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#so idk how 2 plan 4 what i want
sshcomic · 4 months
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You have given me a great joy in life with your Renkaza au
May I ask, what happened to the rest of the Kamado family? Did they get their canon ending or are they with Nezuko as they try to deal with her new demonification?
oh yay im glad you're enjoying it so far! 🥰
nezuko's actually with her brother in the box, like in canon lol. i just havent drawn her--or inosuke or zenitsu--in the panels we've seen, but they're there!
as for the rest of the kamados... i actually havent decided LOL. my instinct is to save everyone, since this is a light-hearted comic strip, but also i'm not sure i'd be able to reliably write that since it involves more plot than the "stupid jokes loosely following canon" i mostly have written down aha. so i suppose it's a surprise for now, even for myself.
i guess we'll see!
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the eternal question: is scheduling w friends as an adult That Hard or am I just bad at it
#4 different people have left me on read today; 1 cancelled our plans 4 hours before we were due to meet#I've been sitting home alone for 2 days going insane. looking forward to One (1) coffee date & that fell through#idk why I'm taking it so hard this time I'm usually fine!! but I find myself wishing I didn't have the day off I wish I did have work :(#like it's tiring yeah but it beats sitting here not knowing what to do w myself#& I'm working all weekend & only leaving the house to see the doctor. oh joy#I've been productive ironing writing fixing the car. that's not the problem#I had 4 social plans this month. that's it#that's like seeing each friend once a month!! I can't keep this up!!#is this the norm for adulthood? :(#& on one level I don't want to bother people or be clingy#but on another level I'm baffled that they don't get lonely too#the news has not shut up abt the Loneliness Epidemic since 2021#but if it's true why do so many people take so long to reply when I reach out? if they reply at all#I'm not going anywhere w this. idk#just one of those days#everything so fuck everybody suck :(#boomers got it right w the whole showing up unannounced at people's houses for a social call with a pound cake#now I have to go through 5 layers of bureaucratic bullshit to see a friend#assuming they don't cancel the day of ofc (((((:#I just wanna be like hello knock knock I am here. tell me abt yr life today & listen to mine & eat this cake#& the worst is when people are like 'I'm cancelling bc I'm tired xx'#OK A) u knew we had these plans for two weeks#but B) I'm tired too! I still love u ur still my friend! let us be tired together!#'I won't be social today I'm tired' my love we could watch movies in silence we could knit we could ball yr socks. idc#'I have to do the big shop today sorry' so do I!!! let us do the groceries together!!!#every time I've pushed someone to come out when they felt depressed or to let me accompany them when they were doing chores#they were like u know what I'm so glad u did this. thank u. this is way better than how I had planned this night to go#& I'm like any time!! I love u!!#& then it just happens all over again next time oh sorry I'm cancelling I'm busy I'm tired#like did u forget what a nice time we had last time? what changed? :(
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nomaishuttle · 5 months
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its literally so insane that my brother has like parents who arent young like thats insane... they were 34 when they had him... they were 20 when they had me which like isnt Insanely young but its still young yk. young enough that ppl r like Omg yr parents r so young ! when i say how old they are... but theyre gonna be 40 next year WHICH IS CRAZY. 40 year old parents hes like a kid from a disney channel show.
#and that mf lives in a house my parents own. Not for long lmaooo anyways.#<- bc my parents r prolly gonna lose the house bc my dad lost his job bc he assaulted somebody again. AWESOME FAMILY ! but anyways.#but its crazy. n my mom has been planninh a disneyland trip 4 ages... why r my family becoming like. almost middle class its scary ... guys#go back 2 being poor im scared and also thats so unfair that they waited until like a few months b4 i moved out to start marginally#getting their shit together. go girl give me NOTHING !#but like its crazy how different our lives will be. like my parents relationship i Highly fucking doubt its gonna get better LMAO theyll#probably get divorced once they lose the house. god willing at least. but yk...#and hes got like Adult siblings.... me in talking abt myself. i left the house the same year he started kindergarten. its insane. and im#not gonna be there to see him grow up. Kills my .#i do like. idk. i want 2 try n stay out here but i also. sometimes i do judt think abt going back home just so i cn be closer to him#but. yk. thats not rly feasible rn. so.#hopefullyyy next year theyll all be able 2 come up n visit me for the summer... since ill have my own place#my like Prayer is that maybe in a couple years him n annie and lamp could start spending the summer with me.... thatd be rly cool#lamp idk what their plans r i think theyre gonna stay down there#weve talked a bittt abt them moving up here and it seemed like theyd enjoy that ? but theyre rly close with annie as well so idk...
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be-good-to-bugs · 10 days
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i need to go to bed but i dont wannnaaaaa
#the bin#i work at 7am and its 1:23 am i have GOT to go to bad but ugh. if i go to bed then that means ill have to go to work as sokn as im conscious#so the longer i stay up the more time i have. but km gonna be so tired at work. hhhhh.#i dont know why but ive felt so horrible today. super anxious. miserable and really sad#im trying to just deal with it. soon enough things are gonna change. its only 34 days till my planned moving date. i will only bave like 20#more shifts at this job. maybe less depending on what i get given. including tomorrows shift. and tomorrows shift is only 5 hours long#and the day after its only 4 hours and then i have 2 more days off. itll be ok. but i still feel so anxious and depressed and awful#i just wanna stay home and be high all the time. i feel so lonely always. literally the only thing that helps me not feel completely crushed#and paralyzed by how lonely i am is getting high. i know its not healthy to rely on getting high to feel better about stuff but idk what#else to do so who cares. when i dont do anything about it i i stead end up relapsing or worse so i think its an ok option#i hope i can meet nice people this year. year after year it doesnt happen but so much has changed!#it makes sense i havent met people since i moved out. and everything is so different from wwhen i last lived with them#all my siblings are in school. they have people over at the hair a fair bit afaik. my dad wont be there to me make feel awful. my sister#also wont be there to me me feel awful. i can figure something out. itll be ok. it has to be.#i just want to squeeze someone. i just want like. a hug. a good cuddle. and i need to talk to someone. its been so long since u had an actul#fun time hanging out with another person. i need to watch a movie with someone and joke around and. ugh.#how did my life reach this point? what happened that resulted in me spending ages 10-19 all alone. im not even 19 yet but i will be soon#and theres not a chance ill meet someone before then esp bc im moving. when i was little i didnt have mych friends but i had some#i had such high hopes for the future. i also thought the future would be terrible but i imagined id still have friends and peopwl to talk to#all ive wanted sincei was 10 is just to have people to talk to and hangout with. but i dont have a single friend. i can hardky name anyone#besides my family and coworkers. and like aa couple of my sisters friends. there isnt even like people i know who i dont really consider#friends but we talk sometimes. if i dont go to work. call my mom. or tex a sibling. i dont see or talk to anyone period#i guess unless i go to the store. that doenst really count tho.#i want to have a friends group. i want to have A friends. just like. a person. to interact with. what happened that made mw spend the past#8 years just not interacting with anyone? whats wrong with me.#its fine tho. becausebit will change. i acan heal from this and i can meet people. even if half my conscious life has been spent all alone#it will get better. it has to.
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idiotsonlyevent · 1 year
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its way too early to be thinking about this but what if csm part 3 is denji and asa working together to stop the death devil
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skznprcnk · 2 years
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#i did this before leaving for the summer so lets do it again for coming back for the autumn#i am kinda late because i wasnt really counting down time when i can get back on socmeds as my mind was kinda busy#life is changing#damn summer was fruitful indeed#how to even summarize 'these days' tf#i decided to go to south korea on a whim#well i wanted back so bad ever since i left so emotionally thats been all but a whim#but there were different plans more wise plans but the heart doesnt give a f about plans so once it crossed my mind#it was impossible for me to do anything else#so i booked a flight 4 days before the departure and threw myself lovingly into the shark tank and whispered 'swim' lol#it only dawned on my what ive done only when i arrived#and by what ive done i mean leave for a 2 month long trip with almost no money instead of making money abroad#so a lot of doomsday moods but they got somehow annihilated these last few days although circumstances havent much changed#now i am just eternally grateful for this adventure#i finished little women with kim go eun#love her love it and now i want more of wi ha joon#i ignored him so bad in squid game lol idk#the leaves are getting more orange but somehow its still summer in the air but maybe thats just daegu#and i found out bts are in busan only after i planned to relocate there#just enjoying the synchronicities#by enjoying i mean wondering why i am not crying at all with happiness and proceed to cry at the most random times#cant get fokin sick of tuna mayo kimbap#i have shopping moods but at this point of my backpacking journey is not wise to accumulate stuff#but what do we do about wise plans? ha#i dont even know if i will be here that much although i got the app back again#i need down time but still i feel like im on different astral plane here#honestly in love with my stupid little escapades#feels like a step towards the 'best me'#물 좋아#diary
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wizard-email · 1 year
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I don't want to add god's longest addition to the would you survive an apocalypse?' poll, but I do actually have an absolutely fallproof plan for the zombie apocalypse. It doesn’t matter what kind of zombies there are & it has exactly (2) steps:
1. Drive to the nearest National Trust proparty
2. win
This is the result of a very lengthy (and completely serious) discussion with my sister so let me break it down for you.
Benefit 1: EVERYTHING'S THERE
For those of you who don't live in the UK (or don't have parents with exactly 1 idea for a family trip ever), all National Trust proparties are broadly speaking exactly the same.
There's a big rich person's house & the courtyard is always converted into a little picnic area containing a combination gift shop/booking desk; a cafe and a secondhand bookshop. The gift shop has like a 60% chances to contain basic gardening tools and a little section for seeds & bulbs.
I won't list their standardised cafe menu (that I do in fact have memorised), but it's pretty good & more importantly most of it is made or at least finished on site. If they rationed, a small group could live off National Trust cornish pasties, scones & gift shop fudge for a month or two I think <3
Here's a list of things that are might be there but aren't 100% guaranteed:
- Kitchen garden
- Fish pond
- Livestock (usually chickens, sometimes pigs or bees)
- Medieval armour (fuck ya'll with guns but I would take a pike over having to worry about ammunition any day)
- Horses and functioning stable
- Forests cultivated for the purpose of deer hunting
John McRichman's gun/archery collection
- Lake
Benefit 2: FUCKING!! CASTLE!!
