Margot Robbie at the 2024 Golden Globes

i’ve actually read both of the articles that you mentioned earlier! I could see where both of them were coming from at varying points, though shannon liao’s struck me as a tad harsh, as someone who felt very seen by Alex, particularly with regard to her asian-american identity, and the cultural details and familial attitudes you see displayed throughout the game (especially in episode 5.) I could see why others would like them to be more overt, but they’re still present & relevant as is, imo.

I'm happy you read and enjoyed them! Well, since we’re on the subject, I might as well give my fuller thoughts about all this. This answer got horrendously long, so I'm putting it under a read more. I really wanted to talk about this more fully, so thank you for sending this ask!

I definitely see Robert's point in his article. Alex didn’t need to be Asian for the story of True Colors to be told, but it’s still meaningful that she is so that Asian fans and fans of color can look up to her and feel represented. The Chens buck a lot of stereotypes too: Mrs. Chen was not a “tiger mom” and her kids and husband remember her fondly. Mr. Chen doesn’t push Alex and Gabe to excel in school, and in fact neither Alex nor Gabe went to college, but they still had happy futures. Alex isn’t the best friend or the Asian schoolgirl or the dragon lady or the Asian nerd. But at the same time, when Robert says "Alex never really talks about her thoughts on Chinese culture,” that’s like— well, what’s wrong with talking about it? Why not talk about it more explicitly? The words “Asian” and “Chinese” and “Vietnamese” aren’t even used in the game when "gay" and "lesbian" were, and that's a little disappointing.

I figured people would figure out Alex was at least Chinese because of her last name, but I saw some streamers unsure of what Alex’s ethnicity even was (“Alex is… Chinese, right?”). That was disappointing because Asians tend to be treated as a monolith when we’re so internally diverse. Also, it’s completely possible to miss that Alex and Gabe are also half-Vietnamese. Their mother’s name is Giang “Wendy” Chen, a Vietnamese name, but that’s only in the credits. There’s far less Vietnamese (and Southeast Asian) rep than Chinese, so I wish that had been made more explicit.

In Life is Strange 2, Sean and Daniel’s struggles (personal and institutional) were centered around their identity as half-Mexican boys. True Colors almost seemed to be going in the opposite direction in that Alex’s Asian heritage never really becomes plot-relevant, but Alex and Gabe’s background comes into focus in the last chapter.

Part of Shannon’s critique was that because Alex’s parents aren’t in the picture, the game can’t explore Asian culture through a familial lens. There is some truth to that: for children of immigrants in particular, their parents are their strongest (and sometimes only) link to their race and culture. I thought a big missed opportunity was exploring Alex’s possible sense of isolation and struggle to reconnect with her Asian heritage after being separated from her family.

After growing up with two Asian parents, eating Asian food, celebrating Asian holidays, likely speaking Asian languages, etc. it would have likely been disorienting and lonely for Alex to suddenly be raised by non-Asian foster parents and lose all those traditions all at once. Possible comments like “I really miss Mom’s pho” or “Do you know how difficult it is to find hoisin sauce in the stores around here?” could have inferred more at that specific kind of loss and isolation in Haven Springs. The game touches upon this very briefly when you look at Gabe’s shrine, and Alex does comment “I don’t even know if I’m doing this right… but I felt like I had to do something.” In this way, I find it especially poignant that she still held onto cultural traditions after so long.

But I still thought Shannon’s critique was overly harsh. The little details really do add up, like in Alex’s childhood home, and meant a lot to me too. And most importantly, there was representation behind the scenes too: Alex was voiced by two(!) Asian American women and the lead writer, Felice Kuan, is Chinese. I think Alex naming her mouse Shu-shu was my favorite detail. Because it’s the one detail you can’t miss. Every streamer remembers Shu-Shu’s name and loves how cute she is and they can probably infer it’s a Chinese term. It just is so visible and empowering in that way and my heart felt warm every time I heard someone say “Aw! Shu-shu!"

But that doesn't mean Alex's Asian heritage didn't matter at all. I really appreciated that Alex's backstory still mattered because she came from a poor, working-class immigrant family. Her life circumstances were used for drama, but none of Alex's suffering was racially motivated and that felt tastefully done. I’m gonna paraphrase a comment I saw on alliebeemac’s playthrough of episode 5: "It's no coincidence that both Alex and Ryan lost their mothers at a young age, but because Ryan's father was a military veteran and had a high-paying job as a Typhon foreman, he got to keep his childhood whereas Alex's entire world was torn apart... And if you want to look at it even more metaphorically, the white patriarch Jed was able to preserve his own image as a hero and 'good old boy' of Haven by literally sacrificing an immigrant family to the mines with the expectation that nobody would come looking for them. Whether you're an immigrant or whether you're a foster child, the system is saying 'we don't care about you.'"

And at the end, Alex tells Jed, "You want to look away and pretend the men you hurt weren't people. But I won't let you.” It's a deliberate stand against Jed (a white man)’s dehumanization of poor laborers, including her Chinese immigrant father. Jed isn't explicitly portrayed as a racist, but his actions come from a privileged, and subsequently racist and classist place. For me, it worked better than LiS2's portrayal of racism because it was subtler and more personal. Alex stands up against Jed out of a personal sense of justice for her brother (and her father).

Do I wish we had more? Yeah, absolutely. I wish Alex got to actually speak Mandarin or Vietnamese in the game because that's so rare in games, even though I knew that would be unrealistic because Erika Mori is Japanese. I wish the character artists had at least made a version of Alex and Gabe’s models without shoes, because it just didn’t look right to see them wear shoes in the house (especially in bed??) and even LiS2 had Sean and Daniel in their socks in some scenes. I wish Alex and Gabe talked more about their family while Gabe was still alive and Alex could have had that comfort of someone who misses the food and customs they used to celebrate. But like I said, one piece of media isn’t gonna please everyone. And Asian representation in particular is so tricky because not only is there not enough of it, but Asian Americans are so diverse and come from so many different backgrounds. Children of immigrants are going to feel more connected to their Asian heritage than third or fourth gen kids or mixed race kids for example. Everyone is going to have a different definition of “Asian culture” and “accurate representation.”

But on a meta-level, it really means so much to simply have an Asian face on the box of a major Western game ❤️ Like even just seeing the way Alex's eyes crinkle when she smiles or how other characters find her attractive (like Steph’s note during the LARP preferring Alex’s natural black hair), it feels so affirming. It’s incredible to see an Asian girl be called the hero of her own story, to see her succeed and fail and cry and laugh and fall in love and kiss another woman and be comfortable in her bisexuality. It acknowledges that the queer community includes Asians, that Asian girls can also be curvy, that Asian girls can and do struggle with mental health. And like Erika Mori said, Alex is a fully-realized character and that’s what makes her so compelling, first and foremost. She also has a strong moral compass and dreams and fears and is such an incredible role model for people of all backgrounds, and that’s what makes her identity as a queer woman of color so much more meaningful.

*sorry this is very long but i have a bit of a finale headcanon at the end :)*

i’m almost 100% positive that caryl will have an important interaction in the finale. whether it’s canon or something close to it, we’ll get something good for them. the writers wouldn’t leave their relationship how it is right now and especially not when they have the excuse of putting a big caryl moment in a finale. those few seconds of weirdness when carol came back was supposed to be that way, bc we’re supposed to get this feeling that theyve got unfinished business between each other, that no, they’re not on good terms rn and it’s never rly been like this between them before- but it could never stay that way.

further proof that we’ll get something is that carol went back to ASZ to make things right with those she loves, bc “it’s never too late.” considering carol doesn’t open up to her fam much, if at all, kelly is a great first step in this direction. we need to remember that carol probably never opened up to Ed all those years bc it most likely ended in a beating. plus with tobin she wore a mask the entire time, and she never wanted to open up to ezekiel either, which was kinda the cause of their rise and their downfall. zeke never knew the “real carol”, so she was content to live this little fairytale bc she could ignore all these demons in her head. there’s a common theme with carol and wearing these masks, and ending up alone a lot, hence the mention of “lonewolf” from kelly.

IMO, the last person, if not the only person ever, that carol has actually opened up to is daryl. he’s the one person noticing that she’s not being herself, and thus the only one that is caring about that. in 10x14 i think carol realizes this fact. “i could never let that happen.” she knows how important daryl is to her and if she ever wants to get to her real, happy self in the future, she’s gotta go back to daryl and make sure he’s okay, and that their relationship is okay. he’s the only one that really truly knows her, and considering hes one of the first in carol’s life to be this person for her, it’s overwhelming.

the problem now is talking to him. she wants to, and i believe he wants to as well, but it’s carol who’s gotta make the move here. getting thru the nitty gritty with him is so much harder than kelly because she knows him so much better, and she has it engrained in her head that she’s ruined his future and their important bond from her actions, how do you even begin to talk about that ya know? any word i say could ruin this forever, wtf do i even say? she was crying even talking to kelly, with daryl her emotions will be tenfold.

daryls done everything he could to let her know he’s a safe space - and his frustration rn is that she’s still running and not wanting to take him up on his many offers to talk to him- but she needs to decide. talking to kelly is a good baby step to get this courage to talk to him. like oh, maybe all of this turmoil and hatred is coming from my own head, my fam doesn’t actually despise me as much as i think. daryl probably still does, but there’s a chance he may not, maybe i’ll go take the chance.

i’m not sure how this conversation will begin or the circumstances they’ll be in when they do this. (i do think tho that connie will be revealed as dead beforehand) . maybe carol will blurt it out when they’re pushing back a big horde or something, or maybe there’s a moment of quiet in the hospital and they’ll be sitting like they were when carol was hallucinating daryls speech about his dad. i have no idea. but i imagine they’ll say some things like this.

“daryl..do you wanna know why i asked you not to hate me? ive told you before that i cant lose you, but it’s more than just in death. so much more. you’re the person that could bring me back from this. sometimes i get really caught up in this shit but i always seem to come back to you and things get a little better. you don’t have to forgive me for what happened, please don’t. i deserve it. but i just... really need you with me. you’re the last one daryl.. the last one who knows me. i cant be alone with myself.

did anyone ever tell you about what happened to lizzie and mika? *proceeds to choke thru the story and how she’s being plagued by her kids all the time. i imagine daryl begins holding her thru this and she’s talking into his chest/shoulder* I’m a fucking monster daryl. i kill kids and anyone else who’s in my path. dont forgive me for what happened in that cave either. i hate that i didn’t listen to you. i didn’t listen to a word you said and now connies gone. *starts sobbing* you tried so hard for me and i just... ruined everything for you. the one girl you cared about, the future you were fighting for, daryl i’m just so sorry.”

*i imagine there being some silence as daryl lets carol get all her tears out. then daryl starts talking into her hair or something*

“you know you’re not a monster. the farthest thing from it carol. you’ve saved us more times than i can count on my hands, and that includes you killing lizzie. she could’ve hurt even more people, you did the right thing. and you even saved judith over there, look where she is now *points to judith takin a little nap across the room*

you’ve always got the best intentions. nothing you could do would push me away, you need to know that. what hurts the most is you always try to get away from everyone. from me. *looking into her eyes at this point* you think everyone hates you enough to be fine with you gone? carol i can’t lose you as much as you do me... and that’s terrifying. *chuckles* never realize i need you more than when you’re not here. never felt i needed anyone before i met you, honest. *goes back to hugging her to his chest so he can get the courage to say this next part*

you were the first person i tried to find when that cave collapsed. i stayed put in those woods a few days ago waiting, just staring into the dark for you to come back to us. the reason i fought so hard for you to fight for a future is that i wanted you to be here for mine. you’re the only one i can see clearly in it, and if you were dead... god i dunno where i’d be. but you’re the girl i care about. connie was a great friend, but i really just need you. i just... please stay.”

*then i imagine carol carefully moving away from his chest with tears in her eyes and the biggest smile, she wipes his tears a bit and keeps her hand there. they stare at each other for a quick sec then look at each other’s lips, slowly moving in then BOOM cockblock from something and now we have to wait until s11*

sorry this ended up being vv long all in all I HAVE HOPE OK hope y’all are staying healthy and hopefully we don’t have to wait too long for this beauty🥺

Survey #311

“somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend that i had in february of last year.”

