#she’s bpd coded sorry
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i had a vision
#that’s my emotional support spillways#she’s bpd coded sorry#ghost band#ghost bc#the band ghost#impera
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what schizoid traits do you see in sayaka?
Ah, I think that Sayaka is canonically closer to a BPD interpretation, so the schizoid traits I see in her are more comorbid with the latter itself. Personally, however, it is more so of my own comfort to headcanon Sayaka as "schizoid" because of the themes of her alienation. Sayaka struggles with reconnecting with others and forming relationships that she desires, all the while isolating herself further and further away from her childhood best friend, Madoka. There are also codes of apathy and indifference regarding how she perceives her own body (a corpse) as an inhuman mobile, and how she eventually succumbs to her loneliness, a sentiment that carries over even to her witch form. As Oktavia, she drowns out reality by confining herself in a world she created - being in the centre of attention on a stage, something that she would not have achieved in the "human" reality. I think how Sayaka perceives reality and how she fails to be in tune with other magical girls is the biggest buzzer here. A person so out of place among even those with magic (as she is inexperienced, unstable and regarded as ineffective compared to the rest of the Holy Quintet), yet rejected as a human with the idea that she is inherently undesirable and unlovable, which perpetuates her mechanisms of "I can't be loved because I am not human and therefore I will not maintain any meaningful relationships".
As opposed to explicit traits, I feel that there are "codes" with her character/arc which resonate with my experiences more.
#sayaka casually leaning to the bpd and schizotypal compass ig#schizoid sayaka is more of a me interpretation because i think people can agree that her bpd codes are much stronger#but im comorbid for both so this is definitely very fun for me and her#ASKS 💌#genuinely sorry if this is incoherent i just Believe more than i Think#also the whole sequence with elsa maria really feels like a schizomoment she is Literally Me/lh
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redrew that old nk headcanons post because it was so bad it kept me up at night and also added jestro, izzy, and fletch because they’re my babygirls i couldn’t exclude them this time
#clay has that awesomesauce bpd psychosis#he also conveniently didn't inherit pointed ears from his mom cuz i think that'd raise some suspicions really early on#macy is unintentionally trans coded idc#like to the point where she struck me as trans coded faster than lake from infinity train did#anyways my macy is transmasc#my axl is half giant half elf#his father being a giant and mother being an elf#and he inherited the Very Large Size from his father#so he's fucking massive compared to his mom and sister#sorry for changing izzy's awesome glasses i just like making her Normal#also sorry for making them All autistic#nexo knights#clay moorington#lance richmond#aaron fox#macy halbert#nexo knights axl#jestro#nexo knights jestro#ava prentis#robin underwood#izzy richmond#fletcher bowman#nexo knights headcanons#nexo knights fanart#lego#jay art
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realizing that the only reason i really like karin even w her limited screen time is because a crazy bitch with bpd recognizes another crazy bitch with bpd.
#idc what anyone says she is at least slightly bpd coded#sorry guys taking my mental illness crumbs and projecting#except her devoting all her attention to sasuke can be interpreted as comedic but when i do it it’s pretty much just pathetic#bpd.txt#actuallybpd#sneha watches#naruto#karin uzumaki#karin
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GODDDDDDDDD THE TOMSH*V FIGHT SCENE THEY FUCKING AAAAAAATE!!!!! ate that shit UP!
#while i think what tom said when he popped off i agree with i also think it wasn't fair for him to flip flop on her a little#like you know ''i want a kid ACTUALLY YOU WOULD BE TERRIBLE FOR IT''#but that unfortunately is SUPER bpd coded. the fight just confirmed to me he has bpd.#and the way he let it all out in BLIND rage and then immediately deflated and was sad asf. that's bpd too#shiv was right to call him out on wanting power and success and all that shit#but the other insults fell flat asf for me bc it was just little kid push back bc she couldn't handle the truth bombs he dropped#when i say that i mean they weren't correct i don't mean she didn't FUCK that shit up#it was so well done so organic and so real. snook and mattmac knocked it out the fucking park tbh#as i said i'm a tom apologist so he was right sorry. but it was a really good scene
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Taylor wrote yoyok for the kids that grew up raising themselves when their parents left them
#it’s me! hi!#personal#tw: abandonment#tw: bpd#like I spoke to my mom for the first time in months and she told me she bought a new house in a new state 🤠#like okay where you ever planning on telling me or was I supposed to find u myself????#she did the same thing the day before her wedding…..didn’t even tell me she was getting married until the day before and it was more like#“you can come if you want!’ …..#sorry to get sad but the fact that I didn’t have a code makes me feel sadder
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teachers aide pt.6
Summary: Abby supports and comforts reader in her mistakes and reader has never felt more loved
WARNINGS: relationship trauma implied, reader is bpd coded (real af) and hates herself, but abby loves her.
