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vidavalor · 2 days

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This is why The Book of Life is both the most grave threat in GO... and also complete bullshit

I win at attention-grabbing titles today, I think? 😊I don't think that Is The Book of Life real? is the question. I'm more interested in:

Who *believes* that The Book of Life is real and how does that impact their decisions?

Early in S2, there's the scene between Beez and Crowley in Hell, wherein they tell him that Heaven is threatening anyone involved with helping Gabriel with "Extreme Sanctions," which they define as being written out of a thing called 'The Book of Life'. They say that this doesn't just erase someone from existence-- it makes it so that they never existed at all in the first place.

While 'The Book of Life' (and a thing called 'The Book of The Damned') have a place in religions in our real life and are likely being alluded to a bit here, we know that GO puts its own, wonderfully subversive spin on things. More importantly, the scene between Crowley and Beez where Beez defines The Book of Life for us actually might tell us what the deal is with it already.

Crowley, upon hearing about The Book of Life as a threat, immediately tells Beez that there is actually no such thing. He says that they-- meaning the two of them-- made it up back in the day to tease more innocent angels. Crowley is confident of this fact when he's not always confident about his pre-fall recollections and, as a result, we're inclined to trust his opinion here, right? It's Crowley's doubt in himself that has caused us to start to complicate a thing that might actually be deceptively simple: it's not a thing.

We see the realization that Crowley is likely correct flicker on Beez's face when Crowley tells them that The Book of Life is not real... and then quickly disappear and be replaced by an attempt to gather their pride.

Both Beez and Crowley have faulty memories and many scenes in S2 show Crowley's struggle to recall some people and events from when he was an angel. Even if you think that Crowley plays with knowledge of this with other angels and demons (like with Furfur and/or Saraqael) and purposefully pretends to forget them, he admits to Gabriel near the end of S2 that he knows what Gabriel is going through from personal experience.

What Crowley is sure about, though, is a memory that he has of him and Beez teasing some angels and making up The Book of Life. Lord Beezlebub, though, doesn't have this memory. It's perhaps trauma-blocked for them, the way that many of Crowley's own have been and many still are.

When Crowley tells them that he's sure that The Book of Life is bullshit, we see a flicker of vulnerable horror pass over Beez's face for the briefest of moments before they double down and insist that, no, he has to be wrong, The Book of Life is real.

Why do they do this? Because they know that Crowley is likely correct and they're embarrassed.

Imagine being Beez, running Hell for all those years, and jumping to do whatever Heaven tells them to do to try to maintain order and stay alive, only to find out that the thing Heaven's threatening them with? It not only doesn't even exist but Beez themselves is one of the people who made it up. Heaven took Beez's memories and, with them, some of their sense of self, and then turned around and weaponized those memories against them. They've been frightening Beez half to death and making them do their bidding by threatening them with something they and Crowley once jokingly made up once while being silly and stupid.

That's... pretty dark, no?

Making matters worse? They once ordered Beez to try to kill their old friend, Crowley, and here he is in the present, the only person they can go to for help with finding the person they love before he's harmed even more by these same people who have hurt all of them... and Crowley remembers the friendship they once had more than Beez does. He has a kind of sweet memory of the two of them being friends and he's acting like one in the present by trying to look out for Beez through telling them the truth as much as he knows it. He's being kind to them...

Beez can't stand it. They don't think they deserve it and they feel like such a fool. If they admit the truth-- that they think Crowley's memory is correct and that they were wrong about The Book of Life-- then they're admitting that they were duped by Heaven for longer than anyone can count.

Would Crowley care about this or think lesser of them? No. He would empathize. It's not like he's not in the same boat as Beez, having also been harmed by Heaven and facing difficulties with his memories. He would understand and he'd continue to be kind about it... but Beez has their pride. Beez is embarrassed-- so, they double down. They change the course of the season as a result.

They tell Crowley that The Book of Life is a real thing and emphasize the threat. This causes Crowley to begin to doubt the validity of his own memory. It triggers his lack of trust in himself. He's already vulnerable about his memory but he was sure about this particular memory-- until Beez starts insisting that he's wrong. (To be fair to Beez, they both have such shit memories that it's easy to see how they'd both wind up operating under the assumptions that there's a real threat, even if talking more to one another and trying to figure it out together would have been the healthier way to handle it.)

Crowley thinks, well, Beez has run Hell for ages and surely they'd know more than him if Extreme Sanctions are a thing or not? He presumes that Beez has seen it done before, since they're insisting that it's real. He presumes that he's the one who is incorrect and, as a result, becomes convinced that Aziraphale is now risking his very existence to help Gabriel.

This then becomes Crowley's primary motivation for the whole season.

It's even eclipsed the terror he has over the idea of Aziraphale falling because, at least, if the worst happened and Aziraphale fell, he'd still be there. If Heaven erases Aziraphale from The Book of Life, though, according to Beez, Aziraphale will have never existed at all.

At thinking this a possibility, Crowley races back to the bookshop to help protect Gabriel as a way of trying to help protect Aziraphale. All season long, the threat of Aziraphale being The Book of Life'd looms large for Crowley. He even growls at Gabriel at one point that Aziraphale is risking "his existence" to help him. Gabriel also can't help Crowley determine if Extreme Sanctions are really a thing or not-- even if he likely would have been in a position to know previously-- because Gabriel's brain is experiencing technical difficulties and playing nothing but a Buddy Holly song for all of S2.

Crowley is also hesitant to tell Aziraphale about his fear of The Book of Life threat because he knows that Aziraphale is skating on the edge of a breakdown and that, while Aziraphale is strong overall, he is very, very fragile about the fact that Heaven abandoned him and no one has talked to him over the last four years until Gabriel showed up at the door.

