#sam doesnt think badly of him in the same way dean doesnt think badly of john | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

autisticandroids · 3 years

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hey so you know how you said a while back that cas doesnt really have a moc/demon dean or soulless Sam equivalent but if he did he would act the same bc hes horny and loves dean?? I agree and he would just do it WAY more unabashedly. my question is, in the version of spn where the writers are smarter AND more homophobic, how would they justify cas's actions? bc they cant use the cloak of humanity bc cas doesnt give a FUCK about humanity. so what would they do

okay the thing is that cas doesn't have a demon dean/soulless sam style arc because it wouldn't... do anything? the thing about cas is that he doesn't have inhibitions in the traditional sense. like he doesn't... feel the eyes of god or society watching him.

i had a long conversation with @pietacastiel the other day about whether cas has the capacity for "should" - and he really just... doesn't. there are two things that stand in for "should" for cas - one, "if i do this, [insert other person (usually dean but not always)] will like me," and two, "[insert person who i trust and obey] has told me to do this, and i will obey their command blindly because i am a good boy."

like, basically, number one is an essentially machiavellian calculation. he's trying to be someone that other people want around, so he makes himself useful to them or enjoyable to be around or likeable or what have you. it's entirely self-serving and probably wouldn't change if you took away his inhibitions or his empathy or his conscience or whatever.

number two is like... it's too intellectual to count as inhibitions, exactly - it's explicit rules that he has set down for himself, without internalizing. to give an example, cas knows that he's not supposed to watch porn in a room full of dudes, and he's not supposed to talk about it, but he will never understand WHY those things are true. he will just obey those commands.

in terms of other ethical behavior that cas demonstrates... the thing about cas is that he's just a nice person? he's highly empathetic, he likes to make other people happy, he likes to be friends, he's a sweetheart. he genuinely wants the best for people. he particularly wants the best for his nearest and dearest. this is what's going on when he heals babies, or decides that he's not gonna kill kelly, or sacrifices his life for dean. he is fundamentally doing what he wants. he wants dean to be alive more than he wants to not be dead, you know?

this is actually one of the things that makes cas so dangerous: empathy is fickle. if the only thing that's standing between you and murdering somebody is you liking that somebody and wanting to be their friend, you might murder them once they piss you off. or once something comes up that makes them being dead more valuable to you than you being their friend. and this is why cas is kind of a terrible person! this is why he's constantly doing war crimes. he doesn't really have a system of ethics.

now, here's the thing: cas does carry around a lot of guilt, but it's deeply ineffectual. it doesn't really change his behavior towards other people. it only really does two things: first of all, it convinces him that other people hate him and don't want him around. this intensifies his desperate need to be liked, and therefore his trying to be liked, but isn't the root of it. second of all, it makes him punish himself, stuff like trying to stay in purgatory.

now, if we did a demon dean/soulless sam situation on cas... what would that look like?

well, he would certainly lose all that guilt he's carrying around, but how would that affect his behavior? the main two effects, i think, would be to make him more confident and therefore bolder in terms of trying to be liked, and make him stop punishing himself/deciding that he deserves bad things.

the confidence boost might lead to him, say, throwing himself at dean a bit more than he does, but i don't think the change would be radical. i think it would just be kicked up a notch. but it's an issue of rational judgement more than inhibitions so i think he would stay basically the same. now, cas' judgement isn't the best, and in the context of relationships at least, if nowhere else, his guilt complex does semi-effectively combat his natural tendency towards total overconfidence, so it might have some serious effect, but i still argue it's rather a matter of degrees.

and him not punishing himself so much might lead to him doing things like getting more mad when dean treats him poorly, but not that much more, because fundamentally the reason cas doesn't get mad when dean treats him badly isn't because he thinks he deserves it - he does think that, but mostly he's just scared that if he gets mad or sets boundaries dean won't like him anymore. again, it's a matter of judgement. he's probably less scared that dean won't like him anymore if he sets boundaries because the elimination of the guilt complex makes him less convinced that everyone hates him, but the anxiety is still there - it's just less intense.

in terms of cas' other sources of ethics and inhibitions - wanting to be liked, obedience, empathy - these would be affected differently if he was like soulless sam and if he was like demon dean.

if cas lost his inhibitions the way soulless sam did... he wouldn't change that much, at least in terms of his personal relationships. he would lose his capacity for empathy, which means that he would be more likely to be a dick to randos on the street, or commit war crimes, but it wouldn't really change how he conducts his relationships, because the inhibitions he holds in relationships are intellectual, they're a matter of judgement anyhow. honestly i think he might still, for example, happily die for dean, if we're arguing that soullessness comes from a lack of empathy or conscience rather than a lack of all emotion, because his desire for dean to be alive is entirely selfish. he likes the world more with dean in it and that's that. so i think soulless cas would be more likely to be a dick behind the scenes - maybe pull some godstiel arc ass shit again - but it wouldn't necessarily change his treatment of those closest to him that much.

now, a demon dean style loss of inhibitions would look different, because demon dean's basic emotions weren't dampened - he was made more selfish and hedonistic and rebellious, and didn't care about other people. interestingly, demon dean didn't seem to lose his capacity for empathy - remember in black when he punched that guy who was abusive to that girl? he didn't do that because it was the right thing to do - he did it because it felt good, because he empathized with her situation and it gave him a rush to get her out of it. so a demonized cas' empathy is intact. but his "shoulds" - those are all out of whack. he's actively rebelling against them. obviously he would simply no longer obey the ones that are like, "follow this rule and you will never know why." but he would also stop trying to be liked. i think demon cas might in fact tell dean that he's been in love with him for years - while screaming an itemized list of every fucked up thing dean has ever done to cas in his face, and telling him to never speak to him again. hell, we've seen cas throw a temper tantrum like this before - "you're not my family, dean, i have no family" in the man who knew to much. demon cas would be like that except without it then causing him to have an immediate mental breakdown.

i would argue, however, that cas has had his own loss of inhibitions comparable to demon dean and soulless sam - crazy cas. it even follows the alliteration pattern, heh. this is because cas' inhibitions are far more in his brain than his heart, and to get rid of them you need to impair his judgement, not fuck with his feelings. like, his shoulds are entirely intellectual. i want to be liked, therefore i should do this, which will effectively cause other people to like me. i want to be a good boy for god/dean, therefore i will obey this rule they gave me. if you fuck with cas' judgement, you fuck with those inhibitions. so arguably crazy cas is cas' equivalent to demon dean and soulless sam.

anyway, to answer your question, i feel like soulless cas wouldn't necessarily need a cover, like, he might, oh, i don't know, covertly arrange more opportunities to be alone with dean or stuff like that, but he's not going to try and sleep with him because he still has most of his inhibitions in tact. demon cas they might have to admit is in love with dean and then kill, because i think demon cas would probably kiss dean and then punch him and leave. you know. and crazy cas we saw in canon.

#spn #asks #anonymous

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ao3gingerswag · 3 years

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Sammy has experience stealing things. He knows Dean will only take his help when he’s desperate, but he’s used to sneaking and stealing things for Dean. When he was little, he saw Dean being hurt for coming home without enough coin, so he tried stealing coin from John to give to Dean while Dean was wandering outside trying to make money. He was caught and Dean came home to Sam hurt badly and Sam was so little that he caved and told Dean all that had happened. Dean held him and cried and cried and made Sam promise not to do it again and Sam did promise, but the temptation is always there.

When market day comes, Sam is given a penny and has a great time buying a fun treat and doesn’t even think until they’re headed home that he could have held on to the penny for Dean to get out of punishment later. He could have saved Dean from a future beating without even stealing. He feels so selfish and short sighted. Now that the thought is in his mind, it feels like any day now Cas will tell Dean to go make money and Dean won’t make enough. So Sam decides to steal a few coins from Cas, slipping them into his pocket after a customer pays for food and finding a good place to hide it. It’s not much, but it gives him a feeling of a little safety until he can trust Cas.

-Ace

omggggg ;~; yes yes baby ;~; he wants to help dean!!! oh no the idea of him trying to steal money for dean to give to john is </3 ! and dean would be fucking hysterical if he came back to find sam hurt because he’d been trying to help dean. maybe sam does Get It that he cant steal from john bc if he gets caught dean will fucking lose it again just be so so fucking sad and scared. and he hates seeing dean like that so he doesnt do that again (breaking dean’s heart is scarier to him than getting hurt on his behalf ;~;). but hes like. ok i cant steal from JOHN. what about other ppl. and maybe thats how he starts pickpocketing. but ofc dean wouldn’t accept that money to give to john, bc he didnt Earn It, and bc he’s too loyal and obedient to even consider lying to him ;~; so instead sam slips the coins he steals into dean’s pockets, so when he goes to give john the $$ hes just like ?? huh i dont remember making that much? weird! (its never enough anyway though ;~; john is always mad. and then dean feels like he failed, but secretly so does sam, bc he didnt manage to steal enough to placate john. and he cant even talk about his guilt to dean bc he doesnt want dean to know!!! oh no ive made myself sad)

thief/pickpocket!sam has a very special place in my heart.

ok i love this idea about market day. i think i mentioned somewhere else that both dean and sam are 100% gonna buy something for each other as like a ~surprise~ come market day. so sam def gets something for dean, but whatever it is, its not just literal coin. and then yes ;~; theyre heading home and sam is happy w/ whatever little toy dean got him, and hes happy watching dean eat whatever sweet sam got him <3 and then hes suddenly like. wait. i should have saved that. dean might need that, to give back to cas later ;~;

so then yes!! he steals some coin from cas. he wants to have a good stash so that maybe it will be enough to appease cas later, but he’s smart so he doesnt just grab a whole bunch of money, bc he knows cas will notice. instead he like. does what u said. he just like pockets the money when he brings someone a cup of ale or something. and he does this like once every few days for a while, and hides the money under a floorboard or something.

