#round of applause for my Rat
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Sammy and Henry play battleships in prison by calling out the grid numbers across the room
#batdr spoilers#batdr#Sammy Lawrence#Henry Stein#this was my partners idea by the way#he hasn’t even played the game I just told him they’re in prison#and this is what he came up with#round of applause for my Rat
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Satisfying journey Pt.2
Part 1
(Notes: Hi! I'm new to writing stories on this app. While I am familiar with writing the occasional one-shot or comic strip, it's been a while. I'm writing this story for my own enjoyment and excitement. I just wanted to let you know that if there are any grammatical errors, I apologize. I'm also more than happy to hear your suggestions and feedback. For now, this is all I can share. I hope you enjoy this story)
Pairing: Buggy The Clown x F!Reader
Summary: You woke up in a dirty and damp cell after your encounter with the pirate Buggy The Clown, you didn't remember much, your whole body hurt, especially your face. You spent several hours there until you heard someone entering the cell, it was our favorite captain. He asked you several questions and, well, you didn't know if things had gone well or badly at that moment.
Warnings: Depictions of Violence and Torture, small mentions of blood, mentions of hanging, Buggy being a complete jerk and a perv, sexual tension and teasing, romance, humiliation.
Your eyes opened hazily as you looked around with your vision half-clouded. The first thing you noticed was the strong smell of humidity in the air. The room was mostly dark, illuminated only by a weak ray of sunlight coming through a small, round window. Your whole body hurt, especially your face, specifically your cheek and nose. You felt something dripping from your nose and brought your hand up to it, only to see that you were handcuffed to a chain that was attached to the bars of a cage. You took the substance that was dripping from your nose, realizing it was blood. That damn clown, his punch was so strong that it made you faint and bleed from your nose. You lightly touched it, feeling relieved that your septum wasn't broken. Once you inspected your body for any kind of injury or bruise, which fortunately you didn't have, you looked around.
You were in a kind of cell, which looked more like a lion's cage, some hay was scattered on the floor, which had tangled in your hair. You saw on the other side of the bars a pile of expanded bags and several old fabrics that looked like old ship sails, from among the sacks of unknown content you saw how several rats scurried and hid, well, you knew you wouldn't be alone in that cell, hopefully they would become your friends. You groaned, rubbing your cheek still feeling a trace of heat due to the slap Buggy gave you. Who did that guy think he was? Enslaving a poor village for his own pleasure and to receive forced applause and laughter, it made your heart shrink. And it wasn't just that he enslaved a village, but he also imprisoned you, why?! You were just looking for a new place to start a new life; but you didn't want your new life to rot in the cell of a sadistic pirate clown's ship. Although, for some reason, you couldn't stop thinking about him, his face passed fleetingly through your head, if it was true that he had attractive features; but what were you doing thinking so much about him? He had put you in a cage! Although you didn't deny that you had always had certain questionable tastes... Before ending up here, in your other village you collected "Wanted" posters and hung them on the walls of your room, it couldn't be denied that some of those pirates were attractive, especially that man you liked so much... What was his name? That swordsman... Mia.. Mih... Mihawk! Yes, that was it! You remember that every time there was a new poster you took it and kept it.
You woke up from your dream when your stomach growled, grumbling for some food. You were so hungry, the last thing you ate was a half-rotten apple. In addition to hunger, you were thirsty, your throat was dry, and no matter how much saliva you accumulated and swallowed, it didn't quench your thirst. As if someone was listening to your thoughts and especially the growling of your stomach, the door opened, letting out a loud creak. A man came out of the door, dressed in a striking way like the rest of the crew. Half of his face was covered by his hair, and the other half of his hair was shaved and had lines of different colors. A large scarf covered part of his mouth, and in his hands, he carried a tray with a glass of what looked like milk and a piece of bread. Your stomach couldn't help but growl at the sight, as little as it was at that moment, it was enough for you, you were too hungry. That man looked at you and approached the cell at a tortuously slow pace. Once in front of the cell, he crouched down and opened a small compartment where he was able to pass the tray with the glass and bread. "The Captain will come to see you in a few minutes," he said in a cold tone as he closed the small hatch through which he had given you the tray. Before you could ask him anything, that man had left through the door, giving a loud bang that made the cage vibrate under your feet.
You sighed and looked at the tray with the glass of milk and the piece of bread. Your stomach growled again and with trembling hands you took the bread. It was hard, too hard. You knew that if you put it in your mouth as it was, your teeth would break before you could take a bite. You made a face and took the glass of milk. It wasn't very big, but it wasn't very small either. You quickly remembered the knife you had in your back pocket, you stood up and searched for the small knife with hope, but it vanished when you didn't feel the knife where it should be. Those damn pirates, they must have taken it. With the little strength you had left, you took the hard bread, breaking it and making thousands of crumbs fall to the dirty floor of the cage. You took your glass of milk and took a small sip, as you thought it was plain milk, without a hint of sugar or honey to sweeten it. You took your broken bread and dipped it in the milk, making it softer. After several seconds under the milk, you took the piece and brought it to your mouth, letting out a sound of delight as you started to eat the bread soaked in milk. It seemed like the best culinary dish a chef could have prepared for you. Little by little, you finished the bread along with the milk, putting your fingers in your mouth and sucking them to take the last drops of milk that dripped from them.
Did you see how the rats from before came out of their hiding places among the sacks, timidly approaching the cage when they smelled the breadcrumbs that had been scattered, they seemed fearful, wanting to approach but backing away when they saw you. You let out a slight laugh and took a breadcrumb, carefully approaching one of the rats, it smelled the breadcrumb and with its little paws took it, bringing it to its mouth and quickly returning to the pile of bags. The other rats also approached, surrounding you, a little panicked you began to give breadcrumbs to the rats and they would run away to eat them in hiding.
Suddenly the door opened with a bang, causing the few rats that were left with you to run away in terror. You looked at the door and saw that it wasn't Buggy. He wasn't wearing his orange captain's hat, and instead had a white bandana with red stripes on his head, revealing his blue hair. He also wasn't wearing his big orange coat, which exposed a red and white striped sleeveless shirt with several belts. His biceps were clearly visible and muscular, indicating that he worked out. Your eyes carefully scanned his muscular arms, but you quickly looked away, embarrassed that you were ogling your captor. Buggy easily noticed your actions and a playful laugh escaped his red-painted lips. 'Enjoying the view, darling? I can't blame you,' he said in a playful tone as he approached you, standing in front of your cage.
Your cheeks heated up in embarrassment and you let out a small groan. 'There's nothing to enjoy,' you spat defensively while glaring at the pirate. 'Darling, don't lie to me. I know I'm someone worth admiring,' he said. 'Whatever you say... What the hell do you want from me?' you muttered irritably as you saw that the man had easily read you. Buggy laughed again as he crouched down enough to be at the same height as you. 'I feed you and I don't decide to kill you, and this is how you thank me?' he said, feigning a tone of sadness as his blue orbs rested on your face. You rolled your eyes at his response. 'You've locked me up and chained me up like a damn animal,' you said furiously as you faced the clown. Buggy laughed amusedly as his eyes lingered on your face, staying for a few long seconds on your nose. He brought his hand to his mouth, taking off with his teeth the dirty white glove he had on his hands and slowly took it off, revealing his bare hand. His nails were trimmed and painted the same color as his blue hair. Without a doubt, this man cared about his perfect appearance.
You watched in amazement as he removed his glove, and then you saw him lick his thumb, moistening it with saliva. Your cheeks turned a shade redder. What was that clown planning? His bare hand approached your face, easily passing between the metal bars. Instinctively, you moved back, afraid that he would slap you again for your response. But moving away didn't help you much, as he separated his hand from his arm with those strange powers that you still didn't understand. His flying hand approached your face, and you closed your eyes, expecting the blow. But it never came. You only felt the strangely delicate touch of his saliva-moistened finger passing under your nostrils. When he removed his hand from you, you opened your eyes, bewildered, watching as he put his hand back on his body, took it out from between the bars, and looked at his thumb for a few seconds. It was stained with some dried blood that had previously dripped from your nose from the blow he had given you the day before. After observing his finger, dyed red with your blood, for several seconds, he brought it to his mouth while his eyes were fixed on you. He watched you closely, seeing your reaction as he playfully licked your blood from his finger. You remained perplexed from your position, watching his actions while your face heated up again. What the hell was he playing at? He took his finger out of his mouth with a wet "POP" and put his glove back on his hand while his eyes remained fixed on you. "Delicious," he said cheerfully.
"Good dear, I must say that you are there for two simple reasons. The first is that you caught my attention, and believe me, that's something difficult to do with me," he said as he slightly stood up from his position and began to walk around the cage while his eyes never left you. "The second..." He faced you again and suddenly a hand flew towards you, grabbing your neck firmly and forcing you to stick to the bars of the cage. "I don't know if you remember, but you ruined my show... And those who do that don't end up well, let's say... Very well," he said as his fingers pressed harder on the sides of your neck, blocking your blood pressure. "You didn't follow MY rules, you didn't applaud when I told you to, and to top it off..." His palm pressed against your trachea, making it harder for you to breathe. "You spat on me, me, the great Buggy The Clown! You humiliated me in front of MY spectators!" He said furiously as he watched with some amusement as you tried to catch your breath. "And believe me, I'm not going to forgive you just like that, simply because of your pretty face, doll," he said as he slightly loosened his grip on your neck, letting you take a breath of air before tightening it again. "Besides, as I mentioned before, you should have thanked me. I could have easily killed you and your pretty body would be at the bottom of the ocean being wasted by some hungry sharks..." A sadistic smile decorated his face as he watched your face slowly turn purple. "I think you should thank me NOW..."
You watched him as you tried to catch your breath, feeling your eyes tear up and a slight thread of saliva fall from your mouth, you opened it and whispered as loudly as you could in those moments, "T-thank you..." Buggy's smile widened as he watched your futile attempts to pronounce a word, he tightened his fingers while pressing your body even harder against the cold glass bars. "What did you say, doll? I don't think I heard you well." "T-th...Thank you!" You released with your last breath, feeling your vision blur and how you would faint again. Buggy's hand abruptly separated from your throat, allowing you to breathe again, quickly taking a deep breath, coughing in the process as you looked at the clown with teary eyes. The hand that was on your throat a few seconds ago moved towards your head, starting to caress it with some affection as he watched you from the other side of the bars with a satisfied smile. "That's how I like it... I know you can be a good girl, you just need a little push." He winked at you as he moved his hand away from you, sticking it back to his body
You gasped, still a little dizzy from the lack of air and the dizziness in your body as you watched Buggy look at you with amusement. 'Well, since you thanked me and showed me that you can be a good girl, I'm going to give you another chance, okay?' he said, watching your face and occasionally lowering his eyes to your body, causing shivers to run through it. 'I have something planned just for you, my dear. Let's put you and that spoiled mouth of yours to good use,' he said, stopping his eyes on your lips for a few seconds, then looking away and getting up, wiping the accumulated dirt off his pants. 'I'll come back for you tomorrow and show you your new function here. Don't try anything stupid or you'll regret it,' he said in a chilling tone as he began to walk towards the door, opened it, and before leaving, gave you one last look. 'Don't ruin your position as a good girl... unless you want to be punished,' he chuckled and winked at you, then left through the door, slamming it shut and leaving you once again in the darkness and dampness of your cage.
You sighed as you brought your chained hands to your neck, slowly caressing it and stopping at the spot where Buggy had pressed his fingers. You looked at the door one last time, letting out a small curse. You curled up into a ball and closed your eyes, going to sleep and waiting to see what would happen to you tomorrow.
#buggy the clown#buggy one piece#buggy the clown x reader#buggy x reader#one piece#opla#one piece x reader#one piece buggy#buggy x y/n#op#op x reader#one piece live action#buggy x female reader#x reader#opla buggy
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After the Applause (Ch. 7)
Header and linebreaks by @awrkives
Single Dad Jimin x Female OC
SUMMARY: Jimin doesn't know how he would have made it this far after the shattering of his world without the support of his thoughtful, generous, helpful neighbor. Hanbyul has lived next to hottie Jimin and his adorable daughter for years now, long enough to remember the wife he was so devoted to and lost far too young. With each safely ensconced on their side of the brick wall of the Parks' grief, it will take an enterprising little scientist to set the stage for a second chance at love.
CW/tags: grief, prior loss of spouse/parent, comfort, explicit sex, secondhand embarrassment, sort of love triangle/web/rat's nest, fluff, cursing, dating apps, fuckboy friends, dancer Jimin, stubborn dad Jimin, stubborn pre-teen daughter, miscommunication, pining
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By Monday Sunnie was almost completely back to her normal exuberant self, but her round-the-clock caretaker Appa had simply ushered the illness from daughter to dad. He knew it for sure when walking her to school left him red-faced, breathless, and shivering. There was no use denying it, no choice except to call Hoseok and other staff to see who could cover his classes for at least today and tomorrow. The last thing he wanted to do was pass this onto his students, especially not with the recital rushing closer.
Besides, he could work on choreography for Taejoon’s idol group from home –that was a gig he didn’t want to pass off. He could really use the additional income this month. Rent was going up in two months and he’d been avoiding thinking about it because obviously he couldn’t upset their lives and move them somewhere cheaper. This was their home. It had been Subin’s home. He wouldn’t know where to hallucinate her in a new home where she’d never been before, as he did the whole afternoon he spent curled up on the couch, sweating through his fever.
Turned out he didn’t even have the energy to make himself tea, certainly not to choreograph a routine. Once again, Jimin had vastly overestimated himself.
At the last minute he realized he was not sure he could make the walk to get Sun-young. Shit! It was a short list of friends he felt comfortable asking for a favor like that: Hoseok was already covering his classes, Jungkook wasn’t answering his phone, but Taehyung did, on the second ring, like he’d been waiting for a call from Jimin. He was happy to get her but he had promised to go with Seokjin for something and could he just take Sun-young along with him for that? It sounded to Jimin like he’d said to greet the Muppets for the disco party but that was probably not right. The fever made everything fuzzy right now.
But whatever, Taehyung and Seokjin would never take her anywhere unsafe, so that was perfect. He called Sun-young’s school to have them give Sunnie the message Uncle Tae would pick her up and then collapsed on the couch and stopped thinking about anything. The fever was miserably uncomfortable. He didn’t have any adult medicine for it in the house; he prided himself on not getting sick often but damn it would have been welcome right now. Maye anti-nausea too, his stomach cramped and complained even though he wasn’t hungry.
The whole afternoon passed in a blink. He didn’t realize he’d even fallen asleep and suddenly Sun-young’s feet were pounding down the hallway. She knew the code and let herself in, Taehyung and Seokjin right on her heels.
Seokjin called from the hall, “No offense, Jimin, but I’m keeping my distance. I can’t get a restaurant of people sick!”
“I could use a few days off work,” Taehyung joked. “Lay one on me.”
Jimin only grunted at him and eased himself up to a sitting position. Sun-young grimaced.
“You’re really sick, Appa.”
“Wonder how that happened,” Taehyung teased and nudged Sun-young. But she looked genuinely upset, and that last thing Jimin wanted was for her to feel guilty. It was part of being a dad. He didn’t want her to hide that she was sick next time.
“It’s a testament to how close we are together,” Jimin insisted, the words a croak from his throat. “I wouldn’t have it any other way. Thanks for keeping her this afternoon, Tae. Thanks, Jin.” He pushed up from the couch and did his best not to look wobbly. “OK, Sunnie, let’s figure out some dinner.”
“You sure you don’t want me to stick around and help?” Taehyung pressed.
“Nah, it’s fine, I’m good, just groggy because I’m waking up.”
“Ok… but hey man, call me if you need anything, ok? You know my schedule is flexible, I’m happy to help.”
Jimin thanked them both again and flinched when the door slammed shut behind them. The offers were sincere, he knew that, just like he rationally knew his friends did not mind covering his classes or helping him with his child. He had to believe that, because he knew he wouldn’t begrudge them the help. He loved to be helpful. But accepting help when he’d had to lean on them so much was hard. He didn’t feel like it was nearly balanced.
Belatedly he realized he should have asked Taehyung if he knew what was going on between Hanbyul and Jungkook. Taehyung was nosy, he probably knew exactly how long they’d been dating and how serious it was and where they met and the first time they kissed and everything.
