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pettyprocrastination · 1 year

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The Revenant Wife

Pairing: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of grief and death.

Summary: Ellie knows very little of Joel and even less of the wife he had before the outbreak. When she finally meets you, its just as much as shock to her as it is to your husband.

Word count: 1.6k

Note: ficlet is based off of this previous post about Joel getting separated from his wife during the outbreak and assuming you died until you find one another years later. Reader is described to look like Sarah. Title came from the ever lovely @djarin-junk <3

Tagging those I think would enjoy: @pedrostories @thesadvampire @joel-mlller @softanon @max--phillips @captainsamwlsn @hooplahoopla @moondirti

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Ellie didn’t know that Joel had a wife.

Granted, she didn’t know much about his old life at all.

She knew he built things. That he had a brother named Tommy and a daughter named Sarah, but didn’t like to talk about the latter that much. In one fleeting conversation, full of mumbles as her eyes began to close while they rested under the night sky she heard him mention you but was far too gone to truly hear what he said. Nothing more than the vague rumble of his voice saying “my wife” before her eyes opened once more.

“You’re married?”

She asks with such incredulous shock it sounds more like “somebody married you?” but girls at her age hardly ever have filters.

“I was.”

There’s the same bristle in his throat and far off look in his eyes as when she first asked about his daughter. An open answer but one that carries enough unsaid to tell Ellie of your fate. To warn her that she should change the subject or simply shut her mouth and go to sleep before plucking his raw nerve one too many times until he snaps-

“What was she like?”

But Joel learned early on that Ellie wasn’t one to follow warnings.

“Kind.” His breath stutters. “But not a pushover- she didn’t take shit from anybody.” He stares up at the sky, feeling his chest grow tight and fingers twitch by his side until there’s a rustling, the girl next to him rolling over to face him and he turns to find Ellie peeking out from her sleeping bag with a smile.

Damn this girl.

“Not even from you?”

Joel scoffs. “Especially from me. The amount of times she gave me and Tommy and earful-” he shakes his head, Ellie watches a smile grow on his face in silence, as if worried she may frighten it away.

“Did she cook?”

Ellie thinks of the stories the older kids would tell her. The ones who remembered life before the Outbreak, who told her of freshly baked pies on weekend and fluffy pancakes in the morning.

Joel remembers the first time you tried to bake him a cake for his birthday back when he was sixteen. How he opened the door to your forlorn face and a store bought sheet cake in your hands because as your mother told him over the phone, you damn near burned the whole house down trying to bake for him as a surprise.

“From time to time.”

There was only so much she could get out of him before his voice became clipped and eyes full of an emotion she didn’t quite know the name of that he told her to get some rest. Leaving her with nothing to do but to stare at the sky and wonder about these stories in the shape of a woman who unveiled a little bit more about the mysterious man she traveled with.

Of all the silence and secrets that made up the man that protected her, she created stories to fill them. Stories of Joel Miller, husband, father, brother and badass contractor that everybody loved. Of his soldier brother, of his wife and their smiling daughter between them both.

In Ellie’s mind, you didn’t work.

But not in a ditzy lame way like some boring housewife. But just because you didn’t have to.

Joel said that everybody loved contractors so that means he probably got paid like, a ton of money to build stuff for people so you got to stay at home all day. Ellie imagined your house to be ginormous. Maybe Joel made it himself for you when you guys first got married. It was big enough that when Joel came home everyday he’d call out your name and it’d echo through the hall as you called him into the kitchen, where your daughter sat reading as you set dinner on the table. Sometimes you’d get upset if he came home late but then he’d kiss your cheek and you would roll your eyes but smile before you all sat down and ate as a family.

Ellie imagines Joel’s daughter, she wonders if Sarah looks more like her mother than her father.

Ellie wonders as the sleep takes over her body, if they could have been friends.

When it happens, months later after she’s come to think of Joel as something akin to family and he thinks of her as something he can’t say out loud just yet, she’s shocked. She’s face to face with a woman holding her at gunpoint that looks nothing like the smiling mother she dreamt of during cold nights.

