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f1smutwriter · 2 days

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Hi tis me again

I feel awkward with all the request. I'm just obsessed with f1 rn.

Pierre learning to do your acrylic nails so he can spend more time with you during the f1 season.

This guy's love language is acts of service and quality time

Chilling in the hotel in pajamas drinking wine and sushi getting your nails done by pierre gloating about your man on socials like "your bf could never but here's what mine does." Maybe he gets teased about ut by the other drivers but who cares he bagged a bad bitch and he's in love.

Almond shape but otherwise what ever is fine.

| 𝐌𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐧 (𝐩𝐠𝟏𝟎)

𝐏𝐢𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐚𝐬𝐥𝐲 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Pierre the perfect boyfriend anyone could ask for. He adores his girlfriend and treats her like the princess she is. So he learned to do nails just for his princess

Warnings: nothing just some tea and cursing

Notes: Gosh these Pierre fics you request gosh I love them. Like these are my favorite things to write when the guy just does something to spend time with you. This is my first time doing the Instagram thing on tumblr but I do them all the time on Wattpad so if you don’t like it just let me know and I’ll change it for you girl. Hope you love it!

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“Ma chérie you ready” he called out for me as I come out of the bathroom with a smile. “Hi handsome” I smiled kissing his lips softly as I sit down on the bed so he can paint my toes. “I learned this cool new thing. Best thing ever” he smiled as he rubbed my feet softly making me sigh feeling more relaxed.

“Handsome I don’t know why you do this, you don’t have to” I whispered softly making her chuckle softly. “Mon cœur I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t want to” he smiled softly kissing my leg making me shiver softly. “I get to spend more time with you, plus I want to pamper my girl” He smiled making me blush from his words.

“Why do you have to be so perfect all the time” I mumbled before he snorts causing me to laugh with him. “You know what sounds amazing right now” I whispered softly as he looks up at me. “Why are you whispering” he laughed making me kick him softly. “Sushi and wine” I groaned softly craving both of them. “Want me to order us sushi and wine” he asked softly making me nod frantically. He goes over to the phone and orders room service.

“Coming in about 30 minutes” he said softly making me squeal. “thank you baby” I whispered kissing him feeling him grab my waist to kiss me back softly. “Gosh you have no idea how in love I am with you” he whispered kissing my neck softly. “Let’s get back to your nails before I take you right here right now” he said sitting me down on my chair while he paints my nails.

˚｡⋆ ୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ ˚｡⋆ ୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡

yourusername

Liked by pierregasly, and 1,000,000 others

yourusername: get you man who does all this for you, and his excuse to do all this was. “Amour I need to pamper you”

Tagged: pierregasly

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charles_leclerc: this needed to stay in the drafts

yourusername: someone is mad I took their man

charles_leclerc: mad your always second place 🤷‍♀️

yourusername: really because last time I checked I’m first place babes 😙

pierregasly: my pretty girl I love you ❤️

yourusername: I love you more handsome

User: Charles hate to break it to you but your second

charles_leclerc: I know :(

alexandrasaintmleux: oh for Charles to do this for me

yourusername: you don’t need Charles babe you have me 😉

charles_leclerc: back up bitch or we fight

yourusername: I’m slashing all your tyres

carlossainz55: NO please don’t we need to win

yourusername: oh well bye bye Ferrari

lilymhe: the fact I’ve been stalking your page

yourusername: babe stalk my page all you want

alexalbon: not only are you stealing my girl but Charles girl to

yourusername: I’m after all the wags my master plan

lilymhe: tbh I’d let her take me

alexalbon: 😣

maxverstappen1: he’s lowkey whipped for you

yourusername: yes he is and guess what I love it

pierregasly: I am she gives good head 💁‍♂️

yourusername: 😧

pierregasly: it had to be said Mon amour I’m sorry

User: I want a guy to treat me like this

User: me to they make me feel so single

˚｡⋆ ୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ ˚｡⋆ ୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡

“Mon amour you posted me” Pierre asked shaking his head making me giggle. “Yes I had to baby, had to show everyone who my man was” I smiled before he grabbed me putting me on his lap. He started kissing my neck softly, feeling myself let out a small whimper. “I love you so much you have no idea baby” he whispered softly in my ear making me blush. “I love you more handsome” I smile before he kissed my head softly. “I love you the most princess” He whispered going back to kissing my neck.

˚｡⋆ ୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ ˚｡⋆ ୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡

Pierre just got on the paddock now walking towards his garage to look at the car, but he got stopped by one of his best friends. “Bro painting her nails and all of that your whipped mate” Charles snorted before laughing at him. “Why am I whipped because I love my girl” He smiled at Charles before Charles shakes his head.

“I do it because I don’t spend time with her I’m always away, so it gives us some time together” Pierre explained making Charles let out a small smile. “It’s nice to see you like this man, all in love and everything” Charles commented as Pierre feels his cheeks get red. “Me in love what about you and Alex I see how you guys are with each other” Pierre laughed softly now making Charles blush a bit. “Look at us two blushing fools” Charles snorted making them both laugh out.

“Who would have thought” Pierre laughed softly as they both walk down the paddock.

“Who would have thought” Charles smiled softly

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Notes: I’m sorry this was short but I kinda was running out of things to say. I hope you guys liked it, and please send more requests I beg you.

#f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #pierre gasly x y/n #pierre gasly f1 #pierre gasly fluff #pierre gasly blurb #pierre gasly x reader #pierre gasly imagine #pierre gasly fanfic #pierre gasly #pierre gasly smau #charles leclerc #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x reader #f1 fluff

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ohraicodoll · 1 year

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i see a prompt request 👀 what about “stop trying to help me it’s just hurting you” with feral reader… maybe joel is the one helping her with the adjustment to settlement life in wyoming? or they’re out on a run and she gets hurt? anything tbh you decide

Yesssss I am all for this one. I had some downtime and managed to write this so fast. So have some angst and maybe some lore and both of them fighting lol

Left Behind Joel Miller x f!Reader/OFC The Last of Us 2.5k Words (3rd POV) (Lots of callbacks to Monsters but not necessary to read first. Feral Reader's name is used sparingly so yes, she's technically more an OFC as you get lore in this one) Summary: Settling into life in Jackson wasn't going so easily and Joel is hit with the possibility she may not be welcomed to stay.

“Joel, she’s trouble, man,” Tommy ran a hand through his hand exasperatedly, pacing the hard packed ground in front of both their homes, “I know shit was rough out there. Hell, the three of you were practically hissing at everyone when you came through that first time, but it’s been a couple months. She’s scaring half the town and you’re scaring the other half acting like her goddamn guard dog.”

The older Miller brother clenched his jaw, hands on his hips and trying not to show how much his split open knuckles smarted, “I wouldn’t have to if those assholes would stop treating her like a fucking pariah or giving her shit every time she tries to stand up for herself.” “You have got to admit it’s not exactly like she’s giving them much reason not to act that way,” Tommy sighed and spread his hands pleadingly, “She threatened to stab Johnny at the lumberyard through his hand for looking at her weird, not to mention I’ve already had to take her off patrol duty with anyone but you after she beat Grant-” “That boy learned the hard way to keep his hands to himself,” Joel cut him off.

Tommy pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head, before glancing back at his house where his very pregnant wife currently was, “Brother, I can’t have her acting this way. I get it’s not perfect here, but we can’t have trouble like this. Maria…she’s already considering that if Red doesn't get her shit together she may not be welcome to stay.” Silence fell between the two, boiling and tense. He didn’t have to even look up to know the look on his older brother’s face at his words, could feel it as if flames were on his skin. It was like lighting a match around gasoline, waiting for the whole thing to ignite. He knew that as much as his brother cared about the young girl in his charge, he also cared about the woman that came along with them. And when Joel Miller cared about something, he’d go through hell for them. “That’s not gonna happen,” Joel bit out harshly, snarling. His irises had darkened to almost black, the hints of hazel swallowed almost entirely. His body was tight, a wire begging to snap. But the younger of the two could only shake his head, feeling lost and unable to comprehend what to do. Torn between the home he had helped create and protect, his wife who had the weight of the community on her shoulders while preparing to give birth to his first kid, and his brother’s protectiveness over the rough woman currently inside the house. “Just get it sorted. Talk to her. My hands are tied, I can only do so much,” Tommy sighed, turning and heading back across the lot to his own home and life. Joel didn’t watch him leave. His eyes were trained on the ground, blood roaring in his ears as he replayed the words over and over again. They were considering kicking Red out. He’d dragged her all over the country, to Wyoming then Colorado and Salt Lake and back to Jackson, forcing her to settle down only for her to get kicked out. He knew she was having a hard time. She’d never stayed in a QZ, had stayed out in the world too long alone or with the wrong people and didn’t know how to deal with a community like this. Normal people who didn’t have to tear each other apart for scraps. While he and Ellie didn’t have the smoothest transition and were still rough around the edges, they’d managed while the woman had hit wall after wall. She was defensive, quick to react and bare her teeth. It was fine out beyond the gates but inside Jackson where everyone was trying to find a new normal it had caused issues. One of the steel workers was Grant’s brother and hadn’t taken kindly to her beating the shit out of him. He had refused to give her some parts they needed for the house and then called her a bitch when she’d slapped his payment down and went to snatch the items. But he hadn’t registered Joel around the corner listening and before they all knew it his fist was flying into the man’s face. He’d have done more if Tommy hadn’t broken them up. But his brother was right and she did have a reputation, had scared a lot more than half the town. He’d seen the way mothers had pulled their kids away or the looks some of the guardsmen gave her. Ellie had told off more than a few, shouting across the plaza when she’d catch it, defensive. He’d watched Red shrink in the settlement, only fully confident like she usually was outside of Jackson. He’d figure it out. He had to.

With a deep sigh, he turned and went inside. Ellie had been sent to take care of the errands and get the groceries they both knew Red wouldn’t be able to get. The teenager was understanding and was doing the best she could to help, keeping any complaints to herself or to him when they were alone to not burden the woman. She was as protective of her as he was of both of them. The house was quiet. It was all something he was still getting used to. Having a house again, a home where he didn’t have to worry about getting attacked or FEDRA raids, no more furniture salvaged from garbage dumps and pipes that rattled without a drop of hot water. Jackson made it easy to get comfortable, to feel like it was before the world was ravaged. Easy for him at least. He paused and waited a moment, hearing the almost imperceptible sound of breathing on his good side before he rounded the kitchen counter and looked down. Red sat on the tiled floor, knees pulled up to her chest, head resting back against the cabinet doors. Her face was blank but he’d learned to read the small hints of thoughts on her face. Lips pressed tight, eyes focusing on her nails even as he hovered. She’d heard. He knew she had. “Should I start packing my bag now or wait for Maria to give me the word?” she chewed on her lip, feigning nonchalance. “Neither. You ain’t going nowhere,” Joel bit out with a furrowed brow. She laughed humorlessly, mouth turning into a grimace, “That’s not up to you, Tex.” Those eyes looked up finally, met his, and he could see the resignation there. This wasn’t something she was going to fight if they made her leave. She’d do it and he knew why, knew it was for them, but refused to accept it. “Like hell it ain’t.” “Stop,” abruptly getting to her feet, she hissed at him, “Just stop it. Stop trying to help me. It’s only hurting you and Ellie. You have actual family here, Joel. Flesh and blood family. You could murder someone and they’d still keep you here and Ellie as well, but I’m a liability. To you, to her, to all of them. I get it.” “I don’t give a fuck if you get it, Red,” Joel was angry, getting into her face, “They’re not kicking you out. End of conversation.” “Not end of fucking conversation,” she growled, “I’m not risking yours and Ellie’s only chance at a safe, stable life. If that means I go back out there then so be it.”

“God, you’re so fuckin’ stubborn sometimes,” he all but yelled through his teeth. A laugh tore from her, sharp and loud, her brow raised, “Oh that’s hilarious coming from you.” He wanted to beat his fist through the fucking wall, pick up a glass and shatter it if only to release some of the frustration dealing with her gave him. That damn martyrdom that he hadn’t ever been able to get rid of, scream out of her no matter how many times he told her to stop it. She was so willing to throw herself away for his or Ellie’s sake as if what happened to her didn’t matter and it drove him insane every single time. “You better quit that shit,” Joel ground out between clenched teeth, “That stupid fucking selfless bullshit. For what? As punishment because you lost some people? That…fucking Harry you were with?” He hadn’t ever brought up the name she had mentioned once because he knew what it was like for someone to bring up the past. She hadn’t offered much of her background and he never asked, but there had been small moments. That name had stuck in his brain though, like the little stars tattooed on her collarbone and the “love ya” on her skin in someone else’s handwriting.

The silence following his words were deafening, all emotion wiped off her face. It was as if someone had scrubbed away anything that made her a person, human, in seconds.

Then something darker took over and twisted and she smiled, a showing of teeth, and eyes so hollow they seemed like caverns, “Is that what you think? That I’m punishing myself over some boyfriend that died when the world fell apart as if most of the fucking population didn’t also die too? That I’m what? A sad little heartbroken girl pining over some lost love?” A laugh left her lips and it felt like poison, dripping venom. He clenched his fist, anger burning hot, but he knew better than to say anything or approach her when she was like this. Dangerous. Sometimes she was so dangerous he wondered how he had ever thought it was safe to turn his back on her. “That’s real sweet, Tex…I shot him, you know?” she laughed again, not a bit of humor on her face, “Not because he was infected. No. He wasn’t even bit, didn’t have a scratch on him. He was fully alive and healthy before I blew his face right off.” She’d mentioned the man’s name long ago on the road when they’d gotten drunk out. It had slipped out of her covered in pain and regret, Harry and her younger sister, how she'd been barely starting her life when the apocalypse hit. A singer. Ellie had mentioned she had been trying to be a singer and he’d always pictured a bright eyed girl unprepared for what was to come. He had wondered if that death had been what had broken her, guttered her and tore out her soul to the point she lived on instinct only, how that girl had become the hissing creature before him. Now he wasn’t so sure.