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??? Where do I start???
1. These things are so easy to defend it's laughable.
I'm sure we all know about spiral staircases being designed to maximise cover for a right handed person during sieges but it's more than that ??? 18th century rich people loved to make their estates look as big, impressive & isolated as possible & they did this by surrounded their houses on all sides with several hundred metres of flat, open grass with thick trees on the edges to block out the horizon.
- Nothing can see you
- No loud noises will be within earshot of anything close to civilisation
- Any zombies that DO somehow show up can be picked off at a distance whether they know how to run or not
- Litterally there are so many little towers & secret rooms & shit how do you even manage to fuck up enough to die here like I would actually be impressed
- ALSO the edge of the estate is usually also walled off and/or fenced & gated, so there's no chance of anything wandering in by accident
2. All the older infrastructure is designed pre-electricity so you'll still be able to have a shower when the power grid inevitably explodes or something
3. You get to sleep in one of those huge 4-poster beds with all the fun embroidery and silk pillows
4. Idk the massive lawn can be converted into a farm if the apocalypse goes on long enough
Genuinely I think my quality of life would actually improve?? and that's just with what's already there - if there was time to pick up some supplies beforehand me & my buddies would just be hanging out. literally what apocalypse im eating scones xoxo
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ladcedes · 2 months
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controversial!
summary f1 heartthrob lando norris starts dating a hot, up-and-coming celebrity with a not-so-hot personality and some fans protest…
disclaimer reminder this is completely fictional!!! the “faceclaim” (very loosely) may be rachel zegler but in no way am i basing it off her personality!!! no hate to her at all i love her sm
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the tweet:
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comments
user-1 isn't this lando norris' new gf
user-2 no way she's featuring on a DRAKE album 💀💀
yourusername
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Liked by bellahadid and 223,449 others
yourusername one thing about me and red carpets... i'll always be serving cunt ❤️‍🔥
view all 442 comments
hunterschafer yess always serving the best looks
bairdballad absolute icon!!
(liked by lando norris)
⤷ bairdballad wtf lando liked this
⤷ snowangel @.bairdballad lando is so real for that
landonorris always a stunner
⤷ yndefender so can we take this as confirmation that they're together
⤷ ynmyloves @/yndefender if this isnt confirmation idk what is 💀
ln4life her language is so vulgar why would lando be with her
⤷ futuref1w4g ikr she's such a bad influence
⤷ angelyns icb you actually said vulgar 💀 lando norris is a fully grown!! BRITISH!! man!!
⤷ milcedes @.ln4life @.futuref1w4g average instagram comments...
lewishamilton 👏👏👏
⤷ ylnstars LEWIS??? lando you better get tf up
⤷ ultraviolenced ariana what are you doing here
2007wdc we should expect lando of all drivers to be with a girl like her most tbf
⤷ 9thwdc aside from lewis
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lando.jpg
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tagged: yourusername
Liked by daniel3.jpg and 342.112 others
lando.jpg and that marks the end of the 2023 season ✨
view 4 comments
yourusername not a single pic of my face yet you tag me... someone tell him that's not how soft launches usually work
⤷ lando.jpg @.yourusername who says i'm trying to do a soft launch
⤷ yourusername @.lando.jpg you showed me hundreds of other 8K HD pictures of me with my face and only post faceless ones?
⤷ lando.jpg @.yourusername maybe i'm just gatekeeping your face
⤷ yourusername @.lando.jpg it's ok lan, you can stop trying to cover up your loser soft launch attempt, i'll still love you
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yourusername
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tagged landonorris
yourusername cheers to the haters 🥂 he still loves me xx
3 December 2023
view 316 comments
georgerussell63 @ landonorris Your gf is scary help
landonorris you tell em babe
norrislclrc queen behaviour i say
ln4life can’t believe he’d get with you
⤷ ynloml and? you think he’d ever look in your direction?
⤷ ynvfx literally get a life how are you still out here yapping about them even on insta??
ladcedes using this "comment" as an author's note! this is so scuffed im sorry i started it back in early december planning to do more for it but i got busy and atp just wanted to get it done 😭
⤷ ladcedes so for anyone confused about the drake album randomly being there… yeah…
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brehaaorgana · 4 months
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ADHD money/budgeting system I'm currently using for my benefit is going well (I've been using it for like half a year now?), and I wanna recommend it.
You Need a Budget is EXCELLENT. 10/10 do recommend. Uhhh rambling about it and my generic disclaimers + gushing extensively under the cut but TL;DR I think it's great for ADHD ppl, I've used it for 6+ months now and I find it super SUPER helpful. also weirdly fun.
DISCLAIMERS:
Budgeting helps you understand/know your money, it can't make money appear where there is none.
Everyone should learn to budget even if you don't have much money (especially then)
This is NOT a magic trick solution. Just like everything else, it is an assistive tool. This is one of those adult things we can't simply opt out of without negative consequences, though.
My advice is based on something I am currently able to do. That is, I can spend an amount of money on this specific thing that works well for me. If you have no extra money to spend then previously I was tracking things in a notebook. So you can still do this.
I believe Dave Ramsey is a fundie fraud/hack and no one should listen to him about money.
DID YOU KNOW THEY CANCELLED MINT???
Okay? OKAY.
Ahem.
You Need a Budget is EXCELLENT.
It is called YNAB for short. The first 34 days are your free trial, and that is my referral link. If anyone uses it and then signs up for a subscription, we both get a month free. Also you can share a subscription with up to six people (account owner can see everything but individuals can pick and choose what they share amongst each other) so like...idk your whole polycule can be on one account. Or your kids. Whatever.
If you are a student, it's free for a year. If you aren't, a subscription is $99 for a year (paid all at once) or $14.99 monthly, which is equivalent to paying Amazon prime. Go cancel Prime and get this instead tbh.
They got a whole article just on ynab and ADHD. They also have like...a big variety of ways to access their info? They have a book, podcast episodes, YouTube videos, blog posts, q&A's, free live workshops you can join (you can request live captioning), emails they can send (if you want) a wiki, and so on. They got workshops on all kinds of topics!!
So whatever ends up working for your brain. It also has a matching app.
If you lost Mint this year they have a gajillion things for moving from Mint.
Also they have a "got five minutes?" Page which has a slider so you can decide how much attention/time you have before going on lol:
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They only have 4 rules of the budget, they're simple and practical, and it doesn't get judgey or like...mean about your spending.
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1. Give every dollar a job 2. Embrace your true expenses 3. Roll with the punches 4. Age your money.
THEN THEY BREAK THESE DOWN INTO SMALL STEPS FOR YOU! They even have a printable! Also these rules are great because there's built in expectations that things WILL HAPPEN and it's NOT all or nothing with a fear of total collapse into failure. Reality and The Plan don't always align, especially if you have ADHD. So it's directing our energy towards the true expenses and not clinging to The Plan!! over reality.
You can automate a lot of shit (you can sync with your bank accounts just like mint, but also automate tagging the categories of regular expenses/transactions). And if for whatever reason you accidentally do something that makes the budget look weird or wrong:
A) you can usually fix it somehow OR b) they have like, a button you can press that gives you a clean slate and archives the previous version of the budget for you.
So if you forget for a few weeks or months, or accidentally input something wildly wrong, or just don't want to look at a really terrible month anymore and feel like you need a fresh start you can usually either fix it or start fresh which is really nice.
The app also (for whatever reason) scratches my itch to have things like...have incentives or little game-like goals in a way mint never did? I don't know why. Filling up the bars or putting money into the categories to cover my expenses is satisfying lmao. You can also make a big wish expense category for all the fun shit you want, and fund it whenever you can and then you can see the little bar go up and that's fun.
Anyways I've been using it for like 6+ months now and I think it's really helped me when I use it.
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obaewankenobis · 5 months
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born to die ; finnick odair
pairing: finnick odair/reader (afab but i don't think i use pronouns? also no use of y/n)
word count: 6.8k
part 2: find here!
summary: having just finished your victory tour, you, the winner from district 4, are forced to confront the reality of winning the games. luckily, you know someone who's done this before — finnick odair.
warnings: mentions of violence, death, nightmares, blood, sex trafficking, i mean... it is the hunger games so read at your own risk! mutual pining, slowish burn, unprotected sex ( wrap it before u tap it ), p in v sex, oral (f receiving), fingering, idk it's not that bad. minors dni!
a/n: sorry to everyone who followed me for my star wars content... anyways here is my first finnick fic cause my friend made me watch the hunger games a month ago so here i am. i was super interested in the cashmere/glimmer theory so i kinda used it here. i have a prequel and a part 2 planned so lmk if you want that <3
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There were things nobody ever told you about winning the games, things you wished you would’ve known before you tried so hard. Before you’d clawed your way up a cliff of desperate survival and emerged on top. Before you’d killed people — other children — to be able to stand here now. Your father, a former Victor himself, hadn’t told you about this side of things before he died. With a pang, you realized how badly you wanted him beside you, and how impossible that was. How you were now confined in shoes so tall you thought you might wobble over, in a dress so thin you were beginning to shiver, and a hairstyle that pulled uncomfortably at your roots. It all tied in for a look that was clearly meant to have all eyes on you. It was your victory party, you tried to reason as you slipped into the dress and noticed just how much of you would be on display. They wanted all eyes to be on you. It was okay.
You just wanted to feel beautiful again, to not be plagued with the feeling of revulsion when you looked at yourself in the mirror. The outfit wasn’t the problem, it was perhaps the most stunning thing you’d ever worn: a loose dress with billowing sleeves that fell off your shoulders and opened around the stomach, the silky material melting from transparency to a solid, pale purple around the parts that clung to your breasts and hips. The opalescent color, meant to mimic the expensive pearls commonly found in District 4, shimmered in the moonlight, threatening to turn even the solid parts translucent and expose every part of you to the Capitol.
Not that they’d mind, you thought, the words leaving a bitter taste in your mouth that threatened to rise to the surface, breaking through a perfectly painted smile and tugging your blush lips into a frown. You couldn’t help but feel that was the point, with all the oogling that no one was trying to hide. And that feeling… that is what kept you from feeling anything but beautiful. You felt used, and exposed, but not beautiful. 
