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rip-its-tasha · 7 years

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Get to know me

Tagged by: @neon-lake, thank you so much! Your answers were really interesting ❤😊

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

LAST:

1. Drink: Pepsi Max

2. Phone call: Nan

3. Text Message: giffgaff - my phone provider (I’m so popular 😂)

4. Song you listened to: This Girl - Kungs Vs. Cookin’ On 3 Burners

5. Time you cried: Yesterday

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: No

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Kinda but not really? I’m an awful human being (Turned out he was married so I’m conflicted)

8. Been cheated on: No

9. Lost someone special: Yes

10. Been depressed: Yes

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: No

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

12-14.: Yellow, turquoise, gold

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Yes

16. Fallen out of love: Not really

17. Laughed until you cried: Yes (literally yesterday)

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yep

19. Found out who your friends are: Kinda

20. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Yuuuuup

GENERAL:

21. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Almost all

22. Do you have any pets: Cat called Nibbles

23. Do you want to change your name: Nope

24. What did you do for your last birthday: Listened to my parents argue for four hours. (Hopefully this year will be better! 😂)

25. What time do you wake up: Weekdays - an hour before lecture (so 8am for a 9am class), Weekends and holidays - as late as possible since I also stay up late. But usually up by the afternoon! 😂

26. What were you doing at midnight last night: I think I was reading Cross Stitch by Diana Gabaldon before getting distracted by drunk messages. And after those messages I started watching the film The Circle.

27. Name something you can’t wait for: Meeting up with friends and I guess my birthday.

28. When was the last time you saw your mum: This morning

29. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: God I dunno. That I was better at relationships? And less of a procrastinator with more self control. And with less mental problems? And fitter. Okay that’s not one but oh well.

30. What are you listening to right now: Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah, many

32. Something that is getting on your nerves: My parents not coming to an agreement over finances and cheaters & fuckbois 🙃

33. Mole/s: Yep! Mine usually come in pairs so are great for turning into faces

34. Mark/s: Yes

35. Childhood dream: I wanted to be a mechanic or mermaid

36. Hair colour: Light brown? Ish. And the ends are currently green!

37. Long or short hair: Long

38. Do you have a crush on someone: When don’t I? 🙃

39. What do you like about yourself: Uhh... I’m a very fast reader!

40. Piercings: Just my ears. I want more ear piercings though.

41. Blood type: O+ with Ro sub type

42. Nicknames: Current ones are usually Tash or Tasha. Then Nat or Mug Rest (From Chris because apparently I’m short), Fuzzy Haired Git or Little Bitch (From @chiaricharlie because he’s an arsehole).

43. Relationship status: Single and scared

44. Zodiac: Leo

45. Pronouns: She/her

46. Favourite TV show: Omg I dunno. 3%, Sherlock, Game of Thrones, Death in Paradise

47. Right or left handed: Right

48. Surgery: Only dental - a traumatic root canal

49. Hair dyed a different colour: My first time at the moment! The ends are green. But I like it and I’ll probably do it again with other colours too.

50. Sport: No 😂. I love swimming and climbing but its harder to do those than it is to just throw on running shoes. I also had a dream I played hockey at uni so who knows, maybe I’ll try out 😂

51. Vacation: This year I went to Skiathos which is a Greek island. It was pretty good. Met some *ahem* interesting people (Remember I mentioned kissing a married man? Well... yeah that was the 35 year old bartender whoops. Rip me. In my defence I didn’t know at the time and stopped as soon as I found out). I think the best holidays are usually somewhere sunny!

52. Pair of trainers: I have canvas shoes but not actual trainers

MORE GENERAL:

53. Eating: Currently nothing but I smell chicken cooking

54. Drinking: Pepsi Max

55. I’m about to: Have tea (diner) I guess.

56. Want: To be happy

57. Get married: Eh marriage is overrated. But I’d like a lifelong partner eventually.

58. Career: No clue. Hopefully using this Psychology degree I’m currently doing. But don’t really mind. I just want to help people so I feel valued.

59. Hugs or kisses: Hugs but both preferably

60. Lips or eyes: Eyes

61. Shorter or taller: Taller

62. Older or younger: Older 🙃

63. Nice arms or nice stomach: Arms

64. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive I guess. But I’m always drawn to loud people, probably because they balance out my quietness. So maybe loud is better for me idk.

65. Hook up or relationship: I’d prefer a relationship but I haven’t exactly got close to that. I guess I’m currently more suited to hook ups 🙃 kill me

66. Troublemaker or hesitant: I’m hesitant enough for both of us. So I guess troublemaker but I’m not really into that either.

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. Kissed a stranger: Yeahhhhh I need to stop that

68. Drank hard liquor: Yup that’s university for you

69. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Thankfully I don’t have either or I would have lost them for sure

70. Turned someone down: Yes

71. Sex on the first date: Technically it wasn’t a date and I already knew him!

72. Broken someone’s heart: Apparently so. I still feel bad.

73. Had your heart broken: Um maybe

74. Been arrested: No

75. Cried when someone died: Yes

76. Fallen for a friend: Yep

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. Yourself: Hardly

78. Miracles: Um not really but I’m still hopeful

79: Love at first sight: Kind of. I read too much to say no

80. Santa Claus: No and I hope no one that young is on this site

81. Kiss on the fist date: Yeah go for it

OTHER:

82. Current best friend name: I have lots of close friends

83: Eye colour: Green

84: Favourite movie: There are so many! Hot Fuzz maybe? And Tangled!

I’m not sure what happened to the supposed 92 statements?

Tagging: (mutuals that have been in my notifications over the past month) @bloodied-fists-and-broken-dreams, @chiaricharlie, @tumultuous-soul, @adozendeadsunflowers, @wanderingmiri, @scottishfish, @nebs-ukadnezar, @justaphotograph, @elowish, @iminthegardenn, @igryt ❤

No pressure, just do it if you’d like to!

#get to know me #tag meme #mine

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hollywoodx4 · 7 years

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Sticking with the Schuylers (37)

I’m still not fully back from NYC yet and I’m not sure I’ll ever be-my life is about to become a constant loop of planning trips-but I did manage to find some sense in this part so I’ll celebrate that!

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 1112 I 13 14 15 16 17 18A 18B 18C I 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 I 30 31 32 33 34 35 36

Tagging: @ellzabethschuyler, @butlinislin

Warnings: This story is pretty heavy on mentions of both physical and emotional abuse.

December 25th

For once, I want to live;

To feel the breath of air,

A sense of anticipation accompanying each adventure

As if every day is new and exciting

The days are new and exciting

For once, I want to live.

I see the sun and she is mine; wrapped in a warmth that stretches out with the call of my name through gloss-dusted lips.

The errant patterns of weather suffocate my sun.

The shadow her brilliance in malicious streams of fog.

The black smoke billows in bouts of days where she sits on borrowed time,

Before everything reverts to the shadows again.

A hurricane.

She lives in the midst of a wild storm, ripping the peace and the bliss and the place we once knew;

Jersey sheets. Borrowed time. The silk of her laughter finer than the red she had torn off in hunger.

A hurricane.

It consumes me as it had my hopes-my dreams-my town-

My mother.

The darkness which consumes her rolls steadily toward me, hot and taunting, reminding.

I could not save my town.

I could not save my mother.

I can not save Eliza.

A hurricane;

Darkness, doubt, depression. She is my sunshine.

I do not want to live.