(i think cas is way more meticulous than sam realizes tho, partially bc he’s autistic, he likes keeping track of things and having everything be very organized, he’s very detail oriented. so i think he does notice that they’re missing a penny or 2 here and there, whenever sam is on shift. but i also don’t think he thinks sam is stealing, i think he just thinks he’s 10 and distracted sometimes and still learning how to do the job effectively. after all, cas gets short changed sometimes too, when things r really busy. so he doesnt bring it up, bc he doesnt want to discourage sam or make him feel like hes doing a bad job ;~; <3)

anyway now i feel like this could go two directions- either at some point, sam realizes that cas is a good person who does his best to take care of them, and he’s overwhelmed by guilt. he returns the coins, crying bc he feels so bad, is still half convinced cas is gonna hit him, but he’s so repentant that he feels like he would deserve it. ofc cas does nothing of the sort and just comforts him, and sam gets to spill his heart out about how awful it was to watch dean scramble to make money for john and still get hurt, and how he used to steal to try to help him, and how he was scared he would have to do the same thing here ;~; and cas is like i will never ever make ur brother whore again, and i will never hurt him or u for not making money. ;~;

OR! over time he trusts cas more and more, but he still keeps his stash just in case. years go by tho, and he doesnt need it, and he never even thinks about it, bc eventually he’s at the point where he doesnt even question that cas is safe. so he totally forgets about the stash of coins. until one day like 20 years later he finds it again on accident. and hes like a full grown adult in his 30 whos married and hasnt been afraid for his safety in years and years. and he’s like. oh my god. ;~; and he remembers how scared he was back then and how big of a burden he had on his little shoulders. and maybe he sees his childhood self objectively and understands that he was trying so hard to protect himself and dean, even if he came off as spiteful and full of rage. and maybe he lets go of that last tiny leftover bit of self hatred, and forgives himself for the things he had to do to survive <3 ;~;

#ao3gingerswag #wander home #asks #prompts

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massivelycreepypineapple · 4 years

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Desperate Measures

Request: hey i love your works. i have a super weird request. what if there is one time where dean gets drunk and hooks up with this random woman while being in a relationship with reader. the reader finally knows about it but she only thought that dean kissed that woman. they were fighting in the impala, and dean finally slipped it out and so they fight even more. the reader becomes sad and doesnt leave her bed for weeks n sam becomes worried but the reader doesn't want to meet anyone so sam and dean hide in her room to see what she does at night and all they see is the reader crying. she eventually has a panic attack and calls her hunter friends and so they sneak in through a window...? idek man its up to you for the ending.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

A/N: God writing about Dean cheating really broke my heart! But I hope this is okay, Anon! I’m sorry if it’s not what you expected.

Word Count: 2755

❅ ❅ ❅

Dean had reached a point in his life that he had to drink a ton to get properly wasted. A struggle he found himself with one night at the library. He was running out of liquor and he was at most barely drunk. Which wasn’t enough to hide the pain, the shame and the guilt spreading through him like wildfire. It didn’t help that Sam refused to look at him and his girlfriend of three years refused to answer his calls saying she needed time away from him.

He finished what little was left of the whiskey suddenly getting up and smashing the bottle against the wall. He was breathing heavily and his legs felt wobbly. He shut his eyes trying not to think about the pain he inflicted on his girl. Maybe she wasn’t even that anymore. But the memories forced themselves upon him, making him relive every piece of shit thing he had done and said to her two weeks ago.

-flashback-

“Y/N! I’m so so sorry! It was a mistake that never should’ve happened!” Dean begged her as he followed her out of the bar.

“Save it you fucking dick.” She snapped at him and got into the Impala.

Dean stood outside her door for a few seconds trying not to panic. The way her words sounded pierced through his heart. Never had she used that tone with him. He took a couple of seconds and then made his way to the driver’s side and got in. He gripped the wheels tight, He was angry and upset and scared.

“Take me home.” Y/N said icily. “And I mean my home. Not the bunker.”

Y/N had her own house, a small little cabin on the outskirts that the three often frequented to get away for a bit.

Dean didn’t say anything or move.

“Take me home, Dean!” She yelled at him.

“Would you let me explain!” He roared back at her.

She gave him an incredulous look. “Explain?! Are fucking serious? You really think I want to hear what went through your stupid head that convinced you to hurt me?!”

She was tearing up. He hated that he did this to her. He hated that stupid whore in the bar who came up to him a week ago. He hated that he was so drunk, he just went with it. He hated that she was there again this time and said something in front of Y/N. He hated himself.

“I didn’t think, okay!” He yelled. “I was so far gone! The hunt fucked me up and I needed to drink. I didn’t even know what I was doing! I never should’ve gone home with her!”

Y/N froze beside him. She started at him wide eyes. Tears quickly making their way down her face. “Y-you had sex with her?” She whispered stunned.

Dean could almost hear her heart shatter. He didn’t know what to say. He stared back at her equally wide eyed.

“I t-thought you k-knew that?” He asked hesitantly.

Y/N just looked at him with the most broken look on her face. She looked down at her fingers for a while. The silence was deafening.

“Take me home.” She said suddenly no emotions in her voice.

“Y/N…”

“Take. Me. Home.” She said even more icily compared to the last time.

Dean knew not to argue with her. He knew he fucked up big time. He just wanted to take back the last one week. He drove her home and watched with a shattered look as she slammed the car door and went inside without looking back. He drove back to the bunker, a broken man.

-flashback end-

Sam walked into the library with some grocery bags. “What’s wrong with you, Dean?!” He snapped at him noticing the broken bottle. “Stop throwing glass around! It’s always me cleaning up your mess!” That stung dean. It was as if he meant it in more ways than one.

“Leave me alone, Sam.” His gruff voice slurred. “You’ve been doing it for weeks anyway.” He mumbled.

Dean didn’t say anything when Sam chewed him out when he first found out. He didn’t bother getting him to talk to him when Sam iced him out too. He knew Sam and Y/N were best friends. She was like a sister to him and he’d do anything to protect her. So he wasn’t surprised when he got punched in the face by Sam.

Dean sat down on the chair staring into space. He barely noticed Sam take a seat at the table.

“She won’t talk, she won’t answer my calls and she refuses to leave her room.” Sam said quietly.

“Why are you telling me this, Sammy?” Scoffed Dean.

“Because I’m worried about her. Because you want to and need to know. I’m beyond angry at you, Dean. But I also love you and care about you too. I-I know you made a mistake. I can see it eating you up more than anything.”

Dean chuckles humourlessly, “What do you want me to do, eh Sammy? She refuses to talk to me. The last thing she said and I quote ‘Leave me alone, I can’t stand to look at your face.’ And that was almost two weeks ago.”

He still remembered that conversation with Y/N.

-flashback-

Dean stepped onto Y/N’s porch and rang the bell. He hadn’t spoken to her in few days since he dropped her off here. Not that he didn’t try. He initially gave her space, but he needed to talk to her. He needed her to know just how sorry he was. But she refused to answer his calls. Which was why he was here desperate to see her.

The door creaked open a tad and Y/N’s messy head came into view. When she realised it was Dean she was about the close the door again but he stopped her.

“Please just let me talk, Y/N. I just need you to know how sorry I am. Please!” He begged her.

She looked down at the floor, a single tear slipped our her eyes. Dean’s heart broke at that. All he wanted was to keep her from feeling this pain. He wanted to travel back in time just so he could undo his mistake.

“Y/N…I love you so much. I hate that I did this to you. Please let me in, I just want to talk.”

“Leave me alone, Dean. I can’t stand to look at your face right now.” She said, her voice was horse from crying.

Dean wanted to cry right then, he deserved it. He deserved her hate, she deserved so much better than him. He was a piece of shit for doing this to her. He sighed and looked at his feet, his eyes getting blurry.

“Okay.” He whispered and turned. He flinched as the door slammed shut.

-flashback end-

“I’m really worried about her Dean. I went to see her on my way back and she didn’t even flinch or move from her bed. I don’t think she’s been eating either.” Said Sam with his puppy dog eyes.

Sam spent the last two weeks checking up on Y/N often. He even ended up spending more time at her cabin, away from his brother. But the last few days he was back at the bunker after realising that Dean had completely let himself go.

Dean looked at Sam, “I don’t know how to help, Sammy. I tried to make it right. Fuck, I’m still trying man. I think doing what she says will help, so I’m staying away.”

“I-I might have an idea.” Said Sam looking sheepish.

“What, idea?”

“It’s a little unconventional.”

“Just spit it out, Sam” Dean was exhausted and he’d do anything to make this right. He didn’t care how unconventional it was. Hell, their whole life was unconventional.

“We break into her house and see what she’s up to” He said unsure.

Dean chuckled, looking incredulous at the same time. “Who are you and what have you done to my brother?”

“I’m serious, Dean! She won’t talk to anyone, and it’s the only way to make sure she’s at least okay!”

“Sam! I’ve hurt her enough! The last thing she needs is me breaking in and ruining it more for her!” He glared at his brother, unable to believe that he would come up with such a ludicrous idea.

“And you say you care about her and want to make it better, huh?” Sam scoffed at him. “Dean, sitting here ain’t helping anyone! She’s all alone at her place man! You know deep down it’s the only way.”

Dean sighed and rubbed his face. He knew Sam was right. He clenched his jaws and looked at his brother who wouldn’t stop with the damn kicked puppy look.

“Fine. We’ll go tonight and make sure she’s fine.”

Sam clapped him on the back and left the room to put away the groceries.

_______________________________________________________________________

They broke into her house that night. They made their way to her bedroom and put their ear against the door to see if they could hear anything. When they heard nothing they slowly opened the bedroom door and saw the bed empty and the bathroom door shut with the light on. They looked at each other and shrugged. Dean figured that maybe if she was getting out of bed, it was a good sign.

They heard movement and like a bunch of idiots, the two of them darted behind the headboard where there was space between the wall and the bed, and crouched down, hidden from Y/N. They heard her make her way back to the bed. She was crying and it broke Dean’s heart.

Had she been crying all along? Was that all she was doing, hiding from the world? How badly did he break her? He hated himself even more then, knowing this is what he caused. He looked at Sam, who had his eyes shut, unable to listen to her cries. Dean wanted to smack Sam for making him do this. They were stuck there and all they could do was sit behind her bed and listen to Y/N cry. He couldn’t take it anymore and went to get up to comfort her, but sam grabbed him, shaking his head. Dean glared at him and settled back down.

