#sorry this is a mess im tired and i have many feelings abt these two !!!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

faunusrights · 4 years

Text

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 19

IN THIS EPISODE OF MURPHY IS SCREAMING, CONSTANTLY, TRAPPED IN THEIR PERFECT NIGHTMARE:

Glynda was saying: “I know we aren’t friends. I know we aren’t partners. I know you’re a criminal. But—I think I can trust you. I think I have to trust you, even if you’ve done awful things before.”

EVERYTHING GOES WRONG BUT LIKE SOMEHOW WORSE THAN EVER? LIKE A WHOLE NEW BRAND OF LOW. LIKE CINDER’S GOT A PICKAXE AND THE CENTRE OF THE PLANET CALLS FOR AID.

IT’S BEEN A WHILE HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but dw offal hunt, like the rising of the sun, the arrival of winter, and the eventual downfall of capitalism, always returns. so lets go.

(i just quickly reread chapter 18 liveblog to remember what happened and Ah Yes I Remember Now. The Suppressed Memories)

The place was emptier without Glynda. Quieter.

/gunshot oh we’re in danger right out of the gate huh? we got some yearning right out here? right now? how quickly the turn do tables.

Cinder appraised her work, holding the beige coat up to the light and squinting.

man i forgot. i FORGET. how much i just love cinder in this fic. sometimes she kinda zones to the back of my mind where she sits waiting for me to start thinking about her again, but now i remember that this cinder is Peaque. look at her GO, minding her own BUSINESS. im proud of her. does she know i love her.

It didn’t take long to don her new, fire-proofed clothes.

in another world, in a more comical plot, she used asbestos. it didnt go well.

The subtle warmth of the Dust teased tension from Cinder’s stiff muscles, even as she marvelled at the strangeness of her own bedroom’s space. It seemed bigger now than it had the last two nights.

She chose not to dwell on it.

i choose to dwell on it! ME!!!! I CHOOSE TO DWELL ON IT. HEY CINDER WHAT THIS GAY SHIT. hello. ma’am. can we look deeper into this. i, for one, would like to, and i, for one, think its of value to think abt this. that said, small segue

Quietly, Cinder murmured, “I didn’t freak out.”

THE FACT SHE SAYS IT ALOUD LIKE EM AND MERC CAN HEEEEEEAR HEEEEEEEER i am. INFATUATED with this family. cant wait for the 100k spinoff thats basically an elongated beach episode where they go to like. alton towers. or butlins. six flags??? thats a thing in america right??? anyway. beach episode. call me. (wink wink nudge nudge push push shove shove)

We had to stop back in because Merc left his favorite binder, and it was 2 in the morning, so it was easier to crash here for the night than mess with the ship’s autopilot.

them,,, THEM!!!! mercury is just a son and childe. thast it. he canot change this. i love these kids so much i am SHAKING THE MONITOR RN!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA

Stuck here in one of the homes they’d shared, Cinder missed them terribly. Missed the sound of their voices and the easy comfort of their presence. Finding the time to contact them had been difficult, between managing Glynda and Hati both, but Glynda was gone, and she’d sent Hati onwards to Atlas. She remembered her call with Emerald, before arriving in Umbraroot; she knew it had not soothed her or her fears.

im sorry was this chapter targeted at me, specifically, as a human being on planet earth? GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS FAMILY!!!!!!!!! THIS WONKY OLD BANDAGED UP FAMILY UNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thrive every time they are mentioned on the page. it is a blessing. my succulents grow stronger each time they show up.

“No,” Cinder argued softly, “I had to. Mercury, you deserve to hear it from me as well. I am sorry. And I am promising you: I’ll come back.”

For a long, heart-wrenching moment, he was completely quiet. It was good that Cinder was alone in the apartment; laying herself bare like this would be unbearable with an audience.

GODDDDDDDDDDD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i am OBSESSED WITH THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM GOING TO BE THINKING ABOUT THIS UNTIL I D I E. of all thing the remaster does better than og, this is just. SPEEDING AHEAD. this whole CONFLICT this whole MESS just makes everything so much RICHER its like when u splash some wine in yr fancy food or stick some cinnamon on yr favourite desserts u dont NEED TO but it adds that lil SOMETHING,,, that little KICK that just ties the flavour profile together and in this case ofgughugguhu it just GIVES SO MUCH. im making SNOW ANGELS in the WORDS on the PAGE.

“Mercury. If I could prove it to you, I would. But you have to—trust me. For just a while longer.”

“It’s getting harder,” he said. He didn’t sound like he was lying just to hurt her. That wasn’t spite. That was honest anger. And it made her feel like dirt.

im less picking these for specific instances of like, things i want to say, but more just because bits of this r rly just so /chef kiss. cinder has these.... endearingly (take that whichever way u like) human qualities in OG to rly make u realise she had ties to add to her #Doubt but the remaster is just AMPING it up and u FEEL IT and ive never been more SYMPATHETIC to a round-faced sinnamon bun of assholery and fire id DIE for cinder fall and this is a fact PUT IT ON MY GRAVESTONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Is there anything you need?” What was this? Cinder could barely focus on her words. It felt like... “Anything? At all?”

“We’re fine.”

“Mercury, wait please—” She was losing him. “I think—”

“Just hurry up.”

The line went dead.

this place is not a place of honor.................. no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here........................ nothing valued is here................ IM DYING

Cinder began to type out her response, and that was when the nausea really kicked in.

[...]

She recognized this now.

Glynda.

stress stress stress stress STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

There shouldn’t be anybody. Cinder had done everything in her power to cut Glynda from people who would interfere. To isolate her. Make it easier to bring her to Atlas, to the frozen north, to her mother and the machine…

Cinder’s esophagus quivered; furiously, she shut her eyes and thought of nothing.

god cinder don’t remind me that you’re an asshole and dipshit and also a moron im trying to be NICE and CARE ABT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP REMINDING ME YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOR FIVE MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The front door clicked open.

Cinder couldn’t have said how much time had passed, only that it had passed slowly. What she did know was that it was Glynda returning, the sensation of boils bursting wafting off her soul. It crawled over Cinder’s flesh. She curled in on herself.

There were mites under every nailbed. Salt in her weeping mouth.

offal hunt’s brilliant use of this horror aspect is something i have tried previously to emulate and here’s a fact, take it from me: that shit is HARD. offal hunt consistently able to whack those real nasty, really Disgusting vibes on the head EVERY TIME is a work of art. i mean, kc and diesel do not fuck around, and therefore i am NOT surprised, but it’s only when u try this shit yourself that you realise: this is hard! this is difficult! it’s a huge testament to how GOOD this fic is in every way. also this whole fucking body horror aspect is something i didnt know this fic needed, but it did, and here we are.

Thickly: “Things were going okay. If you hadn’t gotten nasty, I might have smoothed things over. I could have fixed things with my son.”

with my son

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CANT TAKE IT EVERY TIME ITS TOO MUCH FOR TO BEAR I CANNOT HANDLE IT I CANNOT STAND IT ITS LIKE BEING SHOT JUST DIRECTLY IN MY DICK

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

im like sweating rn

Glynda said, “I’m scared.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to tell you.”

I SAID IM SWEATING

Glynda asked, “Are you lying to me?”

And Cinder said, “What?”

“About me. About Witches. About Ozpin—” Cinder’s guts went sour. “—About anything. I need to know if I can trust you.”

I SAID I! AM! S W E A T I N G

“I know you’ve lied to people. Hurt people.”

Adrenaline and the image of her kids’ faces behind her eyes made a potent, sick cocktail. “—Not. Now.”

so lets like double back to when i said hey was this chapter written to target me specifically and as it turns out, yes. yes it was. yes it was and as MUCH AS I AM LIVING FOR THIS MOMENT THIS SWEET BUILDUP THE EXPLOSION AND THE CRATER IT ALL LEAVES BEHIND

so this next bit is like. i cant really quote one section but as i was saying in Vague DMs, this whole bit feels like wading through mud. usually if you say something consumes energy to Read it’s in a Bad Way when yr bored but this is more like. you Feel cinder all over everything feels so sluggish and it’s like dragging your own corpse around as you try and leave and you’re TIRED and your LEGS HURT and you’re kinda thinking god what if i just fell face down for just a moment of my LIFE.

The putrid weight of Glynda’s soul filled the room until there was no space left for her.

it’s like being trapped in a sauna, like getting stuck in a humid waiting room. where do you GO. what do you DO. god this whole section is fantastic and offal hunt NEVER fails to fucking nail the Vibes but reading it is HARD. i literally keep having to stop and breathe like ive been holding my breath. jesus h christ.

a small intermission for a mood:

“Get fucked.”

back to regularly scheduled hell

Out of the bedroom. Down the hall. The walls were sweating with heat. She tasted smoke.

i love that i just said how i feel like im trapped in a sauna and it turns out: thats because me and cinder both, baybee!!!! hahahaha help

Glynda’s soul chewed her to the marrow. “Move, Glynda.”

cinder being hunted at the start of this fic: teehee! im running away! now im gonna getcha! heehee! arent i clever :) cinder being hunted now: this uh. this blows, actually,

Cinder’s pulse roared in her ears. Her hands twitched. She smelled Ochre Brown’s round face melting off. His wide smile shattered with each of his teeth, going black and popping like corn.

this chapter is probably my favourite so far for this blending of so many elements. i cant even begin to like. THINK STRAIGHT about how all of this is tying together. the lore. the THEMATICS. like i said this character rly is just Rich with what og lacked and oh is it RICH. im gonna read this chapter in future and see so much that i know ive already missed. holy shit.

“Ms. Fall,” she said. “The White Fang requires your presence immediately.”

NOT NOW

Cinder stood there looking at it for a moment. Her thoughts were slow. Copper-tinged. Something small and indulgent whispered to her through the blood-fog.

It was obvious enough what would happen if she got into this car. The driver would take her to a secluded place, where she would be ambushed by a squadron of battle-hungry White Fang grunts.

They’d try to take her down. And she was a killer, wasn’t she? Ochre Brown wailed in her ears with every thump of her runaway heart. Her hands itched for action; her teeth, for blood.

She’d burn them black.

never mind! you are already dead,

She thought about Glynda. About her saying that if there was trouble with the Fang, she wanted to come. That she would fight for Cinder.

She thought of Glynda’s question: What aren’t you telling me about Ochre Brown?

Yeah, fuck that.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A CLIFFHANGER!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORE MOMENTOUSLY: WHAT A CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is EASILY my favourite chapter so far. EASILY. everything about this was peak offal. the relationships. the dynamics. the dialogue. the vibes. the Grossness. the fighting. the EVERYTHING. this is some other level and its BITCHIN. PEAK. that said im now very tired. im going to have a cup of tea and Consider Things for a few hours. brb.

#liveblog #rwby #offal hunt

16 notes · View notes

transrightsjimin · 4 years

Text

im sorry im not rly in the BE hype atm :((

rant coming which has nothing to do w the album but everything w stress nd fatigue nd crying nd more job stress nd sensory overload and me turning everything into a worse issue in my head etc etc

i was this morning when i saw the mv nd watched the vlive but i obv slept way too few bc i went to bed late nd woke up early for the live and i had to rush a lot w errands nd an appointment w my autism coach nd at said appointment we called a dude from the municipality to inquire abt jobcoaches nd it turned out we misunderstood what jobcoaches are as they are who u get referred to when u have a job, nd the guy found it hard to figure out what type of trajectory(?) would best fit me for help nd now i have time to think abt it and will speak him again in 2 weeks or sooner if i want to. im just so tired nd a bit hungry and on edge and one sec, im in the side of the house tht faces kids playing around aka screeching as if theyre dying every second nd its majking me only more on edge!!!!

but urgh i cried so bad during the appointment and was prob way too rudde to her before the appointment, bc she talks loudly nd sounds rude nd confronting but just naturally bc ofher tone nd language nd urghgh h thikning abt jobs nd trying to talk nd not cry too hard when trying to explain stuff to the man over the phone was rly hard, like obv its fine if he knows im crying but its just hard to talk when crying nd im just so devastated thinking abt jobs!! i dont know what type of job i could handle nd it feels like im making everythig up bc i did somehow finish two studies in uni and im privileged enough w education and whiteness tobe more easily selected for a job by e.g. last name on my cv and i shouldnt be this picky but god i cant handle smth as physically demanding and underpaid as this, im tired 4/7 days that im not working nd what i earn in those 3 days is still not enough to cover rent bc they pay only for the delivery time itself instead of more hours!!! it just feels like wtf am i doing bc the municipality guy did admit im not the usual person he works w bc i had an education, as if i dont belong in the group but its really just an issue of having -100 confidence and no job experience!! like i rly dont strive for a fancy job or ‘’’career’’’, i just bneed something that i can pay my monthly expenses w and have a bit left to save up for e.g. emergencies, additional medical bills (like the 350 euros from the adhd diagnosis and therapy, which my autism coach will contact my adhd therapist abt, like if that bill can be delayed or split up in a payment plan), paying back for loan debt eventually and MAYBE soon god forbid i save up for smth fun. and i “need” the job also to have a daily activity and some structure in my life bc a large part of the reason my schedule is so fucked up is bc i have no more set time tht i need to be anywhere or any strictness or reason to get up nd so i just dont ghhh

im always looking for reasons why i cant do smth and why smth would go wrong and im already looking at every area where getting help w getting a job can go wrong like e.g. me being too stubborn abt companies i dont agree w or me thinking i cant do anything just bc i have not much working experience outside of mail delivery :(

nd then there was this A B C task list system my adhd therapist proposed in wihc i keep track of my most to least urgent + important tasks every day nd we werent sure where to keep track of that kind of list and she suggested sticking a paper to a wall (i think id rather use my wardrobe) to write it on and change or replace that every day and it sounds like a hassle but i rly need to do it every day, nd i can try other methods but thatd be either writing it on my phone but im not always on there nd theres not a type of file i can make that doesnt move back chronologically as i make new notes

ALSO im just very frustrated w myself bc my mom wanted to come over w food and i know she was too sudden w it but if only i left on time for the stores it wouldnt have been an issue. i feel like shes rly sad she couldnt come visit. fucking hell i rushed so much back and forth from the stores that i forgot to put the leftover letters from work yesterday into the outdoor mailbox and i already stress abt this bc my current teamcoach (aka manager) is more stricter w this stuff nd recently asked for a statement / explanation by me on why there were 29 letters w/o sticker from a route i did counted from the collected mail that were in outdoor mailboxes, and i did not do that but my only alibi / reason for not making that huge mistake was that i hadnt posted any mail yet that day and obv he wasnt happy w that. i sometimes had dreams / nightmares recently where i was late again or fucked up w a new route and got fired for it and thats quite an awful scenario / fear to me bc thats exactly why my dad was fired by his previous employee, for being late too often nd we’re the exact same. it just sucks bc i know many ppl who worry abt being late arrive to early at shit bc lol anxiety but i still arrive late every day WHILE being stressed abt it nd my whole fucking issue is that i need to break w bad patterns MYSELF, like whether i get help for autism stuff or adhd or sleep or whatnot, the homework / assignments / tasks / advice they give me, in the end i still need to be the one to do it and push through and make a change or put more effort into not going continuously back to the same distractions or demotivating black-white thinking

just URGH im so easily annoyed nd sensitive, also as in sensitive on a tactile level nd it doesnt help tht my room is a mess nd im super stinky from bts BE excitement and from squeezing my skin a lot last night, nor does the fact that i have rly bad coordination / awareness of my surroundings nd continuously bumping into shit or getting caught on smth help, which is also another reason im just so slow at work bc if i try to walk or deliver mail faster i keep end up bruising nd tripping or tear my hands on all these hard to move or sharp mail box slots if im not careful nd slower, which does still happen but not as bad when im careful

im also rly dizzy rn from haing slept too few and just urgh i “need“ a stupid fucking job, i need the money i need the structure but my god does actual labour and having to deal w colleagues every day and trying to keep up w stuff and be fast and precise enough in whatever the job is, sound horrifying hhhgghgh

OK RANT OVER IM SICK OF ME TALKING SO MUCH

#rambles #i dont even feel like explainig any of this stuff more if it was unclear #bc trying to re-tell what ppl from bureaucracies told me and each nd every thing explained is so complex

1 note · View note

one-abuse-survivor · 4 years

Note

Tired is when you're sick of life, or feel weighed down by the stuff around you. Sleepy is when you want to go to bed. That's how me and my friend do it, anyhow. At this point, I'm fucking exhausted to the point where I feel too tired to let it out but im gonna anyways. There's bits in here that I can't tell my friend, or anyone, so i'm hoping bc this is anonymous i can let it out. Right, intro done lol. Onto the story. Last night, i have no idea what time, maybe five or six, (all i know is this

thing ended at 7pm), my mom storms out of the room and comes back holding a bottle of water and her bag. She proceeds to tell my dad she found the bottle at the bottom of my bed, (basically im not supposed to have anything at the bottom of my bead bc asian tradition believes that youre on top of it and thats dirty or whatever). Then she pulls out my school photo, puts it on the table and tells my dad to look at it. Starts ranting about how I never listen, i look horrible, worst photo i've ever taken.

