#so here. so we all remember sometimes that we all suffer together lol
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so a thing this fandom does that remains FASCINATING to me, as a function of the fact a lot of this fandom is people's first fandom or only current fandom, is just... assume a lot of things it does is a scourge that this fandom has invented or doesn't exist outside of it? or like, is uniquely bad here? and i won't deny that sometimes mcyt fandom is a bit more intense by virtue of numbers, but like...
duo names: confusing fandom-injokes to describe duos and groups tend to be an anime fandom thing specifically for many historical reasons, but they're not uncommon. hey quick--if you haven't been in KHR fandom, can you guess what 1827 is? no? i'll give you a hint: that's actually a ship name. or, ygo fans, tell me the difference between puppyshipping, prideshipping, violetshipping, and rivalshipping. my hint is that they're all kaiba ships and two of them are actually the same ship. good luck!
reducing characters to a specific trait: have you read fic in another fandom before? i would recommend you go do so and come back to me. my example here is "sasuke likes tomatoes", for the record.
common au fanon that's confusing to outsiders: my deep cut here is "when i got into certain tv fandoms i was baffled by the existence of sentinel/guide fics", which is a slightly older tv fandom thing so many of you probably don't know what i'm on about. but trust me: in certain fandoms it's ubiquitous and unless you've watched a completely different tv show you're gonna have to entirely pick it up from reading fic. oh hey, hybrid aus and watcher!grian, nice to see your relative here,
fanon being treated as canon: did you know there's this whole bnha character, naomasa, who is treated as canonically having a lie detector quirk? did you know that, best i can tell, that's not in canon anywhere, it just got echoed through fanon enough that everyone treated it as canon? 'fanon trait becomes so ubiquitous everyone assumes it has to be there' is not a new thing. also, batfamily fans, i have been lead to understand the tim and coffee thing is also this.
characters being treated badly to make a different dynamic look better: the fact we have the term 'character bashing' tells you all you need to know, here. if anything my one complaint on this front isn't even that it's happening--it's that i wish bashing and/or "not [character] friendly" was tagged a little more frequently, haha.
characters being reduced to their family dynamics: tale as old as time. "even the family dynamic thing" yes even that. just because this fandom tended to be particularly ship-adverse in the past didn't mean it didn't do basically the same behaviors as any fandom with shipping did with those dynamics, just gen. and other gen fandoms also do that. yes, down to the "and shipping reduces them to a ship, unlike my gen dynamic, which is very in-character; why can't people just be friends?" thing. some of you have to have been marvel fans right.
characters being reduced to their ships: some of you have to have been marvel fans right.
The Discourse: yeah this is an "actively running show" fandom thing, but also a hiatus fandom thing. ask a homestuck about vriskourse sometime. as much as i hate to say it, it probably made doomsday discourse look cute.
and those are just like... some things i've seen people complain about on my dash recently. idk it just hit me there are probably fans in mcyt fandoms who are assuming that some things (like hybrid aus or duo names) are the kind of things that only happen here, so i thought i'd offer some examples of other places they happen! i also have even more examples if you'd like.
to be clear: this isn't shaming anyone for complaining about any of these things. lord knows i go complain to my friends about it all the time, just the other day i was complaining in the category of 'they keep bashing my guy'. it's more of just... a gentle reminder that maybe we're big, maybe we're loud, maybe we have problems... but these problems aren't always unique.
so uh. we're all suffering together i guess...?
#discourse#<- because. yeah.#this isn't meant to start a discourse this is more me laughing about Fandoms Is The Same#its also why i'm not bringing up the More Serious types of Fandoms Is The Same because i don't want to make light of it#and am instead bringing up the pettier ones#this sparked initially by someone acting like duo names are a this-fandom only phenomenon after years of being a ygo fan#and i was like. oh i've done this song and dance many a time.#and then i was thinking about posts complaining about things like fd and ships and everything else and i was like. oh that's an OLD song#so here. so we all remember sometimes that we all suffer together lol#this isn't a vague of anyone in particular i just constantly waver about making this specific post#anyway back to my usual discourse-free self
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I’m gonna write this down now so I can look like an absolute genius later (or look like a clown, but at least I said it with my full chest!)
❌ Spoilers for the FNAF Movie below! ❌
Ok, I might be huffing hopium here, but in my heart of hearts I STILL think Mike Schmidt is Mike Afton. If (or when) they make a sequel, there’s a way they can reveal this
So the most obvious thing from this movie is when Mike is in “Steve’s” office, and when “Steve” is reading Mike’s name out loud from his résumé, he stops mid-sentence. He looks at Mike for a weird amount of time, almost studying him, before completely changing the subject. There’s no way in hell “Steve” recognizes Mike from when he saw him as a kid when he kidnapped his brother Garrett 10+ ago, no chance. Also why would he go to Nebraska (unclear where the movie takes place, but let’s assume Utah because of the books) to kidnap a random kid and just drive off? Here’s what I think is going on…(also I’m gonna call him William from now on cuz we all know lol)
William fingered out that Mike is his son during that interview. My theory is that at some point, William was married and him and his wife have a son named Mike. And for one reason or another, they got divorced. This is when Mike was too young to really remember which is why he doesn’t recognize William during their meeting. Mike’s mom gains custody of Mike and remarries, she marries Mr. Schmidt. They have a child together, Garrett. Sometime after the divorce, William adopts a child, trying to cope after losing his only son. He adopts Vanessa.
William finds out about his ex-wife having another kid. He wants to cause her pain and suffering for leaving him. He follows the Schmidt’s and takes Garrett during the camping trip. Unable to handle the pain, Mike’s mom takes her own life, leaving Mike and his stepdad. Mr. Schmidt marries a little later to another woman, and she has a daughter named Abby. Sometime after this, both Mr. Schmidt and his new wife die, leaving Mike to care for Abby.
Vanessa owed William so much, he had adopted her while she had suffered in an orphanage for years. She would do anything he told her, even if it meant covering up his crimes. Years later, realizing what she was doing was wrong, she left her father and became a police officer, hoping to stop people like her father as she had failed to stop him.
Here’s another thing. Scott Cawthon knows that the fans are obsessed with the lore of FNAF. I think he knew he could make more movies, this isn’t going to be a one and done deal. Plus, he had his hand on this project every step of the way, he wouldn’t agree to anything that he didn’t want to happen in the story. Mike being William’s some is CRUCIAL to the story of FNAF (at least in the games). I think he’s trying to fake us out, you know how he loves to troll the fans!
Again, this is just a theory (A GAME THEORY lol), but I don’t think the idea of Mike being an Afton is dead just yet. Hoping and praying so I can look incredibly smart if or when the sequel drops 🙏🏻
#fnaf#fnaf movie#fnaf spoilers#fnaf movie spoilers#five nights at freddy's#five nights at freddy’s movie#five nights at freddy’s spoilers#five nights at freddy’s movie spoilers#william afton#steve raglan#mike schmidt#mike afton#michael afton#vanessa afton#scott cawthon#theory#garrett schmidt#abby schmidt#please god let me be right i’m begging
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man so many people don't realise just how much comfort and wisdom we can find in history - generic ass history - just as regular people day to day. maybe I'm biased because of my job and it probably sounds like propaganda coming from me lol, but in These Difficult Times history is my first and greatest source of reassurance. every time I'm on the verge of panicking because I'm pretty sure this is the end of the world, I remember that people have been sure they were witnessing the end of the for thousands of years, and the world is still here. I look back at every crisis of the past - the fall of Rome, the world wars, famines and floods galore - and here we are, alive, looking back on 'the end of everything' as a distant human memory.
