#shes just!! interesting to me!! i love that she's so violent and clearly takes joy/pride in what she does but she has this softness | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

6blackfilin9 · 3 years

Note

I love your Anko fanart! Tell me, what are your views/headcannons on Anko X Kazuku?

hThank you so much for the ask, finally I can answer it

here is my big thank you for the waitng

In a nutshell, the shipp was created by accident while me and my buddy were working on our first Naruto AU in 2019, where Kakuzu and Deidara survived their shitty plotholes end eventually ended up in Konoha

Yeah

so, the shipp’s birth date is july the 1, 2019

anything like classy, aristocracy kind of tension-filled passionate gothic romance with playful, psychological games & hurt/comfort vibes with slight scent of rivalry is KakuAnko

Basically, they are: a very, very old man with absolutely horrendous background who’s trying to finally have his mother*cking 10 or 30 years of peace, and a rather young lady with a rocky youth who’s being good & noble yet has very strong antihero tendencies

You know, I think they do have potential, since, in fact, they seem to be very similar, at the core

They are both very pragmatic realists, the people of logic and reason, yet if Kakuzu’s irritability doesn’t affect him a tiny bit due to his ideal self-control, Anko’s can lead her to quite bad places, sometimes. They put their interests in the first place, and even though she tries to attach them to Konoha’s, she still has ‘personal’ things (I’ll write ‘bout it lower*). Their mindsets are so complicatedly organized that, at some point & way, it prevents them from having many close people, and makes them very hard to see through and predict

Both of them are very flexible & adaptive, independent individuals with similar outlooks on plenty of things and high intellectual level. They clearly can find plenty of traits that they would highly respect and adore in each other

Here I will speak mostly for “why and how” kind of things, bc both of them are terribly tricky to accurately figure out. But there will be some headcanons too

So, there are still some odds about them, due to the strong difference in their occupation, like, in plenty of cases they are really tricky to be brought together, because:

- Of the job

In original, Anko is a Konoha’s special jounin, and she is very dedicated to serving the country. Independently of whether she likes her job or not (depends on the plot), she orienteers at the people, at society’s gain from her work. So, accordingly, in any other AU her job is somehow connected to civil service, whether it’s something police-like, connected to science, or something like CCG in Tokyo Ghoul

Kakuzu, on the other hand, is a hitman and a persona non grata in literally all the five big countries, Konoha too (which makes it barely possible to bring them together in the original universe without hard complications or heavy drama. But still possible). He orienteers on his own gain alone, but, depending on the job, it can include others’ gain, too.

This detail makes him a saint once he holds supervising position in some company or any high position in the government (the better the working conditions of the staff now- the more money in the prospective), and the sheer nightmare once he has it on the opposite side of the law. Him as a mob boss is a complete different topic for discussion, but to get the point, in this case, the trouble isn’t him increasing the level of criminality (its rather vice-versa), but taking hold of too much control in the high and underground structures. Even as an ordinary hitman he’s rather tricky, since everything depends on the case

In most of the stories, they come to some sort of compromise, and how hard it is to reach it depends on how shitty his job is and how attached they are to each other at the moment

Like, in the above mentioned Shippuden AU and Harry Potter AU (which I also wrote with my buddy) everything went like clockwork, because there they are both more or less on this side of the law, in Tokyo Ghoul AU (which I also wrote with my buddy) it is a bit more complicated, with her being in-law and him being very much outlaw, in the Avatar AU (which I also figured out with my buddy, but we never happened to write it) it is also pretty smooth, with both of them being outlaws and then jumping out to the glory after all the shit is done, but in another Shippuden AU of mine, this all would be just a motherfucking bloody disaster

- Kakuzu is actually a hard nut to get attached to anyone

He lived too long to be truly afraid of anything, though. Its mostly because he doesn’t really need to get attached to or become close with someone to satisfy his need for communication. The man can get along with anyone once he wishes to, he can have countless acquaintances and plenty of buddies, but he doesn’t have many comrades and barely can call anyone a friend. Because he is used to lose everything and everyone he ever had or happened to have, because of his inhumanly lengthened lifespan.

It requires time for him to get used to the person, and then, eventually, in some cases, spend plenty of it to get attached

Plus, for him, due to his profession, each close connection is a really great responsibility for him. In most cases, he’d think twice of weather he is ready to take it or not

Though it of course has the personal factor, too

In Anko’s case, she has a grand privilege by being a very intelligent and keen woman, not just in cognitive plane, but in emotional, too. High emotional intellect is actually a rare trait, so she automatically stands out of the crowd for him. Even though it won’t guarantee his alliance, it will grant her his high respect and some sort of sympathy

- Kakuzu is, technically, an asshole

He does have his moral compass, which includes a great amount of common social morality, but he also has that “I am working” state

Even though Kakusu has a set of professional principles, and he still acts accordingly to what he thinks is right, one and the very same situation can be solved diametrically different once the context changes from working to casual and vice versa

This, and him being very independent and quite antisocial, makes the degree of assholeness depend on various factors

This can lead to major conflicts of interests, and if they are possible to have any compromise or not is strongly attached to the circumstances. After all, both are very, very prideful and dignified people

- In other words, the only major issue for them would be morality questions. It’s possible to make the case acceptable for Anko, since both of them ain’t truly squeaky clean, along with Kakuzu being willing enough to watch his borders

- She is provident and doesn’t really need a lot of money on a daily basis, which is much of a joy to him lol

- *they both seek for the stable ground, first of all

Taking in consideration the life conditions Kakuzu had in his youth (despite war state, he still stably had family, friends, grand respect from everyone, home, warmth and food) and how terribly he was torn out of his secured social environment, I believe what he seeks through all his bounty hunt and other money-connected manipulations is stability. Sustainability he had back then. The only way to have it in the conditions of our existent world order is to have money (and a very good mind and luck)

Anko has indeed much more altruistic motives, yet it’s still not that simple. It seems to be, on the first sight, yet considering the “Orochimaru related cases” and her very wayward behavior toward them, it’s clear she keeps her own motives and needs in mind oh so well. The service she has is very well payed, it allows her to do what she likes or believes is right, and to have the living conditions she finds comfortable. And only here, relying on the made sustainable basis, she does what she does

- Thus, they both illustrate the principle “first help yourself, next help the other” just right

- She knows she can keep an eye on him, yet it’s clear for her that her influence isn’t borderless, as well as telling him off some stuff is kind of a not wise thing to do. So in the majority of cases, she never interferes

- This is not common, yet he can actually change some plans if the situation is serious and the compromise can’t be found. He is that kind of person who works on a further prospective, and in this context, this would be the relationship with his loved one

- While Kakuzu is quite conflicted and has very reserved controversial persona, Anko is both controversial, conflicted, and sort of two-faced, on top of that

She is a very sincere, cheerful and humbly honest human being, yet she has some darker natural traits of her character that became rather strong with age and traumatic experience. Cunningness, guile, ways-depend-on-the-case and a bit of ruthlessness, that is. Moreover, she has some unsolved personal issues, which makes her even more twisted.

Like, remember the time when she confronted Orochimaru during the exam? And Kabuto, on the war? Getting rid of them is indeed beneficial for Konoha, but it’s clear that for her it is personal vendetta in the first place. She wouldn’t have tried to do this alone, otherwise, because these two are rather dangerous ones, to say the least.

She uses greater good to cover her real motives (even though it is not truly complete bullshit), and seems to have a terrible habit to keep silence about really important things, which makes her quite prone to lying, in some cases

And sometimes it very badly pisses Kakuzu off, since it makes her prone to doing useless but dangerous shit too

Yet this not any kind of separate hidden side, it is integrated into her personality, and coexists with her bright one. That’s where her violent humour comes from, for example.

But Kakuzu, on the other side, is completely monolith individual, yet sometimes his mindset can create contradictions when it comes to something important to him. but it's another topic

And seeing these layered constructions, and motives, they can pretty finely predict each other’s behavior. Not super-neatly, but they for sure see the basis. This is what helps Kakuzu to prevent Anko from doing some stupid shit, sometimes

- Anko has a role of an indicator for the people who don’t understand and see the changes in Kakuzu’s mood sometimes, since she usually reacts quite openly. Yet, when she has the same unreadable mask of cold, or one of guile, it’s a nightmare for them

- They prefer the non-verbal way to show their feelings, even though Anko is obviously the more chatty one

- They don’t say things such as “I love you”, or other sensual stuff like that really often, believing it to be some sort of cherished words that shall not be spelled mindlessly

- Anko isn’t majorly into PDA, but she fancies it much more than Kakuzu does. She has her whole moments of studying something with her hands, whether it’s a hand, scar or face. He’s more into passive display of affection, like wrapping an arm over her waist or leaning to her or something of this kind; they can allow themselves to (not sexually) kiss in public though

- She knows he doesn’t like to walk hand in hand due to considering it a youthful thing, so there are times when she intentionally walks holding on to his sleeve; generally they walk separately in order not to bother each other, but sometimes they walk arm in arm (like an old Victorian couple lol)

- Being older and wiser, Kakuzu eventually upholds some kind of mentoring position, yet he never considers himself any kind of a teacher or master to Anko, believing her to have a good head of her own. He is just insightful enough to break something through to her or give a word of advise

- This, combined with his highly powerful demeanor, also makes him have the leading position in their relationship

- Anko respects him much enough to fortify this, entrusting with plenty of life questions (like organizing the family budget), even though they make the majority of decisions together. Mostly because he is truly wise and highly experienced individual.

- This makes him one of the very few people Anko would actually listen to and take their opinion in consideration

- So basically they have equal relationship with some tendency to patriarchal order

- And it is, really, mostly economically-based disbalance, with him earning much more than she does

- Yet they never have any financial-based issues, since both of them keep in mind and respect the contributions of each

- There is major power play here, too. He has the absolute might, she has seduction. Anko loves how he makes her want to submit to him, let him have all the power, so she likes provoking him. And she knows he adores it, loves the subtle control she has over him

- They don’t have conflicts in their everyday life. Each knows how to avoid pissing one another off

- He cherishes her playful demeanor, her intellect. Combined with her cunningness, it allows her to rival him, in social sphere. The way she constructs her phrases, the way she speaks, mimics, moves, how bewitchingly it suits her feminine snaky features makes his blood boil and heart melt

- Both of them, actually, have rather specific kind of dry, dark humour. Kakuzu’s is very cynical, satirical, quite often menacing and subtly demeaning; Anko’s is very sarcastic and quite dirty, even gruesome and rather violent

- Sometimes they “fight” verbally as a form of a play. In some circumstances they may sound pretty vile, so some unobservant people mistake this for display of hate

- In general, Anko is the one to heat things up with her playful demeanor, which can include provocation and rivalry, and Kakuzu is the one to keep this energy in borders, accumulating it up to much more intense states

- They both put the comfort in the first place when it comes to household. Everything must be cozy, useful, silent and super clean

- Yet they are both very unpretentious and modest, really

- She absolutely adores when he is showing his serious, severe side, or powerful demeanor. She finds it incredibly suitable for him. She also likes how his real age is sliding out in this or that way. Like, even though he has rather young face (that of 37-40 y.o.), his eyes give away that he’ve seen oh so much more than it seems; the grumpy noises and grunts he makes, the lazy attitude in movements and the way how rapidly he finds a comfy pose once he has a chance to take a seat

- They are both rather patriotic, yet while in the most stories Anko’s feelings mostly lay towards the country she lives in, Kakuzu’s more often lay towards some places, so called small motherland.

- Kakuzu actually could be a source of deep, strong admiration and delight for her, despite all of his bullshit. The unbreakable will he has, mighty burning heart, all the wisdom, talents and mind. Being sent to fight god damn Hashirama, clearly a genius of his times, financial & management genius at the least. And, still, after all the hard times he’ve been through, he maintained the very strong sense of dignity and nobility, even though slightly twisted due to the profession and abnormal lifespan

- And the very same things can serve as the source for her chagrin: with all those traits, he could have been so much more rather than a criminal. With all the gifts he’ve got, he could have been of great use to society. He’s much easier about this, since his prospective is much wider and embraces decades (and in some universes even centuries) instead of months & years, and he knows that he’d be switching sides throughout his life, being on this and that side of the law, yet he still is a bit uncomfortable once it’s brought up

- They are deeply into science, which makes them atheists. He’s into medicine and human biology, she’s into chemistry and reptilian biology; both of them are nuts for physics, history and psychology

- They solve complicated physical and mathematical problems together time to time. She is the first one to have tea-breaks due to losing her temper over it, he tries to figure things out right until you can sense the smoke coming off his head

- Actually, they do have a stumbling stone aside from job & morality complications. And this is Anko’s attitude towards Orochimaru

What she does is basically ruins her life very-very slowly, maintaining the issues she has and planning to make him pay for all he’s done

Kakuzu knows exactly what is really going on with this attitude and why, but he can’t really do anything about it. Like, he knows he can’t make her change her mind or put something into her head

All he can do is really nothing but try to explain how those things are working, and even this option is basically a landmine field for him. At some level she does understand that he could probably be right, yet she just refuses to go back on her mind. And this is actually really dangerous, so at some moments they can fight quite badly about it

- He’s scared shitless to lose her, though; especially like that, even though he knows clearly that he will, anyway, sooner or later

- he knows that losing loved ones ends up with sheer disaster for him, yet he isn’t afraid to pay such a high price for those six, five or four decades of being with her. Because these decades are that of a paradise ones for him. Wife and family, as well as stable job, incomes and life conditions, are some sort of physical definitions of sustainability he craves. Especially family, yet it’s far ahead to plan

- The fact that he will have to bury her one day makes her rather depressed, as well as the knowledge that the only thing she can really do about it is to try to bring him as much happiness and comfort as possible before she dies

thank you, i'd say more, but it's too much already

#my art #naruto #naruto shipuden #akatsuki #naruto akatsuki #akatsuki kakuzu #kakuzu #naruto anko #mitarashi anko #kakuanko #they are very entertaining disaster

84 notes · View notes

zodiyack · 4 years

Text

Opposites Attract; Act III

Pairing: Damon Salvatore x Female!Pierce/Petrova!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, angst

Words: 1,101

(Series) Summary: The younger sister of Katherine was the true owner of Damon’s heart, Katherine only being his worry in 1864 due to the sister’s bond, the bond that fueled Katherine to force Y/n to join her when she escaped Mystic Falls and left Damon to think they were both in the tomb.