…

There is a silence unlike any other, one which suffocates and consumes and envelops Alexander in a darkness he hadn’t realized the room had been cast in all along. The running of the shower sends static through his mind-eyes clouding over the same spot he had been staring at with a grainy fuzz and the whirring of technical issues. He can still feel her, if he tries. Closing his eyes she is there beside him, laughing through half-closed eyes and a dream-thick voice. Maybe she is on her side, letting his body frame hers in a comfort their tired bodies need. But then, that wouldn’t be Eliza. She would be on top of him, limbs stretched over limbs and hands pulling at the blankets. She’d kick him a few times after she’d fallen asleep. Maybe, in the midst of a dream, she’d bump the pillows from their bed. Alexander wouldn’t mind. He’s hers. She could give him a black eye in her sleep-induced flailing of limbs and he’d wear it proudly the next day.

He doesn’t see her go-his eyes are unfocused and blurry, mind devoid of any possibility of a coherent thought. He’s not sure what time it is when he finally blinks, realizes that the static has gone and the room is an echo of his heartbeat and his shaking hands. Alexander rises from the bed, rubbing his eyes and pulling on a pair of boxers from his drawer. The red of her dress stands out against the darkness cast around the room like a target, an attack. He holds the silk in both hands, hanging it back on the hanger over their closet door. It would have gotten wrinkled. It can’t be wrinkled.

From his place by the closet door he can’t hear anything. The creaking of the apartment floors, the running of the tap…his ears ache for the sound of her symphonic soprano humming along to whatever song had been stuck in her head all day. He is met with silence. Alexander crosses the apartment, searching. And then, there’s a plate.

On the counter, one of the square white dinner plates sits full and waiting for him. There’s leftovers wrapped neatly in plastic, alongside the plate of extra treats she had baked for the parties they’d been to. And hidden between them, a note;

Alexander,

I love you. I’ll be home tomorrow. There are so many things I wish I could say to you, but my head isn’t clear and I just need some space to breathe. You are wonderful. You are so good. I won’t blame you if you aren’t here when I get back. I understand. But it’s not you-it could never be you. I need to put my feelings into words but just know that I have never loved anybody more than I love you.

I love you,

Eliza

He holds the paper in his hand. Her handwriting is shaky, and the pen had run out half way through where she had scratched the sides of the paper with it. He isn’t sure what he has just read, can barely decipher the words though the fog that has consumed him. He reaches for his phone and dials, the ringing drawing itself out like the long bow of a violin brushing against its strings.

“Hello?” Alexander can hear the voice on the other side; groggy, clearing their throat. He opens his mouth to respond but nothing comes out. His voice is broken. Cobwebs barricade the vocalization of his thoughts so instead they appear as ragged breathing. His limbs are numb. His head is spinning. The voice on the other side repeats itself-clearer, more confused. It articulates his name with rising volume and he chokes out a sound in response. There are no words. Somewhere between the lump in his throat and his ragged breathing he squeaks. The voice intensifies.

“Alex?” It’s John-he’d dialed the number so surely, so out of his own head, that it didn’t bring about much shock upon deciphering it. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“It’s happening again.” A bristling of nerves hits like a water balloon exploding against bare skin. Sharp and pricking, it then fades into a pain that lingers and spreads throughout his entire body. He wants to move. He can’t move. Fear consumes his ability to form a coherent decision. The grasp Alexander has on reality is slipping through his panic-stricken fingers.

“I need you to come right now.”

“I’m on my way.” John’s response is immediate, through a voice hardened by concern and a knowledge of past experiences. He asks no questions-he’s smarter than that now, knows the pressure a string of inquiries can send. Instead, he launches into a story about his night. Emily had burnt the desserts. Luis and Sarah were fighting. Amaia had gotten everyone sweatshirts with the hospital logo on them. A typical collision of family drama hits Alex in waves as he stands shock still in the kitchen, letting John’s voice ground his feet on cold hardwood. The singular candle is still burning. He watches the flame flicker, flashes of orange and yellow melded together in a hesitant sort of form. Having lost its intended aesthetic it is only a muted reminder of what had happened just moments before.

There is only silence when John finally arrives, out of breath with snow-soaked shoes. He pounds on the door, ignoring the time of night and the ritzy neighbors and anything else that doesn’t involve getting to the other side of the door.

“Let me in, Alex. Come unlock the door and let me in. We can talk-or not, that’s fine too. I mean knowing you there will be talking involved, but,”

The lock clicks and John pushes the door open with a heavy hand. His eyes search the apartment rapidly until they settle on the sunken frame standing on unsteady feet at the kitchen counter.

Alexander is dressed only in his boxers, with hair standing in all directions. The muscles in his back press clear against his skin along with the lines of his shoulder blades. He is leaning on the counter, on arms bent at the elbow clearly supporting most of his weight. John calls his name but there is no response, verbal or physical. It is as if he is not even there. He crosses the apartment in two even strides, appearing to Alex as an apparition-a reminder of the light wrapped in the reason of darkness.

He is both elated and upset upon John’s hand patting his back. His voice is clear, and soft, but it is not silk. He is calm without meditation, half a symphony. There is a thankfulness in his sunken eyes but the smile he attempts to show cracks at the corner of his mouth. It is unfamiliar, and immediately paining.

“She left.” They’re the only words he can muster. John follows the trail of his eyes to a candle set on the counter, its flame quivering with the deep exhalation of Alex’s breath. He lets the silence linger, treading on the situation with trained trepidation. With a shaking hand Alex reaches for a paper folded haphazardly and discarded on the counter. When it lands in John’s hands Alex leans further into the counter, resting his head on its chilled marble surface.

John looks over the writing with care; the loop of her letters, the way her words would have been narrated in her smooth and nurturing tone. He understands the situation in pieces, but is unable to fit them together without the clues that lie between the lines. What had happened to cause Eliza to up and go-and on Christmas? Alex is destroyed, deflated. Through the muffled tone of his head against his arm, John just barely makes out the thickness of his voice.

“What if she never comes back?”

She climbs shivering into the cab. It had taken three tries to bring one over to her spot on the curb, and Eliza felt the ends of her dripping hair beginning to freeze from the cold it’s enduring. The driver nods at her as she climbs in, but says nothing as she directs him just a few blocks away. She’s unsure of just how she looks, but she can imagine; her hair is wild and dampened against her head. The thick coating of makeup she’d put on is almost all but washed off, save the tints of red that linger still after the boiling of the shower. Her teeth are chattering. She’d practically run out of the apartment, throwing on Alexander’s sweatshirt and sweatpants. There is comfort in his scent. It doesn’t last long.

She’s sure she’s tipped the driver too much but she is so thankful to see her destination that she no longer cares. Hood up, Eliza’s feet carry her without conscious awareness the eight flights up, to a door she knocks on with weakened power. There is no answer. She pulls her phone from her pocket with shaking hands and dials.

“Please let me in.”

“Eliza? What time is it? Are you-you’re here?”

“Just-I-just open the door.”

She is a flurry of limbs, colliding with Angelica in a force that has her stumbling, bracing herself on two feet as her younger sister grabs at the fabric of her shirt. Eliza’s body is pressed as physically close to hers as possible, and Angelica responds with a hold tight enough to stabilize her. She shakes. Her knees buckle beneath the sudden release of emotions and the older Schuyler leads her to the couch. It is too much to bear the load of the night standing up.

Angelica is a well-masked flurry of panic; an arm around her sister as her lips are drawn into a carefully crafted line. She searches Eliza immediately, eyes scanning the minimally exposed spaces of skin for clues-for signs of damage. There is not much to see besides the well-worn Columbia hoodie, drowning her body as her hands tuck into sleeves too long for her arms. Only the audible manifestations of grief are clear; Eliza has stopped attempting to conceal herself. The presence of her older sister is a chemical reaction, persisting and pushing her through the beginnings of catharsis.