I walk around my village and look at the old houses where the poor used to live, and the not so old houses where the poor live now, and I think - a hundred, three hundred, a thousand years ago, there were people here with the same worries as me: worried about money, about the climate, about the rich and powerful stripping them of their rights. they suffered, they knew loss, they were afraid. but sometimes the church bells rang on a saturday and a young couple were cheered through the churchyard, excited to start a life together. an overworked and underpaid quarryman hauled his aching bones to the pub and shared a drink and a laugh with his friends, and halved his problems. a woman lay awake all night wondering whether that law would pass in parliament, what it would mean for her daughters, and then the sun rose warm and beautiful, and she got up, cut herself a piece of bread, and sat outside her cottage bathing in the light and listening to the dawn chorus, and she closed her eyes and smiled. the last thursday of October everyone put on their favourite hats and went out to see the ponies at the fair, and danced into the night. someone said 'help me, I dont know what to do', and somebody else said, 'I can take care of that for you.' they struggled, they found the light and they lived.
all the awful things happening now have happened before, and we have endured. the sun still rises, the bells still ring, the music still plays, the people are still here. our predecessors hand their memories to us through the ages: this is what happened last time. this is how we survived. it was hard, it hurt, and not everyone made it, but enough of us did. and we smiled, we laughed, we knew joy. you can do it. they can't keep us down. life will continue to live.
#honestly there's nothing like world history to make you feel small and fleeting (positive)#hell an asteroid could hit us today and wipe us out like the dinosaurs and there'd still be ferns and beetles and mosses and carp#so yeah who cares if I get into trouble at work it literally doesn't matter I'm alive! I'm part of an ancient and ongoing story!#elise's posts
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*Pulls out my massive bag of money and jewels and blow* I’m your biggest fan so I must pick your brain now that you have a tumblr ask box. your finest gaalee romance hcs my good sir. Please
help.
I’m your biggest fan
did you know im crying ab this. kissing u on the face rn
ok gaalee romance headcanons. i've been thinking about this for days. grab ur mojito mix lets frockign gaur
ill be upfront in that i have very few i'll-die-on-this-hill opinions about the boys, but here's some i'm pretty stuck to <3
sfw headcanons
1. lee's better with words, gaara's better with actions, and they're both secretly envious of the other for it:
my thoughts here are that gaara spent so much of his life not understanding love that he'd still struggle to articulate it in flowery ways that i think, as a born theatre kid, lee would be good at. but gaara would absolutely be that person who shows it in subtle ways -- like taking care of someone when sick, remembering food preferences, always ensuring lee takes care of himself when lee forgets or is busy having a self-flagellation moment. not that i think lee would be incompetent, but he strikes me as more of a scatterbrain, but would always be on top of verbal reassurances and affection (which i also think is what gaara would benefit from: clear straightforward declarations of feelings and intent)
2. they're both super cuddly in private
look, you put together a touch-starved former monster vessel and a social outcast who mostly knows touch from violence (until gai) and you are going to get some clinginess imo. you can't convince me they're not the kind of people who would sit side by side at the dinner table so they can eat holding hands. bro (emotional)
3. they're probably actually really shit at "conventional" dating
hear me out ok. they're like initially so far away and gaara is the whole president and lee kicked a meteor in half one time you think they can just wander around and go to restaurants? it's absolutely nonsense that shinobi don't suffer village celebrity paparazzi syndrome in nart tbh. not exactly the same but i have a whole wip in the bort-verse about them sneaking around. tldr i'd bet they sometimes get casual breakfast or dinner but i think more likely takeout and quiet time together as opposed to like fancy dates
4. language learning and hobbying as a form of devotion
as a purveyor of my wares u may notice i have language headcanons. it is also my gaalee romance hc that they learn each others -- i've incorporated this into in the space between and a wip called multilingual, which is all about nejiten teasing lee about his crush on gaara in front of the man. i also think that lee would lean into gaara's gardening stuff with gusto because if it's something gaara loves, lee would want to love it too.
nsfw headcanons huehuehuhe
1. they're switches and i WILL die on this hill
i think this is self explanatory but listen. listen i am SIQUE of the assigned top/bottom nonsense they both deserve to rail and also be railed. i may be the resident owner of the Rock Lee Fucks tag on AO3 but i also own the Gaara Fucks tag. ill kill a man over this
2. lee is absolutely a service anything
this ties into the previous one. a big component of his canonical personality is that he's a disciple of gai -- he's a follower who bases a lot of himself around those he cares for. not the kind of person who is suddenly going to crop up with an intensely specific preference, imo? i think he would base his role on whatever his partner needs the most at the time.
3. rock lee's canonically huge dick
ok lol listen. listen this one's canon
jokes aside i think lee is hung as detailed in We Don't Talk About Fight Club and i will continue that joke. that being said i think normal hung. not arizona tea can hung which is a hilariously illustrated discord joke
4. tbh i think they're kinda vanilla in the bedroom
i say this in a positive way i think they'd be far more into like, just being able to be with each other instead of getting into wild sexual mischief all over the villages although they definitely bone in weird places secretly. they Fuck, but like i don't see them as super kinksters or anything. however, i have seen many a kinkfic that im like nodding my head this is valid cakesitting bdsm what who said that
5. gaara's vaguely nebulous oral fixation
i really have no justification for this one i just think some of those animal bijuu instincts might linger and turn into what that mouth do idk i keep going to write smut and whoops my whole body slipped and gaara's licking something. happened in fight club and fight club II, happened in hole time, happened in tgod, happens in at least two wips i have cookin' in the background... what is goin on actually
dkghkdf i hope you enjoyed this episode of kel's questionable headcanons. i really enjoyed answering, thank you so much for the ask <3
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5+1 AU Characters as Taylor Swift Songs
I got bored yesterday and my ADHD + my swiftie brain decided to put together what says would go together with the characters of my fic. This was mostly done for fun but if you know the meanings behind these songs, I'm going to enjoy feasting on your suffering 😈
Here's the link to my fic here if you haven't read it yet.
Pomni/Penny: Mirrorball
And I'm still a believer, but I don't know why. I've never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try
I thought this song best fit Pomni/Penny due to her complicated relationship with her dad and how that affected her as a person, always trying to do her best despite what's thrown at her, even if it hurts her in the process and she doesn't know why.
Jax/Jack: This Is Me Trying
Could've followed my fears all the way down And maybe I don't quite know what to say. But I'm here in your doorway I just wanted you to know. That this is me trying
I mean, I think its kinda obvious (cough cough chapter 5 cough cough). Jax/Jack went through a lot as a kid before he moved in with Winter and the Alvarez's and yes while he's hurting, he wants to heal but as ya'll know, relapses happen. But he'll always keep trying.
Riley: Karma
Karma's gonna track you down. Step by step, from town to town. Sweet like justice, karma is a queen
I had fun with this one. As ya'll know, Riley is quite protective over those she cares about (she's also an FBI agent so if you hurt Penny you probably won't be seen the next day). Riley is always gonna make sure that those who decide to fuck around are gonna find out. After all, karma is a bitch.