Stepping closer to him, he resisted the urge to back away, to show that he was like the rest of them and scared of her too. She almost smiled wider and he knew she was expecting him to, a test almost, “You see we were on a run. Harry, me, and Annie. Spooked some runners so we booked it out of the building because back then I wasn’t much of a fighter, hadn’t learned yet. So I trusted him to keep us safe. Yet, lo and behold, when we get through the front door and I turn around, I see him.” Her words were made of broken glass that cut her apart and made her mouth bleed, devastation and rage coating each one but he didn’t move or try to comfort her lest he got cut too, “Harry had shoved my sister behind so he could get through first then shut the door in her face. I watched them through the glass tear her apart, screaming my name, because I had trusted him to have her back. Instead he got her killed. So I killed him.”

There was no smile then. He remembers how they met. Ellie had fallen behind while running from scavengers because he hadn’t put her in front of him. It had been Red who had saved her and like a missing puzzle piece, he could see the picture come together. Knowing her now and how it wasn’t normal for her to go out of her way to help strangers, but she’d helped them.

Because Annie had fallen behind once before and she couldn’t save her. Blamed herself for her death.

“It was my fault and I’ll be damned if I ruin both of your chances at staying here where you are safer. Not because of me,” the snarl had left her face, hackles dropping until just the woman was left. Exhausted and a little sad and lost. It’d broken her, he knew that. In the same way Sarah’s death had left him a shell. But he’d kept going for Tommy, Tess, and eventually Ellie.

She hadn’t had anyone until them and now she thought she was putting them at risk.

Joel frowned and stepped forward, their chests almost pressed together, before cupping her face between his hands. His knuckles were bruised and bloody still, but neither of them cared, had never cared about getting blood on the other, “I hate to break it to you, darlin’, but if you think after that I’d still let you go then you’re wrong. I learned my lesson last time we were in Jackson. We stick together. No one’s getting left behind.”

Her eyes squeezed shut, a broken sigh leaving her lips. Her hands came up and gripped his waist, fingers wrapping around his belt tightly like he was a lifeline. Resignation wrapped her entirely in its embrace and he knew the fight had gone out of her, “I…I don’t know how to be around these people. There’s too many of them and they all stare…I’m going to mess up.”

The admission brought a slight smile to his lips, a crack in the defense she had attempted to put between them and a sign that she was giving in, “Well I think as long as you don’t try to maul or kill anyone and maybe limit to punching one or two people a month, that’ll be good enough.”

She huffed exasperatedly, head falling forward and leaning against his chest. His thumb traced her cheek, the other combing through the tangled mess that was her hair. For all she used to gripe at Ellie for taking care of her own, she wasn’t much better. But the strands were still soft and he took advantage of it when he could, feeling her relax against him.

“I’ll talk to Tommy and Maria. You just give yourself time to adjust and try,” Joel murmured, “We’ll figure it out, but you’re not going anywhere.” She nodded against him and at last wrapped her arms fully around his body, sinking into him while he held her tightly back. They both stayed there for a while, arms tight, standing in the middle of the kitchen.

Joel would pull every string, get every ounce of leverage he could get to ensure she stayed. No one was going to take her away from them.

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joesalw · 6 months

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Without even getting into the merits of TS being named person of the year, I’m genuinely shocked that she brought up Travis in the interview. From an excerpt Time posted on its socials, she says they are “proud” of each other and she references how she locked herself in her house for years and she’ll “never get that time back.” I know how hard she’s pushing this relationship and narrative, but if you’re getting this monumental honor for your work, why would she bring up a bf of only a few months? She famously did not thank Calvin Harris or bring him to accept her second AOTY Grammy. I have no idea if this relationship will last, but why would you want a part of your legacy tied to a random guy you’ve known for less than a year?

Say what you will about Taylor, but I always thought she took her work seriously at least. This is a huge honor (whether deserved or not) so I’m stunned that she’s letting the Travis thing be attached to it. It’s very disappointing.

Also, I hate that she’s pushing the “locked in the house” narrative even here. It’s definitely aimed at Joe and what’s even the point? It’s been almost a year. Side note, I’ve never actually believed she spent the past 7 years in the house. I think she lived her life exactly the way she wanted it. A list celebrities can and often do live low key lives. There’s a reason that you rarely see pap pics of Beyoncé, Adele, Jennifer Aniston, even Selena apparently has kept her dating life off the radar for years according to DeuxMoi.

This is all such an embarrassing shitshow. There are people dying in Palestine, they are filming their lives and counting the seconds left in their hand before being bombed and killed. Hospitals are being bombed, they have no food or water supply and journalists are being killed brutally for speaking up. Even jews people are being killed or kidnapped for speaking up for Palestine...

Yet somehow Taylor Swift is the Person of the Year. As if this alone wasn’t shitty enough already, she is talking about how oppressed she has been throughout her entire privileged life. Saying she's spent the last six years of her life being locked in her own house (mind you two years of them were pandemic) She literally went out and did proper promos for Lover era. She did rep tour in the previous year. It was only reputation album release time when she was silent because of her so called tagline "There will be no explanation, just reputation" She couldn’t do promo for folklore and evermore in such way because there was a fucking pandemic going on. But now she will throw this narrative to make Joe look bad. Do you guys realize how insane this is? She has no accountability for her own actions, if it's not going according to how she wanted, she will just blame the next person. Also it's been 815372919 years since the kimye incident, can she fucking let go off it?

It's just astonishing how she said it with broad chest that the real love she found with Joe was what helped her get through that period of time, but now that it didn’t work out she is making it seem like the kimye incident took her in a bad place where she didn’t want to be (mind you she admits flying to london herself, joe didn’t force her) and she's feeding the narrative that Joe took advantage of her low period which was a fanfic written by swifties earlier. She's just feeding them their words to dig up a grave for joe.

But also why are we discussing about a billionaire's love life in a magazine like Times in the midst of a fucking genocide? This is just eye opening for us about pop culture and western media tbh

#anti taylor swift #swifties dni #anti swifties

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strawhbrrries · 1 year

Text

Hell on Heels, part two.

pairing: rhett abbott x tillerson!afab!reader

summary: you made the devil a deal; he made you pretty, he made you smart and rhett abbott she’s coming after you.

warnings: everyone calls reader ‘honey’, sweet rhett but also asshole rhett, the tillersons (they need their own warning tbh but i love a good forbidden romance), unprotected p in v, car sex, a wee bit of rhett begging, no use of y/n or description of reader, not proofread

word count: 3.6k words

author’s note: eventually I want them to have sex in a place that isn’t rhett’s truck, i started writing the next part for this before this was even finished so!!! this isn’t nearly as good as the last part but it sets me up for a great third part. as always, enjoy!!!

read the first part here!

You slipped a coin in the jukebox that sat in the corner of the Pit Bar, flipping through the songs before landing on Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood. A small smile replacing the previous frown you had as the music started over the speakers. Your frown was the result of Rhett Abbott, he’d apparently fucked you and forgotten to text you. The girls had brought you out, their treat, in a desperate attempt to get THE Honey Tillerson back to her normal self.

“Wait so he actually fucked you?” Ash whispered across the table as you sat back down, taking a sip of the mixed drink in her hand as she awaited for your answer with bated breath.

“Mhm, nice and good. It was all hot and sweaty too, after the rodeo y'know?” You giggled, feeling like a schoolgirl with the way they were treating this.

To be far, this was a long time coming. You’d been after this man for as long as any of them could remember, unconditionally loyal to a man who wasn’t that way for you. To them, hearing that he’d finally kissed you and then fucked you is truck was the news of the century. Especially in a small town like Wabang.

“He finally grew some balls I guess, shoulda done that the second you told him to his face you were gonna marry him. Freshman year, remember?” Taylor teased, poking you in your side as you covered your face in embarrassment.

“I am never living that down, you guys bring it up like everytime we talk about him.” You groaned, burying your face further into your hands and distorting your words slightly. “Besides, he totally choked it. He hasn’t texted me since that night. And guess what Luke told me this morning? Rhett and Maria were caught going to the motel, the same fuckin’ night he fucked me.”

“That whore, what the fuck!” Ash whisper-yelled, dropping her jaw open at the bombshell of news. “I’m gonna need another fuckin’ drink if you keep droppin’ bombs like this, Honey.”

“Yeah, I’ve made some sort of peace with it. I’ve been second to her our entire lives, shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up about it.” You shrugged, taking a sip of the drink in front of you and making direct eye contact with none other than the man you were speaking about.

The news had initially hurt when Luke told you. Then you thought about it and realized that you simply were never going to be better than Maria, she wasn’t at fault here and being upset with the other woman did you no good. Your knuckles had gone white when the words left your brother’s mouth, how could you have reacted any other way? You’d finally slept with the one man you’d been yearning for your entire life only to find out he then slept with someone else directly after. Didn’t she smell you on him? See the red lipstick peppered on his skin or the collar of his shirt?

“Tay, come sing with me?” You asked, batting your eyelashes at the girl sitting next to you, even pouting your lips for extra measure.

“Cowboy Casanova?” She asked, smiling happily when you shook your head yes.

It was the perfect ‘revenge’ song, Carrie knew how to write her songs and she had rent to pay with this one. The bar had finally started to pick up and it was simply the perfect moment to, subtly, call Rhett out on his actions. Sure he had no ties to you but that didn’t mean he couldn’t give you basic respect and tell you he didn’t want you the way you wanted him. You made sure the cowboy hat, a new one you had bought earlier today, was snug on your head and your makeup was still in place before dragging Taylor up to the stage with you. The drinks had started to feel nice and warm, tipsy was the only time you’d openly sing like this. Especially such a directed song like this one.

“You better take it from me, that boy is a disease.” You sang loudly, making direct eye contact with Rhett who had his arm around Maria next to him.

His face screwed up at the lyrics once he learned you were singing about him, and to him. Maria whispered something in his ear, making a face you couldn’t quite decipher when he shook his head yes and whispered something back to her.

“He’s a curse, he’s like a drug. You get addicted to his love.” The two of your voices harmonizing beautifully, prancing around the stage and captivating the audience in a way that seemed to anger Rhett. But, unlike him, the audience simply thought you were performing to have a good time and not to get back at him.

The group of girls you came with had started chanting your names, whooping and hollering from the table they sat at, being your biggest fans without getting swallowed in the sea of bar patrons.

“I see that look on your face, you ain’t hearing what I say.” Is the lyric that caused Rhett and Maria to get up and storm out of the bar, not another soul in the place giving a single shit that his masculinity had been hurt by a Carrie Underwood song.

You finished the song off with a bang, bowing with Taylor as the crowd gave you a standing ovation. It was the most thrilling thing you’d done all week and you loved it, it felt nice to let him know he wasn’t shit. He called you Hell on Heels and you’d be damned if you didn’t live up to it, you were coming for him. The girls gave the two of you another round of hollers as you approached the table.

“Did you see them storm out?” Ash giggled, tilting her head towards the table they had previously been sitting at.

“Don’t be a two timin’ bitch next time.” You smiled, taking the last sip of your drink and basking in the glory of what just happened You’d finally actually stood up for yourself and damn if it didn’t feel fucking good.

You’d spent your entire night at the bar, chatting with the girls about anything and everything between. Mostly gossiping about the look Maria had on her face when she realized you were singing about Rhett. The rest of your family had been asleep when you got home, it made it way easier to go to your room without a million questions about who, why, when and where. You hung up your hat on the rack right inside the door of your room, taking in a deep breath before exhaling shakily. Yeah, it felt good to tell Rhett off that way but you still had some love for him and that would never change. The whole situation was a little heartbreaking for you. You were hopeful that dreamland would fix all your problems, take you to a world where he only wanted you.

“Rhett Abbott is at the door sayin’ he needs to speak with you.” Billy’s tone laced with confusion, anytime one of the boys showed up at the door it was never for you, looking over at where you sat on the couch.

You got up from the couch and walked to the door, giving Billy a look that said ‘please give me a second’ and he walked off. Turning your attention to the man on your porch you wanted to burst into laughter, he was pissed and you knew why.

“We need to talk.” Rhett stated, arms crossed as he waited for you to step outside.

“About what, because if you wanna talk about what happened at the Pit Bar I distinctly remember you leavin’ with someone who wasn’t me.” You closed the door behind you and leaned up against it, waiting for him to get to whatever the hell his point was.

“I’m not your boyfriend, Honey-“

“Exactly, so why are you here?” You cut him off, raising your eyebrows at him, ready to tell him if that’s what he came to say it could’ve been a text.

“What?” This time he was confused, not expecting you to have agreed with him right off the bat.

“You’re not my boyfriend, so why are you here? You’re angry that I did what I wanted at the bar yet you get to run off with Maria the second you don’t want to deal with me. You’re not my boyfriend but you wanna fuck me in your truck after you win finals, don’t forget you took Maria to a motel after bein’ with me.” Your words were calm, too angry to give him the satisfaction of seeing your emotions. His eyes got big at the mention of the motel, he was trying to figure out how the hell you knew. “Luke told me, don’t sneak around in a small town and think it won’t get around.”

“Don’t you dare bring her into this. This is between the two of us.” He hissed, pointing a finger in your face.

“Have you no respect for me, Rhett Abbott? You don’t get to sneak around with the both of us. Have you no respect for Maria? Jesus fuckin’ Christ.” You rolled your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose, choosing to ignore the finger in your face to save whatever dignity he hadn’t taken.

“Honey-“

“No, Rhett. It’s my turn to speak. I’ve been second fuckin’ best to Maria my entire life, every single turn she was unintentionally one upping me. I don’t deserve this shit, Rhett. If I wanted a man who couldn’t commit I’d take notes from some other girl in town, that night in your fuckin’ truck gave me a single sliver of hope that I’d finally come out on top. That you’d finally decide I was the one. So much for bein’ a good luck charm. Good bye, Rhett Abbott.”

You turned around and slammed the door in his face, locking it behind you before he got any ideas to come in after you. Unbeknownst to you, he’d come to apologize. He’d realized the way he acted on both the nights you mentioned was unacceptable, he was going to man up and say he was sorry but you went off on him. Told him to shut up and didn’t give him a chance to speak. He placed his fist on your front door and laid his head down next to it before he realized you really weren’t coming back outside and he walked away.

“What’d he want?” Billy asked, he’d taken your spot on the couch and was now eating the breakfast you had previously prepared for yourself.

