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kxttsstuff · 1 month

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Family Structures & Dynamics

📎;; Though a few borrowers have chosen or ended in solitude for a number of reasons, a lot of them actually would prefer to be in groups. Small groups (especially families) are more common, sometimes searched after in order to feed social needs and it's proven to be beneficial for them to spend quality time with people of their own species. When a group gets too big to bond or manage correctly, it is also somewhat a thing to agree to split it and go separate ways. Some borrowers may use this argument to explain why humans are not fit to raise borrowers.

📎;; There is no concept of “nuclear family” or “typical family” for them. A borrower family can be a mother and their children, two dads and no descendants, two mothers and five younglings, a group of friends, three siblings, it doesn't matter. However, borrowers are encouraged to have children in order to preserve the knowledge and the species. There is no such thing as a “traditional” or a “non-traditional” family structure, however, there are ways and ways to not raise the young.

📎;; Borrowers can form deep, tight-knit bonds within their kin in faster rates than humans do. Extended family units, mixed generational families, single-parent families, guardian circles, adoptive families, chosen family/kinship, and community cohousing are all acceptable forms of family/communal structures that show how they have embraced diversity and adaptability in order to enhance resilience and strength. Thus, a human may have trouble understanding their concept of 'family' as it has been grayed out over time, making it a lot more complex than it is often thought about.

📎;; Borrower parents, in-charge guardians and older siblings are a force to be reckoned with when their young are in danger, having stronger self-sacrifice instincts that deflect from their vulnerability.

📎;; The number of children is very personal. Some argue that having more is better for survival purposes, but others argue that less is better, to focus on one kid or two and ensure they'll thrive. The most common number of children to have is three.

📎;; Borrowers value their elders, not just the old, but literally anyone who is older, siblings, parents… Aside from being culturally ingrained by now, there is also a practical reason: You can borrow clips, buttons, sugar cubes, but you can't borrow experience and time. This is why they are seen as wiser, they have experienced more hardships and have valuable skills they can pass on to the young, so you have to be “aware” if you want to be worthy of being taught. This is often done in a healthy environment, but some borrowers might get toxic with this topic, the parents refusing to educate their young until they feel like they deserve it.

📎;; Older siblings are usually expected to perfect the borrower ways in order to teach the younger siblings, and it subconsciously prepares them for a parental role in case something goes wrong. This can generate A LOT of pressure, but also allows them to have extremely intricate sibling dynamics.

📎;; Borrowers use the word “Provider” to refer to the one parent (if both don't) that takes the job to go scavenging. This is a very respected and seeked after role because it is the core of their cultural identity.

📎;; Every member of the unit has their own responsibilities; often associated with either learning or teaching. Even though the elders are very valued, the younger borrowers, for example the children, have opinions and they make decisions that are still considered and are prone to be taken more seriously (for bad or for good) than humans do with their kids.

#g/t #giant #gt #tiny #borrower culture #borrower #borrower lore #borrowers #the borrowers #g/t community #g/t writing #g/t prompts #writing #worldbuilding #fantasy

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the-bad-batch-baroness · 9 months

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Helloooo, for Drip and Brett please!

🍃: Do they enjoy being in nature? What is their favorite outdoor activity?

🙉: What is the worst thing your oc could hear from someone?

🌍: Will they give up the world for someone they love? Is the decision easy for them?

🍼: What are their thoughts on children?

For two of my precious boys??? Thank you so much for the ask 🥺

🍃: Do they enjoy being in nature? What is their favorite outdoor activity?

Brett: Honestly, there's not much that Brett does enjoy... He'll be a stick in the mud indoors and outdoors. If he does go outside, he wants to be in the shade, because he doesn't like being hot. Ultimately, he prefers rainy days where he doesn't have to go outside. However, if someone *cough cough Tungst* makes a big enough issue out of it, he can be dragged into nature and forced to like it. The only outdoor activity I think he would enjoy is a tactical water gun fight. He will win. Drip: Someone please take this man on picnic in the middle of a meadow and make him a flower crown. Seriously. He loves being outside. The smell of the earth, the sound of the wind blowing through the trees, and the touch of grass all ground him. He will sit outside when the weather is nice and read a book under a tree, while sipping on something cold. He also enjoys playing lawn games with his brothers like frisbee, badminton, cornhole, and other low-key sports.

🙉: What is the worst thing your oc could hear from someone?

Brett: "You hurt me." Despite his resting-b*tch-face demeanor and gruff personality, Brett doesn't enjoy hurting people, especially his partner. All of his relationships are built on trust, open-communication, and loyalty. He specifically puts things in place so that his partner feels safe at all times, and that he never goes too far and hurts them, whether physically, mentally, or emotionally. He would be devastated if he ever hurt his partner to a point where they either left him or shied away from his touch. He would probably vomit out of grief. Drip: "I never loved you." I don't want to say Drip is delicate, but he is a bit fragile, and lacks some levels of confidence in the relationship department. He doesn't cope very well and he constantly second guesses himself due to his raging fears and anxieties. His love language is words of affirmation, and he needs to hear that he's being everything his partner needs him to be. If his partner told him they never loved him, after saying they did, he would lose every shred of confidence he ever had, and he may never try to love again.

🌍: Will they give up the world for someone they love? Is the decision easy for them?

Brett: He would burn it down. All of it. Brett is extremely loyal, whether it's to his brothers, his close friends, or his partner. This man would go to the ends of the earth for someone he loves and kill anyone in his way. This is why Brett is picky with the people in his close circle. He needs to vet them and make sure they are worth his loyalty. Drip: He would struggle, because of his fear that he would give up the world for them, and then they would leave him in the dust. When Drip loves, he loves with his entire being. It's not something he can turn on or off, it's just who he is. It's either all or nothing. For his brothers, he would give up everything in a heartbeat. For his partner, it might take a little convincing.

🍼: What are their thoughts on children?

Brett: Oddly enough, Brett is actually afraid of children and he has no idea why. Deep down inside, he definitely wants one, but he can never wrap his head around the logistics of it, especially considering the type of relationship he's in. It's hard to be a brat-tamer when he has a kid hanging off his leg. I think he's afraid of losing part of his identity and the dynamics of the relationship. He can't just get up at a restaurant to teach his brat a lesson, and leave the kid in the booth alone... I think he would have a mid-life crisis if his partner said they were pregnant. He would be attentive to them, but also afraid to touch them. Drip: He would absolutely love to have kids, but again, his fears and anxieties tell him he wouldn't be a good father. In reality, Drip would be a great dad. He would read his kids bedtime stories, make them pancakes, play with them outside, and do all kinds of other "dad things". If his partner approached him about having a kid, he'd need a little reassurance that he could do it, but he would warm up to it pretty quickly. He'd also be the most doting partner for his pregnant partner. We're talking foot-rubs, massages, body pillows, every book he can find about pregnancy and parenting, taking them to all their check-up appointments, doing all the chores, and fixing up the place in preparation for the baby.

OC Emoji Asks

#tbbb converses #oc: brett #oc: drip #phoenix squad #clone oc #oc sunday #ofc sunday #oc asks

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96percentdone · 7 months

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Is Shouma really the trans rep y'all want? Someone who had no agency in their metaphorical puberty blockers and was forced and threatened into 'taking' them, hated it for years, and eventually decided 'yeah i guess it's pretty neat i'm still youthful but also but also fuck that guy who did this to me?' Is this not just a right wing talking point about how doctors are abusing innocent children with irreversible surgeries to trans their genders being with trans-positive paint? I think reclaiming transphobic narratives them can be powerful, but the context of Nirvana Initiative canon this doesn't feel like 'reframing conservative beliefs' so much as just. Doing their arguments beat by beat including the medical abuse part and saying 'its good actually we want this.'

I haven't seen works transformative enough that change the text so Shouma wasn't abused into the early stages of her transition, or that she was actually willing to take the abuse and deception once she learned about it to see if it could get her what she wants for her body, and her grievances are with the abuse alone. It's just treated as a given that canon is exactly as we know it to be, and the ends justify the means.

Maybe a controversial take, but I just think a lot of transcanons are poorly considered, genderbent or no. This isn't specific to aitsf, and I'm also not saying anyone who likes them are just as bad, even for the ones I don't like at all like this one. They are popular with trans people first and foremost, that would be a bizarre claim; I'm not your dad, fandom should make you happy, do whatever. My beef is that as far as I have seen, a lot of the popular ones in trans fan communities are done by picking some part of the text, ignoring the context it exists in, and then using that detail to justify the hc, even if the context flies against it, and without providing any new context to supplement or even replace the old one. We're just left to assume that everything else is the same still, and transitioning is often the focus of genderbent ones making it stranger. In the case of transfem!shouma, this style of creation just like accidentally leans into transphobic ideas, but even for characters where it's not doing that, they're still similarly thoughtless. Transmasc Kuranushi Mizuki has its own popularity, to distinguish her from Date Mizuki, but like...that's it. No one posts about what it would mean for his character, their life, it's an aesthetic decision alone. It means nothing other than the petty fan grievance or wish-fullfilment that inspired it.

