#sorry i just read meteor impact and cried | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

trippygalaxy · 7 months

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Hello hello! I just read your MoonGod!FD×SunDeity! I couldn't help myself so sorry for sliding and nerding in;;

The funfact I love the most is thag moon shines thanks to the light it gets from the sun. It makes me think of the quote how the light it gets reflects the love of the Sun

Unlike the Moon, the Sun gave more importance to their duty. When they met the Moon who've shown his admiration for them, the Sun's feeling never changed but it gave more consideration.

Despite his hair, his moonlight, that shone has been cut away, the Sun now did their duty with the Moon in their mind so may the human he admired may still find hope and their way in the darkest of night.

Speaking of humanity, the moon covers a little nowadays but the (ancient) moon acted as a second shield to the Earth's atmosphere. One of the reason of craters, which are created by the impact of asteroids and meteor.

FD was chosen to fight humans but what if it's also to protect other humans? But he is not who he originally supposed to be. What they've done to him was worse than torture... And with no one to guard the moon, it lost its former form and now can barely protect the Earth.

I love the story about the solar eclipse. Sun's grieving is so intense... If the Sun makes you go blind, then the Moon cries for them too.

Moon and ocean are often depicted as lovers because how the ocean is affected by the moon... but imagine if those were the silent cries of the Fierce Diety.

He can barely remember but the sentiments remains. The moon, part of him, his home, now unreachable. His once blue eyes thrown away to the ocean turned into the cries of ceaseless wave and his voice became the roaring wind because the sky clouded his beloved Sun.

Cyclones are an attempt of the Fierce Deity going back to his beloved.

But when there sun shines on the sea, it's calm like singing a song and reflects its lights sparkling on the water's surface like once did and forever will in the Deity's eyes.

Even if he can't see his beloved Sun again, he can still feel their warmth endlessly embracing him.

Okay, this turned rather fluffy... I don't mind if you put dosage sprinkles of angst in it.

I LITERALLY LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE THIS AND YOU AND I NOW OWE MY LIFE TO YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO NOT BE SORRY!!! I WELCOME YOU WITH OPEN ARMS INTO MY INBOX ANYTIME!!!!!!!!

Now, if you wish for me to grab this gift and sprinkle drown it in angst? I might be able to do that for you :3

The deity, once so joyful and calm, now is nothing more than a vengeful husk of the god he once was. He was once a protector, the shield against the emptiness of the void, the one who guided those with his light when they were shrouded in darkness, their man-made flickers into nothing but ambers. But now? Now, he painted the land he longed to walk upon red with the blood of the mortals he once protected. Now, he brings death and war with every swing of his intertwined blade.

He walked in the dull moon light, his skin prickling with bitter anger as he bathed his blood soaked form in the light.

No god had felt this much blood under their nails. No god had ever dared to harm and torture the mortals like he had. No god had ever...Avoided the sun's gaze as much as he had.

Others thought he found comfort in the night. Others found it ironic he only attacked under the gaze of his now battered and broken celestial body that hangs in the skin. Other simply thought it was a strategic war plan. But not one thought of how the deity shivered at the thought of acts he'd dared to commit under his lover's rays of light.

No matter how far his mind goes, no matter the lack of memories or emotions he looses over the years, he refuses to plan attacks under the sun's watchful eye. For he wouldn't dare slaughter the mortals the sun loved so dearly. He wouldn't dare become a monster to his Sun like he had to his mortals.

@link-or-sherlock HERES THAT ASK I WAS SCREAMING ABOUT!! /POS

#trippy answers #tales from the void #moon god! fierce deity #loz fierce deity #fierce deity x reader

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silentmajesticfox · 3 years

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Falling In Love With Chrollo Lucilfer

Part one:

Part two:

Panic Room

As Fred, Rose, and Daisy made it to the mansion. Rose looked at her surroundings, telling herself, I just have to hold him off til Chrollo's here. What a suicide mission this will come out to be, Daisy I hope you understand I can only save one of us this time.. Rose glanced at Daisy winking her eye and opening the door for her. Daisy would be an actress If she could. She giggled, "Yay!! We're finally home, I can wait to go to bed with my teddy bear!" She ran in, not unusually fast since every time they would get home, she would practically run to her bed. Before Rose could step out, she felt a tight grip on her left arm by her hand, and a few cracks emanating from there. Fred had already planned to confront her. A deadly gaze staring into her ice blue eyes. Rose held in a yelp, sure than the cracking was probably her bones.

