#so much sadder
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(SPOILERS) Ashley, self-esteem, and starvation
So, I adore Ashley. She's this intensely toxic, vicious, cruel, manipulative girl, and her psychology gives me hella brainworms. Andrew's not the only one whose head I wanna crack open and root around lol. She's thrown away the world just to keep her brother by her side, and she'll continue to do worse and worse for the same reason. She's pretty awful! I've been thinking about why, though. How did things get so bad? How did her soul get so dark?
We don't know everything (I'm waiting for those new eps patiently aND CLAWING AT THE WALLS AND FROTHING AT THE MOUTH but whatevs y'know whatevs I'm normal. I'm fine), yet what information we have been given is bumping around my brain like a DVD screensaver on hyperdrive
It's clear from the start that the roots of Ashley's issues lie in her horrible, neglectful upbringing, but it's hinted that even those outside of her family felt the same abt her. I'm lowkey even betting we'll learn later on that she was ostracized by her peers somehow. However, what's most disconcerting, I believe, is how little she was when the results of this alienation are first made apparent to us (bc kids aren't dumb; they notice this stuff oftentimes instinctively, impossibly young, before they even know what it means to be hated), and how devastating the consequences were.
(There's something decidedly childish abt her dream sequence in the "questionable" route—filled with crayon scribbles and rabbit plushies, the metaphors simplistic yet profound—which really hammers in how these sentiments are things that have made a home in her since childhood. Formative subconscious truths.)
Growing up unloved and noticeably unwanted by virtually everyone around her likely left her with a gaping hole in her heart that she'd spend the rest of her life trying to fill. She'd make friends, but she'd always worry that they'd leave her, that they'd betray her, nothing tangible or weighted enough in their connection to trust in its persistence. Why should she expect otherwise? Not even being bound by familial ties ensures affection if her parents are any indication.
Every lesson she'd ever learned had always taught her this: you are easy to abandon. You cannot love and be loved by virtue of your own worth.
You have to rip their affection from their clenched hands if you want it so bad.
This understanding carries with it an undercurrent of degradation, instilling within Ashley a constant, biting inferiority complex which will never fail to be a source of insecurity. She will always be put last. She was difficult to raise, so her parents gave up on raising her. She was difficult to get along with, so her friends gave up on getting along with her.
It's an odd cycle. She's difficult bc she needs to be to get attention, but bc she's difficult, she can't keep it. Not without having whatever fondness she's managed to cultivate within someone fray at the seams, volatile and prone to collapse, bleeding toxicity.
Hence, her relationship w/Andrew.
By being the only reliable constant in her life, caring for her and keeping her company, Andrew essentially became her only source of happiness, and she's since learned not to bother with anyone else. Still, it's dangerous to keep all your eggs in one basket; since he is all she has, she must protect her place in his life with even greater ferocity, which becomes a torturous ordeal when coupled with her damaged self-esteem.
It's apparent in her quarrels with Andrew that she needs constant reassurance that she is wanted in some capacity or perceived in some positive light (getting pouty when Andrew says he's "stuck with her", needing to hear that she's pretty, needing him to "choose her", wanting him to say he loves her back, etc. etc.), yet her insecurity remains, bc unlike her, he's got options. She doesn't think he needs her like she needs him. He's got a gf, their parents love him, her friends love him. Why would he settle for her? What if someone better comes along? Someone she can't scare away?
Wouldn't he just leave her like everyone else?
Even before getting locked in the coffin of their apartment, starvation's been a constant theme in Ashley's life. She's constantly aching for love, and Andrew's the only one who can feed her. When you're forced to fight for a bite to eat or suffer every moment you hunger, you become ravenous—covetous—when faced with food; you don't want the hunger to return, so you lock down the source of your sustenance, wary of its retreat. Ashley's in a permanent state of intense insecurity, always anxious that the love that gives her life will leave her.
Andrew knows Ashley better than anyone else in the world, and it's obvs to everyone and him how desperate Ashley is for him, but I don’t think Andrew has truly, consciously processed the depth of that desperation. It's there buried in his head somewhere no doubt, but rn, he doesn't operate w/the direct awareness that he is everything. He is brother, mother, friend, and soulmate. He is life and love, air and water, everything that is good in the world—everything that there is to justify existence.
It's heartbreaking, in a way, that it's so difficult for Andrew to convince her of his loyalty. This goes further than his tendency to hide his true feelings, bc when push comes to shove, he's at her beck and call. Objectively, he's hers. She doesn't see that bc all she sees is all the ways she can lose him.