A hand on your arm startled you out of your bitter thoughts, your skin immediately crawling with disgust as your gaze traveled to the face connected to the hand still placed possessively on you. While not particularly ugly, the man in front of you was pushing fifty, and the lewdness dripping from his gaze as he leered at you, an eighteen year old girl… 
“There you are,” his lips curled into an unpleasant smile; he was close enough you could smell the stench of alcohol on his breath, almost overpowered by the sheer amount of cologne that clung to him. “I must say, my sponsorship has paid off… handsomely. I mean, look at you! Such a stunning addition to the Capitol, I just cannot wait for you to become—”
“Excuse me,” a new voice — a familiar voice — cut through. “I think your wife is looking for you, Quillon.”
Of course he knew this man, he seemed to know everyone. And of course the man — Quillon — listened, his eyes widening as he immediately removed his hand from you, leaving an unpleasant dampness from his sweaty palms. He backed away until he had disappeared into the crowd and it was just you and him.
Him. Finnick Odair, Capitol Darling, youngest Victor of the 65th Hunger Games, the most insufferable and obnoxious boy you’d ever had the displeasure of encountering. You were sure he’d never liked you from the beginning; you’d tried to introduce yourself to him at fourteen when you accompanied your father to the Capitol to train the new tributes, only to be brushed off without a second glance.
That dislike had only seemed to grow when you had been Reaped the year your father had been killed (the rumors of the siblings and children of Victors being chosen so often finally making sense to you), and Finnick Odair, master of the Games, expert of the field, had all but ignored you.
“You!” All of the rage you’d pent up about his mentoring skills — or lackthereof — were coming out in full force, though even you were surprised by the venom in your words. With a jab of a finger in his chest, you finally began to let it all out. He seemed to have sensed that you would come at him swinging, grabbing your wrist and dragging you to a quieter corner of the party, beneath a small pergola weighted with vines that crept up the sides and wove inbetween the planks on top.
“Look, I know you must be upset — ” No. You wouldn’t let him talk, not before you had the chance to give him a piece of your mind. You took a step closer, until your nose was brushing against his, and tried to keep your voice as level as you could.
“Nice of you to finally fucking show up, Odair. Didn’t think you’d see me again, huh? Not after you all but fucking abandoned me during training week. I mean, I know we never really got along, but seriously? Is that why you left me with Mags and I never saw you past the first day? You hoped you’d train Kier—” the breath caught in your throat as you finally uttered the name of your fellow District tribute for the first time since… well, that wasn’t important. “—and then I would be out of your hair, is that it?”
Finnick, however, took this as an opportunity to spit his own words out, his jaw clenched and his eyes hard as he looked down at you. “I was trying to help you.” He was so close you could feel his breath fanning your lips, almost making you want to close your eyes.
“Help me?” A laugh escaped your lips, one that could’ve almost been seen as genuine because of the honest disbelief that coated it. “You think I’d be better off dead?”
He didn’t respond. Couldn’t even look you in the eyes, choosing instead to fixate on a tiny rose growing from within the depths of the ivy layers. That was basically a confirmation of what you’d just said, but for some reason he couldn’t even admit it to your face.
 You weren’t sure why, but hot, angry tears were beginning to form in your eyes; you tried frantically to force them down. He couldn’t know how much he’d hurt you with his indifference. “You were supposed to be there for me, you were supposed to teach me how to survive, and you fucking left me to die!”
Had you done something? You replayed all of your interactions with him, coming up short with a conversation that would make him hate you so much he wanted you to die. Sure, you’d been a bit annoying when you’d trailed behind your father, and maybe you had been a little relentless to pursue his attention when he moved next door to you in Victor’s Village, but this? The way he couldn’t even answer you? The way he was just standing there, his gaze in some far off place? It made you angrier. How dare he be so indifferent, how dare he act as if he was doing you a favor?
There was a moment of hesitation before Finnick sighed. “It’s not like that. I was trying to protect you. Look— has Snow talked to you yet?”
This left you truly at a loss for words. “Snow?” You words were less harsh and more curious. “Why would Snow want to talk to me? You know what — don’t try to spin it on him, this is about us! About you—” You stabbed at his chest again, and this time he let you. “—about you abandoning me in that arena, when it was your job to fight for me! To keep me alive!”
“There’s a lot you don’t understand right now,” he began again, hesitantly reaching out to grasp the hand that had struck against his chest, and that was the final straw snapping; you were done.
With a scowl and a tug of your hand, you yanked it free of his grasp and whirled around, the flow of the dress whipping around from the sudden gust of wind. “Whatever, Odair. I’m done. If you can’t even admit what you did was wrong, then… then just leave me the fuck alone from now on.” You didn’t bother to look back, missing the way his jaw hung open and his entire face crumbled. If only you had any idea.
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You found out soon enough.
“You’re quite popular now, if you didn’t know that already. Although you’re quite perceptive, I can’t imagine you don’t.” Though he sealed the compliment with a smile, it did little to soothe the unease stirring within your belly.
“Yes, Sir. I’ve noticed. Is that a bad thing?” You hated how weak you sounded, your voice faltering slightly at the end of your sentences, hanging uncomfortably in the air and weighed down with uncertainty.
“I knew you were a smart one,” he finally tucked the envelope in his hands into his pocket, his undivided attention now on you. “You see, with how desirable you are… there are certain expectations that come with that. We wouldn’t want the Capitol to be unsatisfied, now would we?”
When did attention turn into desire? When were there suddenly expectations, and why was it suddenly your responsibility to keep people satisfied? 
“I’m not sure what you mean, sir.” A hollow, empty statement, but a genuine one.
“Well,” it seemed Snow was particularly delighted by your response, as if it allowed him to explain something that pleased him greatly. “Victors have their place in Panem, just as all the Districts do. What would Panem be without Eleven’s grain, or Five’s power?”
Realizing it was not a rhetorical question, that he really wanted you to answer, you stumbled through a response. “Well, I— I suppose it would topple the whole structure. We… we can’t survive without eachother.”
“You’d be correct. The same thing applies to the Capitol. Without everyone doing what’s required of them, the Games fail to run smoothly. With no… incentives, shall we say, people… sponsors… become uninterested. There are things you, as a Victor and a mentor, need to do to ensure that interest remains. Do you understand me now, my dear?”
You did, oh how you did. And that was the worst part.
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That was how you got here on the rooftop of the Victor’s apartment complex, wrapping a thin robe around the once pretty, now torn chemise that did little to hide your body. You barely survived the first night, there was no way you could spend the rest of your life doing this. No amount of hot showers and scrubbing your skin raw until it bled could free you from feeling so dirty. Tears glistened on your cheeks, highlighting your face in the pale dawn light and exposing your true emotions to anyone who could see you. Luckily — or perhaps unluckily — you were all alone in the Capitol, your family safe and sound because of what you’d agreed to, but so far away.
With slow movements, you hoisted yourself onto the ledge of the roof, telling yourself you wanted to get a better glimpse of the city skyline as the sun crept higher into the sky, not wanting to admit the real reason why, even to yourself. The wind whipped all around you, tearing the robe from your body and splaying your hair in different directions, but you felt as close as you could to freedom. If you just— took another step, or stumbled forward and fell, maybe you would truly be free in the entire sense of the word.
“There’s a forcefield. They wouldn’t let you get away that easily,” the all too familiar voice of Finnick Odair startled you out of your thoughts.
“Did you know?” You had to ask, but couldn’t bring yourself to turn your head and look back at his features, because you would surely crumble if you saw the look on his face.
To his credit, Finnick didn’t bother to sugarcoat it. “Yeah, of course I knew. That’s why…”
“That’s why you wouldn’t train me. You wanted me to die, so I wouldn’t end up like this—” you whirled around sharply to stare straight into his eyes for confirmation as you guessed what you were going to say next. “—like you. Because he makes you do this too, doesn’t he?”
Finnick was never an easy person to read, always hiding behind dimples that indented in his cheeks when he flashed one of his dizzying smirks. But now? You felt like you were staring at a statue, his gaze unable to leave yours but also unable to say anything in return.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered, allowing the cold caress of the breeze to take hold of you. If only you could fall back, if only… 
“I tried to protect you,” his voice cracked, finally pushing something past his lips and drawing you away from the dangerous thoughts fighting in your mind. “Don’t you see it now? It would’ve been better if you’d died in the arena, you wouldn’t have to do this,” he spat out the word like it was hot tea burning his tongue, but you noticed the crack of defeat in his voice. The way his shoulders slumped, the way his sea green eyes were fixed on his shoes. “And I… I wouldn’t have to see you like this.”
You did see it now; there was a fate worse than death. “I should’ve listened to you, Finnick.” His first name felt foreign on your tongue, as if you were speaking an intimate language only known to the both of you. “I— I’m sorry. I had no idea, I…”
He let your apology hang heavy in the air, flicking his eyes over your shoulder to the waking Captiol, evident by the honks of car horns and the chatter of thousands turning into a dull buzz.
You couldn’t stand silence, it reminded you too much of what followed your father’s execution, what followed when your name was called from the Reaping Bowl. So with a huff, you jumped down from the ledge and hoped he wouldn’t notice your disgruntled appearance.
Not that you cared what he thought of you. But one look from him and you were a goner; your lips began to quiver and you wrapped your arms around yourself.
“Finnick, I… I don’t know how to do this,” a choked sob escaped you, and then it was all over and you were crying, shaking violently as you tried and failed to regain your composure. That seemed to snap him out of the haze he’d been in, his eyes flickering over and fixating on your figure, deep frown lines etching themselves on his face in a worried expression. “I don’t know if I can—”
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he didn’t hesitate to surge forward as you began to sway, the lack of sleep from the night before becoming evident in the dark circles beneath your bleary eyes, cracks in your skin holding onto tears that had long since been shed. He placed a careful hand near the small of your back, hovering over your skin before you fell back into it, like he was uncertain if you would be okay with touch. It reminded you of two nights ago, where he’d been so close to you but still kept his distance, not wanting to invade your space. His reluctance to touch you without your explicit permission made sense now, it all did.