Few minutes later they heard her breathing change, it sounded as if she was going into a panic attack. This worried Dean even more. His head snapped up and he felt so helpless sitting there while the love of his life was suffering because of him.

He had had enough and just as he was about to get up, he heard her call someone.

“C-Charlie?” Her voice was breathy. “I n-need you.”

It would seem Charlie had said something on the other side.

“Okay. C-can you come in through the window?” Y/N managed to get out. “I think Sam’s here.”

Charlie said something before Y/N thanked her and cut the call.

Dean and Sam looked at each other wide eyed. If Charlie was coming, they’d be in serious trouble. She’d sniff them out like a bloodhound and not to mention, Dean was going to get his ass handed to him. Assuming she knew what he did.

20mins later they heard boots thud against the floor. Charlie had snuck in.

“Y/N!” She ran towards her, pulling her into a hug on the bed. “Oh Y/N…” She comforted her as Y/N cried into her shoulders.

“Breathe for me, babe. It’s going to be alright.” Charlie coaxed her into breathing again, stopping her from having another panic attack.

“I-I’m sorry” whispered Y/N hoarsely.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. Dean needs to get his ass whooped to hell and back!” She said fiercely,

Dean gulped at that. Charlie could be scary if she needed to be. But he didn’t disagree with her. He would happily let his ass get whooped if it meant Y/N would see he was sorry.

“I don’t know what to do, Charlie. I love him so much, and what he did hurts just as much. I want to forgive him. He’s tried to apologise and I can see he’s sorry. But how do I move past it? How do I stop feeling this pain?”

“You guys have been together for three years now. Y/N, as much as I want to hurt Dean for doing this to you, the only way you can move on is if you talk to him. Even if it’s to break up, you need to look him in the eye and tell him how you feel.”

“I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Right now no matter what you do, you won’t feel better about it. The only one to make you feel better is Dean. And-“ Charlie stopped suddenly and looked towards the headboard.

“Charlie, what’s wrong?” Y/N asked getting alert herself.

Dean and Sam looked at each other afraid that they had gotten caught. They heard guns being drawn and cocked. Suddenly Dean found himself on the receiving end of the barrel of the gun.

“Woah woah! Charlie don’t shoot!” He yelled, while Sam did the same towards Y/N who too had a gun drawn.

The girls were glaring fiercely at the brothers and there was a tensed silence.

“What the fuck, Winchesters!?” Yelled Charlie.

“I know! I know, I’m sorry! We aren’t supposed to be here, but it was all Sam’s idea!” Dean was desperate to get her to drop the gun.

“Thanks man” came Sam’s reply.

“Is this some sick joke to you?! You cheat on her and now you spy on her?!”

“Charlie, came down.” Y/N said softly, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Sam, why did you guys come here?” She couldn’t look at Dean yet so instead talked to Sam.

“We were worried about you, Y/N. You wouldn’t talk or answer our calls. I stayed here with you for more than a week and I still didn’t get any response from you. We needed to know if you were ok, we didn’t plan on hiding. It just happened when you came out of the shower.”

Y/N sighed and crossed the room to sit on the bed. “So you heard everything huh?” She asked quietly not looking at anyone.

But Dean knew it was meant for him. He took a step towards her and stopped, wondering is he should. It was wrong of him to even be here at the moment. Charlie and Sam slowly made their way out of the room to give them space to talk.

“Don’t hurt her anymore, Winchester.” Threatened Charlie before closing the door.

Dean stood there, feeling awkward and scared. He didn’t know how this was going to go. He thought she surely hated him but hearing her say otherwise, brought hope in him. Maybe he could earn her forgiveness after all.

“I want to move past this.” Y/N’s voice came softly, surprising him. “I understand it was a mistake. But I have to know. Why?”

Dean took a seat beside her, leaving some space in case she wanted to be away from him still. He rubbed his face taking a deep breathe.

“It was a really bad hunt. It was a shifter and he took your form and made me hurt you and then kill you. And I went to the bar after and got really wasted. When she approached me, I didn’t even think if it was you or not. I just needed something. I needed then and there. But I never meant to hurt you, baby. I made a huge mistake. And I’m so so sorry. I’d take it back in a heartbeat.” He said.

“I know you’re sorry, Dean. But I don’t know how to move past this.” She said so sadly.

“I want to do anything and everything I can to make it up to you sweetheart.” He looked at her. “I love you.”

Y/N looked back at him with a frown. “It’s gonna take a lot of sucking up, Winchester.”

“Yeah. I won’t let you down ever again. I promise.”

Y/N shuffled closer and rested her head against his shoulder. He rested his against her head. They sat there for a while just being in that bubble. Maybe things just might work out in the end.

❅ ❅ ❅

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#supernatural #supernatural fic #supernatural x reader #spn #spn fic #spn x reader #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #reader insert #female reader #angst #dean winchester #y/n

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missjackil · 5 years

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14x12 & 14x13

During my re-watch of S14 and sobbing once again through the Brofest Trifecta, I no longer think the decision to end the show next season was made spur of the moment. Im convinced the decision was made a while ago, possibly at the same time they decided to do shorter seasons. Maybe even as far back as before S13, and that's why there was so much push for a spin-off, that ended up being very poorly written. Im not entirely sure, but at least Im confident that there was no drastic recent event that made them want to close up shop. I think they wanted to get to the 300 milestone, and why not take it through the 15 season milestone too, then hang up the flannels.

They had a lot to celebrate over the past couple seasons, the spin-off (yuck) Scoobynatural, the honor of being given The Supernatural Studios, the 300th Episode, JDM coming back and early sign on for S15, I'm sure no one wanted to bum anyone out with announcing an ending, and take the spotlight from the other things, but now as I rewatched this season, (and even some of last) I can see a set up, most specifically in the episodes Prophet and Loss, and Lebanon.

In s13, they decided to bring back Michael. That doesn't necessarily mean they’d already scheduled an end, but I think they pulled that arc off the shelf for when an end was in sight. Because seriously, as much as I may hear you all moan and groan about how the Michael Lucifer thing is so old and boring, its THE biggest storyline in the whole series, and never should have been shelved. I mean Sam and Dean being the literal vessels of the 2 biggest Archangels is HUGE. It doesnt have to be the main story all the time, but they should never let the viewers forget, and that arc should get a proper closure, which it hasnt yet.

Now this season has been setting us up for where we are now. (as any season would) but early on, there were hints to an end in sight. Small ones though, just enough to send a little chill up my spine, that yes, the show will eventually end. like in Mint Condition, Dean suggesting next Halloween they dress like Thelma and Louise and get in the car and just go. We all flash back to how Thelma and Louise drove off a cliff. Meanwhile throughout the season, we see Sam slowly unravelling. Dean began unravelling last season, and now the brothers are coming undone. Which brings me to the two episodes that I believe were setting us up for the later anouncement.

Prophet and Loss was not only the most emotional scene we’ve seen from Sam since S8, and probably even more emotional than that, and Jared has to deliver his most emotional scene to date. As most of us know, Jared had an emotional reaction to the scene that made him not be able to say the words and fit them with the actions. It affected him so strongly that Jensen thought he may be having a stroke, because as long as he’s known Jared, and everything he’s been through, he’s never seen him unable to do the job, and at that moment, he couldnt do it. Jared said its the only time in his whole career he ever went home and cried, feeling like he disappointed everyone. That made me so sad when I heard it, and wanted him to know he didnt disapooint anyone, he did an AMAZING job!

Now, after the annoucement of the end, that scene takes on a whole new meaning. I think (and I stress that its a thought, and Im not assuming I know how Jared thinks) that if Jared knew the show was ending, saying those lines would be hard as hell. Saying them and knowing we didnt know yet, could be very upsetting. Perhaps he wondered in his own heart that they made the wrong decision (as anyone put in their position would wonder at least 1000 times) and yelling at Dean about quitting, felt too much like yelling at Jensen? “We’re the guys that save the world, we dont just check out of it!” Go watch that scene again, and try to imagine Jared saying it with what we know now.

Maybe he even thought of it from the POV of the fans? That maybe thats how many of us would feel once we heard? Could it be even that maybe when he got home, he cried worried he would disappoint us all with their pending news, and the lines in that scene were just too close to home?

Even after the, now iconic, punch/hug “Why dont you believe in us too” Dean’s response was ironic too, almost like they dont need to tell us at all, but respectfully they will, and when the time comes, we do then what we cant do now, put them in the box and let them go. (watch where you step... my heart is laying around here somewhere)

This brings us to Lebanon. Such a tearfest in itself. My favorite episode yet! But if they all knew the end was in the cards, this episode also takes on new meaning. I dont think it was any accident that they chose to not show a live episode the weerk after the announcement, but to re-air Lebanon instead. It was as though they re-aired it so we could collectively see it in another way, and mourn together a little.

It’s no secret that JDM loves J2 and vise versa, J2 have said a million times theyd love to have him back, and he has said he’d love that too and how proud he is of them, and will always consider them “his boy. Him coming back was alone a sign the end was coming. How badly we, as well as Jared wanted so bad for Sam to have closure with his father. and we were given a heart wrenching and tearful scene between Sam and John. Both confronted each other with their issues, chose not to dwell on it, acknowledge they each hurt the other, and theyre sorry.

Sam said the argument they had was a lifetime ago, it may have taken half that lifetime for Sam to believe and understand, even though he did some messed up things, that yes, Dad loved him. And now, theres closure.

We soon go then to, what I now believe was a message to us, that the time to part is coming soon. Everyone sad and speechless at the table, and John says “Now as I see it, we have 2 choices, we can either dwell on whats coming, or be grateful for this time we have together. And me, I choose graqteful. So to whatever power brought us together....we owe you one” then each give an individual “amen” That killed me then, and now it kills me in a new way, and its always going to stick in my head now as a message to us fans.

We move on now to John’s farewell. J2 have said they didnt need to fake any emotions, the emotions where all really there. I now see not just John, but JDM telling J2 “I am so proud of you boys” hugging them both “I love you both so much” Jared so emotional he cant talk, and Jensen mustering enough strength for the both of them to say “I love you too” (I think I heard my heart shattering in a corner somewhere) I will never get over that episode in this lifetime... ever.

