ignore me lol

Hey guyssss

Just somehow managed to screw up a major, never-ever-going-to-get-back thing in an even more stupid way than i did the last time I fucked up with a one-chance-so-don’t-screw-it-up, never-going-to-get-back thing.

I can’t even BEGIN to explain what happened.

Didn’t hurt anyone this time, though, thankfully. Just myself :) /s

I just love shooting my chances point-blank in the most stupid ways by failing to use logical reasoning. What the hell is wrong with me.

There is an odd sort of desperation in trying to make up for being an awful, critical, abusive, shitty teenaged caregiver by being patient and careful and better when you're all grown up

Like

I was a kid, and it shouldn't have been my job to be a good dad for you, but it was my job, and I fucked up, and I wish that you'd tell me you hate me for it because then at least I'd know you understand that you deserved better

And maybe if you could hate the person who I was, I'd know you'd be safe from it happening again, now that this better version of me isn't always close

everywhere i go, im forced to see hazbin

Well, that was a much bigger shitstorm than I had been expecting.

First of all, kid's ok, they just kept him over night because he's so young and concussions are a bit more of a risk, especially given his extensive medical history. Thankfully though, he seems to be on the mend, and he should be home by the time you Darlings are seeing this post.

As for why you're seeing this post, originally I was just meant to be playing emergency babysitter until the dad finished work and got home, but unfortunately he's just as big of a piece of shit as he usually is (Why they're still together and actively having more kids I have no idea) and decided that since someone was already with the kids, then instead of rushing home like he was asked to by his wife, he was going to make the best of it and go out drinking with his friends.

Both his wife and his elderly mother in law tried to contact him, but after the third set of calls, he turned off his phone. Not once did he ask who was with his kids, or how his injured son was, all he cared about was going out and drinking. (I sincerely hope she leaves his arse soon. Holy shit)

The mum did apologise to me repeatedly, but since their only living family is her elderly mother who is by no means capable of looking after five kids under the age of seven, she really didn't have a choice but to rely on me until her or her (shitty) husband could return home. And for obvious reasons, she couldn't exactly leave a four year old in the hospital by himself.

In the end, the "dad" didn't get home until about nine am this morning, stinking of grog, and I don't feel comfortable leaving them with him. I did quickly head back and grab a charger for my phone so that I could type this up, but since the youngest ones will be waking from their after feed nap soon, and the mum is still a way's off from getting back, I'm probably not going to have time to sort through my reblogs properly.

On a small positive note though, it does look like all my stuff is back now, so I should be able to go back to posting older reblogs tomorrow. For now, I'm just going to focus on the kids and then go back and crash into my own bed.

Thank you for your understanding and patience, Darling ones. Please remember to take care of yourselves 🖤

I’m Jewish through my dad but I wasn’t raised in the community(i learned what Purim was two weeks ago, i was fully not in it), so when I got to college last august I decided to really dive in and it’s been a beautiful sort of homecoming for me. I joined SAEPi and got into Chabbad leadership at my campus, and I’m almost at the point where I can do the Chabbad Shabbat prayers before and after dinner without stumbling over my words. Gonna surprise my grandma if I see her in the summer. Anyways.

When October 7th happened it was a shock to my system, because I was a baby Jew barely getting my feet. My parents never mentioned antisemitism to me as something that could affect me in the future, it was always a thing of the past. But I was right there standing in the doorway between jew-ish and Jewish, and it pushed me over the edge. I had many friends with family in Israel. I had a couple friends whose friends died in the attack. Everyone in that group was my family. It felt personal.

When the march in dc happened I went with one of my friends, and it was sad, but amazing to see in person how strong we are. In the plane terminal on the way home he and I got cornered and called baby killers, among other things, because he was wearing a kippa and his Israeli first responder coat. That was my first time experiencing antisemitism and it was terrifying, even though I didn’t get hurt. It was terrifying even though my friend was built like a tank and would’ve protected me. It was terrifying just to sit in the train car with him and watch a woman stare at him with wide eyes like he was some kind of criminal. I stepped closer to him as if to remind her he’s human. I stared back at her with just as much fear and watched her snap out of it, confused.