Maybe it was better he hadn’t asked though. He didn’t know that he was in a good headspace right now to find out they’d been dating for months now and he was just dumb as a rock oblivious. Why wouldn’t Jungkook have told him? And honestly, wasn’t it right that Jungkook should have asked him first if he had feelings for Hanbyul before making his move? It was the right thing to do as friends.
“Appa are you ok?” Sunnie asked as he shuffled to the kitchen.
He waved his hand at her. “Yeah yeah, I’m good.”
But she planted herself in front of him and reached up to feel his sweaty forehead.
“You’re really sick, Appa. I know what it was like. Go lay down and I can make my own dinner.”
“You’re nine.”
“So what? I can make some things! Are you hungry? I can make something for you too.”
“I’m not hungry,” he admitted. He hesitated. If he insisted on cooking for her, was this just another way in which he was failing to recognize that she was growing up and gaining independence? Or was this leaning on his daughter in an unhealthy way, expecting her to be another adult in the house?
“We have gimbap, I can eat that. Go sleep. I’ll do my homework after I eat.”
“Ok…” He hesitated. This felt like a parenting failure. “Just get me if you need anything… I’ll just be in my room. You won’t be bothering me.”
Sun-young gave him a serious, decisive node and then pointed her finger towards his bedroom. He’d been summarily dismissed. It made him laugh, which turned into an achy coughing fit, so he did what she said and went to lie down.
Time passed unmeasured, but eventually Jimin rose from his deep sleep to the sounds of murmuring female voices and clinking cookware. For a brief moment, he found himself lost in time to years ago, when his wife might be in the kitchen cooking dinner. Especially after Sun-young was born, they’d alternated day-night shifts since their newborn daughter demanded attention round the clock; she’d been a terrible sleeper. He’d usually taken the night shift because he liked it anyway.
Just as quickly he landed back in the present time. He tried to push quickly and clumsily from the bed to find out who the hell was in his apartment with his daughter, when he heard a laugh that answered for him.
Hanbyul was here.
He slowed his step and glanced at himself in the mirror over his dresser. He looked fucked up. There was only so much he could do about it though, the sweaty pink shine wasn’t going away until the cold did. He brushed his fingers through his hair, trying to look devilishly disheveled. He was not sure that it worked. He changed his clothes quickly so at least he wouldn’t smell like stale sweat.
He pulled on his best smile as he leaned against the counter separating kitchen from dining and living room. Sun-young stood on a chair and peered through the lid of a deep pot. Hanbyul stood at the counter beside her with her loose sweater sleeves rolled up past her elbows, knife making quick work of an onion. Her hair was pulled up into a spiky high bun, a few wispy strands escaping to frame her face. Her eyes were red from the onions when she glanced up at Jimin. And smiled.
“Appa! How do you feel?” Sun-young asked very seriously again, her laughter from a moment ago deftly suppressed.
“I’m..” He wanted to say good but he didn’t want Hanbyul to take his appearance as normal. “I’ve been better,” he admitted. “But better since this morning… I think…” The scent of the onions tickled his nose and he turned quickly away to sneeze into his elbow. Suddenly Hudu leapt down from the couch and vaulted over to Jimin, jumping up against his legs, like he’d been sleeping too deeply to notice Jimin was even there.
“We’re making samgyetang,” Hanbyul assured him, as if he couldn’t have figured that out by the gingery smell of the broth. His nose was too stuffy to have caught it from the bedroom, but when Hanbyul lifted the lid on the pot so she and Sun-young could look inside, just enough of it managed to reach his sinuses for him to groan. He had no appetite but for that, he could develop one.
Hanbyul’s raised eyebrows made embarrassment rush through him.
“Oh, uh, it smells good. My nose is all f– messed up, but I could smell that– why are you here?” His voice cracked on the last note after croaking out the rest of it. Quickly he added, “You’re always welcome but we’re sick! I don’t want to get you sick too.”
Hanbyul shared a smile with Sun-young, as if they’d predicted and discussed this response. Jimin tried to crouch to pet Hudu, still spinning around his legs, but his body was too achy. He tried to get Hudu to jump up into his arms, but the dog wouldn’t. A stalemate in which neither of them was happy.
“I appreciate your concern but I think I’ll be all right. I have such a strong immune system, I rarely get sick. Don’t worry about me.”
“I asked her to come help me make soup for you,” Sun-young added.
“I see but– it’s very thoughtful but–” He spun quickly away to deliver a coughing fit into his elbow. Hudu was worried enough to scratch at his shin.
It meant he didn’t see Hanbyul come around from the kitchen until she touched his arm and held out a mug of steaming yuzu jelly tea.
“Please go rest more. Sun-young and I are just fine here.”
“She taught me how to mince garlic!”
“With a knife?!” Jimin cried, barely more than a wheeze of words.
Hanbyul tutted at him –tutted– “She’s old enough to learn how to safely cook things! I was much younger and still have all my fingers. Now back to bed, and make sure to drink that tea.”
She was so firm about it, he found his legs obeying. He stopped just through the door though and looked back. Hanbyul slid back around the counter and looked at whatever Sun-young was showing her on the counter. He knew that hopeful smile of Sunnie’s, that desperate need for acknowledgement. She beamed at Hanbyul’s praise for whatever it was. Together they lifted the lid and slid things in, four hands working together, and put the lid back on. The pot belched at them though, knocking the top askew. Both girls erupted with giggles as Hanbyul stirred and replaced the lid. Hudu sat in the middle of the rooms, as if he needed to see everyone at once. He watched Jimin and something in his eye made it look like he was about to bark and tattle on Jimin for not being in bed yet.
She shouldn’t be here. She didn’t need to be here. It was asking too much, for her to come into a sick apartment and make soup for him. Sunnie had done the asking and Hanbyul had come and he owed her so much.
Hudu barked.
“Go to bed, Park Jimin!” Hanbyul called, and Sunnie giggled and pointed, chanting, “Go go! We’ll get you when it’s ready!”
“Traitor,” Jimin mumbled to Hudu. Hudu stretched out to nap, conscience clear.
He lay in bed, as ordered. He sat up to sip the tea until only the dredges were left. He lay back down and listened to the crescendo of giggles across the apartment. They wove through his dozy dreams, swaddling him, rocking him in the rhythm of their conversation. He dreamed of seashell wind chimes on the balcony of a beachside bungalow; he dreamed of a crackling fireplace in front of three mugs of hot cocoa; he dreamed of a cool breeze caressing his skin with whispers: dance on, dance on.
He awoke to silence. The window was black with night, only by the light from the hallway could he find his phone in the sheets: 8:30. Time to get Hanbyul ready for bed. His body ached as he pushed himself up from the sweaty embrace of his bed. He felt like garbage, but slightly warmed over garbage, thanks to his nap-companion Hudu, who had jumped up into bed with him at some point. Garbage that could at least get his daughter’s school things ready for tomorrow, see her to bed, shower, and then collapse again. Maybe eat some soup, if there was any left.
He forgot to check his hair and face as he stumbled into the hall. Two figures sitting at the end of it made him do a double take. It wasn’t the ghost of Subin, though, and he wasn’t confused by a memory this time, only confused to see them there: Sun-young and Hanbyul kneeling in front of the shrine they kept for Subin by the narrow window she had always joked was for growing a single flower in. So they did grow a single flower in it, though Jimin often forgot to water it so it tended to be more dead than alive.
He paused as Sun-young’s voice carried, “Sometimes I don’t remember very much about her.”
Hanbyul made a sympathetic humming noise.
“I was only maybe six years old when she died? I just remember suddenly she lived in the hospital and Appa took me there to visit her and I didn’t like being there because it smelled bad and everyone was sad a lot.”
“It’s ok not to remember everything,” Hanbyul said gently. “You were very little and sometimes remembering someone we’ve lost can hurt a lot, I think, so our minds… hm, maybe they wrap a blanket around the memory to keep it safe for another time when it won’t hurt so much.”
“Maybe that’s why Appa doesn’t talk about her very much,” Sun-young said and Jimin felt a knife in his ribs. “It makes him really sad.” Jimin felt like they did talk about her a lot. Wasn’t Subin in almost everything they said and did? But less so lately, and that was… hard.
“I can’t imagine how hard it is to lose someone you love that much. You both are very strong. I’m glad you have each other.”
He knew he shouldn’t keep listening to this and yet he couldn't tear himself away. Was it really so bad to eavesdrop? He decided Sun-young was right; despite the shrine, they did not talk about Subin very often. He always feared speaking of her would only remind Sunnie of what she lost, what she didn’t have. It sure did for Jimin.
“I remember her hair was really soft and I would wrap it around my fingers when we read books together,” Sun-young said. “I just learned to read when she got sick and I read books to her in the hospital. She liked Hello Banana Moon and Cloud Bread. Do you know those books?”
“I don’t.”
“I think I still have them. I’ll let you borrow them so you can read them. They're really good but I haven’t read them in a long time. Maybe we can read them together.”
“I’d like that a lot,” Hanbyul said and Jimin could feel her smile even though he saw only the back of her head. The girls sat so close together, Subin’s smiling face beaming down at them from the shrine. He knew where those two books were: tucked into the cupboard beneath the candles and figurines and Subin’s photos. He’d tucked them there when she died because it was too much to read the words to Sun-young that ought to be in Subin’s voice.
But Sun-young wanted to share those stories her mother had taught her to read with Hanbyul.
The emotion was difficult to breathe around, a pair of fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, a rising tide blocking his throat.
“I don’t remember much,” Hanbyul said. “I didn’t know your eomma very well but I would see her in the hall or the mail room. She was always very polite and thoughtful. She would hold the door open if my arms were full. If someone left trash out, she would take on the task of cleaning it up, even though it wasn’t hers. One year there was ice on the stairs and our neighbor Ma Gurim who is high in years nearly slipped. Your mother called the building manager and wouldn’t stop calling until they came out to take care of the ice.”
Sun-young giggled and said, “Appa says I have her stubbornness.”
“Her resilience, I think it is. Her brightness. She seemed like she could do anything, just like you.”
“It’s not very fair that she died.”
“No, Sun-young. It’s really, really not fair.”
Sun-young let out a heavy sigh and rested her head against Hanbyul’s shoulder. If it made Hanbyul uncomfortable, Jimin couldn’t tell from her body language. After a moment she wrapped her arm around the girl’s shoulder and rubbed her arm.
Jimin didn’t want to disturb them. He felt like he would be. Anyway, he didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t have said anything better than Hanbyul had and her words lingered with him as he tiptoed away to the kitchen.
It was too much to ask of a woman, wasn’t it? To come into a house that had lost one and take over being a partner and a mother. Not that it mattered anyway because Hanbyul was seeing Jungkook now but… well, it would have been too much to ask of her and that’s why it was for the best. Probably she felt incredibly awkward talking to Sun-young about her dead mother because it was an uncomfortable topic and while obviously she had navigated it beautifully, it was too much to ask.
The kitchen had been cleaned so thoroughly there was no evidence of cooking. He opened the fridge with a start in his heart that maybe they had eaten all the soup and left none for him.
“What are you doing?” Hanbyul demanded behind him. “Shoo, get out of my kitchen! Go sit down.”
“It’s my kitchen,” he glowered, and playfully demanded, “Where’s my soup?”
She squeezed behind him and bodied him away to open the oven door where a stone bowl of the soup rested, still warm. The scent of it carried such a strong sense of strength and health and rest that it nearly brought tears to his eyes. That’s it, that’s the only reason his eyes were misty.
“I’ll carry it for you, go sit.”
“It’s time for Sun-young to get ready for–”
“I know, Appa, I’m already in my pajamas. I just need to brush my teeth,” Sun-young glowered just like him, arms crossed at his doubt. “I’ll make you tea and then go right to bed.”
“We have to get your backpack ready–”
“We did that,” Hanbyul assured him. “She wants to eat school lunch tomorrow or I said I would pack her one.”
“Unnie even ironed my uniform,” Sun-young added.
Hanbyul looked embarrassed by that and clarified, “With you both sick lately they just sat in the laundry basket for too long. Sunnie told me about her fundraiser and demonstrations.”
“Appa, can unnie help us make the rice cakes? We can teach her how to make them really nice. I know Appa isn’t a good cook but he really knows how to make the best rice cakes.”
Jimin felt like he was wrapped up in a whirlwind between them as he dove into the soup Hanbyul placed before him. They’d carried on all evening without him, and Hanbyul even had Sun-young ready for the day tomorrow. He didn’t have to worry about a thing.
“I can walk Sunnie to school too, if that’s helpful,” Hanbyul offered.
Jimin shook his head and argued, “It’s not the direction of your office.”
“You know that?” Hanbyul asked, surprised.
“I see the direction you walk, it’s not mysterious.”
She grinned and insisted, “It’s not too far out of the way though. I’ll just make my coffee at home before I go instead of stopping by the cafe. It’s better for my wallet anyway.”
“I’m sure I’ll be better by the morning.”
Sun-young put her hands on her hips and said to Habyul, “I think both my parents are stubborn.”
“There was no other way you could be,” Hanbyul nodded and it made Sun-young giggle. “It’s a good thing.”
“Is it?” Jimin teased.
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that and go brush my teeth,” Sunnie said and stuck her tongue out at him.
How strange to feel like a cared-for guest in his own home. Hudu had moved to the living room since Jimin left the bed and stretched out in a new nap across Jimin’s slippers, several of his toys strewn across the rug. The TV was off but low music played through the speakers.
“I’ll turn that off,” Hanbyul realized, heading for it. “Sunnie was trying to teach me to dance.”
“You seemed to do fine at the club.”
Immediately she covered her face and sighed, “Let’s never talk about that again.”
“No problem,” Jimin said and meant it. He’d like if they could never talk about him going to check on her the next morning and Jungkook opening the door as well.
While he slurped the soup and Hanbyul fiddled with the CD player and Sun-young sang loudly to herself in the bathroom as the water ran and Hudu decided to take a break from napping and work the squeaker out of his toy, Jimin got a very foreign feeling: wholeness. He felt like he was home. He was home, but he felt like it quite suddenly, like he rarely had done since the very first day he’d come home while Subin remained in hospital.
Sun-young threw her arms around his shoulders and kissed his cheek and bid him goodnight. Hanbyul followed her to say goodnight and turn the light off and for a moment Jimin almost told them where the storybooks were, but couldn’t quite bring himself to it. It felt dangerous to, like if he offered her one more step further into their lives, he’d never be able to let her go.
Could she really co-exist with the memory of Subin? Was Sun-young really ok with that?
How could it seem so natural to watch her turn the bathroom light off and take Sunnie a glass of water and then scoop Hudu up for a snuggle. She ought to collapse onto the couch in exhaustion after an evening of parenting. And Jimin would collapse next to her, and drag her into his lap so they could stretch out and find something worthwhile to watch on the TV. She’d fall asleep there and he’d wake her gently later to move to–
Shit, he had to stop thinking like this. He had to. It was becoming too tragic to pine for his neighbor too late. He’d fucked up and only his fever-riddled brain was willing to admit how badly. Very badly. As she carried Hudu with her to sit in the chair next to him, Jimin had the unfortunate understanding that he might be very much in love with Hanbyul and been trying to hide it from himself.
I never know what I’m doing but you make me feel like I can figure it out. I think you belong here. Why don’t you just stay?
“I’m sorry if I massively overstepped tonight,” she said, completely at odds with his internal tragedy.
“No. No, of course not. You can’t overstep but you didn’t have to do all this–” He broke off to cough into his elbow –away from her. If he got her sick, he’d never get over the guilt.
“I’ve told you before, it’s not a big deal. I love spending time with Sun-young and I’m glad you were able to get some rest. I’m serious about walking her to school in the morning too, unless you’d rather have one of your other friends.”
“I’m sorry if she made you uncomfortable talking about… Subin.”
Hanbyul’s sincere confusion was so endearing that he felt a twinge of guilt, saying Subin’s name just as he thought damn, Hanbyul really is pretty, isn’t she? It’s crazy she never went into acting or modeling.
“Why would that make me uncomfortable?” Hanbyul asked. “I’m flattered she felt like telling me about her mother. She’s a part of you and Sun-young forever. It’s unfair she can’t be here to take care of you while you’re sick and take care of Sun-young, but I hope I honored her by stepping in for an evening.”