“To talk.” Is all you responded with, as much as you wanted to confide in him all your words would make it back to Luke. That was something you absolutely didn’t want to deal with, so you opted for pretending everything was fine and dandy instead.

You found yourself hesitating when you went to block Rhett’s number, for some reason you just couldn’t fucking do it. All the what ifs flooded your mind and no matter how angry you were with him, you’d always be one call away. Ready to make everything feel okay, even for just five minutes before he found solace inside another girl. You threw your phone on your bed with a frustrated groan, trying to think of all the ways he went from praising you in his truck to being the biggest asshole you knew. That was hard to beat when you had one for a brother.

You decided not to dwell on it and get ready for the day ahead of you, you had nothing planned but if you knew one thing it was that you didn’t live a boring life. By the time you’d finished getting ready and had eaten something, making sure Billy didn’t get to it when you turned your back, your phone had been blown up by your girlfriends asking if you wanted to go to the bar tonight. Of course, you said yes. You double checked your makeup and made your way down to the bar that took Rhett Abbott away from you, he did it himself but the bar solidified it.

“Hey sweet girl, Honey.” Ash greeted you, kissing your cheek as you sat in the same booth you always did when your group attended the bar.

“Always so welcoming.” You smiled, scoping out the place as you sat. Your eyes landed on none other than Rhett Abbott, and god did he look handsome. His signature cowboy hat wasn’t what got you, it was the small tufts of hair sticking out of the side untamed. “I didn’t know moving on from him was going to be so damn hard.”

“I mean, you did fuck him like three days ago. Let yourself live.” Taylor pointed out, rubbing your back in support.

“True but he just looks so…fuckable.” You pouted, watching him tilt his head back in laughter.

“So are you and look where it got him.” Ash took a sip of her beer, eyeing you up playfully. “Fuck him one more time to get him out of your system.”

You contemplated what she said for the rest of the night, your attention remaining on Rhett when it could be. You noticed Maria was here too, but not once had she interacted with Rhett or made any indication that she wanted to speak to him. He hadn’t paid her any attention either. His attention was on you everytime you weren’t looking at him, he wasn’t a man to grovel but you were making him reconsider it all. Your anger at him this morning turned him on a bit, not that he’d admit that to anyone other than himself. After failing to apologize he’d given Maria a call, called it off with her completely. He told her the plain old truth, that sneaking around with her wasn’t worth it when he could be with you and feel on top of the goddamn world. He felt no shame or guilt after he did, almost contemplated telling you what he’d done just to prove a point to no one but himself.

“Can we talk?” Rhett asked, walking up to your table of girls and staring directly at you. Admiring the low cut of your shirt and the way your red lipstick had slightly smudged from the straw in your drink.

“Uhm, sure. I’ll be back ladies.” You smiled at the girls before giving them a confused look and scooting out of the booth, following Rhett out of the bar and to the side of his truck.

“I came to your house to apologize this mornin’, Honey.” He spoke softly, no longer the stoic man he was just a minute ago. You took in a deep breath as you contemplated his words. “I called it off with Maria, all the way off. Honey, I need it to be you.”

“Rhett-”

“Look, let me talk this time.” He mocked your words from this morning, a small smile playing on his lips as he spoke.

“Okay, hit me.” You spoke softly, unsure of where this conversation was going and if you were going to lose your pants by the end of it. You counted on the fact that you’d end up folded in half in his backseat.

“I came to apologize for how idiotic I was, for one sneaking behind your back. I’ve been stringin’ you along for awhile and I shouldn’t, you’ve been nothin’ but faithful and supportive of everythin’ I’ve done. Secondly, for storming out of the bar and just bein’ an ass in general. You blew up at me before I could say anythin’ else, which is valid because the first thing out of my mouth was ‘i’m not your boyfriend’ and i’ve regretted it all fuckin’ day. Honey, I want- fuck I need to be your boyfriend. If you aren’t ready I’ll wait for you-”

You cut off his words by smashing your lips to his, you’d think over his words later and truly process them when you weren’t so incredibly turned on by an idiot saying he needed to be your boyfriend. This was probably as affectionate as Rhett was able to be and you’d happily take it. Your hands intertwined themselves with the hair on the back of his head, pushing your body completely against his. His hands found themselves at your waist, holding you still as he bit your bottom lip and explored the inside of your mouth with his tongue when you gasped.

“Rhett.” You whined against his lips, pulling at his hair softly in a plea to get him to do what you wanted but you weren’t even sure what that was.

“I know, sweet girl. I know.” He whispered, disconnecting your lips and pulling back to admire the fading love bite he gave you last time. “C’mon, in the truck.”

He helped you get in the backseat, positioning you on his lap once again. Your lips found his again while your hips ground down against his, both of you groaning at the action. His hands tangled themselves in your hair, tugging on it slightly to get you to lean your head back and give him access to your neck. He placed open mouth kisses from the top of your jaw to the end of your neck, nipping occasionally and soothing it with his tongue. Rhett was rock hard the second he saw you walk into the bar hours ago, but you grinding down on him had him harder than he was the first time he had you in his truck.

You fumbled with the buckle of his belt, your fingers slipping and not quite able to get it in your frenzy to remove his pants. A small cry escaped before Rhett shushed you, placed a kiss to the top of your head, and unbuckled his belt. He lifted you up just enough for him to get his jeans pushed down around his ankles, relishing in the fact that his dick wasn’t heavily compressed in his jeans.

Immediately you went to sink to your knees, went to pull his boxers down and put him in your mouth like you’d been waiting to do since the first time you slept together.

“No.” He rasped, holding you where you were.

“What?”

“Need to be inside of you, right now. Don’t have time for that.” He groaned, yanking your jeans and underwear down in one yank.

You shook your head yes and kicked your jeans off, straddling his waist and unbuttoning the shirt he was wearing just enough to see the tattoo on his chest. You traced it, admiring it.

“Honey, please.” Rhett begged, his chest flushing red.

The fact that you had him underneath you begging would forever be one of the best things you ever accomplished, you absolutely would not tell the girls about it though. It would be your little secret. You would probably think of it every night you had your hands down your pants, cumming to the thought of him.

You stroked him a few times before lining him up with your entrance and slowly sliding down.

“Fuck, Honey. I love you.” He groaned, laying his head against the back of the seat.

You froze, did he just? What the fuck. You loved him too but this was supposed to be a one and done for you, but you were now realizing he thought you were- oh no. Should you say it back? Pretend like you never heard him? Make a noise to acknowledge him?

Rhett on the other hand was now beating the shit out of himself internally because how could he say that shit out loud. All he was doing was making the situation worse between the two of you by putting you in this weird limbo.

The both of you elected to ignore the fact that he said it, instead focusing on how you were bouncing on top of him. One of your hands braced against the back window and the other softly planted on his chest, using him as leverage.

“Lean back, I wanna ride the bull.” You whispered into his ear, getting a small laugh in response. Both of you exchanging small smiles.

He eventually got tired of the pace you had set, wrapped both his arms around your lower back and set his own pace. Thrusting up into you like it was his full time job. Holding you close to him, like he sensed that you were debating not seeing him again. He’d made up his mind about you and you made up yours, but they contradicted. He didn’t want to let you go and yet, you knew you had to. Maybe. Rhett would always be your kryptonite, deep down you knew you’d always find yourself back with him but if you never gave yourself a chance to find ‘better’ would you ever regret it?

He painted your insides white with a low groan and a mumble of Fuck, Honey. You weren’t far behind him, your walls clenching around him as your orgasm washed over you. He didn’t let you go or pull out, he just stayed there. Enjoying some sense of normalcy before you both left his truck and things could change, maybe they did, maybe they didn’t. He wasn’t taking his chances, not when it came to his sweet ol’ Honey.

#maddies fics #rhett abbott fanfiction #rhett abbot smut #lewis pullman #rhett abbott #rhett abbot x reader #rhett abbott smut #rhett abbott x reader #rhett abbott imagine #rhett abbott fic #outer range #outer range smut

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chans-room · 1 year

Text

Craving Connection — 1

Warnings: reader has nickname Sugar Plum, familial drama, self-deprecating thoughts, mentions of anxiety, allusions to abandonment/abandonment issues, discussions of toxic former relationships, discussions of cheating in said former relationship, Chan calls her ex a cunt (derogatory) multiple times lol, a little bit of spice but it’s very mild bc they’re in public but there’s a somewhat staged ~fake dating~ PDA moment I’m earning that tag on this one babes. Tbh that’s pretty much all there is before we swan dive into it 👀

Length: 4k + text conversation

A/n: so I am a backstory heavy bitch and I can’t seem to start my SMAUs without a few written chapters soooo sorry about that? Also I’m sorry this has taken 8000 years, I’m already working on the next part and have a fair amount of future chapters done so hopefully I’ll be able to update this pretty frequently. Thank you @bibbykins and @j-a-nuary for making this legible. also everyone can thank @gimmethatagustd for how the last scene turned out 🖤

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October 1, 2021 — 5:20am

She bounced on her toes, eyes scanning the small crowd of people pulling suitcases behind them for the familiar freckles of her favorite cousin. She knew he — and the friend he had brought with him — had landed, but the minutes seemed to drag as she watched families and friends reuniting all around her, in the dead of the night.

But the crowd thinning made her palms sweat. The fear that her parents had found out, and gone against their self-imposed rule to never speak about her again, and that Felix had changed his mind about her.

“Felix! You can’t just drop your shit here, mate!” A voice called out, making her stop in the midst of her aimless pacing and her head snap toward the direction of the sound. She only saw a flash of black before someone slammed into her chest, knocking the wind out of her as they crashed into the floor.

“Sugar Plum, I’ve missed you so much!” Felix’s deep voice nearly reverberated in her chest from where he laid on top of her, deceptively strong arms constricting around her.

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes as she giggled, tightening her grip on him, “You have no idea how much I missed you, Lix.”

“I’m so happy to see you,” he sighed, loosening his grip to hover over her, a pleased smile on his face. “Come on, we have so much to catch up on.”

She rolled her eyes, letting him pull her off the ground before wrapping her in another tight hug. It sent a deep pain through her chest, the moment mirroring the last time she’d seen him — standing in that very airport 2 years before, saying goodbye to him before he left for Seoul. They had cried and promised to see each other at Christmas, Easter, and on every overlapping holiday they could find. It was a promise she regretted breaking — but it was one she had no control over. That had been the first of many days she felt truly alone; and if she’d known what would follow, she might have gone with him then. Maybe if she had, she would still have a family.

“Felix!” The same voice from earlier called out, making them both look over their shoulders to find the source.

He was gorgeous, even if he was angry. His strong brows were furrowed over narrowed, sparkling brown eyes. “Oh! Good, you’re here,” Felix smiled proudly, before gesturing toward him and clearing his throat, “This is my friend, and roommate, he owed me a favor, which is why he’s here. Besides, his birthday is in like 2 days and I’m such a good friend, so I brought him home to see his family. Aren’t I the best, Chris?”

Dread shot through her at the name; she couldn’t seem to escape memories of him. She pushed down the bitter taste in her mouth — she couldn’t be unfairly judging her cousin's friend just because he shared the unfortunate fate of having the same name as her ex.

Fortunately, her momentary battle with her brain wasn’t noticed by either boy, seeing as Felix was ignoring the way his friend’s plump lips were pulled tight into a grimace, his strong jaw clenching in anger as he dragged three suitcases behind him, his thick arms piled high with various sweaters and a bouquet of flowers. She bit her lip to suppress a laugh as he glared daggers at her cousin, his gaze softening slightly as he took her in, before hardening again as he refocused on the boy next to her.

“Felix, if you abandon me again with all of your shit, I will leave it behind,” he seethed, dropping the pile of sweaters on the ground with a muffled thump, earning an indignant scream from Felix.

“That’s Hyunjin’s cashmere!” He yelped, diving at the pile.

The glare faded into an endeared smile as he watched Felix dust off the sweater, shaking his head fondly before turning his attention to her. He held out the bouquet, the soft smile on his plush lips pushing his cheeks up to make his eyes nearly disappear into tiny crescents. “He got these for you back in Seoul. He made the flight attendant put them in water for nearly the whole thing so they wouldn’t wilt. I’m Chan by the way.”

She could feel the tears well up in her eyes again as she took the flowers from him, trying to still her shaking hands. “Thank you,” she forced out, internally cringing at the quiver in her voice as she did. She cleared her throat before tearing her eyes off her cousin, willing away her tears, “So… Chris? Chan? Do you have a preference?”

“No, not really,” he laughed with a shrug, “Felix is really the only one to call me Chris, except my family. All our other friends call me Chan.”

The admission put her mind at ease as she nodded absently, staring at the tulips in her hands, as she mumbled her name to him, followed by a shy, “Everyone calls me Sugar Plum though.” she shrugged, making him smile.

“Honestly, you can call me whatever you like,” he said, feigning indifference before leaning in and whispering in her ear, “and Sugar Plum is cute, but I think I’d rather call you mine.”

She choked on a gasp and a giggle as he backed away, throwing her a wink.

—

October 1, 2021 — 1:45 pm

“You really don’t have to spend the day with me, Chan,” she sighed, slipping the sunglasses down her nose to stare at him over the edge of the frame, “I know you want to see your family and spend time with them. I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself for one day.”

Chan felt the bittersweet edge to her words, and he hated how they made his chest tingle with unease. The tone of her voice stirred an ugly anger in his gut as he considered why she would be so quick to dismiss herself. It made him want to prove her wrong — to show her that she was someone who anyone would want to spend time with; someone who he wanted to spend time with.

With a big smile, he threw his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into his side, not missing the way she bit her lip and tried to hide the grin growing on her face. “Nah, it’s kinda nice to get to see Sydney like this, you know? I’ve never stayed in a fancy hotel like the one you’re staying in. But also I’m glad I have the chance to get to know you better,” he smiled, watching her sink behind her hands. “Besides, Felix will be back tomorrow, and seeing my parents for two days is better than the zero I thought I would.”

“I’m just saying if you don’t wanna be with me today you don’t need to. I’m used to doing things alone,” she mumbled, making Chan frown.

