Dr. Stone:
You're Crazy Like Me, Dumbass
Summary: In which Senku has an older sister (who is just as crazy as him...in a good way of course).
Note: Not related/connected to my current Dr. Stone fic on Wattpad at all. This is just for fun!
Warning: Swearing and lots and lots of sibling energy
"Did you know that some metals are soooo reactive that they can explode when they come in contact with water? Make sure you protect your manhood boy."
The Kingdom of Science certainly did not expect a person to appear out of nowhere.
Especially hanging underside down from a tree.
"Who's that?!" Gen called out, his eyes already focused on the foreign woman.
"An enemy?" Kohaku pulled out her sword whereas the Kinrou followed suit.
"Sister?" Senku whispered out, and everyone snapped their heads to see a dazed and disbelief expression on their leader's face.
"Yo!" The older responded with a cheeky grin, and a hand raised in the air.
She had her white hair tied up in a high ponytail, showcasing their family's signature green hair tips at the ends. A lone hair strip crossed her eyes and curved to her chin.
"Heh, isn't this the lil' shit? You grew!" She jumped down the tree and walked towards the group.
"You guys know each other?"
Senku rubbed his temples.
"Yea. She's my older sister-"
"Sister?!" The woman grinned as she stopped right in front of Senku, and they brofisted as if it was normal, then followed by a noogie.
"O-Ouch! What the heck-"
"It's been a while you lil' shit! I thought you would have died or buried ten feet under!" Senku pulled out of her grasp and deadpanned at her.
"Ha, you wish. Where were you even? I tried looking for you and I couldn't-"
"Oh I came here by skateboard-"
"Skateboard?! Did you just say SKATEBOARD?" Gen's screech was followed by dazed and confused villagers. She pointed to the huge skateboard made of wood?! How?
It doesn't even look like a normal skateboard, in fact, it could be deemed as a boat with wheels at this point.
"Yea, you see, I'm an engineer. So I make shit, attach shit, and fix shit."
She definitely got a crude mouth too; everyone thought at the same time.
"Heh, as expected of the gorilla-" Senku was cut off by the pulling of his hair.
"Hey, shouldn't you be telling me what's going on? Since when did you have so many friends?" She scrutinized every single person around, and others shivered under her look.
"Oi! Stop that! I'll explain later, but we have a war to win!" Senku escaped and then gave her a evil smirk.
"What'cha say we make an evil weapon? With you here..."
"Oh ho?" An evil aura burst forth from the two siblings.
"Gen...we're so screwed."
"Kohaku...we're fucked when he's already our last hope. And now, there's another one?"
"You got an issue? Half and half?"
"Half and half-" Gen spluttered but swallowed his pride when he saw the toned muscles underneath her coat.
"Not bad." Senku acknowledged with nod.
"Unlike you, I work out." She rolled her eyes in response.
"Anyway, where were you exactly?"
"In hell. But now that I'm here, looks like I've reach purgatory-OW!" Senku tased her on her sides, making her jump.
"You-" Before she could unleash her wraith, Senku stops her with a question.
"How did you find me?" Senku asks sternly, and the older sighed.
"Just exploring on my own and I decided that I should find you lil' shit. So I made myself some shit and before I know it, I spot a bunch of weirdos hoping around a big pot and a fucking leak-"
"Oh fuck you."
"Oops, can't hear you over your bushy hair."
Senku rolled his eyes.
"Idiot."
"Leek."
"Baboon."
"Loverboy."
"What? Where did you even get that from!?"
"What? You just looked like one." She simply shrugged with a cheeky grin.
"That's not a sight you see every day. Senku's outmatched." Gen mentioned, while he watched the two siblings bicker.
Kohaku simply laughs and shakes her head.
"He deserves it."
"I'm ten billion percent gonna throw you to the wolves!" Senku almost but roars with steam going out of his head.
"And I'm ten billion percent going to hull your ass to Antarctica!" She mimicked with a girly voice, the complete opposite of her natural deep one. She then looked at Kohaku with a smile.
