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Pairing: NishinoyaXReader

Words: 1.3K

Summary: Nishinoya is visiting Japan after being away for a while, but when his sister forgets to pick him up he thinks he’s stranded.

A/N: This idea has been festering for a while. I’ve been wanting to write a Nishinoya airport fic since I started writing for him so here it finally is lol

Masterlist

Nishinoya rolled his shoulder, leaning against the headrest in front of him while he gazed out the small window. The slick ground was lined with blinking red lights-the only source of guidance in the pitch-black night as the plane rolled slowly toward the loading dock. He watched crew members in neon vests chat while loading cargo into the plane in the closest gate before the pilot gave parting instructions.

The sound faded to the background with the rest of the passenger’s chatter as he tugged his duffel from the overhang. He yawned, palming an eye as he shuffled toward the jetwalk with the other exhausted travelers. His eyes landed on an elderly couple whose hands were clasped together as they sleepily moved in front of him.

A pang struck Nishinoya’s chest.

It had been a long time since Nishinoya had been back in Japan. He loved traveling-meeting new people, experiencing new cultures, eating new food-but sometimes it was hard not having a permanent place to call home. 

He ruffled through his pocket to pull his phone as the familiar scene of the airport came into view. The flow of people continued toward the baggage claim as he fished for his eldest sister’s contact.

“Hey, Yuu,” she yawned into the receiver. Nishinoya furrowed his brow and the sound of sheets ruffling.

“I just landed.”

The line was quiet for a moment. “That was today?”

His grip on the phone tightened. “What do you mean ‘that was today?’ we’ve been talking about this for months?”

Nishinoya’s shoulders stiffened when he realized a few people were glaring at him for raising his voice, including a woman bouncing a small child nobody wanted awake. He smiled warily before turning away, clenching his teeth in frustration. “We talked about it yesterday.”

“It must’ve slipped my mind,” she said nonchalantly. The amount of control it took him not to yell was painful.

“How am I supposed to get back?”

“Metro or something?”

“Metro or some-” He scoffed. “It’s a three hour fucking drive. It would be like five or six hours with how many transfers I’d have to-”

“Why don’t you call (Y/N)?” She yawned again, cutting him off and setting his blood boiling. “I’m sure they’d give you a ride.”

Nishinoya felt everything freeze and his grip on the phone tightened. “They’re busy.”

“You’re so stupid.”

“Shut up,” he growled. “You said you were coming, so that’s what-”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

“What do you mean I’ll-” The line went dead and he stared slack jaw at his phone.

What the actual fuck had just happened. He shoved his phone deep in his pocket, seething as he stomped down the staircase toward the baggage claim. He supposed he could call Asahi or Tanaka, but with how long the drive was he may as well just get himself home and not waste their time.

He didn’t even humor a cab with how expensive it would be.

Nishinoya wanted to call you. He wished for every excuse to call you, but you informed him you were too busy to see him. After over a year of not seeing each other Nishinoya had imagined you’d drop everything when he said he was coming back, but at your casual reaction he had felt his heart break. He wasn’t sure if he could even bring himself to pull up your contact.

He groaned, instead rehearsing the speech he was going to give his sister once he kicked down her door. How the hell had she forgotten? She had been the one who bought his plane ticket to Japan. She had been the one who reminded him of his flight that day. She had even nagged him about not packing last minute like he usually did.

He stomped dramatically once he got off the stairs, his eyes flickering at people meeting their loved ones who actually cared enough to pick them up. He watched family’s hug, friends poke at vending machines, some weirdo slept against a wall, people answered cheery phone calls, unlike his that had been-. Nishinoya did a double take and his steps slowed as his brain processed the sleeping weirdo.

He abruptly turned and crept over, crouching in front of the person who he did in fact know.

You were slumped beside a vending machine, your head hanging limp to the side with your sweatshirt bundled for a pathetic pillow. Your arm was slung across your stomach and in your hand was your cell phone, blinking with unread notifications. In your other hand was a small poster board that Nishinoya’s hand was levitating toward.

Your nose wrinkled and you let out a soft whine, shuffling around before your eyes slowly blinked open. Nishinoya smirked, hiding that his heart was racing a million miles a second.

“Good morning.”

Your eyes took a while to focus and he could see the cogs in your brain turning before your eyes widened. He opened his mouth to tease you, but you were diving forward and wrapping your arms around his neck before he could get a word out, knocking him flat on his butt.

“You’re here,” you laughed, pulling back and cradling his cheeks, then you pressed his cheeks firmly and furrowed your brow. “You’re here…” Panic struck your face. “You’re here.”

Nishinoya blinked at the stages of grief you’d gone through and nodded in your grasp. “I’m here.”

“Oh no,” you leaned forward and placed your head against his chest. “I fell asleep.”

“You did.” He tugged your hands off his cheeks, coaxing your head off his chest and smiling at you softly. “You’re lucky someone didn’t steal your stuff.”

“That’s not what I-” You groaned, sitting back. “I wanted to be here to see you and I made a stupid sign like your always talking about and it was going to be romantic.”

He cocked his head to the side, mulling what you said over before reaching for the poster from earlier. On the back he read your neat handwriting ‘Ride for Nishinoya Yuu’ and his chest filled with warmth. He always complained to you about everyone having a cool chauffeur when he landed places, so this was your lame attempt at giving him that.

He met your disappointed look and with an affectionate stare, pulling you back against his chest.

“I love you so much,” he confessed. Nishinoya felt you grip the front of his shirt and he pulled away and panicked when he heard a sniffle. “Are you crying?”

“No, shut up.”

“Liar,” he smirked, wiping at a stray tear trailing down your cheek. “You’re totally crying.”

“I said, shut up,” you palmed your cheeks. “I missed you, okay? Sue me.”

Nishinoya’s heart swelled at the confession and he felt like an idiot for ever thinking you would stop caring about him. He leaned his forehead against yours, rubbing his thumb along your cheek. “I missed you too.”

“Sorry, I lied,” you mumbled, lightly holding the wrist of the hand holding your face. “I wanted to surprise you, but you sounded sad and I felt terrible.”

Nishinoya leaned forward, pressing his lips against yours shortly and pulling back with a dopey smile. “I love you.”

You matched his smile, wrapping your arms around him. “I love you, too.” You nuzzled against the crook of his neck. “Welcome home.”

He let those words sink in as he wrapped his arms around you, sitting on the floor of the airport while his duffel rotating forgotten on the nearby luggage claim. He felt silly, how moments earlier he’d been thinking about how he wandered with nowhere to call home when his home was right here.

His hold around you tightened.

His home was you.

hey rach! sooo about max birthday requests could you make a love letter from max?👀 lol i know u usually don't write characters' letters but i would combust if u write a max's one🥺 lmao, anyway thank uuu, ily💓

Love letter from Max Lord

Gender neutral reader x Maxwell Lord

Not showing up in the tags so reblogs would be so appreciated<3

The envelope was the only thing in your mailbox that morning. You didn’t pay much attention to mail, it was a bad habit of yours. You took the letter and threw it haphazardly on your coffee table, freezing up when you noticed the handwriting, doted neatly on the front. It was perfect, inked black calligraphy. And you recognised it all too well.

You weren’t sure how long you were frozen to the ground. Maybe three, four, five, ten minutes? It felt like a lifetime as a thousand thoughts raced through your head at one hundred miles per hour. You were overthinking. You were definitely overthinking.

You hadn’t seen him in twenty years. Twenty whole years and not a single utterance was spoken between either of you. You were in your right mind to just shred the letter and throw it in the trash— because what could he possibly want from you?

Maxwell Lorenzano; your childhood best friend. He’d promised you, when he left to embark on his new life, he promised you he’d write, or at least call. And like the lovestruck dumb fool you were, you waited for him. You waited for him your whole life and he never came back to you. So many empty promises, but your heart felt like it might never heal.

After hours of doting, and pacing backwards and forwards, you decided to open the letter. You’d waited this long for him to reach out — and now he finally had.

——————————————————

Dated: July 7th 1984.

My love,

I don’t know if this letter will ever reach you, but I’m writing it anyway. I can only hope you live at the same address. Although I suppose that would also be a real shame, wouldn’t it? I know how much you wanted to leave that hell-hole of a town. It’s a cloudy day in D.C., especially for Summer. I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. Okay well, I think about you a lot all the time... Do you ever think about me? A lot has happened recently, I’m not sure if you’ve heard...

But I’ve been spending some time reflecting on my mistakes and regrets. I know you always said I should have no regrets but... it’s difficult, you know? Something I need to work on. Maybe you can help me? I never called or wrote to you like I promised I would, all those years ago. And I’m sorry, I really am. The truth is, I spent so much of my time trying to repress my childhood and all the trauma. Tried to focus on other things, bigger things, better things. Wanted to do better. Be better. Be the best. I guess I kind of got lost along the way.

Something happened. Maybe one day I can explain it to you, but there just isn’t enough paper in the world for me to explain it through this letter. It was... unbelievable. A phenomena. And it got me thinking about you.

I miss you. From the moment I left town, I’ve missed you. And it caused me so much pain that I just repressed my feelings. That’s why I didn’t call. I know, I can’t excuse it, and I don’t expect you to forgive me, but it’s the truth.

I’d have these dreams about you... and us... and what we could’ve been if I had never left. Because yes, amidst all my wealth and fortune and success, I still thought about what things would be like if we still lived in the same neighbourhood. Still hung out every night, walking along the river hand in hand and counting the stars above us. It’s funny, there may be distance between us, but every time I look up at the moon, I’m reminded of you and how much you loved it. And I’m comforted in knowing that although we live very different lives, we’re both living underneath the same sky. We both look up and see the same moon.

I wish you could see D.C., it’s wonderful. I think you’d really like it. All the skyscrapers and parks and places to go shopping. It’s nothing like back home.

Shit, I really do miss you. It’s been too long. I think about our final days together. When I kissed you under the big willow tree in your grandmother’s garden. Do you remember? It still haunts me. The perfect taste of your cherry lips and

Did you ever marry? Or settle down? Are you... dating right now? I married, I’m not sure if you heard. We didn’t last long, but I got a son out of it. His name is Alistair and he’s six years old. I’d love for you to meet him, I think you’d both get along really well.

Is my dad

Is my father

Is my father still alive?

I miss you. I want to see you. I need to see you. Hold you. Kiss you again. Please write back and tell me you want to see me too. Please.

I’ve made mistakes, terrible mistakes. But I know never to make the same mistake twice. If you could find it in your heart to forgive me...

Because I still love you. I never stopped, really.

I’m so sorry.

Yours forever, Max.

———————————————

Permanent taglist: @paintballkid711 @supernaturalgirl @phoenixhalliwell @ah-callie @stardust-galaxies @wickedfrsgrl @goth-topic @nerdypinupcrystal @wonderfulfluffer @kiwi-the-first @pedroepascal @castiel-barnes @honeymandos @rocketqueen @ladycumberbatchofcamelot @dybalalover10 @girl-obsessed-with-things @elena-myth @moth-guillotine @pedro-pascal-love @hayley-the-comet @pinkninja200 @maxiarapamaya @autumnleaves1991-blog @artsymaddie @harrys-stan @kennedywxlsh @cripplingmoon @cheekygeek05 @mrschiltoncat @rye-flower @theamuz @persie33 @sleepylunarwolf @martellthemandalor @pedro-pastel @steeevienicks @rrtxcmt @saphic-susperia @ladyjenny19 @readsalot73 @softmedics

Oh stars this is super late and there are so many numbers, sorry

3, 10, 12, 13, 15, 17, 19, 20, 23, 25, 28, 31, 35, 38, 40, 42, 47, 49, 52, 55, 57, 61, 63, 64, 66, 72, 74, 77, 80, 81, 109, 137, 138, 141, 144, 152

Oh it’s oki :3!

3 fears

Spiders, big spaces ( I forgot the name ), and being hated/alone

How tall am I

Around 5’1 :(

What time were I born

I have no idea lol

Fav color

PURPLE

Favorite quote

I don’t have one rn :<

Fav food

Does Icee count

if not then strawberries

What am I listening to rn

The mod has good songs ok

First thing I notice in a new person

They are probably cooler than me

Hair color

Navy blue to a green ish color

Ever done a prank call?

I WISH

I want to tho but I haven’t yet

Favorite movie

SONIC 2

How I feel rn

A little overwhelmed but pretty good :3 ( I have swimming class a little hours later and I don’t wanna go still )

Favorite holiday

Christmas or Halloween

The reason I joined Tumblr

Because I saw some pretty cool a hat in time art and I was in the fandom back then

That was like 2 years ago wow

Do I ever get good morning or good night texts

I get some good morning texts time to time

When did I last hold hands?

Yesterday with my brother :D

Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level

I like it loud :)

Am I excited for anything

EASTER AND WHEN MY SUN AND MOON PLUSHIES ARRIVE

When was the last time I hugged someone?

Yesterday also with my brother lol

What is something I disliked about today?

Well I’m gonna probably dislike about going to swimming class

What do I think about the most?

Recently it’s been a few art ideas and a group of daycare friends *wink* *wink*

What was the last lie I told?

That I had one more Oreo cookie even tho I didn’t have another one lol

Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens

I sometimes believe in ghosts

Oh boy I am an alien /hj

Do I believe in mag-

YES

What’s the weather like rn?

Sunny is feeling pretty bright rn

Can I touch my nose with a tongue?

No :<

Fav animal?

Fox or cat

What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

Any one of Lyre Le Temps songs lol

What is my favorite wor-

CLOWN

My top 5 blogs on tumblr

@/azzyjane-snowdrop

@/i-simp-for-sundrop

@/sleepykisses

@/hayden0666

Idk who else rn :<

Been outside my home country?

Nope

Do I like my handwritting?

It looks like it hasn’t changed for 6 years it’s so sloppy lmao

What was my favorite toy as a child?

I didn’t really have a favorite toy lol

Play any musical instrument?

Oh god no but if I did I would probably be terrible

Am I afraid of the dark?

Mostly looking towards the unknown so yeah kind of

What do I like about myself

My short hair I love it

Reacting to Legacies 3x03 (SPOILERS):

1. So ARE we FINALLY getting to some proper firstborn Mikaelson witch breakdowns?

2. Oh well, apparently no. They'll just try to wave it off as some one time thing probably.

3. So Hope and Landon are on a break. Okay. TBH watching them sass each other is interesting.

4. The guidance counselor is pretty much a compulsion monster, is that it? Well, I do like his wardrobe.

5. Alyssa's concern for MG is so fake I can't.

6. Nobody other than Jed read for Stefan? THE DISRESPECT.

7. Lizzie playing Caroline makes total sense but them asking Josie to play the lead without even an audition looks a bit bad TBH. Like, give the other interested people a chance, at least.

8. I find it a bit repetitive how there are mind-controlling monsters popping out again and again.

9. So MG is basically going through a phase similar to what Cami was going through when Klaus used to compel her at the beginning of TO. Considering Quincy's fondness for Cami, he must have liked playing that.

10. I understand that Landon is supposed to be a capable songwriter in-universe but it takes more than that to write and direct a musical and it's very weird that they didn't even find a guest star to pose as a Drama or English teacher who is guiding him or something. WHERE ARE ALL THE TEACHERS?