Winter: 22
You don't know about me but I'll bet you want to. Everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like we're 22
Ah Winter, my sassy lesbian queen. Winter has always been fun to write due to how positive and fun she is. Teasing Jack, being lovey dovey with Riley and hyping up Penny as well. She would be one of those people who throw the wildest parties and dread cleaning up the next day, but doesn't care as long as she and others are having fun.
Amber: Tolerate It
Lay the table with the fancy shit. And watch you tolerate it
Amber, mother of two and the ex of the man that everyone in discord wants dead. This reflects what her marriage to David was like and her releasing how awful he was after they divorced. Amber is a strong and protective mother bear, but she was hurt first emotionally to become that strong. Sometimes there will be moments will break, but she always picks herself back up for her girls, David forgotten at the back of her mind for their sake.
~okay let's focus on some duo/trio songs~
Pomni/Penny & Jax/Jack: Wildest Dreams
Say you'll remember me. Standin' in a nice dress. Starin' at the sunset, babe. Red lips and rosy cheeks. Say you'll see me again. Even if it's just in your wildest dreams
Come on, are you really surprised? It's the title of the last chapter and basically this fic's theme! Even if they don't realise who each other are, there memories stay in their dreams and their shown just how beautiful their love was!!!!
Riley & Winter: Paper Rings
I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings. Uh-huh, that's right. Darling, you're the one I want
Let's go! Let's go lesbians let's go!!! The yuri deserve a nice lovey dovey song. These two are just so sweet with one another and the reason why Jack and Penny got together (much to Riley's disappointment lol) and they deserve all the happiness. And yes this song was in their wedding playlist.
Pomni/Penny & Riley: Safe and Sound
No one can hurt you now. Come morning light. You and I'll be safe and sound
This song is definitely a parallel of Penny and Riley's sisterhood, especially growing up with David still in the picture. Riley doing her job as an older sister, shielding her little sister whenever David wanted to target her with his verbal abuse. Riley hates every fibre of her father's being, it only got worse after he involved Penny in the car accident. No matter what, even as adults, Riley will always protect her baby sister from everything...until the day she couldn't.
Winter & Jax/Jack: The Best Day
God smiles on my little brother, inside and out. He's better than I am I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run. And I had the best days with you
This was how Winter viewed her and Jack when he moved in with her family. Jack is and always will be her little brother, even if they aren't blood related. She and her family give him the life he didn't and the space to thrive, and neither she or Jack would trade it for the world even after all these years.
Pomni/Penny & Amber: Bigger Than The Whole Sky
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. You were bigger than the whole sky
Hehe ya'll gonna hate me for this one. But yeah, after Penny went missing, it hit Amber like a freight train. Penny was her baby, she watched her daughter go through hell and back, and helped with her healing, watched her fall in love, comforted her through her heartbreak and the next day she disappeared, and no one can find her. She grieves her daughter every day, as though she truly passed away. She and Penny had a relationship like no other, there's nothing stronger than a mother's love for her child.
Riley & Amber: Dear Reader
The greatest of luxuries is your secrets. Dear reader, when you aim at the devil make sure you don't miss. Never take advice from someone who's falling apart
While Amber loves Penny, never once did she neglect Riley or see her problems as inferior. She loves both her babies more than anything. But she can tell that Riley has gone through a lot, watching her father grow apart from her and seeing her little sister get hurt over and over again. This song is kinda reminiscent of chapter 3 (with Amber reassuring Riley that she's not wrong to feel upset with her dad), but also Amber teaching Riley what she knows and so she doesn't make the same mistakes as she did.
Amber & Riley & Pomni/Penny: Never Grow Up
Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up. Don't you ever grow up. Just stay this little. Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up. Don't you ever grow up. It could stay this simple
Let's end it off bittersweet with our three girls. This is reminiscing over her daughters, more so the good moments of their childhood (David isn't in these memories which isn't a surprise). It kind of hits Amber when she sees her girls all grown up and living their own lives, just how far they've come since they were kids. She gave birth to them, helped them take their first steps, cried at their first words, dropped them off both at their first days at school, teasing Riley over her first crush on a girl, comforting and spending each day Penny was in hospital after the accident, letting them cry in her shoulder over David leaving, reassured Riley that she wasn't abandoning Penny once the older of the two left for college, helped Penny overcome her eating habits, watched her girls fall in love. It leaves her tearful and proud of how much they've grown.
I hope you guys enjoyed this, and keep an eye out for my next funnybunny fic on ao3 and tumblr called 'Royally Screwed'. It's a royal AU based on the ideas and art of one of my friends on discord and I hope ya'll like it when it comes out!
#the amazing digital circus#funnybunny#5+1 au#jax#human!jax#pomni#human!pomni#original female characters#ragatha#zooble#gangle#kinger#caine#bubble#dragon rambles
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hi i have a bit of a personal ask, feel free to ignore. i developed a theology hyperfixation this year. it started with just being into the imagery and then specifically angels and then i read your book which made me start reading the bible (as well as start learning about other religions). im personally not religious, i was even raised christian but it never stuck to me, as soon as i was away from my christian school it felt right and free. i never doubted how i felt. but now that im engaging with all these religious texts and keep hearing how if i dont believe in this god or that god then im going to suffer for eternity it... has made me feel very anxious haha. i dont believe these gods exist but ive been having "what if what if what if what if" stuck in my brain and its making going about my usual life difficult. (i have ocd which doesnt help). anyway... you seem knowledgable and full of wisdom im just wondering if you happen to have advice for my situation. maybe the answer is just to stop indulging this interest but i do genuinely find it interesting lol. thanks so much for your time!
Hello! I think it's difficult to answer this without getting personal myself but I want to answer because I really get it! I go through some phases of obsessive-compulsive (+ I can really struggle with reality sometimes), and religion is a huge one for me. When I got into theology, I think I was partly motivated by the idea that if i delved deep enough, I would find something that would make me stop feeling bound by what the Bible says. As in, I would find something that would make me go, "Ah! It's all fake!" or "Ah! This god is so evil that I'm better off burning in hell!"
Well, I did do my deep dive, and it didn't really turn out that way. The canon Bible is interestingly nuanced and so is theology. So here is what helped me not feel terrified of the "What if" :
Frame theology in a way that brings you comfort, instead of just taking its warnings at face value. Interpret liberally. If it is real, then you will be okay. The Bible is pretty wishy washy about the suffering of non-believers and god is supposed to be forgiving/understanding. Maybe he'll get it. Maybe he likes you. If it's not real, then you'll be fine; you were for a long time, after all. If it is real, you'll be fine too.
On the point above — if hell scares you, then read about hell. Most theologians can't agree on it at all! When I read the theory that hell might be empty, it brought me comfort.
Read on other religions. I can't emphasize this one enough!!! Expand your horizons. Read about every religion in the world, especially smaller and indigenous ones. Read about how Abrahamic religions have split off and what motivated the splits. I think remembering the human role in what eventually gets to the final doctrines really helps. The Christian elite would want you to get the most fear-mongering version of the text; they don't want to lose you!
You can definitely take a break. My therapist recommended me to stop indulging, but that's easier said than done. And it might be the healthiest option, but I wanted to provide this advice in case you think it might help... I'm not full of wisdom!!! I make nothing but mistakes and I am still learning... but I hope I can reassure you that you're not alone! We struggle together
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💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language
🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?