Basically, I go to a private school, and they think I should look good, and then they spent some time lecturing me about how i was supposed to look right when i was in the school, I look like a boy, i act like a boy, my hair's a mop, I look like a hooligan. Start talking about when i dress to go to school, how my shoes aren't polished and one of them has laces that show the white inner. How my hair's messy at the back, if i saw someone in jeans and someone in a suit in the street, who would i think was respectful? They told me they shouldn't have let me into the school, they loved me too much, that's why, they should have let me go to this public school that has a reputation for being a mess, that i belong there, waste of money, they regret letting me go here, thought i was a respectable girl.

Dad asked me again, who wouldd i think was respectful, the jeans or the suit, and I told him I don't know. We'll get to that later, but at that moment he sneered and snorted and looked at my mom. 'says she doesnt know' he jeers. I'd meant it as in 'i have no idea, please help me'. He took it as 'she doesn't know, and doesn't give a fuck'. I don't know how to look proper. they never taught me. they tell me that something looks good so i wear it. mom still buys my clothes for me. I have no fucking clue what looks proper and what doesn't.

Anyways, somehow they moved onto uni, and my current work, and how I pull all-nighters and how dad thought i was smart but nopw he has no hope, how he sees me get up in the morning and know i'm going to fail the assessment, how i get distracted, how i take too long to shower, how i never learn, how i never help them around the house, they do everything for me and if he was in my shoes then he would work until 'smoke came out' (vietnamese saying), how he would be so grateful but i'm not and they're going to leave me (which is a normal threat for them lol) and how they're going to die (another normal threat, dad has a lifelong illness and mom has been struggling with leukaemia for years) and they're not going to pay for uni if i get a stupid degree, only if i get a good degree like they want which will actually help me (law), if i want to become an engineer (something im considering) then i can pay for it myself, then again it's not like i'm even going to get into uni, when they look at me, they have to think of the girl i was when i was five because if they think about me now they feel sad, they won't look at me because I make them sad, they had so much hope for me, now down the drain, no, down to the sewers, look at my cousins going out, one of them had piercings and infections and almost got tattoos and is a nurse in a prison with a husband who stressed her out so much she passed out at work, do i want that, that's what i will get if i dont work, basd job, assisstants have to buy pads for their bosses, horrible child, this will end one of two ways, one i listen to them and come back years later to thank them or i'll look up at the stars and wish that i'd listened to them and they regret having me and caring for me, if only they'd been better parents, they'd been too lenient, but i don't care do i because if i cared it'd show in my working to please them and i haven't done that so that means i don;t care about them.

Dad told me it was too late to change, then switches to tell me it's not too late, they ramble on about my internet use, (i have to ask them for internet) and i'm not acutlalyu doping work on it, i'm just fucking around, they kjnow, they know, i can lie all i want nbut it's true. Horrible child, they'll die, they'll die, That's the end of the conversation, we're not going to talk about it anymore. No, stop talking. I'm going to tell you this until i die. I'm going to keep saying it, beccause it's better that i say it and you not listen than i dont say it and regret not saying it. (okay, i can;t currently remember anything else of what they said lol.). By the way, you wanna know abt

[asks didn’t arrive and I asked for the last bit again]

ok lets hope to god this sends then. i think i know where i was up to - 'do you want to know about what was wrong with the photo' i think was meant to be that. anyways, yeah. guess what was wrong with it. i had a fucking splinge. like my hair was parted and a bit of the part was split. that's all i can see that's wrong with it. maybe my hair looked oily? idk but that's all i noticed. also said something after that about do u remember when dad asked me abt who did i think looked better the suit.

also can i add something i just remembered which is that one of them put folders on my shelf and mom told me she knew i put them there to hide what i was looking at on my laptop from her when i??? didnt??? put them??? there??? in the first place???? (the layout of my room allows the folders to block the view of someone from the door basically) i put new folders there after i think my dad put them there but i didnt originally put them there??? sorry it was a full ask rant and i have no idea what the freak i typed and what i didnt lol. but u get the gist i think. big fat lecture.

i am tired. my eyes were puffy and there was like this pool of snot floating on top of this pool of tears if you did get the ask sorry u had to read that twice. :(. i mean even tho u didnt see it i was able to let it all out. not sure if it made me feel better about anything but being able to do it at all is rlly nice. Thank you for that.

-----

No wonder you’re tired, nonnie... I’m really glad you could get all of this off your chest, and really sorry that you have to hear those awful things about yourself coming from your parents.

I’m a white European, so I don’t share many of your experiences and I don’t know how it is to live in a Vietnamese family, but I hope it’s okay to compare it a little bit with my experiences in my (very Christian) family--if not, you can absolutely skip the next paragraph!

I have had a bunch of conversations with my therapist about traditions, religion, and misogyny, because since I cut my mother off, my grandfather has lectured me many times about how I am a bad daughter for looking out for myself and putting my life first instead of being devoted to my mother’s wants and needs. He told me that she’s sick and I’m horrible for not caring about that and abandoning her, and that if she doesn’t love me, I just have to work harder until I "crack her walls”. (As if I haven’t tried already, and as if she didn’t use her very mental illness as an excuse to abuse me). My therapist basically told me that sometimes, being the Disney villain in some people’s stories means you’re doing something right, because their vision of what’s right and what’s wrong (especially when it comes to daughters and women in general) is designed to hurt you, to make you put your family before yourself. That it’s never wrong to put yourself and your needs first, and that kids don’t owe their parents anything just because the parents brought them into this world--that was the parents’ choice, not the kid’s, and therefore it’s the parents’ responsibility to care for their kid, whoever that kid turns out to be; and not the kid’s responsibility to be the model child that the parents had in mind or to care for them.

Your parents belittling you for things you have little to no control over and accusing you of being responsible for their future deaths, for not knowing things that haven’t been explained to you, for not living up to their expectations without even giving you a chance to try, and for not “working for them as hard as they would in your place”, are all red flags of emotional abuse. Accusing you of things you don’t do and constantly drilling into your mind that they “know” you’re a horrible person who doesn’t want to learn or change is a red flag too, and probably an excuse to take the guilt off their shoulders for not taking the time to guide you in life and to explain anything to you before accusing you of not knowing it already. “It’s too late” puts the blame on you, but what it actually means is probably something along the lines of “It’s easier to scream at you than to put realistic expectations on you and then help you achieve them while respecting your boundaries and allowing you to make mistakes, but I don’t want to feel guilty about it, so let’s pretend you’re a lost cause, yeah?”

I used to go to a private school too, and my mother repeatedly told me that was the reason she struggled economically and that I had ruined her life. It wasn’t until I talked about it in therapy that I realised that I never had a choice in what school I went to. Same as I never had a choice in anything my mother decided for me. So how could I be to blame for the consequences of those decisions? And how can you? If they buy you certain clothes, then they have no right to criticise how you look in them. If they chose to put you in a private school, then the money spent is on them, not you. You shouldn’t have to “prove” you’re worth their decisions for you or their basic care for you--they chose to give you that unconditionally the moment they decided to have you in the first place, and if they refuse to give it or threaten to take it away, it’s becuase they’re neglectful and/or abusive, not because something intrinsic about you justifies it. You’re not a bad kid; you’re just a normal kid with very bad parents. And I’m really sorry that you have to put up with them. You deserve better 😔

I’m here if you need to vent again in the future, nonnie. Sending a virtual hug ❤

#Anonymous #Vent #Ask #Abuse tw #Abuse #Abusive parents #Emotional abuse #Long post #Threats #Guilt tripping #guilt tripping tw #Threats tw #therapy mention #christianity mention #neglect mention #(I'm nonbinary btw but it's not like my grandfather knows or would care 🙃)

3 notes · View notes

themockingcrows · 5 years

Text

Whisper Just For Me Ch. 15: Reunion

This chapter is SFW! This chapter is also available mirrored on my AO3.

Just having someone back in your presence doesn't always mean they're really there, especially when that someone is a ghost. How much of Dave is with you, and how much of him was affected by your time apart? Is it really a reunion when only one person is aware of the reuniting?

Your dreams were empty. You were holding out hope that Dave would visit you, would talk with you, would get rid of the lingering worry that clung to your mind like a sticky veil of spiderwebs. Instead you got repeats of different scenarios you've had in the past, strange distortions of shadow and light, a strange sequence of trying to buy a set of pants from a food stall only to find they didn't have your size, and your father trying to pass off one of his finest hats to you after it had been coated in peanut butter, blending the symbolic niceties of adulthood and achievement with a death threat. If you believed in omens it probably would have meant a lot. Good thing you don't believe in it without a gut feeling and the only feelings it gave you were confusion and a stomach ache.

You woke with your hand instinctively curled around the pendant as if trying to keep it warm, despite the material being plenty warm in your hand already, a reminder of who dwelled within it. Good, he was making some reactions now aside from just a loose sensation of presence.

“...Dave?” you said quietly, a sleepy murmur. “Dave, can you hear me in there?”

Silence.

“...Dave, I'm so sorry for what happened. If I was even remotely aware anything like that was going to happen I'd have done everything different somehow. I'm just glad we got there in time.”

More silence, but the warmth in your hand didn't diminish. Dave was definitely still in there. Maybe he was sleeping in too.

Your phone let out a few familiar tones to signal you had messages coming in, rapid fire texts that had you wondering just how many people were texting you at once till you could get at it and turn the screen on with a press of the button along the side. ...Huh. Okay, five texts in a row from a number you were sleepy enough to not recognize as Rose's for a moment.. No, six, your phone chimed again in your palm to try making you scroll down. Okay, maybe you wouldn't have recognized it was from Rose's number right away anyway, this was definitely not her normal way of texting.

TT: hey when you get this cn u like txt me back asap

TT: *can

TT: its roxy rose said i should hit u up again to like

TT: check in and shit about what happened

TT: srry for treating u like u two were gonna rob me blind but 2 be fair u were acting creepy

TT: is that ghost thing okay btw or is that not a gr8 thing to ask

Another few chimes as you were trying to formulate how to even reply, which left you marveling at the speed with which she could text. Was he okay? He still wasn't talking or glowing or.. much of anything beyond keeping the pendant warm. He wouldn't do that if he was sick right? ...Wait, do ghosts even get sick? What was the right word for this. Exhaustion? Strained? It couldn't last forever, he'd be back to normal soon surely.

TT: srry not ghost thing i guess i mean dave

TT: rose filled me in a bit but it still dsnt make much sense

TT: guess it makes more sense than me goin crzy tho

TT: *crazy lol

Yeah, no shit. Even this deep in everything there were times you worried you were just actually crazy and none of this unbelievable mess was real at all. Rubbing sleep from your eyes, you pushed yourself to sit upright in bed, put on your glasses, and started to slowly type out a reply with your pointer finger.

EB: hey, yeah, i'm here. sorry, i just woke up.

TT: o shit my bad lol

EB: no, it's no problem. thanks for getting in contact though. and sorry for uh.

EB: you know.

EB: barging into your apartment and alerting you to the whole concept of ghosts i guess?

TT: like i said dont worry abt it

TT: im just glad everythins back to normal in here

TT: I hadnt realized just how weird the place felt till now

TT: muties finally able to chillax again

EB: i'm still kind of amazed you believed us at all, but if you'd been feeling things for a while then i guess that would all just kind of line up, huh.

TT: just another day in the bullshit mines

TT: rose talks about stuff like this a lot but i kinda never rlly believed her

TT: hindsight 2020 foot does not taste gr8

You grinned at your phone and let the screen go dim once more before stuffing it into the pocket of some sweatpants you then wrangled on. Might as well not delay the inevitable and just get up. It took a few more tries than usual to get up, fatigue weighing heavy in your bones, but get up you eventually did to shuffle to the kitchen. A banana wound up in your other pocket, keeping your hands free for motoring around to thump down on the sofa. Jade perked up soon as you went down, shuffling her legs to get your weight off her feet and poking a head full of sleep wild hair out from underneath the throw.

“...S'it morning..?”

“Yeah. Or later, I didn't look at the time,” you admit, pulling your phone out of your pocket to peek as the banana was yanked out in a dual wielding motion. You bit the standing end of the banana and tipped it sideways till the peel cracked, making it easier to open one handed. Wisely, you waited till you had a bit mouth full of fruit to try talking more. “Closer to noon it look like. Oh, and Roxy wrote.”

“How'd she get your number?” Jade asked. She crawled to the floor to get at her purse, rummaging around for a brush to start taming the mass down enough to apply some strategically placed hair ties.

“Oh, no, she was writing from Rose's phone. I guess they met up today in one way or another? She said everything feels better at her place so.. I guess that at least shows Dave didn't dislodge somehow or anything.”

“Has he.. y'know. Said anything?”

You frowned and took another bite of banana, then another till it was gone, delaying as if the extra few seconds stalled would somehow give Dave enough incentive to interact again. No such luck.

“No. Nothing.. Oh! But the pendant's warm! He's definitely in there, just..”

Just what. Just tired? Just ghost broken? Did ghosts get sick? You sank down further in the sofa and let your leg slide further along the floor with a heavy sigh. This sucked. This really, really sucked.