Abby was the first person you went to. And when she pulled your shaking body into her strong embrace you couldn't help but to feel like you didn't deserve it. Like you were such a fuck up, like you would never deserve love, Ellie’s especially.
Eventually you calmed down enough to speak, after Abby consistently held you, telling you to not be sorry, to please just breathe, that everything was okay.
“You gonna tell me what's going on? Hm?” She spoke softly as if speaking to a wounded animal or a feral stray.
You shook your head, sitting across from her on her daybed, legs touching, enough distance to feel safe but enough touch to feel grounded.
“Im just such a fuck up.”
Abby's eyebrows furrowed in concern, “Why would you say that?”
“I kissed Ellie.”
“Oh.”
“Yea”
The aura in the room was uncomfortable and strained, had you ruined another friendship yet again? With such simple words?
“And you regret it?”
You snapped your head up at Abby, you hadn't expected those words.
“No? Yes? I don't know. I'm confused.``
“No you aren't.” Abby said sternly
“What?”
“You act dumb as if you're just confused about your feelings but you knew Ellie liked you, you knew she wanted you and you didn't reject her. A part of you,,, as much as I hate to admit it, wants her too.”
You looked at her blankly, her brutal honesty was not anticipated.
“And you know how I feel. I don't even have to say it.”
“Yea. Yes I do” you responded.
“So what do you want y/n? To mend things with Ellie? To lose her and forget? I see how you care for her, I see how you look at her. And I see how you look at me.” Abby said sternly, emphasis on her words.
“Do you want me?” She said, nervousness lacing her speech.
“Abby you treat me so well, like you understand, you think I deserve to be loved”
“You do deserve to be loved”
“Then why is it so hard for me to feel that way?”
“Is there something that's happened in the past? Someone who made you feel unworthy?”
For a minute, you wanted to lie, tell her no it's always been this way. But your track record wasn't great, every relationship you self destructed, every relationship you felt like a failure, a monster, unloveable.
“I guess so”
“Y/n, you never open up. You let me talk about my life, my family… my dad and you have never let me listen to the real problems I know you have.”
You tensed, it felt like an attack on your vulnerability or rather your inability to feel vulnerable, your fears.
“But you never lean on me, you never let me help you” Abby reached forward, holding your hands in her own calloused ones. “Never let me know you.” She spoke softly, rubbing your knuckles to sooth you. “ Never let me love you.”
You cringed.
“Please don't say that you do.”
“But I do.” Abby's expression was fearful, yet hopeful. “And I'm not the only one”
“I ruin everything.” You mumbled, jaw tense and eyebrows bunched together, it broke Abby's heart to see you so lost. “Everything I do, everyone I touch, everyone I let touch me.”
“I want so badly to just be normal. To be kind, soft, loving, to be loved. But I failed. I failed Ellie, I failed you, I failed myself especially.”
“You've never failed me.”
“But I have.”
“No, you don't get to decide how I feel or what I want or how to protect me. Pushing me away isn't going to help me, it won't protect me.”
“It's better than hurting you with my inadequacy.”
Eye contact at this point wasn't being maintained, It was too painful. Still Abby let go of your hands and moved to hold your face instead, her grasp was gentle, soft, loving. Everything you wanted to be Abby embodied.
“People who love each other, sometimes hurt each other.” Her words were the cooling ointment after the chemical burn, the ice pack on your very bruised heart and soul. “They don't want to, but people make mistakes. They hurt each other but they love enough to talk through it, to keep going.” Abby stroked your cheek, this close she smelt of pine and wood. “They don't give up on eachother. And I won't give up on you.”
Fuck,
Dont cry
Dont cry
Dont cry.
“I know you have a lot to do about Ellie. But I won't force you to do some stupid immature bullshit like pick between me or her. Whatever way you want me, need me I’ll remain. If you need a friend I'm here, I always will be. Even if I want to love you, I can't force you to let me in. I won't do that to you.”
If you weren't already falling for Abby, you certainly were now. How could you not with the way she speaks to you?
In the moment you hadn't realized the fat teardrops dripping down your flushed cheeks until Abby wiped them away. You didn't want to cry, you hated crying but it was an unstoppable salty stream. It wouldn't seem to go away. The concern in Abby's blue eyes grew and she looked at you like you mattered. Like you meant something.
“Thank you.” You wish you had it in you to say more, to show her your gratitude but her words took away all ability to speak.