She does not speak when she has caught her breath, nor when Angelica brings her a glass of water. She downs the liquid to replenish what her tears have taken. There are a few hiccups-catches of breath in her throat that have her older sister’s ears perked and ready to listen.

Angelica is met only with ringing. John emerges with her cellphone in his hand, squinting as his eyes adjust to the light. She takes it with a roll of her eyes, and at first he’s offended by it. Then, she gestures with a flick of her eyes to the couch. Eliza cradles the empty glass in her hand, a finger tracing its rim. Her lower lip quivers but she no longer cries. Her eyes are focused on the glass, even upon John’ entrance-as if he’s not even there. She is wrapped in the realm of her own thoughts.

Concern plows over John as he observes her. In his eight years with Angelica, he had also been blessed with eight years of Eliza. She was immediately accepting of him, moving dousing the nerves Angelica had set aflame with words of reassurance and love. He’d taken to her as an older brother would; flying to her defense by Angelica’s side at each turn of events that high school-that being a senator’s daughter-had brought along. To John Church Eliza is breath of air, a cheer when he’s down. She’s grace, and kindness, and support. Now, however, she is just empty.

He wonders what is going on but does not want to pry; to bother her more than she already seems to be. So he sits, leaving a thin line of space between them, and settles his hands in his lap.

“You had better have a good explanation for this, Hamilton. Because I swear to you if I find out you’re behind this? I’ll wring your fucking neck.” Angelica is practically screaming through the phone, anger audible through sharp diction and words in terse staccato. There’s a long pause-Eliza has lifted at the sound of the familiar last name but her eyes remain trained on the rim of her glass. It is both a hope and a shock of pain, settling her back down once more in a flurry of emotions. Angelica nods, running a hand through her hair as she glances over at her little sister.

“…I never meant to push her…I-I asked, I asked every time, and I just…it was amazing. And then she just…” He chokes back his words, the noise carrying a physical pain which slams into the oldest Schuyler with brute force, squeezing her heart. His words narrate the scene before her, in which Eliza has leaned into John with a prolonged sigh and closed eyes.

“I don’t know what to do…I don’t want…I can’t lose her.”

“Alex…”

“She’s there, right? She’s safe?” It takes a moment for Angelica to answer. The initial inquiry, the knowledge of where Eliza is…there is conflict. One side of herself is so thankful, so at peace with the thickness of Alex’s voice and the way his words slow with the thought of her. But then there is safety. She does not doubt Alex, but herself. Above everything else, there is Eliza.

“Please.” Alex’s voice cracks, his sentence stopped mid-way by a ragged breath she can feel herself take in a mirror of his own. “I just need to know that she’s alright.”

“She’s safe. She’s here.” Eliza finally glances up from her glass to watch Angelica nod through shining eyes. When the conversation ends, after a few more words of appeasement, her older sister passes the phone from hand to hand, watching her own actions in a moment of rest.

“He says that he loves you.” She shakes her head as her own eyes fill with emotion-with the loss of serenity between two of her favorite people. “-and to take all of the time that you need.”

Eliza nods once, slow and methodical, as the words digest. They linger in her mind, even as Angelica and John lead her to the spare bedroom. Their voices murmur back and forth in a conversation she is unable to understand. Their words are a foreign language to her mind, which is numb and aching and unsure of what has happened. Suddenly she is laying on the futon, wrapped in a blanket with Angelica beside her. Her eyes search Eliza’s, one hand brought to the air-dried tendrils of soft brown which frame her face.

When they were children, Eliza often begged for these moments. There was an unspoken rule between them-all three of them-that came with Angelica’s open bedroom door. There is no trace to a beginning of this pattern, as if it had simply been written within their mismatched DNA. Her bed was a refuge; a place of serenity when the world seemed to close up around them. At three and six it had been thunderstorms; pudgy feet barreling across the hall and diving underneath colorful, ruffled sheets. There they’d lay pressed nose to nose, Angelica reciting make-believe stories as Eliza giggled along.

At twelve, nine, and six, Peggy was in the middle, always the first to sleep. Angelica told Eliza what it was like to be in middle school. She calmed worries with stories both embarrassing and bright, amplifying her own triumph in hopes of granting her sister some courage to face the new school. She had told her not to worry. Eliza never worried with her older sister around.

At seventeen and fourteen, when Peggy had been away at camp, Angelica had given Eliza the sex talk as they shared covers and pillows. She told honest stories; she and John had been in the Hampton’s guest house, their parents at a gala, Eliza with a friend at the pools. She made sure Eliza would be prepared.

“You don’t owe yourself to anybody.” She’d pushed soft strands of brown from her little sister’s face. Even then, the brush of Angelica’s hand against her cheek had been a relief. “You need to love yourself as much as you want somebody to love you.”

At twenty and twenty-three, Eliza and Angelica lay nose to nose in the futon in Angelica’s guest room. The walls are warm with a mocha colored brown, the sheets a soft cotton left made for whenever a sister would come to visit. Angelica runs her fingers through Eliza’s hair; watches as her sister takes shallow, evened breaths.

“He probably hates me.” She whispers the words though the dark, admitting them as a worry she’d rather keep hidden away. But under the covers with her sister the anxieties spill easily through the air between them.

“He doesn’t hate you. Alex could never hate you.”

“I would hate me.”

The words stab Angelica as they come so easily, so hushed and drawn back from her sister’s lips. Eliza’s eyes are red, and puffy. She holds back her tears with the swallow of a lump in her throat. She is hushed by a hand on her cheek; by blankets drawn further to her chin. Eliza sinks into the comfort, body numbed and drained of its last leg of life. Even here, in the serenity, she craves Alexander. Her body pulls to him, imagines that he might be there although she knows he will not come tonight. He respects her too much-she’d asked for this space. She needs this space, and yet his name is the thought on her mind as she relaxes into Angelica’s protective touch.

“I need help…I’m ready for help.” She breathes the admission as her eyes finally shut, succumbed to a sleep induced by exhaustion.

#mine: SWTS #hamliza #hamliza au #now i sleep #i'm still drained #and i have jobs 2 and 3 this week too so #dead

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nuclearmu5hroom · 7 years

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Thanks for the tag @kittenbloodcoffee (boy this is a long one....)

THE LAST:  1. Drink: Grapefruit soda  2. Phone call: My sister and I was trying to give her directions to the Pagan Pride Fest I was at yesterday  3. Text message: Veggie Lo Mein and Gen Tso's Chicken (its whats for dinner)  4. Song you listened to: Right now at this very moment I'm listening to I'm Your Boogeyman by Rob Zombie  5. Time you cried: Like cry cry? or tear up and get moopy? cause I tear up several times a day over stupid stuff but I last genuinely cried when it was brought to my attention that my ex wanted to talk about our son living with him full time.

HAVE YOU:  6. Dated someone twice: I'm not entirely sure about what this means? Are you asking if I dated someone, broke up, then went back to them? Then yes, I've done that.  7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yes  8. Been cheated on: Yes  9. Lost someone special: 2 friends to suicide and another who I cant talk to because....reasons.  10. Been depressed: Yup, that bitch runs in my family  11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Yes in my younger years. I'm too old for that shit now

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:  12-14: Blue, Purple and Red

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:  15. Made new friends: All my pockets frands on Tombler dot gov  16. Fallen out of love: Yes sadly.  17. Laughed until you cried: Have you ever considered using a penis as an exotic weapon in D&D? I died when we made the rules for this.  18. Found out someone was talking about you: Probably but I don't remember or actively blocked it out  19. Met someone who changed you: Yes. Its a tendency of mine to absorb characteristics of the people I meet in order for them to like me more.  20. Found out who your friends are: Secret friends? That sounds neat..if there is anyone who is my friend and they'd like to tell me come on down!!  21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Yes. Several people.