“...I wish I knew enough about what was happening to fix it.”

“We could always ask Rose if you want. She seems to have good ideas on this stuff, maybe she'd understand what was happening,” said Jade, opening up a compact mirror to check and see if the low segmented pigtails were a good look that day. Verdict was a resounding yes from the way she snapped it shut with a happy grin and dropped the supplies back into the bag. “Or we can just wait and see what he does next on his own.”

“You make me sound like a helicopter parent when you put things like that, Jade.”

“Helicopter boyfriend.”

“Helicopter whatever! Same thing!”

“I mean-”

“You know that's not what I meant,” you frowned. “I just want to do what's best by him. I'm kind of responsible for him now, and I already fucked that up in a big way. Getting him back's like a second chance, but I can't do the second chance right from the very beginning if something's wrong.”

“Then call Rose,” shrugged Jade as she got up from the floor and sauntered off to pilfer breakfast from your fridge.

“Yeah but what if that just makes it worse somehow, what if we're supposed to wait for something to happen!”

“John either call her, let me call her, or shut up and relax! Holy shit, it's not the world ending, it's either getting more potential information from a verified source of accurate information, or making our own estimations based on study and other information sources. It's as if you've never heard of a reasonable hypothesis before,” she grumbled, then disappeared around the corner.

You frowned the way she went.

“You could've at least taken my banana peel with you!”

“Fuck your banana peel, you've got a leg and two arms that aren't broken!”

You immediately stuck your tongue out in her direction, already knowing she couldn't see it, but hoping she could feel your rankle even through the wall. Heaving another sigh, reveling in the dramatic for a moment, you turn your attention to your phone once more. It hadn't pinged again to signal an incoming flurry from Roxy, so you assumed it'd be safe to call Rose now. Jade was right. She'd probably know what to do.

The phone rang several times before you heard the familiar voice on the other line and smiled.

“Hello?”

“Rose?”

“Obviously.”

“Yeah. So. ..Uh.” Come on, spit it out, what if this was time sensitive or something? “Dave's home now... I think. But he's not talking or anything. No dream visits, no lights, no interacting with anything. The most he's done is warm the pendant up,” you start to explain. “I'm worried he's. I don't know. Sick? Exhausted? What happens now, how can I help fix him? I finally got him home but I can't even talk to him.”

Everything had started as a trickle before finishing in a rush of stress balled up into English and launched out of your mouth like cannon fire. You held your breath, listening closely for a response.

“Well.”

….Well that wasn't what you were hoping for. It takes effort to remain quiet and wait instead of pointing that out and being sarcastic. Stress sarcasm didn't tend to do the best things.

“I think he likely just needs rest. Roxy already caught me up to everything that happened prior to and just after him leaving. It's possible he just expended way too much energy while apart from you and needs to rest now. Perhaps even sap energy from his surroundings.”

You frowned and furrowed your brow in thought. It had felt harder to get out of bed today, but was that Dave already sapping from you, or was it just the reality of getting around on crutches for too long at a stretch?

“Is there anything I can do to help though? I mean. I guess if he's going to be doing that draining thing while this tired, is there anything I can do to make it easier for him to do it?”

You heard Rose sigh and the creak of whatever seat she was in.

“Hm. Well, not exactly anything you can DO. Not strictly speaking at least. You can make yourself more open to him, perhaps. Leave yourself like an open door, let him get at you easier. Keep him in range obviously. Make sure you eat and sleep often enough, perhaps rest up and take things a little easier. Be the reserve battery.”

You wet your lips and nodded, though obviously Rose couldn't see you. You hoped she'd get the feeling you nodded anyway.

“Is there any way I'll be able to tell when he's back to normal?”

“When he's back to scattering papers and bothering you, most likely,” Rose said, the soft sound of a chuckle flavoring her words. “But I think he'll make himself known when he's able to. The way you've talked about him makes it seem like he's probably just as excited to talk to you as you are to talk to him.”

It was a comforting though. Another few nods you hoped Rose was able to detect happened as you tried to collect the rest of your thoughts.

“When should I try telling him about the things Jade and I learned? About.. y'know, about his everything. His history and stuff.”

Rose was quiet for a moment. You could almost picture her biting her lip, pale teeth on black lipstick that somehow never seemed to smudge or get spotty.

“I'd recommend keeping your mouth shut about much of that until he's for certain stronger. It's hard to gauge his specific reaction, but the last thing you'd want to have happen is for the information to make him decide to go and then be unable to leave due to not having enough power.”

“So.. I just need to be a good battery and wait for him, and then get to the nitty gritty when he's all recovered and back to obnoxiously normal.”

“That's the gist of it, yes. Keep him close and in contact. Think of it as spoon feeding someone overtaken by illness while they recover.”

“I'm already recovering, I think I can handle a bit more of the resting. Hah, might make Jade happy to finally get off my feet and just take it easy for a while longer.”

She chuckled. “No doubt. I'd be interested to hear about your progress as things continue, actually. Will you be tracking things as you were before? That data is extremely useful to have on hand, it gives good insight on whether things that feel like they should work are actually beneficial. Who knows who might else wind up in a similar situation someday with a spirit and need to tend it before it can properly move on?”

“You make it sound like opening a ghost infirmary or rehabilitation place is an option, Rose.”

Another soft sound from the other end of the phone and far too long of a pause spanned silence till you laughed, awkward. “Rose. I was kidding.”

“Yes. Kidding. Still an intriguing idea. I wonder if spiritual rehabilitation could work in the case of negative spirits as we-”

“Rose, I'm gonna have to let you go for now,” you interrupted. “I'm sorry. I'll call back later on with updates, okay?”

“Have Jade call me later, if you could?”

“About Dave?”

“No, to make dinner plans. I think her phone may be drained, it just goes straight to voice mail.”

That wasn't like her. Maybe she turned it off instead of it dying. Either way, you nod and make a sound of confirmation just in case Rose wasn't psychic enough to understand just how earnestly you'd been nodding this entire time you'd been conversing.

“Sure thing. Thanks again, Rose. And uh.. Rose?”

“Yes?”

“...Could you tell Roxy to send me a bill for what all she'd need to get her laptop running again? I feel like it'd probably be better if I paid or helped pay for a good chunk of that. Even if it was an accident, just. ..Yeah.”

It was kind of the least you could do, considering someone innocent got caught in some pretty serious crossfire. Things could have easily given way to a fire, taken out the entire apartment building or gotten others killed.

“I'm sure she'll appreciate it. Between that and her phone, I think her run of bad luck took a bit more out of her than she'd be willing to admit. I'll just pass her your email address and she'll forward something.” A soft chuckle. “If she doesn't, then I'll figure it out and send the information your way instead.”

“Perfect. Thank you again, Rose.”

You hung up as Jade was coming back in with a bowl of cereal loaded to the brim, sipping milk from the edge where it precariously sat just waiting to spill all over the floor. She cast a green eyed glance your way to be sure she wouldn't squash anything before sitting down beside you on the sofa to crunch away. Apparently the back and forth sassing hadn't left any lingering bad tastes in her mouth towards you, at least judging by how close and comfortable she sat.

There was no mystery involved if Jade Harley was angry with you. You were very, very well aware.

“Rose said to treat myself like a good little battery and just wait on him to make the most of it. Give her updates.. and she wants you to call for dinner plans? Your phone's apparently off.”

Jade swallowed sideways and nearly choked on her cereal.

“What? Fuck. I forgot I did that. Right, don't worry about it, I'll call her soon as I finish this. ...But that's it, huh?”

“Apparently so. Take it easy, eat and sleep plenty, keep him close. I wonder if talking to him helps even if he can't respond yet. Would he be able to hear?”

“If he's awake he'll hear. Maybe he's just not strong enough to respond and he's actually wide awake worrying? Talking is a good idea.”

“Great, more excuses to talk to myself in public, exactly what I want.”

“Truly, you lead a charmed life,” she said with a grandiose gesture of her spoon before popping more cereal into her face. The mood seemed reset now that your obligations were complete. You had solved the mystery of how Dave died, of his origins. You'd gotten Dave back, though you weren't quite able to celebrate freely yet. You were going to repair damage done and set some debts right before they could become an issue. You had ideas on how to help fix things in a lot of ways.

All you needed was patience.

...Fuck does patience suck sometimes.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You'd spent nearly two weeks being the best battery you were able to be. You ate plenty of decent food, took naps whenever you could, and otherwise gave yourself as much physical rest as you were able to on the sofa when not busy. The entire time you were also murmuring to yourself, talking softly towards the pendant you couldn't help but keep touching, narrating your life and your thoughts to a sleeping spirit that you were guarding. The stone remained comfortingly warm as a hand you could hold in your time alone, and a few times you swore you could feel a soft pulse of a presence coming from it. There had been no speaking however. No dreams being visited.

The paranoid part of your brain was worried enough that it started to offer up all kinds of awful scenarios that were possibly coming true, despite having clear evidence to the contrary that anything was going wrong. Dave was quiet, but he was there. You knew he was there. ...You just wished he'd react more than a pulse or warmth.

Dave granted your wish one night. While you worked on your laptop in bed, fucking around on a forum in one window, talking with friends in another, and doing a little research into some new devices for spirit communication that were making the rounds in the online sources, you failed to notice the slender trail of red light leaving the pendant. You also failed to notice the red ball form, only realizing something was up when the corner of your eye caught the red haze starting to take a different shape.

“Wh-. Dave?!”

Fumbling with your laptop, you sat bolt upright in bed and glanced down to the pendant before back towards the apparition that was struggling to form something specific. Humanoid was a good start, but it seemed like he was struggling a bit to settle on a specific shape for very long, unable to make up his mind.

“It's okay, you can stay an orb if you want! There's no rush!” you hurry to say, though he doesn't appear to acknowledge you. The red light strains and struggles, forming Dave's face before flickering and distorting grotesquely enough that you're taken aback. He keeps coming back to his own face, but between flashes of it are things you don't recognize. Monstrous half formed things, faces that belong to people you've never met, and even several times faces you recognized. You could have sworn you saw Jade in there a few times, and Roxy. You saw your own face once or twice before it ripped itself apart to bone and reformed as malleable as clay in the vapor.

“...Dave?” you whisper. It's the face of Dave's brother that glances at you sharp as broken glass, mouth set in a thin line as his outer edges twitched and spasmed, only to once more break apart at the seams. He looked like he was melting, and it took effort not to panic. Something was definitely wrong, it was obvious to see, but WHAT was wrong. What specifically was wrong? What could even be done about it? You wet your lips and tried to think clearly as you could.

Be open. Be a good battery. Dave had gone through a lot of strain before coming home, maybe this reforming problem was linked to that? It had to take a lot of power to form a specific shape as opposed to just forming out of habit. You were trying to think of any reasonable explanation you could, despite the taste of bile rising in the back of your throat.

“Dave,” you try again, keeping his attention this time. Maybe just act like business as usual? “I missed you so much. I'm sorry this happened, but.. you're here now! You're home! And I'm recovering, and everything can go back to normal now.”

A frown lit on Dave's ever changing face, but he seemed to be starting to decide on the features you were by now familiar with. His eyes were the things that stayed in place the most, barely there hints of lashes pale on a fairly normal shaped face. At least it wasn't splitting apart at the seams anymore.. His mouth still looked too big, too sharp, too inhuman, but it was progress. You gestured with your arms wide as if expecting a hug at any time to come your way, hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe, you'd get it to happen if you wished enough.

“I know things haven't been easy. And.. I understand if you're mad. Or scared. Or-”

Something was wrong. Words died on your lips as, finally, Dave's features went into the right order and appeared to hold steady yet the look in his eyes didn't change in the slightest. He looked at you as if looking through you, taking in the room as a whole as if he'd never seen it before in his life. If he was strong enough to form, why wasn't he talking to you at all? Or reaching for you?

“...Dave,” you try again, moving so your legs were over the edge of your mattress and one hand was reaching for your crutches. “Dave. Say something. Anything. Or.. uh. Knock something over. I'm listening close as I can for you, I promise, but I'm not hearing anything. Am I just not trying hard enough or are you just not talking for some reason?”

The spirit was glancing at his hands now, wispy trails of paleness caught in reddish mist that faded in and out of view between fully formed mass and smoke. Even with a fully open link, it still took a lot of energy to do that. You weren't surprised to hear the fan of your laptop suddenly kick into high gear behind you, cooling the inner workings down as it drew more power than usual from the wall. He didn't seem interested in talking, or in doing much at all. Compared to the spirit you were used to, how Dave was acting now just gave you the creeps. He hovered gently off the ground, face grim and expressionless as a doomed man, resolute and lost. A thousand yard stare at nothing at all.

This was Dave, but it was the least Dave-like Dave you thought you'd ever seen. And considering how much you'd learned about him so recently and all the time you'd spent together so far, you considered yourself a pretty damn good gauge of Dave-ness. An unaccounted for lack of Dave-ness with no guidance on what had caused it. Could you soft reset ghosts? Turn it off and on again till the appearance stuck right.

No, wait, that was a stupid idea. Focus, John. You shook your head hard to clear the thought from your head to focus on the other thoughts instead, the ones that felt instinctively like they might help. After all, you'd shared a body before, two minds in one form. You'd had his voice in your head, in your ear, in your heart. Maybe he just needed that..? Needed a touch, a push, a rekindling to remember properly after the traumatic time apart like someone might take their shoes off and flop on a sofa to make a place feel like home again after a return from a too long vacation. You picked up a single crutch and forced yourself upright to your feet, leaning your weight to keep balanced before taking a lumbering step forward, one hand out beseechingly.

“Dave. Come here for a second.”

He stared at you, through you again, then went back to looking at his hands as if they were foreign objects. Maybe they were. The thought chilled your blood, but you lumbered forward another careful step, nearly touching him. It would be okay. It'd be fine. You could do this.

Dave flinched when your hand went through him as if he'd not realized just how close you were. ...Wait, had he felt that? The contact had been chilly, vaguely electric, but welcome. Familiar. Just needed to keep contact up for it to be warm, right?

“Come on.. Here. Remember when we were at the aquarium?” you asked, pausing to grin at him. “Would yoooou... want to try that again? No cars this time. It was kind of fun in hindsight. Scary but interesting to back seat in my own body?”

Were you offering casual possession to an Not-Very-Dave-Like Dave? Yes. Yes you were. It felt important, the closest thing to a hug you could manage when all you craved was contact with someone who couldn't do the literal contact thing very well. Dave stared vacantly, but didn't seem like he was going to dart away anywhere, or at least attempt to given the limitations of the place he was still tethered to. A thought of taming timid woodland creatures crossed your mind as you held your hand out in offer, patient, quiet, smiling.

“Come on. Come closer. I've really missed you, I can see you, you can see me. I can't hear you and I'm dying for a chat.”

More staring. ...Okay, you weren't a very patient man in hindsight, but the attempt was still happening.

“Dave. Come here,” you said again.

More staring.