“Yeah, well, I don’t wanna be alone, so you’re stuck with me today,” he grinned, scrunching his nose at her hesitant expression. “Come on, we’re almost up and you haven’t decided what you want!” He could feel her heartbeat under his hand resting in the middle of her back, and part of him hoped that it was because of him.

“Are you always this serious about ice cream?” She asked, staring up at him with raised eyebrows.

“Are you not serious about ice cream? I mean, come on, it’s one of life’s most simple pleasures!” He exclaimed, drawing attention from the people surrounding them. The laugh that tore out of her made his heart race; he’d never heard anything so perfect.

“You just have to cause a scene, don’t you,” she giggled, pressing her face into his shoulder to hide from the disapproving stare of the old woman in front of them who was shaking her head and mumbling to herself.

“Only when it makes you laugh like that,” he sighed, pleased that he’d been able to pull her out of the tense, almost sour mood she’d been in since Felix told her he would be gone for the day. He didn’t need to know everything that happened with their family to know that she’d been hurt, and something about that sat heavily in his gut. What he did know was that it was too nice of a day for her to spend it alone in the hotel.

“So tell me about school. You’re on the soccer team with Lix, right? What’s everyone else like? What do you all study?” She asked, pushing her sunglasses back onto the top of her head, “I want to know all the details before I start next week.”

The attention turning on him made heat flood his cheeks, cursing the pink tinge he knew was creeping up his neck as she stared up at him expectantly. The look in her eyes made his mouth run dry — he couldn’t feel like that about her. There was no way Felix would let him live if he tried, and as his roommate, he needed to keep the peace.

But the feeling of her fingers curling around his bicep made his head swim and his heart race. He knew already there was no way he could deny the effect she had on him. He could only hope she felt the same.

October 1, 2021 — 4:10pm

“Do you wanna hang out here or walk around a bit more?” Chan asked, shoving his wallet back into his pocket as they wandered away from the counter.

She felt her heart flutter for the millionth time that day as he looked at her expectantly. She didn’t know if she could ever get used to someone caring about her opinion so much — it was equal parts exciting and unsettling.

“It’s supposed to rain, so maybe we should start heading back to the hotel?” She shrugged, trying to push the unease out of her mind; trying to convince herself that Chan wasn’t Christian. Felix would never have trusted him if he was.

At that moment she realized she’d almost gone the whole day without thinking of him. But the moment the thought of him passed through her mind, it was as if she’d conjured him. Because behind Chan’s shoulder, she watched him walk through the door, arm around the shoulders of a girl she had only seen once — the night she packed her things and left him.

“Fuck,” she whispered. He shouldn’t have been there, he should have been in Singapore, planning his wedding. Not in Australia, not in Sydney, but definitely not in her favourite coffee shop. It made her blood boil and her hands shake — Christian had refused to set foot inside it again after she had dragged him there the first time. He’d even told her that she was embarrassing for wanting to go back there. But now; here he was with Hanako. With the fiancée he’d conveniently forgotten to mention.

Jealousy and rage clouded her senses, but the crushing sense of inadequacy that filled her made her stomach turn. He never looked at her the way he was looking at Hanako — so full of love and adoration. She couldn’t even blame him; she was gorgeous. Her silky black hair cascaded down her back effortlessly, and a sweet smile seemed to be set permanently on her heart shaped lips. The more she stared at her the more self conscious she became — Hanako seemed to be everything she was not.

She realized at that moment it was never about the coffee shop; he was embarrassed to be with her.

“Hey, are you okay?” Chan asked, crowding her sight as he pulled her toward the wall of books. His hands cradling her face tenderly made the fresh wave of tears sting in her eyes. She hated it — she hated that he could see the cracks in her, hated how Christian could find new ways to hurt her, and hated that there was still part of her that was affected by him.

“Not really,” she laughed sarcastically, pushing the bone crushing hurt back down. “That guy over there, the asshole with the tattoos and the all black, the one with the girl in the dress? He’s my ex. And I don’t want him to see me.”

Chan’s head whipped around to look over his shoulder, finding them with ease before turning back to face her, “That guy?”

She nodded, “Yeah. And that’s his fiancée.”

“What a cunt,” Chan mumbled, shaking his head.

She grabbed his shoulders, positioning her in front of him to effectively block herself from Christian’s view, using Chan’s broad frame as a shield, “I can’t stand him.“

“Hey, don’t worry about him, just focus on me,” Chan said softly, shuffling forward to cage her against the bookshelf. “What do you wanna do?”

“I just-I don’t want him to see me. He wasn’t supposed to be here,” she mumbled with a pout.

He nodded before he took a step forward, pressing her back fully against the wall, “I’m gonna touch you, is that okay?” He asked, his hands hovering over her waist. The earnestness in his eyes gave her goosebumps; she couldn’t remember a time anyone looked at her like he was right then.

“Yeah, you can touch me,” she nodded breathlessly, “Can I..?”

“Of course,” he smiled, shivering as her hands skimmed across his shoulders, one hand gently tracing shapes into the muscle of his chest while the other occupied itself with the curly black hairs at the nape of his neck. “God it’s so stupid but I’m just-like-I have so many questions.”

She laughed and rolled her eyes, tugging his hair lightly, “Don’t say it’s stupid, you’re curious. That’s normal. I’ll answer whatever you wanna know.”

“I’m not sure I wanna know honestly,” he laughed bitterly, “Whatever you tell me will probably just make me want to punch him in the face.”

A soft warmth spread through her at his honesty; it was incredibly refreshing after spending 2 years constantly guessing what Christian was thinking or feeling. For a second she imagined how nice it would be to be with someone like him. But she quickly shook herself out of the fantasy — she barely knew Chan, how could she possibly think she knew him well enough to imagine a relationship with him.

“I doubt it, Channie,” she sighed, looking away from his eyes, focusing on the thin gold chain that sat on his collarbones. It caught the light every time she twirled a curl around her finger, making an image of him hovering over her with his chain smacking his chin as he pounded into her flash through her head. Tendrils of lust curled in her belly — she didn’t know how thoroughly and quickly Chan managed to take root in her head but she knew it couldn’t be good.

“Well, he’s your ex and he has a fiancée, so I think anything I find out about him is going to make me hate him more than I do right now,” he scoffed before adding, “You’re lucky it’s me with you today and not Felix. He wouldn’t even ask, he’d just start swinging.”

She couldn’t help but laugh at that — he was right. Her cousin was prone to reacting first and asking questions later. “I mean, that’s fair I guess. But honestly it was barely a relationship. I mean, you and I are being more scandalous now than he and I ever were.”

“You’re telling me he had you and he wasn’t showing you off to everyone with eyes?” Chan asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

She shook her head before answering, “We didn’t really do… anything. We didn’t go out, I never met his friends or family and he never met mine. I realize now it’s because I was his side piece and he couldn’t have anyone asking about me,” she shrugged, wishing she didn’t sound so defeated.

Chan’s body went rigid under her hands, his jaw clenched and his hands tightening on her hips. “What a fucking cunt,” he ground out through his teeth, “If you were mine, fuck, I’d never be able to keep my hands off you. My friends would be sick of how much I talk about you, Sugar Plum — especially Felix.”

The flames of desire surged in her veins again; it was almost overwhelming. She knew Chan was dangerous for her for any number of reasons, but the main one being that he made her want for the first time in a long time. She didn’t realize how much she craved what he was offering until he put it into words. But she didn’t know if he meant it as seriously or as desperately as she wanted it.

Chan’s voice in her ear made her shiver, pulling her out of the thought spiral that was beginning to consume her. “I really can’t stand this,” he mumbled before a wicked smile spread across his face, “Alright, so, I’m gonna get real close to you, and you’re gonna slip your hand under the back of my shirt, okay? If you’re uncomfortable or want me to back off, I will, but he needs to know what he lost. So he can see you’re not bothered by him.”

Her mouth went dry as she put his plan together in her head, watching the smirk grow as she dropped one hand from where it was resting on the back of his neck, her fingers toying with the hem of his shirt. “You’re evil, just like me,” she breathed, splaying her hand across his warm, muscular expanse of skin as both of his grabbed her hips, adjusting his stance so he could tower over her slightly. “I like that about you,” she admitted, making him chuckle.

He surged forward, his nose bumping against hers, “I like that about you too, Sugar Plum,” he smiled, “Now if you wanna really sell it, I’m gonna dip my head down and you’re gonna pull my hair and kiss my neck.”

“Okay,” she whispered back, feeling Chan’s breath on her neck, his hand sliding into her hair to steer her where he wanted her. Her fingers tightened in his hair on instinct as her lips brushed the junction of his neck — making goosebumps spread across his tanned arms. She felt him shudder, giggling an apology into his skin.

“Don’t be sorry,” he argued, resting his forehead against her collarbone, “It was nice, I just can’t control what my body does when someone like you kisses my neck like that. I mean, it’s really not fair.”

She was about to apologize again when she felt his plush lips make contact with her skin, but where her touch was fleeting and almost accidental, his lips attached themselves to her neck with force.

The gentle suction ripped a startled gasp from her. He pulled away with a wet pop, smiling innocently, “Now we’re even,” he shrugged. “I’m sure he’s fucking boiling now. I know I would be if I saw that.”

It took her a second to remember how their little charade had begun, feeling dizzy because of Chan’s presence and proximity. She had nearly forgotten about Christian entirely, something she couldn’t deny made her stomach flip with both anxiety and excitement. She had to fight through the haze in her mind to even think of a coherent response. “Chan I don’t think he’s looking—“

“Why wouldn’t he be looking? You’re the most interesting thing here. Everyone should be looking.”

The absolute certainty in his voice was staggering to her — she knew he meant it. But she couldn’t understand why. He barely knew her, but he was committing near public indecency just to spite her ex on her behalf. Maybe it was because he was so close with Felix, one of the only people she trusted wholeheartedly and implicitly, but she didn’t question Chan’s intentions or authenticity in the slightest.

It made her want him even more.

“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it,” she whispered back, the words coming out of their own volition. She knew he meant it — but she needed to hear him confirm it.

He surged forward, his nose bumping against hers — a habit of his that she enjoyed a little too much. “Hey, I fucking mean it, yeah? You’re incredible. And just because that asshole couldn’t see it doesn’t make it any less true,” Chan said seriously, pushing a piece of hair out of her face, “You’re so—“

“Babe, what the fuck is all this? Who the fuck are you letting grope you in our place.”

The too familiar voice that cut him off felt like a bucket of ice water being thrown on her.

She peeked over Chan’s shoulder to see Christian — sans Hanako — glaring daggers at the back of Chan’s head. She opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by Chan’s voice, “Excuse you, mate, but who the right fuck are you? And what business of yours who gropes her where?”

A shocked scoff came out of Christian, his eyes narrowing as he assessed Chan, “I’m her boyfriend, mate, which is why I wanna know why you’re all over her.”

Chan threw his head back, a full laugh tearing out of his throat before shaking his head, “Nah, you’re her ex aren’t you? I’ve heard all about you,” Chan rolled his eyes, turning back to face her, his expression softening as he ran his thumb over her cheekbone and down to her lips, gently pulling her bottom lip from between her teeth. She hadn’t realized she’d begun to chew on it nervously as she looked between them, but Chan’s soft smile and gentle hands made the tension drop from her frame. “Why don’t you leave us alone? Don’t you have a fiancée to look after, champ?”

She saw the rage ignite in Christian’s eyes at his obvious insult, his mouth opening to say something that she knew would slice through her straight to the bone — a skill he wielded like a professional through their relationship. He always knew what to say to inflict the most damage the fastest, leaving her shattered in his wake.

But before he could make a sound, her name was being called out — signaling their order was ready — and Chan was steering her away from him.

She took a single step forward before a hand closed around her wrist, dragging her out from Chan’s arm. “Don’t fucking walk away from me again, baby. You don’t understand—“

“No, Christian. I don’t need to understand anything. You had a fucking fiancée the whole time we were together. Do you know how much that hurt me? After all that I gave up for you?” She couldn’t seem to stop the words from coming out — but if she was honest with herself, she needed to say them. “And before you say anything, to try and manipulate yourself out of the mess you made — I heard you say that I meant nothing to you; that I was just a piece of ass you were fucking around with before settling down. So get your hands off me,” she seethed, glaring at him. Pain sparkled in his eyes as he opened his mouth to argue but she cut him off, “Just stop, Chris; I don’t want to hear it. Now let me go.” He staggered back as if he’d been slapped, releasing her.

Chan took her hand, making her turn to look at him over her shoulder, “You ready to leave?”

She couldn’t trust her voice anymore, only managing a nod before his arm was around her shoulders, pulling her toward the exit, grabbing their coffees and passing her drink off to her seamlessly.

With that, they walked out of the doors, not bothering to look behind them. And for the first time in years she felt in control. She didn’t feel like a pawn being used or a prop in someone else’s life. The rush of it was addicting; the electricity of it seemed to thrum under her skin. Chan made her feel powerful, and she never wanted it to stop.

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#stray kids smau #stray kids fic #skz smau #skz fic #bang chan smau #bang chan fic #bang chan x reader #craving connection #stray kids smut #bang chan smut

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ruershrimo · 1 year

Text

genshin impact x fem!reader: coloured goodbyes/farewell to childhood

features ayato

warnings: angst (?), no beta we die like ayaka and ayato’s parents :), quite badly written tbh, reader sighs like. three times in the whole thing they do it a lot, I honestly think that everything here is quite tame but if there’s anything that you think needs a warning just lmk :)

notes: YO I’m back haha!! I had genshin burnout for a while + was a bit busy (I’ve yet to update the masterlist and all), but I’m hoping to get back into it soon! I’ve also had my training arc (my ao3 is here if you’re a fan of yuumori/moriarty the patriot, shameless self-plug, sorryyy!!).

this fic is a sequel to yet the waves continue to crash (my writing style has probably changed a lot since then), though you can read it as a standalone fic (it would be a bit confusing though— there are a few callbacks to the first one). a sequel may be a it unnecessary, but I just chose to scribble this down, and I hope you like it!

synopsis: your invitation back to inazuma due to the irodori festival has brought to you one final night with ayato.

