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theanxiousstudentblog · 3 years

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What I've learned from the first year of university: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Three years later than expected, I finished my first year of university. At first, admittedly, it didn't feel like much; I submitted my final assignment, logged off of my student account, and went to watch the new series of The Real Housewives. It wasn't until a few weeks had passed that I was finally hit with how much this milestone meant to me and all the emotions that came with finally getting through the first academic year as a university student. This may not seem like a big achievement to some (I remember how in sixth form we were always made to believe that the first year of university was a piece of cake and way easier than A-levels) but, for me, it has been a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. These emotions and thoughts are what have inspired me to write this post, specifically the feeling that university can be very very different from what you expect.

How I got here.

When I was younger, one of my sole dreams was to go to university. This may have seemed odd to some as I suffered from extreme anxiety when I was younger and actually refused to go to school between the ages of 7 and 9. However, it was never the academic side of schooling that worried me but the social side and being away from my family. I loved learning and I knew that I wanted to take my academic career to the highest possible level I could. The idea that I could pick any subject that I was interested in and do a whole course solely centered on teaching me as much as I could absorb was infatuating to me. It was for this reason that I spent so much effort making sure that I achieved good grades, despite my time off. I had my sights set on a prestigious university in London and in 2018 I received an offer to study there. However, instead of feeling excited about my future, I was engulfed with a feeling of dread. Unfortunately, due to events in my private life, my anxiety which had previously been kept under control by CBT and medication began to skyrocket. I would later learn that I developed complex PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) during this time. For the sake of keeping this blog post to a somewhat reasonable length, I will keep this account brief by saying that these difficulties eventually led to me pulling out of the London university and I decided to go to a local uni closer to home after taking a year off for my mental health (for a more detailed account you can look at one of my previous IG posts published 24/05/20).

Expectations vs...

I was excited for what awaited me at my local university; it was close enough to see my family whenever I wanted but still gave me the independence that I felt I needed to grow. Moving day came and went and it seemed to be going pretty smoothly, albeit some hiccups that came with my anxiety. It is important to note that I gave the university's wellbeing service a heads-up about my conditions before moving in so, at first, I felt confident that if I had any issues they would be able to work through them with me. However, over the next couple of weeks, my anxiety grew and grew, finally reaching its peak when my housemate turned around to me and told me that I needed to shut it about my mental health issues and stop hanging out with her. This triggered a major episode in my PTSD and I suddenly felt like I was spiraling out of control. However, despite my attendance beginning to drop and the multiple times I was having to leave lectures early due to panic attacks, I still sustained a level of confidence that my university would be able to give me the reasonable adjustments that the wellbeing team had spoken to me about before starting the term. Sure, they hadn't got back to my emails with any tangible support in weeks, but they couldn't just leave me like this...could they? All throughout my schooling, I was made to believe that educational settings were environments where any appetite to learn was nurtured and fed; education meant an opportunity to achieve anything you worked hard enough for, despite your background, disability, or start in life. Wouldn't universities be the ultimate conceptualization of this meritocracy?

Reality

Unfortunately, this vision would be quickly shattered by the stark reality of my treatment by my head of department and the well-being team. I go into more detail about this treatment in the IG post mentioned previously, but in summary I was given two choices: I get my attendance back to 100% with no support/reasonable adjustments from the university, or I leave/defer until I was "better". There was no comprehension from the uni that this wouldn't have a definable recovery date; I've been dealing with long-term mental illness since I was a child and it is something I've learned to live with alongside the appropriate support. To wait until I was "better" would potentially mean waiting forever. On top of that, I went out of my way to prove to my department that I was keeping up with my work and had achieved top marks on the most recent assignment but little recognition was given to my current grades. From the weeks since I started at university I'd met multiple people who had little passion in their subject or who were just at university because they thought it was what they should do. No hate to these people (I think the pressure young people face to go to university is a whole 'nother issue in itself) but I couldn't help but compare myself to them. The university didn't care that they had a whole student population of disillusioned young people who were indifferent to their academic fields but drew the line at a motivated student who suffered from mental illness. It became clear this wasn't an environment for people like me who were simply viewed as a wrench in the works. In December 2019, I was given no other option but to drop out of my university.

Starting again and the lessons I have learned

What was the worst blow to my mental health? Being kicked out because of my mental health...Having to leave university was a massive blow to my self-esteem and I began to catastrophize what that meant for my future. Luckily I had my family for support and my mum pushed me to look into the Open University, an institution based on distance learning. I enrolled part-time for the start of February (unfortunately I had missed the cohort to start full-time) and decided to focus on my therapy. This actually worked out great for me as in 2020 I was diagnosed with PTSD and started EMDR so being a part-time student gave me enough space to process the emotions that came up in my treatment. The Open University has been so helpful in making sure my needs are met and I have been so grateful to finally find an inclusive learning environment. It is definitely not how I planned to be experiencing university and I still do feel some disappointment in not getting the full "student experience" but it has also taught me some valuable lessons and given me a new insight into how far our education system still needs to go. These are the things I have learned:

Education isn't about degrees or academic prestige. Education is about a person's desire to learn, whether that be through books or the sheer act of being. Everyone requires different conditions to which they need to learn and thrive, and unfortunately, many academic institutions tend to expect us all to be cut from the same cloth. Despite this, no one can take away your passion to learn, and as long as you're living, you are learning.

There can be no equality without equity. The truth is people enter schooling from all different backgrounds and circumstances and it is not enough for institutions to treat everyone the same. In terms of mental health, many people are quick to say they recognise that mental illness can be just as debilitating as physical illness however until they put the actions and policies into place to make environments more tolerant and accessible then their words mean nothing. This means taking the time to talk to individual students about what they require and realise that the most important thing that a university can do is create a place where EVERYONE can learn. Schooling creates the foundations on which the future of our society is built and the fact that inclusion is barely making it on the blueprint is scary to me.

COVID has shown that in this digital age, attendance ISN'T everything. If only I could go back to that final meeting with my head of department and tell him that in a few months time everyone's attendance would be at 0%! Seriously though, this is a wake-up call to how simple accessibility can be if you just invest in a good digital learning platform that allows for people who can't attend in person to still be included.

You can be an academic and still put your mental health first. Despite what my first university led me to believe, my time at the OU has shown me that you do not have to sacrifice one over another. In fact, it has shown me that my mental health recovery and student journey can work hand-in-hand, encouraging each other along.

But most importantly...

It has shown me that despite the pressure to make your university years fit into a nice, neat package of fun, good grades, and self-enlightenment, it most likely won't happen like that. That's okay, let it go and keep moving.

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reinneparas · 7 years

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Balang Araw (Someday) is a 17-minute drama based on a true story that was shot for exactly 13 days. It was produced by students from Don Bosco Technical Institute (DBTI) and was nominated for multiple awards in the 1st DBTI-SHS film festival for best picture, best trailer, best actress, best supporting actress, and best poster.

In our Contemporary Arts class we were tasked to create a short film as our main performance task in the final quarter of the second semester. I have always been an advocate of film and have always been interested with the art of making one, therefore I was one of the those who were ecstatic once I heard the news.

After conceptualizing, finishing the script, and finalizing decisions with group mates was out of the way, it was time to start filming. Since we were all amateurs and first-timers, we didn’t have enough experience to know what the ins and outs of filming were. It was challenging especially when you barely have enough knowledge on which scenes to take first, which angles to shoot first (especially when you only have one camera!), and which way you should go next.