You don’t match the stories Ellie made up in your head.

You’re mean.

No. Mean isn’t the right word.

Cold. Yes. you're very cold.

Ellie watches in shock as you ask where they're headed, gun focused on the center of her chest while the two boys at your side point their own at Joel, who has yet to speak.

She waits for him to answer, but he just stares at you in awe. The same man she’s seen kill and threaten to keep her safe day in and day out is rendered speechless until all he can do is utter your name and she realizes that he knows you. More than that, judging by the way he surrenders his gun to you with no fight, something she had never seen him do.

You lift your head to look at him, the brim of your hat raises just enough to clear the shadow cast over your face and Ellie can finally see your eyes and the snarl on your face.

You’re also very pretty.

“I won’t ask again.”

The two boys standing on either side of you have your eyes. Same color and intensity, narrowed into slits like guard dogs waiting for an order and Ellie sees the way Joel stares at them.

She wonders if Sarah had brothers.

“Out west.” He manages. “Takin’ her to her family.”

Your eyes move to her and she holds her hands higher in the air.

“That true?” “What?”

“Is he telling the truth?”

The taller one, Duke, she had heard you call him, had already ripped the bag from her back and emptied its contents onto the ground, she had nothing else to hide from you.

But then she sees something in your eyes. A concern for her that she hadn’t seen since Tess or Marlene.

And she understands.

“He’s telling the truth.” Ellie forces out.

You watch her for a moment and there’s a moment of panic where she thinks you can see right through her lie.

But then you lower your gun and jerk your head over your shoulder.

“C’mon.” is all you say before you begin to walk away. The boys gawk at you for a moment before you give them a look of warning and they follow in your step, occasionally casting glances behind them at Joel and Ellie who follow suit.

She’s quick to grab onto the sleeve of Joel’s jacket and pull with a harsh whisper as the other’s march forward.

“You know this psycho?”

Joel flinches at her voice as it pitches up. If any of you heard her, which he gathered you did because Ellie didn’t have an inside voice to save her fucking life, you didn’t care enough to react.

Ellie whispers his name again. Insistent and angry for answers but he just keeps looking forward. He can’t take his eyes off of you or the boys ahead and it fills her with worry but she doesn’t know why.

“She’s my wife.”

You lead them to a cottage. Its paint is chipping and the fence is reinforced with wiring around the perimeter but it looks like a home. She can vaguely hear the soft clucking of chickens nearby and there's a flash of fur behind the fence with a pair of pointed ears that duck away just as fast as she saw them.

Ellie has seen the remnants of homes before the outbreak. The plates still stacked in the sink and the jacket still hung up on the hook. A story telling a family that once lived within its walls and is now nothing more than memories that ghosts along its foundation.

But this one is real. It’s yours.

There is a rickety wooden table in the dining room. Each chair around it seems to have been brought from a different house and is varying shades of faded brown. You kick the leg of one and nod toward it.“Sit, both of you.”

Ellie looks to Joel before sitting. He follows suit, choosing the chair closest to her.

“I’m gonna get some bandages for that leg-”

Joel shifts forward. “I don’t need-”

“I wasn’t fucking asking, Joel.”

You’re not stronger than Joel, if she had to guess. You both look the same age, but she’s seen his strength, his violence, all done for her safety and knows if it came down to it, you might not win in a fight against him.

But at your order, he sits back in his chair.

You turn and set a shoulder on your son’s shoulder.

At least. She thinks he’s your son.

Softly spoken words are exchanged while the other keeps his eyes on Joel and his hand on his holster. The boy says something back in insistence, but you tilt your head and he nods.

“If either of them try moving or taking anything.” You offer them one final look over your shoulder before slipping out of the room. “Shoot them.”

They listen to your footsteps slowly retreat until there’s nothing but the subtle creak and groan of the wood floor beneath them. Ellie leans forward to look at Joel, setting her hands firmly on the dinner table in announcement.