"Who do you think you are? Talking to another man, showing him more affection and attention than you've givin me this past year, wish I knew I married a whore. I would like to have a word with you inside, Rosalie." Rose knew this couldn't be good, for he never used her real name, and for however long it took Chrollo to get here, she'd have to deal with it. She could feel his blood lust, and the fact he already had the advantage on her, her nerves kicked up. She just nodded her head, knowing soon this would be all over. She wished right then that she had her book, inevitably he would die if she did.... As she got out the door once he let go of her arm, with a fired up Fred behind her. She looked down the street they had came from. Please don't let me down Chrollo. She turned her head towards the mansion and walked through the doors. She felt his Nen get stronger, a hitch in her breath as she started to panic. He was a minute behind her, but she could make a run for it to her room and make sure Daisy was ready. The deadly aura making it hard to breath, she was going to do exactly that. Once she made it through the door, she turned around and latched the door closed. Soon a hard pounding was heard, but as Fred was a Enhancer, he was going to have no problem knocking that door down. With every hit, she started to feel a whoosh of power with every blow. Rose rushed up all the stairs, nearly tripping on her feet, turning the corner right before she heard a big boom, the door spiraling across the room and a manic laugh coming from Fred. "Aw... Rose, don't be like that. You know I'll find you. I told you I wanted to talk!" He screamed. She ran to her and Daisy's room they shared, busting it open and soon turning around to lock it and push the chair near by, under the door knob. Daisy was sitting on the bed with all her things in a backpack, and her favorite stuffed animal, her bear. Hearing Fred slowly stomp down the hall, busting open the doors as he went by, one by one. Rose realized she had less time than she calculated..

"Daisy, are you ready?" She asked her baby sister, her sister nodded and as about to say something, Rose could tell she had been crying. Rose put her finger up to her sisters mouth, shaking her head and mouthing no. "Here's my phone. You need to leave. Now Daisy.." she grabbed her sisters arm gently after daisy put the phone in her backpack pocket, leading them to the only window In the room. Rose unlocked it, and quietly lifted it open. "Don't let him see you through the window, ok? I love you." She hugged her sister very tight, before hearing a roaring pound at the door now. More tears fell from Daisy's eyes, as she nodded staring at Rose, quickly exiting the room from the window, waving to Rose. Rose waved back and blew a kiss to her, then signalling her hand for her to sit on the specific part of the roof as discussed.

Glancing at the street below, she turned around when the door was buses open. She was thinking quick on what to say and what to do, Fred huffing as he walked up to her. He walked up closer, how hands going to her throat and holding her against the wall. Her hands went to his forearms as she struggled to breath. "Stop.. please.." she pleaded. She had only one option. If she wanted to live, and as her consciousness faded in and out. Memories flashing all the way from when she was little. Chrollo was always by her side. In a way, she knew Chrollo would never love her the way she loved him..

Chrollo and Rose were sitting on top of the garbage pile, the highest one they could find. Holding each other closely watching the sunrise together. "Now wait. Soon the sun will make it look like a city of diamonds and jewels. This is what I've been telling you about, I know you'll love it.." Chrollo's words were happier than normal when he spoke about this so Rose was convinced it was something great if he loved it. She set her head on his shoulder, grabbing his hand. "Chrollo, do you think when we're older, we can be together?" Rose slipped those words out. In the heat of the moment. Chrollo tensed up a little bit, but that went away as soon as the sun rose. Before her eyes, what he said was true, who knew a city so bad, could have such a beautiful view. "You were right Chrollo, thank you for showing me this.." she said lifting her head from his shoulder. He turned around to face her, grabbed her chin, and kissed her with passion. Once they parted, chrollo spoke. "Maybe one day... I know you can find someone better than me when you make it out of here.. realistically I can't see it, us being together. I like you, but who knows how we'll feel years later, you know?" Rose would have cried, but Chrollo stood up, taking her hand and pulling her up. "But there's nothing wrong with having what we have now.." He kissed her again, she wrapped her arms around his neck and he wrapped his arms around her waist, and maybe that's when she fell in love with him.

When Rose came back to reality, she knew she still had things she needed to be here for. She had to fight. She released her hands from Fred's arms, and went for his face. Poking as hard as she could towards his eyes. Kicking as hard as she could. He dropped her and she gasped for air. "please stop Fred.." she quickly came to her feet, cornered and not sure what to do. Glancing around, she looked at the lamp. She quickly darted, fred attempting to grasp her, hot on her tail. She picked up the lamp and threw it at Fred, it stattering at he deflected it with his arms. Just enough time to run. And that she did.

"You're funny Rose.. you think you can out smart me? Take me for my money? You really are stupider than I thought.." she heard him, she ran out the room, running down the hall and going to the staircase, running up all the steps which felt like a million years. She heard Fred's foot steps and felt them rattle the staircase. Rose was now wheezing, but couldn't let herself get tired, not yet. Soon she was on the third and last level. She sprinted as soon as she saw the big doors, in which was the safe where her book was. Rose backed up, and ran into the door to break it open. Yet it did not open. She started to panic, and kept ramming herself. The wood started to splinter, and after four times of brute force, it broke opened. By then, she had seen Fred come around the corner, so she ran over to the vault. She starting pushing in the code, getting denied every time. Fred was walking up to her at this point, a low laugh coming from his chest, gasping she turned around. "I changed it. Unfortunately you won't be getting it back ever. Why do you hurt me Rose?.." He was calmer, but his blood lust was rising.

"Because you wanted to be with her instead of me, you wanted me to give you this so it'd be equal, yet you feel it's okay to hit me when your in the wrong, and you have your nen?" She was trying to hit him on a personal level so he could apologize and maybe this would pass. Not this time.

