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#so im here to serve
therainningtown · 2 years
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Can I get a mammon angst thats hurt/no comfort pls?? Like I just need smth to read because everything is being tagged incorrectly or are just hurt/comfort :( I wanna be sad😪😪 AND TAG ME IF YOU DO PLS IM DESPERATE😭😭
You’re mean >:(
I like it >:)
@yuumaofc
I Will Follow You: (Not Proofread)
This is short, but my are still wet. ;—; Spoilers For Chapter 16+ (you can see where this is going)
The ticking of the clock, the creaks of the wooden broads, and the non frequent ruffling of fabric.
Were the only sounds he could, but it didn’t fill in anything. the only thing he wanted. No he needed, was you.
Your lovely features, your smile, anything. He needed to feel your heart beat again, and the warmth you always had provided him.
But the only warmth he had was his bed, it didn’t feel like it. It felt cold and empty, the worst two combinations together.
But, maybe once he got use to it. It would become something in the background, something else so tiny. That he didn’t know it was there.
Knock
Knock
Knock
He didn’t turn around.
“Mammon…” His eyes widen a bit, he never heard that type of tone. “Lucifer…? You, you need something.”
He heard his elder brother sigh and cough. Not looking, he knew that he was covering up his tears. “Do, you want to visit?” Mammon held his breath, his brows furrowed and tighten as his thoughts raced.
“Is…he there?” His brother quickly chimed, “No, of course not. But, he did tried and promptly failed.” His brother saw Mammon’s rigid breathing slow and turn calm. “Good.” He winced at his brother’s cracking voice.
“I’ll get ready big bro. You can go ahead, I know where they are.” He finally got up from the barely comforting bed. And moaned as he finally popped his strict back.
“Yes, take your time.” Looking down, he softly shut the door. The click helped Mammon get up and to start his routine.
He made it so you weren’t scared, scared of something in him that reminded you of him. He kept the clothes you said you loved on him. A shirt that said, “I Will Follow You.” It was adorned in flowers even to the ends of the sleeves.
“Hehe, you look so cute Mammon!” “Just be happy I’m keeping this! It’s not everyday the Great Mammon wears these!”
He’s happy he kept it.
“Mammon…” His steps stopped as the voice of his brother aided him to look up. “I see you brought a gift.” He nodded and pulled out an photo album from his armpit. It had many stickers, flowers, cats, anything you found. You stuck onto the cover.
“I’m just gonna talk with Mc. They should know what we been doing these days.” “May I come along?” He nodded, but her didn’t wait for him and started to walk forward.
“Hello Mc, I’m back. Though, Lucifer had to help me out.” His eyes stung as he felt his brother’s arm gently wrap around his shoulders.
“I’m so sorry, for not visiting ya often….” “I just…it hurts to.”
Mc XX-XX
Everything shined brighter when they were here.
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slavhew · 2 months
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charmed, i'm sure
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can-of-slorgs · 3 months
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*japanese funky nightcore cover music in the background*
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not-roboto · 9 months
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Their love language is hooking up in bathrooms <3
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crazylittlejester · 28 days
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HE ATE. HE ATE, HE LEFT NO CRUMBS. 🙌
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art credit @/linkeduniverse
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gunsatthaphan · 6 days
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✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊
