#so.... yeah | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

clownery-and-fuckery · 2 months

Text

PheeTech !!! The brainrot will never stop

Tech found himself following a lot more than he used to.

Before Eriadu, before Hemlock, it was always safe to assume Tech would be off the ship and scanning as soon as they touched the soil. It was his thing, his habit.

He liked to explore, before it all.

Now he stuck beside his brothers like glue, hands wringing and following them. Despite his interest, despite his curiosity. He was lost, clinging to his brothers stability and sense of place.

They knew what they were doing, they knew what they were made for. It was safer to follow them and not risk stepping out of place.

That was what he usually did. Now, he didn't know what to do. Phee was waiting for him by the ramp. They had come earlier than the others to scout, why had he done that? Why had he chosen to break away?

His hands twitched, his skin itched while his bones seemed to crawl underneath him.

"Love?" Phee called. "You coming?"

That was why. Phee.

Phee, who despite his lacking sense of direction and purpose, stood bravely against the current and held him. Like he was deserving of such kind gestures, of such loving ways.

The way she spoke so sincerely of him, it almost tricked him into believing he really was worth the effort it took to create him, to remake him when he so carelessly broke himself.

Tech sighed, scrubbing his face until it hurt, before he walked out. Phee had already reprimanded him once, he should hurry up and join her. He took his place just behind Phee, and they walked off.

The planet was beautiful, but this was not their rendezvous. He turned to her, questioningly.

Phee shrugged. "Thought we could take a detour," She said simply. "Have some fun, do some sightseeing."

He blinked. "That–" sounded fantastic. That was exactly what he wanted to do. How did she always know?

Still, hesitance pulled at him, urging him to follow the order Hunter had given: meet them at the rendezvous.

She took his shaking hand in hers. "It's a short walk, nothing serious," She assured. "Besides, we haven't had an adventure in forever. And I think that's just criminal, don't you?"

Tech found himself smiling privately, and nodded. "I supposed it is," He agreed. "We should do our best to rectify that misstep immediately."

"Indeed we should." Phee grinned, squeezing their hands before walking away. They strolled away from the ship, listening to the ramp shutting as they took in the surrounding forestry.

"Pretty terrain," She commented. "Lovely for crops."

"Yes," Tech agreed, digging his heel in to feel the ground better. "The soil is in prime condition for plantation. Strange how the weather pattern doesn't seem to agree."

Phee looked up to the stormy clouds rolling in. "A little extra nutrition never hurt anyone." She bumped their hips together with a laugh.

"I am slightly concerned with the possibility of overfeeding." Tech murmured, but leaned into the gesture regardless. Phee laughed again, shaking her head. "You would be." She said.

They continued walking. The trees stretched high above their heads, tall to the point that they couldn't see where the leaves started bunching together, the way they had seen on the flight in.

Tech found his gaze wandering to the surrounding area while Phee continued staring upwards. The local fauna were gorgeous combinations of blue and pink hues. Aesthetically very charming, however, most likely inedible.

Tech found he enjoyed the pleasing colours that swirled around them, and he sighed softly, breathing in the fresh air contently. Something in his chest loosened, a calm lull falling over him.

It was peaceful, he liked it.

"Look here!" Phee urged, pulling him over towards a large cliffside. Tech, for a moment, refused to look down, shielding his eyes from the sudden onslaught of sunlight. When his eyes adjusted, he blinked, looking out over the edge.

He couldn't contain his quiet gasp. There was a waterfall gushing over the edge of the cliffside, close enough that sprays of water danced across them both. The water cascaded into a beautiful lagoon, leading out into the sea.

The forest was much more visible up here, too. The treetops were lined with nests and habitats, and across the ocean, just on the horizon, Tech could make out another island.

The sky was a brilliant blue, and it was silent aside from the rushing water. The sudden, euphoric sense of peace rode over him like the waves of the sea, and he relaxed.

"It's beautiful," Tech breathed, watching the ripple of the sea from atop the cliff. Phee smiled beside him, taking a deep, calming breath.

"It really is." She replied. Phee was staring at him, rather than the view, unbeknownst to him.

He glanced towards her and paused, admiring her for a moment. She allowed him, openly staring straight back at him. He ducked his head after a few minutes, clearing his throat as he felt his palm, still holding hers, begin to sweat.

He moved to let go, to apologise for the uncomfortable stick of their hands now, but she only clasped them tighter to together.

"I don't mind–" She blurted. "–my hands are pretty sweaty, too. It's alright."

He blinked, and stopped pulling away altogether. Instead, he turned back to the view, admiring it once more. He took another soothing breath, the ache of everything inside him easing up.

"I've never seen anything like it," Tech mumbled into the quiet. "I've always wanted to see the prettiest sights in the galaxy. One day." He admitted, shuffling his feet as he tracked the water flow.

Again, Phee's gaze never left him. "I think I already found it." She said softly, smiling at him.

Tech tilted his head, looking back to her. "Where?" He asked, equally soft.

Phee's face flared, and she laughed, too loudly, before turning away. "Where do you wanna go next?" She asked.

Tech blinked. "Ah," He shrugged. "Are you not leading us?" He hoped she was.

He didn't have a clue, he hadn't done much independently in so long, he wasn't sure he could anymore.

Phee shrugged. "It's an adventure," She reminded him. "The point is that neither of us actually know where we're going. So pick a path, and I'll follow you."

There it was again. Phee knowing him better than he knew himself. Right now, he was very greatful for it.

He turned to the woods again, thinking. He caught sight of wildlife, and without question, without pause or without consideration, he lit up.

The action was far too like who he used to be. The nostalgia would have killed him had he been any less excited about his find. Had he the rationality to think his actions through, he was sure he would have shut up immediately.