He walked up to her, "because I fell out of love with you. The instant I saw you never stopped writing him... " She couldn't believe Fred at this moment. This was a new thing he had brought up. "So why should I care to fix this? when every woman I've been with, has been so much better? Fills all my needs, and actually wants me. Also, I could make alot of money for your book." Rose was letting her anger get the best of her, tears started streaming and she went for it. She got a few punches in, before he grabbed her arm.

"Then end it. Since i am nothing to you and this world, take me out of this miserable life!!" And with that, Fred hit her and she had went flying into the wall. Laying in the debris, she was gasping. Fred had walked up to her, and picked her up by her hair. If she could, she'd scream. But the impact before had broken ribs, so she just stared at him, before being thrown to the wall again. Blood started coming from her mouth, she was ready for this. Daisy crossed her mind and she smiled, knowing she was in good hands.. her life fading and things went black, she heard alot of booms and yelling going on, and someone picking her up.

"Please hang on Rose.. stay with me..." She heard Chrollo say to her softly touching her face. She drifted off into a peacefulness of black, knowing Daisy was alright, and she could finally let go of this life for good.

A/N: sorry it's short and kind of meh, I had a major writers block and this is definitely getting edited. Lucky not alot of people have read this- but if you do thank you for supporting me!! Much love. If you feel open to request something for the story or pitch ideas I'm all ears!! This is the last part I have on wattpad. Might be a minute til I can write the next chapter, of course when it gets a little intense. 💀

#chrollo lucilfer #chrollo #chrollo x reader #hunter x hunter #fanfiction #Lucilfer #the spiders

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happyvoidharmony · 4 years

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Grunt

@hey-youu-pssss / @fababyzz Just finished your request ! Sorry it took so much time, I was really busy but I did it !

Request : Lisanna helping Laxus because he still feels bad about making Mirajane cry in the Phantom Lord Arc

“Just tell me what you did, okay ?”

The man sighed as the younger white-haired woman only had an amused smile and looked back at him while drying the glass she had in hand.

“No.”

She rolled her eyes, not exactly knowing what she expected from the moody and sighing mage staring at his drink.

He had been there since a good hour and so far Lisanna just couldn’t get anything out of him. She guessed he had fought with her sister, with whom he was in some sort of relationship that she didn’t understand either, half public, half secret, too complicated for her. And their fight was about some obscure reason she couldn’t figure out either. She had seen her sister just a bit earlier and she had seemed fine, and not the fake kind of fine the woman could have with a meteor falling from the sky, the real one. She was completely okay.

But the dragon slayer was not. He had been drinking like Cana would on bad days, and those days were generally the sign it was time to restock their alcohol supply. He looked pretty terrible too, even if he was trying to hide it, he had dark rings under his eyes, stared too much at his whiskey and really seemed pissed, and not the usual kind of pissed when he was actually okay, the real one when nobody dared approaching to avoid becoming his new lightning rod. As usual, Natsu hadn’t read the signs very well.

This was why Lisanna had been relentlessly trying to make him talk. She knew it couldn’t be about his grandfather because the master had just passed by and inquired the same thing. It couldn’t be about Bickslow, even if he pissed him off more times than not, because the seith was on a week-job and they had seemed fine just before he left. It couldn’t be about Elfman either, because her bother had too left on a job yesterday and he had also seemed okay, and he was a terrible liar. It couldn’t be about Evergreen because she had been asking about his condition just ten minutes ago. And it couldn’t be about Freed for the same reason, except that he had inquired about the dragon slayer’s state every five minutes in the past hour.

It couldn’t be Erza because she was on a long job and it couldn’t be about Natsu because he was lying on the floor, desperately trying to stop his stomach from aching after receiving a pretty strong shock just three minutes after eating. It had to be her sister.

Except that the said sister didn’t seem to have a clue either. But she did had found some excuse to organize some books avoiding the blond so that was the most liable option.

“Did you get mud on the carpet again ?”

Grunt.

Obviously not.

“You know I can’t advocate in your favor if you don’t tell me what you did to her.”

Snort. Apparently still not talking.

“I could try but I’m not going to have much impact if I don’t even know what I’m talking about.”

He grunted again.

“There’s nothing you can do anyway.”

That was some progress. A whole sentence, some would have sold a kidney for that.

“I could try. It’s still better than not doing anything.”

Grunt. Apparently they were going back to normal.

“I mean, she doesn’t seem too upset to me. You’re probably worried about nothing.”

The blond man’s head went up and she thought she had won but his face was still pretty annoyed and not with any kind of hope in his eyes.

“Even if I told you, you wouldn’t be able to a shit about it.”

She sighed, still a bit amused by his behavior.

“Try me.”

He smirked and took a long breath. She understood he was preparing to mock her rather than letting her actually help. What a dork he could be. Sometimes she really couldn’t figure out why Mirajane was drawn to him.

“You’re planning on finding a way to go back in time ?” He asked, rising an eyebrow with his condescending grin.

She shook her head and he lowered his head, muttering something like he didn’t think so either. He was going to offend her too if he went on like that. But he was kind of really drunk so it probably didn’t matter. She hadn’t noticed until now how red his face was now. How many did she give him again ? She really needed to start keeping count given that her sister was probably going to scold later because she had said so for a good months and she didn’t appreciate her getting her sort of boyfriend completely wasted. Especially when she was the one that had to deal with it after working all day.

