#ricky has been so selfless this season
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gina is not ricky’s second, or even third, choice. she is his first.
I have seen a lot of comments, especially as this season has unfolded, that gina isn’t ricky’s first choice, or that he would choose nini over gina given the chance, etc. this isn’t true. the show establishes through many scenes and moments in each season that those statements are false. when we first see ricky and gina connect, it’s as “outsiders” who get each other, as ricky says. I might have to make a separate meta on the relevance of how ricky describes each of them and what it means for their characterization, but I digress. they are able to connect over this shared status. it is important to note that ricky also decided to stop pursuing nini + respect her boundaries at the end of 104/in 105. this does not mean he was seeking to replace nini’s presence in his life, just that rekindling a romantic relationship with her was not in the cards for him anymore at that point in the season. anyways, ricky and gina become close and quickly form a tight bond. many people claim that gina served as a rebound for ricky in these episodes but the show makes very clear what rebounds look like for ricky. he says in 101 that “he talked about nini the whole time” when he was hanging out with various girls that summer. throughout the course of rina’s s1 friendship, nini is not brought up at all until the finale and it’s all but guaranteed gina is never coming back, but we’ll get into that. a complaint nini brings up in the breakup scene in 2.08 is that she feels like she is nini of “ricky & nini” rather than being her own person. I think that the ricky we saw in s1 with gina was ricky as his own person, as opposed to ricky of “ricky & nini” and he displayed significant growth during this time.
gina’s leaving in 1.07 plays an important role in the idea of choice. after hanging up with her mom, she walks into ashlyn’s kitchen to gather her things, where ricky is waiting for her. he tells her “I’ll call you?” not willing to let her go. however, gina knows ricky struggles with people leaving him + she knows the pain of being left. because of her care for him, she does not want him to feel this pain. she tells him, “honestly, you heard what happened. I don’t think there’s any point in calling me anymore, do you?” and leaves. ricky is obviously not satisfied with this answer and rushes after her, leaving the party. before he leaves, he runs into nini, who tries to reach out and connect with him, which would’ve been everything to 1a ricky. however, he brushes her off and presumably runs after gina. I would argue that this is one of the only moments where a choice between nini and gina is presented to ricky and he chooses gina. obviously, there is a lot more nuance at play than that, but it is an interesting moment nonetheless. anyways, this entire encounter is the first moment that gina removes herself as an option. she does not want ricky to miss her or struggle to let her go.
this doesn’t stop ricky, and in the next episode, we see him frantically texting gina even as they stand in their burned down theater. he is worried about her and wants to continue contact, even in the face of the possibility (guarantee at that point) that they would never see each other again. yet again, gina not responding to his messages is another boundary she sets up to make the loss of their friendship easier on ricky. in her mind, it hurts less for him for her to cut him off than for them to try to hold on to a long distance friendship. she does respond to his messages later on in the episode, which I personally think is tied to ej getting her the plane ticket and her seeing this as a chance to give ricky a proper goodbye. however, at this point, it has been well established that gina a) does not want ricky to worry over her, even if it hurts both of them, him in the short term (she thinks) and her in the long term and b) is not coming back. this is the crux of this argument. ricky cannot make a choice between someone who does not want to be chosen to save them from hurt + presumably cannot be there physically. at this point, there is no choice between gina and nini because gina has removed herself as an option.
gina returns to east high on opening night and the first time that ricky sees her is on stage. he is awestruck and rushes backstage to get the opportunity to talk to her. when they see each other, it’s a combination of nerves and awkwardness and relief. the first thing he says is “still can’t believe you’re actually back,” to which gina replies, “one night only. don’t blink, you’ll miss me.” this again establishes the fleeting nature of her return. in one of the only uses of a confessional in this episode, the camera cuts to ricky, where he says that it’s tough seeing gina again. in a short time, she became one of his closest friends (and something more that they never addressed). in fact, he says it feels like she “never left.” he says a lot more, but ends with saying something is different. this scene serves two purposes: showing the impact that gina has had on ricky’s life and showing that he’s regressed into “who he always was,” a ricky where the only option is nini, and gina’s leaving is the catalyst for that. I can talk a lot more about the implications of this scene and the other talk that they have in the s1 finale but I want to talk about the flashback that we see in 2.06.
by the end of the night, ricky has confessed his love for nini. unbidden by the need to choose, he leans into what feels safe and comfortable and accomplishes in what he set out to do at the beginning of the season. interestingly enough, this moment is directly juxtaposed by gina entering the room just seconds after nini leaves to say her goodbyes to ricky. I think the most important line in the scene is when gina says, “I wouldn't quit on us if I wasn't moving away. so now, I’m gonna give you a really tight hug and then I’m gonna walk away with my head held high.” tears are in both of their eyes (and mine) as they hug and the scene ends. I think the wording here is so important. gina cares about ricky and wants to let him know that her walking out of his life is not by choice. again, lack of choice in this situation! it’s also interesting to note that the scene ends with the hug, not with gina leaving.
this is getting scarily long so I just want to add one thing from s3. ricky tells jet, after helping gina set up a promposal for ej, that he can’t believe he let Color War slip through his fingers (obviously meaning gina). ricky regrets not being able to choose gina in the past, and every action he’s done in this season has been him putting gina first, choosing her first in everything. he’s been robbed of this choice in the past and refuses to let that happen again.
#ricky bowen#gina porter#ricky x gina#rina#hsmtmts#rina hsmtmts#gina x ricky#gina porter x ricky bowen#ricky bowen is in love with gina porter#i don't know what's scarier#the length of this#or the fact that I didn't say everything i needed to say#ricky has been so selfless this season#and this is driven by his love for gina#which is also selfless#he never wants to make her feel like she isn't a priority#he loves her so much#okay done with tags#rina endgame
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i would like to point out to the rinis that claim if nini (no hate to liv) was still there ricky would’ve ended up with her, and that he settled for gina. are we watching the same show??? the boy who feared change of course is going to go back to what is familiar to him. i’m not minimizing his love for nini. cause of course he loved her that was his first love.
but as soon as gina stepped into his life that didn’t matter. his feelings for gina have ALWAYS been there but when gina was going to move he pushed them down and ignored them. he resorted back to his old habits. him getting back with nini was him settling. he wanted something to remain the same and nini was his one constant. so the argument that he settled for gina is null and void.
in season 2 we see how incompatible rini is as a couple. we see how ricky is not his best self while with her and how nini feels suffocated by him. when nini doesn’t fit the narrative of being the same and has all these new opportunities her way, ricky gets upset. ricky isn’t truly supportive. the most selfless thing ricky ever did for nini was breakup with her.
in turn with gina he’s loving her selflessly. he wants her happy. in season 3 where we watch ricky come to terms and accept change and his feelings for gina, instead of trying to sabotage portwell he’s supportive. helping her set up a promposal, not accepting gina’s invite to dance after she’s rejected by ej, not jumping at the opportunity to tell her how he feels when portwell breaks up, apologizing after wdykal because he felt his feelings were too obvious and overwhelming, hell even at the premier his biggest priority was making sure they could stop the trailer because he knew it made gina look bad. he’s always been supportive of gina. made her a priority. gina always understood ricky. made him feel wanted. the fact of the matter is season 1 rina was not ready for one another. they both needed to grow. but they were inevitable. rini and portwell were both of them settling.
#ricky x gina#ricky bowen#gina porter#rina hsmtmts#hsmtmts#hsmtmts season 4#ricky bowen x gina porter
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hsmtmts 306 thoughts:
- the phones rule does not make sense considering so far kourtney and ej have both been seen using their phones
- this show is so unserious because you’re telling me gina passed out and they played around her, she woke up and they wanted her to play the last point?
- ej truly does not understand that what’s bothering gina is not him being busy this summer like please it’s only for 2 weeks she will be fine. what’s bothering her is that she doesn’t feel a good enough girlfriend for him to confide in and then he does the exact same thing again
- jet didn’t purposely out maddox thank god because i already like him so much
- maddox and gina are my favourite crackship of the show/season (season one was ej and carlos and i didn’t have one for season 2)
- this is probably the first time i ever liked miss jenn
- the way ricky kept making gina laugh? oh my babies
- ej is so unserious because how does he spend his time throwing jabs at ricky but then goes to him to confide or know about gina? no self awareness whatsoever
- RINA HUG !!!!
- ricky helping gina do a promposal for ej, my selfless kid i love him so much
- i feel like there were better way for ej to handle the promposal than just flat out say he can’t be her date
- gina has been putting so much effort into this relationship since season 2. she was the one that chased ej when he shut her out over something she didn’t even say herself and now she is the one that chases ej when he again does not have time for her. ej has not put half of the effort into this relationship
- the fact that there were no fireworks between them, oh i love symbolism
- ashlyn having her oh moment it was so cute
- ricky crying over gina and the fact that he let her slip away oh my baby that’s karma but i still love you
- ricky’s dad’s gift was so thoughtful and cute
- also although i thought gina was gonna be more conflicted throughout the episodes, i love that it shows her trying her hardest to keep the relationship afloat and communicate with ej. gina nor ricky can be blamed for the problems of this relationship
#hsmtmts#hsmtmts season 3#gina porter#ricky bowen#jet hsmtmts#ej caswell#hsmtmts maddox#ashlyn caswell#hsmtmts jet#ricky and gina#rina#ricky x gina#hsmtmts rina#gina x ricky
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seriously, if you're going to have a character arc come full circle in terms of fulfilling goals that they'd had in the beginning, do it like Loki, not like Our Flag Means Death.
