#some people uh might not know
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Spooky Month Sona? FR this time?!?
so uh yeah here,, take him,, bc if i dont i realize im not gonna post him and it’ll get to a point where im self conscious about him fnjkdljkfdl things are always subject to change with my sona after i get stories n shit started so yeye but here’s CC
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| Name: Chase Crawford (I literally have to give any sonas a last name to differentiate them)
| Nicknames: CC, likes to be called Cryptid as well
| Gender: Trans FTM (He/Him)
| Age: N/A but an adult
| Height: 5’5”
| Species/Race: Human
| Occupation: Works wherever he can tbh
| Hair Color: Dark Brown (Spiky quiff)
| Eye Color: Gunmetal Blue
| Skin Color/Body Type: Extremely pale and also he’s fat
| Appearance: His main outfit is an oversized dark purple hoodie with a design of a single lavender dahlia on the front of it (the sleeves are lil bat-like wings when spread out) (the flower- okay ONE of the flower’s meanings is literally it means ‘Good taste’ no I’m not sorry for this one hah but also aside from the joke.
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Dahlias symbolize beauty, commitment, and kindness), he has black pants that match with three chains hanging down and they look distressed and a lil ripped up, some of the way bigger holes are patched up with purple patches (all he had on hand and he loved the aesthetic of it)
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And finally purple sneakers to match with his hoodie n such as that, he has some black gauges in his ears (they are magnetic ones lmao), he has dark circles under his eyes but he promises its fine, his eyes are just like that- Other than that he has a black binder he usually wears underneath and forgets to take off a LOT, he also has a circle beard.
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| Personality: CC is very sweet, kind, caring, he loves to help others out and sometimes pushes himself to the limit with it but w-we don’t need to get into that, he’s got anxieties n shit like that, basically got whatever the fuck is wrong with me buried deep in him I mean he IS a sona after all.
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He can be very oblivious until something is directly in his face essentially so he can get put in some particularly troubling situations, he really needs to pay more attention and read the room from time to time imma be honest, tries to see the good in everyone but he does have his limits, very protective of the ones he cares about, hates his parents which is a given bc they are horrible. He’s very chill most of the time, just overall sleepy and tired looking.
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I’m not lying when I say oblivious btw, like it legit- he has to s e e it with his own eyes because most of the time he’s dumb,, just like- he could see a fucking wanted poster of someone and be like …Oh, maybe they just look similar (v much not like my deltarune sona, this one is just a big ol dummy)
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…He DOES have dumb luck on his side though thankfully, so even with troubling situations, the universe just be saving his ass one step at a time. Which its funny because you’d think with all the horror movies n media he’s consumed it’d teach him a thing or to but it really doesn’t, he just out here living life, blissfully unaware of the danger he’s been in multiple times.
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He can also be a chaotic feral lil gremlin once you get past the social anxiety.
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| Side Facts: He’s REALLY into horror, he calls himself a ‘horror junkie’ even, has lots of horror merch in his home, movies, books, figures, etc- He’s just big into horror lmao, he loves to write a lot, you can find him on his computer a lot just writing some fics here and there (dw it’s not all horror …Although he has a LOT of horror fics he’s posted)
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When he’s not working he’s usually chilling at home, playing video games, writing, or listening to music, or hell just watching movies even. He does like to stay at home a lot as he’s very introverted but when he does go out it’s usually at night, he just prefers the night air, does he know its dangerous? Eh, who knows- He’ll usually have headphones on and playing music while he takes a fun lil stroll, blissfully unaware of his surroundings.
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Despite liking horror n shit like that, genuinely super sweet and friendly, is very much a pacifist unless you hurt his friends and then he can get pretty aggressive, a ray of sunshine if you will unless provoked.
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Cryptid lives in the middle of the town, his house is nothing too fancy really, just what he could afford, it’s painted purple and black though to match his aesthetic.
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Likewise, back to how I said he goes out at night completely unarmed and unprepared in general, headphones on so he couldn’t hear if someone was sneaking up on him, and you already know who the three I’m selfshipping him with are (ooh bold of me to mention selfshipping on my main, im getting more confident everyday) with but bc I wanna write their interaction later, none of them have met yet.
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Also usually listens to a lot of hard rock/heavy metal lmao, and sometimes just,, boom, goat simulator music.
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Plays the acoustic guitar in his spare time but seems self conscious when playing around others.
