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gentaro-kinniecom · 2 days

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Jealous much?

Characters: Solivan Brugmansia/gn!reader

C/w: jealousy, friends to lovers troupe, reader helps Solivan with some bullies, Crowe and his feelings for the reader, Sol takes care of reader <3

A/n: I might make a sequel to this post cause..why not? I have at least 3 more works in progress of tkatb so stay tuned for more >:3. This was SUPPOSED to be more early but with graduation and my summer job its been hectic 😔 (not proofread)

Rain drops fell gently onto the surfaces that it could. The cloudy and cold atmosphere bringing back unwanted memories for me. It took me back to when I was a happy child running around the fields that my family owned. Why did fate had to be this way? I couldn't relish in the sad moment for long, my life had changed, some may think for the better, but in all honesty, I've lost myself in it.

The city life was not for the weak, especially in this society that judges you based on your backgrounds. Hallways and classrooms were empty as I walked by, meaning another day where I would stay behind until the sun rised up, studying in the library. It felt depressing, well, it was. Even with all my friends who share classes with me, I’ve never felt a sense of comfort around anymore. Upon arrival, I sighed gently while scanning my library card, heading towards my favorite spot and to hopefully meet him again: Solivan Brugmansia, the same man who I aided long ago.

Some bullies had cornered him, if it weren’t for me, he could’ve gotten bruised up badly(or so I thought). Sol’s strength was enough to not be messed around with yet, he was always careful with me. His long, black hair with green stripes was noticeable from afar, a smile subconsciously appeared across my features, walking towards him with my books in one arm and a cup of coffee in my hand.

“Hi” I spoke, my voice a mear whisper as he smiled, kissing my cheek while allowing me to sit beside him.

“Hey..thanks for the coffee, I saved your seat in hopes you’d be here” His gaze remained on the hoodie I wore, a purple-ish one with some designs around it, though I could tell something bothered him.

“Aw, that’s real sweet of you Sol..!” Taking the vacant seat by the window, Sol’s eyes returned to the book at hand, analyzing the text while taking a casual sip or two after some pages. I placed my books aside, taking out my computer and working on some last details for an upcoming presentation.

“Is that sweater you’re wearing someone else’s?” The question caught me off guard while Sol closed the book, his attention returning towards me as I continued to type away

“Crowe made me borrow it, he said it would get cold during the night, even if I insisted it was fine” A glint of jealousy made his eyes glimmer with a bit of rage, directed towards Crowe who had the audacity, in Sol’s words, to lend me something of his. After the small talk, we returned to our devices while Sol’s cup inched close to me. Which I thought nothing of it until the, now warm, liquid splashed against Crowe’s hoodie.

“Sol! Ah..what am I going to do now?” My eyes widened as the panic settled in. Pouted lips looking down at the mess that occurred while Sol spoke.

“I can wash it, and hand it over tomorrow..if you don’t mind?” The offer was tempting, and besides, the washing machine at my apartment had broken down. It was like an angel had been sent down from the heavens truly.

“Really? Well, if you’re offering..” With a smile, Sol helped me take the sweater off, folding it and placing it in his backpack. Was he really concerned or jealous by me wearing it? After an hour or so spent in the library, my sleepy eyes gazed over at Sol’s figure that had finished his book a few minutes prior 11:00pm.

His eyes turned to stare at me, as if, he knew I was staring beforehand. The library air making goosebumps arise on my skin as Sol noticed. A small warmth wrapped around my body, making me sigh while laying my hand down onto the table, resting for a bit as he smiled.

It was past noon when I woke up in a different place rather than the library. A soft, warm bed beneath me made contrast to the heavy rain pouring outside, making me groan and stretch my limbs, still remaining in the bed as the door suddenly opened. Solivan stood outside, entering shortly after while smiling, his body beside my own as I wrapped my arms around his waist.

“Mn, how did I get here?” Too tired to even acknowledge the strength he had to take me here, in his home, I was glad he did. The moment didn’t last long as I was now wide awake, staring up at the crimson eyes that gently creased while smiling

“You were tired and..we couldn’t stay at the library for too long, I hope you don’t mind” Room infused by Sol’s cologne made my heart flutter, it seemed he recently got out of the shower. Soft damp hair met my face as I buried it on the crook of his neck. Our actions were far too intimate to call this as “only friends”. Every reasonable thought left me as Sol wrapped an arm around my back, lips caressing my forehead and cheeks while smiling.

“It’s okay, you know I trust you Sol..” More rain could be heard from his room, creating a cozy and cold atmosphere around us. There was no one else I’d rather be with during these moments, so close yet…

“Are you hungry? I made some soup earlier..perfect for this weather, isn’t it?” I nodded, watching as he parted away from my body. Planting a kiss on my neck while walking towards the kitchen. The fresh and soft aroma of the miso soup he prepared made my stomach rumble with hunger

“You always make the best food Sol” Now reachinh the kitchen area, I sat by one of the bar stools, admiring the pink apron he wore. A bowl was later on placed in front of me, its contains making me smile as Sol spoke

“Mn? You really think so?” He asked, grabbing a bowl for himself. Standing in front of me while meeting my gaze, smiling as he enjoyed eating with me.

