dumb & dumber
tags: Established Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Failwolf Derek Hale, Failhuman Stiles Stilinski, is that a tag? it should be actually, Implied Sexual Content, Possessive Derek Hale, Attempt at Humor, Failwolf Betas, they're all just dumb tbh
"You know, you're kind of the worst," he says this with a pout on his face, the television in front of him blinking back his own face at him. He sorta looks cute with a pout. Huh.
Beside him, the couch dips with the weight of his boyfriend. An arm snakes up along the back of the couch, and he moves forward before that arm and his shoulders can make contact. The huff he gets at his pettiness has him scoffing right back.
"You're being petty."
"And you're an asshole. What's new?"
Another huff. A sigh. He stares forward, resolute.
"Stiles, please." Nope. He is not giving in. He deserves to be upset! "Baby," and oh no.
Stiles turns towards his left, and sees the forlorn look on Derek's face. His eyes are searching Stiles', likely trying to impart how unhappy he is, and how much he wants Stiles' forgiveness.
Stiles might have turned around to actually have a conversation, but hey, he's still got the upper hand here. When Derek reaches out to hold his hand, Stiles takes his wayward limbs towards himself and crosses his arms. Derek isn't happy, his nostrils flaring, but hey, Stiles isn't happy, either.
"Why are you so angry at me?"
Stiles instantly points a finger at his dumb boyfriend, wagging it at that dumb gorgeous face to punctuate his point, "Oh ho ho, don't you play the dumb boyfriend card with me! I wish I could tell Lydia she's right and that all men, no matter the age, suck at being a good boyfriend. But welp! I can't, can I? Because even now, after months of us having been together, I cannot tell people I have a boyfriend! Nobody in the fucking pack knows who you are to me, and you know what Erica has been planning, huh? Huh?"
Derek blinks his dumb, gorgeous eyes at him. He has been staring at these eyes for counting on four months now, but he still can't pinpoint what colors they are. Are they blue? Green? Hazel with gold flecks in them?
Fuck. He is getting distracted. He once again wags his finger at Derek's face, who, this time around, wraps his big, rough arms around it and pulls Stiles forward until Stiles stumbles right onto Derek's lap, and really, why is the universe so unfair? Why is Derek in a barely there wife-beater and grey sweats?
"You know what I am to you, Stiles."
Stiles resolutely stares at Derek's chest. His hands are gripped tight in Derek's, but Derek lets one of his hands go free to grab at his chin, forcing him to look up at the eyes that reflect the early morning sun in a deep, beautiful forest.
"Baby, I am yours."
"But not to the world. To them, you're a single, hot, in much need of a date Alpha werewolf. You're not mine in their eyes, Der."
His heart doesn't waver at the truth, but his chemosignals must change because Derek leans down to rub their noses together, dragging his down to Stiles' neck, scenting him.
Claiming him, in a way.
"If Erica is planning a date for me, she's not competent as a wolf. I might not have told them we are dating, but you smelling much more like us should be a clue."
Stiles noses his way down from Derek's nose to his neck, bites at the junction between it and shoulders just to be a little shit. Derek arches under him, and it has Derek's dick, from under the damned grey sweats, rubbing a delicious friction against Stiles' ass.
"We smell good, huh, Alpha?" He could say more, but Derek is already panting like he cannot take it any more, and hey, that is lips on his own and he can't really speak now, can he?
Derek kisses him with passion, pushes him down back on the couch so he is on top of Stiles.
"Erica needs to learn how to use her fucking nose. You smell like mine," Derek's growl has Stiles instantly wanting to take off his clothes and present to him, down on all fours and ready to blackout in bliss for hours, but.
Stiles pushes at Derek's chest so there's space between them, and asks, a bit breathless, "Why haven't we just told them?"
"You're a fucking tease. I'm going to ruin you once this conversation is over, understand?"
Stiles stares back, wide-eyed, pupils evidently dark. Licks his lips. Nods.
Derek grabs his hair and wrenches him in for a deep kiss before letting go, putting space between them.
They don't speak for a few minutes, trying to get back to some semblance of control. Once they are, Derek speaks.
"I haven't told anyone... because I forgot."
If this weren't Derek, and he wasn't Stiles, he would have been offended. Because what the fuck? But he is Stiles, and this is Derek, so.
"You figured everyone would use their super-sniffers?" Derek nods. "Except you also forgot not everyone is a werewolf, and that even those with super-sniffers are idiots. They would first figure out how to stop a bus with failing brakes from crashing by jumping in front of it rather than using their wolf strength to well, pull the bus Superman style."
"Yes, I'm aware my pack is brave but stupid. Especially because their leader is here with me."
"Hey!"
"Then why didn't you tell them?"
Stiles opens his mouth. Closes it. Scratches his head, his hair. Eyes fixed on the TV again, he mumbles, "I thought you didn't want to."
Derek takes his hand and points it at himself with a raised eyebrow. "Me? The one who has been scenting you extensively and making you wear butt-plugs? Me?"
His cheeks color with embarrassment. "Alright! We are both idiots. Got it."
"Truly made for each other." Derek again uses Stiles' hand to pull him forward, right until Stiles stis on Derek's lap. Again. Except this time Derek is already working to make Stiles' jeans dissappear. "Now, tell me about this date Erica has planned for me while you warm my cock with your pretty hole, okay, baby?"
"Yes, Alpha." Oh, coming to the Loft in a fit of anger/sadness was the best course of action today.
And Stiles is definitely going to pilfer that fancy-pants restaurant Erica has reserved for Derek's blind date with one of her college friends for a date for them.
And then he's going to be fucking annoying about calling Derek his, just like he is sure Derek is going to be insufferable about making it clear that Stiles is his in return.
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twitch + singer au!! :D
yes yes yes thank u for this one <3 (not much thiam but still chaotic)
The moment that Liam sits down at the table, pushed into the corner by the window— he feels Nolan’s eyes burning against his skin.
Swirling the iced coffee around, Liam locks eyes with Nolan across the table.
“What?” Liam asks him, raising his eyebrows.
It’s almost comical— Nolan reaching across the table and his hand making contact, minimal at best, the slap not quite catching Liam on the side of the head.
“Nolan.” Liam hisses “what the fuck was that for?”
“For not knowing who Theo Raeken is.” Nolan replies, stating it as matter-of-factly as he falls back onto the leather couch.
“He’s got a point, how haven’t you heard of Theo Raeken.” Corey cuts in, only adding to the throbbing in Liam’s head from a lack of caffeine.
“Theo Raeken doesn’t know who I am.” Liam tries to argue, regretting it promptly when Mason slides into the empty chair beside him hiding a smile behind the collar of his shirt.
“Do you think Theo Raeken plays video games?” Nolan asks.
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