to the fire, because Steve has that same fire, too; and because they are so, so similar when they want to be. āAnd now heās back and it should be fine, I shouldnāt be feeling like this, it doesnāt even make sense! How can Iā¦āĀ
Steve looks at him, at his expression that is nothing but lost ā completely and utterly. Heās seen it on the bathroom floor at the mall; high out of his mind as he was, heāll never forget the way Robin looked at him, the sheer crestfallen expression. All that confusion, all that fear and frustration and, in the end, resignation. Heās seen it in the mirror, and heās seen it in those pretty brown eyes that he just canāt get out of his head anymore.Ā
He offers, gently, āHow can you need him when heās right there? How can you love him when a year ago you loved El?ā
And Mike just looks at him before he deflates completely, his shoulders falling along with his face. He nods. Shrugs. Looks away and hides his face behind his leg.Ā
Steve sighs softly, watching the boy and speaking the words he wants to say the sixteen year-old version of himself. āI donāt know,ā he says truthfully. āI really donāt, and it sucks sometimes, having this need to, like, decide. Or understand. Or stop and be like the rest of them.ā Like Robin and Eddie, or like the rest of the world. āBut I like to think, sometimes, that maybe itās a good thing. That thereās justā¦ I donāt know, it sounds corny as hell, but like, thereās just so much love to give, we canāt even stick to only boys or girls, yāknow.āĀ
āThat does sound real corny as fuck, man,ā Mike says, and back is that long suffering tone of his, back is that eye roll and the twitching elbow, ready to nudge Steve in the side. Itās still tinged with that vulnerability, not quite Mike yet, but itās an offering.
One of many tonight, it seems.
Steve grins, a bit lopsided and raw, shoving Mike gently as he remembers something he overheard once. āSorry, mister Heart of our group, but I donāt think you have any leg to stand on here.ā
That makes Mike freeze, though, and he stares at Steve wide-eyed; caught. Exposed. Reminded.
āWhat did you say?ā
āUh,ā Steve falters, not sure where he went wrong ā or if he went wrong at all. āI overheard Will calling you that, talking about you to, uhm. Someone. I donāt know. Why, whatāsā Whatās wrong?ā
āNothing,ā Mike says, way too quickly, pulling away again with everything he has, hiding behind those walls once more, and Steve feels whiplash from it.
āMike,ā he says, his voice quiet and gentle as he turns to face him completely.
āNo.ā
āItās okay,ā Steve says. Promises, as much as he can.
āShut up!ā
āYouāre not wrong or bad or broken. Itās okay, youāre okay.ā
āI said, shut up, Steve.ā
āYou should see the way he looks at you, too. You should go talk to him. Youāā
Mike lashes out, finally coming out from behind those walls again, only to shove at Steve, to push him away ā hard enough for him to lose his balance and almost fall off the roof, clenching one hand on the edge, the other in the rainwater gutter with a bitten-off curse.
āShit, Iām sorry!ā Mike reaches for him immediately, snapping out of whatever anger Steve caused, and pulling him back until heās safe again, apologising over and over, dead to Steveās promises that itās alright. āFuck, Iām so sorry, Steve, Iām soāā
He pulls Mike against his chest, finally reaching out to hold the boy who always pushes people away when they get too close ā quite literally, too.
But he doesnāt shove this time, doesnāt move out of Steveās grasp as the mumbled apologies become heaving sobs.
āItās okay, youāre okay, youāre so okay, Mike,ā Steve tells him over and over as he holds him. The sky above is almost black now and Steve lets Mike cry into his chest.
It takes a while for Mike to calm down, but Steve just holds him through it, ready to let go whenever Mike wants to pull back and snap out of it again ā but he never does, and Steve feels a certain kind of affection for the boy that is usually reserved for Lucas or Dustin.
At last, when heās calmed down, Mike pulls back a little. āDo you reallyā¦ Does itā¦ Is it really okay?ā
Can it be okay? Can I really like both? Is that not just me, being broken and wrong and bad? Will I get the chance to not be alone?
Steve swallows hard, and his voice is hoarse when he says, āYeah. Itās really okay. āNā Iām with you, yeah? If someone gives you shit for it. Or if you need a reminder.ā
And Mike ā puffy eyed, snotty nosed, so, so young ā looks at him with those trusting eyes and nods, like he believes Steve. Like he trusts him. Like he hopes.
āJust donāt fucking shove me off your roof again.ā
Ans just like that, the spell is broken, the tension is lifted, and silence has left them, as Mike almost chokes on a laugh and shoves at him again, lightly this time, before jumping off the roof so Steve canāt retaliate.