What is something that is so awful it gives you pain in your teeth? Extremely sweet and/or cold treats. What is something you would like to teach someone? I love educating people about meerkats, snakes, tarantulas, opossums... lots of animals. What is something people tend to come to you about? For me to take pictures for them. What is something you would be willing to gamble? I don't mess with that. What's something you're absolutely 100% sure about yourself? Uhhh that I really like creating things and just being artistic. How often do you self-reflect? Probably too much, really. When was the last time you realized that you were the problem, if ever? I feel like a problem now, still living with and financially depending on my mom. If applicable, what's the furthest you've traveled because of a hobby? Ha, Mom and I got lost driving one day looking for roadkill for me to photograph (that will always feel weird saying) and wound up pretty far north from home, kinda close to Virginia. It was a fun afternoon/evening. What are some sights around the world you would like to see some day? I'm honestly not crazy about pursuing ancient architecture, but I'd take the opportunity for some if I could, especially in Egypt. OH! Venice would be cool, and whatever that city is with the umbrella "ceiling" layer outside. Do you have souvenirs from other countries? If so, what and from where? No. Apart from sleeping, name something you enjoy doing in bed: Sit on my laptop or read. Do you believe in ghosts? Yeah, or at least something of the sort. Do you stay friends with your exes? Girt and I are close friends, while the others I don't have contact with. Not because we're on bad terms (I may be w/ Jason, but I think our last meeting was freeing for both of us and distilled any remaining tension), we just don't talk. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? Pretty sure no, I'd crash. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? One or two. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No. How many pregnant people do you know? Good Lord, a lot. People are bored in quarantine apparently lmao. Who was the last person to play with your hair? Myself, outta boredom, kinda just twirling it. Have you ever seen the inside of a computer? Yeah. ^If yes, can you name any of the components? I could probably identify the motherboard. If you could get a new phone right now, would you/which kind? I would. Idk what kind, though; I'm not very familiar with what's up-to-date. Have you ever cut your own hair? No. If you had the chance, would you start your life entirely over? No. How old is the eldest member of your family? I don't know really, given both pairs of my grandparents are dead. Probably some aunt or uncle on Mom's side. I don't remember their birth order. Do you drink the milk from the bowl after you eat all the cereal? No, it grosses me out for whatever reason. UNLESS it's after a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, then I'll drink it. Do you know anybody who has had an online relationship? Yeah, me, and some others. One thing that your guy best friend doesn't like about you: He's never told me about something he doesn't like, so I can't speak for him. How about your girl best friend? Ummm you'd have to ask her, too. Do you loan your friends money? *recites the usual financial woe story* Are you taller than your siblings? No. Do you have “photoshoots” with your friends/family members? Definitely not regularly by any means. Are you generous? If you ignore monetary generosity for obvious reasons, I think I am in other ways. Are you afraid of lizards? No no no, I love those tiny lil dinosaur boiz and gorls!!!!! :''') Ahhh, I want a tegu especially one day. How legible is your signature? It's perfectly legible, imo. How hot are your neighbors? I don't even know my neighbors. Well, Mom's spoken to the woman to our left more than once if they were both outside, but I know she's an older woman whose appearance I never really noted, but regardless, I know I wasn't attracted to her. Do you play Pokemon Go? If so, what level are you and who's your buddy? Yeah, I can finally play it regularly since they began offering a daily box with a few items in it, like the balls. I'm not checking, but I think I'm like... around 23? My buddy is Charmeleon because I love love loooove that evolution line and absolutely want a Charizard ASAP. :') What's the most daring thing you have ever done? I guess that would be the story about how I challenged my rather intense fear of fair rides that can trouble the stomach by going on whatever the thing's called where you slowly go very high up and then drop down abruptly. Yeah yeah yeah, I was safe the whole time, but it was daring by my standards, haha. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? It's been pierced twice already; the first time it closed while I was in the psych hospital and had to take it out, and the second one I just gave up with it after I kept losing them in my sleep and they just fell into the fucking void or something because I could never find them come morning. I eventually had none left to replace those I'd lost. And yes, I wore the curved types, they still just came out somehow???? Probably didn't help that I sleep like, ON my face sometimes, but... lol. I've been thinking of doing it one more time, but this time with a hoop ring. Nostril piercings are just really cute to me. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Somehow. Are you friends with your best friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend? She's single. Do you have tan lines? HA. Absolutely not. Not even in the summer. Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip piercing? Yeah, he had snake bites. Has anyone told you they were in love with you? Yeah. Have you ever seen a bald eagle in person? Yes. Have you ever been vomited on? What about in vice versa? Oh my fucking god no, don't even make me imagine it. What is one family member you wish you were closer to? My sisters. When and where did you lose your virginity? Since then, what was the longest time you've ever gone without sex? I dunno, his bed or mine when I was maybe like 16 or 17. Been many years. What is your biggest fear about making a total commitment to someone? That I'll experience heartbreak again. Do you think that your life is exciting enough to be made into a movie? Do you think anybody would actually enjoy it if it were a movie? lol fuuuuck no If you were the opposite sex, would you be attracted to you? I don't know? If I was a different person, I'd obviously have unique tastes, too. Have you ever walked around your house naked? Oh no, I'm way too uncomf for that. Do you prefer profile pictures of you by yourself or with someone else? Me by myself. Did it bother you to find out that Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Toothfairy were not real? Not really, no. I'd been suspicious about it for a long time anyway. Is there a food that you only recently started to like? If so, what is it and when did you start liking it? How often do you try again foods you don't like to see if your tastes have changed? Hm... I'm unsure about "recently." I'm not very adventurous with food at all, so the answer for the last part is not often at all. Who would you NOT want to read the surveys you've posted on here? What would most likely happen if they did read it? Is there anyone you actually wish would read your survey answers but doesn't? Probably my therapist lmaoo. It'd spark some concern, especially regarding my PTSD, for him to be able to see "wow, she is deeply scarred." I don't really "wish" anyone else would read them, other than the occasional answer I wish He Who Shall Not Be Named could hear. Do you watch Glee? If so, which song do you want to hear on there that they have not yet done? If not, which TV show do you think has the best soundtrack? I don't watch it. The answer is obviously Supernatural, like good good shit right thar. Do you think you would be able to pull off a crime perfectly, without being caught? What about other lies? For example, cheating on your partner without getting caught? Would you be able to get away with it? Ha, hell no. I'm way too clumsy in more ways than physical and would overlook so many details. And I wouldn't WANT to get away with cheating on my partner, thanks. Do you know anyone who has divorced and remarried the same person? What do you/would you think of someone who does that? I don't think I do, and it's not really my business, but I'd have silent doubts, probably, depending on why they split. Do you say goodnight to anybody before you go to bed? If so, does it feel weird if you go to bed without saying it to them? I say goodnight to my snake Venus; even if she's in her hide, I say it when I walk past her terrarium. It probably wouldn't feel weird not to, but I want to, even though she can't even hear me lmao. How do you react when you're scared? Do you scream, jump, cover your eyes, etc.? I am VERY jumpy, tend to gasp easily, and sometimes scream if I'm seriously scared. Who is the best storyteller you know? What do you find best about their storytelling? Is there an interesting story of theirs you'd like to share? I don't know. Do you strongly dislike (or even hate) any bands or musical artists? If so, what caused such a strong negative emotion towards them? Not for purely their music, that's just stupid, but I could certainly dislike artists for what they do as people. For example, I haven't looked into it whatsoever, so it could be a load of bull, but I know Manson recently had some sexual misconduct or assault allegations rise against him, and honestly, I'd believe it. He's one of my favorite artists (emphasis on the "art"), but definitely not high on my list of favorite people and keeps doing things that are making me lose more and more respect for him. Then there's Otep... again, one of my favorite musical artists. I agree with a good handful of her values, but she is nevertheless an absolute holier-than-thou, intolerant bitch. I don't like her as a person. Do your parents have any collections? If so, what do you think of those collections? Dad collects Cleveland Browns and Carolina Hurricanes stuff; it's all over his "mancave." I don't have an opinion on them. Do you have a favourite role of Johnny Depp's? If you don't like him, what is your favourite role of an actor you like? I'm not familiar enough with all his acting roles for this, but I know he's incredibly good at what he does. If you were in a competition to win your dream prize, and you were allowed to decide what the competition would be (trivia about your favourite band, a foot race, singing, etc.) , what would you choose and why? Uhhhh maybe facts about meerkats? Reason being it's something I'm honestly very knowledgeable about. What is your least favourite thing about the English language? Are there any other languages you prefer besides English? It breaks its own "rules" ALL the time. If I was fluent in German, then I might actually prefer it. There are many parts to the German language that make it very precise and clear what and whom you are addressing (ex., there are two different "you"s for singular and plural usage); the only real downside I see to German is the sentence structure is odd, but then again, I mean, it does encourage active listening to get all the parts of a sentence you need to understand what is being said. Would you be upset if a long-term partner confessed that they had committed a serious crime before you met? How do you think it would affect your relationship? Hm. I guess it would depend on the crime? I sure wouldn't be happy hearing they committed an as you said serious crime, but I'd have to consider if there were other red flags for danger going on, again, if it wasn't massive in my eyes. Do you enjoy watching the special features found on most DVDs? What do you usually enjoy more: the deleted scenes, the bloopers, the audio commentary, or the behind-the-scenes footage? I have to be seriously into whatever I'm watching to explore these. I do love me some bloopers, though. Was there something you were afraid of as a child that just seems silly to you now? I had that usual "monster (or in my case, skeleton) in the closet" fear. Have you ever had a crush but then found out he’s gay? Almost positive my puppydog-love middle school bf actually is gay. I also had a crush on a closeted gay guy for a little bit that same school year. Nowadays he is so open about his sexuality and even does drag, and he's great at it! It's wonderful seeing how far he's come in his confidence. Would you ever be a porn star? What'd your name be? Oh no, hunny. Does blood make you squeamish? No. What's your favorite Pokemon? Ninetales. <3 I also have a very soft spot for Charmander, though. What was the last event to cause you any sort of heartache? My older sister got in a wreck yesterday because some impatient bitch ran a red light. She's fine but did break her clavicle and is going to be using a sling for probably a few months. It was definitely upsetting to hear about. What do you do when you like someone? I tend to get very shy around them, more than I naturally am, and smile a lot. I try to stay in contact with the person, and it's maybe a 60/40 chance I'll wait for them to make the move versus me, but I've done it. Do you mind if people just show up at your house unannounced? YEAH. Especially as someone who needs to mentally prepare for company, don't do this. Do you enjoy rain? To a degree. If it hangs around too long, it affects my depression. I LOVE going to sleep to rain pattering on the window, though. You love Jesus, yes? I don't believe he was a bad person; quite the opposite, actually, but I don't "love" him. I won't go too deep into why just because I'm not in the mood to offend people today lmao. Who’s your favorite person in the whole world? My mom. She's my rock. How many different beverages have you had in the last 24 hours? Just water and Mountain Lightning (a Mountain Dew ripoff for us poor folk, haha). Oh wait, I did have a meal replacement shake for lunch yesterday, I think? Or that might have been the day before... How many brothers does your father have? None, unless I've seriously forgotten him having one. He only has a sister, to my knowledge. What kind of camera do you use? I have a Canon EOS Rebel T6. If you could change you name, what would you change it to? I wouldn't. 25 years with a name I quite like has worked out fine. What was the last song you listened to in the car? Uhhh it was "Drugs" by Mother Mother, I think. Are you the youngest, oldest, middle, or only child? I'm the middle child between my parents. What's the best thing about the place you currently live? Hm. I would say for practicality's sake that we're very close to pretty much everything, but seeing as I enjoy long car rides... With that in mind, I'd say who our landlord is. She's a very close family friend who is very understanding of our financial position, so pretty forgiving with some things. Do you eat breakfast daily? Yessss, I need breakfast to start my day off. Can you hear anyone talking right now? No, just singing. I'm listening to Motionless In White's cover of "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers. What's your favorite flavor of ramen? I solely enjoy the spicy pork bowl by Yakisoba. I've never had another I've liked. I lived off that shit in the apartment. I guess what they say about college kids is true, haha. Never realized that. When was the last time you had a bowl of soup? What flavor? Back when I got my snake eyes tongue piercing, I tried vegetable soup only to find I didn't like it anymore. Do you have any tinned foods in your cupboard at the moment? Yeah, lots. I couldn't name 'em all, besides like, diced pineapple, corn, and beans. We always have those. What was the last food item that you tried for the first time? On Thanksgiving, I was actually brave with food for once and tried that sweet potato dish that's topped with marshmallow, and it was okay. I never liked sweet potato before, and while I couldn't eat a lot of it, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Does anyone in your family have green eyes? No. What was the name of your first ever pet? I was born into my family with a beautiful collie named Trigger, but I have zero recollection of her because she passed away from old age when I was very young. My first personal pet was either my guinea pig Squeak or Chinese water dragon Shadow (no, I have no idea why I named a green lizard that); I can't remember who came first. I adored them both. I feel so bad looking back though, I was so uninformed on how to properly care for a water dragon that she (or he, we were never sure) was, as far as correct husbandry goes, horribly taken care of and stunted from having a tank too small. I consider myself lucky she seemed to really trust me and loved being held, even sleeping on me, and she did live out her full lifespan. I was lucky; please, please, never adopt a reptile until you are properly educated on their unique care. Where was the last place you went out for lunch? What did you order? Mom bought me McDonald's a few days back because I was really craving it. I had a double cheeseburger and for once large fries, because that's what I was seriously wanting. I usually get small or medium. Where was the last place you went for an evening meal? What did you order? I feel bad and selfish for breaking my own "stay the fuck home but for emergencies" rule, but my mom, one of my sisters, and I went out to the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. I think I ate a chicken sandwich with Chipotle sauce? I actually don't remember for sure. I do however remember the cheesecake I got: some cinnamon swirl one that was fucking glorious. Oh yeah, and we had an appetizer of these pretzel ball things dipped in fondue. I ate waaaay too much, but it was a special occasion, so whatever. Have you Googled anything today? What? I ensured I spelled "clavicle" correctly. Yaaaay, I did. What do you like to eat for breakfast these days? Special K cereal, a sandwich, sometimes those pancake & sausage on a stick things I mentioned at some point in the last survey I think, or a Jimmy Dean breakfast bowl. Maybe other stuff I'm just not thinking of. Is anyone in your family a nurse? No, but I have family in the medical field. Do you like to wear lipstick? What colors do you think suit you best? Not really, no, but I will sometimes for pictures. It smudges too easily yet is also hard and annoying to get off. I only really wear black. Who was the last person to recommend a book to you? My therapist recommended a book for the whole PHP group, but I can't remember what it was. Something self-care related. Who was the last person to tease or joke around with you, in a friendly way? I wouldn't be surprised if it was Tobey, the "family friend" I mention a lot. She probably said something technically rude that she thought was an appropriate joke. Is there a jar of peanut butter in your house? Yeah, always. Does anyone you know own a tabby cat? How about a cocker spaniel? Tabbies are very common, so yes. I don't think I know anyone with a pure cocker spaniel, but my late dog's mother was one. Do you have blinds or curtains in your bedroom? What colour are they? I have those slanted blinds that you can close by pushing them upwards or downwards with a stick thing. They're white. What was the last beverage you tried for the first time? Some form of juice I wasn't a fan of. Orange and peach, I think? Who was the last person that said you were beautiful? I think a friend on Facebook when I changed my profile picture. Is/are your pet(s) fixed? My cat is neutered, but obviously my ball python isn't. Roman would mark the house like crazy before we got him fixed... but even if he didn't, we still would have done it. Please make spaying/neutering your cats and dogs a financial investment priority. If you do the research, you would marvel over the "damage" especially one fertile cat can cause. Hell, my childhood experience with cats is enough proof of that.

and another thing

There's one other thing that really bugs me about Children of the Jedi, by Barbara Hambly, and that's the inconsistent treatment of Force ghosts.

It starts off really well. First there's the merest hint of a presence, glimpses out of the corner of Luke's eyes, doors opening and closing randomly, with our Jedi wondering if it's the ship’s evil sentient Will or if he's losing his mind because he's exhausted, concussed, and overdosing painkillers. A Jawa hands him a lightsaber, and takes him to the entrance to the computer core, and he starts to put together the pieces of Past Events together - that there was a Jedi saboteur, (female based on the lightsaber's proportions). 100/10 for Gothic atmosphere in this crumbling derelict Imperial nightmare ship and I love it.

Then her ghost starts sending him text messages - or words on a screen, since this is the '90s and nobody has smartphones, but it's all text, except for some ASCII art she does when Luke explains that the Rebellion won the war. (The terminal is not hooked up to the Will at all, and barely functional, which makes this even creepier imo.) She introduces herself as Callista, and they text message back and forth until she reveals that the entire ship is wired, so he can just talk to the screen, like a one-way Zoom call.

Luke has to go, but more doors start opening for him and pertinent messages begin appearing on random surfaces. More one-way Zoom calls follow. He starts having visions of her laughter and her face, as Callista’s ghost becomes interested in the activities of the living again.

Luke gets knocked unconscious and has a dream-vision-hallucination of Callista's last few hours of life while he’s out. He "wakes up" to find he's still dreaming, because she's lying next to him in a physical tangible form he can touch. (It took me several times reading this passage before I figured out that it was still a dream. The tell is that he doesn't feel any pain from his considerable injuries.) She cries in his arms, they talk about the past, and have dream-sex and dream-visits to Tatooine to walk around his memories since he’s been all over hers already. You know, usual first date stuff.

Then Luke wakes up, and... things get weird.

(Yes, I know, things were already weird, but they were at least CONSISTENT. Now things get weird and inconsistent. There's a difference!)

Luke wakes up and... Threepio mentions that "Miss Callista" told him things, which is fine, because Callista's in the computer, and Threepio is a droid, so they can communicate via the computer, right? Except that then this happens:

“It’s fine.” Her voice was in his head, clear and soft—the words might even have been actually audible, because Threepio replied, “But, Miss Callista, diversion or no diversion, Master Luke is scarcely up to taking on Gamorreans—”

How is Callista talking to Threepio so he can hear her if she's a Force ghost?  Is she manipulating the computer mic so the computer is reading her words aloud? But then how is she in Luke’s head???

This wouldn't be such a big deal, except a key plot point of CotJ is that droids cannot experience the Force directly or be controlled by it without specialized training, so... *shrug* I got nothing.

Anyway, from this point on, Callista gives up texting and talks to Luke directly in his head, which is fine, and also allows her to be more active and present while Luke is Doing Things. She's actively invested in helping him, and she has the Force, and it's a logical progression of their relationship.

Callista volunteers to stay with a traumatized Cray and watch over her, and I assume they talk to each other because Cray seems to know all about Callista later and I'm not sure when Luke explained the situation to her. Cray will also address Callista directly, when Luke and Callista are arguing. This makes sense, because Cray is Force-sensitive, and I don't have a problem with her being able to see/talk to Callista as well. 

(Also, at this point in the novel, Callista mentions she's been recording her memoirs for Luke on "wafers" so her knowledge won't be lost. It's not clear to me what format that is, exactly, but I'm imagining something like a flash drive. Given that CotJ establishes elsewhere that any of the mechanical components of the ship's computer could have the Will on them, I'm so confused why it's okay for Luke to take these recordings away, but not anything that might hold Callista's spirit. But maybe it doesn't matter since we never hear about these files ever again?)

So far, so good, aside from that one moment with Threepio. Then Callista starts talking to Triv Pothman--who is not Force-sensitive, as far as I know--and I just... don't understand how that's possible, given that they appear to directly interact instead of through a computer or other physical interface.

“Funny,” said Pothman, looking around him at the oily black root system of pipes and vents, as Luke hooked the small portable pump into the main mechanism. “I never thought about it while I was a trooper. But now, looking back, I think I never could get used to living in corridors and rooms and ships and installations. I mean, it seemed normal at the time. Only after I was living in the forest on Pzob I realized how much I loved it, how much I’d missed the woods and the trees of Chandrila. You miss the oceans, Miss Callista?”

“Every day.”

WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING HERE? Can non-Jedi see Force ghosts??  Is Triv actually Force-sensitive and nobody ever mentioned it until now?? Is Luke hallucinating the whole business and that’s why it’s so weird?? I'm so confused!

And then it gets EVEN WEIRDER, because Luke is stunned and dumped on the shuttle and Callista and Cray leave a recording so he knows exactly what they did and why:

The voice was tinny, small. Turning his head, he saw the player set next to him on the thin mattress of the bunk. The holo of her face appeared dimly above it, no more substantial than the audio.

She looked exhausted, as she had in his dream-vision of her in the gun room, her brown hair straggling from the loose braid she’d put it in, her gray eyes at peace.

“It was my idea—mine and Cray’s. I was afraid—we were both afraid—that at the last minute you’d try to settle for less than complete destruction of the Eye of Palpatine … that you’d try to play for time, to take me off the ship. I’m sorry that I … made your decision for you.”

Her image faded out, and Cray’s appeared, weary and stretched-looking, but with that same exhausted peace in her eyes.

HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO SEE A HOLO OF A FORCE GHOST? If droids and machines can't perceive Force ghosts because they can't touch the Force, how is it possible to get a holo recording of one... let alone a voice recording??

Or is the holo recording empty space, but Luke is able to perceive the message for what it is because he has the Force?? THIS IS NEVER EXPLAINED AND IT BOTHERS ME, IT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH, WHYYYYYYY.

After this, it stops mattering because Callista has a body again, but I hate that the novel is consistent on this subject for two-thirds of its run, only to descend into WTF territory in the last act because it's narratively convenient... unless I'm missing something? But unfortunately, I don't think I am. 

Literally, the only in-universe solution I can think of is that Luke hallucinates all or most of his interactions Callista, and I don’t know how I feel about that, because it’s 100% plausible, but then things start to get weird, because who is that person he pulls out of the shuttle if not the woman he’s been talking to this entire time??

The other solution is just to accept that Hambly made some mistakes (we’ve all done it), ignore the ones I don’t like, and move on. But it bugs me because the novel is otherwise so well-written and consistent within itself (if not the rest of Legends!canon).

The Lutrudis Hadeer Design Concept Masterpost

Every now and then, I get the occasional question about my very own Lutrudis, which I'm always gladly willing to answer. Yet for all the times I've answered such questions, it seems some folks are still a bit left in the dark as to how Trudy came to be. So I figured I could make one big post all about the creation process. Maybe not every single detail per say, but at least everything that I think is worth mentioning in a post of this sort.

I'm aware that fellow pal @benignmilitancy​ covered this subject herself recently, but I might as well do my part to back up what she said.

1. When did Lutrudis become an idea?

The basic idea for Lutrudis - and indeed, the setting of Viridonia and Beyond the Stars itself as a story - was thought up as early as 2014. When I say basic idea however, I really do mean it, as aside from the general concept of her being the latest Friend of the Week helping Sonic and Co fight evil on her home island, very little else about Trudy was set up, including her name and species. While some aspects of her personality were already set in stone by that point, I focused on the design first when I decided to go ahead and make her and Beyond the Stars a real thing. The idea being to use what personality traits I had in mind to create a mental image, then use that mental image to help figure out the rest of her traits, as a design can often help out with working out a personality.

So basically, I scratched my back, so that I could scratch it again. Made sense to me.

2. Why a horse? Is it because friendship is magic?

Maybe...

Actually, I wanted a species that hadn't been used before, at least in the games, its continuity being the one Beyond the Stars takes place in. But at the same time, I also wanted to go with a fairly mundane species rather than anything rare, extinct, or extravagant, as I felt that the latter would undermine the story arc that I had in mind for this particular character. Compared to the likes of Sonic, Shadow, or Blaze, Lutrudis is more akin to Amy in the sense that she's ordinary by comparison, despite her living conditions and the magical brand of ammo she eventually decides to use. To have the arc of a “normal” lady becoming a hero in her own right be represented by a T-rex or a dragon wouldn't really land the same impact in the context of this universe.

Already, I was quickly warming up to making her a horse because of this. But then I realised that many of Trudy's personality traits - her loyalty, her passion, her elegance - were ALSO commonly attributed to horses in real life. And if you're not aware, I'm a big fan of letting Sonic and Co have character tics representative of their species, and a horse in particular had plenty of potential to have some funny and cute moments by letting their horsiness show itself. This additional thought helped make my decision on the matter final.