That laziness is what I hate the most. Fandom is transformative, those transformations have the power to be extremely beautiful and compelling and meaningful. They can elevate the text into something more than what it was. I love that. I am a trans person who loves good art. That's why the way trans headcanons are made and portrayed is so irritating to me, because they feel low effort. People will say they have thought about them a lot, and maybe you have! But if all of that consideration is in a private discord server, that means nothing to me. I refuse to consider the merits of context I have no access to. If the context exists, put it in your work!! I just want better art than that.

Fandom wants to be taken seriously. It wants to be treated as art, and yet it also wants to be treated as just a fun hobby unworthy of criticism, but I don't think you get to have both. You cannot position your creations as art, your community as an artistic one worthy of respect, and yet its immune to the treatment all art and art communities get: criticism. I just want more thoughtful and considered fanworks. I want transcanons, even if they exist for a ship, or out of spite, or for fun aus and comedy fan-comics, to be taken just a bit more seriously and with more effort.

#hope.txt

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grianinky · 24 days

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So you do also realize that transgender kids... barely ever get genital surgery yes? That both genital transitioning surgeries are EXTREMELY expensive and it's always fully developed, fully grown adults who make these decisions for themselves, right?

Literally nobody is forcing any kid, trans or not, to be transitional hormones or transition, and that most of these people have the ability to make that decision for themselves right?

And even then most minors who WANT to transition medically likely can't access it because;

1. They have conservative or unaccepting parents

2. Are denied it

3. (In most southern states) Are completely blocked from it because of laws?

Also, if you care so much about the medical side of it, does that mean you think all hormonal medicines should cease when they've been around for YEARS and not just for gender health care? That there are people who get insanely ill if they don't take puberty blockers, Estrogen, or Testosterone? That some peoples hormones are imbalanced and they need medicine for it?

Being trans is not mutilation, it's not force, and you're likely looking at media of things focusing on people who've had more bad experiences with being trans than the good

Have you ever looked at the lessened suicide rates of those who have transitioned? Or the numbers about the success stories instead of the few but extremely thrown around bad of it? Have you ever looked into the fact trans people are just people seeking comfort and happiness like anyone else? That they're not just genitals, that they're a human being trying to get by with the plague of being someone they don't want to be? Whether it's gender, sexuality, or how they feel, if someone making themselves happier with things that harms nobody whatsoever, and is just towards themselves it's unreasonable to step into people's lives when they're just trying to be happy with themselves and their body

???

I don't see proof, my teachers don't see proof, my parents don't see proof. I've never even met a Trans Person because thankfully theyre not allowed in my state. All I've seen and heard is how much hurt they real ones caused.

The rates of death in Trans People are so high because of how miserable their cult is... Getting help and finding God proves to help them. That's the help they need. NOT CHANGING THEMSELF AGAINST GOD!!

Also!! God shows love to all his children, even confused. But he knows they shouldn't be on the wrong path which is why people are trying to help the ones who are being indocrinated!!!!

Your words don't mean much without proof.

#Idont even undertsnd #half what you say

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levitatingbiscuits · 1 year

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Most deconstructions of superman don't really have a lot to say about the character imo. We've all seen multiple stories where he or a thinly veiled expy is an evil dictator who views humanity as inferior. The problem is that that is never something Clark would want or believe, so the minute something goes wrong he immediately becomes a different character in these takes.

I think deconstructions should instead lean in to the overprotective or even paternalistic qualities superman sometimes shows. He so desperately wants to save everyone. He sees that as his vocation, his responsibility, his calling, and perhaps as a way of repaying the species that raised him as their own and the planet that became his home after the destruction of Krypton. What if he takes that to its logical extreme? What if he starts treating humanity like children whom he adores but who cannot be trusted to take care of themselves?

It could start out small, like him helping other heroes even when they don't want him to, or making them sit a fight out so he can finish it by himself, but it could escalate so easily. If Superman wants to end corruption and Clark Kent's articles aren't being listened to, he can force the issue with a simple "because I said so." If he wants a certain policy passed, he can make legislatures do it. If he wants a dangerous or aggressive person to stop behaving a certain way, he can canonically lobotomize them better than any brain surgeon. If Superman wants to stop a war, it would be simple for him to destroy the weapons and force the countries involved to sign a treaty. Eventually he'd be the one deciding everything. Sure, he wouldn't micromanage every problem, but if he disapproves of how it's being handled he will show up and tell you. Earth becomes his own personal garden, carefully tended and protected, a large-scale version of the city of Kandor. He wouldn't even need to become a planet wide dictator, content to let humanity do whatever it likes so long as it's not potentially hurting anyone.

I also think it's interesting to explore how humanity would respond. We already know how reckless Lois can be, because she knows Superman will save her if she gets in over her head. Imagine the entirety of humanity feeling like that. Why worry about gun safety if Superman will catch any stray bullets? Why not jump off a cliff if Superman will catch you? Why pay attention while driving if Superman will prevent any accidents? It could become a vicious cycle, where Superman becomes more and more overbearing as humanity gets more and more careless, reinforcing his idea that humans shouldn't be allowed to make risky or important decisions for themselves. People might adore or even worship him, which he thinks is silly but doesn't discourage, or they might rebel, which he sees as equivalent to moody teenagers acting out and gently but firmly puts a stop to.

Red Son did this pretty well, but I'd be interested to see a non-Soviet take on it lmao

#superman #clark kent #evil superman

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sincerely-krp · 2 months

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past admin here.. no longer running rps bc of the community. but i've ran a couple pretty big rps in the past couple years and i'll be honest, although i think it's slightly immature to close roleplays because of things people say on a gossip blog, i believe admins are just tired and most times the venting on blogs like this are just the cherry on top of everything they're already dealing with in the roleplay they are managing.

lets be real. admins are usually normal people just as you are, with jobs, possibly school, friends, and things to do outside of their rp life. most admins are also not full time HR reps or therapist. we are no better than you when it comes to finding out how to fix issues or resolve conflicts... member activity and facehogging has been an issue that not only i have seen in my rps but roleplays everywhere have and are currently experiencing. admins can only do SO much. they can't force activity without being called micromanagers and they cant change the activity requirements to be more engaging without being critizied about not being realistic for people with lives outside of rp.

theres issues regarding cliques. most times, the admins are so busy with admin shit that they don't see or notice the clique. from my past experiences as an admin, people would call anyone and anything a clique.

an example i used all the time .. because this is crazy... but back when i used to run a big rp. we got anon's complaining about a "🐻 squad" (changed the emoji for privacy reasons). when us as admins went in to look what that so called squad was, it was literally a member just referring to the people who emojied his post about playing a game later. we're adults, and it's embarrassing to see people talk as if they were excluses children when most of the time its a personal activity issue. if your muse isnt interacting with things on the feed, commenting on post, leaving emojis, talking in gc/ plotting with others, joining games/activities, or even doing events... theres obvious reasons why your muse feels left out. additionally, when a muse has a group of friends they have developed and feel close to, i personally see it as character development. these muses have spent enough time getting to know eachother to the point there they know they like to hangout and get along. as an admin, i've sent my muses to talk to the so called cliques that were in my roleplay to try and see how they would treat my muse and most times, the so called cliques were rather nice and inviting to my muse. making it rather hard to kick them.

we as admins can encourage but not force people out of their circles, we can not force people to answer dms, and we can not force people to write. the best we can do is attempt to remove them or close the roleplay completely.

when it comes to resolving conflicts, believe it or not its extremely hard for us. most times remember we are an outsider looking into the situation. and most times we are not given complete content. we unfortunately are reading screenshots without tone indicators or context. the best we can do is listen to both sides and hope we are making the best possible decision for the community. however. we can not remove muses from the rp because of a bad breakup or because they are upset with your muse. we can't kick people out because you both simply do not get along. the best we can do is ask that you both don't interact. i think the community has a hard time understanding this part. additionally, your issue with another member is not always highest priority for some admin teams, sometimes admin teams are talking for hours about how they want to handle a situation so expecting an immediate resolution to the situation or specific action in general is unrealistic.