āAsshole,ā he mutters, shaking his head as he, too, jumps off the roof, dusting off his pants as he watches Mike grabbing his bike. āHey, Micycle,ā he calls, cackling when Mike flips him the bird. āYou want a ride back?ā
Mike stops, considering as Steve casually flicks his keys into the air and catches them expertly. āWhat kinda music do you got?ā
āThe Clash, ācause Eddie hates them.ā
āYeah, thatās because they suck!ā
Steve snorts, opening the driverās side door. āYāknow, theyāre one of Willās favourites, actually.ā
He watches Mike freeze with a grin on his face, knowing thereās no way the boy would take the bike.
āYouāre so annoying,ā Mike sighs as he brings his bike close to the garage and carefully lays it on the grass this time before hurrying over to Steve, getting in on the front, rolling his eyes when Steve cackles. āI donāt know why Eddie would date youāā
His words are drowned out when Steve turns up Train in Vain, drumming along on the steering wheel with a shit eating grin. Though the atmosphere is wildly different now, the spell broken and the bubble burst, itās undeniable that something happened between them. Something big, something important.
Something that makes Mikeās annoyed, long-suffering expression be broken by the smile heās trying to hide. It makes Steve laugh, elated and feeling something thatās much, much bigger than he himself ever could be.
Itās going to be okay. So, so okay.
Before they know it, theyāre pulling up to Steveās and he turns off the car, is about to get out when Mike makes him still again.
āHey, Steve?ā
āHm?ā
āI think itās cool. You and Eddie.ā
He smiles, relief and fondness washing over him. āYeah?ā
āYeah.ā
āThanks.ā He reaches over and ruffles Mikeās hair ā a wild mane these days, but they could make it work with some care and some products. āNow go get your man, lover boy.ā
āGod, you suck so much, youāre so annoying!ā
Steveās cackling again when the passenger door slams shut and Mike lets himself into his house.
He spots a figure in the dark, their face lighting up when they take a drag of a cigarette ā and Steveās heart stumbles in his chest. He scrambles to get out, attempting to look calm and collected, even though Eddie always manages to see right through him.
āHello, stranger,ā he says, leaning against the wall beside Eddie, hiding away in the dark, where the world wonāt see their shoulders touch, or their fingers tentatively playing with each other before they canāt take it no longer and lace their hands, holding on tight.
āHi,ā Eddie breathes. āHowād it go?ā
āFine, I think. But, uhmā¦ I told him. About me. About us. That, uh. That okay?ā
Even in the dark, Steve can feel eyes on him, but he just stares ahead, opting instead to give his warm hand a squeeze. He smiles when Eddieās thumb begins to draw patterns on his palm.
āHmm. Very. You think theyāll be okay?ā
āYeah,ā Steve breathes, stealing Eddieās cigarette from his mouth and pulling it between his own lips. āYeah, I think they will be.ā
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part 1 | part 2 | part 3
(these make one big story, you won't understand this part without the others)
day 04: here come the tears
a/n: the people have requested a surprise eddie pov and i have decided to pull a eurovision and ignore the public vote, just a little bit. but you get a tiny eddie pov, as a treat š¤
Steve is crying. It's 1:07 a.m. and Steve is crying. And there is nothing Eddie can do about it as he's lying in bed, his heart breaking further with every passing second that they lie there in silence, quiet sniffles carrying over the phone.Ā
Steve is crying and Eddie is breaking. Steve is not talking to him and Eddie is breaking. Steve is not okay, and neither is Eddie. They're both breaking.Ā
And Eddie doesn't know what to do about it, how to fix it. How to make it better. How to tell Steve that he misses him, how to ask him to talk to him, how to keep him. To stop him from slipping through his fingers further and further until all there is is silence.Ā
"You know," his mind wanders back to years ago, his heart cracking at the memory. "I had the biggest crush on him for the longest time. Forever, really."