The following days definitely did not become easier. We struggled a lot especially in following the script. We edited out and cut certain scenes and had trouble with the pacing. We had trouble with the story line; with how events were supposed to change. There was a point wherein we didn’t know which direction we should go for. It was becoming a disaster in the making.

Being the editor of the film, I was in charge of whatever happens after the filming process. I was in charge of which scenes to keep, and which scenes to leave behind. I was in charge of the score and the synchronization of the audio. It was a month-long of sleepless nights trying to edit scenes being shot each day and on top of that, the film needed English subtitles which was also a pain.There was a point wherein I felt I like I was alone in wanting to make the film as beautiful as we’ve imagined. I was so worn out that the weariness inside me doubled itself up. It was a battle I had to fight every single night of February. Despite that, I was able to push through and we were able to start over.

A liberation of ideas after, we were able to finalize the script and the sequencing of events. Everything fell back into place and everyone got back their burned out lights.

I admit, creating a film was definitely not as easy as I thought it would be. Every single one of the characters and the crew members should work together in order to produce quality work. My respect for all filmmakers have grown since then, it requires so much drive, passion, and patience.

Here’s a summary of how we were able to produce this film, Balang Araw:

The first day of filming mainly focused on trying to discover how a normal day of shooting works. We didn’t actually shoot any scene, we just took a group photo and dubbed it as our official first day. On the second day, we shot a few scenes in school which didn’t make the final cut for some reason. Third day, we shot the very first scene that made it to the film. It was actually the first productive day of filming we ever had. Day four was on a weekend and was probably the most exciting one because we got to shoot the photo for our poster on the roof top. Kudos to our brave main actors and dedicated photographer! (char, dex, angelie, louis, + ye) It was also on that day that we shot our first crying sequence. Fifth and sixth day of shooting were a little less tiring than most shooting days, we filmed only a couple of scenes. On the seventh day we shot the first scene with the film’s love team! It was a struggle since their chemistry was lacking. We worked on it for a good 30 minutes which was only for a two-minute scene, but I guess there are things you just can’t force. I still don’t know up to this day if the people who’ve watched it felt an ounce of kilig. Nevertheless I think they did a pretty decent job. (charot)

Day eight of shooting was the longest day of shooting. We stayed overnight in our group mate’s house where we had to re-shoot scenes and a couple of crying sequences. Ninth day was a blast. I guess seeing Louis trip a few times in different angles was delightful. On the tenth day we made two of our actors cry. It wasn’t pleasant at all seeing them in tears but I guess that’s the magic of acting doing its work, hurting you in the process.

The eleventh day of shooting was my personal favorite. We shot our ending scene and it was all just so beautiful and heart breaking at the same time. All of us felt genuine happiness while we were in that memorial garden, we felt so much closer to the person we were dedicating the film to. It was very memorable. On the twelfth and final day of shooting, we shot the hospital scene and the scene at the very beginning of the the film. That last scene we shot was probably the highlight of the film if you were to ask me. It made the film 100% more appealing.

I could have never imagined myself being part of such a wonderful work of art. We all worked hard in making this short film. Who would have imagined it would take 13 days of shooting for a 17-minute film? Who would have imagined that from such scattered ideas would bear a successful award-winning film?

It never crossed our minds that someday, we would make people shed tears, that someday, we would inspire them, that someday, we would be able to share our stories--but we did.

It only takes a fraction of a second to believe, that someday, that balang araw, what we long for will find its way to pat us in the back and say, “I’m here, all is well.” Don’t let yourself be deprived of that.

TRAILER | FULL MOVIE

#life #film #balang araw #DBTI

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blschaos3000-blog · 5 years

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Its 11:15 pm dark

A little while ago I was lucky enough to have interview the fantastic artist Louie De Martinis whose drawings of The Shadow just blew my mind. Ever since that interview I have been looking for more artists to talk with but I found out that is easier said then done. My old friends in the music business will get a laugh about how I met Meaghan C. Kehoe…I found her completely by accident. See,I have been a follower of a small art community center in Oshawa called The Living Room which was founded by the lovely Mary Krohnert for a couple of years now. Once in a while Mary will post on YouTube about community center and upcoming events. When I saw the Taskmaster Art Challenge video which featured 5 very talented artists creating a project in just 5 minutes and then raffling it to raise money for the center,I knew I had found my next artist to chat with Meaghan. But securing a interview with a very much in demand artist is no easy task either as Meaghan and I played email tag for while before she able to get a little time to answer her questions. But the wait was so worth it because Meaghan is pretty damn amazing and I sure am blessed to landed this chance to ask her 8 Questions!!!

Please introduce yourself and share a little of your background.

My name is Meaghan Claire Kehoe and I am a human, feminist, amateur environmentalist, and some would say artist. I’ve always been excited to create things- things that are visually appealing. From drawing pretty pictures when I was a kid and into my teen years, I started to ask myself where I wanted these pretty pictures to take me in life. I went to Sheridan for Illustration, but dropped out after a year and a half when I found I was bored by the direction the program took me in. After months of deliberation, I decided to go safe and do my undergrad in French at Laurier (choosing this university only because my younger sister was applying there for Business). It turns out I loved the structure of university. I loved the critical thinking of dissecting literature and I loved learning about different cultures across the globe. I took German and Italian as well and was hopeful for a future of globe trotting to fill my life with cross-cultural understanding and meaning. In third year, I was finally allowed to go abroad on exchange. I worked full time for a semester as a barista while on a full time course load and was able to afford one semester in France. I went to Tours (for no other reason than our schools had partnerships for course equivalence), and it was beautiful. A small University city overrun with mostly students, shops, cafes and cobblestone (and of course our late-night shawarma place for post-cheap-wine-and-cheese snacks. But it was a single evening that was pivotal in my life’s direction and probably the reason I am where I am. I had managed to get into a figure-drawing class (really had to fight for that one since it wasn’t a normal elective at Laurier) and I remember surprising my stereo-typically snooty french art prof with my skill in the class- he even stopped me after class to ask about my history in figure-drawing (which was an accumulation of Arts York HS and the stint at Sheridan). Anyway, the experience woke me up again. I felt alive. I remember after the class ended, it was already dark out- a late January evening- I literally skipped back to the cafe where I was to meet a friend. Rolled newsprint underarm, blackened charcoal fingers, and a silly grin, I felt weightless flying over the cobblestone. I knew then, or maybe in the days to follow, that it was time to take this thing seriously.

After 6 months travelling Europe, I returned to finish my final fourth year at Laurier and did so with honours, all the while setting myself up to begin the risky journey of being an entrepreneur and self-employed artist.

What drew you to art? Was there a defining moment where you knew this is what you wanted to do?

My mum is an incredibly talented artist. When I was growing up, she went from working as a graphic designer for an agency to starting her own business from home so she could spend more time with us. She has always had an incredible eye for composition and a refreshing use of negative space. This seemed to alway translate to her paintings as well. She created gorgeous watercolours with expressive vibrancy, colour and edge. She was obviously a strong influence in my life and I followed in her footsteps though I did not always want to. I knew I had the natural passion and all the learned skill she’d taught me through the years, but I had watched her struggle with the classic entrepreneur hangups: getting clients to pay her, getting clients to respect her choices and knowledge and experience, and… getting clients. I didn’t think I was cut out for it. I was shy and insecure and I didn’t think I had anything original or meaningful to share with the world.