“Dude-” The young girl breathes out. “Your wife is a bitch.”

#revenant wife tag #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #this is just a little blurb because I havent written in a hot minute #mostly from ellies third pov so i hope the sort of juvenile internal thoughts make sense #joels wife is a sort of scary badass gal with a lil farm #joel miller x female reader #@ the blogs who asked to be tagged but had zero header or age in their bio: do better #tumblr please dont rearrange the order of this again im BEGGING #not pictured in the fic: joel punching duke in the face and wrestling the gun from his hands before the other twin shows up followed by you #and now joel has to grapple with the fact that 1. his wife is alive 2. she had children 3. he just sucker punched his own kid

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cracklewink · 6 months

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redrawing my sunny starscout redesign again? its more likely than you think

#mlp #mlpg5 #my little pony #sunny starscout #mlpart #i actually really really like the fact that the main character of g5 is an earth pony because im a huge earth pony truther #i just thought shed look badass as like a regular alicorn #i do like her glowing thing in the show #also redesigning her cutie mark again to look like the unity crystals and the 3 colors in the stripe in her hair represent the 3 types of p #ponies #i wish sunny got a bit more screentime in the new gen sometimes it feels like shes not really the mc but g5 has really grown on me alot

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adh-d2 · 19 days

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All in favor of christening that maneuver the Phee Fall say 'aye'

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idk-bruh-20 · 1 year

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Irondad fic ideas #133

Morgan Stark discovers the joke format, "__, __, and __ walk into a bar..."

She doesn't quite get the concept, but she enjoys it. And, like most children, when she enjoys something she becomes absolutely obsessed with it.

Morgan: A spider, the spider's aunt, and a grumpy walk into the house!

Happy: Morgan that's not how that works

Peter: I dunno, you do seem more like a Grumpy than a Happy :)

---

Morgan: A princess, her bestest brother ever, and their cyborg chef walk into the kitchen.

Tony: You can just say you want pancakes, Mo.

Peter, tearing up: That's Princess Mo to you.

---

Bonus:

It becomes an inside joke that the whole family uses.

Tony when Peter cuts off his coffee supply: (gasp) A genius, his robot minions, and a hater walk into the lab.

Peter, not even missing a beat: A genius, his son, and his robot children who agree with the son walk out of the lab and in to their beds.

Tony, so completely endeared every time Peter calls himself his son he can barely protest: I- I- now wait just a second...

---

Teen Morgan, upon finding her brother and MJ making out on the couch: Eughh! An intern, the goddess way out of his league, and the amount of space reserved for Jesus between them walk out of the shared living space.

#brought to you by my adorable nephew!#shoutout to him lmao!#irondad fic ideas #irondad and spiderson #ironfam #btw this joke is how may and happy reveal they're getting married #may: a badass bitch her nephew and her fiance walk into the house #morgan: WAIT DOES THAT MEAN-#it's also how peter and mj announce that they're having a baby #peter to the starks one morning at breakfast: a grandpa a grandma and an aunt sit at the table #tony spits out his coffee #morgan: shrieking #morgan stark #peter parker #tony stark #wars are fought through this joke also #rhodey arriving for the holidays: the stark children's favorite uncle walks into the party #happy: now wAIT JUST A SECOND #when she's little morgan's word for herself changes every time she gets a new obsession (princess entomologist artist president...)#(she eventually gets to superhero & pepper is NOT amused)#queueueueue

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sshirakumo · 6 months

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"Jean, if you think I'm a Titan for odd jobs and not cut out for combat, you're dead wrong! With the Cart's endurance, as long as I'm not taken out, I can keep going until I’ve won!”