Well. Now or never. Acting quickly, you moved your crutch forward and lunged for the spirit in his red haze as if you were trying to bear hug him, forcing yourself to think as openly as you could. Welcoming as an open door, trying to recreate anything you could from the aquarium as you went right through him and lurched uncoordinatedly straight into your dresser drawers. Another hard wobble as you rebounded too hard in a panic of over-correcting and started to go backwards, passing through Dave a second time directly before starting to head for the floor.

Though you hadn't been able to see it, the first pass through Dave's body had had a definite effect, a small spark of reaction, memory, something familiar. He'd watched your graceless fumble as well as your rebound without really reacting much beyond observation, too busy trying to organize his own slowly waking thoughts to go further.

...Was he home? Where was this? He'd been somewhere else, right? This felt different, it looked different, there was no pink everywhere, no cat.. It felt familiar. Looked familiar. So did the person falling.

Falling?

Fuck, falling.

You were wide eyed and nearly to the floor when the hand extended your direction, and without a second thought you reached up to grab it. Foolish really, trying to grab the hand of a ghost. There was nothing there to really grab, nothing to hold on to or to use to stop the inevitable crash to the ground, but what could you say? When falling the urge to grab a hand was instinctive. Your hand felt like it was numb with cold before it suddenly surged hot, heat racing up your arm and down your spine, making your head swim. You were aware you were changing position and of the world changing place around you, but kept bracing for the impact on the back of your head.

It never came.

You felt pressure on your elbows, forearms, and good knee instead. The brunt of the impact was taken in your healthy limbs, injured leg awkwardly elevated and hovering an inch or two above the ground before slowly lowering down.

...Wow. That was pretty cool! You'd never even thought of turning like that, it was kind of like a stunt man's moves or something out of a movie. Most importantly, however, you hadn't bashed the back of your head in like a total idiot who'd tried to hug a ghost! Just needed to get up then.

…

Just. Needed to get up.

…

Preferably with the moving and the getting up actions actually happening instead of just waiting. You tried again, but failed to move out of the weight bearing stance that had successfully broken your fall. Nothing felt heavy or really out of place. More like it felt like your joints were a glimpse of what life was like as the Tin Man after being left out in the rain too long, immobilized. You could feel your glasses starting to slide off your nose towards the ground but couldn't catch and readjust them. They slowly slipped bit by bit off your face before thumping to the ground, leaving your vision blurry and soft.

...John?

“Dave?”

Well, at least talking was happening. You were grateful your mouth could move, but the talking wasn't very soothing in the face of suddenly being an immobilized statue on the floor.

“Dave, did. ..Wait, Dave, you're talking now! Where are you at, I can hear you really clearly now!” you realized, voice raising in pitch a bit as the excitement built. Shit, it'd been way too long since you last heard his voice, you hadn't really realized how great it would be to hear him again.

JOHN

“Yes, I can hear you! Dave, come down where I can see you, I can't move, I can't see shit at all.”

...Wait.

“...Dave are you why I can't move. Where are you at. I can't see shit,” you repeated, “let me see where you are.”

John John John John John John John

“Dave, I'm happy to hear you too but like. Seriously, did you do this?” Had to be. In hindsight there was no way you'd be able to do a cool mid-movement flip like that to avoid damaging yourself in a fall. You were not nearly that coordinated. You felt warmth blossom in your chest and down your spine again, down either leg. You could wiggle your toes for a moment before the statue effect was in place once more.

JOHN JOHN JOHN JOHN JOHN JOHN JOHN HOME JOHN HOME SAFE JOHN HOME

“Dave. Dave. Let me stand up! I'm gonna get a cramp! Do whatever you were doing a second ago, I could kinda move for a moment there! You can talk and yell at me all you want but just. Can we go to the bed again? I don't want my leg to hurt.”

The excited thrumming focused in your chest like a steady bouncing, or like one of those wacky weasel toys that wiggled the ferret on the motorized ball in random directions. You could still hear his voice as if it were getting further and further away before realizing the warmth was focusing centrally before trying to expand outward to each limb at the same time. This was very different from the experience at the aquarium but.. it wasn't bad by any stretch of the imagination. It was kind of comforting actually, especially once you started to realize where things were and could hone in on where Dave was. It had forced you to stop acting automatically and to instead focus inwards at an acute angle that got rid of the borders around your body and the world around you.

Once again, your body housed two hearts for even a brief moment and you couldn't quite explain just how complete it actually made you feel compared to normal. Not too full but comfortable. Safer. ...Were you missing something, to feel this way? Or was it just a sign of you having a better capacity to work with others?

Or was it just Dave?

The warmth ran all the way to your fingertips, coursing through your veins and muscles till you could feel your arms wobble and then go limp. You face planted solidly against your glasses, mashing your nose into the frames hard enough that for a second you were scared you'd break them, pushing back up onto your hands with a sharp gasp. Okay. There was the movement again, but the warmth wasn't dissipating. You could still feel it in your chest, bouncing from side to side and up and down, spinning in circles as your own name was chanted in your ears excitedly.

JOHN John John JOHN home safe homehomehomesafejohn JOHN SAFE HOME JOHN JOHN JOHNJOHNJOHN!

You pushed upright to sit flat on your ass and picked up your glasses, taking a moment to rub them clean with the bottom edge of your shirt before putting them back into place. The room returned to crisp, clear outlines and familiar shapes. The pendant was all but burning at your neck, and you realized your lips were curled into a smile that was broad enough it made your cheeks hurt. You were.. happy. Absolutely happy. Whatever had happened between you and Dave, it had fixed the problem before it truly could get started and restored the world to its rightful state of reunion. This was what you'd missed last night when your worry hung in your mind as tangible as spoiled milk.

“I missed you, Dave,” you whispered, and hugged yourself as tightly as you could. The warmth stopped bouncing around to hold perfectly still for a moment before surging into both of your arms. You realized you couldn't move them again, both hands locked firmly to your upper arms before they began to make rubbing motions, not quite numb but not quite usable. You may have hugged yourself, but you didn't exactly expect 'yourself' to hug you back.

“Could you feel that too, Dave? Is that why you're doing this?”

This was unexplored territory, and held plenty of implications you were sure, but in the moment you didn't give a fuck. That fulfilled sensation, the warmth, the foreign feeling of your own hands on your arms that steadily trailed up towards your throat and then your own face as if they were the hands of another? All of it was new and all of it was just memories for the making and taking. You were getting to hug Dave in a flesh and blood way, even if it were only for the moment, and nothing could ever take that away from you. Nobody could claim it was impossible.

... John..

Were you. ..Were you crying? You weren't crying, were you? You were. You could feel hot trails on your face that cooled quickly, and the warmth in your chest was soon joined by a clenching that released in a huffed sob. It was relief, you told yourself. The full relief of everything being okay and returning to normal, of nothing being wrong finally, of questions being answered and of that all but overwhelming sensation of not being alone anymore in your own skin.

Your right hand lifted to rub your nose as you snorted in an ungainly way to clear your nose. Your left hand, outside of your control, carefully rubbed some of the water from your eyes with its fingertips.

...Don't cry...

“Don't tell me what to do,” you snuffed. “I'll cry if I feel like it, do you have any idea how scared I was that you were gone forever? And then I get you back and you-! And. And you acted like you weren't really there even when you were in front of me and now everything's just. Everything's okay! Everything's okay now!”

...Still crying...

“Shut up and let me have this,” you mumbled. Though the one hand stayed near your face, the arm you were able to move went to hug tight around your rib cage again, trying to hold everything together in case it somehow fell apart or flew away to the breeze. “Let me have this.. Let me have you,” you murmured.

The tension in your chest lifted and the warmth returned to your limbs, trying to spread to all four at once before it ricocheted around your rib cage again and went straight to your head. You didn't mind the dizziness or the slight ring in your ears, so long as you got to hug it out just a little bit longer.

“Stay with me like this. Even just a while longer, Dave. ..Please.”

The warmth stayed, solid and still as stone. You had a feeling it wouldn't be going anywhere any time soon and were grateful. You'd tell the good news to everyone else soon enough. For the time being, though, this happiness was all yours.

#homestuck #johndave #john egbert #dave strider #my fic

9 notes · View notes

ethospathoslogan · 6 years

Text

okay so there's one thing ive been seeing A Lot of since the new video and, maybe someone else has already mentioned this and im just not seeing the posts, but i kinda wanna talk abt it and low key theorize

tbh, w/ this new video and the logan/roman content it gave us, im kinda seeing a lot of people pointing fingers? like maybe im just interpreting stuff wrong but, to me, it seems like a lot of people are only saying "roman needs to apologize for _______" and "logan needs to apologize for _______" but never both? which i personally think is a super big distinction?

like, as someone whose first and second favorite sides are logan and roman, i will be the first to admit that both of them said and did really not nice things in the new video. but a lot of what im seeing is people acting like only one of them did something wrong while the other was only a victim to it??? and idk i just think that they both have a lot of shit to work on while also being each others victims

also oh yeah before i forget, one thing im kinda tired of seeing is people acting like logan is the only side to ever speak down to patton when roman literally does the same thing in basically all of the same videos but go off ig lmao

okay sudden salt rant over sorry ive been holding that back for months

okay but im not saying all of this to drag down logan and roman. hell, those two are my favorite sides, i would die for them. but what i am saying is that it seems like both are going through a negative character development that is purposeful for the narrative. like, roman is spiralling into his insecurities and acting extremely over the top, and even rude, to compensate. logan feels like he isn't being listened to and taken seriously so he is building up his walls and being meaner so people listen. is any of that okay??? no!!! but i think that's the point!!! listen i love negative character development

i personally think a huge part of the upcoming roman/logan arcs is going to be them actually talking out their issues. from "what makes us get out of bed" to "learning new things," yes, they have had some dialogue about themselves and how they're feeling. but nothing has actually been resolved. for both of them, things have just been simmering under the surface, and yeah maybe the "heat has been turned down," but that doesnt mean that tensions wont rise again in the future. i think both of their arcs are going to focus on working out their issues and working them out together.

like, yes, point out their flaws!!! point out how they are both condescending to patton and both definitely have more than one mean bone in their body!!! but, in my opinion, to only point fingers at one side is to ignore a part of their narrative. with the way the story seems to be going, roman and logan have a lot of shit they need to work out, and a lot of it coincides with the other. like, yes, roman has his insecurities, and logan doesnt feel listened to, but neither of that justifies the fights they have or the things they say to the other sides!!! and that's obviously not going to be ignored in the narrative, but we also cant ignore that both logan and roman have messed up many times

like, idk, the way i see it is that to condemn one and justify the other makes no sense bc, essentially, they are doing very similar things. both of them feel extremely inadequate and dont know how to properly express it, so they take it out on themselves, each other, and the others, which obvi isnt okay. like, yeah, they're working on it!!! but they still have a long way to go!!! and i think their arcs are going to connect in that way, or at the very least there will be a video about it where logan and roman Truly talk

basically, moral of my ted talk, i dont think it's useful to act like one of them is fucking up and needs to be better while the other side is doing nothing wrong and is justified. virgil was right in saying that both logan and roman are part of the problem, so it only makes sense for both logan and roman to work on it. to point fingers will get them no where, as we saw with the first like 15 minutes of the new video, so us pointing fingers isnt going to get anywhere either. whatever's next for the series, i have a strong feeling that it's gonna take both logan and roman working to better themselves and finally working together for their (first) arcs to come to a close. it's not just "mean logan/roman vs. victim roman/logan," it's going to require them swallowing their pride and bettering themselves and working on their mistakes and learning to work as a team because, as thomas said, logan and roman can really work as a great team if they truly try to

thanks for coming to my ted talk

#is this an unpopular opinion???#ts spoilers #personal #////#///////#logan sanders #roman sanders

116 notes · View notes

nyctolovian · 5 years

Text

Trust

Merry christmas, Sincere! So hi im ur secret santa hahahaha! I know it’s kind of weird to have a sickfic for christmas but I rly tried to write something christmassy and ummmm yeh as u can see it didnt work out hahaha! Hope u still enjoy it with its fluff!!

Summary: Trucy is running a fever while Mr Wright's at a trial so Apollo takes on the nursing duty. But health issues aren't the only issues Apollo will help with today.

AO3 Link

“Trucy has a fever?”

Upon hearing that, Apollo and Athena turned away from the client to look at their boss concernedly.

“Mm. ... Yes. … Oh... But I’m in the middle of a trial...” Mr Wright glanced at the clock. They only had five more minutes before the trial began again.

Eyes wide with worry, the client stared at him, wordlessly begging him not to leave. At that, Mr Wright flashed her a smile that assured her that he will be staying.

“I’ll ask someone to head over to fetch Trucy on my behalf,” Mr Wright spoke into his phone. “I’ll text you that person’s number. ... Yes. Thanks.” He pressed the “End Call” button before pulling his two protégés aside. “Well, you guys heard it. Trucy’s school called and she’s running a fever. And I can’t exactly leave halfway. Could one of you help me out?” he said with a sheepish grin. “I’d usually ask Edgeworth but he’s in Germany now...”

“I’ll go,” Apollo said, raising a hand. “Our client seems to need some help managing her fear, doesn’t she?”

“She does,” Athena affirmed. “It’s making her mess up a lot of her statements.”

“Then, it’s decided. I’ll go.”

Mr Wright wrote down something on a notepad and tore the page out. “This is the school’s address.” He handed Apollo the note and patted his shoulder. “Thanks for your help, Apollo. I’m counting on you to take care of her till the trial is over. I trust you’ll be fine though.”

The bailiff called the defense back to the courtroom and the defendant jolted in fear. Calmly, Mr Wright turned to her and comforted her. Athena held the defendant’s hand and squeezed it comfortingly.

Apollo glanced back as the three of them headed back into the courtroom before heading out. He took a look at the note Mr Wright had passed to him. The school wasn’t far from here. He quickly reached there by bus and got a visitor’s pass from the security guard before heading to the reception area.

“Hi, I’m here to pick up Trucy. Trucy Wright?” he told the receptionist.

“Ah, she is in the sickbay. I’ll wake her up,” the receptionist said.

Apollo pursed his lips. Was Trucy asleep? This fever seemed to be doing a number on the usually energetic magician. And he was right. As Trucy walked out of the sickbay, she looked incredibly exhausted, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

“Oh! Polly?” Her hand flew to her mouth. “You’re here?”

“Uh, yeah. Your dad’s in the middle of the trial so I’m here instead,” Apollo explained. He glanced over her quickly before gently tugging at her bag. “I’ll carry that for you. You look terrible.” For a moment, Trucy stubbornly tightened her grip around the strap. But Apollo was just as stubborn and she was feeling tired after all so she let go and sat at one of the benches.

The receptionist took out a form and told Apollo to fill it up so Trucy could sign out. He nodded and quickly filled it up. When he gave it back to the receptionist, her eyes widened in surprise. “You’re her coworker?”

“Um... Yes?” Well, technically I’m her employee but that’d be harder to explain. Apollo thought, cringing internally.

The receptionist laughed good-naturedly. “You two look so alike. I almost thought you were her brother! So you are a magician as well?”

“No, I’m not her brother,” he said, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “And I’m not a magician either. I’m a defense attorney. See?” He lifted his lapel.