Taglist: @matth1w, @redspaceace-writes, @fandom-puff, @darling-i-read-it, @simonsbluee, @lady-salvatore, @sana-li, @lawlerek, @caseysalvatore, @jenepleurepasbaby, @thecraziestcrayon, @thewarriorprincessxo, @agustdpeach, @yolobloggers, @tranqs-main-mami

Masterlist | The Vampire Diaries Masterlist

Part I. Part II. Part III. Part IV. Part V. Part VI.

“Damon, have you ever considered that she’s maybe just not interested in you?”

“Yep. But then I remembered, oh what, the thousands upon thousands of times she told me she loved me.”

“Katherine told me that. Turns out, she didn’t.”

“That’s the thing. Katherine’s a bitch. Y/n isn’t.”

Stefan and Damon had been making small talk for the past hour or so. In reality, their small talk was just things they felt the need to rant about. Katherine and Y/n being one of the larger topics.

“I thought you guys stopped fighting about Y/n five hours ago?” Elena groaned from behind, trudging slower than the vampires due to the extra weight on her back. Damon dropped off his backpack, Stefan picked it up, but then the argument started and Stefan gave it to Elena to hold. “Can someone please take this from me already?”

They continued walking, surely regretting their lack of car by the tenth ankle cramp, and rarely found rest. It was like the boys forget they were traveling with a human, who needed rest, to breathe, to get the proper hydration and food that they didn’t stop to get.

The trio ended up giving up for the night, pursuing their mission once again after well deserved, and needed, rest. However, Katherine seemed to find them before they could journey to find her. She looked so similar to her doppelganger by design, and Damon fell for it. He found joy in her trickery though.

If she was here, it meant Y/n was as well.

So the next time she showed up attempting to fool previous acquaintances, he had a plan. “Where’s Y/n?” He asked, voice dripping with false sweetness. Funnily enough, he had her choked against the wall.

“Kinky.”

Dropping her as his face scrunched in disgust at the thought, he continued questioning her. “Katherine. Your sister. Where is she?”

“Somewhere. Why do you want to know?”

“Why is it any of your business?”

Katherine’s playfully mischievous exterior morphed into something new, yet something Damon recognized himself wearing quite often. “Answer,” her hands grasped the collar of his jacket, shoving him against the wall just as harshly as when he did, “the” she shoved against the wall,” damn,” another shove, “question, Salvatore!” She finally tossed him aside.

“It’s none of your business, Pierce.”

“She’s my sister. I can assure you, it really is.” Katherine’s eyes subtly darted around for a weapon.

“Then you should know we fancied one another. So, really, it isn’t.”

She lunged for Damon, all chances of making up going out the window with their bodies. The shattered glass cut at their skin but healed faster than the window ever would. The two rolled around, violently scratching and clawing, punches were thrown here and there but with their positions, it was a little harder to do anything but pull as hard as they could on the other’s locks.

As Damon stood up, he pulled a few strands of the woman’s hair from his fingers, eliciting an inhuman growl from her. “What? It’s not like I killed your best friend?”

“That’s my freaking hair.”

“Yep, looks like it.”

Katherine speeded forward, hands snatching onto Damon’s dark locks and pulling him backwards before throwing him, hands still in his hair, up and over her shoulder. When he recovered, she was back on track and kicking him just as much as she was punching him.

Their fight continued. Dramatic grunts and groans of pain could be heard with the painful sound of skin connecting with skin in the quiet night. Damon swore this was the one time he didn’t like that sound as much as he usually did.

Stefan and Elena were gone, and Damon had never wished for their return as hard as he did now. Katherine was tied with him in the pain department; both had bruises and scratches, that were healing rapidly, but no one was stronger or causing more hurt than the other. It was a never-ending cycle. A curse of the “gift” they bore.

Somehow, the world heard him, slightly. “Stop!” A voice, a familiar one at that, shouted. It broke the patterned noises, catching their attention instantly.

“Y/n?” Damon’s eyes widened and his fists dropped.

Katherine looked at her sister, then back to Damon, the furious expression having yet to leave her face. “Y/n. Go back. You shouldn’t be here-”

“Neither should you. I promised to stay with you as long as you didn’t hurt him. If you wish to break your promise, you shan’t expect me to keep my end either. Now we leave, or I’ll fight too.”

“I mean, if you want too. See Damon, she doesn’t actually love you.” Katherine laughed. She turned back to her sister. “Damon’s already pretty weak, we could-”

“No. Not with you. Against you. If you would like to hurt Damon, expect me to hurt you in return.”

Despite his surprise to the love of his life suddenly appearing as if she were his guardian angel or something, Damon felt a smug smirk pry at his lips. The more Katherine stuttered in disbelief, the more prideful Damon felt, his ego being boosted with little work on her part.

“I- but- ...fine.” The doppelganger sighed. She glared at Damon, who smiled mockingly as he wiggled his fingers in goodbye. “This isn’t over, Salvatore.”

“Pleasure doing business with you,” he continued waving with faux kindness, “evil bitch.” The smile on his face wasn’t a farce, however, far too delighted by witnessing Katherine as she was bested by her sister.

He didn’t return to the house after she began to walk away. Instead, he stayed to listen to the sisters.

“Don’t look back.” Katherine ordered.

“But-”

“I’m doing this for you. If it were my choice, he’d be staked by now. Now do us both a favor and forget about his sorry ass.” She paced forward, picking up the speed and leaving her sister to dwell in her commands, the harsh barks sinking into her heart, filling it with more sorrow than it already held.

Damon felt his heart pang as the sound of Y/n’s tears and sniffles filled his ears. He thought she truly hadn’t felt a thing for him when Katherine’s remarks about the two proved it might’ve been false all along, but her actions that very night proved both vampires wrong as well as made his undead heart beat for what felt like the first time in forever.

Katherine clearly had her limits, losing her sister being the threat that could reunite the couple had he planned it correctly.

Fortunately, Damon loved his evil planning.

320 notes · View notes

percydarling · 3 years

Note

I'll be honest,if the weasley kids had a tv show I would have percy as my favourite. Bill aand charlie arent in it so I wouldnt have an opinion (they're obviously hinted at but never there) Arthur's gonna annoy me kinda, molly is really nice but she always compares her kids. Ron (as lovely as he is) can be really mean to percy and just sucky to him. I love Ginny but everyone knows jk made her because "girl power= not feminine traits!1!1!1!" I love her,I love her love for quidditch but I feel like I still clearly see what she represents and that's jks sentiments (like cho for example, as an asian it's never gonna leave my mind). The twins would be great in theory but 2 twins insulting their older brother, burning a hole through their brothers tongue? Pranking everybody ALL THE TIME? I say I love them but seriously if I studied at hogwarts I would loathe them because hey, were in class- prank somebody in a more boring one or after. Also they're way too mean to percy.

Percy is the kinda dude I'd identify with, I hate how his family shames him alot. Sure hes ambitious but at the same time I hate when they bully him for his pride in his prefect badge and his head boy badge, like CMON! Gryffindor traits??? PRIDEFUL like yeah hes gonna be happy because he feels accomplished. I remember getting into model un and I talked about it at dinner time,my siblings got kinda annoyed but did they insult me abt it? No! They understood that this was a big part of my pride. They teased me a little "Haha model un-er" or "your rooms the country your representing right? Oops I dont have my passport" regular happy sibling stuff. You dont insult your brothers pride and joy, it's obvious hes so happy about it.

If there's gonna be a show on the Weasley family, the only interestee Weasley I would be watching is for Percy. Now let's go through every Weasley.

Arthur- at work, never home, if at home in shed exploring muggle things instead of probably bonding with his children.

Molly-would do chores, help children and maybe chat with next door neigbour. A slight chance of bonding with kids. Not very entertaining really.

Bill and Charlie- I mean depends whether they're even there or gone. If they're there they'd probably argue with each other. Maybe we'll get the Bill earring story and Charlie dragon obsession. Other than that maybe sibling bonding which is always good.

Twins- I cannot emphasize enough as to why I wouldn't watch the twins, if there was such a tv show. Each episode they'll probably prank someone most probably Ron and Percy. And then these pranks would get violent and physical and they would still be the saints and Percy the villain.

I mean the twins cause Ron's phobia, almost make him take the Unbreakable Vow (Ron was 5!) and then beat his Puffskein to death.

AND PUFFSKEIN IS AN ANIMAL.

And that's only Ron. If I start on Percy the jokes are endless but let's just end with the twins tried to locked Percy in a pyramid( God knows how old!). Enough said.

Ron- We already have Ron content in the book. Do we really need more? Yes we do but not if it's Ron insulting Percy. And if this show was before Harry and Hogwarts then Ron would be a young child like 9-10 years old and I personally wouldn't be interested. I love Ron but he loses absolutely no moment to insult or bitch about his brother. Plus Ron is whiny. Sometimes.

Ginny- They'll probably make her a Mary Sue who can do no wrong. They would seriously do that and make her a female version of the twins. Sorry not interested in watching her.

When we come to Percy there are so many things we can do. We can see bonding with Bill or Charlie. Percy being a good older brother and helping with nightmares. Percy being his mother's support system. Percy helping Arthur with his work. Percy teaching Ron chess. Percy planning a prank with twins. Percy playing dolls with Ginny.

With Percy you can relate him to everyone in some way or another. We know Molly loves Percy and probably considers him her favorite. Probably. Arthur with the Ministry so Percy and Ministry. Percy going to Bill with help for studies. Percy helping Charlie research about dragons.(Percy telling Charlie his dormmate is crazy about quidditch and asking if Charlie could give him tips and an autograph)

Percy playing chess with Ron. We know Percy is protective over Ron and Ginny. So we can assume that Percy teaches Ron chess and helps him read. Percy reading to Ginny about Harry Potter.(Really though who else would have? Molly would be busy and Bill and Charlie wouldn't)

Or we can have Percy writing stuff. Short stories and articles. Percy being a writer. Percy singing , dancing or drawing. Percy sneaking to Muggle town and talking to them.

Percy finding Scabbers.

Percy going to the Lovegood residence and talking with Luna's mother because she is such an amazing person.

(And taking her death the hardest)

Also Percy bonding with Luna.

Percy bonding with Uncle Billius or Great Aunt Muriel. Also reminsing time with Uncle Gideon and Fabian.

Percy having babysitter called Lily Potter who looked just like him but with bright green eyes. She reads to him about adventure stories and tells him she loves him very much and once brought her husband with her(who's an animagus!)

(While his brothers rejoiced the fall of You Know Who, Percy cried because Miss Lily and Mr James were dead. That was the time Percy realised that bad things happen to good people)

Well to put it in short there are so many angles with Percy which makes him interesting in my opinion.

If they do make let's hope they don't screw Percy over like they did with him in that damn game.

Also for that Percy interacting with Muggles there's an interesting fanfic called Percy's Diary.

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/7542632/1/Percy-s-Diary

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Percy is the only Weasley who I can relate to which makes me love him more. I am an elder sibling, have been constantly insulted by family and friends for following rules and very rarely been put down for being excited for something.

And the whole making fun of Percy is bullying when they're laughing at him and not with him.

These 2 prepositions make all the difference when it comes to teasing and bullying.

And the twins are bullies. They are.

"Oh, are you a prefect, Percy? You should've said something, we had no idea."

This is one of the lines they say.

How much do you want to bet that the twins didn't say something like this to Bill when he became prefect and HeadBoy?

Percy was a constant butt of their jokes and pranks, including bewitching his prefect and Head Boy badges to read Pinhead and Bighead Boy respectively, and sending dragon dung to his office at the Ministry.

This is from the official wikia. People can try to make the twins saint and say it was all good natured and everything. But I will always see the twins as bullies.

And the thing is the twins and Ron never bothered to praise Percy and that just feels wrong. Everytime they talk about Percy it's qn insult. When I talk about my brother to an acquaintance I don't insult him unlike Ron.

I feel that as Percy fans we love him because he is complicated. He isn't like the rest of the Weasleys. He isn't charming or funny. He's just a normal guy trying to do better and Percy fans get it because it's relatable. We can relate to being ordinary. He doesn't have earrings or pranks or a saviour best friend. He's just a guy who follows rules and wants to be successful. Who wouldn't relate with that?

And maybe some of us have been ridiculed just like Percy so we understand. We also understand that this is Harry's biased view and all he has been told about Percy is usually by Ron or the twins who insult him on a regular basis. And Harry is no better! He uses words like pompously like he understands how a person talks pompously?

So I love Percy a lot because I relate to him and I would never in my life apologise for loving such a complicated character.