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simplyavatrice · 1 year

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beatrice + every episode - episode 2: "proverbs 31:25"

#sister beatrice #warrior nun #avatrice #avatriceedit #warriornunedit #sisterbeatriceedit #kristina tonteri-young #trying to find enough scenes of her in these early episodes is tough lol #but she's so soft in her habit in the church #then in her badass sister warrior outfit #also ava's tiny little sleepy face peeking out in the last gif #love that their first real contact is bea tranquilizing her #oh bea if you only knew what was coming #myedits

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wodania · 2 months

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me talking about the majority of asoiaf characters: THAT IS A CHILD!!! AN INFANT!!! A FETUS!!!

#jon would not be chiseled with a beautiful beard he has pimples and a high pitched voice!!!#sansa is not a seductress witch who put womens rights back 20 years she is barely 13!!!#arya is not a badass sexy girlboss in armour she is a scrawny little creature who does wolf roleplay in the school yard #dany runs a warrior cats blog!#robb is constantly mistaken for being 20 and he must correct the person with a red face and say that no he is actually 15!#beric is struggling through college he has an exam next week but he is also scheduled to play the role of god at the same time!#bran doesn’t know how to count past 100

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annamariedarkholmes · 2 months

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lmao i feel like i should have been way more excited during the initial relaunch announcements

but it really speaks to how gatekeepy the loudest parts of fandom became and how mistreated certain characters (ie those not part of the chosen pet fav circlejerk on x-tw*tter, which would matter less if it weren’t a vacuum reinforced by the actual x-office) were under outgoing editorial these last five years that even a post-krakoa announcement of my girl finally:

-headlining a flagship

-with an incredible writer and artist team

-a SOUTHERN GOTHIC premise

-the possibility of rogue finally having enjoyable interactions with remy and kurt

-under new editorial (that hasn’t said inflammatory things about said character in interviews afaik)??

still kinda had me like

“cool!!…

…still not pre-ordering. i’ll see for myself in august” 👉👈

and then literally all it took was gail simone’s cbr mini q&a to alleviate everything i was paranoid about

(ie worried that rogue and gambit were only finally getting attention due to corporate knowing they sell/mcu synergy (cough r&g 2.0) while editorial themselves actively hates and sidelines them, that remy might be a punching bag joke once again, that dull - and mostly yt - sausage fest of a proposed line-up, r&g 2.0/uncanny avengers/duggan’s x-men/excalibur fatigue, general saltiness from the inferno exclusion and basic removal from her mothers’ lives)

and basically i now say

bring it!!!!

#like listen bitch ive been tricked before lmao #as long as cebulski san is running things from the top i remain wary #but #they had me at ‘southern gothic’ and the creative team #i want to hope this office won’t cater to twitter/podcast BNFs like the previous one did but….#the x-office needs to EARN my $ back this time 🕶️#x #fans of rogue and gambit and rogue/gambit truly ask for so little #we were spoiled by kelly thompson and im hoping we get just HALF of that energy and care w simone #fingers crossed just based on how badass her other characters have been #plus she’s all but confirmed monet is joining #monet and jubes and rogue???????#bless u gail simone

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bruciemilf · 10 months

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Peter B got "Here's a tip; Don't watch the eyes. Watch the hands" from his Felicia Hardy 100%

#LISTEN I CANT HELP IT I SHIP THE TRASH MAN WITH THE LITERAL GODDESS #peter b getting these amaizngly hot strong badass ppl by being a funny snark machine is sooo #give miles a fun auntie #felicia can help him talk to girls #he tries tne Hey thing on her and she's like. and who thought you that?#miles: my uncle aaron. felicia: was he single too?#peter b parker #felicia hardy #spidercat #peter x felicia #little meow meows #text #spiderverse

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wizard-laundry · 9 months

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Here's your prize @weirdonumber33!!! I hope you enjoy it :)

#One badass toriel at your service #this version of toriel is of their creation and is super cool #she looks a little crazy oopsie #undertale #toriel #wizard-laundry art

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pettyprocrastination · 1 year

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whoever this beloved anon was I am so touched by your kindness! You definitely didn’t have to do this but I am so happy you enjoy this idea and I will happily expand upon it for you!

this is just a collection of word vomit bullet points for the time being but I will happily answer any and all questions about this pair!!

warnings: violence, angst, child death (Sarah Miller), foul language, the same warnings that apply to tlou, reader is Sarah's mom and described as having similar features to her.

