Another pick a card...but make it cunt 😆 im lowkey cringing with myself, but I don't care, I loved this idea and this aesthetic. I've always been a cherry cola kind of gal.

Paid Services | Patreon | Tip Jar

Pile One

You serve cunt in a classy way. Elegance is your niche, beauty and brains IS your motif. There's magic behind your allure that's very old fashioned, an era that's been mimicked by so many, but only truly reincarnated by fewer individuals. It's so nostalgic, and reminds me of this longing that's present in each generation. "I miss the 90s", "There's hardly any superstars in Hollywood anymore", "Where's the talent?", "Video Vixens of today are lacking sex appeal". Aesthetics and "vibes" are easy to wear as a costume, but will always fall short as if something is missing. You have something that isn't ephemeral and can't be cloned because it isn't studied by the naked eye, but is definitely hard to not notice. It's derived from your authenticity, and is most adored by when you're in your element. I'm getting that one of your talents involve visuals, if you're the model when it comes to art, people love your sense of style and the way that you walk, if you're the creator, whether it's digital or concrete, the people love how your creations are like air, it isn't try hard, it doesn't demand to be seen, it's a force to be reckoned naturally. Maybe you guys are enthusiasts, and are the audience that admires the art, but just because of your passion, you generate a following that's interested in how you see things and what you have to say. This could definitely be a pile for cinephiles, anime cosplayers, or even beauty influencers. Continue using your voice, serving cunt is when speak your mind. You're able to strike a nerve in people without being vulgar. Both your stance on things and tone are profound. People are intimidated by your intellect, eloquence, self-efficacy, and mental independence. I'm seeing archivists in this pile, people that are very protective over cultural traditions, history, but also protective over themselves. Even if you're still learning how to set boundaries in a healthy way with others, you demonstrate a lot of vigor by making the first step, which is knowing what's beneath your worth. Your physical attraction is lethal because you create your own category of appeal, what's preventing you from weilding it to its full potential is seeing it for yourself, without needing another person or social construct to point it out for you. Maybe some of you are trying to get out of the grass is greener on the other side mindset when it comes attracting what you want. If it's love in all aspects, recognition, self-worth, manifestation, or just confidence to interact with others as who you are, this relates to your femininity, a misconception that your feminine energy has to be soft, dark, hyper, or even concealed. For some of you, you could have had a rough upbringing, where although you unfortunatelt had to withstand pressure, it turned you into a diamond. Especially if you're ethnic, and resonate with being a historian, scrutiny over your physical and cultural differences, could have taught you to really value yourself, not feel guilty for defending yourself, and recognize how special you really are.

Pile Two

You're approaching a special glow up and it's definitely going to be something "cunty" that'll have some people upset. I don't even see this as a villain era, but more so something very personal. I feel like this pile has dealt with a lot of situations with people cornering you into making you doubt yourself or just outright trying to sabotage your spirit that could convince you out of opportunities that are divinely meant for you. Even though it says a lot about what you're capable of, if people have to kick you down when you're low or can't take you down by themselves, it takes a powerful person to stand up for themselves ten toes down against intimidation. You're going to achieve a milestone that's going to be very important to you but also a big deal to others as well, especially your haters. People that underestimated your might, are going to have to witness these rewards that you've worked so hard for, and it isn't even the peak of blessings that your endurance will reap. You serve cunt, by getting stuff done, accessorizing initiative with your charm, having a lot of endurance and scorching optimism amongst being met with cold situations like betrayal, failure, and people that aren't kind. You serve cunt with your quirks, creativity, and self-awareness, you're like this fountain that doesn't stop pouring when it comes to your capacity to grow and hone your gifts. You serve cunt with the way you keep fighting for your wishes and your stability. Even if it's not on some woo-woo abracadabra shit, you serve cunt in a "witchy" way. You guys are alchemizers, you make peace with your darkness by letting it transform you for the better. You're not afraid to show your scars, your sensitivities, your imperfections, or your mistakes, or your shadow. You wear them like a Picasso painting, abstract, thought-provoking, inspiring, mesmerizing. The way that you serve cunt is only a weapon to those who feel inadequate compared to your range. You could attract a lot of envy, people who feel personally feel like what you're blessed with should be given to them, but this is petty energy, hence why it never prevails against you. It could sting, but it never keeps you down. You could have a strong spiritual team that's protective over you, but part of your protection also comes from understanding that you DO have teasurable qualities that'll bring you success one day. You serve cunt, by the way you empower yourself instead of blaming others for hiccups in your life, you take control by knowing that no amount of evil eye, tower moments, or swords in your back can ruin or take away your abundance, that energy can't be destroyed, it can only be blocked by you, continue to keep your motivation high and always recognize when you're getting in your own way. The magic just doesn't stop, it starts with you and how you create your life by how you apply your actions in your present reality. Keep chasing after what you want, because it's out there, seeking for you too.

Pile Three

"I don't chase—I attract" but make it cunt. The burst of energy in this pile is both chaotic but ironically contained at the same time? It's like how a cat always lands on its feet. The universe LOVES you, and you know it, I'm getting major princess treatment vibes in this pile, but it's not something that you take for granted nor is your life just completely sunshine and rainbows. The struggles that weigh on your shoulders, you carry them well, and you always manage to give others a smile or just the things that you say will make their day or change their way of thinking about life. People admire your confidence, they love your humor, some people just want to BE you entirely because of how other individuals and opportunities just seem to gravitate towards you. People in general just deem you as someone's who is lucky. Words are spells, and people liken yours to the Midas touch. You're great at giving yourself and others, affirmations, and a part of what expands your abundance is how you show gratitude. Even if it's not much, the way that you speak of things, will make others believe that what you have is golden. I'm getting a  hypothetical scenario where you're in a financial bind, that's inevitable and out of your control, but instead of mentally just shutting down or letting this problem consume your day, you order an iced coffee, but do you know what you're gonna do with that iced coffee? You're gonna romanticize the hell out of that coffee! This also applies to how you look as well, doing a baddie on a budget haul at Marshall's? Best believe you're gonna still be serving CUNT in that outfit, name-brand or not. You know that each person's expiration date on life is unknown until it happens, so you really serve cunt by living each day like the world is your oyster. I notice that you're also very clear with your intent which is why the universe meets you half way. When you take a leap, you can fall, you know you're not invincible, but most of the time, you fly, and soar away into the next adventure. When you lose things or people that are not for you, don't resonate with anymore, or take you for granted, you could find yourself immediately seeing your losses being replaced with something better. You treat life like a celebration, and that's why people enjoy your company, others may feel that it's always going to be a fun, pleasant, and memory making moment when hanging out with you. You're wild in a way that may be scary for others, but also induce an adrenaline rush in others because your aura just feels so carefree and like they're being liberated.

why do ants try to come indoors? is there something we can put outside like food or water that will keep them happy out there? they're getting really insistent about coming to our kitchen sink and i really don't like putting out poison, but it's so hard to find any information about alternatives. obv it's ok if you don't know but i wondered if someone who follows might have advice!