That moment in Tours, France on my exchange really helped me remember why I painted in the first place. It was enough to do it because it made ME happy. And if I couldn’t do that then what else was there?

What are the pros and cons of getting a art education at a university or college? Some say a “formal” education restricts artistic freedom,how do you respond to that?

This one is tough for me to respond to since I never finished my post-secondary art program. All I have to say is that it is likely like any other program. It has to be the right one for you, but also there is no program out there that is going to satisfy your needs %100. It takes a lot of guts to go against the grain or the prof and take from the experience what you need as opposed to what is provided, but its worth it to do some digging and soul-searching to make sure you don’t conform for the sake of conforming. There are a lot of opinions out there about what constitutes “real” art, but they are all just that. Opinions.

What does “mixed media” mean?

Mixed media means you are no sticking to strictly one medium in your work. For example, you are not using just oil paint or just acrylic paint. There are some fantastic contemporary artists using mixtures of paints, pastels, papers, photography, and even found objects. (Anya Mielniczek is a great one for this- she’s a good friend of mine who is also an environmentalist and up-cycles trash to create beautiful works).

What is your typical day like as an artist? How do you get your creative ideas?

I’d like to say my typical day is a romantic sepia-toned dreamy sequence of me in cute overalls with a smear of paint on my nose, a brush through my messy bun that I’ll continually be losing and looking for, and a giant canvas on my wall splattered in passionate marks that somehow emerges as a perfectly balanced masterpiece. And it is. Is the lie I’ll tell Spielberg when he interviews me for the biography he’ll shoot about me one day.

Unfortunately, there is a lot of stuff I have to do that sucks my soul (like in any job). I usually start with a to-do list, then emails, any phone calls I need to make to clients, sometimes brainstorming/conceptualizing/sketching designs for corporate murals, sometimes cleaning up the mess of spraypaints I’ve dumped in my studio the night before after a project. There’s taxes, invoices (which reminds me I still have a couple to do today), and walking my dog. I actually get a lot of my best ideas this way. A walk alone with my thoughts, 50 minutes or so, gets a great creative brain-flow going and puts me in a better mind set to get work done when I get back in the studio.

What is your take on “art critics”?

Well, I’ve never been critiqued by one yet- I suppose my work isnt legitimate enough for them. But thats the thing, isnt it? My art isnt for everyone. Nor should it be. Like I said, opinions are opinions.

Do you ever go to museums or art galleries yourself? If so,do you look as a fan or an artist?

I do go to museums and art galleries, though I feel most compelled to visit them in Europe. They’ve put a lot more value into their arts and culture than we have in North America (as well as a longer and richer history) so there’s a lot more to see. Plus, they’re usually way cheaper or FREE! It’s like they actually want their citizens to appreciate art!

What was your first drawing and what was the first piece that you sold?

I really couldn’t tell you what my first drawing was. My mom says I was drawing perfect circles before I could talk. But my first piece I sold was probably when I was 16. I was commissioned to create the cover of Salvation Army’s ‘Faith and Friends’ Christmas zine. Though my mom will tell you that I painted a piece in grade three that all the teachers tried to buy off her. She had it framed and it hung in our dining room for a couple decades.

You have done art in over 50 Starbucks in Canada,how did you get that gig and do you have complete freedom in what you paint?

I got the Starbucks gig through a connection (my sister’s friend’s then-boyfriend was an interior designer for Starbucks and looking for more muralists at the same time I had decided I wanted to get into large-scale wall-art). It was a match made in heaven. I honestly have never had so little control over my work than I did with Starbucks- they are very particular about their branding, but they were really professional and respectful and compensated me well. I had so many jobs with them over the span of a few years that I was able to do things like quit my part time job, buy a car and put money into savings. I owe them a lot.

Are graffiti taggers artists or vandals?

Yeah this one is a tough one. I have to go with both. It’s funny because a certain few street or graff artists have become famous internationally (e.g. Basqiat and Banksy). Their work questioned societies norms in a way that was clever and beautiful and spoke to people. If that isn’t art, then I don’t know what is. But were they vandalizing property? Sure. But many graff artists would say that property is a societal construct and imposition that should be challenged. Personally, I can see it from both sides and its a constant dichotic conversation for me.

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You do a LOT of charity work, what drives you to give your gift to others? How did you get involved with Mary Krohnert and The Living Room?

I think one of the most universal human struggles is finding meaning in one’s life. That doesn’t change when you become an artist. In fact, it is only amplified. Everyone has their own gifts and talents and for me it is crucial to find out why I ended up with mine. The answer is that I still don’t know, but if I just keep helping out where I can, I’m sure I wont get further from answering that important question. Or maybe its just the childhood catholic school guilt… Who knows?!

My introduction to Mary from The Living Room was another serendipitous moment in my life. My partner and I moved to Oshawa two years ago and one day I was sitting on my porch and a pretty lady with a cute dog walked by. So I chased her down to meet her pup (a shy hound named Alice), and found out they were my neighbours from a few doors down. Mary was really excited to find out I was an artist and the friendship bloomed from there. I really believe in what Mary is doing with The Living Room. Any way I can help out, like in the latest fundraiser event where I got to be a part of their very own ‘Task-Master’ episode (a spin off form a British series), is the least I can do.

What is a art battle?

Art Battle is an event that was started around 8 years ago by two guys, Chris and Simon, that began with a competition of two artists painting live and being judged by audience vote and has evolved into a world-wide organization with monthly contests all around the globe between 16 artists at a time. There are three rounds: 1) 8 artists paint for 20 minutes; 2) another 8 artists paint for 20 minutes; 3) the top two painters from each round voted by the audience paint a new painting for 20 minutes and the audience votes for the final winner. There’s a DJ, a bar and a lot of excitement. The winner goes onto the regional competition and the winner of that goes onto the Nationals. I’ve won the Toronto regionals twice in the couple years I painted at art battle only to be beat out at Nationals twice.

The cheetah and I are coming to see a exhibit of your latest work but we are a day early and now you are our tour guide,what are we doing?

Oh my goodness! Okay! Well we’d have to go the the Robert McLaughlin Gallery for sure. If it was the first Friday of the month, I’d take ya to the RMG fridays event where they also feature some local live music. That would be after grabbing dinner at Spicy Affairs (my favourite Indian restaurant in Durham and its right near my house). Before that might be an afternoon at the Botanical Gardens. Oshawa Creek runs through there and in the right season you can see the salmon racing upstream to spawn. They’re huge! Theyve also got cool sculptures and some playgrounds for the kids around there. Before that we would go to Isabella’s for coffee and snacks or to Berry Hill for brunch/lunch. And at the end of the whole night, we would end up at Riley’s for a pint and a couple rounds of pool.

THE END.

I like to thank Meaghan for chatting with me. I think you have a true gift and that you share it with the world is tremendous. You are definitely doing what you were meant to do here,never doubt that for a second.

You can follow the wonderful Meaghan Claire Kehoe by visiting and bookmarking it by going to her website here.

Thank you for your continued support and I hope you enjoy these interviews as much as I do. I have many more in the pipeline that I think you’ll really enjoy.

Feel free to leave a comment below and I’ll make sure to pass it on to Meaghan.