So the general Idea is that you and Joel are happily married before the outbreak.

You had been Sarah's mother, his high school sweetheart he got pregnant when neither of you were old enough to have any reaction to the pregnancy test other than a fucking panic attack in one another’s arms. but you made it work

you both worked but made time for one another and your sweet girl, going to museums every other weekend and joel insisting on swooping you off for a date every now and then

nothing special. He knows you’re more of a diner gal than anything too fancy that makes you both feel out of place.

On his birthday in 2003, you had planned to tell him that you were pregnant again. But the memories of your own fears of motherhood from all those years ago begin to swirl through your head again and you get cold feel. deciding to tell him the morning after

it is his birthday afterall, you want to focus on him.

but when you’re woken up in the middle of the night because tommy needs to get bailed out, Joel kisses you sweetly one last time before promising he’ll be back and you can’t shake the feeling that something bad is happening.

its you that shakes sarah awake that night. shouting at her to put on her shoes when she’s still rubbing the sleep from her eyes because you’ve been listening to the radio for the past two hours, calling joel again and again and again praying for him to fucking pick up but to no avail.

Sarah, bless your little girl’s bleeding heart is the one who insists you check on the adler’s against your better suspicions and when you find the eldest looming over her daughter, blood and sinew dripping from her mouth, you grab your daughter hand and burst into a full sprint until something slams into your back and sends you tumbling onto their front lawn

its how joel finds you, struggling to keep the once sweet old woman, whose now nothing more than dead eyes and gnashing teeth straining to snap at your pulse point as you push against her while sarah shrieks before your husband runs forward and cracks her skull with a wrench.

there’s hardly a moment of pause, just enough for him to pull you up and into his arms before he’s ushering you both into the car with an urgency.

when the truck crashes, you get separated from them. Perhaps at Tommy’s side when the flames rise and create a wall, separating you from your husband, or maybe pulled into the mob of chaos when trying to escape from those already infected-

all joel knows is that you promise you’ll find him: just get sarah to safety and you’ll meet him at the river

Poor thing is already so frightened, held in her father’s arms with tears streaming down her face insisting they can’t leave you they just can’t but her father kisses her forehead and reassures her its going to be okay

“we just need to be brave, okay babygirl? Your mama’s real tough, she’s gonna be alright.”

he isn’t sure if he’s saying it to his daughter or himself.

but when he comes to the river you aren’t there. Only a soldier who points a gun at the scared little girl in his arms and then he loses everything

its when the light is gone from his daughter’s eyes that he realizes. His voice cracked and raw from sobbing that he looks around to see his brother with drawn in shoulders and tears in his eyes but his wife is nowhere to be found.

Tommy says you got lost in the chaos. Everything was so loud, so sudden that he turned around and suddenly you weren’t there.

Joel wants to go back but its Tommy that stops him, that dulls the red in his vision to a sad faded pink because his brother points at the orange horizon not too far from them, so much of the city is already in flames.

“We’re gonna find her, but not there.”

So Joel searches. for the first year spent in the world post-outbreak its all he did.

He became a smuggler because of it.

Information came at a price and he needed to be able to fucking pay it, whether it be in blood or ration cards. He was willing to do anything to find you or any thin thread that lead your way.

But it’s Tommy that asks him to give up. Not in those words of course.

The youngest Miller knows better than to say something so cruel that would make his brother, the only person he has in this world turn on him.

But his voice is worried when he asks him one night in Boston when he hasn’t even had the chance to wash the blood from his knuckles

“You think she would have wanted this for you?”

the fight that followed his words was brutal. Vicious insults and scarred fists slamming against each brother until they're both too tired and bloody to continue. Each leaning against a wall for support and Tommy’s wavering voice breaking the silence.