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POOR GABRIEL MONTEZ! YOU NEVER SAW THIS COMING DID YOU? ALL YOU WANTED WAS POWER. SECURITY. SAFETY. & THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOT! JUST IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR BODY. LETS JUST HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS JUST HOPE YOU WONT HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw gore#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi suckening#jrwi gabriel#jrwi gabriel montez#LOOK FAMILIAR?hahahahahDONT WORRY#IM REUPLOADING THIS HERE BC i fixed up the drawing a lil. and also i wanted to add main tags#U WONT SEE ANY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THISSUN N THE POST ON MY SIDEBLOG.i changed the image there too.HA!!!!!!!#ANYWAY.i rambled plenty about pain and gabe on my sideblog.SO LETS TALK ABT THE ART SHALL WE.ihad i very hard time getting the colors down#would u believe i nearly left this uncolored??FUCKED UP!! it was only a sketchhow did it end up like this. it was only a sketch...#BUT IM RLY GLAD I WENT W COLORING IT.this time i actually used the airbrush n pencil tools BUT i also have a handy dandy brush i made#its just the mspaint air brush tool. fucking LOVE THAT THING. but now its in fire alpaca and it can be slightly transparent.IT LOOKS SOGOOD#perfect for splatters and grime.i love you mspaint i love youuu.im also so happy w the blood here.i think i reached a shift last year#back when i made that genloss fanart something abt the way i draw blood finally CLICKED and im like OH. the inside must always be darker.#like i KNEW that already but it was like my hand itself finally had it click.i wonder what i will learn next?I LIKE THE ORGANS HERE TOO#not as veiny or thready as i usually draw em. but i think thats fine. not as WET as id like em to be but thats also fine.#i got the point across. the point ofc being WOW THIS IS GRUESOME AND PAINFUL AND TERRIBLE#I LOVE HIS EXPRESSION.i love pain and thinking abt pain. you lose yourself to it after enough time passes of just being in an ocean o agony#at one point its just too tiresome to scream or writhe. theres a point when the body accepts it.sometimes.atleast.#OHHH GABRIEL AS A CHARACTER DELIGHTS ME SO MUCH.he is a dog to me.a thing to serve others.I WISH I KNEW MORE#WHAT ELSE DID YOU WANT BOY?? SURE POWER AND SECURITY AND SAFETY ARE NICE.BUT DID YOU HAVE DREAMS? WANTS? PASSIONS?#WHAT WAS THE STORY BEHIND THAT TIGER TATTOO ON YOUR ARM?WHAT DO THE DOGTAGS SAY BOY?I WISH I COULD HAVE TEA W U#OHHH TO SIT DOWN WITH A CHARACTER AND JUST SPEAK TO THEM. AND YET. AND YET IN THE END ITS ALL TRAGEDY AND COMEDY#TRAGEDY AND COMEDY THAT IS SO SO PAINFULLY UNBALANCED. SIGH.#WHATEVER CMERE BOY YOURE BECOMING AN OC OF MINE NOW UR GONNA BE IN SPACE AND UR NAME IS GONNA BE VINEGAR#UR STILL GONNA BE SHIP OF THESEUSED THOUGH. OOOHHH GABRIEEELLL GABRIEL MONTEEEZZZ#HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE BUILT INTO YOU.HOW MANY DID YOU LOVE AND CHERISH.HOW MANY TATTOOS DO U RECOGNIZE ON UR NEW ARMS#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? ON THE NIGHT U WERE SIRED?WERE YOU EXCITED? DID YOU SEE YOUR BOSS' FACE?WHAT WAS THIS PROMOTION LIKE?
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tokopng · 21 days
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i couldn't not do this meme with them 😭
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astral-schools · 6 months
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proper ref now that orion finally has a permanent fit :] some fun facts below the cut
he's ambidexterous!
while Millie is the pet he brings to fights and such, he also has a whole collection of pet octopuses who stay at home
no seriously there's zero relation to grandmother raven, his wings were a gift from artemis. he needs to spend time around stars to be able to fly-- if he spends too long indoors/underground or in a world with permanent cloud cover they're basically useless
his freckles glow :]
sometimes he does artemis's job when she's busy with beastmoon, and uses his brush to paint the night sky
in terms of biological age, he's the oldest of my wizards! technically not immortal but he does age MUCH slower than the average human.
he keeps his hood/mask down most of the time, only putting it up when he's going to be flying for a long time. it gets cold up there!
