#strwaberry | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rosietaeyongswife · 2 years

Text

water under the bridge | johnny

WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE

PARING: johnny suh x reader

GENRE: established relationship, angst, break up

WC: 10k

SUMMARY: johnny and you were dating for more than three years for now. collage passed quick and you were two lovebirds who tought they found perfect match. after all the years johnny feels like they aren’t meant for each other. you can not let go of johnny so easily because you’ll fight for him and even tho you’re not meant for each other you still loved him.

TW: cursing, alcohol consumption, mentions of sex

being a student at university in chicago was fun to you because it was new adventure in your boring life. also, united states of america were much different than south korea so you could learn new things outside of your country. parents are always worried about theird children but when you annouced to them you are going to study abroad in states they almost had a heart attack. they knew you were very ambitious person and with your grades you could do anything you want but they were scared of their little y/n being alone in a new country. after a lot of fights and conversations they gave in. it was new chapter in your life and you were more than ready for it.

well you were ready for everything but not for your future boyfriend called johnny. study in states wasn’t that hard as you tought it may be so you have much more free time than expected to have. going out and meeting new people was your pleasure and fun way to get away out of routine you were afraid to be stuck in. that’s how you met johnny. a tall man was hanging out with his friends when you and your friends came in to the club your friends knew pretty well. as soon as johnny saw you he knew you were going to end up together in some way. the way you looked at people dancing on the dance floor or the way you smiled at whatever your friend said was mesmoraizing to him. he wanted you from the very start of this relationship. ready to let go of anything and have a talk with you he approached you.

“hey. are you student from chicago’s university?” handsome stranger asked you while you were sipping a drink. “because you look so familiar.”

“oh i am. my name is y/n.” you smiled. “i study english at the university.”

“english sounds dope. my name is johnny by the way.” he giggled. “i study informatics at the same university i suppose.”

“that’s for sure. are you here with your friends?”

“yeah, one of my friends has a birthday today and they wanted to celebrate so bad here that i gave in and came here.”

you couldn’t focus at anything he was saying because he was looking at you with his deep eyes and you were lost in them.

“say happy birthday to him from me.” you giggled. “would you like to dance? i mean, we are at the club so we should dance like others do.”

“i think we should.” johnny smiled. “may i?”

johnny offered you his hand and you took it with big smile on your face. dancing on the dance floor of some random pub in chicago was one of your best memories because you were dancing with a stranger to biggest hits and you had a lot of fun. you even forgot about your friends who were gone for the rest of the night. it was first time meeting your future love.

next time was at university when you and your friend melissa were in cafeteria eating your lunch. most students had a lunch break now and cafeteria was full but sadly a lot of items was sold out including your favorite strwaberry milk you always drink.

“y/n c’mon. let go of it.” mellisa rolled her eyes. “you are going to buy another one tommorow or something.”

“but without it i feel uncomplete.”

“then you should came here sooner. sorry not sorry but it’s out. let’s find a seat and-”

melissa didn’t finished because a tall man was standing next to both of you with warm smile on his face and a strwaberry milk on his left hand.

“you can have mine.” johnny handled it to you. “i don’t usually drink milk and you need it so have it, please.”

“oh no. i can’t have it.” johnny laughed. “wait i’m going to pay you. how much was it?”

“y/n don’t be silly and take it.”

johnny hanled you his milk, and you took it shyly.

“thank you so much. you don’t have to, i can-”

“you can go out on a date with me.” johnny shrugged. “you know. to thank me for this milk i gave you. it would be nice of you.”

“yes of course.” mellisa looked at you with eyes wide open. “yeah, we can go out. it’s not such a big deal.”

“cool.” johnny smiled. “here’s my phone number. call me when you’re free and we can go out somewhere nice.”

“alright. see you johnny and thanks again.”

“no worries.”

johnny walked off while you and mellisa were staring at each other for more than ten seconds. she was surprised you knew who he was and he asked you out.

“do you even have any idea who the hell he is?”

“uh, johnny suh?”

“it’s not just johnny suh.” she said with grin. “it’s one of the most popular guys in his year.”

“wait.” you went to sit. “how old is he?”

“two years older i guess.”

“oh shit. he graduates this year?”

“right. girls from his year are head over hills because of this man. he is the most handsome giy you could seen here. i mean it.”

you grinned and looked at the strawberry milk you were holding.

“so he is a playboy.”

“no, he is not.” mellisa snapped. “girls want him but he rejected every one of them. propably he had never dated anyone from this university of something like that. he is single for a long time as far as i know.”

“oh then it’s cool. he maybe have a high standards or something.”

“maybe he does. not sure.” she smiled. “you don’t even know how lucky you are to go on a date with johnny suh himself. many would kill for a chance with him.”

“mellisa it’s just a regular date. i don’t think he would be into me much since johnny seems to have a high standards towards women. besides that.” you opened the milk. “it’s just a date nothing extreme or promising.”

“we’ll see about that. i feel like both of you start dating each other. i am telling you.”

talking with mellisa made you realize who are you going on a date with and all you plans were ruined because she was right. it wasn’t reagular date but date with senior who girls fantazise about. a perfect man who has everything. someone so perfect must have high expetations towards their partners and it was stressing you out.

“what the hell?” you said as soon as you saw when johnny drove you. “are you kidding me? we are here for real.”

“yes we are. we are going fishing my dear.”

you have been expecting anything but for sure it wasn’t fishing at the ten pm. there was literally no one but just two of you and river where there shouldn’t be any fishes but you had no idea to be honest.

“it’s so original. i would never guessd you would get me on a date to fishing.”