After these episodes, we got a break (mercifully) then we got 3 episodes before we got the announcement. In those episodes, we have Cas explaining to Jack that even though Sam and Dean are wonderful, amazing, and special human beings, they are humans and humans shine for just a short time. Someday Sam and Dean will die, and it will hurt, but that pain will remind us of how much we love them. And Jack thinks like me... “That sounds.... awful”... those words are not a comfort Cas.... nice try though 💔😭

We also have Sam still unravelling, he got a dose of phony happiness, (as did Dean in Nihlism ... as neither place of happiness included each other) yet, it was each other who pulled them out. Sam pulled Dean out of his dream world, the mention of Dean pulled Sam out. Sam knows he wont be happy without Dean, so he presses on. We still have 4 episodes left of this season. Lucifer is on his way back. AU Michael might be dead, but cage Michael has been mentioned a lot the past few seasons so I think we’re gonna get some kind of real showdown to put that arc to rest.

So now I will always see Prophet and Loss and Lebanon in a new way... a painful way, but Ill throw in an honorary mention of some irony in Damaged Goods.... regarding the from behind, sneak attack hug, “If it feels like something is up, it probably is” and regarding Sam’s anger when Dean told him his plan, it would have really been messed up and wrong if they didnt tell us, they knew this, so they did.... they didnt have to.

#supernatural #14x12 #14x13 #their love note to us and for us #i miss them already #sam and dean forever

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mittensmorgul · 7 years

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The thought of Dean stumbling around drunk in the streets (or worse, driving home in that condition) makes me so sad. I mean the whole scenario does; he's 40, so drunk he can't get to the bed, found passed out with a bra wrapped around him and a whiskey bottle. I mean yeesh:-(

Yeah... we know the Clam Diver was “just outside” the town, which implies driving distance and not drunken stumbling distance. If Dean was so drunk that he couldn’t even make himself land on the bed and looked like he was lucky he managed to hit the floor... I mean, he got one shoe off and used it as a pillow.

If he was really that drunk, the bar wouldn’t have let him drive home. They would’ve called him a cab. Not to mention, aside from his tie headband and his shoe pillow, the rest of him looked relatively well put together (buttons buttoned neatly, coat on properly, etc.).

And did he really walk around the rest of the night wearing a pretty pink bra around his neck? Did he wear it to the liquor store where he bought that bottle? Did he wear it walking through the hotel? Because he was too drunk to care about his appearance in a town where he was pretending to be an FBI agent for a case where one boy was missing and another had been rendered mute by his experience?

And if Dean was really so drunk that he didn’t care about any of that, how did he end up in that spot on the floor without waking Sam up? Opening the door in the middle of the night, so drunk that he could barely stand up (and couldn’t even make it to the bed), and yet not so drunk that his stumbling and fumbling woke Sam up?

(here’s the embiggened version)

He was apparently messing with the TV remote as well? How? I mean... how did none of this apparent fumbling around the room not wake Sam up?

It’s like Dean was just tired of Sam pushing at him to just be “okay” again. Because Sam wasn’t really pushing Dean to be okay, he was pushing Dean to perform a specific version of Dean. Not because it would make Dean feel better, but because it would make Sam feel better about how Dean is coping.

Dean: I'm fine.Sam: Look, you're not, Dean. You said you don't believe in anything, and -- and that's not true, that's not you. You do believe in things, you believe in people. That's who you are, that's what you do. I know you're in a dark place and I just want to help.Dean: Okay. Look, I've been down this road before and I fought my way back, I will fight my way back again.Sam: How?Dean: Same way I always do: bullets, bacon, and booze. A lot of booze.

That’s what Sam needed Dean to be, to perform for him. To believe in something again, because yeah, Dean believes in people. He said it in 12.23:

DEAN: Yeah. You know, Cas has faith in this kid.SAM: Mm.DEAN: I hope he's right. But me? I have faith in us. You, me, Mom, Cas. And Crowley. Sometimes.

But within an hour of that, 3/5 of the people Dean believed in were gone. And Sam’s now insisting that Dean just magically be okay with that, just let that go and just transfer all of that belief over to Jack, who Dean directly blames for the loss of the 3/5 people he believed in...

And now that giving Dean the “mission” to help teach Jack (with the hope that Jack might eventually be able to open the rift to fetch Mary again) has failed to help snap Dean out of his funk, Sam is desperate to at least get Dean performing the motions that used to signal his unhealthy coping skills.

Heartily pushing a beer on Dean at breakfast when he just wanted a sandwich, tolerating his music instead of complaining about it, ordering him food he’d normally complain about Dean eating, reading online reviews of a strip club to recommend it to Dean when he typically avoids strip clubs himself, buying Dean hair of the dog. It’s annoying to Dean, but after his display in the motel room, when Sam hands him that bottle, he forgives Sam.

What does he forgive him for? For pushing him to just be okay when he just wanted to be left to grieve in his own way.

Notice Sam doesn’t push him again after that.

Notice also that Dean never drank either breakfast beer.

Sam: You okay?Dean: No. Sam I'm not okay, I'm pretty far from okay. You know my whole life, I always believed that what we do was important. No matter what the cost, no matter who we lost. Whether it was Dad or Bobby or... and I would take the hit. But I kept on fighting because I believed that we were making the world a better place. And now Mom and Cas and I -- I don't know. I don't know.Sam: So you don't believe anymore.Dean: I just need a win. I just need a damn win.

Exactly the mental state Dean had diagnosed Cas with in 12.19. In the past, he’d still had Sam to believe in, the two of them against the world. Just fighting for Sam isn’t enough for him anymore. Something is different this time, and Dean doesn’t feel like he should have to perform the emotional labor to keep up a false front of coping for Sam anymore.

Like twig!Tasha told him in 12.20:

TASHA: Yeah. Family's always complicated. Parents always see smart and strong and perfect. It's only when you grow up that you realize that they're just people.

Sam is finally seeing that Dean is just a person. Not that Sam had ever had illusions about Dean being perfect or whatever, but that act of always believing they could push through anything and come out the other side again isn’t the truth, and has never fully been the truth.

Heck, I’m watching 1.09 in the background while I write this up. And it wasn’t even the truth way back then... Dean kept up the “everything will be fine” act in front of Sam, essentially hid out behind a gas station and made his emotionally charged plea to John for help in the scene we’ve been paralleling to his prayer to God in 13.01.

In 2.04, Sam confronted Dean yet again on how badly he was handling John’s death, after the case they stumbled over while Sam visited Mary’s grave. I mean, THEEEEEMES. Dabb is pulling all of these themes from early seasons, and standing them all on their heads. Because in 2.05, after Dean had spent weeks putting up a front for Sam, the truth is forced out of him by psychic manipulation:

Dean: We hunt demons.Andy: What?Sam: Dean!Dean: Demons and spirits. Things your worst nightmares wouldn't even touch. Sam here, he's my brother...Sam: Dean, shut up!Dean: I'm trying. He's psychic. Kind of like you. Well, not really like you, but see, he thinks you're a murderer, and he's afraid that he's going to become one himself, 'cause you're all part of something that's terrible. And, I hope to hell that he's wrong, but I'm starting to get a little scared that he might be right.

Dean had buried all of this and kept it from Sam, much the same way Sam had buried some things that were pushed out in the open by another psychic manipulation (by a creepy ghost of a psychiatrist at an asylum, conveniently enough)... in 1.10:

Sam: That's the difference between you and me. I have a mind of my own. I'm not pathetic, like you.Dean: So what are you gonna do, huh? Are you gonna kill me?Sam: You know what, I am sick of doing what you tell me to do. We're no closer to finding Dad today than we were six months ago.Dean: Well, then here. Let me make it easier for you. Come on. Take it. Real bullets are gonna work a hell of a lot better than rock salt. Take it!! You hate me that much? You think you could kill your own brother? Then go ahead. Pull the trigger. Do it!

Sam did it. But just like Dean brushing off the confessions Andy pulled out of him after the fact because it had been coercion, Sam brushed off what he’d said in that asylum, too.

Now in s13, Sam is asking-- nay, begging-- Dean to just brush this off again, to fake it ‘til he makes it, and Dean is saying no.

It’s honestly the healthiest damn way they’ve ever reacted in a situation like this.

I have no idea how I turned this ask into actual meta, but here you go.

#spn 13.05 #performing dean #sanitized for sammy #the ghost of john winchester #spn 1.09 #spn 1.08 #spn 1.10 #spn 12.19 #spn 12.20 #spn 12.23 #spn 2.05 #spn 13.01 #winchester family dynamics #breaking the codependency #they still have work to do #Anonymous

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michaelreaderreblog · 7 years

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My truemate pt4

Catch up here>>> PartOne , PartTwo , PartThree

Word Count: 2,161

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Dean and Sam both startle at your sudden outburst and back away slowly. You begin to sob as you stay seated on the floor

“All I ever wanted him is to stop, thats all I asked for is to stop but he didnt, he kept going and never stopped” You say as you let out a shaky breath at the same time sobbing, you begin to let loose and have your legs fall to the floor.

Dean sees that as a sign to move closer to you and when he sees you dont resist he takes you into his arms and holds you while you sob against his chest.

“At the restaurant or in your dream?” Sam asks while he wipes the tears away from your face along with the sweat from your forehead while Dean still has his hold on you.

You sit there motionless and just feeling tired to do anything or even say a single word. You sleep in the embrace of your brothers arms and when he is ready to place you back on your bed

“Sleep with me please” You say in a hushed tone sounding so little pleading with one of your brothers to sleep with you for the night just like when you were just a pup after having a nightmare.

“Sure thing kiddo, sure thing” Dean says while he lifts you and places you on the bed, after he crawls in next to you still has his arms around you.

He kisses the top of your head while nodding to Sam he has you for the night and he turns to kiss you at the top of your head as well.

“Night baby girl, love you” Sam says while you mumble sweet nothings back knowing all to well that he didnt hear you.

Sam walks away from the both of you and walks out to close the door behind him, you sleep soundlessly without having a single dream as you know Dean is the one who is sleeping with you to keep the monsters at bay.

“Michael what are you going to do man?” Benny asks him while he goes around the restaurant to see if there are still anything left behind from his employees.