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ignatiusteto · 5 months
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valerith, the red swan
#dungeons and dragons#dnd#dnd 5e#ttrpg#dnd oc#digital art#sketch#dnd art#dnd oc art#original character#original character art#can i tag her as bg3 bc I've imagined her in the bg3 setting besides just fr#guys you have no idea how much brain rot I've had about her in the last few days. it's extensive#i may even need to see a brain rot specialist if it continues#if you've been here u may remember regular valerith but as I've been playing bg3 I was like. wait a minute#dnd valerith. she's already a demon let's make her a proper devil. a lot of her backstory is the same just dnd'ified#verchiel was a im going with planetar that served lathander bc actual angel verchiel fits lathander's stuff pretty well#her goodness and honestly got her into some deep shit she considered as a possibility but very very very very unlikely of happening#lathander was like man well. cant just let this slide. also why not use it as an example sorry#so she was cursed to become a devil and her angel s/o followed her after trying to interfere and be like um no??? this is bs#so now theyre in the hells and still love each other but also are extremely conflicting bc while valerith SHOULD be lawful evil she's not#she's on a fine line between chaotic good and neutral.#if valerith were an npc in anything she'd have a quest after trusting whoever enough being like. hey. so. i don't want to be a devil anymor#i'm tired of it. i heard about this ritual that might be able to fix it but it's dangerous in both getting the supplies and performing it#and if anything goes wrong i could very well suffer significantly in multiple ways for it.#her s/o doesnt like this just as much as she doesn't like the idea of them wanting to overthrow fierna in the 4th circle of hell where#they reside so. theyre kind of at a conflicting neutral state. they love each other but they also dont talk about those things in a good wa#anyway valerith i think would have a chance to become a quasi-deity being that's true neutral#and i have a design in mind but :>#if you read all of this youre actually insane.
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carnelianclawss · 11 days
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big day for the wings of fire community
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limonjarritos · 5 months
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VINCE IS SO DOWN BAD FOR RODY OH MY GOD??? LITERALLY KILLS HIS EX GIRLFRIEND TO MAKE HIM HAPPY???? THEYVE KNOWN EACH OTHER LESS THAN A WEEK??????
LITERALLY LIKE- MY MAN FELL HARD AND INSANELY. LIKE WHO DOES THAT? I wouldn't have it any other way. Just the way that as soon as Rody came into his life he was like 'I need this man to be so whole-y mine.'
When I was playing the game my pet theory was that he fell for Rody's brand of love, for how he loved Manon (he did say that he spoke of Manon when they first met) and Rody's personality.
(read more because I am so annoying about this game vv)
Something something, how Rody loves so intensely to the detriment of himself (Manon told him to stop giving, to for once in his life realise that he needed to take care of him self and be stable. He can't just account for the other person's needs <- barely know her but I get why Rody was head over heels). How Rody's love is similar to his cooking, burning, burning himself, burning and oh so overwhelming. And I do think Vince wanted the feel of that burn for himself, wanted to feel the warmth and devotion of which he had been so devoid of. To understand what it was he was lacking. How love and cooking go hand in hand in the story, how Vince's dishes were devoid of love, how he can't taste. How Rody's love surely would be strong enough, would be the missing ingredient to allow him to finally taste something. (Also lack of taste going hand in hand with what looks like depression of some sort, or perhaps just apathy for life. How bland his own life may be. How such a love, such a person could perhaps bring some taste to his life.) Vince seems to have killed Manon as a form of trying to show Rody a similar type of love. Giving him something, giving him a meal made out of Rody's own love. A gift since he couldn't give his own brand of love in a way that matters, couldn't give it without showing his own brand of devotion. I do think he 100% had an underlying jealousy and hatred of Manon, how Rody was still stuck up on her. How she never once mentioned Rody when her and Vince dated (though outside of Vince's pov I'm pretty sure Manon was just doing the healthy normal thing by not mentioning an ex?? but Vince is soooo gone) which is obviously a sin (he doesn't seem to take kindly to people who are mean to Rody. Such as the article and Rody's old college classmate) and proof she wasn't deserving enough of Rody's love. But alas she was still a gift and show of love to Rody.
On the personality topic (thought I forgot about that did you?), Rody is such a brash and kind person. A perfect foil for Vincent's more stoic nature. Rody willing to try and befriend Vincent, running into the kitchen to talk to him. He showed a bit of said love to Vince by trying to befriend him and how could Vince not want more? (why wouldn't Vince try to reciprocate in his own way. Make him happy) I mean he seems pretty feared by his cooks, and the people at the party have mentioned that Vince is pretty ruthless, not at all a person many wish to get to know. But Rody is willing to, yet Vince wants his undivided attention...