“of course. who would do it if not me?” he smiled proudly. “i hope you will learn quickly and we would have fun together.”

indeed you did have a lot of fun. being on the edge of ground while fishing was so fun and you would never imagined yourself in such a situation. both of you were laughing out loud and crying because of laugh. you even caught few fish which was surprising. after this you could lay down on some grass while drinking cheap as bears johnny bought on his way to date with you. he was always unique and hated boredroom so that’s why he took you out on fishing. also, that’s why he didn’t buy you some expensive wine but regular bear.

“i have never had this much fun in my life.” you smiled warmly. “thank you johnny. i had time of my life wishing with you.”

“i am glad to hear that. i also had a lot of fun. i can’t remember when i had spent such a nice time with anyone. wish i could do that more or do any other cool things. you know.” he looked at the river. “i’m tired of being perfect and doing boring things.”

“if you’d like to we can do other cool things together.” johnny looked at you and you panicked. “i mean it’s not like i am asking to be together. i just wish to have more fun in my life and if you also has this problem then we can go out more.”

“ah sure. it’s not like you asking me to be your boyfriend.” johnny teased. “i think it’s dope. we have to spend more time together to know each other and have fun right.”

“of course.”

“then maybe we should go on urban exploring?”

as soon as you heard him say it you were shocked. you had been thinking about urban expoloring and how fun it is but you had never made any attempts to actualy do it and here you are sitting, drinking bear with johnny by river after fishing session.

“i’d love to do it. i am lowkey scared but it would be fun.” you giggled. “but where would we go? i have no idea. i don’t know any haunted places or worth seeying.”

“let’s say i have few ideas in my head for it.” he took a sip. “oh my god. we are going have to by bike and it’s only one here we can borrow.”

“shit. i am supposed to be home for an hour now.”

“we’re kind of drunk.”

“oh lord.”

johnny get on bike first and you sat in front of him on little stick on bike.

“are you ready for ride of your life?” you only nodded and held him tighter.

ride to your home was kind of crazy because johnny nor you could sit still and bike was moving to the sides which cause few falls but nothing serious. both of you were riding on a bike drunk before midnight. not a single sight of people and just peacful night with your date. it seems like scene from books but you were actually living through that scene. you have known johnny for over few days now but you felt safe and happy next to him.

as soon as you cameback you had a ton of butterflies flying all over your stomach after tonight’s date with johnny suh. it was your first date as a young adult now. last date you have been on was in second grade of high school with some weirdo who asked you out. smile appeared on your lips as you were thinking about events from just a few hours ago. out of excitment you texted mellisa who wanted to know how did it go.

when you were at university mellisa would ask a lot of questions and would give you some advices about johnny. she had knew few people including jung hoseok who was his classmate. for a few things he would tell her anything she’d like for you to know. that’s how you were well preapered for a date with him. everyday you were waking up you were happy no matter what even dumb exams at uni didn’t make your mood drop. you developed crush on johnny and it was keeping you busy most of the time. everyday you would text with johnny or hang out with him at cafeteria or at chill rooms.

you: i am back.

mellisa: oh shit

mellisa: how did it go????

mellisa: did he take you to this expensive ass restaurant at the other side of chicago?? answer.

you: we went fishing lol

mellisa: you went where?

mellisa: you’re kidding right y/n?

mellisa: WHAT THE FUCK

mellisa: JOHNNY SUH TOOK YOU OUT ON FISHING?

you: yeah but it was so cool

you: i had a lot of fun with him

you: we were fishing and drinking some beer who didn’t taste that bad tbh

mellisa: i expected something more boujee

you: thanfuly no <33 i had time of my life with him. we are going on a next date on urban exploring

mellisa: so johnny suh is a damn weirdo instead of hottie from senior year

you: lol

you: he is better than that

mellisa: gtg, glad to know you spent good time :)

rumours about you two dating spread in speed of light because johnny was literally crush of majority of women on university. even few proffesors felt shy around him because of his apperance and overal aura. few girls would come to you to ask about your relationship with johnny but you weren’t even dating. johnny at the other side didn’t answer their questions but instead of he would smirk and walk off with smile. you weren’t dating yet. it’s going to change in a few days.

“johnny where are we going?” you asked with bandana on your eyes. “i need to know like for real. it’s our fifth date and i want to know what’s another weird place we would be at-”

before you ended your sentance, johnny took bandana off of you. to your surprise both of you were in a small diner. there were wooden furniture and lights all around. place was basically empty only two other people eating by their tables. right next to this diner was a landscape of big buildings and empty road.

“today we are not doing anything extreme.” johnny took your hand and lead you to your table. “we are going to have a nice conversation at this chill diner. hope you don’t mind that y/n, cause if you want we can go do something fun.”

“are you kidding?” you snapped. “it’s amazing. i love this place. it’s so cozy and comfy as hell. being here is also fun johnny. i like it.”

“cool.” he smiled. “i ordered our meal and dessert. i had no idea what to chose so i hope whatever i ordered, you are going to like that.”

“i am not picky eater, and thank you for your efforts.” you smiled warmly. “i really appreciate how much efforts you put in our dates and it made me feel so lovely. and oh my god. johnny thank you.”

johnny was looking deeply into your eyes as you were speaking to him. no matter what was going on around both of you, it felt like it’s just the two of you in here and no one else. johnny felt safe besides you.

“it’s just pleasure to see you happy and enjoying our little dates. i am glad to know you like that and you still go out with me.”

“how can i not? johnny you’re literally one of the most pefect human being out there.” you giggled. “i am more than joyful to be here. with you.” you added whispering.