If they're showing up at your sink they may be looking for water. You could try putting out shallow dishes of water with pebbles in them so they can drink without falling in and drowning.

I would not ever put out any sort of food, because that will just attract more ants and possibly other pests.

There are also some essential oils that apparently repel ants, but I've never used them myself, so I can't speak for their efficacy. But you could always look into it as an alternative to poisons.

This summary post will be the last post on Aaron Bushnell unless something else comes up. I've been talking a lot about it recently because I've been quite frustrated with the consensus opinion that has emerged among digitally active Western progressives, even those who claim to be materialists.

At this point I don't have any problem with the man himself; even as willing member of the US military the fact he eventually came to terms with the cruelty he was responsible for and felt the need to do something drastic about it puts him far above your average imperialist. And whatever you can say about his actions it cannot be denied that he had good intentions that he acted upon with deep courage and conviction. Nor do I have any problem (nor a right to do so) with the Palestinian response, both at home and in the diaspora. As a brutally oppressed people facing a genocide that most of the world is either complicit or actively involved in, it's fair enough for them to gratefully accept any form of solidarity and support they feel is genuine and valuable. Aaron Bushnell is ultimately as much a martyr as anyone; he died in the name of Palestine in the hopes that one day it would be free

My problems is the response by large numbers of Western Progressives who've seen fit to valourise this man in a way far out of proportion with the actual impact of his actions. Self-immolation has never been a very effective political tactic, especially when compared to it's immense costs. Even if it was a useful tactic, the efficacy of it has barely registered as a point of discussion. There's been such an intense focus on praising the personal moral qualities he displayed with the actual impacts of his actions being largely ignored. Like he's being held up as this sort of ultimate hero despite not actually achieving all that much, while the material achievements (and sacrifices) of Palestinian resistance fighters receive a fraction of the attention. Like for a lot of people it seems as though they needed some sort of dead white hero to latch onto, a 21st century John Brown, and it's just discomforting how much praise and attention he's getting compared to all the millions of martyred people in Palestine. The fact is that I've seen far more adulation for Bushnell from people who were already (ostensibly) pro-Palestine than from those who were "converted" by his action so to speak

The fact that Bushnell committed an ultimately pacifistic act probably helps; for a lot of liberals it's much more comforting to praise the passive resistance that holds it's moral high ground than to deal with the apparent messiness of those who commit violence against others in the name of liberation. Like when Western Progressives do talk about Palestinians they offer far more sympathy and attention the helpless innocents than they do to any actual resistance fighters. And this sort of thing is bad enough on it's own but it also reflects the way that the Western Left consistently prefers their heroes to be dead and morally pure* even at the cost of defeat and usually find some way to disown those who live long enough to exercise any power. Like for all those who were more moved Aaron Bushnell's sacrifice than by the sufferings and struggles of the millions in Palestine itself, I can't help but be skeptical about how much their support means. So many Westerners seem incapable of supporting Palestinians on terms other than their pity for a faceless suffering mass

*ideally non-violent, if not then violent through noble revolution as opposed to authoritarian oppression

is there...a touchstarved fic coming?

IT'S COMING I PROMISE it's a little mechanophilic rn is that a turn off for anyone? idk please have a snippet i love you for waiting

“They hired me to fix you,” you add, like that might sway its decision. “We met once. I don't know if you remember.”

The animatronic stares without speaking, and you get the impression of narrowed eyes, a thoughtful frown. A flock of late-migrating birds goes by outside, calling mournfully into the brisk morning air. The animatronic perks up at the sound, then shakes itself violently and jabs a finger at the back of its head.

“Get it out.” Its voice is stone on stone, grinding and guttering, and silly though the sentiment may be, you can't help but think that it sounds painful.

“Okay,” you say amiably. At this point you wouldn't be surprised if the animatronic had some way to troubleshoot its own systems, but it seems best practice to see what's going on for yourself before you start pulling things loose.

While you get your tools, the animatronic lowers itself stiffly to its knees. You feel its eyes follow you, heavy as a human gaze, and something about it puts flushed heat up the back of your collar. There's that inchoate sense of appraisal again, like it knows something you don't and is waiting, amused, to see whether or not you figure it out.

“Alright, I'm going to touch you now.” You feel a little silly for the warning, but you figure it doesn't hurt to be polite.

Its response comes slowly, as though it has to think about it. “Very well.”

Even still, when you start exploring, it freezes, so quickly that you worry that something in the long-neglected mechanics must've finally shorted out.

“Shit, everything alright?”

“Just do it,” says the animatronic tightly, and then lets out a staticky, startled sound when you touch it again that makes you very glad it can't see your expression. It's not a moan, because you wouldn't know what to physically do with yourself if you had to deal with the implications of that, but the sounds share a border so close that they could rub off on one another, like wet paint.

It feels like every nerve in your body has migrated to your hands as you search for a seam in the matted fur. Fine, ashy grit collects in the whorls of your fingerprints, staining them a waxy grey.

“We should really get you cleaned up after this,” you say, just to say it.

The comment is met by the pinched, metallic sound of old fans scraping into agonized motion. A new rush of urgency tenses your muscles. Care and deliberation are all well and good, but you don't exactly trust the efficacy of the cooling system after all this time, and none of it will do you any good if everything's too hot to touch by the time you find your way in. Adrenaline urges you along, and you feel a surge of triumph when your searching fingers close on the hidden pull of a zipper. Age and grime stick the teeth fast together; you worry at it while trying desperately not to break it. When the fur finally peels apart, it does so with the stiff, reluctant cling of an unripe orange.

Underneath, the metal is greasy black and tacky to the touch. Thick dark liquid coagulates in a shallow divot the size of your smallest fingernail, sucks at the pad of your thumb when you move to swipe it aside. 

“Let me know if this—” you begin, then falter. If this hurts, you were going to say. Over the animatronic's shoulder, you can see its fingers claw against its thighs. You clear your throat awkwardly, suddenly too aware of your own fingers, the metal heating steadily beneath them. “—if anything feels wrong,” you finish lamely.

The animatronic grunts noncommittally. As carefully as if it were made of porcelain, you press the tip of your screwdriver experimentally under the divot's hidden lip. Slow, careful pressure—a small hatch pries stickily upwards, and excitement flares in your chest. It's tempered only a little by the smell that follows, a burst of wet, cloying rot that thrusts through your sinuses and lays itself in your mouth like a sluggy second tongue. You don't gag, but it's a near thing. 

“There we go,” you say, a little nasal, “that's not so bad, right? Oh, look at you, you're gorgeous.”

Visible now under the hatch is a snakes’ nest of wires, blue and red and black, their insulating skins shedding to reveal gleams of greening copper so expertly soldered that you can still make out every path between the joints. The patterns are alien to you, though, unlike any of the machines you've worked on before, as though whoever was responsible for this one was making it up as they went along. It's fascinating in its novelty and exhilarating in its sheer blunt competence. 