Abby truly, honestly wanted to love you, wanted to know you. It was now your choice to let her.
“I think I need to get help.” You mumbled,Abby still caressing your face, wiping away the remnants of tears. She cracked a smile.
“There is nothing wrong with that. I went to grief counseling for a long time after my dad passed.”
“Well I dunno about going to therapy…”
“Y/n.”
“No I just mean like, I need to help myself, allow myself to feel and be loved…and I need to have a long conversation with Ellie.”
“Yea, very much so”
“Oh shut up” You said jokingly, a smile finally gracing your features again, Abby's heart melted. Here you were, tears stained in her arms, yet you still smiled.
The rest of the day you spent in Abby's dorm, you followed her to the gym and cafe, all successfully without being seen by Ellie. And for the first time in a long time, you felt loved.
Ellie on the other hand, she wasn't doing so hot. Promptly after kicking you out of her dorm her soft spot for you became her weakness. She was angry, so angry but she also hated to hurt you. She hated to love you. She made a mess of her dorm, thank god she didn't have a roommate courtesy of joel. And when she was done raging and realized what a mess she made she began to regret her actions, still she didn't admit it. She didn't want to be the first to apologize but she didn't want to lose you. It had been almost a year of her pining over you, of her having you as support and her best friend. She would miss you, she already missed you. She cleaned up her dorm and laid on her bed sheets, they still smelt of you. God, she had to wash them.
Notes:
Hello my readers! I have once again, been inconsistent in my updates I am so sorry, and the chapter was short. SO much has happened recently and it's hard to keep up, but I love writing and bringing you this story. Thank you all for your support. BUT I need suggestions on who reader ends up with, I'm still very conflicted. Please comment opinions and thoughts! Have an amazing day/night!
#ellie x reader#gaming#fem reader#the last of us 2#ellie williams#eventual smut#angst#abby x reader#abby anderson#ellie tlou2
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ㅤ 𓈒 𓉸ྀི 𝓥𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓷𝓪'𝓼 𝓟𝓪𝓰𝓮 𝅄 💌 ۪ ݁ 𓈒
╰⪼ ۪ ᰔᩚ ࿐࿔ 𝅄 ꒰ αᑲⱺυ𝗍 𝗒α𐓣 .ᐟ.ᐟ ꒱ ۪ ݁ ۪
⤹ vienna ~ internet devotee
⤹ taken by my god , @transnpd-soot !! <33
⤹ yan / she / gore / it / nya . nyan / snuff / kill . killer / testing out more !!
⤹ professional xenogender , transid , n neopronoun hoarder / silly
⤹ pro delusion / rq / para / sweetspo ed / sh . pro / comship , complex contact . discourse dni !
⤹ cis : audhd , severe social anxiety , bpd , dyspraxia , plural , and probs more i am forgetting hehe [ intra not listed cuz too many to name ]
⤹ i use a tq and rarely pt , often only for major trigger warnings . sorry !!
⤹ i will call readers of general posts chat ! if anyone would like to be a specific name under anon please let me know [ anon list will be in masterlist which is currently a wip ]
⤹ dni / tws / tag codes below cut !!
╰⪼𐙚 ‧₊ ˚ ꒰ 𝗍α𝗀 𝖼ⱺᑯ𝖾𝗌 / 𝗍ω𝗌 .ᐟ.ᐟ ꒱ ⊹ .
⤹ i am delusional and engage in behavior others may find triggering , so i have a tag system ! if i make a post with content chat finds triggering , tell me in asks / dms and i ' ll get a tag sorted out !!
⤹ 🎸 !! means Wilbur Soot / william gold . things tagged with this discuss william / wilbur and / or contain images of them . [ before judging , read to final disclaimer , or just block me and politely move on ! ]
⤹ tws for intox of any kind [ more specific in actual tags ] , vent , ed , sh , nsft , etc content are present
⤹ masterlist of tws and full tag codes as they ' re written is a wip , please be patient with me !!
