#so a lot of things in the drawing could've been improved upon
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New here and I might as well make a post about what brought me to this hellsite
This is my Dragonfable Hero, Eveline! It has been ages since I've drawn something (Especially digitally) but despite that I think it turned out good! My back hates me now though, so that's a downside.
No one actually knows what Eveline's full name is, as she never stated her middle or last name and if someone asks anything that has to do with her past before becoming a hero, she usually avoids the question. Enough people have gotten the hint that it's not something she likes to talk about
The only thing she HAS revealed about her past is that she traversed the woods pretty often. Those trips had apparently given her a good grasp of what is good and bad to eat out in the wilderness and why she tends to eat certain mushrooms when adventuring
That and her white hair is all natural. She was born with it
What she won't reveal to anyone is that she is an orphan who lost her parents to an undead attack caused by a fleeing necromancer
The worst part was that she had to be told this by the other surviving villagers as she had been out cold when most of the attack happened
While there were people with big homes willing to take in any children who lost their parents during the attack, the town wasn't able to establish an official orphanage nor were they able to keep an eye on everyone, which made it easy for Eveline to wander out of town, much to the dismay of everyone who knew her
One of those fateful wandering off days had somehow lead Eveline to Falconreach and if you've played the quest, Yulgar's First Date, you know exactly what happened that day
Eventually one of the village guards had agreed to teach Eveline how to fight if she agreed to stop wandering off and giving everyone a heart attack. This is how Eveline grew to be a warrior.
At the age of 18 she left the village to pursue a career in adventuring. A couple of months after that event is when "A Hero is Born Bored" takes place
She gained a little bit more patience after nearly almost potentially eating the dragon egg
When she tried "Gently tapping" on the egg of Midir, her dragon, she did nearly end up cracking it which made her abandon any more hatching methods that involved direct contact (Can you guess what game I played before going back to Dragonfable?)
She was surprised to learn that Tomix's hair wasn't originally white like she first thought upon meeting him.
She had learned the ways of the Warrior, Paladin, Riftwalker, Dragonlord and Soulweaver before being frozen in ice, though it was easy to tell that she gravitated towards Soulweaving.
A little while after Midir had explained how they tried to 'hatch' her from her icy prison, she really felt a sense of kinship after hearing that Midir had tried the same methods she did
While her and Tomix were at Edelia, Eveline decided to watch a few classes to see what other Soulweaving techniques she could learn. One of the classes were making their own spirit looms and she joined in and made her own as well
She may still appear fine and jovial on the outside, she is actually severely repressing a lot of trauma and her newly found fear of being frozen and the situation with Caitiff was the closest she'd ever gotten to breaking down in front of everyone
Finding out from the Vind that the monsters she's fought have had their own cultures and histories was like a punch to the gut that she just powered through
Midir is the only one who knew the true extent of how much she keeps hidden from everyone and tries to convincer her to release the ever growing boiling pot called her emotions, even trying to use Tomix as an example of she should. It didn't work
Secundus? Who's that? Eveline learned a thing or two about Chaosweaving from Khvorost after they dropped anchor. She did consult Aegis first and he was okay with it. They both trusted Khvorost and he was pretty happy to teach Eveline a thing or two
After learning some Chaosweaving from Khvorost, Eveline had the idea to try and combine the two types of Weaving styles into one. It had certainly gotten an odd look from Aegis but he was willing to help her with her endeavor in any way he could
Eveline has a crush on Princess Victoria/Robina and Mritha. She didn't think it was possible to have a crush on more than one person but here she is. If it wasn't for literally everything going on around them, she'd be a mess around them
That didn't stop her from making a comment about Robina while escaping the Magesterium attack on Swordhaven, which Alteon heard. Eveline was both embarrassed and scared but Alteon just chuckled and did give her his blessing in case she ever decided to try and follow up on her feelings. That just made her more embarrassed.
She had a crush on Serenity, but we all know how that turned out and sufficed to say that after the talk with her ghost, Eveline silently cried herself to sleep
She knows that Remthalas could've done way worse during the Reawakening war and that thought terrifies her
#dragonfable#dragonfable hero#original character#oc: Eveline#my back still hurts from the drawing#and writing all of this didn't help#and the thing is I could add more#but my brain can't think of anything else to add#haven't drawn in a long time#so a lot of things in the drawing could've been improved upon#of all the things that could've made make a Tumblr account#Dragonfable was my breaking point#If there are any discrepancies with names or the like#i'm very tired#my art#almost forgot to add that one
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Reloaded Rambling: Persona 3
Broken Fulfillment
I finished Persona 3 Reloaded last night and ever since I've been torn between rambling about it and sobbing because the ending never fails to wound me.
I'm not exaggerating for narrative emphasis nor am I joking, I cried. I am a grown man and I cried just as much last night as I did when I beat Persona 3 Fes in the late 2000s to early 2010s.
I can not express in words to you just how much the ending hurts me nor can I express how much I love it. That's why I am broken but find fulfillment...which is as on point with the death theme as anything else.
I even delayed finishing the game because I could feel the emotions and tears welling up as soon as the final month started. I even took a moment to note how ironic it was that the color palette literally grows gray throughout the month.
As 'The Fall' draws near and apathy syndrome grows the very world itself begins to white out yet I feel the story the strongest as it does.
Every interaction with Aigis is emotional pain because I knew what was coming. As she grew as a person, understood love, and found a reason in life I knew that she was about to have that ripped from her.
It wasn't just her either. P3 already had a lot of little moments in the final month as the cast finds their resolve and as you finish what social links you've started, everyone is finding a resolution, they're preparing for a battle they believe they may not win.
In fact, Reload improved on this more with it's link episodes. Everyone playing in the park, Ken's silly combat and coffee practice, the movies with Koromaru, Akihiko and Yukari, everything.
Several of these mini stories wrap up toward the end and it's only when you know about P3's ending that you realize why.
Constant Improvement
I'd even argue that Persona 3 is one of the few stories to properly be remade in recent years. They only added small things to make the story better, updated gameplay, and just overall refined the package.
That's the kind of treatment a remake should be given rather than the laziness you see in movies today or the bait & switch SE pulled with FF7.
And it was only upon typing this that I realized that P3 has had this treatment from the start. P3 Fes only ever expanded the original hit game. Even though many fans didn't like 'The Answer' they at least loved everything added to the Journey.
P3 was then made a classic for a third time with P3 Portable. The PSP limited some things but it is loved for it's female MC and the story changes.
Persona 3 has always been given a positive treatment each time it's tackled and it's so rare.
That cycles back into Reload. We fans had to beg and complain for years but they tackled the remake with every bit of love that you could've hoped for.
The only things they did to earn ere was not including 'The Answer' or the FeMC and as of the time I type this 'The Answer' will at least be added as DLC.
I don't intend to downplay the feelings of those who strongly desired the FeMC either, I am playing through P3P so I get it, I just want to point out that having so few complaints about a remake is so rare.
I went on this whole side tangent to emphasize how impressed I was with the things added. The episodes, a few scenes, it made the feelings that P3Fes gives me just as potent years later.
I'm an indifferent man, I rarely feel emotion let alone genuinely show it, but for years one thing that always broke me was P3's story. To see it remade so well meant a lot to me.
Memento Mori
When I first played P3 I was actually looking for P4. A friend on a KH forum had suggested it as a fan but I couldn't find it on sale. P4 was at the height of its popularity so I couldn't find it at all.
Instead, I found P3 and bought it. My friend was a bit annoyed and said P4 was better but I played it anyway and by God it broke me.
At that time I had a depression problem. I have had one since 8th grade at that point in my life so P3's theme of death resonated with my core.
I had no spoilers for this story then, I thought we were defying fate like any other RPG and looking back I should've expected something. People died often in P3, even main cast, and the story put time into seeing the cast process that.
The single dungeon of the game is Tartarus but no, nothing clipped for me till that final scene.