🍭why did you start writing?
💞
I played a little process of elimination here. Could I read (and even enjoy?) a story with less than ideal plot, worldbuilding, grammar, and language? Yes, I think so- even though those all enhance the experience for me. I can think of specific times I've had to stop reading and just *sit* with a perfect and unique metaphor- when an author described something and I realize that if I had a hundred years to come up with a million different ways to describe the same thing, I never would have imagined it the same way they did. And there are times I've read fanfic and thought the plot was so engaging, the worldbuilding so rich that even if it wasn't about a fandom I was in, I would still enjoy it. (Sometimes I throw those recommendations to my friends, just as a sample of excellent writing.)
But the characters. Oh. I am very sensitive to what the kids call, "he would not fucking say that" syndrome. Even in actual mainstream media- I will suffer through absolute *dreck* if there is even one character I really like, who is written very well. I need those characters that ping for me to become invested in a story. After that- everything else is just fruit, frosting and sprinkles. Welcome, for sure. But I'm here for the cake.
🤍
hrghhhh ummmm... I'm not even particularly proud of it, but I'm also not really one to delete fics, but after Infinity War came out, I (along with most MCU fans at the time) was sitting there going, "wait, now what?" I remember watching (and rewatching) that movie and trying to piece together where the story might go from there- and all the fan theories flying around, some of which were much more interesting (and grounded in the established universe?) than what we got. At the time there was a lot of talk about all the "snapped" people possibly ending up in a pocket universe (which were the fashion at the time lol) perhaps in the soul stone or similar. I didn't want to delve into that too deeply, but I took a little bit of that idea along with the (eventually walked back) reveal that May Parker didn't get snapped and tried to write a little fic about Tony and May having a conversation as the, ah... "dust settled", so to speak.
I picked apart Peter's famous parting words, the "I don't want to go" part specifically, and had Tony realize that the "going" was more literal than he realized, with all the vanished going to the soul gem realm etc. He then realized that was the problem he needed to tackle, with May's stone faced encouragement.
It's not the most compelling thing I ever wrote, and obviously it's not canon-adherent, but I think it just kinda flailed around and flopped (as I imagined) because it was short, gen, and maybe a little too vague in the language. But, meh. I got it out there and out of my system.
🍭
I'm trying to think back to my first (non-schoolwork) attempts at writing. There were silly little comics, of course, and these sort of... hybrid story/art/joke notebooks. I think high school is the first time I really remember sitting down and writing actual fanfiction of any kind. The thing that all of those experiences (and much of my writing these days) have in common is a communal aspect. I drew comics on notecards to share back and forth with my friends. We swapped the notebooks, each contributing to different pages as we tried to make each other laugh. In high school, we wrote about series and movies we'd seen, working in inside jokes and discussing what people now call "headcanons" before putting them in a story.
"Back in my day" fandom specific forums were still a thing, so when I tried my hand at writing X-Men and Sailor Moon fanfic, there were forums to share things on, and even if there wasn't a built in comment system, there was still the feeling of community and sharing.
This is all to say that for me, writing (and all forms of creating) have always been about sharing and connecting with other people. Whether they were my classmates, best frieends, or people I happened to meet online- writing is another way to express myself, share my thoughts and develop ideas in the hopes of building something, whether it's giggles at the lunch table or an online community. It's not just why i started writing, but the reason I still do. :)
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𝘒𝘕𝘖𝘞𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘗𝘈𝘙𝘛𝘕𝘌𝘙 𝘞𝘌𝘓𝘓 𝘊𝘈𝘕 𝘗𝘖𝘛𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘐𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘠 𝘔𝘈𝘒𝘌 𝘞𝘙𝘐𝘛𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘛𝘖𝘎𝘌𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙 𝘈 𝘓𝘖𝘛 𝘌𝘈𝘚𝘐𝘌𝘙.
NAME : Neo
PRONOUNS : She / They
PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : DMs I guess, although if we do bigger plotting and stuff, I prefer Discord because DMs tend to feel too small! (Not like I'm super active currently)
NAME OF MUSE(S) : Neopolitan! Born Trivia Vanille, but that's her dead name, she's just Neopolitan now.
EXPERIENCE / HOW LONG ( MONTHS / YEARS? ) : I've been RPing for a long time now, since I was a kid! Started with silly RPs with friends in which we made OCs for franchises we liked, one-liners, over MSN Messenger, or, I remember Deviantart and a Spanish social site called Tuenti, in which I also remember RPing for a while.
But when it comes to the more developed and more proper writing for roleplaying, it was around here in Tumblr in 2014. So I guess when it comes to a more developed RPing, it's been almost 10 years now, but I've been RPing for longer in general :P
English isn't my mother language either, so RPing helped me to improve.
BEST EXPERIENCE : Honestly? I've had many good experiences, but usually it's the journey of having the chance of developing your character further from canon events thanks to interactions. The journey of also meeting people along the way- of creating stories together that last for long! That's what I love.
RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : One-liners. Nowadays I really lose my motivation completely if I'm replying to one-liners or crack. Like I don't know! I just have difficulty to continue whenever that happens.
Also, god-modding. I'm including when a character seems to know about mine without them meeting or having a real reason to know them.
MUSE PREFERENCES FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT : AAAAANGST, I like angst, specially if it can be mixed up with fluff. There must be a balance, like, I love to make my muse suffer, but the pain and suffering must amount to some relief in the long run. I'm fine with smut but it isn't a priority, like, I'm fine writing it with people that I've been RPing for longer with and that I can trust, because it can bore me to write if it lacks some feeling between the muses (positive or negative feelings, mind you-).
PLOTS OR MEMES : Plots. It doesn't have to be something super deep, but I like to plot a bit to know where to start. Memes are fine at times to make me improvise, but even my improvisations tend to make me think of plotting that would make sense in situation.
LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : Long threads preferred, but sometimes a person doesn't have to totally match the length of my replies. However, the shortest I'm alright with is like, 1 or 2 paragraphs. Otherwise I have a hard time having motivation to continue.
BEST TIME TO WRITE : With my current schedules, I have no IDEA...unpredictable, for real.
ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : It's probs worrying to identify with a villain of all things, but it's usually people like me, with trauma and being neurodivergent, that tend to identify most with certain muses like Neo. So, yeah! I could say I can see a bunch of similarities between Neo and I. It's why I have so much muse for her in the first place, but I promise it has nothing to do with being a murderer lol.
Tagged by: @ferinehuntress (thank you!)
Tagging: @ Anyone who didn't do this yet!
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i miss you so much.
you live inside me and i feel you thinking of me and missing me
and i know that i live inside of you too. you take care of me in here- the vibrations of your heartbeats answer me when i ask myself, “is she thinking of me right now too?”
your full, watered, blue eyes tell me everything you shouldn’t say right now as you look to the left; and to the right, and back at me.
i wish i could be right next to you
telling you that i can see numbers in your hair.
as soon as we sat face-to-face i noticed your curls began the curvatures of both numbers 3 and 2 that’s written by a left hand, and also 8 and 9.
i noticed that i met you on the third day of the week, Wednesday. my favorite number and day of the week.