╰⪼ ⊹₊ ꒰ ᑯ𐓣𝗂 / ρᥣ𝖾α𝗌𝖾 𝗂𐓣𝗍𝖾𝗋α𝖼𝗍 .ᐟ.ᐟ ꒱ /ᐠ. .ᐟ\ฅ
⤹ dni if : you are a cisbigot , an anti , looking for discourse / drama , anti dsmp / mcyt , fakeclaimers / those who dont support self diagnosis , those who hate on addicts
⤹ please interact if : you like mcyts / qsmp / dsmp [ esp jack manifold , james marriot , chuckle sandwich { including charlie } , genloss , tommyinnit , tubbo , ranboo ] , you want to encourage / talk about my delusions , are a fan of hamilton / undertale / serial experiments lain / super sonico / fnaf / wendigoon / phisnom or uhyeah / more that i ' m probs forgetting ehehe
⤹ even bigger please int if : cc ! mcyt / mcyt character factkins / fictkins / fictives / factives [ i am taken . play nice no weird stuff . ]
⤹ cc / c of mcyts be warned ; i am socially awkward and very obsessive , i am not trying to come off as overbearing , please plainly state boundaries and source connection / comfort discussing source first and foremost
╰⪼ 𐙚 .˚ ꒰ αᑲⱺυ𝗍 ω𝗂ᥣᑲυ𝗋 ... ꒱ ― ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅
⤹ kit will only say this once . i under no circumstances supports william gold or his abuse . it is horrid and i do not ever support noncon abuse . i am an abuse victim myself . however , i have " delusions " about my relationship with Wilbur Soot [ along with many other ccs / their characters ] . this " delusion " is not up for debate , and any hate received will be blocked and reported , and have whatever was said removed . unsolicited reality checks and discussing the abuse / it ' s effects on the mcyt space without asking me for permission first are all massive triggers for me and doing so will be treated as listed above . if i want to be reality - checked i ' ll ask for it . mistakes are alright , but going out of ones way to harm me is not , and will not be tolerated .
⤹ the tag discussing william ' s treatment of shelby will be " ⤹ tw 🎸 ab !! " , although i hopes i will never have to use it . support victims .
╰⪼ ༘˚⋆ ꒰ 𝖾𝗑𝗂𝗍𝗂𐓣𝗀 ρα𝗀𝖾 .ᐟ.ᐟ ꒱ ᯓ★ . ݁
⤹ thank chat so much for reading all the way through ! if this account is not for you that is totally fine , but please avoid reporting . instead , block me ! i block freely , and so should chat !!
⤹ please do not act a fool on this page , and stay respectful . feel free to drop an ask or dm ! responses may be slow but i promise i will try my hardest to keep up , ehehe ~ !! sorry for how long this all is by the way !
⤹ alright , buh - bye ! (人*´∀｀)°.ﾟ<3
ㅤ 𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ 𓈈ウィルバーの娘 ۪ ݁ ۪
#rq 🌈🍓#pro rq 🌈🍓#radqueer#rq safe#rq community#rqc🌈🍓#rq#🌈🍓#tw 🎸#tw 🎸 ab#paraphiles please interact#paraphile safe#pro paraphile#paraphilia#paraphile community#comship#proship#tw delusion#delusion#pro delusion#delulu#pro ship#com ship#transid#transid is valid#transid please interact#transage#transrace#transabled#pro 3d
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11/24/23
My coworkers impressed me with their kindness today. A patient was going through withdrawal, in some capacity. Someone who I was on the fence about a few days ago, but am now confident is mostly BPD, turns to drugs to cope with anxiety, possibly struggling with psychosis but in any case doesn't have any ability to manage anxiety when it comes around. She'd been trying to get benzo's all day for agitation and increasing anxiety, with pretty standard behavior for that. Alternatingly kind to her nurse, insulting her nurse, approaching other nurses looking for different answers than the one the nurse gave her. Just trying to have an easier time, really.
Around dinner time, she leaves from eating early to start asking again about medications and options. Her nurse is pretty experienced and has been on the ball about managing medications, expectations, boundaries, etc. And the patient starts say "I'm sorry, I'm trying really hard to be good, but I'm constantly hearing voices and seeing things, and the voices want me to kill you. And I'm trying to keep it together, I really don't want to hurt anyone, I just need something to help make this stop." I didn't hear much else, since I was down in the hall in the dining room with the other patients. And everything was quiet because the patients were eating, but then she raises her voice and says "If I have to kill you, I will! If I have to kill you, I will!"
So a code gets called, and I have to keep the patients hanging out in the dining room for a while while we wait for security to come handle the situation. I wasn't present for any of it, but from what I saw and what I heard, it sounded like a pretty cut and dry situation. Doctor shows up with security, meds are ordered and given, patient verbally contracts to safety. Whole thing took 15 minutes.
What impressed me was, afterwards when I was listening to my coworkers talk about the event, they still managed to be calm and sympathetic to her. Talking about how difficult what she was going through must be, "She really is struggling," etc. I can think of a lot of nurses I've known who would have heard someone threaten them like that and escalated the situation into a brawl. I didn't get to really talk with them about it, I wonder what their assessment on the psychosis bit is?