“I just— I don’t—” Your body convulsed with gutteral sobs that sliced his heart in two, his fingers threading through your hair as he pulled you into his chest, allowing fresh tears to stain in the wool of his white sweater. “I don’t…” you tried again, wanting to continue despite the hiccups, “I just don’t… don’t… know what to do.”
You could feel his lips moving against your hair from where they rested on top of your head as he answered. “You don’t have to do anything. Not right now, at least.”
Time passing was the last thing on your mind as you remained in his embrace, soaking up everything about him, relishing in the comfort his closeness brought to you. How when your mind began to wander, the rhythmic pattern of his heartbeat brought you back so you could listen with your ear against his chest. How when your body expelled the last of its shudders and gasps from your breakdown, you could feel his arms flexing, squeezing you a little tighter. How when you pulled back from his embrace, he traced the red indent on your cheek, left from one of the buttons on his sweater.
“When was the last time you slept, sweetheart?” Finnick asked in a tone so gentle it brought fresh tears to your eyes; perhaps it was the sleep deprivation this time.
“I— I can’t go to sleep,” you began to panic again, digging your fingernails into his clothed arms. “I just close my eyes and I keep reliving it over and over again, I can’t do it again, I can’t—”
“I get it,” he stopped your rambling with a simple sentence, and you finally felt like you didn’t have to explain, he just understood. “Just… come with me, okay? You can trust me.”
Wordlessly you nodded, allowing him to guide you gently through the long corridors of the various penthouses until you arrived to one that had been occupied by none other than yourself. No, I can’t sleep, you wanted to shout at him, but remained silent. Trust him.
You allowed him to go through the motions of a bedtime routine, paying no attention to the fact that it was probably breakfast time. Pulling back one side of the blanket, he patted the uncovered space, motioning you to come lay down beside where he sat. 
“Finnick, I can’t…” I can’t sleep.
He shook his head, a ghost of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Just trust me, okay? Come and lay down, you don’t even have to sleep.”
Reluctantly, you threw the robe off of you and on to a chair, trying very hard to ignore the fact that the nightgown underneath did little to hide your body, reaching just past the tops of your thighs and exposing most of your legs. But Finnick didn’t even seem to notice, watching just your face as you settled into bed beside him, laying stiffly on your back until he motioned for you to roll over on your side, facing away from him.
“What are you—” you were shushed yet again and tried to comply, feeling a bit odd facing away from him when he was supposed to be distracting you.
You suppressed a shiver as his finger came into contact with your back, the thin silk of the nightgown doing little as a barrier and feeling more of a second skin. He began to trace a pattern— wait, were those letters?
“Finnick, what are you doing?” You forced back the beginnings of a smile, the first time you’d genuinely wanted to in what seemed like forever.
“Just relax, okay? Sometimes it’s okay to just… let yourself be distracted,” his voice trailed off, differing from the confidence you were used to, replaced by something much more vulnerable. “What am I drawing now?”
“I…” you frowned in concentration, trying to piece together the light strokes of his finger just barely gliding over you. “The sea, no! Waves?”
“Woah, that was fast. Didn’t know I was such an amazing artist, but it doesn’t surprise me—” The teasing tone had returned to his voice, no doubt an effort to continue to distract her
“Can you just continue drawing?” You rolled your eyes knowing he couldn’t see, but there was a slight humor to your voice that let him know it was working, that he was distracting you. His fingers continued their roaming, dancing so delicately and so dangerously close to your bare shoulder.
Finnick traced a moon, a star, and even a fish before he switched over to words, indenting each letter in your back with featherlight strokes of his fingers.
At first it was people, places. Your name. His name. District 4. District 1. Then it transitioned to phrases, which proved to be much more difficult. ‘You should sleep’—
“—Hey! I thought this was supposed to just be a distraction,” your words were finished with a heavy yawn that caused a chuckle to vibrate within his chest, and a feeling of warmth spread through you like wildfire. You couldn’t help it, in a moment you had flipped over onto your other side, wanting to see him. You could hear him, small chuckles passing from his lips and the slight rustle of the sheets beneath his body; you could smell him, a comforting, clean scent that instantly relaxed you, but nothing compared to actually being able to see him in all his glory.
You studied the high of his cheekbones, the straight edge of his nose, the golden glow of his skin that matched his bronzy hair dishevled from its place against your headboard. You studied the way his hair curled around his ears, the way you could faintly see the indents in his cheeks from where his dimples would appear if he were to smile, how the white of his two front teeth would poke out from his lips if he flashed you a smirk. They were full and pink, and, with a pang of jealousy that rocked your entire body, you wondered how many Capitol women had been blessed with feeling his lips on theirs — then swallowed that thought down with a shudder of disgust. He hadn’t wanted them, any of them, it was all a facade made up from by the Capitol, and you needed to realize that.
And while hearing him, and smelling him, and even seeing him was great, all you wanted to do was touch him. Not like that; no, you just wanted his arms around you again like they had been on the rooftop, shielding you from the cruelty of the world and finally allowing your body to feel safe enough to sleep. You wanted to reach out and trace the sharpness of his jawline, trail your fingers down to explore the planes of his chest, draw letters and shapes and meaningless patterns over his shirt like he’d just done to you. He watched you through sea green eyes that were glassy with sleep or emotion, which one you couldn’t say. His breaths came out short and shallow, hitting your face as you stared right back. You wondered if he could feel your breath fanning his face, or the warmth radiating from your body as you could from his.
He was close, so, so close, like that night you’d first seen him in the Captiol. You were wanting, just about begging for him to say something, something that would snap you out of whatever trance you were in.
It wasn’t fair that he could be so close, mere inches away on the bed, but be so unreachable.
But, as Snow had so graciously reminded you, fairness was a luxury you were not blessed with. So with great effort you tucked one arm under your pillow, using the other to pull the covers over you. Much to your relief, Finnick made no attempt to leave, saving you the embarassment of asking him to stay.
“Finnick?” You asked after several moments in a hushed whisper, not wanting to wake him. You felt guilty enough to have kept him up until mid morning.
“Mmmm?” Was the response, thick with sleep.
“Thanks for staying with me.” You fell asleep before you could hear his response.
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Blood. Red and warm and sticky.
Heat. Blistering your skin and parching your throat.
A knife. Glinting in the sun, slicing straight through skin and muscle and bone.
A scream. Bloodcurdling and drawn out and all too familiar.
A scream escaped your lips, mimicking the one in your dream to an uncanny degree until you realized it was your scream. The sheets were tangled around your limbs, suffocating you and rendering you paralyzed as you fought with them, sweat drenching your forehead and leaving your hairline damp as you struggled for what felt like hours, though it was probably only a moment or two before your disorientation faded and you realized you weren’t back in the arena. Two hands were on your shoulders, strong and grounding, and you realized someone had been calling your name.
“You’re okay. You’re safe, it’s just— it’s just me,” Finnick’s voice was soothing to your ears, a calming melody against the screams and sounds of sliced flesh that were assaulting your mind.
“I’m sorry,” you choked out, chest heaving as you sucked in as much air as possible, needing desperately to occupy your mind with something else, anything else. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up—”
“It’s okay,” he cut you off; his hands moved up from your shoulders to cup your face, his thumbs brushing over your cheeks and you realized you’d been crying. “I get it, you don’t… you don’t have anything to be sorry about.”
His arms wrapped around your body until you had been tucked into his side, your head resting in the crook where his neck met his shoulder, and allowed steadying inhales and exhales to relax you as he resumed tracing patterns on your back. You cried, for everything you’d lost in those games, mourning the person you were before, and he just stayed there, cradling you against him, wanting nothing more than to take your pain on as his own.
“I— I— I just— I can’t—” you hiccuped, fresh tears spilling from your eyes as memories from your Games kept crashing down, how your District partner had protected you and you’d killed him—
“Please, what do you need?” Finnick squeezed his hands a bit tighter around you, trying desperately to bring you back to today. “Just tell me, and I can get it for you— liquor, morphling, anything, just—”
“Finnick,” you croaked out, hating how your voice sounded so weak, so broken. “Can you just…” your eyes flickered down to his lips, and despite every cell in your body screaming at you not to ask: “Kiss me.”
His eyes widened like it was the last thing he expected you to say, “I— okay— are you sure?”
You answered his question by surging forward and capturing his lips with your own, telling yourself it wasn’t his lips that you craved, but that you just needed something to get you through the night. He reciprocated immediately, matching your desperation with his own, like the two of you were trading blows as he pulled you fully under him, settling himself between your legs. You felt the hardness in his pants and couldn’t help but roll your hips up to meet it, pressing your own desire up against his. That — the feeling of his cock straining through the material of his sweatpants — made everything a little too real, and you suddenly found yourself needing to justify your actions. Why you felt this way was a mystery, perhaps you were protecting yourself, scared he wouldn’t feel the same if you were honest, but you truly had no idea, it just slipped out.
“I just… can’t think about it anymore,” you panted out. He didn’t have to know that you’d been pining after him since you were sixteen, didn’t need to know you hid your wanting behind sharp jabs and petty slights. “I don’t want you to think— this doesn’t have to mean anything, okay?”
Maybe you were imagining it, but Finnick’s eyes flickered with something you’d never seen before, clenching his jaw for a moment. “Okay.” He didn’t sound okay. “This means… whatever you want it to mean,” his voice was husky with a mix of something that sounded a little like… well you weren’t really sure, and you soon forgot to ask him as he stole your lips in another kiss.
You swore you would never get used to the feeling of Finnick’s lips on your own, even if you kissed him every day for a thousand lifetimes. Because each time his lips met yours, the world as you knew it was set ablaze with the same fuel that set your whole body on fire. You could never get enough of him, the way his lips were so soft and gentle, the way his breath mingled with and matched your own until it was like you were breathing as one. The way his tongue slid into your mouth but didn’t invade it while his hands roamed your body, squeezing the flesh around your hips, your sides, not being able to keep them contained to one place.