“I don’t know where she is, Joel. But I do know you're gonna get yourself killed if you keep lookin’ for her.”

All he can do is nod.

It’s a few days later when he meets Tess. Who has heard plenty of stories about the elder miller’s brutality and wants him to put that muscle to good use for some extra profit.

It begins his new life. One that empty and cold but one he can live.

Until of course, Ellie comes along. The sweet and incredibly opinionated girl that makes him become something akin to the man he thought died twenty years ago.

its when he’s traveling with Ellie, that it happens. When a warm familiarity has settled between the two because so much blood and pain has been shared he can’t help but see her as something close, something bright even though all he can force himself to utter in her reference is “cargo”

when theyre traveling through the woods as Ellie chatters away, probing his memory about a movie that may or may not have existed thirty years ago because her descriptions of the plot are incredibly odd he hears a voice shout for them to stop and finds himself staring at a man- no, a boy- pointing a gun at them.

Ellie stills, but Joel can see enough to know that from the lanky figure and dimpled face that he’s young. Maybe twenty, twenty-two at the oldest, but his eyes dart from Joel to Ellie with a pinprick of fear that allows Joel the time to charge forward and slam him to the ground before wrestling the gun from his hands.

He has enough to time to tuck it under the stranger’s chin before he hears the sound of the safety being turned off and finds himself looking up and seeing a gun just inches from his face.

Joel’s head whips around when Ellie’s voice calls out his name in fear, he turns to see another stranger holding her a gun point, shoulders drawn back and a shadow cast over their face by the had obstructing their identity.

“You hurt one of mine, I hurt one of yours. That a fair deal?”

Its takes him a moment to recognize you. It’s been so long since he’s heard your voice, the sweet tease when you would poke at him each time he woke up late despite the fact that you reminded him to set his alarm the night before, the times you’d chide him with a harsh “Joel Miller!” whispered in public anytime he was able to grab you a bit too passionately to be appropriate in public but the laughter in your voice let him know you were never truly mad at him. You didn’t know how to be.

But that sweetness is buried under a cold rasp that cuts through the air as you point a rifle at the scared little girl in front of you.

“You think I won’t?” You’re older now, skin covered in scars from a life he didn’t know you got the chance to live and your eyes are cold as they regard your husband. “Put the gun down and get the fuck off of him, I won’t repeat myself.”

Joel mumbles your name in awe. The woman he loved, the woman he mourned the one he fought so hard to find stands before him like some sort of hallucination and suddenly the world feels like its spinning until you bark orders at him again.

“You’ve got five seconds Joel, make a fucking choice before I make it for you.”

He looks down and realizes the boy under him, the one with the bleeding nose and snarling face has your eyes and his dimples.

“One.”

The one above him has Sarah’s hair. Soft brown curls that shine under the sun.

“Two”

Wait. No, they both do.

“Three.”

Twins. Jesus fucking Christ you had twins.

“Four.”

Joel holds the rifle up above his head and the one boy standing snatches it from his grasp, tossing it to the ground and kicking it far from his reach. He slowly stands, allowing your son- dear god your son- to scramble to his feet.

Your voice softens just for a moment. “You okay, Duke?”

Blood stains the bottom half of his face from where Joel slammed his fist into the boy’s nose just moments before, but he nods nonetheless.

Now, they both stand on one side of you and he can see the resemblance clear as day the same way he would whenever Sarah was by your side.

When you order him to hand over his bag, he does so without question before telling Ellie to do the same.

She watches him with wide eyes, her hands still up in the air but gaping at her companion as if he had grown a second head.

“Joel!” “Just do it, alright?”

He doesn’t miss the way you watch their interaction with narrowed eyes until she tosses her bag to you and you slowly lower your gun.