“Polly, are you flashing your badge again?” Trucy asked from behind him.

“... No.”

The receptionist giggled as she filed the form away. “You two really get along well. Thank you for picking her up.” She craned her neck to look at the sick girl. “Rest well, Trucy!”

Seeing how tired Trucy was, Apollo got an Uber to take them back to the Wright Anything Agency.

As soon as they got in, Trucy started to nod off. However, when her head began to droop, she would suddenly straighten up again and the cycle would repeat.

“Just close your eyes,” Apollo said, leaning towards her. “You’re tired, right?”

“Ey, lass, y’ sick?” the Uber driver boomed, peered behind.

“Please look in front while driving,” Apollo reminded.

“Yep,” Trucy replied. “Fever.”

The driver nodded and turned his body slightly to look at her. “Thought so. Take forty winks, lil’ lady.” (“Oh god! Please look where you’re driving! Car! Car!”) Yer brother there can wake y’ up when we reach.”

“He’s not my brother,” Trucy said with a slight pout. “He’s just Polly.”

“Ey! Sorry ‘bout that! Y’ two got the same face!” the driver guffawed so loudly the car seemed to be shaking. Apollo clung to the roof handle for his dear life.

“Why do so many people say that?” Trucy mused aloud. “My friends in school say that too. Remember that time when I forgot my umbrella, Polly?”

Gulping, Apollo nodded. He won’t be remembering that any longer if the driver kept turning around to talk to them. “Alright, nice. Can you please nap now? No talking while napping,” Apollo said, patting her head. At least then Trucy won’t goad the driver into talking again.

“Good night,” Trucy muttered absently as she curled up in her bed.

“Good night,” Apollo replied even though he knew that was a weird thing to say at 10am. As he sat at the living room, he texted Mr Wright.

You: Trucy’s home now. She’s running a fever of 38.5 degrees. [10:34 AM]

Tentatively, he peered into Trucy’s room. Apollo felt pretty useless as he watched her tossing and turning uncomfortably. Never had he been needed to take care of someone else with a fever. And usually when he was sick, he’d just sleep it off.

Surely, he shouldn’t just be telling Trucy to sleep and leaving it at that. He frowned in thought for a while and paced around. Then, he picked up his phone again.

You: im taking care of trucy cos shes got a fever. 38.5 but wth do ppl usually do for fevers??? [10:39 AM]

The reply was almost instantaneous.

spaceman: Oof [10:39 AM]

spaceman: Give her water [10:40 AM]

spaceman: And paracetamol or watever [10:40 AM]

spaceman: Put a wet towel on her forehead [10:40 AM]

You: im not sure where mr wright keeps his medication stuff though. i asked trucy and she doesnt know either [10:40 AM]

You: shld i ask mr wright??? [10:40 AM]

spaceman: Yeah. Do that. [10:41 AM]

You: not sure when he can reply. hes at a trial now [10:41 AM]

spaceman: Ohhhhhhh [10:41 AM]

spaceman: No wonder ure the one taking care of her [10:41 AM]

spaceman: Good luck bro!! Dont die!!! [10:41 AM]

You: ok tks i wont [10:41 AM]

spaceman: Btw for the towel, get a basin so u dun need to run abt [10:41 AM]

You: k [10:42 AM]

After sending a message asking Mr Wright where he kept his medications, Apollo placed a cup and a jar of water on Trucy’s bedside table. With a bit of nudging, she finally sat upright to down an entire glass of water before sinking back into her bed with a flop. Then, he followed what Clay said and got a basin of water and a towel. Apollo soaked the towel and wrung it before placing it on Trucy’s forehead.

Apollo noticed the minute relaxation of her facial muscles so he supposed he was doing this right at least. Thank god for Clay. What would he ever do without him?

Feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket, Apollo picked it up again.

spaceman: AND SOUP OR PORRIDGE [10:53 AM]

spaceman: FOR LUNCH [10:53 AM]

spaceman: Im kinda assuming mr wright wont be back before lunch cos ure usually MIA for almost an entire day when uve got a trial [10:54 AM]

You: good idea [10:54 AM]

spaceman: Careful not to drop the entire bottle of pepper in the pot again. Itll kill the poor girl. Her dads a lawyer, apollo. Dont risk it ;-;[10:54 AM]

You: THAT WAS ONE TIME [10:55 AM]

spaceman: Tell that to my poor tongue :( [10:55 AM]

You: I GET IT STOP [10:55 AM]

spaceman: RIP Clay Terran’s tongue. 2004-2024 Death by pepper poisoning. [10:55 AM]

You: ITS TIME TO S T O P [10:55 AM]

spaceman: Dont. Stop me nOOOOWWW [10:55 AM]

You: why r u quoting queen in 2027 [10:56 AM]

spaceman: Why r YOU quoting filthy frank in 2027 [10:56 AM]

You: why r we even friends [10:56 AM]

spaceman: What do u mean?? This is precisely why we r friends [10:56 AM]

spaceman: IVE BEEN CAUGHT MY PHONE NOOOOOOOO [10:56 AM]

You: wow. a murder right before my eyes. ngl i feel nothing for ur death. [10:57 AM]

spaceman: Aura speaking, apollo, stop texting clay while hes at work. [10:57 AM]

You: Noted. Sorry. [10:57 AM]

“Trucy, please get back in bed,” Apollo said. “You’re still sick.”

“My fever’s gone, isn’t it?” Trucy said, puffing her cheek, as she continued to carry things out of the fridge to be defrosted.

“Well, yeah,” Apollo said. “But you’re not completely well yet. The sick should stay in bed to rest.”

“Do you even follow your own advice?” Trucy said, arms akimbo.

“Yes?” Apollo tried, rubbing his bracelet.

The piercing look Trucy gave him made him shrink back. Lying was futile. She could perceive lies too after all. Was this what it felt like at the other end of courtroom scrutiny?

“Okay, fine. I don’t,” he admitted. “But you’re a kid! A growing kid! I’ll do the cooking, alright?”

“The guest shouldn’t be doing the cooking.”

“I’m not guest, Trucy! I’m supposed to take care of you!”

“Look, Dad’s coming back for lunch. I can’t leave him hungry,” she said.

Apollo drooped with a sigh. “I’m sure what he means is that he’s coming back to settle lunch for you. Look, I could even ask him right now!

“I highly doubt he can cook,” Trucy stated, pouting.

“Mr Wright’s an adult. I’m sure he can settle his own meals. But if you really think that, I can just do the cooking. Your germs are going to get in the food anyway.”

“I can wear a mask,” Trucy rebutted.

Apollo waved his arms wildly before dropping them in exhaustion. “Rest. Please? Trucy?”

Trucy frowned at her feet. “It’s just a meal. I can do a meal.”

“Exactly! So can your dad. It’s just a meal. He can handle that by himself,” he said.

“I’m cooking,” Trucy insisted, stomping her foot.

“Why are you so stubborn about this?” Apollo sighed. Then, he noticed her fists shaking with emotion. “Trucy…” He watched her closely. “Is this really just about cooking?”

Her sharp blue eyes shot up to glare at Apollo. “Polly! You’re perceiving me?!”

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Apollo muttered, “Sorry. Habit. But answer me truthfully, Trucy.” He looked at her again, his brown orbs warm and gentle now. “This isn’t just about cooking lunch, is this?”

“I’m supposed to be the one who cooks lunch every day,” Trucy replied.

“So you see it as a- um… a duty?”

A silent nod.

“So skipping out makes you feel bad?” Apollo asked as he pulled a chair out and sat on it. “Like you’re not doing your part?”

Another nod. This time, she tentatively added, “It’s like a contract.”

He hummed in understanding. Then, he dragged another chair out and patted the seat.

Gingerly, Trucy sat down beside him. Her hands gripped the sides of the chair, tense.

“I kind of get it,” Apollo began. “I mean, being a foster kid, most of my relationships with my guardians feel like contracts too. ‘If you don’t do this and that, you won’t get, um, whatever.’ So I kind of get it. That kind of spread to my other relationships to be honest. So I always get this guilt when I’m not — I don’t know — performing?”

Trucy huffed in amusement.

“Have I ever told you about my best friend?”

“Clay?”

“Yeah, him. I used to always set rules for myself on what I should do for and with Clay,” Apollo continued. “I’d, um, not go for things, like parties or school projects, if he wasn’t going with me because I felt bad enjoying myself without him and stuff like that. When he found out, he got so mad at me and said it was dumb.”

Trucy snickered. “That is dumb.”

“Yeah, because, you know, he really hated that I wasn’t doing things for myself because I had set my own rules for our friendship. Well, the point I’m making is this,” Apollo said. “People who care about you wouldn’t want your relationship with them to restrict or hurt you, you know? People who really care would want the best for you, I think.” He looked up at Trucy. “And I think your father cares about you. A lot.”

Trucy was silent. She wasn’t meeting his eyes.

“I-I hope the things I said made sense,” Apollo stuttered. “I was just saying what I thought. I’m really not that good with words- URNGH!”

Trucy had slammed her face into his chest. Stiffly, Apollo’s arms hovered at his shoulder level as the teenager tightened her embrace. A fond smile spread across his face. Slowly, he lowered his arms over her shoulders and pat between her shoulder blades.

“Thanks, Polly,” Trucy said as she pulled back. She shot him a cheeky grin. “You make a pretty decent older brother.”

Apollo rolled his eyes. “Quit teasing me. Now, go sleep. I have a meal to make.”

#ace attorney #ace attorney secret santa #apollo justice #trucy wright #clay terran #sickfic #shenanigans #light angst #fluff #mostly fluff #hurt/comfort #humour #siblings #my writing

25 notes · View notes

sweatytyrantwhispers · 3 years

Text

Part 4 of things my friends do that make me love them even more:

- both rachel and cristine are artistically talented and i cant fucking wait to see them become famous doing the things they love (i know theyll becoem famous i believe in them tht much) (rachel has a great singing voice; cristine has a great singing voice, knows how to play various intstruments, loves acting, and can paint/draw amazingly)

-seth tells me some catchphraes his fav youtubers say whenever we talk

-none of my friends (nor I) knows how to react or what to say most of the time, especially when it comes to gift giving and compliments; we’re all oblivious and awkward people that don’t understand society

-andy messes up on what to say to customer service people when its evening/night time cus we usually go out around tht time but he’s used to sauing have a good day

-andy also hates intersections so he’ll pretend hes walking in the other direction (away frm the intersection), stand on the sidewalk and pretend hes doing something, or take a whole other route if theres a car nearing the intersection bc he says it feels awkward

-rachel’s favorite animals are dogs and raccoons so when i send her a post abt raccoons she gets rly excited and says she wants to hv a raccoon as a pet when she grows up. She also gets excited when i point out a dog to her in public (she cant see it cus no glasses but still excited by its genert presence)

-dina is scared of lightning so I always try to ask her if shes alright when theres a thunderstorm

-when we go to the park, rachel almost always tries to make tiktoks. We always end up interrupting and annoying her while she makes them though, sorta like our little routine.

-last time we went to the park, rachel ended up accidentally hitting meng and I directly on the face with the volleyball (its ok though cause im pretty sure we’ve ended up accidentally hitting each other with the ball at least once)

-when i got hit with the ball dina asked me if i was ok but as she moved towards me she went for the ball (we were playing monkey in the middle and she was one of the monkeys); its just funny and i love that our friendship is at a point where we could laugh about it and everything is fine

-i told my friends that i was depressed before going to the park to hang out w them. when i got there i kinda just sat on the ground looking through reddit with music on high. they all tried their best to talk to me and tell me funny stories (they said they overheard a group of kids talking about how they pantsed another dude) to cheer me up. Dina and Rachel both decided to give me a hug at the same time and i toppled over. Dina gave me a hug again. I love them so much

- Andy called me while i was in class to tel me to look at the sunset. Its something that both of us have done a few times because we both love sunsets and usually see them when we’re out. Its a small thing but it makes me love my friends even more.

-I was on voice call with Rachel on discord and she laughed then sent the group chat a link to a tiktok

-(not my friend but my mom) She knows that i hate it when things are thrown out when they’re still good or can still be repurposed. Someone brought flowers home for some reason (i forgot why) but she was putting the flowers in a vase one day. Some of the flowers broke off the bigger portion of the stem and couldn’t be put into the big vase but she put a bunch of them into a small container for me and gave it to me. I loved it even though we did hv to throw it out like a few weeks later.

-My friends and I were at Central Park and we were waiting for my two friends to finish up taking pictures. Meng and I were taking a short nap (him sitting down w his elbows on his legs and me w my head on his shoulder) while we waited. We also shared my earbuds to listen to my music. I was p sleepy so I was on the verge of sleeping my also sorta aware of what was going on (mainly cus we were guarding our stuff while everyone else was taking pictures elsewhere). I was doing that thing you do when you’re nodding your head while trying to stay awake/go to sleep. I kept on doing that until he eventually sat up a bit more and pushed my head onto his shoulder better

-Samir looked at a shirt with george washington on it and confidently said that was benjamin franklin

-Dina was talking about how she kept on eating shrimo and peanuts even though she has a mild allergy to it. Rachel and I were telling her to stop and tht we’re not bringing it to the picnic on sunday cus we dont want her dying. She responded, very confidently, tht she “hasnt died before”

-Samir calls dina “d-money”

-Rachel gave me a hug as an im sorry for taking so long. (I genuinely didnt care cus even tho they do take a long time i still v much love them)

-Rachel takes tiktoks and videos of us while we’re out

-Rachel and Dina both got v the excited when i wore a skirt out today because I usually dress more masculine

-A few weeks ago (i think) my friends and I were at the park. I was trying to do something to meng and tripped and fell on the park ground (the part where there’s basically a bunch of tiny rocks on/in the floor). Meng was also trying to do that thing where two people hold a person’s arms and legs and swing them back and forth with me but forgot that if you take someones legs off the floor with no one else holding my arms, i would fall head first onto the park ground, which i did. Both times I laughed at myself but everyone rushed to me while laughing. Idk why but it made me feel like I was ok and safe, even if i was in so much pain, srsly i couldve had a concussion.

- Rachel and I both got excited bc we both wanted to got to the same college

-I call andy when im walking home by myself at night (or when the route im taking doesn’t necessarily hv a lot of people of lights) and he just vibes with me (sometimes talks to me abt how i should b home) until i get home safely

-idk if i already put this but Andy and I have a safe word when we think there might be someone behind us following us at night bc one time when walking home we thought tht and used our now safe word to see if there was someone

-Rachel and Dina do this thing where they take their hand and go from the side of someone else’s body (where the arms are) to the bottom of their legs rly fast while theyre walking. They call it “full body stroke”. They shared it w me and now we do it to meng almost every time we go out. Sometimes we do it together (one person per side).

-While at Central Park there was a dude that was singing (he was rly good). He started singing “Lean on me” by Bill Withers and my friends started singing along with him.