11. I kinda feel like some of the lead characters in this show are colour-coded. I see Hope and Landon in red and blue a lot (the two gowns we have seen Hope wearing also fall into this pattern) and Josie wears yellow in like, every other episode. If I recall correctly, Lizzie wears a lot of white, too. I wonder what the reasoning behind these choices are.

12. Well, I liked Hope and Landon's relationship in S1, I have no idea what was going on with it in S2, and I still don't know what to think about it.

13. Lizzie casts herself in Caroline's role and then chokes at rehearsal. Not totally unrealistic but still feels a bit forced to me. Would have been better if Landon cast her because she's Caroline's daughter and Lizzie was a bit apprehensive in the first place because she didn't want to mess up the role.

14. I appreciate the show taking a moment to talk about Lizzie's bipolar disorder though. It's been a while.

15. "Bonnie just disappears for long periods of time"? Dude, she's still super important and you're putting her in the play. Right? RIGHT?!

16. Landon, THANK YOU for pointing out how weird Caroline and Alaric's relationship was. The guy deadass got engaged to her and had a pissing contest over her with Stefan, that will never not gross me out.

17. So the monster is mind controlling Landon to put Klaus into the play. Saw this coming IG.

18. Hope is painting again, like her dad used to do when he felt things were going out of control. I've been rewatching TO and this is making me so emotional. I MISS KLAUS AND HIS SHENANIGANS. And not a single character on Legacies comes close to Klaus, Elijah and Hayley for me. (Sorry if this hurts anyone's feelings but Legacies really is a downgrade from TVD and TO)

19. Ugh, why would he use the contents of the letter as lyrics? Dude, is it because you're mind-controlled? No, I don't like this. Klaus loved Hope to the ends of the earth and wanted everyone to know but Hope wants to keep things private, and her wishes should have been respected.

20. So apparently Landon tries not to put Klaus' villainous antics into the show. Well, okay, it's definitely a copout but since he is Hope's boyfriend, makes sense. But I don't understand why the musical HAS TO BE about the Salvatore school. The accreditation excuse is lazy, writers! Also, Landon, my dude, Klaus was a major donor of the school. Put that in instead of the other things, stop pissing off your girlfriend FFS. Even if you're mind-controlled 🤦🏻‍♀️

21. I do find it funny how Landon is all gaga over Klaus' use of language though. The guy really did have the best lines, didn't he? (Tied with Elijah, I suppose, for me)

22. The other singers of the first song are really good so Kaylee sounds a bit rusty in comparison. Also, she reminds me too much of Dark!Josie with the hair and makeup. From a distance, she can be mistaken for Nina though.

23. I love that the backstage activities are being shown.

24. I'm digging Jed as Stefan and I really like his singing voice. And the Hero Hair wig cracked me up. Kaleb is obviously good at singing at it's nice to hear more from him. I also like how Chris Lee didn't try to exactly emulate Ian and played Damon how someone who has only heard about him might play him.

25. Is Hope painting herself before the pit or something? Or is this supposed to symbolize her despair at her parents' loss? ALSO, I WANT SOMEONE TO MENTION HAYLEY :( Why is Hayley so ignored?!

26. The same person probably wrote MG's notes and Caroline's letter IRL and therefore, in-universe, MG has Caroline's handwriting and it's funny to me.

27. Jenny sings well, I like it. I don't understand the song though, was Caroline actually ever feeling this insecure? I feel like the song became a lot more about Lizzie than her mother. (It's been forever since I watched TVD, if anyone has yet to guess, I prefer watching TO)

28. The doppelganger thing cracked me up.

29. Wait why did the monster attack Josie?! Ohhhh he's forcing Landon to improvise and put Klaus' song at the end. Well, I guess it makes it seem a bit less like Landon's fault. But would Hope know that?

30. It's hilarious how they lowkey make a call back to Nina leaving TVD and them having to put Elena in a sleep spell though.

31. Landon having a hissy fit is funny to me. Aria needs more comedic scenes.

32. Wait, where did Jade come from? Has she been in the school all these weeks?

33. While the scene seems a bit shabby to me, Klaus talking to Hope reminds me of their scene from TO 4X03. I needed more of Summer Fontana and Joseph Morgan together. Also, the donation did get mentioned, YASSSS. Man did some horrific things but he did fund the school so maybe a little less badmouthing in the presence of his daughter now that you know the story, eh, students?

34. The fact that the guidance counselor actually wore a leather jacket and a henley is cracking me up. It's really bizarre.

35. "Terrible painter" XD Klaus would have eaten you for saying that if he were alive.

36. Um, Hope, wouldn't you ask your family if you are doing enough to make your father proud, instead of this random bloke who supposedly met him once?! Maybe call Freya or Rebekah.

37. Why is this monster being nice to Hope? Doesn't it try to break people up or something? You'd think he'd try to piss her off even more and ruin her relationship with Landon.

38. Stefan was trying to be more like Damon by sacrificing himself? Um, what?

39. Well, this musical at least gave Stefan and Caroline a goodbye scene. I wonder how much the twins remember Stefan, must have been a bit emotional for Lizzie to play that. Jenny's singing was gooood, really liked it.

40. JED WAS GONNA KISS LIZZIE AND I WANTED IT TO HAPPEN. But a forehead kiss does work.

41. Hope's playing Elena now? What?

42. Ngl I want Hope and Jed to be friends. She needs more of a connection to her wolf side. Both of her parents wanted her to be surrounded by wolves and she's barely interacting with the wolves in this show, which always makes me sad.

43. So this monster can also do little spells and move physical objects eh? Whatever, this is random.

44. And this monster brings people back together? Why?

45. So when Hope is singing, is she doing it as Elena or Hope? She came on stage as Elena, but I thought the song is about Hope. So WHAT IS IT?

46. Oh Damon's on stage, so Hope is singing as Elena and it's a call back to the graveyard scene from the TVD finale.

47. Danielle sings pretty well. It's good she decided to perform this time.

48. Okay, that lifting up scene was adorable. I feel like Hope and Landon are at their cutest when they're a bit spontaneous. But she's Elena on stage and it lowkey looks like Landon crashed her romantic scene with Damon to kiss her so I'm cackling.

49. How much older is Jade supposed to be than Josie?

50. So is Josie going to leave the school for a while and that's why Ethan will be back in the picture?

51. Jade used to babysit Josie? Okay, it is hella awkward.

52. Josie why, don't do this, yikes. Kissing her once doesn't make it non-creepy.

53. The Sheriff feels kinda shoehorned to me. Also, I don't care for Matt Davis or his character.

54. So Candice did the voiceover for Caroline's letter. That's nice for the show. I still don't understand why the letter showed up in Hope's fireplace though LOL.

55. This episode should have spent more time exploring the aftermath of the loss of Rafael. The abrupt shift from the last episode wasn't nice.

56. Yeah, kids, talk out your problems, thanks.

57. I feel like Klaus is too much of a controversial figure that Hope's conflict about her father's reputation would be resolved in one day. This is feeling undercooked. Speaking of, when is one of Klaus' or Hayley's enemies coming after Hope, because she did inherit all of them. Would make for better storytelling than this monster of the week nonsense. And yeah, still no mention of Hayley, I hate this.

58. The monster's characterization was really odd to me and I am so tired of this format SMH.

59. So they toyed with MG for weeks to get a vampire for the spell? That sounds like too much effort. There are tons of vampires from Klaus and Rebekah's bloodline, they couldn't find another? Also, I wonder who is the wolf that they will use.

Well, I felt like this episode was mostly okay, but not that well-cooked or epic or whatever. What is horrific is that they didn't show Bonnie, though. They could have at least gotten a female black guest character who is one of the witch students or something. This is very offensive.

Also, I don't think it makes sense for the show to do any more musicals in the future. This ain't Riverdale.

some dreams I’ve had. I’d write these down by hand but lol my handwriting has deteriorated to the point of actually marring any journal I own.

flowers. I keep dreaming about flowers. recently that the cherry blossoms were blooming (they’re one of the first things to bloom) and I had to go to the park. even in the dream I was like “didn’t it just snow?” it did just snow.

my childhood cat shows up sometimes, alive and just hanging out. this time she really liked ketchup and I was giving her a pile of ketchup as a treat to eat. if it’s not good for cats to eat a lot of ketchup, I’m sorry, it wasn’t real.

staring out at the backyard of my childhood home. there were so many birds. I just stood there watching the birds.

Dan and Arin from Game Grumps showed up and were messing with me over something (I’ve been watching a lot of game grumps idk) and I was eating a lot of cupcakes. too many cupcakes. they were supposed to be chocolate but kept turning out to be vanilla. I wanted to smash one in Dan’s face for what he was saying but the cake was too dense for smashing, also terrible.

another you-have-to-go-back-to-high-school dreams except lately these have been “but now you’re going to do it better and knowing what you know now” variety. hilarious considering they always include me not knowing my schedule or having any books. this time I was hearing ominous music like a soundtrack as I walked in. got to my locker and my (two) friends and I were sharing one lock on three lockers. I kept putting in my irl gym locker combination--I’ve had that lock since high school actually. they were playing a trivia game on the floor (our lockers were in the band hallway, just like life, so we could do whatever) and wouldn’t tell me the combination. finally did and there was nothing in the locker. wrote it on my hand and we had a whole argument about how to remember it. I was going to write it in my planner. I didn’t have a planner. or did I have a planner? I never didn’t have a planner in high school so obviously one had to be there but where was it?

band director came out before the bell rang to stare at us to go to class and I realized my class was on the 4th (well, 3rd, but we were in the basement) floor. except I didn’t have my schedule so was it? and my ankle was still healing. I left my schedule where I put it in my last dream. which was my backpack. which I didn’t have except I did. still don’t know where my first class was.

(really relieved whatever that locker combination was didn’t lodge itself in my brain and replace my gym locker combination, for some reason I’m constantly afraid I’ll forget it)

when my ankle was more busted/I was on crutches and I had these dreams I would take the school elevator, which I’ve never taken, and dream about people I encountered there. people who wanted me to talk to my mom for them. other kids on crutches. once I dreamed an entire brand new elevator bank that no one knew about or was allowed to use for some weird reason. administrators manning it and deciding I could or couldn’t be there, people sneaking past them.

when it started healing I switched to dreaming that I had to climb four flights of stairs like I used to have to actually do in high school again. I haven’t thought about the layout of that school in years. not until the break.

late for a doctor’s appointment. for a doctor in Maryland who only exist in dreams. this time she was a redhead/strawberry blonde with long hair and glasses. sometimes she’s a man who I never see, or a brown-haired lady with glasses who only sits behind a desk. her office is in a hilly suburban area with lots of flowers. didn’t get to do the pretty drive this time, just showed up two hours late with my brother; I got the time wrong. her office was completely empty though. don’t know if she let me do the appointment, I woke up first.

Night Life

Welcome to the Jungle (Zoo!AU)

Chapter Two of Fifteen

Rated PG for use of language

2,030 words

A/N: Points for anyone who gets the reference in the capybara names! Sorry this took so long, I’ve been working on a lot of different projects all at once and it’s hard to sort through them lol. As always, feedback would really be appreciated! :)

Rey uses the rest of her lunch break to raid your closet, which she’s capable of doing because you live in the surprisingly nice attic apartment over the staff lounge. Perks of being the park manager.

Your outfit is laid out on your bed when you arrive “home”, the gate locked for the night and the sun already well below the horizon. You’re exhausted and sweaty, but the prospect of your date has you excited. You wonder what Karé has in store for the two of you, waiting in the Botanical Gardens.

You change into the dress--it’s your favorite color and it hugs your curves in all the right spots; Rey really is a genius--and touch up your makeup before heading down the steps and towards the giant greenhouse in the center of the park.

The Botanical Gardens are your favorite spot in the whole park. It’s a beautiful greenhouse, filled with flowers and plants of all shapes, sizes, and colors. If you were to plan a date anywhere in the zoo, you would definitely chose the Botanical Gardens.

So Karé made a fantastic call, and she took it to the next level by stringing fairy lights over the tall trees in the center of the space. And in the very center, two small chandeliers are strung from the lower-hanging branches, above a small round table that’s set for two. It’s decorated with leftover place settings from previous formal events that the park has hosted and the meal she’s procured for the two of you is a pizza and a bottle of wine, but it’s perfect.

Never again will you doubt Karé’s ability to pull off a mind-blowing date.

And Poe. He’s faced away from you, hands in the pockets of the gray dress slacks he’s changed into, curls perfectly mussed and you can’t help wondering how he got time to look so fucking handsome.

Actually, you already know. Maybe you’ve only just met him this morning, but you have a feeling that he’s just naturally the most gorgeous human being. It’s unfair, really.

“Karé got to you, too?” You laugh softly, and Poe turns around with the biggest grin on his face. It only gets wider when he sees you.

“Yeah, she pulled this out of thin air,” he chuckles, sweeping a hand over the front of the light blue button-up on his torso. The top couple buttons are undone, showing a peek of his tan chest and that gorgeous neck that you don’t need to be thinking about kissing.

“It suits you,” you smile sheepishly. “Pun intended.”

He laughs at your terrible joke, and you’ve never felt so endeared to someone so quickly before.

“You look beautiful,” he grins, respectfully glancing up and down your form.

You do feel pretty hot in this dress.

You shrug off the compliment nevertheless, trying to fight back the burn in your cheeks. “I didn’t get a chance to touch up my makeup.”

“You don’t need it, anyway.”

Oh, you’re so fucking smitten. How is it possible for a man to be so nice? Something tells you that this isn’t just him trying to woo you for the first date. He has this aura about him that just radiates sensitivity and kindness. It’s intoxicating.

“You flatter me,” you laugh softly as Poe pulls out a chair for you.

He just shrugs. “You deserve it.”

You give him a questioning look as he sits down across from you. “You hardly know me.”

“Touché,” he chuckles, reaching into the bucket of ice in the center of the table to grab the wine bottle. “But I don’t really need to know you well to know that you deserve a little TLC. Everybody does.”

He’s not wrong there. The entire world would be a better place if everyone felt loved.

“So, why me?” You ask quietly as you open the pizza box in the center of the table. There’s a small note attached to the cardboard in Karé’s neat handwriting that says, This was the best I could do on short notice. You’re welcome.

He hums his confusion as he fills the two wine glasses halfway. “What do you mean?”

“Not trying to ruin the mood straight off the bat, but... I’ve just gotta ask. A guy like you could have anyone he wanted. So why me?”

“I can have anyone I want?” He chuckles, humoring you. He finds your insecurity charming, where most men would find it unattractive. “I guess that’s why we’re sitting here right now, sweetheart.”

He’s completely disarmed you in less than five minutes. He takes your doubt and reassures you. He breaks down your walls. Without really saying it, he shows you that there’s no reason for you to worry. That he’s every bit as interested in you as you are in him.

He might be the perfect man.

He’s just so charismatic and charming. The conversation never lulls--he leads willingly, never running out of topics. He’s a natural storyteller, and his laughter lights up the entire space.

You’re taking the last bite of your last slice of pizza when your walkie starts buzzing.

“Sorry,” you grimace apologetically as you pick it up off the table and turn the volume up. The night manager, Oddy, never radios you unless it’s something really important. “Hey, Oddy, what’s up?”

“Sorry to bother you,” he chuckles kindly. “Figured you might want to come be with Eleanor. She’s giving birth.”

Your jaw drops. Of all of the interruptions that could’ve occurred, this is definitely the most exciting.

“Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be there in a few.”

Poe gives you a curious look as you stand up. “You need to go?”

