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fancoloredglasses · 4 months

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The Happiness Patrol (Paranoia at its finest)

[All images are owned by the BBC. Please don’t sue or EXTERMINATE! me]

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(Thanks to Doctor Who)

…and with the most cutting-edge CGI the late 80s can muster, I give you a bit of personal history…

I am an avid gamer (as my review of Dungeons & Dragons will attest to) and one of the more unusual role-playing games I latched onto was…

(Thanks to Wikipedia)

A game that not only discouraged teamwork, but actively pitted the players’ characters against one another. The setting is a dystopian future run by an insane computer that wanted all citizens to be happy and obedient.

Happiness is Mandatory. Citizens who are not happy will be used as reactor shielding. Are you happy, citizen?

A good example of gameplay can be summarized in the following video…

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(Thanks to SpiffyInfo)

The citizens of the setting are assigned security clearance ranging through the rainbow spectrum from infrared (the lowest, represented by black) to ultraviolet (the highest, represented by white), of which the first letter of their clearance is attached to their name (for example: Fred-G; infrareds don’t warrant a letter designation)

What does this have to do with Doctor Who? You’ll soon find out. But first, a note on the timeline…

The Doctor is on his seventh incarnation (played by Sylvester McCoy). He is bit of a schemer, sometimes working toward the endgame before the episode officially begins.

His companion at this time is Ace (a nickname. Her actual name is Dorothy; no last name is ever given), a rebellious teenager with a knack for chemistry (primarily explosives. Her specialty is a compound she calls “Nitro-9”). Unlike most female companions, she’s not prone to screaming, but instead uses her wits (and explosives) to get herself and the Doctor (or, as she calls him, “Professor”) out of trouble.

If you would like to watch the episode, it’s available on BritBox or Tubi. Now, on to Part One!

We open with a woman looking a bit depressed and a man joins her. The man (Silas P) claims it’s dangerous to be sad in public and offers to help her, then offers his card.

With that, Silas P calls for a group of women in pink uniforms who kill the woman!

Meanwhile, in another part of the city, the TARDIS materializes. Ace hates the fact that the speakers in the square are playing muzak (“elevator (or, as the British say, lift) music”) that is artificially cheery.

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(Thanks again to Doctor Who)

[A quick note: the rankings of citizens on Terra Alpha are letters affixed to the end of their names (the leader, Helen A, is the woman you saw giving a badge to Silas P), with aliens getting the affectation SIGMA to their name. Sound familiar?]

Let’s switch to Helen A and her husband Joseph C (wait, her husband’s two ranks below her? Who’s ranked as a B, then?) as they tune in to Helen A’s newest address.

Switching back to the Doctor and Ace (or should I say, “Doctor SIGMA and Ace SIGMA”), they’re brought to a holding area (not a jail?), where they see a “killjoy” (someone who doesn’t subscribe to the manta of “Happiness is mandatory”) named Harold V playing a slot machine. Suddenly he wins and is "treated" to a video by Helen A (not exactly what I would call a “prize”, especially since it was a lame joke about killjoys)

The Doctor wanders over to talk to the guard.

The Doctor asks if they could leave at any time. The guard says they could…but would be killed if they did. Harold V says they’re being held to be used as experiments for someone called the Kandy Man.

We then switch to a chamber where Joseph C is lining up a condemned killjoy before a firing squad. Suddenly, the squad leaves. Just as the condemned breathes a sigh of relief, the tube over his head drops. When it rises again…

…he’s been drowned in strawberry syrup.

And, for good measure, Helen A electrocutes Harold V (the killjoy’s brother) in front of the Doctor and Ace.

In the waiting area is a go-kart, which Ace is convinced in booby trapped (since the guard (strange that only women are members of the Happiness Patrol…except the undercover members) says she won’t stop them from using it) However, the Doctor defuses it and off they go!

Later, the go-kart has broken down and the Doctor is trying to fix it, so Ace distracts the Happiness Patrol looking for them.

The Doctor then gets the go-kart working, but must run off before he can find out what happened to Ace.

Let’s cut to the streets of Terra Alpha, where a man named Earl SIGMA is playing soulful blues on his harmonica…unless he spots a Happiness Patrol…err patrol, then he plays some vapid syrupy-sweet jazzy number.

At Happiness Patrol HQ, the Patrolwoman (Susan Q) confesses to Ace she might not be cut out for the Patrol ever since her friends were arrested and executed as killjoys.

With that, Susan Q turns her back so Ace can slip out “unnoticed”.

Meanwhile, the Doctor’s go-kart has finally died properly as Silas P (remember him?) makes his way to the Doctor and tries suckering him as well. Just as Silas P calls for the Happiness Patrol, he’s knocked out from behind by Earl and they rush off, leaving Silas P to deal with what is likely going to be called a false alarm.

…aaaand that’s the last we see of Silas P.

Meanwhile, the Doctor and Earl have found the kitchen of…

…the Kandy Man and his handler/punching bag Gilbert M. Fortunately, they escape before the Kandy Man finds them.

…or do they? As the Kandy Man advances menacingly, the closing credits roll on Part One.

Let’s move on to Part Two, shall we?

We open to a group of killjoys conducting a protest march as…something looks on from the tunnels below.

Meanwhile, Ace has been re-captured.

Let’s check back in with the Doctor and Earl, shall we? The Kandy Man has decreed they shall taste his latest sweets, and likely die with smiles on their faces as a result.

The Doctor manages to anger the Kandy Man enough that he accidentally knocks over a bottle of lemonade…

…and the syrupy liquid mixes with his sugar-infused feet, cementing him to the floor! The Doctor and Earl escape into the tunnels below as the Kandy Man screams for Gilbert M to free him.