Loki fought the whole season to prevent the inevitable, but then acknowledged that his wants were ultimately selfish even though the motivation was altruistic. He tried absolutely everything he could literally time and time again, trying to save the timelines and the TVA and his friends, and preventing the time war.
He even spent centuries with his friends off screen and there was a significant reason for the time skip! (looking at you, infinity war and endgame! fuck that five year time skip! we knew everything would ultimately stay the same except for the fact that Loki learned theoretical physics and what he needed in order to move the plot along. Fuck, they even just acknowledged there were several times he lived through certain circumstances because of how he acted and what he said in that final attempt at the Mulitplier. They managed to both show and tell in a way that fucking worked for the pacing.
essentially, loki tried so hard to achieve what everyone thought would save them, and when they finally succeeded, it still wasn't enough. and as opposed to choosing between time no longer existing or killing sylvie, he asked people for advice. Everyone essentially said "kill the one to save the many" and we know for damn sure that old Loki would have done just that. He would have killed Sylvie and been done with it.
But he had character growth! he wanted people to have free will! he wanted his friends to be able to choose between life on a timeline or life with the TVA! he didn't want to kill a person he cared about, even if that was the only answer! so he took their opinions and ultimately said "fuck that" and sacrificed himself.
he wanted a throne and a purpose in the very beginning, then he learned he didn't want any of those things - he wanted to be loved! and THEN he realized that he would have to sacrifice that love in order to save existence and the people he cared about. sacrificing those things was the last resort. so he ended up alone. on a throne. burdened with a terrible purpose. but it was for selfless reasons.
now! how am I making this about izzy, you ask? well! season one, izzy was incredibly selfish! but even then, we have the first divergence of character arcs.
Loki spends his first season learning that people deserve free will and sometimes he needs to relinquish control. he learns he needs to trust people.
season one izzy basically doesn't have a character arc! he begins and ends the season wanting blackbeard. then season two comes along and they speedrun his character development in what, two episodes? and half of it happens off-screen between the seasons!
but both loki and izzy learn that what's important to them is community, love, and the freedom for everyone to be who they want to be. where loki fights tooth and nail to hold onto these things before he must sacrifice himself, izzy's choices of self-sacrifice throughout the beginning of the season are motivated by selfharm and suicidal ideation - he believes he deserves punishment for what he has done in the past.
then, Izzy's last choice of making himself the target is less for wanting to die and moreso trying to give the others the chance to live. arguably, this is a step forward in his narrative? idk, putting yourself in the line of fire is still putting yourself in the line of fire, regardless of motivation. but, oop! he doesn't die here, no. he survives the talk with Ricky. huzzah!
however! he dies moments later due to being shot as a result of 1) no one checking to make sure Ricky was disarmed, 2) stede's suicide mission, which was literally the only plan they tried, and 3) even though people in this show can survive falling from the crow's nest onto the deck or being stabbed multiple times through the torso where there actually are important organs, the show wanted to tell us that "people die for real sometimes."
but it doesn't stop there! izzy then refuses any attempts to save him, and then apologizes to his codependent for... being codependent... yet this act of his dying is thus reinforcing that very codependency... and he "wants to die"...
like. if loki could have it any other way (and trust him! he's tried!) he would. he would choose life with his friends and loved ones. but he chose self-sacrifice as a literal last resort because it was the only way.
if given the chance, would the izzy that existed at the end of season two have chosen to live? not only was his death the result of someone else's plan, but it wasn't even a matter of the plan going to shit and THEN izzy sacrifices himself. no, his death was simply a byproduct of the plan going to shit. and then it was turned into a metaphor for the very character he was codependent on.
loki's motivations changed, he fought for any and every other possibility, but his end result was ironically what he had sought in the very beginning. it is tragic and beautiful.
izzy's motivations changed, but he never tried to keep what he had. he never forgave himself. he forgave literally everyone except for himself. he reverted right back to being willing to die for blackbeard. it isn't even tragic, it's just poorly written.
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EJ Caswell Deserves Better
I am so angry at how they handled EJ storyline this season. Never in my life would I have thought that I would be advocating for EJ Caswell of all characters,but here I am.
EJ deserves so much better. All he wanted was to make the play good,so that everyone would get to show off how amazing they are. So that he could stay in Salt Lake City to be with Gina. I know he neglected Gina this season , and that is completely his fault. However all he wanted was to be appreciated and he still didn’t get that. All he wanted was to prove to his dad that he was worth it, and his own father hung up on him instead of telling him. He wanted to prove to Gina that he was going to fight to stay because he knows Gina’s never had certainty.He still ended up being second choice like always. I understand that in season one he did things that were horrible and Nini had a right to break up with him;but he changed and put in the work to become a better person. He has shown time and time again that he will never ever stop trying to be a better person. This season he was so selfless,caring and scared. This boy is 18 years old and had to direct a camp play that was going to be broadcasted to 63 countries around the world. Keep in mind he has never done anything like this before and he still pulled it off.
Also one more thing and I know people might get angry at this. I don’t mean to start an argument nor do I want to be arguing with people in my mentions. But Ricky does not put in the work to be the lead or in my opinion to be with Gina. He is very talented and I do like him but the fact that he doesn’t put the same amount of effort into the show like all the other characters is just disrespectful because there are people that work really hard. I don’t like that Ricky has kind of had everything handed to him when it comes to being the lead or being with Gina I just feel like he hasn’t put in enough work or effort to be worthy of Gina. We know he has feelings for Gina but Gina‘s confession scene needed to be Ricky‘s because Ricky has not plainly said his feelings out loud for Gina. I feel as though it’s been Gina putting herself out there or dealing with her feelings throughout Rina’s journey.I know there’s been build up but I just feel like it hasn’t been handled very well. Regardless of Portwell or Rina. Gina deserves to be told how much she’s loved
Not to mention the fact that EJ has chosen time and time again when it comes to Ricky to be the bigger person. He had every right to get mad at Ricky and Gina,but he didn’t because he knew that he cared about both of them. Whether he liked it or not they were going to be together. He deserves to express his feelings fully without feeling like he’s going to hurt anybody. He deserves to be mad at Ricky even if it’s just for a little while. Even when he had the chance he chose to take the high road.  I hope in season four we see him at community college or something furthering his interest in filmmaking. I really hope we see him thrive and heal from everyone’s rejection. I want to see him confident in himself and his future. More about that here
I want him to know that he deserves to be someone’s first choice. That he deserves to be appreciated and loved. I want him to find his family/people.
If you want to think he’s lesser than Ricky just because he screwed up TWO WEEKS OF SUMMER with Gina, fine but acting like he’s better than Ricky as a whole is a lie
#ej x gina#ej caswell#gina porter#ricky bowen#portwell#anti rina#risotto#team wonderstudy#EJ caswell deserves better#hsmtmts 3#hsmtmts
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Regarding the ending to the finale, do you think Ricky should've confessed or it should've been Gina? Also, do you think Gina should've initiated the "starting over" or Ricky should've?
When it comes to those two scenes, I think everything happened pretty much exactly as it should have.
I know some people were/are upset that Gina was the one to profess her feelings because they felt this season was building to a confession on Ricky’s end, I get that. I think the most important thing to keep in mind, though, is that Ricky’s reluctancy to tell Gina how he felt had absolutely nothing to do with him not wanting to or not being ready to tell her and everything to do with Ricky prioritizing Gina and her happiness over his own.
In 305, he literally tells Gina, “Yeah, I guess it’s hard not to just say what you feel, you know?” (while the Rina cue plays). In contrast to how difficult it was for s1 Ricky to express his feelings for Nini, it’s — by his own admission — difficult for s3 Ricky not to express his feelings to & for Gina.
He doesn’t, though. First, because Gina is with EJ and Ricky wants to give her the best possible chance at being happy with him — or rather, he wants to give her the best possible chance at being happy, period, and if EJ happens to be a factor, then so be it. Just like Gina told us she would “never step on what [Ricky] has with Nini” in s2, now, in s3, Ricky is offering her that same kindness. They both want to see each other happy, even if that means sacrificing their own happiness and breaking their own hearts in the process. Then, when Carlos warns him that a trailer for the doc is coming out next month and it could potentially have Ricky’s on-camera confession in it, he tries to tell her at Prom — but he sees the tears streaming down her face and decides against it. Eyes big with concern, voice soft, he says, “it can wait if there’s something you’re working through.” He doesn’t want to burden her with his own feelings when she is already going through so many of her own. He wants to give her the space to process. He will wait to tell her until she is ready to hear it because, again, Ricky is putting what’s best for Gina above all else.
Later that night, when he notices the light is back in Gina’s eyes and there’s a smile, a real one, brightening her face and she asks what he was going to say earlier, he’s about to tell her — & then he finds out that she has just broken up with EJ. He could use this to his advantage, take this moment to swoop in now that Gina is effectively single, but of course, he doesn’t. Once again, he doesn’t want her to have to bear the weight of his feelings for her when she needs the space to process her own. He’s broken up with someone before, he knows this pain, this bittersweet relief of making the right choice even if it hurts like hell in the moment. He understands what it’s like and he would never dream of giving her something else to worry about on top of that, if he can help it.