“Our capybara’s having her pups,” you announce excitedly. “You wanna come watch? I mean, you don’t have to. It’s probably gonna be pretty gross. You can go home if you want to.”

“Are you kidding?” He chuckles incredulously. “Pass up watching a giant rodent push out some slightly smaller giant rodents? What kind of guy do you think I am?”

“Well, until you said that, I thought you were the sane kind.”

He just smiles as he blows out the candles. “You have a lot to learn about me, then.”

The conversation carries on as you lead the way to the capybara enclosure, and halfway there Poe’s fingers gently brush against yours. You shrug it off as accidental until he does it again, stepping just a little closer. Still, he’s giving you the chance to back out. He’s offering the move forward for you to make.

And you gladly seize the opportunity--the next time his knuckles gently knock against yours, you carefully lace your fingers with his and give his hand a small squeeze.

It just feels so right. His hand is bigger than yours, but they somehow fit together like puzzle pieces. You don’t really want to ever let go, and you have to mentally scold yourself for that because it’s the first date. There’s no way you should be this attached to him already.

“Fair warning, watching animals give birth is usually a pretty... intense experience,” you warn him with a soft smile as you push open the gate into the enclosure. “If you need to take a step back, I won’t judge.”

He gives you that familiar boyish smile as he follows you in. “I appreciate that.”

“We’ve been trying to breed these capybaras for a long time,” you explain with an excited smile. “We even brought in a specialist from the Chester Zoo in England. It took Eleanor something like three years to get pregnant.”

“I don’t know why, but animals with human names is just, like, the best thing ever,” he chuckles quietly. 

You can’t help smiling at how much of a dork he is. “A lot of our newer animals are named after TV shows and movies. Eleanor’s mate is named Chidi.”

Poe nearly trips over himself at that. “Oh my god. That’s amazing.”

You push a tree branch out of the way as you make your way to the center of the enclosure. “You can thank Finn for that one. He’s a total sap.”

You hear Eleanor before you see her. You’ve never witnessed a capybara give birth before, but you’ve seen plenty of other babies’ first moments in your time here. The first one was a giraffe when you were fourteen--it turned you off from the idea of ever becoming a mother for a few good years. You still don’t really know where you stand on the whole “kid” thing.

“Y’know, for the majority of my life I thought that capybaras were, like, dog-sized,” Poe muses over the slight screeching noises. “And then I started at my first zoo, and I found out that they are very much not dog-sized.”

He’s such a goof, you can’t help laughing. “Yeah, you and Chidi probably have the same body weight.”

“They’re massive,” he chuckles disbelievingly. “Like, if I ran into one of them in the wild, I’d be terrified.”

You realize that you haven’t let go of Poe’s hand until Oddy comes into view, and part of you doesn’t want to. It just feels so natural to hold onto him. Poe definitely doesn’t move to release you, so you figure it’s okay for now.

“Hey!” Oddy quietly greets you, a smile spread over his face. “You missed the first one, but she’s still pushin’ them out. I think she’s got two more comin’.”

“Thanks Oddy,” you grin. “Hey, this is Poe, our new dolphin trainer. Poe, this is Oddy, our night manager.”

They exchange pleasantries and a handshake, and you’re surprised that Poe still hasn’t let go of your hand.

And then the second pup comes, and he squeezes your hand a little tighter.

“Yeah, you were right,” he chuckles incredulously as he runs his free hand through his dark curls. “That’s... pretty gross. It’s kind of amazing, though. Like, I kind of get why they call childbirth a miracle.”

“Yeah, I get what you mean,” you smile softly, laughing when you see him failing to stifle a yawn. “You want to head out? It’s getting late, and I’m probably gonna be up with Eleanor for a while longer.”

“Yeah, I guess I should go,” he sighs, trying to mask his disappointment at parting from you. “Early morning tomorrow. I’m officially starting my new job.”

You can’t help smiling at his slight joke. “C’mon, I’ll walk you out.”

He still doesn’t let go of your hand, but the conversation is slow as you walk to the back gate. It’s getting close to midnight, so you know Poe needs to go home and get some rest, but you wish he could stay.

It doesn’t seem like a good idea to invite him up to your apartment, though. As much as you would love to, he’s tired, and you want to take this slow. You don’t want to move too fast and ruin it.

You finally convince yourself to release Poe’s hand when you two reach the back gate. He sighs and turns to face you before his hand comes up to gently brush your hair out of your face.

“Is it okay if I kiss you?” He asks quietly--tentatively. No one’s ever asked for your permission for such a seemingly small thing before, and it makes your heart swell.

You just nod your consent and slowly snake your arms around his neck. His lips meld perfectly with yours--it’s slow and sweet, everything you’ve ever wanted from a kiss but never gotten. And it’s the very first one that the two of you share.

He keeps his eyes closed for a moment when you pull back, as if he’s savoring the feeling of your lips against his.

“Can we do this again?” You ask quietly, almost scared of getting a response.

“Kiss? Absolutely.”

You laugh softly at the blissed-out look in his dark eyes as they flutter open. “I mean, yeah. But also, like, go on another date. Only if you want to.”

He gives your waist a gentle, reassuring squeeze where his hand has landed. “I’d love to, honey.”

And then he kisses you again, as promised.

THE END

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clarity, george x reader

hey guys! happy new year! it’s 2020, which is crazy, ‘cause wasn’t it just 2009 like a second ago? anywho, i’m sick with a cold and am working on requests (i promise!) but i recently discovered the whole soulmate au thing and i really wanna try it soooo...here’s hoping this isn’t terrible! i posted about it yesterday about the idea but i did change some things (i rewrote the end five different times i shit you not) also ps sorry this is hella long

prompt: soulmate au; everyone has a journal that allows them to write back and forth with their soulmate

A/N: so as i’m writing this it kind of reminds me of when harry wrote to tom riddle in CoS haha. anywho—i still want the reader to be a ~magical being~ so i do still want them to go to hogwarts (does that count as an au, then? WHATEVER, lol) however even though they can write back and forth with their soulmate, there’s this lingering restriction on soulmates revealing their identities because of the impending war and voldy and stupid fucking umbridge and all this stuff so they’re sworn to secrecy, not even names, not even hints, until one of them breaks

warning(s): mentions of war, blood, bodies, anxiety, not proofread

So sorry my writing’s been sporadic. Potions is dragging, love.

The words appeared very lightly, you almost didn’t catch them at first. Grinning giddily to yourself, you pulled your journal close to you so only you could see the fragile script in front of you. Potions. With Snape. You were just in Potions with Professor Snape. Is it possible that your soulmate had passed you by on your way out of the dungeons?

Well, of course it was. The castle was only so large, after all. It was proving rather difficult to keep your identity a secret.

You wanted to know who he was the second he first wrote you and made you blush. But, there were rules. Rules you both didn’t want to follow.

Is it four o’clock yet? He asked you now.

You grinned with excitement. Each time his handwriting appeared, it filled you with an overwhelming sense of closeness to him—since this, of course, was as close as you’d gotten.

The impending war put so much worry on your heart—for you, for him.

Biting your lip, you wrote back, I reckon Snape’s class isn’t going terribly well?

A quick response appeared. It’d certainly be better—if you were here.

You wanted nothing more than to know his name, hear his voice, be there with him.

The feast anxiously awaits your arrival, you wrote back cheekily, taking a sip of your pumpkin juice and watching as a cackle of students filtered into the Great Hall. Desperately, you searched the crowd for an inkling of him. There was none, of course. You had no bloody idea. Sighing greatly, you slumped back into your seat, poking at the food on your plate. How long could you possibly keep this going? Your soulmate didn’t really feel like one, especially when you didn’t even know his name.

Are you here, in the Great Hall? he wrote. I just walked in. C’mon, any type of sign that you’re here—at least tell me the color of your hair so I can eliminate some people—that isn’t too daring, now, is it?

How you wanted to. You wanted more than anything to tell him. But the worry that pulled at your heart—it was too much.

With utmost regret, you scribbled, You know we can’t, darling.

His response wasn’t exactly what you’d wanted. What you wanted, truthfully, was maybe for him to break—for him to finally reveal himself to you in a fit of fury, because he was so irrevocably in love with you that he just couldn’t stand it anymore. You could practically feel his sadness when, after a few painful minutes, he just answered, I know...

You looked around you, anxiously searching for some type of answer, but there was none. Many around you were scribbling quickly in notebooks in front of them. It was useless, really, to search for someone you barely knew in a sea full of people.

These restrictions are bloody ridiculous, he wrote one cozy, autumnal afternoon. He was frustrated. You could tell. The pressure of his quill marks and his messy handwriting showed you just how frustrated he was. It’s not fair that they’re keeping us from one another. It drives me bloody mad.

He had already left Hogwarts. Any hope you had of maybe locking eyes with him in the Great Hall and just knowing, deep down, that he was the one...those feelings of hope we’re gone. He was even further away now than you could imagine. You were no longer under the same roof.

In the common room next to the fire, you gripped the pages of your journal tightly. You knew how he felt, of course you did. I’m sick of it too, love... Your heart ached for him.

It seemed silly, but it was the truth. How were you supposed to feel about the man you were to spend the rest of your life with when you barely knew anything at all?

An idea of sorts came to him. You could almost feel his excitement and adrenaline rush. He answered, softer now, What if, instead of in writing, we just plan to meet...

His writing trailed off. You knew he recognized the danger of this idea, with every single slip of parchment and message being watched and intercepted.

I don’t care, you know. I don’t care what they do to me. As long as I can finally meet you.

Slowly, you flipped through the many pages of your journal, reading some of your conversations with him from the past years. It had proven extremely difficult to not give any hints about your identities over the years, so of course, you reread, every single day, the hints that he had given you.

He was one of many children. He was an inventor. He inherited his mum’s love for cooking and was a damn good one, if he did say so himself. He loved Hogwarts in the wintertime. His dad was overly fascinated with Muggles and their way of living. And he was funny—really funny, but he didn’t need to tell you that. He was always making you laugh.

You fed off of these five and only things for years. Years, they had sustained you, but right now, it wasn’t feeling like enough. Nothing felt like enough.

I want you to be safe, you told him. You need to be.

And then, you wrote again. Promise me that you are. Safe, I mean.

Your answers had been more sporadic and choppy and less long and interesting. He’d told you after he’d left Hogwarts that he’d been working on something, something to ease the pain of the impending war, something that he was excited about. The glimmer of those feelings kept you afloat in what felt like a world in which you were drowning slowly.

An answer came when you were asleep. I’m safe, darling. We had a long night. Promise me you’ll focus on your classes and graduating and keeping yourself safe and sound and I promise everything will be worth it.

All these years of writing and waiting and hoping seemed to be taking it’s toll on you both. There had been days where you hadn’t talked with one another at all, days where you didn’t even have the energy to pick up you quill and write a single thing. You barely had enough energy to discuss the news of you finishing school.

He told you one stormy night that he’d gotten hurt, that he’d lost one of his ears. In a moment of panic and worry, you’d written back as quickly as you could with questions you knew he couldn’t answer. What happened? Where are you? I’ll find you, let me come and help you.

A stern “no”, and then a softer, “I’m okay, I promise,”, had not helped your nerves at all. Things were getting worse. Voldemort’s army were taking out witches, wizards and Muggles alike, one by one, as the world you knew and loved was crumbling in pieces around you.

It was an awful feeling, knowing your soulmate was out somewhere in the world, hurting—in pain—and you couldn’t do anything at all to help him.

As the war worsened, your family was tortured for information. Death Eaters had stormed your home, questioning you on the whereabouts of Harry Potter, a boy just a year younger than you, a boy whom you went to school with—but you didn’t know. It didn’t matter, though. You were left with stinging burns, open wounds, broken ribs and gashes along your arms and legs.

It’d been exactly four days since you’d written your soulmate.

Please, love, let me know that you’re okay, he pleaded. You swore you could see tear drops next to the words he’d written. You told him swiftly, with all of the energy you could muster, that you were.

It seemed as though the sky had turned permanently dark gray. Storm clouds had swallowed the world whole. There was an eerie, cool wind that sent chills down your spine, and it was quiet—too quiet—the kind of quiet it is when it’s snowing outside. But this wasn’t the good kind.

Word had gotten to you that Hogwarts was under attack. The school you grew up in was being pummeled to the ground with those that you loved inside of it. He was there, he had to be there. Maybe, just maybe, in a moment of clarity, you’d find him somehow. You hadn’t thought once—you apparated almost immediately, the pull behind your naval nearly knocking the wind right out of you, but before you’d left, you wrote him one last thing. I’m going to Hogwarts. If we don’t survive...know that I love you. Salty tears escaped your eyes and landed on the pages of your journal.

You did, of course, even though you hadn’t met yet. Love him. You knew it deep in your heart. He was your soulmate, after all, even if you didn’t survive.

But the second before you apparated, you saw scribbly, messy handwriting on the journal placed delicately on your desk. It was so quick that you almost missed it, but you know you couldn’t have dreamt it. It was all too real. My name’s George Weasley—find me as quickly as you can.

Of course you knew him. He was one of the most well known people at Hogwarts when you were in school there. Heart thumping as you landed on your feet in the middle of the Great Hall, you noticed the blood, the bodies, the debris all around you. You swallowed over a lump in your throat. What would happen now that he revealed himself?

You’d been waiting years to hear his name.

Where was he?

And you saw him, hoisting himself on top of rubble, firing spells in every which direction, with his brothers next to him. A piece of debris slid against your cheek and left a stinging burn in it’s place. You touched your fingers to it gently, only to see some blood appear. You winced and fumbled over bodies and bricks and rubble.

He knocked a Death Eater over the edge of the bridge.

“George?”

He whirled around immediately—his face tired and his eyes bloodshot and sad. There were cuts and bruises all over his head, his red hair matted down by dirt, a large gash in his arm glistening with bright blood.

“It’s you,” his voice was hoarse and dry. He brought a hand to your cheek and wrapped it around the back of your neck. His hands absentmindedly made their way through your long, messy hair. His eyes were glassy. You tried to choke back your tears.

You placed your hands against his chest. “Finally.”

A moment of clarity hit when you realized that you’d met the man you’d spend the rest of your life with.

“I love you, you know—” he said in a moment of panic, a small smile tugging at the edges of his lips.

Everything went black.

When you opened your eyes, you were in a hospital of sorts—St. Mungo’s. Everything was still hazy. You rubbed your temples, head throbbing, and swallowed. Your throat was extremely dry. You reached for the glass of water on your beside table.

There was a news clipping there. Once your eyes adjusted to the light, you read slowly. There’d been a war a few months prior. Lord Voldemort was dead—he had died at Hogwarts. Wasn’t that the school you’d attended? You furrowed your brow.

Your memory was very fuzzy.

A red haired man walked slowly into the room with some sort of book in his hands.

Why did he look so familiar?

He stopped in his tracks when your eyes met his. Careful, so as not to scare you, he grinned lightly and said softly, “You’re awake.” There was a hitch in his voice.

He tried to tell you many things about your life. Your name, your age, where you went to school. What had happened during the war. That he was your soulmate. He mentioned something about journals and how he and you had communicated only through them for years. You couldn’t seem to understand. You wanted too, but you just...couldn’t. He didn’t really tell you anything about his life—just yours. Perhaps you needed to remember yours first. Having him near you gave you a sense of warmth, though.