#percy weasley #percy weasley deserves better #ask in a box #thanks for the ask!#twin weasleys criticism #all weasleys except for Percy criticism #but not much

51 notes · View notes

nctzendreamz · 3 years

Text

off the table — lee taeyong

genre: angst w/ hints of fluff.

warnings: language, mentions of drug abuse, and mental illness.

featuring: nct members + chan and felix from stray kids.

authors note: taeyong was perfect for this in my head. also, thank you ariana grande.

is love completely off the table?

will I ever love the same way again? will I ever love somebody like the way I did you?

it had been almost a year. almost a year since he had heard your laugh. you know, the one only he was capable of getting out of you. it was gentle, yet so vibrant that it could color even the most plain and unpleasant rooms. he had seen you do it a million times, but his favorite work of art of yours was the one you did on his heart.

obviously, he couldn’t see what the inside of him looked like. but he could feel it. before he met you, he was certain everything was pitch black. to be specific, the darkest shade of the night sky one could possible fathom. so much pain resided in him. some he brought to himself, some he did nothing to earn. regardless, it was there, and as anybody with demons did, he found coping methods.

that’s how he met you, actually. holed up a strip club he had no business being in. one, because there was no one here he truly wanted. he would never admit it outloud, but the thought of love warmed him. not much, but it did. more than silly one night stands that have soul ties no one wanted to keep.

you were clearly out of place in the building filled with the scent of marijuana and flashing lights, although it did perfectly consume your complexion in the most beautiful way. he observed you for what felt like hours, just admiring you. he had no idea he would want to do this for the rest of his life.

it didn’t take much liquid courage for him to approach you. he could sense your fear when his slender fingers touched your exposed shoulder. for some reason though, the minute your eyes locked it was as if you were looking at someone you had known for a million lifetimes. or maybe that was just Taeyong’s point of view. maybe, everything was all an illusion. meeting you. falling in love with you. you falling in love with him.

“it’s been awhile.” a voice snaps Taeyong out of his deep thinking. the minute his concentration breaks does his surroundings suddenly blast into the center of his cortex. the volume increases. he is in the real world again. he isn’t high, yet.

“yeah.” is all he can spit out. all of the different coversations he could hear take place all of a sudden was making him extremely frustrated and unable to form coherent thoughts. or maybe he wanted it that way so he wouldn’t have to think about you.

you loved coming here. he hated coming here. but he loved you, and your favorite thing to say to him was, “when you love someone, you do things you hate. just like me sitting and watching you smoke for hours without stopping.”

he never realized how much you hated his distractions.

the here, was a restaurant that resembled a sports bar back where you are from. the food was less Korean and more greasy chicken tenders. and you really admired their honey mustard. it was kind of ridiculous how much you loved this place. it was always crowded. the smell was odd - a mixture of people who can’t seem to do anything but drink beer and yell, and foreigners who hated living in Korea. this was the only taste of home they got, so they took advantage of it.

did you feel that way too?

he doesn’t know. and he doesn’t want to think about it. some soccer game was on. people were cheering. he was just waiting on his to-go order.

“how have you been?” the familiar woman asks behind the counter. she was definitely in her mid-50’s. he assumed. she always would be here when Taeyong was dragged along, and she was always nice. who wouldn’t be with all the money you gave to this place.

“i’ve been fine.”

taeyong feels a little cheery conversating with another human. if it wasn’t his dealer, there wasn’t anything to say if he was being quite honest. his relationship with his family died out a long time ago. the only person that he could talk to was himself. the guys who were constantly down in the basement at his dealer were cool, but they never really got him. they thought he was weird, violent. only you cared enough to see how sweet he was. to paint him.

“good to hear. you tell your lover that i miss them!”

his heart, still colored from the mention of you, breaks. it had broken many times from your presence on this earth being acknowledged. everytime his chest would explode into his stomach.

he couldn’t say anything.

he simply walks out the place, not caring about manners. he just wants to go home. he doesn’t even like these fucking chicken tenders, but he’s going to go home and eat them. in your honor.

“excuse me.” a voice exclaims as he finally makes it outside.

once again, words don’t leave his mouth. the woman was probably lost. he truthfully didn’t care. he didn’t care about anything anymore.

“sorry,” she begins. her hair is almost a white color. it’s clearly dyed, but she might have been naturally a darker shade of blonde since the coloring seemed too perfect. “i just...i’ve been watching you - wait, that sounds incredible creepy—“

no one could compare to you, but she reminded him of you. you always did this when you were nervous, or had a severe lack of sleep. you would say things you considered to be silly. fumble with your words. and you would always ruin it more by acknowledging it.

but he was never irritated. he thought it was the cutest thing in the entire world. you were the cutest thing in the entire world.

even now, he’s okay. maybe because he was reminded of you, he can appreciate the art.

“you’re really cute.” she finally spits out.

he couldn’t respond, for the third time today.

why was this so hard? it has almost been a fucking year. a year without you. a year without touching you.

yet, no one could ever compare. not the blonde woman standing in front of him. not the sky. not the stupid bar. even his drugs seemed lackluster to the high you gave him whenever you told him you loved him.

he walks away. he needs something. something to make him unable to think for the rest of the night.

never thought you’d be so damn hard to replace. i swear I don’t mean to be this way, if I can’t have you? is love completely off the table?

“y/n? you there?” you feel vibrations from snapping on your face from the man sitting beside you. he snapped three times, to be exact.

“yeah! yes.” you quickly correct, adjusting your posture along with it.

“i know you appreciate the arts, but that painting is nothing to stare at.”

the painting chan was referring to, seemed plain to a simple eye. it simply, was a black square. but you saw worlds in it. you saw him.

“you know christopher,” you cooed, giving his slim cheek a quick sqeeze before continuing, “just because something seems boring to the naked eye, doesn’t mean it actually is. sometimes, a simple work of art such as that lame black square can hold a thousand meanings.”

he smile is radiant. honestly, the neon colored walls in the movie theater couldn’t compare to it no matter how hard it tried. lately, you had been trying to predict what he would say when you tried to be somewhat of substance around him. you were truthfully scared of boring him.

maybe you saw yourself in the black square as well.

“you really find it interesting, love?”

his accent - God his accent. it had an effect on you that truthfully wasn’t healthy, but even so you always felt guilty when your heart would papilate as it touched your eardrums. but why? you were single. you were moving on.

you can’t even look at him anymore, so you settle on the painting once more. now that you think about it, it was kind of scary that it was in a movie theater. maybe chan was on to something - what was its purpose? to simply cause you pain? to make you think about things and people you could no longer have? a person who is the worst possible thing for your growth, but the best food for your pitiful, lonely soul?

“never mind, you’re right.” you stand promptly, suddenly wanting to get as far away from the evil on the wall. it didn’t matter how chilly it was outside.

“woah.” chan chases after you. you’re too quick though. you’ve practically swam through the crowd to escape into fresh air. what is wrong with you?

it doesn’t take long for you to find yourself at his car. his pride and joy by the way, in which he never let anyone else ride in yet. he had been saving for so long to get it. you didn’t know the model, all you knew was that it made loud noises when he wanted it to. the car was originally white, but the two of you agreed that it was the worse possible color for a car, so he got a paint job and now it was as black as a dark hole.

the stars are beaming, and it’s odd. you used to love nights like this. you preferred the day time, but it was something about a light in the dark, such as the moon that pulled you in. it always destroyed you in the end though.

“what did I do?” his voice snaps you out of your thoughts.

“huh?” you wizzle in confusion, not understanding why he believed he had done anything but gave you a peaceful night not lost in your thoughts.

his eyes tell you everything you need to know before his mouth does. he isn’t questioning your ever changing emotions and happiness to hear satisfaction from your mouth - to boost his ego. he truly feels as if he’s ruined any chance he’s had with you simply from being himself. even so, as he waits for you to answer he’s taking his bomber jacket off for you to wear. he was sweet like that.

“chris, you are always perfect. why would you think anything different?” you say as you put the jacket on.

he’s holding back a smile, but you can tell it’s more so from your proper word choice, and not what you said.

“you trying to sound English?”

“no.” you giggle, pushing his shoulder lightly. “I’m just trying to communicate with you.”

“then tell the truth.” he prompts, taking a step closer to you.

“can I lean on the car?”

“yes.” he laughs in a low tone. “you can lean on the car.”

“okay.”

silence is filling the air, and it’s making you sick even though it shouldn’t be.

“y/n.” he finally speaks. you decide you have the balls to look at him even though it feels so wrong. the stars - they’re sparkling right into his eyes and you know you are the dumbest idiot on earth.

why can’t you just choose him?

the question is repeating over and over in your head, but no answer comes. well, no answer you want to hear comes. this should’ve been easy money. the perfect guy, with a good family and solid morals is madly in love with you. he’s still here, even when you barely give him anything to work with, and you’re thinking about others who were nothing close to that no matter how they made you feel.

“my confession ruined everything, didn’t it?”

it was about two months ago that chan confessed his love for you. you laughed a bit, as it made no sense. the two of you had been in the same circle for awhile, and you had been notified of his appreciation for you long ago, but he had seen you break. he watched you go from happy soul to broken and he still liked you? in what world?

you enjoyed his company. that’s why you began to hang out with him practically everyday - doing whatever you two wanted. most of the time you two just watched movies, or played silly board games. but sometimes you would go shopping, or he would play you his music he worked on. you could tell he lacked confidence on what he could become, but you knew he had the potential to be so great.

his confession was short and sweet. and the way he approached you, you could tell he was somewhat confident that you would feel the same. you did feel the same, but you also still had feelings for others. when you declined his request to take things to the next level, he didn’t get upset. or at the least he didn’t show it.

he promised the two of you would move at your pace. and that was all you needed to hear to know that maybe one day, when you got yourself together, the two of you could be something.

chan always protected you. you never felt endangered, or unsafe when you were with him. to you, he was sweet, to others he was still sweet, but he knew when to be stern.

“no. i promise.” is all you answer. “it’s cold.” here you go again trying to change the subject. this wasn’t like you.

he promptly unlocks the door to his car, opening it for you as well. it isn’t long before he’s on the drivers side turning on the car so you could feel some heat on your body.

“i won’t bring it up anymore.” he sighs.

“no chris. you bring it up everytime you feel it. i like you, okay? i do. i know I’ve never said it out loud before, but I do. i just...i don’t know what I’m doing right now. there are some things I have to get over you know?”

you can tell the amount of words you used - probably the most you had spoken to him in months shocked him, and made him feel extremely guilty. you know he didn’t want you to feel like he was trying to pressure you. all he wanted to have was something. something that made him feel as special as he knew you had made others feel in the past.

“y/n I’m a fucking idiot. God, don’t listen to me. you are perfect okay? we are working at your pace and we always will. i - fuck.” his face goes directly in his hands.

it’s cute - the way he cares about his every move around you so deeply. you remember what it felt like to feel like that. it was the most nerve wracking, yet butterfly giving thing to experience when around someone you admired so much.

“chris...” you whisper, removing his face from his palms. he had the softest hands ever. “hey, don’t beat yourself up okay? i know what you want and I know you have nothing but the purest intentions. if I didn’t feel that way I wouldn’t want to spend everyday with you okay? whatever you think this is, it is. i promise.”

“okay.” he sighs the biggest breath of relief you had heard in a long time. “okay. i know what we need.” he offers. your hand lingered on his, and he decided it would be best to hold yours as the opportunity presented itself. it’s nice - the warmness. yet, it feels incredibly wrong.

you truly didn’t mean to be this way. you would do anything to not be this way.

“let’s go cop something from felix. hm?”

what chan was reffering to was the good ole’ mean green, weed. you smoked a lot more in the past than you did now, but you were still no angel. especially tonight did getting high sound like the best decision you could have made.

“yes please.” you say without hesitation, leaning back in the seat. your left hand is still in chan’s right, and you don’t plan on letting go. felix’s house isn’t that far from here, so you know your pleasure will be coming sooner or later. chan starts the car and begins the journey. usually, the two of you drive with music on, but tonight the silence was what the both of you wanted.

secretly though, chan snuck his AirPod into his left ear. he loved music, but he could tell you weren’t in the mood. and he didn’t mind that. he would do anything for you. the lyrics resonated with his with his soul so much that he felt it ache, even though he felt he had no right.

i’ll wait for you

even if I always feel like I’ll be number two

to someone you can’t hold anymore

taeyong can’t even recall how long he had been pent up here, high as hell. intoxicated as fuck. the chicken tender meal he brought had been long gone, but not from his mouth. the junkies smelt food, and took food like the animals they claimed to be.

this all sucked so bad. he hated being here. but he couldn’t move.

it was so loud in here. the boys he knew - johnny, mark, and jaehyun were all present. they seemed to be the leaders of the basement and they also seemed to be functioning quite well considering how high they also were. taeyong couldn’t fathom or make out what their conversation were, but he assumed it was about girls. he caught, “they’re supposed to be here any minute now.” from jaehyun’s lip. he seemed to be the strongest ladies man. all taeyong knew, was that he wanted no parts of the drug induced orgy he knew was going to take place. he also knew if he didn’t leave, they didn’t care. they were going to give a show regardless.

“taeyong!” johnny yells, bringing him back to focus. johnny was always very intimidating. he wore a smile when he got what he wanted, but if he spoke to you and you didn’t listen, he quickly got upset. maybe he was different when he was sober, but that was never.

“what’s up.” taeyong answers dryly, still not looking at him.

“you know,” johnny sits down in the dirty floor right beside him. “you’ve never been fun, but you were more fun before than you are now.”

“i went through this phase.” mark interrupts, taking the seat on taeyong’s opposite side. “what is it? mommy issues? a girl? or a boy? if you get spicy like that.” he chuckles. he coughs right after.

“how about everything. except the last part.” taeyong whispers.

“oh...you have it rough. was your mom a druggie too?”