Crowley also knows that Aziraphale is sensitive about the fact that all of what little information they can gather about what's doing in Heaven & Hell is coming from a demon Crowley knows because it highlights that, after all the years he gave Heaven, Aziraphale was left without anything remotely close to a friend up there, while Crowley still at least has a contact in a demon who needs him and his experience. That said demon also has a thing for Crowley adds further complications.

So, in an effort to not worsen things and to try to protect Aziraphale, Crowley doesn't tell him that Beez reached out to him for help because he doesn't want to tell Aziraphale that Beez needed him and that they had what is, for them, a fairly friendly chat. As a result of trying to keep that to himself, Crowley can't mention his terror over The Book of Life to Aziraphale.

This means he's alone with the thoughts of it for the season and his already high anxiety is worsened by the fact that seeing Gabriel's memory loss reminds him of his own frail memory, causing him to doubt himself more, and helping convince him that Beez was correct and they're all in massive trouble. He's not the only one trying to protect someone by not mentioning a threat to their existence, though...

The season goes on and Aziraphale goes to Edinburgh. On the way back, he lets Shax into The Bentley and Shax comments that she is "bemused that Crowley should risk his existence" to help Aziraphale. Aziraphale doesn't immediately question this as related to The Book of Life because he assumes that Shax means that Hell would destroy Crowley if they determined that he was involved-- that it's the same threat to Crowley's existence that has always existed. Still, it amps up his worry for Crowley's safety and when he gets back to London, he doesn't tell Crowley about his having met Shax.

Because Aziraphale doesn't bring this up, there is not an opportunity to for either of them to mention exactly how worried they are that the other might die over all of this. The subject of existence-- and how Crowley is worried that it ties to The Book of Life-- continues to not come up.

Fast forward to The Final Fifteen and now we have Michael in the bookshop living room, yelling that they're going to erase Aziraphale from The Book of Life. This is the first time in the season that Aziraphale has directly been confronted with the concept of Extreme Sanctions.

Michael, for their part, seems to genuinely believe in The Book of Life. We have several scenes earlier in the season showing Michael making a power grab in Gabriel's absence and tussling with Uriel over what little power either of them really do have. It's likely that, even if The Book of Life is a thing that does exist, Michael doesn't actually have the ability to erase anyone from existence. (Not even a fascist regime would be dumb enough to give that power to Michael lol.)

What could be the case, though, is that the angels are also told this is real from being the frightened cherubs back in the day lol and all presume that The Supreme Archangel must have the power to do this because, well, they're The Supreme Archangel. (Even if it's really The Metatron who runs the show.) Michael thinks that if they sound like they have the power, it's as good as actually having the power, and it will result in them being seen as Gabriel's replacement. You know the idea of acting as if you already have the job you want to get the job you want? Michael seems to be doing that in 2.06.

What's true, though, is that there is no evidence that Michael has ever seen a case of Extreme Sanctions in action, either... and there's also zero indication that The Metatron actually told Michael that they were authorized to do such a thing, if it does exist. The opposite, actually, seems to be true...

What we did see is The Metatron order Saraqael and Michael to find Gabriel without specifying how and that Michael then took it upon themselves to enlist Beez for assistance. At no point does using Extreme Sanctions seem to be anything but Michael's idea of a motivational tool to get Beez to help them find Gabriel (as Michael didn't know that Beez was already personally motivated to locate Gabriel... and then help keep him away from the angels).

So, we're saying that Michael doesn't actually know fuck all about fuck all where this topic is concerned and them threatening to use Extreme Sanctions doesn't actually mean that they exist. This is pretty heavily suggested by this scene here...

Whoever the being being played by Derek Jacobi who shows up at the bookshop in the middle of Michael's 2.06 tirade actually is-- Satan, The Metatron, Satan-in-The-Metatron, All of The Them standing on each other's shoulders in a Metatron suit, whoever-- Michael comes to believe that this is The Metatron... and this being whom Michael believes is The Metatron shuts down the idea that Michael could write someone out of The Book of Life hard.

While this can be seen as another type of power play-- shutting down Michael to establish that he's actually the most powerful person in the room and that being a low key threat to all of them, including both Michael and Aziraphale... it doesn't necessarily mean that this being is lying about The Book of Life.

For one thing? Michael, once told that the being in front of them is The Metatron, believes it, so, when whom they think is The Metatron tells them that what they're saying about The Book of Life is "utter balderdash-- I mean, complete piffle", Michael doesn't say anything that suggests confusion over that.

If The Metatron was the one out here authorizing Extreme Sanctions and telling Michael to threaten anyone helping Gabriel with erasure from The Book of Life, Michael would have started to splutter here and said something along the lines of 'but, but, Daaaad, you said I could?!' lol. Instead, they appear to just be embarrassed to have been caught out threatening something they can't actually do. This furthers the suggestion that, not only can Michael not actually do it, they've probably never seen it done-- adding to the suggestion that The Book of Life is not actually a thing.

Complicating matters is that, for their own safety, Beez and Gabriel are gone by this point in the story-- and Gabriel has his memories back. If Gabriel had still been in the bookshop at this point, he could have made it clear that Michael didn't have the power to do that and he might have also been able to tell Crowley and Aziraphale that The Book of Life isn't real, provided he knew the truth about it. One of the reasons to pull Gabriel from the story prior to this, from a writing standpoint, would be to take away a character who could provide Crowley with that knowledge because the point of Crowley having been panicked about it all season is to lead to it affecting how he views the events in this episode and the plan he makes and tries to convey to Aziraphale in the pivotal "no nightingales" scene. You could argue one of the reasons to wait so long for Gabriel to get his memories back in the story is for this purpose-- any sooner and there would have been time to tell Crowley the truth and then you wouldn't have Crowley trying to save Aziraphale from non-existence in 2.06 by suggesting the only thing he can think of that might keep that from happening (which we'll look at in another meta about that scene.)