GENERAL:  22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: 99.9% of them.  23. Do you have any pets: I haz 1 itty bitty kitteh  24. Do you want to change your name: Nope I like mine just fine. I was named after a friend of my Mom's who joined the Circus.  25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Got a PipBoy and the PC version of Fallout 4, my husband made me breakfast and we went out to dinner. It was a good day, tater.  26. What time did you wake up: 7:30, like most days  27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Came home from the movies. I got to see Pee Wee's Big Adventure in the theater!  28. Name something you can’t wait for: To hear back if Danny Shorago's gonna be at TooManyGames next year. That and my gaming PC and also my BodyKun/Chan mannikins  29. When was the last time you saw your mom: 2 1/2 years ago. I don't talk to her and don't wish to.  30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: My level of education. I really want to go to school for animation and illustration  31. What are you listening right now: Short Change Hero - The Heavy. (I am always listening to music. ALWAYS)  32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yup, he's one of our managers at my work. Good guy, I like him.  33. Something that is getting on your nerves: American Politics and corruption (getting on my nerves is a bit of an understatement)  34. Most visited Website: Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter

LOST QUESTIONS. (I mean I just wrote about myself lol)  35. Mole/s: Molemolemolemolemolemolemolemolemole (yes I have a few <.<)  36. Mark/s: Stretch marks from mah bebbes, scars from self injury from years and years ago.  37. Childhood dream: I always wanted to be a Marine Biologist

38. Haircolor: At the moment its electric blue, but naturally its shit brown

39. Long or short hair: Short and shaved on the side and back  40. Do you have a crush on someone: Don't tell my husband but yes I do ^-^ (don't worry, its on a celebrity so nothing will ever happen lol)  41. What do you like about yourself: I got awesome legs and I'm kinda funny sometimes.  42. Piercings: I used to have SO MANY PIERCINGS! I had my right eyebrow, tongue, I had an industrial in my right ear, both nipples, navel, clitoral hood, aaannnnd labia.  43. Bloodtype: A+ and I always donate  44. Nickname: Mush (like Mush-chelle)  45. Relationship status: Married  46. Zodiac: Pisces  47. Pronouns: She/Her and I'm perfectly ok with they/them too

48. Favorite TV Show: Stranger Things  49. Tattoos: I have Princess Zelda covering my left bicep, the burning eye from Tool on my neck and a really shitty biker tattoo of a fairy that I got for free when I was 16. I plan on getting it covered up.......whenever.  50. Right or left hand: Righty  51. Surgery: Nope  52. Hair dyed in different color: See above - Its BLOOOOO  53. Sport: Hockey (Go Flyers!)  55. Vacation: My favorite vacation I ever went to was Disneyworld when I was 10. My dream vacation would be to see my Uncle Klaus and Omi in Germany  56. Pair of trainers: Converse. I have a black pair and a maroon pair

MORE GENERAL:  57. Eating: OMNOMNOMNOM (I love food)  58. Drinking: Til I PEEEE!  59. I’m about to: Drop the hottest mix tape this side of my 30s  61. Waiting for: a sense of the miraculous in everyday life (pfffffft HA!)  62. Want: A house  63. Get married: Already did. Wouldn't do it again.  64. Career: At the moment I am in QA for a small cable company. I like it a lot here, been doing it for 3 years now. The company is good and its loyal to its employees and I could see myself sticking through here as my day job until I retire. What I really want to do though is make my own cartoons.

WHICH IS BETTER  65. Hugs or kisses: Depends on the situation  66. Lips or eyes: Eyes yes  67. Shorter or taller: I want either pocket sized or so tall I cant see where you end. There is no in between  68. Older or younger: For what? I will be friends with anyone between the ages of 0-150  70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Nice stomach arms

71. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive. Come at me with loud noises and I will yell at you (which defeats the purpose of being quiet)  72. Hook up or relationship: Relationships are nice cause they're stable but something about a hook up is hot af  73. Troublemaker or hesitant: I will see how much trouble can be tolerated without getting caught. I don't cross boundaries

HAVE YOU EVER:  74. Kissed a stranger: Yes. 28th birthday I did  75. Drank hard liquor: I plan to tonight  76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Heaven help me if I ever lose my glasses. I am legally blind without them.  77. Turned someone down: Yarp.  78. Sex in the first date: Yeah. It was whatever  79. Broken someone’s heart: More than I care to admit  80. Had your heart broken: In a way that can never truly be mended (unrequited is the fucking worst)  81. Been arrested: Thankfully no

82. Cried when someone died: I cry when people across the planet die.  83. Fallen for a friend: Absolutely

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:  84. Yourself: Yeah I'm pretty cool sometimes.  85. Miracles: I'm in the middle of questioning this. Try again later.  86. Love at first sight: That's silly. I believe in lust at first sight but love requires time  87. Santa Claus: I'm a Mom so yes. Its written in the parenting rule book you have to.  88. Kiss in the first date: I kissed my husband on our first date. (and I tried to take him home but he said NO)  89. Angels: I believe in extradimentional contacts that have before been described as 'Angels'

OTHER:  90. Current best friends name: Emma (my sister), Toni, (my other sister who I wish was my sister)  91. Eye color: Blue! and I was happy to have passed my mutation to my kids too (both their dads have brown eyes throughout their entire families)  92. Favorite movie: MST3K: The Movie, Hot Fuzz, Pulp Fiction, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Three Amigos, I Heart Huckabees.

And now for the fun part!: I tag @ashleyanthrax, @slickmedici, @midnight14, @time4teabeesknees and @sonderingtrashcompactor

This is a long one so don't go out of your way if you dun wanna.

#stuff im tagged in #personal #tags

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iwouldhavefollowedyou · 7 years

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I was tagged by the wonderful @willhernandezdraws

Rules: Write 92 truths about yourself then tag other people

LAST…

[1] Drink: Water

[2] Phone call: My mum

[3] Text message: Jo (my babe)

[4] Song you listened to: Michael Jackson - Man in the mirror (because it was stuck in my head from the lego batman movie)

[5] Time you cried: like yesterday, because I love Jaal Ama Darav so much.

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] Dated someone twice: Hahaha no

[7] Been cheated on: you have to date someone to be cheated on

[8] Kissed someone and regretted it: Nope if I kiss someone its because i really wanted to.

[9] Lost someone special: Of course

[10] Been depressed: Only for most of my life ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

[11] Gotten drunk and thrown up: Dont drink

LIST THREE FAVOURITE COLORS…

[12] Pink

[13] Orange

[14] Green

IN THE LAST YEAR…

[15] made new friends: Amazingly yes

[16] fallen out of love: Don’t think so...

[17] laughed until you cried: Of course, most recently last Thursday when making fun of my brother.

[18] found out someone was talking about you: My dad was talking about me to my cousin if that counts??

[19] met someone who changed you: Sure

[20] found out who your true friends are: I have like four friends so i’d hope so.

[21] kissed someone on your Facebook list: Not in the last year.

GENERAL…

[22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: Most of them

[23] do you have any pets: Two doggos, Mac and Ruby, and a succulent called Pidge (*´∀`*)

[24] do you want to change your name: Yes, I really do.