“Mhm! There’s no one else’s food that I’d enjoy then yours..” A hand was placed on my cheek, staring at Sol who leaned towards me, our lips meeting briefly as he smiled.

“Then..I wouldn’t mind cooking meals for you, my darling.” We shared another short but sweet kiss while smiling. Sol quickly went to wash the dishes, later returning to his bedroom, hand in hand. Warm touches graces my skin as Sol filled my embrace, kissing my face while sighing in peace.

Sequel (coming soon)

#the kid at the back sol #solivan x reader #sol brugmansia #solivan brugmansia x reader #sol x reader #the kid at the back #tkatb #tkatb sol #tkatb crowe

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profounddefendorcrusade-blog · 3 days

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In Defense Of Ceroba

Even though I'm still probably the biggest Starlo apologist you've seen, I wanna talk about Ceroba today. Particularly, my initial and current thoughts on her (but also why she works as a deeply flawed and tragic character).

Anyway, here we go.

Ceroba wasn't a character I liked at first. It wasn't dislike or hatred I felt for her, but rather... not much, if anything. She simply didn't catch my attention like Starlo did, with his larger-than-life personality. Ceroba wasn't like that. She wasn't in the spotlight, she seemed calm and level-headed, sarcastic and easily annoyed with the Five's nonsense, but also kinda just.... there, in contrast to the more 'cartoonish' Starlo.

you can clearly see who the goofy one is

Heck, I was so focused on NOT wanting to get to know and understand Ceroba that I payed little to no attention to her, even in the Steamworks, which was her section as well as Axis'. I completely forgot about the talk option too, so I missed on a lot during my first playthrough. I didn't even laugh at her sarcastic comebacks (that I find funny now, as you can see in my post titled 'Ceroba's sarcasm is growing on me').

And when I found out Ceroba injected Kanako... let's just say she became my least favorite character. I didn't understand why she had done it. It seemed like a poor writing choice not to have Kanako get her paws on the serum and inject herself. Ceroba actively going against her husband's last wish and being the cause of her kid falling down left a bad taste in my mouth.

Only later did I finally put the pieces together.

Ceroba was depressed. Like, really REALLY depressed. So depressed, in fact, that she became blunt with her choice of words when it came to the Starlo situation and unaware of his troubles/the fact he was trying to help her out of the rut. Ceroba was clearly way harsher towards him than she used to be before all the tragedy struck (but said she was sorry)

Starlo describes her as compassionate and hard-working (and they've been friends for a long time, so he must know). Or at least, that was who she was before all the sadness turned her into a shell of her former self.

Now, Chujin... oh, Chujin.

Chujin meant a lot to Ceroba and that is very clear. From her blindly following his legacy even after his death, to accepting to kill Clover (someone she had grown to respect) with tears in her eyes.

If you ask me, it wasn't Ceroba's cold, sarcastic, gloomy heart that destroyed her. Quite the opposite. It was love. More specifically, her love for Chujin.

I would, without an ounce of doubt, call this fox romantic and emotional. Someone who loves hard and deep. Someone who trusted him, her love, so blindly that she never suspected Chujin was up to anything suspicious. And when he was stripped away from her, it hurt so much. She even blamed herself for not noticing. It's sad.

So... why inject Kanako, something Chujin didn't want her to do? Simple. Because of her major character flaw: stubbornness.

See, Ceroba had refused at first. But the line that got her to change her mind was this:

Ceroba, still in emotional distress and not thinking clearly (much like Starlo), trusted her heart and not her head. And her heart was telling her that Chujin, wherever his soul was, would be proud of her for fulfilling his dream. Making his legacy come true. Saving monsterkind was a bonus, but I believe the main, true motivation here was honoring Chujin and what he wanted to accomplish for monsterkind. And so, instead of focusing on remaining a good parent to her only child, Ceroba chose her husband. She chose something greater that he believed in.

Ceroba loves Kanako, don't get me wrong. She remembers how Kanako and Starlo would watch westerns together, how Kanako would play with brick toys when she was younger, she says how her love for her could be enough to shatter the barrier. She'd tuck her in every night. She promised she'd be safe during the extraction. The two hugged tight and said 'I love you.' All signs point towards Kanako receiving a lot of love from her mother. She even made a drawing of the three of them, and this picture on the right says it all:

Chujin, too, loved his daughter, and I believe this love for her was more prominent before the attack (he even gave her the chance to play video games in her room, how cool is that?). He, too, like Ceroba, prioritzed the wrong things. Instead of making sure Kanako was alright, he made Axis chase after the human and didn't stay to comfort her. He was so focused on the prejudice towards humans (he believed Integrity would have 'continued the crusade' and it hadn't just been fear or self-defense that made them attack) that he forgot that the safety of his child and helping Dalv was far more important.

But Chujin... Ceroba can't even look at her own daughter without being reminded of him:

Ceroba talks about Chujin a lot.