“Did you sleep with someone else ?”

He raised his head so fast she almost got startled.

“What ? No.” He frowned, trying to sound offended but way too drunk to really succeed.

“Did you fall for someone else ?”

Grunt. “No.” She had a quick grin.

“Did you say her music was bad ?”.

Another annoyed snort, quickly drowned with scotch. He shook his head as an answer.

“Then, you probably don’t need a time machine.”

He sneered this time. Maybe it was time for the truth.

“Sure, everything’s fine.”

She sighed in despair. Why was she doing that again ? Oh yeah, because organizing books was the most exciting thing on earth.

“Just tell me. I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

He loudly sighed again.

“No.”

“Oh, come on !”

“I said no.”

“And I said yes.”

“You’re such a pain.”

He finished his glass as she silently watched him. The guild was getting empty but a few loud brawlers were still there and made their conversation inaudible to any person still here. He stared at her with his mean but wasted golden pupils and finally talked.

“Do you remember when I pissed her off ?”

“You’re going to have to be more specific.”

He laughed a bit. He was really drunk.

“About not coming back to help them against Phantom.”

She frowned. Wasn’t that years ago ?

“Oh, I wasn’t really there.” He seemed to realize that detail only now. “I heard she cried and punched the lacrima out.”

He grunted and pushed his glass towards her as she hesitated to refill it but fulfilled his wish when he stared at her with what was starting to look like her sister’s death look. Enough to send shivers down her spine.

“Why are you still on that ? I thought that fight was settled years ago.”

He shrugged and grunted again before drinking. Almost as he didn’t know what to say besides that.

“She kind of joked about it, like this morning.” He said while drinking twice for what seemed a pretty long time to her. And was obviously a lot since his glass was almost entirely empty again.

She didn’t say anything at first. Just turned to him, not knowing if it was cute or sad that he was still beating himself up for that.

“Do you still feel bad about it ?”

He finished his glass and put it back on the counter with a clear sound before staring at her with what seemed to be some ironic unamused glare.

“No.” He said dryly. “I’m fine about it.” He finished his sentence by pushing the glass towards her but not asking for any more.

“Did you say you’re sorry ?” She attempted while taking back his glass to wash it. He only stared at her with the same look.

“Maybe you should try starting with that.” She finally said before turning his back to him and hearing her big sister going up the stairs with her notebook in hand.

“Lisanna, I just finished tidying the bookroom up.” The young woman looked around her. “It’s quite calm so maybe I could let you close up today.” Obviously blinding herself to the once loud group passing out on their tables.

She saw the man, completely wasted at the counter, frowning immediately and blaming her little sister with an annoyed look. The youngest didn’t find anything to do other than uttering some apology that the dragon slayer missed as he was looking away. The young woman only smiled when he looked at her with questioning.

“I think I’m going to call it a night.” She said as the man nodded at that and stood up while she was getting her stuff in the back room. He looked at Lisanna one last time when she standing outside the guild, waiting for him.

“Maybe, you’re right” He finally said before following her.

#fairy tail #Laxus Dreyar #miraxus #Mirajane Strauss #lisanna strauss

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tea-and-conspiracy · 4 years

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Winter Fell (pt1)

“Mother.” Eliane tugged at her dam’s sleeve, a little harder this time.

Olivie at last blinked down from the telescope, as though stirred from a dream. “Yes, sweetling?”

Eliane frowned. “I’m sorry, but I’m getting conflicting readings.”

“No, that’s alright...” Olivie stepped down with a troubled frown. “I am as well. I merely wished to make certain that I was not the only one. Are they the same as mine? The Dragon Star blazes while the other stars suggest the Horde’s retreat.”

Eliane nodded. “‘Tis as though they suddenly fear the skies. They’ve stopped Singing.”

“Yes, they have...” Olivie's pale gaze drifted out the window. “Something has spooked even Nidhogg...but what?”

On cue, a Temple Knight exploded through the doors like a panicked cat. “My lords and ladies! The sky is ablaze! Pray, we are desperate for your expertise!”

“What is this now?” Jannequinard demanded.

“Come, my lord. Come!” And with that, the Temple Knight fled.

Jannequinard tsked. “That hardly helps, man!”

Olivie took her daughter by the hand and towed her into the streets.

Even had the summer skies not been clear, anyone could have seen Dalamud glowering between the lancelike rooftops. It was far bigger than it had been even yesterday, suddenly so pregnant on the horizon that it looked ready to touch the ground. All of Ishgard had poured into the streets and balconies, eyes glued upon the skies. For a city ever-watchful of the heavens, even this had left them silent.

It grew larger.

And larger still.

But before anyone could even ask what had happened, the crimson egg cracked. A miniature sun exploded in the heavens, turning the skies bright as day; the resulting shockwave came as a window-rattling gunshot. Meteoric fragments flew in all directions. The crowd cried out and ducked in unison, scrambling for shelter beneath a hailstorm of pebbles and ash. One cluster spun towards the Nail, impacting with a fireball so tremendous, it shook the very Foundations. The trees around it were flattened for malms; those left standing went up like match sticks, staining the sky in rust.