8 Questions with…………..artist Meaghan Claire Kehoe Its 11:15 pm dark A little while ago I was lucky enough to have interview the fantastic artist Louie De Martinis whose drawings of The Shadow just blew my mind.

#8 Questions With #art #artist #artistic #Canada #gifted #Life #Meaghan Claire Kehoe #Oshawa-Canada #painting #talented #The Living Room #volunteering

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bradbricktower · 6 years

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2018

2017 didn’t go as expected, in a lot of ways. Not necessarily bad, not necessarily great, either. A lot of change, though.

I think I probably need to start a bit further back, especially since I never made or posted any goals for 2017.

A Year (or two) in Brief

I started 2016 “very proud of myself”, specifically for completing my resolutions. I think I was at a 50% completion rate for 2015, and 2016 was just shy of that. I’ve also been happy with the monthly goals (as opposed to the nebulous yearly goals, which are easier to abandon after the first failure).

2016, I predicted, would be a year of great change. Great change it was…

At the beginning of the year, Cory and I had an idea to make a new business. I drew up a plan, and she pitched it around, and we tried to get some steam going, generating interest, and securing backing. It became apparent fairly early in the year that the idea wouldn’t be feasible, and the assistance we thought we’d have wasn’t going to be there. So it got scrapped (or at least put on hold).

Later that year, I went to the Oklahoma Renaissance Festival – working there in some capacity was one of my resolutions. I wasn’t able to free my schedule to work there for the full season, unfortunately, but following a solo trip Cory took to visit the festival grounds (and bolstered by stories of several cast members saying they wanted to see me), I took Memorial Day off, drove down with Cory, and tried to enjoy the festival and see some old friends.

I began to feel as if people were avoiding eye contact, but I chalked that up to my crippling anxiety and decided to ignore it. It wasn’t until the end of the day when I was trying to buy tickets to a show I used to perform in that I realized I wasn’t being overly-anxious. Cory and I were told we couldn’t come into the show, and when I asked why, I didn’t get an answer. We left, fuming, upset and confused.

I reached out to several of my former castmates via email afterwards only to discover that someone had been spreading a terribly vicious and completely unfounded rumor about Cory and me, and that got us barred entry to this event. I assumed it was an ex of mine who worked there, but we heard through the grapevine later that it was actually an former friend of Cory’s who had spread a totally different but equally bad rumor to another group of friends at a separate time, for no apparent reason.

With that, the renaissance festival I considered my “home” fair was cut out of my life.

Around the same time, we had received another bit of bad news about a different renaissance festival.

This requires me to back up a little more.

Cory and I were polyamorous: we were in an open relationship. It was mutual and was one of the few aspects of our relationship that never caused many problems. She’d been dating a friend of mine, Avery (not his real name), right after we got married, and we lived together for a while (they broke up, and he now lives with my best friend in KC). She also started dating Dan (again, not his real name), the guy she was with right before me, and it was a long-term relationship.

That all leads up to me introducing Kelly, whose name has also been altered for privacy.

I met and befriended Kelly in 2014 during the Oklahoma Renaissance Festival season. She was great: energetic, personable, bubbly. With all that I enjoyed in my relationship with Cory, Kelly was almost a complementary counterpoint. Cory was sharp, intelligent, sarcastic, and driven; Kelly was light-hearted, spontaneous, and had a gorgeous smile.

When I met Kelly, she was in a relationship called a triad (among other things) in which she was one part of a wholly interconnected three-person relationship. Now, in contrast, Cory and Avery and I were in what was sometimes called a “V” because Cory and I were together, Cory and Avery were together, Avery and I weren’t, so instead of a closed triangle, we were an open “V” with Cory at the center point.

Kelly and I hung out quite a bit, because we both really enjoyed each others’ personalities. I got to know her pretty well. I met her best friend, who liked me, too. Before long, Kelly began to complain about her partners, who happened to be a musical duo that had hired her on as their third. She complained that they were abusive to her. Finally, after listening to her talk like this for a while, I told her that she didn’t have to stay with them. I think she needed a friend to tell her that. She felt empowered and started pulling away from the couple in an attempt to treat herself with respect.

While she was breaking up with them, and bear in mind – this is during the festival season, I was able to witness some of the abusive behavior of her soon-to-be-exes. I watched one of her partners yell at her until she started crying. I was working at the event as a glorified barback and asked to take a break because I just saw my friend get attacked and leave crying. I went to console her and her partner followed us. From that point forward, they got it in their head that I was trying to “steal her away from them.”

I did eventually become interested in her, but it wasn’t until months later, and I didn’t pursue anything while she was dealing with her breakup. But, her exes didn’t believe me.

These were people I truly liked until I saw this side of them. I even tried to bury the hatchet and one of them put their hands on me and said something like, “don’t pretend like it’s okay to talk to us.” I misjudged them. They turned out to be vile people.

Later in the year, Kelly and I tried to make a long distance relationship work. I was in Kansas City, and she was in Tulsa. We talked quite a bit, and I got really excited about our relationship. I was also having some difficulties with Cory at the time. So, when the Kansas City Renaissance Festival was ongoing, and Kelly came to visit, things were unusually tense. Add to that the fact that Kelly had gotten a girlfriend in the interim and her girlfriend was acting petty and jealous (and Kelly admittedly wasn’t communicating well with her), and our relationship ended by the end of the festival season in mid-October.

From that point forward, when I was at the Oklahoma festival, she barely made eye contact with me, and barely said but a few words. It hurt. It takes a lot for me to stop loving someone. Even now, years removed, recounting all of this is painful.

Suffice it to say, I assumed that she was the source of the rumors, but I was corrected and told it was someone else entirely who was the problem.

That was all moot when we were told our show at the Kansas City Renaissance Festival had been cancelled. When we probed, they said they were dropping the show altogether. Again, much later, we found out that they in fact continued the show and gave it to the vile, abusive musical duo that Kelly used to be involved with. So, I was miffed.

In the summer, the circus that Cory and I managed and produced was putting on a show for the Kansas City Fringe Festival. We partnered up with another performance group and conceptualized a highly involved, highly entertaining musical comedy (which I wrote) that utilized aerial performance. We were in rehearsals for a long time trying to get all the moving parts to line up. I designed a technical script with all the light and sound cues with a minimal tech plot, however, when we got to our *one* technical rehearsal, we were in for a major shock.

The assigned technical coordinator for our venue was one of the managers of a competing troupe. He made promises he didn’t keep (like helping us rig), he wasted our time during the cue-to-cue, and he butchered the tech on the first night. We ran over, but not far – a few minutes. We have 15 minutes of tear-down after our hour-long slot, and the next group has 15 minutes of setup before their start time. We were only about 4 minutes into our 15 minute tear-down time, with only about 2 minutes left until the show ended (and minimal tear-down to do), and the director of the festival (who happened to be in the audience) stood up from the audience and shouted over the crowd that the show was running long and would end here.

I’d been in live performance for over a decade and never seen anything like that. We got into an argument with her backstage. It was ugly. We tried to explain that most of the problems were coming from tech. She wouldn’t hear it. That night, I went home and tweaked the script, making cuts.

The next performance, we were about 60 seconds over our time with less than a minute to go, when she did the exact same thing. We argued again, until I finally said I would be cutting all tech from the show. The show then *magically* ran under for the rest of the run. But the damage was done. We had reviewers and photographers there for the sloppy tech that I’m still not convinced wasn’t an intentional sabotage.