Even though Ceroba messed up badly by injecting Kanako, not paying more attention to what Chujin had been doing, manipulating Clover and the Feisty Five, wanting to kill Clover so she'd save Kanako and monsterkind (notice how she is so blinded that, even as she talks about Kanako, it seems like she sees her as a tool for finishing what Chujin wanted, ACCORDING TO CEROBA. In reality, the man just wanted Kanako to be happy and for her to stay out of all this),

and almost killing Starlo and Martlet, she acknowledged her situation and later admitted that she was wrong. The reason Clover hugged her and forgave her easily was because Clover is like that. Completely altruistic. Starlo and Martlet are sweethearts, too. All three have good hearts and lots of empathy and understanding. And, me, personally? Instead of it putting me off...

...I find it admirable.

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correctproseka · 2 days

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Been thinking about absolutely strong An has been through this event.

- Finds out her aunt died from her uncle after he said her team would never beat RAD Weekend in their lifetime

- Watched her colleagues (EVER, Arata, Kotaru) get decimated in a singing battle SECONDS AFTER by the same uncle who broke the sad news to them (Arata especially getting Shredded from Taiga’s remarks about carrying dreams since he carries Soma’s dream of becoming the best singer ever)

- Later performing against said uncle with her team WHILE STILL PROCESSING NAGI’S DEATH, WHAT TAIGA IS DOING, and other thoughts racing in her head, only to get eviscerated by him sINCE SHES GOING THROUGH A LOT AT THE MOMENT MENTALLY (“Your Aunt’s dead, your team wont ever beat me, lets have a rap battle now!!” - Taiga)

- Seeing said colleagues leave seemingly forever because their dreams have been shattered, only having her own team

- Her father finding them and telling her the whole truth, which included the reason why until now everyone had been LYING TO HER FOR YEARS about Nagi’s condition

AND THIS HAPPENS ALL IN ONE DAY

AND SHE GETS RIGHT BACK UP AFTER A FEW MOMENTS OF GRIEVING NAGI’S DEATH

She gets back up, thats true, but lets make a few things clear.

She only gets back up because she has her team and her dad. If anyone in her team had given up, i dont think she could've handled. And as much as she is rightfully angry at her dad, he is also a good reason she can stay as confident as she is.

Plus, we know that whatever happened was NOT acceptance, well, it kind of was, but also not. You know the stages of grief are.. weird. An skipped denial (or we can count those three years as denial), right into anger- and she unleashed that anger while singing, and is angry at her town and at her dad- and in between anger she has depression, i would say they're both so intertwined you can barely see which is which. She can't bargain, or maybe she's bargaining at herself, she cant fully break down in front of Taiga, or until she learns of everything.

And once she does, more at side cards than in the actual story. Here comes the acceptance, alongside again more depression. You just know she possibly cried herself to sleep that night- if she slept at all. But also, yes, An is strong, but we cant just ignore the fact that she set her feelings to the side enough to cry at a safe place- and that she has her team to lift her up.

Because for one. Nagi is right. If An knew about it before she met Kohane, and before they formed Vivid Bad Squad, An would have given up on music all together, not that she wasn't strong then, she would have gotten over with that situation, probably EASIER without yknow. Knowing it three years later. But also the main reason she was into music would be gone, so what was the point? Now she has more people- and more reasons- to be into music.

Just adding salt to the wound yknow.

Also my headcanon is that after An was. Like yknow, not fighting tears just because of Nagi's name (which took like a full week), Ken took her to the cemetery where Nagi is, which made An cry all over again but helped her mourn since she never had the chance to, he walked away to give them a bit of privacy while An talks to the grave to give Nagi updates about her life and in the end, she feels more determined than ever, she leaves a little drawing of the vbs logo on top of it and goes back more at peace than when she came in.

#project sekai #proseka #prosekai #an shiraishi #just adding even more salt to the wound #i want to cry while writing this btw #an bbgirl ilysm

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triplesilverstar · 3 days

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what if they visited the grave and it had been vandalized in some way?

there is so much going on in my head right now. thank you for the fic of single dad Vash

You Anon, are cruel. I like it. So here's a little follow-up to Dawn and Vash going to visit the grave of their mom/wife!

Rating: 18+ Minors DNI

Pairing: Vash X F!Reader

CW: Pregnancy, character death, dying after childbirth, angst, Vash having trauma, medical inaccuracies, widowed Vash, Dad Vash, Single Dad Vash, dead mom, depressing thoughts, vandalized grave, more heartache for Vash

Word count: roughly .7K

You can find the original single dad Vash post here.

Vash can feel the burning in his stomach as he stares at the sight before him, can feel the pressure in his knuckles as he clenches his fist tightly to stop himself from lashing out. It isn’t help the way his mind wants him to scream his rage into the swirling wind.

Instead he grinds his teeth as he tries to swallow the pain eating at him from the inside as he stares at your grave.

Your very vandalised grave.

Vash had agreed with Dawn that he would at last take his little girl to see where you were resting. He had agreed when she had been closer two, but he held off for a little while. Worried about her safety if he showed up too soon with his daughter that took so much after you minus the blond hair and teal eyes Dawn had inherited from him.