“The doctors say she may not remember for a while, mate,” another man who looked exactly like him had whispered one afternoon. He patted his brother on the shoulder. “Maybe try and start from the beginning.”

The beginning. Had you forgotten everything from the beginning?

Panic rose in your chest.

Through a very frustrating conversation, trying to get you to remember anything at all, he reintroduced himself, as if to start new. “I’m George,” he told you.

George, you thought. Familiar. You smiled at him.

Everyday, he stayed by your side and watched as your memory seemed to improve, even slightly—bits and pieces coming back to you. You’d attended Hogwarts. Your father was a wizard, but mum was a Muggle. Your favorite class at school was Charms. But him—he was still hazy.

You could tell it was hurting him, but he’d never let on. Your heart ached.

“When did we meet?” You asked him one day, sitting up in bed and blowing on your hot soup.

He loved it when you asked him questions. “During the war, actually,” he told you. “It was only for a moment, though. Very fleeting, but very wonderful.” He smiled at you.

You grinned back at him, feeling a surge of familiarity enter your body. You reached out and placed your hand on top of his, squeezing lightly. You saw him swallow over a lump in his throat, his eyes yearning for you to remember.

And now?

You asked him, “Can I...can I read your journal?” It was the book he brought with him every single day.

Tears welled up in his eyes, he gently placed the book into your hands. “Of course you can.” He stood up and placed a kiss onto your forehead. “I’ll have a word with the doctors—I’ll be right back,”

When you were sure he was out of the room, you opened the pages. Some were ripped and tattered, but you could still read the passages and differentiate between your writing and his. I just can’t wait to spend my life with you. You’d said that. Your heart skipped a beat.

I hope you that when we finally meet, he’d written, I am going to kiss you and never stop. I know it sounds silly because we haven’t met, but I love you...more than anything in this world.

Your cheeks flushed red at the thought.

As you sat there in bed, imagining what it’d be like to press your lips to his, slowly biting your bottom lip, he sauntered back into you room and snapped you back into reality. You hadn’t noticed how wide you were smiling until he startled you.

You placed the journal gently on your bedside table and took to cooling off your soup again. George was busy tidying up around the hospital room. When you took a slow sip, it was as if your taste buds had been reawakened. “Bloody hell, this is delicious—where did you get it?”

George smiled gratefully at you. “I made it this morning,” he told you. And just like that. Clarity. “I love cooking, actually, nobody really knows that but I got it—”

“—from your mum,” you cut him off.

He stood at the other end of the room, peering at you.

“Yes,” he said.

It was like everything came back to you at once—the writing, the moment he revealed himself, the war, seeing him for the first time—it was everything. Your soulmate.

Smiling greatly, you continued. “And your dad, he—he loves Muggle things, doesn’t he? He’s fascinated by them, everything about them—and you’ve a lot of siblings, don’t you?” He’d sat down next to you and pulled your hands into his. “And you absolutely hated Potions class—” at this, he laughed through a sob. A feeling of bravery entered your body. “And you promised me that when we finally met, you’d kiss me and you’d never stop.” You inched closer to him. “Guess we never really got a chance, did we?”

With tears in his eyes, he gently caressed your cheek and glanced longingly from your eyes to your lips. With a tiny nod from you, he laughed into the kiss that was years in the making. You felt like you were reentering your body. He kissed your forehead, your jawline, your neck, your shoulders, your hands— “You remember,” he said quietly.

You let out a soft hum as you pulled him close again. He gave you the most genuine and heartwarming smile when you told him, “I could never forget the man I love. I just can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

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ye s, well

it basically came to me like a prophet receiving a vision from an angry god. you know. like brian david gilberts video ideas but with more slow burn.

no really i wrote all this down in my phone’s note app because some nearly coherent things popped up in my head every time i was on the train or bus these last few days.

(after-actually-writing-this disclaimer/note: this is 2000 words of slightly edited rambling about Bagginshield in the Afterlife. i had to put it in a read more.)

so the gist of it

the botfa goes just as in the movie with minor details altered. like bilbo kissing thorin just before he dies which inadvertently causes a ripple in time and space that makes the valar curious of them both. you know. minor stuff.

so bilbo goes back to the shire, the war of the ring goes down, and the hobbit/elf gang sails to valinor at the end. classic stuff, not much alternating of universes here.

but here’s where things turn into the “my city now” meme because DUDE DO I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT VALINOR AND HOW THE AFTERLIFE WORKS

like, I’m sorry mister jolkien rolkien tolkien, but just putting people into a hall to await being judged like a hospital waiting room? snooze, that’s boring!

so first of all, and you can fight me on this, Yavanna Made The Hobbits And You Can’t Change My Mind.

it just makes sense for her to have been very saddened by the destruction of literally all her work on arda through melkor’s poison, so she made living, growing things that could protect themselves from harm. as opposed to the ents, by the way, which were made by Eru to protect all the other living, growing things. it was a nice gesture of Eru to make those, but not quite what Yavanna wanted or had in mind, i imagine.

as with the dwarves, Eru wasn’t all happy about the existence of another race he didn’t make but you know, whatever, ‘I’ll just let this married couple have their own kids aside from mine, it’s okay’.

so he hands both the dwarves and the hobbits independent thought and free will, but under the condition (and here is where the afterlife stuff comes into play) that Aule and Yavanna be responsible for their mortal creations after their death. meaning that both races have seperate afterlives from the halls of mandos, MEANING THAT ITS COMPLETELY FINE FOR AULE AND YAVANNA TO BE LIKE “oh look honey, these two are so very in love and remind me of us, shan’t we do something about that?”

so. they do something about that. more precisely, they rearrange their afterlife-realms so they’re next to each other and someone with enough willpower could cross through the barrier. because listen, they’re valar, they can do whatever they want just for kicks.

okay so after that tangent lets get back to the meat of the matter: gay dwarves. I know not everyone has read Sansukh, a 500k word mammoth of a fic, and I don’t really intend to copy any of det’s canon, but their version of The Halls of Mahal really inspired me. basically the dwarven afterlife is one big hunk of a mountain/underground city where they’re free to live their days until dagor dagorath doing what they do best in the company of their families and friends; like smithing, crafting, building and other JustDwarrowThings.

meanwhile the hobbit afterlife is Basically The Shire and instead of being given the materials to build things, all the hobbits who go there get to grow plants and do their gardening. they don’t have to- just like none of the dwarves have to craft stuff- since there’s always enough food for everyone, but they are just allowed to do what they do best if they so desire.

now when Bilbo arrived in the undying lands he was still Old As Hell and im sorry to put it this way, he definitely kicked the can after like, a week of living there. not really so undying, them lands, huh. anyway Bilbo bites the dust and LOOK AT THAT he’s suddenly young again, and another LOOK AT THAT he’s standing in a very comfy, but Not Quite Bag End hobbit hole that has a note hung up on the front door. you wouldn’t think gods could have handwriting but hey, again, they’re gods they can do whatever. the note just tells him that yavannah made this place special and just for Bilbo but that there’s another home waiting for him. very cryptic there, lady. he doesn’t leave at first because hey, his family is here. there’s a lot of reunions and celebrating and food because its the fucking hobbit afterlife, what else would you expect

it takes him a few days of Regular Hobbit Life in his new home to realise ‘holy shit, this is so boring’ so what does a Fool of a Took do when things get boring and there’s a note urging him to do something?

HE’S GOING ON AN ADVENTURE

so Bilbo runs through the whole not-shire, meeting all sorts of people he outlived on the way (looking at you, Lobelia), as well as some elves. because elves can definitely just waltz through all the afterlives. they can walk on top of snow, you think they wouldn’t walk around wherever they please in valinor? rip to mankind, but they’re different.

he gets to the furthest reaches of it eventually, and lo and behold, what awaits him but the view of a tall mountain, an invisible barrier and a very flustered Thorin who is at his wits end as to how Bilbo even got here.

now for thorin’s part of the story we’ll have to start after the botfa again. he basically woke up in the darkness like an episode of naked and afraid, and started talking to Aule. his maker, who loves him to bits by the way since he made thorin, just tells him he’s free to go wherever his heart takes him. again with the cryptic messages from the gods.

so thorin, still very self-loathing and bitter because of his actions right before his death, sees this as Mahal’s way of saying ‘please don’t step foot in my halls u disgusting litle creacher’, when really he just meant ‘please do some well deserved self reflecting and then come inside to be with your family, they all miss you terribly’.

after his chat with the maker thorin just spawns in right at the front gate of the mountain and he has a choice to make. go inside or stay outside. and we all know Thorin’s proclivity for drama so he basically spends LITERAL YEARS just living in self imposed solitary confinement.

oh also tiny hc here, thorin was said to have taken “any work offered to him in the towns of men”, and they showed him in a smithy, but personally I believe they meant it when they said “any kind of work”. so basically thorin is a jack of all trades, master of some. he definitely has master-level skills in certain areas though, enough to build a vaguely hobbit-hole shaped house. why is it hobbit hole shaped?

oh right, the part where Thorin is absolutely enamoured with Bilbo.

"Go back to your books and your armchair, plant your trees, watch them grow. If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.”- HELLO? GAY POLICE? I’D LIKE TO REPORT A CASE OF ‘DWARF KING REALISING THAT THE HOBBIT WAY OF LIVING IS A REALLY GREAT ONE IN CONCEPT / WISHING HE COULD HAVE HAD THAT KIND OF LIFE WITH BILBO’

anyway it’s a long 80 years until Thorin does get to meet Bilbo again, and in the meantime we have one of my favorite additions to any Hobbit fanfic ever: Frerin

For the uninitiated, Frerin is Thorin’s brother. They also have a sister, Dís, but Tolkien never specified when she died and she was a bit younger than Thorin and Frerin so I reckon she’d still be alive as an old dwarf lady somewhere?

Anyway, Frerin. Oh boy. Sansukh, again, does an excellent job at turning Frerin into a character with a level of authenticity that gets real fucking close to Genuine Tolkien™, so most of my own characterisation of Frerin is based on that in Sansukh. With the important omission of the dwarves not being able to see the present/their still alive loved ones in middle earth through a magic mirror pool.

so Frerin takes it upon himself to leave the mountain in search of his brother because he really does want him back. but also because Mahal has had it with Thorin’s antics and suggests Frerin fetch him so he can finally reunite with his family. Mahal doesn’t talk to the dwarves a lot because he’s like an awkward and distant dad, but he does actually speak to them.

so Thorin is supposed to go see his family, which he does, but not immediately. it takes like, a solid year of just brotherly (and sister-sonly) companionship for him to open up about all his anxieties and regrets and THEN he goes into the mountain to cry in his mother’s lap. as you do.

however Thorin still feels like he doesn’t 100% belong with the other dwarves in there, so he frequently spends long stretches of time outside, building away at his house, thinking about Bilbo. the company goes out to visit him sometimes.

more details on the house tho, cuz it’s Important; it’s built halfway into a hill near the mountain, like a proper hobbit hole would be, but the lower levels are built into stone. look, he’s had 80 years to work on constructing this. it’s near perfect in every way for both hobbit and dwarf standards and could definitely fit the entire company and more inside.

now about the barrier. elves can pass through without a second thought because they’re shiny little bastards who just get to do all the cool stuff, but the other races can’t just hop between realms like that; they really have to muster up the willpower. which usually means they can’t do it because a drawback for both dwarves and hobbits is that they favor isolation from other races even in death, and as such don’t want to mingle with each other.

unless you’re Bilbo Badass Baggins though, who simply runs through the barrier to yell at Thorin for leaving him sad and alone for 80 years. he is that bitch.

there’s gonna be some legolas and gimli shenanigans if i can fit them in (cuz i dont know when exactly they sailed west together), possibly a mention of tauriel because bruh peter jackson did us dirty by not giving her any closure besides ‘lol i guess she’s banished from mirkwood??’ and Mairon. because. I also have some thoughts about him.

also Fili and Kili as pseudo matchmakers because every fic needs that

and did I mention there’s gonna be hozier lyrics for chapter titles

i said this was the gist of it but i somehow ended up at ~1900 words. well, more power to me.

Secrets

Title: Secrets

Characters: Pepper Stark, Peter Parker, Morgan Stark, Happy, and Mentions of: Tony, Rodney, May, and Bucky.

Word Count: 1k+

Summary: Pepper believes that she knows all of Tony’s secrets. Even after he’s passed and saved the world, she’s sure that there isn’t anything left behind that she doesn’t know of, but during the anniversary of Tony’s death, she finds something tucked away in his office.

Warnings: Angst and Fluff

A/N: So... this is not a reader insert. It’s more of an Imagine. The idea manifested in my head and I just thought... “OMG! WHAT IF?” And I just had to write it and share it with you guys. I love Tony and Peter’s relationship and I wished we could have explored more with their dynamics, but then endgame happened. Anyways, I hope this warms your heart like the idea did mine!!

Everyone is at Tony and Pepper’s home near the lake in celebration of a life worth while. It had been one year since Tony sacrificed himself, like the true hero he was, to save billions of lives. No one will, or can, ever, ever, be able to replace him.

There was no argument that Tony loved a party, especially when he was the center of it. So why not do just that? Have a party to commemorate a man that was – no, is – a legend of his own making. Pepper, Rodney, and Happy knew this was what he would have wanted. The idea had been entertained, more than once, that Tony was probably having a party of his own up in heaven, talking God’s ear off. The notion was hilarious, yet undeniably believable.

In the midst of the party, Pepper had stepped away from all the noise and bodies. Hearing stories of Tony’s life and seeing how those stories lit up the eyes of his friends only proved to her how much he was loved… still loved. The emotions in the room were overwhelming and she needed space. She needed time alone to grieve the man she loved the most. Her husband. The father of her sweet baby girl.

Slipping into his office, Pepper scanned every untouched corner to the room. It was left exactly the way he had left it. Papers strewn across the table, gadgets and gizmos littered all over the place… everything about it screamed, Tony.

Tears finally spilled passed her eyes as a choked sob lurched from her throat. She missed him so much. She missed him everyday. Unable to keep herself up on her feet, she took a seat on Tony’s chair, elbows on the table face buried in her hands.

“Get it together, Pep. Tony wouldn’t want you to be this way,” she told her self, wiping the tears from her eyes.

Needing to feel closer to Tony, Pepper opened one of the drawers, pulling out folders after folders just to admire his handwriting. She laughed at the sight. His penmanship was terrible, nothing but chicken scratch, but she had worked with him long enough to be able to decipher every foreign-like symbol.

Pepper peeked back into the drawer and saw a small briefcase. Her brows furrowed in confusion for she had never seen it before. It looked custom made. Out of curiosity, she pulled it out only to find that it was a protected with some high tech lock. There was a screen and buttons, clearly a lock Tony had crafted himself. Whatever was in the case, Tony wanted to keep it private.

She pressed one of the buttons and the tech whirred to life, blue light illuminating. The screen read, “enter passcode.” She entered all the possible passwords that Tony had ever came up with, most of which were ridiculous, however none seemed to do the trick. She punched in her name, then Morgan’s, then Happy’s, and then Rodney’s, but to no avail. Defeated, she leaned back on the chair, consuming herself with what other possibilities there could be. Tony liked his acronyms, but if that was the case, then it could literally be anything.

“Uh, excuse me, Mrs. Stark?”

Pepper’s eyes fluttered upwards to see Peter with Morgan latching onto him, her arms wrapped around his neck and her head resting on his shoulders, much like how she would cling to her father. “I think Morgan is ready for bed.”