Jimin nodded, briefly without words.
Hanbyul gently touched the back of his hand and added, “I’m truly sorry for your loss, Jimin. I don’t know if I ever said that.”
“You did.”
“Well, good. And please don’t think you or Sun-young are ever a burden when you need help. No one is meant to do everything alone and–” She broke off as he suddenly flipped his hand, catching her palms against his. “--and I’m really happy to be here,” she said, barely a murmur as she stared at their hands. Jimin too, unsure how that had happened. It had been impulsive. It was the wrong move.
He drew in a deep, ragged breath and she pulled her hand away. He shouldn’t have. She was dating his friend. He couldn’t say he regretted it. He should have wound their fingers together, kept her there.
But what would he say? I care about you more. Quit Jungkook and be with me. I’m sorry I was slow but it’s scary, you see? I didn’t think I could do this again…
He pushed back from the table and she leapt up as Hudu jumped down from her lap. She reached for the dishes but Jimin shooed her away.
“I can manage them.”
The fact she didn’t argue seemed telling. She gathered Hudu’s things into her bag and slid her phone into her pocket and Jimin felt an absolute dread that she was leaving. He knew he’d overstepped with the touch. She had to think so, because it had felt insanely intimate to him, just that moment of their palms touching. Her cheeks flushed and he feared it was with anger.
He started to say he was sorry, but Hanbyul spoke over him with a smile that seemed sincere, “I’ll come by to get Sun-young at 7:30. Don’t argue about it, please. I told her I would so it’s very important to me that I keep my word.”
“All right then. Thank you. Goodnight, Hudu,” he said, scratching the dog’s head. “Goodnight, Hanbyul.”
“Goodnight.”
It felt awkward. He felt it. He’d made her feel awkward, and after all she’d done for him. But he didn’t know what to say to fix it, and he already felt like shit anyway, so this one time he kept his mouth shut and just locked the door behind her.
The apartment felt empty with her gone, just him and sleeping Sun-young left, like the movie had ended and there just credits rolling. There wasn’t even music playing anymore.
Jimin knew he ought to get back to his apartment quickly. It was bad enough he’d had to call in another favor, but it was only fair he cover Hoseok’s classes now that he was sick, and Sun-young had science club, and sometimes things just seemed impossible for a single parent.
But walking past the corner florist made him pause. And think. And think. He was a thinker, a planner, he shouldn’t do things impulsively because then things could go wrong and you weren’t prepared.
But things went wrong even if you carefully planned. Time was unknown and unsympathetic and always running out.
The apartment had just felt so empty without her in it, the chair she’d sat in pulled out as if still waiting for her to take her seat again. He felt like he was waiting for Hanbyul to get home from work. One evening wasn’t enough.
Was it worth the risk of losing a friendship over? Two friendships?
Park Jimin did something he never did: he let impulse take over.
He bought the flowers, a big pretty bouquet of purple and pink and white because they looked like stars and that was her name. Hanyul: Big Star.
He ignored the mailroom for now, because he was on a mission. He was going to shoot his shot. If it caused a rift with Jungkook… hopefully it could be mended. Probably it would cause only a rift between himself and Hanbyul because she’d be gracious about his unwelcome feelings and then he would lose something that was devastating him to have so little of anyway.
“Hold the elevator!” Jungkook called and dove inside.
For a moment they looked at each other, and then Jungkook’s face broke into a wide grin and he asked, “Who are the flowers for?”
“Sunnie.”
“Ah. Right.”
They’d forgotten to push the button, so Jungkook did.
“You here to see Hanbyul?” Jimin asked, wishing it wasn’t true.
“Yeah.”
“Ah.” Silence as the elevator shimmied to life. “So uh… that. How did that happen? Is it serious?”
“Is what serious?”
Leave it to Jungkook to make Jimin spell it out, the ass: “You and Hanbyul.”
“We’ve got a real connection. Why do you ask? You in love with her or something?”
Thank fuck for his careful control of his face.
Jimin gave him a playful grin and assured him, “No, no, I’m just looking out for her. I’m just asking if you’re serious about her.”
“You should fight me for her,” Jungkook grinned back.
Jimin’s expression twitched as he said, “I’m not… I’m not fighting you for her.” Gone was his foolish plan to sweep her out from under Jungkook.
Fuck, what an awful choice of words.
“Well not physically, I’d beat your ass,” Jungkook laughed. “I mean confessionally.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“Are you at least going to give her a choice? I mean, I’m pretty serious competition, it’d be pretty hard for anyone to– but hey, maybe it’s your lucky day,” Jungkook said and slapped him on the shoulder.
“A choice… between us?” Jimin’s heart leapt into his throat with hope. Probably Jungkook was just fucking with him, but if he was actual casual enough to give Hanbyul a no-strings choice… well, would she really choose the single dad over hot young bachelor Jungkook… but… but maybe Sunnie could help him make a powerpoint and she’d find it charming…
Jungkook sighed, “You don’t like that idea? That sucks. Listen, don’t break her heart or anything, ok? She’s a really good friend of mine and–”
“No, stop, that’s what I was going to say!” Jimin forced a laugh, stepping off the elevator after him. “I just wanted to say I’m happy for you and that I–”
“Well I’m not dating her but maybe you should before someone else does, if you’re so bothered by it.”
Before Jimin could fathom a response, Jungkook pushed the buzzer at Hanbyul’s door.
“What, what do you mean you’re not–”
The door dragged open to reveal Hanbyul –in shortie shorts and a t shirt with a faded Minnie Mouse on it and stripey flower socks. Her expression shifted at once from neutral to surprise as she stared at Jimin.
Jungkook plucked a phone charger from her hand.
“Hey Hanbyul, thanks, Jimin’s got something to say to you, bye.”
He promptly turned and walked back towards the elevator.
**
“Uh…”
It took Hanbyul half a minute longer than it should have to realize Jungkook had retrieved his abandoned phone charger and departed. Her attention remained leveled at Jimin’s face in an attempt to not die of embarrassment: she’d just woken up from a gloriously braless and pantsless nap to a message from Jungkook saying by process of elimination he thought he’d left his phone charger at her place and was on his way over. Her offer to leave it at Jimin’s was too late; he never responded and she had time to do nothing but drag on shorts before the buzzer at her door revealed Jungkook.
And Jimin.
He looked so much healthier after his illness –thanks in part, she hoped, to the soup. He looked even better since she’d seen him, when she picked up Sun-young and walked her to school before peeling off to haul ass to work.
And then Hanbyul spent the next two days avoiding the Parks because she wanted it too much. It brought her too much happiness to be over there, doing simple domestic things with them like that. It was torture not to kiss Jimin’s flushed forehead and brush his hair back and really take care of him. It was unkind to herself and possibly to Sun-young to let herself get so close to the little girl who did not deserve to lose anyone else from her life.
The recruiter had contacted her via email and wanted to schedule an official interview; he promised to call her soon. Hanbyul had done a freaking out dance around the apartment. Then whipped her bra off and fallen into bed for a stress nap.
And now Jimin was standing at her door, seeing her in this disheveled space, holding out a bouquet of beautiful purple flowers. She did not understand and only took them because he seemed to want her to hold them for him.
“They’re for you,” he explained, as if she was an idiot (she was.) “To thank you.”
“Jimin, I told you, you have to stop thanking me. I’m going to start taking it as an insult.”
“Wha?”
“You didn’t have to get me flowers. But they’re beautiful, so thank you.” She loved how gracious that sounded, as if she could be cool about getting flowers, as if it happened all the time (it didn’t.)
“They’re stars, like your name. I don’t know what they’re actually called,” he admitted, laughing at himself.
“Thank you, I’ll put them in water right away.” She stepped into the apartment, expecting that was goodbye, but Hudu foiled her plan, darting into Jimin’s arms –or maybe Jimin had already wedged his body in to follow her through. That brat (Hudu, but also maybe Jimin.)
“One second!” she called over her shoulder and disappeared into her bedroom to frantically drag on a sweatshirt. It was going to be weird if she completely changed, wouldn’t it? But she was so unkempt. Would it be weird to put on pants?
She was taking too long. She hurried back to find Jimin going through her cabinets, looking for a vase. The only one was a heavy crystal thing she had borrowed from her mother a year ago because her mother had been grievously disappointed the visit before that Hanbyul didn’t have flowers on her table.
“Perfect, right Hudu?” He tossed a smile down to the pup, and then over his shoulder at her, and she felt simultaneously like a queen and a bug. He looked like that, smiling at her when she looked like this. It didn’t make her feel better that he’d recently looked sick. He had been adorable.
“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” she said.
“How are you? Not coming down with anything?”
Actually she’d had a slight headache all day and her throat felt scratchy that morning, but she wasn’t going to tell him that and make him feel guilty for accepting the help. It was probably nothing. A sudden onset of spring allergies or something.
“I’m good.”
She joined him at the counter but let him do the work of untying the bouquet, snipping the stems with her kitchen scissors and arranging them artfully in the vase.
“Wow, you’re really good at that.”
“I learned some arranging tricks when I was younger because it was cheaper to buy bulk flowers and make our own arrangements for performers than buying the bouquets.”
Her phone rang –a godawful thing because she never had the ringer on and didn’t even know what it was set to– and she gasped as she reached for it, but it was only her sister so she sent it to voicemail. She couldn’t risk missing this call!
“Ouch,” Jimin laughed. “Who deserved that?”
“My sister… I’ll call her back later.”
“Oh I don’t mean to stop you–”
“No, she’s calling to ask about–” Hanbyul broke off. Was this the sort of premature news one gave a neighbor-acquaintance-friend? “I might curse it,” she admitted.
Jimin raised an eyebrow but kept his gaze on the flowers he futzed with as he asked carefully, “Curse what? Not your um, relationship with Jungkook I hope?”
“I have a job interview– uh, wait, what relationship with Jungkook–?”
“A job interview! A new job? Or the promotion at your current place?”
“I don’t have a relationship with Jungkook,” she said. “A friendship, but that’s all.”
Jimin nodded and smiled. He pushed the vase towards the center of her counter and assured her, “It’s none of my business.”
“Why, did he tell you something else?”
“No, he said the same,” Jimin shrugged.
“When we went out clubbing he had too much to drink and crashed here. Apparently he takes a phone charger with him when he goes clubbing in case he goes home with someone.” Hanbyul shook her head. She couldn’t imagine leading that kind of life. He had only laughed at her advice: maybe stop having sex the same day you meet a woman if you want deep and lasting romance so badly! Then he’d asked how deep and lasting romance with Jimin was going and she had threatened to block him.
“That he does.”
“You met someone that night too,” Hanbyul recalled –in painstaking detail. She tried to be light as she teased, “Any exciting dating plans? Someone you met on the app?” She had on the exact same expression she knew she wore when trying to make bad news sound like good news at work to the higher ups.
He hissed through his teeth and admitted, “I haven’t even finished setting up my profile. And if you’re teasing me about who I think you are, she’s on the funding board for a scholarship group my dance school works with so I had to play nice. I didn’t realize you’d sneak away on me.”
“I didn’t sneak.”
“Hm.”
“I was way too drunk to be sneaking,” she admitted. “I don’t go out much like that.”
“Me neither.”
“It was fun though.”
“Would have been more fun if we’d actually gotten to dance,” Jimin said. Hanbyul could have sworn there was a note of longing to his voice.
“You don’t want to dance with me,” she assured him. “I can’t dance at all.”
“That’s ok.”
“No, I mean it. Your daughter suggested maybe I’d do better at yoga and asked if I understand what the beat of the music is.”
Jimin laughed and covered his eyes, “Oops. She’s a sharp-shooter sometimes… But no one is a lost cause. I saw you dancing at club and you did fine. Anyone can learn with a little help, I believe it.”
What were they talking about it again?
“Maybe next time. If there is a next time.”
“I hope there’s a next time,” Jimin said. He looked to the side in thought, then shook his head and admitted, “Honestly I was kicking myself. I don’t know why I hadn’t already introduced my friends to you. Of course you get along with all of them.”
“Why would you introduce your neighbor?” she laughed. Try to keep it light. This conversation felt strange for a reason she couldn’t quite put her thumb on. It felt serious, like an air of goodbye had settled around them in a haze.
She hadn’t even done the interview yet!
“You’re not just my neighbor,” Jimin corrected. “Ma Gurim is just my neighbor. You’re at least a close friend.”
“At least,” she immediately repeated.
He looked surprised by his own word choice, panicked almost, and clarified, “Not just anyone will come over and take care of me and my daughter when I’m sick.”
“Get over yourself, it’s not an inconvenience,” she teased to cover the way her heart fluttered high in her chest. At least a close friend.
“Get over myself,” he repeated with a laugh. “It’s true, I have an ego sometimes.” He ran his fingers through those blond locks.
Her phone rang. What timing! She wanted to follow that train of thought: what did he mean by ego? Why was he smiling like that? He wasn’t flirting with her, was he? He must still be sick.
But interview terror temporarily outweighed Jimin confusion, and she answered her phone before it could ring a third time. Jimin’s eyes got big and he shirked his shoulders as if he shared her excitement and didn’t leave.
The recruiter was straight-forward but polite on the phone. There was interest in her resume and application letter. They would like to meet her for an afternoon of interviews. There would be several rounds for this more senior position, she must understand the selection process was thorough to ensure a good fit, which date from a list of available would work for her? Did she have any professional references she could provide for contact?
Hanbyul flew around the kitchen but Jimin was the one to find the pen and paper for her. She rattled off two former colleagues she had already messaged about acting as references. She could make the date work –though it worried her, taking time off from her current job to interview, like they would know she was up to something and fire her, and then she might not get the new job, and have no job.
By the time she hung up, her heart was racing as if she’d been interviewed already. She hoped the man couldn’t tell over the phone.
“A new job,” Jimin said. “That’s… exciting.”
“It might be,” she agreed. “If I get it.”
“They’d be fucking crazy to snooze on you. Where is it? You didn’t say…”
“Oh, well the company has several branches. One is here but there’s also one near my parents, in the town I grew up in. My sister’s about to have her baby, you know, and–”
“Right, yes, I understand.” He was nodding a lot.
“So now I have an interview,” she breathed out.
“It can be hard to live away from family,” he continued. “I understand why you’d want to move back near them.”
Yes, there were plenty of reasons to go. She had told the recruiter her childhood hometown was her branch preference. It should be her branch preference. Her parents were getting up in years and she would want to know her sister’s baby. She’d set out for Seoul years ago and what did she really have to show for it? Hudu was not an anchor.
“What made you stay here instead of moving back to be near your parents?” she asked.
“Ah, it was a hard choice,” he admitted. “They wanted me to. Sometimes I’ve wondered if it was the right choice. But I have family here too, so does Sunnie. Subin’s parents are here and I didn’t want her to lose that connection with her mother’s family. But also Taehyung and Jungkook and Hoseok, Yoongi, everyone, they’re here. They’re my family too. We have a home, I have my dance school, Sunnie loves her school.”
“That all makes sense.”
“For a long time I wondered if I just stayed here because it’s where I was before… but this is my life. Everything, almost everyone I care about is here.”
Hanbyul was the one nodding a lot now. She looked at the pretty flowers Jimin had brought her, just to say thanks for doing a thing she wanted to do all the time. She knew with absolute clarity that she couldn’t go into a job interview without knowing once and for all whether she too had a family anchoring her here. For a moment the image of her with him felt so real she could reach out and touch it. She needed to know if the illusion would dissolve at the brush of her fingertips.
It was crazy to wonder. It was wistful thinking. She was crazy fucking delusional.
But she had to know for sure and if there was nothing, if she was completely imagining the flirting, if he just wasn’t ready or wasn’t interested in welcoming her specifically into his life well… well that was good to know.
“I don’t have a relationship with Jungkook,” she said, feeling like someone else was speaking the words. “But um, I did date Namjoon for a little bit.”
Jimin’s brow pinched in confusion as he repeated, “Namjoon? You already know Namjoon? When did you date–”
“Recently,” she admitted.
Jimin’s eyebrows raised before he said slowly, “Ohhhh. No, really? You’re the woman who… at the club, that’s why…”
“I guess that’s me.” She twisted her mouth, not sure what to say about Jimin knowing her by action. Why was she admitting this again?! “I, um… it wasn’t serious, at least I didn’t think so. It was nice, I mean he’s nice, he’s a good guy, but it just didn’t…” She gestured, wishing Jimin would finish the sentence for her and read her mind. Alas, he did not.