[25] what did you do for your last birthday: Just had a burger with my family

[26] what time did you wake up: Either 9 or 10, the clock changed today and I’m not sure which.

[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: Crying over mass effect ((´д｀))

[28] name something you cannot wait for: Episode Gladiolus!!!(●♡∀♡)

[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: Like half an hour ago.

[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: So may things my guy.

[31] what are you listening to right now: The gumpy gamers play dark souls III

[32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: Yes actually.

[33] something that is getting on your nerves: Myself

[34] most visited website: Youtube probs

[35] elementary: It’s primary school actually

[36] high school: Sucked

[37] college: Better

[38] hair color: Blonde with strawberry blonde tips...and auburn roots rn

[39] long or short hair: well its a bob so shortish.

[40] do you have a crush on someone: Not a real person

[41] what do you like about yourself: Dude I dont know

[42] piercings: I have five, all in my ears

[43] blood type: O positive

[44] nickname: Curly, Ginge, Asshole, you know the usual.

[45] relationship status: Single bean

[46] zodiac sign: Pisces

[47] pronouns: They/Them

[48] fav tv show: Hawaii Five-o currently

[49] tattoos: Not yet, soon hopefully

[50] right or left hand: Righty

FIRST…

[51] surgery: None yet

[52] piercing: one set on my lobes

[53] best friend: First best friend?? She was called Tilly

[54] sport: I played football and rugby in primary, but Swimming was probably my first sport. I also did line dancingヾ(⌐■_■)ノ♪

[55] vacation: Probably tenerife or lanzarote

[56] pair of trainers: I was like five dude don’t know

RIGHT NOW…

[57] eating: Nothin’

[58] drinking: Water

[59] I’m about to: Do some draws

[60] listening to: the same as before

[61] waiting for: Tea!

[62] want: Real doughnuts (*´ڡ`●)

[63] get married: Not rn thanks

[64] career: Professional crybaby.

WHICH IS BETTER…

[65] hugs or kisses: Hugggs!!(づ￣ ³￣)づ

[66] lips or eyes: Eyes are nice

[67] shorter or taller: doesn't matter my guy

[68] older or younger: Again i dont care.

[69] romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneous I suppose

[70] nice arms or nice stomach: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[71] sensitive or loud: I’ve surrounded myself with loud people so idk

[72] hook up or relationship: Well deffo not the hookin up.

[73] troublemaker or hesitant: Again surround myself with troublemakers, not really intentionally.

HAVE YOU EVER…

[74] kissed a stranger: No I’m good ta.

[75] drank hard liquor: Not a fan.

[76] lost glasses/contact lenses: I’ve forgotten my glasses before.

[77] turned someone down: Surprisingly often.

[78] sex on first date?: Hahaha fuck no. [ ± _ ± ]

[79] broken someone’s heart?: Probably (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

[80] had your own heart broken?: Sure

[81] been arrested?: Not even close

[82] cried when someone died?: Of course, professional crybaby remember.

[83] fallen for a friend?: Sure

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

[84] yourself?: Hahaha not really (ﾉ´ｰ`)ﾉ

[85] miracles?: I guess

[86] love at first sight?: theoretically.

[87] Santa Claus?: You mean Father Christmas?

[88] kiss on the first date?: Sure ( ˘ ³˘)♥

[89] angels?: I mean girls are all over the place

OTHER…

[90] current best friend’s name: Jo (ˇᵋ ˇෆೄ

[91] eye color: A shitty grey/green

[92] favorite movie: Hot fuzz baby!

I tag whoever wants to do this i dont have many friends

#Captains Log #long post

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diotimas · 7 years

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I was tagged by @rixilia, thanks!!

Rules: Complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning. When you finished tag 5 people to do this survey. Have fun and enjoy!!

1: Are you named after someone?

Nah

2: When was the last time you cried?

I think two nights ago, I was crying of laughter

3: Do you like your handwriting?

Yeah, for the most part I do

4: What is your favourite lunch meat?

Beef? Dunno

5: Do you have kids?

Nope

6: If you were another person, would you be friends with you?

I guess?

7: Do you use sarcasm?

Yeah, but not successfully

8: Do you still have your tonsils?

Yep

9: Would you bungee jump?

No, never

10: What is your favourite kind of cereal?

I like too many kinds tbh, but I’m usually happy when it has chocolate in it

11: Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

YES I hate not doing that, it drives me crazy

12: Do you think you’re a strong person?

I think I’m strong for my own standards, probably not from other peoples’ perspective

13: What is your favourite ice cream flavour?

Irish coffee

14: What is the first thing you notice about people?

Their hair

15: Red or pink?

Red

16: What is your least favourite physical thing about yourself?

My legs

17: What colour pants and shoes are you wearing now?

Black sweatpants and no shoes, but socks with the Superman logo on them

18: What was the last thing you ate?

Crisps

19: What are you listening to right now?

One Way Or Another by Until the Ribbon Breaks

20: If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?

Black

21: Favourite smell?

Some perfumes, strawberries, and raspberries

22: Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

My mom

23: Favourite sport to watch?

Soccer I guess

24: Hair color?

Red-brownish

25: Eye colour?

Brown, but they look a bit green lately, which I really like

26: Do you wear contacts?

Nope

27: Favourite food to eat?

Burgers

28: Scary movies or comedy?

Ugh, comedy if I have to choose

29: Last movie you watched?

I think I started rewatching Hot Fuzz a couple of days ago, but I didn’t finish it oops. The last one I finished was Drive if I remember correctly

30: What colour of shirt are you wearing?

Blue-black plaid

31: Summer or winter?

SUMMER

32: Hugs or kisses?

Hugs?

33: What book are you currently reading?

Too many, a few are Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, The Way of Kings and The Picture of Dorian Gray

34: Who do you miss right now?

Dunno

35: What is on your mouse pad?

I don’t have one

36: What is the last TV program you watched?

AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER and I am fucking LIVING AND FELL IN LOVE ALL OVER AGAIN WITH A CERTAIN FIRE NATION PRINCE (lol sorry I’m just very emotional rn)

37: What is the best sound?

Right now I love Ralph Fiennes’ voice for some reason

38: Rolling Stones or The Beatles?

The Beatles!!

39: What is the furthest you have ever travelled?

Dublin

40: Do you have a special talent?

I like the imitations I do, and some people say they’re quite good

41: Where were you born?

Germany

42: People you expect to participate in this survey?

@themaevethcometh @agent-charlie @well-thats-me-liam @moigraine @mandysimo13 if you guys want to do this!

#tag #about me

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hollywoodx4 · 7 years

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Sticking with the Schuylers (34)

(Thank you for waiting so patiently for this-I had a long week that kept trying to knock me down, but luckily I pulled through thanks to optimism and ‘Times are Hard for Dreamers’ on a constant loop. Thank the lord for Amelie).

I love John Laurens, and I love his family, and I know this fic is long but I have like 16 pages of headcanon/development so do with that what you will, I love my fic baby.

(Tagging: @ellzabethschuyler also shoutout to @oosnavi for giving me lots of really good ideas on this one and also killing me with all of the Pippa + children pictures every day.)

This is a Laurens Christmas Eve.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 1112 I 13 14 15 16 17 18A 18B 18C I 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 I 30 31 32 33

There is a clear wall of sound coming from the fifth floor apartment, one they can hear from the moment they reach the stairwell. Alexander chuckles as Eliza’s grip on his hand changes. It's a slight movement, but he's attentive-he turns his head to face her while slowing their pace.