Because "The Metatron" shuts Michael up about The Book of Life, Aziraphale puts it on simmer in the back of his mind because, as he goes with "The Metatron", he has other, more devilish, concerns on his mind. There is evidence in 2.06 to suggest that, by the time he's come back to the shop after talking with "The Metatron", that he's pretty convinced that there is a strong possbility that this is really Satan and that he could be falling/about to fall.

He tries to convey this to Crowley but Crowley is not only blocked from seeing it because Satan can influence him-- like he did to prompt Crowley into identifying him as The Metatron-- but because Crowley still thinks the bigger threat is The Book of Life. He's still worried that he can't trust his own mind and that Beez was correct. In reality, though, all of the bells and whistles and noise about The Book of Life serves as a distraction from the real threat, which is Aziraphale falling. This influences what plan Crowley comes up with a bit while Aziraphale is with "The Metatron" because his motivation is to keep Aziraphale from being written out of existence.

Now, sure, it's possible that Heaven went and invented The Book of Life and made it a real weapon after it had just originally been a thing Beez and Crowley made up but if you look at what it's supposed to do, it's easy to see how unlikely that actually is. Why?

Because Heaven is a fascist regime run by The Metatron so the goal is always for him to maintain control over his little empire thing here and Extreme Sanctions? It's actually the exact opposite of that. We all know about the butterfly effect-- the idea that a single butterfly flapping its wings in one moment of time, if altered, would cause a ripple effect of other things to be altered that basically changes the course of the known universe, right? If Heaven really were to make it so that even just one of their angels were made to have never existed at all, they've essentially created a parallel universe. While those might likely exist, actively making them is not at all the goal of a character like The Metatron, who has a hard enough time keeping his own regime in line in this present universe.

There's also the question of the fact that this would be erasing one of God's creations in a way that reverses Her decision to have ever created them in the first place and I highly, highly doubt that The Metatron actually has the power to do that, let alone any of the other angels. That feels very "only God could ever do this and She has no desire to" to me.

Beyond that, there's how Crowley phrased it to Beez: "It's just something we used to joke about to frighten the cherubs."

On a show with language this deliberate and that uses the etymological histories of words as part of telling its story, it seems worth pointing out that the origin of the word 'joke' is basically wordplay itself. This would seem like a suggestion to look at the wordplay that sits there in the phrase "Extreme Sanctions" because this very dark-sounding thing can also have a more positive connotation.

While sanctions are a penalty imposed for breaking a rule or an agreement or a law, to sanction something can have one of two extremely different meanings. One is to enforce the penalties we're talking about but the other is the exact opposite of that-- it's to give an official stamp of approval for an action.

Those who are helping keep Gabriel safe from The Metatron in S2 are threatened with "Extreme Sanctions" by Heaven... as in extreme punishment... but they'll likely be met with extreme sanctions by God... as in, God approves of them working together to protect Gabriel and of the actions they'll take as a result of what they learn by doing so.

God's like great job, you guys, extreme sanctions for real, keep it up, now go free the others 👍👍👍make it happen, make it real, kids, let's fucking go... it's not coincidental that I sent you the angel whose name means "messenger" to tell you that I'm giving this whole plot some extreme sanctions here...

You want to erase someone from The Book of Life? Ironically, from what we've seen, besides God, only Crowley himself could probably do that because doing so would alter the makeup of the universe he created and completed with Aziraphale's help.

This is the literal Book of Life:

#ineffable husbands #good omens #good omens meta #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #good omens 2 #good omens theory #good omens speculation #lord beezlebub #the archangel fucking gabriel #the metatron #michael good omens

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t0ast-ghost · 3 days

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“Since the Cerritos is statistically the horniest and least romantically committed crew in Starfleet, we have no married officers aboard.”

- Lower Decks S4 EP6

First off if this is referring to just their current time period then yes I’d probably agree BUT since it’s a show and I think the creators were making a clever nod towards other shows I’d like to point out some things

This’ll get long. (Spoilers for TOS, TNG, DS9, & SNW)

TOS:

Both Spock and McCoy are divorced (McCoy twice over)

Whatever was going on between Spock and Chapel ???

Kirk is apparently too committed to the enterprise (yeah definitely the ship… nobod-nothing else) to commit to any of the women that he has definitely fucked

Kirk didn’t commit to Carol Marcus and she had his son

The Shore Leave episode

Theodore Sturgeon’s letter about the Shore Leave episode

Episodes with “Paradise” in their name

Must I bring up Amok Time?

Half the crew is just in love with the ship and all their relationships fail. The one time someone tries to get married their spouse dies

TNG:

Jean Luc is happy as is … Q however

Q is the horniest motherfucker for that frenchman and I’m counting him

Riker

Beverly with the ghost

Oh yeah Jean Luc literally kills two spouses (Crusher and Sisko) he’s actively uncommitting the romantics

The show’s SECOND EPISODE is where everyone gets super horny and fucks each other

Even the “emotionless” android gets some (I cannot blame Natasha one bit, Godspeed)

That’s all I remember from this show

DS9:

JADZIA DAX MY QUEEN

Julian Bashir’s original name was Dr. Amoros. He is doctor dick.

Lwuxana Troi wants Odo so bad but that goop ain’t committing

Whatever is going on between Odo and Quark

Need I mention Garak?