...Well, that and I wanted Trudy to have longer hair than the average Sonic female due to how, IMO, short hair wouldn't work as well for her. Obviously horses have manes, so that made it easier to get away with than it would have if she were a hedgehog, though it also helps that Trudy's hair is never any more detailed than the rest of her, meaning her hair actually looks like her own rather than her wearing an overly detailed wig to appease a certain disgraced comic writer, one of whom I will probably have the entirety of Beyond the Stars uploaded by the time he actually does something with his echidna libido-fueled comic at this rate... Looking forward to it in 2030.

As for what kind of horse she is, I decided to go with an English Thoroughbred, if only to further justify Trudy's English accent, which is nonetheless fairly mild compared to everyone else in Viridonia, who sound as though they jumped out of a 90's Rareware title.

3. “THIS IS WHO I AM... But who am I?”

Believe it or not, but even by 2016, I still hadn't decided on what to call my little pony. I had already figured that whatever I was going to call her, it would abide by the same naming convention as Amy Rose, Miles Prower, and Ivo Robotnik, to help further add to the aforementioned notion that she's an ordinary lady who wasn't born with any superpowers. That, and because “___ the Horse” doesn't have the same ring to it as “___ the Hedgehog” or “___ the Echidna”.

So what did I do?

I looked up a list of female names for baby girls. Duh.

Well, it worked out, because I stumbled across “Lutrudis”, which was German for “strength of the village”. The more I repeated it in my head, the more it appealed to me. Sometimes, you can have various names that mean the same thing, yet one in particular will just have that perfect sound to it. That was me with this name. This horse being named Lutrudis felt right to me, even if I perfectly understood that it was perhaps a bit more exotic than your usual Sonic anthro name.

Not that it mattered too much, since I was quick to think of “Trudy” as a nickname for her, since in addition to being less of a mouthful, that name - also German in origin - had a similar meaning, “universal strength”. Fit her character and arc just as well.

So that was the first name sorted, but what about the surname? Well, when looking at a selection of appropriate words, I stumbled on “Hadeer”, and while the Arabic meaning of the name is slightly unclear - some sources say “adventurous”, others say “sound of the water falls” - I felt that the meanings associated with it were all equally appropriate regardless. Then I combined it with the first name, said the full name over and over again in my head, and thought “Yeah... this sounds correct.”

I realise the irony of a part-German, part-Arabic name being associated with an English character, but considering this is the same universe where a man who is presumably not Polish is given a Polish term for a name (Robotnik), I think we can let it slide.

4. “You guys know what EDS is, right?”

It's no secret that another friend of mine, @greenyvertekins​, has Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which has a lot of unfortunate complications to it, but in laymen's terms basically means your body is more fragile than that of the average person's. This condition is rather rare, so much so that a majority of people have never heard of it. Sure enough, I was one of those people, until I became friends with Verte.

After hearing Verte talk about her EDS and what she's had to go through, along with doing my own research on the condition, not only was I considerably more informed on it, but I also felt very sympathetic to not only my friend, but everyone else who has had to experience it, particularly with how ignorant other people continue to react to it due to lack of public awareness. It made me want to do something in dedication, and in the process, a certain pony eventually crossed my mind.

This wasn't done for the sake of appeasing blue checkmarks on Twitter. I genuinely wanted to help raise awareness of EDS however I could, and I considered that perhaps its inclusion in my story would help do that, so long as it didn't sacrifice everything else about the story or forget that it was still a Sonic the Hedgehog story. Yes, it's a fanfic, and thus not as well known as a Hollywood blockbuster or a bestselling novel, but if even a few people were to end up learning about EDS through Lutrudis, I would be happy.

However, I was well aware that the idea of a Sonic character having EDS might be seen as a bit jarring, and if done badly, could potentially be accidentally insulting. So I made sure to consult Verte about it, saying that I would only go through with it if she was comfortable with me doing so, and made it very clear that I would try to make its representation as tasteful and as faithful as I can, despite the inherent nature of the Sonic universe that Trudy is part of.

By the way, horses in real life can fall victim to very similar disorders, so that was yet another reason why I went with that choice.

5. “Hey Benign, I'm shite at art, please help.”

I can't remember the exact conversation that led to it, but after I talked to @benignmilitancy​ about Lutrudis, she offered to bring the character's design to life through her mad art skillz. Initially I was hesitant to take up the offer, since I felt guilty about having to rely on someone else to show people what my own character looks like, but I was giddily honored by the offer and decided to agree as long as she was willing. Luckily for her, she wasn't working with a blank canvas so to speak, as I had a relatively complete image in my mind regarding what Trudy would look like, having already reasoned to myself why this or that would apply.

When putting my vision into words to Benign, I mentioned that...

- Since Trudy is the same age as Rouge, logically that should mean she's given a similar mature build as the latter, as opposed to the pipe limbs you see with the other female characters. Since Trudy spends a lot of time with Amy and Cream and has a lot of motherly interactions with the latter in particular, it helps signify that she's older than them.

- Being a horse, she would have two slits for nostrils rather than the usual dot nose that most characters have. Similarly, though you don't see them most of the time anyway, her feet are grey hooves, but they abide by the usual Sonic-style feet rather than being more realistic ala Clove's hooves, if only because the latter didn't look right for this character IMO.

- To add to her gentle warmth, her eyes would be a honey shade of brown. Just like how Cream has brown eyes. Again, it's like poetry, they sort of, they rhyme. Every stanza kinda rhymes with the last one. *shrug* Hopefully it'll work.

- Since EDS tends to apply several subtle physical traits to those who have it, at least some of them should logically apply to Trudy as well. Those with EDS often have a bluish-grey tint to their sclera, and they also tend to have paler skin than most, so Trudy would have those qualities too.

- To emphasize her love for Mother Nature and all its amazing sights, and also to contrast with Amy and Cream's colour schemes, Trudy herself would be green, albeit a more gentler green rather than the brighter tones of Vector and Jet, while her clothes would be blue, with slightly different shades depending on the clothing to prevent her from looking like a drab curtain. After a few initial sketches, Benign eventually suggested that some of her clothing could be changed to brown to balance out her overall colour scheme, as well as to further add to the subtle nature motif by having brown (trees) go along with blue (water) and green (grass). Needless to say, I wholeheartedly approved of this idea, and decided that the best placement for the brown sections would be for her leggings and glove cuffs.

- Speaking of, as a nod to her equine status, she would wear leggings that could pass off as Equestrian jodhpurs. (Not that she has an aversion to wearing skirts or dresses, since she's girly and tomboyish in pretty much equal measures, compared to how Sonic females usually lean towards one or the other.)

- People with EDS are unable to wear heels since they can hurt their feet, so heels were out of the equation for this little horsie. But I also figured that regular shoes or sandals wouldn't mesh well with the rest of Trudy's clothing, so I went with boots that were flat at the heels. They can allude to her adventurous streak AND allude to how there's a lady willing to kick ass behind that quiet, mellow, introverted demeanour. Plus, much like how being stomped by a real horse's hoof would be very painful to put it mildly, so too would being stomped by this horse's boot.

- Seeing how Trudy's arms have permanent scars on them - permanent scars being another common effect of EDS - she would wear elbow-length gloves over them, since she wouldn't be comfortable with showing them publicly. Note however that she would still wear long gloves even if she didn't have those scars, since they genuinely happen to appeal to her fashion tastes as well. Covering the scars up is just a bonus. And since long gloves are often associated with royalty and high class, they're also suiting for a lady who lives in a fancy castle (despite not being royalty).

- Her hair is kept in a big bouncy ponytail, not unlike Coco Bandicoot or Shantae, since it's both cute and tomboyish... that and because the visual pun of a horse with a ponytail was too good to resist, let alone it humorously mirroring the general shape of her actual tail.

- To contrast with Sonic's spiky quills, a lot of Trudy's design is emphasized to have a round quality, such as her tail, her ponytail, and her sloped ears. To add to this design philosophy, she would wear a headscarf similar to Wave's. Me and Benign contemplated on whether Trudy's muzzle should be more blocky like that of a real horse, before we agreed that the softer muzzle fit both the round aesthetic and her general character better.

- Trudy has trouble breathing in colder temperatures, and she also has a sensitive nose that reacts strongly to heavy scents. As such, she would have a bandanna that she could cover over her mouth and nose to help out with either of those things whenever the situation called for it, or any other scenario where she deems it appropriate. It helps that a bandanna suits a horse anthro anyway.

Truth be told, I was worried that I was coming off as too demanding. But Benign assured me that giving all these details helped rather than hindered. In any case, I was more than pleased with the final result, as it was precisely spot on to what I had in my head, although even her initial sketches during the work in progress were great stuff.

6. If Amy uses a hammer, then Lutrudis uses...

Trudy has surprising arm and leg strength despite her appearance, which is mainly due to her horsie genes. But since she's still got EDS, it's still wise for her to equip herself with a weapon or two to even the odds. I contemplated a few ideas in this case, including a quarterstaff, but ultimately I decided that the following would be a little more interesting, while still remaining appropriate for the character in question.

I thought to myself “What's stopping her from having two weapons, one for short-range, the other for long-range?” I decided on the long-range weapon first: bow and arrows, the latter of which would eventually include the Ethereal Zone-powered crystals inside the cavern below her castle. Goes without saying that a bow suits her elegance and how it can be used from a stealthy distance, and the use of the crystals and their different abilities also helps to keep the reader guessing on what exactly is the nature of the elusive Ethereal Zone itself. I also reasoned that Trudy using a bow was a nice contrast to Amy's hammer, although I'm aware that Amy herself used a bow in the Fleetway comics. But no one uses a bow in the games (yet), so it's fine, right?

As for her short-range weapon, I thought it'd be funny if she had a whip that resembled a riding crop. Not only would it be used to give Eggman's robots the Simon Belmont treatment, it could also extend up to a certain distance to help grapple onto things and allow her to overcome areas that would otherwise cause complications for her body. Is it a bit ludicrous? Maybe, but so is a blue hedgehog fighting a Roosevelt lookalike. You just kind of have to live with it.

So there you have it! Everything you need to know about how Lutrudis Hadeer's name, species, design, and EDS came to be finalised. Now when you turn her into a monkey without my knowledge or permission for the sake of dunking on her because you don't approve of me making fun of Kingdom Hearts rejects, at least you'll have a better idea on what you're actually talking about. :^)

name  /  alias : leigh  gender  /  pronouns : female + she/her where  ya  from  ? : europe 👀 the  current  time :  18:53 height :  164 cm, i think that’s 5′4 job  or  major :  double major in sociology and media communications, still grinding pet  (  s  ) :  two dogs! one is a 7 year old maltese and the other a 3 year old cane corso favorite  thing  (  s  )  about  yourself :  im a great listener and i give great advice, i’m straighforward which some people don’t like but oh well, i’m pretty adaptable. i got some nice titties any  special  talents  ? :  i can roll my tounge in any direction + crack a lot of knuckles ajkdshaj

why  you  joined  hqclouds :  i’ve been itchng to write more lately, so when love told me about their group i thought i’d give it a shot !!

meaning  behind  url :  strawberry moon was just a recent occurance irl which was really cool + i associate marinette with strawberries for some reason, and i’m a big fan of the lady moon

last  thing  you  googled :  i’m having some issues with my michrophone and zoom so i googled how to fix it, but no dice

birthday  /  zodiac :  leo ! my birthday is august 11th in  your  opinion  ,  does  your  sign  suit  you  ? : yes and no. leo’s are very misunderstood imo, but each sign has the “more popular” or well known traits and then there’s the flipside of the coin—which i think suits me more myers  -  briggs :  ISFP / INFP moral  alignment :  chaotic idiot hogwarts  house : gryffindor

three  fictional  character  (  s  )  you  see  yourself  in  +  why :  i honestly see myself in katara from atla, the whole smothering mothering routine. it’s becoming a regular thing for my friends to say “thanks, mom” or “ok, mom” so i guess i’m the mom friend. also fred weasly... he’s a twin.. i’m a twin... that’s all i need. and lastly, and very leastly, neil josten from all for the game series. most of you probably don’t know it, but he’s a demisexual chaotic idiot who says “i’m fine” way too much for someone who is most definitely not fine.

i  started  roleplaying : probably when i was around 16-17 was my first official roleplay experience. it was on facebook and kind of a nightmare types  of  rps  i  enjoy :  i like college stuff and small town rps, but i also love plot heavy rps that push you into developing your muse. really anything that isn’t too restricting favorite  fcs  to  use :  i don’t have go-to faceclaims. i tend to make a character around a FC and then use them until i lose muse or just feel like they need to rest. switch it up a lot, but some faces that i’ve really enjoyed playing for a longer amount of time are steven kelly, cindy mello and ellen v. lora fandom  (  s  )  you’d  like  to  write  in : i want to write in all of the fandoms i know nothing about and look like a dumbass. also harry potter, the hunger games, avatar the last airbender, gossip girl, etc etc fandom  (  s  )  you  aren’t  in  but  are  curious  about :  marvel somewhat, any video games are very fascinating to me even though i’m not a gamer + know nothing about them, any distopian kind of fandom re: hunger games

share  a  funny  roleplay  horror  story :  recently an admin of a twitter rp tried to use my male muse for their weird ship narrative. they tried to make him look like an asshole (& i do play assholes but this one wasn’t one) + used another male muse to make it seem as if these two boys were fighting over the person’s girl, even though she actually had a ship all lined up. they were also running the gossip twitter, so they made up a bunch of stuff about our muses without our consent and consequently i told them to fuck off, and both of us left the group. then she had no more “groupies” so she cuffed and the group closed two days later. it was petty hilarious.

fondest  roleplay  memory :  once in an OC group, i wasn’t “technically” doing a ship with a friend, even though the characters had feelings for each other. but for some reason the status of their relationship was a hot topic group wide, meaning everybody had their nose in it and wanting to know what’s up, so they publically kept doing things to make people think they’re together while denying it in the same breath. it was really fun to let it play out like that.

favorite  canon  muse  (  s  )  to  play : roy mustang from fullmetal alchemist, katara from atla, and my baby marinette favorite  original  muse  (  s  )  to  play : the last original character i played and fell in love with was named alex. im obsessed with him. still doing 1 x 1 with his girlfriend. they’re having a baby, it’s all very emo and domestic. maybe i make him relapse for funsies. canon  ships  you  can’t  help  but  love :  lupin x tonks from harry potter, korra x asami from legend of korra, danerys x daario naharis from game of thrones, katniss x peeta from the hunger games, etc... trope  (  s  )  you  tend  to  be  guilty  of : i use the rich kid douchebag stereotype a lot. i also make a lot of my characters addicted to something to make them struggle with that.

i  prefer  .  .  . angst  ,  smut  ,  or  fluff :  bro... i am a sucker for ansgt and smut. i do fluff on special ocassions >:) long  or  short  replies :  i prefer when they start out shorter, but medium is my fave pre  plotting  or  chemistry : chemistry all the way. plotting can be really fun but it’s a miss more often than a hit for me. plotting can be good for pre-established relationships but that’s about it sentence  starters  or  headcanon  memes : sentence starters single  muse  or  multimuse  blogs :  i’ve never done a multimuse blog, and i’ve actually been super against them in the past, but i’m starting to change my mind hehe gif  icons  ,  medium  gifs  ,  or  static  icons : static (or none honestly)

grab  the  book  nearest  to  you  and  pull  a  quote  from  it :  ❝ You were children. was there no one to protect you? ❞ — ❝ Was there no one to protect you? ❞

what’s  a  quote  or  song  lyric  that  speaks  to  your  soul  ? :  ❝ I loved her, and sometimes, she loved me too ❞ 

top  current  celebrity  crushes :  zendaya, margot robbie always last  movie  you  watched :  365 days (2020) did  you  like  it  ? :  i hated it, what a waste of a perfectly good 2 hours  favorite  movie  (  s  )    of  all  time : harry potter franchise makes me nostalgic, perks of being a wallflower, my sister’s keeper favorite  tv  show  (  s  )  of  all  time : for some reason i’m obsessed with grey’s anatomy but i hate it favorite  tv  show  that  hasn’t  ended : well fricking grey’s anatomy favorite  series  of  books  /  novels  /  comics : the hunger games, harry potter sports  team  (  s  )  you  rep : my friend is into sports i rep her ksdsdj favorite  video  game  (  s  ) : the sims. i like playing animal crossing vicariously through switch owners favorite  youtube  channels : don’t usually keep up with yt channels but i just binged some stuff from psychology in seattle hobbies :  procrastinating

what  are  the  three  non  essential  things  you’d  bring  to  a  deserted  island  ? : sunglasses, hairtie, hand cream

put  your  music  on  shuffle.  what  six  songs  pop  up  ? : 

say goodbye by skillet, 

off the grid by alina baraz & khalid, 

bury a friend by billie eilish, 

break up with your girlfriend by ariana grande

get back by nine lashes

marry you by bruno mars (man)

personal  aesthetic : growing out my hair only to always wear it in a bun dream  vacation  ? : i just wanna go to the seaside with my friends dream  job  ? :  i literally can’t stand capitalism. wanna move to italy and collect berries and draw titties all day dream  car  ? :  something that drives itself if  i  could  live  anywhere  ,  it’d  be : somewhere in canada near the woods favorite  musical : mama mia? counts favorite  food  (  s  ) :  bananaaaaas, ice cream, cereal. these are all foods ok coffee  order : i don’t drink coffee unwatched  stuff  in  your  netflix  /  hulu  /  etc :  13 reasons why (i’m too bored), the flash, outer banks, elite, the half of it, intersteller, locke & key aaand some stuff that’s not mine but someone else using my account

what’s  a  subject  you  know  too  much  about  +  never  get  tired  of  talking  about  ? : idk anything about anything askldhl

CH0: Out of Sight: PART 1 <--- PART 2 ---> Soon…

PERSONAL ADVICE: Download the PDF file it’s better IMO, I like the font & colors there better, tell me if the colors are making things worse~ Link: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1Wu0fcnNzuWZEy1_A9cU1otnrUYH_K5A2

...

Chara woke up after a rather long sleep, they were on a bed, and it wasn’t any kind of bed, it was very soft, and absurdly big, as no matter how far they tried to extend their arms and legs they couldn’t reach its end…

((a King-sized bed for sure!))