“no - well, I don’t know. i met her like once when I was younger. she told me ‘i did it for your good’ and left.”

“so you were in a foster home? or did you get adopted?”

“foster home. neglected, so now I’m like this.” he chuckles. he’s laughing, but in reality to admit these things out loud hurt, even though he was sure the other boys had similar or worse stories.

“and the girl?” mark asks. he had began to roll up another blunt in the midst of taeyong’s life story. maybe it was too much for him. or maybe he was just an addict.

“i cheated. and i was mean. she was the best thing ever though. she got me clean.”

“for what? a day?” johnny laughs outloud.

“well, not clean clean.” he explains. “but off the hard stuck like coke, and lsd and shit. we both smoked weed. and I smoked cigs.”

“ew!” the two of them exclaim. “cigs?”

“so you’re telling me that the two of you do every drug under the sun, but cigarettes are where you draw the line?”

“duh!”

“have you seen all the commercials? with the person with the hole in their throat sounding like the old shriveled lady from spongebob going ‘chocolate!’ we don’t want that!”

“cigarettes aren’t the only thing that can cause that, you know?”

“whatever.” johnny shivers as if he had just gotten the worse news ever. “so this girl wasn’t a druggie? why did she even like you?”

“i don’t know. still to this day I don’t know. but she did. and she tried everything to make me happy. it just felt too good to be true, so I ruined it.”

“damn bro.” mark sighs, taking a deep puff of his blunt. “i thought people only did stupid shit like that in the movies or tv shows.”

“hey hey now, markie.” a voice speaks out of the corner. “be nice to our new friend.”

it’s jaehyun. funny enough, jaehyun tried to get at you once long before you met taeyong, but you had no interest in him once you found out his issues. then again, while he was attracted to you, he didn’t want you to love him. he just wanted to corrupt you.

“our boy is broken hearted. seems to me like he just needs some fun.”

“relax, jae.” johnny explains. “he’s not there yet. let him fall for us on his time.”

“what are you on right now?” jaehyun inspects.

“just a couple of blunts.”

“so just a starter?”

“hyung...” mark sighs.

“okay okay. fine. but when the heartbreak starts to kick in more, i got something that’ll change your life. you just let me know.”

“he will.” johnny and mark say once again in unison.

“boys!” a voice yells. it makes everyone stand up minus taeyong, as he had no idea who it was. he can hear feet coming down the steps. there’s a boy with blonde hair. the same boy who let him in. he was a new face, but clearly an important one from the way even jaehyun was waiting for his comment.

“hi felix!” everyone begins to repeat after eachother.

his voice is deep as he speaks, and his accent is thick. his face itself may have not been scary, but the way he carried himself was.

“clean up this fucking mess. i know you can’t do anything about the shitty couches, but make an attempt. i got some good people coming over and I need quiet. when I bring them down here to show them the product, i need everyone on their best behavior.”

“what exactly does that mean?” taeyong speaks. maybe he shouldn’t have, because everyone is looking at him as if he just called the president a bitch to his face or something.

“you’re new here.” felix explains as he finishes his strut down the stairs. he can be seen more clearly now, and his outfit reminds taeyong of someone you knew. he couldn’t remember his name, but it was chan or something. “well, new to me.”

“and?”

“and...” felix crouches to his level. “im the boss. and all of you do what I say. my brother ran this like a crackhouse. i want us to make some real money, therefore you all will be getting cleaned up. there will be people coming in and out, looking at what we have, so try not to act like the druggie you are. thanks.”

“yes sir.” taeyong says, although he has no intentions of respecting this felix cat.

the doorbell rings promptly. the house wasn’t so big that they wouldn’t be able to hear. clearly this felix had plans to change that, but for now he had to settle.

“that’ll be them. look like friends so they won’t be scared. they’re not like us. or, what you will be.”

with that he leaves. everyone is silent as they want to know who exactly is this person. they all expected some rich man with a million connections to be at the door. they hear one voice - an accent is present. he’s laughing, and they hear the sound of them dapping up.

“friend.” the voice says. they must have not seen each other in a long while. “what’s up? how have you been?”

“oh, I’ve never been better.” felix says. “and y/n.”

the sound of your name makes taeyong’s heart stop in his chest. what the? how could you of all people be here? you hated drugs. this was clearly a trap house. this is where taeyong would go to get everything you wanted, but you always refused to go with him. what male had you here?

jaehyun is smiling as he recognizes your name too. taeyong can’t notice though as he is genuinely about to have a panic attack.

“come downstairs will you? since chan told me it was a special occasion, I decided I’d let you two take a look.”

“felix...are you running a trap house?” you joke, not realizing how true your words were.

“not at all, sweets.” he relaxes you. “i just have good shit from my brother that needs to be sold. this is our little secret though.”

“we know.” chan answers for you. “snitches get stitches.”

“and end up in ditches.” felix finishes. “there are people down here, but they’re just chilling. don’t be scared.”

the three of you make your way down to the basement. jaehyun is the first face you recognize. you feel sick, but he didn’t phase you that much.

the black haired boy though, sandwiched between two other guys, makes your trip and fall on the disgusting floor.

it’s him. it’s really him.

why? all you wanted to do was have fun. all you wanted to do was forget him.

you can see in his eyes does he want to explode. but this was his fault. this was all his fault.

to be continued...

#nct #nct 127 #nct imagine #taeyong nct #NCT angst #nct reactions #taeyong series #taeyong angst #taeyong imagine #nct imagines #NCT series #stray kids #stray kids felix #chan stray kids

95 notes · View notes

wanderingaries-blog1 · 4 years

Text

Bitches, Broken Hearts

When you said you had a friend I read between the lines of your wordless conversations and determined she was more than just a friend. I could count the hours of time you both invested in one another like the many laughs you shared between yourselves among the countless assuming eyes. When I finally accepted my feelings of attraction to you I literally told you, that once you and your Miyren could figure out what you were doing, to let me know so we could pursue those feelings further.

Pursue. I felt like I did that for a majority of our brief time together. Just like those assuming eyes examining you and Miyren I also did my own observing. I didn’t have an issue with your friendship with her. I was actually amazed by the fluid movements you both had and of the way you knew each other's minds. I went so far as to attempt being her friend because if I wanted to be in your life I knew I’d have to be in hers. I acted a fool with you. I let people take me for a fool. I ignored the whispers and the gut wrenching words our peers had to say about you and Miyren and swallowed back pride when I bought her a beautiful set of turtle earrings on one of my last trips. It was my last trip because you couldn’t handle not being the center of my attention. You also couldn’t handle the possibility of me having a friendship better than the one I had with you.

Rose is my soulmate. We grew old and close with one another and I’d trust her with my life, but nonetheless you made me cut contact with her even while Miyren confessed her feelings for you. After the confession I put my foot down and stopped trying connect with someone who clearly didn’t want me connecting with you. I stopped traveling, stopped talking to Rose, dropped friends left and right because they were not “enhancing” to our relationship, but you couldn’t bring yourself to stop talking to Miyren because she helped you through so much and you simply “loved her”. God forbid I said I loved anyone, but you. I knew better. I learned to avoid certain topics so as to not have your scrutiny on something that brought me joy. I told myself that I understood the situation and comforted my screaming thoughts with the single sentence of: You wouldn’t have made it here with me without the help of Miyren. I ignored the red flags and tried to convince myself that you were my forever after by leaving the town I spent 15 years in to start fresh in a new state with you. I figured if I took you away from the environment you grew up in, away from the incessant chatter of our little town, then our relationship might have a fighting chance.

Kansas was interesting. It was a blur of drugs, racing and more family drama. When I came out to my parents they were so upset the air was palpable with their disappointment. I figured I’d have to do it eventually because I cared for you so much so I wanted to give them an opportunity to meet you; that was unfortunately not the case. I grew farther and farther away from my toxic family all the while we grew closer to yours. They welcomed you without batting an eye at your clearly feminine significant other. We smoked sinsemilla as though it were a daily routine; I learned it definitely was. Our lives were on different sides of a coin. It was a surreal experience to go from hiding my sexual orientation to being open and proud about it. I loved the freedom I had. We slept a lot. We napped sometimes up to three times a day in Kansas. I became a server full time to afford our habits and then you became one too so we could make more money. Then you quit your job and I supported us for five weeks until you had to get your job back because you discovered you had family in the system and you couldn’t bear with the thought of them being mistreated. When I came home that evening you asked me the daring question of becoming the caretaker of three smol children. I had three siblings myself who cried and prayed for me nearly every night just to show my face. I will not lie, I almost left that day. At this point I had already begun to question my decision to build a life with you. I felt like I had already adopted a kid. I wasn’t looking for a grown adult to cater to. I was looking for a soulmate to build my life with. Someone who I could depend on for all aspects of life with no fear of judgement. My heart ached for you to be the one though and I agreed to help you raise children even though it would mean more work for myself.

Even though you said you’d never hurt me, I still flinched and grew wary anytime you became manic. Regardless of your promises I feared the day would come when you would be violent towards me. So the day you yelled at me to fuck off and go screw myself, I did. I had enough of you reminding me everyday I wasn’t enough. I was done with swallowing my tears and waiting for dark to let them out so I could process my emotions without having you to waive them in your favor. I was also not perfect, but I tried to be. I tried so hard to make us work. I blazed a trail of broken trust because I put our relationship above every aspect in my life.

Luckily, Rose stuck around regardless of how cruelly I treated her while I was with you. I cut her off for you remember? I never asked you to cut Miyren off, I just asked you to stop talking to me about her. I simply left the decision making to you even after her confession of undying love. I couldn’t bring myself to ask that of you because of your bond with her, but I still came out triumphant. My soulmate was there to comfort me and make me feel whole again. All it took was a brush of her lips to make me feel strong in my decision to leave at five in the morning. I’m proud of myself for deciding that was enough manipulation on my emotions. I’m proud of myself for ignoring your pleas and not letting you pull me into your void again.

1 note · View note

stillpartofthisworld · 7 years

Link

Synopsis: Angus learns first-hand the risks of his career and begins a new one. Taako isn’t happy.

(I deserve to burn for what I’ve written….)

Story under the cut! Note: Major character death

"You gonna need this gift wrapped?"

Taako snaps out of his daze and brings his attention to the small human girl in front of him. She was holding a book in her hands- the newest installation of the Caleb Cleveland: Kid Cop series. For a moment, Taako wonders why he's there. In a small, cozy bookshop, looking down at a girl who defo needs some face cream, those pimples are just-

"Sir? You alright?"

Oh .

The world finally sews itself back together, memories clicking into place as Taako waves his hand in the universal "no" gesture.

I'm not alright.

"Nah, no gift wrapping for me, hombre. How much is the kid book?"

She tells him and he pays, giving her a tip because that's what he felt like doing today, not because of the understanding look she gives him, or the casual slide of the tissue box that he clearly did not need (he wasn't about to ruin his eyeliner for anything). He gives her a few extra gold and even the name of a good cleanser (it'll do magic, honey, no pun intended-) because that's what he felt like doing as he exited the small shop and put on his sparkling frame sunglasses, even though the sky was overcast with clouds. It was a fine day, he told himself, and he was doing just fine as he headed over to Lucretia’s house.

---

Lucretia's modest cottage is sometimes referred to as a "safe house".

It's a quaint little place, all brick and class-the same things Lucretia herself was probably made out of. Most of the actual property is a green space, filled with forest and meadow and a small greenhouse for Merle's more...interesting specimens. It's also quite close to the Neverwinter Grand Library, Lucretia's only pride and joy on the prime material plane. She spent an unholy amount of time there, only coming home for a change of clothes and to chastise the guests who use her home as a sort of vacation house.

She spends a lot of time at home now.

Taako slips in through the kitchens back door with a key that hangs fashionably around the neck of his hat. It's one of the few copies Lucretia had made for the IPRE crew, along with a few others. Through the years, her home became sort of like the Starblaster all over again, filled with Lup's laughter, Davenport's postcards, Lucretia’s writing, Magnus's hugs, Merle's dances and Barry's stammer. It was what "home" meant to them now, even when they each had an apartment, a bungalow or a lab somewhere else on the continent. It was where they truly came together again and lived, making up for the lost time through closeness and touch and sight.

It was now also home to whispers and deep sighs, which Taako could hear all the way from the other side of the house.

"...worried about him, Magnus. He's been like this since..."

"...seems to be getting a bit better. He was able to get up yesterday, wasn't he?"

"The symptoms aren't...we can't wait for Lup and Barry forever. He can't wait-"

"He's a strong boy, 'Creesh. He already seems to be on the mend."

"So were you. All those years ago, so were you. "

The voice cracks and dissolves into muffled sobs. Taako hears Magnus's footsteps as he gets up and hugs Lucretia tight, as if he could shield her from the fate of the boy that lay in bed a floor above them.

The same boy Taako was going to see now.

The wooden steps didn't creak under his light weight as he sneaks past the pair and tiptoes up the cedar staircase. Even from this distance, he can hear the boy's labored breathing as he fights a losing battle for his life. Each breath, each step assails the wizard with memories, memories of how, exactly, this all came to pass.

The memory of Angus, dirty but whole, screeching and jumping into Taako's arms when they finally land back on the material plane in the Starblaster.

The memory of Angus's face, stricken but resigned, as the crew starts to decide how to restart and rebuild on this broken continent.

The memory of his cherubic, beaming grin as Magnus offers to take him in, with Taako appearing every so often for impromptu magic lessons.

The memory of a boy slowly but surely maturing into a young man, to the point where Taako isn't even sure exactly when Angus came to be his height, or when he was able to cast level eight spells like it was nothing. He, unlike most teenagers, never adopted a sullen or snappy temperament. Taako is almost sad that this never happened. Almost.