So, she gets bratty. She gets pushy, possessive, territorial. Manipulative. Gets under his skin, guilts him to exhaustion, bc she can't see him staying any other way, bc he doesn't get it, bc it works. He bends to her will, for her sake. For now. It's always "for now", bc he'll start slipping away again, and then it'll get worse. She does worse.
Becomes worse.
#honestly??? it's bc he's everything to her that the decay ending where she shoots him is so messed up#so much sadder#I've got something abt that in my drafts somewhere#it might not see the light of day so I'll just say:#imo she isn't shooting Andy‚ she's shooting Andrew#bc if he's so far gone he'd kill her#then her beloved is already dead#the coffin of andy and leyley#tcoaal#ashley graves#coffincest#character analysis#txt post#this is all my interpretation btw hope no one presumes I'm pushing these analyses as fact#to the ppl who read these ty.... you have my heart...... 🫶
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Simon petrikov coping FAIL compilation
#HNNNGGGNNN!! SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT EPISODE 2……#my art#adventure time#fionna and cake#simon petrikov#Fionna and cake spoilers#<- kind of??? maybe not really#I’m so glad ep 2 gave us some insight to that scene in obsidian#it’s such a shift from Simon saying he’d literally rather DIE than be the ice king again#BUT IT MAKES SENSE!#nostalgia can twist your perception of the past#and then mix that in with a metric ton of trauma !#‘things were simpler back then’#SIMON 99.5% OF YOUR LIFE AS ICE KING WAS AWFUL….#I mean in the later seasons he does gradually gain acceptance and fit in with the others#but that just makes the CURRENT simons situation so much sadder it’s like he’s back at square 1 in some ways#WILL THE ISOLATION EVER END?#OK IM DONE RANTING IN THE TAGS
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Ted Lasso, the character, is one of the only representations of 'sometimes getting better with your mental health issues means that you are less visibly happy, and that is okay, because you are not required to be happy in order to be loved' out there and I am really discouraged that so much of the audience is angry at that.
#ted lasso#the guy we meet in season one is so so so much sadder and is suffering so much more#than the guy we say goodbye to in season three#but the guy in season three doesn't crack as many jokes and doesn't grin and laugh at every opportunity#I really didn't expect the fandom to interpret that as 'he's even worse off than before!'#when the fact is that when you're able to have an inherent sense of self-worth rather than relying on Doing Everything Right#that you become less manic about making sure everyone likes you all the time#which is what ted did for the first two seasons#I dunno I just wish there was more room for this kind of character#and... for this kind of person#believe mothereffers#theodore lasso
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trying to get better at capturing likenesses so heres a quick(ish) alicent portrait study :3
#hotd#alicent hightower#my art#i think I did pretty ok I like it ^_^#now the issue is stylizing/translating into my style tho. esp without rendering. need 2 figure out how to do that#also its so much more fun to do portrait studies when its a blorbo from your show instead of some pinterest rando. who wouldve thought#quick=a couple hours lol. look its quick TO ME#i feel like I made her look sadder compared to the ref oops
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“The voice says I’m almost out of minutes 😡” [x]
#castiel#supernatural#spn fanart#spn art#spnfanart#destiel#this is a redraw from 2015 I really liked the original so I wanted to put my own little update spin on it#I love this scene and this episode so much#and this little interaction#I also have a much sadder one in mind#Lmao#….maybe I’ll do that one next
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the more i think about Oppenheimer the more disappointed i get because at its core it’s such an interesting story to tell. like the whole manhattan project catapulted the entire world into a new atomic era that we could never go back from whether we were ready for it or not. and the fallout from the project not only changed and devastated the lives of hundreds of thousands of people (including of course the victims in hiroshima and nagasaki + the people living in new mexico where they tested the bomb) and the continued generational trauma of the bombs. also just the general mass panic and fear that the Cold War instilled into every citizen in the states who were literally waiting to one day be just annihilated by a nuclear attack. the whole creation of the atomic bomb had so much impact on the world. so doing a deep character study of both oppenheimer and his colleagues on the moral ambiguity of their work in the project and the outcome of it is such a great movie concept. but the film didn’t feel like that at all. instead Nolan gave us the watered down story that he’s best at and spent almost three hours forcing us to watch whether oppenheimer had to lose his disneyland government fast-pass due to his communist ties or not (spoiler: he does) and how strauss doesn’t like him because he got his feewlings hurt once. all the other scientists and physicists were given one or two minutes of screen time and were really just names to a face. the actual bombs creation was given a sidelong glance and trivial explanation at best. and of course to tie it all off the main female side characters were either naked/having sex for 80% of their screen time or was given the character depth of a piece of tissue paper
#oppenheimer#oppenheimer spoilers#oppenheimer negativity#I’ve had all day to think on this and the more i do the sadder i get#i wanted to like this film so much#i thought we were gonna be given a deep dive into this character and the bomb#but the result felt shallow and contrived#the movie focuses so much on fitting as much info as possible in three hours that the story just couldn’t breathe#scenes between characters lasted all of two minutes before we were launched into another scene to two new characters#and oppenheimers personal motivation/desires just felt ambiguous the entire time#like he busts his ass to build this bomb but then all the sudden develops a moral compass when it’s done?#where’s the character depth?? what makes him so passive about some things then suddenly driven for others?#and Florence and Emily Blunt were ripped off and characters were reduced to common tropes#it’s just so disappointing….i waited all year for this movie too
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25 year old Andrew to his younger self: we’re in love with a man, we have cats together, you have a twin brother, we go to therapy weekly but we made it. We are alive.