-Rachel sent me a tiktok knowing full well that itd make me gay panic bc yk ✨w o m e n✨

-Dina, Alan, and I stayed out after everyone else went home cus yk they were tired. Dina and I decided to talk like white girls/pick me girls the rest of the night with their stereotypical voices. We laughed the entire time and created weird storylines including: Jessica (Dina), Olivia (me), Jayden (Jessica’s boyfriend and brother that created on Jessica with me and Nicole), Nicole (Jessica’s friend), Olivia’s dad (a convicted felon in all 50 states and is dead), Jessica’s dad (a lawyer that’s also running for president, and Alan (he was just roped into our bs and was there to act like the dude that we both wanted to have as our bf).

- When we were in the bathroom and washing our hands, Dina waited until after the other woman in the bathroom to leave before coming up to me and, in a discreet whisper, told me that the soap was what “good pussy sounds like”

- Rachel, Dina, and I saw a few cats on our way to meet up with Alan and we played w the cats for a bit before one of them said “pspspspsp come here alan” to one of the cats. We now do this frequently to each other even though we hate it.

- We have corrupted each other to the point where we cannot hang out without someone saying “that’s what she said”, something about Dina being white, “just like this dick”, and “deez nuts”. We laugh about it a lot

- Rachel and I are both reasonably out of energy both mentally and physically after our jobs so when I walked w her to a mall w the rest of her friends, we both walked silently with a bit of catching up cause we both understood how the other felt

-We had a water balloon fight today at work (Alan, Rachel, and I work together). Obviously, I took the chance to pop as many balloons over rachel’s head and dump water on her. She tried to spray me w water using a water gun though. Afterwards gave the towel i brought to rachel cause she needed it to change. It’s important to note that rachel has purple hair right now and that the towel was white. key word: was. The towel was now stained a light purple (I dont mind but damn)

- i made rachel a purple raccoon by crocheting it (purple and pink actually). I finished it yesterday (sunday) and gave it today to her at work (monday). I opened the door a bit and peeked my head in with the raccoon just below me in my hands. She was confused at first but then saw the raccoon and her eyes lit up. It was rly cute🥰🥺 to see her get excited. We both nicknamed the raccoon “pimp jr.” and i made a lil name tag/from to tag that said it.

- rachel likes to lip-sync to music shes either listening to or hears in store and sometimes does a little dance with it. Its so cute and I love looking at her do it because it reminds me of why I adore her. She also goes hard when it comes to singing at karaoke. Like damn her vocal range is astounding

- dina got so excited when i asked her if she wanted to binge watch all the twilight movies with me. She looked so cute cus its one of her favorite movies. ugh i love my friends.

-a lot of dudes have crushes on rachel and dina and the both of them usually just try their best to avoid the person or avoid confronting them. Idk why but it kinda makes me feel grateful that I’m close friends with them because I used to have a crush on both of them before when we first met. When I told them i used to have crushes on them they didn’t act weird about it or anything and we continued to be friends. I’m so fucking grateful I’m their friend despite my initial crush on them cause they’re two of them most amazing people I’ve met my entire life.

-rachel, meng, alan, and I went to go watch Shang Chi in movies. In the last few scenes (which were v tense btw) rachel nd I both got rly anxious and squeezed each others hands bc we were scared out favorite characters were gonna get hurt. She squeezed the fuck out of my hand to the point where I couldn’t feel it anymore and neither could she. I’m ok with that though cus I’m glad she finds comfort in squeezing the living fuck out of my hands.

-dina, rachel, and I have matching bracelets from hot topic and i see them wear it almost every time we hang out. Alan and I have a matching pair too but I dont think he’s going to wear it very much (issok tho).

-We went to karaoke yesterday and I dont know how I just realized this but while she’s singing, dina likes to move around a lot. It’s not exactly dancing but not particularly just moving around. Its kinda like that tiny thing ppl do when they’re alone and playing their favorite songs on blast. She’s so cute when she does it, esp because she seems so happy when she does it. Even though I absolutely despise Justin Bieber, I would play his songs over and over again on blast if it made her as happy as she has made me.

-dina and I like to go to the swings and blast “Happier Than Ever” with earbuds in (we share a pair for this) and she screams along to it for the second half

-it’s become a “tradition” for us to go to the swings (most of time) after we’ve done the initial things we already planned out because dina and I love the swings.

0 notes

rwbyremnants · 7 years

Link

THIS CHAPTER: First time, handjob, premature ejaculation.

=Chapter 9

Bowling was a lot of fun for the whole family. Of course, that was only because the parents didn’t notice Ruby teasing Yang and trying to make her smell her bowling shoes, but that was only briefly annoying. The rest of the time was a lot of fun, competing against each other, scarfing down pizza and sodas from the snack stand and generally goofing around.

By the end of it, Yang was even starting to feel less weird around Summer. Her brain still twisted the knife by flashing the memories of her nude body at her once in awhile, but it was becoming less frequent and she could easily tolerate that much. Besides, remembering Ruby’s body helped a lot with that.

On the way home, they stopped for frozen yogurt and chatted and laughed. Everything was on the mend; their dad definitely didn’t look put out about Yang skipping fishing now that they had some quality father-daughter time in, and they were all talking as normal. Even the occasional guilty look in Summer’s eyes didn’t bring down the evening; after all, they hadn’t really done anything wrong. Just didn’t volunteer an embarrassing story that would have probably made poor Taiyang a little green around the gills. In time, they would forget all about it, other than an occasional wet dream Yang might have when her subconscious mind decided to be an asshole.

By the time they got back, Tai, Ruby and Summer were all pretty tired. After about an hour of TV, they one by one drifted off to bed, Summer the last.

“This has been… a day,” she offered to Yang with a pained smile.

“A pretty good one.” Yang made sure to grin, and without any awkwardness; she wanted her to know that it was already no big deal to her. She noticed her relax, even if only slightly. “See you tomorrow.”

The woman came over to sit on the edge of the couch where Yang was reclining. Irrationally, she felt tense and wanted to worry about what might happen, but she made herself breathe and remain calm.

“Listen… again, I’m very sorry for what hap-”

“Don’t. I got a free show, and you got a tan. That’s it. Nothing else has to be said; we’re cool.”

“Alright,” she breathed with a small smile. Her hand raised, as if she were going to pet Yang’s hair or a similar show of affection, then drew away again as she thought better of it. “Don’t stay up too late.”

“I won’t.”

Once she was alone, she flipped through channels for a while. There was nothing very interesting on, but she found some reruns of an old sitcom that she used to love, and killed some time watching that. Then she got a text message…

BLAKEYWAKEY : Hey hows it goin down there? n_n

Another grin split Yang’s face. She didn’t think her teammate would care enough to message! Rolling over onto her back, she sat up just enough to make it easier to flash her thumbs over the letters.

ME : P good hbu?

BLAKEYWAKEY : Not baaad just chillin w fam c: BLAKEYWAKEY : Is it awk w ur stepmom? Is she being a bitch or

ME : Oh… if only u knew lmaooo

So she told her. There were a lot of “WHAT”s and “R U SRS”es from Blake along the way, but she mostly just let the story unfold until it was over.

BLAKEYWAKEY : Did u see BUSH?!?!

ME : DUDE NO STOP

BLAKEYWAKEY : Omfg u saw ur stepmoms bush im kinkshaming

ME : Ughhhhhh I wanna die

BLAKEYWAKEY : Hey question BLAKEYWAKEY : I thought u didn’t like girls

ME : Well ME : I didnt really know but now I think im bi? ME : Just never had any real dates soooooo

BLAKEYWAKEY : Omg but BLAKEYWAKEY : I showed u mine BLAKEYWAKEY : Oh man I didn’t mean to like freak u out

ME : YOU DIDN’T IM FINE

BLAKEYWAKEY : HOW FINE U PERV

ME : Dude pls don’t ME : I feel weird enough abt shit here ME : We both know u like dick so don’t act like u weren’t perving

BLAKEYWAKEY : ...no comment BLAKEYWAKEY : OKAY FINE if it wasn’t on u I’d be all over it

ME : WOW

BLAKEYWAKEY : U KNOW WHAT I MEANNNN shhh BLAKEYWAKEY : Maybe I’ll let u fwb me up if I get antsy

ME : …bad Blake down kitty

BLAKEYWAKEY : WHY DO U ALWAYS CALL ME KITTY I’M SNSKHDLSLDS

ME : Anyway… yeah maybe I thought she was hot but shes my dads wife ME : It’s not right

BLAKEYWAKEY : Yeahhh BLAKEYWAKEY : Hey im sorry for making it awk BLAKEYWAKEY : Ur probably feeling really messed up abt this BLAKEYWAKEY : Im sorry I’ll shut up

ME : Not really but a little yeah ME : And then there’s… ME : Nvm

BLAKEYWAKEY : ???

Yang really did think about it, but there was no way she could bring herself to tell Blake about her illicit affair with her half-sister. Not over text. Maybe she’d confess to her when she got back for Fall classes.

ME : Anyway tell me about Maine lol do u eat lobster every day

BLAKEYWAKEY : God I wish BLAKEYWAKEY : And do u really think this subject is over?!? What a bad segue

ME : I SAW HER NAKED BIG DEAL

BLAKEYWAKEY : IT KIND OF IS?? For u anyway BLAKEYWAKEY : how big were her boobs

ME : …

By the time Yang was done texting and bingewatching, she felt tired enough to try to go to sleep. Or at least, to lay down and hope that it happened. Worse come to worst, her phone had Netflix.

She poked her head in to check on Ruby once she was all washed up and changed. She was asleep and snoring quietly; it was such a gentle noise that she couldn’t believe Ruby had once acted like it would bother Yang. Smiling, she tiptoed over and leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“Hm?”

“Shhhh. Goodnight.”

“Hey,” Ruby breathed, smiling up at her. “Um… stay here?”

“What?”

“Stay. Sleep here.” She nipped her sheets open for emphasis.

“Nah,” she whispered back with a grin. “It’s okay, I can survive until morning.”

But then Ruby pouted, and she knew she was lost. Rolling her eyes, she walked back to ease the door shut, then slid into the bed next to her sister.

“You’re really warm,” Yang whispered to her.

“Your legs are cold.” They both giggled. “But they’ll be warm, too, in a minute.”

“Whiny brat.”

Pulling Yang’s arms more tightly around her middle, Ruby whispered, “You wanted to.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you did it. And you didn’t even act that grumpy first.”

Dead to rights. Again. Grinning into Ruby’s neck, she said, “I feel so good next to you like this.”

“Oh…” Yang had thought that was it, until she heard a little sniffle half a minute later.

“Ruby?”

Swallowing hard, she clutched at Yang’s arms tighter. When nothing further transpired for a few seconds, and Yang was still waiting for an answer, tense now instead of relaxed, she spoke up… and it became clear why she was so quiet before.

“I love you so much. I… kinda forget it, until y-you say something like that… s-sorry, I don’t m-mean to get so… to get all sappy about…”

“Ruby… I love you, too.”

After a few seconds, Ruby rolled to face her, eyes dark from the low lighting in the room gazing up at her. They didn’t speak for a while; just looked at each other and knew things that no one else would ever know. Then they kissed, chaste at first, more robust after a minute or two. No words.

When Yang felt a pink little tongue poking its way into her mouth, she withdrew and whispered, “Ruby… what are you doing? It’s late…”

“I want this…”

“What?” Another lick along her bottom lip, making Yang shiver. “You have me here already.”

“But I want you to be with me. I… I want…”

So that’s what she meant. Gulping, Yang reached up to pet along Ruby’s back through her tank. “There’s no rush, though.”

“Yeah, but there is. We only have a couple more weeks! And you’ll be gone! So… so I want to start now, I want to do as much as we can!”

The urgency alone threatened to make Yang give in. However, she was made of tougher stuff. Reaching up and grasping her bicep, she managed to catch Ruby’s eyes.

“Why? It’s… I like what we’re already doing.”

“But I want to do everything with you.” Swallowing, she glanced away, then up at Yang again. “I want you to f-feel… feel how wet I am…”

At that little turn of phrase, Yang almost fell out of the bed. “You what?!”

“SHH!” Ruby warned, though neither of them were loud enough to be heard, even by someone sitting right outside the door. Then she followed up with, “Kissing you… it makes my body heat up, my brain go fuzzy. I kinda love it, even while it makes me worried… but none of that’s the point. The point is, I’m so close to you, and I want to be even closer!”

“Ruby…” That was certainly making her own situation no better. While just kissing, her body had only responded a little, but now that her half-sister had revealed her own situation, she couldn’t stop thinking about it long enough to make it go away. Quite the opposite.

A shaky little laugh passed out of Ruby when she felt it. “O-oh, there you are. A little late to the party!” But she didn’t spend much time on that. Again, her lips were mashing into Yang’s as they kissed, bodies sliding over each other a little in their eagerness to feel more, to experience.

After some time, when she felt her own shorts being forced downward, Yang whispered, “This isn’t okay.”

“I know,” Ruby breathed. “But it’s okay with us. ”

“I…” How could she argue with the truth?

Feeling Ruby’s hand directly around her was far different than feeling it through her shorts. If she hadn’t finished herself off so much the past days, she might have succumbed easily… but instead, she merely put up with the teasing, exploring hand, the fingers poking into her flesh slightly as they glided up and down along the throbbing mass.

“It’s so hard,” Ruby told her with an earnest tone. “You’re so hard. Is this for me?”

“U-uh-huh,” she managed before swallowing. “Yes.”

“I, um… I got us a little something. Yesterday. Call me a ‘plan ahead’ kinda girl.”

Reaching behind them into her table, she brought out a little pack of condoms. There weren’t very many, but it was an entire pack’s-worth more than Yang expected to see.

“Oh my god… really? You seriously thought we… but we’re related! This isn’t just messing around and kissing, that’s a whole other-”

“I know, okay? But… no more hiding from it. I love you, and you love me, and this is… kinda part of that. Just dumb not to at least be ready for if it happens.”

As Ruby opened the box, Yang tried to ignore how badly her body was trying to get her to take Ruby up on her offer and failed. Not even the cute and amusing sight of her struggling with the box was enough; she still wanted to be with her in that way. Still liked everything that Ruby was.

“There we go,” she breathed at last, holding up the shiny packet. Her eyebrows waggled, and Yang rolled her eyes, which only earned her a laugh.

“Like you know how to put one of those on.”

“I do! We did it to bananas in health class. Here, I’ll prove it to you.”

“What’s- whoa, you’re…”

Ruby had shimmied down to hover with her face just over Yang’s crotch, a face amongst a pool of blankets. She looked a bit distracted by how close she was to the object of her interest… but she managed to push the desire back for long enough to rip open the packet and pull out the little ring of latex.

“Mmm,” she breathed as she pushed a kiss into Yang’s head… and she felt her mind go blank. Ruby wasn’t just touching her tonight, it seemed. There was so much more in store! “So good…”

Rolling her eyes, she muttered, “You can’t be serious. One kiss on my dick is ‘so good’?”

“Yeah.” Bald honesty shone in her voice.

“O-oh? Really?” Another loving peck along her warm shaft, probably purely to prove herself. “You’re pretty… convincing…”

“I love this dick,” she confessed easily. “It kinda got us talking about us , weird as it is.” Then she began to roll the latex downward…

And all of a sudden, Yang realised she had a real problem. She wasn’t just ready for sex; she was ready to finish. Ruby was doing too good a job! Every movement intended to move the latex protection a little further along her member was one that made it ready to shoot. That early on, she was already biting her lip and writhing back and forth, hoping to resist.