They finally settled on the sides of your thighs, squeezing around the area where your nightgown stopped, fading into a lacy trim and then disappearing completely. With tentative hands, he gripped the bottom of your nightgown and slowly began to hike it up your body. You helped him slide it up your legs, your stomach, your head, until it was completely discarded and you were left in nothing but underwear, having not worn a bra to sleep and leaving your chest completely exposed. Before you even had the chance to cover yourself, he was pressed up against you and his lips were on your neck, nipping at the sensitive spots under your ear and near the base of your throat, soothing the sting of his teeth with the swirl of his tongue.
This continued for a bit without any talking or shifting around, until you decided you weren’t content with being the only one practically naked, and reached for the hem of his shirt. He got the hint pretty quickly, leaning back and sitting on the backs of his thighs before tugging the shirt over his head. His biceps flexed in the process as he revealed a body sculpted and shaped into what you could only describe as perfect, not a single flaw to be seen.
 Sitting above you, your legs spread around him and almost completely bare before  him, this was the first time he was truly able to take in all of you, his green eyes nearly black with how wide his pupils had been blown out. His cheeks were so flushed they nearly matched the red of his lips, swollen from the constant attack of your own.
“You’re so beautiful,” Finnick whispered, so quietly you thought you imagined it. He didn’t leave much time for the compliment to settle in before he was back on you again.
His lips trailed down your neck, sucking and licking a path of hot, open mouthed kisses down past the valley of your breasts, down your stomach and not leaving an inch of skin untouched. You let out a little whine at the loss of contact when he suddenly pulled away, stopping his kisses just by your hip bone. You opened your eyes to see him searching them for any trace of unwillingness, finding none. 
You nodded, desperate to have his mouth on you, and involuntarily shivered as a finger hooked around your panties and rolled them down your legs. You couldn’t help but feel a bit embarrassed as he was met with how eager you were for him, evident by the growing wetness between your thighs, and instinctively pressed your legs together to shield yourself from his prying gaze, despite being completely bare before him.
“You don’t have to hide, it’s just me,” he said as gently as possible, gripping your thighs and slowly spreading them apart, “Are you really sure about all of this? I don’t want you to think that’s why I stayed.”
God he was so good, you realized with an ache that rocked your body, shooting straight to your heart as you stared at him, met with only sincerity that made you want to cry again, because you could never truly have all of him.
He was doing this as a favor, as a distraction, not because he had any real feelings. But you were so desperate for him you’d take what you could get, which was why you nodded fervently and said, “Please, Finnick, I’m sure, I need you, just… touch me.” And as soon as the last words slipped past your lips, his mouth was on you, and you knew in that moment you were utterly fucked.
Finnick, on the other hand, knew he there was no coming back the moment he came into contact with your clit and tasted you with his tongue. He wanted you, all of you, and chanelled that into the expert motions of his tongue as he dove it deeper in you, continuing at an agonizing pace until you were trembling, practically begging for release. Your fingers raked through his hair, tugging him closer to you, his groans vibrating against your folds whenever you pulled a little hard.
And then, he stopped altogether, and you let out a frustrated groan at the loss of contact, but he was quick to make his way up your body again, peppering kisses along the way before swallowing your whine with another kiss, your mouth opening to let his tongue inside and tasting yourself on him. He broke away for a moment, just in time for you to cry out his name.
“Finn—” you barely had time to whimper again before he suddenly sunk a finger in and kissed you at the same time. His mouth never left yours as he continued, his tongue sliding along the seam of your lips as you parted them with a gasp. And he swallowed that with the kiss, too, like he was hungry for every part of you that he could get. 
Desire ignited every part of his body, reflected in the way he began to pump his finger in and out before adding another, wanting you to be ready enough for his cock that he so desperately wanted to sink into you.
 But Finnick had waited so long for this moment, he didn’t want to ruin it by moving too fast. No, he needed to relish in every moan elicited from your lips, every clench of you around his fingers. He needed to memorize every dip and valley of your body, kiss every square inch, memorize the taste and feel of you, in case he never got the chance to again.
He broke away his lips from yours and reattached them to your neck as his thumb began to trace a pattern against your clit. His pace quickened as your moans grew louder and more frequent. Your walls squeezed his fingers tighter, until you were practically undone, as he reveled in the sting in his roots and on his back as as you pulled his hair even tighter and your fingernails dug little crescent moons into his otherwise perfect skin.
“I’m gonna—” You were cut off as he sent you over the edge with the slight curl of his finger, pure bliss blinding every other sense until all you could think of was Finnick. It took you a moment to come down from your high, realizing it did little to satiate you because you still wanted him, all of him.
You reached for his bare torso, feeling each of his abs flex individually as you trailed your hands down his stomach. You stopped just above the waistband of his pants, not only wanting to feel him, but wanting to hear him say he wanted it just as badly as you did; but it seemed he was thinking the same thing and beat you to it, shucking off his sweats and boxers until he was also bare before you.
“Tell me you want me,” his chest heaved with each word, demanding you say just what you wanted to hear from him, tearing your attention away from everything else. “Need to hear you say it.”
“Want you so bad,” your voice was barely above a whisper. “Please, I need you inside me. Right now, just… please.” If you could get drunk off of the word please leaving your mouth you’d be wasted by now, almost wanting to laugh with how often you’d said the word.
“Whatever you want,” the way he said that made your spine tingle, the purr in his voice causing you to border on ferality.
This caused you to laugh and hook your arms around his neck, pulling him closer with the intention of kissing the smirk right off his mouth until you felt the tip of his cock brush against your entrance, making this feel a little to real once again.
“You sure?” He halted your movements, both hands resting on either side of your head as he remained hovering above you, repeating his question from earlier.
The vigor in your nod caused him to throw his head back with laughter, though not before you asked for confirmation of his own.
Mimicking your move from earlier he answered with a kiss, this one so sweet and quick it was more of a peck. Before he had time to overthink, he was inside you in a swift motion, a moan tearing from your throat as he paused, waiting for you to adjust to the sheer size of him. Your fingernails dug into his arms as he held still, waiting for you to give him the go ahead before he started moving.
“Just— move, please—” that was all it took before his hips snapped against yours and he was inside you fully, biting back a groan to match yours as you clenched around him.
After a while of slow strokes, you were starting to grow inpatient with how gentle he was being. Not because you didn’t like it, but because then you had the chance to slow down and remember it was actually Finnick, and not some nameless man you wouldn’t remember in the morning. He seemed to pick up on your growing disinterest quickly enough, and began quickening his pace until you were crying out. His thrusts soon became wild and erratic, signaling he was just as close to finishing as you were.
“It’s okay,” he crooned, his lips brushing your ear as his hand reached down to circle your clit once again. “Come for me, sweetheart.” 
You weren’t sure whether it was his command, or the pet name, way his lips felt against your ear, or even his thumb pressing against your clit, but you came hard and fast, your body spasming and clenching around his cock until he followed soon after. He collapsed on top of you, his chest shining with sweat as he continued to press kisses on you shoulder, up your neck, behind your ear. The weight of Finnick pinning you to the mattress was oddly comforting, grounding you and effectively keeping you from wandering back to thoughts of your Games. The distraction had worked, you realized as he eventually rolled off of you and up into a sitting position.
You wondered tiredly where he was going, but he had left and returned before you could even ask where. A damp towel in one hand, he cleaned you up with gentle movements, slowing when you gasped from sensitivity and pressing a tender kiss to your forehead while whispering sweet words of encouragement in your ear. The whole interaction was so domestic you actually felt nauseous as you remembered this was just a one time thing, and you’d never experience any of this again. This was just a favor done by someone who wasn’t even really your friend — a familiar stranger who knew more about you than most.
Finnick oh so desperately wanted to know what you were thinking. He would ask, but the look in your eyes kept his mouth shut as he fell on the mattress beside you. He itched to pull you close to him, to be able to fall asleep with the security of you in his arms, but couldn’t bring himself to make any first moves. Had he not slept here before you two had just fucked, he’d be questioning whether or not he should remain or go back to his room.
If only he knew you were craving his touch just as much as he was craving yours. So the two of you fell asleep shoulder to shoulder, with so many words left unspoken.
And when you woke up the next morning, you tried not to let your heart sink completely into your chest as you reached over and felt nothing. He was gone.
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IDK how many people are running the account, but if you or a member of the team running the account has ADHD, do you have any tips for ADHD writers, particularly when trying to get WIPs done? Outlines don't work for me like 99% of the time ;_;
Tips for Writing with ADHD
Here's what works for me, but your mileage may vary...
1 - Know What Outline Works for You - You say outlines don't work for you 90% of the time, but what type of outline are you using? Many people hear the word "outline" and imagine an academic outline with roman numerals and bullet points, but that's not what most fiction writers mean when they talk about using an outline. For fiction writers, outlines can be anything from a beginning to end written summary, to a scene list, to a detailed timeline. My post How to Outline a Plot has some different things you can try. Ultimately, there's no right or wrong way to outline your story. Anything that works as a "road map" to guide you through your story can help.
2 - Pants When You've Got to Pants - Some writers are "pantsers" or in other words, they prefer not to go off an outline. Some don't even plan in advance. They "write by the seat of their pants" and let the story take them where it may. For some writers, it depends on the specific story they're working on. Some stories might require planning, others might work better if you pants them. What works for me is understanding my needs (what type of story I'll usually need to plan/outline ahead of time, and what type of story I can pants) and then planning/pantsing accordingly. If I spent time outlining a story that I could easily pants, it would definitely take the wind out of my writing sails.
3 - Schedule Your Writing Time... Sort Of... - For me, I can't just rely on myself to write when the mood strikes me. If I did that, I'd never get any writing done. So for me, it's important to have a dedicated writing time each day. That doesn't even have to mean my butt's in the chair writing from this time to this time, it just means I'll do my best to write during whatever span of time. So, let's say this week you're home every day from 2pm until 6pm and some of that time is free time. That's going to be a good time to write, so you could say you're going to sit down every day at 3pm to write. Or, you could do 10-minute writing springs every hour, or every other hour. Or you could say you'll write when the mood strikes you, but definitely from 5:30 to 6 if you didn't get it done earlier.
4 - Try Random Writing Sprints - Writing sprints in general can be a good way for people with ADHD to write. You can schedule them or you could do them when the mood strikes. Get a timer and set it to whatever works for you... 5-minutes, 10-minutes, 30-minutes, whatever. Then just set it and go when you have time. Even if you don't feel like writing, getting into that habit will make it easier to write as soon as the timer comes out.