At this point, it felt like we’d burnt bridges with OKRF, which I’d been at since 2011, KCRF, which I’d been at since 2010, and the Kansas City Fringe Festival, which I’d been at since 2010.

Cory and I had been struggling throughout 2016, both financially and in terms of our relationship. We thought that one way to fix this would be to look into buying a house. If we played our cards right, we could get a house with a cheap enough rent that we could rent out the extra rooms and earn a little bit of passive income.

We looked at several places; we struggled to find homes we liked that were in our budget. We compromised on item after item on our must-have list, and finally narrowed it down to a few candidates, but it was a seller’s market. In some cases, we couldn’t get the price to align with our budget; in others, the places sold too quickly; and in a few, there was an issue wherein requisite facets of the home were missing (like appliances). We finally went forward with our highly-compromised 4th-choice home and got an inspection, only to discover the roof would need to be replaced. We asked our realtor if she could get the seller’s to cover the cost of the roof, but they wouldn’t.

That, for me, was the last straw. I said to Cory – “let’s get out of here”. She scoffed, “where would we go?”

It was then I had a thought I haven’t regretted once since I made it.

In 2014, Cory and I had made our fifth annual pilgrimage to the Texas Renaissance Festival. There, we saw a show we’d been seeing every year since our first visit. Cory noticed, that for the first time following the end of their show, they didn’t have a “CD Girl” – someone (usually a cute girl) to peddle merch and collect tips at the end of a show. She told me she was going to go ask if they needed help. They did; they asked her to stick around all weekend, and she met the trio behind the show. Among them was Ryan, a tall, consummately pleasant Houstonian who Cory kept in contact with throughout 2015.

Near the end of 2015, Ryan told us he was wanting to travel with his new show. We said we’d be happy to produce the Kansas City leg of his tour, and so he stopped through. I got to see Ryan in a totally different light: he didn’t just act, he sang and played guitar, too. As thanks, he offered to put us up and get us discounted tickets to one of the performances he was in for his day-job. Cory, our friend Erika, and I all came down to see him at the burlesque club he performed at, and it was a revelation. It actually inspired the business idea we had that fell through at the start of 2016.

Flash forward. We’ve lost the house after a year of being shit on in Kansas City. Cory asked me where we’d move if we left KC.

“Houston.”

I said, “Think about it – Ryan and his wife live there, they’re around our age, doing what we do, but making money at it.”

She admitted it wasn’t a bad idea.

We made up our minds, and started packing (which was its own nightmare); sold a bunch of our belongings, and left town with practically nothing. Our car was broken into on the way, the roommate we had lied to us, and we were left alone, and we had no job prospects. This is the insane combination of bad luck that would have seen someone from KC living on the street.

It’s now late September, 2016. That brings me to the end of 2016 (which I practically consider part of 2017, and you’ll see why.)

September 16th, we got our apartment. I started making calls for interviews at various places. Ryan hooked me and Cory up with jobs at the Texas Renaissance Festival. My job didn’t start right away, but Cory’s did.

By October, I was auditioning at Howl at the Moon, and I’d interviewed at (and been tentatively hired as a substitute) at School of Rock. I was working 2 days a week at the renaissance festival selling cigars. Between my pay and the tips, and Cory’s pay, we were just shy of rent and had to borrow money.

By November, I was brought on at Howl at the Moon as a trainee (I could only work two nights a week because of the renaissance festival), and I was brought on as part-time (not substitute) instructor at School of Rock. I finished up my work at TRF, and we just barely squeaked by with rent.

By December, I was working the full schedule at Howl at the Moon (as a trainee) and I was continuing at School of Rock. Paying the bills was still tight, but manageable. I didn’t have enough money to get people Christmas Presents, though, which made me sad. At this time, Cory told me she was feeling existentially restless, and she wanted to pursue going to a comedy school in Los Angeles. I supported the decision, but I said I wouldn’t be able to financially support her in another town. She agreed.

In January, I was called by the GM of School of Rock about possibly applying to take over for him if he left. Cory left for a short trip to decide if she liked L.A. (she did).

By February, I had been interviewed, and was training throughout the month under the former GM. When I started getting the GM paychecks, I realized I was finally financially stable. Cory went for a longer trip to take a few weekend courses at the comedy school she was looking at; she really liked the courses, and decided she wanted to live in L.A. full time. She was gone again by the end of the month.

On March 1st, I was promoted as the GM of the School of Rock. By this point, I’d put in several months at Howl at the Moon, and I was being tipped out semi-regularly. Cory was back in L.A. at this point, not to return until late June for a mutual friends’ birthday.

On April 1st, my entertainment director (who trained me at Howl at the Moon) left, and I was promoted to a full-time player, with a full cut of the nightly tips, increasing my pay by around $80 per shift. This was also the month Cory had the realization that she didn’t want to have kids at all. We had been considering adoption, but she decided she didn’t even want to pursue that. So we began openly discussing whether or not we should stay married.

May was more or less uneventful. I was still getting into the swing of working with such regularity. I would be at School of Rock starting anywhere between 11am and 2pm depending on the day, and I’d stay there until sometimes as late as 10:30 at night. Balance that with the fact that around this time, they reinstated “Happy Hour” at Howl at the Moon, which meant I’d have shows starting as early as 6pm, and every night went until 2am. I am still recovering from the sleep debt.

June was again more or less uneventful, except that Cory and I saw each other for the first time since she left in late February. It was becoming more and more clear that our relationship wasn’t going to work. We were dissolving our relationship amicably, but still getting into the same arguments and petty fights we did when we were together. While we had decided we would separate, we hadn’t taken any major steps toward divorce. Cory digitally introduced me to a friend of hers and we hit it off instantly. We’d go on infrequent dates over the next several months.

July was rocky. I always tend to get depressed around my birthday, and this was worse. My wife (despite whether we’re planning on separating or not) wasn’t going to be there, and was being unsympathetic that none of my long-time KC friends or family would be there, and I was turning 30, so it was a big deal to me. Nobody from School of Rock showed up, and only four people from Howl showed up, and it was the new GM and his then-girlfriend, and two server/bartender friends of mine; none of my fellow entertainers showed up. It was good for what it was, but depression is depression.

August was also rocky, and weird. I got to see Cory again, and Cas, when we went to GenCon, but we messed up getting our badges, and got kicked out of an event. It was embarrassing, but worst, it made us miss one of our favorite games. I’m still frustrated about it. Cory and I had finally decided to move ahead with divorce, and she had been bugging me about getting the papers. I got them, but we weren’t able to sign anything because of how complicated they were.

August was also the month of Hurricane Harvey. I was luckily unaffected. However, I spent about two weeks straight drinking, and that is yet to be seen as a good choice.

September was interesting – it was the anniversary of my first full year in Houston, as well as my 5 year wedding anniversary with Cory. We put on a show for School of Rock.

October was better in some ways. While I had been seeing Cory’s friend irregularly, she voiced her concern with our relationship since I was still technically married, and she was friends with both of us. So we decided to give it a break. I had started casually seeing another friend, and we decided to make our relationship official on Halloween. At the end of October, also, the Astros won the World Series, so that was neat.