The reason I bring up (some of) Ricky’s acts of selflessness towards Gina earlier in the season is because him choosing not to confess his feelings for her in the finale is another example of that. He had no idea how long it might take for Gina to get over EJ. Recovering from a breakup doesn’t have a one-size-fits-all timeline, and he didn’t want her to feel pressured, like she had to move on from him sooner than she was ready to. He needed Gina to make the first move so he could know that this is what she wanted now, that she had healed and he wasn’t crossing any of her boundaries.
Ricky not wanting to overstep Gina’s boundaries is also the reason why she needed to be the one to ask if they could start over in 302. That day during improv, (206) when Ricky asked Gina to be his partner and she turned away from him, some part of him knew why, though he wasn't ready to confront that "why" yet. Still, he saw this as her proverbial line in the sand. As much as he wanted to be a part of her life, he didn't try to force his way into it. He waited until Gina was ready to make him part of her life again and, as soon as she invited him back in, he tried to be as present as possible for her.
Now back to that final finale scene.
The confession shows how perfectly they complement each other, really. Ricky needs someone to tell him how they feel. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s one of the reasons Ricky was so quick to “take a chance” on Lily. Simply because she looked him right in the eyes and told him how she felt about him. Ricky needed those words of confirmation/affirmation from Gina. Gina, however, has always wanted & needed someone who “shows up” for her. Words don’t hold a lot of weight for her because she equates them with empty promises. Her mom reassures her that they won’t move again for awhile and then, two months later, she’s packing up boxes. When her brother comes to watch her performance in Beauty & The Beast, he tells her he’s “trying to make up for lost time.” but then he slips out to catch a flight before the show’s over and, as far as we know, hasn’t really kept in touch since. Then there’s EJ, who promises they’ll be on the same team for Color War so that they can spend the day together and hopefully celebrate a win later — but, instead of being with Gina, he spends most of the day in the barn, getting a crash course in Directing from Miss Jenn. & then he swears he’ll save her a dance on Prom night, but he’s nowhere to be found when that final song starts playing.
Gina has been let down by words too many times, they’re no good to her without action — which is why Ricky showing up for her all summer, proving that he cares, meant more to her than anything he could ever say. & it’s why Ricky kissing her in response to her confession meant more to her than some grand speech. Gina needs action, Ricky needs affirmation. She told him how she felt & he showed her.
In giving each other what they needed, they both got what they wanted.
In addition to Gina’s confession making perfect sense for their characters, it also fits with the general theme of the season for Ricky: second chances. Although the context & circumstances are different, that final scene is meant to parallel the opening night flashback. That night, he listened as Gina told him how she felt, he held her as she cried and then, when she told him she was going to walk out of there with her “head held high”, he let her. Mostly, I think, because he wasn’t sure he had any other choice. He thought he was never going to see Gina again and, just seconds earlier, had gotten back together with Nini — what else was he supposed to do? He couldn’t confess his love for Nini one minute and then tell Gina how much she meant to him the next, that wouldn’t have been fair to either girl.
So much has changed now, for the better. The timing is right. So, this time, when Gina tells him how she feels and says she’s going to walk out of that theater with her “head held high” unless he stops her, he does. He knew this was his second, & probably last, chance. He watched Gina slip away once before and has regretted it ever since, he’s not going to make that mistake again.
#i know tim's original version had ricky confessing to gina but he made the right call in scrapping that IMO#ricky x gina#rina#hsmtmts#hsmtmts s3#asks#anon
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An Underrated Rina Moment
This:
That whole coat check scene was of course amazing and Ricky’s selflessness and their chemistry as usual really shines through. But the underrated aspect I’m specifically talking about is Gina’s willingness to hear Ricky out, despite her current heartache. Will come back to this in a bit.
Hella long post ahoy :3
This whole season, we’ve watched Rina repair their friendship, converse more freely, goof around, make each other smile and laugh, and replace awkwardness with that typical unresolved tension always underlying their interactions. We’ve also seen Gina’s subconscious trust in Ricky start being restored. This started in the barn in s3e3 when Ricky unintentionally tells Gina the very words she’d definitely needed and wanted to hear. (Still getting her innately). After their adventure, we start seeing her actively seek him out. The bucket list moment is the first time Gina has taken initiative to approach Ricky to talk or hang since Valentine’s Day in s2e3. And then we see her continue to easily confide in him her relationship struggles after WDYKAL, and in the Colour War, she has no reservations hanging out with him, joking around, telling him everything going on with her, and asking him for assistance with her plan. And through it all, Ricky has selflessly and actively wanted to help her/support her and does just that, even pushing aside his breaking heart for the sake of Gina’s happiness this summer. And he regains her trust.
But there’s a common theme here:
The repair in their trust and confiding in each other has all pretty much been Gina to Ricky. As in, Gina finally opening up to Ricky about her inner struggles again. But not the other way around. As we’ve seen, Ricky has been largely reserved with sharing his own struggles with Gina. In their interactions, he holds back whatever he’s feeling, whatever is on his mind, and makes sure to allow Gina full space and time to share what she wants with him at her own pace, and he matches what she needs in full.
Ricky clearly spent his time in Chicago introspecting and dissecting everything that had changed in his life including with his family, with his relationship with Nini, with becoming part of theatre. That probably also includes his fall-out with Gina and every interaction they’ve had, likely in an attempt to figure out what it is that he did that put Gina off. He probably remembered treating her like some dirty little secret on Valentine’s Day, the jokes about the chocolates, confiding in her about Nini, Gina shutting him out, closing her door on him, and ultimately concluded he’d been selfish with her and took her for granted.
As much of a chocolates truther as I am lol, I think this strained expression?
…was more rooted in a sense of awkward guilt because I do think that while working on himself last season, Ricky retroactively realised what events coincided with Gina becoming more subdued around him and ultimately not talking to him anymore. I feel like he’s cringing at the reminder of how he behaved and how oblivious he was to everything but his Nini issues.
And this season, we’ve seen him selflessly going out of his way to be there for Gina, supporting her, hearing her out, helping her with every one of her endeavours. Not just out of a sense of guilt from the Spring, but also because he likely grew to understand how one-sided their friendship had started to become when he got back with Nini. He’s working to right that wrong by being there for Gina 150%. Plus, he definitely missed her, her vibrant laugh and smile, her energy, how in sync they were, and wants her in his life in any capacity, even if it means being a cheerleader for her relationship. And in doing so, I think he has decided to keep everything to himself, most likely to make sure he doesn’t commit the same mistake from the school year when he drove Gina away by being a bit self-involved. I think he’s definitely scared to lose her again so he’s approaching their friendship more carefully and selflessly now, through making sure only her needs are met.
(I headcanon that Ricky’s comment to Nini in the breakup—that he didn’t like who he was becoming—also in part had to do with how much he was prioritising his relationship to the detriment of his friendship with Gina, but that’s another post for another day).
So that brings me back to this wonderful moment:
He checks first if she wants to hear it. And Gina is 100% willing to listen to Ricky’s important news despite her heartbreak.
This is the first time this entire summer/season and since mending their rift that we’ve seen him commit to confiding in Gina or open up to her and actually approach her with something troubling him.
And I’m positive Gina has realised this too. From her perspective, this is the first time Ricky has tried to open up to her, an avenue that signifies renewed reciprocal trust. From her perspective, Ricky is willing to put his faith and trust in her again too through sharing something that matters to him. From her perspective, this is the first time he's needed her for anything since their falling out at the Quinceañero.
Here, she turns around and faces Ricky with undivided attention the moment he tells her he has something important to say. And above that, responds with what I interpreted as a hopeful tone that he’s finally opening up to her. Even earlier this episode, she kinda tries to get him to open up to her and tell her how he feels via “Hey Ricky, you okay?” (His brain is fried so he can't respond).
But going back to coat check, of course, he reasonably backs off because she’s crying and emotional at the moment. But this is the second time he’s clearly backed off from saying something. The last time he’d somewhat hinted at having something he wanted to say, he kept to himself. And Gina gives him this borderline suspicious glance:
So I believe she’s already had a feeling that he’s been holding back on her or withholding something. But now that he’s finally ready to talk, she’s adamant on meeting him halfway and hearing what he has to say. (They do that for each other).
Even though she avoided him, I think Gina highkey missed Ricky too, his humour and good-natured goofiness, the way he enjoys her presence just as she is, the way she can turn to him for things she struggles with that he just understands and she never really has to explain. Especially as camp took off and her friends briefly shunted her in a 1.0 box and her boyfriend, though gave her cute flowers, didn’t really understand or listen to the deeper aspect of why being cast as Anna means so much to her.
(Again: Ricky knew without prompting, and right after that, Gina consciously starts spending more time with him).
All that to say, Gina clearly wants Ricky to confide in her too, to truly re-establish their bond, start over the way they used to be, and recreate that give and take that made them get so close so quickly in s1. The moment they reunited at camp, she was immediately ready to put it all behind her and be friends again, so I’m pretty confident that she wants him in her life in a larger capacity. We see that throughout the season and especially in Camp Prom, where she is much more proactive in trying to hang out with Ricky or talk to him.