"You there, you're the lil' shit's wife?"
"W-What? No!"
"Well who gives a fuck. Anyway, explain this war to me. I'll help you guys out."
"Really? That would be great!"
"Yea, explain to me what's going on. And I also need names. I can't be calling ya lil' shit's gf can I?"
"No thank you!"
After a solid explanation of the current situation, Senku's sister tilted her head and yawned.
"So...we're going up against this dude who's like a bitchy communist dictator kid with Heracles's strength," She looked around at the group.
"And the mother fucker who's a huge hypocrite is reviving assholes of his liking in order to kill innocent children like y'all because he thinks technology is absolute shit."
Well that's one way to look at it.
"Uh...translation please? What's a Heracles?" Chrome jumps in and asks while scratching his head.
"It's Tsukasa but stronger." Senku simply says, and Chrome and Kohaku accepts it without question.
Gen sighs.
"Senku...I'm pretty sure it's more than that..."
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wait wait wait guys have you ever thought about how the Mighty Nein are everything they shouldn’t be upon first glance
no no guys guys listen to me they’re all the antithesis of what they’re meant to be and that’s why they’re such amazing and heartfelt characters
like, Caleb is a wizard who’s afraid of his own fire magic. his own power causes him to falter in battle. his strongest spells are his most dangerous to himself. wizards are supposed to be prideful of their magic, but Caleb’s is the reason he hates himself
Beau is a monk who never wanted to be. her job is one that people normally associate with being calm and collected and Beau was a wild rebellious kid who got dragged into this line of work against her will. she never wanted to be this!! but now she is and she’s gotta deal with it!!
Fjord is a warlock who never wanted power from his pact, which is why you’d think a warlock would make their pact at all. but no. Fjord made his pact because he wanted to live, not because he wanted power. he was a scared orphan who hated his tusks, not a buff, muscled, angry half-orc like people assumed
Nott is NOT, that’s the whole crux of her narrative! she wasn’t pretty, like a halfling girl was supposed to be. she wasn’t a goblin, she was just transformed into one. and not only that, but despite being a three-foot-tall alcoholic kleptomaniac, she’s the mom of the group!
Jester is a Cleric whose god isn’t actually a god and who would much rather bash bad guys over the head with her lollipop than have to stop and heal her friends!! she’s a bubbly, optimistic ray-of-sunshine, but you know when she says she’s gonna change the world with friendship she means it as a threat
Mollymauk is an amnesiac, but he doesn’t want to remember who he was. if you ask him, that wasn’t him! he might be a flirtatious hedonistic carnie, but he’s also single-mindedly devoted to making the world a better and more loved place than it was when he found it. he’s a liar, but he means well. he’s an arrogant fool, yes, but he’s right! he did it! he left it better!
Caduceus seems like he’d be creepy and grim from growing up in a graveyard, but he’s actually the most chill out of the entire Nein by far. he’s calm, he’s sweet, and he’s comforting, more than anything else. you’d think he’d be amazed by seeing the outside world for the first time, but he spends the whole time knowing that one day he’ll return home, that he wasn’t supposed to be the one to leave
Yasha is a barbarian with skeletal wings and a dramatic, monochromatic look, but she’s a complete sweetheart. she’s Molly’s best friend, she was a carnival bouncer, she’s a lesbian disaster who collects pressed flowers in a book out of love for the wife she lost. those black wings were actually hiding soft white feathers
Essek was born straight into the den of politics, he was a spymaster, he literally started a war for his own gain, and yet. he’s sounds irredeemable on paper, but. he’s not!! sure, the Nein kind of have to drag his alignment kicking and screaming into neutral, but they manage it. Essek learns and grows and he overcomes his nature. he becomes good, against all odds
guys guys guys don’t you see it!! look at them!!they’re such compelling characters!! they’re everything they’re not supposed to be!! dude y’all how didn’t I realize this earlier!! they subvert their narratives in the most interesting ways ever and I justhshsbhshshsjnsmshsnhsfn!!
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