He remembers the way Steve's eyebrows shot up, his eyes round with... shock? Surprise? Or maybe something bad?Ā
"Oh?"Ā
"Yeah," Eddie had chuckled, fiddling with the straw in his drink to give his hands something to do. "Remember that kiss?" Steve nodded. "Well." Another chuckle, awkward this time, and possibly too revealing.Ā
Steve grinned at him, a self satisfied smirk that wavers just a little. "So you're saying you did fall madly in love with me, Munson?"Ā
Eddie's breath had hitched a little because Steve remembered those words so perfectly that had since doomed Eddie completely. But he covered it up with a laugh so easily, he was sure Steve didn't notice.Ā
"Maybe," he grinned. "But eh, that's in the past."Ā
It wasn't a lie; not really. But wasn't the truth either.Ā
The truth was that Eddie had moved on. The truth was that it's the kind of crush that was never really a crush. The kind that is a Forever more than anything else.Ā
The kind that will always be there, a flame burning inside my chest that carries your name and keeps it alive, keeps me warm. The kind of flame that will always be ready to become a bonfire again. Just say the word, Stevie. It's written in the universe. Say the word and I'll be yours.Ā
"Good," Steve said after a while, and Eddie remembers frowning, remembers that he wanted to ask what that tone was, what Steve was thinking. If he was worried or disgusted or felt betrayed that Eddie's been so hopelessly and helplessly in love with him.Ā
But all he said was, "Yeah. Remember Chrissy? We're kinda official now."Ā
And Eddie had known then just as he does now, that he'll be a happy man with Chrissy. She's his best friend, a sunshine on bleak days. She's no Steve, but she makes him happy. He had to move on from Steve ā to try āĀ and allow himself his own kind of happiness. He'd never expected to find it with Chrissy, but he loves her so much. He's grown to love her in the past years ā not the movie kind of love, not the all-encompassing Steve kind of love, because that flame inside his chest can still only carry one name.Ā
But life is not a movie. And love is not always a fire. But he's still warm, still content, still happy. And so is Chrissy. She knows about his flame, says she understands. Eddie thinks he has one of her own, but he never asked; just held her that night, creating more of that silent happiness.
ā¦Is he happy? Lying in bed, listening to Steve's quiet breaths that are barely audible over the phone, remembering the kiss, the confession, the Forever that he tried to move on from, he wonders what he's doing. Wonders if that contentment is worthwhile if it somehow lead him to losing Steve.Ā
Did he miss something? Did he fuck up without realising?Ā
He can't ask; Steve won't talk.Ā
All he can do is lie there and feel that flame that still carries Steve's name after ten, eleven, twelve years scorching his insides.Ā
All he can do is wonder if the whispered, "Good night, Stevie. I miss you," is some kind of goodbye. All he can do is lie awake all night and wonder where they started losing each other.Ā
~*~
Missing Eddie is worse than loving him. Missing Eddie makes it feel like all the heartbreak songs are written for Steve and his pain that will persist.
Itās been three months since the engagement party, and the sharp, biting heartache that cut into his lungs every time Steve tried to take a deep breath has dulled now, turned into a constant ache, an emptiness, the sorrowful traces of where an I love you turned into an I miss you.Ā
Heās barely talking to Eddie anymore, and with every passing day he just misses him more.Ā
Steve types the words I miss you over and over and over again, but never hits send. Just stares at them, wondering if Eddie knows. Wondering if heās doing the right thing. He isnāt. There is no right thing. Nothing is right. Not without Eddie.Ā
He scrolls up in their chat, past Eddieās questions if heās okay, past his very own I miss yous, up and up and up to the strings of hearts, to the inside jokes, to the gentle teasing, to the Youāre my favourite persons, to the happiness and joy and good, good times.Ā
He scrolls and scrolls until his phone vibrates and tells him thereās a new message in the chat. Steve frowns, his hollow heart racing as he scrolls down again to see Eddieās new message.Ā
Eddie Munson:
ā Can I come over?Ā
Steve frowns.Ā
ā why? are you okay?Ā
Eddie Munson:
ā No.
ā Nothing is okay. Youāre gone and youāre not talking to me and I miss you and Iām losing you and I donāt know why
ā I dont know anything.
ā I just wanna know, wanna talk, wanna understand
ā I wanna fix this. I fucked up, I think, and I wanna make it better.
ā I need to talk to you
ā Please. Please can I come overĀ
Steve swallows hard, as he reads the incoming messages over and over again, watching the little bubble that says Eddieās typing still. Watching as it disappears and reappears, reading until his eyes begin to sting and his vision is blurred with tears for the first time this week.Ā
Letting them fall as he types,Ā
ā no. please dontĀ
Eddie doesnāt reply to that, and Steve breathes out long and hard, throwing his phone to the side, not caring where it lands on the couch as he slumps over to the other side, turning up the music even louder.Ā
Oh, can you tell I havenās slept very well
Since the last time that we spoke.