Last week was holocaust awareness week at my college, and one of the things I did was spend a couple hours in the plaza reading the names of people that died. I found 34 Feldmans and Fotts. I found family names, Chana and Fayge and Jeshua and Sophia Feldman one after the other, and still am wondering if that was part of my family that didn’t make it to the US in time.

I called my grandma and asked for everything she could remember about her family lineage and how we got here, everything she had from that part of her life. I thought that there would be plenty to lean into, family recipes and heirlooms and stories, but there was barely anything. She has a Star of David necklace and a ton of repressed memories, next to nothing else. The recipes I could find were through my great aunt, some short instructions from my great grandmother on the back of a letter she sent to the aunt about what to ask for from a kosher butcher.

My family made it here in 1915 and 1921, they escaped before the holocaust, but they still weren’t untouched because of the ways they were ostracized and othered when they got here. My grandmother will barely admit she’s Jewish because none of her kids passed it on, it’s easier for her to let it go. I didn’t understand this until I realized that one couldn’t be hurt by the grief and pain of a family they aren’t part of.

Even those that survive are not left unscarred.

How could this not be personal? How could it not be generationally affective when it’s pushed so many to minimize their Jewishness out of self preservation? Raise their kids thinking they aren’t Jewish and hope their names never end up on a list of living or dead Jews? People still don’t see us as human. the antisemites still want to scar us. They want us to forget who we are.

It’s unreal to me when goyim act like American Jews in the current day are unaffected by the past and safe from antisemitism. I’ve been here less than a year and have been screamed at in an airport, have uncovered serious intergenerational trauma, and realized that of my Jewish family I have nothing to hold on to but a torn in half piece of paper with a sentence long tangent about brisket.

We are strong and we will outlive them, but god are we still fucking fighting for our lives.

.

“Oh, now Im floating so high

I blossom and die

Send your storm and your lighting to strike

Me between the eyes”

mass pinglists (& moral superiority for not using them)

There's been concern lately over the newest update announcement that at some point, far into the future or at least after New Year's 2024, mass-pinging as a concept will be retired from Flight Rising. On one hand, there's people worried about this.

There's people who are also, frankly, being wildly vitriolic about those who rely on mass pinglists, disbelieving that anybody could ever be affected by mass ping tools shutting down. They're also out here openly calling skinmakers/G1 collectors/dominance organizers delusional for thinking the things they do are in any way, shape, or form, an important part of the site.

Which like, if people don't use user-run tools like GASP or the G1 pinglist, that's fine! That's your playstyle. But I don't understand where the attitude is coming from that the concerned groups are only a 'loud minority', and that they somehow don't contribute massively to the game as a whole. (The same people, by the way, who call G1 collectors & UMA makers a plague upon dragon society for being an elitist rich boy's club, then turn around and say they're not at all a driving force in the site's economy.) Which one is it? You can't have it both ways. Do these people spend thousands whaling for their perfect XXY G1 wildclaws then hundreds buying gem genes for their fancy showoff dragons? Or are they at best a negligible population in the game, whose activity and monetary contributions to the site are far outweighed by the tens of thousands of 'nice, normal, sane' players who log on once a week to hatch a nest and post on forums once in a blue moon?

There's 825 pages of user-made skins on the site right now. At 50 items per database page, that's 41,250 skins. 41,250 skins that had to be submitted with blueprints that can only be bought with gems.

Let's give these numbers the benefit of the doubt and say each skin was only submitted once, using a 10-print blueprint at 5000 gems, and each accent was only submitted once as well, using a 10-print blueprint at 2500 gems. That's 136,875,000 gems sunk into blueprints - if each individual usermade skin on site has only an average of ten copies on site. (Which is categorically not true, I've had multiple skins print over 300 copies. And I am just one person, and far from the most successful skinmaker on site.)

This is 1,368,750 USD in skin blueprints alone, by the way, using the most barebones and least generous numbers possible. We're not accounting for skins that sell more than one run, or the fact that no skin artist sells their skins to the public at print price (you can add another 30-40% to that number if you want to estimate how much money is actually spent to circulate those skins). Even if none of these artists pay money to buy gems, these gems are coming from somewhere. Even if you, as someone who doesn't care for G1s or never even heard of GASP, never set foot into these places, these gems are still circulating and being sunk into the site. And it helps no one to scoff and say you doubt there's no real impact on anything if all of this goes away.