The number three is my favorite number, and I feel like you know that for some reason, even if i didn’t tell you- and it’s just that… there’s something so silent yet so loud about us. it’s as if you know i’ll be here to unlearn and relearn you from the discovery of your first cell being born to the time and place that same exact cell died just so i can understand all depths of you; and i know you’ll be here to unlearn and relearn me from the discovery of new freckles/moles on my face, and finding what that means about where i’ve been before i was ever thought of by.. anyone.
Thursday morning after we met, i remember feeling as if it wasn’t fair that i couldn’t keep up with how fast the time was going when we were together. i miss how you look at me in real time. i really like the way you look at me. it’s like im unsure what you’re thinking but i know it’s good things. i wish we could lay together. your head on my lap and my index in between the left part in your hair. i’d ask you what you were thinking about at specific moments, listen to you tell me “i…” “you…” “and..”, as you slip into your slumber, then waking up with your head still on my lap telling me what you dreamt of that reminded you of me. i noticed your eyes watering and i wondered if her eyes just do that sometimes, or is she feeling something that she feels she should keep down.. should i hold her? i liked how tight your pinky promise felt, almost as if it were intentional, like you wanted to feel me. you wrapped yours around mine like it was something you didn’t want to feel without. the grip was firm as if you didn’t want me to slip away from you again, or maybe that’s how i felt in the moment because i don’t want us to be apart for so long again.
or maybe you’re just physically very strong like you told me you were lol. i’m not sure when this day will come but i know we’ll laugh about this together in person.
i love that we both love ‘Entergalactic’. i hope we can rewatch a million times together one day.
im wondering where you are right now. i wonder if you’re wondering if you’re on my mind.
i understand why you were afraid because this pain of missing you feels like a poetic illness. i don’t like being without you.
you don’t have to reply immediately. i just want you to know what i feel and im what im thinking.
“silent suffering”
TFM
(1/28/24)
-a.
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i started watching bcs when it first aired but stopped when i got to season 5 because life got busy for me. i started watching again this year because i relapsed in my addiction and my mental health is literally is shambles and i found your blog and kimwexlersstrap and laloslayamanca's and it was a distraction from m pain to read your posts and memes and such so i started watching again to read your live blogging and feel a part of it even though i never post anything. now that i finished im like ok what do i distract myself with lol i feel so stupid and empty it's insane how something like a tv show is the only thing holding someone together
🥺 anon i am holding you tightly in a hug right now (@kimwexlersstrap @laloslayamanca i hope you both see this too 💗)
did you read what i linked from the sub in my post yesterday? if you didn't, i want to copy the text for you here, okay?
I just wanted to make this post because I was thinking about how very soon better call Saul will be over. And I know for a lot of addicts, and people who suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts, the ending of a tv show can be a huge trigger.
For some of us, the idea that another season of a show is coming out is a reason to stick around for another year. Sometimes it can feel like the only reason.
So I just wanted to make this post to remind those people to stay strong. There are always more shows, works of art and other aspects of life to fall in love with and provide us with passion. I know that these passions can sometimes be what keeps us alive. And regardless of all that, it does get better and recovery is never too far out of reach.
While Better Call Saul may end, life goes on. This show will always be in our hearts and we’re gonna be okay even after it ends.
I’m so glad we all got to connect over our passion for this phenomenal work of art. Much love to all of you and stay safe <3 (x)
reading that spoke closely to me, as someone who also very much stays alive for art. bcs has been such a dear and vital anchor for me for years. i've written about this in the past, but as someone chronically ill/disabled and homebound (entirely since dec. 2019), stories and music are my absolute lifelines and my connections to the outside world, and being here on tumblr is my window to it and the way i'm able to express it and reach other people. it is not stupid, ever, and it is not empty, it's vast. it's no small thing, it is profoundly important and real. they're the things that quite literally have kept me alive and given me a light in dark times. i struggle with anxiety/depression/suicidal ideation going along with my chronic illness/pain conditions, and the reprieve i have is in the art i dearly love and am passionate about. maybe i over-invest because of this, but i find i'd rather care too much and at least have something to hold onto. whenever i'm hurting, those passions keep me here.
this year has been a hard struggle and full of fear for my mom and me, and having bcs to look forward to and bond over/discuss has been dear to us, we're both feeling its loss heavily today.
when something ends, there is always a sadness. it's never silly to feel the depth of that grief, we need the time and the room to process that. it hits especially hard when it's something that's helped keep us going. nothing you're feeling is wrong, and i hope you know you're not alone at all.
i'm very happy you rediscovered the show and joined us here! even if you don't post anything, i promise your presence is appreciated. this message itself means so much to me, and i'm glad you're here. i'm sending you love and any strength i can, please remember that you matter and know that my blog is here and my askbox is always open to you. 💙💙💙
#<333333#we're in this together. we are.#anonymous#letterbox#bubble wrap around my heart#the consolation of imaginary things#better call saul
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@imperial--orthodoxy
…I did this to myself, so here we go lmao
(Im on mobile so the formatting will suck. I make no apologies lmao. I had to close out of the screen a bunch so I saved as a draft rather than trying to reply to your ask.)
1. Nope! I try not to dwell on it though.
2. Also no?
3. Statistically probably, but not everyone lucks out.
4. Not really.
5. Nope, found family counts too.
6. Yes. Friends are important!
7. I am!
8. I think it’s the same emotion, it just manifests differently.
9. Not as happy, but people do live fulfilling lives without finding romance.
10. Yes.
11. Absolutely lmao.
12. I don’t think so?
13. I don’t disbelieve in it, if that makes sense.
14. I mean, if reincarnation is how it goes, that’s just the way she goes.
15. Cosmically special, no. Special to friends and family on the micro level, yea.
16. Yeah. But debate for the sake of your own understanding. You’re never going to convince everyone else to see things your way, so don’t expect to change minds.
17. Can favorite characters be like imaginary friends?
18. I say no to this because I’m not involved in anything organized and am not looking to be. Insert “the gods are names for what’s already in your heart” here :)
19. I don’t, but I feel like it’s one of those things that if life leads me to change my mind, I change my mind.
20. Isn’t that just life?
21. I mean yeah? Different circumstances would have probably led to me finding love with someone else. I don’t think it’s healthy for current relationships to dwell on “well, what if…” for too long, though.
22. So previously I would have said a loooong fucking time. However, I knew I was with the right person in a matter of about a month, so I guess when it’s right, it’s right?
23. I think it takes a very special relationship to survive when there is no “convenience.” Yes, yes, love is magical and can transcend barriers and whatnot, but long-term I think the simple things like being able to tolerate living together matter a lot, maybe not to the emotion of love, but to the act of it.
24. I think so lol.
25. Probs not as fluid as if I were gen z, but people are people and love is love.
26. Going to college and pursuing what I’m passionate about.
27. I’m a little afraid of losing out on things I want to do, but not especially.
28. Based on family history I will definitely live for at least a century lol. Would not want to live forever though. Maybe it would be cool to have an elven lifespan, complete with slow aging?
29. Yep.
30. I like to believe in free will, at least to an extent. Such as life is, we usually aren’t as free in our choices as we think, or wish, that we were.