How had the creator managed it, to make an animatronic that was still capable of such complex operation after, if what your now former boss was to be believed, thirty years of inactivity? There must be redundancies built into the design to preserve functionality in case of damage, but the fact that they're still effective is astonishing. It makes you want to do something embarrassing, like lean forward and kiss it. If it weren't for the awareness of your impatiently shifting audience, you probably would.

Instead, you focus on the captivating puzzle in front of you, sorting gingerly through the wires with reverent, gloved fingers. They part readily under your touch, slick with more of that dark, acrid liquid, though by now you’re starting to get used to the smell. A rigid tension seizes the animatronic's shoulders, as though it were stopping itself from moving away. The fans in its chest whir and screech.

“Hanging in there?” you ask.

“Don't coddle me,” it bites out, and you laugh before you can stop yourself.

“Who's coddling? I just wanna make sure I'm not touching anything I shouldn't.”

As you speak, you slide a fingernail between two wires, teasing them apart with a soft shlick. Sitting beneath them, top left like a postage stamp, is a battered chip of purple plastic. Corrosion bleeds from its edges in crystalline gobs and fans out in feathery white veins, caustic mechanical mold. Where it meets metal, rubbery ribbons of sealant curl away to bare the fragile circuitry below. You let out a short, appraising breath between your teeth. 

It looks—to use a technical term—bad, but you know better than to mess with anything when you still don't know what it does. You hover a fingertip over the chip, testing for heat. You expect it—a functional heat, at least, enough to confirm that it's still doing what it's meant to, whatever that is. What you don't expect is the chill. It's like the chip is carved from ice, radiating a cold well below the air around it. The unexpected sensation gets a gasp out of you, prickling up your arms in gooseflesh that feels like nails raked lightly along your skin. 

Heat rises into your face, and sinks into your belly. Humiliation nips at its heels.

“There's a chip here,” you blurt, your own silence taking on uncomfortable weight. “D'you know what it's for?”

It's a long shot, but your aim proves true.

“Yes,” says the animatronic, sounding pleased.

Wait,so you're telling me that rei won't ever recover? 😭 he pre ordered Mario cart to play with miri and was just coming around to helping kazuki with chores, please, that's a little too sad, isn't there any hope? Because kazuki suggests rei to expand his repertoire after the time skip and he's seen to make a beautiful dish of French toast, so surely he must have gained at least half of his mobility in his arm right??? I love your very informative post op, I love it but it also broke my heart a little too.

Also, so SO in love with your ao3 story hold me like a grudge! Can't wait for chapter 3!!! ❤️

first of all thank you so much for the sweet ask, anon!! it makes me happy to be a source of information and apply what i know in fandom space <33

that being said, not all hope is lost because we don't know the exact extent of rei's injury. in worst case scenario, yeah, he loses all the ability to use his hand normally, but there's also collateral nerves and smaller nerves that can supply miniscule movement that can be strengthened through physiotherapy to offset the bigger nerve that gets injured.

i think this infographic is very helpful in illustrating the kind of disability one could get depending on the nerve that gets injured in the upper limb. hypothetically speaking, if rei only injured one of the main nerves he can still use half of his hand, but with reduced efficacy and power.

with proper orthoses and adaptive mobility tools made specifically for people with these disabilities, it's still possible for rei to use his right side to perform daily tasks. thanks to the ever growing movement by the disabled group in these recent times, more studies and mobility tools have been developed so more disabled people can live independently. so yeah cooking french toast and helping around the house is definitely possible for rei <33

also thank you for reading the fic aaaaah i can't wait to write the rest of the story, i've been bouncing around since the finale because i just can't stop flailing over the ending and can't sit still long enough to put words in the document xDDD

—

edit: @oatmealcrisp-freak made a post here about one handed controller for console! looks like papa rei can still be the video game king that he is despite his injury <3

1, 2, and 21 for Beyond!

Hiii Isa!!! Thank you for the ask! 🥰

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

He has everything. Obsession. Vengeance. Trauma. He's doomed by the narrative. He's a freak. He's a fake. He's a funhouse mirror for the most beloved blorbo in this fandom. His very existence raises so many questions about L, the successors, Watari and Wammy's House and I'd go as far as to say his existence gives them all dimension. The destructive nature of Mello's rivalry with Near is the first implication we get that the existence of Wammy's House as an institution and by extension, Watari and L, may not be an unequivocally good thing after all. There are risks and consequences. Beyond Birthday takes that implication and makes it an observable fact and from there the possibilities are endless.

Death Note does not address Watari's motivations or ethics nor the ethics or efficacy of someone like L having the incredible unilateral power and influence that he does, which is a shame because it's such an interesting angle to approach the story from.

I have seen people say they don't like the addition of Wammy's House or dislike what the LABB adds to the story if you don't just handwave it as a spinoff. I get that. Wammy's House is about as unrealistic a concept as the existence of L himself so it can feel superfluous. For me, the LABB makes the mythos surrounding L more believable. Are we meant to believe all was well in the creation of this superhero figure? I can't, so the LABB makes sense in that regard...it represents the collateral damage of such an unrealistic endeavor. It's too much power and too large of a burden to rest on any single person. However, if you're invested in a particular characterization of L, Watari, the successors and their relationships or upbringing before reading the LABB (especially if those characterizations are on the wholesome side), the LABB might fly in the face of all that. (Though, if they went through with making Mello and Near L's KIDS instead I would've fucking hated that. He would NOT DO THAT.) Anyway, it is ultimately a spinoff so people are welcome to dismiss it on those grounds. If I'm being completely honest though, the LABB is what gives the successor side of the story the depth and stakes that make it truly compelling for me. I LOVE the successors in the main material but we just don't get enough of them! The LABB gives them more context even if I refuse to accept Mello's goofy ass narrative voice in the novel (I just don't think he talks like that, but. Hey. Maybe he does. Mello understanders weigh in!) Anyway sorry this got so long and off topic, my point is that I love everything about him but what I love most of all is that he's an entire story in and of himself. If he exists every character he's even tangentially related to gets another dimension, a fucked up dimension and I'm into that shit.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

Beyond Birthday represents extremes to me. Obsession, imitation, competition - he takes everything farther than anyone else, too far, in pursuit of his goals. He wipes down his crime scenes to the lightbulb sockets. When he decides to challenge L, he's not even interested in living to see the fruits of his labor. His selfhood, his body, his life are reduced to tools he uses to undermine L, and he views Naomi Misora the same way. You can see this in how he speaks about her as Beyond Birthday, rather than Rue Ryuzaki:

I don't think this is just him underestimating Naomi, I think this is him being so obsessed with L and their 'game' that he reduces everyone and everything to their role in that construct. His victims and himself included. Besides that, we see an incredible amount of self-awareness here. He understands the impression he makes as Rue (a freak), he actively curates his mannerisms (down to his laugh) and flat out tells us how detached he is from his own ego when he says: "There are things I must do before B can surpass L." With this context it's not hard to understand how he successfully convinced the families of his victims to hire him to solve their murders. Rue Ryuzaki is just another piece in this game and arguably, so is B...and they can and will be changed and discarded as the game requires. We see the man rifle through an underwear drawer, crawl around the floor, and listen in on someone in the bathroom...there is no shame, no limit, nothing that deters him from his goal, even his own self-destruction. B truly is an extreme freak, even pretending to be an extreme freak to that extent makes him an extreme freak in and of itself, and that's my favorite canon thing about him.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