Instead, he pointed wildly into the trees. "There!" He exclaimed. "Did you see that?"

Phee looked amused, but shook her head. "Nope, but you did. Let's go check it out!"

Thoroughly overjoyed, Tech took off. If it wasn't for the tug of Phee's arm, he would have sprinted straight into an overgrown root.

Thankfully, her moment's shock stopped him, and they stepped over it before continuing their sudden sprint into the forest.

Tech led Phee deeper into the woods, their joint laughter and speculation on what he had seen filling the calm tranquility of the woods.

If they missed the rendezvous, Hunter was only a bit angry. His initial reaction of fear-induced, haphazard questions melted at the happy, flushed look on his littlest brother's face when the two of them finally joined them.

"And where have you two been?" Echo asked, already smiling as the duo panted, still connected by hand.

"We went on a walk." Phee shrugged them off. "Saw some pretty sights, you missed it. Big time."

"We saw one of the largest herbivores in the galaxy!" Tech gasped out between breaths. "It was– huge. Like, four times the size Wrecker, maybe even as tall as a walker!"

Hunter couldn't help the fond laugh thay left him. "Was it now?" He asked, watching Tech's enthusiastic nod. "Well, you can tell me all about it on our way to the contact. Come on."

Secretly, Echo and Hunter shared a smile as their youngest brother managed to light up more, squeezing Phee's hand as he happily bound forward again, taking the lead as he dove into the recount of their adventures.

Hunter listened intently the whole way, enjoying the familiar, long lost sound of his brothers voice. One sound he thought he had lost forever, now back again, and this time, it wasn't a holo.

Echo caught the shine in Hunter's eyes and allowed him some privacy, asking Tech questions to pull his attention away from the eldest.

Tech readily complied, Phee jumping in with points of her own. The walk was filled with chats and delight. The normality brightened Echo's heart, and eased his mind.

His little brother talking as he once did, Phee helping him stay on track, a new but not unwelcome normal, and Hunter's shoulders finally dropping with the presence of his family back with him at last.

Yes, things were finally beginning to feel alright again.

#sw the bad batch #tbb tech #phee genoa #tbb hunter #tbb echo #tech x phee #phee x tech #the bad batch #they have my whole ass heart #i GUESS mild spoilers?? not really tho #its just my personal opinion on the ending of TBB #so.... yeah

48 notes · View notes

swinging-stars-from-satellites · 3 months

Text

pray for me please

#SHITTY morning guys #I messed a bunch of things up before even leaving home and now I feel devastatingly worthless and awful #like... nothing can fix this my day is ruined kind of feelings. I'm trying to fight them but all the proof is that #they're true. I effed up and then made it worse by reacting poorly repeatedly when I should have gone forward differently #repeatedly #so.... yeah #anyway. I'll probably feel better in a little while but i should never trust my feelings with stuff like this. they're nasty little buggers #idk. I feel like I SHOULDNT feel better. I need to change so much about my attitude and behavior why should I have a good day #how can I????#idk ANYWAY. I'm gonna stop wallowing. pray for me please??#prayer request

46 notes · View notes

knickknacksandallthat · 25 days

Note

hey I know you said you were thinking about posting around April

Do you have a date in mind?

if not it’s perfectly ok we’ll be waiting as long as you need for the sun and moon ☺️

ahhh, anon! This is a loaded question, lol, not that you would know that. But here is the conclusion that I have come to, after many, many shifts, moves, outlining rounds, trial and error, etc.

I have unfortunately decided that I have enough material for two fics.

In some ways, it was a little silly of me to think I could squeeze Jerejean's POV all into one fic when I had the material of both DON & DBD to work with. But here we are. After cutting three chapters altogether (THREE anon!!) and doing my best to cut the other chapters ruthlessly, I'm still looking at about 60K words, unfinished, and I haven't even touched DBD's timeline yet.

So, although I reserve the right to change my mind, I've decided instead of publishing Once In a Blue Moon, I will first be uploading Place in the Sun - a fic focusing on Jerejean's relationship through their time at USC. And yes, my goal is still to publish it in April. (Wish me luck, anon 😭😭)

Now I have to be clear since the timing is sensitive. For better or worse, I have established Jeremy's and Jean's characters in this AU with the limited canon information I had before TSC. Once TSC is published, these characters will likely conflict with what Nora has decided, but I won't be changing them. Where canon fits into the plan, I'll look to include, but the family members I've made up for them, friends, agents, personality quirks, etc., etc., I'm going to keep true to the AU I've built. It is what it is at this point, and though I feel somewhat awkward about it since I've tried to keep their characters close to canon, I'm very proud and happy with the A Falling Star series. I'd like to finish Kerejean's stories and do them justice as I've always planned to.

This in no way diminishes my excitement for TSC - I'm beyond thrilled that Nora has decided to give us canon Jean, Jeremy, and all the Trojans. It's going to be amazing and devastating and everything we've hoped for, I'm sure. But I have to be fair to the fic I've created as well.

So....there we have it, anon. Hope that answers your question. 😅

8 notes · View notes

haveihitanerve · 2 months

Text

Sunlight

“You can stay.” The words were so soft, hardly louder than an exhaled breath, that Lucien wasn't sure she had even spoken. But she had. “What?” He asked, hardly daring to breathe. “You can stay.” Elain repeated, watching him from the doorway, hands wrapped around its frame, as though to steady herself. “Of course, its up to Feyre and Rhys.” she added with a faint blush. “But… you needn't leave on my behalf.” Lucien swallowed, hand still on the doorknob, the small backpack he had first arrived with slung over one shoulder. “Are you… are you sure?” he asked finally, hardly daring to believe it. “I- i wouldn't want to impose. To- to make you uncomfortable. I never mean to make you uncomfortable.” Elain offered him a small, tentative smile. “I know.” she said quietly. “I was planning to go out shopping. For some new clothes. Next Friday. I could use an escort.” A shy smile. “If you chose to stay, that is.” She dipped her head to him once, then turned, and disappeared up the stairs. Lucien stayed standing, one hand on the door, staring after her. He wasn't even sure if he was still breathing.