“of course. time with right person passes quickly and nice so yeah. our company is enough.”

both of you were talking about some minor things when a older woman came to your table handing your dishes. she was also asian and she was smiling widely as soon as she saw johnny who also smiled at her. she was looking at both of you now and couldn’t stop.

“uh my little johnny finally brought a woman.” she pinched his cheeks. “how you like my grandson, my dear? isn’t he lovely?”

“grandma.” he complained. “don’t embarras me in front of her, please.”

“no, it’s fine.” you smiled. “yes, he is very cute indeed. i am y/n by the way.”

you bowed down, and she did that too.

“nice to meet you y/n. i hope you will take good care of my grandson. he is already 24 and finally brought a woman to my diner. i am more than grateful our little johnny found a girlfriend.”

“grandma please. we aren’t dating yet.”

“i feel it deep down you are.” she pet his head. “enjoy your meal and your date. bye y/n.” she was walking away but turned away. “you can come here often if you like the food. it’d be nie to see you two again.”

she winked at you, and was now gone while you couldn’t hold you giggles in for too long before you were laughing out loud together with johnny.

“she is so nice, oh my god.” you laughed. “why didn’t you tell me it’s your grandma’s place?”

“becacuse i wanted to tell you later.” he shook his head. “it’s very special place for me and i wanted to bring special person here.”

heat went up to your cheeks.

“i am glad i was that person for you.”

meal you ate was one of the best. it was so deliciours you ate everything and wanted to came here more. dessert was also very good and you made a mental note about this place and food here. as soon as both of you were done with your meals, johnny and you payed and thanked his grandma.

walking to the closest store to buy some wine, johnny was thinking if he could hold your hand but wasn’t sure if it was right time. you kinda noticed he was trying to catch your hand but before he had haned you, he would pull away. after nth time you just grabed his hand as soon as it was possible, making johnny’s hear doing back flips.

bench of beach you were right now was empty. no person in a sight but just dark water and sand. as you were sitting and talking with johnny while drinking some wine both of you had this weird feelings inside. it felt different than other times.

“y/n, for how long have we known each other?”

“i guees four months passed.”

“right. four months already passed since we are going out on our dates and i know what i am about say will sound silly.” your heartbeat speeds up. “do you want to be my girlfriend?”

your heartbeat was so fast it almost jump off your body. moment you’ve been waiting for already came to reality. johnny is asking you to be his girlfriend.

“of course. i’d love to.”

you hugged him tightly and johnny was giggling to himself. finnaly he could have you for himself only. you’re officialy johnny’s suh girlfriend. it’s going to be your best time of life.

“y/n can you come here?”

johnny voice made you came quickly from your bedroom to living room when he was sitting with breakfast. it was his day off from work and you tought both of you would spend it together.

“what’s up?”

“i’m going to hang out with my co-workers today.” your smile dropped. “i think i will be back tommorow evening because we tought of going to busan.”

“okay. have fun.” you smiled politely. “who would come with you? if you don’t me asking, of course.”

johnny felt little annoyed at your question.

“me, doyoung, hoseok, jongin and sooyoung i think.”

“alright then. do you need help with packing or making food?” you went to the counter. “i can make you dinner and-”

“no, i don’t.” johnny hissed. “i can get it done by myself. it’s like 9 am, aren’t you going to do something?”

“not really.” you said with little smile. “if you need something call me. all your clothes are in laundry at the basement. your shoes are at the closet but in our room since one in corridor is broken.” you tought of important things he might need to know. “if you need any medications you can take them from kitchen.”

“thank you.”

johnny didn’t even look at you. without saying anything back you just came back to your bedroom and lay down. lately things with johnny were much more complicated than usually because stress in his work is growing on him and he needs to focus on work first. at least that’s what you were thinking. past two months are weird and you noticed shift in his moods and actions towards you. johnny try to be as nice as possible but you feel like it’s his duty to do. it’s forced.

even kissing seems like a duty. neither of you would speak up about it and just pretend as if nothing has happened. you do your job, and he does his. sometimes you would talk in living room but there is no intrest in conversation at all. not mentioning last time you had sex. johnny is always tired and you just feel uncomfortable asking about it.

“y/n.” johnny walk in while you were reading a book. “i’m leaving. i’ll text you later and please. do not contact me until i do. i am not a child.”

“yes johnny.”

he looked at you last time, and left. johnny didn’t even say goodbye nor anything like “i love you”, he just left. you had weird feeling about it but you tried to brush it off. couples do have crisises in their lifes and you were going through it. couples usualy work things out and maybe a little break from each other helps in it.

three years passed so quickly you didn’t even notice when. during your university years every girl was jealous of you and your boyfriend since both of you were stereotypical ideal couple from college. it was happiest moments of your life. being with johnny taught you so many new things and made you help in learning about yourself. you were growing up by johnny’s side.

his friends also liked you. especialy jongin and hoseok. they would always praise you when they visited johnny and johnny always felt proud when someone was talking good about his girlfriend because you were his partner. sometimes johnny would get jealous but with time he just didn’t care much about what they were talking about you. it became just a routine for him - everyone loved his beloved y/n. but with time it made him annoyed whenever someone mentioned you. johnny was out with friends to chill not to think about his girlfriend.

“maybe both of you should talk instead of ignoring each other?” mellisa rolled her eyes. “few years of dating and you lack in comunication. you are adults now and ignoring wouldn’t help.”

“i am scared of it. i don’t want to talk with him if this would make things worse”

“what’s there to be scared of?” she laughed. “he is your boyfriend. it’s not like he doesn’t love you anymore.”