adding to the unrealistic thing is expecting admins to be online 24/7. we need to sleep, eat, and do other things aside from just admining. we want to enjoy our muses as much as you guys do as well. we apologize if your cc request was not answered within 3-4 hours. remember admin teams will be online at some point in the day and often times will be in different timezones than your own. so be realistic and give admin teams 24-48 hours to respond to your message. admins are not slacking just because they want a moment to focus on themselves.

lastly, i realized rather quickly that this community does not like to follow or read rules almost at all. regardless of how we spin it 80% of the community skims through the rule page we work hard on creating to get the password for the application. how do i know yall dont read rules? because some of the shit being complained about on these blogs are things that have been blatantly stated in the rules that you guys have agreed to! dont join a roleplay if you dont agree with it's rules. simple. "admins are asking me to handle it myself." most rps open right now say in the rules that they will ask you to do that before coming to them. "this age gap rule is rediculous." most roleplays have these rules clear on their rule page. "well i didn't know you couldn't do that." yes you did, you agreed to the rules of the roleplay when you joined. don't act shocked or upset when we enforce the rules. and if you claim rules are hard to understand or need clarification, it takes nothing but 2 seconds to ask admins for clarification on a rule.

so yes, after dealing with these issues and more, seeing vent posts about our roleplays sometimes is the perfect cherry on top to call it a day and close the community. think of it as "why would we continue to put all this effort in if people are obviously unhappy with our work?". we work hard to manage things the best we can but we are only human and our judgements sometimes fail us. and getting critiqued is 100% okay but some of you guys on here write things so maliciously... i wonder if the admins had personally victimized you with the way yall write on here. rp is a hobby and at the end if the day if the honby is causing you more stress than happiness.. close/ leave your roleplay.

— tired ex admin.

・❥・

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acquiredmen · 1 year

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I've been replaying Red Embrace: Hollywood, so I've got some ideas for the boys and their vampire houses. This is strictly RE:H, I'll probably do another categorising once Paradisus (and their "fourth house") comes out

I'm going with the idea that they were human-ish before. Demons don't exist in the RE:H universe, vampires can't have kids, so they all have to be turned humans

Shiki - Golgotha

It's one of those things that I can't explain to anyone who hasn't played the game, Shiki is just so Golgotha. You don't even know how and when he was turned, he settled in so well, you'd think he was born into it

His visions would be of the recent past or present, hidden details about people that let him read them like an open book. Think MC's visions, needles for a drug addict, a red flame for someone with a fiery personality, a man buried in cash and gold because he's been stealing money

Turned willingly. Or was he?

Mage - Mavvar

Maybe it's cliche to say Mavvar because "hurr gurr the rowdy ones", but given how he tells Ritsu that he doesn't hate her for what Maxxis did, that she is her own person and her father's deeds aren't hers by default… Yeah, Mavvar.

Mavvar are very "I follow my own rules", and more community focused. They tend to stick with the people they care about through anything

Turned willingly, and he's greatly enjoying the vampire life

Urie - Iscari

Urie is Iscari, he just is. It helps that he has literal hypnosis powers. As if the others don't, but you get my point

He does live in façades and deception, uses his lust deal to get what he wants. Does it make sense if I say he feels safer being in control?

Turned willingly, but it's in the nature of many Iscari to lament the loss of their humanity, so sometimes he really wonders if he made the right decision

Lindo - Mavvar

I'm leaning towards Mavvar because of the temperament, yeah. But also how he fights to protect Ritsuka. Yeah, he keeps her in a bubble, but outside of that bubble, he goes out and fights himself, he doesn't stay hidden with her. He fights to protect what he loves and I'd say he needs his community, no matter how small

Turned… in less than ideal circumstances. Whether he was coerced or just grabbed and turned by force, I can't say, but he's not happy about it. Maybe he's a Stryx, "a human with exceptionally appealing blood". The game says "Strices tend to have… rather extreme reactions to being turned" but we don't see a turned Stryx, so I can't say for sure

Rem - Iscari

Rem… Rem was a bit more complicated

The key thing about RE:H is that vampires don't get turned "just like that"

A vampire shares common traits with their house because they likely chose that house themself. They got along with someone from that house, then they were turned in that house. Because otherwise, there are unpleasant consequences for everyone. Suicide, revealing vampires to humans, or whatever creative punishment they might have for their sire, it's never a good time

So most Iscari are sad star-children who are stuck in the past because they mostly turn humans who were already like that. Most Mavvar are rowdy and easily swayed into a mob mentality because they were like that as humans. And most Golgotha are the "everything else" weirdos because they were already "everything else" (whatever that "everything else" is, Golgotha is the most varied house in Hollywood in terms of that)

When it comes to Rem's house, Glax already gives me BIG Iscari vibes. Relying more on trickery and threats than brute force, but not enough trickery to be Golgotha. Golgotha are also described to "crawl from the dirt when there's an uprise", taking the opportunity to take the lead rather than making that opportunity themselves

Glax's trickery and threats (to me) are calculated, planned out, not an instinctual "I just felt like doing it." The Golgotha's deception in game (again, to me) is also about the process, not just the end result. Randal says "Golgotha would cheat a blind man at dice", but I feel like it's because they also enjoy the game of dice, you know?

And Mavvar want a leader who will speak for them. As Randal puts it, "50 voices shouting at once makes negotiations hard. But one guy speaking for the group, not that's how you achieve something."

Glax does not seem like the kind of leader to do that. Glax feels like he has his own ideas that he wants people to follow, rather than "speaking for the group". And I don't think he'd want to be part of the group either, to have someone else speak for him

So, I feel like Glax would choose to be Iscari. In the game, Iscari in general tend to be the leaders of a coven, just because they turn more people who need to have control over their lives

Even in the first Red Embrace game, the BL one, the factions are called Helgen and Serei I think? But the devs revealed that Bishop, the leader, is an Iscari, and the two vampire love interests are, classified by RE:H houses, Mavvar. So it's just that more leader-type people end up as Iscari

Back to Rem, I feel like he wouldn't choose to be a vampire. He would like to live his life as a human. But with Glax choosing Iscari, Rem would be dragged into it too

Status: He prefers not to think about it

—

I don't know Roen enough to categorize him. Could be either Golgotha or Iscari. And I want to see Ritsuka as a Mavvar

#dance with devils #shiki natsumezaka #urie sogami #mage nanashiro #lindo tachibana #rem kaginuki #rem arlond

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witchcraftandburialdirt · 1 year

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29 and 30

MUNDAY ASKS

29. What are your honest thought about your muse’s canon?

--I am actually working on a rewrite of Robin's lore, not changing anything but a reconstruction as I feel my writing has actually improved quite a bit within the last year? To be honest I...I never know how I actually feel about Robin's canon. I like to think its a nice play on the Faustian bargain and is a nice exploration of how grief can rip a person apart until there is nothing left; but I can never tell if others feel the same way.

TLDR: Grief can cause even the kindest of people to accept monstrous solutions for a chance at happiness and to gain back those they’ve lost. In the depths of pain, a demonic force finds its way into Robin’s life, feeding from his love and gentle heart. In desperation, Robin turns to the arcane and occult to try to find answers to make the sorrow stop. However, gruesome actions have gruesome consequences, and he finds himself in a shallow grave, now cursed to walk the earth as an ever possessed and decaying corpse. This story is an exploration of grief, the parasitic nature of relationships, and the consequences of our actions.

I really enjoy that despite everything that happened Robin is still walking forward and trying to re-enter the world after hiding for so long. I actually am writing a huge post about how he accidentally has turned into some eldritch cryptic weirdo to the people of Ionia and I really think thats a neat little accident. Grief has destroyed him and turned him truly into an ACTUAL monster that people tell their children about? BUT---YEAH. I actually CAN NEVER TELL IF ITS ALRIGHT OR NOT? I think its a tragedy of course but I don't think its anything too extreme or crazy, and it was an event that could have happened to anyone. Abel has said it before, Robin isn't special - this could have happened to anyone at anytime and there wasn't anything that could have been done to stop it. I think he's slowly starting, in canon, to pull himself out of the grave he dug, and I enjoy that from a story telling perspective, anyone can change if they push themselves to, and anyone can become a beast.

30. what are your favorite RP tropes to play? (angst, hurt-comfort, etc…)

---Oh gor, ALL OF THEM? I'm just happy people want to RP with me! Frankly I'm really interested in all genres but I really enjoy slice of life and psychological horror, what a coin flip. I LOVE exploring how muses function, and the best ways to do that in my honest opinion is either seeing how they work in daily life (does Robin have little ticks or habits he just cant break? why?) OR by pushing them to the absolute brink and seeing where they go and what decisions to take.