That final scene caused a whirlwind of emotion to hit me because I could sense something was wrong and your MC only gets weaker as Aigis affirms her feelings and goal in life and the music doesn't stop.
Just when the other SEES remember and rush to find you they arrive only to find you gone. That.Fucking.Broke.Me.
The credits then has the audacity to play an upbeat song as the credits roll. That was it, you died and the entire game clicked in my brain.
The entire game just hits me all at once. The MC's persona is Orpheus, you literally climb through Tartarus towards Nyx, death itself, and you do not come out of it unscathed.
The characters each dealt with death and found a reason to keep living while Aigis found humanity, in those tears I understood that the games message.
Death is not avoidable, even for your MC. His miracle came at a cost, his ultimate persona is the Messiah for a reason but that's not what truly important.
It's the journey to that ending. The MC helped everyone he had a bond with find a reason to live, the games story is a positive one not a sad one.
I felt my brain rewire that day, aside from truly depressing events in my life, I have never truly been depressed again. Not permanently.
Even if I live a life like a hermit I'll never just give up on everything because this story broke me and rewired how I see things.
More importantly for this post, my initial breakdown of emotion always resurfaces when I play P3. I find myself attached to Aigis in particular due to her specific journey and her role in 'The Answer'.
So when I say this remake only added to the positive I meant it. (you probably thought I forgot about that and went on a seperate tangent didn't you~)
Every little scene new or expanded they put in this game makes it stronger. I did not want January to end but I was already a few days in and the game was breaking me.
Koromaru's new linked stories, Shinji, and Aigis in particular were wonderfully done. Everything just ties together in a way that I can't explain to you in a singular post.
These things I've stated not only apply to added content but old as well. A complaint you'll see at times is how some Persona social links seem to contradict the casts main story progression or how some are weaker than others.
Persona 3, any version of Persona 3, does not have that issue. Whether you personally like them all my vary but they are all remarkably consistent with the Death theme, the theme of finding new direction or meaning in life, or they're harmless at worst.
A key part of the reason why is because the Fool & Judgement Social Links are tied to main story progression. The whole reason linked episodes were added was because the main SEES cast have character growth alongside those two arcana as the story progresses.
In P3Fes or P3Portable you could have friend/romance with some SEES based on MC chosen but their actual growth as a character is tied to the story. They grow with you.
And what you do learn on those friend/romance links doesn't contradict with that main story progression. You won't have a situation like in P5 where Ryugi feels like two different people between his personal social link and the main story.
No game is flawless mind you, all I mean to say is that P3 meshes better with it's links and main story. All those lives you help along the way just hit harder during the finale for it.
You can feel like it meant something.
I can't wait for 'The Answer'
I have no decent transition here nor am I sure I conveyed my feelings/meaning as well as I had hoped above. So before these P3 images and OST make me cry again I'll talk about 'The Answer'.
If nothing else, I do hope I have explained how important the main story is to me and I hope that it makes sense to you that I do not consider P3 complete without this story addition.
It had issues in P3Fes, there is no way around that, but given how well they handled this remake I hope they can give 'The Answer' that same love.
Because it's very important to Aigis as a character as well as to the overall themes of life & death. If you have not seen the scenes of The Answer or played P3Fes yourself you may want to skip from here on out btw.
You still there? Good because I need anyone reading to understand that 'The Answer' is key. It's key because it's about grief.
Many of the main cast had to deal with loss and grief in the main story so people find their relapse odd here but you have to remember that no one death is the same. You do not just become okay with important people dying.
You can always fall back on your sadness and that's what happens here. Aigis literally loses the will to live and becomes more machine like, Yukari quite frankly becomes bitchy, and the overall crew is somber.
They thought they had won, your MC lived till graduation. They had their best and worst times with him and he died for reasons that they do not understand.
'The Answer' is quite literally that answer. They learn why he died, Aigis finds her own answer to life, and I wish I could elaborate more but I'm torn between telling you and just hoping you play it.
It's an epilogue and one that I feel P3 needs to have to feel right. It makes your MC's sacrifice feel more worth while to know the cast will use his memory to live better rather than fall back into grief.
It does my soul better to know that Aigis won't give up on life.
I'm spent
There's more I could've said but I'm quite frankly to emotional to add more. I struggled to even be coherent with this and I'm not sure I was.
I consider this the best Persona game yet and I'll always love 3 more than the others. I simply didn't feel attached to the scooby doo gang from P4 and I'm too old to care about the teen rebellion in P5...plus their mascot characters literally agitate me.
I hope you play this game or already have and I hope you're willing to give 'The Answer' a shot. Bye now~
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Would you mind talking about the Spinarak line if you haven't already? If you have, I'd love your thoughts on Skorupi! (And vice versa; I did some searching but I didn't see it)
Spinarak is a cute little guy! It's probably the simplest spider design we've ever gotten in Pokemon, but that's a not a bad thing. The blank-ringed eyes convey a sort of compound eye without being too literal with it, and the little fangs and random horn (following in the proud Gen 1 tradition of slapping horns onto things for no reason other than that it looks cool) add just enough detail to prevent it from being too bland. I also love the stripey legs, a feature found in many spiders.
The main draw of Spinarak is the concept of it having a second face on its abdomen. Not only does this make logical biological sense (it would confuse predators), but it also makes for a fun little theme, and increases the cuteness by 20%.
My only real nitpick with the design is that the red fangs feel a bit out-of-place; they could've easily been yellow. Then again, it ties into Ariados' radically different palette and many IRL spiders have different-colored pedipalps, so I'm willing to give it a pass.
It's also worth nothing that Spinarak had a completely different palette in general originally, sporting a mostly purple look. Ariados was also purple originally, which created more design coherency between the two stages. I'm not sure why they changed this. Maybe they thought it made them look too much like poison-types?
While it's a shame that there's little color consistency between the two, there's at least some visual consistency—the horn, the stripe and spots on the abdomen, the fangs, and the striped legs all remain. Meanwhile, the body shape has changed in a way that makes it look appropriately stronger, and its gained a really pair of false legs on the back that no other spider 'mon sports.
Unfortunately, what doesn't remain is the theme. Spinarak's most noticeable feature was its false face, so it's baffling that Aridos drops that in favor of... nothing really. Aridos is nicely designed, sure, but it doesn't really have anything specific to make it stand out. I point this out mostly because this was Aridos' beta sprite:
Most of Aridos' design has been improved from this design; the finalized design sports a much more interesting body shape that looks much more different than Spinarak's than the beta's does, and the face feels a lot more complete in the final with its thinner head and larger eyes.
However, the loss of the face on the back was honestly a travesty. Like I said, the face on Spinarak was its main theme, so using the evolution to advance the face from being a simple smiley face to a full-brown vicious pattern ala Arbok would've made the line much more memorable, and would've created a greater sense of increase between the two stages. Even the final Pokedex entries for Aridos still blatantly reference this earlier design:
If they had kept Aridos' final design but allowed it to keep the false face of the beta, the line would've been dang near perfect. As-is, they're both still enjoyable spiders—just not nearly as memorable as they could've been.
As a final side note, I could see potential in revisiting this line. I don't think a third evolution would be out of the question; maybe play back into the face theme or expand upon the false legs by giving it the ability to flip itself upside-down or rightside-up on a whim.
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Can I just say how much I ADORE your new profile picture? I haven't been here for a hot minute! Hopefully everything is going well, and I also have ruffled feathers about the skinny Eggman craze. His stature is a staple of his character, and it genuinely angers me when people slim him down on purpose. I understand if an artist has a hard time doing plus-sized individuals (as an artist myself who can), but it's not cool to slim down a character because of it. Anyways, have an amazing day! 💙- 🦈
Thank youuu I love the new Sonic Channel Eggman art so much 🥰💜 I was really hoping he'd get another piece from this series this year and for it to be him shirtless, showing off his beautiful tummy, and relaxing and indulging in his Egg Carrier pool room is the BEST thing they could've drawn! I also love how I didn't even need to make a pride edit to keep with my icon theme because he has the rainbow shaved ice! 🌈🏳️🌈
It bothers me that slimming down Eggman is so vastly popular and the fatphobia sucks. Yeah people can just accidentally draw him too slim and I get it, I don't get mad though I do notice and find it unfortunate, which I've been doing since those odd frames where he was drawn much too slim in X lol. But when people do it intentionally and say he looks better that way, it's so frustrating and painful to see.