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Has three dogs, a brown Chihuahua named Tootsie Roll, a black and white Shih Tzu named Cash, and then finally he has a Chinese Crested he rescued off the street named ‘Winnie the Pooch’ calls him ‘Win/Winnie/Win-Win’ for short though, also sometimes calls Cash ‘Cashy’
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And calls the Chihuahua ‘my little tootsie roll’ he loves all of them, aside from being overprotective of his friends n such like that, honestly he WILL get violent to protect his lil babies especially, you try to hurt them or anything he WILL fuck you up.
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Also refers to the trio as ‘My little stinkers’ calls them stinky, crusty, etc a lot but it's very clear he loves and cherishes them, Tootsie is 4 years old, Winnie is 13 or that’s what the vet told him he looked to be about, and then finally Cash is 1 year old.
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I think one of the biggest differences in him is like,, despite being oblivious unlike my DR sona who knows like oof yikes this is dangerous,, i needa get the fuck outta here- this one is just a dumbass,, he looks at these three bastards and goes …oh shit they’re hot- im gay like BITCH THEY ARE MURDERERS, KIDNAPPERS, AND OR CANNIBALS- …as long as they don’t hurt his frens OR his dogs tho its aight
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Also,, CC’s Pansexual for the final tidbit.
#spooky month sr pelo#spooky month sona#bob velseb#tagging him bc y'all k n o w....#frank spooky month#dexter spooky month#also those two as well dfkflgfjdfs ...bc i realize#some people uh might not know
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I've been seeing a growth on hatred towards Tubblings (Tubbo's community) in here. Aswell as some explicit hate towards Philza.
It's not a huge issue yet, but before it is: know that we don't tolerate plain hate in here and u will be reported. Tumblr HAS a report system that works.
You ARE responsible for the things you say online.
Doesn't matter if you're famous, or a public figure, or just a jane-doe. You're not just another number or comment and u will be held accountable.
Be gone trolls
#qsmp#tubbo#honestly I don't know where it's coming from or why#and I don't want to know either#qsmpblr is a safe space or God so help me#And I'm not talking about negative opinion toward a behavior or criticism#people have the right to disagree#it's healthy even#but hate speech? nah uh#not here#i also saw some weird hate to phil and the crows and immediately reported#and I'll say if the internet is causing such strong emotions and stress on ya it might be wise to take a break from it before u become sick#but don't make it other peoples problem#remember that there is a lot of kids and minors in this community#it's not cool to expose them to such behavior#you know what? I'll tag every streamer/community I can think of that has had hate thrown at them recently around twitter and here#badboyhalo#qsmp dapper#cellbit#oibagi#pactw#mikethelink#brazilians#quackity#philza#qsmp admins#qsmp empanada#qsmp sunny#qsmp leonarda#qsmp richarlyson
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I don't think we talk about xiyao exes to lovers enough. I understand that in canon the "breakup" ended with death and imo it was never going to end any other way (I have a lot of feelings about how jgy is doomed from the start) but even in aus where survival is an option I barely ever see their full potential realized. The fact that there is this heartbreaking gap that is between them now, and yet that, despite it all, they can't stop loving each other. When you have drama this good, why is the conflict relegated to outside threats and we end up with little to no exploration of internal strife, of the fact that these guys have been living a domestic lie for a decade (I cannot stress this enough, the amount of parralels between xiyao and jgy's marriage to qin su are staggering.)
And let me be clear I will NEVER begrudge anyone their hurt/comfort and wanting their faves who are denied happiness and peace at every turn to find it. god knows I need that sometimes. Or even the less healthy but so emotionally devastating fics where the caring isn't good, and it doesn't fix anything- might only make things worse, actually- and xichen ends up recreating his father's fate. I love all of those things. But. Man. This divorce was over 11 years in the making it should take AT LEAST that long to resolve. What do you do when the person you trusted the most lied to you for years? What do you do when the only person who's ever believed in you loses that faith so completely they'd hurt you over a lie without hesitation? I need me some xiyao who try to get over each other for 20 years and fail. I need them to meet after not seeing each other for years and have it hurt like no time has passed at all. I need arguments where no one raises their voice but that feel like a screaming match anyway. Do you see my vision?? Do you see what we could have?