November was fine. The weather finally began to cool off, my parents came in for Thanksgiving and met my now-girlfriend, Vivian. I had Thanksgiving with her family, too, and things were looking up a bit.

December threw me a curveball. After only 8 months as a full-time player, Howl at the Moon let me go without warning or explanation. I had been more and more anxious over time while working there, because nobody seemed to have any job security. My supervisor was constantly frustrated, one of my fellow performers didn’t seem to be taking things too seriously, and people were bickering and agitated on a nightly basis. It took a month for me to get hired in 2016 because they had fired the GM of Houston and the regional Entertainment Director within a week of each other. Then, my ED left. Then, the GM got fired. Then another GM got fired. Then I got fired. I found out after the fact that the ED of North Carolina found out he was coming back before they let me go, so I’m guessing I didn’t do anything wrong, but I was just bumped to give him a spot. Luckily, I had plenty of money saved up, so I could still get everyone Christmas presents, but it sucked, the timing sucked, and I was depressed for weeks. Then, right before Christmas, I went to see the show, saw the new guy, and wasn’t depressed anymore. I don’t wish failure on anyone, but I’ll be surprised if that club stays open much longer.

Just before Christmas, I told Vivian I loved her. She said she loved me too. I got to spend NYE with her. We’ve been together now (in some capacity or another) for 4 and a half months.

I realized while I was hanging out with her (and telling her about this blog) that I didn’t post for 2017, probably because I was so stressed and overwhelmed with all the changes in my life. But, I wanted to post for this year. I have lots of goals.

But, as per tradition, I’m going to do the post-mortem. Buckle up.

The Post-mortem:

2013: “It’s been a while since I’ve posted to my blogs…”

2015: “It’s been way longer…”

2016: “This is an ongoing problem…”

2018: “This is definitely something I need to do. I have created a personal journal (which I hope to use more often), and I’m taking the initiative to write here. I just haven’t had the discipline or follow-through on updating my blog. Maybe it’s something I do for 2018? We’ll see where my priorities are.”

2013: “My winter break was amazing.”

2014: “My winter break was awful, because I was moving, and vowed never to be in that position again.”

2015: “Turns out I lied. Moved again. Awful. Again.”

2017: Winter Break was full of hope.

2018: Winter break was kind of depressing, but full of a totally different kind of hope. A new hope. Star Wars.

2013: “…I designed [my resolutions] to be long-term goals to be accomplished gradually, and not nebulous promises to myself that will be broken with the first transgression.”

2015: “Hahahaha.”

2016: “Yeah, I wasn’t great at writing resolutions in the past, but in 2015, I got the hang of it, I think.”

2018: 2015 was 50% completion, 2016 was 5/12. Whatever that is. Like 42%. Fingers crossed for 2018. 2013 completion rate was 5/14 so everything’s uphill from that.

My (selected) 2013/2014 Goals:

1.) Finish Editing Veritas once and for all

2015: I don’t know if I ever got the opportunity to do much with the novel that year. I may have looked at it a little. It’s on my list this year.

2016: Okay, so other things came up. I feel like an idiot for holding on to an 8-year-old finished manuscript for which I have done next to nothing that it might see the light of day, but I have it written into my resolutions again for this year, and because of how I’ve arranged the resolutions, I’m optimistic.

2018: ON THE LIST AGAIN. To be fair, I started and got mostly finished with one of the two books this will ultimately become, and then that computer got STOLEN. So, I have to start over. Luckily, I keep everything on the cloud, or I would have been, you know, real mad.

2.) Write The Skeleton Key in its entirety

2015: This definitely didn’t happen. Again, I don’t think I touched it. I’m wondering what kind of shitty thing happened to me in February 2013 that I instantly gave up on all of these goals.

2016: This was like a backup goal for 2015, and I didn’t get to it.

2018: I don’t know that I’ll put this on my list this year. It’s a decent idea, but I haven’t found a good way to motivate finishing it.

3.) Lose at least 50 pounds by December 31st

2015: Past-Me is an idiot.

2016: I’ve been cooking a lot, which has been nice — it makes me feel a lot healthier.

2018: I’m going to keep cooking, and I’m taking up some active hobbies like geocaching, and maybe hiking/camping more.

4.) Significantly reduce my environmental impact

2015: This one makes me sad, too. I’ve been trying to think of ways to do this, but on a tight budget, and with limited time, it’s very difficult.

2016: I got a newer car with better gas mileage, so, that’s the best I can do right now.

2018: I’m spending more time with the lady friend, and she recycles and buys eco-friendly stuff, so there’s that. I still want to try to think of other ways to reduce my footprint.

5.) “Personal”

2016: These were all relationship-centered goals. Things ebb and flow.

2018: Well, they stopped wanting to ebb and then flowed all the way to California, so there’s that. I’m happy in my new relationship, though.

6.) Learn two languages up to a conversational level

2016: I’ve been on and off of DuoLingo. I learn a few new words in a few different languages every so often, but generally, language is a hobby that I don’t have time to focus on.

2018: I keep getting on DuoLingo for a few weeks at a time, and then I bail. I have a decent grasp of the basics of a few languages. I’d like to work them up a bit more, but it’s not a real pressing desire anymore.

7.) Read one book per month (asking Jacob for suggestions)

2016: My brother gave me his suggestions back in the day, and I still haven’t read any of them, but reading will be on my 2016 list. I actually just finished the first volume of Neil Gaiman’s Sandman, which was wonderful, and as of late December, I’d also finished another book I’d been reading called Napoleon’s Privates, which was right up my alley. Last year I also read a fact book on Walt Disney World, The Worst Case Scenario Almanac: History, and parts of some other books, including one outlining the origins of certain world customs. I plan to read more fiction, though.

2018: Most of the previous years’ passages I cut down a little, but I left the previous paragraph in tact because I’m impressed I read so much. Now here’s the insane part. I would’ve written that in early 2016. I was uncomfortable taking my phone out in the bathroom for a long time. It may have been before that, though it may have been after. But I know for a fact I read all those books while sitting on the toilet. All of them. I used to think that was gross, but maybe I need to do that…

2013: “So, that’s my list as it stands.”

2016: See, as of last year, I decided to set up my resolutions as monthly goals instead of yearly goals. I also used a completely invaluable resource, Habitica (a web-app what once was called “HabitRPG”).

2018: I forgot I did that in 2015. I had a highly productive, highly organized 2015. That’s for sure.

My (selected) 2015 Resolutions:

Jan — Write a script for the Lord Mayor’s Co.

I did this. I started a second. I used it as the basis for another script which I then adapted into a tabletop game. Success 1/12.

Feb — Finish the Milton Milton Bradley CD.

This was a failure for 2015, but completed in early 2016.

Mar — Finish Gods of the Grey.

This goal was technically completed; it is success 2/12. I finished it late, had to make revisions, but got the revisions done and the perks sent out. Just all much later than I would’ve liked.

Apr — Lose 60 lbs.

This was a failure. I wanted to get to 220 from 280. I ballooned up to around 300 at some point, and then lost weight. I lost the most when I was pinching pennies and cooking for myself (everything from scratch) and then I’ve put it back on. I’ve started cooking again though, so…

May — Learn a busking skill.

I counted this as Success 3/12. In retrospect, it should only be half a point. I learned a duo act, when the original goal was a solo act.

Jun — Finish Veritas.