Meanwhile, Ace and Susan Q have been brought back to the waiting zone.

In the tunnels, the Doctor and Earl are checking out the massive amount of crystalized sugar along the roof.

You don’t suppose that will be relevant later, do you?

As they work their way down the tunnel, they find massive clawed footprints. Not sure I’d want to meet whatever made that.

…ah.

Earl shows that his harmonica isn’t a weapon, and suddenly the denizens start talking like Ace (they learned a lot from seeing her for just a few moments) So does this mean they’re friends now?

Back at the waiting zone, Susan Q is taken away to be executed. Suddenly, the denizens from the tunnels attack, allowing Ace to escape with them.

Meanwhile the Doctor is leaving the tunnels and once again runs into Trevor SIGMA. After no small amount of double-talk that would make Bugs Bunny proud, he convinces Trevor to take him to Helen A as Earl decides to make himself scarce.

In Helen A’s office, she has been told about Ace’s escape (wow, news travels fast!) and is overjoyed that her pet can get some exercise by hunting them down.

Meanwhile is one again illegally blowing the blues as the protest march walks past. On the roof…

…there are a couple of Happiness Patrol (wadaya know? There are men in the rank and file of the Happiness Patrol!) snipers complaining that the female Happiness Patrol members never have to do sniper duty (and with inferior guns to boot!)

Meanwhile in the tunnels, Fifi has been unleashed!

In Helen A’s office, Joseph C has brought in Trevor SIGMA and the Doctor. Helen A all but admits to mass slaughter to reduce the population (down 17%!) Helen A excuses herself to attend to some business, and the Doctor follows and overhears her ordering an execution.

The Doctor confronts her then leaves, stealing her fire extinguisher and Joseph C’s seltzer bottle of lemonade (gee, I wonder who he’s going to see next?)

In the tunnels, Fifi has caught up to Ace, so she feeds Fifi a helping of Nitro-9.

The Doctor meets up with Earl (not who I thought he was going to see), who tells him about the snipers. The Doctor goes to deal with them (also not who I thought he was going to see)

The Doctor sneaks his way to the snipers’ nest and dares the sniper to look him in the eye while shooting him, but the sniper can’t do it, so the Doctor takes away their guns. And with that threat neutralized, the Doctor is off to see the Kandy Man (THAT’S who I thought he was going to see!)

Meanwhile, Susan Q is about to be executed by firing squad strawberry syrup.

However, the Doctor decides at that time to pay a visit to the Kandy Man.

The Kandy Man agrees, so the Doctor uses the fire extinguisher to unstick the Kandy Man from the floor.

About that time, Trevor SIGMA arrives at Helen A’s office unannounced, just in time to see a strawberry-flavored flop and only a dollop of syrup emerges from the tube. Trevor explains that Susan Q (and Ace, who barged in to attempt a rescue) can’t be executed by syrup due to Galactic Law, so she comes up with another means for them to die.

Meanwhile, the Kandy Man, having held up his end of the bargain, moves to kill the Doctor once more. However…

…the Doctor came prepared and once again adheres the Kandy Man to the floor as he makes his escape.

Meanwhile, what’s Helen A going to do with Susan Q and Ace?

She’s going to make them audition for the Happiness Patrol (since Susan Q has been bounced out of the Patrol, she’s eligible to audition once more), with a failed audition being fatal!

The Doctor and Earl begin looking for Ace, then find posters advertising Ace’s audition. The Doctor sends Earl to get the protesters and bring them to the audition.

And with that, Part 2 comes to an end. On to Part 3!

We open to find Ace and Susan Q being escorted to the Forum by the Happiness Patrol. Meanwhile, Earl has managed to get the protesters to converge on the forum as Helen A sends a squad to deal with them.

And as an aside, Fifi survived being blown up by Ace. Helen A once again unleashes her into the tunnels.

Meanwhile in the forum square, the Doctor has somehow (probably in one of the TARDIS’s storerooms) gotten a microphone and has hooked it up into the square’s speakers.

Once the Happiness Patrol arrives, the Doctor confronts them…by laughing at them. Then the protesters come into the square and begin cheering and celebrating!

Then another Happiness Patrol unit shows up, sees the Doctor and the protesters celebrating while the first unit looks upset, so they arrest the unit as the Doctor merrily escapes.

Back at Helen A’s office, she receives word of fighting in the ranks of the Happiness Patrol in the forum square, so she leaves to deal with it personally, leaving Joseph C to wait for Fifi’s return.

Meanwhile, the Doctor, Ace, Earl, and Susan Q enter the tunnels where they run into the denizens who warn them about Fifi.

Fortunately, the Doctor has an idea. He lures Fifi into the sugar-coated tunnels and has Earl play a high-pitched tune as Fifi enters and the tons of crystalized sugar collapses on top of her.

Hopefully that’s the last of Fifi.

Meanwhile, reports of widespread riots reach Helen A’s ears, so she contacts the Kandy Man to deal with the Doctor. Fortunately, he just showed up for a chat!

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(Thanks once more to Doctor Who)

As the Kandy Man attempts to escape, the denizens invade his Kitchen and flood the tunnels with strawberry syrup (quite the fitting end, yes?)

Gilbert M and Joseph C look at the Doctor’s handiwork and decide it’s time to leave.

Meanwhile, Helen A has the same idea as…

She readies her escape shuttle, but Joseph C and Gilbert M have commandeered it. TRAITORS! Guess she’ll need to take a commercial transport.

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(Thanks to The Wanderer’s Library)

And so with Helen A defeated, Terra Alpha can return to a normal society where people are allowed to be sad if they need to. And they even managed to paint the TARDIS its proper color before the Doctor and Ace dematerialized to their next adventure.

#doctor who #sylvester mccoy #Fan Colored Glasses

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