“You just ended it that day we went clubbing.”
“I’d been putting it off. I sort of didn’t know if there was even anything to end, I mean we weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend or anything, we only went on a few dates really but– I admit, I didn’t handle it well, I should have called it off earlier. I didn’t know what to do because…”
She hated that she couldn’t read Jimin’s mind either. His expression was inscrutable.
“I have feelings for someone else,” she said and felt like a good ten years of her life drained away with the words leaping from her tongue. She didn’t feel in control of that tongue. “I thought it would be better to meet someone else and move past those feelings.” She swallowed and cleared her throat. Her nose was getting stuffy. “But it didn’t work and it wasn’t fair to Namjoon.”
“This someone else doesn’t return your feelings?”
She studied his face, desperate to tell if he understood what she was saying. She didn’t think she could be any more transparent, it would kill her. But she had to be. There wasn’t room for error and even though he was watching her so carefully right now, leaning forward, mouth open in that thoughtful pout he had, she couldn’t tell if he understood. She needed him to understand. She could be brave.
“No,” she admitted. “At least I don’t think so.”
“How could he not?” Even just that, even if he said or felt nothing else, Hanbyul felt warmed to her soul.
Her smile flickered as she tried to joke, “I know, I’m a catch! But I’m still honored just to be neighbor Han–” He stepped forward suddenly and caught her face, cutting her off with a kiss. His lips pressed to hers, the softest caress, softer than her wildest dreams. A second kiss followed, harder, more certain, but still unhurried, like he had all afternoon to spend dragging that plush lower lip of his against hers. He kissed the ten years back into her lungs and then some; she felt sunlight seep from his fingertips into her jaw. She was drowning in him.
“He does return your feelings, Hanbyul,�� he murmured, their noses brushing. “He’s just an idiot.”
“He’s not an idiot,” she argued. “He’s… careful.”
“So careful he may have missed his chance.”
What a silly fear from a silly, silly man. She slid her hands slowly up his chest, curious and shy at the strong curve of muscle firm behind the fabric. His neck was so warm beneath her palms. It felt scandalous to touch him so much, to hold him so close, to feel his hands ghost down to her waist, his fingertips nudging her closer.
“It’s not too late at all,” she whispered. “Not unless…” Hudu’s cold nose poked her calf and she startled. Leave it to her dog to nose in on the most romantic moment of her life because he couldn’t stand whispering.
“Unless what?” Jimin asked cautiously, as he leaned away to look in her face. Hudu barked and Jimin’s serious expression cracked into a smile as Hudu leapt up and scratched at his thigh for attention. As if demanding ok now what about me, where’s my kiss?
God Jimin was even more beautiful up close, and now she knew what those lips felt like pressed to hers, and no words could do them justice. It didn’t seem real. Even his proximity didn’t seem real. It made her forget what she was saying until he threw a toy from the counter to distract Hudu and then pretended like they hadn’t had that interruption.
“Unless what?” he repeated.
“I just told you that I dated your friend. We, um, slept together….” Her face felt like it was on fire from the combination of kiss and confession. Double confession. Not the greatest combination of confessions.
Jimin actually rolled his eyes and sighed, “Yeah, I figured as much, I don’t need a play by play. But I kind of have a past too. I was married and she died. I have a daughter.”
“I know that.”
“And that’s not a dealbreaker for you?”
“No, of course not,” Hanbyul said, not understanding how it could be.
“Then why would your past be a dealbreaker for me?”
“Well, it’s a very recent past…”
He shook his head, grinning, his earring dangling, and laughed, “I don’t care.”
“Really?”
“I think people are lucky if they get one chance at happiness in life. If I get another chance… I’m not going to let anything get in the way of it. Definitely not jealousy about you dating someone else before me. I can only be mad at myself for waiting so long, right?”
The magnitude of what he’d said was not lost on her. Another chance at happiness. That was… big. Bigger than a little crush, certainly bigger than anything casual thing she and Namjoon had talked about. For Jimin to speak so openly and optimistically about a future with her only moments after kissing her…
She did it, she stole another kiss. She wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of her happiness, either.
Then she gasped and laughed into her hand, “God, the first time you kiss me and I’m dressed like this!”
“I like it,” he immediately argued. “It’s cute. You’re very cute dressed like this.”
“I was taking a nap waiting for that call–”
He brushed the hair tenderly back from her face and instantly silenced her. The self-deprecation died on her lips because he looked at her like that. His fondness was transparent. How could she not feel radiant? Surely he’d never looked at her like that before, she couldn’t have missed it. The light touch of his fingers sent a shiver down her spine. Park Jimin was a dangerous charmer and somehow she was the object of his affection.
Impossible.
“Hanbyul,” he said her name lowly.
“Mm-hm.”
“Your face is very warm.”
“I’m…” She trailed off and pouted that he would make her say it. “I’m flustered.”
“I think you have a fever.”
“No, I don’t…”
“Are you sure you feel well?”
“I’m fine,” she insisted. “Really.” He pressed his cold hands to her cheeks and her forehead and her neck and she flinched, the muscles there stiff.
He narrowed his eyes at her and accused, “Did I get you sick and you didn’t tell me?”
“It’s probably just allergies.” She felt a jolt of worry. Would her being sick cause Jimin extraordinary distress because his wife had died?
He cradled her face. He looked at her so sweetly.
And ordered, “Get your buns to bed. It’s my turn to take your child for the evening. I’ll bring you stew.”
“But…”
“Don’t worry, I won’t cook it. I’ll order it.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to,” he insisted. “And not just because I got you sick but because taking care of you isn’t a burden to me either. It’s what good neighbors do.”
“Jimin!”
He snickered and then kissed her again, as if he couldn’t believe they did that now either. She was completely cowed into obeying his order to bed. He cared about her. He wanted to take care of her. And also to tease her, what a brat! She adored him.
“We’ll talk more about this later,” he promised, brushing his nose against her forehead. “If you promise I’m not too late, I can be patient for a little bit longer.”
“Is this just a fever dream?” she murmured. Was Park Jimin really saying these things to her?! She felt like she’d hit her head and woken up in a drama.
“So you admit you have a fever.”
“No! Maybe… I’ll get my thermometer.”
She did. And Jimin brought over soup and kept Hudu, like he’d promised. And by the time Hanbyul had finished squealing over the phone at her sister –with very little space for her sister to contribute anything– her voice was shot and her nose was stuffed too much to even sniff her pretty flowers Jimin had brought her.
Did he really mean it, that he cared for her too? What did this mean for them? He hadn’t asked her out but said they would talk more later… Should she ask him out or wait for him to ask her out? Should she ask both of them out? Would Sun-young figure out something was off? Would it be upsetting for her? That child was crazy smart, she would definitely figure something out and ask Hanbyul on the spot and what was she supposed to say? I spiked a fever because your appa kissed me.
Being patient was hard. Harder than Jimin had anticipated. He had thought that kissing Hanbyul and admitting to her that he had feelings would bring him peace but instead it drove him fucking crazy because here they were hovering in this limbo space and she was sick. His fault! She’d cleared caught it taking care of him, and all he could do was take her soup and walk Hudu for her. It wasn’t nearly enough, not compared to how much she had done to take care of Sun-young. Definitely not as much as he wanted to do. He could see her shoulders ached with the fever; how badly he wanted to rub them for her. She was flushed and sweaty and he wanted to brush her hair back –in fact he did, but that felt like as much as he could do for now.
She’d confessed first. God, he respected her so much for that. He’d definitely been about to chicken out. In hindsight he appreciated Jungkook putting him on the spot, but it didn’t escape him that, secretly, if she hadn’t said it first, he might have run away. He wanted to be brave, he did, but he felt so hopelessly out of his depth here. He didn’t think he could be trying this again with anyone but her, only Hanbyul, because she would be patient if he fumbled a bit. He truly believed that.
But they hadn’t had a chance to talk again because she was sick and he had promised to be patient, and he didn’t want to pressure her in case she took it back, if he harassed her. It scared him for her to be sick. He would be inclined to hover. He didn’t want to scare her off already.
Because now that this door was open, maybe open, if Hanbyul meant what she said and hadn’t just been delirious with fever…
His heart raced every time he walked by Hanbyul’s door. When he buzzed to ask if Hudu wanted to go out again, he felt like a tongue-tied teenager again.
Sun-young seemed to just accept that they’d been taking Hudu on walks for the last two days as if it was something they’d always done. She held Hudu’s leash and led Jimin on a path around the park that was clearly familiar to her and Hudu both.
“This is where unnie goes when we walk,” Sun-young informed him as they set out on a bigger circle of the park. “We go to the cafe and she buys me hot chocolate.”
“Hudu goes in with you?”
“He’s a very good dog,” Sunnie assured him, which of course he knew. Jimin suggested they go, since she was clearly leading him there anyway, and listened with bemused interest as Sun-young told him facts she’d learned about dogs from a book at school, and how dogs were bred for jobs, and how she wondered what job Hudu was bred for.
“I think he’s a mutt,” Jimin said.
“That’s not very nice!”
“No, it’s not an insult. He just isn’t a purebred.”
“So?”
“No, I know, it’s not a bad thing,” Jimin insisted. “But purebreds are the dogs who were bred for a specific job. Mutts just… happened.” Because animals will be animals…
“Well I think Hudu would be very good at a job,” she said, and crouched down to scratch his ratty brown fur. “He can do anything he puts his mind to.” Hudu looked thrilled at her praise and nodded and licked the air in front of her, tail thumping against the pavement.
“Just like you.”
“That was cheesy,” she teased. “I wish Hudu was our dog.”
Jimin swallowed and nodded and casually suggested, “Well, he’s our good friend’s dog, so it’s kind of the same.”
“It’s not the same at all. If he was our dog he would live with us but right now we have to go all the way down the hall to see him.”
“Mm-hm,” Jimin hummed. Yeah, tell me about it. He knew it was too soon to talk to Sun-young about this thing that might be happening, that he might be going to date Hanbyul. He didn’t know what that meant, much less could he explain it to his daughter. It might mean nothing. Hanbyul might change her mind. They might go out on a few dates and she’d decide it wasn’t working. He didn’t want to get ahead of himself, just because he was excited. Having a girlfriend wasn’t like adopting a dog, you didn’t just fill out some paperwork and they were yours forever.
“Appa why is your face all red?” Sunnie giggled. Yah, because I thought the word ‘girlfriend’ about Hanbyul. It was stupid to feel so giddy about it, like some deep slumbering part of him was creaking to life. They hadn’t even gone on a date yet. Hudu snipped at buds pushing through the ground in the flower beds lining the sidewalk and that was exactly how Jimin felt. He was waking up. Hanbyul made him feel like he was blossoming after a long, very hard winter.
“I’m just cold,” he muttered.
“It’s not cold at all,” she insisted, and did a little spin on the sidewalk. It killed him how graceful she was and turning her back on dance but it was her choice. OK. He was living with it. “Hey we should start planning the rice cakes you signed us up to make for the fundraiser, huh? Do you know what science demonstration you’re doing yet?”
“Not yet. Let’s get hot cocoa to warm you up,” Sunnie suggested. Jimin wondered if that was what Hanbyul usually said; the phrase struck him as odd coming from his nine year old daughter.
Hudu was pulling them that way too, so Jimin went along for it. She was right, it wasn’t that cold, it was actually very beautiful out this early April evening. Hanbyul liked winter but he knew she liked spring too, she would love walking in this right now, just as the cherry blossoms were reaching their peak. It was criminal she was stuck inside.
“Maybe if Hanbyul feels better this weekend we can see if she’ll go on a picnic with us to see the cherry blossoms,” he suggested.
“Because you just want her to cook for us?” Sunnie gave him a stern glare.
“What? No! I’ll cook.”
“You want to make her sick again?!”
“Hey!” he scowled, and pinched her cheek. She giggled and batted him away, but then grabbed his hand and wrestled with it before there was actually any space between them. He wrestled right back as they waited for the light and Hudu leapt around them, yipping like he was tattling. Jimin won by wrapping his arm around Sun-young and pulling her into his side for a stolen hug which she, breathlessly, conceded.
“Didn’t we go on picnics to see the cherry blossoms with Eomma when I was a baby?” Sun-young asked.
Jimin froze.
“We’ve gone other years,” he said slowly. Yes, it had been an annual tradition, as it was for most families. They’d missed the year after Subin died, because he couldn’t handle it. Maybe they’d missed the year after too? “Seokjin and Namjoon went with us last year.” He watched her as they waited, anxious about why she had thought of going with Subin and not with their other friends after he’d suggested it with Hanbyul. Had she already picked up on something special about Hanbyul going along, about his maybe budding relationship with Hanbyul? Was she already feeling like Hanbyul was encroaching on Subin’s place as her mother?
“Uncle Seokjin is a good cook too,” Sunnie mused. “If you invite him and unnie and Uncle Yoongi we can eat so much.”
Jimin laughed awkwardly.
How the fuck was he going to talk to Sun-young about Hanbyul? He ought to wait until things progressed with Hanbyul, until he was sure she was sure there was a future there. This could be deeply distressing for Sun-young, him starting to date. Especially someone Sun-young cared about so much. It could ruin her relationship with Hanbyul, she could lose another very important person in her life if it was too soon for her. The progress he’d made with Sun-young could be undone. This thing that he wanted so badly might be the worst possible thing for his daughter… He couldn’t do anything to hurt her… Maybe a counselor could help? He was selfish, he wanted it all, but he also genuinely believed Hanbyul would be so good for Sun-young. Fuck, was he getting ahead of himself? But they were a package, he couldn’t be with someone who wouldn’t be a positive force in his daughter’s life, who his daughter didn’t absolutely love–
“Appa aren’t we going to cross?” Sun-young sighed noisily and then laughed at him as he hurried to lead her and Hudu across before it changed. He was sweating now. Was it better to wait to say anything until he and Hanbyul had been dating a while or was Sun-young going to figure it out no matter how they tried to hide it and be hurt he’d tried? But she was a child. But what if she was mad. But obviously he couldn’t tell her something like this when nothing had even happened yet, and might even not happen if Hanbyul thought better of it before he managed to ask her out.
“Ok Hudu, be really good in here,” Jimin warned the dog, despite Sun-young insisting he knew how to behave –as if implying Jimin was the wild card here.
It was a cute little cafe, just a nice little local place, not too busy but busy enough to be a reputable place. A curved green awning hung over the door and there were cherry blossoms painted on the window. The decor was simple and clean, dark wood in the seating area and crisp white around the counters and coffee machines.
Sun-young marched right up to the line at the counter, Hudu’s leash tighter around her hand to hold him close, like she must have seen Hanbyul do. It was sweet, seeing this glimpse into what Hanbyul and his daughter did without him.
When it was their turn, the older woman at the counter smiled at Sun-young and asked, “Oh, you’re not with your eomma today?”
A jolt ran through Jimin. He was used to this –people questioning where his wife was, other mother’s asking to speak to Sun-young’s mother, teachers assuming Subin would be the one to volunteer for class things. But worse, he realized with a shock that the cafe woman thought Hanbyul was Sun-young’s mother. This preyed instantly on the fears he had just been living, as if the universe reached down to pluck them out of his brain and bring them into the real world.
“Oh, I–” Jimin began just as Sun-young chirped, “This is my appa! Can we get two hot cocoas?”
Jimin was stunned by the graceful way she evaded the question and only nodded along as Sun-young picked out two pastries as well, and then led him to a table by the window, explaining, “We like this table the best so we can watch people in the park.” Hudu curled up beneath Sun-young’s chair and waited patiently for her to pass down a spoon of whipped cream. She sang, “Who likes whipped cream? Who do? You do, Hudu!”
Jimin blew on his hot cocoa and tried to find the words.
“Um… Sunnie, you handled that very well,” Jimin eventually mustered. He watched her closely, waiting for any sign she was distressed at this reminder of the fact she didn’t have a mother, or confusion around Hanbyul’s role in her life.
Sun-young looked thoughtful before laughing, “I thought you meant giving Hudu whipped cream! You mean ordering our drinks? I was practicing what to say before we came in here because unnie orders for us but she tells me to order sometimes too.”