“I dont know Benny, the way she felt and looked so completely terrified to even look at me” He says looking to Benny feeling completely helpless.

“Give her some time, Im pretty sure that she scented you to as well. In the mean time she will be ok since she has two alpha brothers to keep an eye on her” Benny says from the kitchen putting a few things away.

“Doesnt Dick know that he is going to be in a shit load of trouble after all of this?” He asks looking to Benny while he comes back into the dining area where Michael is seated near by the kitchen.

“Dick is Dick you should know that, he doesnt think like that. He was raised in a

traditional home full of Alphas and Betas thinking that they can do whatever they want with an Omega and they think of them as nothing other than a hole to fuck” Benny looks to Michael and feels extremely uncomfortable talking about a person like that but thats how he thinks of Richard Roman and his family.

“Thank god he isnt in office or else this town would go down in flames” He says looking away from Benny and looking out into the empty streets of Kamloops.

“Thats what Im most grateful for and very damn happy your father is in office with his beliefs in Omega rights. Speaking of Omega how is Castiel these days? I havent seen him in a while” Benny asks while getting away from the topic of Dick and into more of a neutral conversation.

“Castiel has been good but he hardly goes anywhere. Mother fears for him knowing how some people are around here and I do to but I am willing to hang out with him since we are more closer even after” Michael cuts himself from going any further about talking about his family and Benny knows all to well what has happened over the past couple of years with the Cuthberts.

A couple of years ago after Castiel presented as Omega after one of his heats he decided it would be a good idea to meet up with friends in the square. What ended up happening was he got taken from the streets of Kamloops and taken to a warehouse found himself tied to a chair.

He was well enough to get his phone from his pocket to text Lucifer who is their older brother, an emergency text and mentioned he was in some warehouse. Luc knew where to find his baby brother after reminding Castiel to turn on the GPS on his phone.

Michael was away in school during the time he got abducted. Lucifer took matters into his own hands to save his brother from his abductees, he climbed the fire escape to get into the warehouse surveyed the area to make sure no one was around to spot him.

When he got to the room Castiel was being tied up in, he heard three sets of foots steps coming towards him. He unlocked the door with the bobby pins he had in his pockets, opened the door to close it behind him, Castiel wasnt aware his older brother was in the room now. He went straight for Castiel and undid the rope that bound him to the chair as fast as he could to get them both out of the warehouse. He woke up and began to resist Lucifer.

“Hey hey its me Im going to get us out of here” He says to his baby brother and luckily he complies to his response. Right when he undid the very last rope is when the three men came walking into the room, Lucifer threw Castiel to the side of the room while the three men attacked him.

He gave it his all when he was fighting off the three alpha's and yelled to Castiel to get out of the warehouse as fast as he could without turning back but he was hesitant to leave his older beloved brother behind. When one of the men were about to come for Castiel is when he kicked him in the groin, he got up as fast as he could to run out of the room and down the hall to run out of the warehouse.

When he got outside and ran straight for Lucifer's car is when he got in, started it and drove away. He made it just minutes away from the warehouse and called the police to let them know what had happened. When the police arrived at the scene they only made one arrest while the other two made a run for it, one of the officers brought back Castiel to identify a body and to his shock it was his brother Lucifer.

He felt completely numb at the sight in front of him, when the paramedics took his lifeless form away from him is when he frantically pulled away from the officer to see his brother again to make sure he was only sleeping but the officer held him and repeatedly told him he is gone and he died saving him. Castiel couldnt help but feel it was all his fault his older brother wasnt with him anymore, blamed his biology for the cause of his brothers death and everything else he blamed himself for.

If he had just stayed home like his brother said in the beginning until the scent of his heat went away than none of this would have happened. He would have been going home with his brother but that wasnt going to happen. All throughout the years he has spent so many of them locked away in his room replaying the events over and over again. If he wasnt in his room he would be locked away in his brothers old room going through all of his belongings even at times his parents would find him wearing his clothes but would never say anything to him.

When Michael came home and saw how Castiel was he so badly wanted to take him away from the guilt and have everything unto him but he would always tell him

“I dont want you to carry around this guilt, this hate” He didnt like how his brother was until he brought up the idea of having him move with him to Portland, at first Chuck and Naomi werent so keen on the idea of having their youngest son moving away from home.

Until it was Chuck who decided it would be a great idea for Castiel to be away from home for a while and stop thinking about the death of his brother and son. After two years Michael has graduated from his construction program while Castiel went for a graphic design program and finished the program online.

“You should bring him by sometimes, would like to see him” Benny says looking to him with a smile on his face.

“Yeah Im pretty sure he would like that” He says looking away from Benny to take a sip from his coffee which almost reminded him of you but wasnt fresh enough.

“Now about this girl, you sure she is your true mate? Dont get me wrong Im pretty sure she is a delight but what about Anna?” Benny asks as he comes back to the table after he locked the front entrance and turned on the closed sign.

“I will deal with Anna, she always said how much she believed in true mates. She told me once she will let me go if mine ever came along but that was years ago when she told me that” He says putting his cup of coffee down.

“Thats what I mean, look you got to talk to her and at the same time get the new girls name at least and see what will take from there. I am rootin for ya Michael really I am but deal with the most obvious before anyone gets hurt. Alright?” Benny says to him and they both get up from the table to walk through the kitchen to exit the back of the restaurant to head home for the night.

“The girls name is Y/n Winchester, her brother Sam introduced himself along with her after I got rid of Dick” Michael says looking to Benny.

“Beautiful name for a beautiful girl. I hope she reports his ass, I am pretty sure everyone else will come forward when they hear about this” Benny says while finishing off his coffee and Michael does the same.

Michael needed to get a lot of things out of the way before he could even see you again. He got into his truck to head home to Anna who is a Beta he met in college, he really thought he was going to marry her to spend the rest of his life with her until he saw you and that all changed once he caught your scent.

He got out of his truck to walk up the drive to get to the door to unlock it and go inside the house. He went to the kitchen to grab himself a beer from the fridge when he heard Anna coming down the stairs.

“Hey, its after midnight. Benny have you throw out a customer again?” She asks coming to him to give him a peck to his lips.

“Yeah, Dick was being a dick of course. He groped this woman as she was walking in with her brothers an Omega. She was so deathly afraid to even look at me she stood hidden behind her brother Sam” Michael says walking away from Anna to sit at the table.

“Did she call the police? Or did anyone call the police?” She asks following the same as Michael did to the table.

“No, no one called the police, and I dont know if she did when they got home.” said Michael

“I could just feel the fear she was giving off, I just wanted to move her brother out of the way and comfort her until she stopped shaking or at least until the fear went away” He continues

Anna looks surprised to even hear what he is saying. They both end the conversation and head up the stairs to the room that they share and get to bed.

Dean is the one who rises early, he looks to your sleeping form all curled up beside him

“So cute just like when you were four” He whispers as he gets up from the bed, you heard what he had said and that brought a smile to your face once he walked out of the room. He meets Sam in the hallway

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dreamin-of-somewhere-else · 7 years

Text

The Secret [2]

Part 1

I got numerous requests to write a part 2 for this (which made me really happy), specifically for some Dean angst, and who am I to turn that down?

Characters: Winchester Brothers x sister!reader

Words: 2900 (I may have gotten a bit carried away, oops.)

[Angst, A bit of blood, Guilt] - But nothing too bad, I wouldn’t say.

Tags: @daughters-and-winsisters, @evyiione

A/N: Also, I just finished this, which might be a bit rushed, so sorry about any misspellings that I failed to notice. I just really wanted to get this up right now!

Dean always knew Sam had a more complex way of seeing the world of monsters and supernatural creatures. Himself, Dean had adopted John’s more black and white way of thinking. It was just easier that way, because although he admired Sam for that sometimes, he could get annoyed too. It was just harder doing what they do if you chose to let the shades of grey in.

But, this situation was different. Because now it was personal. It was family. And that was the reason for Dean not doing anything about it. He was angry at himself for it, but he didn’t know what to do.

The door to the bunker opened with a creak, and then a heavy slam echoed through the building as it closed. The noise brought Dean out of his thoughts, and he instantly got off his bed to greet Sam, who was the only person it could be.

Even though Dean really liked the bunker, it had some disadvantages. One of them was that he couldn’t keep track of Sam as well as he used to. He had noticed that Sam was gone, but never when he left. Let’s just say it was a big change from the motel rooms.

Dean and Sam had moved into the bunker only days after they parted with you. And even though they moved, traces of you were everywhere. Your old pair of worn and dirty converse stood parked by the door, still, even though you never took them off there. Other stuff of yours — like books, sketch blocks, clothes, your old mp3 player — it was all left in a room you’d never been in. You never left it there. Sam and Dean brought them. Even though it had been over a month — they couldn’t cut you out of their lives. Not permanently. Not yet.

”Hey,” Dean acknowledged Sam as the younger walked down the stairs to the main, living room.

”Hi.”

That was a little stiff, maybe.

”So, what were you doing?” The blond Winchester then questioned, wondering what his little brother had been up to.

”Just… Just in town, checking it out.” Sam shrugged, walking past Dean through the large hall.

Dean did not believe that.

”Oh, come on, Sam. Where were you, really?”

”Why do you need to know?” Sam called out in response, while Dean started following him through the building.

”Why do you need to keep things from me?” Dean retorted, not giving in. He could sense when Sam wasn’t telling the whole truth after over two decades, closer to three, with the kid.

Sam didn’t answer.

”Is this about—” Dean had a hunch, and he decided to venture asking. ”—her? It is about (Y/N), isn’t it?”

Sam groaned as he came to a stop. Dean watched his shoulders rise and then lower down again, until Sam spun around to face his older brother.

”Might be.”

Dean groaned too now. ”Sam, she lied to us.” He still felt unbelievably betrayed, the single thought about it physically pained him.

”Yeah, and I understand her.” Sam spat, rocking an expression that screamed ’I’m freakin’ tired with your shit.’ The tired, disbelieving little smile shared similarities with the ’bitch face’, but this look was far more serious. ”You need to cut her some slack. It’s not her fault she isn’t like us.”

”But she pretended like nothing was wrong for years. She could’ve just told us from the beginning!” Dean defended himself, eyes round and accusingly staring at Sam.