“Ooh, someone’s eager.” Grasping the base, she pumped her hand a few times, causing Yang to gasp out. “Nice!”

“Ruby… y-you gotta stop!”

That seemed to catch her by surprise. Pumping her fist up and down furiously for a second, she smirked and whispered, “Nah. I wanna make sure you stay ready for me.”

“B-but if you- if- NNHHHH!!!”

The last part was somehow growled into the pillow at the last second, instead of the room at large. As much as she was convulsing and gasping out, she knew Ruby would probably figure out soon enough what was going on… but for the time being, she was still being stroked and loving every second.

Then the younger half-sister did start, glancing between the end of the balloon entrapping her sex and Yang’s face, stretched wide in release.

“Oh shit… did you- did we really just-”

“I’m so sorry, dude,” Yang half-wheezed, eyes closing in distant pleasure from the hand still wrapped around her. “Seriously… you were all about this, doing so much, and then, I… I suck! Obviously!”

Smiling gently, Ruby patted her thigh, releasing her spent length in the process. “I’m sorry! God, I really didn’t think you were that close to- I wasn’t trying- WOW, you came just from that?!”

Her face burned with embarrassment. This was even worse than the fact that they were crossing societal lines to be together; she couldn’t even seem to handle that “together” part without losing control way, way too early. She wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear.

“Oh… awww, Yang, it’s okay,” Ruby cooed when she finally realised how much this was affecting her. Her arms circled around her back. “Hey…”

“That was p-pathetic!” she snapped into the pillow. “God, after yesterday, I thought I could hold out longer!”

“Yang, I don’t care about that! I’m… it makes me happy that felt so good that you couldn’t wait.” Her smiling face pushed in closer to Yang’s, and she kissed both of her cheeks. “You did tell me to slow down and I… I should have listened. I’m really sorry. Um, I just didn’t want you to go soft while I was putting it on?”

Finally, she began to calm down, little by little. When she could talk again, she let out a long sigh and whispered, “Thanks, Ruby. I, um… I think you really wanted this to be… like, our first time? And… now it can’t be.”

“Y-yeah, I um, I’ve heard that… people with dicks can’t go again when they’re done.” To her credit, she did remember not to say “guys” that time. “But it’s cool! You finished, and I’m happy to help. Oh, and speaking of which…”

As Yang watched, fascinated and still embarrassed, Ruby pulled the condom off and threw it and the wrapper away, then wiped her hands on a tissue and tossed that before returning to the bed. In the meantime, Yang pulled her shorts back up; she didn’t want Ruby’s first real look at her anatomy being when it was freshly-milked and half-hard, coated in leftover lube and her own juices.

“Awww,” Ruby cooed as she returned to the bed. “I wanted to play with that.”

“Not tonight,” Yang said with a half-smile. “Maybe… I can do something for you?”

But when her hands fell to Ruby’s waist, the girl looked down with a self-conscious giggle. “N-nah. I m-mean, I, um… I don’t think I’m…” Then she cleared her throat. “I thought I was ready to go there with you, I guess, but like, just you doing it for me is different somehow. That’s probably really dumb.”

Wrapping her arms around Ruby’s back instead, she simply laid next to her for a long moment. Then, once they were a little more comfortable, she spoke.

“It’s not dumb. It’s… sweet, in a way. But I think… I think I’d be okay playing with you now. And I know, I was kinda weird about it at first, because of the sister thing. But by now I think we’re kind of past that, I guess. So… if you change your mind, I could try a hand, at least. O-or something.”

“Listen to us,” Ruby giggled quietly. “Both pretty nervous. I, um… I think it’s kind of more fun with you being my sister. No, wait!” she squeaked when Yang drew back in shock. “You know, because we’re kind of, like… destined to be together, because we’re related? I know, I’m crazy, but it’s weirdly romantic to me.”

Shaking her head, she pushed her face into her sister’s neck. “You think too much. But… maybe, yeah. And…” She’d been worrying about this for a long time. “And I kind of deserve this, for being such a jerk when you were little. Telling you that you were ‘dumb’ or whatever, and that I didn't like you. Like, what makes more karmic sense than for me to fall in love with you and have to eat my own words?”

“So you think of this as a punishment? Me jerking you off is a punishment?”

“What? Oh! Shit, no, that totally isn’t-” But Ruby’s laughter cut her off, and she grunted, “You butt…”

“Yeah, you like my butt.”

“All of you is on the list, and all of you is a butt,” she sighed as she snuggled against her even more closely. “Big, ridonk badonkadonk.”

#every little part of you #Enabler #rwby smut #ruby/yang #burning rose #rwbyremnants #incest fanfiction

4 notes · View notes

athcnvs · 7 years

Note

aLLL of them

Send “✆” for a MORNING text.

[ 11:57 ] ➝ graham: my eyes are aren’t fully open yet but good mornign my dearest[ 11:58 ] ➝ graham: is it still morning i think it’s still morning why is my csreen so brgih t[ 11:58 ] ➝ graham: yes just in time im up before noon are u proud of me????[ 11:59 ] ➝ graham: say ur proud of me ://

Send “” for a text that WASN’T SENT.

[ UNSENT ] ➝ graham: hey if i wasnt so hung up over brandon during high school, do you think we would have dated? idk why i’m thinking about this now bc it’s so long ago, but do you think? i probably misunderstood and you probably didn’t have feelings for me back then, but i can’t help thinking about the possibility that you did. in retrospect, you really did care about me a lot, even way back when. i can’t believe that i took you for granted. i know i’ve apologized for it several times, but i had no idea how good i had it. i feel like i took you for granted more than i apologized for it and then teagan happened and i dont know. i didn’t have the right to be jealous, so why was i??? why do i have to keep building up walls?? why can’t i give anyone a chance??? i’m so stupid i should have let you in from the start. fuck brandon, i hate him. why am i so dumb??? why am i writing this why do i think this would even make a difference?? maybe i should take ur advice from before and give up on what’s never going to happen bc ur my best friend and i cant let anything or anyone change that

Send “☎” for a RUSHED text.

[ 15:31 ] ➝ graham: my phone is at 1% but pls remind me to tell u abt my day bc i was hit on by a cute boy and i feel very conflicted atm im omw back soon lov u

Send “⁇” for a DRUNK text.

[ 01:12 ] ➝ graham: ui have a sueqtion[ 01:12 ] ➝ graham: do yoyu caer about me ?[ 01:13 ] ➝ graham: like hkonestly?[ 01:14 ] ➝ graham: i know dyou say you do btu are you telgling thbe trtuh[ 01:14 ] ➝ graham: pim afraid that one day youre goign tto stop caring about me[ 01:14 ] ➝ graham: i love you pso much i dont want to eewvr lose you[ 01:15 ] ➝ graham:im afraid of aour friendship being ruuined [ 01:15 ] ➝ graham:evertiyhngs a mess but i lvoe u

Send “✿” for a SUGGESTIVE text.

[ 18:22 ] ➝ graham: yea sure just give me a sex[ 18:22 ] ➝ graham: OMG THAT WAS A TYPO[ 18:22 ] ➝ graham: WHY CAN’T WE UNDO TEXTS IT’S 2017 [ 18:22 ] ➝ graham: I’M SO SORRY PLS DO NOT BRING THIS UP

Send “ø” for a LATE NIGHT text.

[ 04:34 ] ➝ graham: u up? i can’t sleep[ 04:34 ] ➝ graham: i’ve just been staring at the ceiling… thinking[ 04:34 ] ➝ graham: my first instinct was to text u about it[ 04:39 ] ➝ graham: ur probably asleep nvm

Send “✘” for a HATEFUL text.

[ 02/23/13, 22:35 ] ➝ graham: ok can u pls stop telling me that i should just give up on brandon????? like holy shit graham[ 02/23/13, 22:35 ] ➝ graham: i get that you’re trying to look out for me but i can handle things on my own u kno[ 02/23/13, 22:37 ] ➝ graham: if i want to go out and get my heart broken at least let me learn my lesson[ 02/23/13, 22:40 ] ➝ graham: i really don’t mean to be confrontational with u because you’ve always been so kind to me, but trust me on this ok???? just…. let me try to fix this bc i really care about him and i’m getting tired of everyone telling me that he’s not worth it bc he means a lot to me and since u kno how i’ve felt abt him u should respect my decision to go through with this and take my chances[ 02/23/13, 22:41 ] ➝ graham: i just dont want to give up on someone that mattered so easily and i’m going to hope that he still hasn’t given up on me

Send “#” for a RANDOM text.

[ 02:05 ] ➝ graham: did u kno that the pillsbury doughboy’s real name is…[ 02:06 ] ➝ graham: poppin’ fresh[ 02:06 ] ➝ graham: i mean i guess their products should be poppin’ after they’re fresh out of the oven… they should give him sunglasses

Send “@” for a SCARED text.

[ 23:11 ] ➝ graham: i see people who are so passionate abt their craft and i keep thinking that i’ve made a mistake in my life and that i should have found a way to move forward with music even though my parents would probably yell at me forever??? i mean computer science is cool and all and people make a lot of money but is that really what i want in life??? i guess there are cs jobs in entertainment but i guess it’s not exactly what i was thinking of. but at the same time maybe i’m not a good enough musician to do anything with it.[ 23:16 ] ➝ graham: i guess my youtube channel is good enough for now but what does it matter if i’m not happy in the end u kno???? o well…. que sera que sera i guess i’m gonna go back to transcribing this tab

Send “&” for a LOVING text.

[ 23:16 ] ➝ graham: hey saw these scans from a book called soppy online and it’s so cute??? some of them made me think of us[ 23:17 ] ➝ graham: hold on lemme send[ 23:21 ] ➝ graham: [ attachment ][ 23:21 ] ➝ graham: [ attachment ][ 23:21 ] ➝ graham: [ attachment ][ 23:22 ] ➝ graham: that last one is when im playing overwatch

Send “%” for a CURIOUS text.

[ 12:42 ] ➝ graham: what is ur stance on matching hoodies??[ 12:42 ] ➝ graham: i’m not planning on buying any or anything i was just asking for a friend who saw something online[ 12:43 ] ➝ graham: the colors are the inverse of each other and i think they look cool

Send “ツ” for an EXCITED text.

[ 14:23 ] ➝ graham: GRAHAM GRAHAM HARHAFAMRA HRRAHAM GHRAM[ 14:23 ] ➝ graham: IM SCREAMING CAN U HEAR ME[ 14:23 ] ➝ graham: I’M ABT TO HIT 100K ON MY CHANNEL HOLY MOLY[ 14:24 ] ➝ graham: LET’S GO OUT AND CELEBRATE WHEN I DO

Send “$” for an ACCIDENTAL text.

[ 13:52 ] ➝ graham: https://youtu.be/58-jcJupBug[ 13:52 ] ➝ graham: oh my god that’s not the video i wanted to send u[ 13:52 ] ➝ graham: i… have no idea how that got in my clipboard

Send “♀” for a HEARTBREAKING text.

[ UNSENT ] ➝ graham: sometimes i ask myself how the events of my life led me to this point. sometimes i wonder how different things would have been if slowly distanced myself from you. or if i found some reason to hate you. there were so many instances where i could have vanished from your life. would you have noticed if i did?? sometimes i think about how my life would probably be less complicated and messy if i wasn’t your best friend. if i didn’t love you so much. but here i am, and here i will forever be. i wish i could give myself the closure i need, but it’s been four years and i still don’t know where i stand or how i feel about you. four. years. i just hope that i don’t mess things up for the both of us. in the end, it’s the two of us against the world. wow ok that sounded dramatic athena what are you doing[ 03:04 ] ➝ graham: i can’t believe i’m really out here tearing up to the ost of a kdrama at 3 o clock in the morning… who am i??

#grahamfr #ive decided that the boys name was brandon #☾✧.° — graham !#☾✧.° — musings ft. graham !#☾✧.° — meme !#☾✧.° — answered !#wow look at that 2013 text #wow.......#is athena turning into a spoken word poet #i cant believe this #im sorry again #athena lowkey has a lot of emotions this is why she just doesnt

6 notes · View notes

sundrenched-smilez · 7 years

Note

odd numbers for the lesbian asks! (if it's too many just do every 4th one maybe?)

1. Femme or butch?

for type, im vry easily wooed by butches tbh

as for myself, im genderfluid + heavily lean towards butch-ish for one gender + have been gettin more comf w that term for myself. the 3 genders i switch between, ive described as sharp, dainty and tired, for reason of not really being comf w gender labels aside from nonbinary. sharp/tired r kinda butchish, moreso sharp. like leather jackets, ripped jeans, dress pants/shirts, defs flannels (which r a given for any mood im in tbh) while tired is like mb softer, more focused on flannels + loose tank tops/shirts, shorts + certain skirts, comfy clothes, and the like

ive found that i’m leaning more towards butch lately too, like i’ve been a lot more comfortable with pants and a nice top than i have w dresses or most skirts + im wondering if i was just hanging on to femininity for sake of society, so those r things 2 think abt. i still feel comf in them sometimes, but it’s getting much less often. gender’s weird, i still cant cling to one bc of how pressuring that is so genderfluidity is still smth for me + it shifting to different percentages is okay (im thinking out loud @ this point, but its helping so i hope its interesting to read)

3. Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

both, but primarily flannels/plaid buttion-ups

5. Describe your aesthetic

aaahh theres a lot of diff aesthetics i could go into, but i have a tag if ur interested in a visual representation? basically, cosy homes, forests, wooden steps and bridges, cats, girls/nbs, water, plants, and old video game stuff, and clouds/skies. i’m sure there’s more in there, but for a good rule of thumb !! as for like dressing aesthetic, i like to look rly gay + attractive and a lil showy? like my shorts r Short and i love crop tops + a lot of my shirts show my bra thru them, + i like showing it when i can, like sports bra + a tank top is a fav look of mine bc i can make it look like my bra is a trim on the shirt + it’s cute. i’ve been wearing dresses less often, but occasionally, i like to rock one. id love a pair of combat boots but i have like size 11/12 feet + most stores dont carry that size + im hesitant to buy some online.

7. Favorite pair of shoes?

its rly hard to find any, i have like walmart converse knockoffs atm + theyre a beige/grey color im not that huge on, it kinda reminds me of sandalwood but depressed

9. Any haircut goals for the future?

there was the undercut!! and i have that down now c: next step is to dye it blue and mb some purple. i wanna bleach it if i’m gonna dye it, but im hesitant to do that bc of how damaging it is, but since my hair’s been cut a cpl time almost all the color is out now, so i think itll b ok if i take good care of it.