The coworker I was supposed to be covering for two days ago came into work today of her own volition just to bring me some of her thanksgiving leftovers! That blew my mind. And my other coworker drove me home! Everyone here is so nice.
#dear diary#diary entry#nursing#psych#psychiatry#psychosis#nurse#schizophrenia#cw: drugs#cw: addiction
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I've conducted a systematic review of the subject and have arrived at these conclusions, with additional peer review and input (n=3). these findings have notable clinical relevance to woc and further research can consider—okay I'm done
here are explanations if you even care
lysithea: literally can't see her as a ww. impossible. she's so brown girl
vi: eldest sister syndrome
edelgard: she's so fun both as a brown girl and a ww. perfect balance
jinx: having bpd and your fp be your closest family member is very woc-coded
gwen: sorry. shoes on bed. she's hueless. trust me I tried
oh and an addendum made graciously by sunny, zelda is at the same position that edelgard is
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24 25 🙂
arya youre so fucking real for sending LOL
What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone down? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?
now i get to answer for all four of them <3 theres more but the four i posted about lol
sav - would be a farmer in india if his village hadnt been decimated. he would have developed an interest in plants regardless but it would be more tame. dunno if hed be trans still but probably? would not have transitioned tho. probably wouldnt have learned to read but its not absolutely impossible
ode - unlike my other three, she lacks a significant life defining incident. she was born into this street circus and stayed in it and eventually moved upwards enough to accrue power in the mob world. its the 'ideal' trajectory i guess. i think she really lucked out finding sav tho. she probably would have otherwise gotten so attached to someone who would have taken advantage of her and abused her :c
ananke - dont really know for sure what would have happened had he not been trafficked since it literally happened as a goddamn embryo. he doesnt know this but he comes from a black family in the equivalent of liverpool so he would have grown up in a tight knit community. he would have a hard time due to being a little autistic but i think he would have found a somewhat honest life (whatever that means in this world). worked in some kind of store im feeling pawn shop for some reason
rosie - so if she had not been kidnapped and chimera’d, she’d been one miserable princess (not sure if that’s still gonna be her title) forced to marry one of the royals of england. she understands the importance of this and would not have complained publicly but she would be soooo sad :/ she’s my little baby butch lesbian.
What is your favorite thing about your OC?
so a lot of these characters are traits i adore cherrypicked from preexisting characters that have disppointed me LOLLLLLL this amuses me so ill answer in terms of this
sav - tgs jekyll's extreme compartmentalization of his emotions even pre-potion. sav can come off as really cold cause of this but hes more just wary of vulnerability and socially awkward. i love this fucking trait so much man
odetta - UMMMM shes my clasic bpd-coded gal . asuka - eva (monster) - pariston - mariko you know the drill. all time favorite trope probably Lol
ananke - so i make a lot of mean characters but thats cause i just find it so fun to figure out why they are so mean. ananke isnt really mean but he can be nastier than youd expect... and i like that. he's resentful of his circumstances but redirects that anger away from the source of his problems. hes honestly such a nice guy tho generally speaking sorry ananke :( also hes inspired a little by izutsumi, al from fmab, but MOSTLY sans + papyrus from the handplate comic .
rosie - straight up marie antoinette and oscar from rose of versailles combined but in a way that doesnt piss me off so much. shes a little like rapunzel + h+c pariston as well <3 sheltered child with an enormous burden that she only later realizes isnt a good cause at all and certainly not worth destroying her life over. also i just love wings and flying and shes got WINGS and flies
#ngl i did not answer the last question. whatever. sorry this took so long also i typed a little every day#morphogenesis
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It’s way too late at night for me to be posting something this stupid but I’m also very autistic rn and I need to talk about this. Which means I’m gonna need to make something clear before I say this, my blog is NOT for kids. I know I’ve been posting about Sonic recently because hyperfixation go brrrr but if you’re under, like, 15 I don’t consider my blog safe for you. This is primarily a mental health blog, focused around my bpd. I’m saying this all at the start because… this post is gonna tackle some pro-shipper stuff that I’m definitely thinking about due to my own trauma, and I don’t think this is a good post for a kid who loves Sonic to read.