“oh… it doesn’t hurt anymore…” said Chara as all of her wounds disappeared like if they never existed.

they stretched their arms up, then downwards, and they hit something-

“Ouch!” -said Asriel who was still sleeping…

“Ah! Sorry, I didn’t see… you…” apologized Chara

“Ah- It’s alrighty! I’m the one who…” -the prince suddenly stopped

“It was Me who… wanted to stay here… you were like- having nightmares- I think? and I didn’t want to let you alone-… and-” anxious and embarrassed, Asriel found it hard to explain himself…

“it’s okay… um… thank-”

“Asriel wake up!! the breakfast is ready; make sure to bring our guest too! I prepared a pie!” -called Toriel from the kitchen interrupting the child’s thanks

“I’m coming mom!” replied the Prince

“do you feel okay Chara? Does it still hurt somewhere?”

Chara simply shook her head in a clear “no”

“Great!! Then let’s go, you’re going to love mom’s pie for sure!!!” – said the prince all excited as they held the child’s hand and dragged them to the kitchen

“Good morning dad! good morning mom!”

“Good morning Asriel; Oh! And to you too young child, “Chara” was it right? how are you feeling?”

“good, thanks…” they said quietly hiding behind the young prince

“Here comes my Cinnamon Butterscotch pie! the biggest part belongs to our guest of course!”

“Whoa! aren’t you lucky?!” said the king with such a goofy soft voice; nothing compared to what Chara heard the day before…

The little guest remained silent gazing into the table…  

“Are you perhaps allergic to cinnamon my child? I can cook you something else if you want”-

“No… I just…” -replied the quiet one.

they started moving their hand around the table, around the plat, looking for something… the fork, they found it, getting a grip of it; they quickly went and took a piece of the pie in front of them.

-Asriel was excited and impatient to see Chara’s reaction, the king was as curious but was calmly observing the guest from the corner of his eye.

“It’s… very soft…and sweet.” Said Chara

“Hehe, your welcome~” Said Toriel all proud

-Despite enjoying the pie, Chara had something important to tell the monster family, they gathered all the courage they found, put their fork down on the table…

“Madame Monster…”

“you can call me Toriel my child…”

“…okay…Madame Toriel…”

-Toriel left a sight out, a little smile on her face

“can I ask you something…”

“well, Of course, my child!” 

“are you going to eat me?”

“What- No, why would we do that?” -startled said Asgore

“because I was a bad girl… I disobeyed to mother, and she always told me that bad kids have their eyes and hearts eaten by monsters…”

“I don’t want a pie…” their voice beginning to break

“and you can eat my heart if you want… but-”

-Asriel startled by the scary sayings of the child; dropped the piece of pie of his fork; his eyes quickly went full of tears again.

“just, don’t take my eyes… they, are very special... even if they-… don’t look- …you can have my heart instead, I don’t mind…but leave me my eyes…”

Suddenly pausing, after thinking for a moment. “... please?”

The young girl, had such an awkward manner of speaking, confused, anxious, and difficultly trying to explain their mind, it was obvious that they never really socialized…

Toriel stood up and went up toward Chara’s chair, she knelt “Listen Chara… We are not going to hurt you… Nor, will we be taking your eyes or even your heart… so please, never say that again okay? you can stay with us as long as you wish, nothing will hurt you, you are safe here.”

“Tori is right! young one, you don’t have to fear anything, since I! THE KING of the Monster kind, assure you that we are going to protect you from anything! But you don’t have to worry, monsters are very kind, naïve even Haha!” -Said the King with a voice full of pride and confidence

Chara remained silent, and in their silence, they experienced a moment of disbelief, the child reached for her eyes, touching them, feeling them, she smiled slightly…

“Asriel would you take our little guest; see the stars in Waterfall? I’m sure it will help her feel better! even if I know that the ones on the surface are way more impressive! Hehe~” Asked Asgore his son

“Sure Dad! let’s go Chara!” answered Asriel vividly, weeping the tears from his eyes, as he took her by the hand

-The kids gone, Toriel gave a worried look to the king…

Asriel on the road to waterfall, was thinking of ways to cheer up Chara

((The flowers! She will like them for sure- she- yeah Chara is a… She)) The prince stopped and stood still a moment

((Aaaaaaaaaaaah!!)) begun Asriel internally screaming covering his face with his ears, letting go of Chara’s hand.

Chara wondered why the fluffy monster was squeaking so loudly, and why did he let go of her hand.

((maybe my hand was too cold?)) she thought    

“you- you can walk on your own now right? Haha- I’m always dragging you around sorry” -He spoke quickly, embarrassed.

“yeah, I can…” replied Chara following the sound of his quiet footsteps  

Asriel decided to take a shortcut to avoid going by HOTLAND, his new friend would probably find the extreme heat very unpleasant.

as they reached the intersection, Asriel turned to Chara “See from here it’s Hotland, but we are going that way to Waterfall!” as he pointed with his finger to some direction

“The road is a little rough at first so be careful not to fall, okay?”

“mhm…” nodded Chara

A few minutes after the prince warnings, he heard a loud thud, he turned quickly, to find Chara on the ground, He hastened to help her get up.

“I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have let go of your hand! I didn’t even want to let go! I- You just got better and now because of me”- he spoke as if he was about to cry

“But Why are you crying?” Asked Chara the prince, curious.

“I- I don’t know…”

“My hands were cold?”

“huh? No, it wasn’t why?”

“Then, why did you let go?”

“it’s… you are a girl… and…”

“And?” Asked Chara genuinely waiting for an answer

“uh… holding hands with a girl is… urgh… I can’t tell you!!” as he covered his face with his ears, while he made that weird squeaking sound once again.

“you are quite strange heh” said Chara

“I’m not”- said Asriel about to deny her last statement, but as he looked at her face, he saw a faint smile, an expression he had never seen from her.

“yeah heh I might be…”

“I’m not as good as mom but” said Asriel as he put his hand on Chara’s forehead to heal the small wound of her fall “it should be enough”

Chara quickly put her hand on her savior's forehead

“Ergh… what are you doing?” asked Asriel shyly

“you are touching my forehead; why can’t I?”

“but… I’m healing you…”

“Well, so am I” said Chara

“is- is that so…” replied Asriel

Done with the healing, Asriel helped her stand up.

“well let’s go Chara, it’s not too far now, I’m sure you’ll love Waterfall’s stars!” said the small monster as he made sure to hold her hand tightly this time, bearing with his shyness, and thinking about, how this human had such an unexpected playful side.

“We arrived!” -Shouted the prince all excited

“Look up Chara!! look at all those stars!” 

Chara raised her head, their hair still covering their eyes “Y-yeh they are… really nice…”

“Wait, you can’t see with your hair! let me”- Asriel pushed her hair away from her eyes

And even though the young girl tried pulling her head back, it was too late…

“y-your eyes… they are white…?” the monster child surprised couldn’t help but to say so

“yes…They are…”

“is that… normal for humans?” asked Asriel not holding back his curiosity

“no…I don’t think it is…” replied Chara as she sat on the ground

“um, does- does it hurt?” 

“No… not anymore...” affirmed Chara

“why? I mean, If- if you want to talk about it… I’m just curious and-”

“Umm… mother told me to never speak of them… but she, never said so with a monster? will she be angry?” -Said the girl talking to herself.

“so… hum?” Her mind made up, she waited for her companion’s questions

“should I ask? - ah okay um… your eyes… can you see?”

“no, all I can see is a faint light… far, far away.” said the child as they extended their hand reaching for the void in front of them…

“Sorry for lying about the stars… I didn’t want to…”

“It’s alright, I’m sorry I didn’t notice, you even fell because of me, don’t worry though! I’m a quick learner! I’ll be ten times! - no! a HUNDERED TIME more careful!”

“that’s a lot of carefulness!” exclaimed Chara slightly worried

“Oh, were they always White?”

“they- no, they were red before”

“Oh, like mine!!”

“really?” asked Chara curiously

“Yes! they must have been very beautiful!”

“no, they were not… in my village, it’s said that humans born with red eyes are demons, that they represent the embodiment of evil”

“Embodiment of evil?” asked Asriel

“it means the container and responsible of all the evil things in the world, and that evil must be punished for simply existing”

Asriel remained silent not knowing how to properly respond  

“and, I was that embodiment, I don’t remember well, but my sight was always blurry, and, my eyes were constantly burning.”

“Whenever I tried opening them, they always started crying on their own, like if… they hated me…”

“each day mother poured that “medicine” on them, she said it will “fix them”, but it never did for a long time, it made them burn even more, I thought that not even mother’s medicine could erase the evil that they were…”

“and so, mother was always, always angry, and so, I too was angry… at myself”

“I was scarred that if the village found out about me, they would end up punishing mother too… that’s why I always remained at home, Mother said I couldn’t go outside, and if I ever broke that rule, monsters would come to take and eat my ugly eyes…”

“T-that’s not true! We would never do something so horrible!!” Strongly mumbled Asriel denying such gruesome act

“And one day, mother was very busy, so she asked me to take the medicine on my own, but I was a bad child, I didn’t want it to hurt, I tried taking the, I wanted to pour it in my eyes; but my hands were shaking and… the flacon slipped… and spilled all over the ground…”

“it couldn’t have been a mistake… I’m sure I did it on purpose…I’m evil after all…”

“I don’t…” Interrupted Asriel her story

“hum?”

“I don’t think you did it on purpose… if- if it hurt you… it was bad for sure!! …isn’t it?!”

“maybe… I don’t know anymore…” said Chara confused, as she began questioning everything she knew.

“then, how did you fall from the Sun gap?”

“Well, when mother came back… she was naturally so angry; she screamed, and she hit me”-

“She is the bad one- She is the demon not you!!” Cut off the prince angrily

“No, no, no! you don’t understand! I deserved it… I wasted the precious medicine she made for me, and it didn’t even hurt that bad!” said the child in clear denial

“…even if you say so…” said the young monster not yet convinced by the legitimacy of her mother’s doings

“and when mother left, I tried opening my eyes, and for the first time they didn’t hurt anymore! Mother’s medicine worked for sure! I looked at my hands! my feet! and I saw my room! There were tons of different used toys too! but all I wanted to see were those eyes…”

“I looked around the room, and I found a broken mirror, and there I saw them! Those evil eyes; they… they were, of a vivid red! And…”

Chara stopped talking and kept silent for a moment…

“and?” asked Asriel slightly tilting his head

>>> TO BE CONTINUED

-iNDEX UPDATED-

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So whats your favorite thing about each of your fe3h favs? Anything you could just go on a long rant about for any of them? or interactions between them that you wish had happened or wanted to happen.

Waking up in the morning and going through all of the drunk blogging and “-thank-u-for-weathering-my-deep-need-to-be-liked-and-given-attention-off-main-I-guess” if this isn’t a whole mood on its own I don’t know what is. Anyways it sounds like you had fun and it was definetly fun reading everything. I hope you are feeling okay the day after everything. And to tack on a random question which fe3h character would you want to get drunk with if it was just the two of you?

Hi Hello!! thank u for enjoying my drunk blogging !!! and for the asks!!! (and the lovely comments on my fics actually hi there ur wonderful!!!) i’m currently cursing the damage i’ve done to my sleep schedule and suffering under my (truly deserved) hangover lmao ;p apologies u don’t get drunk me, only uncaffeinated hangover me, but we talk to the same degree and make the same spelling errors lol

ah yes.. im a fountain of moods (all of u still with me here are saints hhhh)

ok content time:

the second one first: i absolutely want to get drunk with ferdinand von aegir. the man’s a hop, skip and a vodka shot away from a mess. i love him. he’d be full of conversation and would buy the rounds every time as a true nobleman should !! he’d probably be really good at instigating drinking games but horrible at playing them.. i love party gay ferdie von aegir.

i’m going to LIMIT the faves i list because truly i love them all very much but i have to at least pretend i have some restraint and i don’t want to make this even More of a wall of text it’s going to become . SO 

edit: ok i started writing this at like. half ten pm. when the fuck did it become monday. 

edit edit: Disclaimer time: these are my conclusions and my conclusions alone. I’m not saying I’m objectively right or correct. I’m very much approaching this from an English Lit-ish point of view because that’s just how I look at a lot of media. I’m not asserting my opinions or conclusions as the only viable to interpret this media, and if anything I say offends you then I am sorry, it was not my intention but I acknowledge that I have hurt you. This is not the exhaustive list of my thoughts on the whole thing, there’s a lot more depth and detail I didn’t go in to.

My favourite thing about Edelgard is the Everything, but notably I really love her proud nature and how in VW it quite directly gets her *spoilered*, and in CF it’s integral to her success (bc it’s her own rigidity within herself that keeps her standing i think) and I Like Tragic Characters (and it’s very elinor dashwood). because it’s one of the qualities that can throw her character into a villainous light & it’s really interesting !! but at the same time.. it’s not quite ‘pride’ purely, and it’s kinda the wrong word. it’s some mixture of determined/stubbon, anger, self-reliance, and that really hard veneer of personality u develop when you’re around people who aren’t healthy for you to be around, and the very very critical need to be right about the choices you made because the weight of the  consequences would kinda ruin you if you weren’t. (the dean winchester effect huh) and wrap that up together with a big scoop of ‘i believe my way is right’ (’and my way Has to be right’) and then u get a lot of what i LOVE about Edelgard’s character

My favourite thing about Dorothea is really how she was the character that Hated the war. genuinely the contrast between white clouds dorothea & timeskip dorothea Breaks My Heart EVery Time I See Her !!!!! that and Spoilers!!! (her last words in AM unrecruited is edelgards name and i literally had to stop and cry about it for five minutes.) she’s one of the characters that post-war doesn’t have a Massive political stake in the war - like there’s her anger towards the current class system (another reason i bloody love her PLEASE give me angry feminine characters) but i think it’s her bonds with edie (or byleth&whoever if recruited) that keep her actually fighting in the war & it’s kinda different and i like that (actually i think she parallels/sends up/contrasts really really nicely with mercedes in that way)

my favourite thing about Marianne is just everything. how she finds worth within herself if you play VW (and the very very harrowing hc that she didn’t if you don’t), how she’s full of a quiet rage for the crest system but you eek it out of her as you play the game. how she’s still loved by the deers despite her appalling mental health (fight me on that canon) and the game essentially has her ‘save’ herself by finding worth and life within herself. i love her so much ok. (i also love her because she committed identity theft.. she and i share a name with the second dashwood sister oho (but i don’t use that name on the internet hhh) (also because my favourite shakespeare play is king lear (no really it is), my birthday is in red wolf moon too, i used to have very long hair i wore in a plait most days for school, little 11 and 17 year old me acted Exactly like white clouds marianne did & genuinely i love marianne von edmund to pieces but God it hurts to see her in game sometimes bc her journey mirrors a lot of mine & i love this character. so much.) WOW that was a lot. am i sure im not still drunk

so claude is not only one of my favourite characters in the whole damn game, but also shares the name of one of my favourite painters so i simply have to love him ;p however i can’t give a proper opinion on him yet because i haven’t finished playing deers yet :( but !! i love how (as is with all the lords) he has a veneer of personality to him, but in contrast to Edie where it’s quite seemless with her actual personality, Claude’s veneer of personality seems very opaque and plastered on. i may or may not just be wildly imagining things but he’s a very different personality in his lower supports with Lysithea than he is in his B support with Marianne, for instance. like, i love characters that are obviously a lot more socially intelligent than i could ever be, and claude is *chef kiss* BEAUTIFUL ON EVERY LEVEL.

i’d wax lyrical about Ingrid too but honestly there’s many better people out there with the good ingrid content than i could do. shortly, i love the New Take on the pegasus knight archetype she brings, and i really like her perspective on femininity !!! she’s such a good character & she brings so much to the game and to the pegasus knight character too!!!!! she’s such a bright personality and altho i wish so many of her supports weren’t centred around make-up (hhh dorogrid fans i pray for you), i think she’s really going to pave the way for whoever’s next in that character slot. (like, you can’t tell me she’s not an offshoot of Phila from awakening lmao)

no ok i’m adding in Hubert because i love this vampire man. i really really love the devoted servant archetype and we all know i love edelgard’s tragedy. and i love hubert. so much. the way he enables edelgard in pretty much everything is just so so interesting to think about, and i love his intensity about it. he’s like the ever present reminder that edelgard’s will kinda has to work otherwise the potential consequences of her being wrong are personified in hubert imo. it’s only touched on in VW in his letter but like. god i wish we got more but it’s a wonderful starting block. i love his comic relief as well, he’s such a fun character to have !!!! and also i have so many hubert fics in my bookmarks that just Get him. i love hubert. oh i love hubert.

i’m going to cut myself off there because . that’s just a LOT. 

as for characters i would sell a limb to have them talk to each other, honestly it’s Edelgard/Marianne. (and only 51% because of all the projection i have going on with those two ok don’t at me i  k n o w). that support chain would be too powerful and honestly i wish they had one becuauese it would have gone so Hard about what Edelgard was doing and what Marianne thought about it, and how they connected over it & they probably would have had their supports set over cups of tea or smth .. it would have been amazing. 

(but i’d rather have nothing than an awakening-level-content support where they talk about eating fucking bear meat instead of talking about how they grew to trust each other with and their ability to save the fate of the world HUH AWAKENING. (i’m salty about fredrobin forever)

also hilda/dorothea supports . we were robbed. they’re best friends and you can’t actually tell me otherwise. they run the disaster bi chat of garreg mach. honestly i just would Love a support chain for them that starts with them talking about self care routines and something really small like accessories or perfume and it goes into how self-esteem and how dorothea has to find the same worth in herself as hilda so easily can. (hilda’s the queen of self esteem she’s a babe) and in CF they could have dialogue and then we cry about it. and in SS they talk about how they both chose their place with Byleth and not at edie/claude’s side like i’m just free balling here it could be Anything and i’d love it. 

also big shocker .. dorothea/marianne supports . they both hate themselves in their profile CAN THEY PLEASE CHAT. 

also i accidentally fell in love with the claude/edelgard ship and i desperately need them to interact on the same level that edie and dimitri get to because.. aren’t there supposed to be three main characters huh intsys .. and like i get what the game goes for with two of the lords embroiled in a personal war against each other at the heart and the third actually finding something close to the truth because he’s not involved in age old grudge matches but at the same time That’s one of the things that really really falls flat for me in the game. dimitri’s villain is edie, edie’s villain is big dragon wife, claude’s villain is the lack of communication that everyone in fodlan suffers from apparently. lack of communication and lies. ymmv with what im saying rn but i would have preferred if all three lords had strong personal ties to each other and in Each Route it was brought up. or just snip dimitri’s dialogue out of CF because i have beef with how that WHOLE moment went down on so many accounts hhhh honestly it makes me angerey to think about lol

.. back on topic- can the lords pls talk to each other because it would be SO interesting in white clouds and i like seeing how their personality presentations clash

also . can i marry manuela yet. my crops are dying here.