“it’s not.” you agreed. “but i don’t want to annoy him more. he had a lot of preassure lately at work and i don’t want to add problems in relationship to it.”

“but y/n. if you feel like something is off with your love then you should take actions. problems won’t solve by itself honey. just be a little more confident and ask him if somethings wrong at work or in general.”

you knew mellisa was right but you couldn’t get yourself together to ask johnny about anything since he is triggered easily. johnny was like ticking bomb, wrong move and he will explode causing another fight.

a week passed and you still were trapped in your toughts when you were doing food for johnny since he will be up in five minutes. for a moment you zoomed out and didn’t notice johnny was talking to you.

“sorry.” you said when you felt pinch to your arm. “here’s your lunch.”

johnny looked at you with weird gaze.

“yeah, thank you. what have you been thinking about?” he asked while he was doing his coffee. “it’s seems like you are zooning out pretty often.”

“about us.” you whisper. “i am thinking about us for last few weeks, johnny.”

“what’s there to think about?” johnny sat with his cup and confused face. “i don’t understand why would you be busy thinking about us while there’s everything fine.”

“there is not.”

you snapped and johnny could only hiss.

“what do you mean.”

“i mean it’s not the same. you always busy with work and you have never time for us. i am also busy with my job but i try to make time for you but there is none. what was the last time we were out on a date?” johnny couldn’t remember. “you ignore me and you get mad at me for smallest things ever. i feel like i am trapped in a cage with you.”

johnny tried to play it off but deep down he knew what you were talking about. he couldn’t explain why does he need to avoid you. he couldn’t explain why he was angry at you for dumb things.

“i am sorry.” you sat down next to him. “my boss is making me do a lot of work lately. i am busy 24/7, and new things in job are on their way. i try to do my best but i can’t. there’s still preasure on my shoulders. i’m sorry for not paying much attention to you. i promise as soon as i’ll have my work done then we would spend some time together, okay?”

you nodded, and johnny hugged you. for first time in a while, he felt guilt. he felt guilt for making you uncomfortable and sad because of his stupid actions. you were his lover and he was so bad for you these past weeks. johnny knew he had to make it up to you.

“mrs. y/n.” your boss was standing infront of you. “i tought i made it clear that your work have to be done due to today. why aren’t you done yet?”

she was holding up papers of informations needed to have work done. she made you stay over hourses just to do work you were supposed to do quickly which was quite impossible in such a short amount of time.

“i am so sorry but i don’t think it’s enough time. there’s still around five pages to check and another five to write.” you were looking down. “five days wasn’t enough for me, and i am sorry for it.”

“sooyoung.” a taller woman stood up. “plase, take after y/n and do it until midnight. i know you wouldn’t let me down like others.”

“of course. it will be done quickly.”

sooyoung was looking at you with rude eyes. you couldn’t believe your boss gave her your work even tho sooyoung was lacking in a skills you had and was much less competent to your job. all you could do was to sit down and stay still. after the meeting everyone was busy with rest of their work and you was mad that sooyoung took over after you.

“i’ve heard sooyoung took your work.”

jongin smiled at you with cup in his hand while he was standing by your desk.

“don’t make me mad again jongin.”

he giggled and sat down on your desk.

“don’t be so angry. it’s not a big deal, and i am sure she will fucks it up easily since it’s sooyoung.” he laughed and bowed to you. “if not her father she wouldn’t make it here.”

“i know but it’s so frustrating. it was supposed to be my deal.”

“of course it was. but try not to think about it much.” you smiled. “by the way. why aren’t you eating? it’s lunch break. i saw johnny at cafeteria with hoseok.”

“i am busy with work.”

“screw this. you have to eat to be healthy and to concentrate well.” jongin stood up. “get your ass with me and let’s go eat.”

“jongin, i would like to but i have to do it.”

“stop complaining, and go.” he rolled his eyes. “would you like to eat pasta? i am craving it for such a long time now.”

“sounds good.” you hissed and get your things.

jongin was your boyfriend friend’s. he was just a year older than he is and he would treat both of you as his closest friends. jongin took care of his friends and of you. he simply liked you and wanted you to be happy and healthy as his other friends. when you were passing cafeteria, you noticed johnny, doyoung and sooyoung hanging out together. johnny was laughing at whatever she was saying and doyoung was busy eating. you haven’t seen johnny in such a mood in a while.

“so how was your time in busan?”

jongin looked at you confused.

“busan? i haven’t been there in a two years.”

“but johnny-”

“ah.” he laughed. “i couldn’t come. he was there with hoseok and sooyoung.”

“why did he lie to me?” you felt your heart clench. “he told me that he will go there with you, doyoung and two of them.”

“i have no idea. i told him week before tha i can not go.”

“sure, it’s nevermind.” you brushed it off. “why couldn’t you go.”

“i had to go help my parents. they adopted a dog and they’re still learning how to take care of him and oh god.” he pulled his phone. “just look at him. it’s golden rotveiler. he is still a puppy because he is around six months now. his name is cho since it’s means handsome.”

small puppy popped on a screen and you felt cutness attack. little doggo was sitting on his parents knees while they were petting him on head. picture looked so cute it made you pet him.

“he is so cute. bring him with you or came with him to us.”

“when i be able to take care of him for a day or two then i’ll come to you and johnny. cho is friendly dog and i am sure he would like to visit both of you.”

“sure he is. then i can’t wait to see little cho and play with him.”

few hours passed to 8 pm and you finnally could be back at home but to your surprise johnny was already home because door were unlocked.

“what were you doing with jongin at lunch break?”

it was first time johnny asked you when you threw yourself on a couch.