It happened to work out that the pair arrived back in the town his daughter had been born in on her fifth birthday.

He hadn’t expected to find this waiting for him.

Most of the planet had crosses, things made quickly for the dead. Vash, before he had left with the newborn Dawn had used some of his remaining power to carve your name into a basalt rock that was roughly the size of a headstone. Had lugged it back and placed it on the mound of earth that covered your body before he left with his infant daughter to hide with Granny and Lina.

Now, that same headstone had been toppled and cracked. Painted with the words “Stampede’s whore” over where your name should have been. He’d been glad he placed enough heavy stones over your body before the rest of the dirt had been returned to the grave he had dug. Otherwise you might have been disturbed.

That single piece of solace doesn’t sooth his aching heart.

From beside him, Dawn moves, taking a step closer. “Dawn…” A choked out sob escapes him as he tries to bury all of his emotions, what a terrible birthday for his little girl who had been so excited to visit you.

With blurry eyes Vash reaches out to grab her arm, unsure if he wants to console himself or his physically young adult daughter. His fingers ghost the side of her forearm as Dawn crouches closer to the toppled stone, Vash watches her as her gloved hand reaches out to brush some of the sand away from the stone.

“Hi, Mom.” Unlike Vash her voice is more even, but he can hear the sadness lacing her words. “Dad finally brought me to see you. It’s only been a few years but I feel like that was too long, you must have gotten lonely.” Another brush of her fingers before Vash hears the audible swallow Dawn makes as she forces her tears down. A reminder how far the apple fell from the tree. “It’s ok though. Dad and I will fix this up and stay a while so you aren’t as lonely ok!”

It breaks his heart in another way. He should have been the one to offer words of reassurance about fixing your grave, not his daughter. She shouldn’t have to be the strong one right now, not on her birthday. A few steps and Vash kneels himself smiling sadly well aware you can’t see his face and the tears running down his cheeks. “Our little sprout is right Mayfly. We’ll get this all fixed up, then we both have a lot to tell you.”

It’s back breaking labour over the next few days as the pair fix the headstone and clean it, both talking to you as if you’re still there with them. It eases some of the pain in Vash’s chest seeing Dawn talk to you so adamantly and he realises for the first time since he lost you, that you’re still with him.

Because Dawn, with never knowing you except through him is all the best parts of your soul, your heart, that keep reminding him he needs to keep living. How she’s also the best parts of him with the kindness she has welling out of her. He just wishes he had seen it before he had to have his heart broken into pieces once more.

I'm cruel and I'm ok with that!

#trigun #vash the stampede #trigun vash the stampede #vash x reader #vash the stampede x reader #dad!vash #trigun maximum #post trimax #trimax #trimax spoilers #twink writes #twink answers

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xsolaresx · 2 days

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daryl dixon.: love goes through the fire

Pairings: daryl dixon x fem! reader married!

Summary: after being kidnapped and tortured by Negan, the reader does everything she can to make Daryl feel better.

Warnings: angst! sad! graphic description of Glenn and Abraham's death! mention of torture! only depression from here on!

WC.: 3,9k

Author @xsolaresx

Notes: English is not my first language, so there may be some grammatical errors.

(gif is not mine, https://br.pinterest.com/pin/690106342925382015/)

The noise still bothered me every night. Whenever my eyes closed, even for just a second, the sound of the bat repeatedly hitting Abraham's skull and then Glenn's tormented me.

One hit after another, and at the end Negan's diabolical laughter.

I could still feel Glenn's blood dripping down to my knees, I was so close to him that after it was over I was covered in his blood and the scraps of skin that flew off. No matter how many baths I forced myself to take, that sticky feeling of fresh blood never left my skin. And sometimes I still found a patch of my skin with a crimson tinge impregnated in it.

My dark circles told anyone who saw me that I hadn't slept for days. I kept reliving the moment like an endless loop in my head. I still remember how that day began, that week, that month, how the whole situation ended the way it did.

Hilltop had enemies, and Alexandria needed food. One thing led to another.

First the massacre at the outpost, then the kidnapping of Carol and Maggie. Everyone had questions about whether it was the right thing to do, whether killing so many people was worth it, whether it was worth seeing another sunrise under so much blood.

But Carol felt more, the deaths she had caused were beyond counting on her hands. We all kill to survive, but she was molded in this world, she wasn't raised with Rick's hero instinct, or the strength that the trauma and torture that Daryl suffered at the hands of his father and brother did to him. It was too much for her, she couldn't look us in the eye anymore, so she ran away from everything and everyone.

There was no concrete reason for so many deaths, they were evil, weren't they? They killed people, and they die at the hands of our people. We did what had to be done. We saved a community from the so-called Saviors, but it couldn't have been that easy, there were more of them, there always would be.

Daryl had to see it first hand. Denise died in front of him by her crossbow. It made him furious, we saved Dwight in the burning bush, helped him and his wife only for him to do something terrible in the end. Daryl had shown them a way, but they couldn't believe that was salvation.