Also I really enjoy fluff. I've said it before and IDGAF if people think its boring, I think writing out different variations of love is an extremely gratifying thing and I will continue to do it and not be embarrassed by it. LOL

#mun speaks #munday asks #bells of black sunday #flutters my lashes at you

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eldritchmoms · 2 years

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In the depths of winter, the small backroom felt like a furnace. The heat pouring off the boy tangled in the thin, rough, sweat-drenched sheets was far from natural, temperatures all but a very few could ever produce, or take. It should have burnt out any malaise long before now. Along with the life of anyone suffering from it.

There was nothing of the sort tearing through the streets. If there were, he would know, quickly followed by everyone else as the corpses mounted. This was something a little more specific.

Who else?

That had been his first question to the two who had dragged him in, in a tone that brooked no hesitation or evasion.

No 'un. Just him.

An awkward pause before the other blurted out:

But he don't get sick.

That was not entirely true, but close enough. The worry was clear. If Maledos had it, Maledos, who weathered most bouts of virulence that periodically swept through the street population with little more than a few coughs and sniffles, it had to be bad.

Burn his bedding, he'd ordered. And anything he might have worn in the past month. A harsh demand, especially when his mind was already moving in a different direction and questioning if fire would be any solution in this case. Spare blankets, spare clothes, might as well be priceless even in a milder season. He'd seen the natural, sullen hesitation as he'd shooed them out. Maybe they would. Maybe they wouldn't. They'd do what he said if they knew what was good for them.

Over the day, into the night, he had done all he could to control the fever.

In mundane terms, at least.

It should have had the opposite effect, but the cloth around his neck felt unnervingly cool. A simple enough item of clothing, soft grey fabric tinged ever so slightly with red, tied in a neckerchief. In nearly half a century no one had questioned it, including some who really should have known better.

He had a reputation to maintain. And that involved not being too good. He had a little magic, arts he could call on in extreme circumstances, weak and uncertain and leaving him drained. That was as far as it went. No matter how friends begged for the lives of friends, lovers for lovers, parents for their children.

He had stood by and let so many people suffer and die from what he could have mended with a trivial spell. He did not withhold his abilities for no reason, but nor did let sentimentality get in the way of pragmatism. He could not save everyone. He would, on balance, contribute far more if he was able to keep up work as he presented himself, rather than saving a few hopeless cases in a blaze of divine power and being immediately forced onto the run.

And if anyone got even the slightest, wildest hint of a rumour that you could raise the dead, you would never get a moment of fucking peace for the rest of your damned life.

He wasn't sure when he had untied the knot, unfolded the fabric, and begun to stare out into the mask in his hands.

He had no reason not to use the magic cold-burned across his mind, sitting there ready and tantalising to the point it risked addiction. Alone, without witnesses. No one close to the patient with even the slightest inclination to question or speculate on the miracle of the recovery beyond attributing it to a skilled but mundane healer.

And he had no reason to use it. He had long ago learned that there was no trivial when it came to channeling a god's power, no matter how easy and flippant it might seem at the time. Compounded with that, he took a certain pride, maybe a stubborn one, in his abilities to heal without a mindless plea for his god's intervention.

A choice, then. Not dictated by circumstances and calculation, but a pure point of personal decision.

He carefully retied and tucked the cloth. Not yet. There was still time for Maledos to shake off the fever. If he did, the debt was merely mundane. If not... the landscape of implication became jagged and shadowed. Even if Maledos never realised it.

#ooops drabble #brain spluge on a scene that has been running through head too long

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oh-three · 2 years

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3,4,18

3. How would you describe your writing style?

Honestly, I don't even know. My writing style is always changing. The style of Silence Is A Lonely Country (Jurassic Park) vs Gladiolus (Station 19) vs the Guard series? I suppose spontaneous fits well.

4. Do you have any OCs? Do you have a story for them?

Ahh, good old Unit Arrel. The Temple Guard's finest.

Our Anonymity Is Your Protection (But Sometimes Our Masks Fall Away)

Jurr Arrel- being one of the older members of this Guard unit, he acts as a mentor figure towards the younger members. He’s the one they go to when they need advice, and yet, sometimes he even reaches out to them first. He has even transformed the unit’s spare bunkroom into a personal office so that they can meet with him privately and feel more safe in one-on-one conversation with him. A close friend to Cin Drallig, the Battlemaster confers with him when he is in need of suggestions or second opinions regarding the Guard and decisions about them. Of course, his being the father figure for the other members of the unit makes their problems become his own, if only in mind.

He prefers use of the Force over lightsabers, though he is quite skilled in the use of both and only joins in on sparring practice when Cin stops by and offers to take over his role of calling out the form switches.

Loktof Shrarruk- prefers to be a loner, and, as such, he is rather blunt and easy to irritate, despite it being more characteristic of his species than it is of a Jedi. He and Rakesh are often after one another, though neither will admit that they do care for the other’s well-being. He’s lucky to have Vori, who does her best to keep him in an amiable mood when with the others, whether that be during mealtimes or otherwise. An aggressive fighter, he is the only member of the unit that Rakesh can never best in combat training, often injuring the Pau’an and getting him sent to the Halls Of Healing. He is not fond of the Jedi having a clone army.

Linaleh Kartosh- the acting older sister of the group, she is protective of the other members- specifically Brakan and Vori. She tends to hold grudges when one of the others hurts either of the pair. She and Tindri are close, almost truly sister-like, and have rubbed off dark humor upon one another. This dangerous, overprotective nature bleeds into her lightsaber combat, making her an aggressive fighter when the others’ safety is on the line.

Tindri Lehaka- loyal to the Guard unit as individuals before the Order, she holds no true ill towards any member of the group for any of their faults. Because of this, Jurr and Cin aside, she is the one that the others come to when they need to get something out of their system, and she is their designated secret holder. It is made known time and time again that she will die before she reveals anyone’s secret. Being the team’s secret holder, however, does not exempt her from making sarcastic comments in the spur of the moment. She and Linaleh are the best at doing so, something that stresses even Jurr.

Vori Dyse- part of Rakesh’s youngling clan and shunned for her over-excited enthusiasm, she developed a sibling-like relationship with him. Because of their history, she is the only one able to make him truly laugh, and, even then, it’s rare. She is almost always upbeat and cheerful, getting along well with Trohr and helping him to adjust to life within the Guard. The two of them, and Brakan, are the children of the group, so to speak, despite her and Brakan being the same age as Rakesh. She and Loktof keep each other’s extremes to a minimum when they are in one another’s company.

Brakan Mavor- paired with Rakesh when on duty. As a result of this, they have a closeness to them that Rakesh is actually comfortable with. Unlike most of his species, he is generally soft-spoken and kind to others, rare to challenge authority and easy to get along with. Before joining the Guard, he got a lot of unwanted attention for his horns, the youth in awe. This, coupled with how it becomes worse after Qui-Gon’s death at the hands of Maul, is a main reason as to why he joined the Guard. He admires the way that Rakesh is so well put-together and wishes he could be the same, grateful to have him as his work partner. He, Vori, and Trohr are the kids of the group.

Trohr Cassusk- a pacifist due to being raised at the Coruscant Temple, his species’ natural aggression warped into a confident determination- one that retreated to hide in a shell deep within him once the war began. He is a spark of light that the rest of the team needs, one that they do their best to look after and keep lit. Once he comes out of his timid shell, he often reminds Rakesh of Ahsoka. He is the youngest Jedi to ever join the Guard, being knighted early so that he could join them and get away from the war, having fought on the front as a padawan. He is not the first Jedi to join the Guard as a result of the war, and likely won’t be the last. He maintains a close relationship with Jurr, his elder and station partner. He is also close with Vori and Brakan, the other “children” of their unit.

And, then, of course, there's Rakesh (the Grand Inquisitor) himself- but he's not an OC, just an underused character with a lot of my own stuff thrust onto him.

There's a lot more on all of them on my blog in other ask posts, feel free to dig those up if you're curious.

18. First, second, or third person?

I prefer third person, though I can sometimes read first or second. They just throw me out of the loop a bit and make it more difficult to concentrate.

#thanks for the ask!

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narcisismomaterno · 3 years

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What is it to be daugther/son of a narcissistic mother/father?

(painting not mine)

First of all, the most difficult thing when talking about a personality disorder that is very common is to stop with the taboo: but wait, are you talking about parents? Are you talking about your mother? Narcissistic mothers?! People do not stop to think about it because we make motherhood untouchable, because it is the "duty of every woman to be a mother" and "naturally every mother loves her children".

Reports already heard from some people prove that this is not so true. Even mothers have already said how difficult it was in the first few months to love the one who was born from them, because the connection is not always created and love does not arise overnight. EVEN MORE when the mother has traumas with maternity. This is just a fact that highlights how mothers are not born loving their children and mothers are not even untouchable and naturally respectable beings because respect is earned through their attitudes.