”Sure, but what’s done is done. She’s the one who’s out there, alone!” Sam argued, his arms spreading out wide as he spoke, frustration with the situation showing through his body language.

”Sam, she’s a kitsune. We’re supposed to hunt those.” Dean tried to justify his actions, even though he wasn’t entirely happy with the way he had handled the situation.

”How long will it take for you to realize? Yes, she’s not human. Yes, she’s a supernatural creature. But Dean, for god’s sake, get over it!”

Dean blinked.

”Dean, we are hunters. Hunters are taught to hunt supernatural things, right?” He didn’t give his brother time to answer, because Dean already knew. ”Well, that means others are going to hunt her down sooner or later.”

Dean was taken back. He surely hadn’t thought of that. He had considered you being a danger, but not in danger.

”I’ve been out trying to find her, okay?” Sam continued. ”And I suggest you make up your mind if you want to see her again, before someone finds her and kills her. Because you know very well that it can happen.”

The oldest struggled to process the new piece of knowledge as guilt started to wash over him, even more than before. He shook his head to himself, running his hands through his hair. For you to get slaughtered by hunters was not what he wanted.

”Dean, it’s still her.” Sam now spoke in a softer voice. Dean already understood. ”The girl we know, the girl who lived with us, the girl in your memories. Since she didn’t tell us for years and she’s been a kitsune all that time — it proves that it doesn’t matter. She’s still herself, the same as she’s always been — we just know more about her. And you know how bad it’s out there. If we can hunt kitsunes without a problem, so can others.”

A moment of silence passed.

”I’ve screwed things up haven’t I?” Dean then muttered, both to Sam and to himself. ”I’ve just made it much worse that it has to be.”

”I understand, I felt betrayed too. Who would have thought (Y/N) was a supernatural creature. (Y/N), of all people.” Sam let out a humorless laugh. ”But, the world is complicated. There’s shades of grey everywhere. I know you see things the way Dad taught you, I do too at times, but we need to believe in what we see, not what he said. Supernatural doesn’t equal bad.”

Dean nodded. ”We need to fix this, Sam. I mean, I don’t know if we ever can fix things between us… B-but, we should keep her safe, at least. You’re right, and I’m with you.”

Dean hurried after the silhouette in front of him. It was one month later, and Dean could have sworn it was you. He and Sam had searched, what it felt like, every inch, and then you just appear out of nowhere. Well, if it was you, Dean wasn’t completely sure. But, he wasn’t letting go until he was.

The young woman in front of him shot a look over her shoulder, and Dean quickly hid himself against the closest wall, invisible in the darkness of the alley.

Then, she looked forward again and hurried on, and Dean followed. He knew now. It was you, he could tell by the hair, the clothes, the silhouette and the facial structure all together. It was just scraps and pieces, he couldn’t see well through the darkness of the alley. But, it was enough.

So, he picked up the tempo, to catch you before you exited the alley, disappearing around the corner, possibly gone forever. This might be Dean’s only shot and he wasn’t going to mess it up. Not like he messed it up the last time you saw each other.

Dean’s steps got louder, heavier, and you noticed it. You walked faster. Dean was running. You weren’t — you were too tired. Dean caught up with you, and placed his hand on your shoulder and spun you around.

He was in for a rollercoaster of emotions.

First he was felt indescribable relief. It was actually you, his hand was on your shoulder. At last, after days where Dean didn’t even think of anything else than that he might never see you again.

The next emotion was uneasiness, once he saw your eyes that stared back at him, open wide. They were still the same, beautiful color, but the pupils were different. They were outstretched, like a cat’s — or a fox’s. A lump formed in Dean’s stomach and it took everything he had not to flinch.

The uneasiness intensified and transformed into worry once he saw your hands. They were covered in dark crimson. Drying blood — everywhere. Dean found himself wishing badly that you hadn’t hurt anyone. Although it didn’t seem like you, Dean didn’t know for sure, this was new territory for him.

But the worry transformed into fear, after he intuitionally lifted your jacket — to reveal a huge bloodstain on your shirt. He immediately grabbed your upper arms with both hands, as if he was scared you would collapse any moment.

”(Y/N)?” He asked, voice trembling and his eyes pooling with concern. His eyes wandered off the bloodied shirt, and came to a stop by the gaping whole in the fabric over your chest. Underneath a nasty wound showed itself, digging deep into your ribcage.

”Dean?” Your voice was filled with disbelief. You were more focused on Dean being back than your own state.

”You bet.” Dean smiled just a little but it reached nowhere near his eyes. ”(Y/N), you’re hurt, I—”

”I-I know. It was a… close call.” You interrupted, panting. ”If it wasn’t for the fighting skills you taught me… I p-probably wouldn’t be standing here. So thanks for that.” Your voice wasn’t angry but it wasn’t happy either. It was lacking most traces of emotion.

”Can I do something—”

”No, it’ll heal… Just hurts right now.” You interrupted once again.

”Was… Was it hunters?” Dean was scared to ask. He hoped with all his heart that it wasn’t. That Sam wasn’t right about you being in constant, serious, danger.

”Three of them.” You spoke, looking at Dean with a blank expression.

Dean shook his head to himself, anger and guilt welling up inside. He felt a burning desire to find those sons of bitches and make them pay for this.

An awkward silence fell over you two, and you raised your eyebrows at how Dean still seemed unsure and uneasy. His glance was wobbly and hands slightly trembling.

”What?”

”Your eyes…” Dean murmured.

You instantly took your gaze away from him and stared down at the asphalt. You hadn’t even noticed your eyes, probably because the pain in your chest overtook everything.

”Why are you here?” You then asked. By the way he had acted the last time you saw each other, that night on the hunt, you had expected to never see him again.

He had told you that he killed those like you, and now, here he was wondering about the bloodstains on your shirt that those like him had caused.

”I’m so sorry.” He blurted out, his voice cracking. You lifted your gaze to look at him, and saw the pain radiating from his eyes. ”I’m so, so, sorry.”

Too surprised to speak, you remained quiet.

”I messed everything up.” Dean drew an unsteady breath. ”You’re our family. And it shouldn’t have taken me 2 months and Sam yelling at me to realize that.”

You nodded, lost for words, still.

”W-what you are… We can work around it. You’re still you. A-and I don’t want you out on your own, where hunters can get to you.”

You let out a weak, humorless laugh. ”Me neither.”

”I’m so sorry. I-I wish I could take it back, what I said.”

You nodded. It was quiet for a moment before you spoke up.

”You and Sam— You kinda… are my only family.” You fumbled with your words. ”Well — I don’t have any real family, but…”

”No, (Y/N), Sam and I are your real family. If you still want us to be.” Dean offered tentatively, although his eyes pleadingly screamed for you to please let them be your family.

You nodded. ”Yeah… I-I would like that.” The corners of your lips curled into a small smile.

”Thank you.”

”You don’t have to thank me.” You objected, slightly frowning.

”I do.” Dean assured you. ”This is all my fault, and I don’t deserve—”

”Hey, Dean!” You stopped him. ”Don’t guilt yourself to death, okay?”

Dean closed his mouth and nodded.

”I forgive you.”

”You do?” He asked in disbelief.

”I do. Now, where’s Sam?” You then questioned, changing the topic.

As on queue, Dean’s cellphone rang.

”Speaking of the devil.” He declared, with the trace of a smirk on his face. You felt a some of the weight on your shoulders lift when you saw it — it made Dean looked more like his usual self — something you didn’t even know you wanted to see. ”Hiya, Sammy.” Dean answered the phone.

You were quiet while Dean talked to Sam. You had good hearing, better than both of them knew, but you didn’t bother listening in on the conversation. Instead you just took in the moment.

It had gotten considerably darker since Dean found you, the last of the sunlight had settled below the horizon. It was pretty quiet, although you could hear a car somewhere in the distance. A couple talking as they walked down the street the alley you stood in eventually opened up to. You kept your eyes on the opening between the tall buildings as you waited for the two to walk into your view as you heard their voices growing louder. But instead — someone else stepped into the opening of the alley. Someone far better.

”Sam,” you whispered as your eyes met with his hazel ones. Meanwhile, he lowered the phone and hung up.

”(Y/N)!” He exclaimed as relief filled his eyes, although concern soon fought it off.

He started running towards you.

”Are you hurt?” Sam’s voice was stressed, trembling, as he stared at the blood.

”I’m going to be fine.” You smiled. You were so happy to see him — to see them both. The resentment you felt towards Dean when he showed up had melted off you. You were tired of being angry. Instead, you let the euphoria overtake you.

The relief returned to Sam’s eyes, and he became the representation of how you were feeling. He let out a laugh as he threw his arms around you, and clutched you tightly against his chest. You held in a groan as your wounds still hurt a bit, but you didn’t want him to let you go — not for the world.

Dean watched with admiration in his eyes. His brother and his sister, reunited. Two of the people Dean kept closest to his heart.

”I’m so sorry.” Sam spoke, and you felt his voice rumble through his chest. ”Oh god, I thought for sure someone had gotten to you…”

”Sam, it’s okay.” You reassured him. ”I forgive you, and even if someone tried — I can assure you that I’m not easy to kill. Promise.”

”Okay,” Sam nodded, and let out a deep breath. You felt his heartbeat slow down to a more normal, calm, rate. ”I’m not letting you out of my sight again.”

Then he let you go, and you looked over at Dean, who was watching over you with round, soulful green eyes. You couldn’t stop yourself, before you stepped forward and wrapped your arms around his upper body.

After hugging him for a moment, you stepped back. ”I’m sorry I lied for years.”

”We’re sorry for what we said and leaving you.” Sam countered.

”What about we just forget it?” Dean offered, and both you and Sam nodded. ”Let’s go home, instead.”

You rose your eyebrows, the way Dean said home got you curious, as if there was something you had missed.

”We have something to show you.” Dean explained, anticipation in his eyes, and you smiled.

What could it be?

Arriving at the bunker, you felt the excitement grow inside of you. An actual home. Dean and Sam watched your reaction with smiles on their faces.