31. I’ve survived my mental illnesses so far, so with that off the table I have no idea lol.
32. Ummmm no. If I had a dollar for every time someone asks me this after I tell them I study astronomy…
33. I really don’t think adulthood kicks in until 25ish.
34. By drow standards yes :)
35. A million dollars
36. I married that person and we either get along perfectly or literally not at all.
37. In some things, yes.
38. Absolutely not and I’m glad of it.
39. Sure. Kind of. Maybe.
40. Trying to do what you sincerely believe is good, as long as you’re reducing harm to others. I try my best.
41. Being independent and pursuing what I care about.
42. Kind of, yeah. Most of us are pretty boxed in by various limitations.
43. I used to be much more artistic than I am now. I’m no art major, so I’ll leave the definition to the experts here.
44. I’m generally truthful. Sometimes people don’t need to know your business.
45. Hopefully I’ll be remembered for groundbreaking research one day.
46. Probably not.
47. Suffering is part of the human condition, so yeah. It doesn’t have special meaning, life is just hard and arbitrary sometimes.
48. Insert “there is no freedom, there is only survival” here. Freedom is relative and somewhat up to how you define it.
49. Yes.
50. Honesty, loyalty, and a willingness to tolerate my bullshit.
51. I really don’t know. Probably a few on this list would be good contenders.
52. I’m sure I have inherited beliefs just like anyone else. I try to be able to justify what I think, at least to myself. Should I get really cringe and add “little of what I say or do is opinion”?
53. Could be any of them. I’m not an expert on plenty of things, and I tell to take the approach of time and experience will tell in the end.
54. I don’t think so, not at present, anyway. As a physicist I’d obviously like to, though!
55. I suppose? But that does open the door to the whole “what counts as consciousness” and can AI ever get there and what about really smart animals etc etc etc
56. Useful, inevitable, and very dangerous to society.
57. Yes, and yes, but I think it’s part of what makes us human, and it isn’t a bad thing.
58. Statistically yeah? Probably? But that shouldn’t stop us from continuing to create art.
59. AI generated 15 second clips of remixes lol
60. At the moment we seem to be bringing back the ‘00s, who knows what’s next?
61. Everyone thinks they’re living through hard times. With that said, I do think technology plays a role in how crazy the modern day feels compared to times previous.
62. No and fuck no. I don’t like actual current me enough to want to deal with a clone.
63. I’m not, but fake it till you make it, amiright?
64. Not remotely.
65. Honestly I don’t know. There’s an argument to be made for raising the voting age, but also I don’t think that younger adults are voting “stupidly” more than much older adults.
66. It’s destructive and petty and unfortunately for the world I am a destructive and petty little bitch.
67. A Karen :)
68. I like it fine.
69. If you’re really truly in love with someone (assuming monogamy here) I think part of that entails respecting the other person enough not to dwell on crushes to the point that they get that far. Sometimes it happens, but I don’t think it plays out as nicely as it does in the movies.
70. Bruh, I’m alive. That’s the tragedy.
71. I wouldn’t go see it.
72. Uhhhhhh well, we prosecuted nazis who were acting with the full support of their own laws, so in some cases yes. Maybe just as importantly, we should pardon and rehabilitate people who were arrested for things that have since been decriminalized.
73. To defend it, yes. I live here whether I like it or not.
74. Yes. I do think it’s an important goal.
75. Yes, I think the consequences for not taking care of others is higher than many people like to admit.
76. I crave positive academic feedback and the warm fuzzy feeling I get when my grades are high.
77. Ask Shakespeare.
78. Idk but your mom said I was satisfying ;)
79. I listen to whatever, usually not dependent on mood.
80. I listen to whatever I happen to feel like. I’m not a big mood listener.
81. No can do, am already tied down.
82. Lmao probs not
83. Uhh maybe? I’m happy to do my thing from earth, but the temptation is there. #rememberthecant
84. Binch I don’t have the first clue who people think I am. I don’t even know who I think I am half the time.
85. “Would I be happier if I was born into a perfect and advantageous body instead of the one I’m in” yeah duh, but I still wouldn’t want to flip a switch and change like that.
86. All of them:)
87. Not as easily as in years past.
88. Im definitely more on the jealous side.
89. Maybe some of the same core traits, but I’d be so different without my memories that I don’t know if it matters.
90. That’s a 50/50 question. Some days yes, some days no.
91. Absolutely, and I fucking hate [REDACTED], obviously
92. I’m working on a German minor but I am NOT fluent at all
93. I don’t draw meaning from them, but I do tend to have vivid dreams. Sometimes they’re like a nice little vacation :) sometimes they’re fucked up tho
94. Consistently
95. Really depends. I feel like if it’s unrequited, you aren’t able to get to know that other person on the level it takes to create genuine, long-lasting love. You’re in love with the idea of them more than with the actual person.
96. Again, I can’t read minds so I literally don’t know lol
97. Yes
98. All the time, but I think a lot of people feel that way on some level
99. Not especially. I think there are things we can’t yet explain and may never fully explain, but I don’t believe in magic per se.
100. You only get so many good rolls per dice per dnd session, and you should try not to use them up on stupid shit (this belief is nothing but logical)
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Your intro to Quantum Leap?
In light of the Reboot/Sequel of Quantum Leap about to start airing, just wondering about people's first exposure to the magic of Quantum Leap and/or how you got into the show (obviously this is mainly for fans). Please reblog and let me know!
Here's my story:
I remember my parents, particularly my mother, watching it. It was on too late for me as a little kid, but I did catch parts of it that I no longer recall. I didn't understand it at the time. When I was maybe 10 or 11 (circa 1997) it was shown in syndication, possibly on Galaxy (satellite TV in Australia during the 90s), and it became a staple for my whole family. We all watched together, it's a really good memory for me. My most vivid memories from that run are the episodes that I think everyone finds the most memorable - Double Identity, The Leap Home 1 & 2, The Leap Back, The Wrong Stuff, Star Light Star Bright, and basically all of Season 5 which were sometimes memorable for all the wrong reasons lol
After that, it was 2008, and I was living in Liverpool, England with my sister for a working holiday. I had been working at a Subway that literally closed down a month after they hired me, so I was out of a job and had nothing but free time. This was also the period in which I joined Twitter, incidentally.
Anyway, torrents were not quite in their best days just yet, so I could only find a patchy connection for QL episodes, but I downloaded maybe 75% of episodes, and my sis and I watched them again. I was obsessed for a while.
A few years down the track I started watching @allisonpregler 's original review series, Obscurus Lupa Presents, and after a while she discovered Quantum Leap herself, which made me so excited. And then, as many fans will know, she went on to not only purchase a dryer lint portrait of Dean Stockwell as Al, but discovered negatives of the lost ending of the series. She became my link to QL news during the time I wasn't obsessed with it.
Anyway, jump forward to 2022 and I had merely heard bits and pieces about the new series in the works, when I wake up one morning and start watching Sliders for no reason, which was a sci fi show from the 90s that I never really saw except for one and a half episodes during the original airing. Well, after being thoroughly disappointed with the last season, I decided to write a post-canon fix-it series of fan scripts. That was what got me into writing fan fiction. By the way this was only 2 months ago lol.
After completing that series, I decided to try writing a crossover of Sliders and Quantum Leap due to inherent parallels between the two series. And now I find myself obsessed again. Yay? But also, the new series is about to start, so it's kind of the best time to get obsessed again, isn't it?
As someone who suffers from severe second hand embarrassment, Quantum Leap is perhaps the wrong show to be hyperfixated on, but such is my weird neurodivergent brain.