He had to go back there, he had to finish what he didn't finish. He thought it was his fault that Tara no longer had a girlfriend. If only I could have stopped him before...

Everything happened so fast, Maggie got sick, we had to get her to Hilltop. I thought I'd meet Daryl at night, in our room, I'd arrive and he'd be waiting for me, he'd apologize for leaving unannounced, we'd talk and make things right, and then we'd sleep together and have a new day.

But that day never came.

They surrounded us on the road, left us with no way out and took us exactly where they wanted us. The frightening whistles were the prelude to something much worse to come. After that I only remember seeing Daryl shot and bleeding being dragged to the wheel, Abraham offering himself up and dying by the bat.

Little by little I saw the terror forming in Rick's eyes. In all the years I've been with him leading this group, this was the first time I'd seen the elder Grimes lost, with no way out and praying that this madman wouldn't take someone else from our family.

But Dixon got angry, he tried to get to Negan. And the next thing I knew, the bat with the barbed wire was next to my face. Daryl screamed so much, screamed, cried.

"It's all right, my love. I love you, it wasn't your fault” I could only look at him, knowing that he would be the last thing I saw before I left calmed me down.

Negan started smiling and swinging his baseball bat between the two of us. "What the fuck! Let's see what we've got here, guys."

“P-please... no-no”

“You'd better shut the fuck up, Rick! Or your dear son's next.” Negan shouted when Grimes tried to intervene, he knew that if I died Daryl would never be the same. "So you're a couple? Dwight's best friend has a wife? hohoho this just gets more interesting!"

“If you lay a finger on her I'll kill you, you bastard!” Daryl wasn't the type to take a beating quietly, even though he was losing blood and had a gun to his head he was going to try and fight back.

“Ah, but I'll remember that very well, dear Daryl... You know what... I'm tired of all this, why don't we just get it over with, huh?” The next thing I saw was blood gushing everywhere. One second I had Glenn, my best friend, the person who had saved me in so many ways by my side, and the next I had a lifeless body.

Daryl was taken away that night, as a guarantee that we would stay on the line. And only God knows what happened to him during those days.

I couldn't bear to see him so bruised and dirty the first time the Saviors came to Alexandria. That wasn't my Daryl anymore, he looked so fragile, wounded, defeated. He was no longer the survivor who could take it all.

“No! He's my servant now, you don't talk to him, you don't look at him, and I don't make you cut off any part of his body.” Negan shouted when Rick tried to talk to Dixon. “And that goes for everyone, even his wife, understand?” I couldn't walk away, I needed to hug Daryl, tell him that everything was going to be okay and that I was there, but I couldn't risk someone else in our family, so I just turned and walked to our house, mine and Daryl's, unable to hold back the tears any longer. The last thing I heard was Negan's shrill laughter. “That one knows how to take orders, Rick!”

A few days had passed since then, we hadn't heard from Daryl, Maggie was hiding in Hilltop, which was under threat from the Saviors. Rick went out every day in search of supplies for the Saviors, and I... couldn't leave the house. I couldn't leave the room, the bed where I could still smell Daryl.

Frantic knocks started at my door, and when I opened it, I saw Gabriel. "He's back, Y/N. He hasn't done anything yet, but he's back with Carl, they're at Rick's now and he's not back from his run with Aaron yet. I-I don't, we don't know what to do, Judith is there with them and..."

"Gabriel, breathe. It's okay.” I held the priest by the shoulders, trying to calm him down. Everyone was lost, scared. “Tell everyone to stay in their homes, they mustn't have come for anything else, so don't provoke them, okay?”

“But Judith... I... I promised Rick I'd look after her...”

“I'll go, okay?” I grabbed my sweater and left the house in the direction of Rick's. If Carl is back with Negan, it means that the boy went after him planning some revenge. He's so young, but he harbors so much anger, he's lost so much to this world.

“Hold it right there, cutie,” one of Negan's henchmen stopped me on the front steps of the house.

“I want to talk to him.”

“You can let her through, let's hear what the wife has to say” I stared at the man until he got out of my way. I was angry, the way he called me 'wife' only reminded me that every day Daryl was in prison, being tortured by him. “Hello, my dear, to what do I owe your presence in my humble abode?” Negan was sitting on the balcony with Judith on his lap asleep, Carl was next to him without the bandage on his eye with a sad and angry expression. I completely ignored the killer and turned to the boy.

“Are you all right, Carl?”

“Yeah. I'm fine, he didn't do anything,” he replied, lowering his head. I turned to Negan, who didn't look the least bit happy at being ignored.

“I want to see him.”

“You're going to have to be more specific, sweetheart.”

"I want to see my husband, see if he's alive. You can search me, I don't have any weapons after you took them all. Take me with you to him." A devilish smile appeared on his face.

“You know, I can see that you don't look so good after I took your man, but I don't know if I was very clear when I said that he's now my servant, maybe you won't like what you see, your husband isn't the most sociable.”

"I know he's not, but I've seen worse. I need to see him alive, it's okay if he's dirty."