Mirror universe (Kira is about to kiss herself)

Almost every character is dating each other in this show and they made it canon for several but they all fall apart (Except Rom and Leela cause they’re perfect)

The O’Brien polycule… I drew it out but it got more complicated than the O’Briens (basically Julian is best friends with Miles who is married to Keiko. Keiko was on a shuttle while pregnant with Julian and Kira when there was a crash and Julian had to transfer the child from Keiko into either him or Kira, so Kira volunteered. She ends up living with the O’Brien’s while carrying the child and bonds with both of them (to the point both she and Miles think it’s weird). Kira eventually gets with Odo who is Quark’s nemesis and Quark is crushing on Jadzia who is exes with Julian who is (somewhat unknowingly) courting Garak. Jadzia Dax becomes married to Worf but I think her and Sisko have definitely fucked. Sisko is married to Kasidy and enemies with Gul Dukat who reciprocates that but is also fixated on Kira who hates him. Did I miss something?)

Now, I bet they did not count DS9 in their statistics because it’s a station not a ship but also because they’d always win this contest

SNW:

Spock and T’Pring

Spock and Chapel

Spock and Kirk

Other Kirk and La’an

Kirk and Carol ???

(All of them fail that’s why I bring it up)

Pelia has been married to another woman (not canon but it’s gotta have happened, right?)

Whatever was going on between Una and Neera in the court episode

There’s no way Uhura’s in a relationship (they might set her up with Scotty next season but I’d like to see her and Chapel)

The others do not seem romantically committed to other people

Pike’s weird dinner parties

To be honest Lower Decks is maybe the most outright vulgar in its language but most of the time it’s a feel good show about a bunch of best friends. Their captain is married, their CMO and head security officer are in a (happy?) relationship, and third thing here.

I haven’t seen any of Voyager or Enterprise and I don’t think Discovery is that horny/romantically uncommitted

#star trek #star trek lower decks #lower decks #star trek tos #star trek the original series #star trek tng #star trek the next generation #star trek ds9 #star trek deep space nine #star trek snw #star trek strange new worlds #I’m not tagging all those names #silly star trek stuff

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tellmegoodbye · 2 days

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-> Music Monday

We're back!!

The playlists and docs have been updated with the submissions from last week. Go give them a listen!

Daylight - Shinedown

I was diagnosed with a fear of getting too close Had to tell the ones I love, I was on the ropes

It's amazing what the hard times can reveal Like who shows up, who walks away, and who's for real

You saved my life, not once but twice You keep me free from falling You saved my life, make it all alright When I don't feel like talking You make sure I always see the daylight

To me, this song encapsulates the relationships between everyone on the show. It's about the people who lift you up and have your back no matter what.

Fade In / Fade Out - Nothing More

Just the other day I looked at my father It was the first time I saw he'd grown old Canyons through his skin and the rivers that made them carve the stories I was told

He said, "Son, I have watched you fade in, you will watch me fade out When the grip leaves my hand, I know you won't let me down Go and find your way, leave me in your wake Always push through the pain, and don't run away from change Never settle, make your mark Hold your head up, follow your heart"

When the morning comes and takes me I promise I have taught you everything that you need In the night you'll dream of so many things But find the ones that bring you life and you'll find me

This is an emotional one, y'all. Firstly, I implore you all to check out the music video for this song. Bring tissues!

This song reminds me of Carlos and Gabriel. It's about a father and son that have a complicated relationship and grow apart as they get older. In the end they get to a point where they want to reconcile, but unfortunately, it's too late. However, the father knows his son is going to go achieve great things. It's bittersweet, yet hopeful.

Moondust - Jaymes Young

I'm building this house, on the moon Like a lost astronaut Looking at you like a star From the place the world forgot And there's nothing that I can do Except bury my love for you

Yeah, I'm living far away, on the face of the moon I've buried my love to give the world to you

The brightness of the sun, will give me just enough To bury my love in the moondust I long to hear your voice, but still I make the choice To bury my love in the moondust

This is the ultimate breakup-era song! Carlos is trying to build his life and his home while loving TK from afar. He knows he may have to let him go, and he'll bury his love if that's what it takes for them both to move on and for TK to find happiness.

Time - NF

That's when I look at you and tell you I'd be better alone Just the pride talkin', isn't it? 'Cause both of us know I'm the definition of "wreck" if you look into my soul Comes out the most when I feel I'm in a vulnerable place Made a lot of mistakes I wish I knew how to erase When I'm afraid, might get distant and I push you away But no matter the case, I'ma do whatever it takes

Yeah, way before I bought you the ring We were fighting back and forth like you were wearin' the thing Two passionate people not afraid to say what they think Lead to passionate conversation when it's hard to agree

And I know it hurts knowing that I carry this weight on my chest Making it difficult for me to open up and connect Lot of regrets, I apologize for all of the stress That's not what I meant to do, you know I love you to death

Even if we both break down tonight And you say you hate me, and we go to bed angry I know everything will be alright I'll be here waiting, I promise I'm changing I just need time

Time is a very universal song when it comes to relationships. It's about recognizing your own issues and working on them, not only for yourself but in order to be a better partner. This is what TK and Carlos do every day.

Tags!