The real and best reason for his very name is that he's fat, it's important! People who hate it don't deserve any redesigns. He's so lovable for his self love and confidence and how he's really smart and strong, a great refresher from bad stereotypes. It's admirable and inspiring and it's a shame people see it as something to change and "improve". You can't improve upon the perfection that is classic/modern Eggman! >:)
It was a problem in the fandom before the popular official slimmed down redesigns but it's gotten harder since as fatphobic people jump on the bandwagon of saying he looks better the second he isn't fat and a lot don't try to hide or fail miserably and are confident as ever slimming him down in fan redesigns. But the shallow hateful people will never be stronger than the love and appreciation for fat Eggman! 🥚💕
Things have been going as well as they can lately and I had a pretty good day, thank you. I hope you have a good day/night too ^^
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Opinionated and being just a tiny bit loud about it
#Doodles#How to express oneself: Draw Loudly#My sona(s)' always been a lot louder than I am lol it's the internal voice#Not always of course but most of the time#Anyway down the line#Iterate and copy can have pretty similar meanings depending on which definition you take#I guess it mostly comes down to semantics but there's a connotation to each#I feel like copy implies that you're trying to replicate#And iterate is more down the line of building upon#Scaffolding! It's one of my favourite humanisms#I've been rewatching a looooot of Dan and Phil because their videos are so comfy 💕#And on a whim I decided to see if the library had Dan's book and hey they did! So I'm reading through that now#It's pretty good I'm enjoying it#Definitely could've used it way more when I was in the thick of everything but there's a kind of ironic humour I can take from it lol#I've also got another new black and grey striped shirt#It's more like a desaturated striped Undertale type shirt but I'll take what I can get#After recovering for a little while my dreams still sent me into feeling bad upon waking up >:P Rude#I got better throughout the day luckily and continued improving as it went on#I can never remember if my characterizations of various Mental Things is supposed to have words on the chest or the face#Pretty sure it's supposed to replace the eyes but I keep forgetting lol I'll try to remember if it comes up again#It's always with annoyance lol I'll at least try to greet whatever next hyperfixation is in a friendly way
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You've mentioned a few times that your writing has improved from IOS to DOS in a way that makes you less than happy when you look back at IOS. Having read and loved both, I was wondering what sort of things you would have changed about IOS if you wrote it with your current perspective?
Do you sometimes get that thing when you open a new fic and after a few lines think, "this was written by someone very young"? Of course, I was not "very young" by tumblr standards, but it's similar to the feeling I get every time I look at the start of IoS. Like seeing your art from a few years ago when you were really into it but still couldn't draw properly. It's physically painful.
(I think there's also another subjective factor playing into it, and it's that I enjoy more writing from relaxed points of view, and Saki has two modes: acting or getting bored. She's observant, but she lives in the present and doesn't dwell much in the future or what-ifs. OCs like Makoto and Alex are more in line with the way I think, so they're easier to write. That's also why I like writing from Law's POV so much. He's an action person, but he's still an overthinker. I don't know if it shows to the reader, but I feel their scenes flow more naturally.)
I don't think I could write IoS with what I know now, given that half the fun was starting with a tiny crew and being able to flesh out their relationships. Knowing me, I'd want to keep it close to canon, and Law was sailing the North Blue and picking up crewmates many years before entering the Grand Line. It would be too big, too bloated, and it would look nothing like it does. Leaving that aside, assuming I did write it, I'd like to dedicate more chapters to Asteria. I feel that part of the story was too short, since everything that comes after builds upon it. I would've had Law and Bepo roam the town a few more days and given more scenes to Saki with her family. Penguin and Shachi would probably be around, too. I'd also remove the part with the laced medication, which I feel is unnecessary. Saki would've wanted to stay close to her family because that's the kind of person she is. I hadn't yet spent enough time with her to know that, though.
I said a few times that I started IoS too soon in the timeline, and I still maintain it, but I don't see how much I could've cut so the story worked. Perhaps I would have moved Asteria to some early point of Paradise. Not too close to Sabaody though, because I wanted to write about the months the Heart Pirates spent on the first half of the Grand Line (back then, most Heart Pirates fic began at Sabaody). But if I did that, the Qaryn arc wouldn't exist because it relied on being the first island of the route, so Saki would have to be encountered later, and that would move the discovery that Asteria was destroyed to the end of Coconut Island and close it with a downer, and then getting Dubia's backstory in Niva would be too much to soon. Everything would have to be reworked.
I'm trying to think of more things I'd change, but nothing else stands out. I'm fairly indifferent to the part between Asteria and Lymes, which I consider a win, and I'm pretty happy with (mostly) everything starting from Marina. It's just the firt arc that pains me. The execution feels... juvenile. Which makes a lot of sense knowing that I basically hadn't written anything for nearly a decade. IoS is a product of its time in various ways, and I'm glad I wrote it then, because it's brought a little bit of happiness to many people and it couldn't have been written at any other time.
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I refuse to say goodbye because I believe that the deceased still live on in our hearts and memories. Even now, you don't feel truly "gone" to me. I feel like I see you in so much, especially in seeing the kindness and dedication that so many people put into honoring your name. No one could've imagined how many people you touched in your life.
Putting words together is hard, given that I tend to not have any when I experience a harder loss. As much as I’d love to write pages upon pages for you, my mind draws a blank. I know that I don’t have to prove how close we were to anyone, but I do hope that my actions so far are able to reach you, somehow.
I’ll grow that Stardew potato farm we always talked so much about making, and it’ll be the best anyone’s ever seen. I’ll learn what I can about anteaters. They never really stuck out to me before, but I’m sure you loved them for a reason. I’ll even try again to give Hajduk an actual design because I know how much you, much to my chagrin, simped for the bastard. I’ll make sure the community you grew and hand-picked is as good as they can be, though gods know that they’ll be able to do that by themselves. It’s been surreal seeing everyone so together, even under these circumstances.
Feelings are... weird, dude. I know that when we discussed polyamory however many times over, it was something that I could wrap my head around, I just struggled to know if it was something that applied to me, after all. As far as I’m concerned, I love a lot of people in a lot of different ways. It’s ironic that we had so many discussions about being honest about thoughts and emotions because you withheld so much for the sake of keeping things calm. I could never tell you because I knew how much of a fresh wound losing Kat was for you. I don’t even know how you managed to do it, but I fell for your soul in a way that was so specific that it’s hard to describe. It was just your spirit, I guess, and while I know we discussed the idea of being something, I never really wondered if you genuinely felt those kinds of ways or realized just how strongly I felt. I know that it didn’t hit me until I’d gotten the call and felt like my soul had been ripped straight from my body.
The last time we ever spoke in DMs, you were so comforting to me, and your faith in me was so clear. You said that I was only going to improve, and gods know that it’s still hard for me to believe, but if I’m not making it true on my behalf, I guess I’ll have to on yours, won’t I?
Whatever happens from here on out, I’ll try to make sure that it’ll be alright. No promises, seeing that I’m only one person, but I keep looking back at the beautiful network and community that you created, and it’s all felt so much more manageable.
You did well, Rhys, and I’m so proud of you for how strong you were up until the end. This is for the sake of myself and anyone else who wondered, but I can see right now where you said that your favorite potato dishes were sweet potato casserole and scalloped potatoes with ham. I’ve got a bag of potatoes in my kitchen right now, I don’t mind cooking a little something for whenever you come around. I just hope no one asks if the shape of a foot happens to appear in the dish.