#ummmm #im planning on writing a small fic #about after the war #and elucien #this is how it starts?#????#did you enjoy?#ill see where it leads but quite plainly my motivation behind this is making lucien happy #my baby deserves a happy ending #thats literally it #its gonna be him in velaris #tryin to figure out where he fits into this family of feyres #and where he stands with elian #so.... yeah #lucien vanserra #elain archeron #elain x lucien #acotar #sunlight

8 notes · View notes

herosplatling-replica · 1 year

Text

interest check

i have a few half finished writing things lying around that i wanna see who would be interested in...

#poll #talkin talkin #not art #this is a little different but i hope it makes sense #most of these have a few hundred words written each #and i think taking on a new chapter for t&g rn would be too much pressure #so.... yeah

32 notes · View notes

darkside-skyguy · 1 year

Text

I don't know how to put this into words exactly but I kind of feel like there's this idea engrained in the Strong Female Character trend that goes along with the whole "she don't need no man" thing where a woman is not allowed to be changed or effected positively by romantic love at all. Like, she should be independent and self-sufficient to the point that romance is just a side bonus and not consequential to her personal growth in any way! (Romance almost as a reward for her independence? For being Strong?) And I think that's completely false and disingenuous. Because sometimes the impetus for change or finding meaning in one's life is love. Sometimes love is the thing that saves a person. It doesn't have to be, by any means, but also doesn't not have to be. It's unrealistic and stupid to ignore the significance of romantic relationships for fear that the woman will somehow be made worse or weaker for loving someone.

#this was specifically prompted by a post i saw on a play i watched recently and loved #where op said they wished the woman hadn't been prompted to action because of her love and instead because of.... something else?#and idk it rubbed me the wrong way #because it was a love story #and sometimes love is the point!!!!!!#actually love is always the point and not just romantic love okay #but this can also apply to a lot of things #and because this is my star wars blog i'm going to link it back to reylo and how people were so pissed that rey might have a love story #specifically a love story with an unsuitable person #and how amazing it would have been to explore how the love between ben and rey changed both of them for the better #how rey's love saved ben #and how it saved her too #so.... yeah #alyssa rambles #reylo

51 notes · View notes

brother-one · 11 months

Text

My Trigger design because he's everything to me.

also some plane men yaoi because they're so. /pos

#ace combat 7 #ac7 #ace combat #trigger #count #trount #i guess i can use that as a ship name #ive seen some posts using it #so.... yeah #gotta love gay people #yuikun-drws

15 notes · View notes

cobaltstarlight · 20 days

Text

Luvdisc: So, how did you and Ambipom first meet? I bet it was true love at first sight-

Tsareena: She tried to eat me.

Luvdisc: ....What?

Tsareena: Did I stutter?

Ambipom: *sweats nervously and wonders how they ended up dating to begin with*

#tsareena #ambipom #for context Aipom's dex entry in USUM mentions that their favorite prey is Bounsweet and I think about that a lot #so as an Aipom she hunted down that Bounsweet #here and there not only did it fail so bad but the Aipom ended up falling for her the moment she became a Steenee #so.... yeah #the pining happens and they later ended up together somehow #i legitimately have a story in my head about this and yetbi never write that diwn lol...#lesbian #pokemon #wlw #pokemon x pokemon

2 notes · View notes

mediocreauthor · 2 years

Text

The Tale of Sweet Summer Children, through songs

for Nana Week Day 1 - dreams / Ai shiteru (愛してる, “I love you”)

I've prepared a playlist for the most bittersweet couple of the series. And I want to explain how this playlist is constructed while giving my two cents about Hachi and Nobu's relationship.

First of all, here is the playlist:

Act I - Sweetest Summer

I adore Hachi and Nobu individually and together. I keep calling them 'Sweet Summer Children' because... their romance gave me that taste. Somehow how I feel about their love perfectly aligns with what they think about it too.

To quote Todd from Bojack Horseman; "it was nice while it lasted."

But make no mistake, even though it was short-lived Hachi and Nobu didn't share a superficial, forgettable bond. They really had chemistry, genuinely liked one another. They wanted to live up to each other's perception, Nobu wished to be more courageous, Hachi craved the innocence Nobu saw in her. This doesn't mean that they didn't actually know each other. One take I don't agree with is 'Nobu didn't actually know Hachi.' Or 'Hachi wasn't her true self with him'; when you love someone, the desire to be seen as more than you are comes naturally.

Nobu did idealize Hachi but the traits he loved was still authentic to Hachi. Her wit, kindness and beauty, Nobu was taken by these and if he failed to perceive Hachi clearly due to being mesmerized, it doesn't make his love any less meaningful. This is every relationship at the beginning.

I share the same sentiment for Hachi, she wholeheartedly loved Nobu. I think if things didn't get out of control so fast, Nobu was going to be the relationship Hachi was going to put most effort into. Not like 'I have to make this work' but 'I will stand by your side despite the obstacles because that's where I want to be' kind of effort.

So the first act of this playlist opens with My Favourite Fish because... if you listen to it, you will see the melody is exactly how Nobu and Hachi's pining friendship felt to me. That sweet, giddy, airy energy, like eating watermelons after a long day at beach. THE VIBES WERE IMMACULATE

The First Taste to Champagne Coast is for their first night and some days before, when Hachi chose Nobu. And I think the lyrics of The First Taste perfectly describes their rush, how they were irresistible to the other.