“we were eating?” you were annoyed. “it was lunch break. what else we were supposed to do?”

“eating.” he hummed. “i don’t understand why would my best friend be alone with my girlfriend during lunch break, eating outside of work.”

“johnny plaese. don’t be delusional.” you hissed. “i have no complaints when you spend time with sooyoung or eat with her instead of your girlfriend.”

“y/n, what are you saying.”

“why didn’t you tell me that doyoung and jongin couldn’t attend your silly tour to busan?” you asked with raised eyebrow. “i don’t mind her going with you but why did you lie to me.”

johnny was confused because he didn’t think you would find about truth.

“because doyoung had to stay at work, and jongin had to help parents. we had already restaurant and place at hotel reserved then we went there.”

“whatever. i don’t understand why would you throw a fit over my meeting with jongin.”

“because you didn’ tell me.”

“and you didn’t tell me about this trip without them or your lunch with her and doyoung. by the way, i didn’t know she makes you laugh so hard.”

“are you for real?” lough giggle left his mouth. “you’re jealous over sooyoung? it’s sounds so stupid y/n. you’re insecure and that’s why you’re mad at me for being around her.”

“i am not insecure. it’s just bother me when you hang out with her and enjoy it more than you do with me.”

“i don’t enjoy being around her more than being around you y/n. don’t be dumb. she just asked me earlier if i want to eat with her and doyoung and i agreed.”‘

you rolled your eyes because johnny was really making excuses when it’s come to him.

“sure then. i’m glad that’s how you see it.” you smiled. “it’s the same way with me and jongin. you didn’t have to be mean to me because i was at lunch break with him. let’s end conversation here.”

johnny tried to say something but before he could, you were already in your bathroom. arguments with johnny were pointless because he could never see his fault in anything but blame you for smallest things ever. it was tiring at some point.

“mum, i don’t know if johnny will be free in the friday.” you sighed. “mum, i have to ask-”

“it’s your cousin marriage annoucment. you have to be there together with johnny. i haven’t seen him in ages.” she laughed cutely. “ask him then and be there around 6 pm. don’t buy or cook anything, alright?”

“yes. bye mum.”

johnny and you haven’t spoken to each other for two days and now your mum called to ask you to come. you wish he couldn’t be there because he is busy or something. you didn’t want to go there while being mad at each other. people would notice quickly and ask awkward questions which would make you uncomfortable.

another thing on your mind was sooyoung. it’s not like it’s her fault but she was your enemy at work and yet johnny has good relationship with her even tho he knew about all your issues with her and vice versa. you heard she was lesbian but no one has ever confirmed it to you and johnny’s behaviour towards her was strange.

“wait.” mellisa said. “your cousin is getting married? hyemin?” you nodded. “then it’s great. she was lonely for such a long time and now she is going to be married soon.”

“good for her. i just don’t want to go there while me and johnny were fighting lately. it’s going to be uncomfortable.”

“again? y/n maybe johnny needs space. both of you need space.”

“space? what you’re talking about.”

“i am sure when both of you couldn’t see each other for few days both of you will gone crazy. maybe it’s the solution.”

“i am not sure about that one.” you smiled at her. “it’s far more complicated than doing breaks.”

“i know but at least it would help figure things out.”

space for sure wasn’t something you want with johnny. you loved him after all. you just wanted the best for you and johnny.

“i should talk with him.”

“why it’s always you. he should start conversation not you. again.”

“i know but he isn’t going to do so for sure.”

“then talk with him.”

as soon as mellisa was done with her drink both of you left small pub and came back to your homes. it was wednesday and johnny won’t be home because of work so you didn’t expect anyone at your place. alcohol was working on you slowly since your mind went fuzzy and you couldn’t walk in straight line. few strangers looked at you with raised eyebrows and few just laughed when they noticed you. when you were in front of your door you couldn’t unlock it due to your hands shaking.

“fuck.”

you murmured under you breath. damn key couldn’t wen in to the lock and it was making you so angry, you were crying out of frustration. after alcohol you always cry due to smallest issues which wasn;t such a big deal in majority of situations.

when you still tried to go in, doors opened by themselfs and you could see johnnys sillhoute.

“what are you doing?” his gaze and voice soften as soon as he saw you. “y/n you’re drunk. come here.”

he took your hand and lead you into your apartament. he sighed to himself because of your state and care he will have to take of you. smell of alcohol but more speceficly vodka and some whiskey was getting into his nostrils and he was annoyed at smell. you were stinking because of drinks you had an hour before. bathroom was covered in your clothes, as johnny put you in your bathtub. you were sulking all the time.

“johnny.” you moaned. “why do we fight so much? i love you the most in the world, and you are mad at me so quickly. why?” you sulked. “did i do something wrong?”

“no, you didn’t y/n. it’s nothing serious. couples fight sometimes.” johnny run a sponge on your back. “we are fine. i am not angry anymore. see? we’re good.”

“my mum asked us to come at party to their house. my cousin is getting married but i am not sure if you will be able to attend.”

johnny looked at you and smiled softly. his hurt was aching because of how hurt you sound.

“i can do it. when’s the party?”

“friday at six.”

“then we will go.” he was running water down your hair. “i am free and you are so we will be able to see your parents. i missed them.”

“me too. i want to hug them.” single tear went down your cheek. “they wanted to see you.”

“and i am glad to hear that. look down.”

johnny ended your bath but as soon as you were put into the pijamas, you had to throw up. johnny was holding your hair high while you were down on your knees and throwing up to the toilet. after you felt better, johnny brushed your teeth and took you to the bedroom.