Olivie and her daughter rose to their feet in numb silence. Children scrambled among them, picking up the debris. Some of it looked like fragments of red crystal; others she could have sworn were dragon scales. A few pieces gleamed with lines of gold or aetheric blue from the shadows.

“What...just...happened...?” Eliane whispered.

The Baronness looked up at the sky, but only Menphina hung in the heavens. Dalamud, known to Astrologians as a symbol of death, was gone -- and the sky was darker for it.

“How...” Olivie blurted. “It’s...it’s gone. It fell. How?”

“Eliane! Olivie!” They looked up in unison to see Emmereaux racing down the street, his eyes wide in a panic. He practically sagged with relief when he caught up to them, seizing them both in a hug. “Oh thank the Fury.”

Olivie gave a small chuckle. “We’re all safe, dear. The city seems to have escaped harm.”

“No...we’re not.” He lifted his eyes to her, their corners tight. “That thing just fell over Carteneau -- where that fool boy took our machinists!”

Eliane staggered back. “That was Carteneau?? But Jules...”

“Off to honor some alliance that no longer concerns us. The Empire’s not after Ishgard!”

“Other than that Castrum they’re building in the foothills.” Olivie frowned. “Juleaux was right to be concerned. I’m...I’m sure he’s...” But she couldn’t finish the sentence as the weight of the situation finally dawned on her. She was, after all, not native to the area -- and hadn’t known that they’d been gazing in the direction of the Flats. Her son would have been at the epicenter of the blast...

The Dufresnes returned home in silence, knowing they’d be forced to wait for news either way.

Somehow, eventually, they all got to sleep -- though it was hardly a restful night. In the morning the family rose and opened their curtains to find fresh snowflakes drifting by. Neighbors stood on their balconies and dragoons perched on the rooftops, staring up at the unseasonable weather. The plows were forced out six moons early, to dredge the streets clean of snow. Nobody had been able to shut their fountains off in time, and now the streets ran treacherous with the frozen blood of burst pipes.

Even the Horde remained silent. Even the dragons would not Sing.

It was as though the world had ended.

#ffxiv #arr #ishgard #house dufresne #my writing #just wanting to explore the coerthan deep freeze #because they never really go into it but it seriously must have been traumatic #and also because its snowing here #why do i live where the air hurts my face

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raidenenthusiast · 5 years

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dear jonghyun,

i love you.

beyond that, i don't know where to begin. i don't know what to say. i haven't even been a shawol for the entire year, and yet i can't believe it. it seems like such a long time. but i guess i'll start at the beginning.

maybe about five months ago, my ex started getting me to listen to kpop. i got into exo first, and for a little while they were the only group that i paid attention to.

eventually, i started hearing more and more about shinee. i knew my partner loved you guys too, so i started trying to get into you guys as well as exo. and at first, i couldn't. i knew about what had happened, i remembered it happening a year ago and being on the outside of it. so when i started into it aware, it hurt.

i would see a video of the five of you, and then a few videos down, it'd be down to four. i'd think about how the four of them had to now perform and sing without you. i'd think about how you'd never get to perform some of your songs live. so many things would make me sad, and i was scared. scared that if this tragedy already made me so sad, before i had barely even learned your name, it would be too much if i ever truly got attached to and fell in love with the group.

so i kind of stopped myself for a while. i was barely a shawol, but listening to all of you made my heart ache. i couldn't do it. i couldn't listen to shinee. i tried to start somewhere, i tried to listen to taemin on his own first. but that didn't work either.

and there was a part of me that knew you were going to be my bias. i can actually tell you the exact moment that made up my mind.

when i was making my kpop playlist, it was on spotify. spotify only has a live version of ring ding dong, so when i was adding it, i had to add that one. when i heard you sing the verse right before the second chorus, something clicked and i fell in love with your voice.

and that was a big reason that i was scared. because i knew that i was going to fall in love with you. and i was scared of how painful it would be. so i stopped myself from leaping headfirst into shinee because of that.

but there came a point where you knocked those walls down entirely. i found and watched the video of your performance of y si fuera ella. your voice, your face, the fake blood on your white suit, the gunshot, every second of it made my heart ache. i sat on my bed for a half hour afterwards and just cried. i'd been afraid to cry before. but thanks to you, i wasn't anymore, and i was finally able to listen to shinee regularly.

and i fell in love. words cannot describe how much you five mean to me. i stared at this screen for so long trying to think of something that could possibly express how much i love all of you. i'm still stuck. you five have given me so much. beautiful music, such openness and kindness, a wonderful friend ( @sunflowerjjong ), happiness, so many good things. and i can't think of anything that i could say that would ever repay you for that.

but, what i can say is thank you. thank you for what you've done for me. you've been a shining light in the darkness these past few months. and as long as i know that you're there, watching over me, i'm okay.

there have been so many hard times. and sometimes, i feel guilty. guilty that i rely on you so much when so many other shawols, as well as your family, friends, and the rest of shinee have it so much harder than i do. but i saw something you said one night. you said that you don't need to know a person face to face to have a relationship with them. and that made it so much easier. because i knew that if you said that, and if you knew how much i care about you, then you might care about me too.