Act - 1.2 - Doubt Comes In or It Never Really Left

I added Normal Girl because first of all I never got over CTRL but also for Hachi's inner turmoil and insecurities. Nobu was and will always be the epitome of 'The Right Guy' to her, the guy who'd treat her right, carry her grocery bags, take her on dates however Hachi constantly felt undeserving of that kind of love. Nobu developed an inferiority complex towards Takumi and buried that deep in his heart but these eventually became the doom of their relationship. Insecurity and doubt walk hand in hand and when a surprise pregnancy joins: cue Without You and When am I Gonna Lose You.

The first act ends with Say Something (thanks @komatsunana for the suggestion 💖) and I think... yall know what scene I'm referring to.

Neither Hachi nor Nobu acted wrong that night.

Things could've of course a million different way however their entire world was turned upside down, existing insecurities paralyzed their hearts and the love they nurtured so quickly slipped out of their hands.

Act II - Gray Winter

aaaand then they are left with raw wounds of different kinds. Betrayal, disappointment, confusion, anger, pain of losing someone and the pain of losing the version of yourself when you were with them.

I picked Why Didn't You Stop Me? and Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart back to back to show... how different Nobu and Hachi's initial reactions were.

Nobu believed Hachi betrayed him, didn't 'choose' him, his feelings of confusion and anger were jumbled together. At Reira and Shin's birthday, even though Hachi explains she never cheated on her, it has no impact on him. He says: you still chose Takumi. You didn't stop me. The song is reproachful and confused, a perfect reflection of Nobu.

We move onto Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart; showing utter acceptance. I am sorry I am not better, I don't know how to be else. I am sorry I'm not the way you saw me, I really liked that version. I hope you remember me well because to me, there is nobody better than you. I believe it worked out for the best because you were too good for me anyways. Doesn't make it hurt less though. Thank you.

I will continue with 'Glimpse of Us' and 'It Should've Been Me' for Asami and Nobu's... entanglement. Asami - although deserved to be much more, was merely a band-aid. A band-aid that can't serve its purpose because you can't put it on a wound that is actually in need of stitches and time to heal. Asami and Hachi are both social, good looking women exuding joy. Imo, it's very purposeful Nobu was drawn to opposite type of Hachi first but still ended up with Asami.

But with one difference, Nobu doesn't put Asami on a pedestal or perceive her as 'innocent' because of the stigma around sex workers. Just like how Takumi accepting Hachi's 'flaws' comforted her, Asami's 'flaws' being so visible did that to Nobu. He was also trying to prove he wasn't idealizing women or playing hero. Can't say he did a very good job at that.

'Be My Mistake' is for when Hachi and Nobu eventually gravitated back towards each other, after Ren's demise. The demon lord didn't grace them with a proper goodbye or closure, from a relationship they were hopeful about. Both had to bury every feeling, tragedies happening one after another therefore all the pent up pain, love and anger resurfaced at the slightest scratch.

But what could've been a closure only refreshed memories, they still couldn't get over each other. Because they don't want to. They loved loving each other and losing that feeling would've been unbearable.

Act III - Late Spring

The never ending reminiscing of Nobu and Hachi. It's different than the break up, when everything was felt vividly. This pain is muted down, both understanding- hell, even agreeing with one another. They aren't the same as that summer, doesn't necessarily want to return either. But there is yearning and there is friendship.

I tear up when I think of future Nobu and Hachi, still lending a shoulder to each other, cracking jokes and choosing to maintain a connection. I love Nobu asks about Ren, buys gifts for Satsuki.

I find their - i assume very worked on - friendship more precious than their love. Because you did it. You wanted put every effort to cherish this person and even though the life didn't allow you, you found a way. You fought for your friendship instead.

The Act III begins with the 1 and you can count this also as third part of relationships in NANA as Taylor Swift song series because that was the song i was gonna make.

Let's go thorough the lyrics.

I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit Been saying "yes" instead of "no" I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though I hit the ground running each night I hit the Sunday matinée You know the greatest films of all time were never made

I want to make things clear: Nobu and Hachi aren't unhappy with their life and all the sadness is for Nana. They are missing her and feel her absence. But as cliche as it is life goes on, even without their best friend.

I guess you never know, never know And if you wanted me, you really should've showed And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow And it's alright now

miss taylor, you did it again. you've described an emotion from NANA perfectly. The second line applies to both and I bet they think exactly this. To Nobu, Hachi went to Takumi. To Hachi, he let her go by immediately assuming she was being unfaithful. A break up so forceful that it shook them to the core and who were seen as most childish ones among the characters became the voices of reason.

But we were something, don't you think so? Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool And if my wishes came true It would've been you i tried to create the energy of this verse with the playlist. if they were the ones who got to live under the same roof, as a family, the life would contain so much more joy. But the life they built separately brought so many other amazing, irreplaceable things. Their love is nothing more than a 'what if' anymore but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

In my defense, I have none For never leaving well enough alone But it would've been fun If you would've been the one

While we can't estimate how things would've played out, if Hachi waited just a bit longer to be with Nobu... maybe some things could've been avoided. It's a big possibility that Hachi'd believe that but also... even getting that small amount time was precious.

I have this dream you're doing cool shit Having adventures on your own You'll meet some woman on the internet and take her home We never painted by the numbers, baby But we were making it count You know the greatest loves of all time are over now

Manga ended with Nobu about to clash with Asami. In the future panels we see no indication he is with someone. i'd like to state that I am single. I think Hachi'd wish love and joy for Nobu no matter how bittersweet it would be. But here, last line is where it hits me.

You know the greatest loves of all time are over now

Ren and Nana was THE couple for them. Their devotion, natural harmony, how they fall back to each other with ease. They were soulmates, meant to be and now their story is a tragedy. The aftermath damaged their life so harshly, everything was changed.

