Dancing On Your Heartstrings
Chapter 19 (prev chapters here)
Raghav pov
Raghav had tossed and turned and not gotten a blink of sleep in the last 3 hours. It was midnight, the night before the competition, and his thoughts had chosen the worst possible time to turn sour.
The competition is in less than 24 hours, echoed relentlessly in his mind. He couldn't stop stressing about it. Even worse was when he wasn't stressing about the competition. Because that would mean he would be thinking about Ranveer, which was horrible and utterly revolting.
He tried to not think about the future, and was yanked into the past by an unwelcome memory. He remembered the first day he entered the studio two weeks ago, wearing a bright neon jacket and holding a Sting in one hand, half an hour later than their scheduled time. He remembered seeing Ranveer and the beat his heart skipped at the sight. He had seen Ranveer before, sure, but only on stage with the alta staining his palms and the soles of his feet, in intricately draped garments and accessories; never in a plain flannel shirt and plaid bottoms. He looked so extraordinarily human that Raghav almost thought he had a chance.
From the moment their eyes met, Ranveer has stripped apart a piece of Raghav's heart with each passing day, until he lay vulnerable and bare to his torments. Such was the torment he was feeling right now, at midnight in his own bed, trapped inside his own rib cage.
He turned again and stretched to pick up his phone from the nightstand. 00:23 read the widget on his homescreen. Hesitantly, he dialled Madhuri's number.
"Hi?" She picked up on the third ring.
"Kya kar rahi hai?"
"Chhat pe naach rahi hu."
Raghav snickered quietly. "Kis bechare ko traumatise karne nikli hai ab?"
"Arey nahi re. Manu ke sath movie dekh rahi thi. Call kyu kiya?"
"Neend nahi aa rahi. Socha tujhse puch lu kal kya karne wale ho tum log."
"Arey arey. Seedha video hi send kar deti hu na. Bata kar kya samajh aane wala hai tujhe?" He heard someone snickering in the background. Probably her girlfriend. "Seriously kya hua? Kal ke liye nervousness toh ho nahi sakti. Tu aisa nahi hai."
He contemplated whether he should tell her or not, then thought what the hell. She already knows how much of a pathetic loser he is. He could vent his overthought thoughts to her and she wouldn't bat an eye. "Well aaj Ranveer thoda weird behave kar raha tha."
"Again." She groaned. There was some shuffling on her end of the call and then she said, "I thought we were done with him?"
"Yeah, well, it's going to take some time. But seriously, mera toh mujhe pata hai kyu closed off tha, but vo kyu itna ajeeb tha aaj?”
"Maybe because of the fact that you embarrassed yourself by acting like a jealous girlfriend the day before?" She added dryly.
"Or maybe," He said, letting out his worst fear, "maybe he realised he doesn't want to do anything with me now that he knows I'm gay."
"Okay first, you don't know for sure he knows you're gay — and that's such a gray fucking area, you should sort that out and know for sure before driving yourself crazy— and second, even if he knows, do you really think he's that kind of a person? From what you told me about him, he doesn't sound that kind of a person."
No he isn't, but what other explanation could there be for his weird behaviour? He wanted to call and ask him what was wrong, but he couldn't. It felt like he wasn't allowed to call him anymore after today, and it made him feel so helpless.
Madhuri continued when he didn't reply, "You know I love you Raghav, and I hate seeing you getting hurt. You said it yourself- he's straight. So unless he gives you blaring red signs that screams he's into you, remember he's just another guy you met not even two weeks ago." After a brief pause, she said in a gentle voice, "You know he only cares about the competition, Raghu. You'll only hurt yourself if you think otherwise"
"That's not true," he finally croaked out of his tight throat.
"You should sleep. It'll affect your performance if you don't." For the first time in almost 2 two decades of their friendship, he detected a note of pity in his best friend's voice, and it made him feel a mix of frustration and self loathing. He wanted to forget everything about that, hell, he wanted to forget everything that happened since the last two weeks. So he heeded his best friend's advice and went to sleep, desperate for the oblivion it provides.
• • •
Raghav didn't know why, but he was picturing Ranveer to be ready in classical dance attire as he picked him up from his house. He was not― something that in turn relieved and annoyed Raghav. Why was he still yearning for another brief flash of tan skin, now that he knew he had no right to?