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[Image description: Two digital drawings of my D&D character, Saube. The first drawing is from the chest up and is set against a background with a green heart and a photo of a green landscape. Saube is a young, chubby, red tiefling with pale gold eyes with no pupils and with their long, purple hair tied up into two buns. They are wearing a darker tan capelet over a lighter tan shirt. They are smiling as they look straight ahead.
The second drawing is a full body shot and shows Saube standing at a dark wooden bar. In this image, Saube's hair is cut into a neat pixie with side swept bangs. She is wearing a floor length dark blue dress with two diamond cutouts at her sides, both cutouts covered by a dark blue see through fabric, as well as black heels and several accessories including three gold bangles, a gold band ring, several gold ear piercings, and a black headband with a gold flower on it. Her right (viewer's left) hand is resting on the bar, while her other hand holds a small, dark blue clutch. She is looking off to the left at someone offscreen with a soft smile on her face. End description.]
(Click for better image quality)
This is so insane to see. That first drawing is the first ever drawing I did of Saube, which is also the first thing I had drawn digitally in years. That drawing is from this past July, the second drawing is from yesterday. I cannot believe how much I've improved in such a short time, being able to actually see a difference in my skill level and ability makes me so happy! Drawing has been such a great outlet for me over the last few months and it's a really great feeling that I can make this work that I'm really proud of! Of course, I still have a lot to learn, but I'm not gonna talk myself down with things I could've done differently or don't like because they're not accurate. Instead, I'm just going to enjoy the work I'm creating now and continue to build upon my skills as I draw more and more!
#Eli's Art#Saube#Eli Speaks#I'm making this post @ 5am when I couldn't sleep RIP#but genuinely#I'm really proud of that second piece#I try not to be too hard on myself irt the first piece#it was my first attempt after having not drawn for literal years#i did my best with the skills i had then and im proud#also real fun to see the dramatic style change#of both my art and Saube lol#my cute tief kid lookin' all fancy 😍😍😍#queue are going to be amazing
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if you were rewriting the klaroline relationship for some reason, how would you do it and what would you change? I got to thinking and I feel like klaroline could've been such an incredible ship, if there just weren't so many weird decisions made in writing it.
I feel like I transcended when I read this, because, WOW do I have a lot to say on this topic.
The thing about Klauroline is that it actually makes no sense whatsoever, and a lot of that is that the writing around it was super weird, like you said. But also that they were an unlikely couple to begin with... let’s look at why:
Klaus. We have absolutely no indication from his backstory that he had ever been seriously romantically involved with anyone, other than Tatia Petrova and, in a darker turn, Katerina Petrova. In fact, given his “love is a vampire’s greatest weakness” rant in 1492, we can understand him as a creature who scorns romantic love. We can probably extrapolate that this has to do with the emotional scarring from the fallout with Tatia, followed by him hardening his heart against Katerina so that he could eventually murder the mirror image of his original love. Interesting stuff. But that means that we are set up to believe that Klaus doesn’t fall in love. That he’s even specifically set against it.
Meanwhile, we know why Caroline is great: she’s a creature of extraordinary contradictions. Loving and yet starved for love. Popular and yet incredibly insecure about her friendships. Neurotic while also aware that her neuroses push people away. An over-achiever who never feels good enough. Low, low self-esteem, that only starts to improve once she actually becomes a vampire and finds some autonomy in her life (I would say this starts when she tricks Katherine into the death trap in 2x07-- that spark of joy that she actually did it).
But none of this precludes the fact that Caroline is ultimately just a teenaged girl. And Klaus is just a horrible monster. There’s no reason for Klaus to ever look twice at her, when she’s one of thousands of young pretty vampires he’s met over his life, and nothing specifically special on the surface, and no reason for Caroline to get over the fact that he’s the monster who murdered Jenna, hunted and murdered Elena, attempted to murder Bonnie, and oh yes, also tried to use her and Tyler in that same sacrifice. Oh, and then murdered Tyler right in front of her, and continued to generally terrorize everyone she loves.
And the thing is, none of this would have mattered, and all of this could have been dealt with with a few simple changes!
First thing’s first: there needed to be an actual situation where the two of them were FORCED to see each other differently.
In the show, Klaus suddenly and inexplicably notices Caroline when he arbitrarily decides to save her from Tyler’s werewolf bite (which was his fault??). Caroline is basically flattered enough that she puts aside the awful stuff Klaus had already done. This is a major disservice to both characters. It portrays Klaus as weirdly romantic and pathetic in a dimension he most definitely is not (he’s pathetic in a million other ways, but not in a soft mushy way-- he’s more, isn’t it so pathetic that he’s too much of a coward to love?) and, even worse, it expects us to accept that Caroline actually doesn’t care all that much about her loved ones, because a hot powerful guy can turn her head and she can basically abandon all ties of loyalty to her friends. Okay.
So picture this instead: the two of them are thrown against their will into some sort of life or death situation where they can only depend upon each other for an extended period of time-- hours, days, however long it takes. This gives them an opportunity to overcome the problems they have with each other, and see each other in a totally new light. Klaus actually sees the best of Caroline as an individual-- her heart, her resourcefulness, her determination, her canniness-- all of the things that would separate her in his mind from every other random teenaged girl and set her out like a blazing star in his mind. Maybe she comes up with the plan that saves them. Maybe she’s the brave one between the two of them. Something. And meanwhile, Caroline actually gets to know the man behind the monster-- she sees his weaknesses, but because of her empathy, she understands them as very human weaknesses. She pities him... but she also relates to him. The heightened situation leads to heightened emotions. They don’t come out of this experience in love or even consciously attracted to each other... but they come out of it understanding each other, and being aware of each other in ways they never had been before.
From there, the relationship could develop more organically. Caroline would feel guilty about siding with her friends over killing Klaus, because she knows him too well to feel good about having a hand in his death. Maybe she would even consider warning him. Begging him to just leave. (And of course he won’t, because he still wants to use Elena, and the fact that he’s doing that to one of her best friends only makes it harder for Caroline because suddenly she can no longer cast Klaus as her villain).
Klaus would try to keep Caroline out of his various plots. It would actually make sense that they would have their dance in 3x14, but instead of it being Klaus outright romantically pursuing Caroline with lame horse girl drawings, it could be more like: they end up spending the evening together because they keep inevitably falling into each other’s company. Klaus is lonely. Caroline is sad after Tyler leaves, and mad at Klaus for being the reason he left, but also: he’s the person she somehow feels like she can talk to.
And maybe things keep escalating. Slowly. Slowly. Drip. Drip. Drip. It’s not about an overt romance, it’s about this energy and tension slowly building between the two of them, so that by the end of season 3, when Klaus saves Caroline first and then goes to save Elena, we realize that he’s in love with Caroline. That he’s chosen her first.
And that when Caroline says “I know you’re in love with me” in season 4, it’s a HUGE moment because by voicing it, she’s really admitting that she’s going to have to act, one way or the other. And when Klaus tells her “I will be your last love” it might actually come across as something honest, and yearning, and hopeful.
Basically, I think that the romance should have been way slower and way throttled down. It made absolutely no sense for Klaus to fall head over heels for anyone, but especially for Caroline whom he didn’t seem to be able to pick out of a crowd until suddenly he was into her. It made no sense for Caroline to fall for Klaus at all, because it implied that she’s really shallow in ways we know she’s not. So. Let it be slow. Let it build from a moment of unexpected clarity between them. Seeing each other with new eyes. Let them fall together naturally. And for God’s sake, don’t draw horse pictures or lend her prom dresses!
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Grenade Bouquets (Runaway Train #2) by Lee Matthew Goldberg Book Review
ARC kindly provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review
After reading Runaway Train a few months ago, I had the highest of hopes for Grenade Bouquets. Runaway Train was easily one of my favourite books of 2021 so far and I loved how it explored grief through the eyes of a teen girl during the early 90's grunge scene. I was hooked with the nostalgia and the aesthetic of the book and thus when offered the opportunity to review its sequel, I agreed very enthusiastically.