.. im so sorry about this but it’s midnight and i’m too tired to edit so. have this. thank you so much for the questions!!!! very kind (and brave) of you to ask me!!!!! i had a lot of fun writing all of this & as always if anything you didn’t quite /get/ i’m happy to re-explain myself!! :)

Title: Calling

Author: マサラ Circle: うたかた日和。

Series: Tales of Zestiria Main characters: Sorey, Alisha, Mikleo, Rose, Edna Ships: Sorey/Alisha; Mikleo/Alisha; Mikleo/Edna (these are the author’s listed ships, but they’re all super light and can be taken platonically)

Content rating: G Warnings: None Pages: 36 Ease of reading: you don't even need to read | super easy | know some grammar first | tricky | advanced | this was really heckin hard

Summary:

This one’s actually made up of five short stories! Separated by ships, basically, so I’ll also break up the summary accordingly.

Story #1: Calling

This is set right after Alisha first becomes Sorey’s Squire, as she finds herself too tired to sleep after all the excitement that’s happened. She gets up for a drink of water, reflecting on how eerily quiet the inn is, when she’s suddenly grabbed from behind and screams.

Skip ahead a couple minutes and Sorey’s laughing at having spooked her, but he quickly apologizes when she acts miffed and admits he didn’t think he’d scare her that badly. Alisha, being Alisha, feels ashamed as a knight for scaring so easily and admits as much, but Sorey admits that he likes seeing a different side of her--a side that’s more relaxed, a “normal girl” instead of the Dignified Princess behavior he’s used to. She gets a bit flustered and starts to say that she’s concerned about her dignity as a knight, but Sorey interrupts and tells her “It’s not about dignity--because I know that who you are as a knight and princess has no bearing on the Alisha I want to know as a normal girl.”

She’s surprised at being thought of as a “normal girl.” Sorey suggests that, even if it’s just in front of himself and the others, she might enjoy letting her guard down more often. He mentions that he previously had a similar serious mindset, and once said out loud that he needs “to act more like a Shepherd,” which only made Mikleo angry. Alisha’s amused by the thought since it’s easy to picture.

Sorey asks her what she thinks of Mikleo and Lailah, since she saw them for the first time today. She fawns over them quite a bit, saying they’re as beautiful as she imagined, like angels, just like the tales she heard as a child depicted them... She really goes on and on about it, lol. Even Sorey finally cuts her off (”That’s too much praise, Alisha”).

She asks if all seraphim are as lovely as those two, to which he says no and explains that Gramps is an old man. They start talking about Elysia and Alisha’s surprised to learn that there were a lot of seraphim whom she couldn’t see. As honored as she feels to have been to their village, she also feels guilty for disrespecting them with the way she “ignored” them at the time. Sorey assures her that his family took no offense, and then offers that they go there together again one day so she can meet them all properly, as his Squire.

“And this time, I can introduce you to Gramps!”

She says she’s afraid of being a nuisance, but he promises that he and Mikleo will vouch for her.

And then they promise to return together via another pinky-swear, right in my feels, thanks

Story #2: Dreaming Girl

Alisha confronts Sorey and admits that she’s been wanting to try on his Shepherd’s mantle just once. She apologizes for being so selfish, since it is his gift and all, but he of course agrees and tells her she can wear it as much as she wants. She’s excited and grateful and promises to clean it after she’s done, but he tells her not to worry about it.

She tries it on, asking if she looks like a Shepherd now, and he tells her she looks fantastic and that it suits her--but he also points out that it’s pretty baggy on her, and can’t help laughing at the way the back drags on the ground. When it makes her self-conscious, Sorey just points out that she’s small and dainty--which makes her more self-conscious, and she tries to argue that she does in fact have some muscle on her. Sorey humors her and asks to see, so she lets him feel her arms while the two of them sit on his bed (in an aside comment, he’s impressed by how toned her arms are lol).

Naturally, that’s right when Mikleo walks in. He of course gets the wrong idea and starts yelling at Sorey, Alisha tries to explain that this was all her fault, and Sorey finally realizes what he’s implying and everyone’s just yelling and embarrassed.

"You’ve got it wrong, Mikleo!”

Story #3: Show some more!

Mikleo and Alisha are in a library, wondering when Sorey and the others will return from shopping, when she catches a glimpse of his circlet through his bangs. He explains that he’s always worn it since he was little, and when she asks if it’s a memento, he admits he doesn’t know since Gramps never told him anything about it. He just knows it’s important, so he always keeps it close. Alisha likens it to her armor, and they both agree they would like to know the truth one day.

She wonders why he always hides it behind his bangs, especially since it’s so pretty, and Mikleo admits that, as a guy, he thinks he’d be laughed at for wearing something girly. (whispers also his blush is the cutest thing)

“Important or not, you don’t think I’d be laughed at for wearing something made for a woman?”

Alisha decides to try and cheer him up by asking to see it, but he refuses, and they go back and forth a bit until she finally pushes his hair back herself to look at it. There’s an awkward pause as they both blush now, with Alisha realizing how much she’s encroached on his personal space--although he’s puzzled as to why she’s embarrassed.

Story #4: 3:00 snack for you

Edna pokes Mikleo and tells him to go make her some snacks since he’s not doing anything else.

“That’s not how you use an umbrella!”

He yells at her for half a page, ultimately telling her to go make it herself, but she says it’s too much trouble and that her cooking efforts aren’t super great, anyway. That surprises Mikleo, who points out that she just admitted in a rather roundabout way that his cooking is good--which annoys her, and she barks at him not to keep a lady waiting. He gives in, but not before sarcastically addressing her in an obnoxiously formal manner, which gets him smacked again.

Cut to later and he sets a dessert in front of her. She’s surprised that he can make something other than ice cream (he tells her it’s bad to have cold snacks all the time) and that it’s marron glacé. Mikleo awkwardly explains that he figured he should make her favorite dish to be sure she would actually eat it. Edna admits that it was a (surprisingly) clever idea and tries it--and tells him that even though he has a ways to go before he can compare with Eizen’s cooking, it’s still really good.

Mikleo: “As honest as ever, huh.” Edna: “Aren’t we both?”

Story #5: Wonder

Alisha bursts into Rose’s room and asks if she’s seen a notebook anywhere. Rose gets curious and wonders why she’s so distressed over it, and teases her by asking if there might be a picture of the person she likes in there. (Alisha’s hilarious response is just “Oh, be quiet! It’s nothing like that!”)

Alisha leaves and runs into Sorey, who happened to pick the book up earlier. Before Alisha can feel too relieved, Rose pops up and takes it from him, wondering again what’s inside it and admitting that she knows that Alisha’s been writing in it every night. After some curious-but-respectful prodding from Sorey, Alisha finally admits that she’s been keeping a diary of the party’s journey, and that she thought it would be embarrassing if someone read it.

But Sorey is excited and proudly shows her his Celestial Record, which he’s also been using as a diary on their journey.

“Here’s mine, too!”

Rose proposes that instead of Alisha writing about everyone else on her own, they all pitch in on the writing effort and eventually exchange diaries. She starts thinking of good titles that would sell (”A Record of the Lord Shepherd and His Party”), and Sorey points out that she’s going to make Mikleo mad again. (the “again” made me laugh, ngl)

This cheers Alisha up and she thanks them both, saying she’s looking forward to seeing everyone’s diary after the journey’s over. Rose teases her some more, saying she’ll want to sneak peeks at her diary from now on; when Sorey says that he will, too, Alisha objects and confuses him, while Rose seems to catch on to something she isn’t saying.

Impressions:

I love this art style!! It’s so clean and pretty and expressive! And looks better than some of the official artwork if I’m being totally honest, lol. The stories are super cute, and even though it’s SorAli focused, I really like the screentime that other characters/relationships get. The way each ship is kept pretty light so you can take them as either shippy or platonic is pretty neat, too.

The first story is adorable with Sorey being his usual supportive self, + yassss more Elysia family talk, even if it makes me sad for several reasons :C

The second story is so cute I could die. It’s just so wholesome and precious and happy and I love?? these two?? so much??? I would take a bullet for their relationship it’s so pure

I wish the Mikleo/Alisha one had been longer!! I do have what few MikAli doujinshi exist, sans the lone R18 one which appears to have been lost to time, so I can’t really complain BUT STILL Also I am 110% accepting the headcanon that he hides his circlet because he’s embarrassed by it. (first impressions: he wore it openly as a kid because he didn’t realize/care it was “girly,” and then cared as a teenager because Awkward Years, and then got over it after meeting Muse 👀 )

The Mikleo/Edna one is cute! I don’t actively ship it, but I can get behind it, albeit more so as an epilogue thing. (I do have a few doujinshi for them, since they’re more back-and-forth tsundere humor than real “romance,” which I can definitely appreciate.) Otherwise their grudging friendship is ridiculously cute and I love it.

Sorey and Alisha stood out the most in the fifth story, imo. (ngl I am really hard-pressed in finding accurate fan depictions of Rose; I’ve seen some good ones in gen-based and Rose/Dezel doujinshi, but in Sorey/Alisha and even the few Sorey/Rose ones I’ve come across, she tends to be... ehhhnotsogood.) It was still a cute three-way friendship to show off, though! gimme those double Squire AUs pls

okay, i’m on my way home from AWA and i’ve finally had time to actually look into overwatch 2 and collect my thoughts, so here goes... this is gonna get far too long and essentially be a big essay that i know most people won’t care about, but i just really wanna get my thoughts out so i’ll drop it under a readmore! also be warned that if you‘re super into the new character designs you won’t be into part of this post, lol. but anyway:

first off, i think a lot of the discourse i’ve seen about it seems... overblown and based on inaccurate info?? (don’t worry i am not talking about hong kong here, people are absolutely justified in hating blizzard for that and so do i). people keep acting like they’re gonna charge $60 just for new maps or something but for one thing no price or release date has been announced (in fact, the dev team doesn’t even know when it will release and it’s been said that we may have to wait until 2020 for a date, because it’s still early in development), and for another thing overwatch 1 wasn’t even $60 on pc at launch?? yes on console it was which sucks but most of the playerbase is on pc, and the base game was $40 at launch for us. blizzard cannot be so colossally stupid that they’d charge more for this than for the base game, and if they do i’ll absolutely be complaining about it, but for now we literally have no clue how much the cost for OW2 will be.

and on top of that, it’s... not just new maps? it’s new maps, yes, but also multiple new heroes at launch, a whole new PvP mode, a PvE story mode which is something people have begging for to move the lore forward, a new updated engine, and the PvE will have its own maps and brand new abilities and skill trees—with the abilities and skill trees being unlike anything overwatch has done before, and uniquely exclusive to OW2 and not affecting the PvP so you’re not unfairly disadvantaged if you don’t have OW2—and i also feel the need to reiterate that it’s still in early development so i highly doubt we already know all there is to know. blizzard hasn’t been entirely clear on what overwatch 2 even is tbh but it’s certainly not just new maps and if you think it is then i’m actually begging you to spend at least 30 seconds on google because 30 seconds is really all you need to click on one article and see that that’s far from the truth.

also if you’re not interested in the lore then from what i’m gathering you don’t even need to buy it because apparently OW1 is getting all the same stuff except for that? like, people are saying blizzard should just release it all as free content, but apparently they almost are since the new “push” game mode, plus the map that comes with it (and any future ones) is coming to OW1 and it’s gonna keep getting all the hero updates and everything that isn’t exclusive to the PvE mode and players will be put into the same PvP lobbies across games?? correct me if i’m wrong on that but it sounds like if you already own OW1 and don’t want the story mode stuff you literally don’t need to buy OW2 at all—so if you do then you’re just buying the story mode/PvE stuff, that’s it. and if you do, every cosmetic item you already own will transfer over! it’s also not like OW1 is done updating, as we know we can still expect new heroes in it before OW2 releases.

don’t get me wrong, i am a bit worried that the amount of new content won’t be enough to justify the price, i do still hate blizzard for the entire hong kong controversy and desperately wish they would do better, and as a massive lore enthusiast and someone whose primary reason for loving overwatch is based in its characters and world i am very frustrated that this is what it takes for the story to actually move forward, but i’m also really excited to see where this all goes and i honestly think people are largely just complaining without actually looking into what they’re complaining about. i also literally don’t understand the idea that “lol overwatch already had this for like a week before they took it out” about the PvE stuff and would like someone to explain that to me if possible because i’ve been playing this game since very shortly after launch and i’m confused asjdjdnfkd

that all being said i do have what i’m guessing is a pretty unpopular opinion though, and it’s that i... i don’t like most of the character redesigns we’ve seen, and the ones i do like i mostly just kinda like, i don’t love them or feel excited about them, while the rest i’m neutral toward or hate, and that actually really upsets me because the ones i hate most are for two of my most favorite characters and it makes me worried for what they might’ve done to redesign and potentially mess up my other faves—but i guess these will be the designs going forward, and everybody’s pretty fanart is gonna have these designs, so i’ll just have to get used to them.

to be more specific on that last point: i absolutely hate lucio and mercy’s hair and i’m honestly really sad about that, especially since i run a mercy appreciation blog and i don’t wanna celebrate her new design on it because i hate it so that would be very insincere of me but i don’t wanna say negative things and complain on it either, but i just think her hair looks so strange now. and i like lucio’s outfit tbh but his weird neon glowstick hair just... ruins it, it looks so bad to me i can’t stand it and i want his regular hair back. i would honestly prefer not to even acknowledge these 2 designs (well, mostly the hair i guess) exist if i could help it. i also don’t like reinhardt’s beard or bun although i am glad to see his face exposed and like the lion on his armor, and i can see his new hair possibly growing on me eventually. and while mei’s design is mostly okay i loved her old hairpin, it was distinctive and cute and i’m sad it’s gone because i dislike whatever it is that’s in her hair now sjdjdkgkd. also before seeing a side by side comparison i legit had to ask a friend if anything was even different about winston or if i was just blind—which i guess, considering how i feel about the others, is a good thing for me lol. but if you like all these designs that’s valid and i’m happy for you!! just don’t expect to see me praising them, but i’m also not gonna be super negative like this too often either.

for kinda-positives: i actually do really enjoy one single new design though, and it’s genji’s, but not for any specific reason other than i’m excited that he’s finally wearing clothes lol. i don’t feel strongly either way about the design of the clothes themselves (...though i do lowkey agree with the people saying they’re boring looking, but hey, my man is finally done running around naked everywhere, so i’ll take it). and i like tracer’s new glasses and the fact that she ditched the crocs finally!! i’d also like to talk a bit more about mei’s design—a friend of mine is saying people are complaining they slimmed her down, and i haven’t seen any of that for myself but if they really are then i uh... don’t get that? she still looks just as fat to me?? i’ll just let this comment i made in discord as soon i saw the new designs speak for itself:

so yeah, if she is any skinner it’s because of the newly normal-sized coat, because when i look at the models side by side she legit looks the same size to me or maybe a little bit smaller—but hey, who knows, maybe i truly am just blind! but anyway, if you gave her old hairpin back then i’d honestly have no issue with her new design.

i truly hope the new designs will grow on me more though, especially mercy’s because the feeling of having an appreciation blog for a character you love a lot and not being able to celebrate something like this is a feeling that really sucks, but i... feel very alone in disliking them as much as i do and while i’m glad everyone else is happy i’m sad about that?? at least all the old skins will still be there though, so ultimately i suppose it isn’t that big a deal, i just really really hope i don’t hate symmetra or hanzo’s redesigns too whenever we see them, assuming that every character is getting these design overhauls.

i’ve also had the time to finally watch the gameplay trailer and the cinematic, and you know what’s one of the things i’ve always loved about overwatch? the maps have always been gorgeous, and the ones shown in the OW2 trailer are no exception and i can’t wait to fully see them and explore them. the gameplay itself looks solid too imo and i am very excited to see sojourn will be added to the game, she’s gorgeous and i love her. and the cinematic!! it had so many cute little details, like the ana & baby pharah photo and the birthday photo, and tracer having that picture of emily. and the winston-tracer-mei friendship, getting to see genji and rein being badasses... seeing brigitte and then echo both show up, mercy and mei having that cute little moment, everybody working together and being amazing. the scene between brigitte and tracer that was adorable, the fact that rein made a terrible “ice to meet you” joke the second he was introduced to mei. seeing winston so happy to be able to say that overwatch is back. just... it was cute and cool and fun and i liked it a lot, it reminded me of what made me fall in love with this game in the first place and it made me really excited! i also think that the story should’ve moved forward like this much sooner and that we should’ve been getting much more shorts and comics in between, and i also wish that we didn’t have to wait until overwatch 2 to get sojourn because we still don’t actually have a black woman that we can play as and that really really sucks, but i’m still looking forward to everything as well.

so, in conclusion: i uh... may have mixed feelings about some things but i have to confess that i’ve loved overwatch for years, many of the characters are very special to me, and i’m genuinely excited about overwatch 2. i fully intend to start looking into charities that support hong kong as soon as i can because i want to actually do something for them and show that i’m not ignoring what’s going on over there, but i also wanna buy overwatch 2 whenever it’s released and i feel excited to play it. unfollow or block me for that if you have to but nothing good would come from me being ashamed to say it and i won’t hide it, i definitely hate blizzard but it doesn’t remove my love for the world they created. i‘m going to donate to hong kong charities and i‘m also going to buy overwatch 2 (which probably won’t even come out until 2021 or something), and i feel like giving more to them than i give to blizzard instead of just not doing anything at all is a fair enough way to deal with this issue especially since i am doing my best to boycott them otherwise. and if i play the new OW2 content and it sucks and/or just isn’t worth whatever the price is i’ll complain about it then, and if/when we see other redesigned characters i’ll probably complain about some of them too, but for now i really am excited for the most part!

The 4HW,Asuka and the SD Women’s roster

These subjects have been a hot topic on social media since SD last Tuesday night and everyone seams to have an opinion.Some people think what happened was wrong,some people think it might mean the title’s will be unified or that we will have an undisputed champion,some people think it will make the match better while others not so much.One thing is certain every WWE fan seem’s to have an opinion myself included.So I wanted to share my opinion and break it down int categories I feel seem to be the most important to me and the most talked about by other fans. Keep in mind this is my opinion no one has to agree with it I just felt like sharing and i’m stuck in bed with the flu.  