Upon your invitation from the yashiro commission, you’ve made a temporary return trip back home; the air in inazuma now feels a little chilly as you inhale. You pay the man who was kind enough to bring you across the sea a few thousand mora.

It feels great to be back.

——

You dump the water from the bucket on it repeatedly. Water gushes into your ears and you want to close your eyes as if there is a waterfall behind you, as if there is a sun above you and not the blaring lights that stare down at you condescendingly in his family’s bathrooms.

“Still cold?” a muffled voice questions.

You care more about whether the water slides into the walls of your ears. “I’ll be alright.”

Ayato watches you as you wash your hair.

“Haven’t tied the knot with any noble ladies yet?” you wonder aloud.

“There was never any time, nor did I ever wish to.”

Not like that would change anything.

For a while all the two of you hear are the hushed footprints atop the puddles of water, and the water beating against the tiles in rhythmic choruses, before the two of you exit the bathroom with the same silence.

Yet that is better, is it not? Better than talking. Cacophonies amidst silence are better than those which end up sounding silent, as if the words were nothing to listen to at all.

He offers to dry your hair for you. His fingers tangle in the strands— they were so familiar to him that they could have been his instrument in the past.

“Why?”

“Hm?”

“Why are you doing this? Why did you invite me to the estate specifically? Why haven’t you married anyone yet?”

“I’ve already told you— there was no time,” he replies curtly.

You stand up, wrapping your fingers around his, attempting, with every fibre of your being, to not recall when you used to do so, much more cheerful than you are now— before everything ended, before the knots were severed short.

(Then you give up, for you will never forget— you are constantly living through what could have been while being alive in what things have become— and you will never stop trying to forget, will never step away from that fool’s mission.)

Turning back to face him, you begin. “I know you, I’ve known you for all my life. And I also know the people of this nation: I know that none would not fall for you.” You take a single step closer to him, feel his fingers reaching near your elbow, barely touching them (yet you can feel that they are there, somehow, as if there was always a way for you to sense him no matter what) gazing at your eyes and not your chest, hands near your arms and not anywhere else. As it is you who had given him the life he never grew up to have, for it was you who let him taste the pure sweetness of childhood and the puerile drunkenness of teenage love.

Does he know that he was the same to you?

“So you already know the answers.”

“Yes, yes I do.”

The love of your life wants you to become his.

Such a prospect is one you shall have to wholeheartedly decline. After years of apprehension, childlike innocence, adolescent bouts of foolishness and heartbreak, the kind that pierced and still pierced your heart and clotted the blood from flowing, not in the morning but in the night when you wish to retire to the clouds of rest and slumber, a force akin to a thorn lacerating through the skin of your chest that keeps you from waking. How many years of sleep have you lost to that man, your prince, your best friend, your closest companion, your confidante?

The roles have been reversed. The love of your life wants to marry you, has confessed to you, albeit without words; you wish to push the rules down upon him.

“What say you?”

Lips trembling, you explain yourself. “I have a life outside of this and places to go, you know. And as much as this is ‘fun’, as much as I enjoy my time with you, and would love to spend it with you always, even— I can’t. Neither of us can. It was us as children who could indulge in those things, yet now, we can’t, the age-old tale repeats. The lovers have to leave.”

“Star-crossed lovers, are we?” he jests, and you almost giggle at the thought. “I love you more than anything. I wish you never had to leave. I wish you could stay forever, I wish I could marry you and that we could place our records in the official documents,” he confesses.

A sigh exits your mouth. You start to lather your hair in camellia oil— you always did use too much— before you give him and answer. “We know each other too much for us to know our words will always have replies from the other. If we argue with each other, we already have all the rebuttals we need against the other. I know you, ayato, sometimes more than I think you know yourself. I know it’s the same for you too when it comes to me.”

He nods, and there is almost nothing for you to describe his face besides it seeming to be one you’ve seen before, that downturned lip with lowered eyelashes and frequent deep breaths.

“I know that you love me. I love you too. Still, what we have is more than love, or more than romance. Because you know how to leave me and how to be left. You know you’ll be able to leave me, because in a way you’ll still have me.”

They claim that as you grow older, you grow wiser. In some ways that is true. Yet, perhaps it is the resistance from carrying out unwise actions is more suited to be a sign of growth. You hope that you are right. You hope you can resist from pressing your lips to his; hope you can abstain from having the soft skin of his lips on yours again; hope you can refrain from doing what would allow your mind to rest, after years and years of being separated from it, in the sensation of the tastes of fruit amidst the bitterness from the tea on his lips, even if only as a final goodbye.

So your prince, your best friend, your closest companion, your confidante, with the years’ echoes upon him, with each of growth’s scars in his soul, lets his silky ocean-like eyes gaze into yours, maintains the distance between his lips and yours, keeps his skin from touching yours. You know it would be the same if your roles were reversed, like how they were before. Things would end up in the same way— the two of you are a product of yourselves and history only. “I know. But I would rather have you by my side than have you only when I miss you in the night, once the day is done,” he argues back. Still his tone is unperturbed, only soft and ever so gentle as he always is, and there is nothing for you to describe this except sorrow. He would never wish such explicit anger upon you; you were worth more than any nobleman or politician he knew. Voice wavering, he chuckles. “I’ve lost all my sleep to you.”

“I’d rather we say that’s your work’s fault,” you laugh, bitter but melancholic, as if the little jokes here and there are the only times when yellow is painted with a thin brush on this saddened, dark, solitary canvas.

Ayato’s lips purse, periwinkle eyes boring into yours as if he were examining you, scrutinising and inspecting you from the inside-out. In those lakes of violet-like blues is a wistful sorrow, a young soul in reminiscence for when they were younger. And indeed, your childhood days must have been full of love— the older you get, the more you realise how each spark of love has been lost. You don’t know how you had lost your love, your childhood, but it had been lost long ago, in some gradual, cryptic process— in which you were smiling and loving one day and had lost the ability to weep on the next. Still, you couldn’t pinpoint when that happened, but it was there, and it was real, and it must have been replacing the love you had before, for it felt just as real as that love did. For what is reminiscing on the past if not yearning for a love left long ago?

But the waves are supposed to crash on, they must, they have to.

“Don’t leave me again, please.”

“We both know what we have to do.”

Then, then— he bends his back, pulls you into the tightest embrace as if he wants to let you go, needs to— but would only do so if he had one last chance to have you and to hold you, through sickness and in health. One chance to have you as if you were husband and wife. “Just one night,” he pleads, his arms tightening around you.

And you weep into the nook of his neck, head peering from his shoulder, and you wait. You wait for the comfort you’d like to have, and there is none. However, you want to stay in the position anyway, in this bittersweet position.

A while after you pull away, and ayato places the sides of his fingers under your chin. He lifts it up, as if only to soak the sights of you in; you do the same and have your eyes to his, hands which search everywhere for something to hold finally wrapped around his hands, gentle and veiny and firm but kind in such a way that is leaderly. There is the moisture of washed hair on his fingers. “Okay,” you answer. “Just one night.”

He brings your chin closer along to his, until you connect at each other’s faces, each other’s souls. When he kisses you, languidly, for the first time in years, you taste the tea off him— its taste never went away— and the saccharine sweetness that you feel emerges in your head from it is all the same. He and you remain that way for a while.

As the two of you pull away from each other, you begin. “I don’t think I can drink tea after this. It would force me into the depths of a depression so deep it would kill me.”

“I don’t think I can do anything after this,” he muses. “Everything would remind me of you.”

“I know,” you choke out, your cheeks wet with rivulets of tears. “And I know you’ll manage just the same.”

Lifting your fingers, you tuck his hair, periwinkle and as blue as a rainy sunset sky, behind his ear, then let your palm fall. It lands on his cheek, pinkish with a tear’s aftermath. “Oh, I love you more than anything.”

His hand holds your wrist. “It’s cruel. Fate is cruel. Fate is only a product of what we have done. Why can’t it keep us from having to say goodbye, over and over again?”

“I don’t know,” you respond, in between high-pitched, incoherent sobs. “Let’s- let’s go for a walk, when this is over.”

Will it ever be over?

“A walk would be alright.”

He turns his back on you, leaves his palm open behind him in invitation. Slowly your fingers crawl onto it, exploring what you’ve held before, nervously, excitedly, with sparks grazing your skin like the glow from a lit lamp. Your hands touch once, and then he shifts forward, and he nearly slips away, the two of you only connected at your fingertips. You wish to pull him back, yet he only pulls you forward with him and your palm shifts to meet his. You slip away again. He pulls you forward. The two of you leave the estate.

You bring your other hand to his wrist and grab it— you don’t pull on it— you grab it, stubborn as a mule, jejune as a child, as if a pinch of immaturity were alright if it were now. If it were before what after had to become. If there were ‘what if’s or ‘would be’s. This time he doesn’t pull you forward once more; you gather your courage to do that for yourself. Then when your hand slides again, with your other hand’s hold on his wrist still intact, you use that hand to clutch onto him. And you believe that in this moment, when he runs away from you and becomes older, farther from you once again, you have been harmed by the lacerating sweetness of a person’s love, and from that you understand that you had been made a grown woman once you’d decided to leave him in the land of your birth, away— far from you.

The stroll in chinju forest is quiet, so quiet you could only break it apart by leaving it behind.

“How’s ayaka?”

He replies, “She’s well. You’d be proud of her now.”

“Yeah,” you choke. “Yeah, I would. I really, really would.”

“I know,” he answers. “And she’d be happier to know you were happy for her as well.”

“That’s good to hear.”

Your footsteps continue creating little melodies, tiny melodies stored into tiny spaces, tiny gaps in your memories of everything else that you will never forget, that you can never re-enter. They will be tucked away, along with him washing your hair and drying it, and kissing you the way you did when you were young, when you were mere children. The quiet echoes on, conquering him, the unconquered, causing the unwavering head commissioner to waver. Yet you’d known him before that, and you know that the man inside that husk, inside that title’s shell, is stronger. Much, much stronger. And much kinder, as a result.

You stop, gripping his wrist once again. “Won’t you turn back and look at me?”

“Won’t you kiss me again?” He turns back with just as much abruptness.

Yes, yes, a thousand times. And then a thousand times more, you want to tell him.

You don’t. Instead you press your lips to his again, you feel the bitterness of tea burst in your mouth before it dissolves into that candied, giddy sensation in your head. “I love you.”

Softly he giggles, “I can’t promise they won’t suspect us of being lechers tomorrow.”

“Promises won’t help anything, really,” you sigh. “You’ll be able to handle everything they throw at you, right? You always do.”

He nods.

“Do you want to handle all of it?”

“If it were you.” He’d walk over scorching coals for you, would bear the brunt of every kind of humiliation for you. He’d put everything below you a long time ago, not in worship or obsession— but just in love, more than adoration— to give you everything he could give and to take everything he could take for your sake only. The two of you continue ambling, by the lake and through the fluorescent bright blues of the flowers, their stems buried into the bushes. “When will you be setting off tomorrow?”

“Before twelve o’clock, at least.”

“Don’t leave without saying goodbye.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Where to next?” he ponders. The two of you turn back.

Head rested on his shoulder, you wrap your arms around his left arm. “Who knows? Maybe snezhnaya, or fontaine. I’ll buy you gifts— I heard the dresses worn by young ladies in fontaine are pretty. I’ll get some for ayaka, too.”

“Thank you,” he responds. “I’ll write, so you’d better write back while on your travels. And be sure to tell me everything that happens,” he laughs.

“I promise.”

He cuts a beautiful figure when illuminated by the flowers’ glow. He looks younger, you suppose, as if the weight of time and his life were not constantly applying pressure down on him.

That night the two of you sleep in separate rooms— you will never know what it is like to sleep beside him, to see his silhouette in the night and feel safe, to be embraced by him as slumber ensnares you in the night. You aren’t able to sleep at all, yet when you finally do, its ostensibly endless. You lie with the thoughts of the day, nuzzle your head into the blanket, and finally let tears flow out in rivulets, as if the water had finally crashed through the dam. You can finally rest, can finally, truly, sleep after years without such a night.

The morning after, you wake up and think that night gave you the best sleep you’d had in years. By the time your eyes are open and you squint to see the sunlight beaming at the tatami mat, ayato has ordered for the two of you to have breakfast together before your departure.

To sit you down, he intertwines his fingers with yours and tugs on your hand until your legs are bent beneath you, kneeling on the mat.

“I’m sad, I think.”

“Why do you think you’re sad?”

“Well,” you start, the meals decked out in front of you. “All my life I’d only felt the kind of sadness that makes me cry. The only time I hadn’t felt it was when I first left, and I’d bid you goodbye on that tiny little ship.”

“What did that kind of sadness feel like, then?” he questions, his sweet eyes holding a curious gleam on you, on your eyes that don’t face him in return. Fingers slide across the tatami mat, softly, in some sort of wistful way he can make only you think he possesses. As if it was an invitation. As if he were requesting your permission. You allow his fingers to brush against the back of your hand. He slides his fingers, ungloved this morning, in between yours. “Like a heightened version of the sorrow someone can already feel?”

You pause, “Well, forgive my inarticulateness.” You lean your head towards his, and he guides it down, near his chest. “But they’re fundamentally different. Like I knew what would have caused me sorrow was coming to me, and that I couldn’t stop it, even if I was the cause of it myself. It just feels… tragic, I suppose. That we can’t be humans and live according to our thespian urges, since life in society— a watered down version of life itself, I guess— is just awfully tragic, like the time to say what a shame. And I can’t say I don’t want it because how could we have not caused it?” Your head is in his chest before you realise it, arms circled around his waist. “It’s tragic, it’s so tragic.” And you don’t bawl or cry because you haven’t done so with such fervour in years, only letting out occasional sobs like the one from the night before. There are tears pooling in your eyes, however, so you shut them tight in hopes that you can dream again.

“Don’t cry,” he wishes. “You’ll make me cry as well.”

“Would that bother you?”

“No, but it definitely would make things harder later.” He starts sobbing, quietly.

“Then cry– as much as you’d like. I’m the only person you’ll be seeing– when I leave.”