Okay wow this has gone on way too long uhh I'm 100% open to further discussion especially if I forgot something! And I haven't really looked too much into the game past playing it, so any reveals the creator may have given I'm mostly unaware of and would love to be informed of more!
Anyways tiny Vincent attack!
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vixendoesstuff · 4 months
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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
ALRIGHT, SO-
Final part of this convoluted saga I came up with at like, 3 am one day. Last time we were left on a cliffhanger (because I'm evil like that) but now y'all (the maybe 4 people who's paying attention to this AU) get to see what happens next.
Let's just get right into it!
So, the quartet (Poppy, Cooper, Branch and Hickory), after hearing who had beamed them up into the giant UFO, was equally shocked and overjoyed, mostly on Poppy and Cooper's part. Immediately Cooper got up and started asking questions, like how is this possible, how Prince D. looked just like him, and if he's his twin, that means he's also royalty, and such things. It was here when King Quincy and Queen Essence entered the fray, which just excites Cooper further.
The two parents are obviously overjoyed at finally seeing their long lost son. They were kinda miffed at Prince D. for using the bubble without their supervision, but seeing who he had beamed, they let it slide for now.
The same stuff then happened as it is in the movie, with some dialouge changes, like Cooper telling the Funk Family how he got with the Pop Trolls as an egg. They noticed Branch in the group, and was pleasently surprised how a Techno Troll is with the Pop Trolls, since they're an isolated bunch. Branch said that he doesn't really know what made his egg be with the Pop Trolls, just that his adoptive family found him one day and took him in. The Funk Family then tells him the brief history of the Techno Trolls since they can kinda tell he's clueless and they felt bad. Then the history of the Strings came along.
Same thing there, explaining how every tribe once lived in harmony until Pop got greedy and stole all the strings, so everybody else took back their strings and ran, living in isolation from eachother ever since.
Cooper and Branch is clearly disturbed. Maybe because of their respective tribe of origin before they settled in Pop Village they feel more unsettled by the news, but they felt horrified by the implication nonetheless. Poppy even more so, desperate to prove that the Pop Trolls are not like that anymore, look at Cooper and Branch! They're fine! (Enter worried side eyes from the two). Then everything goes as it is in the movie, the Funk Family softly rejecting her offer to combine their music together, and Rock invading and everyone preparing for battle, with Cooper deciding to stay behind to help his family by bubbling everyone to safety back to the ground below.
The same argument Branch and Poppy has happens, with a little change in the dialouge. It's something along the lines of Poppy not listening to others when they offer advice that might work in her favour, and instead goes off to do her own thing; about how she doesn't listen when her way does more harm than good; about how, in a way, she's doing the same thing Barb is doing. The two split off, with Branch having the intention of going back to Pop Village to warn the others. It may not be his tribe of origin, but it is his home for all his life, and he'd protect it in whatever way he can.
We cut to Poppy sulking to herself before being spotted by Hickory, who manages to find her. Same dialouge happens, with Poppy revealing the string to him, Dickory splitting from Hickory's... behind and revealing their true identities as Bounty Hunters, and squabbling with her for possession of the string. In here, perhaps due to talking with Cooper and Branch, who are different genre Trolls but holds love for Pop, empowered his hidden desire to see harmony between different genres and tribes, and decided to fight back against his partner (brother? Brother). Of course, this doesn't go unpunished by Barb, who suddenly appears with her lackeys and apprehended both Poppy and Hickory, saying that this is what they deserve for trying to delay her plans (she lets Dickory go, but not without a warning to control his brother). Poppy claimed she'll stop her, but Barb revealed that she has invaded Pop Village and destroyed most things there, so all Poppy can do is sit tight and watch the show.
Turning back to Branch, when he finished his 2014's sad boy song, he then got ambushed by the K-Pop gang and the Reggaeton Trolls, who demands the location of Queen Poppy. Obviously he refuses 'cause while he still has beef with her, she's the most important person in his life, so you bet he'll try to protect her at all costs. The dance off still commences the same way (you have to admit, dancing with fins for legs is hella impressive), with thw two groups complimenting eachother on their dances before interrogating Branch again.