What can be extremely difficult for many - especially those who have few difficulties with their parents - is to understand that not everything is a flower inside the house, not everything is a flower inside each one, of each human being, and giving birth does not make you IMMUNE from having a personality disorder.

When talking about narcissistic people, without mentioning the field of narcissistic mothers and fathers, everything goes MUCH more easily. Because? This is because it is much simpler to see that a person can be a narcissist when he is your boyfriend, your friend, a distant relative... But when is your father or mother?! Or someone else's father / mother? Well, well... here I take you to reflect. That people you can call a narcissist because they fit exactly what a narcissist is, but who is neither your father nor your mother, that people will never be a father or mother? And when they become, they automatically stop being narcissistic? Can you understand?

The hole is very deep. The question that ends up differentiating a narcissist from a narcissistic mother or father is that naturally our parents have guardianship over us, which is right and it is necessary, because until some point in our lives we do not know what we want and we need advice and the creation of them, which is even very fundamental in the construction of our personality. However, what about when our father or mother is narcissistic and they do not fulfill this role of caring for us, of giving us what is necessary in every way? Be it in the sense of what is established by law, or in the sense of what it is morally expected that a father and mother give to their children: love, affection, care, encouragement. After all, the world is already too perverse for our parents to be the main ones to destroy our self-esteem and hope in ourselves, don't you agree?

At least we should be able to see that more easily.

The point is that a narcissist does not love anyone but himself, just remember the Narcissus myth and why that is the name of personality disorder. If a person is narcissistic and becomes a mother or father, the one they have brought into the world becomes nothing more than an "object" of manipulation and an attempt to expose people to their prestige as a mother or father. Everything that works is thanks to her / him. Social status matters, what is seen only from the outside matters, but WHY? Because the children will add to how important that narcissistic person will also be viewed as important.

The narcissist actually seems to love himself a lot, he validates himself more than anyone else, his sense of empathy is zero, but he doesn't love himself, he needs an admiration from the outside, and the one who is "his child" will be appreciated and loved as long as the child put her desires aside to supply the narcissistic person (to give him narcissistic supply), only then will that being be worth something. And it will not be a permanent, eternal value, it will be valid until the next time the mother / father narcissist needs the child to soften his ego.

Now, if is it the case of you needing to be praised? Don't expect it.

Is it the case of you, daughter, son, needing to receive an incentive? Don't expect it too.

Going further, what a narcissistic person's children ends up having to face are very strange competitive behaviors when they starts to grow up. Grow with all the changes that come within the package: start to become interested in people; changing body, therefore, receiving more attention; start to grow more intellectually, and simply be becoming a person, be getting to know yourself and be in search of building a life, something new.

Because before adolescence, it is natural that all of our parameters of being come from our parents and our environment. However, not everyone should be everything that their parents want them to be. You can have OWN choices and decisions for your life that conflict with your parents', and as long as that is your inner will, there is nothing wrong with that.

What happens from that moment on is that the narcissist feels offended to see a person having the opportunity to grow and create their network of relationships, their bonds, their individuality, freedom. And the person starts to live in a prison. In different ways, this mother or father begins to suffocate the person and every time a fight occurs because they provoked it themselves, they will say with great desire that the fault is of the daughter, the son. They will say that the daughter or son is a mistake and only disappoints. And, obviously, at least at first, the son/daughter will see that it is exactly that: it is their fault and their majestic father or mother, naturally incredible, are just saying everything for their good. Yes, criticizing you for something silly, that is to want your good, you can be sure.

Why do they act like that? For these attitudes [to be growing, to be building a personality, to start going out into the world, to gain freedom] are seen as a threat to the narcissist's life. They will stop having someone to force to admire them. And also because that person is becoming someone that deserves praise.

It is so childish and immature. And you can be sure that outside you will meet a very kind person, but if you are the victim of it all, you will be the one of the few (if not the only one) to see the real face of the narcissist.

Do you recognize that there are narcissistic people around the world, but you can't admit that there are narcissistic mothers or fathers? Why?

Are you inundated with taboo? What makes you one more that repeats to the world that all parents are good, without noticing that it makes it difficult for those who suffer with a narcissist?

It is not by being a mother or father that a person ceases to be narcissistic. In fact, the struggle to see narcissism when a person is a mother or father is even greater.

Not every mother is good.

Not every father is good.

#personality disorders #narcissism #maternal narcissism #manipulation #gaslighting #narcissist #narcissist mother #toxic parents #toxic mother #childhood trauma #mental health #narcissismawareness

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maisiedrew10 · 2 years

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What an extremely crazy few years it has been, impacted by something that was once nothing but a distant news story. For some, it has granted favours, where as for others it has done nothing but fill their lives with deep oceans of darkness. It's like it appeared out of thin air, clenching onto our head lines, filling lives with all different gratitudes of twists and turns. There is so much that could be said about Covid 19,however there is one aspect that seems to strike me most - the covid vaccine.

I'm no expert , but I'm not stupid. It seems as if these mysterious injections are being forced onto us. Consequences are in place if we do not follow, such as having the access to holidays being ripped away from our ownership. I understand the dangers that lie with covid, and I do want to have the vaccination (more for others than myself). However, my parents? No. It's not like they're anti-vaccine warriors or anything like that. I guess they don't trust the idea of it. I want to disagree with them but I cant help my anxieties being a follower of their opinion.

I'm a 15 year old girl, living in North Wales and as you could imagine, majority of my classmates have had their first lot of covid-19 jabs. Sometimes I feel that I am taking the selfish road of not having it done. To be honest, I respect them most. Some may have done it just to gain that accessibility of going abroad yet I believe some have done it in genuine thought of others around them. Just answer me this - how do people not over think the overwhelming headlines, social media posts and rumours of the after math of this vaccine?

Let's just gather some rumours of the vaccine : it has been said that it contains microchips in order to track our movements. The government claim that this is not true, however the thought makes me cringe. It's almost stomach churning. To think that they want us to have it so much for someone to then make a silly rumour like this, I know it is not true but my mind likes to wonder. Especially as a teenager, I ADORE privacy and to even imagine that being tugged away from me- sickening.

Another spiralling factor that is just not selling the vaccine to me in the awful rumours of infertility. I want children in the future. In fact, covid is the reason I moved to Wales in the first place, leading me to find the love of my life. There's nothing like young love. We have planned to eventually have children together and if that was not possible, I'd be heart broken. I think anyone would be. To have this life long dream of mine deteriorate would crush me. Whether this is true or false one thing is for sure - it's vastly off putting.

My aim isn't to sprinkle negative dust over the extraordinary work of all that contributed to the covid-19 vaccine, I just feel as if my voice should be heard. Even if one person took their time to read this ramble, I'd feel accomplished. I'm not an anti vaccines type of person, or one to embed my opinion of others, I feel its important to adress insecurities of mine (and I imagine others).

These thoughts are so overwhelming, but i cannot even begin to imagine the pressure on everyone else. I thoroughly respect our keyworkers, and everyone who has contributed to the covid-19 vaccine. As for everyone else, I respect every decision made about receiving the vaccine. This is just mine. Thank you for reading:)

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thatsonemorbidcorvid · 3 years

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Arina and Nina used to only meet once a week - at activities organised for the care home where Nina lived. Now, Arina is applying to become Nina's guardian, giving the 27-year-old hope she might finally be able to leave the institution where she has lived her entire adult life.

For the past few months Nina Torgashova has been able to enjoy an independence that had always been out of reach for her - shopping, cooking and washing her own clothes.

Things that would be every-day life experiences for most 27-year-olds.

But not for Nina, who has always lived in institutions, and moved when she was 18 to what, in Russia, is called a psycho-neurological care home. When the pandemic hit, she was able to savour life outside the home, with a volunteer, Arina Muratova.

Nina recalls the moment she found out she was leaving.

"I never thought anyone would take me. I had thought: "Oh no, I am going to be stuck in the care home."

It was April 2020 and the Covid-19 pandemic forced Moscow into lockdown. As visits to Nina's institution were stopped, charities lobbied for volunteers to be allowed to take responsibility for some of the residents until they could start up again.

Arina, a market research expert who loves nail art and embroidery, offered to look after Nina.

But when the 27-year-old got a taste for the freedom she'd never had, she decided she didn't want to go back.

Her 31-year-old friend was faced with a life-changing decision.

Arina has been involved in voluntary work for a decade - starting with helping children with learning difficulties and their families. She then became involved in adult care, which is when she met Nina through a Russian charity called Life Route. The charity organises trips and classes for the residents of some Russian psycho-neurological care homes (known as PNIs).