“Now, you want to tell me what the fuck you think you’re doin’ at my home?”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #i had an idea of something similar for tommy but on outbreak night he uh. abandons you instead of getting separated from you #because. angst :D #people say nice things #this was incredibly generous of you anon thank you so so much!#i may get myself a little starbucks drink this week now because I havent had starbucks since like january 1st lol #joel reeling from taking in all this information and also realizing he suckerpunched HIS OWN KID #id like to apologize for all the grammatical issues with this. this is just a bulletpoint word vomit to get my thoughts on the page before-#-beginning the actual fic. also I have to do a midterm tonight and this is my treat to myself hehe #but yes. joel getting separated from his wife on outbreak night and having to accept that shes probably dead #meanwhile youve lived this entire life without him because you think HES dead ad raising your boys all on your own #which just- further digs into his insecurities about failing in his role as a protector #he couldn't save sarah. he can't save ellie and he couldn't even save you #he thinks about you pregnant and alone. fending for yourself in a world full of infected and raiders and his chest grows tight again #this is all followed by Ellie going >:O 'you KNOW THIS PSYCHO?'and then joel immediately snapping at her to WATCH HER MOUTH #because that kid has no filter and he has to explain that youre his wife #anyways joels wife is a badass mfer who also maybe has a little garden and some chickens that you and your boys take care of <3 yeah .#reunion tag #ill be using that for this specific couple because I dont have a fic title yet but if anybody has suggestions!

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nanomooselet · 2 months

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Little but Fierce IX

By the end of the finale, Knives is excused attendance on account of self-immolation. Vash, though alive, is understandably in hiding. Wolfwood's pulled a Stampede of his own and fucked off, and his whereabouts remain unknown. Roberto's gone. Meryl mourns him.

She is the last one standing.

This has changed her. Her clean white has been darkened, and her reflective shades conceal her expressive eyes - a shield between her emotions and the world she never had before. Something Vash and Wolfwood both had the right idea about. She's dispensed with her poofy jacket and her oversized shoes, and of course one cannot help but fail to notice: she's not intimidated by a hint of sexuality anymore. (Or maybe I'm just too much of a lesbian to avoid noticing the tits, I don't know.)

She wears brown slacks. Hooped earrings. A grey shirt. She carries the weight of the people she lost in a dozen other little ways, something Vash himself does. Like him, she's come into herself - though she was always a little ahead of the boys in that respect. Girls often have to be; it's expected. But she was lucky, too, to have a stable base to grow from, which neither Wolfwood or Vash had for very long.

Overlooking her was Knives's greatest tactical error. Vash keeping his distance from her might also have been a mistake. Because she played a part neither of them ever could have - and not as Rem, and while Roberto openly drew a comparison between her and Vash, not him either. As reluctant as he is to assume the role just at the moment, Vash does do a pretty good job being Vash the Stampede all by himself.

It still always comes back to the twins. Wolfwood, as I said, has more in common with Vash than not. Meryl's different. She tries to be a nice person, tries to be like Vash. But the twin she most resembles isn't Vash.

It's Knives.

Or perhaps a better way to think of her would be as Nai - the solemn little boy Vash knew all those years ago, before he became the horror he is now.

Vash has always been a pragmatic guy, very concerned with what's of tangible benefit. He's practical. He's concerned with the physical. The flower is pretty, but is it edible? (It'd be better if it was.) He's good at improvising and thinking on his feet. He's all about what's real, what's here and now, not stories.

Nai was the idealist. Emotionally-driven. Intuitive. The one who knows little of the world, but tries to learn more. The one who looks for the truth, and judges. The one who seeks and observes and remembers. The one who makes structures and strives for efficiency. The one who tells himself stories inside his head.

Just like Meryl.

Meryl is aggressive and self-righteous. She's ambitious, determined to be on top. She's angry, and her anger motivates her. Whatever she decides to do, she wants to do it well and plan it out as thoroughly as she can - like Knives, she's a perfectionist. She doesn't have the raw physical strength to smash walls, so she's had to learn to be a little smarter than that to survive which... well, is maybe a lesson Knives could have benefitted from learning. But then if he was capable of learning these lessons, none of them would be here.