There's 51k items on the site, and over 80% of them are skins. There's 5k users actively signed up and using GASP - more than the average amount of users logged onto the site at any given point that's not a new breed release or anniversary update.

Are you getting the picture yet? It's not self-absorbed to say that the UMA market has a very real impact on the game economy. It's just numbers.

I need to get my thoughts out about the new mass-ping update somewhere. My thoughts on the actual tool are entirely positive, it's a great change for the site and not one I ever thought I'd see. But there's people worried about the future of tools like the GASP & G1 sales pinglists for very good reason.

I think game economy is a very real concern if you're a dominance participant, a skinmaker, an old dragon collector, a G1 hatcher, an ID hunter, or anyone else whose community relies on mass ping lists. You aren't wrong for feeling this way. I'm sorry people are dismissing very valid concerns about the state of your community out of some misguided 'i don't do this and neither do my friends, so everyone who does must be a loud overexaggerating nitwit' attitude.

Finances/student loan vent?

Tried to reach out about my student loans to the private loan company they’re through to see if I could lower the monthly payments at all since I’m having trouble with the $375 lately and they were basically like “you can go on forbearance (they call it extension and seem to lump it as just general deferment) but it will accrue interest and you might have to pay more after anyways 😝 and I’m just like…bike accident pose wtf ; w ;

I know so many people have student loan debt in the country but in my immediate circles I’m the only person I know who has it and I just feel like a big idiot? Like I signed the “Want To Be An Indebted Fool” contract at 17. Like everyone I know has parents who paid for everything and it’s just like.. damn… I know it’s no one’s fault but the systems but I can’t help but feel like I’m constantly doing everything wrong 😔

I’ll figure it out somehow and I know a lot of it is a combination of many things happening in my life right now but yeesh! I tried to watch that Financial Diet YouTube a couple friends have told me about but like..it’s not really relatable to my financial circumstances so it feels hard to take notes? And I end up feeling stupid again lmao - this vicious capitalist cycle! 😤

If I had nicer feet I’d sell pictures but damn even that market is hard to break into unless you do something niche! Saucy pictures are such a tough thing to navigate too 😮‍💨

Aghhh anyways! Just grumbling and trying to figure things out!! I’m just feeling a bit lost and stressed over it all 🤧 trying to figure out so many work/career things too woof it’s been a pretty stressful new year @ w @

If anyone has financial advice/youtubers/blogs/etc for low income people with debt that you find helpful, I’d love to hear about it 🙏💖 or like a super rich family member who wants to give like 38k away bc they’re bored? Let me know! 👀✨

I hope this isn't a hot take, but Scott Cawthon is a shitty writer

The reason the lore makes no fucking sense is because he just randomly adds or retcons things with no explanation and, at this point, I think he just enjoys watching people (especially MatPat) go crazy theorizing

Like, the man may as well have confirmed dream theory a few years ago, only to go "wait, never mind, here’s Sister Location and everything is real, I promise"

I doubt even Scott understands his own story because it was written with the same grace and talent as an edgy middle school kid trying to write the next Jeff the Killer, so they shove everything they think is cool into the story, whether or not it fits

People say "oh, he didn't realize it would be more than (however many) games. He didn't plan that far ahead," but that excuse should only get you so far when you are writing a story

It's pretty clear that after at least game 4 (some say game 3, so I'm being nice), he stopped caring about the story and began just duct taping things he thought were interesting into a story that could've been wrapped up with MAYBE 5 games (1, 2, 3, 4, and pizzeria Sim with something in the other four to explain Baby and Molten Freddy, or get rid of them, I don't care), but instead it's a cluster fuck of weird details that DON’T MAKE SENSE

Look, I think a lot of us, myself included, can sometimes confuse a good CONCEPT with a good STORY

The storytelling of FNAF is dog shit, but the concept is just SO good, which is why people like the FNAF VHS tapes so much: these people are able to take a terrifying and interesting concept and make a truly good implied horror story with it in the way Scott NEVER could

And don't get me started on the books: First, they're not canon, then they're canon, but also, some stories may only be canon in another alternate universe or something, but if you actually want to understand something, you need to read some of the books