(if fics that do exacly this are out there, recs are of course welcome)
#mdzs#meng yao#xiyao#lan xichen#jin guangyao#rs: i wish it could've been you#this might make some people really mad#at the idea that jgy has any right to have grievances with xichen but uh...#i'm not interested in arguing with jgy antis. go scream at a wall#or a different camp who DO like xiyao but who are like 'but xichen was lied to jgy wouldn't blame him'#the fact that it was a lie makes it WORSE you guys know that right?#some of you have never been the proverbial boy who cried wolf#and had people assume everything you say is a lie because you've lied in the past#and good for you! You SHOULD be honest with those you love i'm very happy for all of you#but also. lmao. you have no idea how that feels.#i have read aus where they break up and get back together of course#but i always end up feeling like people see the conflict as an obstacle? a thing to get past so we can get them back together#and not.. you know. the most interesting part. the selling point#I think in a slightly lower stakes au xiyao should wait a few years get back together because they love each other and then break up AGAIN#when they realize that the old relationship they had with that easy trust is gone forever. love isn't enough to bring that back#you can build something new. including a new kind of trust just as potent. but that old easy kind is gone.#and i think they should try to get it back because it was the best thing they ever had#and get fucked up about it when they realize they can't#and it should take them well over a decade to mourn it until they're ready to let it go and try to make something new of it#PLEASE let me talk about the xichen qin su parralels please let me talk about how rusong is nmj-coded#not in personality but in the function he has narratively as someone that can never stop haunting jgy.#the fact that nmj's death and rusong's birth were likely extremely close to each other timeline wise LET'S TALK ABOUT IT
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do you make original art? have you ever submitted to zines/galleries and been rejected? feel like there's no place for your cool weird stuff on the internet? well, fret no more.
under the floorboards seeks to highlight artists that go unnoticed on the internet and uplift non-fanart pieces that don't get as much traction. UTF will be free to read & submit to forever and published online for the forseeable future.
officially opening submissions for under the floorboards vol 1! there's zero timeline and also i dunno how long a volume will be. each artist spotlight/ article will be posted somewhere, probably on a neocities site i'll host (or maybe mine until i get off my ass and make a second acct).
pls be open to communication either thru email or discord, as i'd love to have a casual interview component as well! shoot me a tumblr dm or email (in tags) if you're interested in being featured.
#under the floorboards#original art#artists on tumblr#abstract art#fine art#art#zine#artist collective#d.txt#putting my email down here jic something goes bad lol i can remove it then. it's [email protected]#uh yeah! hopefully i can get some midnight gospel esque interviews goin with people#just a q&a format though ^3^ <3 should be cool stuff not just boring like ... how do u make art LUL#what else hm.. uh im a little busy so this might be on n off but we'll see :] i just wanna meet people & make cool stuff ngl#probably at some point if we get enough people interested we could have a litlte artist collective as well if other people would#wanna help run this? who knows im just throwin stuff at the wall & seeing what sticks.#tired of having zines which are a) just fan stuff and b) rlly gatekeepy urgh we have enough of that with galleries LOL
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I FINALLY FOUND SOME FREE TIME TODAY AND THAT MEANS MORE ONEIL RAHHHH
Finishing and posting o'neil's (and elias') reference sheet <<<< piecing their design doodle by doodle /silly
Im unfortunately not the type of person who can juggle academics and social media at the same time :'D but that wont stop me from trying to post! >:)
Version without text underneath the cut!
And of course, additional thoughts about the design in the tags ;)
"Dalaga" means young lady in tagalog! ^^
#THE YELLOW WHISPIE EYE CAN CHANGE ITS APPEARANCE/COLOR/TEXTURE ACCORDING TO ITS ENVIRONMENT/MAP#Thats all the explanation that youre gonna get#Ill make a post soon thatll clear it up more ^^;#Yes thats a bolo tie ^^ with a gold rim and a maroon??? Center#Discolored limbs 👀 mmm my favorite character design trope /silly /gen#You cant see it properly but oneil's eye is both yellow AND (faded) green!#Since he /kind of/ has two irises and pupils- the two irises have their own separate shades#Yes youre definitely seeing that right#Oneil has claws#Not very long but theyre there ^^#He has TONS of gray hair#If you didn't notice /silly /lh#Some more prominent than the others#For context of the doodle im sewing a part of his clothing for his design ^^ and they're a little worried i might screw up#I know how to sew irl but im not very uh#Experienced enough :'D#I posted a version on discord where i forgot oneils glasses and ive been wanting to cry since#/silly /j#Discord people just hop on tumblr and look at this one instead please my dignity is already bruised enough /silly#Thats all! See you lot in the next post ^^#Dw guys ill be drawing elias soon its alright youre getting him soon enough /silly /gen#Alibi!#the stanley parable#tspud#tsp#tsp narrator#tspud narrator#This NOT a “canon” inreraction! Just a silly little thought thats been in my head recently ^^#Ah yes yes my sona's hair is pinned back ^^ cant have your hair slipping infront of you while youre sewing!