Now, you would have walked around and explored the building — if you weren’t exhausted. It had been a long day — heck, months — and the run in with the hunters that came after you had taken a toll on you. Sure, you were a kitsune, more powerful than any human, but your body had used up most of its energy healing itself. And now, you were ready to turn in for the night.

Sam and Dean saw this, and understood. So, Dean looped his arm through yours and began leading you towards his room. You would soon get your own room, of course, the bunker had a lot of space, but for now his and Sam’s were the only ones with made beds, so for the night, it would have to do.

Entering the room, you immediately crashed down onto the bed, and Dean gently pulled the covers over you. You flipped over to your stomach and instinctively pulled the blankets over you head, snuggling into the bedding, just like you always did.

Just as Dean thought you were out, you spoke up. ”I love you, Dean.”

Dean felt how your words tugged at his heartstrings. ”I love you too, (Y/N).”

He smiled and ran a hand over your hair.

You shifted a bit, and snuggled in further under the covers. ”Tell Sammy I love him too.” You added, mumbling. Then, you nodded off into sleep.

Of course Dean would tell Sam that, because just like Dean, Sam probably needed to hear it again.

And even though Dean still kind of felt like he didn’t deserve it, he was beyond happy to hear you say it; that you loved him. Because, he loved you too.

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missjackil · 5 years

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Winsecurities

I have no doubt in my mind that Sam and Dean love eachother in every human way possible. This is in no way to say one loves the other more than the other, but to just have a look around Sam and Dean’s relationship and see where and possibly why, they are insecure sometimes with each other.

Anyone reading this that knows me, knows I love both of these boys. I do favor Sam but I have no lowkey or highkey hate for Dean... he’s my buddy and a good dude and just as deserving of love and happiness as Sam is. With that said, it may appear sometimes in this post that Im dumping on one, or blaming him for something unnecessarily, but Im not, Im just making an honest observation.

Since this is about Sam and Dean’s insecurities, this is going to be a long post. So bag a lunch, get comfy, and click the cut if you feel like reading.

Sam and Dean are the most selfless people I know. They’re not selfish men at all, though both displayed some selfishness as kids, but thats normal. They’;ve both grown into men more than willing to put others before themselves, and sacrifice everything for the greater good. However they do have a selfshness when it comes to each other, and this fans the flames of their insecurities.

If you could ask either of them “Do you love your brother?” Both would say “Yes” before you finished the sentence, but if you were to ask either “Does your brother love you?” They might pause for a second before you get the “Yes”. In their hearts they know it as surely as the sun rises in the morning, but in their heads, sometimes they’re conflicted.

Sam has an irrational fear of Dean replacing him. He needs to be everything to Dean and doesnt like when others seem to take his place. We dont really even see this until s8 and the show has been chipping at it ever since. Dean has an irrational fear of losing Sam. Either by choice or by death. Dean defines himself as Sam’s caretaker, and doesnt want a life that Sam isnt in. I say these fears are irrational in the sense that neither should be fearing it anymore, not in the sense that the fear has never been warrented. We just recently learned that Dean still fears that Sam is going to decide to leave him someday.

I believe that Sam has always loved his place in Dean’s world. The precious little brother that Dean protects without argument. His best friend, confidant, the one who always has his back and fully trusts to have his own back. Sam loves that Dean would die for him, so Sam would die for Dean just the same. There have been times though, that Sam has felt smothered. He’s even said so, but he just wants space to grow and breathe, and be Sam, and not only Dean’s little brother, so Sam has seperated himself from Dean at times, and Dean takes it like Sam doesnt need or appreciate him.

I believe that Dean thinks about Sam first in everything. He depends on him to be his best friend and confidant, to have his back and save him when he needs saving, but Dean likes to surround himself with friends, family and allies, and Sam sometimes takes it as though he’s expendable in Dean’s world. Sam and Dean are each other’s spouces, in every sense of the definition that matters. They are two very different people but one single unit.

Dean’s insecurities with Sam came to our attention very early in the series. Since S1 Dean has shown how badly he wants Sam with him, and fears him leaving. In the Pilot episode Dean says he needs Sam to help him find Dad, and Sam tells him he can do it on his own, and Dean tells him he doesnt want to. We were never given any insite into why they didnt speak for 2 years so, Im just going to leave that out as it seems to be irrelevant to everything.

I believe they began when they were kids, and Sam started wanting to be like a normal kid. We know from Just My Imagination that at 9 yrs old Sam was begging to come hunting with Dad and Dean, we also learned that he would also like to run away and be normal. At that age, he chose to go with Dad and Dean, instead of running away, but as he aged, it became clear that he didnt want the hunting life.

I dont think this meant that Sam hated his Dad or Dean at all, he feared for them and himself, so he took himself away from the situation when he could. Having Thanksgiving at a friend’s house, hiding out in a cabin in Flag Staff, going to college, none of these are bad things that Sam did (well ok maybe running away and hiding in a cabin is debatable) but Dean took it personal as leaving him.

Dean loves taking care of Sam. He’s said he never had to be told to, he would have done it anyway. Sam has always loved it too but when Dean took off to hunt with Dad and left Sam alone he chose something over Sam, and thus fed his insecurities.

I think where Sam’s insecurities began, just using canon, was always when Dean put something ahead of Sam. He left Sam in a motel room so he could play video games, and Sam almost got killed. Dean left him at Plucky’s to troll for girls while Sam was being scared by the clowns, he left Sam to hunt with Dad, so who was protecting Sam then? Sam thought all these other things were more important than him, and if they were, then does Dean even still love him? (possible thoughts of an adolescent boy)

So we dont really see this insecurity in Sam much until S8 when Dean had Benny. When Sam met Benny, he was ready to kill him before he even knew he was a vampire. There was no way Sam knew he was a vampire when he went for his blade. He was ready to kill him for being some big dude that went on a hunt with Dean... a replacement. We didnt even know Sam had any qualms with Dean’s friendship with Cas until Dean wanted to go with Cas on his quest but felt he needed to stay behind and help Sam. Sam told him to go, but when Sam was ready to die for thinking Dean cant do this job with him, cant trust him, and would rather be anywhere than help Sam see this through, he gave Dean (and us) an ear full of his pain. And we were all (Dean included) Wait!! Hold up Sam!! Just think for a moment ok?

Dean assured Sam that nothing is more important than him, never has been, never will be... and Sam came down off the ledge. Sam got hit with the insecurities again in S9, after the trouble with Gadreel, and Sam worried about his place with Dean again. At the end of Sharp Teeth, Sam tells Dean things are broken and they cant be fixed just by saying theyre family, because all their crap comes down to them being family. So he gives Dean somewhat of an ultimatum. You want to work? Lets work... if you want to be brothers?..... well those are my terms” I didnt like that Sam didnt finish that statement, but Im pretty sure, judging from the next several episodes, that the statement would have been “If you want to be brothers.... then we cant work together” and then we see that they took the root of working instead of brothering, and now Sam sees himself as just a hunting parter to Dean. Is it true? Of course not. But we see the whole pciture and Sam just sees what he sees.

The show has been chipping at Sam’s insecurities ever since. Sam feared Dean chosing Amara over him in S11, choosing Mom over him in S12 as family, Cas over him as friend in 13, and Ketch over him as hunting buddy later in 13, and now his life over Sam in just this past episode. He even saw Dean kill himself to save a kid they dont know who was already dead in S13, so I understand why Sam might be confused about his place and importance in Deans life ya know?

Im sure about Sam’s place in Dean’s world. Sam IS his world. Ive seen Deans reactions every time Sam died or Dean thought he was dead... but wanna hear something sad but true? Sam never did. Sam never saw how freaked out Dean gets. How suicidal and broken he is when Sam is gone. Dean doesnt tell him. Sam knows Dean sold his soul for him, but Sam doesnt know Dean sat for like 2 or 3 days crying and talking to his corpse. Maybe if he knew, he wouldnt worry so much right?

I dont want the show to put Sam back in a place where he would voluntarily leave Dean again, but I hope they reassure Sam that he’s Dean’s who world. I think they’ve begun that, with Dean telling Sam why he wanted Sam to stay behind when he went with Ketch, and telling Sam later that he doesnt worry about what happens to himself, but he does care about what happens to his brother. And letting Sam know that he said “Yes” to Michael to save him. Maybe someday these boys will get their shit together and just enjoy getting saving the world and getting old together.

#my meta #winsecurities

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missjackil · 5 years

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Season 8

I’ve seen a lot of discussion about Season 8 lately, most of you hate it, or at least the first half. Understandable really, it was a train wreck! I will go on record to say that yes, Sam was very OOC for not looking for Dean, but it’s canon, so we do have to accept it.

I do think however, I may understand what Carver was going for with it. I’m not saying it was executed well, but from what all happened in the previous seasons, I think it was very important to establish who the brothers are to each other. Looking back through every season before this one, though there were some very good broments a lot the way, there were a lot of unnecessary fights, lies, insults and mistrust. How could they really sell to us how deeply they love each other while they keep hurting each other so badly?

In this essay, I may come down hard on both brothers at times. Please dont take it that I hate either or that I’m a stan for one or the other. I love these boys... flaws and all, so if you’re okay hearing your fav isnt always perfect (whichever bro that might be) please continue :)

In the beginning of Season 8, we have this strange, awkward, and OOC clusterfuck that we all blame bad writing for. And it was, I agree, and so do Jared and Jensen, but they both love where it led and are proud of the finished product.

I’ll start with the major OOC elephant in the room that is Sam not looking for Dean. He never really gives us a reason, even though later in the season he says that his whole world imploded, came raining down on him and he ran. We have to keep that as the only canonical reason as to why he didn't, so we only have headcanons to fill in the blanks. My main concern with it really is just that I am sure that Sam would have at least established Dean was dead for real, before moving on. There were no bodies, or even any blood, to indicate that Dean might be dead. I do believe that Sam would have or should have at least bought an Ouija Board , but then what could he do? Everyone he knew who could help him was dead. All the lore books they’d been using for 7 years were burned up in Bobby’s house. All that was left was Dad’s journal which had very little information in it. So he accepts Crowley’s words “You are in fact truly on your own”, fixed up the Impala and drove.