“That's us,” he gestures down the hall, to a row of identical doors. Eliza nods, eyes unchanging and feigning complete comfort. That being said she is good at this-excellent, even. If he hadn't known any better, he would have kept going along. But her breathing has slowed, visibly deep in her chest. The hand he holds in his has begun to pick up a moisture bred by nerves. He's more familiar with the disguised symptoms of anxiety. She is much better at this façade than he is.

“What's wrong?”

“This is a really big deal.”

“It is, it is and if you're uncomfortable-I didn't mean to push this. I know it's a big step and I know it's only been three months and Christmas Eve is kind of huge,”

“-Alex,”

“- but it would have just felt wrong spending it without you, and,”

“-Alexander.” Her hands find his shoulders and she takes a deep breath, a silent instruction for him to do the same. She watches the rise and fall of his chest, his closed eyes, as he comes back down from his ranting. His lips have stopped moving but his mind will not silence itself, flittering back and forth between thoughts of her backing out of this and the warm beauty of her eyes on his. Her lips turn up into a gentle smile and he's instantly relaxed, taking her in from their place at the end of the hall.

“I want to be here-so badly-I’m just a little nervous.”

There was a word she hadn't associated herself with in a while. Especially not around him. Typically, Eliza prided herself in being near professional at social interaction. It was in her blood, her upbringing. Most of her childhood had been spent entertaining crowds of politicians, spinning in brand new Mary Janes and singing sweet Ella Fitzgerald in a birdsong voice while Angelica herded Peggy away from the dessert table. It is what earned her the nicknames of Political America’s Sweetheart or The senate’s daughter. It is what made her Elizabeth Schuyler.

To say she hadn't been nervous a day in her life would be a lie; there were plenty of times-at big events, or when some small brunches-where she'd felt her heart squeeze and convulse, unable to be settled. Each of those times, it was painful. Each of those times, her hand was encased in the cold, tight hold of James Reynold’s grip. There was a suffocation, a death-sentence race of her pulse that lasted well after the event was over.

This nerve…placing a word on it, Eliza stops on butterflies. Although it's incredibly cliché, and she has to internally curse at herself for the immediate and consuming thought of the creatures floating around in her stomach. There is a striking difference, however, in the way they feel. There is no stabbing, or suffocating. The television-static fuzz that accompanies her holds a slight comfort-she knows shes supposed to be here-to be with him. And the way he holds her hands, still on his shoulders, with such a light reassurance…she can pull this type of nerve back. She can breathe with it, let it reside in the home of her body for a bit.

“We can stay here for a minute, if you need to.”

“No, it's alright. Let's go meet your family.”

The wall of sound opens up with the apartment door, and Eliza is immediately wrapped in multiple suffocating hugs. There are exclamations-in lighthearted Spanish, as she's held at arms length by a grouping of gracefully aged older women. And then there's John, who comes barreling over from the other side of the room. He has to weave his way through what seems to be wall-to-wall people, and Alexander breathes out a feigned sour expression as John moves to hug her first.

“Everyone, this is my beautiful best friend Eliza. Oh, and Alex is here too.”

Her name echoes across the room and lights up her smile-she's greeting all kinds of people; aunts, cousins, third relatives…all with a boundless poise and upbeat charisma that blows Alexander away. One of the cousins hands him a drink and before he knows it Eliza has disappeared completely, whisked into the throng of people with her own cup of liquor and arms linked with John’s all-too-eager sisters. John stays with Alexander, taking a pull from his cup before clapping a hand on his back.

“She already fits in better than you did your entire first year.”

“Shut up and get drunk, John.”

“Gladly.” His best friend smirks over the rim of his cup, freckle-dusted cheeks lifting with the expression. He implores Alexander to do the same. He shakes his head.

“Probably shouldn't drink too much-just in case, y’know?” He gestures to the space of the crowd Eliza had disappeared into, worry weaved into a laid-back voice so gently that John barely picks up on it. He rolls his eyes in response, shaking his head and taking another sip. There's a tap on Alexander’s shoulder, and when he turns around he's engulfed in a noogie-accessorized hug.

“Hey man, where's your girl?” Luis is built like a body-builder, much unlike Alexander’s scrawny legs and John’s lean figure. Standing beside the two he towers, with no resemblance between him and his younger and ‘adopted’ brother besides the bountiful crop of freckles that decorate his richly toned skin. Alexander pulls out of his hold, pressing the fabric of his casual knit sweater back into place.

“Not sure-we came in together, but Amaia and Emily stole her.”

“She’s your girl? The one from the magazines?” Alex nods, grinning, before the oldest Laurens let's out a chuckle. “Man, I would've never guessed. How did you manage that one, Hamilton?”

“Only with the charm and brains you failed to inherit, Luis.” John earns a punch in the shoulder for that one, touching the place his brother’s fist had made contact with a wince. It hadn't hurt immensely-or at all-Alex can judge by the way John’s wince barely makes his eyes shut. But he prolongs the contact, long enough for a voice to join their conversation.

“Luis Andreas what did you do to your brother? Do I need to punch you back?”

“No, Mami.”

“I don't know, it really hurts. I think he might've hit an artery or something.”

“Don't be a baby, John. Nobody likes an infant-man.” She turns her attention to Alexander, who's watching the exchange with bemused eyes. Valeria Laurens looks at him with an electric expression-slightly frantic, but always with a mother’s glowing guardianship. He relishes the way that she's begun patching the hole in his heart; the way this crazy, eclectic woman had opened her heart to him. Valeria draws him into a warm embrace, smoothing down his hair.

“And where is this girlfriend of yours? Honestly you talk so much about her to me I thought she'd be sewn to your side!”

“Oh trust me, that's not too far from the truth.” John teases Alex with an intoxication-laden flair, already tipsy. Alex and Valeria wear matching narrowed eyes.

“Knock it off, John. Alex is happy and we should all be happy for him.”

“Like I'm not? He's dating my best friend-Hell, I like her better than him most of the time!”

“I thought I was your best friend!”

“No, Eliza definitely is my best friend now. Sorry Alex, you've been replaced. Actually, I'll go find her. Hang here for a second.” John disappears into the throng of family, leaving Alexander and Valeria hanging by the front door. The moment they're alone she begins chatting-asking questions in such a rapid-fire pace that he can't answer them all in one go. Then, during a string of chatter involving school, her mouth snaps open in a wide ‘o’ shape, her eyes widening to a spot behind him.

A warm hand finds its way onto his shoulder, running down it in gentle motion as her lips meet his cheek. Valeria’s smile widens-Alex hadn't thought it possible.

“You’re Eliza-you're here-god, look at you, you're gorgeous!” She blushes at the compliment, cheeks lifting in an infectious expression as she reaches out her hand.

“It's really nice to meet you, Mrs. Laurens.”

“Oh please don’t call me that, it makes me feel like my mother.” She takes Eliza’s outstretched hand and pulls her into a hug, rubbing her back in the same tender way that she had Alex’s. “Valeria.”

“You have a wonderful home-it’s so full, and you’ve all been so nice. I really appreciate you inviting me, thank you so much.” John looks between his mother and Eliza and shakes his head-in an instant his mother has turned to putty by Eliza’s soft-spoken words. Although he knows that she’s being genuine he nudges Alex’s shoulder, laughing.