“No, I meant… the confusion from the woman about Hanbyul…”
“Oh that’s nothing. People think unnie is my eomma a lot,” Sun-young informed him. “Well, not a lot, but sometimes people in the park or here think that.” She looked at the ceiling thoughtfully a moment, licking whipped cream off her upper lip, then asked, “Are you mad I didn’t tell her the right thing? I usually tell people the right thing but if you tell someone who doesn’t really know you that your mom is dead, they feel really bad about it. I didn’t want to make the woman feel bad when she’s just being nice. She works here a lot and unnie always talks to her.”
Jimin curled his hands around the cup and insisted, “I’m not saying you have to say anything. I know exactly what you mean.”
“You do?”
“People don’t know how to respond when you say something sad, like that your eomma is gone. It’s thoughtful of you that you didn’t want to make her feel bad but it’s ok to correct them still, even if it makes them feel bad for a moment.”
“Oh. You wanted me to?”
“No, I mean that… I don’t want you to think you need to go along with something that makes you feel sad or bad just to not make the other person feel a little awkward,” he rephrased.
“It didn’t make me feel bad,” Sun-young said. She set her cup down and had a dollop of whipped cream on her nose which she tried to get off with her tongue before giving up and using the back of her hand before he could find a napkin. “She just doesn’t know me. Why?” Suddenly Sun-young looked worried. “You think it’s bad?”
“No no. You’re right that she doesn’t know you. I just meant it’s ok if it does make you feel sad, or if it bothers you for someone to think Hanbyul is your eomma and you want to correct them.”
Sun-young stretched her tongue out to get whipped cream off the edge of her cup before saying, “No, I don’t mind.” If he didn’t know any better, he’d say she was far more interested in whipped cream than this conversation.
“No? Ok…”
“Sometimes she kind of acts like an eomma anyway,” Sun-young continued. “Like she does some things my real eomma would do if she was here.”
Every muscle in Jimin’s body clenched.
“Is that… ok?”
Sun-young couldn’t have looked more casual with her cheek on her hand as she scrunched her eyebrows and answered, “Yeah, why not? Then you don’t have to do everything.”
“I don’t mind doing everything.”
“You can’t do everything,” Sun-young insisted and gave him a look like he ought to know this. “It’s not that I like her more than you, you’re still my appa. But she’s a girl too and she does some things differently and I think it’s better having her around.”
“Yeah?”
“I get to see her so much lately, I mean until she got sick but you said it’s just a cold.” She gave him a quick look like a sudden fearful thought occurred to her.
“It’s just a cold,” he confirmed. “She got sick coming over when I was sick.”
“How did she get sick from you?”
“Hey that’s what happens with contagious colds,” he quickly insisted, afraid where her questions might lead her. “I didn’t do anything, that’s just how germs work. Just like it’s not your fault I got sick after you were sick. You’re into science, don’t you know about germs?”
“A little bit.” She began to rattle off things she knew about germs, peppering him with questions, so clearly unbothered by this entire conversation. Jimin felt himself start to thaw out. Surely it wouldn’t be that easy. It had only been a few years since Subin died. Sun-young’s feelings could change quickly if Hanbyul actually became a more official presence in her life. She was a little girl with such a little girl understanding of the world and relationships…
But she was growing up too. Maybe he was underestimating her. Again.
Once their pastries and hot cocoa were gone and Hudu was getting restless, Sun-young asked, “Maybe we should take a brownie home for unnie so she’s not sad we came here without her.”
“That’s a good idea. Do you know what she likes?”
“Definitely.” Sun-young made the selection, and the woman packed it up carefully, extending her sympathies when Jimin explained Hanbyul was sick. He didn’t fix the misconception earlier. It was wrong not to. He perpetuated a lie. He was pretending something, trying it on, something he didn’t have any right to yet.
He felt the twinge of discomfort in his heart. Were things moving too quickly? Was it too soon? He had promised to love Subin his whole life, and now here he was letting this cafe woman believe that Hanbyul was his wife, Sun-young’s mother, all the things that Subin had actually been.
But alongside it was this fresh, slightly raw, new feeling. Like maybe those clothes could fit in time. Not yet, it was foreign and uncertain and scary but… but maybe he could get used to it. If Hanbyul could be patient with him
He had a feeling she would be.
“Maybe you can get unnie flowers too,” Sun-young suggested as they passed a woman selling bouquets on the corner as they crossed back to the park.
“I gave her flowers just a couple days ago.”
“Really?”
“Uh… yeah, you know, to thank her for helping out so much while I was sick. But then she was sick so I don’t think she can even enjoy them. Her nose isn’t working.”
“Maybe you should just ask unnie out on a date again.”
Jimin thought for sure he’d misheard her. He tripped on the curb as Hudu leapt ahead, barking at a squirrel. Sun-young dropped the leash and cried out, but Hudu immediately stopped and trotted right back, waiting patiently for Sun-young to pick the leash up again.
“What did you say?” Jimin asked, clearing the cough from his throat.
“Don’t you like her?”
“Hanbyul-ssi?”
“Yes.” Sun-young looked up at him with her big dark eyes, waiting expectantly.
“Of course, what’s not to like about her?” he returned, trying to sound casual.
“I know, and I think she likes us too and you already took her flowers so… I think it’s backwards? But I don’t really know anything about dating. I think you take her to see a movie now,” Sun-young suggested. As if she was really scraping her knowledge here to help her poor old appa who didn’t know anything about dating.
“You… would be ok with that?”
“I guess you can see a grownup movie I’m not old enough to watch anyway.”
But Jimin desperately wanted this permission that chance and the strange wandering mind of his daughter had brought him, so he pressed, “You would be ok if I went on a date with Hanbyul? If I… if we spent more time with her?”
“I know what dating is,” Sun-young scoffed. “I know when we went to see Mango Crush it wasn’t even really a date because I was there so this time it can be just the two of you.” Jimin walked slowly, taking Hudu’s leash to pull him closer as some bicycles whizzed past and a bigger dog barked loudly. Hudu didn’t like it and stuck closer to Jiminn’s leg. He was thinking of what to say next.
Instead Sun-young asked, “Do you think it’s weird because it’s not eomma?”
“Weird isn’t the word I was thinking but… maybe. Do you think so?”
“No,” Sun-young said. He thought that was a strange answer and didn’t know whether to trust it.
“I miss your eomma every day,” he continued, “and I haven’t wanted to think about meeting someone new. No one can ever replace your eomma. She loved you so much. I loved her so much.”
“I know that.”
“So I just want to be careful. I don’t want to do anything that makes you and me sad. It’s hard to lose your eomma. It was hard for me to lose my wife.”
Sun-young pursed her lips in thought and it broke his heart, having such an adult conversation with a little girl. It was wrong what he’d said before. She didn’t have a little girl view of the world; she’d had to grow up very quickly in some ways. He just wanted to protect what little girl remained.
“I miss Eomma too, I wish she didn’t die. But I like doing things with unnie too. Is that ok?”
“It’s definitely ok.”
“Then why is it weird?”
“Just… because… I don’t know. Maybe it’s not weird,” he admitted because he didn’t know how to explain his complicated feelings and maybe he didn’t need to. If Sun-young didn’t have a hard time holding both Subin and Hanbyul in her heart, maybe he didn’t need to make it weird for her. If her feelings changed, if she felt different lately, well, they would work through that then.
“Yeah, don’t make it weird, Appa, and don’t try to be funny and confuse her so she doesn’t know you’re asking her out. Unnie says when you are communicating something important, you have to be firm and clear and believe in yourself.”
“Are you… giving me advice on how to ask her out?”
“Yes!”
Jimin glared and assured her, “Don’t worry, I’ll figure it out. I’ve done this before.”
“With eomma? But that was so long ago.”
“Hey!”
“When we get home you can take Hudu and the brownie and I’ll run to our apartment so you have privacy,” Sun-young suggested.
“I’m not asking her out today! She’s sick!”
“But if you wait, Uncle Tae might ask her out! I think he likes her too.”
And Namjoon and Jungkook Jimin internally grumbled.
“Don’t you worry about it.”
“Maybe I should help. I asked her out for Mango Crush.”
“Sunnie,” he stopped her right outside the building. “I’ve got this.”
She clapped her hands together and agreed, “That’s good, Appa, believe in yourself. I think she likes us a lot, I think she’ll say yes.”
He did not ask Hanbyul out, despite Sun-young’s eager questions as soon as he got back from returning Hudu and delivering the brownie. He tutted her away. Now he wondered if it would be better for her not to have known for a different reason. She might overwhelm Hanbyul. She might make Hanbyul feel rushed or pressured into something she didn’t actually want.
No, he had to trust Hanbyul in making her own decisions. He believed she would. And his heart did feel lighter about it all knowing he had Sun-young’s shockingly full support.
Instead he waited until Sun-young had gone to bed to make the last phone call he needed to before he’d feel free to take the next step.
“Hey, Namjoon! I don’t want things to be awkward between us so I want to be upfront with you about my feelings for Hanbyul…”
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#jimin ff#jimin x oc#park jimin fanfic#dad jimin#bts fanfiction#bts fluff#jimin smut#jimin fluff#jimin fic#jimin fanfic#single dad jimin#after the applause
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I got Buggy done yesterday just in time for my local Japanese Festival event today so, here are some highlights:
Starting off small, here's the wig (and scarf, which I didn't make) chilling on my wig head waiting for me to struggle to put it on.
90% of the work I did on this wig is going to be covered the entire time I'm wearing it, but did I let that stop me from hand laying an entire glued hairline? Lmao of course not! That would have been easy, and we don't do easy in this house!
As stated above, I didn't make the cap I just got one online simply because I was having shit luck finding the striped fabrics I would have needed and the idea of having to sew two different stripes together was giving me hives.
Ascot, vest, gloves and glove cuffs~ In other words, 90% of the work of this costume and his accessory friends.
The Ascot was stitched together by my lovely partner via the piss poor instructions I was able to give them on how I wanted it made. Seriously, give them a round of applause for somehow decoding my incoherent babbling. This is beautiful. @kadaverc0splay did a fantastic job.
The gloves are just purchased leather fencing gloves of which I fold under the length and hide it under the cuffs I made, which are simply craft foam, paint, and buckles I had to order online with almost not enough time to get them because, for some reason, craft stores no longer find it necessary to carry and assortment of styles and sizes of buckles. *Internal screaming*
*sharp inhale* Ok. The vest. *Reconsiders every life choice he's ever made* This thing is a BEAST. It was a pain to make, it's a pain to wear, the leather belting that secures the garment closed is held on by glue, prayers, and human sacrifice via my own blood, sweat, and tears. It took me more hours than I care to even think about, let alone admit, to do all the top stitching on this godforsaken goblin of a clown man and that's not even half of the ironic tragedy that gathering the supplies for this disaster was.
Not only did I have to replace more than one of the FIVE DIFFERENT TYPES OF RIBBON AND TRIM THIS BASTARD HAS ON HIS VEST but nowhere had everything I needed in enough yards to complete anything I needed done, so I had to make several trips and buy several different things to finish any part of it. INCLUDING THE BUCKLES, which arrived here Thursday...for an event today. So, that was fun.
Oh, and also, the white ribbon is wired, but the wire refused to be pulled out, so it's just in there now I guess. Lucky me!
(the belts aren't entirely accurate, but I'll save adding the additional headache that will cause for the con I'll be wearing this to next spring. I'm tired.)
Buggy's many belts of despair and loathing...
I swear the cosplay gods are never kind to me, but tricking me into thinking this was going to go well because I was able to get some good sized chunks of real, genuine leather for dirt cheap? Not cool, guys!
The leather was chocolate brown and not black, as I had previously believed it to be upon purchase. So, it had to be painted with latex paint. (Thank you again, pretty boy, I seriously couldn't have done it without you. Seriously.) Actually , another round of applause for all the belts being painted by my partner, because they also painted the foam under belt for me. Because he was smart and got his costume done several days ago.
Not me. I'm not that bright. No. But alas, we trudge forward.
And by trudge...
These boots weren't made for walking, these boots were made for traversing through the dusty floor of the fun house you've built around yourself to forget how salty your rat ex has left you - AND IT SHOWS!
Ignore my poorly made foam buckles. I'm not going to repeat myself about that bs, lest I may sink back into a depressive state equaled only by my ability to pass it off as a joke. These crumpled, sad black asskickers were originally brown! And suede. Don't ask me how I got them to look like old, worn leather. I simply fell into a dissociative state and awoke with black boots and no memory of where I'd been. The belts are foam, and the weird pattern on his tongue is simply a quilting square from Joanne fabrics that I glued on and then mod podged over.
As stated above, the buckles are foam and painted. They look awful, but if anyone is close enough to my feet to say something about it, my foot is going to need to detach to be removed from betwixt their teeth.
The entire costume was also weathered by @kadaverc0splay (including the pants, which are not pictured here because I didn't really do anything to them) while I cried over the wig that you won't see most of so you know what, just send all your praise to them I'm not even here all I did was top stitch and cry.
All in all, and in true Buggy fashion, the build of this costume was entirely, and regrettably, failing upward. Because, hot damn, did it come together. 🔥
See you at Aki Matsuri.
I never want to do this again~!
#buggy#buggy the clown#buggy one piece#buggy opla#live action one piece#captain buggy#buggy cosplay#cosplay#aki Matsuri#i need a drink#a lot of them
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Finals (Round 6) Results
The Mouse Joust started with 48 mice competing to win the joust, and we steadily made our way to our final contestants. It's been almost two months of mouse matches, and I hope you had as much fun as I did seeing who made it through.
It was a tough match, with the winner eking out a victory within the literal last five minutes of the poll.
But without further ado... The winner of the Moust Joust...
Wooden Mouse, from "Tomcat Disposables" by Will Wood!!
[Image ID: An edited screenshot from the "Tomcat Disposables" music video. The Wooden Mouse is looking up at the golden Mouse Joust trophy, with the text "First Place Winner, Mouse Joust, 2023" on a plaque on the wooden base. The trophy is casting a shadow like a projection. /.End ID]
In second place is Pinky and the Brain from Animaniacs! In third place is Reepicheep from The Chronicles of Narnia!
[Image ID: Two images featuring the second and third place trophies. The second place trophy is silver with the text "Second Place Winner, Mouse Joust, 2023" on a plaque on the wooden base. The third place trophy is bronze with the same text except for the first line being "Third Place Winner". On the left is an image of the Brain standing on an open drawer under a light and holding up the silver trophy. Pinky stands to the side, his hands clasped together and joyfully looking at the Brain. On the right is Reepicheep standing atop the bronze trophy with parts of a feast visible behind the trophy. Reepicheep is holding up an ornate cup. /.End ID]
Mrs. Frisby (Brisby) from Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH/The Secret of NIMH came in fourth place, and does not get an official trophy. However, she is a personal favorite of mine, so she gets my love. 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗
Congratulations to the winning mice of the Moust Joust! Let's also give a round of applause to all the mice that made the Moust Joust happen, and especially to those of you that submitted them in the first place!
Thank you all!!!
I'll be doing a little retrospective later on the tournament's results and things I found interesting, as well as give a last update to the tournament tracker.
Summary of final poll results:
For first place: Wooden Mouse (50.1%) VS Pinky and the Brain (49.9%): Wooden Mouse
For third place: Mrs. Frisby/Brisby (47.3%) VS Reepicheep (52.7%): Reepicheep
#mousejoust r6#mousejoust r6 results#mousejoust tournament#tomcat disposables#will wood#patb#pinky and the brain#reepicheep#tcon#tumblr polls#mice
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And the whole group is now done! From left to right we have The Energetic Intern, The Unsponsored Adolescent, Constable Johnson Johnsons, and my own rat whom you've met already, The Abberant Botanist. Top ten dysfunctional criminal gangs of all time, would heist a masquerade ball with them again <3
(and another round of applause to @tagrasso for the phenomenal gaming experience ^^)
#ttrpg oc#ttrpg character#fallen london#fallen london oc#digital art#character art#oc art#original character#original character art#my art#character design#god its so cool to see them all together#i gotta draw my actual FL character soon lol
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An Idea for a QSMP Animatic
I've been seeing a lot of QSMP TikToks and Animatics and to all of you Artists out there. Let me give a huge round of applause
Okay, so now going back to my idea. I have this idea and if I do it, it's going be a long ass while until I can do it. Midterms are right around the corner.