I don't believe Sam was suicidal. Crushed yes, depressed as hell but he won't kill himself without helping people in some way. Same with Dean. They may have wanted to die and would welcome death many times, but they're selfless martyrs, they won't eat a bullet or drive off a bridge, unless it was for a greater good. So Sam didnt look for Dean, because “Dean wouldnt want that” as we saw how pissed Dean was at Sam in S4 when he thought Sam sprung him from Hell, Sam had to remember that. Sam also knows he wanted Dean to have a normal life when he was gone, and Dean was nearly successful. Also, in the very same episode that Dean apparently died in, Bobby told them both upon leaving, “when it’s your time... go” So Sam most likely thought Dean would be proud of him if he moved on. That IS why Dean taught him how to fix the Impala a few years back right?

So Sam tries to move on. I hated Amelia, but I dont think we were ever supposed to really like her or “ship” them, we were supposed to feel the fakeness, how awkward and just wrong it was. Sam never looked content with her, even though once she stopped treating him like trash, he smiled a lot, he never seemed happy. She was nothing more to him than a grief partner and a physical distraction. He probably enjoyed playing house though, having a dog, getting a paycheck, but it wasn't really his life.

Meanwhile, Dean is in Purgatory with Cas and Benny, fighting monsters every day all day for a year. And this isn't a bad place for Dean honestly, he even referred to it as his “happy place” later, but it wasn't home, and Sam wasn't there. So in addition to slashing monsters all day, Dean was trying to find his way out to get back to Sam and their life.

Dean comes out and finally, he meets back up with Sam. The reunion hug was amazing! One of my favorites. they both looked genuinely happy to be with their brother again, but it was sadly short-lived. When Dean told Sam he wasn’t dead, he was in Purgatory, you can see the color leave Sam’s face. Like “Shit, I fucked up, I should have looked for him.” and then comes Sam’s big reveal that he got out of hunting. Watch how he says this. He’s not hiding it, he’s kind of cheerful about it, not like when Dean came back from Hell and he knew he was doing something Dean would be pissed at, he may have THOUGHT Dean would be pleased that he tried to move on, but obviously, Dean was not.

Im not blaming either of them for what they felt. They’re both justified in it. Sam felt like Dean would want this for him, and Dean felt like Sam was out there looking for him, or at least missing him terribly, and needed to get back. Imagine if you will, as each other's spouse. One goes off to war, goes MIA and is presumed dead, though no body is found. It may have been established beforehand that if anything happened to the soldier, that his remaining spouse is to move on with their life. However the soldier isn't dead, he’s a POW and he busts his ass for a year to try to get home. You bet he’s going to be pissed off when he gets home to see his spouse DID move on and didn't even ask for proof he was dead first.

Now we have Dean angry with Sam, Sam feeling guilty, but not willing to take the griping, so he’s going to fire back, and start threatening to leave. We have known from day 1 that Dean doesn't want Sam to abandon him. But he feels like Sam abandoned him in Purgatory, and now he’s trying to abandon him in the real world.

I feel like, at this point, Sam felt like he had the upper hand. He had the “Stop nagging me or I'm out” card, but he didn't know Dean had a card left to play either. He had the “Leave me and I'll replace you” card. This takes us to when Sam met Benny. Sam had been looking at schools again, weighing his options, so Dean thought it was time to introduce him to Benny.

Dean hadn't seen Benny since they got back, so had he and Sam been in good graces, I don't think Dean would have run out to help him when he called, or at least he wouldn't have been secretive about it, but they were on shaky terms and if Sam wanted to play emotional chicken with him, Dean can play this game too. There was no reason at all for Dean to have told Sam to meet him at the dock. Dean had his car, Sam had to steal one to get there. Sam rushes because he thinks Dean needs him, and now he’s not answering his phone, and Sam is panicking. Dean had told him he was on this hunt with a friend, but Dean doesnt have any friends right? Certainly none he can trust to have his back in a hunt right? Dean must be in trouble! However, when Sam gets to the dock, Dean is pulling up with this big dude. The camera focuses on Sam and Benny’s hands long enough for us to notice that Benny’s hand is bigger than Sam’s. Sam turns from pissed off brother, reluctant hunting partner, to jealous spouse in 60 seconds. He goes for his blade, he’s going to kill this bastard! Dean shakes his head.... “no”. Sam had no idea Benny was a Vamp at that point, he was going to kill his replacement. Dean got this, oh so smug look on his face “Go ahead and leave me.... but don't think I’ll be alone”.

I'm going to leave it there because I don't want to analyze the entire season. What I want to show you is that Carver must have wanted to deconstruct the entire relationship, look at each piece of it, and show it to us, and then put it back together by the end of the season. By the end of Sacrifice, we learned Dean doesn't want to be without Sam but is willing to let Sam go and live his normal life, but to do that Dean wants to go out saving the world so Sam and everyone else can be safe. Sam doesn't want to be without Dean, but he thinks he's lost Dean’s trust, and he’s been replaced by Benny, Cas and holds Dean back from doing what he wants, so he’s going to save the world, even though it’s going to kill him in the process.

Dean had told Sam that he didn't burn Benny’s body when he killed him, and Sam said he understood, and he might need him later.

So I hope you can see why I feel Carver did this. I for one knew that Sam and Dean loved each other, but I honestly didnt see this “nothing comes before you” type bond before S8. So he took everything, from the very root, in the beginning, and laid it all out on the table for us, before giving us this epic defining moment in the Church between Sam and Dean. Sam would rather die than lose his place with Dean, and Dean would rather kill them all and let the world burn than to lose Sam,

So even though I think the beginning was poorly executed, I do appreciate what it was showing us and I love the finished product. There hasn't been a more defining season in the whole series. As much as you might hate S8, you probably wont ever put the church scene out of your mind, and what led up to it. So, in my humble opinion, rocky start Mr Carver, but well played 🙌

#spn #SEASON 8 #sam and dean #my meta

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missjackil · 7 years

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My 12x23 (Finale) Opinion

All Along The Watchtower Like many of you, I have very mixed feelings about this episode. First, off, it wasn’t as good as episode 22, but it wasnt a terrible one. It was definitely a nail biter, and pretty high on the stress level, but nowhere near as emotional as the first half of the finale. So I’ll just jump into the obvious problems. Cas, Crowley, and Rowena are dead, and what appears to be “for good”. Rowena is burnt to a crisp, which the visual was very disturning. Crowley killed himself, complete with “Bye boys” and flashing out from the angel blade. Cas flashed out as well, and left charred wings in the dirt. These things are all indicative of true death to Witches, Demons, and Angels on the show, BUT we still have to wonder if its permenant or not. On one hand, I dont want it to be permenant, I like the characters, but on the other hand, I feel like there had been too much emphisis put on them since Season 9 than there should have been, and I want the show to go back to focussing on Sam and Dean and not the storylines of side characters. If it was like it was before S9 and these characters where only used to help or antagonize Sam and Dean, or to move the plot forward, then I would be fine with them staying, but the way these side characters have been for a while, has been as though there were 2 shows in the same show. Cas and Crowley running around in the background chasing Lucifer for most of the first half of the season, while Sam and Dean dealt with MOTWs and trying to connect with Mom, seemed very wasteful to me, not to mention off balance and boring. I know there are a lot of big Cas and Crowley fans out there, and Im not saying I hate either character, but in my personal opinion, neither are interesting enough to carry their own storylines apart from Sam and Dean. As far as the episode itself went, it has great cliff hangers. and some seemed to parallel Swan Song. Mom getting pulled into the AU by Lucifer, was much like Sam/Lucifer pulling Michael/Adam into the pit with him, and Dean left kneeling over Cas’ body was like him kneeling over where the pit had been, though it really didnt hit any Swan Song marks, since it lacked any emotional or beautiful elements, no substancial brother moments at all (but ep 22 was chock full of them, so Ill give it a pass) but I realize it was about finishing the Lucifer end of the season. I thought some things to be really cheesy though. Luci is being shot by a million bullets made from angel blades and hes barely flenching, yet, one stab from an Angel blade killed Gabriel? Mary punching him with the Enochian brass knuckles hurt him more, also not buying it. Also, Ive always hated Lucifer but he’s becoming even more annoying now. He used to be impressive and now he’s an immature, creepy, weirdo who thinks hes funny but hes not. Im actually glad now that Sam isn’t terrified of him anymore. I dont know if everyone caught it, I actually didnt catch it myself till I watched it a 2nd time, but Lucifer told Sam he doesnt need “the old Sam suit” anymore, so I guess Sam being his One True Vessle story is over. A traditional Bobby cameo was fun, but Im having a problem with the timeline in which Bobby would have known Mary as a hunter. Not just from the AU, but going back to “The Raid” when Sam said he got the recipe for the Colt bullets from a buddy of his, Mary said “Bobby Singer?” as if she knew him, and I guess she could have, but I dont think Bobby had been a hunter for 40 years give or take, since he only became a hunter after his wife was possessed, but, I guess its possible to have known her, though Ive always associated him with John. I liked the AU, it was cool looking, very much out of the box for a background set. Even Purgatory was just a forest. Popping in and out of it though was making me dizzy LOL but face it, a seam in space and time is pretty cool. I think they’ll play around with that next season. Though, it teeters on the line between supernatural and sci fi, but I guess if its created by the supernatural, it can fit. So now we have Jack. Spawn of Lucifer. Kelly is dead, Lucifer is in the AU and the first person he sees is Sam. This could be very interesting. And no, Sam isnt gonna pull an angel blade out and kill him, stuff is gonna happen and I think. at least at first, Jack will be good. Maybe even be the means in which Cas and the gang come back. So, I liked the episode for its suspense and cliff hangery value, theres more hanging on the cliff this season than last. Last season Sam got shot, and though we all know he’s not going to be DEAD dead, we still worried about how badly he was injured, and we had Mom come back. Now we wonder how dead Cas and the gang are, whats Luci gonna do with mom, How the boys are gonna handle this shitfest of loss, good ole Jack, and what if anything will the BMOL be doing now? (I dont think we’re done with them at all) So on a scale from Bloodlines to Swan Song, Ill give this an 8, it lacked in emotion, but had nearly more suspense than I can handle and cant wait to see where it leads us in 5 months!!

#supernatural 12x23 opinion #spn spoilers #already hating hellatus

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