Life is cruel in the way that humans could have prevented things, yet they did not. It is cruel in the sense that things could have happened, and yet like humans, they prevent these things from happening, time and time again.

Society is cruel in the way that it holds the wrong people back with weapons formed from obligations and names made long before they were born.

All so cruel. Yet so kind in the way it is just.

He caresses your back, cradling your head with his other hand. The two of you sit in silence for a while, the words and your thoughts sitting right beside you. All is quiet, for a moment’s respite.

You retract from the clasp of his chest, and bore your eyes into the pearly seas in his once more, smiles wistful, teary eyes in melancholy. “We had our night yesterday,” you comment. It was like a spell in a fontainian fairytale someone had bequeathed to you. But this time you won’t get married to your prince, your best friend, your closest companion, your confidante. As much as you would have liked to believe it years ago, there are no fairies, or magical shoes made of crystalline glass, or glamorous dresses made from torn fabric. There are no mice, or evil step-family members, or carriages made from vegetables. “Today, everything is going to get back to normal.”

“I know,” you croak, sniffing, the white of your eyes reddened with branches of blood-hued veins.

He chokes back, “I’m going to miss you again,” he pleads, then, “Remember me, please.”

“I could never not forget you,” you echo what you’d reaffirmed of yourself long ago, softly. Your arms circle his again.

“Be sure to visit again. And not after a few years, like how you did it this time.”

“I’ll be sure, yeah. I’ll- I’ll definitely do that.” You blink a few times.

Breakfast is tranquil, hushed. It is eaten in a comfortable silence you won’t have in years.

“When I see you the next time, you’d better be happy,” you warn jokingly while the plates are taken away. “Be married to somebody nice, give your children the family that you had as a child.”

No matter how much it hurts you, you’d hope on the stars for that, since you’d want him to finally love someone more than he loves you.

“I guarantee no promises,” he jests back.

“I know. But do your utmost to have that.”

During the last time he’s accompanying you somewhere, it’s to the docks in ritou. “Time for me to go,” you smile wistfully. There is no gleeful grin plastered on your face like the last time. The sun has only just risen an hour ago, and the scent of summer is nigh, brought on by spring’s lovely, flowered farewell. “It’s almost like before.”

“We’re older now, however,” he muses.

“Hm,” you hum in agreement. “We’re all grown-up. We’re the adults in the stories now.”

Ayato smiles. Is it pride? Joy? Melancholy? Maybe a mix of everything, making it nothing at all? You presume it’s a mix of everything. “And just one thing.”

“What’s wrong?”

“When you’re absolutely sure you’d like to, check your portmanteau. Everything I’ve wanted to say and haven’t said to you is sealed away in a letter inside it.”

You know what he’ll say, yet you want to read them from him anyway. Not because of curiosity, but because you’d like to have something to remind him by, always. Still, you wish to kiss him once more. But not now. You can’t do it now.

And you leave him again, hopping on the ship. “I’m sailing away.”

“Safe travels, old friend.”

“See you, ayato. I wish you well!” you laugh, waving, the tears already pricking at your eyes.

“And I, you,” he waves back.

The day is good. There is good weather, and the sea is calm. With weeps you soak in the sea’s scent, let your skin bask in the fresh summer sunlight and the lack of torrents.

That night you settle in wangshu inn, and you rummage through everything as if you were searching for a gold earring in a bathhouse tub.

Once you find the little piece of folded paper, buried below everything, you sigh, knowingly, bittersweetly. Of course, he would put it where it would be difficult to find, that mischievous little man. And of course, you would not know how he could have done it, or even when he could have slipped it in.

This is what’d been dispatched in the letter:

My dear,

Forgive me for copying your style of sending a letter before a goodbye, though they do claim that imitation is the highest form of flattery.

I’d like you to know that I’ll love you always— I cannot imagine how one can stop loving another, much less how one can stop loving you. I will think of you whenever I can, and whenever I need to, so I now give you my apologies in case you’d like me to stop, because I don’t think such is humanly possible. Perhaps, in another life, where we were normal people with normal duties to carry out, and our definitions of heroism and extraordinary acts were just living like decent citizens, we would have felt the joy of last night every single day. And maybe, in that life, we would have consummated a marriage long ago, and had the life you want me to have without you now. Please, don’t feel disheartened by anything, and don’t feel ashamed by crying or feeling horrible either. There is not a single soul who goes through their days without feeling terrible at least once or twice. Please be happy in the sense that you won’t forbid your own sadness or jealousy, and be in peace in the sense that you’ll allow chaos to break into the cracks of your life once in a while. The cracks will be pieced back together, sooner or later, although I myself have yet to find a way to promise when. Your sagacity is derived from how you don’t have all wisdom, and that is the best kind of it one can have, because it is the kind that you have. Your beauty is derived from how kind you are, and how you are one the best types of people in the world— the ones with little sections of the tragic in their lives who still smile eventually.

That line makes you grin subtly. He’s one of the best people in the world, then.

Never feel inferior to others only due to the fact that your head and heart tell you these. Please remember that no matter what, I love you, and if I of all people can’t help falling in love with you, then there will be several others who will see your frown, or see you doing something considered peculiar one day, and they will fall for the same qualities of yours that I had fallen for. Think of these requests as favours you’ll be carrying out for me.

For you I would trade it all.

With the end of this letter I wish you a wonderful rest tonight, my princess, best friend, closest companion and confidante. (If I’m not mistaken, that was the whole list, right?)

You shake your head in light disbelief that he had written this, but also because you finally knew what to do in life. Before you had been wandering over teyvat aimlessly, yet now you knew what you wanted to task yourself with. Before you sleep you press a kiss to the piece of paper. Its scent is just like his.

For now you bid farewell to the one who will always be your prince, your best friend, your closest companion, your confidante, even if he cannot be that person in your life anymore.

And perhaps the two of you have accepted that.

#kamisato ayato x reader #genshin ayato x reader #kamisato ayato #ayato x reader #ruer writes #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #ayato angst #(question mark??)

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pommunist · 2 months

Note

before you post the conclusion tomorrow that needed the crucifixion image, i want to say that i may end up not agreeing with your final opinion, but i will support and agree that someone had to say what you have been saying, and you are not wrong for saying it 🫡 it is an emotional situation but you have been keeping focused on the workers the whole time and i respect that. some people will disagree with that approach to it, but you have never bullied people over this, or started being xenophobic and weird about it, or been inflammatory. you just focused on workers rights and keeping people updated. and there is nothing wrong with doing that. you deserve to post whatever you are going to post without being harassed for it and i hope you know that! i wanted to send you this ask so that if you can see it if any asshole anons show up. but hopefully they will not! have a good night 🫂 buenas noches

thank you anon these are very kind words 😭

i’m just trying my best to share information as well as my own perspective on this situation and tbh i don’t think i’ve been perfect with doing so whatsoever but thank you nonetheless !

and once again i’ve never received any hate or even a rude comment, 99% of the anons i’ve gotten since the beginning have been nothing but nice words, people having genuine questions about certain topics and/or people wanting share their personal thoughts and perspective on it.

i don’t think i’ll ever stop being pleasantly surprised at how cordial and temperate qsmblr is as a corner of the internet !

buenas noches, o buenos dias (no se que hora es en tu timezone ahora), para ti tambien anon 🫶

#hope the last phrase is correct it’s been a WHILE since i picked up spanish rip

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sleepdeprivedsimp234 · 3 months

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Omgosh Hia!!! Tis a great and grand day, so for once I’m not sulking for NJ angst, or anything about Jersey actually. I wish to see some of that good good Texas angst, you know, for the funnsies! (Gosh this sounds so modern lolz, normally I don’t modern slang. Anyways we won against Texas tonight so that’s the whole reason for this XD)

YOU HAVE COME TO THE RIGHT PERSON MY DEAR FRIEND :)

(Listen I love torturing Texas sm. He just has so many angsting opportunities.)

I’m gonna out these under the cut tho, just in case.

Texas has some nerve damage in his eye and side, which is where he happened to have been given two star scars, courtesy of Mexico’s A+ parenting.

He’s VERY insecure about the tiny bit of pudge that he has. He doesn’t care that it’s not that much or that he can’t help it. He hates it. And he’s tried starving it away a few times, but he never got that far. Someone just hold and kiss the poor thing 😭

He’s ambidextrous, but he doesn’t use his left hand. Why? Well. Growing up, being left handed or using his left hand was forbidden. So um. Yeah his left hand was broken multiple times throughout his life (or at least until it wasn’t forbidden anymore) and now he either can’t feel his hand or he can feel it way too much. And it on days where he can feel it, it hurts A LOT. But he still uses it. Oh! And his hand is really shaky and tbh, I’m not sure that it healed right.

I feel like he definitely has a bunch of branding on him from when Mexico owned him.

This mf can handle A LOT of pain, or at least he’ll make it look like it cuz yknow. He doesn’t want to be scene as weak.

A vast majority of the deaths hes had were absolutely BRUTAL. And painful in most cases too. Even if they were somewhat quick deaths. Safe to say that anyone present needed new pants after.

^at least three of them were from him getting his torso crushed, and he now has a LOT of nerve damage and chronic pain in his back and torso. Mostly his back. And there’s a bunch of scarring too.

^lets not forget about Confederate repeatedly slamming him into a wall (or tree I can’t remember) until he went unconscious.

Listen- for each of his lives no matter what parents he got, he’s gone to church. And honestly, Texas was probably part of the worship team (basically the band that sings the music for non denominational and Pentecostal churches) for a LOT of them. And he absolutely LOVED it. He loved being a part of those teams with other cool people and being able to sing and all that. BUT. A lot of times, the church’s and/or his parents’ views ruined it for him and he kinda dislikes it now. And he’s trans and bisexual too so- r.i.p.

He’s the type to start dissociating when he gets yelled at and go completely nonverbal. He hates it but. He hates being yelled at more.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Texas loves cuddles, and he loves hugs, but. He CANNOT. I repeat. CANNOT. Handle having his arms and/or legs restrained from moving, since he can’t defend himself and he has no idea who has intentions of hurting him or not.

He also CANNOT handle being approached on his blind side. He might panic. He will freeze up. He can’t see whoever approached him, and he doesn’t know who they are or what their intentions are.

^and because I must, PA is an asshole and finds joy in scaring other states, mainly the bigger "tougher" states like Texas, so sometimes he’ll just sneak up on Texas on his blindside and yell "boo!" or smth. They usually end of fighting after since Texas is the type to resort to "fight" in the event that someone scares him. So um. Yeah.

#welcome to the table #welcome to the statehouse #ben brainard #wttt #wttsh #wttt texas #wttsh texas

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just-a-carrot · 7 months

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hi carrot

its kinda a long speech and not really a great one so i’m sorry if you’re not used to criticism(i haven’t seen any of it yet) but i’ve been talking about it with my friend and i can’t hide the urge to ask you what happened

i’ve been following OW updates for a looong long time now, and i feel like what you started with isn’t really what you’re going with right now, i’m not telling you that you should change the whole plot that you have or anything, i’m just saying that OW kinda lost this vibe that i’ve got while playing the first 4 arcs

before it was a disturbing, kinda frightening, messed-up in its own way story, with fucked-up characters and the same fucked-up backgrounds. while playing it i’ve felt like you didn’t give a shit about how gory or wicked the novel is because it’s just how the story was! you made me feel conflicted emotions towards every character, everyone had their EXTREMELY bad side but in the same amount a good one, and nothing of it was left aside like it’s nothing. Technically, the only reason why i loved OW so much is because of how much crazy stuff was going on, like literally my heart was on FIRE after each arc, i was only thinking about how fucked up(in a good way) this story is!

So… Since the first part of Arc 5 i knew that it wasn’t it anymore, everything felt too rushed and too…kind? I mean, i didn’t really get the whole thing about how Iggy and Genzou just let all of the things that Gidget did slide, they didn’t even really apologise for anything? I get that it’s wonderland who messed up their minds and finally they’re free from it whoohoo but no way that it could be THAT easily forgiven. I liked the ending of second part but? Genzou was a fucking dick for more than a decade and literally ruined Orlam, and definitely did something terrible at some point(that you decided to keep behind the scenes(i’m talking about the one thing that he regrets)), it’s just NO WAY that a “sorry” would cut it. He didn’t do anything yet to earn it. And Iggy isn’t a perfect guy either. It’s okay for now, no time for heart to heart talks and stuff, but it would be really sad if everyone just gonna accept things just how they are.