“do you love me?”

johnny was caught off guard.

“yes i do. y/n you’re drunk go to sleep.”

“so what. i am drunk but it’s seems like you don’t have. when was the last time we kissed? or had sex? or just hug each other?”

“we haven’t got enough time for it y/n. now sleep and can talk in the morning.”

party starts in a few minuts and you’re in the car with johnny. ride to your parents house wasn’t awkwards since you and johnny made up with each other. johnny apologized to you and atmosphere between you two have been much more easier. during car ride none of you spoke since you liked silent rides in a car. it brought you comfort of safe place with good person.

everyone was eating, cheering, drinking or talking with each other. the youngest members of family were walking around johnny and you since both of you were their favorites among relatives. your mum was taking pictures of everyone having fun because she would love to make an album with photos of her family being happy. as soon as she saw you with johnny together running after kids she had to take a picture. she wishes one day you will be running after your own child.

“come here minyeong. we are going to store, can you stay here alone or you want to go with us?” you asked your boyfriend who was exhausted.

“i am good. please, buy me ice cream too.”

“chocolate one?”

“chocolate one.”

you smiled and left. johnny was finally left alone after long lastings games with children who begged him to play with them. living room was full but everyone was busy with talking and sociolazing sine such an events aren’t frequent among them. young man just sits on the couch and check his phone but quickly after he could feel presence of someone next to him.

“hyemin is getting married soon but when you are going to marry y/n?”

question made johnny dizzy. he looked up to meet your aunt with wide smile on her face. he had never tought of getting married yet. he wasn’t ready to ge married but johnny couldn’t simply imagine family with... you. that question made him annoyed and realized that he had never imagined or wanted to share future with you. family with you. johnny didn’t want to get you pregnant or see you in a white dress.

“we have a lot of time.” johnny laughed. “we are still young but i don’t think anytime soon.”

“aish, johnny.” she slapped his shoulder. “why do you want to wait? you’re getting only older and y/n won’t forever be this pretty. beauty ages, my dear. think about it.”

johnny nodded and aunt left him to go to her children broking glass in the kitchen. tought of marriage, kids and future were going through his mind and he couldn’t focus anymore. well, johnny never tought about it but since your aunt asked he realized it’s not for him. at least not in this relationship with you. his hurt aches because it wasn’t supposed to be like that.

“here’s your ice cream.”

“thank you.”

you left quickly to talk with your cousin and your parents. before you left you looked one last time at johnny and you could tell he was busy thinking about something. johnny at the same time was thinking about his choices and life with you. a lot of things went into his mind since he understood how your relationship looks like. you don’t have much in common. opposite hobbies and you dislike what he likes and vice versa. both of you can’t comunicate well but try to make it up. his toughts were stuck together and more, more and more cons came to his mind while thinking about you. frequent fights are just cherry on top. maybe you aren’t meant for each other?

“dude.” jongin rolled his eyes. “what the fuck did i say?”

“uh-”

johnny couldn’t answer his friend’s question because he was day dreaming.

“what’s with you lately? nevermind. boss wanted you to adjust page for our new client and asked you to come see him after you’re done.”

“ah, thanks jongin.”

older male left with raised eyebrows because of weird behaviour of his friend and co-worker. doyoung was sitting at the other side of office so jonging approached him.

“do you know if something happened to him?”

“i have no clue. he’s like that for a week now.”

“you think it’s because of y/n?”

“most likely.” doyoung looked at johnny. “he mentioned they were fighting and they had made up but still.”

“alright, thanks.”

at the same time you were happy doing your job. mellisa smiled when she noticed your smile and even sooyoung didn’t bother you much. your life was getting slowly together because work is only easier, johnny and you talked and your social life is good. also, you are financly stable and you have no worries for now.

your work today had ended at two pm so you could get to home to make lunch for you and johnny since he will be home in an hour. at the time lunch was gettin ready you cleaned whole place. your being felt much better since it was clean in your apartament. before johnny walked in you made him coffee.

“shit, you didn’t have to all of this.” johnny said as soon as he entered living room. “thank you so much.”

johnny kissed your lips, and hugged you which was first time in a while. it wasn’t that forced.

“no worries. hope you will enjoy it.”

johnny smiled but deep downed he was disapointed in himself. he practiced what he should confess you he would like to take a break or break up completly. he wanted you of course, you made a lot of great memories but it wasn’t enough for none of you. you deserved better. someone who will understand you no matter what. johnny wanted to do it today but he didn’t want to fuck up things you have done for him.

days went by and you felt only better whan johnny feel drained. his mind is at one place and he can never get rid of toughts of break up. he feels like it would be the best since it’s clear you’re not meant for each other but he is scared of breaking your heart.

“y/n can you sit down?” you did as he told. “i think we should talk about it since it’s growing on me more and more. i can’t live like that. both of us should take a break from each other.”

“what?” you were suprised. “i tought we had good time, that we are working things out.”

“we’re not. please, it’s drianing me to the core to do it. i can’t be like that with you since you deserve someone who was destinated for you. i have no idea how to put it in words.”

“johnny we’ve been together for such a long time and now we are broking up?”

“it’s for the best.” he sighed. “i can take things and move out in two days if you don’t mind.”

“of course.” you sobbed. “thank you for everything.”

johnny walked off since he was afraid of crying in front of you. sight of you crying was enough to make him regret his words and whatever he was doing. doubt was hitting him like a knife stabbing his heart. grip tightened on a phone and not clear vision. johnny just broke up with you.

all your friends were concerned about you. no texts from you. no calls. you took week off from work. last time you left your parent’s house was a month ago. parents tried to talk with you but you just ignored them. no one could understand pain you are going through due to break up with love of your life as you tought. you wanted to hug johnny and talk with him. think about other solutions instead of breaking up. you loved him and at some point johnny loved you but it’s seems like faith isn’t at your side.