but at the same time, i feel guilty for other reasons. so many shawols can't listen to you or shinee because it hurts too much. and my heart goes out to all of them. but sometimes, i feel guilty for the opposite reason. i can listen to you. i can listen to shinee. and maybe i thought that i wasn't grieving enough. but i know that everyone feels in different ways. you bring me comfort, and there's no reason to be ashamed of that. just like there's no reason to be ashamed of feeling like it's just too unbearable.

your words touch me in ways i never thought possible. sitting on my couch late at night, crying, reading the note that you left us, as broken as my heart felt, it felt whole, too. so much of what you wrote, i felt too. i understood. i still do feel a lot of those things. and knowing that you did too makes me feel so much less alone.

i wish i could have met you. i wish i could have hugged you. i wish i could have looked you in the eyes and told you how much i love you. and the fact that i can't makes me unbelievably sad. but i'll still make it known. i'll still say goodnight to the moon. i'll still tell the sky that i love you, in hopes that you can hear me.

you may be gone, but it feels like you're here with me. when that meteor flew across the sky on my birthday just seconds after i'd started crying, saying i missed you, i knew it was you. i felt it. as if you were telling me not to miss you, because you were right there with me, and you always have been, and you always will be.

and i promise, i will never remember you as simply just a sad story. you are so much more than your tragedy. you are so much more than your pain and sadness. you are a beautiful, glowing light in this dark world, one who has lit up so many lives and reached millions of hearts.

i want to make you happy, and i want to make you proud. i want you to know how much you inspire me. i want you to look down at me and smile, because you know how much you've impacted my life. but most of all, i want you to know how much i love you.

these past few months were dark. there were times when giving up crossed my mind. and that terrified me. because i never wanted to give up. i just thought that i had to. and you helped me realize that i didn't.

and you helped me in so many other ways, too. you still do. and you always will.

i listen to your voice after a long day. you sing with such care and beauty, and sometimes, if i close my eyes, it feels like you're singing right to me. like you're taking my hand, guiding me towards your light. like you're holding me in your arms, reassuring me that everything will be alright. sometimes, it feels like you're crying along with me. but it always feels like you're listening. and it always feels like you're there. and sometimes, just letting out a sigh with you at the very beginning of end of a day is enough to calm me down.

your lyrics help me immensely, too. i relate to so many, like how in elevator, you sing about looking at your reflection and not recognizing yourself. or how in end of a day, you sing about how all you want is for someone to hold you after a tiring day and tell you that you did well. or how in let me out you plead for someone to hold you, help you, because you're so tired and you don't know if you can go on. and looking back on all that now, you were calling for help. and i'm so sorry that you didn't get it when you needed it most.

but apart from that, all of those feelings are within me, too, in one way or another. and hearing your soft voice sing out those things that i feel too is so comforting.

i look up at the moon when i feel alone. it's always there in the sky when i'm at my lowest. even today, i was worrying that i wouldn't be able to see your comet. i went to look outside, and there was the moon, shining through the clouds. you always know when i need you. sometimes i'll talk to you for so long i lose track of time. and i never know for sure if you're listening. but i hope you are. and the possibility is enough for me. and i hope that, like you sing in before our spring, watching over me makes you happy. i hope that you see me and smile because you know how much i love you.

there are things you said, that i find, that are somehow exactly what i need to hear in the moment. maybe i'll see that you said for us to take care of ourselves. maybe i'll see that you said it's okay to feel lost in life. maybe i'll see that you said it's okay to cry. but every single time, whatever i find that you said is exactly what i didn't even know i was looking for. you know. you know when i need you, and you never let me go it alone.

all of these things and more give me the strength to push forward. you give me the strength to fight. because i know that you wouldn't want me to stop. and i know that you don't want me to join you. whenever i feel like i'm drowning, i know i can just reach for your hand.

there's something that i like to tell myself whenever things get hard.

"you did well, so i will too."

and i will, jonghyun. i promise i will.

i drew this moon for you. i wrote your lyric with it. i wanted to do something for you, even though nothing can ever repay you for how much you've done for me.

i love you so much, jonghyun. and i miss you every day. but as long as you're in my heart, and in turn by my side, i will never stop fighting. you make me feel a warmth and a hope that i never want to let go of.

your kindness, your strength, your love for those around you, your softness, your smile, your beautiful soul and your lovely voice will forever hold a special place in my heart. you live on through each and every one of us. and in turn, you help us live on as well.

you've taught me so much. you've taught me to always be kind. you've taught me that it's okay to cry, it's okay to feel. you've taught me to have hope, no matter what. you've taught me to pursue my dreams. but most of all, you've taught me how to be strong, how to fight with every ounce of strength left in me. because if i have you cheering me on, i can do anything.

you make me feel safe. because i have the most wonderful angel in heaven watching over me and looking after me. sometimes i wonder how i ever got so lucky. whenever i miss you badly, i think that you were a gift, but heaven needed their angel back eventually. the time we were given with you on earth was beautiful, and i'll forever be thankful for it. thank you for staying as long as you did. and thank you for never really leaving, not entirely.

i love you. i can't say it enough. i want to say it a million more times. and maybe it seems like i'm talking in circles. but i say it so much because all i want is for you to know. i love you. we love you. and we will never, ever forget you. you will forever be in our hearts, in our minds, in our lives, and in our skies. may you have found the peace and happiness that was lost to you on earth.

you did so well, angel.

always be with you.🌙

with love,

- hannah

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shark-myths · 6 years

Text

My Versailles

This is an *ultimate* Tryst Theory jam. Thank you, anon, for giving me the excuse to shout about:

Fourth of July

Insane lyrics meta screaming below the cut!