With such high expectations, it was a very thin line between exceeding them or not meeting them at all. For me, Grenade Bouquets unfortunately swayed closer to the latter. I genuinely do believe it's still an important read about healing and grieving but I did find some opportunities for improvement.
From the start, the book felt really rocky and I find it nearly impossible to discuss why without drawing slight comparisons to Runaway Train. For starters, in Runaway Train, Nico's voice and her entire character was built upon this angsty facade as a result of her sister Kirsten's death. Her whole life goes off the rails and she runs away to rediscover her identity and who she really is. Her narration encapsulated that and also presented what it feels like not only to be lost, alone and overwhelmed but also what it means to be a teenager and what it means to be a human. It was Nico's character, her flaws and her layers that made me empathise with her and was the key ingredient to making Runaway Train a five star read. When entering Grenade Bouquets I was looking for the same sort of magic where we got to see the grief and sadness talking behind a wall of thinly covered angst. What I ended up getting was completely different and I think made me see the Runaway Train duology in a completely new light. In the sequel, I found Nico to be insufferable, selfish and cruel as a character. A lot of the things she did in particular towards a minor side character, Clarissa was almost unforgivable and to the point where I genuinely didn't know why or what they were fighting over a guy for. Ultimately, that seeped into the narration (which as I mentioned before, was one of the strongest elements of Runaway Train) and I started hating Nico as much as I tried looking for her redeeming qualities during the first half or so. Nico in this book just seemed so far away from the hurting girl we met in book one. I must admit, I was a little sad to see her go.
Eventually, I did manage to see glimpses into the Nico that appeared in Runaway Train but I didn't see that until around 50-100 pages from the end. It was around then that I started to see the same kind of magic I got previously. I started to feel for Nico and I could see the implications fame and fortune had on her (and not only her but her family and friends as well). I liked how that was tackled although I do think that the exploration into the ways fame and fortune can corrupt a person could've been teased out a little more. It was like a moment of realisation for Nico halfway through the book however, there could've been smaller little moments when those moments would've made up that realisation. That probably would've been a smoother transition and it would've shown that character development where Nico steps out of the spotlight to interrogate what she wants in life and if fame is really worth the price she is currently paying.
The other thing I had a bit of an issue with was the romance aspect of this novel. In Runaway Train it wasn't a main component and therefore I had little to nothing to say about it since it occurred closer to the end and I was indifferent to it. Romance was a bigger aspect in this book and I thought the connection would've been touched on a bit more between Nico and Evan. The romance –in terms of physicalness– was definitely there but I wanted to see the chemistry between Evan and Nico rather than the sexual and intimate moments. Nico seemed like she was holding onto Evan because he was the only one who stuck by her side during her hardships but it felt more like friendship than a relationship in my opinion.
Relationships aside though, something I've noticed Lee Matthew Goldberg doing incredibly well in his books is the creation of an aesthetic with his writing. I felt like Runaway Train and Grenade Bouquets both encapsulated the zeitgeist of the early-mid 90's grunge scene. Where Runaway Train I think showed this from a fan's perspective (Nico started off being a fan of grunge music), Grenade Bouquets showed the darker side of fame from a singer's perspective and what fame really does to a singer. It has the potential to corrupt people and set people up against one another which was really highlighted in this book.
All in all, I thought this book was okay. I didn't love it as much as I loved Runaway Train but I did like the general ambience of the novel and how it showed the dark side of the music industry.
ACTUAL RATING: 2.9 STARS
#90's#grunge#grunge music#nirvana#courtney love#90s music#alternative rock#alt rock#bookstagram#bookstagrammer#books#ya books#ya contemporary#book photography#booklr#book aesthetics#read read read#books books books#read more books#ya lit#teen angst#book reviews#book reviewer#bookworm#interesting books#romance books#bibliophile#bibliomaniac#ya#young adult
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There is a certain question that people ask me continuously. People from this group, people I've never saw before that call me on the phone, people I meet in the park, homeless people, aliens, wretched people, people of all nationalities. What they ask me is this: As I am practicing atma-vichara, self-inquiry in the process will my humanhood improve. In other words what they want to know is while they're doing this sadhana, whether it's the I am meditation or self-inquiry, it may take weeks, months, years, will my personal life improve. If I am sick will I become healthy, if I am poor will I become rich, if I am miserable will I become peaceful so forth and so on.
The way I answer this is, first tell me what you mean when you say, "Improve your humanhood?" What do you mean by that? And the answer is: I mean to make myself a better person. To get a better job. To be able to buy a new car. To be able to get rid of the cancer that is eating up me. To get a companion, a mate that is compatible with my way of thinking. Will all these things happen while I practice.
We'll discuss this for a while.
This question presupposes that you are a human being and you wish to improve your humanhood. What you are really doing is building up your ego making it more powerful. What is a human being to begin with?
If you looked at a human being under an electric microscope you would find something very interesting. You would see billions of molecules and if you look deeper you would find trillions of atoms, that make up the molecules. You would see space in between the atoms. If you were as small as an atom, the space between the molecules would be the equivalent distance between the planets, between the earth and mars, the earth and jupiter, the earth and the sun. There is space between the planets also. That space is consciousness. And the space out of the body is also consciousness.
What I am trying to say is that there is one space and you are that space. Your body is in a state of flux. Your body is not what you think it is. It only appears to us to be solid. Just like every other thing on this earth, the chair, the radio, the rug, the wall. These things appear to be solid but they are not. What determines your body as compared to the wall is the movement of the atoms. How fast they move or how slow they move. The atoms of the body are moving at a certain speed. They become a body.
But again if you see what I'm talking about you're really space. You are not the body because the space between the atoms is larger, more than the atoms themselves. And the space becomes expanded taking up all of space. What is behind space? What causes space? What is the substratum of the space? You are, your real nature, absolute reality. So you see you are not what you appear to be. By trying to improve something that does not exist brings upon itself suffering. For you are identifying with the appearance rather than with the reality. As long as you identify with the appearance you go through all sorts of living conditions, all sorts of experiences. And you try to improve your living condition, as it were.
You are wasting your time, for in this world you have to experience both sides of the coin. When you improve your human condition something happens sooner or later so that you may improve an experience the other side of the coin. For every up there is a down, for every forward there is a backward.
Then who are you? Who is it that wants to improve their condition? That is the first thing that you should ask yourself. Who wants to improve the human condition? And the answer is always I do. Then "Who am I? What is the source of the I that wishes to improve the human condition?"
As you begin to search for the source you will find that the I disappears. As you begin to realize the truth about yourself, that you are not the body-mind, you are not the doer, happiness ensues. This happiness comes all by itself as a result of your realization that you are not the body-mind. But you still ask, "If I'm not realized why can't I live a total harmonious life in my illusion?"
It's impossible. Everything that is born, so-to-speak, must die. You begin to die as soon as you're born. But what does happen to you, to the extent that you begin to know the truth, to that extent do you begin to transcend the so called human condition.
In other words your body may still have cancer and you're no longer trying to heal it of anything. You're simply identifying with the reality. To the extent that you identify with the reality, to that extent do you no longer feel a body with cancer.
So to other people you may appear to have cancer, you may appear to be deteriorating. Like Ramana Maharshi did before he left his body so-to-speak. Like Rama Krishna and many others. The people see a deteriorating body, but the Sage does not have a body to deteriorate. He just has no body. The body does not exist for him. This is the problem because when I speak of this I know a lot of you get lost.
How can there be nobody when I see? Ask yourself, "Who sees? What do you see?" You see poverty, you see man's inhumanity to man, you see this and you see that. The seer that sees has to be transcended. There has to be a seer to see these things. When you ask, "Who is the seer?" Both the seer and the object seen dissolve into the nothingness from whence they came. This means you should not accept what is seen.
Let the world spin, let people go through their karma, leave things alone. Let the higher power take care of the world and universe, but you identify with the real Self. The
Self that is the omnipresence. The Self that is the higher power. Know that you are that. You are no longer a limited personality. You no longer are a frail human that's dying of cancer or experiencing lack or limitation or experiencing happiness, human happiness, or experiencing vibrant health.