so um shit that’s a LOT of words, but i just wanted to tell that it feels like you’re either holding back or just decided to turn everything into semi-sweet story about forgiveness and mistakes and power of friendship?? i know that everyone like it right now, and you really really improved on technical and artistic side, which is fantastic

i’m just curious about how do you see OW as of now, what story is it, did i missed some parts which made me think like it’s a whole another thing? feel free to tell me “YOU’RE WRONG” if it’s really like that

hey!! thanks so much for sending this in. i don't mind criticism at all and i would never tell you that you're wrong 🤣 i know fully well that this is far from a perfect game and there are many things wrong with it. both simply because nothing is ever perfect and also because my skills and capacity as a solo developer have their limits (even putting my own mental health on any given day aside alkdjfalsd)

this turned out really long and rambling so i've put it under a cut LOL

that's a good question tbh -- if something changed since i began working on the game. quite a few things have i will admit. many plot points weren't developed until mid-way through production. character arcs went in new ways. new characters came into being that i had never planned for. so i do think you're exactly right in that yeah, the game has taken a lot of turns and the vibe of the end is probably quite different from the earlier stuff, in particular Arc 1. actually my very first iteration of the initial idea was just to have the whole game be Arc 1! 🤣 it was only after sitting on it a while (still long before actual production began) that i happened upon the idea of the loops and then began thinking about each of the characters' initial core arcs. and then by the time production of each arc came around, they changed even more as i actually began writing them. i think Arc 2 was probably the one that changed the least from my initial ideas. then starting in Arc 3, things began to change a lot. and that compounded more and more, to the point that Arc 4 was almost nothing like my initial idea aside from the fact that I knew it would focus on Gidget. for instance, plot points like after-prom and everything involved didn't even come into being until I was working on Arc 3. so there were a LOT of like, plot lines that didn't really work their way into the game until various points throughout production. and a lot of that just comes down to me living with the characters and story more and discovering new things about them while writing. and also adding more and more of myself??? i think that was also a big thing. the more i worked on the game, the more of myself went into the game, and the more "courageous" i felt about what i was putting into the game. i will be completely honest here and say that when i released Arc 1, i was actually afraid of saying there was going to be some "gay stuff" in it 🤣💦 i was nervous about being so open and out there with my creative works, especially as someone who's a bit older and keeps to themself more in general already. but then the more i worked on the game, the more courageous i felt, and the more of myself went into the game, and the more open i started to feel, which allowed me to be myself a lot more. in a way, in my head at least, my mindset from back from when i was working on Arc 1 is a lot different from now in that at the time, my goal was to just create something horrific and more in the general horror category, but now it's become much more personal to me and i don't really care as much about being shocking and horrific as i do about about the characters themselves and how important they've become to me and how my own personal stories have evolved through them. so it is perhaps a bit of a different mindset and is probably evident even in the way i talk about the game too 💦💦💦 and i also realize that this might be not what a lot of people like, especially if they liked the game more for the dark and horrific aspects. so for that i apologize to anyone who also feels let down by some of the directions the game has taken that may not be in line with their expectations 😞

i'm also really sorry that Arc 5 has felt rushed to you so far. for me personally it doesn't feel rushed at all as i've been working on Arc 5 on its own for over a year now and it's still not done and i've burnt out multiple times on it 🤣 but i can understand how on a player side it could feel that way, especially with all the other unmet expectations about the game and story. i have always been heading towards what i refer to as a "light in the tunnel" with the ending of the game. i think even as far back as responding to comments on itch from like Arc 1 and Arc 2 era i wrote things like that, especially when people would ask about the eventual ending LOL perhaps because with my previous game it did NOT have any kind of hopeful ending. but i did definitely want to lead into an ending that wasn't completely hopeless. that even if not everything was "fixed" (since there are some things that just will never be fixed) it's at least better off than things were before. but i freely admit that the way i handle reaching that point might not meet everyone's expectations (and this is one of my biggest fears and anxieties tbh... because there's been so much build-up and people have a lot of expectations now and there's basically no way i'm going to meet them all 💦)

Arc 5 is interesting to me in that there are quite a few things about it that actually do match my initial ideas for it almost exactly -- even back from when i was still working on Arcs 1 and 2 and just thinking towards the future. for instance, i actually started randomly working on some Arc 5 sprites in december of 2021 (and accidentally left them in the Arc 2 game files that some people found LOL). they were similar to what they would eventually become (orlam was basically zombiefied, gidget was wearing a very fancy dress, and genzou looked mentally traumatized), though i didn't end up finishing/using them as there were slight things that changed about them and also my drawing skills had gotten better by the time Arc 5 rolled around too lol. so i did have a general idea of how each character arc would culminate even if i didn't have all the ideas worked out specifically (most of the final details weren't worked out until i was literally writing things). i also drew this picture in summer of 2022 while working on Arc 4 that would eventually become a basically 1-to-1 CG because the scene was so visceral in my mind:

however there were a lot of other parts of Arc 5 that didn't come into being until i was working on it. cecil's involvement for instance, since cecil himself didn't come into being until Arc 4. jerry's involvement, since jerry didn't become more of an actual character until i developed OFW (rather than just the one-off joke in Arc 2). the final collector scene was one i knew would happen but didn't know exactly how i was gonna do it until i actually wrote it (and was also influenced by my work on OFW). the iggy dolls i did come up with somewhat early on, though their kind of quirky manner and scenes didn't really develop until i was actually working on it. and the spider idea for gidget's finale was something that didn't develop until i was actively working on Arc 5. the scenes in orlam's castle were actually pretty close to my original visions for them (i even had the music picked out for the chase scene already since like Arc 1 or 2 LOL) even if it wasn't until i was working on 5.15 that i figured out exactly how to do the final genzou/orlam bit (i had a few different potential iterations in my mind for it, though they all had similar vibes)

i'm probably writing way too much at this point 🤣 but i guess i just wanted to show how indeed a lot has changed since production started and Arc 1 was released, though there were still other parts that did remain at least basically the same in spirit. so i guess it's kind of a mixed bag! but you're definitely right that no matter how many specific scenes might have remained the same or changed, the overall vibe likely has changed, which all comes down to me and how i've changed and how my approach and mindset has also changed

to that end, i can really only apologize 😞 the game is in a place where now where i'm happier than i've been with it since all of production, but i freely admit it might have turned into something that people don't like anymore or that doesn't meet their expectations. also that i could have done things better -- devoted more time to it, written it better, developed the characters better. i am only human and so the things i create will have many flaws. i'm always trying to improve! but no matter how much i improve there will always still be issues. game dev in and of itself is just something i do for fun because i want to tell stories. it's not something i ever want to make money off of for instance. i really just do it because i enjoy it (and sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me going through my mental health stuff) and i also know that i don't have the skills to make anything that will ever be more than that. i'm really sorry to anyone i've let down because of the direction of the story and the changes in how i've approached the game. i wish i could have made a better game for you 😭

#ow: asks

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threadsun · 1 year

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Person who asked about that patron audio here. THANK YOU!! You don’t know how much it was driving me up the wall to see how much people were trying to erase his kinks even though they were discussed even before the new demo came out (like the bdsm test Jambee did). Tbh, my kinks align well with his so I was biased, but the amount of people who were upset by his made me feel like it was wrong for me to like what I like. I mean, super caring guy with a great personality that also is super kinky in bed? Sign me the f-up, but I felt ashamed for being excited by that audio because of the backlash it received. I’m afraid that the studio won’t do audios with Jack like that anymore because of the backlash it received and instead will become more basic instead of detailed like you said. I’m not a fan of sub-Jack, but I’ve never tried to complain or change someone else’s opinion about it because it’s what they like and everyone should be able to enjoy their kinks (safely of course). In other news, dirty talking Jack is OP, especially when he starts pulling out the breeding kink. As someone who loves both kinks, I’d melt immediately on the spot! I could even see him acting like an animal in heat combining that primal kink with his breeding kink. Growling in your ear not to waste any drop of his cum while he plows into you from behind, desperate to mark you and fill you up with his seed to prove that he exists, that HE’S the one that would knock you up. Not Ian, not Shaun, HIM. How excited he’d be to parade you around with your belly swollen with HIS child, to let them know how the planets aligned perfectly to let m/c become pregnant by him when it could’ve happened with Ian instead. How smug he’d look looking down at Ian’s distraught expression when he sees sunshine is pregnant. Even if Jack can’t be seen publicly fucking his sunshine, showing them around like that has got to hit some sweet spots with his exhibitionist/voyeur side. I mean, people know how babies are made, so I’m sure they’ll be wondering who knocked m/c up, right? I can see Jack just rutting into a submissive sunshine who just mewls and matches his animalistic sounds when he loses himself into the pleasure of it all (and with his sunshine’s green light to let go). He’s pretty needy when it comes to his sunshine so I can see him just going over and over again. I’m trying to imagine how him being sadist would look like, but my brain is having trouble imagining it though I’d love to lol. Freaking Jack with a rope bunny who loves to be tied up because they love how good the ropes feel pressing into their skin I or just feel the pressure of his body weight to pin them down on the bed or against the wall. YUM! A sunshine who likes to flirt and tease a little too much with him but not following through to be a brat till he has to remind them who they’re dealing with. But I HIGHLY agree with how sweet and sexy it is that he thinks about aftercare even in the heat of the moment and how taking care of them turns him on. It’s like in middle of fucking you he talks about “how good he’ll take care of you after taking his cock so well being such a good slut for him.” How indecent his sunshine looks, but how he’ll make sure they’ll look decent enough to go to work later. (I saw he likes to talk about decency a lot between the audio and sleepy time Jack). He probably hasn’t had the chance to receive or give aftercare as Joesph since he’s said that’s he’s never felt how he does about his sunshine with anyone else before, so it probably is just as intimate of an act as sex. Trying to be more of caretaker for his sunshine combined with his craving of being needed probably is what turned aftercare into a kink for him in a sense. Jeez, so many great opportunities because of that audio and that test, hence why I’m scared they won’t do it again. Sorry for rambling, I’ve been afraid to talk about my takes of him during sex based off what we’re given out of fear of upsetting someone, but your page has made me feel more comfortable expressing what I think he’d be like.

-🎃

I mean look, not gonna sugar coat things, audiences can be whiny, entitled little assholes. I've dealt with too many people like that in my professional life to have even an ounce of sympathy for them. Especially when you get into the realm of sex work (creating 18+ games definitely counts as being at least on the fringes of sex work), people get vicious and cruel and kinkshame-y and aggressive and like. Idk, I think people just don't realise what a dangerous and mentally draining form of work it is. You're constantly trying to cater to an audience of people who have their own personal hang-ups around sex and sexuality (especially people who were raised with sexual shame, which is most people in the world). And if you don't hit exactly what they want, a lot of sexuality and desire can quickly become aggression and abuse (verbal, in this case).

I loved the audio, and I really hope that Sauce and the team can keep creating things that make them happy without people spoiling it for them! I hope people can learn the rule of "don't like, don't interact" rather than demanding that their personal desires be catered towards in a game intended for a wide audience of people. I hope people stop seeing themselves as the most important people in the conversation, and stop justifying unnecessary criticism of someone's lovingly made creations.

Anyway, I love and agree with everything you said about Jack and his kinks!!! As for the sadism, I can definitely see him being... almost subtle? Rather than whips and knives, I could see him being into things like pressure points. Knowing just where to press to make your muscles tense and create a perfect pain that makes you tighten around him beautifully~ Stretching you just a bit too far so your muscles ache, spanking you with his hands because you're being naughty and this is how naughty subs get disciplined. Generally, I could see his sadism coming out as like... wanting to see his Sunshine willing to be uncomfortable and in pain just to fuck him. Them being so desperate for him that they'll accept whatever painful position he twists them into because they need him.

But yeah, I refuse to allow sexual shame on this blog (unless that's your kink~), I never want my followers to feel guilty for their desires, because that's literally the least healthy thing possible for someone's sexuality! Beating yourself up for your desires is the #1 way for them to manifest in unhealthy and dangerous ways, it won't "fix" you, it'll just make your life worse.

#sunshine #asks #🎃 anon

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adrift-in-thyme · 7 months

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Rank the LU boys 1 to 9 with reasons

Oh gosh okay

*deep breath*

Here we go

Time. This one’s no surprise to anyone I’m sure XD. I loved the Hero of Time before I even got into LU. His tragic tale struck me as so interesting and heart wrenching. Getting into LU pretty much sealed the deal. He’s just such a great character. He’s through so much yet he’s still kind and tries to be the best leader he can be. I mean, this is the guy who stuck around after his death to train his ancestor cause he felt bad about leaving Hyrule without a hero (and also because he regretted being forgotten. HELLO ANGST). Plus, he’s a major gremlin imo. Just a hidden one lol

Warriors. The captain was actually the Link who got me interested in LU. I read @skyward-floored ‘s fic “Up in Arms” and fell in love with him. I’m naturally attracted to snarky, confident characters with a traumatic backstory and secret soft side (Flynn Ryder was my high school crush if that tells you anything XD) so it was kinda a given I’d love this guy lol. I’ll admit my first read through of LU was mainly me fangirling over him and analyzing his every appearance. (Not that that’s changed much).

Legend. He’s tied with Warriors for second tbh. But since I’ve gotta list them all out I’ll just place him in third. I hadn’t played any of Legend’s games when I got into LU but right after getting attached to Warriors, I got attached to him. Largely because to me he’s extremely relatable. He’s also multilayered in the best way. A soft sweetheart beneath all that snark he tries to hide behind.

Sky. I love Sky for pretty much the same reason as Legend. He’s relatable. Very much so XD. And also more complex than I think he often gets credit for. Beneath the calm, sleepy nice guy demeanor he’s got going on is a fierce warrior who’s been to hell and back for the person he loves. And would do it all again. He fought a GOD for goodness sake! He’s freaking awesome!! Also, Skyward Sword is my favorite Loz game so there’s that too. Plus, him and Sun? Chef’s kiss. Couple goals

Twilight. The older sibling thing endears him to me a lot. He carries a large burden and always has. Plus, his love for animals, gentle heart, and the way he brought down Midna’s walls with his kindness just makes me love him. Who can’t like a guy who rambles about Ordon goats and carries kittens like babies??

Wild. He is widely liked so for me that puts him farther down the list just because I kinda get tired of seeing endless content for him lol. But still. I love him very much. I mean, wild child with a traumatic past, memory issues, a mischievous and snarky side no one sees coming and a fierce love for his friends? YES PLEASE. Also he has long hair.

Four. Since I came into the fandom right around the time when that comic was posted I’ve always been a bit hesitant to write him. But he’s grown on me a lot lately. I actually had fun torturing him for whumptober XD He’s got an intriguing personality and I hope to see more of him in future LU updates.

Wind. I love this little dude A LOT. But I’ve never truly been able to get super invested in characters who are canonically much younger than me. Plus he is just SO HARD for me to write. So while I find his personality adorable and his dynamic with the other Links great, I can’t help putting him farther down on the list.

Hyrule. I like him, really I do. But I just can’t get as invested in him and his story as much as the other Links. I’m not sure why tbh

#at the end of the day I really love them all #but time will always come in first lol #I love him your honor #trin answers #asks #lovely anon #linkeduniverse

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glittercake · 1 year

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could you go into your writing process a bit? i’ve been a fan of your fics for years now, and i still find myself in awe of how you’re able to create these cohesive worlds and voices and dynamics and just how tight your writing is. like i never feel like anything should be cut and even if all the loose ends aren’t tied up, i feel like it ends right where it should. like i’m so curious to see how your brain turns out so much magic!!

Oh my gosh, this is so nice of you to say 😭 Thank you first of all! Secondly, I'll try to map out my process for big wips below the cut! Hope it makes sense 🤭 But this ask literally put a smile on my face all day, so thanks again.

So to start off, I usually have a good idea of exactly how the story should end. That helps big time with everything else. If I don't know kind of what happens in the middle and exactly how it should end, I really struggle.