By the end of the night, despite everything currently pre-occupying Gina’s mind and time: her fresh breakup, the time she needed on the swings to compose herself, focusing on supporting Kourtney through her beautiful journey to overcome her fears…
She happens to run into Ricky and immediately:
And then encounters her recent ex-boyfriend and the wave of sadness hits her again, but even so:
Ricky’s important something has clearly been on her mind too. This moment after the water bucket challenge is pretty much s3’s equivalent of “say it” reversed, but I think it goes beyond just that. She continues to gently prod him to tell her what he needs to say, and I think her reasons why are threefold:
1) Because EJ withheld from her this whole camp, making her feel disconnected from him, making her feel insecure about her place in his life, and after the breakup, she most likely wants to feel needed or trusted by someone in a way her ex didn't make her feel,
2) because Ricky has spent these past weeks being there through all of her concerns and helping her, prioritising her, wanting nothing in return. He helped her when she needed someone and now she wants to return the favour,
And 3) despite the fact that they have started over, Ricky and Gina still haven’t worked up to being mutual confidantes as they used to be. So it seems to me that by persisting, she’s trying to let him know he can trust her. That she’s forgiven him for his selfish blunders in s2. That she’s opening that door fully between them and that it's okay for him to share with her again.
You can’t rebuild a deep friendship on a one-way street, so in order to truly confirm their reconnection, Ricky needs to open up to her now and fully let her in his life just as she’s committed to fully letting him in her life again.
And I think that is so beautiful and subtle a moment because it is not told, but shown in how Gina insists on wanting to support Ricky through whatever important information he has been keeping to himself. This moment of her attention to Ricky is a genuine indicator that they've moved past the imbalanced and uneven relationship of s2. That now they both are ready and willing to be each other’s person again, give and take, after 3-5 months of being far away both literally and metaphorically.
Given that they both tend to be able to get each other or read each other without much prompting, I do think Gina has an inkling of what Ricky might have been wanting to say and her looking back (and Ricky missing that she looked back !!!!) was included for a reason. But she was definitely disappointed, as we can see here:
I think her disappointment may possibly stem from her feeling like he’s still holding back from letting her in. That maybe he hasn’t yet grasped the fact that she's opened a channel between them because she wants him to confide in her again just as she's been confiding in him. But that’s a process in progress and may take time since Ricky is unwilling to encroach on her after losing her friendship in s2.
But, Ricky did give Jet advice that sometimes when theatre kids have trouble expressing themselves, they sing it out. So I’m expecting a callback to this, this time with Ricky being forthcoming to Gina through song.
I might be looking into this scene too much lol, but thass what I do. Either way, no matter what happens, I’m really looking forward to seeing how this hanging thread between them eventually gets resolved, even if it takes all of next season.
#i love these two dorko cuties#ricky x gina#rina#ricky bowen#gina porter#hsmtmts#meta#yes she does speak sometimes
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tbh i am kinda worried if the chocolates are a part of season 4, because ricky lied (even if it wasn’t maliciously) and joked (not malicious as well, but still bad) about them, especially since she hates liars. and especially because it’s been months. it’s honestly the one worry i have about their dynamic, weirdly because i came across a pro-portwell fanfic around the time when the alternate script of their first kiss came out from that aroundthewaygirl person because it was in the rina tag and it made me rethink how bad it kind of is, especially because nini is kind of mentioned like he was shielding himself “and i was going through such a weird time with” idk sjdjdjfj
pws don't really have the best track record so i wouldn't worry about their thoughts on the show ksdfhkdjf
re gina saying she hates liars, i feel like that’s kind of addressed with the scene at the end of 3x07. i'm pretty sure gina's fully aware that ricky's not being honest about what was caught on camera and that he’s choosing to lie about it bc she just broke up with ej, considering that he blatantly pauses for a few seconds to think of what to say and his change of tone after she tells him about the break up. they’re also just generally pretty receptive of each other, so imo her saying
is moreso geared towards ricky lying about his confession bc it wouldn’t be right to tell her at the time, rather than the ‘carlos looks majestic in his olaf costume’ thing
and tying that into the chocolates, ricky lying about the chocolates was in a similar vein; he was thinking of gina’s feelings. i can't speak on the chocolates to too much of an extent bc it's still not fully canon yet so we don't truuuuly know ricky's intentions, but my belief has always been that he knows what it feels like to feel forgotten by his mom and he didn't want that for gina, which is supported by the original script, "i knew you… needed something. or deserved something." and diving back into how gina would feel about it, it would be going behind her back for a good reason, which…………
it's obviously a bit more nuanced than that and i think that it'll cause tension. but ultimately in regards to lying, there's a fundamental difference between the lies ej told that gina hated & the lies ricky told, ricky only ever really lied in consideration of gina's feelings.
i’ve said this before, but one of the biggest qualms i have with the original confession is that i don’t want ricky to tell her that he got the chocolates bc that negates the reason that he got them in the first place – so gina wouldn’t think her mom had forgotten about her. it’s meant to be a selfless act. if the chocolates are brought up in s4, i’m hoping that they change their approach to it and i think that would address most of the concerns you have. the conflict about timing would be different bc instead of it being ricky keeping something from gina until it could benefit him, it would be a she was never supposed to find out type of thing.
idk if i would necessarily say that he’s using the nini mention to shield himself, i think it’s meant to serve as an admission of him having harbored feelings for gina for a while with an attempt to explain why he never acted upon them, and gina deserves that explanation. it wouldn't have been fair to gina for ricky to make it seem like there's something between them while he was still holding on so tightly to his relationship with nini bc it felt safe & comfortable in the face of his fear of change. ricky didn’t necessarily handle things the best way but it would’ve been significantly worse if he had dragged gina into it all.
they’re teenagers, they’re not perfect and ricky definitely didn’t handle things perfectly in s2. but it’s understandable & you can see where he’s coming from considering everything he’s going through. and if anyone’s gonna understand him, it’s gina.
all that to say, i think a chocolates reveal would cause some tension between the two but tension that can be resolved, bc gina would understand that ricky ultimately lied to her bc he didn't want her to feel alone. so yeah, idk if this alleviated any of your concerns regarding the chocolate theory possibly becoming canon, but i hope this makes some sort of sense bc i had to type this all up twice & my brain's a little fried SJSHFSKJF
#rina#answered#anonymous#i was just gonna throw screencaps in for the quotes but the 2x05 one would've required 3 so. doing the most!#can't believe i had to type this all up twice ihy so bad new post editor#pretty sure the first iteration of this was much better written & explained but idr exactly what i said.. it hurts
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Ep 8: absolutely fucking insane, I have never been this shocked at anything - I was certain Rina wouldn’t get together til s4 I did NOT see that coming
I’m not going to lie I was looking forward to a few more eps of angst and drama and pining before Rina endgame in s4 but I’m not mad…
Even though there are some things I was hoping to see (Gina reluctantly coming to terms w her feelings for ricky, some sort of tension between them, etc) paced over a few eps, I think the finale did touch on these points, just in a more condensed way than I expected.
I think I’d have found it more satisfying if rina ended this season on the same page about their feelings but not expressing it yet, for different reasons, setting up for s4 confessions … this is a personal preference bc I love a long slow burn and the build up > established relationships generally - I think what actually happened worked well and was a fitting end to both ricky and ginas arcs for the season.
So far, we’ve seen ricky pining and realising how strong his feelings for Gina are, while Gina has been less clear in her feelings towards ricky and focussed on saving her r/s w ej, until ep7 when I think she realises that ricky has feelings for her and she starts to acknowledge she never got over him (eg her disappointment when he lies, her saying friendly fibs are ok, her convo w ricky at the beginning of ep 8 about wanting to know where she stands and her saying ‘she’s done’). I think she was waiting for him to confirm his feelings, and when he didn’t, she was clear with him about how she felt and gave him a final chance - which he took !
Bc we already knew exactly how ricky felt (she’s changed him and she’s what he knows about love, he isn’t going to confess his feelings so as not to burden her and is willing to pine in silence) her giving her perspective, paralleling the s2 flashback, made perfect sense. It’s very true to ginas character that she would be straightforward and honest, which is coincidentally exactly what ricky needs - clear confirmation that she likes him and is allowing him to reciprocate that.
Ricky not confessing actually is the culmination of his arc this season, maturing and being selfless re Ginas feelings - we also pretty clearly see that he’s hurting and pining over gina during opening night, but only makes a move when it’s obvious that she wants him to - he’s not doing what he did in s1 and putting his feelings first. He kisses her first the second that he CAN
I will say that I would love to know what went down in the month we didn’t see - were ricky and gina interacting like in the rest of the season? Did some of the tension from earlier (like gina avoiding rickys bday surprise) and the fact that ricky claimed they were faking their feelings come up?? How long did it take gina to accept her feelings for him again?? I think a lot of the answers can be inferred but I would have liked to see it - basically what I expected and hoped was that it would touched in the first few eps of s4.