(You and I were fire)

This opening alone tells us about the intensity, vibrancy, heat, and all-consuming nature of the relationship. I hear this song as a retrospective on the pre-hiatus trysting that the Petericks got up to. This is one of the songs that was instrumental in convincing me of Tryst Theory, actually, instead of just Star-Crossed Queerplatonic Soulmate Longing. Trysting that each of them pretended meant nothing outside of sex, because each of them were so deep in their own issues that they thought the other would never possibly want more from them than that. (And Pete especially would never ask for it: he believed he would ruin Patrick, like he believed he ruined every other thing. And Patrick? Well, Pete Wentz will kiss anyone. He’ll do anything on stage, say anything to scandalize reports. He lives on rumors about himself, the nastier the better. He’ll touch anyone, say anything, spin any sincerity and fling it like a weapon, like a show, out into the audience. Pete Wentz is the King of Doesn’t Mean It.)

It was the Fourth of July

You and I were fireworks

That went off too soon

And I miss you in the June gloom, too

The time anchor of summer is meaningful, I think: summer is the time of touring, especially in early days when they slept in vans and had to work around school schedules. Summer is used often by Pete as a metaphor that encompasses the ease and liminality of Van Days Peterick. Summer, too, is holy to us—a time when things don’t count, don’t have consequences. The free-for-all before autumn’s reset. Holy, and inevitably short-lived.

But more meaningful than summer is the concept of what a firework is. Bright, intense, thrilling, dangerous. A man-made explosion of pure entertainment. A firework that went off too soon, then, is Pete saying—we were perfect together and we didn’t know it. I was too much of a mess back then, and you were too insecure. If we went off now, we would be a showstopping fucking finale. We would tear the sky apart. We’d be the new sun. But instead our bodies found each other when we were too young to bear the meaning of it. We went off too soon.

It was the Fourth of July

You and I were fireworks

I said I’d never miss you

But I guess you never know

May the bridges I have burned light my way back home

On the Fourth of July

I love the play of ‘I said I’d never miss you/but I guess you never know’ because it shows us so many complexities in such an elegant, concise lyric. 1) Pete believing and NEEDING to believe, telling himself like he’s telling Patrick, that it means nothing—that he’ll never miss it. The act of I said and how that doesn’t mean I meant. 2) Pete saying it as a true prediction but being wrong—I guess you never know how these things will play out. 3) Pete saying it and knowing it was a lie, and Patrick being the you who never knows. Aaaaah, this song is so crunchy and good.

And these burning bridges—this is not the first time Pete’s written about them! (Tell That Mick: Stop burning bridges and start driving off them; I’m A Lawyer: I’ll take my last chance to burn a bridge or two. And let’s not even get into his mentions of the burning of cities…) It is amazingly restorative here, though, and a tell that the song is written by post-hiatus Pete: he’s using the bridges to find his way back to that which is most important to him, that which he attempted with his bad behavior to scorch off the face of the earth. He’s invoking a prayer, here, that he finds his way back to Patrick. Because Patrick is his home.

I’ll be as honest as you let me

I miss your early morning company

If you get me

You are my favorite “what if”

You are my best “I’ll never know”

‘I’ll be as honest as you let me’ shows us so, so clearly how much of the enforced secrecy around trysting, and how much of Pete’s perception of why the trysting was secret, is tied up in Patrick’s shyness and the ‘no-homo’ that appeared some time in between Van Days and Meteoric Rise To Fame Days—Patrick went from being comfortable with jokes about queerness, about him and Pete, physical touching, and styling himself with certain queer elements, esp. with effeminate physical postures and things like the infamous Guys Gone Wild shirt, to being markedly uncomfortable with those things. Like the scrutiny of sudden fame or feedback he received from their management indicated something about these expressions was unacceptable or frightening. Anyway, it shows that Pete has been holding his tongue in part because he doesn’t think Patrick would want to be seen with or associated with him in that way. That Patrick has been the onus for secrecy. And Patrick, meanwhile—he may have just been thinking none of it was real to Pete.

‘I miss your early morning company, if you get me’ is pretty obviously about waking up next to your tryst-partner. What-if/I’ll never know kills me, actually physically kills me, on a daily basis. It highlights how they never tried to have a relationship for real, never gave it an actual honest-hearted try. They just fucked behind the scenes when they could and pretended it meant nothing to either of them. I’M NOT CRYING, THERE’S JUST SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY CONTACT LENS

This configuration speaks to other lines, too, like favorite mistake and you were my picket fence.