Then I have a separate doc where I write down all my notes or thoughts about the stories, and also do the outlines. The story ideas come either extremely randomly, like me falling down a rabbit hole of presidential assassinations on YouTube (y'all know what this resulted in) or they're a result of my friend and i spiraling about something in the DMs (lighthouse, boxing fic, soulmate fics, most of the horny ones too 😂)

I also like to gather some pics just to get an idea of what the characters look like in whatever universe I'm writing about, as well as the scenery and buildings/layout. So for example, i used these inspo pics for The First Gentleman:

So every time I open the doc to write I'd have these, the outline, and the notes open. Other visuals like the banner or graphics I make also help put me in the right mindset for the story.

So, before I start writing, I draft an outline. I try to keep it brief tbh, the longer and more involved the outline the more intimidating the story feels which means less chance of me actually writing it 😅 (there are about 3 outlines that will probably never see the light of day!) but brief doesn't always work so what i do, especially for long wips, is make a short bullet list for what needs to happen in each chapter.

This way i can accommodate plot bunnies, shift stuff around and kill the darlings before i get too attached, i usually also have a few key scenes in my head and i then fit them in here. Outlines also include stuff like a quick character write up like age, quirks, bad habits, cute habits or sayings they have (in Ain't No Grave they had this cute back and forth "keep up now" or in Ruins Bucky called everyone meatballs.)

This is roughly what a chapter outline looks like for me:

lmaooo. as you can see it's very informal. basically a scribble.

Usually when I'm super inspired, i can get going straight away, otherwise I let it turn over in my head a little bit until i come up with a good starting point. What also helps me cement the character voices and specific characteristics is re-watching whatever source media it relates to. So for me it's always Cap 2 & 3 and TFATWS, Endgame where Sam gets the shield, and Sam’s scene in AoU and Antman.

I prefer to write in order from start to finish. I find I lose interest too quickly if I don't. Having a point to work toward is easier for me. BUT at the bottom of the notes/outline doc I also have a section for scenes that I absolutely can't get out of my head and need to write down right the fuck now. For example Monica’s induction in TFG was written waaay before anything else, so was the sambucky reunion in that fic. But, because I placed it at the bottom of a separate doc, the fic was still technically written in order 😌 makes perfect sense, I know lol.

Then whenever I finish a bullet point in the outline, I color it off the list. This process helps me keep track of what has been done and what still needs to happen. Seeing how much I've completed also really helps to keep me motivated, plus the colors are fun! Helps with sticking to what i had planned too, i find if i don't follow outlines, the scenes and characterization kind of jump all over the place. Mostly i only have some time on weekends to write so knowing exactly what i need to write and how i need to write it beforehand is key to me. Having the outline done before I start means I have a week to play those scenes out in my head or play with the dialogue until it sounds right.

If I get stuck, I read either a book or my favorite fics, do some art, or just leave it be until inspo strikes again.

And I think that’s about it. Don’t know if this is what you were looking for but there you have it 😂

💕

I’m always happy to get asks about my fics and writing, so don’t be shy!

#ask #writing

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louisisalarrie · 10 days

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It’s kinda making harry look bad and like he can’t keep a long term relationship with any woman

that’s been his image since the beginning. we’ve seen it with every stunt. he’s meant to be a womaniser, never tied down etc., but now that he’s 30, I worry they might try a longer term gf soon. Hopefully he’s out before then, but yeah. I’ve seen people say they’re annoyed at this break up because it was “unproblematic” (definitely such a bad word to use for a stunt lol) and we didn’t have to see them much and they’re worried about what the next stunt will be and how intense it is.

tbh, im very happy with this stunt being over. it was the standard “work obligations, long distance” etc., and doesn’t make H look like a bad dude. there has also been mention of him going somewhere quiet to write music so I wonder if he’s running into the shadows again for a while, which means a break from stunts and a happier Harry. If they bring on another stunt, then so be it, but I have hope that this is the last one.

I’ve shared theories before about “H leans on ex bandmates after sad break up” thing, to bring him and Louis/other 1d boys to friends again, and seed the coming out of Larry really slowly, but surely. In my opinion, that’s the best way to run the narrative, but again, idk if that’ll happen.

He can’t be a womaniser forever. He has to “grow up” and produce a more “mature sound” and yeah. Hopefully we’re close to the end.

Also that “source” said H had been in America and TR was in London when they’ve been pushing the narrative for H to be in London too??? It’s just all soooooo lazyyyyy.

#anon #answered #stunts

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hooved · 2 years

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Can i ask....uh....you rlly want 2 fuck Quark?? Like i respect the dedication here but. What is the appeal? No offense 2 ur man

yes, i legitimately do want to fuck him and even made a whole discord server like 2 years ago for other ppl who wanna fuck him lmao (but i've been into him for like. at least 4 years now) and i dunno if you're asking as someone who has or hasn't watched DS9, but he's one of those characters you kinda have to see in action and really get to know in order to really understand his appeal, pictures and gifs alone just don't really do him justice he starts off as the sleazy perverted little shitty bastard character (and never stops being that) but you get to see pretty quickly that he's actually not so bad of a guy and that he really cares about the ppl close to him despite his general selfishness. he's flirty, he’s fun, he's funny, he's ridiculously charismatic, extremely dramatic, he has the best and most varied wardrobe in the whole show, he wears eyeshadow, he’s bisexual, and he’s a pathetic little guy who starts cowering and screaming at the first sign of trouble lmao (but he can be pretty brave when it really counts) but tbh a huge part of what really makes him sexy to ppl is the way he carries himself. his body language, his expressions, the way he speaks, etc., he’s extremely expressive. he’s got swag. and on top of all that, he literally does get laid like. all the time. so you know he’s experienced and that he’s legitimately desirable to others in canon. not only that, but he’s got a very obvious thing for dominant women (and as a bisexual man myself, i'm with him on that lmao), he’s been confirmed by one of the writers to be a bottom (no joke he literally said this. but like. as if it wasn’t already obvious y’know), and he’s even alluded to being into getting tied up on more than one occasion, among other things. he’s kind of unnecessarily open about his kinks, which is fine by me personally 🤷‍♀️ he’s a VERY horny character. he’s literally meant to be sexy whether or not someone personally finds him attractive. they decided to make the wrinkly little big-eared freak the sluttiest character in the show and possibly in the entirety of star trek and to that i say hell yeah man, why not but anyway, another thing i wanna add (and trust me this is still relevant and not just because i love quodo) is that his 10+ years long weird homoerotic rivalry with odo is both very funny and extremely poignant. they act like enemies a lot of the time, but they’re actually very close, even if odo can’t admit it. quark considers odo his best friend and genuinely cares about him. he’s been there for him many times when no one else was. he’s defended him, he’s helped him without expecting anything in return, he’s given him gifts, he’s even dragged him up a mountain in the freezing cold to save his life. that kind of love and dedication to someone, even if he doesn’t get the same in return, is a very endearing quality of his character, even if it is unfortunate. he doesn’t give up on the ppl he loves, no matter how “un-ferengi” it is of him to care so much uhh i could go on and on and on about him and there’s definitely things i’m forgetting to mention, but basically he’s a very good and entertaining character. and i’ve said this before but tbh when i started watching DS9, i literally could not have predicted that i’d be this into him or even attracted to him in the slightest, like i knew he’d be my favorite but the “oh no he’s actually kinda sexy” feeling really snuck up on me and that seems to be the case for most ppl who are into him. he really grows on you and then before you know it, you and your friends are on discord talking about how much you all wanna fuck him on a daily basis lmao 🤷‍♀️ anyway i don’t know how to end this ask. quark is hot

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dariuchihasen · 1 month

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favorite moment with the akatsuki?

Hello bby, I was hoping for this question lol!! Tbh there’s so many…so I’ll give you my top 3🫶🏻

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But, I’d have to go with the day I joined.

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Pain and Itachi were the two to come get me. I had been out on a mission and was hoping to have finished and gone back home before they found me.

They had already picked up my small bag of things from the Uzumaki household. Once my task was completed, I left with them. My mask had been torn and Itachi lent me his cloak until we made it to the compound(which I obviously returned to him later).

Walking into the compound was something I’ll never forget. It felt like home, right off the bat. Everybody was so welcoming(except for the few who were away on missions during this time. Deidara & Sasori, etc).

I never felt like I truly belonged anywhere, I was always an extra on squads when I joined them on missions, or I was sent off alone. But with the akatsuki, I never felt that way.

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The second has to be the day Tobi joined us. It was just over a month when he arrived, Zetsu in the lead. I remember everything down to the smallest detail. The way he fidgeted with his fingers as he took in his surroundings. His head tilt when Pain introduced him to me. A red good luck charm tied to his belt. The way he took his place by my side as soon as introductions were done. (So happy to have been wearing a mask because when I tell you I was infatuated with him from the beginning, I mean it. I was blushing and holding back smiles and everything lol. Sounds cheesy, I know)

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And lastly, was the first movie night held once all our new members were situated. I’ve mentioned on TikTok that Orochimaru, Kabuto, Haku, and Zabuza are members as well so I’m referring to after this. Our living area is huge, three separate pull out couches and armchairs. Which we pulled open and spread out to accommodate the 15 people. The floor was padded with so many blankets, all belonging to different members. Same goes with pillows and the few scattered stuffed animals lol. Tobi, Hidan, Kakuzu, and myself had one pull out. Pain, Konan, Haku, and Zabuza had another, while Kisame, and Orochimaru took the third. Everyone else were sitting comfortably on the blankets or arm chairs. Snacks, soda’s and sake were scattered EVERYWHERE. More than half the team was asleep by the second film.

#desired reality #naruto shippuden #shifting #alternate universe #naruto #naruto shifter #hidan #kakuzu #hidan x you #kakuzu x you

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stuckinapril · 1 year

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I have kind of a question or need for advice? I don’t mind if followers want to respond either. This is a bit convoluted and like word vomit, but anyway:

So one of my main points of insecurity is that I’ve never had anyone ask me out or take an interest in me before. I’m 24 and never kissed anyone either. All of my sisters are much better looking (my sister was literally accepted into a modeling agency) and have boyfriends, or have had experiences. All are younger. All are on their own or living separate. I still live with my mother. She had a surprise baby when I was 21 and has been a single mom for most of my life. I get paid to watch him and love him a lot. That being said I am also in therapy for a PTSD diagnosis, related to difficult childhood issues, and had a difficult experience last year that put a stop to trying to seek independence. I’ve started another online program, but have routinely failed exams and can’t seem to get through assignments without cheating, and am going to likely fail out of one of these programs. I feel incompetent, like I’m wasting my life and completely directionless and a bit of a loser. I live in my head a lot, and probably have some maladaptive tendencies, it just feels like I can’t function, that I’m not as good as other people, then I also feeling like I’m narcissistic and can’t see things as clear as others.

I don’t know what question I have for you, but if you have any advice or thoughts even if it’s difficult I’d be happy to hear it. I just feel very lost and am alarmed at almost the nonchalance acknowledgement of these feelings.

first of all: take a deep breath & acknowledge you’re human. it sounds to me like you’ve been through some shit in the past, & that has taken your story in a direction you didn’t expect/don’t seem to be satisfied with. that is entirely ok. it also sucks to have younger sisters society would deem as more successful. i could preach how comparison is the thief of joy, but i understand why that’s really fucking hard in your position. i completely & totally get it.

ik women are led to believe they’re like. ancient by 30. but you’re only 24. just let that sink in. 24 is seriously not that long at all. it’s not a big deal you didn’t have a romantic experience by this age; more women than you would probably guess are in the same position. hell, some women literally strive for celibacy. this is not unheard of. & if you truly wanted to, an experience wouldn’t be hard to come by. dating apps have made it, now more than ever, extremely accessible to get male attention.

i’m not telling you this from an angle of “yeah it’s not as hard as u think, go make an account lol” but more so just pointing out that it’s not out of reach, to alleviate your urgency about that (if you feel any). bc you seriously could get that experience whenever you want. but it doesn’t mean you should. & while that decision will always be yours to make, my take (at the threat of sounding presumptuous) is that you shouldn’t right now. not if you want a relationship less for the companionship & more for the external validation. not if you’d use a relationship as a means to run away from yourself. a relationship should add to your happiness, but it should never be the source of your happiness. i would never tell anyone to be perfect before entering a relationship; but they should at least be in a stable-enough mental state not to fall prey to codependency. codependency will fuck you up even more. it’s better to just sort your shit out now & go from there.

it also doesn’t say anything that no man has approached you. like literally nothing about your worth at all. some women know how to present themselves as approachable, while others are more closed off & that wards off interest. it’s usually really tied less to who you as a person & more to whether you present yourself as on the market haha.

i personally don’t think living w a parent is indicative of anything tbh… like someone could live w their parent & still be entirely independent. it’s totally contextual. it seems to me like you & your mom established a symbiotic relationship, which is good. this doesn’t mean total independence isn’t off the table for you. it just seems like what you have rn is working, and that’s no crime.

you’re not a loser. at all. whatsoever. you’ve just been dealt different cards—from your sisters, from your friends, from anyone you could possibly be comparing yourself to right now. if you truly didn’t care, you wouldn’t be thinking about it with the meticulousness i can clearly sense in this ask. acknowledge that. thank yourself for seeming self aware of any potential issues you have, & your willingness to work on them. you’re literally going to therapy. that is so big. many people don’t have it in them to take that step. with time & patience for yourself, you will build the life you want for you. just keep your wants in sight, keep facing issues in therapy, keep trying to do better bit by bit. stop w the self flagellation. replace comparison w gratitude for what you currently have, and acknowledgement of what you’re capable of/what you could be falling short of. don’t settle, but don’t beat yourself up for not being where you’d like to be yet. change can’t happen in a day. as long as you keep trying, that’s literally all that matters, cliche as that may sound.

self-compassion is not laziness—it’s simply acknowledging you’re human, while also striving to improve.

nothing is out of reach. you just need to be more compassionate to yourself, & keep in mind that healing is a process that cannot be rushed. but it’s so worth it. you’re so young. it’s never too late to live the life you truly want

#ask

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