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straight up not respecting some of the alleged p2 characters' ages as they were given on the VA's papers bc you're telling me this is a 27yo man on the left & a 35(!)yo woman on the right? you jest. this woman is in her 20s at most. she doesn't have a wrinkle of age on her face. just worry. i know men age like milk this is taking the piss. i know patho 2 is the "hot blemishless 20something white(-passing) women" game but at this point own it. don't try lying to me. she doesn't look a day past 29. got friends below 25 with more winkles. in the first half of the 20th century too. where would she be getting her anti-aging serums.
you're telling me this woman who's a chronic worrier, dealing with chronic pain, who smokes like a locomotive to cope is allegedly 5 years Older than this guy who's been drinking himself to sleep for like 5 years.
(mike's mic voice) don't piss me off
#alledged(?) VA papers? would love to have a peep. might go wander VK if i can make the trek#sorry for getting heated over p2 yulia again. it's no secret i vastly prefer her design in p1#but this is aggravating. chrewly.#i know why that is. i knooooowwww why that is. it's because people in the team (coughs) (coughs) & in Media in general cannaeeeeee stand to#create women who actually look over 25. even women who are supposed to be older.#which while a media Trope/problem across media and genre it's not helped with a certain writer's. hmmm. alleged proclivities.#i would respect her being 35 if you have her to me looking 35. her skin is as smooth as 10 yrs younger Lara with one (1) slit#between the brows that just seems to come from her being a thinker & a worrier. nuh-uh!#ah hell naw!!!#i'm profoundly a p1 ages truther except for most of the kids + rubin. i know men age like milk but that guy is Not 23.#also p2 27yo daniil vs 30yo twins They Have Naht met at first year uni with that timeline. & it is important for me that they do.#most of the kids being averaged to ~15 real to me though. we all been here.#neigh (blabbers)#some of the ages on it make no sense [not just yulia but also like. aspity. who looks like a 20something & is actually ageless/5yo]#& while i can guess it's for like The Vibes / voice acting direction i assume it would make more sense to give the actual age & then add#like context to why they would sound older because that's something you might(?) need to know... would really want to see that with my eyes
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monster boyz thoughts...
#ok so. basically i woke up thinking about teeth & how he would show his love for red#bc 1. he can't talk & so he can't outright say he loves him but also.#2. neither of them really understand love or that what they feel for each other is love yk#so i was thinking. teeth probably always leaves the actual act of killing their prey to red or#at the very least. makes sure red is watching when it dies bc he knows that's like... uh. he knows that's the ''important'' part to red#if that makes sense#also! i think the only reason teeth eats people is bc of red#if he hadn't met red i really don't think he would have survived all that long bc he's not particularly fast (bad leg)#& he's not particularly smart either. so he most likely would've gotten taken out by monster hunters if he was alone#though he is very strong so the hunters wouldn't have been left unscathed#& i think red wouldn't have survived all that long either bc he was never particularly careful about anything until he met teeth#he was doing increasingly risky & dangerous hunts bc he simply didn't care yk. but teeth gave him like. a reason to be careful & calculated#which just further proves they're bound by fate yk.#um. i also had some breakthroughs with teeth's origin story so. i maaaaayyyy work on those today. i might actually make red's finally#we'll see. i might end up drawing all day again. idk. n e way.#rainyrambles
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unfortunately those Cutting and Deep h3ather havril3sky ask polly "here's why you're lonely/here's the empathy failure holding you back" excerpts everyone loves to post
are just permanently recontextualized for me by her series of op-eds about how everyone in her family is an incomprehensible one-dimensional pod beast with completely unlovable preferences for things like "starbucks drinks" and "conversations about their lives", which she tolerates, with enormous difficulty, only through a sense of duty and a bunch of rationalizations about how actually it makes her sexier and cooler that she's willing to endure it
#like. i don't actually know enough about the typical content of one of her Actually You're Failing To Do This Empathetic Basic Mental Action#And That's Why You Have No Friends In Your Thirties and/or Are Constantly Beating Yourself Up For Things columns#because i'm a little generically allergic to that kind of thing#but the excerpts seemed pretty reasonable? sensible people i respect like them? the written content was always the kind of thing that seems#like something a reasonable person might form as a generalized observation based on their social experiences?#but uh. she DOES have an op ed about how listening to her husband tell her about the walk he went on is an experience she only gets through#by imagining that tolerating it makes her beautiful and feminine by contrast to his grizzled broken-down Man Nature#so i. feel like that should have some ramifications for her likely ability to do social modeling and give actually good advice#box opener
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(Image description below 'read more' line.)
[Image ID: A four-by-four alignment chart on a white background with text descriptions to the left and to the top of the squares.