I said, āPlease understand Iāve been drinking again
And all I do is hope.ā
It consumes him, this song and the way it was written for him. The way it was written about him. Because he has no right to ask Eddie to stay. Heās the one whoās leaving. Heās the one not telling Eddie what is wrong, why heās pulling back so suddenly.Ā
Iām not strong enough for the both of us.
What was I supposed to do,
You know I love you.
Please, stay.
Please stay. Please, please, please stay. Itās about him. Itās about Eddie. About them.Ā
And Steve listens to it over and over again, not caring that his neighbours will know it by heart by know, will be so tired of him wallowing for weeks and months, and will come knocking soon. He doesnāt care, not when Mayday Parade are singing, All the loveās still there, I just donāt know what to do with it now.Ā
He types that into Eddieās chat. Doesnāt hit send. Sends it to Robin instead, and gets a shaking hands emoji in return. It makes him smile as he re-starts the song.Ā
~*~
That night, he wakes around 2 a.m. to a missed call an hour ago and one new message on his mailbox. He lifts his phone to his ear with shaking hands and bated breath, a pit opening in his stomach when he hears the Judas Priest song thatās been in his Sad Eddie playlist since the beginning.Ā
His heart cracks open when he hears Eddieās sniffle, a heavy sigh, and another sniffle, followed by a little, Fuck.Ā
āStevie? Iāmā¦ You donāt get to do this. You donāt get to justā to just disappear. To slip through my fucking fingers, or float away like aā a dream, when you wake up, and you wanna go back to sleep because it was a good dream, and youā I donāt wanā you to be a good dream Steve. Youāre likeā¦ Fuck, man!āĀ
Eddieās voice is breaking, and so is Steveās heart as his hand begins to tremble and he sits up in bed, closing his eyes, squeezing them shut because he doesnāt want to see the world as Eddieās rambling at him.Ā
āI miss you. I miss you so much, and I donāt understand whatās happening. I donātā¦ I donāt wanna miss you. How do I get you back, Stevie? Please justā¦ God, please just talk to me. Iād do anything for you, you know that. Just tell me, just say the word. Justā¦ Just say the word, please.āĀ
Thereās silence after that, only Judas Priestās Here come the tears over and over as the song is ending. Steve is crying as he listens to Eddieās silence.Ā
āJust. Justā¦ Please, Stevie.āĀ
The call ends then, the line cutting to the staticky voice instructing him to save or delete the message. Steve saves it. He doesnāt know why.Ā
He also doesnāt know why heās scrolling through his contacts with trembling hands and hits Call when he reaches Eddie.Ā
The call doesnāt even get to the second ring before itās picked up already.Ā
āStevie?ā Eddie sounds breathless, wild, and just a little hoarse. Like he was still crying.Ā
āHi,ā he says lamely, still shaking, a little breathless himself, and with absolutely no idea what he should say.Ā
āIāmā¦ Hi.āĀ
Silence falls, and Steve wipes at his eyes. Heās still in bed, just sitting there with his phone pressed to his ear, and the ball thatās coiled inside him is growing larger and larger with each passing second that he doesnāt say Sorry, that he doesnāt say I miss you, too. That he doesnāt say I love you.Ā
āCan I come in?āĀ
He blinks, the question throwing him off his thought spiral. āHuh?āĀ
āIām sort ofā¦ outside your building right now.āĀ
Why, he wants to ask. No, he wants to say. Youāre gonna see, youāre gonna know, youāre gonna hate me forever.Ā
āOkay,ā he breathes and climbs out of bed, blanket around his shoulders despite the summer heat, because suddenly heās freezing. He buzzes Eddie in, listens to him on the phone as he walks up the stairs, neither of them thinking of hanging up, and opens his doors with shaking, trembling hands.Ā
tagging: @sexymothmanincarnate @mcneen @livsters @eddiemunchondeeznuts @abstractnaturaldisaster @steddie-as-they-go @hyperfixationgoddess @goodolefashionedloverboi @stxrcrossed186 @imzadidragonfly @eddiemunsonswife @bidisastersworld @ghost-ly-s @romanticdestruction @walkingaftermidnight07 @anaibis @rainydays35 @mightbeasleep @sunfloweringstories @korixae @tuesdaycats @totoroinatardis @ilovebookshowboutyou @musical-theatre-gay @theluckyalien @copingmechanizm @srra @changelingbaby @sassygoop @obsessivelyme @r0binscript (sorry if i missed anyone just give me a shout if i did <3)and thanks to everyone who said nice things about this š¤š·
come back tomorrow/later for [redacted] | read here
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