Meryl has emotions like solar flares; she's intensely expressive to the point of comedy, just like Knives has every single feeling he feels written all over his silly face. And her jacket made her look bigger. Like him, she makes an effort to seem physically imposing. It's just rather less effective on her and she looks like an angry blueberry cupcake instead of a Greek statue.

You know how Knives saw Tesla's remains, and later all those Plants go through the Last Run, and he justifiably freaked the fuck out? Meryl got to see, firsthand, Dr. Conrad's handiwork, her mentor's death (which, despite his assurances, was her fault) and then poor Vash slowly having his identity and memories ripped out of him until he was a husk.

They both had older men trying to shield them from danger and retaliation. One whom we all knew was doomed to die - even him, I think - and who tried his best to make the time he had count. With his death, he freed Meryl from his strictures, but left behind all the lessons he taught her. Meanwhile Dr. Conrad is held hostage to the fulfilment of Knives's wishes, and would have been freed from them with his own death. With Knives's defeat, he remains trapped. Still bearing his cross.

And call me delusional but… something about the way he's lingered on here makes my brain tickle.

He has to be thinking of what Roberto said to him. Conrad insisted he "did nothing to demean" his subjects, innocuous phrasing for a revolting suggestion. Roberto mocks him for thinking it absolves him, telling him yeah, I bet you didn't, you seem too uptight. My feeling is that it's a moral line Conrad is very purposeful in not crossing, the same way he tells himself he's giving those lost kids purpose.

Looking out at all these poor violated Plants, can he still believe Knives shares even that single principle? Is this what the endpoint of atonement looks like? Is this "freedom" the Plants themselves would welcome? He said it was a hundred and fifty years too late to save humanity... but Roberto's triumph may yet still echo into the future.

Anyway, Meryl's also someone who imposes her will, albeit mostly by scolding. She assumes superiority and will not bend to compromise. While she can't kill people with demon blade tentacles, now she's Derringer Meryl, counterpart to Millions Kni(ves).

But she differs from Knives in a few key respects. While both are (or once were) determined to find and know the truth, Meryl doesn't close her eyes to it once she does. She has the emotional strength, or perhaps a steadier foundation, to withstand such deep shocks to her worldview, and to learn from them, as a good investigator does. Which makes her a liar's natural predator - she's a counter to Knives and his delusional manipulations, a living tool to dismantle his falsehoods. And now that she's endured all she has, she assumes her own identity, leaving behind the insecurities which Knives found he could not abandon.

She can extend trust. (I can't get a shot that makes it clearer Vash is picking Knives up, sorry.)

She remembers the past, but is not consumed by longing for it.

She's proven herself worthy to bear and reveal the truth.

She's grown up. Now she's as strong as Knives wishes he could be, and she didn't have to kill a single person to become so.

And there's still more to come. She's getting a newbie of her own now, rather more reliable protection than a single derringer, and we know Vash's story is not yet complete. Nor can they be sure that Luida's plan will come to fruition. (And, I mean, we know even getting himself melted to a skeleton didn't kill Knives. There's no way it did. Personally I'm little concerned that he might, for once, have learned from his mistake, and remembers Meryl.)

Whatever comes, though, she'll have an important part to play in it - as important as Wolfwood, the right hand to Vash's left.

Don't overlook her. She matters. Ship or not, remember her. It would be a terrible pity if all the work that's gone into her story turned out to be in vain.

Fin. Final phase can't come soon enough. Possibly unwelcome personal insight: it was in fact partly due to her that I found the courage to identify as a lesbian, so my intentions here aren't entirely honourable. I demand more sexy fanart of Meryl.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

Part VI

Part VII

Part VIII

#meta: little but fierce #trigun meta #trigun stampede #meryl stryfe #tristampparty #and THAT'S why she wears white and blue #she's not just The Girl she's knives's worst enemy #i like wolfwood okay but where my girl :(#she's tiny and funny and complicated and badass and so cool #and i love her so much #tw sa implied #millions knives #terrible terrible plant man

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