@strandnreyes @goodways @nancys-braids @captain-gillian @lemonlyman-dotcom

@carlos-in-glasses @carlos-tk @literateowl @thisbuildinghasfeelings @herefortarlos

@welcometololaland @reyesstrand @bonheur-cafe @heartstringsduet @theghostofashton

@goldenskykaysani @freneticfloetry @eclectic-sassycoweyes @whatsintheboxmh @honeybee-taskforce

@messymindofmine @fandomswonderland @kiwichaeng @reeeallygood @toomanycupsoftea

@firstprince-history-huh @fitzherbertssmolder @safeaswrites @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut

#har rambles #911ls music mondays #music monday #911 lone star #music tag #if you saw me accidentally post this yesterday no you didn't

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fabulouslygaybean · 2 years

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im terrified to turn 18 next year but also i basically just confirmed with one of my best friends that we're gonna find an apartment together and be roommates so suddenly the future doesn't seem too horrible

#we both hate the idea of living alone rn and neither of us are moving out of the state just yet so we're gonna live together #that way we can split the rent and save up our money for whatever we wanna do #im taking at least a year long break after i get outta high school before i even THINK about going to college bc otherwise ill die i think #and she might also be taking a break before she goes to college #so it'll all work out :')#only issue is that this is the girl im kind of confused abt because i cant tell if im crushing on her or if its just platonic #so this might complicate things. but whatever #she's one of my best friends first and foremost and being roomates will be nice #bonus points for us bc it's gonna be a household of trans folks lmao #we still gotta talk about logistics and all that and we still don't know how its gonna work out but #im happy #even if i get kicked out by my mom the second i turn 18 i know ill have a friend who ill be able to get a place with #i have to find a job asap but i dont think it'll be too crazy hard #my soon to be roommate is begging me to join her at the grocery store she works at and my brother is begging me to work with him at an -#- escape room #so im probably just gonna join one of them soon bc i can #also im planning on taking my drivers permit test next week which is. kind of terrifying but i need to learn how to drive #the public transport here is alright but it just doesn't cut it sometimes so i need to know how to get around via car

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necrophiliak · 3 months

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#40k #orikan the diviner #trazyn the infinite #orizyn #adeptus mechanicus #my self insert magos id been wanting to do for a while ahah #so i can keep an eye on mu-15 in universe B)#also fun to translate my usual very fleshy undead sona to smth mechanical #orikan and trazyn r funny for sooooo many reasons but the one i can stop thinking abt is how it Feels like a usual tsundere thing bt #trazyn is both suave and The Rizzler or whatever whilst also being like 'damn who dropped a mountain on orikan' (he did)#damnnn who let that genestealer loose...#why are you both so fucking complicated #then again it might just be his amazing commitment to the bit #sry i keep posting a ton of tags w the 40k stuff i just have shit to say. im loving it so much #the idea of trazyn enjoying ribbing orikan soooo much that Yes hes a little in love but also doesnt want to change how they act @ each other #coz its so fun and stupid and hes actually having fun (an emotion thought totally lost)#holding my head in my hands

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bitchliteraria1906 · 2 months

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Someone: What's your sexuality?

Me: well you see, I never had a serious crush on anyone. Also, I had trouble understanding what a crush even was for most of my life. Also, I identified as aroallo for a while because I thought I was aro but not ace, but now I think I'm ace too. Also, fictional crushes. Also, I enjoy learning and reading/sometimes even writing about kink but have no idea if I would be comfortable actually participating on it. Also, some days I'm perfectly happy like this but other days are still confusing and shitty because it's all still new to me. Also-

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sciderman · 30 days

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(Idk if someone asked this already) since we’re on the topic of gender

sci what is gender to you and how do you see it in you and how you express it in your art?? (Just a young queer artist who wants some light shined upon them 🥺)

i 'unno ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#gender is soup #sci speaks #i'm so sorry i know you might hope for something profound but... i think when i'm put on the spot like this i can't say anything really #i think whatever i am is definitely pervasive in everything i write #but like.. gender means something different to wade than it does for peter.#just like it'll be different for everybody. we make different associations based on our experiences and our trauma.#like.. wade associates femininity with love. because of his mother. associates masculinity with violence. because of his father.#peter associates masculinity with responsibility. because of uncle ben. associates femininity with confidence. because of aunt may.#i think there's all kinds of reasons why we choose to present the way we do. and what gender means to us.#just like we'll associate a colour with something. or a smell with a memory. it's complicated.#i don't think i'm some kind of expert on gender things but... i just find it interesting to explore. the psychology of it.#i don't think it's supernatural. it doesn't come from nowhere. but it should be a playground.#i don't think anyone in this world should be restricted to a certain role to play. i want to try all the roles and see how it fits.#see how well i can play them.#maybe because i haven't found one that quite fits. so i want the opportunity to try whatever i can. see what feels right.#i think it would be fun to be a wife. i think it would be fun to be a husband. i think it would be fun to be a firefighter. i think it wo #shrugs. different outfits for every day. different roles to play.#today i'd like to try...#i think it's like kids learning how to be adults by playing pretend. by playing roles.#i'm learning more about myself and other people and fitting into the world by trying on different roles.#kids playing house. you be the mom. i'll be the dad. yadda yadda.#i still feel like a bit of a kid who hasn't figured out how to be an adult yet. so i'm still trying out roles to see what fits.