And they are mourning for Nana and Ren's love more than their own.

I, I, I persist and resist the temptation to ask you If one thing had been different Would everything be different today?

How can you not? How can you not go over the possibilities over and over again? I dedicate this more to Nobu because there is also the possibility Takumi is the father of his child. That can't be something easy to swallow, to watch some bastard having the family, the life you might've had.

We were something, don't you think so? Rosé flowing with your chosen family

they had so much fun. treasured so many memories together with BLAST. what made their love so unforgettable was that sweet joy of belonging to a family.

A bunch of people who are yours, on purpose.

And it would've been sweet If it could've been me In my defense, I have none For digging up the grave another time But it would've been fun If you would've been the one

I close the playlist with 'Can You Remember the Rain' so that we think of these scenes and cry:

#nana week #komatsu nana #terashima nobu #i was just going to publish the playlist but it turned into this #so.... yeah #happy nana week!

61 notes · View notes

drifting-pieces-blog-blog · 2 years

Text

Home Sweet Tomb

Summary: Marc thought everything was done that needed to be done. And then he got the call. How does one deal with the last of a family.

Warnings: Grief. Pure raw grief. Death of Elias (nothing grafic). Hurt comfort.

Word Count: 4814

Word Prompt: Tomb

Going back was never on the game plate.

Getting away was the only thing to do. Get as far away as possible. And he did. It was easy to get lost in the crowds of South America. The sands of the middle east. The faceless and nameless bodies of the marines. The disgraced and shadowy nature of the mercenaries.

Lost in love with Layla. Lost in everything. So long as he never had to go back. He had no reason to. He could pretend that the place had never existed except in his nightmares.

When she had died, Marc had spent a day considering his options before he had gone back. The plane ride had been a lesson in what it felt like to have the longest and slowest panic attack. The kind that snuck up on you and left you wondering why you were clutching at your armrest so tightly and staring down a long dark tunnel.

Getting off the plane had been easy. He had brought very little. A single carry on bag with toiletries and a suit. He had rented a car taken the familiar streets easily. No maps were needed. Very little had changed here. Nothing ever did.

When he had found himself in front of the familiar house, he had stared up at it with a sense of dread. Tall and dark, it sat waiting for him with pain and nightmares he couldn’t face.

It was her house. Even dead, he could still sense her inside it. He could see her sitting in her front room chair, a can or bottle in one hand and the look of a predator in her eye.

He had refused to return. Wandering off, he had at last released the hold on Steven that he had gripped so desperately all this time. Or perhaps, Steven had clawed his way out through the open wounds.

It was done now. It was all sorted. He didn’t have to face those doors again. The endless staircase of pain. The sound of banging on the door. It was all in the past. He didn’t have to go back.

Until he got the call. Why had it never occurred to him? Why had he never thought that someday it would fall on him? Did he just think that one day they would be in this world and the next they would just disappear?

Perhaps it was because of how he himself had viewed his own existence at certain points. To exist and then just fade into black. No longer a scar on the world and nothing to leave behind. Only a memory that no one really could place.

The phone call was brief. Informative. To the point. Less than a minute long.

It was early morning. He had been woken by the call and he had simply nodded and thanked the person for letting him know. He had hung up and lay back in the bed, eyes closed as he felt the rush of responsibility fall on him.

He needed to call the family. The Rabbi. The Neighbors. The landlord. Oh, and the utilities and insurance and bank and funeral home and…

“Who was that?” Layla rolled over and draped an arm around him lightly.

Marc put up a wall. “No one. Just… Uh… Go back to sleep. I have some things I need to do.” He kissed her hand and slid out of the bed.

He went about his normal morning routine. He felt a pull and he put up another wall, blocking Steven and Jake out. They didn’t need to get involved in this.

He went to the storage unit. His space. His space where he could work alone and feel connected to a time when he was anywhere but back there. He found the little book where he kept all the contact information. Things he had never felt comfortable throwing away. Things where a small part of him had lingered on hope that maybe someday…someday…

But someday was gone. The last trace of it was fading and his fingers lingered on the edges of the pages for just a moment…just this one moment when he was still in the here and now…

He opened the book and pulled out his phone. He did what he does best and got to work.

“No. The spare keys are in the back. Third pot from the right of the door. Haven’t moved it in years so it’ll still be there. Uh huh. I don’t care. Maybe… Let them decide. They know the place better than I do. No no… I’ll take care of it. Just call this number if you need anything.” He moved down the list. Giving orders. Making decisions. Passing off the tasks to those that were there. Those that could take it and get it done because he wasn’t there. Because he had chosen not to go back. Because he had walked off and forgotten…

“No. I won’t be there. I…I have work.” He lied easily. “Go ahead and do it without me. There’s no sense of postponing it. He wouldn’t have wanted to break that tradition. Yeah…. I’ll be there later. The weekend I think. I’ll clean it out.” He could leave it to someone else. He could just call a team to go in and make it all disappear so easily.

Another wall and he felt his resolve solidify. He bought the ticket before he could back out. Before the weight of it all could settle on him.

Returning back home at the end of the day, he sank down into a chair and looked up at her. Her warm smile. Her soft hair. Her trusting gaze that he had struggled so hard to earn back.

“He’s dead.” He stared ahead. The number of times he had said that in the past several hours had been ridiculous, yet it still failed to numb it.

Her smile disappeared in a flash and concern flooded her face. “Elias is dead.” He dropped a wall and let the information spread. He said it again. “Dad’s dead.”

There was a beat. A physical jolt through his system as first Steven then Jake received the knowledge. As each processed it. Processed what that meant to them in their place and memories and individuality.

