guys i can’t stop pushing people away i think im meant to be alone
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Feel like I’m in a downward spiral right now. Trying to get outta this mood, but my head won’t let me…. Fuuuuuuccck.
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I find it so weird that I don’t have depression like I used to anymore.
Like sure, I still have it, but nowhere near like I did before.
Just been wishing for my pain to end, but clarified to myself that I don’t want my life to end, just the pain.
I now have a boyfriend I love and who loves me. I have a future with him. I have so much to look forward to with him, so of course I don’t want to end my life.
But I sure as hell want this fucking pain to stop so I can get some rest and recoup tomorrow.
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✨🎉I wanna cry, but I don't want to draw attention to myself. I don't know what to tell anyone when they ask me, "what's wrong?"🎉✨
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There's a weirdly poignant sort of... metaphysical tragedy in the fact that pain, which evolved as a helpful signal to alert us when bad things might be happening to us, grew into becoming... well, basically the Bad Thing. To the point where by universal consensus the very worst thing you can do to a being like us is torture them (i.e. trigger the warning signal as strongly as possible while perhaps deliberately avoiding causing "actual" harm). And there are tons of illnesses and injuries and disabilities that massively impact people's quality of life, ranging from annoying to depressing to driving people to suicide, basically purely because they're very physically painful, while the underlying bodily dysfunction that the pain is supposedly "warning" of is either relatively minor or literally non-existent.
The capacity to feel pain is a good and important thing, some people lack it and that's generally awful for them, only in a universe unrecognizably different from ours could we ever do without it. But isn't it awful to think how if only there was somebody up there to adjust the settings for us, they'd probably only have to tweak them the tiniest bit to keep 99.99% of the benefits while saving us from all the most extreme miseries forever?
The mechanism didn't have to be perfect for natural selection's purposes, it had to be good enough that the average individual in the average situation would be motivated to stay more or less out of trouble. Measured by the metrics nature was working towards, she could afford to be a little slapdash with the exact implementation, and she was. In doing so she opened the door to infinities of evil and suffering that wouldn't otherwise be conceivable. All this only had one chance to happen, and it happened that way. There's nobody to be mad at--I'm mad about it, though.
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Kai being the first human Wyldfyre got really attached to and them being a silly little duo and then her losing him after it's revealed that she's lost a lot of loved ones in the past was DEVASTATING AS HELL wtf 😭😭😭
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taking him very seriously as you can see. in other news i can't look at fictional depictions of food without desperately wanting the food
[id in alt!]
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I confessed my feelings for someone yesterday, and it went exactly how I expected. I was turned down, and that hurts, a lot, but it's important not to let it hurt you so much that you shut down. Keep living life and stay true to yourself, eventually someone will come that sees you for the amazing soul you are
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Feeling so lethargic today, but I have at least done something. I’ve been trying to crochet a sloth body for a while and kept putting it off cause I cba and couldn’t figure out how to do it, but I wrote out a pattern to try the other day and just did it today, so it’s actually finished! Still need to do the arms and legs and the head but that I really was struggling with, so even though I’m feeling super meh I’m still proud with what I’ve achieved today.
Now I just want to go get into bed and and rest until tomorrow, though I really cba to move just yet and go do my nightly routine of brushing my teeth and stuff. Sending energy to anyone who needs it!!
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BEING A MANDALORIAN IS NOT JUST LEARNING ABOUT HOW TO FIGHT — YOU ALSO HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO NAVIGATE THE GALAXY. THAT WAY, YOU WILL NEVER BE LOST
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