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reinabeestudio · 5 months

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Ok how vague can I be with this 👑💭

#italians do it better by alesha dixon starts playing #good song btw you should check it out #this is a wip actually. but i refuse to finish it DKSFKLSD #ALSO that's not her hair thats a veil!#whatever the fuck this situationship (?) is. despite what it might look like the thing is sfw 🤨#my art #self insert #not related to my latest comic. but also yes. sorta???#i love being complicated /lh #by day its starlo time. by night its these fuckos time /JJJJ #love makin things so dark u cant see shit. woe silhouettes be upon thee #cant see the lil details like-- y'know what. i'll let y'all find them by yourselves

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dnangelic · 7 months

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dark will always take up immediate issue with those who mock love or emotion as weak i think. irrational at times? sure, he can agree. sensitive, vulnerable? absolutely; inherently, (as a synonym for sincere,) but the moment someone starts legitimately calling love a weakness or an exposed vein only meant to be punctured and drained from, that's when he starts to get angry. dark, as someone who already bears an inherent callousness and apathy, who knows just how easy it is to be cruel, destructive and belligerent, always admires daisuke for the boy's heart and tender, stubborn emotion. like sugisaki's interview mentions, dark is likely someone who bears continuous witness to and understands just how much intense effort can go into someone doing their best in trying to be kind to others; he thinks that he himself never could, at least not even close to the same way that daisuke steadily tries to maintain. those that would mock or scoff at daisuke's, if not the overall idea of kindness, dark won't hesitate to snap at and call weak, pathetic, or cowardly in return. those who prey on others' feelings and scorn or abuse them aren't proving that kindness is a 'weakness;' they're only fouling good things that could have even otherwise been their own with their own 'malicious crap and garbage.'

#*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.#reference.#this can get complicated bc like even if he chews somebody out he probably still won't start fighting them or anything #and there's still the part of him that doesn't really care how people live their lives for themselves #but at the same time. he recognizes that careless part of himself too. unlike daisuke who's always always showing compassion and worrying #for others' feelings and their safety #in the end ppl like this just remind him of krad who's always saying the same thing #emotion is a weakness feelings are a vulnerability so just never have anything ever. don't want anything don't do anything #for yourself. just repress and break and self destruct and let him control/manipulate everything #dark can't staaaaaand that.#it's not the love. it's YOU. anybody who twists and mucks things around. you're the weak one you're the scum #(and again. dark is the responsible one. he's the one who wants to always own up to his own shit)#daisuke isn't weak for his kindnesses because it takes so much -effort-. and he's always trying his best to focus on things important #and to meet them in whatever way he can. daisuke might admire dark for being capable and charismatic. cool and 'reliable'#but what dark doesn't say is how he admires daisuke for being so incredibly strong but still soft and -tender- as well #it's the same perspective as riku- 'he looks kind of wimpy but he's not weak. he always thinks about how he can do his best.'#even if dark can't be daisuke. the things that make himself up. things like love. sincerity. passion. things that make life worth living #dark will get hella defensive of things like that if you push the right buttons.

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cuntstable · 7 months

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lrb is so….. good to read because like for years now ive been debating on if i have The Tism or not. like both my brothers do and compared to them my symptoms are a bit different, and for a long time i was just like oh its just adhd (while constantly doubting myself) but ive resently started to realize that its ok if i cant label it for sure since im not looking for a diagnosis anyway, im just like trying to focus on indentifying and managing the different problems and symptoms i Do have. man. whatever.

#for years i was like Well all my siblings and most of my friends are autistic so i at least have like. Honorary Autism. but uhm i think #mayhaps some of my behaviour and symptoms might be a bit beyond that. but whatever im focusing on managing etc etc #ofc also the years and years of masking and social trauma also complicate everything but man. whatever #like breaking it into smaller questions rather than the larger Do I Have X is in general such a good approach to these things.

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possiblytracker · 10 months

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feeling normal (birthday in like 3 days that im not ready for) feeling normal (too artblocked and preoccupied to even think about finishing artfight and wrestling with guilt about it) feeling normal (-£600 in bank account) feeling normal (realised breaking my foot last year led to Lasting Consequences but cant see a physio abt my fucked up legs til january) feeling normal (has to learn to drive stick and the instructor is scary) feeling normal (stlil has no idea how to un-fuck social life after the great mental breakdown of april 2023) feeling normal (gross sobbing)

#'hows it going' yeah everything is happening so much its fine tho <2 #like im FINE im just. all over the goddamn place i need things to just settle down #i applied for a job thats like. actually the closest thing i can think of to my dream job. like. rare opportunity where i can suck up to th #employer as much as i want about the place having a huge impact on my life and mean every single word of it for real #(its at the bird park where i used to volunteer but this time doing flight displays animal training and education)#im slightly underqualified for it (no prior hands-on experience and no drivers license yet) so i might not even get the interview #so not getting my hopes up high yet #i can always volunteer there again on weekends while i work whatever retail gig will take me if i dont #but fuuuck it'd be nice. so so cool #'required qualifications: undergrad degree in fields related to animal behaviour' me rolling up with my shiny new Animal Behaviour BSc:#anyway. AUghrh #give things a few more weeks to shake out. ill be okay #having complicated feelings about one chapter of my life being over.. its a fucked up transitory period thats prolly gonna feel worse-#before it feels better #but ill settle into it soon especially once i get a job/my sister goes to college in september #....and i get the goddamn boxes out of my room so it feels more like a place i actually live again jgHJSDN #vent/#its not Really but close enough

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grimark · 1 year

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not that anybody asked but i do think terms like "cis+" or "cisn't", which i've seen thrown around in relation to the prev post, are a bit unnecessary. to me, it just seems like excessively atomising a fairly common experience, which is the desire to not be subject to the more uncomfortable and restrictive aspects of socially constructed gender roles. and sure, it might never even occur to a lot of cis people to do this kind of introspective analysis of their gender identities, and they might therefore be lacking some of the additional perspective of someone who has, but i don't think we necessarily need need a special new category for it. when you get down to it, "cis person who has previously questioned their gender" and "cis person who has never felt the need to question their gender" are both still cis, which in theory is a value-neutral description and a perfectly fine thing to be.