14 year old Andrew, who thought he wouldn’t make it to 18, was in denial about his sexuality, hated every therapist he’d ever met, and had no idea aaron existed yet: what.
6 year old Andrew: we’re in love? We have a brother?! 🥺
25 year old Neil to his younger self: you play exy professionally now, and you’re no longer on the run, you have a partner named Andrew. You love him with everything you have. You’re safe.
14 year old Neil, tired, who very much thought he’d be dead by now: we’re not running? It’s over?
6 year old Neil: WE GET TO PLAY EXY?!
#aftg#all for the game#the foxhole court#tfc#andrew minyard#neil josten#andreil#younger self trend#I’m mad bc I had this DRAFTED bc I like the trend and then I just saw someone on tiktok in an Andrew Cosplay do their version of it#so I’m posting it now so no one things I straight up copied anyone 😡#I swear it was an original idea#also I want u to know this could’ve had a much sadder version but I went with the more lighthearted route#tw death
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“I never ask you for anything, not to feel the way I felt...”
Tess Servopoulos + Joel Miller in S1E02 of The Last Of Us (HBO)
#tlouhboedit#the last of us hbo#joel miller#tess servopoulos#joeltess#joel x tess#tess x joel#anna torv#pedro pascal#tvedit#THEY MADE THIS SO MUCH SADDER KMS#1k
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beyond the wanton flirting, ed taught stede the advanced stabbing trick with the sword because he almost lost stede to a stab wound and he never wanted that to happen again 🥲
#ofmd#our flag means death#blackbonnet#it was mostly flirting but still absbs#Ella made this much sadder so if you see this babe add your thoughts#ofmd meta#mine#meow speaks
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Be emo with me for a second
Ghosts are a thing on the Boiling Isles
That could include palisman
Imagine, when Hunter passes on, the first thing he feels is something tugging at his hair
And then he hears Flapjack and he can still understand what he's saying
And- under the idea that Flap has very bird-like speech- it's just "Hello! Love you! Love you! Missed you!"