Oh man, I LOVE writing dialogue for B...my characterization of him is dramatic and provocative and often verbose. He is here to get a reaction out of you, full stop. I think that's why I enjoy roleplaying with him, there is so much joy in forcing other writers to put up with him always trying to fuck with everyone. I love coming up with elaborate schemes for him to try and pull off for the same reason - the feeling of coming up with something so harebrained that even I wish Beyond would use his cleverness for something productive is so satisfying. Additionally, getting into his head and trying to untangle and express his...fucked up, often self-contradictory reasoning, thoughts and feelings without him ever willingly opening up about any of that is a fun challenge. As far as what I don't like...well, it's mostly self-inflicted but as fun as writing B is, I also feel a lot of pressure to get it right. B will want to take charge of any given situation or dynamic; he is fearless, capricious and extreme. There is not much if anything I would past him... so I often wonder if I'm going far enough. I never want my own limitations to get in his way and I think so much and so deeply about this fucker it sometimes feels like I'll never actually be able to properly express those ideas. For example, despite all of my ranting and pondering about B's inner world, in my one published fic, On Killing, Curiosity & Cats, it's mostly L's feelings and internal monologue I am explicit about (even though I am not at all an L expert). It felt easier, or perhaps safer, to show and imply things about B rather than state them outright. Writing him feels like a delicate balancing act, especially if I'm going to publish it! Sometimes Beyond Bitchboy just feels bigger than me.

character ask game

hello!!! if you dont mind me asking what kind of white pen do you use for adding little highlights in your art? your art inspired me to start inking and coloring my traditional art and ive been having a lot of fun with it for a year or so now but i can never seem to find a good white gel pen to use 😭

you and me both friend 😭 I have a lot of issues with the ones i've tried and im thinking i might switch to just using white dip-pen inks (shirahama has given the brand she uses it's something like icy-white but i'll have to dig that out again).

the best luck i've had has been the following:

General notes of paint/acrylic markers - be extremely careful of smudging and drying times, both of the pen and whatever you have underneath. For any solvent-based mediums (paints, alcohol markers and ESPECIALLY linework inking) acrylic markers can pick up some of the colour or damage the paper and create smudges and tears. This is relatively easy to avoid so long as you wait for stuff to dry and work in small areas. The paint itself will take a while to dry so I usually let it sit for 30mins-1hr before putting it anywhere near my scanner bed. If you need to work on a larger area and the paper you're working on isn't pretty robust you should probably switch to a paintbrush and just use regular acrylic paint (which has a longer drying time).

I've also found that with smaller pen nibs getting a reliable opacity is an absolute crapshoot lol.

Artistro paint market pen - really good when fresh, but god help you if you go without using it for too long after you start using it. it'll gunk up and I don't know how to fix them. They are relatively cheap and come in packs at least. Doesn't seem to have larger sizes though.

Posca paint pens (various sizes) - far more robust than artistro if you store them right but regrettably more pricey. I've also found the finest nibbed white pen to be... deeply underwhelming. It never seems to have adequate pigment no matter how long I shake and prime it. By contrast the artistro gave the same sized line much more consistently, but at the cost of the pen nib itself being pretty unreliable.

Decobrush pigment - I've not got these in white so can't speak for them directly, but the colours I do have are pretty spiffy and it's a BRUSH pen, which gives you so much more control and a range of sizes per pen. There is some difficulty with low opacity on these though (since they're meant to be used with other decobrush markers), so I don't know how a white "corrector" would fair. The colour range is generally pretty gorgeous though, in the long term i'd like to have more of them.

General note on gel pens - I've got a love-hate relationship with gel pens honestly. I find I can get more consistent results out of them because the ink doesn't settle and you don't have to prime the nibs, but that's only if you can find a good brand... and then a good specific pen lol. I've also found an issue when you don't let the medium below dry properly re: smudging, but it also seems like if your work isn't boneeee dry (like overnight or multiple days of alcohol markers drying) the gel can very easily take on the colour of the pigment underneath, especially darker ones. Oddly this doesn't always show up when scanning, but it will look odd in person. Not always a draw back though - it looks great for white detailing in shadow.

Sakura Gelly Roll 08 - Not sure if there's other sizes (or their efficacy) so I thought I'd be specific because if there's one thing about gel pens the specificity MATTERS. I've got a couple of these and they don't disappoint (insofar as my expectations for gel pens go)

Uniball signo broad - this was my favourite until it ran out of ink. I cannot say for the uniball signo (without the broad part) which seemingly just gave up delivering ink and enjoys carving lines on the page and maybe delivering just enough ink that you can see where the ball is on the track it leaves behind. But the broad? I really liked. It honestly probably performs the same as the gelly roll but the pen just feels nicer to use lol, and the fact that it ran out of ink rather than dried out speaks for how much I liked it lol

as a general warning though - basically any gel pen or acrylic pen should be the last thing you do on your piece, because the second it goes down you will not be doing any more colouring in that area (unless you paint with acrylics). You can maybe use lineart pens on top of them once fully dried for at least an hour (ideally more) but it's very likely to smudge.

honestly... if you scan your work, there's no shame in cloning a white area of your work to use as a highlight post-scan. i always feel like im cheating until i remind myself that every digital-artist peer i have gets do to this at their leisure lol. i'd recommend getting a good scan/photo of the work before adding any highlights anyway because it's sooo easy to bugger them up and be unable to fix it (i say this as someone who never remembers and always regrets it lol)

examples:

you can see where the opacity doesn't quite hide what it's covering - an extra layer or digital correction would have been great. pretty sure this was artistro acrylic pen. but the unseen thing is i had to correct around the iris to the point where i said "well fuck i can't do what i want now" and just fixed it digitally.

dot highlights on the left and in/around the eye - definitely gelly roll. gel pens are really good for little pin pricks because you avoid the ball-point smearing things too thin and you can get pretty high opacity from that. also some more digital "help" with a bit of airbrush glow.

Definitely gel pen but i forget which kind, but I wanted to show what I meant by "picking up some pigments" and how can can be a boon, but also how sometimes the scanner just picks it up as white anyway (left is scanned, right is a photo - you can see it's purplish in the shadows)

@fasciinating {{from: xx}}

Spaced.