5 - Don't Give Yourself a Hard Time - One of the most profound things I ever heard about writing resistance is that it's often the product of writing feeling stressful. In other words, the idea of writing causes you stress, so your brain says, "Avoid! Avoid!" and you sit down to write and nothing happens. One of the ways we make writing stressful for ourselves is by giving ourselves a hard time when we don't write or don't write as much as we wanted. So, just do the best you can and congratulate yourself on small victories. Find ways to make writing fun and relaxing rather than stressful and like a chore.
Bonus - Sometimes the problem isn't ADHD but something else. My post 5 Reasons You Lost Interest in Your WIP, Plus Fixes! has some other things to consider.
I hope that helps!
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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!
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You Hurt Me Pt 4 - LN
The Happy Ending
Summary: Lando is going to keep y/n in his life and nothing can stop him.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
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Lando and y/n didn’t take long to become inseparable and after admittedly after a pregnancy scare that Lando saw as an exciting thought while y/n nearly cried at the idea of being pregnant, Lando decided that he needed to stop wasting time with her.
He already wasted a year without her because of his own mess up. And while a child might be more than a 22 and 23 year old can actually handle, though he did try to argue otherwise, he’s got something else up his sleeve for it.
“So you’re really doing this?” Max sighs as they stand in the store and Lando pays.
“Do you think it’s a bad idea?”
“No. I just didn’t think you’d actually follow through with it when you mentioned it the other day.” Max smiles with a shrug before they take the bag and head out. “You act quickly.”
“I don’t want to risk anything going wrong. For once I actually need to be organised. I can’t fuck this up.” Lando stresses earning a gentle pat on the back.
“Then let’s get moving.” Max states ready to help this day go off without a hitch. “Where is she now?”
“Take a wild guess?” Lando grins while Max sighs.
“You sent her shopping?”
“I had to send her shopping for some things for me to make sure we didn’t cross paths.”
-
Lando intending to propose after the last race of the season, with them being in Abu Dhabi, he’s making sure both their families are there, the quadrant team are there ready to capture every angle of this moment. The McLaren team know about it all and are just beyond excited to be part of it.
The outcome of the race hardly even matters, though Lando would love a podium or finally a win. Ultimately he knows that after the race is where the best part of his weekend is going to be.
“How are you feeling?” Y/n asks sitting in Lando’s driver room.
“I’m good, sad that the end of the season is here but there’s always next year.” Lando smiles with a shrug then moving towards her while she sits up on the physio bench, pulling her forward to the edge of the bench so she’s flush against him. “Plus I have some plans of us through the break.”
“Oh really?”
“Oh yeah, more pregnancy scares.” Lando jokes while she tsks and swats his arm.
“Behave.”
Lando doesn’t hide his cheeky grin, instead closing the space between them and kissing her a few times before Lando’s called for.
“I’ll get myself to the garage.” Y/n states while he nods helping her get down. “I love you. I’ll be proud whatever the outcome and I can’t wait to see you out there.”
He watches her rush out before following closely but heading off to the starting grid for the national anthem.
Once Lando is in his car he does get into the correct, race-focused mindset.
The race starts and so begins the 58 lap very dramatic race, over takes, a safety car after a three car collision in the midfield. But eventually Lando finishes P2.
And the moment he’s out the car he rushes to find y/n, kissing her multiple times.
“Alright, you have to celebrate with everyone else.” Y/n laughs gently pushing him back.
Lando moves but only to give Max and the McLaren team the signal since they wanted to make sure he didn’t lose his nerve and want to back out, they needed him to give a signal to reassure them that this is happening.
He goes to the cool down room knowing that y/n is probably being moved from the crowd beneath the podium and is very much confused as to why people aren’t letting her see him get his trophy.
The trophy presentation goes on and they follow through with the usual protocol before Max and Oscar step off (idk if that will be the podium but lets just go with it), Oscar is aware of the plans while Max is incredibly confused. Looking just as lost as y/n as she’s forced onto the podium stage by the Quadrant team.
“Lando…What the hell is happening?” Y/n hisses while Lando just takes her hand to pull her front and centre. “Lando, please tell me this is not what I think it is.”
Lando getting down on one knee while she burns red, tears glossing her eyes.
“Y/n, you are the best thing in my life. Above F1. So, I wanted to prove that by bringing you up here and…asking you, if you’d do me the honour of being my wife?” Lando asks pulling the ring out that he’d been handed before the cool down room and opening the box.
Her voice almost fails her before she kneels down with him, tears dripping down her cheeks.
“Yes. Please.” Y/n nods kissing him several times as her hands cup his face while he manages to take the ring from the box and pry her left hand from his face to put the ring on.
He pulls her up since they’d dropped out of sight of the crowd below who were watching in confusion and curiosity.
“She said yes!” He shouts down to their families while pulling her close into hug as she tries to hide herself, not one for so much attention especially when she’s been crying. But Lando is much more one for grand gestures.
The cheers that erupt practically make the floor shake while Max leads the quadrant team into tackling the two in a mass hug.
-
“You’re such an idiot.” Y/n laughs as Lando tries to paint her face mask onto her. “By the way. I think you’ve cut our lives slightly shorter with that choice of proposal. The stress of that experience definitely took a couple years off my life.”
“Shut up.” Lando grins shaking his hand before finishing the face mask and dumping the tool in the sink to take hold of her hand and admire the ring. “You look good with a ring on that finger by the way.”
“I’m sure my second husband will agree.” Y/n jokes while Lando fake laughs before poking her side to tickle her. “I’m just kidding, I’m far too excited to spend my life with you.”
“Promise to never remarry if I die in some tragic accident?”
“Not very comforting given your increased odds with your career.” Y/n murmurs before sighing. “I couldn’t even move on when I did everything in my power to finally be away from you, I couldn’t do it.”
“And I have never been so grateful for you to have a weakness like that, especially when it was the exact same for me.”
“Alright, your turn for the mask.”
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earlgreytea68 · 10 months
Text
LOOK AWAY IF YOU DON'T WANT SO MUCH FOR (TOUR) DUST SPOILERS, OKAY?
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Set list:
(1) That Pink Seashell spoken word thing actually opens the show
(2) Love from the Other Side: I assumed they'd play this first, and they did, and they looked very happy with the reception that it got
(3) The Phoenix
(4) Sugar, We're Goin Down: I overheard two guys when I was leaving saying, "I only came to this show for that Sugar song, and it was the third song they played," whatever to those two guys lol
(5) Uma Thurman
(6) A Litttle Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me
(7) Chicago Is So Two Years Ago: I know they always play this song when they play Chicago but the way the show is set up, there's this spoken intro that references a light being left on in Chicago, and then they launch into this song, and so I feel like maybe it's permanently in the set list for this tour, we'll see.
(8) Grand Theft Autumn: Patrick told the story again of how he wrote the lyrics while jogging with Pete. Here is exactly what he said, because I recorded it, hahaha: "I wrote this song out here, jogging, trying to figure out the words. This was back when I wrote a lot of the words. And Pete was jogging with me and he was like, 'Eh, maybe change this, maybe change this.' Before we knew it he was writing all the lyrics." And then Pete said, "Imagine us jogging" lolololol
(9) Calm Before the Storm
(10) This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race: They added a little Peterick-y moment in here? I don't remember them playing at each other during this song in previous performances? It was cute, it was during the instrumental part before Patrick leads the singalong, maybe I've just always missed it? They played it each other and kind of did some kind of kick thing with their legs??
(11) Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes: Honestly, always a delight to hear this song, this is one of my favorites <3
(12) Heaven, Iowa: THIS SONG LIVE, I SWEAR
(13) "The Take Over, the Breaks Over": OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SONG AND I TOTALLY DIDN'T EXPECT THEM TO PLAY IT, I WAS SO HAPPY
(14) Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet: <3 Guess they got over being scared of playing this one lol
(15) Fake Out: I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW EXCITED I WAS THAT THEY PLAYED THIS ONE OMGGGGGGG. Also, there was some plan I wasn't aware of to, like, hold up cell phones with pink paper over the lights so the crowd lit up pink???? I have no idea who engineered that but it was CHARMING and at the end of the song Pete said, "Thanks for that, guys, that was beautiful," and the stage was on darkness so it seemed absolutely spontaneous on his part and I think they really did like the effect, so, Idk, future shows, keep doing it????
(16) Patrick did some kind of piano interlude where he played "Don't Stop Believin'"????? It was random but he was super charming, I think the rest of the band used it as a break, it was just SO GREAT. Part of his intro was: "Pete was putting together this show and he said to me, 'Hey, you should play piano.' And I was like, 'I kinda only play songs I wrote. I don't really play piano. I don't know how to play piano.' And he's like, 'Eh, you'll figure it out.'" And then Patrick sat down and played gorgeous piano ugh THANKS, PETE.
(17) Last of the Real Ones: I am glad Mania got some love.
(18) Save Rock and Roll
(19) PETE RECITED BABY ANNIHILATION WHAT. I SWEAR TO GOD. I SO DID NOT EXPECT THIS AND I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THAT IT HAPPENED. If you're going to the show, pay attention, because I looked away and apparently there's, like, a magic trick at the end of the monologue where he disappears behind a piece of black silk?????
(20) Crazy Train cover: I...don't know what to say about this randomness hahaha but it happened??
(21) Dance Dance
(22) Hold Me Like a Grudge: I think Patrick adores singing this song, I really do.
(23) G.I.N.A.S.F.S.: I KNOW. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, EITHER.
(24) My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)
(25) Thnks fr th Mmrs
(26) Centuries
(27) Saturday <3
The show ends with a little piano version of So Much (for) Stardust played over the sound system, so pay attention for that.
The set is super Alice in Wonderland-y and I adored it, it's playful and fantastical and has all these whimsical touches and interludes and I just thought it was delightful and at one point there were bubbles, and I heard some people complaining after the concert that the fantasy thing didn't suit their style of music and really, I was surrounded by downers after the concert, I thought they were perfect hahaha. Like, ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. They looked so, so, so tangibly happy, all of them. Patrick sounded fantastic and he looked like he was having a blast, he smiled the whole time.