Marc still held a solid front. He could hear Steven crying. Somewhere inside Steven was crying for a father that he barely remembered or connected to, but had still known on some level.

On the outside, he felt Layla gently pull him into a hug as she brushed his hair back in just the way he liked and whispered words of comfort.

In Jake’s corner of their world Marc felt nothing. He had shut himself away. A brief burst of rage before he slipped out and there was only Steven, crying softly.

Marc numbly nodded. To whom, he didn’t know. There was still work to do.

“When are we going back? The funeral and all that… Is’t there something about the first twenty four hours? I read somewhere…” Layla fumbled with a culture she had never been properly introduced to. Marc had never felt the need.

Marc simply shook his head. “They’re taking care of it. I’m not… I can’t… I’m not going to be there for the arrangements.” He left it at that. It was easier to speak formally. Detached. He was only following the list of things he needed to do. “I’m going back on Friday to take care of a few things. I shouldn’t be long. I think I can get it cleaned out in three days. Cleaned out enough anyway.”

“Friday?” She chewed her lower lip then nodded. “Do you want me to buy us tickets?”

Us. A plurality that he understood well. A path he had not chosen. “Just me.” He corrected. “It will be easier.”

She didn’t like that. Boy did she tell him so. She never had any issues voicing her opinions when she felt he was doing something stupid. This was absolutely one of those things.

He shuddered as Steven also started to voice his distress. “Marc how are you going to clean out a whole house alone in just three days!” She demanded.

“You can’t go alone! You can’t do this alone! We’re going to need her! You’ll need her!” Steven decided he needed to take over. Buy tickets. Get there earlier. Do things properly. He wasn’t thinking straight. The plane ride alone would put them there too late. Things couldn’t be delayed. A glance at the clock and quick math confirmed it for him. His father would already be taken care of.

Steven pushed for the front. Pushed hard.

Marc pushed back. He stood up and started to pace the flat. He was very aware of Layla watching him and ready to argue more. She was used to seeing them hold conversations. She was used to seeing them have mild fights and disagreements. She had once had to break up an argument between Steven and Jake over the stupidest thing.

This… This was not something she had ever seen. A one sided fight of emotion and something that built until it threatened to crash all around them.

“No.” Marc cut the air with his hand. “I don’t care. I’ve already handled it. What the hell do you think I’ve been doing all day? I SAID NO. YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HIM WHAT THE HELL DO YOU CARE? LEAVE ME ALONE!” He kicked over a chair.

Steven made a grab for front. A bold move that failed as Marc picked up a glass of water from the table and threw it. He watched it shatter, spilling the water across the wall and down to the floor. It washed away the thin layer of dust that had once been there. A layer of dust no one had known about until now. The glass sparkled, in shards, glittering in the light both beautiful and dangerous.

Steven retreated. No. He was shut out. A wall had slammed up with the shattering of the glass. Marc felt the silence. The emptiness. The sadness and silent weeping inside now gone.

No one in the flat moved. He could hear the dripping water off the wall. He could feel the rage leave him and be replaced with guilt. “I’m sorry.” He whispered.

Layla didn’t move, her arms crossed over her chest tightly as she stared down at the broken glass.

“I’m sorry.” He pleaded softly. “I’m sorry…” A child lost and begging to seek forgiveness for something so small. Something that meant nothing but that felt so big in their world. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry…”

He closed his eyes and took a slow breath, shutting it all down before it could run out of him like a burst damn. “I just… I need to…” He looked up at Layla, briefly lost in what he needed. He needed to organize. He needed to call more people. He needed to make sure it got done. He needed to rent a car. He needed to check his passport. He needed…

The phone rang. He glanced down at it. “I need to take this…” He picked up and listened to the most recent condolences. “Thank you.” He nodded. Foreign yet familiar words crossed the ocean and he realized it was a prayer.

He looked at Layla, who still stood by and stared down at the freshly washed floor. A memory of a part of him that didn’t exist anymore stirred and he recited the prayer with them. A prayer for his father. A prayer for his soul. A prayer for the friends and family. There was a prayer for everything. His voice carried the old words, stumbling over the parts that had faded over time from lack of use.

Steven would have remembered them. Steven would have found comfort in them. A brief look of distress crossed his face as he forgot the ending phrase. Steven would know. Steven should say it. Steven should say it for them… He needed Steven. He was sorry. He needed Steven to finish this for him. Then the words came and he breathed easier.

The prayers done, he gave more instructions and made more decisions. At last the phone stopped and Marc felt a hand on his arm.

“Marc… I don’t think you should go alone… But if you think you need to… I’ll be here. You can call me every hour of every day if you need. I’ll be on the first flight there if you ask. But please… Don’t shut them out. Don’t shut Steven out. Let him help you. Let them mourn too…Please. Don’t run away again.” Tears glistened in her eyes. She knew about the last time now. Only what he had told her, but she knew. She knew it was why he left. It was why he had given up. “Come back to me. Please.”

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. “I promise. I promise.”

The next few days went by like a bad dream. He stared down at his phone until it rang and it was one more thing for him to do. One more thing and one more thing and then another and another. He collected condolences and prayers like baseball cards. Organized them and put them away into their protective sleeves. When not on the phone, he paced and flickered in and out. He was struggling to stay grounded and someone else, Jake or Steven he wasn’t sure which, took the hold until the phone would ring again and he pushed outward to answer.

Steven must have been out because his face was wet and Layla was gently stroking his back. Marc didn’t know. The wall was too thick and he was missing time. He had shut off communication.

Jake had been out. He knew this because he came to in the corner, his back to the wall and palms bleeding from clenching his fists too hard. Layla was out. Jake would not show his pain to her or anyone, but the signs were there. The body was in distress. The body was tired. The body was in mourning but could not decide how to follow through.