“dad.” you rolled your eyes. “i don’t want to talk with you.”

“y/n you can’t be locked in your room your whole life.” he scremaed. “left the damn room and act like a human.”

at some point he was right. but you couldn’t help the feeling of loneliness. being wihtout johnny was empty. you felt useless. like some part of you disapeared and can’t come back. your toughts were interrupted by ring.

“what are you doing here?”

you snapped at man standing in doors of your room. it was johnny. he was holding boqute of roses.

“i’ve missed you.”

“now? now you’re missing me?” you hissed. “get the fuck out.”

“let’s talk. your mum called me-”

“why the fuck would she do it.” you raised an eyebrow. “damn it.”

“y/n, plase just a few minutes of conversation.”

“there’s nothing to talk about. we are done.”

“we are but i wanted to see you.”

“what are you playing?” you hissed again. “don’t play with me and my emotions.”

“i am honest right now. i was stressed without you.

“do you want second chance?” you asked strictly. “that’s why you here?”

“not really but i’d appreciate it.” johnny smiled. “i’d like to try.”

“do you think we deserve second chance?” you asked while holding his hand and he nodded. “if you say so.”

month later and you still are in a relationship with johnny. you were happy about it but at the other hand you felt not enough. you were scared johnny will break up with you again even tho he hadn’t give you any signs. image of perfect girlfriend made such a impact on you it was frustrating becase you tried your hardest to show your best side to johnny. also, johnny stopped being so harsh on you. he was soft while being around you. he had felt like second chance wasn’t right choice but it’s seems like he never can make it out the door. he can never leave because he lost all the courage to do it. johnny tought that both of you deserve second chance but it’s impossible. he feels like both of you fail in this relationship but at the other hand he can’t seem to let go. memories hold him tight along with your voice. whenever he sees you all he could think about are memories of you two. everything you have done together. but johnny treats them as past. he never come backs to them and leave it behind. none of you mentiones memories you shared together.

“are you going to make a dinner?” you asked when johnny was standing with pan in his hand.

“i’d like to try.” he smiled. “but i have no idea how or what to do.”

“it’s pretty easy. whatever you’d like to do.”

you smiled and johnny could only whine. in terms of food it was you who cooks here but him and it was one of the thing he tought that could get you close.

“i want to make vegetables with rice.”

“i am not sure if we have everything.”

“then we should chceck.”

johnny was looking for chicken, rice and other ingredients but there was small amount of everything he needed.

“it’s fine. i can go to grocery store.”

“will you? thank you so much.”

store was less than one km so it didn’t take you long to go there. while walking you had different feeling in your chest. something was wrong and you could feel like it was warning. it was driving you crazy how stupid it was.

dinner was good and to bo honest johnny was a good cook. everything tasted just fine and he seems to be proud of himself. after cleaning it was around ten pm and johnny felt heat. something shifted in him. all of sudden he felt need of touching you. feel you.

“i’ve missed doing that.” johnny whispered by your neck. “please, let’s do it tonight or i’ll explode.”

your heart skipped a beat. johnny haven’t touch you in a two months or more and now he is desperate to do it. even tho you wanted to do it you still weren’t sure.

“it wouldn’t be good if you explode.” you giggled

johnny was kissing down your neck and came to your lips. kiss was like a mark of your love which was complicated. both of you let go of any toughts and just went straight to the business.

an hour passed, and johnny was already sleeping but you couldn’t. sleep didn’t want to happen and it was making you annoyed. you will have to be up at seven and you’re craving good sleep but it’s seems like your mind has other plans. all you could think of was johnny. sex with him felt wrong and different. it wasn’t making love but it was.. just sex. empty. that’s how it felt to you and you had no idea why. you loved johnny but you felt it’s not the same from his side. for last month he tried his best but it didn’t feel right. it was fake. your intuition tried to warn you but you are ignoring it.

17.10.2021 was a date when johnny asked on a meeting. it wasn’t date. for sure it wasn’t. deep down you felt that something that happenes today will make your life different. not sure what but you kind of feel coming to an end. johnny is going to be at home around seven and then take you to the place he choose. you still had some time so you managed to get dressed in a beautiful red dress johnny bought you on your second anniversary. black high heels, pair of pearls and light makeup with red lips. you even straighten your hair because you wanted to feel pretty tonight. your guts told you it’s night changes. changes will happen tonight for sure. looking in to the mirror made you smile softly because you looked as beautiful as ever.

“i can’t believe we’re here.” you said when you saw similiar diner. “i’ve missed this place so much.”

“me too. i tought we should visit it.”

johnny tried not to look at you too much because he couldn’t focus.

“your grandma still take good care of it.” he nodded. “nothing has changed.”

“yeah, it’s seems like we’re on our date from three years ago again.”

“i know right.”

johnny made an order and you waited. his grandma smiled widely when she noticed both of you having a table. she was happy because of her grandson and his girlfriend.

“it feels differet now. maybe place is the same but our goal is different.” both of you giggled but it was one of this awkward ones. “it’s so awkward, oh god.”

“i know what do you mean, johnny.” you smiled even tho you felt like crying. “if you’re going to let me down, do it gently. i can’t live any longer in such a situation.”

johnny already felt scared.