Overall excellent end to an excellent season, and ginas speech and the kiss was a great ending … cannot wait for s4 and rinas secret dating while playing leads era…
#hsmtmts rina#hsmtmts season 3#hsm the series#hsmtmts#rina#ricky bowen#ricky and gina#ricky x gina#gina porter#ep 8#3x08
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a portwell shipper saying their relationship is all about ricky is very funny and ironic considering their ship but i digress. anyways ricky did everything for gina this season and was selfless to the very end. even taking away what tim said her confessing makes the most sense narratively
100% agree! ricky has always been selfless towards gina, even when not reciprocating her romantic feelings. she was always his friend in spite of it all, and he has always cared for her. he could feel her emotions, and despite not acting out on the yearning that she expressed, he still cared for her. and he clearly didn’t reciprocate her feelings for obvious reasons, exhibit a being his relationship status with nini at the time. portwell was clearly used as an obstacle during this season, and what those shippers can’t comprehend is that the entire relationship was one-sided all because of ej, who couldn’t multitask his responsibilities well enough. so portwells just want to express their disdain for rina being endgame by lashing out on everyone with the most invalid points. they just make zero sense which is why i try not to listen to them most of the time bc they’re clearly immature and evidently bitter lmao. anyway, at the end of the day, this was a huge W for us and it’s only getting started. ricky loves gina very much and i highly doubt that he’s ever going to let her walk out of his life again! :D
#i am content and happy and i’m gonna go watch that scene again and cry some more#hsmtmts#gina porter#ricky bowen#rina#ricky x gina
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Oscar Diaz was hands down the best, kindest most selfless character on On My Block. He was the person who was the most deserving of a happily ever after, and yet this is what he gets for trying to save his little brother. And then there was literally no repercussion for his death and the gang drama was never brought up again. The fucking disrespect.
I am sick of writers thinking a happy ending doesn't constitute good writing. The thing about watching a good character struggle through how many seasons is to see him get a happy ending he wanted and deserved in the end, not to be killed off for literally no fucking reason when he's achieved his happily ever after.
When season 3 ended I was all about wanting to save Cesar, but honestly Cesar didn't deserve Oscar's loyalty and he definitely did not deserve Oscars sacrifice and thinking about how Oscar's story ended when he had everything he ever wanted and the life he deserved just makes me so pissed off and it has completely put me off this season.
You know what they say about being careful about what you wish for?
Well this is that. If I knew saving Cesar would come at the cost of Oscar, I never would have wished for it.
Cesar, Monse, Ruby and Jamal's petty problems ended up being just that, petty. Lil Ricky's appearance felt like a tacked on afterthought. The theory that Chivo was actually Lil Ricky would have been more surprising and creative turn of events (not that I dislike the actor they chose for the role).
But honestly Oscar's fate is why I ended up disliking the season so much (besides the fact that it did literally nothing and achieved absolutely nothing in the end - and then they killed abuelita).
I honestly don't know if I'll be rewatching after this season now that I'm done with it. I'm just so fucking pissed about Oscar.
Seriously fuck this show.
#on my block#on my block spoilers#oscar diaz deserved better#oscar diaz#oscar diaz spoilers#abuelita deserved better#better to die a hero#then to see yourself become a villain#literally season 4
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I’ve been thinking about why Gina is far and away the most compelling character in the show for me. I think Sofia Wylie is doing brilliant things with her character. I can’t find a screencap of this moment, but in “Spring Break,” as Gina first descends the escalator, there’s this look on her face. It’s a subdued expression that she’s probably worn a thousand times in her lifetime. She looks disappointed, yet resigned, that she’s on her own again. She’s always on her own. And life is chill, and she’s chill, and it was just a thing that she did for no reason when she shared the flight cancellation update on her story.
She is so used to focussing on “making her mark” because people let her down. People leave, and she leaves, and she’s never close enough with anyone to be invited to a sleepover or romantically pursue someone. Which is why she pushes people away and hones her craft instead. Because, what’s the point when she’s just gonna move again?
And this season, she’s wrestling with letting people in. It didn’t work with Ricky. She put herself out there in such a vulnerable way, and she got crushed. And I’m sure part of that is she knows she can’t compete with the history between Ricky and Nini. She has never, ever been afforded the luxury of history. And has resigned herself to the idea that no one will ever consider her someone they need in their life.
She’s said she’s been waiting for a sign twice this season. And both times, the people close to her deliver. Ashlyn literally serenades her, begging her to stay with her. Ashlyn loves her so much and calls her her sister. For someone who has an estranged brother and is currently away from her mom, this is a big thing. And I’m sure the pressure she gets from her mother to be the best must feel complicated for her. I kinda think her mom harps on that because it’s the only survival mechanism she think of for Gina to take moving from place to place in stride. So Ashlyn’s unconditional love for her is overwhelming but not unwelcome. She went against her defenses with Ricky and got really hurt. But her love for Ashlyn convinces her to stay.
And then E.J. completely shatters her expectations of making do by herself. Not only does he show up to take her home, but he casually offers to bring her back the next day, like he would for any person he cares about. Her expression there is one of pure disbelief. She’s not used to any of this and is completely thrown but also incredibly delighted and touched. She never thought of herself as someone who would get picked up by someone from the airport. She never thought that was an option for her life. And then in a simple selfless act, he hands her a granola bar, showing her he was thinking of her, not realizing that’s the one thing she’s been missing all day. While her feelings for E.J. terrify her to the point of denial, she can’t help but hope a little and continue to let him in.
I’m so here for her story and her acceptance of the people in her life who love her. Gina’s ambition is still there, but she’s not hiding behind it as her defining trait anymore. And I really, really love this character growth.
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summer rain: chapter 4
Your days in the Training Corp aren’t too out of the ordinary. You make friends, you train hard, and you eat dinner every day.
Oh, and you’re also hellbent on getting revenge against Humanity’s Strongest Soldier.
Chapter 3, Chapter 5
i have finally found the two perfect songs for this series and that’s everytime by chen & punch and talk love by k. will so go give those a listen because damn if it isn’t these two idiots.
anyways, enjoy the chapter!
Nothing is right anymore, and yet people are so quick to adapt to any sense of normalcy they can. It’s marveling to watch how, in two measly days, the refugees have quieted down and stopped fighting for food. Stopped fighting, period. Now they seek comfort in one another, a sense of camaraderie in knowing that they’ve all gone through the same thing. And holy hells are there a lot of them.
Because soon after Shiganshina was torn through because of the monster they were calling the Colossal Titan, Wall Maria itself fell. Ploughed straight through by something called the Armored Titan as though it was made of feathers. The refugees here are safe - for now - but there are countless of people who weren’t lucky enough to get behind Wall Rose, and they’re out there dying right about now. No one knows if Rose is going to hold either. No one knows anything. So with the kinsmanship comes a heavy pretense of safety, in which everyone ignores how scared they are in favor of counting themselves lucky that they get to live even a single day longer.
You’re doing what you can. Obeying orders without so much as a single complaint. Of course all rations are to be given to the refugees, so you’ve only had one eighth of a potato in the past twenty four hours, but it’s better than nothing. For once, you can’t find any fault with your situation, because no matter how terrible or hungry or scared you’re feeling, there is undoubtedly someone feeling worse.
Such as Ricky.
His mother and old sister managed to get to the boats. His father and younger sister weren’t so lucky.
The two of you had been stationed inside the base together, to watch and hand out resources to the refugees, but you’d immediately taken full responsibility and told Ricky to stay with his family. He’d pulled you into a bone-crushing hug and ran off, leaving you alone with your thoughts. Unfortunately, they’re pretty unpleasant.
Captain Erwin Smith is famed for bringing home soldiers who are still alive. That and Levi’s raw skill with his ODM gear makes you hopeful enough that he’s alive, so you try not to think of him. Frankly, it’s selfish to worry about a single person when there’s so many people at risk, so you bury the troublesome thoughts and focus on your job.
The Garrison has done a good enough job with the resources they have, but the Military Police’s presence is aggravating more than anything. They’re here to keep order, not to keep people safe, and everyone knows it. You wonder if your mother would prefer if you joined with these bastards instead of the choice you’ve made for yourself.
There you go again, being selfish. It’s always been about your life, and your absolute disdain for boredom. Out there, good people are laying down their lives. And you? You enlisted in the Training Corp as some form of self-fulfillment. It’s the first time you’re feeling this overwhelming guilt, as you realize just how ignorant your point of view is. You’ve never even so much as seen a titan, and yet you fancy yourself a soldier.
What a stupid girl you’ve been.
A tug on your uniform makes you snap out of your thoughts, and you look down to see a small girl with black hair wrapped in a scarf that’s too big on her. You blink, and try your best to smile reassuringly.
“Hey. You need something?”
The girl’s voice is quiet, soft, as though she’s trying her best not to be a bother. “They said you were giving out blankets here. May I have four of them, please?”
You nod, leaning down to check the crate by your feet. Unfortunately, you’d been swarmed by people asking for blankets just a few minutes earlier, and you’re just one short of how many the girl needs.
“I only have three left,” you begin apologetically, biting your lip, “but wait here, I’ll go check with someone else.” But you know that’ll be pointless, all the other stations have probably run out too, and if they haven’t, they’re saving for themselves. Calling them out won’t make them give it to you, that much is for sure.
Even the little girl seems to know that much. She shakes her head, taking the three blankets you offer her. “It’s alright. Three is enough. I’ll give them to the others.”
You frown. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter much. But you know that you would hardly be so selfless in the same situation. Hell, you would have wanted two blankets to yourself - these thin sheets are only going to do the bare minimum to keep people warm. The girl piques your curiosity.