And Hunter just breaks down in happy tears because he finally has his best friend back
#i like to imagine that everyone will still be united in the afterlife#this is so much sadder when you consider palismen live until killed so everyone else would have to wait for their palisman to die#but maybe ghosts can still talk to the living so they can talk the their palisman sometimes theyre just not on the same plane?#idk i just want them to be happy#toh#hunter the owl house#the owl house#toh hunter#hunter noceda#hunter toh#flapjack#toh flapjack#flapjack toh#the boiling isles#boiling isles#sad boi hours#im breaking down just thinking about this gimme a sec
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the thing you need to understand about les mis musical is that on my own is a parallel to castle on a cloud and I feel very strongly about this
#It’s not that she’s in love with him. Maybe she is that’s not the point the POINT is#There is one single person in éponine’s life who is not cruel to her. Of course she wants to be near him.#and isn’t that SO much sadder than just an unrequited love story#les mis#les miserables#eponine
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He's the epitome of this meme
#succession#logan roy#kendall roy#shiv roy#roman roy#connor roy#remember when Jesse Armstrong confirmedt to Brian Cox that Logan loves his children?#the fact he does love them a lot in his fucked up way is such a key to his character and the family dynamic#and it makes the whole story so much sadder and more awful and tragic#and they all love each other!#in extremely fucked up ways#text post meme#my memes#succession text post meme#succession + text post
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doctor i just thought about the jeri/rys for too long and teared up . is this normal
#look look look im not insane#im just thinking about how boy jerry is angry and loud and demanding#and how girl jeri is sadder and quieter and lets boy jerry do the dirty work#like burying the bodies and cleaning up the blood#how girl jeri probably thinks she can only rely on boy jerry#but how boy jerry probably thinks he can only rely on himself#do you see what im saying#how boy jerry takes and takes and takes and takes#and how girl jeri just keeps giving without question#because to her boy jerry is the one person she can give her trust. so she gives him all of her trust#how boy jerry probably doesnt trust girl jeri nearly as much as she trusts him#all for none and none for all yknow?#<- i know it's supposed to be 'all for one' but i need to get my point across#definite's ted talks#man. i need to shut up about them
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I was at first in love with totk, and I still think mechanical wise, its quite impressive
And when I collected all the tears and saw the "story" I genuinely got upset in a good way (at first), because man! Did they really got the balls to go that far? Is there nothing I can do for her? Now I MUST do all the temples, see how it plays out and --oh, I've got this cutscene already. Why are all the people so dumb about Zelda, I KNOW where she is, Link say something-- Link??
After finishing all the temples and almost falling asleep, I stopped playing the game, looked up the last boss and remaining cutscenes and went "Thats it?"
Watching other people (including you) being critically about so many things, both character and mechanical wise, I've almost startled myself with a realization what the gnawing feeling I constantly had, actually was.
Totk feels like a fanfic.
And don't get me wrong, I love fanfiction, I think its great and important, I adore fanfic writers, I love finding gems, I love reading self indulgent stories, see new spins and interpretation of characters. I love the casual, the passion, the creativity!
But totk gives me the same feeling everytime I am reminded that Fifty Shades is a Twillight fanfic.
The world is there. The faces I know and grew to love are there. But everything is ever so slightly different, uncannily so. Just how some characters talk, how they act, how they were placed in the story. The Zonai appearing out of nowhere, but no, they always had been there you see, they were these super magical advanced people but they all died, the king is so tragic. And you see, the king is super cool and powerful and-- oh I dont get to interact with him outside of the tutorial. Did they try to do another King Rhoam-- but wait, that only worked because we didn't knew he was a ghost-- totk wait stop why do you take him out of the story, why couldn't he be a companion, he IS ABLE TO TALK THROUGH THE ARM LET THE OLD GOAT COMMENT ON STUFF?? If you bring up all this ancient stuff and you still got a ghost lingering, let him talk?? (I never ended up getting Mineru but I smell wasted potential as well)
Im not even mad, I am disappointed. It feels like the devs saw what all the lore hunters got attached to and talked about and then just... took the "cool". All the Zonai stuff could've easily been Sheikah tech, but got just reskinned to look more exciting instead of being its own thing.
Like... at this point I prefer what fans are doing over what Totk gave us. The characterization of Rauru (and everything Zonai), projects like you do of what totk couldve been, the little nuggets of actual highlights and details of love fans find in the game. I found much more enjoyment in these concepts than I got from a 70bucks game. And thats depressing.
I love fanfiction. I dont love it when my corporate 70 dollar, six year development, console exclusive game feels like a story that passionate fan couldve written miles better in a week (and I've already seen much cooler and interesting rewrites and ideas).
Zelda has been a huge part of my childhood and its depressing seeing it treated like that. It always was about the story, the epic, its The Legend of Zelda for crying out loud. To be courageous to enter a dungeon, to be wise and solve all the riddles. To become powerful over the journey you embarked on. Zelda to me is the campfire story you tell to others and go into the woods or the beach and imagine what monsters you would slay. Zelda is not the sandcastle you build in the sandbox and then add dinosaurs and star wars ships because you didn't had any other toys, and just stumble into and over some story to entertain yourself until lunch is ready.
I'd have an oracle of seasons over another totk any day at this point. They should've just make the mechanics of totk its own thing, but I guess they were scared it wouldn't sell if it doesn't have a Mario or Zelda skin straped over it.
Anyways, sorry for the mini rant - love your art, love your thoughts and insights, and I am looking forward to see more of it - Zelda related or not (your original characters look amazing, I adore your style sm)
Hope you have a great rest of the day!