The top left description reads, "seems like they'd be good at parenting." The top right description reads, "seems like they'd be bad at parenting."
Then, from the top down, to the left of the squares, the other set of descriptions reads: "excellent child rearing instincts," and "never trust them with a child in your life."
Each of the four squares contains an image of a different character. At the top left is an image of Lan Wangji of the Mo Dao Zu Shi donghua. He sits between the descriptors "seems like they'd be good at parenting," and "excellent child rearing instincts."
In the top right square sits an image of Wei Wuxian, also of the Mo Dao Zu Shi donghua. He sits between the junction of "seems like they'd be bad at parenting" and "excellent child rearing instincts."
In the bottom left square is an image of Xie Lian from the Tian Guan Ci Fu manhua. He occupies the square with the captions, "seems like they'd be good at parenting" and "never trust them with a child in your life."
Finally, in the bottom left square, sits an image of Hua Cheng from the Tian Guan Ci Fu manhua. He occupies the junction between "seems like they'd be bad at parenting" and "never trust them with a child in your life". /End ID]
#look ok#i see all the cute little fics with xl and hc talking about becoming parents and etc etc#and that's cute! that's adorable!! let them be happy!!!#but. you have to admit ok. hualian need to work through their own problems#like c'mon. xl picks up like AT LEAST three kids in the book and then proceeds to forget about one on his shelf for a while#just kinda. stands judgmentally with his hands on his hips about guzi and qi rong (it's really funny though don't get me wrong)#and after finally re-capturing lang ying he's like 'i'm gonna guardian you!' and then a whole bunch of shit happens and uh well#ly turns out to be the ghost of some kid xl traumatized 800 years ago come back for vengeance (L)#which means xl traumatized him multiple times lmao#we aren't even touching qi rong and lang qianqiu which YES i know the latter wasn't xl's fault and i am fully aware that the situation with#qi rong is and was complicated. BUT. come ON man can these poor kids never catch a break? the one kid he DIDN'T accidentally traumatize#turned out to be obsessively in love with him so like maybe this is for the best?#anyway i also just don't think they'd be... genuinely interested in a commitment like that? like hc would go along with anything xl wants#but he doesn't seem the type to be interested in kids (he's mostly just interested in xl)#xl isn't off the hook either ok#people bring up hc's treatment of e'ming but xl isn't exactly a saint to ruoye. i dont blame the guy he's got a lot on his mind#but he's also very.... absent#plus with the responsibilities of their respective positions all their extra time is like. spent on eachother jk?#this isn't to say xl doesn't *like* kids or anything i just don't think he would want to be a full-time parent lmao#also they DEFINITELY have their own issues with themselves as kids and i'm afraid that might translate into like. parenting#meme#tgcf#mxtx meme#tgcf meme#xie lian#hua cheng#lan wangji#wei wuxian#wei ying#lan zhan
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Do you agree w/ the fandom interpretation that john was so homophobic he’d have beaten up and abandoned his sons for being gay? Cause sure, he grew up in the 60s as a mechanic and then later became a marine during the vietnam war, but i also don’t think homophobia would’ve necessarily been a priority for him? Like obviously he’s not gonna be the full on supportive and politically correct loving dad, but i think that the fandom’s general opinion on that is pretty warped by people’s relationships w/ their own fathers
I do think this is one place where people tend to project. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that; working out our issues through fiction is healthy and good! I don’t think there’s any canon proof of it beyond, as you said, him being a marine from the sixties who would probably not be super knowledgeable about being queer, maybe a little apprehensive about it from what he’s absorbed through the culture he grew up in. I think we’d be correct to point out that if Sam or Dean were queer, he might be uncomfortable about it, he might try to avoid the topic, which is in of itself hurtful.
The thing about me is: I fully disagree that John was ever physically abusive towards his kids. At most, I will bend this interpretation to say he was probably too harsh on them while teaching them to fight and that maybe he and Sam have traded blows before when arguments got too loud (by blows, I mean, probably shoving with the yelling, you know, assertion of physical space. It seems realistic to me that two people who have been using violence for a long time to protect themselves, and for John, his family, down to the hierarchal power he’s put in place of him -> Dean -> Sam, would resort to it when things got too heated.)