"Ah girl, you're a tough nut to crack. But I understand, I can't go too many days without seeing my wives, Carl here has met some of them and he can tell you how hot they are! Tell you what, I'll talk to Rick, we'll settle up and if I'm still in a good mood you can come with me."

“Thanks”

“Oh how I like that word, thank you.” Then Spencer arrived, started his plan to take Rick out and ended up dying. Eugene was going to be taken away for making the bullet.

“You're gonna take me, right?” I shouted as Negan neared the gate, about to leave.

"Y/N... what? No." Rick tried to approach but I moved away, I needed to see Daryl.

“I almost forgot the wife, search her, you're coming with me in the truck”

I kept quiet the whole way, blindfolded, the truck had three seats, the driver was some kind of savior who kept quiet and Negan made me stay in the middle of them in case I decided to jump out during the journey.

“I told them to give your husband a bath, you know, to make him look more presentable, but no intimate visits, I don't want him to get too comfortable with all this” Negan said when we stopped in front of a room. “I also took him out of his cell, that's no place for a lady like you, my love”. When the door opened I saw Daryl in the corner of the room, a little cleaner, but cowering in the dark with an angry look on his face, but when he saw me he turned away from the wall in anguish. Dwight was in the other corner, standing guard. “I thought you guys would be more comfortable with an acquaintance on guard.”

“Not the best, but thanks,” I said between my teeth, looking at Dwight, who couldn't take his eyes off Daryl.

"What the fuck, baby! If you thank me one more time I won't be able to let you go, you've become my favorite." Then he left, closing the door. I ran over to Dixon, throwing myself into his arms, but he didn't return the hug, still focused on the other man in the room.

"No, no, please, look at me, darling. Don't focus on him, focus on me, please.” I ran my hands over his face and turned him towards me, tears starting to well up in my eyes when I saw the bandage on his shoulder where he had been shot. “I missed you so much, are you okay?”

“I don't think he's going to say much, he probably doesn't even remember how he does it, does he Daryl?”

"Shut the fuck up Dwight! If you don't I'll come over there and smash your face in” I turned to him who just laughed weakly and left the room.

“You have to get out of here, you can't stay, I can't protect you... them... them” his voice was broken, as if he hadn't spoken for days.

“Shiii, it's okay, I just came to see you, he's taking me back, we made a deal... What did they do to you, darling?”

“It was my fault”

"What? No, it wasn't, everything's fine at home, everyone's fine” He pulled my hand away from his face, moving away from me.

“It was my fault, Glenn, then Maggie, she died because of me”

“My goodness, no” I moved closer to him so that no one would hear. "Maggie's fine, the baby's fine, we did it so he wouldn't get suspicious. Everyone's fine” Daryl pulled me into a long-suffering kiss and began to cry, grabbing me in a hug, I sat on the floor with him still clinging to me. Dixon looked so broken, he wasn't the same strong guy who did everything for Rick. We stayed like that for a few hours, I ran my fingers through his hair to calm him down, he didn't sleep, he was on the lookout for any threat, but he closed his eyes, enjoying the affection. Until our bubble burst when someone opened the door. Daryl got up at a speed I didn't think he could manage, weakened like that, and promptly stood in front of me, protecting me from whoever came in.

"Visiting hours are over, honey. I hope you didn't take your clothes off after Dwight left." Negan entered the room with a smug smile, covering his eyes with his bat.

“I'm very well dressed, much to your displeasure,” I said, getting up and standing next to Daryl, who promptly grabbed my hand. "I have to get back, but nobody's forgotten you here, okay? We'll get you out of this, sweetheart."

“I wouldn't be so sure, but now Laura will take you back, and I hope your puppy behaves better after the visit.” Negan left and a blonde woman came in, waving us out.

I hugged Daryl one last time, kissing his forehead and left the room.

The days passed more melancholy and with preparations for the war against the Saviors approaching. Rick got help from the people at the Dump. We were on our way to Hilltop to talk to Maggie and get her support.

But when the gates opened, my vision blurred with tears... Daryl was there, a little shy, but waiting for us halfway.

I threw my backpack on the floor and ran as fast as I could to him, his arms already open waiting for me, and he kissed me with such urgency that I lost my breath. We stayed like that for a few minutes, crying and hugging, until Rick approached us in silence, his smile unmistakable.

I broke away from Dixon, making room for Rick and the others to hug him. Joyful laughter with tears coming out of me.

_______________________________

“We can't try anything without Hilltop's weapons, we have a lot of personnel, but it's still too little, and we're vulnerable that way.” Maggie said after we left Gregory's room, the asshole would rather spend his whole life under threat than fight back.

“She's right, but maybe I know someone who'd be interested in helping... they call themselves The Kingdom.” Jesus intervenes, from the corner of the room, where we're hugging, Daryl squeezes my hand with an air of hope and I can't help but smile at him with confidence too.

“Do you think they'd be allies in the war?” Rick asks, shifting in his seat. The situation isn't the best, I realize that now. I was so numb from missing Daryl that I didn't focus on protecting the community, and Rick had to handle it alone.