A smile appeared of Pepper’s face. Tony had always been fond of Peter, and now so was Morgan. “Okay, I’ll tuck her in.”

“Mommy, can Peter put me to bed?” She asked, sleep heavy in her voice.

“Uh…” Peter started, “I don’t mind. I can do it if you need some time to yourself,” he nodded.

“I’d really appreciate that,” Pepper replied.

“Okay, great. Uh, I’ll see you later,” he smiled before disappearing out the door.

Once Peter left, she entered another possible password into the lock, one she couldn’t believe she’d missed. “Spiderman.” The light turned from blue to green and the case hissed open from the hydraulics. “Tony and his toys,” she murmured to herself, a small smile playing at her lips as she shook her head.

Pepper opened the case wider, exposing its contents. She noticed a certificate with Peter’s name on it. She couldn’t help but giggle. It was a certificate, made by Tony, indicating that Peter was an official Avenger. She remembered that day. She had set up a press conference for the reveal, but Peter had turned down Tony’s offer to be an Avenger in exchange for being the friendly neighborhood Spiderman. The kid thought it was all a test, so instead, they announced their engagement.

Under the certificate was a navy folder. Something about it made her hesitate, but the feeling only fueled her curiosity. Inside were documents. Reading through them, her eyes widened, jaw dropping, and she immediately felt her heart crash down onto to her stomach. Tears filled the rims of her eyes once again as she wondered how long Tony had kept this from her… how long he had been thinking about it. She wondered if May even knew about this. Or if Happy knew about this. It would have been wonderful.

“Mrs. Stark, are you okay?” Peter stood at the doorway. “Uh, I just, um… wanted to let you know that Morgan’s all tucked in.”

“Thank you, Peter. You’re a great kid. You’re a great big brother.”

Peter’s eyes nearly popped out of his head, glossing over with delight, at her words. Big brother? Pride swelled inside of him and Pepper had never seen Peter smile so big in a long time.

“Wow. Th-thank you! That’s really nice of you to say.”

“Hey, kid! I been looking for you. I thought teenagers were supposed to be glued to their phones? Why didn’t you answer?” Pepper heard Happy from behind the wall.

“Well, I was putting Morgan to bed,” Peter answered, glancing at Pepper every so often, offering an apologetic smile.

“What are you doing? Why is that door open?” Happy appeared in sight and Pepper waved at him. “Oh! Pepper! Hi. I didn’t know you were there,” he grinned. “Sorry, I was just looking for Peter. Aunt May is looking for him. It’s a school night and he has to head back home.”

“What? Already? But I think I was starting to get Bucky to like me,” Peter whined, earning a whispered chortle from Pepper. “Goodnight, Mrs. Stark,” Peter mumbled towards her, bottom lip jutting outwards in an adorable pout.

“Goodnight, Peter. Oh, and Happy, can I speak to you for a minute?”

“Sure thing, he replied. “See ya, kid,” Happy bade Peter farewell. “What is it?” Happy returned his attention back to Pepper.

“Did you know about this?” Pepper stood, handing him the documents.

Happy took the papers from her hands. Pepper watched as his eyes maneuvered through the words, before his expression transformed into a similar reaction to one she had… So he didn’t know.

“Tony thought about adopting Peter?” Happy gawked.

“What?” Both eyes whipped towards the door to find Peter standing…

--

A/N: Tell me what you think?! I really want to know! I just love the idea that Tony wanted to adopt Peter. Their relationship is just so beautiful. lol. Please, reblog and leave some feedback! I’d really love to hear your thoughts! 

The Mistakes We Made - Chapter Three

Summary:When her high school girlfriend comes back to town after two years with a baby and a terrible story she won’t tell, the Librarian has to deal with the feelings she had worked so hard to keep at bay.

notes: Uhhh so the notes I wrote are kinda importanta, but they’re too long, so if you really want to read them you can read it at ao3 lol. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Read it on ao3: (chpt1) (chpt2) (chpt3)

The bell rang loudly, interrupting Mrs. Kavindi’s speech about neoclassicist poetry. The woman tried to keep her students’ attention, but it was no use, as the teens were already putting their stuff away in their backpacks. Only a pair of grey eyes followed her hand as she wrote on the board, rapidly taking note of everything. Eventually, she sighed and let her hand drop to her side.

“Alright, everyone. You’re free to go.”

There were loud noises of chairs dragging on the floor and the chatter of the students as they hurriedly left the Literature classroom, eager to begin their weekend. The girl, however, took her time putting her pen in her pencil case, and her pencil case in her backpack. She checked her notes one more time, certifying herself that she had written in legible handwriting before she was out of the classroom and couldn’t ask the teacher any more questions.

She got up from the chair and put her backpack on her back, walking up to the teacher who had sat down on the table and was watching the students leave. Mrs. Kavindi raised her eyes when she realized the girl had gotten closer, and gave her a simile.

“Can we expect you this evening, Maven?”

The girl nodded. “I still have some topics to study for next month’s finals, but I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Kavindi’s smile widened as she watched her favorite student leave. The girl was a bit of an outcast, for sure, but by her experience, all the best people were.

_#_#_#_

Johanna bit back a groan when the boy came closer. His smug grin was infuriating, and it didn’t help matters when he leaned on his shoulder against the locker next to her.

“I don’t want to talk to you, Torrin.” She said as she put her math notebook back in its place. His blue hair fell over his face when he laughed.

“Why not?”

Johanna closed her locker’s door with more strength than necessary. “Because you’re a jerk.”

“Is this about about Dick? Is this why you’re angry?” He said the words in a mocking voice, making Johanna wonder what would be the penalty if she got caught burying a corpse. Maybe Maven would be up for it too and they wouldn’t get caught. It sounded like a good plan.

“What happened between me and your friend is our business. Not yours.” Johanna sighed. She was waiting for Torrin to answer when she sighted a spot of black coming towards her. Her mouth opened into a smile, her eyes moving from his strong face to beatiful, wise eyes, coming closer and closer, with a smile answering her own.

When Torrin realized he had lost Johanna’s attention, it was too late. Maven was already behind him, pulling his head back by grabbing a handful of his hair. He gasped at the feeling, though she hadn’t grasped quite hard enough to make him feel any pain.

“I believe you are unwanted here, Aven.” She stated coldly. She let his hair go, but not without taking a few strands with her. The boy turned to her, wide eyed with fright but feigning anger.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“Remember what you called my mother last month, when you and your gang threw eggs at our house?” She ignored him as she tied one of the strands around the others, making a little bundle. “You called her a witch. And you weren’t wrong.”

She put the bundle on her jacket pocket and looked at him in the eyes. “So tell me, Aven. What kind of thing do you think a witch can do with a few pieces of your ridiculous blue hair?”

Torrin cursed under his breath and left, taking long strides and making sure to bump on Maven’s shoulder hard enough to hurt. But the raven haired girl didn’t care. All she could focus on was her friend trying and failing to contain her fit of giggles.

“Your mother wouldn’t actually curse him, right?” Johanna asked once she had gotten a hold of her laughter.

“Well, she could. But she won’t because he’s just a stupid teen. It would be a waste of spell ingredients.” Maven looked at ground. She wasn’t ashamed of her mother’s religion, nor was she that she too had chosen to follow Wicca, but Johanna’s parents were extremely Christian and she didn’t like to see the involuntary judgement in Johanna’s eyes whenever she talked about her faith.

“Are you ready to go?” Maven asked right after. Johanna had already put everything she would need for the weekend in her backpack and it seemed useless to just stand there looking at each other.

“Oh. Yes, I am. There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

She sounded sad, Maven realized. That was unusual. Her Anna was always so full of happiness that whenever her mood changed it was easy to notice, at least for her.

They were silent as they finished crossing the school’s corridor and its front door. When they were finally outside, with the early autumn wind messing with their hair and the leaves on the trees by the sidewalk, she finally spoke.

“I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about this when you asked at lunch. I didn’t feel like badmouthing someone then. But after that, I’ve no problem whatsoever with doing it.”

Oh, this is going to be good ,she thought but instead said “Torrin Aven is never good knews. Truly, only he is able to get you this upset.”

“You aren’t going to believe this, Maven! So, I had scheduled to help Richard study, correct?”

“I still don’t know why you accepted that, but yes, correct.”

“It turns out he didn’t want a hand with geometry! He was trying to trick me into going on a date with him!” She threw her hands up in frustration. “Who does that?!”

Maven snorted. “Stupid, obnoxious people, that’s who.”

Johanna sighed deeply, and looked both ways before both of them crossed the street to her block. “Honestly, I’ve never met one dateable boy. I wonder it I’m the problem, or if they are.”

She stopped in front of her house, turning to look at Maven before they bid goodbye. “You know, maybe I’m meant to be alone”, she said sadly. Maven’s eyes widened, and her mouth was slightly open with confusion.

“That’s not true!” The girl protested. “I mean, if you don’t want to be with anyone, that’s okay, but if you want a relationship, I doubt that you’ll stay much longer without one, Anna.”

“What makes you think so?”

“You’re a naturally loving person, for one. You’ve always been able to give your heart completely to the people you love.” She shrugged. “And you’re smart. And beautiful. And extremely kind. Anyone would be happy to have you. Now you just need to find someone who you think deserves you.”

Her long brown hair cascaded down her shoulder when she cocked her head. “You’re just saying this to make me feel better about being picky with boys.” She laughed nervously.

Maven sighed and blushed. Trying to flirt with a girl who grew up in a conservative household was a challenge indeed. But she had been doing it for five years and she wasn’t about to give up on her clueless Anna now. “I’m really not, though.”

She was rewarded with a hug and a peck on the cheek. “Thanks, Maven. You’re the best friend I could wish for.” She drew back and began heading for the door. “Same time same place?” Johanna asked as she looked for the keys in her backpack.

“Yup.”

With a smile, Johanna entered her house and closed the door again. A ghost of a smile passed through Maven’s lips. Though she had been wanting to be something more to Johanna ever since they were thirteen, being her best friend was already enough. It was more than an “antisocial creep”, as she was called in school, like her deserved. Johanna could be friends with anyone. With the jocks, the nerds, the popular people, the drama kids and the band kids. But she chose to stick with the graveyard keeper’s daughter, and she couldn’t be more grateful.

And yet, she was too selfish to stop wanting more.

_#_#_#_

“Oh, it seems someone else needs to go to her bedroom too.” Johanna said sweetly as she picked her baby up again. “Could you take the stroller to our room? I’ll try to calm her down a bit.”

“Oh, sure.” Maven quickly put her cup on the sink counter and went for the stroller, taking it through the narrow corridor beside the staircase that led to her mother’s old bedroom. She pushed on the door with her back, placing the stroller between the bed and the window.

She hoped Hilda didn’t mind having a cemetery for a view.

Johanna came in too not a moment later, singing her baby a lullaby that Maven was almost sure she recognized from somewhere, though she had no idea where. Her mother had never sung her lullabies, always going for stories to calm her down instead.

“Is she going to sleep in the stroller?”

Johanna sighed. “I don’t think I have another option. I left in a hurry, so I didn’t have time to disassemble her crib and bring it along.”

Maven bit her lip. What could have happened that made them practically run out of there? She swore that if in the end it turned out Aven had threatened them physically, there would be very few places that man would be able to hide in. She was already hated in town for being an outcast, so why not add murder to the list?

“Well, I think I have a smaller comforter stored somewhere. Do you want it?” She asked, wanting to help even if a little with their situation.

“No, I brought her blanket, but thank you.” Johanna gave her a really tired smile. “Do you have any children’s books, though? I didn’t bring hers, and she really likes the colours.”

Maven nodded. “I’ll be back in a second.”

_#_#_#_

It had been a fairly calm meeting, Maven mused as she put her sweater back on. The book club was rarely this way. Just in the last few months, she had already gotten into arguments about A Midsummer Night’s Dream and The Iliad, but it seemed like everyone had similar opinions this time, or at least no one had wanted to defend Alice when the majority of the participants had accused her of being a spoiled little girl who didn’t respect Wonderland’s traditions, just judging them all as “madness”.

She had been so concentrated on checking that everything she had brought was still in her simple brown leather purse that she barely realized that she was being spoken to. She raised her head and saw that the librarian, Mr. Kavindi, was talking to her.

“I’m sorry, sir, what was that?” She asked politely and he chuckled.

“I asked what are your plans for after school, little one.” Mr. Kavindi was a sweet man, with graying red hair and round glasses. He was wearing a blue sweater that was way too big for him. All his sweaters were like that, and she supposed it was because his wife knitted all of them for him.

“Oh yes, dear. I wanted to talk to you about this.” Said wife, Mrs. Kavindi, walked up to them and put her hand on his shoulder. Her wild dark brown hair framed her face, and combined with her green coat it made her look like a forest spirit. “Go on, Maven. I think he may be able to help.”

Maven looked from her teacher to the librarian. She really didn’t know what he could possibly do for her. The only help she needed was financial, and it was highly unlikely that a librarian had a lot of money to spare.

“I would like to study English, and then major in Library Science.” She said simply.

His eyes lit up and his usually kind face showed even more happiness. “Oh, so you want to steal my job, young lady?”

Maven put the purse’s strap on her shoulder and got up from the armchair she usually sat on, one with dark wood and magenta cushioning. She looked around the room that they used for their weekly meetings, one of the most secluded areas of the library, breathing in the calming smell of old parchment and ink that emanated from the hundreds of books piled upon shelves on the walls. Yes. Yes, she wanted to.

“You needn’t worry, sir. My mother doesn’t have enough money to pay for my college, and I really don’t think it would be wise to get in debt.” She’d probably just stay in Trollberg and learn her mother’s job. She was already quite familiar with it, and it wasn’t as if there was a queue of people wanting to be the knew cemetery keeper. In fact, she didn’t think there was a single soul that wanted it.

Mr. Kavindi frowned and seemed to deflate. His wife, on the other hand, kept pressing on. “And where would you study, if you had the money?”

She didn’t know why her teacher was asking this - she already knew. Maven had talked to her about her plans and why they wouldn’t work. But her teacher was a smart and helpful woman. It wouldn’t hurt to say again.

“In Ericsonberg University. It’s not a very long drive to make every day, or I could go by train and it would be even faster. Also, my best friend has already sent in her application and is probably going to study there.” Trollberg was a small town. It had very few options of higher education, and only a few courses were offered, most of them related to the forest and agriculture. Everyone else had to move away or choose a college in a nearby city.

“That is wonderful!” Mr. Kavindi chirped, looking like himself again. “I can help, then. I have a very close relationship with the dean!”

Maven made herself stand up straighter and looked at him with more attention. “Really?”

“Yes! We studied English in Oslo together! Why, Erica always told me you were such a great student, I’m sure I can work something out with him.”

Maven wasn’t the sentimental type, she really was not. But in that moment she felt such gratitude that a few tears nearly leaked from her eyes. Nearly.

“Would you do that?” She asked, just to be certain, just to check. It wasn’t offer something this good happened to her.

The librarian’s eyes softened, and he and his wife leaned their heads against one another’s. It was weird, to see those two people so similar and so in love. It was like they had been made for one another. It was cute. “Of course, little one. It isn’t often that we get a bright and curious mind like yours in a small town like this one. It would be a shame not to nurture it.”

Maven inhaled deeply with emotion. “Is there anything I can do to thank you?”