(I also think that sometimes fandom’s insistence that John had to be physically abusive can sometimes get a little insulting because it perpetuates the idea that emotional abuse does less harm and can be overlooked and for flattening out John’s character in a way the show very literally pointed to and said He Did Not Do That. This is the entire point of Max’s episode in s1, for the show to point out that their experiences of abuse were different. How well it was handled is arguable, but I take it as clear evidence that when we talk about John’s relationship with his sons, the focus should be on the emotional abuse, the codependency he developed with Dean from a very young age, his neglect of them both, his attempts to suppress Sam, etc. And I appreciate this about the show, because you can’t talk about any of those things without also talking about why they’re happening, why John thinks this is necessary, how he loves his sons and isolates them to protect them and ends up doing more and more damage that will never leave them through their entire lives.
I’m sure there’s depictions of John being physically abusive that handle it with the same amount of nuance that the show handles him being emotionally abusive in canon. I have not seen them, unfortunately. I’ve seen John being physically abusive 90% of the time just being used as shorthand for him being Bad and Evil and A Terrible Father. Which does not interest me. So I will remain here as a staunch defender of He Would Not Fucking Hit His Kids.)
Sorry, okay, we got off topic there this is about gay shit.
The point of All Of That was for me to be able to say, John’s not going to react to his sons being queer by beating them. He’s definitely not going to abandon them. Hello? John Winchester? Abandon his kids? John Winchester, the guy who has been keeping them in warded up motel rooms their whole lives and moving them across the country out of paranoia the demon who killed his wife could find them if they say anywhere too long? John Winchester who only trusted one or two people to ever look after his sons when he went on a hunting trip too long? We think that John would ditch his kid because they’re queer???
Like I said, I think the most realistic reaction for John, (if not just flat out him going ‘that’s fine, now load this gun while I time you because that’s more important for me to know that you can do’, because. He kind of has bigger priorities to worry about here. Like werewolves.) would be discomfort and pushing it out of his view, ignoring it. Which would still fucking hurt! And would have horrible effects on Sam and Dean both, would encourage Dean to repress it if he thinks his dad is ashamed of him, would push Sam away if he trusts John with this fact about himself and can’t be accepted easily.
I just think this is truer to John’s character.
Anyway. If nothing else here persuades anyone reading that John Would Not Fucking Do That, well. He thought his kid was demonspawn, remember? He thought Sam was corrupted and might not be able to be saved. I don’t think you can get more clear queercoding than that, and you know what John’s very telling response was to that information, to finding out something a thousand times more terrifying than Sam being gay ever could be? To refuse to look at it. To insist to himself that whatever Hell wanted with Sam, he wouldn’t let it happen. To tell Dean to take care of it, because even when John is certain that his son might literally become a demon, he could never bring himself to pull the trigger on him. Because he loves Sam.
So like. He literally would not do anything for the much smaller realization that Sam is gay. His son has demon blood that might turn him super evil, and John still wouldn’t hurt him.
I guess what I’m trying to say here is, I try to keep the fact that John loved his sons at the forefront of my mind when I’m writing stuff about him, because I think if you let that slide out of your head, you can very easily make him much worse, much more flat than he was in canon. The real picture of him is just an extremely flawed man in a terrible situation who fucks up his kids as much as he protects them.
And also he wouldn’t care about them being gay because JohnAzazel real and true and they fucked sloppy in that hospital basement-
#this was so many words holy shit I did not need to ramble that much#but I did <3#this is what u get when u send me an ask I have too many thoughts#john winchester#ask#spn#again reiterating that like. it is not a bad thing to work out ur issues through fiction.#hell knows I do. and hell knows I used to be a lot less kind to John BECAUSE daddy issues. so I get it. it’s literally fine. it’s fandom.#u are free to do whatever so long as you aren’t a dick to other people about the character they like that you dont#(…I am going to side eye you if you feel the need to insist john had to be physically abusive because he was just That Bad to his kids.#but that’s more like. ‘I think you might have some unexamined biases about the nuances of abuse.’ more than anything.)#tw abuse#re: John abandoning his kids:#I know Bad Boys(?) has John leaving dean at the boy’s home. uh. personally?#I think that’s just bad writing. I think they misunderstood John’s particular brand of weird relationship to dean.#I don’t tend to count that instance as canon or at least not in the way the show presented it.#but ur mileage obv may vary. it’s just my opinion that that was a later seasons fumble.
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Happy STS Elli!
What inspires you to write? Are there things that you know that you can get inspiration from or does it just come randomly?
Happy STS!
For me, inspiration doesn't mean "to write".
There are, and always have been, a lot of stories floating around in my mind - ideas, scenes, vibes, outlines. I get inspiration from literally everywhere, from talking to my friends, and video games, and scrolling past images or prompts, and reading books, and spending too much time on reddit, and…
Many remain daydreams, or character backstories, eventually lost to time.