By the time the dreams hit, the phone had stopped ringing. There were no more condolences to give. No more prayers to take.

The Shiva had passed and Marc at last left the flat. Perhaps he had conducted his own Shiva. One to match the sort of life they had lived. Denial and failure to thrive.

The dreams were simple. Standing in a room until Elias walked in. Silent with nothing to say, yet he knew everything that had ever been said. He would wake breathing hard and clutching the sheets tightly. They were not his normal night terrors filled with screams. These were slow and quiet. Easy enough to hide.

On Friday, Layla looked up at the airport, her eyes scanning the sky as if she might be able to pick out his plane if she tried hard enough. She gripped his bag tightly. A single bag. A single set of clothes and essentials. Just enough to disappear into.

“You promised.” She clutched tighter. “Remember that. I’m here. Call me. Okay? Every day. Every hour. Every minute. Just call me okay? Come back.”

“I promise.” He hugged her and slipped the bag from her fingers. “I promise.”

She whispered something softly not meant for him. Marc felt his head nod and he shook it to clear it. Whoever had heard it had responded and Layla watched him enter the building.

The plane ride was a blur. He was vaguely aware of slipping in and out. Perhaps sleeping. Perhaps not. He didn’t know who had sat buckled in so tightly. Who had chatted to the couple next to him. Who had ordered the soda and not let him touch the cheap alcohol. Who had gone to the bathroom and had a tiny quick panic attack before cleaning themselves up again and neatly bucked back into their seat.

On the ground, Marc followed the roads. Roads that never changed. Roads that he saw in his dreams. Roads that he still knew the names of and could trace on a map.

Roads to the home of pain and sorrow.

He pulled the key from his pocket. His key. A key he had kept all this time, still on the Chicago Cubs keychain. It was easier this time. He was numb. He was a body from a day in the future when this was all said and done. He just had to get there.

He reached up as he passed the threshold. A hand instinctively reaching up to touch the mezuzah. His fingers lingered there as he looked into the house.

There was so much to do. Furniture. Clothes, decorations, pictures, dishes, and things. Things and things and things and things. Lived in and used and waiting and abandoned.

Marc moved to the middle of the front room and slowly looked around. It was all the same and all different at once. The table and chairs were there. The pictures on the walls were unchanged. But there was a blanket on the couch. A pile of clothes on the chair. Papers stacked on the table. Notes in shaky handwriting.

He walked to a desk and picked up the top note. “Don’t forget lunch on Monday with John. Bring salad.”

It was in his father’s handwriting. He set the note back down and glanced up at the calendar. Days crossed off, notes and events scrawled across them. All leading up to the one day that still sat, unmarked and unfinished.

“I can do this.” He whispered. He needed three piles. Trash. Donate. ….What was the third pile for? He looked around. Did he want anything? Was any of it worth anything to him?

Moving to a picture frame filled with photos, he remembered gazing at it as a child. Picking out the family members there. Putting names to faces. Enjoying the happy faces living out happy events long ago.

His father had put up Marc’s school pictures. Pictures where, looking at them now, Marc wasn’t sure who was in them. He remembered a few. That one there looked very much like Steven’s big goofy grin. That one could be Jake, but he was pretty young there and Marc wasn’t sure if Jake had been around yet for that one. He certainly didn’t remember it but he didn’t remember a lot of things.

He took out his phone and snapped a picture of a few of the pictures then sent them to Layla. “See anyone you know?” he captioned it. She responded with a heart eye emoji. Something Steven would approve of.

Marc slowly went to the kitchen. He felt like a stranger viewing a museum piece. Afraid to disturb the dust that had settled. Ghosts lived here and they were angry.

He slowly pulled out the chair he always sat in as a child. He sat down and stared down at the table. A glass half full of water still sat at his father’s place. His mother’s place was bare. It had been for many years now in his memory.

He gave himself only a minute before he got up again and turned to the stairs. Up he went, closer and slower with each step.

His hand touched the door knob and –

He was holding a trash bag down stairs in the living room. It was almost full and three other full bags were piled in the corner. Boxes of donation items were filled and piled by the door.

Marc shook his head and stared down into the bag. Photos stared back up at him. People he knew and didn’t. People that had excused themselves from his life long ago. He looked up and found the walls bare. He was almost done packing up the living room. It also looked like his father’s study was cleared out.

He pulled out his phone and found the day was gone. It was late but at least it was still the same day.

“You didn’t have to do that.” He addressed to the room. “I can do this.”

“You ever stop to think that maybe we can’t?” Steven snapped back at him.

Marc looked around. A trail of papers went from the living room to his father’s study. He set the trash bag down and followed it.

Opening the door, he stopped. The room had been trashed. Things ripped from the walls, tossed about, broken and crushed. The desk looked like it had been kicked over and over again until it was dented and cracked. The only thing untouched was the Torah.

“Jake?” Marc picked up a cracked photo of himself looked like it had been smashed against the wall.

“Well it obviously wasn’t me.” Steven sighed. “I had to… Well I put him in time out I suppose. I’ve never seen him such a mess. You should see what he did to…To her things…”

Marc turned and stared across the hall to the master bedroom. The door was ajar, the light on. He could just make out a sweater lying on the floor. Her sweater. He knew it well.

“I can’t.” Marc took a step back. “I can’t go in there.”

“Yeah. We should um… We should take rooms.” Steven nodded. “I’ll do it. I’ll take that room. I can take this one too. I don’t… I don’t um…” His voice wavered and he took a slow breath. “None of this means anything to me. I don’t remember this. Can you do the… The kitchen? I liked it in there. I liked the… The window. I could see the birds…”

“Yeah.” Marc nodded. “I’ll do the kitchen and living room. Maybe when Jake’s feeling better he can help with the living room.”