I have a lot of videos but they seem like they're all pretty terrible, but I'll see how I feel in the morning lol
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lazypanartist · 11 months
Text
Hobie Brown x Artistic/DIY Reader
Y'all are already EATING TF out of part one. Anyways. Here more of him ❤️💙
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Pt 1 - Pt 2 - Pt 3 - Pt 4
Warnings: maybe spoilers for ATSV, IDK. Reader's in the punk scene and from Hobie's universe. Whole lotta projection. Canon-typical injuries
Features personal Hobie HCs I guess. It's just self indulgent (and for the rest of y'all too I guess)
Please RB, likes alone don't do anything for the algorithm!
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You don't even need to turn around to know he's there. The smallest footsteps led from your window, a tiny breeze brushing the side of your face.
"Spidey."
You finally glance up when he huffs, sketchbook forgotten as you catch sight of a new gash along his chest.
He waves off your attempt to look at the area.
"'S fine, luv. Just a scratch."
"Just a - for the love of - ugh!"
You drag him onto the couch as you brush past, a quiet laugh meeting your ears as you rummage through the medicine cabinet around the corner.
"It's really not that 'orrible!"
Even with his protesting, he shrugs his jacket off with a wince, pulling the top of his suit up so you can access the newest wound on his torso.
He can vaguely hear you scolding him, telling him that the city needs him to be less wreck less, but he has one little, uninterrupted train of thought:
This is NOT how he wanted this to go.
The original plan was simple: show if like he'd done a time or twenty, tell you that he trusts you enough for something, then wham! Mask off!
But no. Here he was, shirtless on your couch, shaking in an attempt to stay still for your caring hands to work on him.
Still..
It had to be salvageable.
"-and without you, Osborne would've gotten his filthy grip into our movement, but NO, you were there to stop him -"
"How long are you planning to repeat yourself?"
You sighed, and he winced internally.
Okay. So not like that.
"I'm just worried about you, y'know?"
He nodded gently. "I can tell. Pretty obvious, actually."
You rolled your eyes, going back to work. "Yeah, well. You're our city's hero. Cheesy, yeah, but it's true."
He sucked in a quiet breath. "Yeah? If I'm the city's hero, then you're mine."
You look up at him, speechless. And he grins, hand coming to the bottom of his mask.
Plan - back on track.
"Cheesy, yeah. But it's true."
You're still staring, more in awe now, as he removes his spiked mask. He watches your eyes flicker from his coils to his multiple piercings, lingering momentarily on his lip before meeting his eyes. He's still grinning cheekily as he leans forward, stifling a groan as his newly tended wound shifts.
"Wow.."
He barely hears the word, instead feeling it roll across his chin from where you're kneeling in front of him on the couch, and his smile widens.
"That's what I thought when I saw you."
And he knows you were already hooked - everyone is, he's heard - but now you're just staring, taking him in, and he feels.. loved.
It's odd, after everything he's been through. But he can't help but revel in it, hand coming forward to cradle your cheek.
"Are we.. wow."
He leans forward further, straining against his gash, but sighs when you push him back upright before sitting next to him on the couch.
"Don't strain that."
It's crosser than he expected, but he can't help but chuckle. "Whatever you say."
"Doctors orders."
You lean forward, barely, and he follows suit. The new angle is more comfortable anyways.
"I don't like taking orders."
You know.
"What about.. significant other's suggestion?"
He leans forward further, hand coming back up to hold you.
"I could do that."
-----
Part 3
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yourpsicodelicbitch · 9 months
Text
Ascendants at different degrees🦚🦢 pt 2
Venus in retrograde started🎶if your ex comes back or there’s an end, you know what to blame 🤪 jk
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Pinterest
Ascendant at Cancer degree (4°, 16° or 28°)
they’re sensitive in a way I think they can manipulate the atmosphere, at least they have this sensitive nature. They could have had a “rebel” era, putting it with “ bc in reality it wasn’t that kind of era, they were being themselves or they needed help and were misunderstood by people around them. that’s why when they grew up they seem more mature, like a mother figure, with their cheesy side, bc they don’t want people around them to be worried and also they have had matured? they constantly idealize the idea of being with someone that ‘ll take care of them, how they have been doing it with everyone. they love food and feeling at home, there’s one person that occupies that big heart. THE BABY FACE.
Ascendant at Leo degree (5°, 17° or 29°)
they don’t know they’re the center of attention until someone tells them. they attract people easily. the way they do things have something unique. childish or excited. when they say or do something impulsive, they think about it and then the worry doesn’t last longer (depends on the moon sign. Idk but the people Ik with ascendant at leo degree have had difficulties at choosing their career, they either are delusional and not have a concrete plan or they have two options. They lack of confidence when’s about their abilities, they’re pessimistic. They could have a hard time analyzing themselves. They need to do sports so they can have a healthy copy mechanism that actually helps them. They’re proud. They’re like little kids running but at the same time with a huge ego. They get bored EASILY and you’ll always find them with their hiperfixation, they can’t live without it, could be tennis, gardening, doesn’t matter. People like them, they do the bare minimum and people sympathize with them. Could be bc of their charisma. They care about what others think TOO MUCH, in a way they don’t care but they do.
Ascendant at Virgo degree (6° or 18°)
omg these people get manipulated easily, you don’t have idea 🙄. they’re not flexible, they try! And they have todo things in their way and they’re in this constant stress when people that’s around them don’t acr the same as them. since details like if you’re eating pizza without a plate and they get mad bc you have to do that and etc. or when they went out and -you can’t lie to me about it- and then criticize or point out things that disgusted them. I don’t want to justifícate them and I’m not going to but that’s how virgo loves? Or acts or how they live? They care and that’s how they show it -and also bc they have a god complex, but beside that..-. THEYRE MANIACS, they have to have their order. They have to heal darling, they have to😩 stop trying to fix others problems or taking too much time on them instead on focusing on your unresolved trauma, bc god you have. that’s why you’re so manipulated and manipulative. Manipulative bc you know exactly what’s the other Achilles’ heel and manipulated bc you haven’t find yet yours and if you had, you haven’t healed it.
Ascendant at Scorpio degree (8° or 20°)
they went though shit that haunts them till now, they’re healing but IS REALLY hard for them to not feel the memory. to not understand things as they come, that life can be unfair. and that not always the ones that made you suffer the most have to pay BY THEIR HANDS, karma exists babe. they’re kind souls that went though a lot and want to protect their loved ones no matter what. they can overthink too much to the point they thought you hated them bc their intuition was confused with paranoia. they’re always on vigilant mood -if they’re not, it’s with the ones they feel more comfortable- and ALWAYS analyze the person before taking the first step. sadly, one of their family could have been part of that insecurity/trauma that accompanies them in the present. bb pls stop blaming yourself for things you have no control and if you had, to learn you’re human ❤️
—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•
❀ Based on my personal experience and what I’ve analyzed in my surroundings.
❀ English is not my first language.
❀ I’m not a profesional astrologer, I just love astrology and I’m willing to learn.
Thank youu. baibaiii🫣🫶🏼💋
Do not copy. Please give me credits.
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strniohoeee · 1 month
Text
Hidden In The Shadows Pt. 4(Final Chapter)
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Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader
Synopsis: Waking up dazed and confused, Y/N is taken by surprise when certain events seem to take place. Unsure of how to feel Y/N battles with the decisions of staying or leaving for good
Warnings⚠️: SADDDDD NGL😭, but like not really but also IDK??? I wasn’t sure how to end this installment, but I know I didn’t want to make it some fairytale type shit LMAOOO
Songs for imagine: Blue Moon- Elvis Presley, Bang Bang(My Baby Shot Me Down)- Nancy Sinatra
Tags: @lacysturniolo @gamermattsgf @nicksmainbitch @s7urnfilms @sturnssmuts @vickyzloserz @mayhem-72 @sturn3g1rl @mattsturniolowifey
Blue Moon
You knew just what I was there for
You heard me saying a prayer for
Someone I really could care for
If my mother could see the position I was currently in she’d be so ashamed….disappointed even. She’s always taught me stranger danger and leave it to her daughter to sleep with the stranger and the danger….
I can’t remember much, but I can remember the emptiness….the cold darkness of my mind. My physical body slumps somewhere while my conscious fights to wake me up.
Who knows what’s going on in the real world right now. I could be tied to a pole and slow roasting like a pig, or maybe even locked in someone’s dungeon. Or what if this is all some crazy bad dream and I’m actually back home in my comfortable bed….
My thoughts were slowly coming to a halt as my eyes began to open slowly. Squinting at the sensitivity they were facing I groaned and cleared my throat. The throbbing in my head and the burning of my nose leads me to believe Matt used an awful lot of chloroform to knock me out. He’s lucky he didn’t kill because I’d haunt his ass.
Opening my eyes fully I realized I was tied to a chair in a basement? Oh actually my basement? Looking around I realized I was in the same place I was when Matt caught me.
I began to move against the ropes, pulling and yanking as I groaned in anger.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you” I heard from behind me, causing me to stop and jump
“Who’s there” I asked trying to look over my shoulders
“Why’d you have to be so nosy? Making everything so complicated” I heard him say
“You fucking psycho….Matt let me fucking go” I said pulling harder against the ropes
“You see I just can’t do that” he replied to me walking from behind me
“You fucking weirdo….oh god….oh my god I had sex with a fucking psycho… please just kill me that would be less embarrassing” I say shaking my head and tapping my feet on the ground
Coming from behind me Matt stands in front of me. Except he doesn’t look angry…. He looked concerned and scared. Which made me a bit scared and anxious
“What are you doing?” I yelled at him yanking myself around
“sit still” he said in a firm whisper
“Fuck off” I said in annoyance to him
Grabbing my face to have me look at him I attempted to yank away.
“GET OFF OF ME” I yelled at him trying to bite him
“STOP IT AND LOOK AT ME” he says with wide eyes
Letting go of me he steps back. Looking over his shoulder he turns back to me. Placing his pointer finger over his mouth he motions for me to stay quiet and then with the same finger points behind himself and then points to his ear.