I don't know exactly what it is that I love about the show. I really like Scott and Dean's performances, and their interplay. And I really appreciate that the show isn't one of those kinds of shows where things just keep getting darker and darker. Certainly if you let me talk for long enough you'll hear all kinds of complaints about the series, which is perhaps even more true of my relationship with Sliders, but obviously something in it makes my brain go "yes me like this, more pls" and I think that's what people consider a "guilty pleasure." Something you like, even though you know it's got gaping flaws. Something that has a goodness deep down that's comfortable enough to look past the surface issues.
#quantum leap#quantum leap 2022#scott bakula#dean stockwell#me being a geek#thoughts#quantumleap#geekness#posted this a while ago and nobody has contributed their story i failed at tumblr
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Hey there! :)
Congratulations on 200 follower's!
Can I please participate in your game? Been your follower for awhile, you're awesome! So happy for you!
My initials are R.A. and I'm a Taurus. I turned 22 recently.
Three things I love would be apples, sunsets and scorpios :3
I am a she/her and I'm into he/him.
I would love a letter from my future spouse :)
Thank you so much for hosting this game, it sounds hella fun! ❤💕
Take care of yourself! Can't wait for more PAC's!
Hellooo🧡 thank you for your support and thank you for participating in the ask game. I know you have been following me for a while now and I always notice when you interact🥰😘. You also suggested a pac idea to me which I have in my drafts. I have tagged you, done with the picking pile images...but I have not done the actual reading *sigh*
Btw, apples and sunsets sounds very Taurean but what is up with scorpios lol, maybe it is the fixed energy or smth.
Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only.
Here is your reading. Also, check the notes in the end.
Enjoy ✨
King of Pentacles, Ten of Swords(Rx), Empress, The Lovers
Love of my life,
I am ambitious, abundant and secure but inside I still hold my grudges and my suffering. I have recovered from them but my mind still dwells sometimes. They have taught me a lot but I can't help but think that I could have done without those painful experiences. I don't want you to see that side of me, the hurt man. I always wanted you to see me as dependable and successful. Showing that other side of me was not something I wanted to do. You have to remember that I will always be someone you can lean on. I will provide for you. I want to share what I have accomplished. What is mine is also yours. I want to live a comfortable life with the woman I love.
In moments like these ones, I remember how whipped I have always been for you. I want you to know that I worship you. You need to know that. Never forget it. I try to show it to you, especially when it's only us losing ourselves in the desires of the flesh. From the beginning I had a hard time hiding my attraction for you and I am happy I did not dismiss any of those feelings I had. I pursued it till the end. You nurture my soul. I will forever be loyal to you and our commitment. You make me feel whole. I think we were always meant to be. Life would have found a way to bring us together sooner or later.
Song: Un Bonito Final by The Rebujitos. It's all in Spanish so search it up on Youtube with the eng subs. No shufflemancy used.
Notes: The song came to mind before I had actually even pulled the cards. So, this is entirely my "intuition" or gut feeling. I just had to "accompany" your letter to this song. The song is also very reminiscent with theme of writing letters. At some point, he will probably want a love a letter from you 😂 For others (at least till now) the song I have recommended was like a soundtrack for when they read the card. That kind of idea. For you, it is more like an extension of the "reading". This is why I am putting it in the end, so you do not listen to the song while you read the letter.
This also took a bit of a hot and steamy twist in the second half. I tried to keep the language "clean" but if you think you are reading too much between the lines...well you are not lol.
Please do not forget to send me some feedback. Tell me anything that comes to mind...what resonated, what did not, what you liked etc.
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Vent post
CW: depression and self harm
Tl;dr: I am conflicted with living, trusting my parents was a mistake.
I'm struggling.
Cal here, just a bit of update regarding... Well me.
Trusting my parents was definitely a mistake. I regret believing them. Sure they love me but they're a load of bullshit.
Basically, the promise of them changing and improving is basically null. The "changes" they did was basically null.
They still acted upset when I was actively having an episode during our trip somewhere, granted I was being a dick but at the same time I literally have so much in my mind, about how terrible people are that they basically proved my point by acting like me, a person suffering from a bunch of issues, gets told I should be choosing times when I quote on quote "emotions" because it'll just make things worse for everyone...
I genuinely felt betrayed lol. That I was proven right about having trust issues. This is what trust does to you. This is what people can do.
But at least on the nice side of people, my friends irl and some headmates have been supportive towards me despite basically doing not so nice things to the body when I found out it was overweight.
Still. I'm starting to feel better but I'm still in the melancholy scale of both depression and optimism right now which is right in the middle.
Never trust people that claim to be better if they refuse to understand your struggle with your own emotions. They'll only make your trauma worse.
Those exact same words were the reason why I even fear abandonment and burned bridges. I left so many groups of friends, I ghosted a bunch over the years because of the creeping fear that me opening up and revealing I'm weak caused me to do these.
I'm no longer struggling with my past. I'm struggling with my present, because I do want to live, I want to be happy to be with people that are patient with this part of me. But part of me wants to end it all in 3 years.
Instead of dying to 30, why not 22?
Less problems for me. Less issues.
I can't also just fuse with someone if I want to because I'm unstable and I've been told it's a bad idea by someone within our system. Hell, I even got to talk to a member of a sub system somewhere around the headspace.
Part of me just wants to disappear entirely. Because I already did what I could to protect someone back then.
Even when I found out I was always around. That I'm not traumgenic. I still don't want to exist anymore. I've endured so much that I feel like I'm beginning to develop narcissistic tendencies due to the loneliness I get when I have no one to talk to.
I'm not a good person either. I have value to people but I never remember the reasons why.
Honestly I might even pick up smoking or vaping but of course someone said, that's a bad fucking idea, and they're right.
But y'know? Just hugging someone and talking while we're in bed helps a lot. Of course I feel bad. They picked me. All three of them as their partner and decided to... Care for me despite everything I've done.
It's just weird. I know I'm deserving of these relationships, both friendship and romantic after going for years being alone.
Years of talking to "myself".
I'm just not sure honestly. I'm both happy with some things in life and upset with others.
I love Riley, Jack and Yuma a lot.
We've... Only been together for like a couple of months, sometimes we argue, sometimes I do something hurtful unintentionally... But.
Then I learn that despite all our faults and mine. I still love them. Despite the flaws they start to show, the insecurities they all have... I still love them.
I wanted this feeling for years, the feeling of loving someone to make them as happy as you could. I'm a terrible partner but... Of course they understand why I am the way I am and be patient with me even when I'm not all there due to my persisting delusions of being abandoned, mocked or hated.
I'm just conflicted with living.
Wouldn't dying be easier? But wouldn't it be also painful for people that gave a shit?
I just... Don't know.
-Cal
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Thoughts About the Second Hour
Yesterday I finally finished up my play-through of the Switch version and yes I cried during the very final cutscene lol
But then I went back to my new PS4 save and continued on...