2016: “Shouldn’t take me too long,” I said. “Just have to polish the gem,” I said.

Failure for 2015, 2016, and 2017.

Jul — KC Fringe Festival.

2015’s show was originally going to be a sketch show with my comedy troupe, but we had to bail and do a burlesque show because of budget issues, but we still put on a great show. Success 4/12.

Aug — Run Games at GenCon.

Success 5/12. 2016 went even better. 2017 went belly-up.

Sep — Learn Stand-up.

Failure. I really wanted to do this, but alas…

Oct — Get hired at School of Rock?

I considered this success 6/12, but even though I got hired, I was never scheduled. Now that I work for SoR, I’ve discovered it may have been because the GM that hired me was let go, and I slipped through the cracks somehow.

Nov — NaNoWriMo.

2015: “This fucker. This will probably be the hardest one. I am going to finally do this. Whatever it takes.”

2016: This fucker. Failure.

2018: This goal has long been a difficult one for a number of reasons, but I think I’m set up well to accomplish it this year. My girlfriend was a finisher this year, and participates in lots of the camps and other activities through the year. Fingers crossed.

Dec — Audition. (For SNL.)

So in 2015, I set this as my December goal. In 2016, while writing the 2015 post-mortem, I explained that these auditions are in April, but I abandoned the idea for the business plan we’d made at the end of 2015. But that fell through in early 2016. Failure.

2015 Epilogue:

2015: There are a lot of things in my life that I love. And they don’t always line up with what’s best for me. This year is the year I put my nose to the grindstone, and “do”. Do what’s best for me. It will be a big change from what I’m used to doing. But, I think it’s an investment. Fingers crossed.

2018: This was me realizing I was unhappy in my relationship (among many other aspects of my life) and looking for big changes (like moving to NY to be on SNL) to fix it and fix my life.

2015 in (very) brief:

I was prepped the Lord Mayor’s Co. show. I wrote a script and a half, I got my interview at School of Rock, and our circus, negotiated a standing gig at an awesome club. I performed with the LMC at the Oklahoma Ren Fest. I finished Gods of the Grey. I had been given the position of Quarantine Activities Supervisor at work. The circus rehearsed for and performed in the KC Fringe Festival. At work, I was moved to the position of Administrations Manager. We took Gods of the Grey to GenCon. Cory and I hosted the Royal Happy Hourat the Kansas City Ren Fest. I started working from home. I was in an unpaid Halloween show and we hosted a burlesque producers’ showcase. I wrote half a musical (song-a-day style), and we took our annual roadtrip to Texas, where we met with Ryan, and worked out the details of bringing his show to KC, which happened in early December; he put us up and got us discounted tickets to a show he was in. The holidays kept us fairly active, especially with our November Second Halloween show and our December 26th satirical Holiday Hangover show. I ushered in the New Year watching Hulu with my two best friends.

My 2016 Resolutions:

Jan — Finish “The Zeroes’ Journey” Script, Lose 5#

I tried to give myself easier, lighter, more digestible goals (including the stupid, ongoing, “Lose 5#” malarkey which I have no way of tracking, so they aren’t counting towards my successes or failures for the year). I finished the script (and called it Questus: the Zeroes’ Journey) and adapted it into a playable RPG campaign, which we ran at GenCon later in 2016. Success 1/12.

Feb — Finish the MMB CD, GOTG perks fulfilled, Lose 5#

I mentioned earlier that both of these got finished, really early in 2016, but really late for when they were originally scheduled. Success 2/12.

Mar — Finish Veritas, Lose 5#, 1st qtr bonus

I was able to make some headway on Veritas, but my computer with my editing work was stolen in Memphis in September 2016. If memory serves, I got all of my bonuses. But, that was a very secondary goal. I’ll call this a half-win, or… Failure.

Apr — Finish Return of Dracula, CDR Cards, Lose 5#

I didn’t make much if any progress on either of these. Failure.

May — Prep busking show, OKRF, lose 5#

2016: I want to have a mentalism show practiced and performance-ready by May. May will also be the start of the Oklahoma Renaissance Festival, if I attend at all this year. I hope I can be a part of the show in some way, and that I can sell some of my books, games and CDs there.

2018: I certainly did a little bit of study to prep some mentalism routines, but definitely was nowhere close to getting a show prepped. I wasn’t able to be on cast at OKRF and already discussed how awful it was visiting. Failure.

Jun — GOTG 1st Expansion, Lose 5#, 2nd qtr bonus

Again, I got the bonus. I did not, however complete the primary goal of drafting the expansion to GOTG. Failure.

Jul — KC Fringe Fest., Lose 5#

This was always a nice goal, because it was easy to complete. Success 3/12, even though 2016’s show was a nightmare.

Aug — GenCon, stand-up show, lose 5#

This month legitimately had two primary goals. Did GenCon (very successfully) in 2016. Did not do a stand-up show. I’ll call this HALF A POINT: 3.5/12.

Sep — Host KCRF, Lose 5#, 3rd qtr bonus

I didn’t update my goals after I wrote them, and this became impossible upon being let go in early 2016. So, I think the only fair thing is to just take it off the total possible points. I got the bonus, but I said those don’t count, so… CHANGING THE WAY I SCORE THIS NOW: 3.5/11.

Oct — The Skeleton Key, lose 5#

Okay. Okay. This sucks seeing the same goal year after year. I’m probably taking it off my primary goals for this year. Auxiliary, maybe. Failure.

Nov — NaNoWriMo., lose 5#

This fucker. Good news is I got about half done in 2017. Which is the first time I’ve legitimately tried in almost a decade, so… 2016 was a Failure, but excusable since I’d just moved halfway across the country and was broke and jobless and that’s not really a priority.

Dec — SURPRISE! (failed business plan idea), Lose 5#, 4th qtr bonus

Failure.

2016 Epilogue:

2016: And that’s it! I’m optimistic. I’ve given myself more to work on this year, but I plan on splitting it all up into manageable goals, and I think I’ll be fine. Heck, my goal for today was writing this, so I’ve already done better than I could have. Wish me luck.

2018: This was my worst completion rate in a long time, but I think a lot of that is excusable…

2016: 2016, I expect, will be a year of great change.

2018: You got that right.

My 2018 Resolutions:

Jan – Geocaching, Passport, Habitica, GOTG Prep, Escape (Draft)

Holy crap, that looks like a lot. I’ll break it down. Firstly, I want to start Geocaching regularly, weekly. It’s fun, it’s outdoors, it requires some physical activity. As an added bonus, I plan to See More of Houston and Go on More Double Dates, and I think this could double up with those sub-goals pretty easily. Secondly, I need to renew my Passport for a trip I have planned with Vivian to Vancouver. Easy enough. Thirdly, I want to start using Habitica again on a regular, daily basis. For the purposes of scoring, I’m going to say anything over 50% is a win. So 4/7 days of the week is successful for “daily”. Additionally, I want to start on my GOTG Prep so I can publish the second edition later in the year (before GenCon). One thing in particular I hope to accomplish with this in January is to Redesign the Character Sheet to something more streamlined. Lastly, I want to finish my first Draft copy of the the Escape game I co-authored with Vivian, so it’s ready for advanced design later in the year. There’s a lot going on here, but they’re luckily all small goals. I started writing this post several days ago, and I’ve finished it on the 17th; by this point, I’ve already been successful with the Geocaching, I’ve almost completely finished filling out the passport renewal document, I’m a third done with the Escape Draft, and while I haven’t set anything up on Habitica yet, I plan on starting today, and we’ll count it as a win because I said so. This month, I’m also adding the daily goal of Cooking one Meal per Day, in an attempt to maintain a healthier lifestyle, and Baking Bread once per Week, specifically from the Great British Bake Off Big Book of Baking, which was a rad Christmas present from one of my colleagues at School of Rock. If I can swing the bread twice a month, and the cooking 4-5 times per week, it’s still a win. The last regular goal I’m setting, starting in January is Writing in my Diary Every Day, or at least 4 days a week.