Utterly and truly spaced.That's what she is and to make matters worse, there is no part of her that could bring herself to lie to him. Not simply because he is a senior officer, but…she can't really explain it. Something about Commander Spock raises the small hairs at the back of her neck. If she dared to speak a falsehood, he would know. He would be able to see it in her eyes. Read it on her lips. Know it and pluck it right out of her soul. But mercifully he does not seem inclined to pursue the matter beyond metaphorically waving away her apology and with that graciousness the tension she was holding in her shoulders, in her back, seems to drain away. Gives a little room for something different, a bashful amusement. "Well, Sir, I have heard rumours that you're incapable of illness." Well, that's one of the ones she's heard. She'd never repeat some of the wildly more popular ones. "Oh. Of course." She shouldn't have presumed ~anticipated, if a kinder word for it was sought~ his purpose or desire. She nods when he tells her it is an ordinary thing, nothing that would require intervention of greater magnitude and she tilts her head. Curiosity knits her brows loosely, and thins the fullness of her lips though she doesn't interupt again. A quick glance from head to toe shows nothing to be concerned about in an immediate sense. She also doesn't detect the nearly imperceptibly faint traces of blood or infection, broken skin that might be hiding under his immaculate uniform. Another thing she wouldn't dream of saying aloud. What she sees is a person. Exhausted beyond words but perhaps too used to it, one to whom duty trumps any personal concern. She sees shadows of older agony beneath fresh-concealed pain. Like snow, and how it looks blue when there is ice beneath it. She sees a mask so carefully constructed that perhaps he, himself, has forgotten what he might be beneath it. Or. She could be projecting. But she's always been sensitive to things like that. That is a Beth thing, and while in the med-bay, she is only Nurse Riley. She nods at his request. She pulls up his file in a flurry of delicate touches, and only scans through it briefly for what is needed. She has not been invited into his confidences and it would be arrogant beyond belief on her part to presume that she could be privy to all the secrets his file holds. She would also be lying through her sharp little teeth if she wasn't curious about the exact differences between a full human, a full Vulcan, and himself. Once she has the required dosage, she addresses the Commander once more, now a soft but nurturing tone to her voice and a far more pleasant beside manner in place. "If you'd be so kind, Sir, to have a seat?" She couldn't reach his neck without straining, and finding something to climb on and meet him eye to eye would lack an incredible dignity. "I'm sure you're well aware of all the warnings that come with this dose but I can't help think that maybe you should talk to Doctor McCoy about the steady increase of the kelaromol you've been taking. Or, if that doesn't suit your needs, there are other things that might help with its efficacy. If I might be so bold, that is."

Idk if its been discussed before, but I also noticed on a repeating pattern in manga opm that would honestly explain the drastic difference in the webcomic. It highly relied on the right person saying the right thing in the right moment.

Like for example: CE and Zombieman. Thanks to Saitama's interference, Zombieman was able to give the emotional push in the form of gratitude and support for CE, something he really needed as kid. As a result, in comparison to his wc counterpart, he's less jaded by the adults around him, and may have found an actual pillar of support

Another is Genos and Saitama: the fact that Genos was able to ask Saitama that and Saitama has gained enough experience w troubled people that he knows how to reassure Genos. As a result, we see actual life and emotion in the eues of manga Genos, in direct contrast to his wc counterpart.

And last would be Tatsumaki and Blast. I reread their interaction in the webcomic, and I realized perhaps the slight changes to how Blast treated her shaped manga Tatsumaki as not the abusive and psychotic symbol in Fubuki's life like WC Tatsumaki is but into a deeply troubled but genuinely loved heroine and sister. For one, Blast actually lets her out of her confinement. The other, is the additional line on top of his advice and Tatsumaki's personal motto, is the manga original "Protect your family"

Idk, I just thought it was neat

I was thinking 'how does this excellent observation not have a ton of notes? Then I realised it was in my ask pile...oops.

This has been renting space in my mind since I read it. Yes, if story development is driven by people being able to say the right things at the right times, then the better developed people are, the better they'll be able to furnish that support. I think Child Emperor being able to find that the adults can be reliable and step up, even as he's becoming increasingly aware of how foolish and human they are, was an excellent change. Neither writing everybody off as worthless nor blindly trusting in everyone are helpful, so seeing Child Emperor challenge himself and see people in a more nuanced manner is good.

If I have to focus on one thing, your point about Blast and Tatsumaki made me go have a closer look at the webcomic and manga versions.

Blast's interaction with Tatsumaki was short and pretty harsh.

And this is what Tatsumaki was left with. The world's a hard place, so you have to be hard too, harder than anyone.

She seems to have walked off in her prison outfit.

The manga Blast also challenges Tatsumaki, but you're right, there's more to what he says. After telling her that it's not nice to lie, he continues by asking her what she hoped to accomplish by hiding her powers.

However, when Tatsumaki confesses to feeling like she has nothing to live for as she feels entirely unwanted and unneeded, Blast gives her a reason to use her powers, by reminding her about her sister.

Even the context in which he couches his famous advice is different. It's not a simple call to self-efficacy; it's an observation that powerful people can't sit around looking to others to help them. By their very nature, their problems run bigger than others'.

I trust the irony of Tatsumaki recalling Blast's advice at the point at which she's being protected is not lost on anyone. In fact, it's a double irony: the reason she cannot protect herself is that she's protecting millions of others from a monster that's looking to escape and eat them. However, the reason she's able to discard her self-protection to do so is because she can rely on another person to protect her. Ironies and nuances all the way through...

You're right; those few additional words probably made a huge difference to how Tatsumaki turned out in the manga. They were penetrating, but they weren't uncompromisingly harsh and worked to give her hope. The world is a hard place, that's why you have to look out for the soft.

Speaking of the ongoing involvements of characters, while it's clear from Tatsumaki's memories of Blast as a young man that she's not seen him for a long time, it's also been clear that Blast continues to take an interest in how Tatsumaki's getting along.

For me, stuff like this is worth the price of admission. Plot points are plot points, but it's the web of interactions and conflicts between characters that drive this story.

Vegan to vegan advice? I've rescued cats and dogs most of my life, and have a couple of best friends currently. I don't make a lot of money, enough to get by and care for myself and them but not enough to afford vegan ''pet'' food, which I've done enough research on to know it's pretty safe for dogs and, with the right nutrients and vet visits, safe for cats. (I think if I'm wrong then let me know) But I can't afford it, which sucks because animals don't deserve to die to feed them, they're lives are more important. And part of me knows it may be irresponsible to rescue any other non-human animals in crisis because that means killing non-human animals for them too, but I can't ignore anyone in need. It just sucks trying to sleep at night constantly remembering how many lives are taken for theirs, what do you think? Any advice or ideas, maybe even some homemade vegan ''pet'' foods that are cheap but have the right nutrients?

I can definitely empathise with this, it’s one of the reasons I don’t have pets myself. I’m afraid I don’t have enough knowledge on animal nutrition to be comfortable offering any recipes, i can’t even speak for the efficacy of the ones I can find online either, so I’ll approach this solely from an ethical perspective.

In rescuing an animal, you commit to adequately provide for their needs, including health, nutrition, stimulation, socialisation etc. You should only rescue if you know you have the time and resources to do that. It sounds like you do have those resources, just not so much that you can afford specialty foods - though that would be something you’d need to factor in if a vet ever prescribed it.