#this isn't meant as a criticism of people who like those terms or find them valuable or validating #it's more just. i don't get it and i don't really see the point of them but that's fine because they're not aimed at me anyway.#if you're cis but you want to add a modifier to encapsulate your gender journey then you do you.#to me just seems a bit patronising to tell cis people they're actually cis+ or whatever #like. aww you did such a good job thinking about your gender! here is a star sticker for you that says 'more evolved than other cis people'#instead maybe we can just trust that 1. people are the experts on their own identities and experiences #if someone says they're happy to continue identifying as the gender they were assigned at birth we can probably take their word for it!#and 2. accept that we all probably have a lot more in common than we might assume #it seems like a mistake to think 'this experience (gender discomfort and introspection) is exclusively a trait of x category of person'#'so if someone from y category has experienced it they must not actually be y‚ they must be something else instead'#which allows you to comfortably continue to paint people from y group as a wholly separate other with fundamentally alien experiences #and no possible point of overlap or common ground.#i see this a lot with the eternal thorn in my side which is posts about how The Neurotypicals Do This Thing #and also with a certain flavour of ace discourse #which presumes that 1. anyone who doesn't choose to identify under the asexual identity umbrella must necessarily be allosexual #2. there is a single unifying allosexual experience which can be equally applied to the rest of the human population #and 3. no allosexual person could possibly have a complicated or fraught relationship with sex and sexuality.#or if they did have any experiences in common with asexual people they'd naturally choose to identify as ace instead.#therefore these two identities must be wholly separate groups with no experiential overlap.#like idkkkkk clearly these hyperspecific labels are useful to some people!#but to me they often just seem to generate feelings of division and othering #or they're used as a way to claim a particular experience as exceptional to one group #when it's actually a pretty common feature of the human condition.

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prowerprojects · 10 months

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Aside from the fact that that I genuinely don't believe that Tails is depicted as disliking his other name in canon, I also have kind of a personal reason why I prefer it to be this way.

I feel like it's a bit mean spirited towards his designer (who named him Miles and still calls him Miles), cuz it's kinda "Not only is the name you chose for your oc is stupid (that's why we changed it to "Tails", which is miles more clever), but also if your oc was real they'd hate it too. Btw".

I mean even if it was meanspirited doesn't mean it couldn't be written like that, like it did happen in aosth and I mean some writers are still making fun of the people who wrote the "Boldy McNosehair" joke to this day (I feel like even if it's a bad joke you should leave this type of mockery to the fans. This is also why I don't love most of the meta jokes in Sonic Boom). And in other fandoms worse things happened to other characters.

I guess I just would feel really shitty if someone wrote stuff like that about my oc. (And because this is tumblr, I'm gonna clarify that I'm not telling anyone what they should or shouldn't headcanon, just explaining my *own* feelings)

Personally I like to see it more like Tails preferring to use the name Tails because of sentimental reasons (it represents reclaiming it from the bullies and becoming a stronger and more confident person, who embraces the fact that he's gonna stand out no matter what and makes it a part of his identity), and because he doesn't like it when people make fun of the "Miles Per Hour" pun (which is why he prefers to use "Miles Tails Prower" as the full name).

#tails #project.txt #'tails is a fictional character that someone made' overweights the 'tails chose his name' for me because he didn't choose shit!#people at sega just decided that 'miles prower' is too complicated of a pun #he didn't choose anything because he's not real #you might wonder why I don't feel so strongly about other headcanons that change a lot of things about the characters and I don't know.#maybe I'm a hypocrite whatever. this is just one thing that sticks out to me specifically.

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tomatoluvr69 · 3 months

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**** and ****** and I all got invited to birthday party #1 tonight. Then each of them got invited to an additional birthday party, #2-3. so now I am being made to go party hopping with them. to parties of ppl I’ve only met in passing. and if that weren’t bad enough a friend of ours but mostly theirs is opening for [mid but confusingly well known DJ in our town who thinks playing starships by Nicki Minaj makes her all that even tho *** is better!] tonight and so now we’re gonna try to go to four things. Woeeeee is literally meeeeeeee I want 2 stay home and pirate ebooks and listen to sufjan stevens but unfortunately if I refused to go it’d be a whole big thing even though I literally only ever agreed to go to party #1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Scream. Ugh whatever I’m going to drink a matcha latte with raspberries and a shot of espresso at 4-5 pm and hopefully I will not pass away </3 Urgh this is fine this is good for me I’m young blah blah blah I have to enjoy this era it’s fleeting whatever blah blah blah I have the rest of my life to drink herbal tea all alone plan my garden and force myself to read a joan Didion book I am not enjoying. Blah blah blah but I don’t have to LIKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh AND I have to go fucking secondhand clothes shopping* beforehand this is like when Gabriella and Troy from High School Musical had big game, scholastic decathalon, and callback auditions all at the same time

*it’ll be FINE I guess hdhebfndjjejejdjdj

#ughhhhhhh #why don’t you skip it? you might ask. great question!!#it is because I have managed to seriously fuck up the dynamic between me and one of these friends to where it will make things worse if I #appear to be further avoidant!#so why not COMMUNICATE??#yeah I am asking myself the same thing! but it is COMPLICATED!#ahghgghhgh whatever maybe there’ll be MDMA at some point then it will be fun ugh #journal #sorry venting #I wonder if brunch tomorrow at ours with ****** *** and ********* got canceled. if not then that 22222 erghhhhhh #and then fucking yoga and dumplings tomorrow night #literally why am I complaining it’s nice to be included and wanted etc #I think it’s just the imbalance between stretches of loneliness and isolation and like…bam seven events in one weekend #last night I accepted the joint as it got passed around and instantly got so weird no one could tell what I was talking about.#which is what everyone always thinks but actually no one could tell for real this time so I just got in a blanket and thought about faraway #things #i should stop smoking weed the thing is it’s never like unbearable just like low grade kind of sad #update and now they want to take MY car??? all the way to fucking Fairview????????#when I don’t even know *****????