The convo here is changed slightly because I wanna see Branch and the two Bounty Hunter groups to interact some more 'cause their dynamic is interesting. Basically it's the lines of,
"Why does Barb decides which music is safe to listen to? All music is worth listening to. Liking different genres doesn't matter."
"Ugh, what do you know, Techno Troll? You don't know how it feels to be regarded as lesser for liking a different music."
"[Pop Troll profanity], I'm literally a living example of that, who do you think I've been living with all my life? And besides, who's to say Barb won't turn tail on her side of the deal and destroy you, too?"
With the power of persuasion, he managed to stop the two groups from continuing their plans and starts a temporary truce between them. His first initial plan was to get back to Pop Village to confirm everyone's safety and maybe stop Barb from destroying it. But Chaz (the guy that made him trip balls) suddenly appeared and steps in their conversation to say that Barb has gained all the strings and is making her way to Volcano Rock City, home of the Rock Trolls. This completely changes the course of his plan, but Branch is determined to follow through.
So he, the K-Pop gang, the Reggaeton Trolls and Chaz (who only came along for the thrill of it) all decide to work together to stop Barb from achieving whatever it is she's planned to use the strings for. They found the sentient hot air balloon Branch had ridden before chillin' in the outskirts of Lonesome Flats, and hopped in to make an impromptu trip to Volcano Rock City.
The scene with Poppy and Barb chatting is the same because other than it being a first face to face convo with the two, it changes nothing in the long run.
We go to the scene where Barb does a wardrobe change and presents the other tribe leaders to put her Power Chord thing to the test, to make everyone Skillet enjoyers. But before she could fire at Poppy (who she chose as the first target), a book came flying at her face. She looked up, only to see a Techno Troll along with the rest of the Bounty Hunters she hired coming in flying from a hot air balloon. (He also said the same catchphrase, "I guess a comprehensive manual does come in handy!") This shocked her since she made sure every Techno Troll was accounted for when she first invaded Techno Reef. So what the heck is this guy doing here?!
The other leaders was surprised and concerned by his arrival, but none of them rivaled the feeling of shock and horror coming from Poppy, and Trollex respectively.
Before they could think any further, and before Barb can even do anything, Branch suddenly leaps from the balloon straight down to where Barb is. And, in the most simplest term I can use, he Falcon Punched her. In the face. The guy's not afraid to play dirty.
Soon enough the two of them got into a nasty brawl, with both giving everything they got to beat the other. One is trying to take the guitar away, and one is trying to keep the guitar from the other. Million pairs of eyes is watching them play it out on stage.
While everyone else was shocked and frozen in place, Poppy began working to get her cage door open while she's distraced. Just as she's about halfway through that the victor of the scuffle is decided. While most of the Rock Trolls on the front seat were too stunned to protect their Queen, a few managed to step in and hold Branch in place. Barb waste no time using the Power Chord on him, to Poppy and the leaders' horror.
When the stone cracked and revealed Branch as a rock zombie, new colours, clothing and all, something in Trollex snapped.
It seems there's a pattern with Techno Trolls being violent when pushed to the brink, as when Barb had finished transforming Quincy and Essence and moved to him and Trollzart, no joke, he flew from his platform, and speeds straight onto Barb to give her a good beatdown like his subject the other Techno Troll did. It sorta worked, since Barb soon fell from her cable straight to the crowd below (man Trollex packs a punch). Before the Rock Trolls in the crowd could get any ideas, Trollex took the guitar from her hands and threw it back on stage, where it's out of her reach for now. He would've followed suit, if Barb hadn't got a good grip on Trollex's fins and dragged him down to her.
But it seems that Trollex's little distraction worked against her favour, as Poppy managed to get out of her cage amidst the scuffle and dashes straight to the guitar, but not before being blocked by rock zombie Branch (I got a design in mind for him, just wait and see winky face). She's horrified at seeing her best friend boyfriend being like this, but she's determined to make things right, to make sure Barb doesn't fall to the wrong path any further and hurt many more innocent Trolls. She does her speech on how everything being the same is hella boring (character development!) and how she can't force someone to be the same as her because differences do matter.
Then she proceeds to smash the guitar to bits, and the strings followed suit.