For you, what you have to reckon with is your own comfort levels - rescuing involves providing meat to those animals who need it. It’s fine if you’re not comfortable with that, but in that case you should look towards rescuing herbivorous animals. I do disagree on the idea that we know plant-based foods are safe for dogs and cats, but since that isn’t a viable option for you anyway there is no point in me going into that.

It is worth pointing out that whether you feed these animals or not, they are going to require food derived from other animals - the only question is again how comfortable you are being the one to feed it to them. The alternative is that they stay in the rescue centre, or someone else adopts them and also feeds them food containing meat, or that they don’t get rescued and end up euthanised, which I’d argue is not preferable.

By buying food containing meat, all you’re doing is providing for them what they need with what resources you have, that certainly doesn’t make you any less vegan, even if it does make you feel guilty. You are doing a good thing by rescuing so long as you actually can can afford to keep doing so and don’t over commit, you just need to decide if the guilt you feel over feeding them is enough of a problem to make you want to stop doing it.

MINDFULLNESS– Do they live in the moment? What keeps them present?

SELF-EFFICACY– Does the end justify the means? How to they approach their goals? Do they blame others for their own faults or admit them?

RESILIENCE– How do they handle loss or failure? What helps them stay resilient and bounce back from loss or failure?

Some for you! <3

Hihi, Pinxli! Thank you so much for the ask and all of the different options from that original post! \ o w o / Tackling this while I'm taking a short mental break from doing art. :'D Much appreciated for the distraction for sure!

Positive Psychology OC Ask Meme

MINDFULLNESS– Do they live in the moment? What keeps them present?

Nomin sure does do her best to! Though she's definitely more stuck in the past than she is looking ahead or in the present. I truly feel like the events of Endwalker, where these great things and securing safety happens, not to mention getting that much needed closure, really helps her get out of that mental cycle. Or at least, it certainly helps her pick herself up better to walk forward with her head held high.

When Nomin finally has all that sense of peace, she can finally kind of live for herself more than anyone else. She has it when she's on the island by herself, away from everyone. It helps her keep her mind and vision clear when she's creating a life for herself with Estinien as a part of it. She especially starts living more in the moment once the twins are born, and then when Hami is born.

SELF-EFFICACY– Does the end justify the means? How to they approach their goals? Do they blame others for their own faults or admit them?

I would say yes for Nomin, that the ends justifies the means -- especially when it comes to any pureblood Jhungid that is in her way at the time (and even if she ever runs into them again in the future). She doesn't care about the actions of individual Jhungid, they're all the same to her. Even in one of my writings that I had, her obsession with how much she hates them leads to introspective musings like this:

Khojin was actually relatively pleasant to speak with when she was not training with her spear. She left more of a positive impression on Nomin, though not enough to dispel her hatred of those in command within the orda. Khojin was a younger member who had taken the place of one of their parents that had been trusted by Harghasun prior when she came of age. Nomin sometimes wondered if they could have been friends were things different.

Nomin has a habit of blaming herself a lot for things that aren't her fault, and then lashing out when things crop up that remind her of her trauma.

As for approaching their goals. I've mentioned a lot how Esenaij haunts Nomin's narrative, and he does this until Endwalker. Like, he's always there, guiding some of her actions. His words always repeat in her head in certain scenarios.

Run.

You're too impatient; curb it.

You can't rely solely on mimicking my actions when it comes to fighting for yourself or for others. You have to take yourself into account when using your weapon.

So a lot of this tends to influence Nomin's approach to things unless she has been enraged. In which case, a lot of that goes out the window. She'll face her rage head on, she'll become impatient, and she'll forget sometimes to take herself into account when fighting. Because she's blind. Simple as that. Blinded by her own rage.

RESILIENCE– How do they handle loss or failure? What helps them stay resilient and bounce back from loss or failure?

Depends on how far Nomin fell and also if / how it affects the people around her.

Nomin's not easily consoled by words some of the time -- it's kind of a thing she took from the Qestir. "Words are air." Like, if she feels like people around her are in danger because of her, it brings her right back to how she felt when she left the Sagahl behind the first time after freeing them and herself from the Jhungid. In such cases, she needs to start believing that she is enough and pick herself back up on her own time.

Sometimes this means turning her back on those she cares about in order to collect herself. Some belief that if she's out of the picture for however long, it means that the people she cares about will be the safer for it.

People stubbornly staying in Nomin's life has made this...hard. Haha. It's hard for her to feel like people want to stay in her life because of these ideas and views she has about herself that are all just internalized. Impostor syndrome. She doesn't feel like she deserves it, she has a hard time believing a lot of it is genuine for a time. Even if her Echo doesn't really indicate false intent in regards to those people.

But people staying in Nomin's life has also made it to where she can pick herself back up and do it not just for her, but for them as well. Especially once she starts accepting that they do care about her and want to see her succeed and be happy.

She's kicked back on one of those fancy, overstuffed Xavier couches--shoes off, of course. Her legs dangle over the side, and she's propped comfortably on a pillow, gazing at the ceiling. A battered, paperback copy of Murder Ballads--one from Booker's library decades ago--is in her hands.

All at once, she lets out a "fuck," tossing the book onto her stomach. It lands with a little flop and rustle of cover and paper.

"I just remembered James Horner is dead."

The swear has Hank glancing up from his own book - a rather tattered but well loved copy of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, gifted to him by Logan a good many moons ago - and blinking at Tess. He would ask what's wrong, but he knows her answer will be forthcoming.

Tess isn't the type to misuse her swears, after all. Deploy them in a cluster pattern for maximum efficiency, or with the deadly efficacy of a long range tactical nuclear device, absolutely, but misuse? Not usually.

Then she speaks, and his face falls, too. He brings his book down and taps at the spine, thinking for a moment before sliding his bookmark into place and leaning over to take her hand and squeeze in a way that's the kind of intimate only best friends can manage.

"Have I ever told you the story of when I decided I wanted to be a scientist? I was . . . eight years old, at the time. My father brought home a copy of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan on VHS, because that was in the time period when VHS was actually dominant media and not merely an artefact of the before times. I was absolutely enraptured from moment one. The opening narration arrested me - in the 23rd century. I was in. And then, Main Title."

"Enterprise Clears Moorings!"

"Kirk's Explosive Reply!"

"Incredible track after incredible track, set to the single best Star Trek story ever told. William Shatner's single best acting performance, achieved only through sheer bloody persistence by director Nicholas Meyer. A performance of the original Spock by Leonard Nimoy that was good enough that it made him want to return to the role! But. More than anything else, it was the quiet scene in the middle of the film."

"Kirk has nearly been killed by a son he had almost forgotten he had, who is so very much like him, and yet not. Has just seen a man die, pointlessly. He believes he's been marooned on a moon, buried alive, buried aliiiive . . . he lets out a primal scream of agony. He's near the end of his rope, and then, Doctor Carol Marcus appears."

"The entire film is about . . . life, death, birth, rebirth, age, youth, revenge, letting go. And she and Kirk have this incredible conversation. I've never forgotten it, in the twenty nine years that have come since I first heard it."