Feb – Divorce, GOTG 2.0 (Edits), Hiking

This month has way less going on, because the second task is way bigger. So, firstly, you’ll see that I want to finalize my Divorce paperwork. I don’t want it necessarily all done by February, I just want it out of my hands. I want to be done with my part of it. Next, and most importantly, I want to have all of my required edits compiled for the Second Edition of Gods of the Grey. This will be very difficult. I want to remove all of the original artwork that wasn’t made by myself or my brother, because the book hasn’t been selling, and it wouldn’t be fair to continue using other artists’ work on something that isn’t making money. Hopefully, I can get it selling, but that’s later. I want to tweak all of the rules that seem broken, and I want to get it all done so I can start designing right away. Lastly, weather permitting, I want February to be the first month I start to Hike regularly, on a monthly basis. Me, a backpack, maybe Vivian if she’s interested, the outdoors, and an afternoon. Sounds nice. The other three regular goals I want to start this year I’d like to start by February. They include: Blog once per Week (or at least twice per month), and Produce Music once per Week, which includes learning how to use music production software and hardware, and is still a win at twice per month. My hope with the blog is that I can better record my resolution progress as well. Lastly, I’d like to write, record, produce and publish a Podcast once per Week or at least twice per month.

Mar – Mikos’ Quest, GOTG Campaign, GOTG Expansion, Camping

This, again, looks like more than it is, but at the same time, is more involved than just what’s there. So, I guess, it’s exactly what it looks like. Mikos’ Quest is the tentative (but likely final) name of the novel I started for the 2017 NaNo. I’d like to have it finished (or at least mostly done) by March. The second entry is an option. I’d like to finish (or mostly finish) either Lougam’s Quest or the Twelve Brothers, the two sequel campaigns to the Starspike. I also need to likely adjust the Starspike at some point to align with the second edition edits. Lastly, since it’s inception, I’d had ideas for how to expand Gods of the Grey, but I need to figure out the exact way I want to do it; I’d like to either make a Steampunk or Lovecraftian Gods of the Grey Expansion first. Lastly, I’m hoping that the weather is good enough by March that I can begin Camping regularly; I want to go once per month if possible, or at the very least, once per quarter. I’m planning on going to Hole-in-the-Ground (drink) again in September, so that’s a freebie. If I can camp 3 more times in 2018, then I’ll call it a win. As a side note, it may not involve camping, and it may not exactly constitute “seeing Houston” but I’d like to go tubing with Nick and Kim (and maybe Will and Hayley) if they go again in 2018 (which I assume they will). I think they hit the New Braunfels. My last ongoing goal that I’d like to have started by March is to Start an Herb Garden which I’m hoping I can maintain with Vivian in her backyard if we don’t manage to kill everything.

Apr – Canada, GOTG 2.0 (Finished), Escape Design / Final

This one is exciting. Mid-month, I’ll be travelling to Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada with Vivian, kind of on a whim, and kind of for no real reason, so it’s like a real vacation, which I haven’t had in… a while. There’s not a lot going into that trip, but it’s important, and therefore a goal for the year. Also on this month, I want to have the Second Edition of Gods of the Grey ready to print. Hopefully, I will have set myself up to succeed with this goal, so getting the design work done, and the printing info submitted will be nice. I have a followup / subsidiary goal here of Getting Gods of the Grey onto Indie Press Revolution. Lastly, I want to finalize the design of the Escape game, and possibly get that onto IPR as well.

May – Veritas (Edits), Return of Dracula

This one looks the simplest, but perhaps has the most going into it. Firstly, I’d like to complete edits for Veritas by May. If I finish prior to May, even better. I’d gotten pretty close until my computer got stolen, so this shouldn’t be too hard, but it’s still a lot of work. The other goal for this month is to continue my song-a-day musical from 2015, The Return of Dracula. I had started it , gone for something like 10 days, and then dropped the ball. I want to pick it back up. If I can do it as a song-a-day, even better. I have a few tracks I still need to record. I probably don’t have the notebook I had originally worked with, so I may have lost a song or two, but as I recall, the later songs were kind of weak anyway.

Jun – Beerside Remaster, MMB Fringe, Rotball

These goals are all sort of tertiary goals: they’d be nice if I could finish them, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I didn’t. With my newfound music production knowledge, I’d like to try my hand at Remastering the Beerside Discography (specifically the pretty songs). Also, if possible, as a writing goal, I’d like to Finish the Milton Milton Bradley Script for Fringe Fesitvals. Lastly, I’d like to organize a camping trip for this month, where we play Rotball. If we do this, I’ll have to set up the event for it well in advance, and get the rules and everything published, too, well in advance.

Jul – Cleanup!

This one is my middle-of-the-year Cleanup goal. So, anything and everything I haven’t finished will count as a win if I finish it in July. Additionally, I’ll be aiming to complete all of my long-term goals, and I’m going to reassess my financial situation to determine if I need to get a second job.

Aug – GenCon

This month is also light, but I want to have a lot done by GenCon, so this really serves as the culmination of a lot of efforts. If possible, I’d like to get a large contingent running games out at the convention.

Sep – Cast Away, TRF, Hole in the Ground

Drink. So, for starters, I’d like to work on the Cast Away musical that Pat has asked for help on for the past year or so. Additionally, I would love to work at TRF again (in any capacity, really). Lastly, I’d like this month’s or quarter’s camping trip to be Hole in the Ground. Drink.

Oct – Skeleton Key and/or Finish Cast Away

So, writing a novel and writing a script are two different beasts. I know this. I’m going to be participating (and with any luck, winning) NaNo in November of 2018, so I didn’t want to overload myself by writing a novel the month prior as well, however, if I finish Cast Away in October, then I should work on Skeleton Key for October.

Nov – NaNoWriMo

It’s happening. ’nuff said.

Dec – CDR Card Game, Gig, Cleanup!

These, again, are tertiary. If I can, I’d like to work on finalizing the CDR Card Game. It’s been a while, so it might not be “worth it” anymore. Also, by December, I’d like to have performed out in Houston in at least one solo Gig. Last, but not least, I have a second Cleanup month, so anything I haven’t finished throughout the year, that I finish in December will count as a win. I think I have this organized well enough that I should have a fairly high success rate, and I’ve gotten rid of everything I can’t track, and given myself some wiggle room, too. Fingers crossed.

That’s it. Final thoughts? I’m excited. I’m optimistic. I think I can do this. Every year, I give myself too much to do, and I charge head-on. Some goals I tackle, and some I miss. But, I think with a few years’ experience, and some help, and utilizing all my tools and knowledge, I can finally get above a 50% completion rate. And, you know, I’ll call that a win.

Brace yourself, 2018.

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