About Surge and Kit. I see them like Ashley and Andrew from The Coffin Of Andy And Leyley. Deeply fucked up and codependent, to such a degree it becomes incestuous. Yeah, as I said, fucked up. The writers will obviously never confirm this (in fact they’ll vehemently deny it, and for good reason) but the evidence is in the text. Surge and Kit are simultaneously toxic sibling coded AND toxic couple coded. I don’t believe that’s a mistake (much like Rouge gives off some heavily uncomfy vibes in the early days of Flynn’s run on the Archie stuff). And I don’t at all think it’s there to be duplicated in real life. Flynn and Stanley, from what I’ve read from them, seem to have a solid grasp of the line, but that line is older (age-wise) than you might think. Take one look at the Metal Virus Saga and you’ll see what I mean. I think they wanted to depict a horrible toxic and fucked up sibling relationship, much like The Coffin Of Andy And Leyley, and the most powerful way to do that is to cross that relationship into something else. Something darker. And personally, I appreciate it. I think it’s important to show how trauma can twist relationships like this, and it’s particularly important for kids to know what abusive dynamics look like. That’s part of why Tangled is one of my favorite Disney Princess movies (feel free to silently judge me, I’m an emo alt girl who likes Disney, I’m used to it). Plus… it’s an interesting wrinkle on (particularly recent) Sonic and Tails stuff. I’m a firm believer that a big part of the reason Tails was so out of character in Lost World and Forces was there was a SonicxTails shipper on staff. This takes that to its logical extreme, and contrasts it phenomenally. Sonic and Tails are brothers in all but blood, they have a healthy distance, rag on each other a bit, but ultimately are always there for one another. It’s literally the dream sibling experience. Surge and Kit are… Surge is constantly dominating Kit, and Kit is more than willing to serve her however she needs. He has always loved her deeply and wanted the best for her (because of how Starline fucked with their brains), even once he’d learned he’d been brainwashed to feel that way. At first Surge had shown zero care for Kit, but now she seems to love him too. Wanting to actively involve him in her plans to rip apart Sonic and friends. She still constantly demonstrates her dominance over him, but no longer in a hostile way (most of the time). It’s more… loving. It’s fucked as hell but she gives off rough mommy domme vibes for him (as I said, this post is fucked up). I mean, there’s a reason Mimic made the “shared room” joke in the latest issue, it’s not subtle.
Sorry about the hella long posts btw… my ADHD is ADHDing
#sonic the hedgehog#surge the tenrec#sonic idw#kitsunami the fennec#proshipper safe#antishippers dni#15+#srsly#this is a very fucked analysis#adhd hyperfixation#god I’m painting a target on my back
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ooo ok, im a 19 year old girlie :3 im in second year of game design rn and i love itttt.
< Skills include: shit code, drawing cute girls and hugging robots >
I have a cat and her name is nova (supernova long form cuz she is a superhero who saves the universe >:D ) I have blue eyes, pink hair that I dye frequently but its naturally dark brownnnn. I thrive in chaos and am pretty hyper most of the time. But I'm also really scatterbrained. That, and my various mental health issues like depression and BPD but I don't let it stop me from being happy and cool :)
I used to struggle a lot with mental health but have found a nice balance in life and think positively and optimistically a lot of the time.
In my spare time I like to make sci-fi comics, watch sailor moon (and I've been obsessed with Bee and Puppycat) and be a silly little guy.
This week I built an Arduino game thing for school in a week!! And I bought star lights from Amazon to hang in my dorm room (secretly for blanket forts)
I dont know what else to add here, so I hope this is enough ahh
fank uuuu
hiii, sorry for the long wait!!! and thanks for being patient! i hope you like your matchup!!!
i´d match you with Saeyoung!
Saeyoung would love that you have a love for computers and robots in common and would def. try his best to help you and give tips. those convos would probably often get derailed into how to get away with cyber crime, but ya know, its the thought that counts. also im sorry to everyone but that man is a genius and does not understand how other people learn. he has the patience and would try and gently help you, but he would absolutely suck at explaining anything.
would love to build robots of your game characters once you get to develop games (you might already be doing that, idk much about it and its been awhile since you sent in this ask :)). and would def build robots of your characters in your comics!!
(is supernova named after the book series btw?) would love to help you dye your hair and be part of the process of choosing colours. would help both you and saeran dye your hair haha.
its a good thing you thrive in chaos because that man has been without guidance since like age 14 and has no structure in his life, no proper sleep schedule or good eating habits either. obv. youre not gonna be his mother, youre just going to have to figure out something that works for both of you together!!
Saeran would be diagnosed with some stuff after getting out of mint eye too, and having you around, whos been through the system and sorta knows how it works would be a big reassurance. youd be able to support Saeyoung so well and he you, when you over extend yourself.
your optimism would be such a bright thing for Saeyoung. Saeyoung also tries his best to be optimistic and he also knows how sometimes youre being too optimistic to hide that youre struggling. Hed be able to recognize when your smile is a bit strained and reassure you that its okay to not always be happy and optimistic. no one is , and he and your friends wont tire of you for reaching out for help.
sci-fi is probably Saeyoungs favourite genre! hed never tire of you talking about the universe youve created and the stories within that universe. Bee and puppycat would be right up his alley haha.
knowing saeyoung the moment he discovers your love for blanket forts hed probably build one wayy too big for you to cuddle up together in.
i really hope you like your matchup and once again, sorry for the long wait!