The memory of Angus, now seventeen years of age, taking on a case of a mysterious death by apparent poison. He enlists the help of Lup and Barry for this task, reportedly sending them samples of blood and plants every so often.

The memory of Magnus showing Taako the note Angus left him, detailing that he had found the murderer and would be capturing him during a train ride to Rockport. Back soon, he wrote.

The memory of Angus in a hospital, seizing and shivering violently as Merle tries to draw the poison out of his system. The culprit is gone in a wisp of ash and screams, and the authorities try to explain what had happened to a sobbing Magnus and pale Lucretia. The culprit had apparently found a new species of deadly mushroom spores. Barry and Taako both shoot a glance at Magnus.

The memory of Lup sitting Taako down in their room, telling him what they already both knew. The mushroom shares the exact same qualities as the one they had found on another plane a century before, the one Magnus had succumbed to all those lifetimes ago. Angus is not much younger than the IPRE Magnus. Lup reassures him that they are trying everything they can to create a cure. Taako smiles and high fives his sister, digging his feet into the floor in an attempt to stop them from shaking.

The memory of Magnus rushing in and finding Taako curled up in a ball on his chair, dry sobs escaping him as Magnus holds him tight, nearly crushing his ribs and making him forget whether or not he's breathing.

Is he breathing?

Taako takes a breath.

He's standing outside the kid's door now. The door is never shut, never locked in fear of missing something, of missing someone. The room is dark, save for a lamp beside the bed where Angus lay. He's sitting up now, reaching for his glasses in order to make out the small figure that stood at his door frame. They were no longer the wire-rimmed, owl-eyed glasses he had worn in his childhood-these looked professional, rectangular shaped with gold frames and pieces of jade at the temples. That was Taako's gift to him on his sixteenth birthday. How happy he had looked when he looked in the box. How vibrant. How youthful.

The vibrancy he had less than a year ago has been drained from McDonald's very being. The detective looks ghastly pale, with deep purple bags under his eyes even though he had just woken up from sleep. He moves slowly, painfully, deliberately, as if living needed to be choreographed to ensure minimal pain.

Taako moves closer as the boy's eyes focus on him, and his listless features carve themselves into a deliberate smile. "Hello, Sir," he rasps weakly, waving at him with long, skeletal fingers as he grasps for a drink with his other hand, missing the glass on his nightstand by a mile.

Taako waves his wand. The glass gently lowers itself into Angus's outstretched palm, the water from the pitcher floating up from its vessel to fill the glass. Angus smiles and takes a sip, clearing his throat as he settles himself into a cross-legged position. The light green shirt that used to be barely his size now hangs free from his body, his legs still covered by the heavy duvet. He seems to get chills often. It also seems to be summer.

Taako breathes.

"Hey there,kid," he says as he ruffles the kid's hair. "Guess what your dude bought you?" He puts the book behind his back and flashes him a smirk when he sees Angus's face scrunch into a small scowl at his words. "I'm not a kid, sir," he protests, which only makes Taako want to call him a kid even more. "And I already know you got me the next Caleb Cleveland novel. Your hand tapping gives it away.” Angus pauses, bringing up information catalogued in that huge brain of his. “Are you nervous, sir? You always hand tap things when you're nervous.”

Damn. The kid’s dying and can still read him like a book.

Hesnotdyinghesnotdyinghesjustsick-

“Why would I be nervous, bubbleh? I'm just giving you a hint.” He flashes him a sly smile, as if he had planned everything in advance while handing him the book. Angus, to his credit, just rolls his eyes and accepts the gift, his frail arms straining to carry the weight of two pounds of writing. A memory assails the elf-one of Angus challenging a slightly drunk Magnus to a pushup competition and carrying the weight of both Davenport and Merle on his back before collapsing in a heap of laughter and sweat, glasses pushed up to the top of his head. The boy had loved to show off his strength to the rest of them, especially when they treated him like the ten year old they had met so long ago on a train to Rockport. Humans-so quick to age. So quick to die.

But never quite this quick. Never quite so young.

Angus pushes his glasses up his nose and winces uncrossing his legs and letting himself sink farther back into the bed. The book had already been set on his lap, and judging by the dazed yet determined expression the human had, he was set on reading it all before he fell asleep again, something he was now prone to doing (Magnus used to doze off at the most inopportune times when they were on that planet. They thought he would be killed by his sleeping spells before the poison took him). He saw the boy’s hands dance along the cover of the book, excited to read the newest adventure of the character he had strived to be like for years. He also saw the pain and weariness that coursed through his body, as if living needed to be choreographed to minimize pain, and he had stumbled on a number he did not know.

Taako takes a breath.

“Wanna hear a bedtime story kid?”

He casts a feeble Mage Hand, picking the book up from the human’s lap and flipping it open to the first page. He looks up to see Angus staring at him, a myriad of emotions swirling beneath his dark pupils. He could see some happiness, yes; through the way his eyes crinkled at the idea of being read to at such an age, and the way the boy said “Thank you, sir!” as if he had just saved the kid's life.

But mostly, all he saw was weariness.

Angus was tired.

So, so tired.

The thought stays with him as he begins to read aloud, watching the child sink into his bed and slowly close his eyes. The only indication that he was awake was the regular expansion of his chest and the way his mouth quirked upward when Taako uses different voices for characters. After a while, Taako forgets to look at the boy every so often, losing himself between the pages of a book that both of them are too old to read. It's a welcome distraction, and Taako doesn't even notice when the boy's breaths start to even out and deepen.

He does notice his name being whispered from the back of the room.

“Taako?”

He turns around to see Kravitz.

The reaper is still in the smart suit of his profession, the only flashes of colour being in the blood red of his tie and the gold bands that adorned his hair (both which were obviously chosen by none other than Taako himself). He has a clipboard in hand, and he glances down at it briefly before looking back at the wizard. He looks absolutely stricken as he whispers Taako’s name again, causing the elf to put down the novel and tilt his hat backward to see him in full.

“‘'Suuuuup, babe,” he shout-whispers. “You finished work early today.”

Kravitz swallows, his Adams apple bobbing visibly in his throat. “N-not yet, exactly.” His voice still carries a Cockney accent, growing fainter by the day as Lup bullies him about it during work hours. He only uses it on solo missions now. Taako swings his feet and gets off the chair, gently setting the book on Angus's nightstand, not taking his eyes off Kravitz for a second. “Aww,” he cooes, striding over and straightening the reaper’s suit, smoothing the collar as he asks “Did you miss me? Your boss isn’t going to like it if you skimp on work just for lil’ol’me.”

Kravitz looks down at him and for the first time in his life, Taako can't read his facial expression. The reaper brings his hands up to his chest and curls them around the elf’s, sending shivers down his spine and for a second Taako nearly loses his balance, caught in the riptide of both fear and excitement as he watched Kravitz try to find the words to say in a moment he has no name for-

“Taako,” The words are slow, hesitant and Kravitz drops off for a bit before swallowing again and continuing. “Could you cast Blink?”

What?

Taako overrides his confusion with an arrogant eyebrow raise. “That's a spell slot, babe,” he says, splaying his fingers on Kravitz's chest because dammit, that kid was right, I really do tap my fingers - “Mind telling me what for?”

“You’ll know when you cast it.”

The tone is enough to get Taako untangled from his grasp and ready the spell, fear coming over him in a cascade as his eyes begin to close, memories nearly a century old dripping into his brain like ink of monsters-

Of eyes-

Of darkness-

Blink.

The world seems to bleed in front of Taako’s eyes, slowly yet instantly losing their color and tangibility around him. His body does a quick 360, an instinct instilled in him from years of scanning, spotting, scaring, running-

He does not find the Hunger (how could he, how could he).

He finds something much, much worse.

“Hello, Sir.”

Angus McDonald sits on the edge of his bed.

The boy detective looks better than he has in months. His sickly posture and demeanor are nonexistent, and he slides off the bed and walks toward Taako with the ease a young man should carry, as if living was a wild dance without choreography. His glasses are gone too, although he does paw at his shirt for a second, looking for them although he doesn’t really need them now, does he? He comes and stands in front of Taako, hands in his pockets and a sheepish grin on his face.

“Ango?” Taako looks at him, blinking. “You can’t be here.Did you use a spell slot in that condition, kid?”

Angus looks at his mentor, the sheepish smile watering down into something a bit sadder, a bit regretful. “I didn’t need to this time, Sir. Apparently, you can Blink into the ethereal plane...or you can just die.” His gaze shifts away from Taako, settling on a figure behind him. “Isn’t that right, Kravitz?”

Taako turns and sees his boyfriend in all his monochrome glory, nervously glancing between the two mortals. He looks a bit guilty, Taako realizes. Like he had known this was going to happen. Kravitz sees the realization dawning on his face and sighs, flipping pages on his clipboard. “Angus McDonald, seventeen years of age, dead by poison aftereffects.” He looks at Angus, who nods imperceptibly and Kravitz clears his throat to read the last line. “Slated to become a reaper under the guidance of Her Worship, the Raven Queen.”

Silence.

“Ok, what .”

Taako gestures at Angus. “This kid. Is seventeen. Seventeen! That isn't even half a century yet! And you're telling me he’s dead?”

“Sir, I did die of poison.”

“You were getting better, Ango. I heard Lucy talking about you downstairs.”

“She's certainly not going to be happy with a dead body in her house, is she?” Angus smirks a bit and Taako stares at him, exasperated.

“Is this a phase for you, kid?” Taako leans in and pokes Angus’s chest, his heart dropping as his finger actually meets flesh. He keeps going. “Are you finally going all emo on us? Death isn't a good thing, boy, take it from someone who’s been there, done that .”

“Hey,” Kravitz mutters, but Taako ignores him.

“Listen,” His voice drops, his voice drops in that way it only does when he's negotiating, when he's bargaining, when he's desperate. “The Raven Queen owes us, like, a bajillion favours. I'm sure we can get her to overlook a soul.”

“And go back into my body?” A flash of pain goes through Angus’s eyes, and for a second Taako regrets not thinking of all the suffering this child has gone through in his fragile human body. “No, thank you.”

“We still have Barry’s body-making thingamajig.” He could practically hear Barry now, chiding him and telling him to “stop referring to the blah-blah-blah as a thingamajig!, but the thought of his family still gives him a small dose of confidence. They had outwitted death over a hundred times; they could do it once more.

“That takes months to work.” Angus points out. (Kravitz mutters something about breaking the whole damn rulebook, but they both ignore him.) He's about to open his mouth again when Angus puts a hand on his shoulder. “Taako,” He says, and for some reason Angus suddenly looks much, much older than seventeen. “Thank you for thinking about me, I-I really appreciate it. But I've known that I've been dying for weeks now. I've settled my accounts and everything-my will is in my nightstand drawer, take that to Lucretia by the way-and I got Kravitz to secure me a job so, so I'm not really gone, sir. I'll just be a while.”

Taako feels an uncomfortable tightness in his chest.

He's felt it before, when he saw Magnus taken over by darkness as the Starblaster flew away all those years ago. He felt it every single time his sister died, when she became something other with her lover to save them all. He felt it multiple times here, even when his mind was split and his memories fractured. He felt it every single damn time he looked at Lucretia's face.

“Don't patronize me, kid,” he mutters and knocks his hand off of his shoulder, tipping his hat down to shade his face. “Fine, go. Don't blame me if Lup makes you work your ass off.”

Angus is silent for a beat before breaking into a beaming grin and enveloping Taako in a bear hug. The elf goes stiff in his arms but allows this to happen, trying to remember the paper-and-blood smell the detective had when he was alive and ignoring Kravitz and his nervous habit of twirling his scythe. “Don't worry about me, sir!” he says and Taako nearly says “Screw it,” and shoots Kravitz for even daring to take this one good thing away from him but he doesn't, he merely nods and says “Good luck with reaper training, homie,”

And just like that he's gone, walking side by side with Kravitz and the spell wears off, Taako appearing back onto the material plane 10 feet from where he cast, sinking back into the chair beside Angus’s dead body. It's only been minutes, primary flaccidity already setting in but other than that he looks as if he's just sleeping.

Taako stares at him for a long time.

He should probably move, go downstairs and tell the rest of them the news, give Lucretia his will and assure them that he was coming back to annoy them all as a reaper in probably, like, a week but he just sits there, stewing in the cool darkness of the room before a knock echoes and Lucretia comes in, balancing a tray of food in one hand.

“Angus?” she says and stops when she sees Taako. “Taako? What are you-” She reads his expression and her face goes slack, hands moving up to her mouth as the food tray hits the floor with a loud crash.

“No.” She says, and the sorrow in her voice is like a jolt of electricity, racing down his spine and restarting his heart and mind as they both process the still body lying on the bed.

“No, is he-?”

“He's a reaper, now, Lucy, calm down.” He’s by her side in an instant, holding her by the elbows because she'll crumple to the ground if he doesn't, just as she did every year Magnus died on the Starblaster even though she knew he'd be back and dammit, he's feeling a bit shaky as well.

“Were you-” she swallows, drawing her eyes away from the bed and towards him, and in that moment he felt nothing but pity and compassion towards her, like all those times when they would drink tea and mourn together in those horrible cycles where both Magnus and Lup died, the vitality of the group drained with their nonexistence.

“Were you there for it?”