Even Arnold Schwarzenegger is going to waste away. He may believe in his body but he's getting weaker as he gets older. He's wasted all this time identifying with the weightlifting room. When he could've become free and identified with reality.
Nobody lives forever. No situation remains the same forever. Everything ends in this world so it appears. Everything has a beginning a middle and an end. But you are not that, you have nothing to do with that picture. You are immortal, you are nirvana.
You must begin today to stop judging by appearances. The more you begin to feel this the less you talk. For what is talking all about. Except to talk about the world and people and things. Think how long you've been talking since you were born. You started with dada, mama and you expanded your vocabulary. You thought you were doing something great, you've wasted your time. The more words you know the larger the ego. The less words you know the closer you are to the Self.
What has the Self to say, to whom shall it talk to, itself? The Self is self-contained consciousness. Aware of itself, itself is omnipresence. So to whom shall it talk to, itself? It is perfect bliss consciousness. There need be no words, just a look, a touch, a glance is all you have to do.
Yet you say, "How can I do this? I work for a living, I have to eat, I have to earn my bread and butter, I have to talk." Don't worry about details. If you dive within yourself and you spend most of your time thinking about the I am, practicing self-inquiry, the details will work themselves out. You must not believe that it is up to you to work out all the details of life.
There is a higher power that knows where the appearance of your body is supposed to be and what work it's supposed to do. Trust that power. You will find out one day that the power is none other...is you. That power is your Self. But until then trust the power. I like to call this power, "The current that knows the way." It's a beautiful power, it only knows love. It wants you to become a living embodiment of love. It wants you to merge with itself.
Yet as long as you identify with the world you can never know reality. As long as you identify with your personal I, by always voicing what I feel, I feel hurt, I feel angry, I feel sick, I feel depressed, I feel happy because somebody gave me something, I feel good because I'm getting my own way. That I has got to go. The whole world, the whole universe, people places and things are attached to the I. If you follow the I to the source the whole universe will disappear.
And the question arises, "Then what? If the universe disappears will I be in outer space? Will I be in a fog?" It's a paradox. The universe disappears, yet you exist in the universe. Your body will continue going about its business but you will not be identifying with your body any longer. You will not even feel that you are in the body. But you will feel the body is in you. You will feel like a gigantic screen. Where all the items of this earth, trees, plants, flowers, bugs, murderers, lovers are all superimposed on the screen. They are on the screen and you are the screen. The screen is not in them.
So it's a misnomer to say that, "God is in me." The body that you think you are is in God and consciousness. Just like the body you draw on the blackboard. But the body you draw on the blackboard is not the blackboard. The blackboard is self-contained and you may draw items on the blackboard and erase them and draw new items on the blackboard and erase those. That is like life going from one life to the next life, from one experience to the next experience.
The whole universe is superimposed on consciousness. When you change identities and identify with consciousness everything disappears. Yet you continue experiencing not as an ego but as the Self. And what do you experience? Pure awareness. You are aware of the truth, the reality. Your body will continue its sojourn through the world doing whatever it came here for, but you will not be your body.
Again this is paradoxical for you appear to be your body but you are not your body. You become a living embodiment of pure happiness, total joy and bliss. The world can no longer fool you or disturb you. You have a feeling of deep immortality. You know without words that nobody dies because nobody was born. You understand and realize without words that there is no causation for the universe. Nothing ever brought it into life.
It has no cause.
If it has no cause, again you ask, "Where did it come from?" And the answer is it didn't come from anywhere. It's like hypnosis. You are hypnotized into believing something is real that is not and to you it's real when you come out of the hypnotic trance, you are part of the waking world again and that something that appeared real is gone. So it is with this world, it appears real, yet it's like a dream. You wake up and the dream is finished. When you wake up out of your mortal dream the idea of body-mind, doer is also finished.
Now is this teaching practical? Is finding your real nature practical? Of course it's practical. Remember you do not become a burden on society by practicing self-inquiry and coming closer to the truth. Many people still think that they will stay home everyday and just meditate. I remind you again it doesn't work that way. If you were meant to be active you will be active. If you were not meant to be active no matter how much you try to be active you will not be able to do anything.
Again do not concern yourself with details. Simply practice everyday. Be aware everyday. See who becomes frustrated, see who feels slighted, who is hurtable, see who is trying to give a one upper-ship on somebody else, see who competes with others, see who you are. Find out the truth. Become free.
It's wonderful to realize that your real nature is parabrahman. Beyond consciousness, beyond words and thoughts, beyond human experiences of any kind. That is how you bring peace into the world. Not by trying to make up peace slogans or demonstrations, but by becoming self-realized, awakening. Then automatically your consciousness expands and people feel it and they too automatically begin to turn within. In the beginning do not concern yourself with these things whatsoever.
When you awaken then see if you want to bring peace to this world, because I kid you not, there is no world to bring peace to. We are looking at things from both sides. When you still believe in your humanity you want to do good deeds, you want to bring peace to the world, make this world a better world in which to live but the further into truth you go, the more you become self-realized the more you are able to see, "I am the world. All this is the Self and I am that." And you live a wonderful life.
Again it begins as soon as you wake up in the morning. Try your best to see the fourth state of consciousness beyond waking, sleeping and dreaming. The fourth state is between sleeping and awakening. Try to catch yourself there.
People tell me they try and just can't. If you keep trying you will. That place where there is no thoughts. A place where there is no thinking of any kind. That still place, that is bliss consciousness. Before the I comes out and starts to do it's dirty work. Just before the I wakes up ask yourself, "Where did the I come from? What was its source? Who am I?" And the last thing before you fall asleep, same situation. When all thoughts stop and you are about to sleep, catch yourself in that state and ask, "Where did the I go? The I seems to be disappearing as I fall asleep. Where is it gone? What is its source?" And yet as you sleep as you dream as you awake there appears to be another I that is the observer of you sleeping, awake and dreaming. That is the real I, that is consciousness.
Actually there is only one I but as long as you identify with the body it appears to be a personal I. As you begin to become aware of the higher I the personal I simply disappears, for it never really existed. And the large I comes into play, which is pure awareness.
(tape break)
You will find something very interesting happening to you. You are becoming happier and happier for no reason. Your fears just melt away. Your past dissolves. The new man is born. All the guilt dissipates. You have awakened. Try it, it works.
— Robert Adams
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Conversation
Interviewing the Flock, featuring: Riggy
Zach: What would you like me to call you?
Riggy: Riggy's fine
Zach: What are your thoughts on our Discord?
Riggy: The Discord's absolutely amazing and I'm grateful for joining it every day. I really didn't expect for it to become such a great place for emotional support, or that I would get as involved with it as I did. I haven't been in a community before where everyone is so relentlessly loving and knowing that this community is here has sometimes been the only thing keeping me going while dealing with the all nonsense with school/work/people and such. I really love the people on here, as well as being able to share what I do with everyone, and share in the love we all have for the comic itself and how it's unified everyone here.
Zach: Alright so well done on answering that, I was going to start with a quick easy response question but you handled that like a champion counselor before a Senate hearing.
Riggy: Ahh thank you, I have a lot to say about how great it is that the masses must hear haha.
Zach: They deserve a moving orator, and you have answered the summons.
Zach: So I hear you're studying Communication Design with a concentration in Illustration.
What does that mean (in non-selling-the-major-like-a-college-used-car-salesman fashion)?
Riggy: The easiest way to describe it is that I'm a graphic design major with a strong emphasis on branding and marketing, while the illustration concentration aspect of it is me taking classes that help me get better at the techniques used for illustrating, such as the life drawing class helping me get better at drawing from observation as well as learning to draw the human form and having the fundamental understanding of that.
It's also learning to use the programs that are industry-standard, Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator and such
Zach: A lot of "Here's how to use what you're interested in outside of more artwork, now please go out and be successful and not starve" then?
Or am I way off?