Mrs. Kavindi let go of her husband put both hands upon Maven’s shoulders. “You are already hard working and focused. I know we needn’t ask you that. But you’re lonely. So in return, I ask you to not get even more so. Keep that friend of yours around. Don’t let the rhythm of college pull you two apart, okay?”

She had to blink back a few tears at that. “Thank you. So much.”

Husband and wife shared a look, and before she knew, Maven was engulfed in a bone crushing hug. “We’re glad to be of help, young lady.” He said when he pulled back. “I’ll let you know when I hear back from the dean.”

“Now run along.” Her teacher said. “You have finals to study for.”

Maven smiled to them and headed to the door. She had something else to do, actually.

_#_#_#_

It turned out that her mother had kept all her favorite books from when she was a kid in a single box in their cramped little attic. After scaring a spider into moving away from the box, Maven dug in and grabbed the three first books she saw, walking away quickly and promising to come back soon with cleaning apparel.

The spiders she could live with, but a bunch of perfectly good books gathering dust crossed a line.

When she came back down, Hilda wasn’t crying anymore, but was clearly agitated in her mother’s arms. She approached Johanna very quietly. She didn’t know much about babies, so she wasn’t really sure if any noise could make matters worse or not. Even though Johanna’s eyes were focused on Hilda’s forehead, her gaze was so glassy that Maven doubted that she was actually seeing anything.

“Hey, I found them.” She placed the book by Johanna’s side on the bed. She desperately wanted to ask if she was okay, but she didn’t think she’d get an honest answer.

Johanna’s gaze cleared and she looked at the items before her. “Oh. Thank you, Maven.”

“Not for that.”

It felt like silence stretched for a long time after that, but realistically Maven knew it had only been a few seconds.

“So. I, uh, I’ll just read one of them for her and then sleep myself. Can I do anything for you?”

“No, it’s okay.” Maven rubbed at her eyes. Just looking at Johanna was making her tired. “Just get some rest. You look like a zombie.”

Johanna lifted her eyebrows. “Well, aren’t you a flatterer?” She asked mockingly.

“I speak only truths.” She said as she headed to the door. You look beautiful to me anyway. That truth she didn’t tell.

Johanna shook her head and got up from the edge of the bed. Maven’s heart felt entirely too tight as she watched from the doorway Johanna kiss her child goodnight before gently lowering her down to the stroller and tucking the blanket around her. The woman really had “mother” written all over her. The image of the two of them, so perfect and loving even through pain and exhaustion, was too much to bear, and Maven had to avert her eyes.

When Johanna turned to get one of the books to read to her baby, Maven was already at the bottom of the staircase.

_#_#_#_

Johanna fidgeted nervously with the sleeves of her jacket as she looked out of one of the Poet’s Retreat windows. Ever since she had arrived home that afternoon, she’d felt as if butterflies had taken flight in her belly. She didn’t think she’d ever been so nervous.

She had been stalling that realization for as long as she could, pushing the thought away whenever it popped in her mind, but honestly, she’d be a fool to ignore Maven’s feelings towards her after she’d all but declared her love, and even a bigger one if she denied her own feelings any longer when she had felt like she was melting inside when she had kissed her friend’s cheek.

She’d had a most unproductive afternoon, after that. She’d had been dealing with the thought of liking girls for some time now, so guilt wasn’t really a problem, especially since she wasn’t as religious as her parents, anyway. But the worry of not being able to share that part of herself with the people that had raised her had kept her thoughts away from her studies.

At least she knew there was a name for what she felt, for liking boys and girls. It kept at bay the feeling of being an alien in a small minded town. It was comforting. But it still didn’t hold back the shock that was admitting that she was in love with her best friend, regardless of gender.

When the clock in the wall near the counter marked five in the afternoon and Maven still hadn’t arrived, Johanna began thinking something was off, which didn’t help her matters when she was already trembling with nervousness. She was always so punctual, arriving right after her book club ending, precisely at five to five. And she wouldn’t have just forgotten it either. They’d had this appointment ever since they first went to the Poet’s Retreat together: 5 p.m. every Tuesday and Friday. Even if they didn’t have the money or didn’t feel like ordering anything, they’d go in and talk. About their days, their worries, their parents, their studies, or even about dumb things they saw in the internet. They never missed it unless there was something very important they needed to do, or if one of them was sick, in which case they’d visit each other in their houses in the time they were supposed to be there. It was their tradition, their thing. Maven wouldn’t miss their eight year old tradition unless something had happened.

Johanna was just going to call her when the bell that hung above the cafe’s door jingled and she turned to see who was it, relieved as she watched Maven come in. She looked radiant with happiness, and she couldn’t wait to find out what got her like this.

Without breaking eye contact with Johanna, Maven walked closer with a shy smile, while her friend grinned at her. She pulled her usual chair back and sat down, chewing on her bottom lip before she whispered.

“You won’t believe what happened!”

“What did?” Johanna asked as she tried her best not to get distracted by said lip.

“Mr. Kavindi says he knows Ericsonberg English College’s dean. He will try to get me in!”

Johanna’s jaw dropped. For more than an year now, she’d been worrying about what would happen to Maven when High School was over, knowing very well her widow mother couldn’t really afford an expensive college like those of the cities nearby, nor could she pay for a place for Maven to live at in the further away cities that offered cheaper education. So this was practically a blessing that fell down from the skies.

“Are you serious? How?”

“I still don’t know exactly.” Maven said, trying to get the buttons of her coat undone. “Most likely they’ll give me some tough exam or something. But I’ll make it.” She got all of them out of their holes and lifted her head to look at her friend. “I have to.”

Johanna reached out and grabbed her hand “Yes, you will. And if you need help, you can count on me.” She said, squeezing it slightly.

Maven smiled and intertwined their fingers upon the table, making Johanna’s heart skip a few beats. She swore that that coy smile would kill her one day. “Thank you, Anna. I feel like coffee”, she said suddenly. “Will you join me?”

She didn’t quite think that coffee was the best option for her already on edge nerves, but it was a special occasion. It called for celebratory coffee.

“Sure.”

Maven got up, then, and told their order to the barista who already knew them by name. She came back a few minutes later, handing her a cup with a lot of cream.

“I forgot to give you the money!” She exclaimed after taking a sip of the heavily sweetened down drink.

“That’s okay. I did a cleaning job for my cousin a few days ago, this one’s on me.”

Half an hour passed comfortably. Maven told her of how the library’s book club went, and Johanna took the chance to discuss a book she was reading. She felt she could talk to her friend for hours; Maven was so intelligent and well read, it was nearly impossible to get bored when she was near. But their cups were long since empty, and it was time to go. However, there were still things Johanna needed to say.

“Do you want to take a walk in the park? It’s going to be a beautiful sunset by the looks of it.”

Maven bit her lip. She really needed to go home to study, but that really was an offer she couldn’t refuse. So she nodded and they got up, and walked to a little known park near Johanna’s place, one that had many flowers growing wildly and randomly due to lack of attention from the city hall, and even had a small fountain, though cracked in a few places and waterless.

“How does Mr. Kavindi know Ericsonberg’s dean?”, Johanna asked eventually, when they stopped to admire a few celosia flowers. Maven stretched her memory.

“They went to college in Oslo together, if I remember correctly.”

Johanna frowned. “The librarian went to Oslo? But that’s an amazing college! How come he ended up working in a little town? He sounds like he’s from the north, so he can’t have family here!”

That made sense, Maven though. With a good graduation and his natural talent, Mr. Kavindi could probably get a job in a way better place. Sure, Trollberg’s library was gigantic, but that was mainly due to the efforts of one of the first mayors in its history, who had hoped that the town would grow to be one of intellectuals. Maven nearly pitied him.

“Mrs. Kavindi said once that they had met when they were in college and she took a trip to Oslo”, Maven remembered, lifting her eyes to the orange sky on top of them. “And her family is from here. So he probably came to live here because of her.”

“Oh.” Johanna breathed. If that was the case, it was probably one of the most romantic acts she had heard of outside her books. “That must have been quite a sacrifice.”

“Not really” Maven shrugged. “It must have payed off. When you love someone, and they love you, you do whatever it takes to be with them, don’t you?”

Out of the corner of her eye, Johanna realized that Maven had stopped looking at the sky, and was now looking at her. She felt her heart accelerate, beating madly against her ribcage as she faced her friend back.

There were so many things that needed to be discussed. Johanna knew that ideally, she should probably talk about her feelings and the things she had found out first. But Maven was looking at her with so much affection in her beautiful grey eyes, and her short dark hair was just a little bit messy because of the wind, and the golden light of the sunset was throwing golden shadows on her angular face, and honestly, Johanna was just human.

So she closed her eyes and leaned in.

And not after a moment later, Maven leaned in too.

The raven haired girl exhaled heavily. She had been deathly afraid of having mistaken her friend’s intentions, but found instant relief when Johanna pressed her lips against her own. Many thoughts filled her mind, of love and victory and confusion, but she pushed them all aside: she could deal with them later. When she was alone in her room, and Johanna wasn’t kissing her.

Maven took Johanna’s bottom lip between hers, and sighed again at their taste of sweet coffee and honey, being answered with a similar sigh from her love. They hadn’t had any honey at the cafe. She wondered if her lips always tasted like that somehow.

Oh, how she wanted to find out the answer for that question.

She wished she could stay there forever, in that beautiful place with untamed flowers, in that perfect moment of golden light, that little natural miracle that was when day met night. But too soon, they pulled away.

And Maven didn’t “grin”. For most of the town, save her family and Johanna, she didn’t even smile. But in that moment, she was grinning like an idiot. Like the lovesick idiot she had become.

“ I, uh-“ Johanna began, blushing strongly but also with a gigantic smile on her face. “I’m sorry it took so long for me to get the hint. A- about you and about myself too.”

Gods, she looked so cute it was nearly impossible to gather any rational thinking, Maven thought. “Do… do you?” She asked, only realizing that she hadn’t asked a complete question when Johanna cocked her head in confusion. “L-like me, I mean.”

She cursed herself for stuttering, but stopped bothering when Johanna’s face opened up in a smile again. “Yes, I do. Very much.”

And after that, when they didn’t know what to say, they kissed again. And again. And even as she walked home alone later, the stars and the moon her only companions, Maven began thinking that maybe, just maybe, that beautiful dusk could last forever.

_#_#_#_

The Librarian shut the door behind her and all but threw herself on the grey duvet of her bed, feeling the hard mattress against her back. She was downright exhausted. For two years, she had made herself accept the fact that she would never see Johanna again, she had locked her feelings for her where she thought it was safe to say that they wouldn’t haunt her again, and yet there she was. Back in her town, back in her house, back in her damn heart.

She slowly got up from the bed, walking to her windowsill seat and sitting down. Johanna had always had such light around herself that Maven sometimes felt as if she needed to squeeze her eyes to look at her directly. She just radiated warmth that she had craved so deeply. But now that there was a baby, she all but glew whenever it was near. She had been through so much, had gotten her heart broken, and it was clear on her eyes how much she had suffered, but it was also clear that her ability to love had, if anything, multiplied.

Maven drew her legs up to her chest and looked at the waning moon, leaning her head against the bedroom window and catching her own eyes in the reflection. Johanna was so bright and comforting and nutouring, and she was cold and lonely and eerie.

So it didn’t matter that she was back. It didn’t matter that she was staying at her house. It didn’t matter that her heart sang whenever she looked at Johanna and her baby. After all, she told herself as she drew her eyes away from the moon and to its glow on her pale hands, Sun and Moon could never be lovers. The day could never be with the night.

Dusk was just a fleeting moment. Eventually, darkness always came.

hello!! i want to complement you on your writings; they’re so fluid, a joy to read and everything you write feels like it has a life on its own, it’s so beautiful, i enjoy them so much; they’re so professional!! 💘 i have a question too, sorry if it came up before but how did your blog name came about? i always suck at coming up with usernames lol, it takes me days to come up with smth interesting (your blog name is very cool btw!!)

hi! thank you for passing by and telling me such a sweet thing, much more about my writing, since i have been feeling really low this weekend and this really helps. 

i have spoken about this in the past, but i don’t mind repeating the story! (i’m sure your username making skills aren’t that bad, hush) long story short, i used to write in high school because it was asked for one of my subjects, aka literature, but my teacher didn’t like for us to print out stories or send them to her digitally bc she’s a (crazy bitch) little bit old school. i had to write 20k stories by hand, in four study hours, and i literally had the worst handwriting when doing it. some point in life, i started buying these really bad black pens (bc we had to write the stories with a black pen) and whenever i started writing they would leave drops and imprints on the sheet of paper, but because i didn’t have much time…i left them there, and continued.

i thought that, since writing those stories back in high school had brought some kind of interest to write again and that thanks to that teacher pushing me to write terrible stories based on the prompts she gave us, i wanted something to be named after it. turns out that a long time after, i decided to make a writing blog…and it’s a reference for those bad old days.

Here is a quick Sim Profile about me, in case you are interested. Sorry for my handwriting, it has always been so terrible, lol. I can’t wait to get to know you all (:

Coffee Shop AU [Ouma x Saihara] 20 Minute Writing Challenge

Series: Danganronpa V3

Pairing: Kokichi and Saihara

Rating: E for Everyone for once lol

Prompt: Coffee Shop (Barista Kokichi!)

It wasn’t always like this. This stupid Starbucks used to be a mom and pop shop owned by my friends moms aunt or whatever. Relationships, bounds, all that nuanced stuff can only be found in my Vita these days. 

I shook up another coffee, or whatever us baristas do when we make coffee. It’s just that – making coffee – at least until D.I.C.E kicks off. It’s just – you know – ugh…

My eyes strain at the name of the cup, written in that poor pigs handwriting. Fucking Mikan always fucked up the names too, so more than likely, this name was written poorly and spelled wrong. Sometimes I think she does it to piss me off. 

The tacky green colors and weird white text goddess hung just above my waist, apron tied in many knots to fit someone my height and weight. I had to stuff my beautifully styled hair under one of their disgusting required “hair nets” for reasons beyond my desire to understand corporate. Sure, that fit, but the aprons were all too long and gaudy. Guess Starbucks never heard of a petite size or style in its’ existence, eh?

I pick up the only order since a few hours ago, man, could it hurt them to start at least advertising there’s a Starbucks here? Haha, I’m lying, they have but I’ve been so terrible most customers either need to know me or have an acquired taste for my style of “customer service.” 

I start dazing out, staring at the piping hot coffee cup for much longer than needed probably. Oh well. The customer will bring their angry, grumpy, and frilly self up for this girly coffee.

I mean, what even is this order? Extra cream, extra chocolate syrup, and worst of all, only one shot of expresso? While they were ordering, just, you know, make it a fucking hot chocolate?!? It would probably be cheaper that way too. I was tempted to let out a groan, but, I guess I should be more careful on my customer service. Ooor maybe not. Maybe I’ll just put on my dumb little grin and hope an insult lands without finding its way into my managers ear. 

“Um…”

I kept jotting my eyes up and down the order sleeve, completely dazed by the amount of specifies and particulars this, likely ditzy, customer requested. I could make out Mikans scribbles better than her actual letters. Mikan always thinks writing things slightly to the left or right makes it the most recent thing. Ugh — I swear if she wasn’t my supervisor I’d kick her right in that whorish cunt of hers. 