Idea for Animatic:
Song: We Don't Talk About Bruno by Encanto
So, the way I'm think is, we have Tubbo brand new to the QSMP and he's asking around about Cucurucho (Bruno). But everyone going, "We don't talk about Cucurucho (Bruno)"
Then we start with,
Cellbit/Rioer: It was my Wedding Day
Forever: Sometimes, I feel like I can still hear him whispering and muttering always leaving the family baffling like the fallen sand.
Quackity: Seven foot frame, with rats on his back, when he calls your name.
QSMP Members: He told me my fish would die, the next dead. No, no, no. He told me a I would grow a gut and just like he said. No, no, no. He told me that I would lose my hair now just look at me head. No, no, no. We don't talk about Bruno, no, no. We don't talk about Bruno.
Jaiden: He told me that powers would grow just like the grapes on a vine.
Tubbo: Um, about that Bruno. I really need to know about Bruno. Give the truth and the whole truth Bruno.
I don't know but it's been stuck in my head! Feel free to use this if you want!
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DADDY’S HOMEEEEE PART 2 🙏🏼🙏🏼except this time i’m in astronomical pain. im sliding down the wall… holding my head in misery… pulling my hair out my scalp…. tears rolling down my face…. staring at the wall with nothing but pure agony in my eyes… no words. literally no words. i’ve typed out like three sentences yet i already took 5 breaks already. zadie what THW FUCKKKKKKK🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️ WHAT EVEN IS GOING ON ATP??????????? 1) they fucked AGAIN (EVERYONE ACT SURPRISEDDDD) and hoon was an actual human being this time????? like what??? when the aftercare parts started i literally had to double check whether or not im fr fr reading CH rn or nah because WHAT???
BREAKING NEWS: NEW AND SHOCKING PHENOMENA APPEARS AS THE APPEARANCE OF PARK SUNGHOON FROM ‘COLD HEARTS’ SHOWCASES HIM ACTING LIKE AN ACTUAL HUMAN (HOMOSAPIEN) BEING RATHER THAN HIS DEFAULT BEHAVIOUR OF AN ASSHOLE???????????????????
okay now that that’s out of the way let’s move on to 2) wait first i’ll like to say that i won’t be able to cover up all the events of what happened so im just going to talk about what i can remember rn anywho SO 2)😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 ik damn well u did not just make riki & yn argue 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂if that even counts as an argument or misunderstanding idk but just the fact that they’re not speaking nicely to eachother made me shed a tear. and also whAT THE FUCK???? WHO THE FUCK IS TALKING ABOUT MY GIRL?????????? nah because if this is fuma’s response or anger to yn bailing out on him last minute bcs mister park decided to man up and ask for pussy generously this time then i really hope that fuma gets hit by a basketball square in the face fr 😐 bitchass rat who tf do u think u are to do some shit like that. u and yn DIDNT make ur shit exclusive so what the fuck is ur actual problem ⁉️⁉️ u wanna fight me so bad ooooo u wanna get fucked up 🤼🤼 u wanna get fUCKED UP 🤼🤼🤼🤼🤼🤼🤼🤾🤾🤾🤾🤾🤾🤾🤾🤾PULL UP RN FUMA. PULL UP HOE ‼️‼️ atp with the whole hoon straight up being a munch followed by the double KNOCK OUT DING DING DING🔔🔔🔔 combo of someone snitching on yn + riki getting in a fight— im losing the idgaf war fr 😁😁 i’m genuinely fighting demons & voices rn. i cannot do this bro. i fr thought i was built for zadie angst but gang i cant do this one, im not a fighter im not a survivor im a victim 💔💔 i cant thug this one out bro i genuinely can’t 🤣🙏🏼🙏🏼 how am i supposed to move on from the fact that riki got into an argument with the only family member he still has left because of some bitchass sewage rat. how am i supposed to accept the fact that yn isn’t gonna visit him because she knows he’s angry at her 😂😂😂🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 (im not tearing up dawg there’s just a washing machine in my eyes it’s all good bro dw it’s coo🙏🏼) zadie pls go easy on us i know u said there’s another wave of angst coming but please bro what about my heart what about my artery what about my soul. anyways i’m gen having a headache now so i’ll stfu 🙏🏼
before i end this i just want to say (since i havent sent an ask in so long first of all fuck off to that anon who said ch is boring or smth do me a favour and disappear pls [no i’m just playing] but genuinely it’s not that hard to stop reading smth when u start disliking it 🙏🏼) zadie i genuinely hope that you’re taking care of yourself like fr fr. especially after u stayed up till like what 5 am to write smth first of all let’s get a round of applause for madam zadie come on now 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏mhm 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏i know that’s right 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏now that’s what i’m talking about 👏👏👏👏👏 your dedication and love for the art that u create is genuinely admirable and really shows how much all of this means to you and just honestly thank you so much for dedicating so much energy effort and time of ur days to this work you’re ridiculously talented and the enha community is seriously so lucky to have you zadie :( ilysm thank u sm for sharing ur work and uploading consistently no matter what you’re genuinely so ?????? just an insanely admirable person like ur passion for this is crazy i love it sm and again thank you so much for all ur work and effort, you’ve been putting out banger after banger since hype boy nonstop that’s like an artist dropping an album after an album and all of the songs being number 1 hits material like woah zadie— yk what let’s get another round of applause 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 there we go 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏exactly👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 anywho sending u so so so so much love baby !! please take care of yourself and get enough rest and sleep ! sending u so much love and so many hugs & kisses i can’t wait for the new update (but pls rest !!) :DD <333
- ⁉️
omg bABE WAKE UP LOOK WHO SENT ME AN ASK IM GONNA CRYYYYY!!!!!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU BABY!!!! I really hope you know just how much your asks mean to me, I always find myself rereading them multiple times before answering because of how happy they make me :( I almost deleted this one on desktop I WAS STRESSEDDDDDD</3
now onto the actual reply!
I love how we all collectively suffered when they finally fucked again AND he actually provided aftercare like a decent fucking human being, WE CHEERED, WE CELEBRATED!!!!
WHY DID THOSE LAUGHING EMOJIS MAKE ME CHUCKLE YOU SOUND SO STRESSED IM SO SORRY :(((( I know the nishimura premium sibling argument was painful but iTS FOR THE PLOT I PROMISE IT WILL BE WORTH IT
nOOO i am lock mad at myself for making y'all hate fume so much even if it was only short lived, HES A GOOD MAN SAVANNAH, A GOOD. MAN. I SWEAR
sigh, I genuinely love your asks so much and am just so happy and grateful because they never fail to make my day. you sent me this a few days ago but I still thought about it every day until now bc I was waiting for a moment finally respond to them, so thank YOU so much for all of your kind words and your genuine reactions. I love and appreciate you so much and am so so so grateful for such genuine love and support, you make this experience the best ever, I love you :(❤❤❤
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WELL SHIT HAPPY MONDAY I COMPLETELY FORGOT IT WAS MONDAY SO LETS GET TO PANIC WRITING LOL (Creators of the characters are @barbatusart and @meanbossart they're amazing <3) and on we go!
Let's start by saying your opinion is wrong and mine is correct <3
Garv is the most perfect, flawless, adorable, handsome creation I've ever laid my eyes upon, sure he seems like the kind of person to spit in your food or something but let's ignore all that! He deserves special treatment, he deserves princess privilege, he's the prettiest princess and therefore he deserves to be treated like one! Now I just know y'all are waiting for the day I turn on garvs back and call him a vile disgusting filthy creatur- shhhhh shshshhh we already know he's a vile rat.. but what not many people know is how perfect he is! He's the most perfect boy and totally not fucked up in the head <3 and before you say "Silas you say you can fix him everytime but you can't-" YES I CAN- I can fix that man I promise 👏 I swear on my life if he was real he'd be a changed man! You guys have no idea what the extent of my love for garv is.. he's the most perfect man in the whole world and deserves a round of applause 👏👏👏👏 I'm getting way off track here- alright long story short my love for this man is to the point if I had to pick ANY fictional character I'd pick him even if I know he'd hate me ( ˘ ³˘)♥ I would risk everything just to hug him or give him a smooch
Alright this is getting out of hand- I think it's time for me to go back to bed because I woke up JUST to write this LOL
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I posted 1,791 times in 2022
That's 1,703 more posts than 2021!
907 posts created (51%)
884 posts reblogged (49%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@deepspacedukat
@from-beyond
@horta-in-charge
@bigblissandlove1
I tagged 1,470 of my posts in 2022
Only 18% of my posts had no tags
#deepspacedukat asks - 556 posts
#azorastarr - 182 posts
#anon ask - 170 posts
#horta in charge - 156 posts
#deepspacedukat fic - 74 posts
#deepspacedukat gifs - 63 posts
#deepspacedukat rambles - 54 posts
#fic recs - 44 posts
#herbert west - 30 posts
#gul dukat - 27 posts
Longest Tag: 138 characters
#*lectures partner/friend about how they have a shorter lifespan and should thus take care of themselves while replicating them some water*
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
*adjusts resonator while wearing cute sweater* 🥺
Crawford Tillinghast – “From Beyond”
67 notes - Posted April 15, 2022
#4
Senator Letant, giggling smugly: “You see my point?”
ST:DS9 S6E26 “Tears of the Prophets”
74 notes - Posted August 20, 2022
#3
Experimentation
This little rat bastard scientist has been living rent-free in my head ever since I saw “Re-Animator” for the first time a couple of months ago. Well...here goes nothing. Cross-posted to my AO3 here.
~*~
Herbert West (Re-Animator) x Reader
[A/N: I’ve never written for Herbert West before, so uh...here goes nothing. Also, did I write my dumb ass into a corner? Yes. Did @beyond-antares save my bacon by helping me come up with an ending? Also yes. This wouldn’t be finished if she hadn’t stepped in and assisted me, so give her a big round of applause and a BIG “Thank You.” She’s awesome!]
Warnings: None that I can think of. I mean, obviously Herbie’s a lil bit of a mad scientist, but I don’t describe any violence or gore in any graphic sort of way. So...other than that, just be aware of the content of Re-Animator, I guess?
~*~
“So...you and Herbert, huh?” Dan’s voice beside me made me jump. I hadn’t heard him come in. I was sitting in the kitchen with a mug of coffee in my hand, staring at the ever-closed door of the basement. I’d been lost in thought solidly for...how long had I been here, exactly?
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I muttered, daring to meet Dan’s gaze as I took a sip of my now ice-cold coffee. Oh god, I had been there a while, hadn’t I? I couldn’t help but wince at the cold bitterness, and the smirk that crossed Dan’s lips made it clear he’d seen my reaction.
“Oh, come on. It’s obvious. You’ve got a thing for him. Ever since he moved in, you haven’t gone on a single date. Hell, you light up when he looks your way, and everyone seems to notice, except Herbert, of course,” he said with a wink. “Don’t bother denying it. I saw the way you looked at him when you were patching him up after his last experiment. So...you gonna tell him soon? Or do I have to do it for you?”
“You wouldn’t dare, Cain,” I scoffed, but all my bravado dissolved when he started walking toward the basement door. In a panic, I grabbed his arm in an attempt to stop him. “Nononono! C’Mon, don’t do that!”
“If you don’t tell him, he’ll never pick up on it on his own,” Dan said with an amused laugh. He had stopped walking, though, and I considered that a temporary victory. “What’s the worst that could happen? Seriously, just tell him already.”
“Tell who?” At the sound of the question from the basement door, I felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment. Herbert walked casually from the doorway toward the kitchen, his hunger finally driving him to seek sustenance, no doubt.
“Oh, I think our roommate has something to tell y–” I elbowed Dan in the stomach, shutting him up with a grunt. “Rude.”
“Shut it, Cain,” I muttered, and Herbert cleared his throat.
“If you have something to tell me, I’m all ears, though I won’t be for long. My experiments need me,” he said in his usual sanctimonious tone as he rooted around in the fridge. Dan gave me a little shove forward toward Herbert just as the latter turned around to fix me with a curious look. I must’ve looked like a deer in headlights. “Are you alright?”
“Y-Yeah. Yes, I’m fine,” I stammered as I tried to hide how hastily I wanted to retreat. Herbert raised an eyebrow in disbelief, and I started to back away in such a manner that I didn’t look like I was running away. “I-I should get going.”
Ignoring Dan calling my name, I hurried out the front door to my car. Did I have a destination in mind or anything at all that really needed my presence? Nope. Was I leaving anyway? Yep. All I had to do was avoid my roommates for the next couple of days and hope they’d forget by the time I had to spend any significant amount of time talking to them.
--
By the time I got home that night, I knew Dan would be in bed and Herbert tucked neatly away in his lab with his experiments. When I walked inside, the last thing I expected to see was Herbert leaning back against the kitchen counter wearing the same expression he always wore when analyzing the results of one of his re-animation trials. Upon cursory inspection, nothing seemed broken or otherwise out of place, so the problem wasn’t with an experiment then...huh. But, what else could draw his attention so thoroughly?
“What did Dan mean earlier?” I had been so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I hadn’t noticed Herbert’s gaze turn to me. I could do no more than look at him in confusion.
“I-I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I replied, and Herbert stood up straight and walked toward me.
“Before you left, Dan said you had something to tell me. What was he talking about?” There was no accusation in his tone, only the cold calculation with which he approached all of his research. Before I even realized what I was doing, I wrapped my arms around my middle in a subconsciously protective manner.
“You’d have to ask him about that–”
“I already have. He said it wasn’t his place to tell me...that it was yours.” Beneath his glasses, Herbert’s eyes skimmed the length of my face, his gaze most likely taking in more than I could imagine. “I have several hypotheses, but without more data, I can’t possibly hope to continue.”
Shit. Was he going to be studying my behavior now?
“And...what are the current hypotheses?” I asked curiously. Herbert wasn’t exactly socially aware, so I hoped that he hadn’t put things together on his own. He made a disapproving little noise with his tongue and gave me an inscrutable look.
“You know very well that I can’t tell you. That would taint the results...invalidate the experiment...” Herb murmured stopping barely a foot from me. “Where did you go when you left?”
“Irrelevant.” I tried to keep my tone and expression as neutral as possible. He didn’t know I’d been avoiding both of them all day. Besides, he said it himself: without more data he couldn’t continue. So I would just have to avoid giving him any more data. His brow furrowed and he tilted his head curiously. Before he could comment, however, I stepped around him and started making my way to my room. I paused when Herbert said my name, and I turned to face him from across the room.
“I was wondering if you could assist me in the lab tomorrow. I asked Daniel, but he insisted that you’d be better suited to the task.” Of course he did. I agreed without considering the wisdom of my answer, and Herbert gave me a small smile. “Very well. I’ll come get you when it’s time.”
See the full post
100 notes - Posted May 10, 2022
#2
I just rewatched TNG's "The Measure of a Man" and I'm having major Data feels. 🥺🥺🥺 Is there any chance I can request some Data fluff? 👉👈 Like maybe some emotional or feels-y fluff from that episode because the reader hasn't told him how they feel yet??? I'm sorry, I'm just so soft for the sweet android boyyy 😭😭😭😭😭😭
HELL YES YOU CAN. The happy sounds that just came out of my mouth when I saw this omfg. Data is the sweetest little android boy and I will never say no to writing for him. I just watched that episode not long ago myself, and I'm having feels too. So here ya go!! Some feels-y fluff. Because Data. Cross-posted to my AO3 here.
If anyone wants to be added to my taglist or wants to submit a fic request, my ask box is always open! If you want to know whether I write for a certain character, have a look here. If the character you want isn’t on the list, I probably just forgot to add them, so please feel free to ask.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Measure Of A Friend
Data (ST:TNG) x Reader
[A/N: This was really fun to write! Data deserves a lot more love, so I hope I did alright! Also, it goes without saying that if you haven’t seen “The Measure of a Man” and don’t want to be spoiled, you shouldn’t read any farther.]
Warnings: None, bc this is just sweet, emotional, fluffy fluff. Unless it needs to be said that there is a spoiler warning for part of “The Measure of a Man”. In which case, you’ve been warned.
~*~
“Data’s what?” I asked feeling horror wash over me.