Suddenly the entire city turned grey, with no colours in sight. The zombified Trolls (ie Branch, Quincy, Essence and Trollzart, who Barb managed to hit when Trollex one punched her) were turned back to normal. But that's not really important when everyone's turned Grey with the loss of the strings.
But the same scene in the movie happened here also, with them singing by themselves bringing their colours and music back. Nothing much changed in that regard.
Branch and Poppy reunited with a hug and Poppy then went full on her apologies, saying that she's sorry for being dismissive on his suggestions and that she should've listened to him more, that her desire to be a good Queen overshadowed what she actually needed to be one; patience and a willingness to listen. Before she could go overboard, Branch stopped her. And then said on how he's also sorry for how angry he got at her, and that he knew she has only done the things she did out of a genuine desire to do good. They finished with another hug, and the infamous dialouge,
"Branch... I love being different."
"And I love you, Queen Poppy."
[Cue the Snack Pack handing eachother money in the background].
After they did that high-five that makes glitter appear out of nowhere, the two are then approached by the Troll of the hour; King Trollex. For the first time in his life, Branch gets to see the tribe he originated from, the tribe he was born to. And Trollex gets to see the Techno Troll born from the egg that was lost to him all those years ago, grew up into a strong and independent soul.
The atmosphere was tense, with no one speaking a word for a while. Branch and Trollex continued to stare at eachother, taking the other in full detail. Poppy was starting to get nervous and decides to cut in, but not before Trollex pulled Branch into a tight hug, fins and all. Branch is justifiably freaked out and froze, but he then heard the words spoken from the Techno Troll monarch,
"I know I mean nothing to you. That you value and love Pop more than Techno, for they are your entire world. And I get it. I respect it. I'd offer you to come home with me, but I know that's useless. But, if you're willing, I'd like for us to get to know eachother, regardless of differences. I failed you then, but please, let me make up for it now. I want to know your trials, your tribulations. Your achievements. Perhaps not as king and subject, but... as friends."
Branch, despite freaking out about the close contact with his king this stranger he just met 30 seconds ago, felt oddly... relieved. And lighter than he was for a long time. Make no mistake, for all that Trollex is supposed to be to him, he's a stranger in his eyes. A person he'll instinctively distance at first. But then again,
What is a stranger if not a person to befriend?
WOO! WE DID IT! WE MANAGED TO REACH THE END, LET'S GO!!
Man, the amount of rewriting I did to make this as coherent as possible is staggering. But I'm glad I persevered, since now the World Tour saga of this AU is finally finished! While yeah, Branch doesn't get to hang around his tribe as much here, but that's what Trollstopia will be about! Oh boy, can't wait to get to that.
But in all cases, thank you for the maybe 6 people now that's been following me through with this, I hope you enjoy what I have to offer. Do not be fooled, for I have much, much more to offer for this AU. Until then, take care!
Band Together awaits :)
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fighterpaladin · 2 months
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speaking of my dm20 bracelets, i made more!! i kinda don’t know if i can part with the gorgug one but the rest (prev posted) are up for grabs.