Here we are starting to get into the longer prologues... I was able to blast through three of them + tutorial battles in the first hour, here we slow down a little
I'm not sure why exactly the English localization was unable to use H.G. Wells's name in-game but the whole "that one author" thing is awkward as hell, especially with the JP voice track on. when I said in my last thoughts post that the localization was dodgy, well... this is kinda what I mean lmao. I figure this is some copyright-based limitation but it's still silly, especially when the allusions to The War of the Worlds are so explicit otherwise
that said I find it interesting that the world of 13 Sentinels has stand-in fake names for movies from our own, but The War of the Worlds (and its author) is explicitly name-dropped. I just find this interesting because you know what movies they're "not" talking about otherwise (Godzilla, E.T., Terminator, etc.). this may perhaps be due to something we find out later
I love Minami, honestly... this game has really great female characters. I think most of the guys are actually kinda boring (their scenarios are much more interesting than they themselves are, let's put it that way) but the girls are all *chef's kiss*
I also love BJ... you can tell, after he gets oriented, that he thinks Minami is kind of A LOT
I was playing this and going through the last part of Minami's prologue thinking, wow I just love all of this... honestly the end with the Hi-Quads looming in the background (and the one suddenly standing up to look at her on the ridge) is one of the best moments of the early game
this isn't the first time Lonely Struggle is played but I really love this track and its use here... the whole soundtrack is pretty great but sometimes it's easy to forget it's a game soundtrack. Lonely Struggle in particular sounds like it came straight out of a Godzilla movie
Ogata showed up before in Hijiyama's prologue and I didn't like him there, either lmao
finally getting to the battle tutorial section... out of all the sentinels, the 2nd gen and 3rd gen are the ones where I'm reminded, oh yeah, these things are basically walking tanks. 3rd gen in particular are slow as fuck for most of the main campaign
I'll talk about Miura more when I get to his prologue but I think he is actually one of the better-written guys in the game... out of all of the boys I think he has the most nuance, unfortunately on the surface he's kinda boring lmao
another blink and you'll miss it bit of foreshadowing: "this was his last gift to me"
then we get to Yakushiji's prologue, which has to be my favorite in the entire game... all the scenes are really well put-together and memorable, from Kurabe showing up in the sentinel right up to the "contract" scene with Fluffy
another thing we are shown very casually: Kisaragi comes from the same "time" as Yakushiji
I remember this being the first part of the game where I was really truly disoriented... you go from 2024 (hmm) to 1985 (hmmmm) with a flashback to 2025 (hmmmmmm) and I was like wow there's just something kinda cray cray about this. the time traveling seemed very significant when it was shown in Hijiyama's and Minami's prologues but here it's happened so casually and without comment lmao so when the talking cat shows up it doesn't even seem that weird tbqh
when I said the game doesn't spoon feed you information, this is all what I'm kind of talking about... you already got shown that there's something up with Kurabe in his prologue (the documents in Morimura's office), but here we find out three things: he's a time traveler (and from very, very far into the future), he actually was Juro Izumi, and he's suffering memory loss. Kisaragi is also from Yakushiji's time period but we know she's also in 1985 at the same time, as shown in Fuyusaka's prologue. time travel was introduced in Hijiyama's prologue and now everyone can apparently do it lmao. the game does eventually provide explanations for all this but the explanations are usually only stated once and never brought up again
I love the scene with Fluffy, he's honestly a great character. once you know who he actually is all of this is very funny and also note that he never once lies to Yakushiji lmao
do note that no matter what you pick during the "choice" Yakushiji actually refuses to make a contract with Fluffy... she either sarcastically "accepts" or just straight up says no
two great pieces of music play in this prologue, Impending Doom (which was first played in Kurabe's prologue) and A Clause with Claws, one of my favorite tracks in the story sections
finally, the battle segment... we're introduced to sentinel recovery here but during my first play through, I never used it. I forgot it was even a thing to be quite honest until I was browsing YT comment sections and someone mentioned how they almost got a game over in one part of the game... and I was like "oh yeah :o"
I don't like Ogata but I do think he and Kisaragi are a good couple lmao
little tangent: if I ever harp on about how I forgot some significant detail in the tutorial section it's because... the second time I picked this up I believe I played up to a certain point and then put it down for a couple weeks . as much as I love this game, for me it didn't really pick up until a certain series of events several hours into it. the early game is equal parts entertaining, confusing, and honestly kinda boring (which is why I didn't zip through it when it launched, and even back in 2020 I only got about 8 hours into it before I stopped playing). but on a repeat play through you can see just how tight and well-written the narrative actually is. it's just the game is really really invested in getting you to think it's about one thing when it's actually about something else entirely :v
Miscellanea:
I really love the little drone icon on BJ's projected screen.... bless
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Update??? Please 🥺
Omg, baby, have a seat and take a breath🤣🤣💕💕💕💕💕
(adding a cut, because I'm rambling and I don't want you all to suffer with my long ass post)
Would you like some dessert?? I've got some cake in the fridge.🙃🩷 And if I'm not mistaken, I also got some ice cream too and a lot of chips and chocolates AND BASICALLY MY HOUSE IS ICHTHYS' HEAVEN WITH ALL THAT JUNK FOOD LMAOO
Zyglavis would definitely lecture me on my eating habits乁[ ◕ ᴥ ◕ ]ㄏ Joke's on him though. I don't eat unhealthy.... I don't eat at all!(*＾3＾)/～♡ (Don't copy me. I don't advise it.)
I haven't been online much recently, because something just ended in my life (nothing to worry about. Don't worry. I feel like this every summer.) And I'm adjusting to the new thing.
Also, I finished a novel and I've given it to some people to read it and tell me their thoughts on it. It's my first actual novel, so I don't think this one is gonna be published. But you never know what life may bring, I guess!🙃🩷🩷
Recently I also read over another novel I've written and....... I'm not content💀💀, so I want to rewrite almost the entire thing sometime. (That actually made me feel a little discouraged and down about my writing for some time and I'm still recovering from writer's block from it. I had high hopes for that novel and turns out, every single line I've read made me wanna pull my hair out. But there are scenes in there that hold great potential, so it just needs reconstruction.)
AND I'm in the middle of writing the first draft of yet another novel. Idk how that's gonna go. I have a great idea in my head, I just need to get it on paper. I dropped it for some time, because I was loosing track of my characters a bit, but now I've picked it up again.
But that doesn't mean I'm ignoring your fics🩷🩷💜💜💜💜💙💙💙❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 Every fic I have received will be written. I'm just asking for a little patience, because my brain's still recovering from writer's block and for forgiveness from everyone who's been waiting for months to see their requests published.💖💖💖💖💕💕💕💕💕💕
These past few days, my writing was odd. Like- I wanted to write, yet I couldn't get myself to sit down and do it and when I finally did it, I couldn't really see myself in my writing. It didn't feel like "me" and I wasn't content with many of the things I've written and now I've got a bunch of "rolled up and thrown in the trash" fics.
I'm really happy to be here and interact with all of you and write and share the things we all love together💜🩷🩷💜💜💜💜💜 So don't worry! I'm not leaving! All this is just a little dramatic episode of my brain and it'll get better very very very soon!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ (Also, a certain Leon request I received this morning is actually very interesting. I've never written about this topic before, so I'm excited to try my hand at it😏😏)
But now it's time for me to share something with you😌✨✨✨
Does anyone remember when I said I was making these two playlists?:
I made them public for anyone interested😚😚😚 The songs I picked mostly fit the vibe I think each department has. So you might find that the lyrics don't match a lot or that the gender of the person the song talks about doesn't match your gender. So rest easy! I picked them for the vibe!
My username on Spotify: (iconic profile pic. I know.꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡♡˖꒰ᵕ༚ᵕ⑅꒱)
(please, ignore the playlists named "(ignore)" lol. I named them that, so that they're ignored.)
I love you all!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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