“What’s your name?”
She hesitates for a second, then says, “Mikasa.”
You hum as though you’re thinking about it. “Pretty name. Who are the blankets for?”
She smiles faintly at the compliment. “My friends, Eren and Armin, and Armin’s grandpa.”
Not her parents. Your heart breaks for her. You’re not going to pry, the girl has probably seen enough, but you admire her maturity and willingness to spend the nights cold. It must take a lot to love some people so dearly that one would give up basic comfort. To risk getting sick, which, given the circumstances, may just be a death sentence. Yes, that kind of love is truly special, and you wonder if you’ll ever love someone that much.
You want to be a little selfless, too.
“Here.” You shrug off your uniform jacket, draping it over her shoulders. “I know it’s not much, but it’s better than nothing.”
Mikasa’s eyes widen. “But don’t you need it, ma’am?”
“Eh. They can make me another one.” You shrug. “Besides, to tell you the truth, orange isn’t really my color.”
Her eyes shine tiredly at the unexpected kindness. “Thank you.”
You watch her run off, letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in. One person helped, out of thousands. It shouldn’t matter - you’re probably never going to see that girl again, you wouldn’t even know if the dumb uniform would do her any good. But there’s a part of you that can rest just a bit easier now, knowing that a child won’t be completely exposed to the harsh winter coming in. If the conditions of Wall Rose are anything to go by, you know that the refugees will be put to work in the fields very soon. It’s going to be a cold season indeed.
There’s been no time to process anything, which you’re almost grateful for. If you stop to think about the effect this is going to have on the fate of humankind, you might scream. There’s too much to think about, and there may be no time to think about it if things get even worse. For now, all you can do is try to help as many people as you can.
As Grumman always tries to drill into your head, it’s about dedicating your heart.
____________________
The new base and training areas are nice. That’s about all you can say for them. Losing the old one was akin to losing your home, and you know your comrades feel the same way, considering how awkward and depressing the shift has been. It feels stupid to start training again like the world hasn’t gone to shit, but you suppose it’s more necessary now than ever.
Everyone’s usual hijinks have stopped. Ophelia doesn’t cross her eyes and make faces whenever Grumman turns his back. Gunther’s habit of making finger guns every time he successfully slices a cardboard titan’s neck has ceased to exist. Even Traute, never one for jokes, seems even more morose and serious than usual. Everyone feels the loss keenly.
Ricky’s gone silent.
You don’t know how many people everyone has lost, and the worst feeling you’ve ever experienced is the relief that you haven’t lost anyone. It’s an ugly impulsive thought, but it trumps all the others in your head. Just overwhelming, horrible comfort.
It gets even worse when the Scouts return, almost three weeks later. There’s no cheers and hollers this time. Each and every single one of them is drenched in guilt and shame along with the blood coating their capes. Titan blood evaporates, you realize with a deep shudder.
The commander carries the same pain as the rest of them. Already, there’s been whispers of Commander Erwin, murmurs that Shadis is losing his touch and a younger, more clever man is needed. You don’t see how it matters who leads - titans are fucking titans, and they certainly don’t care. There’s no tactics that will make them stop being giant man-eating monsters.
You’ve been waiting for days to see Levi, but when you finally make him out, you quickly look away. The horrifying relief blooms in your chest again, and you curse and bless the circumstances that have brought you here. So he’s alive. So the constant anxiousness that has kept you up these last few nights is soothed. So what? Not everyone is as lucky as you. Things will never, ever go back to normal. You have no right to be happy about this.
When you glance at him again, you suck in a sharp breath when you see he’s gazing right back at you. There’s no brightness in his eyes, the rare spark that you’d seen in the moments the two of you shared is long gone. It seems like it was centuries ago. He’s seen too much. They all have.
There’s a question he seems to be asking you, but you have no idea what it is. You want to walk up to him, but a heavy force keeps your feet planted right where they are. All you can do is give him a confused expression, brows furrowed. It’s not like you’re telepathic. If he wants to ask you something, he’ll have to actually ask you.
But he doesn’t. He just looks away, seemingly conflicted, and continues to follow the others. When everything around him is hell, you wonder if you’re even important enough to be worth more than a couple of seconds of his attention. Thankfully, the thought isn’t painful like you imagined it might be. In fact, it’s a bit freeing to let go of this stupid, ridiculous, pointless plan. Your grudge against the lieutenant is about the least important thing in the world right now, so insignificant that you wonder how you ever thought it was worth your time in the first place. There’s no need to make yourself feel more like the foolish, self-centered bitch that you’re realizing you are.
The only problem that comes with letting go of this plan is that you’re letting go of Levi, and it’s a serious problem that the thought gives you such an aching pang in your chest.
____________________
Stephen is gently shaking you for a good ten seconds before you snap out of it, looking at him with a bewildered expression.
“Aren’t you going to go for your walk?”
You look around. Dinner is nearly over, and a few people have already filed out to go back to their dorms. You must’ve zoned out, like you have been ever since the Scouts came back earlier today. You’ve never been so unfocused in your life, simply because you didn’t like not knowing what was happening around you. This is so unlike you, but you’re not sure what to do to stop it. A dark cloud has settled over your shoulders, and you have absolutely no idea how to get rid of it.
“Yeah.” You sigh and stand up, squeezing his hand in thanks. “Ricky went to bed already?”
Stephen nods, with a concerned frown on his face. “I know you’re worried about him, (F/N). I am, too. A lot.” He takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to have to worry about you too.”
You wince apologetically, running a hand through your hair. “Shit, I’m really sorry. Look, I’m fine, I am. I’m just...thinking a lot lately, that’s all.”
The last thing you want is to have your friends take time out of their day to schedule an intervention for you. You’re not the one who needs it. It’s as though everything just makes you feel worse and worse - it’s just that you feel fucking useless all the time, and now you’re an emotional burden to Stephen, who just has to be sweet to everyone.
“You don’t need to apologize,” he says kindly, “just take care of yourself, okay?
“Yeah. You too.” You squeeze his hand again and then head out, beginning your aimless walk around the grounds.
The moon is shining brightly, an unwanted beacon to the despair brewing inside you. Truthfully, you’re spiralling, and you haven’t spiralled in years, not since you decided to take control of your life. There’d been no trigger then, or maybe life itself had been the trigger, and you’d holed yourself up in your room as your head spun out of control. Cheesy questions like what am i doing here and what is my purpose and am i ever going to do anything meaningful rose to your mind then, and they do again now.
Back then, you’d decided that the answer simply lied outside of Stohess. You still believe that, to an extent. Going back isn’t going to solve anything, but...what did leaving accomplish? Your desires are fulfilled, but there’s no purpose to any of this. Not when people were and still are dying out there. Is the only way forward to dedicate yourself to the noble cause of saving humanity? There mustn't be a person alive who can give themselves that goal and actually hope to achieve it.
Well, except one.
This time, you’re the one who finds him.
He’s standing by his horse, stroking the fur gently. Somehow you’ve walked all the way to the stables without realizing. You take a step back, intending to walk away, but the selfish part of you that you’re starting to loathe doesn’t let you go any further than that. You’ve missed him, so much. You’ve missed his bad attitude, his amused smiles, his tantalizing gaze. You want it back, selfishness and selflessness all be damned. Now that he’s here in front of you, it’s too hard to resist.
“Lieutenant.”
Levi looks at you, and his shoulders droop as he stares wearily. He looks like he’s aged several years, and you consider that he probably doesn’t want to see you right now.
“Sorry to disturb you.” You take a deep breath, willing your hands to stay still by your sides and stop clenching. “Were you going for a ride?”
“Yeah.” He takes in the sight of you and then lets out the slightest of sighs. “Do you want to come?”
“What?”
Never in a million years did you expect him to offer going on a horse ride with you, and never in a billion years did you expect yourself to want to accept. You’re so taken aback that it doesn’t occur to you to note the little stool he’s using to hike himself up (as though he can’t pull himself on - it’s a formality more than anything). Levi’s looking at you, waiting for an answer, hand outstretched like he’s actually trying to live up to the fucking prince charming title you’ve given him.
“Okay,” you agree softly, not really knowing what the hell else you’re supposed to do.
You take his hand and he helps you on - really unnecessary, you can get on a horse by yourself - and you swallow when you realize he’s placed you in front. If he wants, he can observe your every reaction to him, and see...well, you don’t know what he’ll see or what you’ll do, but you know it’s not anything you’re willing to show him.
He gets on behind you, an arm snaking around your waist before he instructs you to hold onto the saddle tightly.
Neither of you speak. The horse trots peacefully, never going too fast. The poor thing’s probably done enough running to last it a lifetime. You caress the fur gently as you enter the forest, the moon now cloaked by the towering trees, stealing away your capacity for sight. It’s not something you inherently mind, honestly, it feels good to just close your eyes and relax.
But deep under the guilt and midlife crisis (probably more than midlife given the world you live in), you’re still you. And you get restless easily, not to mention you’ve been craving a conversation with Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, and you don’t want to pass up the chance.
“How bad was it?”
Okay, maybe not the conversation started you should have chosen.