Arina started volunteering in PNI 22 - where Nina was living with hundreds of other residents - about four years ago. The care home looks after adults with a wide range of disorders, thought to relate to both cognitive disabilities and mental illness of varying severity.

Arina and Nina got to know each other through the charity Life Route which organises camps for the care home residents

Nina's diagnosis remains confidential to everyone except her care home director. This is usually the case for those residents the state judges are unable to live independently. So neither she nor Arina know why she is in the home, but Arina is surprised that she is.

Although Nina struggles with literacy and maths, Arina says she is very capable.

"She is such a quick learner and is well-adapted in everyday living," she says.

Nina was admitted to a home for disabled children when she was very young, before transferring to the PNI at 18. It is not clear whether she was taken to the children's home by her parents or was forcibly removed from their care.

She says they visited her there once, but she was frightened and hid under the bed.

"They were drunks. I was afraid. They stank of alcohol," she says.

Arina says Nina always stood out during her visits with Life Route, taking an active role in the activities and trips organised by the charity

"Nina was a very active person at her care home," says Arina. "She took part in various creative activities: amateur dramatics, arts and crafts workshops. She took part in sporting competitions, too: she played darts, she played football. Football was something she really missed after leaving the home."

When the lockdown last spring made these visits impossible, Arina suggested Zoom calls with the residents instead. But from the start is was clear this wasn't going to work - the home's internet simply wasn't strong enough. Other charities helping other care homes in Moscow and St Petersburg were facing similar problem

So these charities pressured the authorities to allow some care home residents to be released for the lockdown.

"It was all arranged in a day, and the next day the person was out. I cannot imagine anything like this before the pandemic," says Life Route's director Ivan Rozhansky.

Nevertheless Arina admits she was nervous when she made the initial decision to look after Nina. She was counting on Nina's relative independence, given she needed to work from home.

"There was a certain calculation in taking Nina. I had a lot of work to do, even during the lockdown. I realised I had to live with someone who'd be able to occupy themselves - at least some the time. With Nina it was clear that I'd be able to say: 'Now I have to work for three hours but afterwards we can make lunch together!'"

But Nina's move into the flat the charity had given the pair to live in during lockdown did get off to a slightly rocky start.

"She had very few possessions with her, just a small rucksack. She looked lost. While I was signing papers brought by the care worker, she walked around the flat. She didn't look especially overjoyed, and I had been counting on that.

"When I saw Nina looking so lost, I wondered if this had been a good idea. It's one thing to ask a person in a text if they want to move, but it's quite different to actually move them."

But not long afterwards, Arina shared a selfie with the other volunteers of herself with a grinning Nina, arms raised in joy.

Not only did Nina start shopping for food and cooking for herself, Arina arranged for her to have a maths tutor - important now she was buying things on her own.

"It's not that Nina doesn't understand things. She just never needed maths before," Arina says.

Arina herself began helping Nina with her literacy - she could read and write, but slowly and with difficulty.

"I need to be able to read and write," says Nina. "To be able to cook for myself, to go to work. I do want to have a job.

"I could make and sell friendship bracelets. I asked Arina: 'Do you know anyone who might want one?' She asked her mum, her mum was quite keen. I said: 'I will sort this!' Her mum picked the colours, Arina showed me a photo [of the colours], and I started making it."

Arina says she wanted to make sure she gave Nina responsibility for herself, rather than always taking charge, even if this did not always go to plan.

She cites the example of Nina wanting to learn to draw. Arina found another volunteer who could teach her over Zoom, and explained to Nina that she should make sure she joined the lessons. But after a while she discovered Nina had been missing some sessions.

"I don't want to chase another grown-up and pester them," says Arina. "I felt this was the kind of responsibility Nina could sustain, and we had conflicts around it."

But on another occasion Arina wanted to be more involved in Nina's life than regulations allowed.

Nina had complained of a terrible stomach ache and was admitted to hospital for several days of tests. Arina was not allowed to stay with her because she was not a relative or guardian.

"Pleas, send Nina some reassuring messages," she texted to the volunteer group chat. "Poor thing's terrified, she is having a third blood test and is scared."

Thankfully there was nothing seriously wrong.

As the Moscow lockdown eased in June, the Life Route charity was faced with a challenge.

"It became obvious that those people our foundation took to the assisted living flats for the duration of the quarantine did not want to go back to the PNI," says Ivan Rozhansky, the charity's director.

These institutions have been a focus of concern for some time.

In early 2019, Russia's deputy prime minister Tatiana Golikova ordered an inspection of living conditions in 192 psycho-neurological care homes. A consumer watchdog, Rospotrebnadzor, discovered violations of health and safety and other regulations in around 80% of them.

In January of this year Russia's Ministry of Labour introduced a number of structural changes to the provision of care for those in PNIs, including a move to help social workers provide assistance for some people in private homes rather than in state institutions.

"Obviously, all these changes will not be realised immediately on January 1, 2021, but step-by-step the situation will be changing," Golikova said.

Maria Sisneva from the charity Stop PNI says the quality of life in Russian care homes is poor.

"At a PNI you will have 500-1,000 people living in close quarters, but with very different levels of ability, and different backgrounds, different needs. They live in extremely cramped conditions, at best they'd be two to a small room, often in corridors, in spaces similar to military barracks, isolated from the outside world. They barely have any real social experience."

The director of PNI 22, where Nina was living, is clear about the benefits of care homes, however.

"The main advantage of psycho-neurological homes is security," says Anton Kliuchev. "The residents are looked after by professionals, who know exactly how to help and support them, how to talk to them, how to take care of them."

Care homes for people with specialist needs and mental illness exist all over the world. But from the mid-20th Century in the US and some European countries, a process of deinstitutionalisation started, aimed at replacing long-stay closed facilities with care within the community. Yet, in Russia care homes are still the predominant model.

According to Russian government statistics, as of February 2020 there were more than 150,000 people living in PNIs.

Unlike many countries, Russia's assisted living provision is only in its infancy. National charities believe that if this alternative system were more established, many care home residents could leave their institutions.

"Right now the system in Russia is such that if a person is believed to be insufficiently independent by the state, there is nowhere for them to go apart from a PNI, or [for those with physical disabilities] an invalids' home," says Sisneva.

Life Route began to discuss how the assisted living arrangement could be made permanent for the nine people they rehoused during lockdown. The charity rented four apartments, including one for Nina to share with fellow care home residents Sergey and Ivan. Arina moved back to her own apartment, and began instead to spend one night a week at Nina's new accommodation on rotation with other volunteers.

But there was another hurdle.

The PNI can only release their residents' care permanently to Life Route if those people have what is termed "legal capacity" - in other words, the state considers them able to function independently in theory, even if in practice they are in a care home.

Nina does not have legal capacity - all decisions about her life are made for her by the director of her PNI. As Nina is so functionally able, it is not clear why this is, though experts say it can be simply a foible of the system. If, like Nina, someone has arrived from previous care such as a children's home, and has never been properly assessed, their legal status might never be challenged.

So Arina has applied to become Nina's guardian.

"One day it just sort of clicked. And I realised I had to do it."

If her request is granted, Arina will become responsible for every element of Nina's life - financial, practical, emotional and medical. As her guardian the PNI will finally share Nina's diagnosis with her.

The process won't be straightforward, she says, involving extensive financial, physical and psychological check-ups on Arina.

"Emotionally [the decision] wasn't easy either," says Arina. "But once I took Nina out of the care home, she became my responsibility."

This all-consuming obligation might explain why there are so few people who volunteer to become legal guardians in Russia.

While Arina waits to be granted Nina's guardianship, the PNI could demand that Nina - whose state benefits they are currently losing out on - return to them at any time.

Meanwhile, Arina says she is still working out the exact role she plays in Nina's life.

"I can never be Nina's mum. I will never be able to give her the childhood she deserved."

But she accepts that Nina sees her as much more than a friend. Nina expects her presence on all important errands: to the dentist, to get her ears pierced, to get registered at the local GP.

And these new responsibilities have come at a time when life has been tough for Arina in other ways.

"It wasn't just Nina who went through a big emotional change. I went through a lot emotionally, too - during this time my salary was cut; I have had complicated developments in my personal life."

But Arina says all this has brought them closer together.

"Once you have gone through all these experiences [alongside another person], it is hard to backpedal.

"I won't say I'm not anxious about it. I'm incredibly anxious. And there are certain people around me who freak me out even more. They keep asking me. 'Have you thought it through? It's for life!'

"I calm myself down by saying that we have a plan."