“Uhm, excuse me…”

I bet – oh yeah, even wanted extra whipped cream too. I could just make out the little melting wisps of cream through the container – oh boy – this persons’ either a suicidal diabetic or a modern day sugar addict like–

“K-Kokichi, the customer has been waiting for their drink for t-too long!” Mikan belted in that pitiful voice of hers. Even as pitiful, piggish, stupid person I still had to abide by “disciplinary action”. At least that’s how the regional supervisor Nekomaru gets his point across with me. We’ll see if he can ever get me to “quit” like he always threatens.

My eyes break away from the drink to meet…someone unexpected. The guys eyes were large, almost doe-like, staring directly at me. His hand seemed outstretched, though half retracted. Blackish-blue outfit, okay hair, roundish face, soft lips, soft ‘ope’, slim figure, much taller than me…

“It’s ok, don’t worry about Mikan! He, uh…Kokichi must’ve not seen him. We have a bit of a height difference, and with the counter, it’s all just sort of–” spoke a female voice, standing next to *and* holding the hand of the presumed customer….customer…

“S-Still! It’s my job as supervisor to make sure everything r-runs smoothly!” Mikan sputtered out like some sort of–ugh–it’s boring insulting her now. I have eye candy in my view. I need to block her out, somewhat. 

I motion my eyes over to the girl, pink out-fit, blond hair, typical customer–but him–the guy–the weird hat guy…somewhat of a hottie. Hopefully not dating pinkie. 

I put on my best smile, a bright smile, extending it out to the half-stretched weird hat guy. 

“Uh, dunno if this name is right due to poor management, but Shuichi! You’re sugar with coffee is ready!” I say, smile and all. I hope I’m radiating enough faux happiness to cause Mikan to go mad over my typical, slightly bullish, remark.

I could hear her get into her usual spastic, incomprehensible  stuttering besides me, saying something about getting Nekomaru in soon. Oh well. The best I could do now is roll with the punches.

Somehow, I got a laugh – no two – pinkie laughed with weird hat boy. 

“Hey, you’re sorta funny. Sorry about that,” spoke Pinkie again, looking over to Mikan reaching out a cellphone, but I really wanted to hear weird hat boys voice. What could it possibly sound like?

“Well, thanks for my coffee, better late than never I guess,” Shuichi says with a grin, “And yeah, that’s my name.”

Ok. So, is he going to be a regular or what? What ritualistic offering did I have to make to get him to come back without pinkie next to him?

Beacuse tumblr is bein mean and doesn't let me publish the story if it's an answer to an ask I'll have to do it like this. Hope you enjoy lol. ANGST. THIS IS SUPER ANGSTY. SUPER SAD. ONLY READ IF YOU WANNA CRY. (I mean i almost cried when writing it) Mention of depression, anxiety, lots of crying. Pairings: None. Maybe platonic Logicality Entry no. 1 Feelings. The bane of my existense. Unnecessary. Useless. Complicated. I haven't been affected by them for the past 28 years. I had some slip ups when I was younger but now I am in perfect control over them. The other three seemed to have them. They always showed some kind of emotion. Patton was mostly the emotions. I need to find out what is so great about emotions. I need to find out more about emotions. Entry no. 10 I have failed many times. I've been trying to study emotions. I looked up everything I could. And yet I can't find anything. I need a plan. Entry no. 16 Something terrible happened. This was a risk I took when I decided I will study emotions. I've been affected by them. I started to have feelings. I need to find names for my feelings. I don't understand them. It's getting out of control. Entry no. 20 I found a name for one of my many confusing feelings. Loneliness. Loneliness: /ˈləʊnlɪnɪs/ noun sadness because one has no friends or company. I never knew this was something I could feel. I have been alone for so many years. And now I have a name for it. Interesting. Frustrating. Confusing. Entry no. 25 Weird. Since I found out I have been feeling lonely I feel down. Feel. Feeling down. This must be a new emotion. Sadness: /'sadnəs/ noun noun: sadness; plural noun: sadnesses the condition or quality of being sad. Sad: /sad/ adjective adjective: sad; comparative adjective: sadder; superlative adjective: saddest feeling or showing sorrow; unhappy. I heard Patton talking about this. When he watched a so called 'sad-movie'. Sadness followed crying. But I've never cried in my life. So I'm not feeling sad. Sadness-Incorrect Entry no. 29 I have been experiencing a new kind of emotion. It is oddly weird. It must be a bad emotion like sadness or loneliness. I don't understand it. Love: /lʌv/ noun noun: love; plural noun: loves 1. a strong feeling of affection. 2. a great interest and pleasure in something. verb verb: love; 3rd person present: loves; past tense: loved; past participle: loved; gerund or present participle: loving 3. feel deep affection or sexual love for (someone). Have I been feeling this for weeks? Months? Years? I always had this weird somewhat would say 'warm' feeling when the others were around. Is this love? I doubt it. I need to test it out. Somehow. Entry no. 31 I haven't left my room for a month now. The others haven't searched for me. Not even Patton after a week. He gave up. Everyone gave up. Disappointment: /dɪsəˈpɔɪntm(ə)nt/ noun: disappointment sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfilment of one's hopes or expectations. I thought they would care more. They were emotions didn't they think I have been feeling lonely? I should get out of my room. But they wouldn't want me around anymore. They hate me. I'm afraid to go outside. Fear: /fɪə/ noun: fear; plural noun: fears an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm. Anxiety: /aŋˈzʌɪəti/ noun: anxiety; plural noun: anxieties a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome. Negative emotions. Again. Will I ever experience positive emotions? Entry no. 35 Sadness: /'sadnəs/ noun: sadness; plural noun: sadnesses the condition or quality of being sad. I cried. I cried today. I didn't know I was capable of crying. Another negative emotion. I don't think I will ever get any of the positive emotions. Sadness-Correct Entry no. 42 I have cried a lot today. Or in the past week. I have been crying all day. I broke down crying on my desk. I don't understand it. I have been feeling. Nothing. I'm back at where I was. Depression: /dɪˈprɛʃ(ə)n/ noun: depression feelings of severe despondency and dejection. I need a rest. I haven't slept for weeks. I need to clear my head. There are too many emotions. Too many things I don't understand. I need a break. Logan closed his diary. He really needed to just take a break from every emotion. He needed relaxation. He looked at his clock. 4 a.m. Perfect. No one will be awake at this hour. Even Virgil went to sleep at 3 a.m. usually. He can go outside without any of them noticing. Maybe he can even watch Tv. He hasn't done that in over a month. He missed the shows about space and science. Maybe he could try to imagine a starry sky in the commons room. Maybe he could just stargaze for a bit. He quietly opened his door and went down the stairs to where the kitchen and the commons room were. A coffee couldn't hurt, right? He made his coffee quickly and went into the commons room. He sat down on the couch and turned on the Tv. He found the channel he usually watched if he was alone. He quietly sipped his coffee and relaxed. When he finished his cup of coffee he sat down in front of the couch where the soft carpit was actually pretty comfortable. He layed down and stared at the celiling. He thought of a clear, starry sky. After a few minutes of thinking the ceiling turned into exactly what he imagined for himself. It was relaxing. He never stargazed without writing notes. But he didn't have his notebook with him and he definitely wasn't going to stand up just to go and get it. He didn't mean to fall asleep. He knew he can't fall asleep beacuse then the others would find him. But he was too comfortable. Too relaxed. Too tired. So he quickly fell asleep on the ground. ~ When Patton woke up the others were usually still asleep. This is why he found it odd that Logan's door was open. And Logan haven't been out of his room for a month. Did he finally came out of there? Is he okay? He opened the door further more just to see an empty but very messy room. Logan, who usually kept everything neatly in place and order had the messiest room out of all four of them now. Which was unusual as Virgil's room was complete chaos. He saw a diary on Logan's desk. The desk was a mess, papers, books everywhere. But nothing was around the black diary. He went closer just to see what was written on it. Study of Emotions Did Logan stay in his room to study emotions? For a whole month?! Why didn't he just asked Patton or Virgil or maybe even Roman? He knew it was a bad thing to do. He knew he shouldn't open it. But he had to. Maybe he can help Logan with the things he found. He opened the little book and saw Logan's neat handwriting. Everything perfectly written. No scribbles. No smudges. Just pure perfection. He read the first entry, then the second and so on. When he got to the end he was crying. He felt horrible. He wasn't there for Logan. He didn't help him. He gave up. And Logan noticed. Logan cried. Logan was depressed. He quickly shut the diary and went into the commons room. He had to sit down, he had to calm down, he didn't want to tell the others just yet. But when he got there he found Logan on the floor sleeping. He looked relaxed. A coffee mug was on the coffee table. The Tv was on, volume turned almost fully down on Logan's favourite channel. He looked so peaceful. He didn't want to wake him. But he had to. He made a coffee first, beacuse he knew the other would appreciate it. He then went back to where Logan was still on the floor, put the mug down on the coffee table and gently shook the other's shoulders. "Leave me aloneee" Logan whined still clearly asleep. Patton would have chuckled, maybe he even would have left the other side to sleep a bit more but they had things to talk about. They had to talk about emotions. "Lo you must be really tired, I don't think you slept much but we need to talk." He said as he shook the other again. Logan slowly opened his eyes to see pair of worried eyes. "Oh-oh apologise. I-I didn't mean to fall asleep here. I'll.. I'll just go back to my room. I have some work to finish." He said as he stood up from the floor. "Nuh-uh you are staying Logan. We need to talk about something." Patton said as he sat down on the couch and patted the space next to him. "Sit down please." "We-we don't have anything to talk about. My work is-is rather important so please Patton if you would just let me go." Logan tried to force himself out of Patton's grip on his wrist but he was too tired, and too weak. "Emotions" Patton said and looked at Logan. The logical trait couldn't look into Patton's eyes. He must have found his diary. He must have read it. But he was Morality. He knew reading other's personal stuff was wrong. So he wouldn't do it. It was just a guess. When Patton still didn't let go of his wrist he sighed in defeat and sat down next to the older trait. "I read it. The whole thing. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I gave up. I'm sorry that I disappointed you. I'm sorry. For everything." Patton said. Logan looked up to meet Patton's eyes that were starting to water. "I..I'm sorry too." The logical one said an broke down crying. Patton hugged him and he quickly returned the hug. His loneliness was no longer there. He wasn't lonely anymore. He had Patton to hug him. To hold him. To protect him. "We will fix this I promise" Patton said as he cried into the other's shoulders. They were both crying, their emotions out of control, in a chaos but Logan didn't care. He wasn't lonely anymore. He wasn't afraid that the others would hate him. He didn't feel sad even though he was crying. It was a different kind of crying. He wasn's disappointed anymore. He felt something. The warm feeling he only felt when he was around one of the others. He felt Love. A/n: IM SORRY ALRIGHT THIS GOT SO FUCK DEPRESSING I ALMOST STARTED TO CRY WHILE WRITING THIS I FEEL FUCKING HORRIBLE I LITERALLY JUST JESUS CHRIST KILL ME. So uhm yeah angstttttt. Cool huh? This was an experience to write thats for sure. Also thanks tumblr for bein a total asshole bc now none of the words are how I want it but sure alright its fine like this. If you wanna read it in a somewhat better quality then I suggest my wattpad for you where I have a little sanders sides one shot book that you can read btw. Here's the link for my oneshot book on wattpad: https://my.w.tt/UiNb/IzwcA4nGWG Tagging some people hope its okay i just wanna know what you think? I hope its okayy. @romananalogicality @pirate-patton @mewsicalmiss @emeliethetimelady @notjustaterran

PittCon Sunday

(sorry this is so late. my mind has been reeling since I stepped into Jensen’s hug. cut comes after the gold panel)

My heart was racing as I typed this because it contains the letters to Jared story and the interaction between he and I as I gave him the binder and reliving that moment is everything I ever wanted. My liiiffeeee <3333 

Part One (Gold Panel): 

They come walking down the glass bridge. Jensen waves. Jared pushes him aside and becomes the star of the show. Jared takes off his beanie and everybody screams (still don’t understand how he does it).

Someone in the second row continues to talk to Jared from her seat instead of waiting to be selected for a question. (*heavy eye rolling from me*)

Jared and Jensen are sleepy little dorks and I love it. They’re still running on Vancouver time. Jensen didn’t sleep Saturday night, he watched the hours roll by. Jared says we should’ve called Jensen and invited him out with us. Jensen’s got “about two hours of solid” him left before it gets either “really interesting or really boring.”

Jared realizes the actress who plays Hitler granddaughter is from Pittsburgh. They’re “chuggin’ along” with filming - already on episode six. 

Jared says they’re still waiting for the call for season 14 renewal.

Fan is upset because Jensen promised to sing at SNS this year. He laughs and asks, “You believed that?!” He blames timezone switches and Rob, because Rob “likes Pittsburgh to himself.”

They’ve been on a juice diet because “summer was hard” on them (specifically Jared - who still looks incredible, by the way). As Jensen was walking on stage, he found a cup of goldfish crackers and stuffed a handful in his mouth. He comes on stage still chewing. They’re already talking about getting burgers for dinner Sunday night.

Jared envies people who can draw because he loves to do it but is “really bad at it.” Jensen makes a “mean stick figure.” They joke about they wish they could take their profession anywhere the way musicians and sketch artists/painters can. Jensen laughs and says he envisions Jared standing in front of a t-rex exhibit “To be! Or not to be!”

Jared takes on “Misha form!” while answering a question about their childhood memory. Jared tells the story of Tom starting kindergarten. He was flooded with emotions while the other parents were already used to taking their kids and just dropping them off. Meanwhile Jared is crying. Jensen says he has a lot of good childhood memories, but one of his favorite is his sixth birthday. He woke up and put on his cowboy outfit, complete with six-shooters and a sheriff’s badge. He walked outside and there was a horse in the yard for him to ride. Their yard wasn’t big, but he rode the horse in circles and shot his cap guns.

Jensen was never “into” sports medicine, but it was what he chose as he selected college major originally. Jensen says he thinks it would be fun to be a boat captain. Jared planned on going to school for engineering to follow in the footsteps of his brother. Instead, his brother ended up becoming a surgeon, and Jared thinks he would’ve followed that path as well. Jared’s other career options are doctor or teacher. “It’d be fun to be a wildlife photographer,” according to Jared. Jensen decides he wants to be a food and drink writer. Jared mocks avocado toast, Jensen says he’ll wolf one down if it allows him to travel to Italy.

Jared has so much trouble with his microphone.

They’ve never dreamed as Sam and Dean, but they dream about them and the set. Jared has had dreams about Kim Manners since his passing, where they talk, “which is... interesting.”

Danneel has to tell Jensen to stop using the Dean voice. Other times she’s like, “Can you please use the Dean voice...?”

Fan says alternate universe in s12 was out of left field but it was awesome. Asks if the boys have been surprised by anything the writers have thrown into the plot. Jensen says French Mistake. Jared says his big left field moment was when he traveled to Los Angeles before season 6 and met with Sera. She told him about soulless!Sam and he had to hide his gut reaction because he was right in front of her instead of being on the phone like he normally would be. Soulless!Sam is one of Jared’s favorite character twists. 

Jensen would never rule theatre out of his life as a future option. He doesn’t currently have plans to return to the stage, but he wouldn’t mind going back. Jared says he hasn’t done theatre in a long time, and he loved it. It’s the “best training ground possible,” but it’s hard to keep it fresh. Jared compares theatre to doing squats for thirty minutes. Jensen laughs and mocks him. joking about never skipping leg day.