“Listen here darling you’re going to do as I say” he says sternly and loudly
Digging in his back pocket he takes out a piece of paper, unraveling it he faces it to me so I can read.
They’ve been on you this whole time and they used me to get to you. At first I was going to do it, but I like you too much. They’ve been in your house multiple times and have found all the information you have on this town. I’m so sorry for who I am and what my family has done; but I don’t want to hurt you. They are having me watch you while they put all your stuff in your car. They’re planning to kill you and make it seem like it was an accident. However I won’t let that happen. I’m going to get you out of here and I have a plan! But they don’t fully trust me and are listening to me and watching my every move. So please just do as I say. I’m sorry.
After reading the note a tear slipped down my face and I looked up at Matt. His eyes softened and his lip trembled, swallowing thickly he nodded his head. Folding the paper back up he put it in his back pocket.
“You will listen to me and me only! Make any stupid moves and I will kill you myself” he says loudly with a sincere look
“Go to hell” I spat at him
Listening above he heard the two men walk away from the basement door. Ushering over to me quickly he got down and began to whisper
“Okay so here’s the plan. There is only one way out and only one chance to get this right so please do as I say. They’re loading up your car and they’re planning on having me drive you to a secluded area a little outside of this town. They want me to set your car on fire” he says shaking his head and looking down
“What?” I say shocked and beginning to panic
“My getaway car was planted in the area and they will be checking tonight to see that your car is completely burnt. However it won’t be there because you’ll be on your way back to Vegas. You’ll be out of their hair which will give you time to leave Vegas” he says grabbing my hand
“But what about you Matt? They’ll kill you….” I say as my voice shakes
“Exactly” he says nodding his head
“No….no you can’t do that! Come with me” I say to him looking at him in the eyes
“I can’t…they’ll catch up before we leave and we’ll both be dead instantly. Suzie and I tried it when we were 14. Thought we could leave and be young lovers together. They shot her dead in front of me… told me I’d be next if I ever stepped out of line again. You remind me so much of her I can’t see that happen again” he replied wiping tears from his eyes
“Matthew no…. I can’t leave you to die” I say sobbing
“Maybe it’s been my destiny all along” he says to me
“Maybe you can escape right before they come looking for my car. You’d get a good head start on them! Meet me in Vegas. We can run away together” I say nodding my head and licking my tear stained lips
He chuckled lightly and shook his head, opting not to answer as he stood up.
“I need you to walk outside with me when it’s time. Pretend to mouth me off, kick, scream holler! I’ll stuff you in the car and we’ll be on our way” He says to me
“Okay yeah yeah” I respond nodding my head
“But for now we wait” he states, backing up and leaning against the pole.
About thirty minutes passed before we heard anything. Barely mumbling a few words to each other. My throat had run dry from the anxiety. The fact that I could die if one thing goes wrong but mainly the fact that the last moments I’ll be sharing with Matt is him helping me escape my death that will then become his death….. my heart couldn’t take letting him die
He was destined for more. The way his eyes would light up anytime he asked me about what Vegas is like or what any other place I’ve ever visited was like. What stuck with me the most was the way his face would change when he’d realized the life he was living and what he’d have to go back to. The twinkle always disappearing. It made my heart heavy.
I wouldn’t let him die. It’s not happening and I don’t care what I have to do to prevent it. He’s had such a painful life and he’s going to honor it by dying….
My thoughts were interrupted by Matt, my eyes slowly shifting from the basement window over to his face.
“They called us up, I’m going to grab you by the back of your head and I need to just start lashing out immediately, got it?” He asked me
“Got it” I said to him
Quickly helping me out of the rope that held me to the chair he grabbed the back of my head as my arms were tied behind my back.
Gripping my hair harder I knew it was time to give it my all. Taking a shaky breath I began to yell
“LET GO OF ME, YOU AND THIS TOWN A BUNCH OF CRAZIES” I yelled as I thrashed against his grip
“Quit it” he yelled back as he pulled me up the stairs with him
“You think you can get rid of me huh? MY WHOLE FAMILY WILL COME HERE LOOKING FOR YOU” I said firmly
“LET GO LET GOOO” I kept yelling as I pulled against him, tears streaming down my face
He walked us towards the front door and that’s where Beaufort stopped us.
“Such a fiery little lady! I knew from the moment you called you’d be a problem. But one thing about me is I make my problems go away” he says sucking his tobacco and grinning at me
“You won’t get away with this you sick son of a bitch” I spat at him
“Watch me” he said smiling and opening the front door for me
“NOOO STOP NO PLEASEEE” I yelled as I kicked and thrashed against Matt. My legs swinging as I tried to “escape” his grip
“Should’ve stood in your home town. So sad you’ll be having a little accident” Beaufort says to me as he steps onto my porch
“I’ll kill you all just you watch” I yelled as Matt shoved me into the back seats as I continued to kick and hit things
Beaufort smiled an evil smile as he waved goodbye. Matt hopped in the front seat as we began to back out of my gravel driveway.
Driving down the road Matt looked in his rear view mirror before looking at me
“Okay we’re in the clear” he says to me
Sitting up I looked at him opening my mouth to talk but stopping once I saw him shaking his head no at me.
“You can’t get me to change my mind” he says
“Matt this is not okay. I basically just signed your death wish” I said to him
“And I told you maybe it’s what’s best for me” he replied shrugging his shoulder
“Okay and maybe it isn’t! Maybe it isn’t” I said sternly to him as I began to lose my patience
“Matt we’ve had such an amazing connection this past month, a connection I’ve never had with anyone else before and you can’t just leave me” I said pleading with him
“Don’t you get it? I can’t have them coming after you. I care for you lot sweetheart and if I had to live with another love of mine being hurt I couldn’t live with myself.” He replied gripping the steering wheel harder
I huffedd out a breath of annoyance and sat back in the seat, letting a few tears fall from my face. This is pure insanity! I couldn’t live with myself if Matt got hurt or even killed. I felt confused, one hand I’d be safe but on the other hand Matt would potentially be….. dead.
I hadn’t even realized how long I was in thought until the car came to a halt and I heard Matt put the car in park.
Hopping out of the car I followed suit
“Take the car and run like hell outta here darlin” he said handing the keys to me
“Please come with” I begged as I chewed my bottom lip
“I can’t little lady” he responded shaking his head and wiping his nose
“Ditch your getaway car and come with me burn your car and let’s go, we can run like hell out of here together” I said gripping onto his arms
“I can’t, I have to go back” he says looking me in my eyes
“Can you at least attempt to leave town? Maybe tonight before they come looking for my car, leave before them” I said basically begging
“I can try, but I can’t make any promises darlin” he states swallowing thickly
“Please Matt…. For me” I say wiping my eyes
“The best I can do is try, this is for you. Whether I make it out alive or not just know I want you to be safe and I will always be with you” he says to me pulling me in for a hug
“I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done” he says to me as he pulls away
“I’m going to miss you” I say to him
“I’m still here” he says smiling at me
I shook my head and hugged him once again
“I better head on back” he says pulling away
Turning on his heels he walks over to his car as I follow behind. Hopping in his car he rolls down his window as I lean on it.
“Now darlin you have to promise me that you’ll listen and you’ll get out of here. Don’t try and save me” he says smiling as he bats tears from his eyes
“I promise” I responded in a whisper
“And you have to promise to never forget about me” I told him as I smiled
“I could never! I swear I’ll try and contact you if I can pretty girl” he says back as he nods his head
“Thank you Matt for getting me out of here” I say one last time
Looking into his eyes I lean over and plant my lips on his. The kiss was needy and sad. It was a goodbye kiss…. A goodbye that meant forever. There was no see you later with Matt….
We hugged and shared one last final kiss. Parting ways I got in my car and we both drove off. I was numb the whole way home. I mean how does one process all of this? My life felt so unreal?
There were many hours of crying, sitting in silence and contemplations of turning back around. I just felt so confused, I didn’t want to leave Matt and I also didn’t want to die…. I didn’t have many options
Arriving home was the most bittersweet moment. I couldn’t really tell anyone what I really went through. What that town and what those people are truly like
I spent many days in and out of therapy really trying to understand what happened to me and how to process it. What really ate at me was the fear of being found, the fear of dying and especially the fear of never seeing Matt again.
One year later
If I knew that that day I hugged and kissed Matt goodbye would be the last time I’d ever see him, I’d hold on tighter. When I finally realized Matt wasn’t coming back it hurt bad… I mean I’d hid away blaming myself for all of this.
Wondering well maybe I didn’t push hard enough because if I did he would’ve caved and came with me. Not knowing if he was dead or alive really ate at my soul. Many days went by where I wanted to call his landline, but that would be a one way ticket to my grave.
It was hard moving. After experiencing something so intense with someone and needing them by your side to never seeing them again will always sting the most.
I was angry because I felt he didn’t try hard enough. Because if he did then he’d be here right now. And then that was filled with sadness and worry. I wasn’t sure if he was okay and I had to live with the fact that I would never know.
It’s so crazy how you’ll be living your life one way and then it flips upside down so randomly.
As I finished typing my chapter on my computer I let out a sigh. Writing a book about what I went through and losing Matt was the only way I could seem to cope.
It was actually Professor Wayne who convinced me to write this. He was actually helping me a lot through all this and he truly saw how it changed me. But everytime he saw the excitement in my eyes once I finished a chapter he knew it was genuinely helping me mentally.
Pressing save I closed my laptop and looked out my window. The rain is pattering against the glass. Such a bittersweet feeling. A year ago today I was about to sleep with my weird neighbor and friend and now I’m here in my empty apartment staring out the glass and reminiscing.
It’s still an open wound that I’m working on daily to stitch close. No one prepares you for traumatic events, especially ones that chemically alter your brain. I watched the rain trickle down the warm glass as I blink slowly. Racking my brain for answers…. I mean hell I’m just looking for one simple answer
I just want to know is Matt truly dead, or is he just
Hidden in the shadows….
The End
Yallll I hope you enjoyed the finale cause I hated it🤭 this is why I don’t write series because I’m so shit at ending things. But anywho I hope you liked it and I can’t wait to write some more for yall 🥹🖤
-J💅🏽
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