*nods along through this entire rant*
idk how many of my rants you have read but yeah ... yeah ... and the further you think about it the further it all falls apart, the wasted potential of it all and the goddamn audacity of them to do those interviews in which they make it EVEN WORSE is just
i know the expectation for a direct sequel to botw was huge and understandbly so but i really REALLY think it would not have been that hard to make it a good follow up even taking into account that totk was originally a DLC, pretty much all of botws aspects could have been developed further, i dont know what could have happened to make totk have turned out like this .. literally it feels like something had to have gone wrong, its like someone who doesnt know zelda nor botw at all was given a few prompts and then just made some generic fantasy story while the rest worked on ultrahand for 5 years
the technical impressive things ARE technical impressive, but i dont think it was necessary nor served the game well in any way (and i LOVE building games- however totk is neither a building game nor a story game nor a zelda game nor an exploration game nor a sequel imo) but zelda, this zelda, is not made for that and i cant help but think it was mainly to encourage people to make some ridiculous mechs so it can go viral on tiktok (not trying to discredit them, it IS cool what they are doing but i .... have my doubts if zelda is the right place for that)
ill stop there bc i have ranted so much about everything i dont wanna repeat it here again; it just doesnt feel like a real game (derogatory), it feels extra bad bc i was not really into zelda when botw came out and while i did get it as soon as i could (months after release since i just started a minijob and didnt have the money) i only over time grew to love zelda this much again, devouring any theories and anything about it bc i loved it so much- i was never into it like this when a new title was announced and dont own any special editions so i bought the totk collectors bc i was just so damn excited for it after the 2019 trailer dropped (god i want that time back ... it looked so much more like it was going to be an actual sequel) even if i was already worried it wouldnt be good at that point given how much i started to sense stuff i dont like about the newer trailers
i recently sold it at our local gameshop bc it was like a thorn in my side given how expensive it was and how dissapointed i was in the game, i genuinely think that, technical impressiveness aside, totk is the onyl zelda i truly cannot stand (for alot of reasons) and im genuinely worried for the future of the franchise
i bought an Oki (Okami) figurine for what i got back and i feel much happier with that :3
(also on a note, i did finish the game two weeks after release but stopped playing it right then and hadnt touched it since, i also streamed all of what i played and its still up if you want to see my slow descend into madness fjkdhkdhjk
though its been a long while since then and i by far did not talk about everything back then, just what my most immediate frustrations were while still playing)
(also the gameplay isnt as good as people make it out to be, so much is so frustrating and punishing to use i am kinda baffled it got through like that and most people call that its best aspect ..... though i guess if the rest is so much worse even mid gameplay can seem good ooooooooh how dare i)
also thank you for liking what i do!!! <3 it means alot to know it is appreciated by someone :D
#ganondoodles answers#zelda#totk#ganondoodles rants#in my playthorugh i genuinely tried to be super open to what its offering me#but i think its pretty clear that i could see were it was going pretty soon and tried to fight my fear#and then i ended up being right#like i even went out of my way to get the memories and dungeons in turns so i wouldnt spoil anything#and still you can see me get sadder and dissappointed with each new memory i got#and the time it truly all started to crumble was when i discovered what they did to the shrine of life#pretty sure after i got all the lightroots and all i got was a you did it sticker i jsut gave up and went to the end#and after that i found the endfight fun so i played it a few more times#but the last few streams were mostly me ranting jkdfngvkjdfnhgjkdf#for this price its pretty bad#idk why so many people are okay with this tbh#zelda fans deserve better#i think the wasted potential and insulting treatment of both lore - botw and even the player is what frustrates me so much#sidenote i love the username bc there sure are words#alot of them even#(good)#i have done so much ranting it feels good to read someone elses rant about similar frustrations
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dennis needs a mental health day
#lil sketch#ngl in my head i wanted to make him look a lot sadder#but i can't figure out how#i will tho#i'll make him so sad and so miserable#just watch me#i love him so fucking much#iasip fanart#dennis reynolds#iasip s16#iasip
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Uncensored 💡❕
#spnfanart#destiel#destiel fanart#dean winchester#castiel#wiggleart#a silly little idea I had after scrolling through the rwrb and heartstopper tags#and feeling just so sad bc this is all I want for dean and Cas just to like#live. and do a little smoochin whenever they want#also it’s funnier but also much sadder#if you think of dean as having this moment of clarity once every few days#in the early parts of their relationship post-chuck-canon
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