“He’s being forced to resign. If he doesn’t resign, then Maddox will be able to disassemble him without his consent,” Geordi said as he paced back and forth in a quiet corner of engineering. I could feel the frustration radiating off of him, and frankly I was angry as well.
“How could Starfleet allow that? Data’s a person!”
“Apparently he’s legally property.” Geordi practically spat the last word. “This just isn’t right! Data has earned some of Starfleet’s highest honors and awards and suddenly they decide that it’s morally fine to jeopardize his life for some obsession-driven scientist’s experiment? If he was human they wouldn’t be doing this. Hell, if he was Andorian, Vulcan, or...or anything else, this wouldn’t even be a question. But no. He’s an entirely unique, sentient android.”
“We can’t let this happen, Geordi. Surely there’s something we can do,” I said going over to him and putting my hand on his shoulder.
“I’m going to talk to the Captain and see if he knows anything more that we can work with,” he said, but just before he left, Geordi paused. “I uh...I know you didn’t want me to say anything to Data about your feelings for him. I haven’t broken that, I promise, but given the circumstances, I think it’s time to tell him. You...might not get another chance.”
My stomach felt like it turned into lead. Geordi was right. I’d been waiting for the right time to tell Data how I felt - if ever - but I might not have that luxury now. I nodded my head in acknowledgment, and Geordi hurried to find the Captain.
“Computer, where is Lieutenant Commander Data?” I asked walking toward a turbolift.
“Lieutenant Commander Data is in his quarters,” the computer responded and I called for the turbolift to take me to Deck Two.
--
After taking a deep breath, I pressed the door chime to Data’s quarters, hoping I wouldn’t make an ass of myself with this. When he called out for me to enter, I hesitated a moment before doing so. Data paused in the middle of putting something into a little blue container and gave me his usual inquisitive look.
“Is there something you need, Ensign?” Even though I wanted so desperately to say that all I ever needed was him, I found myself stammering out a different reply altogether.
“I...I guess I didn’t believe it when Geordi told me, but...y-you’re really leaving, aren’t you?” I asked quietly, internally grimacing at the trepidation in my voice. Data had so many more important things to deal with right now. Why was I wasting his time?
“I am. Circumstances necessitate my immediate resignation and departure,” he stated taking a few steps toward me. “Are you feeling alright? Your breathing is slightly irregular, and you seem preoccupied.”
“No. No, Data, I’m not alright,” I answered in nearly a whisper. Anyone else wouldn’t have heard me, but I knew Data would. I couldn’t hold his gaze anymore. Looking away, I wrapped my arms almost subconsciously around my middle.
“Ensign-”
“I don’t want to lose you, Data,” I blurted before I could stop myself. Tears blurred my vision and I swallowed around a lump in my throat. As I looked down at the floor, Data’s perfectly shined uniform shoes stepped in front of me. He said my name quietly, coaxing me to look up, and when I did he put his arms out to offer me a hug. I stepped into them without hesitation, and even though his movements were a bit stiff, I knew he was doing his best to be comforting. He always did his best. I put my arms around his waist as he held me, and I couldn’t help the tears that dampened the shoulder of his uniform.
“My neural pathways have become accustomed to your sensory inputs,” Data stated. “I have no desire to leave, but it is necessary. I shall miss you, Ensign. You have become a close friend.”
“Data...I would never forgive myself if I didn’t tell you while I had the chance, so...please forgive me if what I’m about to say is out of line,” I muttered still hiding my face against his shoulder. If he did reject me after I told him how I felt, I didn’t want to see the look on his face when he did it.
“You are always free to tell me anything you wish. Is that not what friends are for?” He asked innocently. I nodded my head quietly against him and took a deep steadying breath.
“Data, we’ve become good friends in the time we’ve served together. Of all the crew, I trust you the most...I feel the most comfortable around you...I feel safe around you,” I started quietly. “What I’m trying to say is...Data, I’ve developed...feelings for you.”
See the full post
162 notes - Posted February 1, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
R.I.P. to the fic ideas I think up as I’m trying to fall asleep for the night. You may never get written, but you soothe me to sleep every time.
231 notes - Posted October 13, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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Kagamine_Neko said she wanted to take a hand at subtitling this. At first I was confused, but now it's incredible to see her commitment in making a video of english lyrics that match up with Utsu-P's original video. Please give a round of applause for her creativity!
Lyrics:
綺麗な空気を吸い育ち
没個性化した子供に
意識はある 感情もある
ただ 一つ 未成熟
Children who grow up in this unpolluted atmosphere
become conformists
But they’re still conscious, they even have emotions
The only problem: they are premature
小さな世界のヒエラルキー
大人は見て見ぬふり
狂気を孕む純粋さで
人を頬張る
The adults pretend not to see the
hierarchical system of this small community
It devours people
innocently, yet insanely
壊されてく 何もかもが
ドス黒い闇よりも 怖き白で
Everything, everything is being destroyed
With white that is more terrifying than the pitch-black darkness
こんなに傷だらけでも
誰も僕を見てない
刺し痕は自然に付いた
過度に戯（じゃ）れ合って
Although I am covered in scars,
no one sees me
The stab wounds developed naturally
when we took the jokes too far
殺されてく 僕の意志が
見るも無様な笑顔 目に焼き付く
My thoughts are being murdered while
the hideous smiles are etched into my eyes
御免なさい ごめんなさい
逢魔が時に響く 絶望の鐘
I’m sorry, I am so sorry
The bells of despair ring at witching hour
浅キ夢見シ 屍ヒトリ
恐怖ノ底デ 咲イタ花ビラ
Here lies a corpse with a shallow dream
At the bottom of its horror, a flower bloomed
貴殿ハ鼠 殺シテ候
元気ニナッタカ？ 恍惚ヲ得マシタカ？
Thou art a rat. I shalt grant thou death.
Do you feel better now? Have you brought about great rapture?
壊してくれ ひと思いに
ドス黒い闇よりも 怖き白で
Please destroy it all in one go
with white that is more terrifying than the pitch-black darkness
救われない この世界で
瞼を閉じて今も 歩いている
In this hopeless world,
I continue to walk with my eyes shut
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Really stupid idea but beckett and camilo would be kinda cute together😭
Oh no I agree. And I'll fucking prove it-
"I don't like him."
"You've talked to him like once."
"Once was enough."
"He literally only said hi, my name is Beckett."
"And I continue to be disappointed by his existence."
Mirabel gave him a look as he set the guest plate for the table. Her boyfriend was coming over for dinner, and Camilo, for whatever reason, couldn't stand it. She liked HIS girlfriend, even though she coddled him, a bit. Said girl smacked him upside the head as she added bowls of cream and avocado to the table.
"Stupid, stop being mean. Don't pay attention to him, Mira, he's just worried Bug Boy is gonna take you away from him."
Camilo gave a 'what the fuck' look at his girlfriend.
"Yo who's side are you on?"
"Common sense. Now,"
She stopped at the sound of the doorbell, before motioning for him to get up and go.
"Go answer the door, be a good host while Mira helps us in the kitchen."
"But-"
"Boy, say one word and no dessert for your ass."
He rolled his eyes, before getting up and leaving. Dulce stood there for a moment, before calling out to the front door.
"The real Mira is in here, Beckett!"
"Thank you, Dulce! Thought the real one was mad at me!"
Dulce rolled her eyes before taking Mirabel to the kitchen, where everyone was cooking. Pepa chuckled as she cut the vegetables.
"Don't be so hard on him, mija. You're his favorite cousin, he worries you'll stop hanging out with him if there's another boy in the house."
Luisa raised a brow as she started to pour drinks to take to the table.
"I'd take that over him teasing Donnie. I'm not saying he'd punch him, I'm just saying he'd break something."
Julieta put the masa on the stove top, wiping her hands.
"None of you should worry. Put men in a room long enough, they'll bond. I mean, it took forever, but Bruno eventually bonded with Agustín after a sleepover. It'll happen when Camilo matures. Eventually."
"Mamá, they don't have anything in common!"
"They both love you. That's enough. Now come on, let's get them out of the living room, get some food in them."
They finished setting up the table, and Mirabel and Dulce walked into the living room, ready to break up a fight between the three men.
"Holy. Shit."
Mirabel couldn't believe what she was seeing. Their living room was dimly lit thanks to Casita, and everything was cleared out for some kind of arena. And every single man in the household, was completely strapped in pillows. Including Hernando, who stood on the couch(chanclas off, obviously, he was fearless, but not ready to die), and was using his rat as a substitute for a microphone.
"And in THIS corner, weighing in at fourty seven pounds, he's tiny, he's mighty, he's got that animal instincts, give it for ANTONIOOOOOOO!"
Antonio stood in the corner, BARELY able to be seen underneath the mess of pillows that was attached to his little body. He lifted his little hands up as his dad and Agustín gave him applause. Hernando gestured to Donovan, who was SHAKING with anticipation.
"In this corner, weighing in at one hundred and eighty pounds, the kid with more anger problems than I have mommy issues, the bombshell blonde-DONOVAAAAAAN!"
Camilo leaned into his ear, and Hernando cleared his throat.
"I have just been informed that 'bombshell blonde' has a different meaning than I was aware of! Retracted, but carry on, and let's GO!"
Donovan banged his pillow covered fists as he knelt down to Antonio's level.
"You are going DOWN, little man! Let's make this quick-"
Donovan was about to make a move, before Antonio's panther, Parce, suddenly tackled him to the floor. Bruno was on it immediately, voice loud in the room.
"One! Two! Three! Four! That's it, he's done! Round goes to Antonio!!"
Donovan nudged the beast off of him, before punching the floor in frustration.
"Hey! We agreed no magic bullshit! He cheated!"
"Nuh uh! I used my gift because I have a handicap!"
"What fucking handicap?!"
"Mami told me to have a good day, and I can't do that if I got punched. So there."
Donovan looked to Beckett, who shrugged.
"I don't want to take it up with the weather woman. I say you suck it up."
Donovan growled in frustration before getting out of the ring. Upon realizing just what was really going on, Mirabel FINALLY said something.
"What are you guys DOING?"
Camilo turned his head towards Mirabel, and grinned.
"So me and Donovan were just gonna beat up Beckett-"
"Wait. I get why YOU'D do that, but why would Donovan?"
Donovan raised his hand from his seated spot on the floor.
"I will take any excuse to punch someone, no questions asked. Minus Lulu. Because I love her."
"Aw?"
"Pfft, gay. ANYWAY. Beckett decided on a compromise, so we're all wrestling each other in a way that Casita would let us do. So, pillow wrestling. We got Hernando as the announcer/ referee,"
Bruno lifted his hoodie up a bit in order to wave properly, before putting it right back down as Camilo continued.
"And me and Beckett are gonna tag team against dad and Agustín."
"...you were trying to beat him up twenty minutes ago."
"Things change. Now he's not your boyfriend anymore, he's my brother, fuck off."
Beckett grinned pridefully as he slid a pair of glasses over his face.
"Besides! We have matching shades now!"
"Beckett, I love you but- wait. Are those...MY glasses that you painted black? Can you even SEE through those things?"
"Oh not at all, I stubbed my toe like twice already- but I feel cool and I'm having a damn blast with my brother."
Everyone started to pool in to see what everyone was doing. Most of the women found it amusing, all the boys done up in pillows from head to toe. Then Abuela stepped in.
"What is going ON in here?"
Camilo gave her a wave, even though the direction was a bit off, given that he was now wearing the shades.
"Pillow wrestling! It was Beckett's super cool idea!"
"Where did you even GET all these pillows?"
"My room. You don't live if don't you live lavishly, Abuela."
Abuela huffed, clearly frowning upon the mess.
"I'm disappointed that the adults thought this was appropriate-!"
Donovan threw a pillow at her, smirking wildly.
"You worried you gonna bust a hip, granny?"
"...excuse me?"
"You heard me. Now you gonna let me talk shit, or am I gonna get hit?"
Everyone stood silent, expecting an outburst, when Abuela huffed, opening a hand out.
"Pillow me. Now."
"ESO ABUELA!!"
Félix laughed, immediately grabbing a bunch of pillows and helping Abuela get ready to defend her honor. Mirabel chuckled as she fixed both of their glasses so they could look at her.
"So. You two gonna behave together now?"
"Fuck yeah- dude's sitting next to ME at the table, prima."
"Easy now, there's two chairs right next to me. One for you, and one for my Miraposa~"
He leaned up to give her a little smooch, making her grin, and make him pretend to gag.
"You dunno where that's been, but alright my guy."
"Alright, someone pillow me, I'm kicking YOUR ASS."
#not transformers#encanto#asks#i dunno how this turned into family wrestling#but im sticking by it#and fight me Hernando is a GREAT announcer#now Camilo and Beckett are buddies and is constantly fighting with Mirabel for his attention
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Sunday weekly roundup! 26th November
Boy only a MONTH UNTIL CHRISTMAS and a little more until NEW YEARS!? what a year everyone. Whay a year. Big round of applause.
•Server's "Counting if bored" channel is currently at 290!
Server addition count! (20th of November- 26th of November): 49 new characters to the server! This imcludes:
•Quentin
•Ethans gang + Sans Undertale
•Quentin.
•Bill Cipher
•Quentin
•Goat boy
•Quentin
•The admin!? They seem intresting!
•Quentin
•Laxton (more like laxative with the bullshit they're spewing)
•Quentin
Quentin, why did you Quent my fries?
I quented them, and they were mine.
What kind of quent quents his quenters fries?
And doesnt even quent them in the eyes?
Quentin there were tears there.
If you quented them would you even care?
Quentin, do you even love me?
FLUXIAN INVASION
A new event is being promoted: the invasion of an alien Prince, taking earth as a birthday present! Shocking, horrifying, .......yeah who cares? I mean that as in: who does this mf think he is. Riddle me this batman, if Laxton took over Earth who would be okay with it? ....the only person I know who is is Riley and SHAME ON YOU RILEY. Traitor. What was i saying? Oh yeah: DONT LET LAXTON GET AWAY WITH THIS. SOMEONE HUMBLE HIM. HUMBLE HIM GOOD. I know Louise gave him a good talking to and Lonan and Nathan scared him off but it's just not working.. somethings not clicking.
We have yet to see the emperor and empress of the Fluxian empire. Stay tuned!
Riley and Milly are DATING
HUZZAH, WORTHY NEWS! RILEY, AFTER MOVING OUT THE CASTLE, HAS FOUND REFUGE IN NONE OTHER THAN MILLYS HOME.... they literally share a room and go on dates. The couple have moved in together. Fuck cain for spoiling their confessions and their presents but THEYRE- THEY- THEYRE DATING GUYS. ITS OFFICAL. HAHSHAAHAHAHAH
So uh... whens the wedding?
Arabella x Kolby are dating too!?
Chat love is in the air bc our favourite simple demon and his goth boss have MADE UP AND ARE NOW EEEERAHAHAHAHRHAHSSJSHSHSH THEYRE DATING! ITS REAL, ITS HERE ITS HAPPENED. HOORRAYYYY!!! (they even kissed eachother on the cheek, how scandalous!)
The great banishing
Earlier this week, Arabella and Martin were at war: head to head! ...well there wasnt any direct conversations between them but they HATE EACHOTHER! MARTIN HATES ARABELLA, seeing her as an egotistical, spoilt brat! ARABELLA HATES MARTIN, seeing him as a backstabbing, annoying little twat! Luckily for us, the polls are in... Martin has the majority support!
Martin killed Arabellas father before she could face him, banished the demon and is withholding the position of head Leeching from her! In a fit of anger, she banished/temporarily killed one of her own workers (one of Kolbys fathers!). he was NOT happy. but its okay, they're dating now lmao.
wait a second, whoopsies- whats this about to drop!? (Don't tell Arabella pls she'll kill me)
THE GANGS.
As far as I'm aware, the gangs on the server are:
•the RATS
•the HATZ gang
•the dumbass squad (previously the 3 stooges)
•the front streets
•Ethan and his hunters
•spirit phone gang
•Rowley and the ghosts
•the chaotic trio! (I think they count?)
(Correct me if theres more)
Chat we may be on the verge of a gang war. When this breaks out, who's side will you be on!?
A loving, dedicated post will be attributed to Danielle Vincent tomorrow, following her retrieval from her kidnapping<3
Boy I'm tired. Cya guys!