And I’m starting to forget

Just what summer ever meant to you

What did it ever mean to you?

It feels so real in the moment, but as soon as they’re apart, it’s easy to doubt that the other person was sincere. That they were present emotionally. While they’re together, Pete is so, so sure Patrick feels it too. That it’s love. That it must be love. Then, in the after, Patrick is so closed-off and distant, Pete convinces himself he was imagining it all. Here’s posthiatus Pete, saying: it meant something to me. Did it ever mean anything to you? Were we ever friends, or were we always more?

Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any of it

I just got too lonely, lonely

In between being young and being right

You were my Versailles at night

‘Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any of it’ could be posed conversationally—as another speaker giving an answer to the last verse’s question. Pete does this sometimes: Alone Together and Twin Skeletons are two immediate examples that spring to mind, where the songs are framed conversationally and could be heard/read as call and answer. He does it quite a bit in Van Days writing, usually framed conveniently in actual quotation marks, too. So he could be quoting Patrick back to himself here.

It could also be Pete trying to walk it back, voicing again what he said then to minimize the impact of the trysting, to give Patrick an out if posthiatus Pete is overwhelming him. He could be talking about ending the tryst and the resolution that they could never be together and indicating that that is what he didn’t mean any of. Or he didn’t mean it all the times he said it wasn’t real, that it was just fucking.

My Versailles at night, though—that is. That is some unequivocable queer-ass, decadent devotion. That is some Oscar Wilde level bullshit. I could do a whole post of screaming just about that, gilt and gold and impossible and unfair, a shame and a glory of historical proportion. It pulls up the masculine-gendered ‘mon cherie’ that appears elsewhere in the album. It lets us know this is the same person Pete’s writing about through the album. And Patrick speaks French, guys. That masculine mon is not a fucking mistake.

My 9 to 5 is cutting open old scars

Again and again ‘til I’m stuck in your head

This is pretty clearly about Pete’s job of rehashing all his old pain to write songs that get stuck in our heads. It’s also in conversations with you were the song stuck in my head. It’s a clue that he’s digging into the past, as he so often is in his amazingly recursive relationship with himself.

Had my doubts, but I let them out

You are the drought

And I’m the holy water you have been without

REMEMBER IN THE KIDS AREN’T ALRIGHT WHERE PETE WRITES, ‘stay thirsty like before?’ REMEMBER GUYS DO YOU

It also says: I don’t doubt anymore. I do love you. Holy water, guys. Altar boys. The thing that saves you. The pure thing. The only thing to quench that thirst. Uggggggggh. The Save Rock and Roll vid shows us all we need to know and more about Pete’s idea of holiness and how the band fits into that.

And all my thoughts of you

They could heat or cool the room

And no, don’t tell me you cried

Oh, honey, you don’t have to lie

Running hot or cold on someone, the trysty flip-flopping of I love you I can’t live without you/it’s cool bro it’s just sex it doesn’t mean anything. And it shows how at that time, and through the writing of this album, Pete doubted whether it meant anything to Patrick. Whether Patrick was there with him, inside the feeling, or if he was alone.

I wish I’d known how much you loved me

I wish I cared enough to know

I’m sorry every song’s about you

The torture of small talk with someone you used to love

This is it. This line is the real fucking killer. This is the final nail in my tryst theory shaped coffin. ‘I wish I’d known how much you loved me.’ This is Pete acknowledging, finally: I think it did mean something to you. And I was so wrapped up in myself, my own performative suffering, my own myth, that I didn’t even care enough to see it. I was just convinced someone like you could never love me, that I’d hurt you if you did, that I’d ruin you. I was so obsessed with myself that I didn’t see it, didn’t know. How different I would have been, had I seen it.

(Remember that interview where Pete says “In my twenties I was the most selfish person I’ve ever known” [paraphrase]? Hahahahahahaha so many cries)

And then: ‘I’m sorry every song’s about you.’ This alone gives so much weight to the idea that tryst theory is supported. Who else in Pete’s life has he been writing about all this time? No matter how intense his young relationships were, do we really think he’s still writing to some ex-girlfriend all these years later when he’s so happy with Meagan and has such a beautiful family? No, he’s writing to someone close to him, someone he cannot and will not forget about. He’s writing to the same person he’s always been writing to, on one level or another.

He’s writing to Patrick.

‘The torture of small talk with someone you used to love.’ Because isn’t it killing him, to carry on everyday, to pick up the phone during the hiatus and call Patrick, to carry on like he hasn’t finally grown and matured enough to be able to make good on the wild bets of his young heart? To act as if he isn’t in love with Patrick. To act as if he never was. Isn’t it torture?

ISN’T THIS ENTIRE BAND AND THIS ENTIRE ALBUM ABSOLUTE T O R T U R E

And that is the Official Tryst Theory reading of Fourth of July! I hope it satisfied your angst-itching needs. What’s next, True Believers? I need something to rant about so I don’t dry up and die before Mania drops.

THANK YOU LOVE YOU BYE

#tryst theory #lyrics meta #peterick #fob #fall out boy #fourth of july #ab/ap #american beauty american psycho

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