“Once again, she charms her way through a room of people in less than twenty seconds. Meanwhile, Kevin still won’t talk to me after what happened with beer pong last year.” A drop of hot sauce, a flipped table…John cringes at the memory. And apparently, Kevin still is, too. The aforementioned second-cousin has refused his company so far, straying away from each part of the room he’d been in. Instead he’d moved to the balcony, where he and Luis had gathered enough people to start some freewheeling card-game the older boys had invented when they were John’s age just to bet their extra cash. It’s stupid, and unnecessary, he thinks as he watches them from the other side of the room. But being invited to their circle wouldn’t hurt.

Valeria Laurens had been blessed with six mouths to feed; three boys and three girls. While the balance was aesthetically perfect, the hurdles continually presented themselves in the form of food fights, the three bedroom apartment feeling over-capacity, and a boy stuck between her girls who hadn’t been happy about it for a long time. John had been a trooper, for the most part. He got along well enough with the girls, who often put ribbons in his short curls and dressed him like their doll. Amaia, a year and a half older than him, was more level about these games. She did, however, egg on Emily. Sweet Emily loved her Irish twin of a brother more than anything; would follow him around, dote on him, and speak the world about him to her friends. As children, John often found her to be annoying or childish. It was, after all, what his brothers would say. But Emily was his confidant-she listened to him more than Amaia ever had time for, never teased him like Luis or Kevin would. She was his favorite sibling-still is, he considers from time to time. While the others were often busy in their own lives (even Mari, who is still in high school and with a bigger social life than all of them combined) John and Emily found favor in each other’s company. She was never too busy to talk to him. She was always there-just as she always had been.

When the door to their apartment swings open, and Emily Laurens is able to catch a glimpse of the newcomers over the tops of everyone’s heads, she’s the first to make her way to the door. There is a scowl painted on her full lips and she grabs for her older sister’s arm as she flies by her, pressing hard with the tips of her fingers to pull her along. Amaia yelps, running along and crashing into shoulders and backs as apologies fly from her mouth rapid-fire.

“What are you doing?” She hisses at her younger sister. Emily huffs, stopping in her tracks to pull her aside, hands waving wildly as she speaks.

“Did you not see who’s here?”

“Yeah, and?” She glances over at the door, where their ‘adopted’ brother and his girlfriend are being smothered with hugs. The interaction is long, and busy-but Eliza seems to handle it well, eyes moving from person to person with an unfaltering smile upon her face. Amaia feels her own lips turn up, a subconscious mirror of the expression. Emily scowls.

“Don’t you think we should go and say something to her?”

“Are you trying to steal her from Alex or something? I mean I know she’s pretty, but,”

“-no! I mean yeah she’s pretty, of course she’s pretty, but,” The younger sister’s face is immediately covered in a light scarlet blush, one that consumes her features before leaving with the shake of her head. “That’s not the point. The point is that she kind of stole Alex from John.”

“But Alex isn’t gay”

“-in a way. In a way, she replaced John. So there’s that. Also she’s dating our brother. She needs the third degree just like we gave Sarah when she started dating Luis. Or like we’ll give to any of Henry’s girlfriends if he can ever get a date.”

“Emily!”

“I’m just being honest. Anyway, we have more important things to deal with.” She grabs hold of Amaia’s hand, who hesitantly follows her to the front of the crowd. The older sister watches a switch flip in Emily, where her intimidating scowl is turned into a bright and chipper grin accompanied with raised posture.

“Eliza! It’s really nice to meet you. I’m Emily and this is Amaia, we’re two of the three sisters. Come get a drink with us, I won’t take no for an answer.” Eliza allows a sister on either side, linking their arms with hers and pulling her through the crowd. She throws a delighted expression Alexander’s way, wondering why his face has fallen into a thin line of anxiety.

They seem nice enough-Eliza is touched by the immediate sense of belonging, the connection that comes with having two sisters of her own. They pour her a drink that stings her throat on the way down but she gulps it anyway, enjoying the heat and the comradery of the other two peeking over their own cups. The kitchen has grown to a raucous level of volume; cousins lined up at the island taking shots, aunts standing over the stove with grandmothers. Eliza takes a breath-a moment to let it all sink in. This is nothing like brunch, or a gala, or the way her Christmas would be tomorrow. No, this is fun. This is family. Emily takes note of her expression, leaning against the wall with a teasing sort of smirk.

“Not your average Christmas eve, right?”

“No,” Eliza chuckles, coming out of her observation to reply. There is so much noise that she feels like she’s shouting, competing over the voices melding between Spanish and English around her. “It’s a lot better. Trust me.”

“So, how long have you and Alex been together?”

“Three months last week.”

“Really? So, not long at all then.” Amaia glares at Emily’s comment, looking between the half-smirk painted on her younger sister’s full lips and the scarlet that flushes the delicate color from Eliza’s cheeks.

“No, I guess not…it feels longer, though.”

“And what about John? Did you know about his situation before or after Alex chose you?”

“Emily!” Hands on her hips, the older Laurens shoots a tight-lipped scowl toward Emily who, just a year or so older than Eliza, stands significantly taller. Her volleyball-player stature and high ponytail are just accessories to winged eyeliner and a full-lipped smirk. Amaia, more composed in nature, smacks her younger sister’s arm.

Eliza stares between the two for a moment, taken back by the blunt nature of Emily’s comment. She takes it in stride, however. Having two sisters helps-Angelica had acted the same way toward Alex for the first few weeks of their relationship-although a bit more filtered, and less harsh-natured. There is a similarity there, in the way that Emily scowls in defense of her brother, which actually warms Eliza to the situation. And in her soft-spoken nature she simply smiles back at the middle Laurens sister, shaking her head.

“John didn’t tell me until a few weeks ago-I would have never known, and I felt terrible about it. But we had a long talk and I think that helped both of us. I wouldn’t intentionally hurt John, especially if he had been my friend before Alexander and I started dating.”

Both sisters seem appeased by her answer, although Amaia’s matured grin and touch of a hand to Eliza’s shoulder is much more comforting than the slow-to-warm shrug of her younger sister. Eliza accepts it, however, thankful that her words hadn’t tripped out from underneath her. Soon, both sisters are pulled away into the crowd, and Eliza is left standing in the kitchen, nursing the burning drink and watching the clamor around her.

Alexander has thrown himself into the chaos.

He and John find themselves in the middle of the living room, packed between a group of cousins who have turned on an upbeat rhythm laden with layers of acoustic guitars and bright-toned trumpets. John is a much better dancer than him-his hips move with the practice of both genetics and natural talent, and he spins a lithe preteen cousin around, her hip-length hair whipping along with her. Alex sways alone, practiced albeit a bit awkward-the continual sips of his drink have helped loosen him up, yet not enough to bring him to John’s gusto. But there’s music, and family, and so he bounces along to the beat in the throng of people.

Soon the living area is cramped with people-family, friends, and even a few of those who’d had nowhere else to go for the night. Valeria Laurens is in her glory amongst them, in the middle of a more complex set of moves as she’s spun around by her husband. They relish in the chaos of it all-the music, the laughter. Each year, their growing family adds a new layer of brightness to the holiday. Each year, hosting this party becomes more of a reward than anything else. And then, there’s the newest member of their family. Valeria watches as Eliza holds pudgy toddler hands in her own, bending down to shake a second cousin’s youngest daughter in her own version of a salsa. Then, there are two of them in a circle-three, four, until a gaggle of the younger children have gathered around her. She takes the commotion-twelve clamoring children reaching out for her hand, arguing over who gets to be closer-in stride. Then, they end up in a conga line down the split of cheering relatives, who look on, bemused, at how easily the newcomer has fit herself in.

Eliza is so enthralled with the entertainment of the children that she doesn’t even notice Alexander until he’s pulled her waist, tearing her away from the children who now run freely among the crowd, spinning in colorful Christmas dresses and spiked-up hair.