He puts on his best subdued, mature William Shatner.

"'I did what you wanted. I stayed away . . . why didn't you tell him?'"

And then he shifts his voice. He can't do Bibi Besch, but he can replicate the tones of her voice, the exact moment he fell in love with what science was, with what it could achieve, with what it represented.

"'How can you ask me that? Were we together? Were we going to be? You had your world and I had mine. And I wanted him in mine, not chasing through the universe with his father. ... Actually, he's a lot like you. In many ways . . . please, tell me what you're feeling.'"

Switch back to his Shatner. It's - passable.

"'There's a man out there I haven't seen in fifteen years, who's trying to kill me. You show me a son that'd be happy to help him. My son. My life that could have been ... and wasn't. And what am I feeling? ...Old. ...Worn out.'"

There's a certain mistiness to his eyes. He clearly holds this moment very dear to his heart. These are the words. This was the moment.

"'Let me show you something ...that'll make you feel young, as when the world was new.'"

There's an uncharacteristic crack on the word young.

". . . And then she takes him by the hand, and they walk into the Genesis Cave. The hollowed out interior of an asteroid, turned into a veritable Garden of Eden. Paradise. 'You did all this in a day?' 'The matrix formed in a day. The lifeforms grew later at a ... substantially accelerated rate.' And Carol has this look of absolute pride, and honour, and accomplishment on her face.

Can I cook or can't I?"

"That, was the exact moment I decided I wanted to be a scientist. James Horner gave me that moment, with those strings and that flourish and that sense of wonder. James Horner, and Nicholas Meyer, and William Shatner, and Bibi Besch, every part of it, made me the man I am today."

There's no 'for my sins' or twinge of self-deprecation. This is a moment of pride, and surety, and happiness.

He squeezes Tess' hand again.

"Another Doctor McCoy pointed out, at the end of the film, 'he's really not dead. As long as we remember him.' So. Let's remember him together, Tess."

Gluten-Free Fish Sticks (1 spoon)

I learned two interesting things today. The first is that if you're struggling for gluten-free breadcrumbs, gluten-free cornflakes are a perfectly acceptable substitute (and yes, you have to specify gluten-free corn flakes Because Reasons). The second is "the spoon test" for frying things. There's apparently a temperature range for deep or deep-ish frying and if you don't have a digital thermometer handy (or if, like me, you can't really be bothered to dig it out of the utensils drawer), dip the handle of a wooden spoon into the oil. If little bubbles start forming on the wood, you're ready to start frying.

This I learned from my Becky Excell Quick + Easy Gluten-Free cookbook. I was determined to try some new recipes, and I tried one that she-called Cornflake-Crusted Cod Goujons but I thought that was kind of pretentious so I call them fish sticks. Well, in my case they were more fish nuggets, but never mind. As the cookbook title indicates, it's pretty easy. A little messy, but it involves cornstarch, so I guess that follows.

Here's what you'll need:

5 tablespoons cornstarch

1 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon pepper

2 medium eggs

4-ish cups gluten-free cornflakes

Two fillets of cod or other white fish (not too chunky)

Neutral oil for frying

I figure you can probably add a few more interesting seasonings if you want to - I don't actually have plain pepper in the house so I used garlic pepper, and that was nice. I might be more adventurous next time.

Here's what you do:

Mix the cornstarch, salt, and pepper (and any other spices you might like); spread onto a good-sized dinner plate

Add the eggs to a separate bowl; beat well

Add the cornflakes to a larger bowl; crush well (don't leave any whole flakes)

Cut your cod into strips about 4" x 1.5" x 1", or nearest estimate (see notes)

Start heating your oil to 180C (356F) or use the spoon test as mentioned above

While the oil is heating, dredge your fish pieces through the cornflour mixture, then the egg, then the cornflakes (press down hard in the last step to make sure the cornflakes stick)

When the oil is ready, add your crumb-coated fish and cook for 5-6 minutes, turning over once halfway through. While they're cooking, line a plate with paper towels to absorb excess oil

Transfer your cooked fish to the plate with the paper towels; cook any pieces of fish that didn't fit in the pan the first time

Apart from the thing about the spoon test and the notes about seasonings, only four things stand out in terms of making things easier on yourself.

This probably goes without saying, but if you're particularly given to brain fog issues for any reason, set-up is key. Make sure all your bowls and plates are set up like the salad section at Subway, so you can just take the fish from cornstarch to egg to crumbs to waiting-to-cook plate in a line. I did not do that and I got turned around a couple of times.

The cookbook recipe says to use your hands to crush the cornflakes, and I am here to tell you no, that is a terrible idea if you have pain issues. Cornflakes, especially gluten-free ones, are surprisingly tough. Use a potato masher or something. I couldn't speak to the efficacy of using a blender, but that might work too.

As mentioned in the recipe part, I don't know if my cod was too chunky or what, but cutting a fillet of fish isn't usually an exact science, because the fillets themselves are irregular and things can fall apart. I ended up with several lumps the approximate size of a chicken nugget, and that works fine. Just as long as all the pieces are approximately the same size, it probably doesn't matter whether you have perfectly shaped sticks or not.

Keep paper towels or a damp J-cloth handy. Between the cornstarch, egg, and cornflake crumbs, your hands will get messy and have lumps of mixture stuck to them, so it's good to have a way of cleaning off the detritus between pieces of fish.

It sounds more involved than it is, honestly. They probably do need additional seasoning in the cornstarch mixture, and definitely some tartar sauce, but overall it's nice to be able to have breaded fish again that didn't come way too expensive and over-processed in the tiny gluten-free shelf in the frozen foods aisle at my local grocery store.

Immortal

Oh, this one should probably have a trigger warning for mentions/discussion of suicide.

Of course I'm not suicidal. I'm the only person I know who isn't at least a little suicidal, and it's so strange. I'm the only one of my friends who doesn't want their "miserable existence" to cease. The only one who isn't just barely surviving, who isn't just barely keeping the demons at bay long enough to go to bed and wake up again. I'm the only one angry at how little time we have.

I mean think about it - at best, you've got what, forty good years? The first twenty suck. You're too young to know how stupid you are, and you're too enamored by your own perceived greatness, your own invulnerability that you don't even realize how much time is flying by you. And by the time you've figured it out, your body is no longer growing; no longer repairing itself the way it used to. By twenty-three, you have to be careful because these injuries? They're going to last. They're going to alter your ability to function for decades. And all the dumb shit you did as a kid? It's starting to catch up with you. But at least you're finally (typically) done with the bullshit hormone dumps and crazy mood swings, right? So the good years finally start, because you can finally think clearly.

Then you're thirty, and statistically this is where the decline of the body really begins. Your metabolism slows, your tissues don't repair themselves at anywhere near the same efficacy they used to. Worse if you've got any kind of chronic illness and, let's face it, most people do. More than we realize, at least.