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6irlpet · 1 year
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the lack of domestic cockwarming clitwarming smothering lengthy facesitting porn etc etc in general searches is appalling tbh. SOME of us have an oral fixation and just wanna go dumb buried between someone’s thighs until our jaws ache. some of us just want to kneel under a desk or in front of couch or be kept at bottom of bed to have our mouth used for hours while the other person ignores us doing whatever they like and our entire world and purpose is narrowed down to being a fleshlight. uhhhh not me but some people for sure
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wulfhalls · 1 year
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1/2 When you stop and realize that Billy’s entire relapse during Chicago wasn’t just about Camila threatening to leave him but really stemmed from him being forced for the first time to acknowledge what he’s spent everyday of the last three years fighting to bury and ignore: that he’s deeply in love with Daisy. Because the morning of the Chicago show he starts off his day in his Daisy love bubble openly expressing his desire to spend the next 20 years by her side writing together, fighting together, making art together, and everything inbetween. It’s Daisy that first forced him to acknowledge that they’re in love with each other and the bubble bursts, because she’s finally addressing the elephant in the room: that she’s in love with him and she wants more, she wants more than to just be his creative partner and artistic muse, she wants to be his partner in all ways. And you can see in that moment when she says it that Billy just…deflates because deep down he realizes that nothing will ever be the same again. He can’t have both Camila and Daisy by his side forever, it’s not fair to either woman. He’s finally being forced to see that. Which is why he gets desperate and says that even though he wants that too, but won’t leave Camila, he wants he and Daisy to stay trapped in this purgatory of their own making: sharing their deepest, most intimate, and raw feelings with one another but only thru their music, never actually feeling it in the “real world.” He’s clinging on to whatever bullshit rationalizations he can try and make to himself to hold onto Daisy at that point that I don’t think he even realized how much he shattered her heart by asking her “isn’t this enough?” Isn’t it enough for us to just stay here in purgatory with one another because I would rather suffer here with you everyday and never fully have you than ever be without you? It’s only when Camila confronts him in Chicago that Billy realizes he can’t have both Daisy and Camila in his life like this anymore. He lies to Camila’s face, several times. First he insists nothing at all is going on it’s just an “act” and then he lies to her again when he says he kissed her but it meant “nothing.” But Camila knows none of it is true, she knows what Billy isn’t strong enough to admit to himself: that he’s in love with Daisy. As Daisy did earlier in the day, Camila forces him to admit to not only himself but to her, and it’s so incredibly painful for Billy to do that not only can he refuse to lie and say that he doesn’t love Daisy, but he can’t even look Camila in the eye while doing so. Daisy showing up at that moment in the hallway was the final straw for Billy because in that moment he could no longer run away from the reality of their situation: here are both Camila and Daisy standing in front of him and he has to let one of them go. Camila tells him she’s done and leaves which triggers all of his abandonment and daddy issues, which is why in that moment I think it was easier for him to revert to his baseline of “I told her the truth that nothing happened and nothing ever will” even though he knows it’s a lie, because he’s still clinging onto his desire to keep everything as it was, he doesn’t want anything to change because once it does he will have to lose Daisy, as by his own words “she’s my wife…I’m never gonna leave her.” So in typical Billy fashion he callously and cruelly tells Daisy they will never be more than what they are now and goes after Camila, because maybe if he can fix this, fix them, he can try and get this sinking ship back on course. When Camila ignores his phone calls, and doesn’t show up to the show on time Billy breaks and fully gives into his addiction, if his world is going to implode then he wants it to implode with Daisy by his side, he wants them to be “broken together.” But what Billy fails to recognize in that moment is that it will never be enough for Daisy. She doesn’t want to be broken with him, she doesn’t want to be with him because his life imploded. She wants to be whole with him. Whole, healed, and complete together.
2/2 It’s one of the most devastating moments I’ve seen written on screen. I honestly think that of all the times Billy broke Daisy’s heart, and there were plenty, that this….this was the one that hurt her the most. (And is actually something I would love to see addressed if they did make a Season 2). Daisy’s refusal to spiral with Billy is what finally snaps him out of it, and when they head onto the stage for Look at Us Now, Billy already knows that it’s over, that he’s already lost Daisy. But he still can’t bring himself to walk away from her until she forces him too. Billy loved Daisy so much he was willing to live in hell everyday for the rest of his life, torturing them both by not being together, but not being willing to stay away from one another. Daisy loved him enough to realize that wasn’t enough and that she needed to walk away and let him go because they both deserved so much more than this. So much more than being stuck. And ultimately this was the real root of Billy’s relapse that day, having to finally walk away from the possibility of Daisy. As TJR says in the book “I realized that I had been holding on tightly to the possibility…the possibility of Daisy…and I was suddenly having a very hard time with letting that go, of saying never.” The show did such a good job of conveying this moment from the book because on the surface it seems that all of his turmoil is over losing Camila and his family, when really the root cause was Billy having to finally accept that he has to say goodbye to Daisy. As he knew deep down he wouldn’t leave Camila and that they would probably be able to recover from this. But losing Daisy? His heart would never fully recover from that.
u said in this essay I will and in this essay u DID. yall just giving me these beautifully written novel length takes for FREE.
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