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nomaishuttle · 8 months

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sry its just like rly incredibly annoying how much ppl will like. IDK. yes ik a lot of autistic and adhd ppl who do love music. and sometimes it is bc of their neurodivergence yk. music can be grounding its familiar its reliable and comfortable. i think its fine to say Autistic/ADHD ppl often find comfort in music. but its stupid as fuck to say Therefore enjoying music makes you autistic/adhd.

#like that cant be the only diagnostic criteria... im not at all anti self dx but i am anti just hearing abt something doing 0 research and #being like yep thats so me. yk.#likeee. i have a LOT of issues on the psych industry trust me. i also think in a lot of cases its dangerous to be diagnosed. and in most #cases self dxing even uninformed self dxing isnt harmful its just like. idk. it can be harmful when you use it to spread misinfo #even unknowingly. IDK.... like. i enjoy eating the same foods over and over bc they are safe and reliable. expecting these foods #and then getting something different than what i was expecting is incredibly upsetting. that is bc of my autism but if that was the ONLY #autistic trait i had i wouldnt say i was autistic i would just say that i find comfort in my foods being reliable and i dislike change.#and i think a lot of ppl just feel this need to put a label on every single thing abt them down to like. the way they walk.#like do i do the classic autistic Walking on the balls of my feet yes its true i do do that. but again i wouldnt say i was autistic just bc #of that... sometimes its just a quirk you have. sometimes you just have things you do and you dont need a label to put on them to explain #that thing... its more just like. if you do have that dx or whatever you can look at that thing and be like oh this might be bc of that dx.#and you can kind of bond over that with other ppl. IDKK its complicated and im rambling #again idt its like super harmful to self dx even uninformed its just like. i wish sometimes people would just be like . chill abt labels #its the same thing with sexualities and gender like. sometimes you dont need a hyperspecific word to describe your entire identity sometime #you can just be a person. yk. like i love being bisexual i love the bisexual label and im proud of being bi. i dont feel the need #to look into the specific ratio of who im attracted to or when im attracted to them or whatever to make a more specific label. IDK THO #idk. basically i just think instead of trying to group everybody into these tiny Ultra specific groups of ppl you relate to i think you #should just be like. Oh everybodys a person even if they dont experience everything the exact way i do. idk whatever

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estravenlover · 11 months

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I was talking the other day with people about how English doesn’t have deferential verb forms and stuff like many other languages do but how in English we still have hierarchical ways of speaking to each other. Obviously race class and gender play huge rolls. Also this is not universal but I notice that at least for me and most women around me that we talk to men in an extremely deferential way that men seem to take absolutely no notice of. I think most men that I interact with have literally no idea women speak to them differently than we do to each other. Even when things are not dangerous, like the other day I was talking to a random man in the grocery store and he was insisting that the Barbie movie already came out, and I know that’s just like factually not true but after he told me I was wrong I immediately agreed with him and continued with the conversation. Like I wasn’t scared of him I had no actual belief he would have hurt me in public because I insisted that the Barbie movie was not actually out yet lol. It was just the first reaction I had to placate him and agree verbally even though I knew it wasn’t true. And obviously it didn’t really matter in that interaction but I do this in my professional life, I do it when talking to strangers, and I even do it when I’m with friends even though I try hard to stop doing it then. It’s my tone of voice, it’s the literal words I say, and it’s even the body language. And it’s not a new idea that women make themselves smaller around men, many other people have said it before and more elegantly but idk crazy to me that so many men in the world don’t know we do this? Like this was also sparked by me working on some internal stuff with men and some white women I work under where I was angry because they seemed to be so dismissive of all the work I put into offering them deference and respect in our interactions and my friend literally had to tell me that they didn’t actually know I was doing that. that’s just how they think I am all the time and how they expect me to talk to them. Which, obviously lol but it was kinda jarring to realize in the moment.

#TO BE CLEAR I don’t think this is an innate thing #this is entirely a learned behavior #I think part of the problem is men not knowing but when I have told men in my life this I have not gotten a lot of positive listening back #lol #so I think as feminists we need to do the work of actively trying not to do this and for male feminists they need to be ready to be able to #be prepared to listen to that and actually speak to the women in their life as equals and not use their social power to demand subservience #again this is my experience but I do think many other women share this #but so often the men in my life demand subservience in subtle ways and this is one of them #but like it doesn’t need to be like this #also I think race plays a huge role #like being brown changes how I interact with people all the time and I’m sure it matters in everyone else’s lives too lol #but I do think white women do this too for men but their experience might be different or whatever in ways I don’t know #idk all a work in progress #ugh English is so limiting and is so focused on catagorization it’s hard to talk about this without it sounding like I’m placing a hierarchy #of other peoples privileges #which I’m not trying to do #life is very complicated and these catagoriyan are not real they are social #but idk I’m just trying to put my experience into words #also to be clear fuck TERFs #I feel like when u talk about feminism on thsi website two weird things happen #TERFs try and claim any feminist discussion as being a terf point…. which like ew no stay away #thsi has nothing to do with gender essentialism and I reject terf logic wholeheartedly #but also some people seems to be reactionary and say discussion of women’s oppression is TERFy??? which is also weird and stupid #terfs don’t own feminism they are a contradictory reactionary group trying to pretend that #but regardless of what idiots on the internet think we need to be able to speak openly about issues that hinder liberation #and this is a small example that I was just thinking about #feminism #my post

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