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Hi, this may be a silly question but what are Ceres & Atheria's roles in your story? They seem to be very important but they're not among the main characters if I understand correctly (sorry if I sound awkward - I am, in fact, awkward)
haha youre okay! you dont sound awkward at all and its a very good question!
so, Atheria and Ceres are the ones who kinda...started all the events in the story that play out. there's a lot of stuff i have to work out about their background but i am gonna give you guys a bit of lore:
the heart of the universe is essentially a magical tree that is at the center of the earth, it holds magic, essence, and life. it isnt necessarily sentient in the sense that it has opinions and feelings, but rather it is...just a tree. its magic is simply so potent and seeping out that it kinda created an entire planet around it full of life. the magic actually seeps out in the form of water from the tree, into a magical pool full of crystals. the crystals are just crystalized magic.
humans eventually came to be and they lived by and formed a religion around the tree which is called The Sacred Tree. this ancient civilization is called Costella, and Ceres and Atheria were actually born from this ancient civilization.
they grew up together, inseparable. ceres was always shy and introverted and very very mentally ill coded im thinking bpd or bipolar 1 because i know i can represent that best bc of my own experiences with mental illness while atheria is just the embodiment of the sun itself. she's kind, extroverted, strong, and resilient. everything ceres is not. but they love each other, they always have.
there is a myth among the costellan religion that if you drink the sap of the sacred tree you will gain divinity and be among the gods. the thing is, you cant cut the tree and just take. the tree will ooze its own sap every 1,000 years and if you partake, then well it is done.
essentially atheria and ceres wanted to drink the sap and gain divinity. they arranged for a plan to do it because according their their education on their religion (because they grew up in a sort of priestess monastery thing that i was just gonna make up cause its fantasy yknow lol) that the tree would naturally seep its sap in their lifetime. so well into their adulthood they finally tried to perform the ceremony and drink the sap, but it goes so horribly wrong. they gain divinity, but at the cost of atheria's life. her entire soul, split in two to make Csilla and Sinie.
thats all i can rly offer rn because im still working out details. i have ideas but theyre so vague and jumbled. i definitely think theres gonna be an entire arc about ceres and atheria's backstory because it is so important and they are important to me.
thank you for asking and letting me go on this rant! deep story stuff is a little more jumbled for me but i know ill figure it out as i go :3
#fantasy#original story#fantasy story#fantasy writing#fantasy world#asks#affinity talk#ceres#atheria
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Can we talk about (for lack of a better word - problematic or I suppose... Ableist? Not sure sorry) it is that RS decided to make Minthe (the supposed main villain in season 1 and 'abuser' of hades in the relationship - despite him being toxic as well) the only notably mentally ill character? Like statistically women are more likely to be victims of abuse as are those who are mentally ill. So why did RS make Minthe the only character who is prevelantly mentally ill the abusive one?? (only to retcon it later for some reason which makes no sense).
Minthe is (I think) BPD coded and also supposedly a 'lower class nymph' and... shes a villain? Like not to say people who are mentally ill can't be toxic (they can be) but to have the Only character who is a stand in woc also be mentally ill and abusive.. Doesn't sit right. Its like it would be one thing to showcase different mental illnesses with different characters and show how they navigate that but again, there is only 1 character who has a mental illness (that we see), who is woc coded and is poor And she's consistently demonized by both the narrative And the fans. What does that say about RS writing (and potentially how she views mental illness even??)
Not every author when writing something condones the thing their writing about, but I think its important to keep in mind how things are framed and what take away the author wants you to get out of the material.
Whats the takeway for fans of LO when they view Minthe? What are the implications RS is either consciously or subconsciously suggesting here? That being mentally ill means your an abuser? That Minthe a terrible person for getting in the way of their uwu precious HxP ship? I honestly want to know.
(It definitely doesn't look pretty when the poor, woc, mentally ill character is the one who is the most demonized in the fandom in contrast to the gods, who are likely coded as rich white people. Like why did RS put fantasy racism in her comic? People Are going to dissect that and see some not great implications there, just saying).