Steven nodded. Not trusting his voice to speak.

Marc sighed. “Take a break. You look like you’ve been busy.” He gathered up a new trash bag and headed back to the kitchen.

Jake came to the next day after they had taken a break to rest. He sat quietly alone in the living room for a minute or two before the others awoke. When they had eaten a simple breakfast of instant oatmeal Marc had found in the pantry, Jake quietly picked up a bag and started on the living room.

When it was time to move back to the study, Jake had disappeared again. He had not spoken a word since Marc had first uttered the news.

When Steven moved to the bedroom, Marc joined Jake in the dark. He was distantly aware of the body moving. He could watch if he wanted to, but when Steven opened the closet to find all the traces of her still there, he closed his eyes to the outside world.

In the inner world, Jake sat beside him. Gently, timidly, Jake took his hand and they sat behind the closed and locked door together. Comforting and protecting and hiding together.

After it was done, they found Steven at the top of the stairs, looking at the closer door. A door that still had a child’s drawing and name written across it. “Marc’s Room.”

Marc opened the door and walked inside. Perhaps he was hoping his father had converted it into a new study. Hoping his mother had burned it all in a last act of cruelty.

He found it untouched. Just the same as the day he left. A pen on the floor by his desk. A partially filled trash can with crumpled up homework assignments. An unmade bed. A picture on the wall of a fish with one fin.

He slowly moved to sit on the bed. Without a word, he lay back and pulled the covers up. He was tired. This was the only room left untouched.

He woke the next day, still in his old bed. Staring at the ceiling, covered in plastic glow in the dark stars, he pulled out his phone and dialed.

“Marc?” Layla’s voice was beautiful. It soothed him immediately.

“I think we’re done.” Marc sighed and closed his eyes. “I can’t finish it. Please…”

“It’s okay.” He could hear her clutching the phone as she paced anxiously. “You don’t have to do anything. We’ll call a clean out crew to do the rest. You got what you needed now come home.”

“I can’t!” Marc sat up and looked around the room. “I can’t let them take it! I can’t… I can’t put it in the trash. I can’t… I can’t put what’s left of me in there. I can’t… Roro… There’s nothing left. Nothing left… I can’t…” He shuddered and curled up, drawing his knees to himself as he pulled an old plush bear to himself and clung to it. “It’s empty… So empty… I’m the only one left…”

Tears streamed down his face, hot and full of salt. He had heard once that tears of sadness were heavier in salt than other tears. A dead sea flowed from him, staining his cheeks and leaving all the sadness in the world.

He could hear Layla calling out to him from the abandoned phone. He rocked, fingers stroking the old stiff fur on the bear desperately. Each inhale shook his frame as he filled up and then came out in shuddering sobs. He knew she could hear him as he cried for the family that now lay in the ground. The family he once had. The family he should have had. The family he lost in one moment in a deep dark cave.

She didn’t hang up. She listened to him sob for what felt like forever. At last she heard the sounds of someone shuffling around and the phone pressing back to an ear.

“There are no more tears to cry.” Jake sounded exhausted. “Please… Come get us.”

Layla found them roughly ten hours later, still in their old room, clutching an old bear and staring up at a drawing.

The rest of the house had been packed up impressively so. All that was needed was to call a company out to take the trash, donations, and furniture away. But stepping into his old room was like stepping through a portal to the past.

She didn’t know who was in control, but they all needed the same thing. She pulled them in and wrapped them up tight in her love. She was safety. She was protection. She was comforting.

She held him and stroked his hair gently until he slowly came back to himself.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel.” Marc nuzzled her neck and she pretended not to see the bruised and scabbed up knuckles on his hands.

“You don’t have to know. It’s complicated. You can leave it at that. You can miss them and still not be sorry. You can love them and still not forgive them. You can cry for what you lost. For what was taken from you.” She soothed him gently, rocking as she held him.

Marc swallowed and nodded. “All of it… All of it can go.” He looked up. “Except that.” He pointed to the goldfish. “It’s all that’s left.”

“Do you want any pictures?” She let him disentangle himself. “Anything else?”

“No. No pictures.” He stood up and took the picture off the wall gently, his hands shaking as the wall was left with the shadow of the frame. “I want to leave.”

“Okay. I’ll call the pick up services.” She watched him slowly leave the room, not looking back as he headed down the stairs.

Marc stopped at the doorway.

Steven reached up and touched the Mezuzah. He whispered something then they walked outside.

Layla made the calls. She waited with Marc outside as the crews showed up and carted everything away. He handed her the key so she could lock up, he refused to go near again.

The key was in a potted plant near the door, where there had always been one.

They got in the car. “Do you want to….Pay your respects?”

Marc closed his eyes. He did not want to go to the cemetery, but he was not the only one that may wish to say goodbye.

Jake shook his head. Steven hesitated, taking a moment to think about it. “No. I don’t want that memory.” He decided at last.

They went back to the airport. It wasn’t till they were in the sky over the ocean that Marc at last relaxed. “I promised.”

“You did.” She smiled and took his hand. “Thank you… Thank you for coming home.”

“Home…” Marc could not wait to see Steven’s books. To sit in Jake’s car. To watch the fish. To exist in a place he could return to over and over again.

#Moon Knight #Moon Knight Fic #MoonKnightober2022 #MKtober2022 #Marc Spector #Steven Grant #Jake Lockley #Layla El-Faouly #Hurt comfort #TW death #grief #It's 2:30am and I have to get up for work in four hours #choices I make #Sorry for the sad it was a day #Next one will be happier! I hope #This is based on real life events #so.... yeah #triggering for anyone that's ever had to clean out a dead loved one's house I guess

28 notes · View notes