Riggy: Well, the graphic design industry is incredibly lucrative, every single company needs designers to market them, create an image to sell. Think of every professional marketing campaign you've seen, there's an entire team of people working on it. Absolut Vodka is a really good example of strong design in advertising. It's a far different beast than being, say, a studio artist trying not to starve. What I'm learning to do isn't very interpretive or abstract, it needs to be effective to get the point across and still be aesthetically appealing. It's a lot of "here are the tools, we're going to teach you how to use the tools, but you need to grow and learn to use them effectively."
There's a lot of nuance to it that you wouldn't expect, it's definitely a skillset that takes a long time to build.
Zach: You just explained in the kindest, most informative and followable way possible that I was, in fact, way off.
Zach: How do you feel you're doing?
This semester is over and you have the time to catch your breath, pad your portfolio and gauge the new year's possibilities.
Does that come with trepidation, nervous excitement, fear of the unknown, fear of the certainly known professor you're absolutely going to have in a class, or more of the same you've been feeling since you started?
Riggy: I'm doing really, really well, I don't think I could've picked a better major/career path for myself. Sometimes it takes a bit but I've really clicked with most of my classes and (fingers crossed) I'm pretty sure I got all A's again this semester. The actual grades aren't the most important, though I do need to keep scholarships, but it also means that I've gotten really good feedback and my professors have really liked my work and can see that I've been improving.
Zach: Excellent!
Riggy: For next semester, I'm a nervous person in general but in terms of schoolwork I feel completely fine, it's mostly dealing with people/other obligations I'm not excited about.
Right now I just want to work on personal projects I haven't had time for.
Zach: Lets focus in on that for the next question.
What project are you looking forward to, for example?
Riggy: Flockbook, definitely. Whether that's the guest artist submission or not, I don't know yet, but I do want to get back on it. I also have a couple animatics in the works and a poster design I want to get to. And commission work if the good people will have me haha
Zach: You like to keep a full plate, I take it?
Riggy: I get antsy if I don't have anything to do but I'm still trying to find the balance of how much I can healthily take on. Working on stuff over break is fine, my issue is balancing things during the school year because of all the obligations I need to incorporate.
Zach: That's fair.
Zach: What do you feel is the dumbest thing you've ever done?
Riggy: Well.
It was the end of a really, really long day and I was dead tired, I was changing out of my clothes to go shower, and in taking off my bra my hands fumbled with the elastic straps and I ended up accidentally slingshot-punching myself in the face. Not..my finest moment.
Zach: And what did you learn?
Riggy: 1. Get more sleep and 2. Maybe next time just unhook it.
Zach: Solid advice.
Zach: So now for a question I don't have written down to ask. Instead, I'd like to choose from a book based upon a random number.
Would you be willing to become extremely ugly physically if it meant you would live for 1,000 years at any physical age you choose?
Riggy: I wouldn't want to live for a thousand years, so I would refuse whatever power/entity's offering this tradeoff.
Zach: There's a good answer!
Zach: Who, among the Flock, would be your one phone call?
Riggy: What... kind of phone call? Death bed? Phone a friend? Or just general "I want to talk to this person for a bit."
Zach: You're in a cell. You get one phone call.
Riggy: Ohhh jail.
I know Geoff in real life, and he'd probably bail me out.
Zach: Probably closer, too.
Riggy: Yeah if we're not in school together, we're about a couple hours away.
Zach: What piece do you feel the most accomplishment over in your portfolio?
Riggy: I think the flower ladies portrait series I did for my history class, or the book cover series. The portraits I had a lot of fun actually illustrating but the book covers are more in line with what I'll probably be doing as a career and they were very well-received so I like both of them.
Zach: What would you like to go forth and do with your degree, if you could choose who would hire you and for what cause or medium?
Riggy: My ideal job is actually children's book writing and illustration, I'm very passionate about diversity, empowerment, and creating media that have strong LGBT+ characters and I would love to incorporate that into books and stories so that positive and uplifting ideas can spread more easily.
Zach: That... is really heartwarming and awesome.
Riggy: I'd also really like working as a book cover/poster designer, or for a branding company but the children's book thing is the goal.
Zach: I don't have a funny quip or anything to tie this off with, that's just a really wholesome and soothing career goal.
I hope you reach it.
Riggy: Ahhh thank you I'll keep you updated!
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You’re My Best Friend ~ Roger Taylor x OC 6.1
Chapter 6.1
September 1968 Barbara's P.O.V
The past few months had been annoyingly and tremendously busy, full of paying work, working on my design project and keeping Stella content by helping her with her textiles project. I ended up feeling like I had lost all sense of fun and my freedom due to some deadlines that I had been given at the start of the summer and working on ever since.
Our Friday night bar gathering had halted for the last few weeks and before that we had only gone every other Friday night. Going to our gatherings was always something that I looked very forward to after a long day of drawing or painting and having to give it up for the time being was so tedious to me.
I'd always liked catching up with Freddie and Mary and what they were getting up to. Freddie had told me that he was following that band, 'Smile' and their gigs which were apparently around London around different university sites. He had also been telling me, the last time that I had been able to have a conversation with him, that he had made new friends in this band, that one of them was helping him at the stall that he and Mary were running in Kensington and that I should visit the stall and meet him.
Anyway, I had a lot of work to do and declined the offer of going to the stall at this moment in time due to work, maybe in the near future.
"We've got one of those letters again, Barb," Stella calls from the corridor of the apartment as I stayed seated on the sofa with the radio on.
"Oh goodness, what do they want now?"
Me and Stella had received a letter a few days ago about the apartment and how we were slow at meeting deadlines in paying the rent. This had also been another reason why I had been so beside myself and stressed, getting more hours done at Beba while also balancing my time doing uni work.
"It's another reminder, we need to pay in the next week."
I sigh in defeat, "Fuck sakes."
"We can do it Barbara, let's work as much as we can this week, get as many hours as we can," She reassures as she walks into our living room.
My head ached from all the work that I had already done, things had been made so much harder for me due to the lack of help from our parents, we were still young and doing a lot more than most people studying at our university. On the other hand, this was a wake up call for me, how hard life was going to be financially when I'm older, might as well understand that now, "I guess so,"
"Hey! I have a great idea," she blurts, holding her hands up to the air, "We could also do some work with Fred and Mary. Their stall?"
"Holy shit!" I say, "You're right, how did we not think about that before?"
"I don't know," she replies before we both let out a laugh of relief, "When are you next seeing Freddie?"
I sit back and think, "We don't really have anything planned, but he's always mentioning that band, maybe they have a gig coming up?"
"Perfect. When will you be going to uni tomorrow?"
"Around nine?" I say, moving my hand up and wiggling it a little to emphasise the fact that I wasn't actually too sure, "If I'm not lazy."
"Get up, let's have a tea," she commands, grinning, "Please just make sure you see him tomorrow, it'll be a nice thing to do for them since it's only the two of them at the stall."
"Three now apparently," I reply, "But it will be a really nice thing to do and Freddie has been wanting us to visit their stall for ages."
"Three?" She asks, turning around and stopping in her tracks from making the tea to face me.
"Yeah, one of the guys from that band has apparently started helping," I reply, shrugging my shoulders, "But yes, I will make sure that I ask."
"And if there is a gig coming up, please just go, don't stay home if I suddenly get sick, leave me to die," she states with a humorous smirk.
"Okay Stel."
The next day I had made sure that I was awake at a decent time in order to catch Freddie in the design room. My eyes ached as i practically dragged myself out of my bed and grabbed a quick bit of breakfast from the cupboard in the kitchen before leaving to do some work and also to see Freddie.
Surprisingly enough I had been the first person to enter the Graphic design room, the lights were off and everything was neat and tidy. I let out a yawn as I switched on the light and slowly walked towards my allocated draw to get my almost completed second sketchbook.
I sat alone in the room for what felt like ages when really, it had only been about half an hour since I had arrived. My sketchbook was placed in front of me on a page that I was improving with some more detailed illustrations that I would soon splatter paint over.