“Bad,” Levi answers without much hesitation, “really bad.” He releases a shaky breath and on impulse you place your hand over his, immediately feeling awkward right after. Do you grip his fingers? Pat him in a show of solidarity? You don’t know, so you don’t do anything, but you don’t remove your hand either.
After a beat, he says, “I was wrong.”
You wrack your brain about what he could be wrong about. Maybe about asking you to come with him just now. Your company hasn’t exactly been what you would call pleasant.
“About what, sir?”
When Levi responds, you feel his hot breath on your neck and you barely stop yourself from shuddering. He shouldn’t be in such close proximity to you. Doesn’t he know what he does to you when he gets this close?
“I said I wanted to see the day that smile got wiped off your face. Now that the day’s here, I wish I could take it back.”
You whip your head around, not even bothering to make sure you don’t accidentally hit him. Luckily you don’t, even though he’s not far from you at all, just a centimeter closer and the tip of your nose would touch his. In the dark, you can barely make him out, but the grey eyes that have fascinated you for so long are discernible even without any light. He’s watching you, so intently that your face burns up, and you pray to whoever’s up there that he can’t see you too well without the moonlight.
But can anyone blame you? Lieutenant Levi, the man who’d punished you for smiling, was now claiming that he missed the very smile that had made you the bane of his existence. You can’t chalk it up to his usual mood swings, because you know it’s not that. You know he’s trying to tell you something, and you’re so close to figuring it out.
You don’t even flinch when his finger curls under your chin and tilts it up just a bit so he can appreciate the view properly.
Even in the dark, you know his lips are just a mere inch away from yours. You wonder what he tastes like.
No.
You turn back around, heart pounding wildly in your chest. It’s wildly inappropriate to think about doing something like that. You can’t, not when he’s your trainer and lieutenant and humanity’s savior. Whatever this is, you have to reel it in control.
“I can’t,” you say, and then quickly clarify so he doesn’t get the wrong idea, “I can’t smile. Not when so much has happened. How can I smile when people...when they’re out there...when you and the rest of the soldiers have sacrificed everything and I’ve done nothing?”
It’s not as though you expect him to give you the most motivational speech in the world, but when he answers, “You’re going to sacrifice plenty in the future,” you feel overwhelmed with guilt, and you just want it to stop. He doesn’t know. Doesn’t know your plans, your motivations, or why you’re here at all. He thinks you’re someone that you’re really, truly not.
But you’re not brave enough to tell him any of that. So you opt for the other truth, the less relevant but equally as pressing one.
“I’m not strong enough.”
“No,” Levi murmurs in agreement, “but you’re going to be.” Both his arms are curled around you, and there’s something uplifting in his tone when he says, “4 AM tomorrow, understood?”
Just like that, your goal changes.
If the lieutenant thinks that you can actually be useful, then maybe...maybe you actually can. You’ve somehow gotten in the top ten without even meaning to, so it’s not too much of a stretch to think you could be really good if you actively tried. And he’s still willing to train you - even after all that’s happened, he doesn’t consider you an added bother to his already difficult life. And you plan to value that, now. You’re going to get better, stronger, faster. No more passivity. And maybe if you do this, you can ease the guilt brewing inside before you completely drown in it.
“Yes, sir.”
Determination has risen back inside you, but a ghost of a smile only reappears on your face when you hear him yawn, something you’re one hundred percent sure you’ve never seen nor heard before.
“Are you actually sleepy, Lieutenant?” you tease quietly, “it’s not even 11 PM yet.”
“You should be happy,” he mutters, “all your efforts trying to chase away my insomnia and it’s finally worked.”
If not for the trees providing you safety in the form of the absence of light, you wouldn’t be as bold to do what you do next. Closing your eyes, you lean back and hunch down, resting your cheek against his chest. He stiffens a little at the close contact, but doesn’t say anything or push you away. You won’t kiss him, but you can allow yourself this much, just to seek comfort in the safety he provides just by being there. He’s so, so warm.
The horse rides on, and Levi keeps his arms around you and on the reigns.
Truthfully, as you listen to his heartbeat, you don’t think you’ll ever know who comforts who most tonight.
____________________
The next morning, you’re there before he is, on your fourth lap by the time he walks up. If Levi’s surprised, he doesn’t show it. He only takes his new spot on the new grounds at this new base, and watches you from afar.
Naturally, he still barks at you that your stance is sloppy when you start doing your squats, asking you snidely how many times he’s told you that you need to squat down at a ninety degree angle and just what you did in your early mathematics classes if that’s what you think ninety degrees is. He still presses you into the ground with his foot when you attempt to do a push-up without going all the way down. And he absolutely still withholds your water privileges until you’re practically dizzy from your activities.
Except this time, you have no complaints. You do what you’re ordered.
And maybe stop to give him one or two pointed glares.
When he dismisses you, you find that you’ve still got a bit of energy left. You’re certainly not sleepy.
“Will you spar with me?”
Levi raises a brow, unimpressed. “So you can get your ass handed to you again?”
“I’ve improved!” you cry out indignantly.
“Oh yeah, you’ve made great strides.” He snorts, digging his heel into the ground and raising his fists. “Okay, (L/N), give me your best shot.”
With Lieutenant Levi, the thing that matters most is the element of surprise. Last time, you went for his legs, so he’ll see that coming. You quickly scan his stance - how is it that you two have spent so much time together and you still haven’t located a single weakness of his? Not that that’s what you’re doing anymore, but it would sure be helpful in a fight. Needless to say, you need to think fast.
So before either of you can move, you cry out in pain, clutching your side. “Shit! I - I think I pulled a muscle - ow, fuck -”
Levi’s beside you in an instant, hand reaching down to inspect your stomach. Damn, you’re a better actor than you give yourself credit for. As soon as he reaches out, you grab his bicep with both your hands, plant your feet, and yank up as hard as you can.
No, you probably can’t throw him over your shoulder. But you can at least try to whirl him around you and then tackle him while he tries to regain his balance.
Well, you could if Levi didn’t twist his arm out of your grasp within a single second and grab you in a chokehold.
“Playing dirty, are we?” he whispers in your ear, “naughty girl, I should keep you here an extra hour just for that.”
Gasping for breath, you pat his elbow repeatedly in defeat. Surrender, you surrender! After holding on to lord his victory over you just a little longer, he lets you go, and you suck air into your lungs desperately.
He doesn’t make you stay any longer, but nonetheless, you certainly lose your brawl. How disappointing.
“I’ll...get you...next time…”
Levi’s lips quirk into what can be taken for a smile. “No, you won’t.”
“Yes I will!”
____________________
You lose the next time.
____________________
And the next time.
____________________
And the next.
____________________
It’s a whole two months later when Ricky laughs again.
There’s nothing funny about the situation at all - everyone is freezing their ass off in the middle of nowhere and questioning just how surviving a snowy mountain is going to improve their combat skills. No one was brave enough to ask this question before, though, so now all they can do is deal with it. The problem is that your group is definitely lost.
“Well, this is great,” Gunther groans, sinking on his knees into the snow. You wonder how he can handle the cold biting past his clothes and into his skin.
Ophelia, who’s been pessimistic since the beginning, seems to take this as her permission to sling her bag off and completely give up. “We’re going to die up here.”
You huff. “We’re not going to die, but yeah, we’re gonna lose some merit. They’ll probably send a search party by morning.”
“T-tell us, (F/N),” Gunther says in that smarmy tone of his that makes you pity his parents, “how exactly are we going to make it till morning? You got a fur coat hiding away in those custom boots?”
Ophelia snorts and you narrow your eyes at him. “If I did, I wouldn’t share it. And they’re not custom, it’s actually a very popular brand item.”
“Well, mind trading with me? All I have are these ratty ones.”
“I do mind, actually.”
Ricky hasn’t said anything, only observed your interactions with a blank expression. You let out a pained breath, filled with disdain at seeing your precious oxygen visibly. Yeah, you’ve decided you’re not a fan of the cold, not one bit. You’re already one of those people who is cold all the time, and this isn’t really helping. Apparently no one has any idea, and although Gunther was assigned team leader, you decide to step in.
“We have two options.” You hug yourself, rubbing your arms in an unsuccessful attempt to warm up. “We could try to find some shelter and stay alive till morning, or…” You sigh, not really a fan of all the work that goes into option two, but it’s still the one you’re leaning towards. “Or we get our shit together and find out how to get back to the cabin tonight.”
You’ve got something to prove, after all.
Ophelia’s teeth are chattering as she says, “W-where the h-hell will we find shelter out here?”
“Nowhere. That’s why we’re gonna go with the other idea.”
“Someone’s eager to hold onto her position,” Gunther accuses, “even if it means sacrificing her team!”
“Oh my God, who am I sacrificing? Who have I sacrificed so far? No one!”
“Yet!”
You make a rude gesture and stalk off on your own. The others call after you, but only Ricky follows, grabbing your shoulder before you misstep and tumble into the icy ground. You groan loudly, this is so not how the night was supposed to go. You have to make it back.
“You’ve changed,” Ricky says all of a sudden. “I’ve known that for a while, and I know that we all have, but you’ve done a complete turnaround. I mean…” He hesitates, considering his words carefully. You wonder if he knows that just by doing that, he’s showing that he’s changed quite a bit too. “You would have decided to give up on this by now. So what’s the deal?”