The four Horsewomen love them hate them every wrestling fan seems to have an opinion on them.Personally they happen to be my favorite superstars female or male.Iv’e seen some people say that they only get opportunities because they’re the horsewoman the ever “lovely” diva stans really love to use that one I disagree but hey again everyone has their own opinions.To state mine and try and prove my point i’m gonna break down the career’s of each one.I will then give my thoughts and opinion. 

Let’s start with the least problematic and in my opinion most underrated not only horsewoman but wrestler Bayley.In NXT Bayley was more loved by the NXT crowd than anyone else has ever been.She won the NXT title did a great job at putting people over lost it to Asuka and finally made it to the main roster.At first things were going great for Bayley the crowd was completely behind her much like they had been in NXT.But as good as things had been the moment Bayley won the Raw Women’s title things turned that bad that quick.For all intensive purposes 2017 should have been Bayley’s year it was not.I personally think they put the title on her way to quick which of course was not her fault.The whole thing with Bayley in NXT was that she was the underdog she was the last of the Horsewomen besides(Becky who never won the title) to win the NXT title and it really felt like she was in NXT forever before she won it.That was part of what made her NXT title run so special she was the true underdog and the crowd was behind her because of it.So Bayley wins the title against Charlotte on Raw and then snapped Charlotte’s undefeated streak and went on to defeat Sasha,Charlotte and Nia Jax at WrestleMania.After that evry thing went downhill how can anyone forget the Bayley this is your life segment with Alexa Bliss in one night they managed to kill one of the most lovable characters in the company.Then they had her lose the title in her hometown in a kendo stick match and wouldn’t let her pick up the kendo stick.After that a lot of people stopped caring about Bayley except for her die hard fan’s and she spent the rest of 2017 as a jobber.Fast forward to 2018 and it looks like we may be getting Sasha vs Bayley they teased it some then had Sasha turn on Bayley several times then Bayley finally had enough and bet the crap out of Sasha and said the infamous you ain’t shit line to Sasha.People were excited this was a different Bayley we thought we were gonna get another epic Sasha/Bayley feud but instead we got Dr.Shelby and another year of jobbing and a whole lot of six Woman tag matches with the Riott Squad.Which leads me to the present day,the first ever Woman’s tag titles and the Woman who should have been the first Woman’s champion at WM 32. 

The Legit Boss Sasha Banks.The Boss in NXT was the most best character in NXT.Sasha was a great Nxt champion she was so entertaining so extra and such a great heel.Sasha in my opinion is right there with Asuka as the best female wrestler in the WWE.Heel Sasha is my favorite Sasha she and Bayley had what I steal consider the greatest Women’s match of all time at Takeover Brooklyn an then they killed in the first ever Women’s iron Woman match.When Sasha came up to the main roster and became apart of Team B.A.D she helped bring out the best of Naomi that was when I felt Naomi became the Naomi we have today. Even Tamina was the best she had ever been.When Sasha wasn’t in a Woman’s (Diva’s at the time thank god that’s gone)match people were chanting we want Sasha.I had never seen that for a female wrestler before even with Lita at the height of her popularity.When Team B.A.D inevitably broke up I knew Sasha was gonna be champion is was just a matter of time.She was having great matches and then we found out she was gonna face Charlotte and Becky at WM 32 in a triple threat imo they had the best match that night and there is no doubt in my mind Sasha should have walked out champion no one was more hot than she was.They had the superstar shake up Paige got injured Becky and Naomi moved to Raw and we got Charlotte and Sasha I remember when Sasha won the title on Raw and she got Dana thrown out of ringside with a little Eddie Guerrero tribute it was great we went into SummerSlam and she lost the title.She then won the title back on Raw to lose it back at Hell in a Cell in her dang hometown of all places.She then one the title back from Charlotte in Charlotte I just really wanted to type Charlotte in Charlotte in a really great falls count anywhere match.We then head into Road Block I believe for an iron man match where once again Sasha/Charlotte killed it went into over time I remember Sasha had a busted nose possibly broken but still kept going and lost the title again.The fact that they hot potatoed that title like that still makes me mad and I know they did it to have the number of title reins go up for Charlotte.Sasha at least got to be in the Raw women’s title match at WM 33 that match was not one of my favorites but the Horsewomen involved had amazing entrances and Bayley got her WM moment.Sasha one the Raw Women’s title against Alexa Bliss at SummerSlam and then the moment she wen’t to defend it she lost it on Raw.Sasha and defending titles haven’t gone well thanks to WWE booking. She spent 2018 with Bayley doing six women tag matches with the Riott Squad.Finally in 2019 she seems to be back on track she made history with Bayley had a Raw women’s title match with Ronda and is going to be on the main card at mania after being stuck on the pre show with Bayley and Becky last year.I’m about to make some people angry especially Diva stans with this next part.Sasha and Bayley are the only reasons that the Women’s tag titles exist.They bothered Vince until he cracked and gave in and let them have the titles and a tag team division. That’s dedication especially given the fact that Vince changes his mind more than a Kardashian changes clothes.Okay time to move on to the most controversial Horsewoman i think you know who I mean. 

The Queen love her hate her i think for most people it’s the latter of the two everyone has something to say about her.I’m gonna put this out here right away yes Charlotte get’s more opportunities than the rest of the Women’s division because she’s Ric Flairs daughter there is no denying it.She is also a great athlete and delivers in big matches and has come along way.A lot of people say if other people got the opportunities Charlotte does they could probably deliver to and I agree certain people probably could.By the way in case you have been living under a rock she ain’t done winning titles she’s gonna pass Ric’s record.But let me say this i’m glad she is done apologizing for getting what she get’s and you don’t have to and probably want agree with me but she is that good.Let’s go back to NXT Charlotte’s first title she beat Natalya in a great match and it was only like her 3rd or 4th match.Her character was kind of bland then if i’m gonna be honest but her athleticism made up for it.When she got the call up to the main roster with Sasha and Becky we got PCB and for whatever reason they made her a baby face to me you can’t call yourself genetically superior and use the whole second nature thing and be a baby face it doesn’t work luckily she figured this out started using the Flair last name and became a heel.I know a lot of people say she’s not original she just copies her dad and woo’s.My answer to that is she’s his daughter Flair’s are natural heels Ric was the dirtiest player in the game of course she’s gonna us his catch phrases because they work. I enjoy Charlotte’s heel work she’s okay at being a baby face but being a heel is where she excels.I think it was pretty well explained what went down with the Raw Women’s title with the Sasha part so i’m gonna skip ahead to her going to SD.From the moment she arrived on SD WWE seemed to be turning her face putting her up against the welcoming committee and teaming her up with Becky and Naomi.Let’s see she was gone a little while because Ric got sick she beat Nattie for the title she beat Asuka at WM 34 and then lost the title to Carmella.Then won it back then Becky turned on her we were given one of the greatest feuds ever with them.Now 2019 Charlotte according to most people got shoehorned(I’ll go into that when we get to Becky) into the WM main event won another title breaking Trish’s record and according to most people she screwed Asuka and everyone’s afraid she will win at mania.Now onto The Man of the hour(see what I did there) 

Becky Lynch The Man. let’s be honest shall we who saw Becky Lynch going from the most underrated and overlooked Horsewoman to the main event of WrestleMANia? Okay Becky probably has had the worst booking of not only the Horsewomen but the Women’s division as a whole.When Becky was in NXT the moment she caught my attention was when she turned on Bayley and joined Sasha to create in my opinion the greatest tag team of all time Team B.A.E they then imploded and we then got the match that put Becky on the map Becky/Sasha Takeover Unstoppable that was also the night she debuted her orange hair and the steam punk look.That match is in my top 5 favorite all time matches.People that say Becky isn’t that great a wrestler go watch that match cause your clearly delusional.Becky when into that match that night everyone was team Sasha when that match was over they were singing her song she won the fans hearts and there respect that night.Not long after that she got the call up to the main roster she got put in team PCB and she had some great matches then team PCB broke up (hey Charlotte fans remember when Charlotte turned on Becky but when Charlotte got hers you conveniently forgot or ignored it) here’s something interesting Becky got added to the WM 32 match because of the fans insisting she should be in it(sound familiar we’ll get to that)I discussed this earlier they had the best match on the card imo.We got a little Team B.A.E reunion afterwords then Becky got drafted to SD.After being the only Horsewoman to not win the NXT title when she won the SD Woman’s title I think it made that much better Becky Balboa baby.Then she lost the title to Alexa (see a pattern hear) after one successful defence. after that we got La Luchadora and then she jobbed out the rest of 2016 and then 2017 and then 2018 didn’t start of great she had an ok Rumble and then was in the kick off show battle royal and then up until may when she beat Mandy and Sonya to qualify for MITB she was on a losing streak. She had a great showing at MITB the WWE finally realized the fans were behind her(btw you would think after she got added to WM 32 because the fans wanted her in the match they would now that) She finally got her push and she turned on Charlotte but the crowd cheered her which we already know but I want to point some things out.People cheered her for multiple reasons one being they including me saw where this was going trying to make Charlotte the victim at the person who had a legit reason to be angry. They in Becky’s words shoehorned Charlotte into the match at SummerSlam the second a lot of people were tired of Charlotte winning and of Charlotte in general.Another reason was it was about time Becky stood up for herself how many times had people stabbed her in the back this was a different Becky and the people weren’t buying her as the bad guy so they cheered her and booed the woo.Another reason for me personally I was happy was because I had watched her cut promos on dang quinoa on instagram in the back to stay relevant because they weren’t using her on tv.I watched her try and open a can of pinapples on instagram and was more entertained than I was with most of the other Women and tea time should have been on youtube.The difference between the Becky who lost the title to Alexa and this Becky is day and night she has said it’s because she believes in herself now and she’s done lowering herself so everyone else can have opportunities now they have to bring themselves up to be on her level.She has earned everything she is getting she did this Charlotte didn’t make Becky anymore than Becky made Charlotte so saying that makes people sound stupid.Becky saw her chance she grabbed the ball and refused to put it back down.You can say she got luck because of Nia botching for the umpteenth time.But if you go back and watch Evolution she was on a whole other level all ready.She has gotten the people emotionally invested in the main event she’s why people care.Let’s move on to the last topic of conversation shall we. 

I wanna start this off with this the idiots telling Naomi to be quiet need to shut up.She has a right to be upset and say what she’s feeling with that said.After Mania the Women need to make WWE take notice.Becky went from the kick off show to the main event so nothings impossible.As far Asuka if Asuka is as good as I know she is then she will recover from this.You can’t bury someone if they refuse to die.I’m one of those that thinks the titles should be unified so that the women can jump back and forth between brands so we can have more match possibilities.The Women main eventing mania is gonna change everything and the rest of the Women need to start taking opportunities don’t wait them.It’s on them now after mania they will be equal to the men in that aspect not everyone gets an opportunity not everyone is gonna make it to the top and a lot of Woman are gonna be stuck in catering.Some of the Women complaining i’m not naming names not all of the Women complaining shouldn’t be because they have had shots and proved they weren’t good enough.But i’m ready to see who actually walks the walk. 

Again these are my opinions and my thoughts and feelings on everything that has happened.

Avengers: Endgame

Avengers: Endgame is the latest and concluding  film to the first 10 years of the MCU. Endgame, takes place right after the events of Avengers: Infinity War, and follows the remaining heroes as they try and regroup after Thanos’ snap.

This is a film that, in some ways has been in the making for over 10 years. As such, there are a lot of expectations placed on it, and I don’t think it’s humanly possible to meet them all. For the most part, I enjoyed it; there were some issue with the pacing and characters arcs, but overall, this film is a masterpiece, if nothing else than it’s sheer scope. The Russos have set out to make a celebration of the entire Marvel universe, and in many ways there were successful. As an experience, watching the past 10 years of film-making being brought in and celebrated the way they are here was super positive, and though I found the story a bit lacking, I think it’s worth seeing if nothing else, then for that alone.    

Let’s be real though. You don’t want me to convince you to see this. You were already going to see it. Presumably, if you are here, you want to read what I thought about the film. So let’s cut to the chase, and under the cut and let’s get into my SPOILER FILLED thoughts.

Let’s start with the run-time.

This film, is a little less than 3 h long, and you FEEL, every single min of those 3 h. Part of the problem, is that there is no intermission; the other part is the structure. The first 40ish mins, are setting up where the characters are, the bulk of the film has to do with the Avengers going around collecting the stones, and then the third part is another 40 mins of a CGI battle that feels like it lasts an eternity. Helms Deep, ain’t got nothing on this; it’s so long it actually felt more draining than the almost identical hour long Battle of Wakanda for Infinity War. Then, when that’s over, we still have another 15-20 mins of tying up loose ends, and finally the film is over.

The film is too long. The issue is, I couldn’t tell what things could have been cut. The beginning set-up is slow, but it’s necessary to get us up to speed on where these characters are now, and if they have changed. While I found the battle needlessly long, it was cool to see the entire MCU come together, and every character  gets at least one little moment to shine, even if it’s just a few seconds long. There are dozens upon dozens of characters at the end, and the sheer enormity of the cast makes it impossible to have the battle be short, but I still think it could have been significantly truncated. After all we already saw a massive brawl in Infinity War; I don’t necessarily think we needed one here too, though I will admit that that’s probably an unpopular opinion.

The set-up at the start was imo, one of the better parts of the film. It’s incredibly depressing; the scene between Tony and Steve at Avengers HQ was harrowing; I liked the brief spike of energy when the Avengers go after Thanos, but it’s quickly deflated when he tells them the stones are gone. Then we get the ‘5 years later’ card, and it was like a blow to the face.

Having the bulk of the main plot set 5 years later was both a good and bad idea. On the one hand, 5 years is long enough for certain people to have moved on (some haven’t) and what little we get of what the world is like now was interesting. The best two story-lines for me were Thor Clint; I have been hoping we would get the Ronin story-line at some point in the MCU, and we get a glimpse of it here.

Thor was absolutely amazing; Hemsworth got his wish to have Thor be exactly like what he and Taika developed in Thor: Ragnarok.

The rest of this part was more than a little contrived. Scott getting released from the quantum realm by a rat, Tony figuring out the time travel in a single scene; it felt like the Russos just needed an excuse to get the characters from point A to point B, and went with the most uninteresting way to do it.

I had some issues with the main hook of this film, being time travel. First, I’m not a huge fan of time traveling stories; I tend to find their stakes are jumbled and rather low, they over-rely on common tropes, and almost never end in a satisfying way. I’d like to say that Endgame avoids this, but unfortunately it falls into some of the same traps, as all the films it tries to distance itself from.

There is a catch here in that the Avengers aren’t trying to prevent Thanos from snapping his fingers, but trying to collect the stones before he does. They even make a point of explaining why they can’t just travel back in time and steal the glove from Thanos before he snaps, in a pretty entertaining scene between Nebula, Rhodey, Scott and Hulk. I liked that they had to travel to a point in the past where at least one person had a direct contact with the stone, so they have a precise anchor in the time stream (and also it’s a clever way of going back to the battle of New York, Asgard, and Morag with the Guardians).

It was the part of the film I found most creative and had the most fun with. The team splits into 4 groups, and each group has to work around the obstacles of being in the past, with the group in New York being the funniest. Everything about the Battle of New York was great; the clever way in which they try and get the scepter and tesseract; trying to outwit Loki, Shield, Hydra and their own past selves. I can’t decide if I like the scene with Cap fighting himself more, or Scott giving Tony a heart attack; either way this was the most entertaining part of the film.

Hulk going to the Sorcerer Supreme and trying to convince her to give him the time stone was also good; I liked the reason why she didn’t want to give him the stone, and why she ultimately changes her mind. The idea that removing the stone would split an alternate reality where the Sanctuary failed at its job to keep Earth safe from dark magic was clever and we even see it in action, when Scott and Tony fail to get the tesseract, enabling Loki to escape, meaning in this new timeline, the Avengers failed to upper-hand Loki and lost the space stone.

Tony and Steve going back to the 70’s on Tony’s birthday to steal the tesseract from Shield/Hydra was also really fun. Hank Pym’s amazing 70’s hair was great, but the real standout was the scene between Tony and Howard; it was sad, funny and heart wrenching, and I’ll talk a bit more about it when we get to the characters.

Thor and Rocket go to Asgard to get the aether from Jane, which was likewise hilarious, both because Rocket and Thor as a tag team work really well, but also because it’s so clear that Natalie Portman refused to come back for Endgame, so they had to work around her, by reusing her scenes from Thor: the Dark World, and inserting Rocket. It was also really nice to see Asgard again, and like Tony, Thor too gets a really sweet and emotional scene with Frigga.

The third team is Nebula and Rhodey which was a fine pairing, but I feel that both characters were very underused. They bond a little over both having to rely on prosthetics to live, but most of this section is devoted to getting Thanos back into the film. Thanos being able to see what future Nebula could see through past Nebula’s cybernetic eye (something that maybe Nebula should have thought of before being the one to go to Morag, or at least warned the others about BEFOREHAND), was neat. However, another unpopular opinion of mine is that bringing Thanos back was unnecessary and only needlessly prolonged the film. We had too much Thanos in the last film, his story is over; I realize the Russos wanted him to have a rematch against all the Avengers combined when he’s not mortally wounded, but I would have gladly just watched the team traverse through the time-space continuum looking for the stones for 2 hours.

The final team was the one that actually made me mad. Clint and Natasha have to go to Vormir and get the soul gem. Okay… first off: why out of all the team members, do Clint and Natasha have to be the ones to go to Vormir? Wouldn’t it have made so much more sense for it to be Rocket? Nebula and Thor are indisposed, but they could have called Carol back, if nothing else than as back up, seeing as Vormir is in freaking space. Even without Carol, both Clint and Natasha could have easily done New York, considering they were there instead of Tony, Scott, Steve or Bruce.

Second, we are shown in the film, that the group is discussing what the best course of action would be, and they take notes on all the stones, and each person’s contact with the stones. When they were discussing Vormir, Nebula even says that that’s where Thanos killed her sister. So how come when they get there, Natasha and Clint are completely confused when Red Skull tells them one of them has to sacrifice so the other can get the stone?