Now for actually being able to sit my ass down and get words on the page? I don't know. It comes and goes as it pleases. Having a beehive where a brain should be does NOT help, let me tell you that.
I just. Can't focus on shit lately. Can barely make it through a chapter when reading. Every day is just suddenly over, and I got nothing done, and I am so tired. I have a completely outlined short thing I have been trying to write since Nov, and it's like pulling teeth.
I could do with several months off work while everyone leaves me the fuck alone. How would that be.
#salad-ask#aria-benedetto#sts ask#I cried new year's because after having 1 (one) day of my vaction actually completely to myself#Which was after I already didn't get any quiet time on my LAST three attempts at taking time off because someone was sick at home#And spending most of all that time just working (in my time off) and cleaning the depression piles#My mom berated me for instantly refusing to come over for some 'if I die you need to know where stuff is' talk#(note: there's no reason to think she might anytime soon and she was talking about like... a cd collection)#'You always have something!!!'#I don't know anymore how to get people to understand how fucking exhausted I am.#I'm about to let the stupid paint course voucher from work lapse because in a year I didn't find a motive I like and the energy to even#consider wasting 3 hours of my life after work to produce some physical object I have no room for while having to run to get there on time#Not to mention people!! A room full of people!!#I've just become sooo sensitive to noise lately I can't even stand to be in the kitchen when the fridge hums#And you're always always always the bad guy if you close the door in someone's face because they're whistling or watching tv or calling#It's cool :) Sorry I was being unsocial :) Lemme just quickly slam my head against a wall until I pass out :)#So uh anyway happy STS writing has been going well
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Really dark topic, but what do you think would it take for Enji (pre-AM retirement, obviously) to threaten to, or legit kill Rei, mindcontrolling quirks aside?
mind-controlling quirks aside... i don't think he would threaten to kill her. he'd basically never have something to gain from killing her that he couldn't get some other far easier and less risky way. If she was able to prevent him from abusing Shoto, or threatened to take him/all the kids away, Enji could very much threaten divorce, institutionalization, maybe even arrest, but he can stop her from doing that without threatening to kill her.
If Enji were to kill her, which could happen, i don't think it'd be premeditated. But he has hit her before, and Rei isn't exactly going to do great with heat or flame, so if she intervened at the wrong time in the dojo... it's plausible enough i'd accept it as a fic premise.
#thatd have HUGE ramifications tho#not even touching if there's legal reprecussions or not#but Fuyumi? if he *killed* her mother? Shoto? Natsuo? absolutely no forgiveness#and even Enji i think at his worst would be horrified afterwards. even if part of him blames Rei he'd still carry some of it. try to surpas#All Might when he knows he killed his wife? yeah ha no. plus wherever we are with the Touya mess.#(i could even see Touya being like 'hm would i perhaps regain father's favor if i took the blame?' which is another horrible thing#on top of his other kids hating him forever)#like those kids would probably end up with.... the himuras... so thats not great for them either....#anon#pocket talks to people#be a uh /fascinating/ way to try to do a faster 'be a better person arc' tho#good news: you will end up taking accountability for what youve done and internalize how horrible it was to do. ten years earlier!#bad news: only after i make you do something even worse tho and kill your children's mother and your wife
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#sigh. another vent post....#almost getting tired of making these but. I'm just.... I just don't really have much else I can do without botherin people#uh pretty big trigger warning for this one BTW#don't read on if you're low on spoons and whatnot. genuinely it's fine and I will be fine I always am#but like. yknow. when shit sucks it fucking sucks#anyway. uh. I just can't stand the idea that I might be bothering someone#so at least this way my stupid cries for help have a possibility of getting me some without making any specific#person feel obligated. yknow? maybe you see the post maybe you don't#Maybe you don't read all the way maybe you do. either way you can choose if you have the spoons to reach out#without feeling guilty either way. I hope.#.......i kind of want to fucking kill myself again#.....it used to be a much rarer thought. and I used to be much less struck by intense loneliness and longing like this#but I just feel so fucking needy. so desperate for attention and love and it hurts so much if I don't get it#and like. it's realistically nobody's fault but my own yknow... i need to ask for it more. i know that. i just suck at it#and then I can't ask. so I don't get attention. and in turn I feel neglected. secondary. like I'm not anyone's primary focus#and it just fucking hurts so much and it's just my own damn fault and I don't know how to fix it.