Soon after a few people had come in to get some work done considering that the deadline for our project was in a few weeks time. Funnily enough, as soon as I was beginning to worry about Freddie and whether or not he was going to show up, he came waltzing into the room, practically lighting it up with his presence.
He grinned widely as soon as he saw me, walking quickly towards me and taking a seat next to me, "Barbara I missed you!" He leant towards me so that our sides were pressed together, we hugged as if we hadn't seen each other in years.
"I missed you too Freddie, even though it's been about a week," I reply, letting out a loud giggle as we pull away from each other.
"It's been dreadful not having my drinking partner with me," he confesses, frowning falsely, "Miserable."
"Likewise," I sighed as I picked up my pencil and shading a few little shapes, "I'm so so sorry Freddie, I've just been so stressed out about work and money. I've had no time for drinking or having fun whatsoever."
A look of genuine concern spread across Freddie's face and he reached forward and placed his hand on my right arm, rubbing up and down gently, "Barbi-darling, why haven't you said anything?"
"I haven't had the time to, all I've been doing is working non stop," I whisper, trying not to raise any kind of attention towards me.
"I must help, it's my duty to help."
"I was actually wondering if me and Stella could help you with running the stall? I'm sure we could be of help to y-"
"Of course, of course, consider it done," he assures me as he continues holding onto my arm gently, "Me and Mary are desperate for you to come and see the stall."
"That's a relief," I say, feeling like a whole weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
"Just come whenever you feel like it, you know the address don't you?" He asks and smiles when he sees me nod, "I will also introduce you to my new friend too."
I smile weakly in response. I must've looked like an absolute wreck this morning considering I had not put any make up on this morning which meant that the bags under my eyes would be very distinct and I had also grabbed the first items of clothing that I'd seen after getting out of bed.
"I know what you need dear."
"W-What?"
"A night out with yours truly," he replies with a reassuring smile.
I groan in annoyance, "You know that I'd love to, but I can't, I have to work."
"You're working yourself too hard Barbara, one night won't hurt you," He states, his face and tone serious as his eyes don't leave mine for one second, "For me? I'm missing our nights out so much."
I just couldn't reply to him, I really didn't want to let him down, that was last thing that I wanted to do, "Me and Stella might get kicked out if I don't work non stop this week."
"And me and Mary will do everything that we can to help you, you know that, it's all going to be okay, you can come over to the stall as much as you want," he explains, "Make some money there. Don't worry, you've got Beba, Stella's got the coffee shop, and now the stall, we will also give you some extra tip money."
"No, Freddie, allowing us to have some work at the stall is enough, I won't allow you to dig into your own pockets for money for me," I tell him sternly.
"You'd do the same for me if it were the other way round."
I stay silent, knowing that he was right, but not wanting to admit it. His face stays serious and I give up right then and there as I know that he won't change his mind, "Fine."
"Now, about that night out. 'Smile' are doing another gig here in two days time, I'm going, but I need my drinking buddy with me?" He says, his eyebrows raising expectantly at me as I look up at him from my drawing, waiting for me to answer him.
"Well, I'm sure one night won't do any harm," I state, a cheeky grin slowly spreads it's way upon my lips as Freddie's face lights up, immediately leaning forward and pulling me into a tight hug.
"Amazing," I hear him mumble against shoulder, when he pulls away from the hug he holds onto each of my shoulders with a huge grin still evident on his face, "You'll meet my new friend Roger!"
I felt my whole body freeze at the mention of the name. I knew that it couldn't be my Roger, that would be so unlikely, it couldn't be, it must be someone else who shares his name. My heart seemed to race as I remembered my long lost best friend, I hadn't thought about him in months, but in that moment it all came flooding back, everything.
"Are you okay darling?"
Freddie's question had snapped me out of this trance that I had got myself into, "I er- I'm fine, sorry, tiredness."
"So you're coming?"
I force a smile, "I'm coming, I promise."
"Two days from now, I will be picking you up from your apartment," he informs me with a smile, his front teeth showing as he throws his arms up in the air, shaking his hands excitedly.
And of course the two days had flown by since I had been doing some more extra shifts which meant that the hours had passed by in no time.
"Have you got an outfit planned?" Stella asks, popping her head into my bedroom.
"Stella! I could've been undressing, or worse, naked!" I shout, grabbing one of my pillows and chucking it at her face, but missing by a mile.
"I'm sorry. You know I can't help it when it comes to picking outfits!" She whines, placing her hand over her heart and pulling an ugly cry face.
I groan, pulling the spare pillow laying on my bed over my face, "I've got hours to get ready."
"Get up!" She squeals, giggling as she runs over to my bed and grasping onto my hands, pulling me up.
"Okay, Okay."
Stella had dressed my into a neon blue dress that she had dug out of her own wardrobe for me as we were similar sizes. I grabbed some tights while she had found the dress and I quickly ran into the bathroom, extremely excited for my night out with Freddie.
"Don't forget make up!" I hear her call from outside he bathroom.
I thought to myself, I wondered how lucky I was to have such a perfect roommate.
She was incredible at doing make up, she had done a perfect wing of eye liner and blue eyeshadow with a slight purple tint of lipstick on my lips. I gave myself a look over in the mirror, checking myself out, I hadn't looked this good in months.
"I don't know what I'd do without you Stella."
"Me neither," she replies confidently, smiling widely, "Would you like a drink before your night out?"
"Maybe a little, a very little gin," I say, laughing, "What are you doing tonight anyway?"
"A late shift at the cafe."
"Ah, okay," I felt quite bad leaving her for a night out drinking while she had to go out and work, "I told Freddie about our situation, he told us that we are welcome to the stall anytime."
"Wonderful."
Soon after the little drink that Stella had poured out for me, I heated a faint knock at the door. I quickly jumped up off of the sofa and ran towards the door in excitement, seeing Freddie on the other side.
"Hello darling!" He smiles, stepping forward and hugging me for the third or fourth time that day, "You're looking absolutely beautiful."
"And you, are looking quite handsome yourself," I tell him, grinning as I motion for him to come in, "How long do we have until the gig starts?"
"An hour, we must have a quick drink beforehand!" He walks straight past me, greeting Stella and walking immediately to the kitchen, to the cupboard where we kept our alcohol.
"I've already had a cheeky gin."
"Well then, I shall pour you another one," he says, quickly pouring out three glasses, passing Stella hers before bringing mine and his to the living room.
"Thank you Fred," I say as he passes me the glass.
We needn't worry about the location of the bar since it was only five minutes away from the apartment, this was the one that me, Freddie, Stella and Mary would usually go after a long day of studying, and sometimes they would have live bands playing, I'd just never had the pleasure of seeing a band as good as 'Smile' apparently.
Me and Freddie walked to the bar, arm in arm, I tripped over my feet once or twice on the way. Once we had got into the smallish building itself, we had to walk down what I pictured as being a very long and steep flight of stairs. Every single step I was guided by Freddie, he made sure that I would not trip over and fall to my death and visa versa.
"Let's get some drinks."
He grabbed my hand and led me to the bar which was surrounded by many other people with drinks in their hands.
Freddie ordered two pints of beer, passing one over to me, "ten minutes."
I nod, bringing the glass to my lips, taking a long sip of beer, "Ten minutes? I think that's just enough time for us to have a quick cig don't you think?"
"I should think so, may I have one of yours?"
"Of course you can," I tell him, giving him a kind smile before reaching into my bag and taking out my pack of cigarettes, passing one to him and then taking out one for myself.
"You'll love them, Barbara," he insists, grinning has he brings the cigarette to his lips and breathing in.
"Oh I'm sure I will," I grin, "So which instrument does your friend play in this band? The one that helps you with the stall."
"Drummer, he's magnificent."
#roger taylor#roger taylor x reader#roger taylor x oc#oc#barbara rosabella#barbara palvin#fanfic#fanfiction#love#love story#smile#musician#music#queen#queen x reader#queen x oc#romance#slowburn#story#youre my best friend#best friend#young love
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