That plan is to work towards eventually restoring Nina's full legal capacity.

Nina needs to be deemed independent by the state if she ever wants to live alone or get a job.

Other than Arina, she has one other close relationship - with a man called Sasha, who she met in PNI 22, and who is now in assisted living in a different apartment. Nina regularly meets up with Sasha in the city, and is clearly fond of him. Arina is aware that Nina may want to eventually marry and she would need legal capacity for that too.

So Arina hopes Nina's tutoring will give her the option to be assessed at some point.

"Examiners look closely at a person's reading, writing and counting abilities," Arina has heard.

The process is not publicly available but anecdotal accounts suggest it can include everything from being expected to dance or sing a song, or even know the price of a loaf of bread.

Arina says they won't apply for Nina to take this test until she is as prepared as she can be.

In the meantime, Arina is involved in all the important moments of Nina's life.

"Maybe I'm just the type of person that is not afraid of responsibility. It is an unexpected - but actually a good thing - that has happened to me.

"I love her. There's not much to it. I love her very much."

My Friend from a Care Home is available to watch now on YouTube.

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sergeantmiller · 4 years

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The life and crimes of Jeffrey Dahmer

May 21, 1960: Jeffrey Lionel Dahmer was born at Evangelical Deaconess Hospital in Milwaukee. According to Jeffrey's father, Lionel, his mother suffered bouts of partial paralysis during the pregnancy. Doctors were unable to find any reason for the paralysis. She was given "injections of barbiturates and morphine, which would finally relax her." Later she was given phenobarbital as well.

1962: The Dahmers moved to Ames, Iowa, so Jeffrey's father could work on his Ph.D in chemistry.

1964: Jeffrey was diagnosed with a double hernia in his scrotum. Surgery corrected it. Extreme pain suffered by the child both before and after the surgery could, conceivably, have influenced later feelings of sexual inadequacy or insecurity. Lionel claimed that it was from this time on that Jeffrey began to become more and more withdrawn and introverted.

November 1966: The Dahmers moved to Doylestown, Ohio. There were several other moves over the next year as they searched for just the right place to bring up Jeffrey and his brother David, who was born on December 18.

The pregnancy was as difficult for Mrs. Dahmer as her first. At this time a teacher (Jeffrey was in the first grade) noticed that Jeffrey seemed to feel neglected. This is, of course, a normal reaction for someone used to being an only child whose family suddenly expands. Most get over it fairly quickly.

Jeffrey's father describes him as being extraordinarily shy and withdrawn during this period, actually terrified of new people and situations.

1968: The family moved to Bath, Ohio.

Jeffrey's father has reported that Jeffrey was sexually abused by a neighbor boy at this time. Jeffrey himself claimed to remember no such thing. Molestation can be a factor in gender confusion and hostility.

Late 1970: Jeffrey's mother was hospitalized twice for psychiatric problems. According to Lionel she had been taking drugs to deal with her extreme nervousness for years, but they didn't work well. Thus, she was not a stabilizing influence in Jeffrey's life.

During his school years Jeffrey built a reputation as a misfit with a penchant for stupid pranks and very heavy drinking. Some of his pranks, such as shouting things out at strange times, bleating like a sheep and faking epileptic fits, sound eerily similar to the childhood behavior of Arthur Shawcross, another serial killer who practiced cannibalism. [See The mask of sanity in the November 1994 issue of Murder Watch for more about Shawcross's odd behavior.] They don't seem to resemble each other in very many other ways.

June 4, 1978: Jeffrey graduated from high school. By this point he was living alone. His parents were going through an extremely bitter divorce and had each moved out. Because Jeffrey at 18, was legally an adult, the law did not allow for anyone to have custody of him. Therefore, no one took custody. Instability and a lack of emotional support continued.

June 18, 1978: Dahmer picked up nineteen year old Steven Mark Hicks hitchhiking. They went back to the house for a few beers. When Hicks tried to leave, Dahmer clubbed him with a barbell and strangled him with it. Over the next couple of weeks he methodically stripped the flesh from the bones, smashed the bones and disposed of the few remains in the back yard.

Dahmer said he killed Hicks because he didn't want him to leave. At least one survivor of a Dahmer attack reported that after he had been at Dahmer's apartment for a while (voluntarily), he mentioned that he wanted to leave, and Jeffrey's attitude changed; his voice became panicky, and then the attack began. However, Dahmer's fascination with death and the dead was already pronounced by the time he picked up Steven Hicks. Friends said he liked to pick up roadkill and take it to a shed behind his house, to skin the bodies. He also had a small animal cemetery. There were rumors that he killed neighborhood dogs and cats and even mounted a dog's head on a stake.

This bizarre behavior must have influenced Jeffrey's decision to kill Hicks. After all, if he just wanted to keep Hicks from leaving, he could have tied him up. Corpses are poor company, generally.

Another explanation for the killer's panicky tone when the prospective victim wanted to leave could simply be the stress of realizing that, if he was going to kill the target, he'd better do it soon. Dahmer did indicate that he never liked the killing much; he only did it to acquire dead bodies.

After his high school graduation Dahmer enrolled in Ohio State University. He stayed only one semester before dropping out. He was now creating his own instability.

December 24, 1978: Lionel remarried.

December 29, 1978: Jeffrey was sworn into the Army. After failing to become an MP he was trained as a medic and assigned to Baumholder, Germany. This was far from a plum assignment. It was also a very few years after the humiliation of Vietnam, when morale and discipline in the armed forces were poor and drug and alcohol abuse wide spread.

In the Army, Dahmer no longer stood out as a clown and prankster. He was noticed, however, for being not only a very heavy drinker, but as an unpleasant, even violent, drunk.

After his arrest in Milwaukee became known around the world, authorities in Germany looked to see if they could connect Dahmer to murders that took place there. Though information is sketchy, it seems likely that a serial killer was active in the area at the time, but that it was not Dahmer. (The victims in Germany were young women. Dahmer killed only men.)

March 26, 1981: Dahmer was discharged from the Army before his enlistment was up because his drinking had reached the point where he simply didn't function any more. Back in the U.S., he went to Florida where he slept on the beach for a few months before returning to Ohio.

October 7, 1981: Dahmer was arrested for disorderly conduct and resisting arrest and paid a small fine. He was drunk.

August 7, 1982: Dahmer was arrested again for disorderly conduct. He dropped his pants in public. By this time Dahmer was living with his grandmother, in part because she seemed to be the only person he responded to with anything like affection.

September 8, 1986: Jeffrey was arrested when he deliberately exposed himself while urinating in front of a group of children in Milwaukee. Another version of the story has it that he was masturbating.

By this time Dahmer was a frequent visitor to gay bars and bath houses. He was barred from one bath house because of allegations that on at least four separate occasions he took someone to a private booth and drugged them. No charges were filed, though one of the victims was hospitalized for a week or so.

September 15, 1987: The murder of Steven W. Tuomi, age 24. Dahmer claimed he woke up in a hotel room and found the victim dead, with no memory of doing anything to him. He bought a big suitcase, transported the body back to his grandmother's house, and proceeded to dispose of it much as he had the body of Steven Hicks.

Nine years passed between the first and second murders. In a sense, the time was so long that the second murder could be treated, mentally, as another first murder. He spent years working up to it, learning how to approach other men, how to drug them, how much to drug them. He may have been too drunk to remember the murder or he may have avoided the memory because it was unpleasant - he wasn't very skilled at killing yet.

1988

January 1988: James Doxtator, 14, killed. Dahmer offered him money to pose nude for photos, took him back to his grandmother's house. After sex Dahmer drugged and strangled him. By now his pattern of using acid and crushing force to destroy the remains was practiced.

March 24, 1988: Richard Guerrero, 25, came back to Dahmer's grandmother's house for nude photos. Again, after sex, Dahmer drugged and strangled the victim.

September 25, 1988: Dahmer moved into his own place. He offered $50 to a 13-year-old to pose nude, gave him drugged coffee and fondled him. The boy escaped. Dahmer was arrested.

From here on the pace of the murders picked up significantly. Once he had his own place, Dahmer seems to have lost most of what little control he had.

1989

January 1989: Jeffrey was convicted of 2nd degree sexual assault and enticing a child for immoral purposes. (See above) Sentenced on May 23 to five years and three years, sentences to be served concurrently. Actually served ten months, then began five years probation.

March 25: Anthony Sears,24, was last seen alive. Dahmer met him at a club, took him back to his grandmother's house. After sex, he drugged Sears and murdered him. Sears's painted skull was recovered from Dahmer's apartment after his arrest in 1991.