Your story should not have to be told across multiple different media for it to be even SLIGHTLY coherent. It's fine if you want to add in details that aren't too important to understanding the entire thing (like, we don't specifically need to know the names of each kid William killed, but it's a cool fact to know. Or maybe expand on how Freddy's and the incidents affected different people), but, as cool as it was, Golden Freddy being possessed by two children is a pretty crucial point to the rest of the series to be in just some activity book that so easily could've been overlooked as something fun to do related to FNAF (IMO)

Not to mention, we apparently can't even agree on the name of the Crying Child who, I think, was the catalyst for this entire story (because we can't even seem to agree if Elizabeth or CC died first)

TL;DR FNAF is a great concept, and it's been shown that it can make a great story by people who are much more skilled than Scott Cawthon (or maybe they just care more about this series than it's own creator, I don't fucking know)

Also, sorry if I'm incoherent or get anything wrong, I typed this while I was incredibly tired, but I did try to edit it as much as I could the past few days

i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed

Scooby-Doo villains had the right idea, I'm gonna start dressing up in elaborate costumes to scare off rich property investors and tourists and fucking landlords. My home town usesd to have almost no folks stuck on the street and now our whole downtown is a tent city. These people grew up here. You know who didn't? The retired millionaires renting out one bath no bed 80sq ft. broom closets for a grand and a half. Not to be all "get the fuck outta here" but damn go fuck up wherever you grew up, I gotta watch teenagers smoke crack now. Fuck

the artblock be hitteth Harder than normal, for tis not normal artblock. woe. Wally be upon ye

heartstopper fans keep mischaracterising tori ffs like NO she isnt just [*sips lemonade* "he's gay"] she ISN'T just your little quirky 2020 eleven years old frogs bisexual who can't shut up about being gay [stereotype]. sorry but she wouldn't fucking say that she isn't "quirky". but when they saw s2 NO she isn't evil ffs. STOP POLARISING HER for the love of god!!!!! she's INCREDIBLY nuanced.

she has REASONS for acting the way she does !!! READING THE BOOK GIVES HEAPS OF CONTEXT.

No, she didn't "randomly hate Nick who has Done Nothing Wrong Ever so therefore shes evil and bad and deserves to be hated' READ SOLITAIRE. READ. SOLITAIRE.

the series has timeskips which arent present in the book and, due to a combination of financial constraints and trying to keep a relatively positive tone to the series to keep it "family friendly", there's some important shit that unfortunately had to be glossed over. can't afford solitaire? go pirate it. as in go to an online free library there's tons of 'em. don't claim you are the "Only One Who Understands Tori" without even reading the book that was literally written from her perspective and gives incredible insight on how she thinks and feels and WHY SHE ACTS LIKE SHE DOES.

Like. Sorry for being depressing but she's angry at/distrustful of Nick in s2 because a) she's known Charlie since she was a fucking infant OF COURSE SHE'LL WANT THE BEST FOR HIM, and b) Solitaire.

Solitaire.

Nick left, during a heated argument, Charlie alone in an EXTREMELY dangerous mental state. Charlie had an ED relapse. Charlie had a self-harm relapse. Tori was fuming for obvious reasons and looked at him with a LOT of disdain after that [while also trying to just hide the guilt she felt herself for not being there to stop him by projecting hatred onto Nick].

THAT is why she avoids him and seems more sour towards him in s2. IT'S A REFERENCE TO THE EVENTS OF THE BOOKS.

Tori goes off on a tangent in Solitaire about how she feels guilt about not being able to stop Charlie from nearly killing himself in an offscreen accidental near death experience during a party, she laughs and acts like it's a funny thing completely oblivious of how it's a heavy and disturbing topic to hear about for others.

[Random trivia, in the original edition of Solitaire, she adds information in her rant that mentions him writing a suicide note, implying it WAS intentional. This was removed in the revised book, and instead, she says something along the lines of "It was an accident! It was an accident, obviously. It couldn't be prevented, but still. Still."]

"oh why is she less silly and goofy in s2/solitaire i'm a new heartstopper fan"

Ignore if you don’t want to read about me being stupid once again

Well Questies a lot has happened this week, and I finally have free time, so please enjoy these long overdue Willow text post memes

Part 18/?

Credit to cap-that.com for the images (it's only just occurring to me that I haven't included a credit tag whoops)