Forty, and if you had kids at 20 (I hope you didn't; you were still a kid yourself) your kids are now twenty. Maybe they're leaving home. Maybe our economy is so ruined that nobody can afford to leave their parents homes anymore. Maybe our parents can't afford their homes without the additional income. In this economy, you basically need three or four incomes for a good house, much less a proper diet. And dear gods, but isn't that infuriating? One used to be able to fuck off west, into nowhere, and build a home. Claim a homestead. You can't do that these days. And maybe, maybe, given enough time, you could change something. Given enough time, and money, and influence, you could begin to change things for the better! but -

Oh, that's right. You don't have the time. Between trying to make enough money to survive, and trying to be able to spend time with your family, it's been twenty years. You're sixty. If you've managed to make it that far without offing yourself or enduring a major injury, congrats! Now the physical decline begins to seriously accelerate. Despite best efforts, our bodies simply don't hold up the way they did when young. The process of aging is inevitable, and we still haven't found the fountain of youth. You got forty good years, physically speaking, and now you might (might) get to retire. Just in time to spend the (statistically) last 15-20 years of your life likely in assisted living or long term care because our society no longer holds value on the elders. They cannot as effectively contribute to our capitalist hellscape. Best to relegate them to forgotten corners and let them stagnate (literally, because how can one have integrity when forgotten and pushed aside? all that is left is stagnation and despair).

So no, I'm not suicidal. I'm angry. There is so much of the world that I want to see, so many things I'd like to do and experience and I don't have time. I don't have time, because we have such short lifespans - whispers of dust amongst the stars - and there is so much to appreciate. There are so many myriad things that make this life beautiful, and painful, and in that pain there is always eventually beauty because if it did not hurt, how could we know what it was like to be happy? If I had never known heartbreak, I could never love as freely and recklessly and deeply as I do. Heartbreak is not a pretty thing; I've discussed it before. But if all I focused on was the heartbreak, I would always miss out on the sheer joy of loving my husband. The euphoria of interacting with my friends. I would never notice how good the leaves smell in autumn as they crunch underfoot. I wouldn't be able to appreciate the crisp cold breeze that smells like the promise of snow. I wouldn't giggle at the snowflakes getting caught in my husband's beard, and I wouldn't eagerly call my friends over to look at the amazing sparkly rocks I find. We wouldn't travel hundreds of thousands of miles to vising the American National Parks and gawk at the glory of the ancient waterfalls that've been here longer than we have and that will be here long after we are. If all we focused on was how many things hurt, we could never see the beauty of a work of art, or appreciate the ancient graffiti that is so similar to ours.

There are as many infinite, tiny, myriad joys as there are myriad pains, and please, why can't you see them? Living requires as fierce and wild a joy and fury as being sad requires a determination. It is a difficult thing, both to be happy and to be sad. Why is it so difficult to also notice the things that make this life worth living?

Be furious. Be angry, because there is so much life to live in too little time. There is never enough time to notice all that should be appreciated. Love life with a relentless joy, with a passion equal to your hatred of living.

And please stop telling me paw prints in the snow aren't a good enough reason to be excited.

Spirit Stealing Offering

what would you do if all your offerings, physical charms , and spells you hang in nature get stolen or taken suddenly? You might consider it to be natural or just some curious person saw it and took it, what if it turned out to be a spirit?

After having my offerings being taken in a very weird pattern I decided to take matter into my hand. Is it really just a random person stealing stuff, why isn't he taking other garbage? why is he taking my charm on a tree but clearly leave the plastic bag on the tree? something seemed wrong, so I decided to settle it by setting up a spirit trap/bottle.

After Preparing the trap using an empty bottle, red wine base along with some other materia to confused, intoxicate, and confine the spirit I set up the bottle in the desert, behind dunes, in an inaccessible spot. I prepared the spot with two candles and using shem angels from Geoff's book I prepared this call to prepare the bottle, after saying the words definite visual distortion and physical response appeared from the candle:

“Thou SAY-EAT-ELL(Saitel) and OLE-ME-AH(Olmiah). Lie in wait for mine enemies. Send fire and force them and jail them into this vessel when next they harass me. I seal this command with the Word of Power: TEE-FAR-ATE-YOD. So mote it be.”

After preparing it the trap I left the spot and came back a few days later to see the results:

Clearly the spirit was trapped, the candles burned in a weird pattern and charred the sand beside it. The bottle was heavier than before, and the whole thing seemed like a success, what came after that is the interrogation session:

The interrogation of this entity was rather ...disappointing. It wasn't some mischievous spirit with evil intent but it turned out to be a small nature spirit that can't even say it's name that doesn't even know why it's doing this. It couldn't even say it's name, so we had to use the Headless One to help us speak for this entity. Us: What's your name? Spirit:Soitaebte Us: What's your power? Soitaebte: Stealing stuff hanging from tree [vision of old hag with hunched back ] Us: What's your nature? Soitaebte: Confused, garbled, noisy Us: What's your sigil Soitaebte: [gave us a sigil] Us: Why do you keep stealing our offerings Soitaebte: Doesn't know why/the entity is too dumb Us: Are you an angel or a demon? Soitaebte: None/ small spirit Us: What moon phase are you associated with? Soitaebte: Waxing and the most important question, we asked the headless one. Us: How to dispose of this spirit? Headless one: In Parts We took the instructions to mean disposing it in different spots, what better way other than to dispose of it in multiple road stops along the highway! Next saturday went on a road trip, taking the spirit with us:

We drained the content of the bottle in 3 different spots, and overall felt like the spirit was dismantled and thrown apart in different places more than 80+ km away from my hometown. I assumed it is all good and did a reading yesterday to verify the efficacy of the procedure.

6 of wands is his "bondage" inside of the bottle

3 of wands is him being poured out in three different places

8 of swords is him being "broken" and shut off in a way

2 of Coins/Disk represent me and my partner being free/infinite sign, mobility. That's the end of the story, we are freed from this entity. I hope that you enjoyed listening to this story interjected by images and find the process or methodology to be helpful for your practice, maybe you might get some interesting insight out of this :)

Bad news: my hematoma might take weeks to go away and the bruising has migrated to my sternum/collarbone? Weird

Good news: it's not getting worse, and I started scar therapy today which felt really good and I bought a special massaging tool that will also work for massaging my hematoma and probably getting knots out of people's shoulders too.

Any transmascs, particularly those on HRT or getting surgery: Dr DHT is a company founded by and for transmascs that sells hair growth/beard maintenance supplies and scar care supplies for post op chests. I can't speak to the efficacy of their products yet but I like supporting small trans run businesses and it was fairly affordable and fast shipping and I liked the feel of the salve I bought. Bonus points bc it didn't contain coconut oil (I'm allergic)

Their beard growth products (something I'm not interested in personally) are formulated to contain DHT, something that products like rogaine actively Block. Like your head hair needs to block DHT to grow but beard and other body hair needs DHT to grow so it's more effective than using normal hair growth medications? Idk I'm not a biologist or someone who wants luxurious facial hair but it might benefit you. Some reviews and some people in the study were pre-T and even had facial hair growth so hey if that's something you want! Check it out