“They also suffer threats from the Saviors, but the community doesn't know about it, only the leader and people they trust.”

“He doesn't want to create panic or riots for no reason,” I say and everyone agrees. “So, what are we waiting for?” With a nod from Rick, everyone leaves the mansion and heads for their cars. The whole time Daryl didn't let go of my hand and I didn't make a point of complaining, he wasn't one to show much affection in the midst of so many people, but after everything that happened to him, I understand.

The Kingdom was very large, with many warriors training and many families, protected and happy. I squeeze Dixon's hand tighter when I see a couple with a newborn baby surrounded by elderly women. He stares at the couple and lowers his head.

When we enter the auditorium, the first thing that catches our eye is the huge tigress sitting next to a guy on a kind of throne. Rick shies away from approaching her, but they talk normally. Until Morgan appears, and Daryl asks me quietly where Carol is. “It's a delicate subject, but if Morgan's here she must be all right, you know she's tough.” He nods, even though his curiosity isn't quenched, he knows it's not time.

The King didn't accept our proposal, but gave Daryl the freedom to take refuge in the Kingdom for as long as he needed.

“We need to go Y/N, they can go into Alexandria after Daryl.” Rick appeared next to us as I was saying goodbye to Dixon, I nodded and he walked away.

“It's temporary, when this is over you're not leaving my side anymore, okay?” I held Daryl's cheeks and he bowed his head sadly.

“I want to go with you, I want to help put an end to this”

"You'll help, my love. Staying here, safe. Maybe you can convince the King, we need him."

“You know I'm not that diplomatic”

“Let's look at this situation as an opportunity, what do you think?” I smile to break the mood, Daryl gives a sad smile. “I'll never leave you, my love” I say more seriously so that he feels the truth, these days away from him were the worst and I don't want it to happen again.

_______________________________

“Look, look, look, Rick Grimes has come to greet me on my doorstep!” Negan and his henchmen arrived shortly after we got back from the Kingdom, someone up there is surely on our side. "I love seeing your abandoned dog face, Rick, but today my business is with your little friend's wife. Why don't you bring her to me?"

Rick nods begrudgingly, turns and starts walking towards the main house where we were all gathered, waiting for some sign of Grimes.

“He wants to talk to you.” Rick approaches and says quietly. “Be careful, he's unpredictable.”

"That's all right, Rick. I'll put him in his place, I've had enough of this.” I walk away quickly, anger overflowing just knowing that because of him my Daryl is shaken.

“Y/N, no, wait.” Rick tries to stop me, but it's too late, I'm striding hard towards Negan.

“I hear you want to talk to me.” That maniac's smile only gets wider when he sees me.

"Oh, hello, darling. How are you? Miss your husband?"

“You've got to be kidding... of course I miss him, if you don't remember you took him away from me and I'm very possessive of what's mine,” I say through my teeth. If he thinks I'm going to be compassionate and keep my mouth shut, he's mistaken.

"Wow, that's what I like about you, darling. You're tough as nails,” he says with a mischievous laugh. "The problem is that your husband was very moved by your visit, you know? And he must have thought it was a loophole for an escape."

“Wait, what?” I say exasperated, I've always loved acting. “You mean you've lost my husband?”

“I thought you could help me find him.”

“You're unbelievable...” I whisper indignantly. “If you think he's here you can look, have your goons search every house, every manhole or cupboard in this place.”

“You're always a refreshment to me, darling, you always know what I want.” I roll my eyes as he sends his men to search Alexandria.

As expected, they find nothing and leave, promising to return next week to collect supplies.

“I have to go, Rick,” I warn Grimes. To avoid the risk of them following me, I waited a few hours after they left, and night came. I need to see Daryl, he won't stay another night thinking we've abandoned him. He gets up from the rocking chair on the porch of his house with Judith on his lap and approaches.

“Okay, but be careful, make sure no one's following you.” Rick hugs me in his fatherly way. We were always close like brothers, after I lost everything Rick was there as a leader for everyone. “And send him a hug, tell him we miss him.”

“I will.” I say goodbye to him and kiss the head of a sleepy Judith, who gives me a smile. I grab a car and head out through the cellars of Alexandria, towards the Kingdom, towards Daryl.

_______________________________

“She's magnificent” Daryl was standing next to Shiva's cage when I arrived at the Kingdom. Quiet and shrunken, just stroking the snout of the tigress who melted at his touch.

“She is.” he confirms with a frown. I moved closer until I could see tears forming in his eyes. I quickly bent down, sat next to him and hugged him tightly, which he reciprocated.

"It's all right now, my love. I'm here, you're not going to stay away from me any longer.” I tried to calm his crying, which was only getting more intense. I've never seen Daryl so broken, he seemed to be accumulating all the suffering, the pain, waiting to fall apart on me. He would never do that to anyone else.

“I got scared.” Daryl says after he calms down. “I was afraid of losing you too, losing our family.”

“You're not going to lose me, ever.”

“But what if it does?” Daryl lifts his head with a more serious look. "When they tortured me, all I could think about was you, that you'd be alone out here, unprotected. They could do anything to you to make me accept the fact that I was nothing in that place. And I felt like nothing."