“The kid knew his time was coming, Lucretia. He even left a will for you, we talked in his ghostsona.” She chokes back a sob and he sighs, rubbing her back. “You did everything you could, Lucy,” he mutters, feeling the vibrations of the wood floor as Magnus rushes up the stairs, probably to investigate the loud crash. “You always do,” he says and suddenly Magnus is there, he's there and he's staring at Angus and it looks like he's reliving his own death all over again. He reaches for the two of them and they let him envelop them in his arms, all of them shaking as they take in and truly realize that death wasn't something they had the luxury of running from anymore.

He's back a week after his funeral, already able to hold a scythe casually in one hand and look through files with the other. He's back and he looks healthy and happy, talking about his new job looking through the special cases that hadn't been solved yet (“He's already Big Momma’s fave,” Lup teases and Angus blushes before clapping back, “Is it because I can actually do my job?”. The whole group explodes into laughter, even as Lup pulls up her sleeves and Barry has to physically hold her back from fighting him.).

He's back, and he's happy and Taako tells himself that's all that matters, but when the boy reaper puts his arms around him and he's cold, unbearably cold Taako nearly crumples in his arms and cries, wanting to tell him that he was sorry, he should have protected him somehow, he should have saved him somehow from death but he just smirks and calls him “boy icepack” before retiring into the kitchen and whipping up some mean ceviche.

Because sometimes, it's all you can do.

#the adventure zone #the adventure zone fanfic #taako and kravitz #taako and angus #angus mcdonald #taz fic #taz angst fic #taz angst #taz balance

24 notes · View notes

beccawastaken · 7 years

Text

My life summarized Pt. 1...

I started this blog cause there is always so much in my head, it moves at the speed of light, some of it makes complete and utter sense, some of it sounds great til the very second it rolls off my tongue and then sounds nothing like it did in my head, some of it is just random nonsensical stuff that seems to have fallen off a stand up comedians cue cards and straight into the part of my psyche that prefers her own lyrics. It makes it very hard to focus on one task to completion, I even tend to put down my guitar and journal for months on end...so sad!

I must admit that I have worked my ass off to try to make some kind of sense of it all and now when I am unable to rather than let frustration take over I tend to find my random head ramblings amusing. I mean it is often a frustrated, shaking my head at myself kind of amusing but still...baby steps right?

Sometimes the thoughts can be so intense and so rapid that its overwhelming and it takes every ounce of my strength not to scream til it stops. At its worst its almost like there are so many thoughts moving so quickly that it can sound like a constant high pitch buzz in my head. Super exhausting, and difficult to explain to those around you. People tell me to just go to sleep...ever tried sleeping with a shop vac on or inside a construction site? That would be comparable to this, plus, sleeping also isn't my forte so I’m double fucked so to speak.

The human mind and psyche intrigues me to no end. The way it works, and how the basic brain functions are the same across society yet our perception and the cogs and wheels inside each skull are as unique as our deoxyribonucleic acid. For each and every one of us, the way we tick can be vastly different from one another, from the person beside you on the bus, to that guy you’ve worked with for years to a lover or spouse and often really have no way of knowing. I mean how often do we turn to each other and say “can we talk about how your brain works?” We just take for granted that it does and don’t give it a second thought.(haha you will come to notice my love for puns)

Its the intricate differences between us that keep me interested in this self sabotaging species, I mean really, Earth doesn’t need humans to survive, in fact it may be better off without us! Who knows, what I do know is that while im here on this seemingly massive planet im going to make the most of it.

I have a wicked sense of humour (ask anyone haha) and I enjoy messing with people (in a jovial way of course). Im talking like practical joke type of messing with people, light, innocent funny shit. I have been referred to as a brain ninja...I took it as a compliment, however, when you are on the receiving end its possible that it isnt nearly as enjoyable. I do my best not to be mean (I said I do my best, I am not perfect) cause you know, I’m no psycho, although some will attest to that statement not being true, I have honed my inner psycho and now only use her when absolutely necessary. Like if some douchelord crosses one of my angels or my grandson. Then my wrath should be feared, simple enough right? (WOW that escalated quickly! O_O)

I just do not want to waste my life, I spent so much of it not knowing how to handle daily life, assuming (naturally cause why wouldn’t I as a single child raised by someone that constantly blamed others and the world for her problems) that everyone’s mind worked the same, everybody deals with the racing and loops of thoughts you cant kick, or falls asleep with a song stuck in they’re head and wakes up and it starts again as if paused. Every morning. (Don’t drop that duh duh duh....grrr) For days! I mean doesn't everybody worry about every move they make, and lay in bed with they’re eyes closed trying to sleep and checking the clock twenty minutes later only to find SURPRISE, its been three hours! Or this relentless saviour complex I have, I can solve almost anyone's problem or at least help them find a path they are more comfy with but for years when it came to mine, I just couldn’t. This is just a few of the things i deal with or have been forced to deal with this life, Im sure i will touch on more.

I have my children to thank for helping me learn how to deal with my version of life and not giving up on me when I know it would have been easier at times. (Dont drop that duhduhduh....ugh) I want to be honest in this blog, I pride myself on my honesty yet shy away from the darker, not so beautiful sides of who I am as if they don’t exist to the outside world. The thing is, I do not look sick, in fact I look great, besides a few extra pounds. My illness is not a physical one yet it has complete control from the inside out a lot of the time. I work very hard on a daily basis so I do not look like I am falling apart.

I feel emotions at a much higher level than the majority of humanity, I know this now. I don’t feel a lil bit of anything, if im sad, im so sad that even just being in my presence can break your heart. If something good happens and I feel a twinge of joy, I literally have to physically hold myself still sometimes cause it will surge like a lightening bolt through me and often some strange squeak comes out, fingers fully extended as if the energy just exploded form my core and out my extremities. Then, just as fast as it surges it disappears and there I am a woman bordering forty with this maniacal smile on my face like the joker and hair standing up like the professor from Back to The Future. Its quite a sight I am sure, and as much as it has been really hard to work with this side of myself I would rather be inside looking out and have to fix my hair then the onlookers forced to decide between the choice to ask if I am alright or back away slowly. Same with anger, although we have a bit of a deeper connection than other emotions, yea, thats right, we tight. Let me explain...or try;

I like to think my anger trigger point was when grandpa died, but looking back that is ridiculous, I was pissed at both my parents for what they put me through during the divorce but refused to take it out on them, they were in enough pain, they couldn't see it but i sure could. When I am angry I scare people, I seem to fear nothing (not sure if that’s brave or not) and once I am angry there is no going back, I am completely incorrigible, illogical and refuse to listen. I have scared off men twice my size, not with violence of the physical kind, my verbal violence can be so articulated that I honestly think some people are scared to the core. I have shocked myself at times and thats not easy. Once I realized that I was growing into my version of the hulk I had to do something, I was starting to hate everyone and everything.

I started replacing the empty yet extremely fucked up (for lack of a better word) threats with just simply making light of what it was that triggered me, albeit in an aggressive manner however it has proven effective in attempting to analyze what set me off and try to stop the rage fuelled rant.

I really wanted to give you an example but as I was trying to find one it proved difficult so im gonna call that progress. Anyway this venting became humorous to those around me, they all knew me so well that they would turn they’re heads and try not to laugh (ever been laughed at when your livid? its not cool, same as if are upset and someone says ‘calm down’ calm down, CALM DOWN?! like fuck off n all if you honestly believe im not trying, you think i wanna feel this way? like this is some kind of sick joke for me? pfft people!) in an attempt to not be caught in the crossfire of my verbal war.

At first this angered me too (go figure, Hulkbitch) then one day, someone laughed and I took a step back and thought about what I had said and started laughing. Clearly my loved ones weren't laughing at my agony, but the words and descriptions i used to figure it out did tend to be funny. It takes a lot for me to get angry like that now, if I do tho, I still vent with sarcastic wit and make myself laugh to bring myself out of it.

I think I have myself in line pretty well now, I guess I should give some history here, I was a very happy child on the outside but a ball of nerves within, my mother was extremely mentally ill (which i did not know til after her passing) and my father was a violent alcoholic. Luckily I was sheltered from the worst of what they put each other through as they separated when I was 2, but fought and fought and fought over me for nine years. My mum would insist dad never wanted me he just didn't want her to have me, said that I was never good enough in his eyes cause he wanted a boy. Dad, would point out the homeless lady pushing all her belongings in a shopping cart and say “hey kid, thats where your mum is headed, just you watch”. I know now they were just dealing in their own ways with what was happening between them but it really messed with me.

My father, my daddy, quit drinking not long after the separation, i to this day believe that he did this not only for himself but for me, to show me that no matter what you can make changes, just gotta face the problem head on and deal with it so you can move past it. He was always a tough, vulgar, strong, stubborn, hilarious and short lil french man with an ego the size of Goliath. He taught me not to take shit from anyone if I believed in the topic at hand and to learn to turn a cold shoulder when needed. Emotions were not discussed, Im not even sure to this day if I can remember him ever saying I love you, but he didn’t have to, I know he did.

Mum had her own ways of dealing over the years, she was all emotion, raw and uncut. She would always react first, think later, which meant she felt the need to apologize a lot. For her mistake, for not being good enough, for not doing well enough this was so hard to watch. She would repeat the same self defeating patterns she had been doing her whole life and expecting things to change. Definition if insanity much? shitty part is back then they had no fucking idea what insanity was, nor did they care to look. Had someone just took her side and spoke for her she would still be here, if only she was honest with me about how sick she was, I may never have gotten as sick as I did. She thought she was protecting me...

This woman was the sun to my moon and I loved her more than words can ever express. She never believed me when I said it, she always said right up til the end that nobody ever loved her. I know this was not true cause I figured my dad wouldn't get so mad about stuff if he didn't care, the opposite of love is not hate, its indifference. Mum was always in and out of the hospital and it was super hush hush, I assumed she had cancer. I was petrified to lose her, so I didn’t ask questions, just waited.

The custody battle went on and on, I remember my dad pushing our 1970somthing car up the street for some reason, didn't phase me much. I just said “oh look theres my daddy, he looks mad!”. We went to Expo ‘86 in British Columbia and mum was subpoena’d to come back to the prairies for court immediately, so she had to leave her vacation just to go back and find out it was remanded. They were both so angry all the time, I thought it was my fault...had I not been there there would be nothing left to fight about right?

Okay so divorce was finalized when I was 11...Grandma and grandpa (mums side) loved the shit out of me too, ive seen pics of gramma in the military which made sense as I grew up as to why she was so tough but she must have been retired by time I was born. They bought an old ‘70s van and converted it into beds in the back, a table and even a port a potty! They lovingly got personalized plates with my name and the number “2″ after it. They took really good care of me, always loved me and wanted what was best.

I remember around 10yrs old I realized my initials were B.S. and I was not impressed at all as not one word that came out my mouth (at that age) was BS. I was insulted and wanted it changed, plus I knew it would make mum happy if I changed my name to hers. The divorce was finalized my initials were changed to B.J....JUST in time for puberty, (woooooooo) yeah, didn't live that one down for a very long time.

My reason for bringing up my grandparents is so that you all know that aside from this somewhat bleak story thus far, I had many people that loved me, including mum and dad, they just preferred to fight about it.

Shit, fuck, damn, I just had a memory, not a good one but I spoz thats why our brains block things out eh? I do not know how this came about, my mother was very abused growing up and it took a toll on her. I remember mum and the grandparents fighting, i remember gramma telling mum to get her head out of her ass and i remember trying to picture that...I was not going to be seeing them for a while til things cooled down.

Mum was sure that my grandpa had molested me, I am not going to say it didn’t happen but as far as I can recall my grandpa was the sweetest most loving man ever. anyway, mum was questioning me, yelling, badgering me and generally acting crazy i spoz, this was before I know what that looked like. She kept asking inches from my face if he had done anything to me and i maintained that he hadn’t. Finally hours later I was tired and hungry and she was clearly still psychotic she yelled at me are you sure (for the millionth time) I finally yelled out “fine, he did it!” I had no idea what he had done, or when, cause i wasn't there i just wanted her to stop. She was making herself crazy and it broke my heart. I didn't see my grandparents again for three years. Grandpa had gone senile and was not himself, didnt remember close family members etc. When I got there, I ran in the house and we met at the doorway, me at the bottom of the entrance stairs and him at the top. I smiled, and he looked at me puzzled, then started crying, then laughing then crying. I was so glad he got to remember me. I missed him so much.

This was all before I was even a teenager. Grandpa died not long after he was put in a care home cause gramma wasn't able to care for him. His death was my first experience with such a thing, I had no way of knowing how to deal with a loss like this...so I guess I just didn’t.

1 note · View note

maryanntorreson · 4 years

Text

Babbel Mixtapes: Learn Spanish With Music

Starting in your earliest childhood with the alphabet song, learning and music were intertwined. Learning with music doesn’t have to stop just because you’ve outgrown children’s songs, though. You can learn Spanish with music to supplement your existing knowledge of the language.

While listening to Spanish music on its own can be helpful, getting a little extra information can help you understand the songs much faster. That’s why we made Babbel Mixtapes, a guided playlist for which we selected nine Spanish songs and broke them down. Plus, all of the songs have something in common: they’re about love. Three are about new love, three are about established love and the last three are when love ends.

In this article, we’re going to give you a guide to read along with Babbel Mixtapes. You should start with the introduction starring Sebastian, our host for the series. Then, scroll through to each section to get a taste of each song, hear the commentary explaining its meaning, and read along with our Spanish tips and translations. Listen to the full playlist below, or open it on Spotify here. Make sure to click the heart on the playlist to subscribe and find it easily whenever you want!

“Gavilán o Paloma” — La Lupita

English Title: “Hawk or Dove”

Synopsis: The song is sung from the perspective of a young, inexperienced man (the dove), who attempts to woo a woman by acting as though he’s older and wiser than he really is (and trying to be “a hawk”). Sadly, it doesn’t turn out too well for our young dove, who is intimidated by how forward his flirting partner is.