Third, we have this ridiculous fight, between Clint and Nat about who will sacrifice themselves, and the Russos picked Nat? The ONLY female founding Avenger, the oldest member of the group along with Clint and Fury, and she does NOTHING this entire film, but throw herself in a pit to further Clint’s already massive man-pain over being a murderer and losing his family. This bit INFURIATED me; even if the reason Nat had to die was because Scarlet Johansson wanted to exit the MCU, there had to have been a better way to have her leave than killing her halfway through a 3 h movie, where her role up until that point had been sitting at a desk and crying.

Since I’m already talking about Natasha, let’s talk about the characters. In my review of Infinity War, I said that Nat, and Steve had such a small part, because the Russos were saving them for this film. For Steve that’s mostly true; his role is bigger, he gets some funny scenes, he gets some ‘character development’ (we’ll get to that). But Nat? What does she get? She’s overworking herself because she can’t move on, and is sad about Clint turning into a murderer. Then she sacrifices herself so Clint can get the soul stone and go back to his family, and it’s supposed to be a callback to when he didn’t kill her all those years ago, and had her join Shield. It was so reductive and uninteresting, and had nothing to do with her actual character. And don’t give me that ‘greater good’ bs; the Russos have been writing Nat for 4 films now, if they wanted her character arc to be about sacrificing for the greater good, they should have written it that way, dammit.

With Steve, like I said he gets a few touching moments, like running the support group, giving the rally speech before they go to the quantum realm, and getting up to fight Thanos after he has been beaten and his shield is broken.

But what was his character arc? Like Nat, the Russos have been writing Steven for 4 films now, and in every single one, they have failed to understand him as a character. They have had 4 films, and they still don’t know what to do with him. They seem to have this idea that Steve is just incapable of letting go: he can’t let go of the past, he can’t let go of the life he could’ve had with Peggy, he can’t let go of Bucky. He has spent 11 years out of the ice, has made a new close family with Tony, Nat, Sam, even Thor and Bruce, he’s even had a new love interest with Sharon, and he’s still completely stuck on the idea that his only chance at life was 80 years ago.

So here we have more of that: Steve can’t and won’t move on. He will risk his, and his friends’ lives for the slimmest of chances that things could go back to the way they were. That he can save everyone. It’s noble, but it’s not a character arc. Steve is exactly the same character he was in Captain America, and he has had no progress in 7 films.

He started out as someone who didn’t know his place in the world, and he ends this film by choosing to abandon his entire life and all his friends he worked so hard to bring back, in order to go back to Peggy. Everything he did in the present, all his friendships, memories, getting Bucky and Sam back, meeting Sharon, saving the world, none of it matters as much as being with Peggy. I’m sorry, but I just don’t buy it.

Moreover, this brings its own host of issues. If Steve went back in time, exactly when did he go? Before he crashed the plane? How did the bomb not detonate then? After he was frozen? Either way, in that timeline there are 2 Steve Rogerses. Did he just… convince Hydra not to dig him out? Did he kill his past self?

Was he still Captain America? If yes, then that should drastically change the timeline in the present day right? Things wouldn’t have happened the same way, so why would Hulk, Sam and Bucky be at that spot at that time? If the present timeline didn’t change, then how did Steve end up old and on the bench?

If he wasn’t Captain America in the past, how did he hide it? Did no one recognize him? Peggy did. Also, if Sharon exists in this timeline, then wouldn’t Steve have committed incest when he kissed her in Civil War?

I have the same timeline question for the rest of the cast. When Hulk snapped, he brought every person who disappeared, 5 years into the future, right? So is everyone 5 years older? If yes, then wouldn’t that make Peter Parker 19-20 years old? Why is he still in high school then?

If not, then how is Ned, and all of Peter’s other classmates exactly the same age? Did they all gets snapped? Every single person on that bus? That’s not random selection then now is it?

Clint, another character that the Russos don’t like or understand, didn’t fare much better. In the comics, he becomes the Ronin because Norman Osborn becomes President, and he creates a government sanctioned Avengers team full of criminals, where Bullseye is Hawkeye. He becomes Ronin to work illegally as an Avenger. Here it’s because his family got snapped, and because of that he is angry that some criminals remained alive, so now he’s killing them? What?

And then he just… gets his family back? And now everything is ok, and all those people he killed are completely forgotten?

Not to mention the absolutely infuriating scene, where Rhodey, Clint, Hulk, Thor and Steve, argue about whether Natasha is really dead or not. 5 men, argue about the ONE woman who had to sacrifice herself so they can all feel guilty and argue about it for 2 mins? This film really hates women, doesn’t it.

There’s a scene during the battle where Captain Marvel has to take the stones through Thanos’ army, and then all the female characters stand around her as back up, and it’s supposed to be this really empowering moment to see how far the MCU has come in representation.

Except it’s not, because having all the women fight CGI blobs for 1 min of a 3 h movie, while cool, doesn’t make up for the other 179 mins of shitty treatment of all your female characters.

Case in point: Gamora and Nebula. I really, really hated this plotline too. First, I hate that the Russos understanding of Peter Quill just seems to be that he’s an idiot. Great.

Second, since we can’t bring back Gamora from Vormir, we have Gamora from 9 years ago coming back to the present, so all the development James Gunn did with her character, he bonding with the Guardians, her relationship to Peter, he relationship with Nebula, all that is reconnected away. Thanks a lot guys! Way to completely negate years of development for the sake of your shitty plot twist!

Then we have Thor. I absolutely loved Thor in this film; he’s depressed, suffers from panic attacks, hides his pain with alcoholism, has put on weight, is very funny, and has the best interactions with all the cast. The scene in Asgard where he gets to talk to Frigga was beautiful; however, I wish he had gotten a scene with Loki or Jane, because that would have completed his arc. Like, it’s a bit strange that he seems to have forgotten that Loki died last film, and has no reaction when they sneak by his cell, but when he sees his mother he loses it?

While I do love Thor and Rocket, and I did think the final scene between Thor and Peter was funny, I just don’t want Thor in the Guardians films. Guardians already has a blonde, hot but dumb as bricks leading man, we don’t need two to compete for who gets to say the most dumb things this minute points.

Carol is barely in this film. She has 2 lines and 2 fight scenes, and I wonder why they even bothered. She is the strongest character in the MCU, and here she has a tug of war with Thanos for like 5 secs, before she gets swatted away, and isn’t in the rest of the film. They could have written her in if they wanted to, since she had contact with the tesseract in the 90’s, but nope. She’s off to space somewhere, because no girls allowed.

I don’t have much to say about Hulk. He’s in the movie. He says things. He has a single funny scene. He gets to do the snap. Yay.

Finally, we have Tony. The Russos love Tony Stark. I love Tony Stark. Tony Stark dies in this film. It’s made painfully obvious from the very first scene, and the film does everything it can to tug at your heart strings. And I still bought it.

First, we have him surviving a near death experience in space. Then when we cut to 5 years later, he has a daughter with Pepper, as well as a nice cabin in the woods. He doesn’t want any part in quantum traveling, because he got his second chance. He knows he won’t get a third.

I liked the scene where he and Pepper discuss what to do. It’s nice development for both of them; Tony has learned how to communicate with her, and tells her about the Avengers and the quantum travel. Pepper tells him that trying to get him to stop doing something is impossible for both of them. I also enjoyed all the scene between Tony and his daughter; they were sickeningly sweet.

Then we have the scene between him and Howard; I really loved that Tony still loves his dad, and doesn’t think he was a bad man even if they had a bad relationship. I also liked that Howard was worried about being a good father, since he knew he cared about work more than anything else in his world.

And then, to make things the worst, he gets a reunion with Peter, which was the final nail in the coffin. It was so emotional and seeing Peter say goodbye to Tony was even worse. He also gets the hero’s goodbye; he kills Thanos by snapping his finger and the gauntlet kills him. It’s the goodbye he deserves, and it’s the goodbye Nat deserved to have, but didn’t get.

So that’s it. Them’s my thoughts on this film. It was bittersweet, and it was mostly satisfying. I don’t expect that it could have possibly lived up to my expectations, but I am proven once again, that Marvel doesn’t really understand what I like about these movies.

It will be interesting to see how this changed universe will go on now: Thor’s in space, Sam is the new Cap, Tony and Nat are dead, and Clint is a murderer. I hope we get a lot more of Carol, T’challa, Hope, Steven, and Peter, but as for the OG Avengers, the ones that got me into this cinematic universe, this was a pretty decent, though not perfect send off.    

ARTISTIC BEAUTY OF LOVE- CHAPTER 16

Fluffy Romantic Story about two guys who became friends and blossomed into something more.

*Mature Scenes later on.*

Trigger Warning: Speaks about sexual abuse in later chapters.

I did my best with editing. Sorry in advance if there are any mistakes. But I really tried to make sure there were not many. Please enjoy

Previous Chapter: https://hopeless-taejinstan.tumblr.com/post/172797085710/artistic-beauty-of-love-chapter-15

“NO!” Tae exclaimed throwing a fit as Jin folded his arms.

“Come on Taehyung!”

“NO!” He whined. “I don’t want to!”

“For crying out loud!” Jin ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “How old are you?!”

“I don’t care!” He vigorously shook his head no.

“What’s going on?” Mihi asked walking over to them.

“Mom, can you tell Taehyung he has to dress up if he’s going to the party.” He looked at his mother who looked at Taehyung who had his arms folded looking the other way.

“Taehyung-ie-ah …” She began and he looked at her. “don’t you wanna go to the party and try all types of new food and look at beautiful art?”

“I can try new food and look at beautiful art?”

“Of course! It’ll be a lot of fun. It’s a masquerade ball so you’ll see people wearing all kinds of beautiful artistic masks even you can wear one isn’t that exciting?” She clasped her hands together. “Also, you’ll get to meet some of Jin’s high school friends.”

“Really?!

“So you will dress up for the party?”

“Yes!” He nodded.

“Great.” Mihi looked at Jin. “Is Miyeon’s family coming?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Are you going to look for a dress with Miyeon?”

“Yeah, with her and her younger sister.”

“Okay, can you take Taehyung with you? Don’t worry about cost, just get him whatever tuxedo fits him best.”

“Alright and what about the hair?” Jin looked at his mother’s back. She turned around.

“You guys go to Juwa, she’ll love styling Tae. I’ll see you two later, have fun.”

Jin looked at Tae.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

~~~~*~~~~

Tae watched as Miyeon walked throughout the store trying to find a dress with Jin behind her. There were times she was looking at wedding dresses, Jin would walk away or try to change her attention to somewhere else. Tae slowly looked at Miyeon’s younger sister Misun who seemed annoyed.

“You don’t seem so enthused about dress shopping.” He said to her as Misun sighed deeply.

“I hate shopping for dresses with Miyeon Unnie. She makes it all about her. I feel bad for poor Jin Oppa.” She said watching Miyeon dragging Jin from wedding dress to wedding dress. “All she talks about is marriage.” She shook her head. “Have you decided on a tuxedo yet?”

“I don’t really know …I never shopped for a ball before.”

Misun gasped. “Really?! Masquerade balls are so fun. People wear these beautiful masks and have fun without anyone seeing their face. Supposedly a friend of mine who is coming said two princes were attending the party but no one will know who they are because of the masks.”

“Princes?” Tae blinked. “Actually princes? From where?”

“One from a country in the middle east I forgot the name of the country but his name is Hibi Desai and the other prince is from some country in Africa his name is Ekene Yoji …I heard both men are extremely handsome. I never saw a prince so I kind of wish I could see their faces.”

Me too! Wow, that sounds so amazing. I wonder if they would let me draw them …”

“You draw?” Misun asked.

“I’m an art major so anything involving art will get my attention.”

“I know what you mean, I can’t draw but I love to play music. I heard Jin Oppa’s mother is having a live orchestra play, I’m so excited if that is true!”

They both giggled. They were having more fun talking than looking for something to wear.

“Taehyung, Misun,” Jin walked over to them. “have you two started looking?”

“We’ll look more,” Misun said. “Where’s Unnie?”

“In the dressing room, so I slipped away to see how you two were doing.”

“Jin!” They heard Miyeon calling out.

“Coming! I’ll send someone over to help you two.” He sighed heavily and walked away.

“Poor Jin Oppa.” Misun sighed as Tae smiled softly.

~~~~*~~~~

After four hours Miyeon finally decided on a dress. Jin was a little disappointed. He was curious to see what type of tuxedo Tae had chosen but he would have to wait until tomorrow night.

They walked into the hair salon and saw a busy woman running around the salon keeping everything on track. She stopped short when she saw Jin.

“Jin-nie! You came home for the weekend?” She hugged him tightly.

“Hi Juwa Imo, yeah my parents are hosting a masquerade ball, you didn’t know?”

“Of course I knew! I could never miss their parties. I’m just surprised that you decided to come. Usually, you avoid the parties.”

“Well, I figured my parents could meet my girlfriend. Oh yeah, this is my girlfriend Miyeon.” He placed his hand on her lower back as she bowed. “And this is her younger sister Misun and my friend Taehyung from college.”

Juwa smiled and her eyes landed on Tae. “Wow, you’re very handsome! I would love to style your hair. Please tell me that you’re open to coloring your hair!” Her eyes lit up.

Tae’s face flushed, and he rubbed the back of his neck. “I have been wanting to do something different with my hair.”

“Awesome! My assistant will take you Miyeon and your sister.”

The tall blonde woman smiled at them and took them over to the other side of the shop.

“At least you’re more fun. Jin-nie will never let me dye his hair. Wouldn’t he look hot with blonde hair?”

Tae looked at Jin trying to picture him with blonde hair. His eyes widened realizing that would be a hot combo and he coughed looking away from Jin.

Juwa sat Tae in her chair and they began looking through colors he could do as Jin stood with them talking to his aunt. Juwa looked up and smiled.

“Jimin, what color do you think we should do for this customer?”

“Jimin?” Tae brought his head up as the orange haired guy walked over to them.

“TaeTae?” They stared at each other before yelling out. Jimin nearly jumped on top of Tae hugging him tightly.

“Oh you two know each other?” Juwa asked.

“Do we know each other?!” Jimin laughed as he stood up “This is my BFF. He was the guy I was telling you about who was extremely stylish …” Jimin traveled off looking at Tae’s long bangs and plain clothing. Jin tilted his head.

“Ah yes I remember you saying that. What a small world!”

Jimin folded his arms. “How have you been? I’ve missed you like crazy! I was looking for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but your mom said you didn’t come back.”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy with school.” Tae cleared his throat.

“Oh, I saw Hyeon during Christmas break, we were all hanging out. It was the old gang the only one missing was you.”

Jin watched as Tae forced a smile on his face.

“Sorry about that …”

Jin and Jimin tilted their heads. Jimin then looked at Jin.

“So …are you TaeTae’s boyfriend?” He asked and Jin’s eyes widened. Both their faces turned beet red and Tae cleared his throat.

“No, Jin Hyung is my best friend. His girlfriend is getting her hair done over there.” Tae answered. Jimin took a glance at the young woman who had a scowl on her face.

Jin cleared his throat. “Anyway, I’ll leave you guys to it. I’m gonna go and run some errands for my parents. I’ll be back.”

“Bye Hyung.” Tae smiled and Jin gave him a smile. He watched Jin walk over to Miyeon and kiss her cheek. His eyes followed Jin until he left out the salon, he didn’t notice Juwa watching him with a small smile.

Jimin folded his arms. “Too bad he’s not your boyfriend. He’s freakin’ hot.”

“Hey don’t go around checking out my nephew.” Juwa teased making them laugh.

“Wait, Juwa Noona, Jin Hyung is your nephew?”

“That’s right. He’s my older sister’s son.”

“I can see it, you’re very good looking,” Tae said, and she giggled slapping his shoulder a bit hard.

“You flatter me!”

“Don’t get her started.” Jimin laughed.

“You should take notes, Mochi.” She pinched his cheeks making him giggle.

“Oh TaeTae, have you found yourself a boyfriend?”

“Nope, still single.”

Jimin pinched Tae’s baggy pants. “You’re still wearing these overalls I see. You need to go back to how you were dressing before the twelfth grade.”

Tae looked down for a moment.

“Oh yeah, Hak-Kun purposed to his boyfriend two months ago.”

“Really?”

“Who is that?” Juwa asked being noisy.

“TaeTae’s ex-boyfriend. They dated for a year but after you dumped him he started dating some guy and I guess things went well between them.”

“I’m happy for him. He deserves it, he’s a really sweet guy.” Tae flipped through the pages. Jimin pointed to the steel silver color.

“This is perfect for you.”

“But Chim-”

“You’re an art major, you gotta do something different and I think with your features this will look really good on you.” He saw the doubt in Tae’s eyes and he flicked his forehead. “Babo, you’ve been gone to college for how long and you don’t trust my judgment anymore? Who used to dye your hair before? Have I ever given you a bad color?”

Tae sighed and nodded. “You haven’t. I’m just gonna stick out with gray hair.”

“You never minded before. Remember when you did bright red?”

“He did bright red?” Juwa asked and Jimin pulled up a picture from his phone. “Whoa! You really could off any color! Steel gray it is!” Juwa patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry Tae, leave your trust in me and my apprentice we’ll make you the showstopper of the party.”

~~~~*~~~~

Jin walked into the salon later that evening, he couldn’t understand why Chun-Hei insisted he wore black and gold in his outfit. He shrugged it off and walked inside. Miyeon ran to him, her hair was now a caramel brown with a small trim.

“What do you think?”

“I like it.” Jin kissed her forehead. He saw Misun’s black hair was styled in a bun and her bangs were trimmed. “I like your hair Misun.”

“Thank you Jin Oppa!” Her face lit up making him smile.

He looked over at Tae and his eyes widened. He almost looked a completely different person. His hair was parted in the middle and his gray strands were fluffy and moved whenever he moved his head. The thing that shook Jin the most was Tae had gray contacts that enhanced his looks by a million. Jin shivered trying to tear his eyes away from the beautiful young man.

“Wow Tae Oppa, are you a prince?” Misun giggled making him laugh putting his head down a bit. Jimin placed his arm on Tae’s shoulder while looking at Misun.

“He was called Prince in middle school and high school.”

Misun’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“Oh yeah.”

“I can see it! I can see it!” She said excitedly making them laugh.

“Oh Jimin, why don’t you come to the party tomorrow if you don’t have anything to do,” Jin said and Jimin’s eyes widened.

“Really? I can come?!”

“Sure, I’m sure Tae would like that right? You guys haven’t seen each other for a while.”

“I would love to come!”

“Tae is staying at my house but if you’re not busy later, you’re more than welcome to come over and hang out with him …ah even better why don’t you sleep over?”

“Thank you Jin Hyung!” Jimin bowed deeply and Tae blinked away his tears as he bowed his head. Miyeon rolled her eyes

~~~~*~~~~

The next day Jimin and Tae spent the day together, getting a manicure and pedicure. Jimin bought some makeup and told Tae he would do his makeup later. They went to a restaurant for lunch.