11. Describe the worst date you’ve been on

i went to a cafe w someone (i think they were nb but i cant remember, it was like 2 yrs ago about ) and they were impossible to talk to bc they just kept saying “im awkward sorry” @ everything and like any conversations i tried to maintain were all one-shot responses, and like that was a lil frustrating. like i dont hold it against them or anything, more in a sense of i was rly tryin 2 carry it and just couldnt

13. If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

whooh i wish i was taken, i need affection + to b cute w someone

15. Describe your dream wedding

hmmmm i havent thought much about it !! i know when i was younger i wanted to wear a black wedding dress but now im thinkin mb a suit that switches to dress @ the bottom?? that could b cool. I’d be happy w anything tbh, if im getting married, i’d just b happy to be w my wife/spouse. mb somewhere in a forest or on a boat would b cool, defs lots of good food and colorful flowers. I’d like a lot of color, most weddings ive been to are just b/w and bland for my taste (they’ve also all been straight tho so theres that.) it’s kind of wild to think that i might b married someday, but it’d b rly nice. i just haven’t thought much abt the planning of one. it’d b rly gay tho, probs give out tiny gay flags at each seat, and the cake could b lesbian flag colors. im rly drawing a blank on this, but i know id want all my friends around the country + world to be there.

17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

i definitely want to live in a port town at some point !! idk where i’d like to settle down, ideally somewhere that doesnt get much hotter than 90 degrees + has lots of parks + is big enough for some events, like pride stuff, little festivals, a farmer’s market, and places to do things, such as a movie theater, bowling alley, mb an aquarium, if not one in a nearby town. hiking trails r also good.

19. Favorite lesbian novel/story?

on a sunbeam!!! its a huge inspiration for me, and i love it so much. it always puts me in such a good mindset when i read it, and the artist is my age, so it makes me feel like I can also accomplish great things if i rly put my heart into it!! which is such a good feeling, and it has great representation + characters that i love, and its rly gay, and in space and theres ships shaped like fish + its gorgeous : D i could go on for hrs abt it + how important it is to me. theres an nb character too, and like the aspect of found families is one that rly hits home and it helped me get thru a rough time of my life + better accept myself as queer/gay.

21. Favorite lesbian musician?

adult mom (tho i think they’re bi but still gay), or hayley kiyoko

23. Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i think so, but i can’t place when, it’s been a bit.

25. Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

talking abt being gay w other girls/nbs is lovely and cathartic, i never got to growing up bc i lived in a homophobic town + i was like dealing heavily with internalized homophobia and body/gender dysphoria so i was ace for a bit. talking more abt like sexual attraction + aesthetic attraction is new to me, and that’s been a process to get to, but it’s nice that I can now do so w/o being belittled or barraged by insult. i also just love the thought of being w someone, and daydreaming abt when that happens is really nice. also,, girls + nbs r a blessing and brighten my day and im so glad im attracted 2 them

27. Turn ons?

absolutely communication, that’s a need. i had a bad experience w someone bc she wasn’t communicative at all, and failed to tell me that we weren’t dating despite us going on several dates + kissing??? like i wont go too into it, but hatchi matchi it was a mess. so yeah, communication, affection, and like reassurance that they actually want to be with me, and that my presence is wanted and enjoyed. I got a lot of “i dont care”s for answers last sort-of relationship, and that was rly discouraging. another turn on is for them to initiate talking and things, like holding hands or planning to hang out + such. consent is another big one.

29. Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

i usually tend to ask them out, but im still dealing w internalized junk, so its difficult. i also havent any situations in which they liked me back, which is frustrating. like i got lead on earlier summer for abt a month until i asked what we were doing + didnt rly get an answer, and it was this whole mess. i generally try to make the first move tho, bc i know firsthand how difficult it is, but that being said, it’s still hard for me to know for sure if theyre interested + i dont wanna make things uncomf w them, so i’ll wait until i think there might b attraction. that being said, once that’s all out of the way, i like to consider myself a good flirt when im trying.

31. Talk about your interests or hobbies!

i have lots of interests!! im obsessed w steven universe, its my fav show (and if u ever have time, we should totally watch it together sometime, i rly think you’d love it, it’s super gay + heartwarming.) i really love playing music and learning new songs, which im rly great at memorizing. talking to friends + gettin 2 know them better is always nice and fun. i like to draw new things + see the different ways ppl draw, so seeing art on here is always fun for me. i’m also rly into polygon videos (it’s a youtube channel, not like videos abt polygon haha) and this podcast called the adventure zone. season one just ended, so i might start listening to another one called friends at the table. i rly wanna start a podcast w someone, but can never find anyone to start it with. idk what I’d talk abt but if i could find a partner for it, i think it’d be a lot of fun. mb smth abt games or books/queer representation in media. doing a dnd podcast would also b rly fun, but a lot of work + editing so mb later down the road !! im blanking on other interests atm, but animations and cartoons r lovely and i aim to make something in that field one day, if not just a comic.

my hobbies r mostlyyyy drawing, dnd things now every thursday, hanging w my friends, playing video games, sometimes writing (i rly wanna start a comic, and im tryin to get my butt into gear on it), goin to parks, listening to music, and goin 2 events w roe + cesar, two of my friends. sometimes ill play music!! i need to get more than the keyboard i’m lending, but i love performing. ill also watch leg birds on youtube, theyre a lesbian couple that plays gams + theyre rly sweet.

33. Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

its easy for me to love friends, doesnt usu take me more than a few months of knowing them if were talking a lot. as for falling in love, that takes me a lot longer. ive never rly been in love w someone. i thought i was once, but rly it was just my first gay experience w someone and i wanted it to be perfect so i projected a lot of things + made it better than it seemed to myself for the duration of it, which wasn’t healthy, so i wanna avoid doing that again, + take things slower next time. or at least for what they are.

35. Ever fallen for a straight girl?

a few times, they were just crushes tho, so it wasnt too too bad

37. Favorite comfort food?

hot cocoa or tea. as for food food, i dont think i have one. mb french toast or cinnamon rolls.

39. Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

i used to be a vegetarian!! for like a yr, but it was difficult for me to eat and feel full, and i was pretty underweight, so i stopped.

41. Early-riser or night-owl?

both, i tend to stay up, but getting up early can be nice if i dont have to do anything. like just gently waking + making some tea and a nice breakfast + sittin around for a bit.

43. What is your Myers-Briggs type?

enfp-a

45. At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

i think like 16-17? it took me a bit to get words for identity, like lesbian/nonbinary and the like, but i always knew, like id call myself an individual as opposed to gendered terms that i was referred to, and always felt rly yucky w deadname + the wrong pronouns

47. Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

ive got one crush atm !! and another person who seems nice, but i wanna hang out w before like thinking abt a crush (im poly, which perhaps goes w/o saying, but i always like to state it when talking abt these things, jic )

49. Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

i’d like a partner or two, to get some bongos- i got to play some a couple weeks ago, and it was the most fun i’ve had playing anything!! having smth with an instant response that i could make up rhythms with was really rewarding and so much fun. i know i want a cat at some point, to go on cute dates + cuddle and kiss a lot w someone, to visit my friends in other places, dye my hair, get a better job, to travel a bit, make a comic, go to college for animation and storyboarding, mb go to camp at some point, and I’d like to make some more friends here, i’m already making some, which i’m super happy about, but it’s always nice meeting new ppl

thank u for asking!! this was relaxing + fun, and a lot of the topics were cathartic to talk about, and i needed it. so thanks for listening too kinda

also im queen of commas, i’ve discovered while typing this

#msg in a bottle #cass charts #idk what i want my ask tag to be

1 note · View note

spnife · 7 years

Text

91 question tag

Tagged by @vanillabeanniall and then @uswntinharmony

More below the cut bc that’s how I roll

the last –

1. drink: Arizona Tea

2. phone call: my mom

3. text message: my mom - she sent me two climbing videos. Or I sent them to me, from her phone

4. song i listened to: What a feeling, but I was asleep (i checked the music app just now), so the last song I remember hearing is Ray of Light by Madonna

5. time you cried: wednesday. First day of school was today so it was some stress

have you ever – 6. dated someone twice: yeah

7. been cheated on: yeah. I became friends with the guy though. Similar tastes I guess??? (( Actually I blocked him on snapchat last year bc he was talking some bs on his story but in eigth grade he wasn’t awful)) She lied abt it though and then talked to me two years later and still lied like okay

8. kissed someone and regretted it: no ragrets

9. lost someone special: not really

10. been depressed: fuck hell yep

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no. I had like a sip of beer on a trip but it was just to mess with a dude while he was in the porta potty

list 3 favorite colors – 12. light blue

13. orangish pink

14. dark purple

in the last year have you – 15. made new friends: heck yeah. I switched schools and found a really good group of people there already. It’s been alright

16. fallen out of love: not in the last year. gotta be in love first

17. laughed until you cried: probably but I don’t remember rn

18. found out someone was talking about you: I think? I found out parents were saying nice things about me. Mean wise maybe? I’m not really sure. Probably

19. met someone who changed you: at least one. a teacher last year

20. found out who your true friends were: i think?

more – 21. kissed someone on your facebook? alas, i do not have a facebook

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life? see 21

23. do you have any pets? A super sweet black lab named FeeBee, a kitten named Mulder and a cat named Milo, and a hedgehog named Wembly

24. do you want to change your name? i like my name. My last name bothers me sometimes bc dad stuff but it’s gotten better

25. what did you do on your last birthday? I had a chill day at school, got a nice car, got a card from all of the kids on the climbing team. One of them said “Wow Coach Ella, you only have two more years til you can drink,” like i’m sorry kid I’m only 16

26. what time did you wake up? 7. first day of school

27. what were you doing at midnight? crying and putting school stuff in my backpack and watching VEEP

28. name something you can’t wait for: to keep getting better at climbing, the Harry Styles concert on oct 11, my birthday on oct 13 bc it should be fun and I hope I’ll get another card from the climbing team bc they’re all lovely

29. when was the last time you saw your mother? today

30. what is one thing you wish you could change about your life? i want to know that I’ll be able to be happy

31. what are you listening to right now? watching Raising Hope

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom? yep

33. something that is getting on your nerves? I keep getting anxiety while I’m at climbing practice and that’s one of my most comfortable places. it feels like im going downhill with climbing even though I know im getting better

34. most visited site: netflix

school – 35. elementary: i loved my elementary school. every teacher i had was amazing, small school in austin and a good community and i still talk to my friends from there. so when i moved to the new school in fifth grade and depression was already showing up, the differences made it literally hell. it was awful. i didnt like my teachers and i didnt know people

36. middle: 6th grade was hell, 7th grade was even fuckin worse, 8th was still pretty bad. All the worst years of my life so far, and tbh it’s gonna be hard to top them

37. high: better than middle school but thats a really fucking low bar. like incredibly low.

38. college: planning for ACC for two years to get base courses, dream school UT in an engineering major. I love the school and the program there, but I worry if I could barely get through middle school, how tf am I supposed to survive college. Also it didn’t feel great when I was talking to a friend and I was like “yeah ut is tbh my dream school, if I can get in” and she was like “oh that’s one my last choice colleges” like fucking okay love you thanks for telling me that makes me feel real good about my intelligence and how you view me

me – 39. hair color: brown

40. long or short hair? shoulder length

41. do you have a crush on someone? yep. according to a friend i am “so gone for this girl” but um. oka y what if she doesn’t like me? I feel good around her though and she likes being around me and we work well together I think. She’s lovely and I wouldn’t want to make things weird by asking her out if I don’t know she feels that way too.

42. what do you like about yourself? I am able to figure things out and I work with kids really well. I’ve also been getting better at climbing again so I’m proud of myself for that

43. piercings? just my ears

44. blood type: lol yeah like i know?

45. nickname: ellallalala is something I’m getting from people at the new school, and I’ve had some climbing nicknames over the years but Coachella is sticking. I coach and my name is Ella it’s great

46. relationship status: nope

47. zodiac sign: libra

48. pronouns: she/her

49. favorite tv show(s): always sunny, parks and rec, my name is earl, curious george

50. tattoos: soon

51. right, ambidextrous, or left-handed? right

first – 52. surgery: i had one on my pelvis in 2013? i was in preschool and it was for this weird group of veins on the side of my leg. We’d always called it a birthmark and after the surgery the scar looked like a sunset over water but the sun is purple (still looks like that it’s rad) and the first time someone showed me a birthmark i was like??? Um no thats just a little dark bit of skin?? my birthmark is purple what is this shit

53. piercing: ears

54. sport: rock climbing. found it early and still love it

55. vacation: no idea

56. pair of trainers: first i remember are a PAIR OF DORA LIGHT UP SHOES

current – 57. eating: nothing

58. drinking: arizona tea

59. i’m about to: finish my arizona tea

60. listening to: the episode ended so me typing and the clock my great grandmother gave is

future – 61. waiting for: me to feel alright

62. want: to like what i’m doing and to know i’m able to be happy doing it. I wish I could just skip to being married with kids and a dog and everything.

63. married: oh for sure

64. career: astronaut has always been my dream career but with this level of anxiety it’s probably a no go. I am not over it. I’m def gonna cry abt it in a couple of minutes bc thats how it goes, ya know. The last astronaut I talked to though said “the biggest disqualifier is not applying” so i’m still going to try my hardest. I also love engineering and physics and space and science and education and would love to be a librarian, so we’ll see

your type –   65. hugs or kisses? depends

66. lips or eyes? eyes, i guess. There’s more character there

67. shorter or taller? in my head i’m always like oh taller but really it doesn’t matter. as long as i can be little spoon im good to go

68. older or younger? doesn’t matter

69. nice arms or nice stomach? tummies are cute i guess.

70. sensitive or loud? i don’t know

71. hook-up or relationship? right now relationship and at some point relationship but ask me a couple months ago and it would have been different

72. troublemaker or hesitant? both. troublemaker with a lot of decisions but in fun ways, but hesitant when it comes to talking to new people that i want to be good friends with. and asking people out

73. kissed a stranger? yep. on a bet

74. drank hard liquor? had some jack daniels mixed with coffee and it tasted like cinnamon toast crunch

75. lost contact lenses/glasses? my glasses always turn up

76. turned someone down? yeah. accidentally on a few though lol. As i had a crush on someone i went out with for a little while last yeah legit three other people liked me and i guess im oblivious bc i had no fucking idea

77. sex on first date? depends

78. broken someone’s heart? i don’t think so

79. had your heart broken? yes but in a friendship way along with the relationship. it goes back to the you should kill yourself stuff

80. been arrested? nope

81. cried when someone died? no one i’ve known closely has died. My great-great grandmother died when i was fiveish but she was really old. There have been a few suicides at my old school (i switched 2 months before end of last year) and those hit hard, just knowing that there are so many people here dealing with that stuff and me relating to it. I didn’t know the people well but we’d spoken and I knew them some, but I had some friends who were much closer and really affected

82. fallen for a friend? yeah

do you believe in – 83. yourself? i try

84. miracles? shit happens, and sometimes it’s good

85. love at first sight? who am i to say tbh

86. santa claus? no

87. kiss on first date? if i like them

88. angels? no

other – 89. current best friend’s name: skip

90. eye color: hazel

91. favorite movie: i dont know im tired and want to cry sort of so maybe i shouldnt think about this stuff as much when im already stressed im going to go drink more tea and eat some soup

Anway

I’m tagging anyone who reads this far. gotcha

#about me #mine

1 note · View note