Lyric Excerpt

Amiga, hay que ver cómo es el amor

Que vuelve a quien lo toma

Gavilán o paloma

Pobre tonto

Ingenuo charlatán

Que fui paloma

Por querer ser gavilán

My friend, let’s see what love is like

It comes back to the one who takes it

Hawk or dove

Poor fool

Naive charlatan

For I was a dove

Trying to be a hawk

Language Tip: Need to tell a romantic interest that you want to slow down? Use estate quieto if they’re a man and estate quieta if they’re a woman.

“Lento” — Julieta Venegas

English Title: “Slowly”

Synopsis: In this song, Julieta Venegas explains to prospective romantic partners that if they want to win her, they should move slowly and gently, because she isn’t ready to move quickly in a new relationship. Possibly useful advice to anyone!

Lyric Excerpt

Si quieres un poco de mí

Me deberías esperar

Y caminar a paso lento

Muy lento

Y poco a poco olvidar

El tiempo y su velocidad

Frenar el ritmo, ir muy lento, más lento

If you want a little bit of me

You should wait for me

And walk slowly

Very slowly

And little by little forget

The time and its speed

Slow down, go slow, more slow

Language Tip: If you also want to address your future lover to tell them how to behave, you can use the second-person imperfect form of the verb deber: deberías (“you should”).

“El Baile y El Salón” — Café Tacvba

English Title: “The Dance and the Ballroom”

Synopsis: Rounding out our trio of songs about early love, this song by Café Tacuba is about two young lovers dancing in the middle of a Mexican ballroom. What sets this apart from the rest is that these lovers are both men during a time when same-sex relationships were not just taboo but violently oppressed in Mexico. In spite of it all, these two find love and happiness in each other.

Lyric Excerpt

Yo que era un solitario bailando

Me quedé sin hablar

Mientras tu me fuiste demostrando

Que el amor es bailar

La vida es un gran baile

Y el mundo es un salón

Y hay muchas parejas bailando

A nuestro alrededor

Me, a dancing loner

Was left speechless

While you showed me

That love is dancing

Life is a grand dance

And the world is a ballroom

And there are many couples dancing

Around us

Extra Tip: This song switches between the first-person singular (I), the second-person singular (you) and the first-person plural (we) often. Listen closely to make sure you know which is being used and when!

“¿Cómo Fue?” — Benny Moré

English Title: “How Was It [That We Fell In Love]?”

Synopsis: This song and the next two move on from early love and go to more thoroughly established romance. In this particularly romantic song, Benny Moré sings about what made him fall in love with his amorcito.

Lyric Excerpt

Fueron tus ojos o tu boca

Fueron tus manos o tu voz

Fue a lo mejor la impaciencia

De tanto esperar tu llegada

It was your eyes and your mouth

It was your hands and your voice

Maybe it was impatience

From waiting so long for your arrival

Extra Tip: Keep an eye (or an ear?) on how fue and fueron — the past tense of ser — are used depending on whether it’s referring to a singular or plural noun. Another fascinating aspect is that if you look at other versions of this song, you might see it styled in various ways: “Como Fue,” “¿Cómo Fue?” and even “Como Fué.” The accent on como depends on whether the title is a question (with accent) or not (without accent), but you may know that fué technically shouldn’t have an accent. Accent rules have changed over time, though. When the song first came out, the fué was considered correct.

“Felices los 4” — Maluma & Marc Antony

English Title: “Happy Four”

Synopsis: Love songs are usually about a couple, but not all relationships are made up of only two. Marc Antony and Maluma sing about four people who are — as the title suggests — part of a happy polyamorous relationship.

Lyric Excerpt

Si conmigo te quedas

O con otro tú te vas

No me importa un carajo

Porque sé que volverás

Y si con otro pasas el rato

Vamos a ser feliz, vamos a ser feliz

Felices los 4

Te agrandamos el cuarto

If you stay with me

Or you go with another

I don’t give a damn

Because I know you’ll come back

And if you hang out with someone else

We’ll be happy, we’ll be happy

Happy the four

We enlarge the room

Language Tip: Listen to how the singers use the ir a construction to talk about their future together.

“Tanto” — Jesse & Joy & Luis Fonsi

English Title: “So Much”

Synopsis: The final song in this section is a 2019 pop ballad by Jesse & Joy, accompanied by Luis Fonsi (of “Despacito” fame, along with his many other very successful songs). “Tanto” is all about the difficulty of expressing intense love for someone. The singer tries again and again to show her feeling, but really it’s best captured in the title of the song: “So Much.”

Lyric Excerpt

Y hablar de sentimientos a mí no se me da

Pero lo voy a intentar

Te amo tanto

Tanto que me siento tonta

Tonta que me duela tanto cuando tú no estás

Te amo tanto

Y para que imagines cuánto

Cuenta todas las estrellas y súmale una más

And talking about feelings is not for me

But I’m going to try

I love you so much

So much that I feel silly

Silly that it hurts so much when you’re not here

I love you so much

And to imagine how much

Count all the stars and add one more

Language Tip: Like most languages, there’s more than one way to say “I love you.” Te amo is the strongest version, used to indicate passionate love. If you’re not ready for that commitment, te quiero is a bit less intense, and is suitable for family and friends.

“Llorarás” — Oscar D’León

English Title: “You Will Cry”

Synopsis: As you can tell from the English title of this song, “Llorarás” brings us into the breakups section of this playlist. This song is sung from the perspective of a wronged lover who is telling his soon-to-be ex that he’s going to leave her.

Lyric Excerpt

Llorarás, llorarás, llorarás

Como lo sufrí yo

Oye, tú llorarás

Nadie te comprenderá

Todo lo malo que hiciste

Oye mira, lo pagarás

You’ll cry, you’ll cry, you’ll cry

How I suffered

Listen, you will cry

No one will understand you

Everything wrong you did

Listen, look, you’ll pay for it

Language Tip: Singing a song about how you’re going to make your lover cry is not very uplifting, but it’s certainly a good way to see how to use the future tense.

“El Perdón” — Nicky Jam & Enrique Iglesias

English Title: “The Forgiveness”

Synopsis: We’re shifting from anger to sadness in this song, as it’s sung from the perspective of a man who just found out his ex is getting married to someone else. Quite clearly, our singer isn’t quite over the ex, but hopes that she’s able to forgive him for what he’s done.

Lyric Excerpt

Te estaba buscando

Por las calles gritando

Esto me esta matando, oh no

Te estaba buscando

Por las calles gritando

Como un loco tomando

I was searching for you

In the streets screaming

This is killing me, oh no

I was searching for you

In the streets screaming

Like a madman drinking

Language Tip: Look at how the verbs in this section take the ending -ando when they’re describing an ongoing action.

“Qué Hiciste” — Jennifer Lopez

English Title: “What Have You Done”

Synopsis: We couldn’t go through a playlist of Spanish songs without J.Lo, and she ends it with a bang. The song has her addressing her former lover, listing all the ways in which he’s wronged her. The lesson being, don’t wrong J.Lo.

Lyric Excerpt

¿Que hiciste? Hoy destruiste con tu orgullo la esperanza

Hoy empañaste con tu furia mi mirada

Borraste toda nuestra historia con tu rabia

Y confundiste tanto amor que te entregaba

Con un permiso para asi romperme el alma

What have you done? Today you destroyed hope with your pride

Today you blurred my vision with your fury

You erased our entire history with you rage

And you confused so much love that I gave you

With permission to break my soul

Language Tip: This song mostly takes place in the past, and the verbs almost all end in -aste or -iste, which is the form for the second-person informal tú.

The post Babbel Mixtapes: Learn Spanish With Music appeared first on Babbel.

Babbel Mixtapes: Learn Spanish With Music published first on https://premiumedusite.tumblr.com/rss

0 notes

beartes22 · 5 years

Text

More Zoyalai

So this is like...crackish. But I had a lot of fun writing it so...

(In all fairness, this is a scenario that could legitimately occur in canon, maybe. I hope)

Nikolai was radiating nervous energy, as if he were ready to burst into action but the timing was not right.

Zoya was part saint, part dragon, part tiger, part herself and it was driving her mad. On one hand, Juris and his dragon urges were one and the same. “Don’t submit to anyone” “You are a queen” “The world is a platter you can reach” “Aniquilate the Darkchild”. On the other, that line of thinking had led her to this path.

A path she clearly should regret a lot more she does. Ironic, how her prideful ways had cost her all dignity.

(Honestly, she was this close to do a Nina Zenik, cut herself some bangs as a disguise and go to lose herself in the fjerdians whatever, finding inappropriate lovers and liberating Grisha all the way.

Although maybe the bangs were a little overdramatic, as much as killing Fjerdians sounded therapeutic)

Zoya had been in some remote cave for hours and still hasn’t gathered the strength to look up from where she has buried her head into her hands.

Nikolai’s baffled silence was not helping matters.

“I...did you just? Kidnapped me as a dragon? In my wedding day? In front of a thousand witnesses? A dragon!?”

Zoya took it back. His silence was better than the alternative.

“This is Juris’ fault” She muttered bitterly against her palms, unable to look at him. Unable to look at anything.

“...Since when are you half-dragon?” Nikolai was still at it. Relentless as ever “I mean I knew you were different. Your glare had gotten so much better but a dragon!?”

How inconvenient.

“It’s a Grisha thing”

It was an excuse that had come in handy a lot of times. Incredibly, considering how shabby it was.

“Still. A dragon?” Nikolai shook his head. She had not looked but she knew. The air moved with him. The smell his movement made. The sounds. Her senses were overwhelming like that. Some days, if she concentrated enough, she felt as if she were drowning in him.

She was not as adverse to the situation as she should, which was a problem she should not have overlooked. Look at where ignoring problems got her.

Zoya took a breath, gathered whatever dignity she could find and didn’t look at Nikolai at all. She would act as if nothing ever happened and, if the Saints don’t want to end like Elizaveta, it would hopefully work.

“May I remind you, you are part volcra”

“Point” Nikolai tilted his head. Zoya didn’t let herself hope “Are you going to explain yourself or are we remaining in this cave until Tolya and Tamar come at you for kidnapping the king of Ravka on his wedding day?” He asked, more curious than mad. Things like these were the reason why Zoya didn’t believe in Saints.

They don’t give you a fucking break.

Taking a deep breath, for patience and strength, Zoya considered the situation. It wasn’t pretty. A Dragon kidnapped the King in front of a thousand witnesses in the royal wedding. A dragon that was Zoya herself. Because she let her feelings get the best of her.

“...We are waiting” She decided. Wisely.

“Never took you for a coward Nazyalensky”

“It’s a new development. It comes with the knowledge that I will never live this moment down” She finally turned her head, looking at him. He was as handsome as ever in his wedding attire, even after the flight. The want was overwhelming. The bitterness rising in her chest felt like flames to burn that mediocre princess, Ehri.

At least Alina was interesting. That Shu Han garbage was just self-pity incarnated.

“Well,” Nikolai averted his eyes “I’m sure there was some emergency you have not told me about, don’t be so hard on yourself”

Zoya re-buried her head in her hands, vaguely wandering through Juris memories half-hoping the knowledge on how to make the ground swallow her was lost somewhere. It was not.

You are strong enough to survive the fall

Zoya has never met someone so infuriating in her life. She should have left him to die, that bond was clearly a mistake. Her life will be much easier without it, amplifier or not.

“There was no emergency” She managed to say between her teeth.

“...Explain yourself” Nikolai’s voice was not cold, no, not really. But it was serious, lacking in joy and charm and that Saints damned edge of relief when he realized he wouldn’t be a husband that day. It was an order from her King.

Zoya didn’t want to obey. There are falls, she thought hysterically, that one hopes not to survive.

“I- My feelings got in the way of my duty” She admitted, the words were as painful as any lost battle, her pride stinging with humiliation. The dragon was too close to the surface, a snarl of disgust almost overtaking her.

“I don’t understand”

“I” She enunciated with barely contained rage. How dare he be this obtuse, now of all moments “could not stand to see you married”

A beat.

“But I thought you wanted me to?”

Ravka falling to ruin or not, Zoya will murder him. He sounds honestly baffled, incredulous as if Zoya hadn’t been pining after him since the moment she met him.

(Well maybe not pining, exactly. At least outwardly. Genya said no one noticed.)

“I overreacted.” She forced herself to remain calm “I am sorry, your highness”

“...You overreacted when you planned my marriage or when you dramatically whisked me away from the altar?”

“The second one” She managed to grit out between her teeth

“So you panicked” Nikolai shrugged, wearing casual arrogance effortlessly “it happens to the best of us”

What. The. Hell.

“There was no emergency” Zoya insisted, trying to tell him with her eyes alone the truth. Nikolai was not usually this thick. They have planned entire attacks this way- Complex, everything-that-could-go-wrong-did-go-wrong-but-we-raise-to-the-occasion plans that changed in the middle of battle with just a glance. It’s improbable he can’t read her now.

“I don’t believe that”

Impossible, more like.

“I did not act as your general” She raised her eyebrows significantly

“...Oh.”

Nikolai blinked in the classical ‘I-still-don’t-understand-but-I-already-asked-for-clarification-one-and-I-prefer-never-to-know-than-to-look-like-an-idiot’ look her students tended to wear around her on her bad days. Zoya was very familiar with that look.

She stripped it violently from the little idiots with relish. Now, the only one to find the process painful was herself.

“Or as your friend. Or as someone with Ravka’s best interest at heart”

It was humiliating.