“Oh yeah I meant to tell you TaeTae, I owe you an apology.”

“For what?” He tilted his head.

“I mention Hak-Kun and didn’t think about your feelings. I’m so sorry, I sometimes talk without thinking.”

Tae chuckled. “Don’t worry about it, it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other in person you had a lot to say. I’m surprised at hearing that he’s engaged, but I’m not upset. Tell him I said hi whenever you see him.”

Jimin nodded. “I will.”

“Do you live out here now?”

“Yeah, I have a dorm room.”

“We have to get together more now. We’re really not that far from each other.”

“We definitely can, my mom just brought me a car so I can drive out there to meet you now.”

“Yes! Oh, I wanna show you my friend Jungkook. I never got to show you his picture.” Tae opened his phone and showed Jimin his picture.

“Wow that guy is hot! Is he gay?”

“Yes.”

“Right up my alley. Give him my contact and tell him to put me under Daddy.”

Tae burst out laughing. “Omo! I can’t take you two! He said the same but to put him under as Future Daddy.”

“What the hell Tae?! Why are you just telling me this now?!”

“I never got a chance to tell you!”

“Aish, babo.” Jimin gently hit Tae’s head as they laughed. “Jin Hyung, seems to really care about you.”

Tae nodded. “He’s helped me out a lot since I’ve started college. I’m really indebted to him.”

Jimin tilted his head. “You like him.”

“N-N-No!” Tae shoved food into his mouth making Jimin laugh.

“You know Juwa Noona, was telling me about the masquerade myth. She told me that there’s an urban legend saying if you dance with someone at midnight and share a kiss that person is supposed to be your soulmate.”

“Even though that’s a load of crap, it sounds very romantic.”

“Hey, you never when cupid might strike. He may just look at you and then bam!” Jimin suddenly made two hearts with his fingers and Tae burst in laughter.

Next Chapter: https://hopeless-taejinstan.tumblr.com/post/172798937440/artistic-beauty-of-love-chapter-17

I Love Me.

A Short Story:

Two bridesmaids in their late 20s gather around a mirror in a fancy bridal suite. They have just gotten their hair and makeup done by professionals.

Bridesmaid 1: “I need to just wear fake eyelashes all the time. I literally don’t have eyelashes. They are non-existent.”

Bridesmaid 2: “Tell me about it. Ugh, I hate this lip color on me; it’s drawing too much attention to my pencil-thin lips. I need lip injections. How much do those cost?”

A third bridesmaid enters the room and lets out a heavy sigh while looking in the mirror.

Bridesmaids 1 & 2, in unison: “OHMYGOD, you look gorgeous!”

Bridesmaid 3: *scoffs*  “Um, OK, I literally look 6 months pregnant. This dress is NOT flattering on me and is really highlighting my flabby stomach.”

Bridesmaid 2: “At least you have boobs to fill this thing out; I have the tits of a 9 year old girl.”

Everyone laughs. At that moment, Bridesmaid 4 walks in the room and catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror and smiles.

Bridesmaid 3: “Aww, you look so good!”

Bridesmaid 4: “Thanks! I actually feel really pretty. I LOVE my hair like this!”

Bridesmaids 1, 2 and 3 are perplexed. Shook. Kind of even repulsed to be honest? Hearing a woman speak highly of herself just...does not compute.

Bridesmaid 1, under her breath: “Full of ourselves much...” 

This ain’t right. But sadly, it’s reality. As a society, seeing women being self-loathing and self-deprecating is acceptable; welcomed, even. Listening to a woman berate herself might bother us and we might not agree with what they’re saying, but we are OK with them saying it. Why? Because WE say it. We talk about our flaws -- in our appearance AND personality -- but wouldn't dream of doing the opposite. 

But I don’t think it’s a matter of women not loving things about themselves. Rather, it’s about the stigma attached to announcing it. We’re comfortable talking about our cellulite, our big foreheads and bad skin, but wouldn’t DARE say we think we have pretty amazing arms. 

YES GURL.

So, I got an idea. I reached out to a few of my favorite female bloggers and posed a challenge: tell me what you love about yourself. Don’t hold back, don’t use negative terminology, don’t downplay. Don’t think in order to say something nice, you need to also say something negative (no “My nose is crooked but I still like it!”).  THIS ISN’T AN EASY EXERCISE, but we doin’ the damn thing.

It’s important.

I now present you, 6 beautiful, intelligent & amazing women -- and what they love about themselves. 

Who: Stephanie, from the blog Life According to Steph

I am fierce with myself and allow myself to be who I am, warts and all. I know my strengths, I’m not afraid to acknowledge my weaknesses, and I’m not interested in perfection.

I encourage and empower others, especially women. There’s room for all of us to shine.

I do what makes me happy, not what society tells me I should do.

I am an excellent nail painter (my own, not yours).

I work hard at being a good and contributing member of my community.

Who: Emma, from the blog Emma’s Thing

I love that I have no filter. I think life is too short to not speak your truth, tell it like it is, ask awkward questions, or tell someone they have a booger in their nose. I love that I'm upfront and let almost whatever's in my head come out of my mouth. Sure, it's caused some heartache but it also makes life interesting IMO. 

I love my facial skin. I get compliments on it all the time and, even when I'm having a bad week with random acne or some weird, non-descript rash, I know I still have it very good. I thank my mom for the good genes.

I love my hair! It took me forever to love it, truly. My hair is very very curly naturally and, for years, I had no idea how TF to handle it. But once I figured it out, I finally learned to love it. At this point, IDK how I would fare if my hair suddenly changed on me. I wouldn't know WTF to do. I also love that its natural curl lends itself to not having to be washed very often, and I can wear it in crazy, messy ways without being questioned. 

I love that I'm good at so many things. I can get sheepish about the fact that I can write, act, dance, sing, do comedy, have a good photography eye, etc. I'm not sure why — probably because it feels like bragging and showing off. But the fact of the matter is, yah girl has talent! I'm a Jill of all trades, if you will. 

Who: Christine, from the blog Simply Stine

I am a giver and I always have been. Nothing makes me happier in life than doing random acts of kindness for others. I am in a position where I'm able to bring joy to other people and nothing makes me happier. It could be sending random packages in the mail to friends and family or sending flowers out of the blue. Doing things for other people is just something I've always done and loved doing.

I love my eyes. They're this beautiful blue and they just pop in the right lighting. I've always loved them.

I love that people come to me for all kinds of advice and support.  I love listening and helping people, no matter what the situation involves. I want my friends and family to know that I'm always there for them and I'm always willing to sit down and listen to them. I think we all need that person in our life that we can go to, right?!?

I love that I'm finally happy with myself as a person. It took me a long time to understand that being "different" isn't a bad thing and that it's so much more of a positive than I ever realized. I am ok with being me and everything that comes along with accepting myself. Why did it take me over 30 years to realize this?!?

I'm a full-time Blogger and I love it. People don't always understand what it is that I do, but it's the best job. It's hard as hell some days and it isn't always fair, but it's so rewarding being able to have something that I'm in charge of come together and be a source of positivity and inspiration for others!

Who: Lindsay, from the blog Bourbon & Lipstick

I love my desire help others - be it those less needy, or something as simple as helping another blogger or blog reader.

I love that I don't take bullshit.  

I love my big butt.

I love my work ethic and that I consistently strive to do/be better.

I love how I'm not afraid to speak up.

Who: Emelia, from the blog Dream Big & Buy the Shoes

I'm extremely goofy. I make up songs and rhymes and make a lot of weird noises. I enjoy it- my kids laugh and it keeps life interesting. One of my favorite things I say every day at some point...to my daughter is "Are you ready? Ready spaghetti? Is my little Betty spaghetti ready?" Not sure where I came up with it- but she smiles, and so do I.

I love my eyes. They're green- but sometimes look hazel, sometimes look grey. I get compliments on my eyes a lot, and it makes me happy because I feel that eyes are an interesting part of a person. Someone's eyes can tell a story- and maybe mine do that for people.

Determination- I have lots of it. I've been through some rough stuff in the past 34 years and I always come out the other side. I'm determined to make sure that my family is taken care of and that we are the happiest we can be so I persevere as much as I can in every situation.

I will do anything for my children. It's hard to be a parent- there's no clear cut instruction manual. There's a lot of judgements and opinions- but you need to figure out the path on your own. I'm extremely proud of the Mom I am to Ethan and Bella. Every day isn't perfect, but we make it the best we can.

I can multi-task and love being productive. I am someone who can not sit down to relax until everything is done- but hell if I can't get it all done in like 20 minutes. I will be sweeping the kitchen floor, starting laundry and loading the dishwasher while entertaining the baby and checking Instagram- HA. But for real, I have always had very busy jobs that require me doing a lot at once and I think that helped me as a person be very productive. Being busy and productive and getting things done is a great personality trait in my opinion- work work work work work!

Who: Allison, from the blog AA (ya know, the one you’re reading right now?)

I have a good eye. Whether I’m putting an outfit together, decorating a room or taking a photo, I love that I just know what looks good. If you see me in action doing any of those aforementioned things (especially photography; my second love after writing), you know I’m serious about it.

I have long, naturally muscular legs. I was born with long legs (thanks mom) which makes me appear taller than my actual 5 feet 4 inch stature, but years of walking in heels is likely responsible for some serious calf definition that I’ve always loved having.

I love my sense of humor and quick wit. It comes across in my writing, but in “real life” it’s there, too. I’ve always said I’d rather be the funniest person in the room instead of the smartest or prettiest, and I stand by that. Humor is SO important to me. AND I’M A FUNNY BITCH.

I’m true to who I am, always. I’ve never adapted, changed or downplayed anything about myself to appeal to or appease anyone else. I stand by my convictions and I’m proud of the woman I am and will stand up for what I believe in any day of the week.

My one dimple. One is better than none, and I have a pretty big one on the left side of my face that enhances my smile and normally causes someone to poke their finger in it when they see it, which sounds weird when I type it. I love that it’s kind of a “trademark” thing I have.

OK ladies (& gents, of course!) -- your turn! Leave what thing(s) you love about yourself in the comments. I’d love to hear!

I never thought I'd be this person but I legit said"what hetero nonsense is this" when Rose said love and kissed Finn lol

okay anon this is not against you and I know you didn’t mean this seriously and I know this reply might be overreacting, and you probably didn’t see that I previously posted about hating how this fandom (especially *my* subfandom technically) is reacting to finnrose so you probably didn’t know, but: no.

specifically:

it wasn’t random nor nonsense. she had a fangirl crush on him, she got to know him better and she liked him and she thought she was about to bloody die. if I was in her place I also would kiss the guy I like if anything to know I’ve done it.

on the other side, he needed to talk to someone he didn’t know already and to show him a different side of things and who made him realize that the resistance was more than single people he might have cared for or not going against the big bad evil, which was what made him finally stop running. he didn’t kiss her back but it’s nice that he gets it from someone who likes him genuinely, especially coming after a life of dehumanization.

so it wasn’t nonsense, it was a plot decision you can like or not but saying it was out of left field or made no sense or was nonsensical is not a thing I can agree with because imo it was very well-developed and like in a life or death situation I would probably try to kiss the guy I liked, and rose liking finn was already introduced from the moment she showed up and then she just got to like him as the person he was rather than the supposed *legend* or whatever, which... is... nice. it’s normal. it happens. why the hell should it be nonsensical?

ah, because it was heteronormative and apparently if het ships happen it’s bad because they’re heterosexual, which is like, typical tumblr drivel and sorry but nah.

(now, before I go into it: if it had been rey kissing finn, would people be crying about heteronormative nonsense? idk. just a thought. and guess what, for me finn/rey is like, the most platonic shit in existence and I can’t see the two of them kissing romantically and it making any sense so we all see it differently, but if it had happened I’d have shrugged and moved on with my life. anyway.)

listen, guys, let’s be freaking real, as much as tumblr likes to think the contrary, straight/heterosexual people make up 90% of the demographic. heteronormativity is normativity because nine people on ten are straight. the problem is when heteronormativity is seen as the only default. the point is that if you want to counteract that you have to push to normalize relationships that are not heteronormative and make sure they’re seen as a valid alternative to the norm, but you can’t honestly go and say that heteronormativity is in itself statistically wrong because it’s not, nor that it’s in itself inherently wrong because then you pass the message that if you’re straight you’re *wrong* and honestly from a website where the message that people think they’re passing is that *you aren’t -wrong- for your sexuality I’m really tired to see that it’s valid for everything except straight people. because it’s really fun to go online and wade through posts on posts of people joking about how if you’re straight you’re Bad, you have no tastes, you’re not a good lay if you’re a man and should date women anyway if you’re a woman and everything bad in the world is the fault of you horrible straight person and ah, wait, being straight is also boring and who would choose to be straight -

except that you don’t choose your sexuality. no, I didn’t choose mine either. (yes, I’m straight if it wasn’t clear, and I’m getting progressively pissed off at this attitude. actually I’ve gone past the point of pissed off, but never mind that.

so like, now apparently if a heterosexual ship happens it’s all because they wanted to cater to the straight crowd and it’s all nonsense just because it’s a man and a woman locking lips!

and like, fuck, no. this idea that finnrose is inherently nonsense because it’s *heteronormative* and they pushed finn on a WOMAN THAT’S NOT REY is.... sorry, I know you didn’t mean it like that and I don’t wanna sound like an asshole, but if you say that rey would have been cool and rose isn’t then WHY, I mean isn’t rose okay enough? good enough? I mean I’ve read some stuff on *my ship’s* tag which was reeking racism because rose was apparently a downgrade and rey was the only option they could accept *if finn had to be with a woman* and honestly, no?? that’s... like... no??? I find it really rich coming from people who ship... a pairing.... made of nonwhite people.... at least for US standards (yeah I ship finn/poe mainly and this movie has made me block half of the tag for the finnrose vitriol IMAGINE HOW NICE). and IT ONLY HAPPENED SO THEY COULD CANCEL THE GAY COUPLE is like... a) it wasn’t gonna happen in the MIDDLE movie anyway esp. a franchise that gets distributed in countries where the gay couple would mean a ban/the movie not getting released (like, we do remember the beauty and the beat wank over damned lefou for what, ten seconds of him dancing with a dude??), b) means that finn’s sl would have had any worth just if he and poe made out (and same for poe) which basically means reducing their storylines to them making out? like, that’s... really.... sad? they only have worth as characters if they make out? sorry, I can’t really rally behind that. I care about them as characters and I loved their sl this movie and if they don’t kiss WHATEVER, 99% of the m/m couples I shipped in my life stayed not canon and it never changed my life, even if they were in relationships with women. that’s why fanfic exists. maybe next movie we’re getting it (because anyway rose kissed finn, he didn’t kiss back or anything so it can go there or it can’t and whichever way it goes I’m okay with it) maybe we’re not, but saying that their existence is useless if they don’t kiss or bang or aren’t *gay* just reeks of tokenism to me and the fact that finnrose is being described as heteronormative bullshit made to appease the r/eylo people or to deny people finn/poe is really not a thing I can rally behind either.

like, again, there’s nothing NONSENSE behind it and the fact that you attached heteronormative to it again means that the problem with it is that it’s an heterosexual ship and given that it had all reasons for existing and that, again, I’m really fucking tired of every straight relationship in new media getting thrown at the wolves just because it’s straight and being straight on tumblr is Very Bad TM so... sorry. it’s not. and like, if according to you it was just *nonsense* fine, you didn’t like it, legit, but heteronormative nonsense? really? can we just.... not... frame it as if anything heteronormative or heterosexual or straight is The Worst especially since on top of that finnrose is actually pretty progressive as a thing? I mean, when was the last time you saw a main black lead in an immensely popular scifi franchise that everyone and their kids watch in a relationship with an asian woman? never. like, it’s progressive, too, not the same way finn/poe is but progressive nonetheless, so... like... can’t we just let this goddamned ship live and be the cute thing it was without splitting hairs?

because sorry but again the fact that the main objections I’ve seen were a) IT’S STRAIGHT AND NOT GAY, b) he’s kissing rose and not rey IF WE HAD TO HAVE A STRAIGHT SHIP, c) IT’S PROREYLO AND ANTISTORMPILOT which.... uuughhh. like, can’t y’all take things the way they are? (nvm that I could rant for three hours about how r*ylo was like, written to happen and the fact that people don’t want to recognize that a villain has a personality is another entire problem but never mind.) it’s a cute ship. it happens to be straight. it’s also fairly progressive in itself. it was put on a good (imo) storyline which made sense and everything poor rose did was kissing the dude she liked after saving his life and thinking she was about to die. lay off her, pls?

last thing: since - we all guessed it by now - I happen to be straight can... y’all... please... not send me asks about how shitty heteronormative ships are and the likes? I mean, I know it’s a problem in a lot of cases and I’m more than willing to call it out if it’s obviously done maliciously but this wasn’t the case and I’m honestly tired of this STRAIGHTS ARE TERRIBLE drivel and HETERONORMATIVITY IS INHERENTLY BAD drivel and so on. especially when it’s about a thing I don’t actively ship but liked (finnrose) and then I have to go into my ship’s tag (f/p) and see it trashed to hell and back and read posts over posts about how they fucked up f/p for THE STRAIGHTS when I’d be the first person to offer the entire cinema a beer if it actually was canon. like, I’d be overjoyed if it was. but not at the cost of being assholes to other people who ship other things or at the cost of trashing on this movie for things that don’t exist or deny both of those two’s character arcs because at the end of it THEY AREN’T GAY. (as if they couldn’t be bi or pan, but of course anything that implies that someone could be in a rship with someone of the different sex is okay just as long as the relationship isn’t with someone of a different sex. like. please guys. no.)

last thing: don’t take this rant personally anon I’m sure you meant well, but you just touched on a thing that is really irking me lately and my hand slipped. I’m really meaning no ill will I’m just really tired of this HORRIBLE HETERONORMATIVE complaints thrown around like candy because of course everyone has feelings and shouldn’t be insulted except straight people because they are the majority so they can go die in a fire as far as tumblr cares. peace.