A fan is getting fired for being at the convention. Asks about binge watching because she has a lot of free time now. Jensen says he watched Ozark in a week. Jared says Breaking Bad, but he’s on to Ozark because of Jensen’s recommendation. 

Fan gives suggestions for food places. A place called Burgatory. Jensen asks if there are any exits. 

“Did someone say Sanchez?” - Jared... why

Unicorns or dragons? Jared: unicorns ‘cause they’re not going to kill me, and they fart rainbows. Jensen: I’m gonna go dragons. Speaking of dragons... anybody watch game of thrones? Jared jokes about Jensen ruining the show for him by mentioning dragons. Jensen asks if everyone is caught up. Fan says no. Jensen: “earmufffssss!” He thinks they totally ripped off the demon!Dean transformation scene.

Part Two:

Jensen Ackles photo op! 

Was a little nervous but not really because like yeah he’s adorable and Jensen friggin Ackles but I didn’t have anything to tell him or show him so it was nothing like Misha (or Jared).

I walked up and said, “Hi! How are you?” He smiled and said, “I’m good. Tired. How are you?” I kind of yelled a little bit when I responded but it was so worth it. “Great now!” And then I proceeded to throw my arms around him and Chris took the picture. Jensen rubbed my shoulder as I was walking away. 

His hugs are so soft and gentle. His voice is so sweet and smooth. Jensen Ackles smells amazing and he’s so... *sigh* 

Part Three: 

JARED. PADALECKI.

This is the motherfucking ultimate high point of my weekend. I met. I hugged. I got a photo with. Jared. Padalecki. 

As I walked up, my heart was pounding let me tell you, boy. He smiles and says, “Hi!” oooh lawd his breath smells like booze and it’s something of my dreams (don’t ask.). I can smell his cologne. Y’all weren’t kidding when you said he uses a fuckton. I love it. I’m all giggly and nervous and I’m like, “I wanna show you something!” 

I spin around and pull my hair back off my ear and show him my tattoo. He - I kid you not - screams over the music playing. “NO SHIT!” I nod and give him this giant smile. “That’s my handwriting!!!” Yes it is you big, beautiful man. “That’s awesome!” I’m in fuckin euphoria and I don’t even feel him lean against my head when Chris snaps the photo. I have no idea if I even looked into the camera at this point. I’m praying to God I did and as I leave, Jared gives me a little pat on the back and when I turn around, he’s still smiling at me. “Thanks so much!” I get a wink. I GET A MOTHERFUCKING JARED PADALECKI WINK I AM SIMULTANEOUSLY LIVING AND DYING. (the next person in line was already next to him while this is all happening, LOL)

I practically skip out of the room but there are no tears. How did I do this??? This man makes me so fucking happy I didn’t even cry??? Jared is my savior. That’s it. 

Part Four: 

Jim Beaver. What an adorable father-like man.

I’m thoroughly convinced he’s drunk when he comes on stage. Jim Beaver danced. Like... heavy footwork, light on his toes danced. He’s holding a coke can and I can pretty much guarantee it wasn’t just soda in that can. 

I don’t remember much of his panel but the first thing he said was, “Hey idjits!” 

A fan asked him to say balls. It was... kind of awesome. 

A young girl came up to the mic to ask a question. He called her on stage and knelt down at her eye level. “Is that all you see???” She laughed. She has the same name as his daughter. They’re spelled the same way. “Are you my kid?? How weird would that be if my kid came all the way here and I didn’t know it. I didn’t buy her a plane ticket, I know that!” She asks her question (which I forget because I suck) and after he answers, he hugs her and sends her back off the stage. 

Part Five: 

J2 main panel. Boys come running down the center aisle through the crowd. Pretty convinced their body guards/handlers hate them lmao.

I’m not going to go through every question like I did for the gold panel. Jared and Jensen are perfect. That’s just about all you need to know. 

Jared’s pretty sure he’s going to get in trouble for jumping. His back has been hurting. “The medicine, it works!” 

It’s a glorious Sunday because “Dallas hasn’t played yet.”

Jared’s pretty sure turning 35 makes everything stop working.

Jim Beaver walks by in the glass bridge. Jared has the crowd yell “come back!” 

Jensen thanks football fans for giving up opening day to be at the convention. Says it’s hard not to be in front of a tv on the first football Sunday. Terrible towels come out.

Jared compares having three kids to “drowning... and then someone throws you three kids.” Jensen originally only wanted one kid, but Danneel wanted three. They compromised on a second pregnancy. ... “You always find a way to get what you want, don’t you, ladies?”

Jensen apologizes for having to leave the J2 photo ops earlier in the day because Danneel had called him multiple times. He thought something was really wrong. When he called back, she asked if he could FaceTime quickly. Arrow was saying “dada.” “Unfortunately, it was our plumber that was there...”

If I had been playing the SPN Con drinking game I would’ve been wasted the entire weekend. Good Lord. 

Jensen’s favorite episode to film was Baby. Jared’s favorites include episodes like Baby, French Mistake, Changing Channels, and Hollywood Babylon. It was the first time they were allowed to make fun of themselves and the industry. After filming Hollywood Babylon, they convinced the crew to give them the bigger trailers since they were already on set. 

Working with kids depends on their parents.

Jared mentions GameBoy. Jensen has a moment like dude you’re so old why are you bringing up GameBoy. It becomes a running joke throughout the panel. 

“Does your face hurt, Jensen?? Because it’s killin’ me!” ... dorks. 

They turn off Sam and Dean when they go back to their real lives. It’s easy for them at this point to flip the switch of the emotional pain Sam and Dean go through because of their friends and especially their family.

Part Six: AUTOGRAPHS AND THE BINDER (!!!!!!)

Guys guys guys I’m freaking out at this point. I know how much trouble I could get in for giving something to Jared. The handlers are going to hate me. According to a friend, “They’ve kicked people out for less.” hashtag fuck.

Something happens with another fan and the woman announcing rows to head back to autos is wrapped up with other things. I waited so much longer than I should have. It was horrendous and put me that much more on edge. 

Finally my row is called. I’m only in the fourth row. Why did it take this long. 

Steve Miller Band is playing from Jared’s phone onto a bluetooth speaker while I’m standing in line. When I get to him, it’s Fly Like An Eagle.

“How’re you, sweetheart?” *dies* He signs my book. “Did you read it?” I nod and say yes, of course. “And...?!” I told him I loved it and I thought it was very brave of him to share as much and as honestly as he did. He smiles and then I bring up the binder. 

Me: “I actually have something to give to you, and I know it could get me in a lot of crap for doing it this way. This is a project I put together. It’s letters from me and a lot of my friends because we just wanted to thank you for what you’ve done and let you know how much you mean to us. I don’t expect you to read them all, there’s a lot of them in there.” J: “I do like to read! *he’s flipping through them, paging to see just how many there are* No way! Damn girl!!!” Me: “It’s just something we did for you.” J: “Thank you. Thank you very much. Please pass on my gratitude to whoever sent you a letter.” Me: “I will, thank you!!!” J: “Thank you.” AND THE FREAKIN’ SMILE OMG. 

I don’t know how I lived. I don’t know how me and my shaky knees made it to Jensen’s autograph line but I did and he is such a sweetheart, my goodness. 

I slipped Jensen my book and he was just so tired omg it’s so sad and adorable. He signed the wrong page of my FDEWB book because sleeeepy. 

He slid it across the table to me and I thanked him for everything. He said “You’re welcome.” And patted the back of my hand and again, *i die*

THUS CONCLUDES MY FIRST EVER CON WEEKEND MY LIFE HAS BEEN MADE AND JARED HAS THE LETTERS AND MY SHIRT /STILL/ SMELLS LIKE HIM.

lol but it's not tru. Anyways, how would ut sans and uf papyrus react to cheating on their s/o, and they don't find out, instead acting sweeter and more adorable then normal until they can't take it anymore and tell them. When they do s/o freezes before just giving them a sad smile. "Well, can't blame u. Honestly lasted longer than I expected, I mean, who would ever want me?" They don't even seem fazed by their own words, being too used to thinking that way. Thank fren!

angst! anyways you r great, and don’t forget that fren.

ut snas:

you and sans had gotten into a small argument before he went to grillby’s. though it was short, the argument had gotten pretty intense, involving some hurtful but non-intending words that were said in the heat of the moment. and you just had to mention the resets. the moment you finished your sentence, sans expression immediately changed and darkened. he didn’t say anything back, and just teleported away. you knew where he was going to, but still full of anger from the argument you decided you couldn’t face him right now. so you just went to bed. but as you were sleeping, a certain skeleton decided to drown his pain in spiked ketchup and through his drunkenness decided to hook up with a female bunny monster. having the mindset, “i just don’t want to feel pain anymore tonight”. but when it turned day, he immediately regretted it. the next time you see him, he comes home around 2;00ish with a takeout order of grillby’s that has your name on it. the instant he sees you, he rushes to hug you and apologize. after the apologies and burgers, you both make up and become more at ease with each other. but yet, something doesn’t feel just right. one night as the two of you were watching late night cop shows, he gets a call from a number you don’t recognize. at first you shrug it off thinking it might just be another friend of his, but the way and tone he was speaking to this person made you feel unsettled. even the way sans’ expression as he talked to this person showed that he himself seamt nervous and off. when you tried to ask him about the call and person, he simply just put it off saying it was a friend and said a pun. yet you know something was wrong, because he failed to say it correctly the first time, and he always says it correctly the first time. but yet, you choose to trust his judgement and not mention it anymore. -a week later- sans had been disappearing a lot lately. but whenever he was home he’d bring back little gifts and trinkets for you which you had thought was awfully adorable of him to do, yet you were worried of why he been going away a lot for the past week. tonight was the night you decided to confront him about it. usually he’d come around 11:00 pm, you knew this by the sound of the door being opened downstairs, and the tired legs of your bonefriend slowly climbing up the stairs and collapsing next to you in bed. but tonight you waited in the kitchen, sitting at the dining table with the lights on. he finally came home around 12:00ish, and you saw his surprised expression react to the sour look on your face. you demanded why he came back home at such a late hour and what he has been doing for the past week. shouting at him saying that you’ve been worried why he was been coming home so late always seeming exhausted from wherever he’s been. it all crashes, and the facade sans had put up had been torn down. he starts telling you of what had happened after the argument last week and how he had cheated on you after getting drunk. he looked almost as hurt as you did, well almost. the moment he said those words you felt like a knife had pierced through your heart, everything you knew and loved about him was breaking and falling apart. you struggled, but managed to get out these words. “well, i can’t blame you. Honestly this lasted longer than I expected, I mean, who would ever want me?” you said, giving a sad smile. before he could say anything back, you run out the door tears filling up your eyes. you hesitate for a moment wondering where to go, everything was falling apart. your boyfriend had cheated on you, all that trust, care, love that you had in him was breaking. then you remembered the bridge that was near your house. sans goes running after you searching everywhere desperately calling out your name just with little hope of you actually answering. he does find you eventually, because he noticed your body floating in the river.

edge:

you always disagreed with him on everything, it was surprising how you two were even a couple. but with every argument that came, the apologies and huggles came also. yet, tonight was different. usually edge argued about the silliest of things, but tonight he actually had a reason. you and his brother were actually pretty close. playing pranks on each other, and laughing at each others dirty jokes, so no wonder he assumed that you were intentionally getting on with his brother. his accusation included the phrase, “YOU REALLY ONLY BECAME MATES WITH ME SO YOU COULD JUST GET CLOSER WITH MY BROTHER!? YOU DIRTY SCOUNDREL!”. of course you really cared and loved edge, but sometimes he did get on your nerves. though it may have a little, well a lot looked like you and red (uf sans) were flirting, it was just something that you guys did, like an inside joke. you were about to calmly dismiss the entire thing as a misunderstanding, but when he called you a wh***, it was on, you both became verbally violent, and began openly swearing at each other with everything you had, screaming any swear words that you could think up at the other. this was one argument you had to win. this lasted for over 3 hours, and eventually both of you got tired and realized that none of you would be victorious from this. so you both “ended” it with dirty glares at each other. you went up to your room to scream into a pillow, while edge went out on a walk to fume out his thoughts. an edge alone with angry thoughts is never a good thing, and when he came up with the idea to come back at you it would be the worst thing to ever happen. he had decided to fight “fire with fire” or at least do what he thought you were doing to his brother, “intoxicating” him with your words and “body language”. and being as competitive as he is, he had to win this. though no one is ever worthy or capable of the great and terrible papyrus, he stormed into a bar and flirted with any female creature he saw. edge, being as intimidating as he is, pretty much terrified every single lady he talked to. well, except one. this woman was brave enough to stand by him, and flirt back. surprised by this lady, edge paused for a moment, but realizing his “brilliant” plan was working he continued. it got very, intimate. before he realized it, he woke up in a bed with a lady stranger he had hardly recognized. only then edge knew that he had made a mistake. you see him walk up to you with a bouquet of roses, and a little letter that says “i’m sorry”. wanting to see how far this would go you ask him why he was back. but he surprised you when you heard him apologize. you had heard the great and terrible papyrus say sorry and ask for forgiveness. something was definitely up, but looking up at him he seamt really, genuine. you softly accept his apology and take the bouquet of flowers with the little note on it. you want to read the letter, but you decide that right now was a time to comfort the tall, edgy skeleton. you put the bouquet on the kitchen table and lead him upstairs. he first objects and says you should read the note first, but you gently tell him that you both needed just to rest right now. you both change into your pajamas and get into the bed. and huggled until you both had fallen asleep. when you wake up you see him next to you fast asleep. he seems so calm and nice when he’s sleeping, you thought. wanting to get up and maybe make breakfast, you get off the bed, tuck edge with the blanket, and go downstairs. then you notice the dying bouquet of flowers on the dining table, and remembered that you still haven’t read the letter. quickly grabbing the letter you tear it open, to find it scrawled with messy handwriting. you know that edge’s handwriting is not messy at all, but rather really neat. yet this handwriting barely resembles his. it appears that his hand might’ve been shaking a lot when writing this, for the lettering is very jagged and not smooth. but when you finally decipher what the note says, it made sense now. edge never apologized for anything, and always tried to make it your fault or someone else’s when he was in a situation. when you read the letter, it made sense. he cheated on you. tears began to form in your eyes after acknowledging this. he had cheated on you, that’s why he got you the flowers, that’s why he wrote you the letter, that’s why he said he was sorry. yet none of that mattered. just those simple four words, he cheated on you. you began to shake, it wasn’t ok for you to be here right now. edge was here, the monster who cheated on you. still a part of you knew that this would happen. sure he had his shortcomings, but yet you knew that he had loved you. one of the only people you had trusted, you had loved, that you had let into your life, into your heart, had cheated on you. he did love you… right? who would ever love something as worthless as you. that, that’s right. you didn’t even notice when edge had come downstairs. you just heard the voices in your head. when he tapped your shoulder, you finally snapped out of it. you looked around to see him. you managed to say, ““Well, can’t blame you. Honestly lasted longer than I expected, I mean, who would ever want me?” before you voice gave out. still shaking, you make a run for the door, not stopping when you heard his voice  hopelessly call out your name. you couldn’t stop, you had to go somewhere, anywhere but here. but where would you g-. lights, a car honk, then darkness.

yay, i finished my first imagine! sorrynotsorry for the angst. but i am sorry for it being so long.