Instead, Ranveer was wearing a white cotton shirt and a pair of cargo pants that had be have been sitting in his wardrobe for months, judging how tight it had gotten around his thighs―
Raghav cleared his throat, making Ranveer glance up at him as he made his way to the car. He said nothing and took his seat in the front. Raghav tried not to look at him. Because everytime he did, he could imagine his gaze. Sometimes it was on him, dark pools swirling with a million emotions, none of them good and all of them rendering Raghav useless. Sometimes it was on someone else; the girl at the cafe, a pretty girl walking by, a classical dancer performing upstage. Those hurt even more, for they all held a look Raghav could never get from him. It was easy to ignore whatever he was feeling; especially with the road to focus on.
But that didn't cease the heat rushing to his cheeks when his hand brushed against Ranveer's thigh instead of the gear shift.
He wasn't focusing nearly as well as he thought, because a pedestrian almost crashed into the car. Raghav slammed the brakes.
Ranveer's eyes widened and he gripped the door's handle. It took Raghav a few seconds to understand that he hadn't almost killed an innocent soul, it was the person who walked into the car's path.
The person walked up to the window on the drivers' side. "Ayush?" Ranveer whispered. Raghav wondered if it was to him, because it was certainly too low for Ayush to hear. He banged on the car window before Raghav got a chance to reply.
Slurs were flying out of his mouth before the window rolled down completely. Words Raghav was not degenerate enough to repeat, and frankly, much too stressed to deal with. He didn't care if Ayush wanted to waste his own time by calling Ranveer his boyfriend. He almost started the car before Ranveer put a hand on his arm.
Raghav froze.
"Ye Ayush hi hai na? Jo tujhse lada tha?"
His blood was roaring in his ears, heart pounding relentlessly. All the heat in his body centred on the mere inches of skin where Ranveer's palm met his arm. Goosebumps rose on said skin. Raghav nodded.
"Kya karega ab?" He heard Ayush sneer at Ranveer. Raghav had forgotten he was here. "Badla lega iske liye?"
Time be damned, Raghav wanted to actually slam his car into this fuckface. Ranveer got out of the car. His expression was unreadable as he shut the door.
"Before you do it," Ayush continued. "Let me tell you: he's a fucking fagg-" He saw Ranveer walking to the other side, barely registered his surroundings until a sharp crack sounded.
Ayush howled, cupping his nose as if he was about to sneeze. It took Raghav a moment to realise that Ranveer had punched him. Ranveer had punched Ayush.
"Saale madarch-" Ayush started, but Ranveer grabbed him by his collar and shoved him onto the footpath. It was graceless, a messy deal of blood and anger, and it was so so unlike Ranveer that it made Raghav question everything he knew about him. Most of all, it was exhilarating; seeing Ranveer handling the boy who had made his life hell, as if they were anything to each other and their problems were each other's problems, it made Raghav's heart run rampant and hair prickle at the nape of his neck.
Ayush scurried away, all-bark-no-bite threats falling from his tongue. Raghav thought for once that Ranveer would follow, but he was rooted in his place. His expression was barely controlled fury, a facade of stability over a wild beast. He watched Ayush turn the corner and run away, and then did what Raghav least expected him to― just like everything else he had done recently.
He punched the wall.
Raghav flinched, a concerned gasp involuntarily leaving his mouth. Ranveer's eyes met his and he seemed almost surprised to find him there. His features relaxed, anger draining out of him. Then, he smiled.
Ranveer fucking Kashyap smiled.
"What the fuck was that!?"
"I had wanted to do that for so long," Ranveer answered. "Ever since I heard he hurt you."
Raghav should've laughed. Raghav should've smiled back. He shouldn't have remembered Madhuri's words from last night. "You know he only cares about the competition, Raghu. You'll only hurt yourself if you think otherwise."
Of course he wanted to hit Ayush. Because Ayush hurt Raghav and hurting Raghav sabotaged his performance. He was angry for his ruined performance, not Raghav.
He turned his eyes back to the road. The car roared to life. "Competition ke liye late ho jayenge," he said.
Ranveer stared at him, smile fading. After what felt like an eternity, he tore his burning gaze away and walked back to his side of the car.
Better off like this, Raghav thought. Better off not smiling at all than wearing it like a weapon. Though he wasn't very sure which knife cut deeper: seeing Ranveer smile or being the reason for him not smiling.
Good thing he wouldn't have to deal with it anymore after tonight.
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