“we’ve spent perfect three years together. every thing we have done together is preciours and is one of my most valuable memories. i love you y/n and i’ll will for sure for some time more. i wish we could spend more time together but we’re in blind spot.” you didn’t want to cry but tears were faster. “we’re not meant for each other. i guess we don’t feel each other gasps. we’re too diferent and we are fighting way too much. our passion on love disapeared long ago.”

“johnny don’t tell me you love me. maybe you did a long ago at some point but if you’d love me everything would go another way. our love is like water under the bridge. it’s a past we don’t regonize today.” few tears wend down your cheeks. “maybe i’m not the one for you. i mean, for sure i am not. we don’t fit each other as we tought, don’t we?”

johnny felt like he is going to lose it when he saw you crying.

“i tried to make our time better. i wanted to but it’s impossible. maybe in another universe we are bond to be together.”

“i hope we’re happy in another universe.”

“for sure we are. it’s hard for me to do it but we have to part our ways y/n.” single tear went down his cheek but he was fast to get rid of it. “i’ve spent my best years by your side. i am thankful for everything we had. i am thankful for you and your presence in my life. i don’t know what else should i do.”

“you see, i didn’t want much. i have never asked you for much all i wanted was you to love me but unierse has other plans towards us. i still love you but you’re right. our relationship is past and we’re not meant for each other. i want you to be happy with me but it’s not possible.” you smiled through tears. “please, take care of yourself and find your other half in some time but don’t do it too quickly.”

man in front of you knew what you meant. even tho you’re in present you think of past. whole relationship is past now. johnny suh is now your past.

“of course y/n. just know i’ve truly loved you and i appreciate you today. our love wasn’t enough to keep us together back in days.” johnny didn’t notice when he was crying. “it’s hard to let go of person you spend most of your life with.” he giggled sadly. “let’s eat and move on.”

all you could do was to nodd. johnny and you split ways after few years. time was right but it was wrong person. love you had in yourself wasn’t supposed to be johnny’s but someone else who was mystery for now. for today you know it but you don’t want to let go of you, now, ex boyfriend. you wish it was a nightmare and you wake up to johnny holding you tight.

grandma noticed both of you were crying. she was confused because johnny didn’t tell her anything specific about your date.

eating while crying was different kind of pain and you felt like an idiot. johnny didn’t even look up because he would start crying again and he knew his grandma was watching both of you from afar.

“it was lovely time.” you spoke while getting up. “i’m going to go. take care of yourself johnny.” he was looking at you but you avoid his gaze. taking your things you left.

grandma was looking at you with concern. “aigoo, why are you crying? did something happen?”

“no.” you smiled. “food was amazing as always. thank you.” you bowed.

an older woman didn’t have a chance to ask another question since you already left moving towards bus station. she just looked at her grandson and come there quickly.

“what happened?” she sat in front of him and johnny just couldn’t keep it in. he was crying like a little boy. “aigo, my child.”

older woman came to him and held him tightly, comforting him.

“me and y/n broke up.”

“aish, my love.” she whispered. “that means you weren’t destinated. i am sad she wasn’t the one but there is no reason to let yourself down. you need time.”

half a year later

your life changed a bit. you dropped job you had to get hired in a new company. your friends and co-workers tried to make you stay but you knew if you do then you will never get rid of johnny, and you will never be to move on. besides your new job was much better and they paid you ten times more. thanks to money you earned you could buy a small house at the edge of the town. it took you a while to move on from johnny. many nights and many crying hours passed until you were able to get over him. you declined any contact with him to avoid feelings and ache in your heart.

“i am so proud of you now.” jongin took a sip of coffee. “i am glad you’re doing good now. and i’m glad we’re basicaly neighbours.”

“me too. it’s good to have you next to me and thank you. i feel better now.”

jongin and you were in johnny’s grandma diner.

“don’t you think about him no more?”

“i don’t think so.” while talking you were looking at the view and you could remember memories of you and him. “i still love him deep down but i don’t think about him much. i am free of him.”

“good for you. your healing process is done now. it’s time for you to open your heart to other people. stop liviing in the past and live your present.”

laugh and giggles could be hear around you. you felt at peace now. while your conversation, mrs. suh was looking at you with warm smile. she adored the way you was now much happier than she had ever seen you before. she also wished her grandson was the one with you right now but she knew it’s not supposed to be like that.

“ma? what you’re looking at-”

johnny asked but quickly went silent when he looked at the spot his grandma was looking at. sight of you laughing with jongin made him sick. all the memories hit him in a seconds. he could only stare and watch both of you having fun.

“i think it’s her other half she needs.” she whispered to his ear. “they’re meant for each other johnny. i see it in the way they look at each other.”

“he is my co-worker.”

“so what?” she slapped him in the shoulder. “you can’t take his happines to granted because you’re friends at work. i guess she still loves you and isn’t ready for relatonship but when it will happen don’t do anything stupid. she doesn’t know yet.”

“if that’s what makes her happy.”

of course johnny had a bit of feelings to you. they have never disapeared completly and it was killing him. he had no idea it was jongin who was supposed to yours from the beginning and not johnny.

while you were talking with jongin, you could feel someone was watching you. at the corner of your eye you caught well known sillhouete of your ex boyfriend. johnny was looking at you few more seconds and was gone. sudden urge to cry took best of you but jongin was there to take care of it. jongin was comforting you while you were crying because of love towards your ex.

couples aren’t perfect from the beginning and in the most cases none of them were meant for each other just like you and your ex. everything comes to and end and that’s how your relationship looked like. past. it was painful past you can’t live in forever. johnny suh was your past and love both of you shared was like a water under the bridge - unspoken past.

116 notes · View notes