-Penelope Paparazzi
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Monika Rycerz in NYC, Day 9
Saturday, July 15th
I went to Bronx for 9am to do some volunteering in a local school. Oh man, that was rough! Not volunteering as this didn’t happen at all, school was closed. People fighting at 9am, screaming children, a sense of deprivation in the air. Plus rat number 2! I have to say I was quite relieved to get out of there. I had an alternative event planned, which was an organised stroll in the Central Park and that was a breeze.
Then I went to do volunteering in a fitness class with children with disabilities. It was all set in a gym, which I already didn’t feel very comfortable with as it’s not my kind of environment. I was paired up with a young lad, who was a very independent, gentle soul and didn’t really need my help. He knew what he was doing, so I just tagged along and exercised with him. I was observing other volunteers and found some of them to be slightly over the top. At the end every participant shared what they have done and got a round of applause and a loud ‘Good job!’ from the team. I found this terribly patronising. I got the impression that some volunteers were there for themselves rather than for the athletes. It felt as if they were doing this to feel better about themselves. But I guess it’s a fine line on which we often border when helping others.
Trip all the way to Coney Island and a baseball game in the evening was a true American experience! The national anthem, the hymn, the weird guy in a red velvet suit and a crown (I think?) doing the entertainment, the beer and terrible hot dog!
Can I have a little rant? Something that is really bothering me - STARBUCKS. I normally don’t go there, but today was my second visit since I’m in NYC and today I realised that they only use disposable cups - that is both paper and plastic! With around 350 Starbucks in NYC alone that is literally a mountain of plastic a year. Yet, there we all are trying to fight the plastic pollution one household at a time. What is the point? I’m shocked!
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ketamine is NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART (ty rat priest)
ladyfag is a kute venue w lots of kute boyz and u n ur friend dance on stage cuz why not. the dj puts the lights on u and ur friendz n sweat drip drops from ur head down to ur body and it feels holy. dirty magazine party is nxt and there's a human carpet who is coercing people into his kink to step on him like a carpet n gets mad when u ask him if he's ok so u get on him with ur 5 inch platforms and jump ttwice. cobra snake is snapping pix of everyone and the girl who u met a vivienne westwood last week tells u she likes ur kitty kat ears and u blush. u meet a girl that looks like the reincarnation of SOPHIE and spiel ur lil spiel ab how she changed ur entire life n stance on music/started ur party life. she asks to kiss u after and u let her. <3
ugh sigh eek ugh sigh eek meh blah ugh ooof. mi head is spinning and the come down from molly is never fun. found myself being v suicidal. wrote this cuz i wuz eating chicken wings and sad.
"im sucking the meat out of my teeth from the gaps in between. i used to pull my teeth when they started becoming loose and make sure they fell out the same day, i did it cuz i wanted the tooth fairy to make my wishes come true, to be in a loving family, to be happy. there's a gap from this tooth i pulled when i was 12 or so, it healed unevenly , so every time i eat meat it gets stuck in between ."
i've been talking so much lately i've lost my voice.
u leave dick appointment hungry af from burning all the calories dancing and almost k holing but u mentally pushed urself out of it, didnt think that was possible but ketamine is not for the faint of heart or mentally weak. kiss ur friend goodbye n r craving ur fav hangover food. u walk to the bodega and ignore the weird unwarranted comments from touristy men with boring flannels and cargo pants who just seem so fascinated every time they see someone who looks like a lil lolita goth. IDK why these tourists r hangin in bushwick, plz go to midtown or the upper east side so u can compare credit scores. u walk back to ur apt and BOOM. right underneath ur 400 dollar new new rocks u feel a MF LIFT and on top of that u hear a DEATHLY SQUEAL. yep. the sound of black metal REEEEEE's on loop. [also, EW if u ONLY ever cry while listening to dying fetus , get help. ] u just accidentally stepped on a fucking rat. but they just ran away underneath a car. yr convinced the rats here r superhuman or something like they have GOT to go to mandatory rat church or something underground with their sundays best and all give their tithes n offerings to RAT PRIEST to get this anti kryptonite. alana from broad city talked about RAT BASTARD [which is personally one of my greatest fears, never forget how i fking lost sleep for 2 whole days when i found a tiny mouse in my apartment a month ago, one time seeing it run across my clothing rack in the middle of the night, me responding by SCREAMING and running down my second story floor barefoot and out tha door] but id like to get to know RAT PRIEST. what does he wear, what do his sermons consist of, why do i even think hes a he. ive come so far as a nonbinary person and even helping build an anti-christian club at my christian college,writing a MF poetry book ab my deconstruction of God our Father into God our Mother. i hate the patriarchy and how its framed my sense of power insuch a male perceived worldview. speaking of men.
i am DONEEEE dating musicians and BOYS FROM UPSTATE!!!!!! ive been gaslit by 3 of them this year and its barely june?!?! why pollute something so beautiful n pure like music with a fragile ego!? ive never understood how that could happen…but imNOT stupid. tha softest boys are tha softest manipulators. DUH. i get having energy restless AF to create, express N give but how can U allow the round of applause n medal to corrode tht inner beauty?? or hold urself in so much pride they r stuck in karmic loops. but im no better cuz i never seem to learn either believing they actually think im special too. ive given sm love n attention away from myself lately n these ways of communicating w these kinds of ppl dont feel genuine when u are left empty handed. but NY was never a great place for ppl to date anyway. u find like minded ppl who connect to and they have reservations n avoidances. but falling in luv n getting hurt always happens without a warning.
PLZ PLZ PLZ RAT PRIEST dont let me fall for another musician!! ill bring u 12 bacon egg n cheeze's on cinnamon raisin TOASTED lightly with a side of coffee LITE N SWEET. PLZ RAT PRIEST i know ur there, omnipotent being. that sees the smol ones underneath ur the fluffy clouds u lay on in haven, i kno ur listening. PLZ RAT PRIEST, luv is worth going into a furnace of 1,000 flames for!! i just want pure luv. and if it's in u, u'll b the only boy ill ever be on mi knees 4 EVER again. [kross mi heart hope 2 die.]
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💚| FINALLY GUYS MY BRAIN CAME UP WITH ANOTHER IDEA FOR A SMUT A ROUND OF APPLAUSE PLS
・❥・in this fic, l has done some research and wants to test it on you... *insert lip bite emoji*
PART ONE doesn't really contain a ton of smut, but part 2 (and maybe three)...😀😀
also ft. dominant y/n???
no but fr guys why don't we have a lip bite emoji
AND WHILE IM ON THAT SUBJECT WHY DONT WE HAVE A PINK HEART???
wait im getting off topic
OKAY OKAY IM GETTING STARTED NOW
╰┈➤
"One of these days you're just going to drop dead, you know that?"
You were draped across the back of L's swivel chair, arms wrapped around his neck as you peered over his shoulder, wearing a bored expression as you watched L click endlessly through countless documents and security footage in his never-ending search for Kira- or, rather, to prove Light Yagami was he. It was late, probably close to midnight if not after, and the members of the task force had all turned in for the night per L's wishes. Misa Amane and Light apparently still had yet to return to the hotel- Misa was likely holding the brooding prodigy hostage somewhere at a fancy restaurant, yammering about how they should totally go on dates more often. The room was completely dark except for the glow of L's computer, reflecting in his wide dark eyes and illuminating your skin and his in bluish-white light.
The only reply L had was "Perhaps," as he continued to scroll through the endless list of criminals that had been killed by Kira that day, hugging his knees to his chest as always. "And when I do, you all will know that Light Yagami is Kira."
You nodded slowly, subconsciously realizing that your remark was probably not made at the most opportune time, and winced internally before brushing it off.
"I appreciate the amount of passion you have for your work- but why can't you share some with me every once in a while?" One corner of your lips turned up in a slight smirk as you released L's body and stood up straight, crossing one of your ankles over the other.
L stopped typing for a second, and his head tilted to the side slightly. He didn't turn to face you, however. "Hm. Actually, now that you bring it up, I have been conducting some research and, if it is alright with you, I'd like to test that research." He brought his thumb to his lips, leaving only one of his pale and veiny hands free to type. "I believe now would be the best time to do that, seeing as everyone is either asleep or not present."
You raised a brow in skepticism, but your tone, as usual, remained even and mostly monotone. "Research? Does that mean you want me to be your lab rat?"
Now L turned in his swivel chair to face you, wide eyes peering up at you blankly, his hands resting on his knees now. "Precisely."
Your eyes narrowed as your patience began to thin. Normally you were pretty perceptive, but L was being cryptic and it was seriously difficult to uncover any hidden meanings when it came to him- which meant you had to be blunt, something you weren't fond of at all.
"Why is it good that everyone's asleep? And why am I your test subject? If there's anyone you should be testing things on, it should be Amane."
The only word to describe what you thought of Misa Amane was... annoying, which pretty much went for everyone else on the task force with the obvious exception of Matsuda. But she was difficult to avoid as she, A: was a suspect and B: believed that since you and she were the only girls on the team, you were supposed to be best friends- despite being polar opposites. It was safe to say that such a fantasy was a pipe dream- you had never once entertained the idea of such a relationship with such an airheaded and simple-minded girl.
L's expression turned disdainful and his tone derisive. "I am not interested in Amane whatsoever. Now, would you please stop being difficult and follow me up to the bedroom?" He removed each of his legs, one by one, from the chair and stood up slowly, back hunched as usual with his hands in his omnipresent jean pockets. The back of the chair, surprised at the loss of L's weight, slumped backward with a meagre creak.
You chuckled wryly, taking a deep breath. "Difficult? I'm hardly being difficult, only sensible. You brought this upon yourself, behaving in such an oracular manner. Honestly, this feels very... serial killer-like." Your nose wrinkled with distaste.
L cast you a contemptuous but slightly amused look before trudging towards the elevator inside the same room, you walking briskly behind him. "Don't you think a remark like that is rather inappropriate for our current predicament?" he queried matter-of-factly, letting his tongue trace lightly over his lips thoughtfully.
Now a complacent smirk tugged at the corners of your lips as you noticed the motion, a sliver of teeth glinting behind your own lips. "You're likely correct."
It was only after the two of you had stepped into the elevator and begun ascending that you stopped to wonder- why did L's research need to be conducted in the bedroom?
╰┈➤
"Lay back."
Your brow arched but you didn't object as you cautiously laid yourself out on the bed on your back, hands folded over your stomach neatly in your usual composed fashion. "I can't say I like where this is going," you informed L, stubborn as usual, eyes gazing at the blank ceiling above you. The room was dimly lit only by the golden luminescence of a small lamp; it bathed the room in a comforting, nostalgic aura.
The detective lifted both eyebrows and then let them drop again. "Hm- that won't do," L remarked absently. He stood over your body at the foot of the bed, the tip of his thumbnail snagged in his teeth. "I will need your full and clear consent for what I'm about to do."
Your face suddenly contorted into a somewhat agitated expression and you abruptly sat up, propping yourself up on your elbows, to face L directly. You'd never liked when people tried to act shifty with you- especially not someone of L's caliber. It was patronizing, to say the least.
"Just tell me what this is about, L. I'll probably end up consenting anyway- no need to be so evasive. I'm happy to be of use."
L stared at you, his eyes dark and empty, for a few seconds. "Alright. Lately, I have been conducting some extensive research on the pleasure points of the female body- and if you don't mind, I'd like to test that information."
You kept your expression neutral- although you couldn't help but grip the blankets that covered the bed a little too hard.
Now it seemed obvious. "Like I said- I'm happy to be of use." you assured L nonchalantly, your tone even; you just barely managed to keep the shudder from your voice.
"I hope you won't be too uncomfortable- I will try to accommodate you as much as possible." There was little emotion in L's voice- but you didn't miss the almost undetectable anticipation emitting faintly through his tone.
"I know you will. Now, I suppose you'll be wanting these off?" You made a suggestive tug at the black suit jacket you had on, lightly running your fingers over the buttons of the white shirt you had beneath it. The shirt was nearly transparent, and didn't do a very adequate job of hiding your prominent cleavage or black bra.
"Yes- I will, as a matter of fact," L deadpanned, advancing closer towards the bed. His voice was airy and his pronounced Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as you heard him swallow thickly.
Casually, you slipped off the jacket, then the pants, and folded them neatly and placed them on the floor beside the bed. You were now left in just the blouse and tight black shorts- which, coincidentally, didn't cover you up all that well either. Suddenly feeling uncharacteristically self-conscious, you slung your hair over your chest and crossed one exposed leg over the other. Then you peered up at L expectantly, watching his eyes.
"This okay?"
"This will be fine, thank you. I will remove the rest as we go."
Well, that was blunt.
"Remove the-?"
L gently sat down on the bed and motioned for you to lay back down, to which you obliged, feeling somewhat dazed. The sudden droop of the bed with his delicate weight was somehow refreshing; reassuring. You placed your hands back on top of your stomach and pursed your lips.
The room was silent as you felt L tenderly lean over your body until his head was mere centimeters from your neck; you could feel his warm breath swirling along your skin, and it was only because he was so close that you were able to detect the hitches in his breathing. It was a little endearing, knowing L was actually nervous to do this with you, to pleasure you.
After all, L was, in fact, human.
And suddenly his wet lips were on your neck, just below your jawline- hot swipes of his tongue accompanying it. An involuntary shiver jolted your body as you felt his thumb trace across the nape of your neck; his touch felt like a feather.
Meanwhile, L's stoic expression changed into something resembling a child who has tried something new and found that they had a penchant for it. Your skin was saccharine, like a freshly ripe fruit- and he found it intoxicating.
Mostly experimentally, L administered another lick, this time utilizing more of his tongue rather than just the tip, and you couldn't help but let out a soft, breathy gasp. Apparently pleased with your reaction, L straightened up a little, assuming his typical sitting position, and peered down at you on the bed with those eyes of his. You averted your gaze to the side, the sensation of L's lips still tingling on your neck as you felt your face heat up.
"I propose a challenge," L stated suddenly, gazing down at you innocently, cocking his head to the side. "To make things more... interesting."
You couldn't help but smirk despite still feeling a little flustered. "Oh? What kind of challenge?"
L's legs dropped so that he was now sitting on his knees, bouncing the bed a little, and swiftly leaned in toward you until his pointed nose was mere centimeters from yours. "I suppose you expected that I would progress further in my experiment than just your visible body. That being said, I believe that you may orgasm at some point."
Now you openly laughed, an amused and quizzical look on your face. "Cocky, are we?"
"Yes," L replied without missing a beat. "You're aware of my superiority complex- therefore it should be no trouble at all. Now, your challenge is simple- don't climax." It was amazing how blank L's face still was, even blatantly talking about making you cum.
Jesus.
"What do I receive if I complete this challenge successfully?" you queried curiously.
L paused, biting down on his thumb. "You can be free to do whatever you want with me the rest of the night."
You tilted your head with a faint smile visible on your lips. Suddenly, L looked quite submissive, curled up in his frog ball on the bed- and briefly, you wondered what he would look like completely ruined, white lips parted and face flushed.
Anything you wanted with him?
"And if I win," L continued, snapping you out of your increasingly sinful thoughts, "it will be vice versa. I will be able to do whatever I please with you- all night."
Wow. So L did have things he wanted to do with you- or rather, to you. It almost made you want to lose, just to see what he had in mind... But the notion of getting to have your own way with L was too enticing. But, as it was turning out, the stoic L had some pretty sinful thoughts himself.
"As for the ground rules- you are not permitted to block any of my advances on your body- unless you genuinely do feel uncomfortable, in which case I will cease immediately. And don't think that I can't tell when you're lying, Y/N." His voice had taken on a vaguely taunting lilt. "Do these terms sound fair to you?"
"They sound fine."
"Lovely. Now, shall we begin?"
AYOOOO
so i was thinking about trying something? maybe having u guys vote on who should win the challenge- y/n or L- and then what should the winner do with or to the loser ;)
idk but if y'all wanna ask or comment here then that would be pretty cool! if nobody asks then I'll just come up with everything on my own:)
okay byee! keep an eye out for part 2 and feel free to request another fic/headcanons!
#l x reader#ryuzaki#l lawliet#death note smut#l death note#mello death note#smut rp#light yagami x reader#teru mikami#hideki ryuga#light yagami#l headcanons#fluff headcanons#smut headcanons#mello#near death note#mail jeevas#matt death note#misa amane
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