1990

May 29: Ricky Beeks, 33, was last seen alive. Dahmer met him at a club and offered him money to pose for nude pictures. He drugged and strangled him and had sex with the body. The victim's painted skull was recovered from Dahmer's apartment after his arrest in 1991.

June 1990: Edward W. Smith, 28, killed. Dahmer met him at a bar and offered him money for sex and pictures. After sex, Smith was drugged and strangled. Dahmer took some pictures during the process of dismembering the body.

September 2: Ernest Miller, 24, was last seen alive. He met Dahmer in front of a book store. Dahmer offered him money to come home with him. After sex, Dahmer drugged him and cut his throat. He took pictures of the body and dismembered it, putting the biceps in the freezer. He bleached the skeleton and painted the skull, which was in his apartment when he was arrested in 1991.

September 24: David C. Thomas last seen alive. Dahmer met him on the street and offered him money to come home with him. Dahmer drugged Thomas and murdered him without sex, taking pictures as he dismembered the body.

1991

March 7: Curtis Straughter, 18, last seen alive. Dahmer picked him up at a bus stop, offering him money to come home with him. He drugged Straughter and strangled him after sex, taking pictures of the dismembered body. The skull, unpainted, was recovered from Dahmer's apartment after his 1991 arrest. This is at least the third sequence of events Dahmer experimented with. Earlier, it had been sex, drugging then murder. At least once he tried drugs, murder, sex. This is drugs, sex and murder.

April 7: Errol Lindsey, 19, last seen alive. Dahmer met him on the street and offered him money to come home with him. He drugged Lindsey, strangled him and had sex with the body. The unpainted skull was recovered from Dahmer's apartment.

May 17: Dahmer met 14-year-old Konerak Sinthasomphone in front of a mall and offered him money to pose for nude pictures. After the pictures he drugged Konerak, then went out for beer. The boy escaped, naked into the street. Neighbors called police, but Dahmer convinced them that he and the boy were lovers who had merely had a little quarrel. Police, aparently unconcerned that Sinthasomphone was still too drugged to confirm or deny the story, returned him to Dahmer, who strangled him as soon as the police were gone. Dahmer had sex with his body, took pictures and dismembered him. His skull was recovered from Dahmer's apartment.

When the full details of this incident became known, mild disciplinary action was taken against the officers involved. The department was also sued for a large amount of money.

May 24: Tony Hughes, 31, last seen alive. Reportedly, Hughes and Dahmer had known each other for two years. By writing (Hughes was deaf and mute) Dahmer offered him $50.00 to come home with him and pose for nude pictures. Hughes was drugged and murdered without sex. His unpainted skull was recovered from Dahmer's apartment.

June 30: Matt Turner, 20, last seen alive. They met in Chicago at the bus station after a Gay Pride parade. Dahmer offered him money to pose nude, drugged him and strangled him with a strap. After cutting the body up, Dahmer put the head in the freezer and the rest in a barrel of acid he had obtained.

July 6: Jeremiah Weinberger, 23, last seen alive. They met in Chicago at a gay bar, where Dahmer offered him money to come back to Milwaukee. This murder is very unusual in that the victim was not murdered until the day after he came home with Dahmer. When he indicated that he wanted to leave, Dahmer drugged him, strangled him, and dismembered him, taking pictures of the process. Like the last victim, his head went into the freezer, his body into the acid.

July 15: Jeffrey was fired from the Ambrosia Chocolate Co. for bad attendance.

The same day, Oliver Lacy, 23, was last seen alive. They met on the street and went back to Dahmer's apartment for body rubs. Lacy was then drugged and strangled. Dahmer had sex with the body before dismembering it. He put the head in the refrigerator and the heart in the freezer, "to eat later."

July 16: Joseph Bradehoft, 25, last seen alive. They met at a bus stop, where Dahmer offered him money to pose for nude pictures. After sex, Dahmer drugged him and strangled him with a strap. He dismembered the body and, as before, put the head in the freezer and the body in the acid barrel.

July 22, 1991: Shortly after midnight, Tracy Edwards, 32, escaped from Dahmer with one hand in a handcuff and flagged down a police car. He lead the cops back to Dahmer's apartment. They found photos of dismembered victims and body parts in the refrigerator and freezer. Shortly, the sight of crews in biohazard protection suits taking evidence out of Dahmer's apartment was televised all over the world. The suits were necessary because of the smell of decay in the apartment and because of the acid in the barrel.

Caught red-handed, with overwhelming physical evidence against him, it's not surprising that Jeffrey confessed. His dry, unemotional descriptions of murdering a dozen and a half young men belied the reality of brutality and sadism that was revealed in Tracy Edwards' testimony.

It's possible that the sameness of the descriptions (Offers of money to pose, drugs to knock them out) was not entirely accurate. Tracy Edwards claimed he was not offered money, that he only went to Dahmer's apartment for some beers before going out again. He may have been covering up his own indiscretion, or Dahmer may have lied about the ways he lured people back to his apartment in order to make them seem less like innocent victims.

Edwards was drugged, but did not lose consciousness. This raises the possibility that the sedatives Dahmer gave victims were intended only to weaken them, while leaving them aware of what was being done to them. Dahmer had certainly had enough practice by then to have a good idea what dose was needed to knock a man out. Dahmer may have enjoyed taunting the victims about their fate and killing them, slowly, much more than he let on later.

Dahmer also claimed that he needed to drink heavily in order to be able to face killing people, but we know that he was a hard-core alcoholic for much of his life. For him, making excuses for drinking was normal and can not be regarded as likely to be honest.

1992

January 14: Dahmer entered a plea of guilty but insane in 15 of the 17 murders he claimed to have committed.

February 15: By 10-2 majority vote, a jury found Dahmer to be sane in each murder. Testimony from defense and prosecution experts took weeks and was extremely gruesome. One expert testified that Dahmer periodically removed body parts of his victims from the freezer and ate them. Another testified that this was a lie Dahmer told to make himself seem insane. The jury deliberated slightly more than ten hours.

February 17: Dahmer was sentenced to 15 consecutive life terms. At the sentencing, Dahmer read a prepared statement in which he expressed sorrow for the pain he had caused.

"I knew I was sick or evil or both. Now I believe I was sick. The doctors have told me about my sickness and now I have some peace. I know now how much harm I have caused. I tried to do the best I could after the arrest to make amends."

"I now know I will be in prison the rest of my life. I know that I will have to turn to God to help me get through each day. I should have stayed with God. I tried and failed and created a holocaust. Thank God there will be no more harm that I can do. I believe that only the Lord Jesus Christ can save me from my sins."

He later pled guilty to aggravated murder in Ohio, in the death of his first victim, Steven Hicks. He was sentenced to life in prison without parole.

November 28, 1994: Dahmer murdered in prison.

Dahmer and two other inmates were assigned to clean the staff bathroom of the Columbia Correctional Institute gymnasium in Portage, Wisconsin. Guards left them alone to do their work for about twenty minutes, starting at around 7:50 a.m. When Dahmer was discovered, he was unconscious and his head and face were bloody. He died on the way to the hospital from multiple skull fractures and brain trauma.

A bloody broom handle was found near Dahmer, but a broom is probably not sturdy enough to inflict the damage that killed him. Reports in December indicated that he was struck with a steel bar stolen from the prison weight room.

One of the other two inmates in the area with Dahmer was also attacked. Jesse Anderson, 37, was pronounced dead in the hospital at 10:04 a.m. on November 30. Anderson was convicted of stabbing and beating his wife to death in 1992. He was serving a life term.

The third inmate in the work party is twenty-five-year-old Christopher Scarver, a convicted murderer reportedly taking anti-psychotic medication. Scarver murdered a coworker when he was angry at his boss. The boss got away. Scarver claimed his boss was a racist and there has been speculation that Scarver, who is black, wanted revenge for the wrongs Dahmer and Anderson (both white) had done to black people. The majority of Dahmer's victims were black. Anderson tried to blame two fictitious black men for murdering his wife during a mugging. It's been pointed out that a desire for publicity or status may have also been a motive.

Dahmer was attacked last July, also. A convicted drug dealer tried to cut his throat with a razor blade attached to a toothbrush handle, making a crude straight razor, but the weapon fell apart. Dahmer received minimal injuries.

Scarver is said to have delusions that he is Christ. He has been in psychiatrict observation and treatment several times, with diagnoses of bi-polar disorder and schizophrenia. He was found guilty of the murder, though, and sent to prison. A jury apparently did not believe he was insane.

#Jeffrey dahmer #Murderer #Tcc #True crime #True crime community #Ted bundy #Murder #Creepy #Eric harris #Serial killers #Serial killer #Hh Holmes #Dylan klebold #Dylann roof #Nikolas cruz

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