“Is it my turn?” One hand finds her back and the other Eliza’s hand, and before she can nod he’s started leading her, in a combination of movement that causes an eruption of laughter as she attempts to keep up with him.

“I thought you said you were a dancer,” he teases as she trips over his foot again. Her movements are trying and a bit stiff, stumbling over her own feet as he leads her.

“Ballet, jazz...not this.”

“Well then, I guess I’ll have to teach you.” Alexander’s hold adjusts from her back to her hip, holding her visibly closer than the dance suggests. Through her laughter she follows him, loosening up as he mutters terrible jokes in her ear.

“You’re pretty good at this.

“Pretty good?” He brushes his lips against hers. “I’d like to think I’m better than pretty good.”

Eliza can’t tell if it’s the drink she’s been given or the way he holds her, but the air of Alexander’s confidence makes her heart race, the composition of her body growing warmer in anticipation of another brush of his lips against her-along any part of her. He just barely composes himself, taking in the compliment of the change in her eyes, knowing full-well that his awkward, fumbling dancing is still somehow managing to turn her on.

Through the motion of pulling Eliza even closer Alexander feels a tugging on the leg of his pants, looking down to find a set of wide, shining eyes staring up at him. The two year-old girl, with hair in bobbed ringlet curls, raises her hands to him with a dimpled smile. He takes in a long breath of air as Eliza backs up, just enough to give the girl room to stand between them, covering the blush that’s crept along her cheeks with a warmhearted smile. Alex pulls the girl up, resting her on his side and letting her join in the dancing as well. He holds one of her tiny hands in his, the other wrapped tight around his neck, and spins her. He laughs at the way she giggles, boisterous and light, as she reaches for Eliza. His girlfriend dips her, a hand holding her back while she shouts in delight. The girl is torn, hands outstretched between the two, shouting playfully for more. It has Alex nearly doubled over in laughter, the way she jumps between their arms, until finally she settles with him, her hands holding Eliza’s.

She would be stupid not to notice how easy it all seemed-the way Alexander’s smile reached his eyes, which remain settled on the girl between them. And she fit so nicely there, giggling and chattering over the hum of the music. It only intensified things, this sight-especially since she hadn’t yet seen Alexander with children before.

There had been plenty of times that Eliza had been witness to James with children. Although his Thanksgiving had been nothing like this Christmas Eve, there had been plenty of kids. And she’d played with them, rallying them in a game on the carpet in a separate room while the adults conversed. He’d only come in once, to bring her around on his arm after shooing the children away. He spoke to them in the same tone as to the adults-nothing spectacular. He’d even gotten harsh with a distant cousin who’d wanted to chat. His cold tones and disinterested mannerisms had made her feel downcast, disheartened. At the time, before she realized just how he was treating her, she’d lingered on the moment with careful consideration. He clearly had no interest in children-the reality surged within her the fact that no children would be a deal-breaker.

At least Alexander seemed to take interest in them. To this girl he was tender, and sweet, letting her pudgy hands ‘braid’ his hair after she’d let go of Eliza. And he spoke to her with a tone that was lighter than his own, changed to match her persistent questioning without skipping a beat. And he even seemed to enjoy her company, too, even though it had taken away from their private moment. These thoughts became observations Eliza tucked into a piece of her mind, a recording she would play over and over if allowed. It’s transfixing, so much so that it takes her more than a few minutes to realize that John is by her side, lingering with a hand on her shoulder.

“You know, I’m learning a lot about you tonight, E.” Eliza doesn’t take her eyes from Alexander and the child, too enraptured by the interaction to care. All she can muster is a hum in response, one that barely reaches an audible level of voice. “But the best thing I’ve learned is how terrible you are at hiding things.”

“Oh,” She still hasn’t looked away, her cheeks lifting in response to the girl, who has now placed both hands on her boyfriend’s cheeks, squishing his lips into a fish face that sends them both into a fit of laughter.

“As in your clearly estrogen-filled response to this scene, or better yet that giant red welt on your collarbone.”

Her hand shoots to the spot, horror taking over the bliss that had once consumed her. John laughs, smirking as she leads him from the crowd of the makeshift dance floor.

“Is it really that noticeable? I tried to tell him not to, but it was too late, and then it just happened and I don’t want your family to think anything of me because of it, and,”

“Relax, E, it’s fine. It’s not even that bad. We’re all so drunk at this point I’m sure nobody has even noticed.”

She sits between Alexander and Amaia at dinner, in the middle of a long row of mismatched, pushed-together tables and folding chairs. There are almost too many people to fit- one end pushed up against the wall and the other too close to the stove. But it is cozy-and loud-and Eliza enjoys the comfort of being surrounded by so many people. The chatter is sincere-not just an exchange of pleasantries but of inside jokes and the trade of old family stories. There is so much going on that she can’t decide which piece to hold on to until Amaia begins weaving a tale from her cardiology residency that has her-and most of their part of the table-on the edge of their seats. Alex holds her hand between their chairs, a muted show of affection that warms her nearly as much as the second-or was it third-drink.

A shout breaks through the chatter and the room falls silent to an older man-that’s Abuelito-who stands at the head of the table with an expression that envelops the room in a sense of togetherness. It seems as though everybody is related to this man, who leads a dynamic prayer that hinges each member of the family to his words. Then he’s going around the table, stopping in front of each person with one hand on their shoulder and the other clasping his drink.

“And here’s Luis-never the bright one, let’s all share in a prayer that he and Sarah’s first child doesn’t get his brains. Or his…eh…beauty.” The crowd is alight in a raucous laughter, some clapping Luis on the back while other eyes dart in half-apologetic smiles to a round-bellied blonde. At first Eliza is horrified-why would he have prolonged his time entertaining the party just to insult his grandson? But soon, she realizes this is part of the tradition. John nudges her from across the table with the backside of his fork, grinning wildly as Abuelito stops in front of Amaia.

“Oh, Amaia. How you chose to work with hearts is beyond me-how can you know so much about them if yours is so cold?” The oldest Laurens daughter turns to Eliza, rolling her eyes good-naturedly before tossing her napkin behind her, hitting Abuelito in his square-rimmed glasses. He knocks her in the back of the head-gently, Eliza notes-before sliding over behind Alex, both arms on his shoulders.

“And there’s Alex, who god brought to us even though I said Valeria couldn’t possibly feed anyone else. But he did bring our family an ear-full and a wonderful girl. Alex, I would ask you to keep her around but we can all see that love bite so I’m not too worried.”

Eliza has never felt so much heat rush to her cheeks in such a rapid manner. There is no point now in covering up the painfully obvious, pointed-out mark on her body so she merely shrugs, tossing her silky hair over her shoulder. Amaia rubs a circle on her back, whispering a string of words that widen Eliza’s smile even more.

She sits back, then, watching the jovial interaction between the large group of people with a bubbling laughter that feels natural rolling from her stomach. There is something so different about these people-his family, with their raucous noise level, salsa dancing, and long mismatched tables. They speak in rapid voices, joke freely, and keep the drinks going throughout the night in a continuous party. And when she and Alex return to the dance floor, Amaia’s words linger in her mind, repeating themselves over and over as if she’s too grateful to believe them.

“Now that you’ve been blessed, welcome to the family.”

#mine: swts #hamliza #I'm pretty bad at tagging a lot of the time #whoops #I'm also a tag talker #it's fine #also these chapters are long #and this fic is long #but I'm glad there's still people giving it a chance #and putting up with me #thanks everyone

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