“No, no, no.” I pull Daryl's face so that he pays close attention to me. “You're not going to lose me, you know why? Because your wife is strong, she'll go through hell to pull you out of the fire and when I can't do it anymore I'll have our whole family helping me, because I love you, Daryl, we love you. That's what love does, it turns us into fighters, people who would do anything for the one they love. I love you, Daryl.” Tears flowed non-stop from my eyes and Daryl's.

“I love you, Y/N” His lips met mine fervently, it was a needy kiss, as if he had been thirsty for days and I was his oasis in the desert. I gave myself completely to him, wanting more and more all the time.

We were too wrapped up in our bubble, completely forgetting that Shiva was still in the cage next door, and an imposing roar from her broke us out of this bubble of lust.

“I don't think she likes not being the center of attention,” we laughed when we noticed the tigress's angry face at being left out.

“She'll have to accept it, because now my only attention is on my wife.”

#daryldixon #daryl #dixon #thewalkingdead #twd #rickgrimes #michonne #the ones who lives #amc #tv shows #daryl dixon x reader #fanfic

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miradelletarot · 3 days

Text

Sad brain hours are stupid

Personal post alert. Just me kinda mumbling my random sad brain thoughts into the void, and hope something make sense (or at least helps me get this shit out of my head idk).

*note: this is all over the fucking place so...sorry.* My confidence is pretty low lately. I mean, it always has been honestly. I was raised to have a low self-esteem (just like my mother, who also had self-esteem issues, and projected a lot of her shit onto me). So, I have never ever really been confident. In my marriage, I can't recall a time when my husband truly made me feel sexy/desirable (unless he wanted something from me...you know what I'm talking about). Even mentally and emotionally, I'm really not that smart. I'm not witty, or quick, or brilliant in any way, and my anxiety and depression and ADHD make shit hard enough to cope with as it is. I struggled in school. Mostly an A & B student, but I had to bust my ass for those grades. Not to mention my horrible memory...I'm lucky I know basic grade school shit. I have no illusions that there is anything remotely spectacular about me. I think that's why I love supporting and helping others. Especially with tarot. It's my way of trying to help lift people up, and make them feel good about themselves, and their prospects because *someone* needs to be in your corner (general "you"). It's just easier to give my love to others, because I'd rather use my energy to celebrate the people I care about. Lately, I am really just feeling so down about my body. More than I have in a while. I think I've ignored it for so long because I was married. He stopped putting in effort and so did I. I had no one to impress anymore. But, despite him completely letting himself go (he's well over 400lbs now, and does NOT take care of himself in the slightest,) he said he was no longer attracted to me. (this will make sense in a moment...promise).

in 2018, I had a weird ass health scare that landed me in the hospital for a week, and the nurse said I nearly died of sepsis. Her words were (and I'll never fucking forget it...) "if you had waited even until tonight to come to the ER, there's a good chance you wouldn't have made it." Drs still dunno what the fuck happened to me. Ever since that happened, my thyroid went stupid (thanks again, MOTHER...) and I gained a ton of weight. I have always been on the heavier side (180lbs when I got married 16 yrs ago. I'm 5 ft tall for context). Now, I'm 243 lbs. I was 265, but I lost a lot of that stress weight after I left my husband. So, that's certainly something.

But...I just don't see the improvement. i don't feel any better. I have such a horrible relationship with exercise, and i am working so fucking much I don't even want to even though I know I should. I hate wearing makeup b/c of how it makes my face feel, and in the Florida, soul-sucking heat? I could never. But, I still have breakouts like a fucking teenager going through puberty. and my hair? fuck. i hate it. it's a poofy, frizzy mop. ALSO...fucking hell. I have had a slight lisp since i was a kid. I worked really hard to correct it b/c i was in choir and shit and my music teacher helped me with it, but recently i find that it's a lot more prominent than it used to be, and it sticks out to me SO fucking much, and i feel so insecure about it lately.

It's time's like these when something my ex said to me before i left really sticks in my head (he apologized for saying this btw, but it doesn't make the pain go away). He said "you'll never find anyone as good as me." I really want to believe he's wrong, but sometimes? It feels like he's right. Like I'll never be pretty or thin enough to be desirable to anyone. Too much depression and anxiety. Too weird. Too vulgar. Just...Too much, and oddly not enough at the same time. Even though it's only been 6 months since I left him I am fucking lonely. I won't lie, I miss having a partner (and all that entails). I'm so afraid I'll be alone forever. If I lower my standards, I'll just get some shitty asshole again. Someone just like my ex. I'm too fucking old to date around like I'm in my 20s. I'm pushing 40. I'm either going to find the man of my dreams (the Gale of my heart, a real one lol) or I'll be forever alone.

I'm in hell...and it looks like a pixelated paradise.

#Mira rants #mira maunders #txt: personal #personal post #cw: dysphoria #cw: depression #cw: medical #sad brain hours #random mumblings #i'll be okay #i just had to get this off my chest

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