As someone who struggles with my own issues and has a similar figure to Minthe’s (which I struggled with and continue to struggle with) I never felt adequate with this comic. I’ll be honest with you, whenever I saw Minthe being demonized and absolutely trashed by the entire fandom a piece of me absolutely died. To see a character so similar to me be treated so disgustingly, to be seen as less than by other women.. It hurt monumentally for me especially as a young girl. I already felt inadequate and I never felt complete as a woman in general, I still have a huge insecurity about it as well so you can imagine how sad I was when I saw Minthe constantly being bagged on, even by the author who literally said Minthe was inferior to Persephone who had the ideal body which wasn’t at all like mine. I honestly feel like through the glitz and glamour that LO brought to me as a fan had a huge impact on how I saw myself. Especially with her being coded as a woc, if it wasn’t obvious already I’m a black girl (by the way this wasn’t supposed to be sarcasm more like a joke, if it’s funny like that..? hopefully you get it more than me) and I’m constantly seeing women and girls who are just like me and even in other minorities being demonized for having normal human emotions. If we get too angry we’re either ratchet, ghetto, aggressive, etc. If we get too sad we’re crazy, sensitive, dramatic, weak. And if we ever show any signs of insecurity we’re obviously attention seekers (also this is sarcasm). Seeing Minthe be demonized as a coded woc and one of the only coded woc was really damaging for me because it reminded me too much of all the things that happen to me and people just like me and in other minorities have to go through to seem “normal” in our society. Suddenly the comic that was supposed to act as an escape reminded me of everything I tried to run from.
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Hiii i was tagged by @protectoroffaeries
Rules: shuffle your ‘on repeat’ playlist and post the first 10 tracks, then list 10 songs you really like, each by a different artist. then tag 10 people to do the same thing.
i wanted to talk about everything so im putting it all under a readmore
on repeat:
good girls don't get used by beach bunny (ok so i listen to a lot of beach bunny. like a lot. i dont know why but it has that bpd swag and literally no else feels this theyre like its just cookie cutter straight girl music and Maybe It Is but i like. big fan of sports also would not surprised if that also crops up)
crooked teeth by death cab for cutie (this is my current favourite song. literally i hear it n im like hehe my song, n idk why i dont really like any of their other stuff)
steady, as she goes by the raconteurs (this is just bcos i like indie rock)
what went down by foals (ok. ok. this FUCKING album i have so many emotions about im like wow this album is literally about me for real and it is not in the slightest but anyway if you also like it talk to me about it im always like i am going to ANALYSE THE SHIT out of this album n ill get to like. birch trees n realise i dont know shit about music i just like the way the repeating motif combines with the sense of regret and going back to ur roots n shit)
up to no good by the hoosiers (literally i just love the undulating instrumentals in this ESPECIALLY the intro)
like sexy dynamite by orion expirience (im such a slut for orion expirience i love all their jazzy stuff n again. feels bpd coded n idk why potenially just the art of writing a song about being obsessed with someone and all the emotions in music are kinda close to how my intense bpd times feel. sorry ive been trying to tone down my bpd talk bcos i think its not helpful or fun for anyone but w music its like. oh this is bcos im boarderline this is bcos im boarderline. this post is gonna be so long im so sorry i will tag it)
chevvy thunder by spector (im just a big fan of this it goes so hard n the. suicide fakeouts w the enjambment really fuckin. i just love it)
goodbye mr a by the hoosiers (again. hoosiers got a great sound)
curses by the crane wives (musically very intersting i love the up n down of it idk how to explain it but it feels like sort of. a bobbing kinda dance)
little dark age by mgmt (i tried to get into dubstep bcos of donnie from rise tmnt. i do not know what dubstep is. it isnt this)
like all by different artists. this doesnt have to be different from artists in the og list right? i hope not
dance music by the mountain goats (i discovered this song like yesterday and oooh boy)
supermassive black hole by muse
lonely hunter by foals (again. what went down album. iconic. this one has the line love is not a gun in your hands though and aughhh)
i dare you by the regrettes (literally just a delightful love song that isnt about being gay but i think it is)
the main character by will wood (bpd)
cold weather by glass beach (bpd)
oh girl your the devil by mika (the no place in heaven album is fucking. chefs kiss. im obsessed with its like being gay, religious trauma, pop but with a funky style. incredible)
bad idea by girl in red (im just gay and make bad sexual decisions)
i dont care by fall out boy (bpd)
moth man by dirty bynam (this one is just fun)
okayyy im tagging @phantomxblood @teddybear-tebbydear @lemondoddle @alfredolover119 @lasilhouetteinbianco @jamesspidercat @kirkwords @thatsrightzoeyeyye @morgan-is-here @bookshelpwithmysocialanxiety
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