“Then how did you act like?”

Saints help her, especially Elizavbeta. May she ended the job she began and drown her in honey.

“A foolish girl.”

At this Point, Zoya would honestly prefer it.

“...I don’t believe that”

Forget that hag. Zoya will kill him herself. Slowly. Then, she will roam as a dragon, only turning back after centuries because she can’t let herself live with this shame.

“You are infuriating”

“Coming from you, that’s quite the compliment” Nikolai grinned but the confusion remained in his eyes. What a moron.

“I could not stand to see you marry to another.”

A beat

“What”

Zoya has come too far to back out now. She was a dragon and she did not cower from anything-

“I’m in love with you, Nikolai.”

This was a terrible idea. Awful. Nikolai had actually choked on air. Forget roaming, Zoya was going back into the Fold. Right back.

Juris has been alone and forgotten for centuries. It was not nearly enough to forget this episode but it was a start.

“...What”

Well. That was an answer in itself. If hurt a little (a lot) that he never considered her that way but what was done cannot be undone

“Do you want me to take you back?” The sooner she can start forgetting this mess the better

“What?” Nikolai squeaked. He seems speechless, which she thought impossible. Then, this day was full of impossibilities “Back- I...Give me a minute”

“You are speechless.”

“That you, the most unromantic practical person I have ever met is so in love with me that she has risked everything including the fate of her country transforming into a mystical dragon just to whisk me away from my bride in the most dramatically absolutely romantic escape ever while I had no clue whatsoever of your feelings? Yes, I find I have no words”

“You are right. This was a mistake. I’m taking you back”

“Let me think!! I was not prepared for this, dammit! I…” Nikolai mumbled something to himself “Do you really love me?”

“No. I just kidnap kings for fun”

“You do!?”

“You are usually not this stupid”

“I thought you only tolerated me so excuse me if I am a little shocked!”

“Nikolai, I let myself be drowned in honey by a deranged overpowered unknown for you. I have lost innumerable nights to watch over your volcra escapades. I allowed you to bring the Darkling back to Os Alta.” A pause “Alive.”

“YEs! Because I am the King of Ravka!”

Honestly, Zoya should have let Juris kill him when she had the chance.

“It’s because you are Nikolai.”

“Stop doing that, it’s uncharacteristic and it’s giving me palpitations” Nikolai hissed, his cheeks a furious red

Zoya ignored all warm feelings of satisfaction on her chest to roll her eyes

“I am done with this. We are going back”

“Fine. But I will not marry Ehri” Nikolai’s eyes were shining with the same mad light of his better schemes. Zoya had a hate-love relationship with that light.

“...I assure you I can control myself”

“I have my doubts of that, all things considered, but that is not the reason.”

Forget love-hate. It was hate-hate.

“Please don’t say anything stupid”

“I, dear Zoya, are a romantic at heart. And I was content to settle for an arranged marriage, certain that my feelings could never be reciprocated”

And just like that, her heart plummeted to the ground.

“...You are still in love with Alina?” She managed to say with a straight face, hoping the heartbreak did not show on her expression. Nikolai stared at her.

“You are an idiot.” He said like insulting her did not cost live or limb “An absolute moron. A walking disaster. How did I not notice? I have been utterly blind”

Zoya tried a few breathing exercises, which did not work considering that her breath was wasted on not laying waste to the disrespectful imbecile in front of her. It said a lot that she did not murder him in that instant.

“You thought I barely tolerate you” She felt obligated to say. If he were literally anyone else she would have tear him apart for insulting her.

Love was making her soft. And stupid.

“Within reason!”

“What reason?”

“You don’t laugh at my jokes”

“They are not as funny as you think they are”

Nikolai clutched at his heart dramatically

“Lies! Slander! How could you”

“Easily” Zoya rolled her eyes “If you don’t mind could we get to the point?”

“I have recently discovered that my feelings are, in fact, reciprocated” Nikolai deadpanned slowly. Zoya felt insulted. “Which changes things” He continued, uncaring of the sting of Zoya's hurt pride “Because I am not in love with a married woman I have not seen in five years and who I only saw as a dear friend”

So not Alina then. Nikolai was just in love with Another Woman. Cool. Zoya was alright with that, never mind that she just opened her heart at him and then the insensitive ass decided to follow his heart for some undeserving scum who just apparently revealed her feeling-

“...Oh.”

They stared at each other in silence for a long time, processing the new information like complete morons.

(They are responsible for a country. Seeing as they collectively have one whole neuron, it's a wonder Ravka is still standing)

“If I kiss you right now, will you maim me?”

It's not fair he has dimples when he smiles that widely. Zoya's brain is useless like this.

“Only if you want to”

“That’s unfairly hot”

“Everything I do is like that”

Nikolai laughed. Then he kissed her. Zoya threw herself to the kiss as she does anything that interests her in her life. With untamed passion and the determination to demolish whatever stood her way- Nikolai may be half-pirate, despite whatever privateer bullshit but a dragon-

“I can hear you thinking” Nikolai mumbled against her lips, her dimples as deep as she’s ever seen them.

“Then you aren’t doing your job right” Zoya snarled before biting him, as tender and fierce as she was able.

A dragon hoards. And Nikolai was hers.

(Tolya had to bleach his eyes when he found them much later. ‘We were going back to the palace in a minute’ his ass.)

#Zoyalai #zoya nazyalensky #nikolai lanstov #kos spoilers #I hope you liked it! I have fun writing morons.

33 notes · View notes

bleatinginpolish · 6 years

Text

Dismembered Arms & Wonderful Humans

Most of my students knew how I felt about Kołobrzeg. They knew that, for a variety of reasons, it was about as much fun as having an assailant violently rip my arms from my body and use them to beat me whilst mockingly asking "why are you hitting yourself?".

As such, I was often asked why I would subject myself to such barbarism. The answer was simple: I adored my students. With very few exceptions, they were lovely, open-minded humanoids and I wanted to get to know them, their culture, and, of course, help them speak English like weirdos.

While many students came and went for one reason or another, there were some who I saw essentially every week for the duration of my time in Kołobrzeg. Here they are, based on the day of the week I had them:

Mondays

My "Business English" class was an intermediate-level group of 7 adults who all worked for the same company. With an 08:00 start time -- and on Mondays, no less -- it wasn't always easy for everyone but they were a fun group. For the most part, they were engaged, asked questions, and were clearly interested in improving and learning what sorcery brought a guy from southern California, of all places, to a small city in northern Poland. To my delight, by the end of our time together, we were having more spontaneous conversations than using the book, which was good for everyone, methinks.

Dawid, an 11-year-old boy, came to me after school and was always a pleasure even though he couldn't even put a sentence together, let alone have a conversation. Every week, I'd start our class by asking him what he did over the weekend, and his answer never waivered; he "played his console". XBOX, that is. That little brain-melting machine was his pride and joy. In time, I came to recognize when he didn't understand what I'd said or asked but acted like he did. Occassionally, he'd say "yes" with all kinds of confidence even though I hadn't asked a yes/no question. He was a smart kid who was able to laugh at himself and was always willing to practice.

The "Teens" class was next. They were an interesting bunch of high school students with varying levels of English, though all of them were conversational.

Weronika was the one I mentioned in a previous post that loved pups and volunteered at the local animal shelter weekly. She and her friends Ola and Oliwia were very quite in the beginning. Eventually (read: a month before I left), Weronika and Ola opened up because the class size got smaller, so we were able to actually get to know each other in a way that wasn't possible with a larger group. That's when Weronika invited me to walk some doggos with her! They were the only two who showed up to our final class, and even got me a tear-jerkingly thougthful gift!

Asia and Iden, who were aunt and nephew respectively despite being the same age, were the talkers of the group. And I mean that in the best way possible. I could always count on them to keep the conversation going! Asia, in one of the most spectacular acts of kindness I experienced in K-rzeg, invited me to spend Christmas with her and her family. They were tremendously warm and welcoming, the food was lovely (except the "gelly fish" - nie dziękuję!), and they taught me a ton about Poland and Polish Christmas. It was a truly heart-warming experience that I shall ne'er forget.

They also initiated "food lessons" (or "potlucks", as I call them). Everyone made food, brought it in, and we had the lesson in the dining room while sharing a meal. Another time, we all chipped in and bought a pizza and drinks (no, it wasn't Vodka!) to celebrate Iden's birthday. That was a glorious day!

Oliwia P. kept me on my toes with her depth and insight, though I think there was more to her than I got to see in the context of our group lessons. As someone who has done a gaggle of volunteering, I was impressed when she went to the Dominican Republic with her parents to do some volunteer work. Her friend Klaudia came to some classes but I think she said about 31 words all year, so I didn't get to know her too well.

A guy by the name of Jacek was the last to join the group. He didn't make a good first impression (he stared at his phone for 90% of his first class), but he ended up being quite engaging.

Next up was my "Adults" class, which was 5 low-level, working adults ranging in age from 25 to 45, I think. They were lovely people that were eager to learn but it didn't make sense for them to have classes with me because they were so low level that we could barely communicate. For that reason, I had to use a book that, thanks to Terry, wasn't appropriate for them so I was constantly simplifying or completely skipping entire sections. Those folks needed to be practicing the basics, not learning the nuance of cynicism (true story!).

Karol, a first year high school student who was in an IT-focused program, was a bit of a wild card for me. I never really knew what to talk about with him, but somehow we kept the conversations going. Whenever I got into a pickle in terms of having nothing lined up to talk about, I would use my admittedly outdated knowledge of IT to spark a conversation.

Tuesdays

A few months into my stay, I got a new student named Magda. She was beautiful soul in her mid-20's who wanted to improve her English, partly just for herself but also to feel more confident while traveling. Like me, she had grown tired of the routine of "normal" life and was looking to change things up. As I had walked down that same road, I was perfectly suited to not only help her with English but also to give advice related to backpacking and how to get over the mental barrier of letting go of the things we're so used to having. It was quite exciting to be a part of her journey! (Update: She's backpacking in the Philippines as I write this!)

Initially, I met Monika in my "Business English" class. Her level was a bit lower than the others, which is why she wanted to have individual classes as well. She was a Kołobrzeg native that had lived in Spain and Argentina for many years, so she spoke Spanish fluently and handled the Spanish-speaking markets at her job. Whenever she couldn't explain something to me in English, she'd swtich to Spanish and I understood more often than not, so that was handy.

Natalia was Monika's 13-year-old daughter. At first, we could barely communicate. That was nerve-racking, but as she got more comfortable with me and gained confidence, it got easier. Her mom told me that was enjoying our lessons, which was the first time she'd been even remotely excited about English, so she was thrilled. By the end of my time in Poland, we were able to understand each other well enough to maintain (simple) conversations.

Wednesdays

Borys, the tallest 16-year-old in the universe, was an incredibly nice kid who lived and breathed basketball. For the NBA playoffs, he stayed up all night to watch the games live. In 8 months of classes, I don't think a single one went by without us talking about basketball. That's quite a feat for me considering I could not care less about the sport. A few times, I tried to mix up the topic but we almost always hit a dead end and turned into awkward turtles. Luckily, it was easy enough to quickly Google "basketball news", then let him run with whatever headlines I found.

A second year high school student, Kinga, was one of the hardest working people I'd ever met. As arguably my highest level student, our lessons covered a multitude of topics ranging from dance class (hers, not mine) to traveling to the daily struggles of having long hair. Given her high level, she was hoping to refine her knowlegde of the simple things that don't come up conversation very often, such as "windowsill". We got along so well that she wanted to continue our lessons after I came back to the US. (Update: We have indeed started having lessons via Skype.)

Łukasz had a wife and young son and was probably in his late 30's. They owned a local business that catered to the summertime tourists, so he was taking advantage of the off-season and improving his English. While our conversations frequently drifted towards the depressing side of life, such as politics, climate change, and social media addiction, they were always thought-provoking and enjoyable. And when the laptop I had borrowed from the school decided to stop working, he lent me one of his! That was a life-saver because I had just started teaching online and couldn't continue without a laptop.

Even with a 20-year age gap and wholly different upbringings, Kasia and I had an extraordinary amount in common. She was one of the few students with whom I never worried about running out of topics to discuss because we were both able and willing to talking about anything and everything. Our conversations seemed to always boil down to our shared fascination with human nature; why people do what they do. In fact, we were often so deep in conversation that we'd lose track of time and go over by 10 or 15 minutes. I was (and am) genuinely excited to see where she goes in life as she needs and deserves more than Kołobrzeg can offer.

Thursdays

Another second year high school student, Ola, came to me twice a week because she had signed up to go to New York for an English course during the coming summer. For a while, her friend Roxanna was coming with her but she got a job and had to stop. Anywho, even though she'd traveled a fair amount, Ola was a bit nervous about living in such a big, busy city. I assured her she would adjust and provided as many tips as a I could considering that I'd only been there once. She was incredibly smart, though I don't think she'd admit, and I think she'll go on to do great things! (Update: She's currently in New York, making oodles of friends from all over the world, and loving it!)

Fridays

My only class on Fridays was with Marek, a 14-year-old who played soccer in a club, loved to ski, and was a big fan of movies, especially ones with superheroes. We spent many a class talking about the myriad of superhero movies and characters, and watching trailers for upcoming releases. We talked about what might happen in "Avengers: Infinity War" more than I'm comfortable admitting in writing. Coincidentally, it was released the weekend before I left Poland, so our last class was a real geekfest.

Each of the people mentioned above -- and a few other non-students who I'll write about in another post -- played a part in my decision to stay in Kołobrzeg, and I'm thankful for every one of them!

0 notes