#......i do. I need therapy I need meds or something. that's the answer here really#picked out a psychiatrist. need to call and make an appointment. but adhd and executive function and anxiety (that last one I need meds for)#mean it's very hard to both remember and then actually perform the task of calling the fucjing Dr#......believe me I'm trying.....like fuck I'm trying so hard.... and I started bawling having seen sparkles and ms robot girl reblog that#post from me about letting prev know you're proud of them. bawled when quinn called me cutie last night. bawled when#ginny said they wished they were here.... fuck me I do too I want to be the focus of someone's attention so so so so badly#fuck#...............it's redundant to say at this point a second time but. goddess above its a little scary how much I wanna kill myself#........sigh#....anyway. please do not feel obligated to respond to this in any way. do what you got the spoons for.#thank you for even reading all of this shit if you've gotten this far. i love you deeply and with all my heart. I'll be fine I promise#won't act on it no matter how strong the feeling is. just.....hurts in the meantime. but I'll be ok. I promise#................fuck. im going back to bed
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redraw of that thing i drew. Yeah
#cacterart#brutal orchestra#this is actually a few days old i just forgot to post it#don't know if i'll post it to the talia server i am. scared.#i've been watching what people talk there for a while but never doing stuff there myself because uhhh#fear of being considered cringe? i think#and never since someone in there said that they wanted my disability to go back to being marginalized i just said “Huh!”#“i guess my progress of being open about that will now evaporate completely :)"#it's uh. not particularly fun#also my borchestra hyperfixation has slightly died out sorry borchestrabros#i still think about it a lot but like. i'm currently obsessed over silly singing robots. sorry#these tags are full of apologies i'm sorry for that#anyway ermmmm... i still have a buncha borchestra stuff i need to draw. might do that at some point in the future
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Very amused that people who don't know me at all read apparently half of what I posted earlier on I/P and decided my take that "I don't support any nation state and think we should do away with all of them but since this is the system we currently have it's decidedly antisemitic to single out Israel as The One To Destroy Above All Others and we should instead support peace and safety for both Israelis and Palestinians" is equivalent to "genocide is good actually." Like I know this is tumblr, aka the "piss on the poor" reading comprehension website but also like, idk, maybe learn to read before yelling at random people online and accusing them of supporting genocide? Also for the record, it's *really fucking weird and antisemitic* to yell at random Jews on the internet and accuse them of supporting genocide because they have Opinions You Personally Disagree With.
You can, in fact, simply block people who's takes you don't like. It's free! And easy! You hit the three dots at the top of the post, it opens a drop down menu and you select "block". Now the person who you think has Bad and Evil Opinions™️ will never show up in tags for you again! Problem solved! They might, unfortunately, show up on your dashboard if someone you follow reblogs something they posted or added to, because tumblr is slightly broken in that regard, but you will be saved from their opinions in tags. And they won't be able to interact with you! And there's even a handy feature you can use to hide *all* content they've ever made/posted, even stuff you're dearly beloved mutual who thinks they're cool reblogs. You just, blacklist the username. Now they will show up as filtered content and you have to manually unhide any post that mentions their username in any way, saving you from the Opinions You Don't Like. And they're free to continue *their* internet experience without you yelling at them for tagging things with something that is a general filter/sort/information tag simply because *you* think their opinions are Bad and Don't Belong There.
#look i know i stepped in it by making a post about i/p at all#let alone by actually tagging it#but i really don't appreciate the fact that someone fucking yelled at me#for the crime of *checks notes*#tagging my i/p 'palestine'#like oh my bad for using the tumblr tagging system correctly i guess???#sorry i wanted mutuals who have the tags 'israel' + 'palestine' blacklisted#so they can choose when/how they want to engage with upsetting & potentially triggering content#the actually ability to chose???#like i'm very bad at tagging reblogs generally#but i try to tag any original posts that might be upsetting or triggering correctly#bc people use filters & blacklists & i don't want to be the reason those don't work!#i haven't had posts that gained notes quickly in years so uh that was a 'fun' experience this morning i guess#definitely a different brand of hate than the autism posts used to get#tho i did get some uh interesting anon hate back in the day#can't wait to see what being openly jewish on the internet brings *there*#(narrator voice: he could indeed wait & dearly hopes people will be normal about this)#antisemitism
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Where are you right now, Ces?
sfx used:
door opening
footsteps
tv turning off
static
#[ooc: no warnings for this one!! but let me know if you want me to tag something]#[ooc: anyways. i FINALLY i get to introduce ms torres!!! still brainstorming some names for her might make a poll later]#asks#ifiamhumaniamperfect au#video#art#[ooc: ngl i hate using stock sfx but uh. dont really have a choice lol]#[also i found out some people have weirdly strong opinions about the word 'anywho'. like??? what do they have against silly old ladies]
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