Honestly, it’s surprising that it’s taken him this long to ask. Nonetheless, these days you’re glad to hear Ricky speak at all, so anything he says is welcome. That doesn’t mean you know how to answer his question, though.
“Like you said, we’ve all changed. I just decided to…” You trail off and shiver, rubbing your hands together.
“Give a shit?”
You give him a weak smile. “Yeah.”
Ricky nods, looking satisfied enough with the answer. There’s a slight shift in his expression as he peers at you. “It’s not out of pity, right?” When you look confused, he clarifies. “Not out of pity for me. I know I don’t matter that much to you - I just mean, if you feel bad for everything that’s happened, to everyone, you shouldn’t.”
Scoffing, you glare at him, with crossed arms. “Who said you don’t matter to me?”
“Do I?” He grins, looking genuinely surprised. “Me, the outer city peasant?”
This time you allow yourself to speak without thinking. Sometimes, the moment just calls for it. “Yeah, well, we rich folk have to do some charity work sometimes.”
That’s when Ricky laughs, and oh, how you’ve missed the sound. He throws his head back, looking up to the sky like he’s praying. Snowflakes coat his cheeks, and when he looks back at you, his eyes are bright, and he’s gazing at you in the same way you’re sure he once gazed at his poor, lovely little sister who couldn’t make it long enough to see her brother step up and become a hero of humanity.
Then he grabs your arm, yanking you forward.
“Come on, twerp.” He ignores your protests that his hand is freezing. “Let’s get you off this mountain.”
____________________
Okay, Petra definitely knows that you’re trying to compete with her for the number one position. She’s just too nice to say anything, so the two of you just silently try to outdo each other in every which way. Teacher asks a question in class? Either your hand or her’s will fly up right away. Grumman walks by? Well, the two of you are saluting faster than anyone else can even ball their fist. There’s an advanced exercise at 2 PM? You both finished your exercises early and are there at 1:30.
You’re not even sure when you started competing with her, but here you are.
And to be fair, you’re neck and neck with the star student. In classes, you’re basically equal, her because she works hard and studies and you because you retain information well and can play suck up rather well. As for hand to hand combat, you pretty much top your entire Cadet Corp except maybe Traute. When people are paired up to train to steal the knife from each other, no one ever wants to partner up with you (which both hurts and is rather flattering). Yeah, in a fight, you’re pretty much secure. It’s the 3D maneuvering where Petra has you beat.
Now, you’re not bad at using your ODM gear, not by any means. She’s just a damn natural. Any maneuver that takes you five days to pull off is one she can manage in three. A part of you wishes that she actually was a horrible person - then you could at least use your dislike of her as a motivator to beat her. Alas, you’re quite fond of the other girl.
These complaints are what you find yourself telling Levi one morning, after requesting that he watch you fly through the forest. Nowadays it wasn’t entirely unusual for you to stay past 6 AM, either doing extra training or just talking to him. He’d complied, and you’d gotten gear for the both of you to use in the forest.
Seeing him in action only serves to make you even more grouchy about your own skills. Levi’s already fast enough on his feet; with the ODM gear he seems nearly invincible and you have an inkling he’s not performing to the best of his abilities just to monitor you. When you finally tire yourself out, you grumpily toss the gear off, head out into the grass, check for bugs and flop down onto your back once you’re sure it’s safe. “I don’t get it,” you moan unhappily, “why can’t I do it as well as you can?”
Levi steps in front of you, his head blocking out the rising sun. Ah, perfect. “It’s because you enjoy it too much.”
“Oh, is that your professional diagnosis?”
He sucks in a long breath, which you know translates to you’re so fucking difficult, damn shitty brat. “My professional diagnosis is that you’re a dumbass.”
“Aww, thanks, sir! But I only take medical advice from licensed professionals.”
Levi notes your position and moves out of the way to allow the sun to blind you. You wince, squinting in the sunlight, and your hand comes up to shield your poor eyes. Averting your gaze, you peer straight up. In the middle of spring, from the open grounds down below, the clouds have never looked more beautiful.
“Wanna lay down with me? It’s therapeutic. The grass feels great.” You beckon him down next to you, but he shakes his head, instead choosing to deliver a small kick to your side. You hiss - someone seriously needs to do something about the lieutenant’s violent tendencies.
“Do you think I’m doing this so you can look at the pretty sky?”
Tossing your arm over your eyes, you say, “No, you’re doing this because you’re interested in me.”
The sound that Levi lets out is so strangled that you immediately look at him, concerned. He turns away from you for a second, scoffing with his cheeks tinted slightly red, and that’s when you realize he took your statement in an entirely wrong way. You’re a bit offended nonetheless, he doesn’t have to act like it’s disgusting to even think about you in that way. People have been interested in you! It’s happened, you’re a delight! He’s just blind, that’s all.
“I meant interested in me as a subordinate.” You sit up, knees hunched to your chest. “Now that Commander Erwin is in charge, everyone knows you’re going to get promoted soon too. Get a whole squad all to yourself.” Grinning at him, you let your palms rest on the blades of grass beneath you. “Hunting for your own lieutenant, Captain Levi?”
Huh. The title rolls right off the tongue. It suits him pretty well.
He looks at you strangely for a second, before holding his hand out. As you tug yourself up, he mutters, “Please, if I was going to have a lieutenant, I’d need someone competent.”
“Well,” you drawl, not bothered, “I’m not interested anyways.” At least there, you’re being truthful. Even if the thought makes you feel ashamed.
You and him continue to bicker as you walk across the grounds to put the gear back in the shed. While you don’t exactly walk slowly, you don’t go at your fastest pace either, itching to prolong the time that the two of you share. A stark contrast to the first few weeks you trained with him, when all you could think about was going back to bed. Now, nearly a year and a half later, you’re not sleepy, you’re not angry, and you don’t hate him.
When it’s time to part ways, you pretend as though you’re studying him carefully.
“What?” Levi snaps, but there’s no bite to his bark.
“I stand by what I said earlier, about you wanting a lieutenant.” A small smirk spreads on your lips. “But I also think you just have a crush on me.”
He stares at you. A second passes. Two seconds.
Three seconds.
You burst out laughing, hitting his shoulder. “You should see your face! Did you think I was serious?”
He looks at you with his eyes narrowed crossly, only serving to make you laugh louder.
“Minx,” he finally says, shaking his head, “a fucking minx is what you are, (L/N).”
____________________
“It’s raining!”
The excitement with which you squeal those words has nearly everyone rolling their eyes, but they follow you out anyways. It’s nice of them to abandon their lunch for this momentous occasion, rain during the summertime. You feel a rush of love for your fellow cadets, specifically for the three people who are right besides you. Of course you’ve always considered Millie your best friend, but Ricky and Stephen had filled a piece of your soul that you didn’t know was empty. This is your family, and you love them.
“Stephen!” Millie’s voice comes, scolding next to you. “Are you serious?”
“What?”
“He still doesn’t know what regiment he wants to join.”
“Leave him alone,” Ricky asserts, taking a swipe at her that she ducks.
“I know what I want to join,” Stephen mumbles, “I’m just not sure…”
Somehow, you know exactly what he’s considering. The rain gives you courage.
“The Scouts are wonderful.” Stephen turns to you, surprised, and you let out a giddy laugh. “They’re amazing. Brave, and heroic, and they kick ass. You’d do really well there, Stephen.”
You’re rambling, but by some miracle, Stephen takes your words to heart and makes his decision.
“Okay,” he says, with a wide smile on his face. “I’ll join the Scouts.”
Ricky coughs into his fist, something that sounds suspiciously like kiss ass. You’re too enthralled by your current environment to notice that, or Millie’s disapproving glare.
Bathing in the rain, you spin around until you’re dizzy. Droplets pour down your face, soaking your hair, your uniform, and you couldn’t be more thrilled. This, really, is what happiness is. The chance to fool around in the rainfall, to throw your hands up and feel precisely just how little of a speck you are in the vast, wide world. Slipping a hand into your bun, you let your hair down, closing your eyes as you soak up the thrill.
Everyone is chattering in groups around you. No one is mourning the lunch that has been long forgotten in the mess hall.
There’s grey eyes watching you when you open yours, a fond smile that you think he probably let slip past the tough exterior on his face. No one can resist this weather.
Maybe third time’s the charm. Even if it’s not, it doesn’t hurt to try, right?
You raise your hand and wave at him.
From the distance, still watching you closely, Levi sighs softly and then waves back.
Something you’ve never felt before bubbles up in your chest. It threatens to consume you as the others become a blur in the precipitation around you. You feel light on your feet, almost as though you’re not even touching the ground anymore. Affection? Adoration? For him?
Maybe it’s because of the stupid way he holds his teacup. Or maybe it’s the way he looks at you like you’re the funniest, most ridiculous person he’s ever met. It might be how his touch always lingers, how he’s always warm, and how he never fails to catch you when you stumble. How about that dumb cravat, why is he always wearing that?
His sarcastic quips, always ready to fire back at you. The way he brushed your tears away that time he’d found you crying. How he never pushes you to open up more than you want to, and how truthful he is. The feeling you get when he smiles or laughs at you, knowing it’s a rarity for him. His eyes, a blend of silver and charcoal that you could stare into for hours and still never get tired of.
It’s here, dancing in the summer rain, that you realize something that really should have been painfully obvious. There’s a reason you notice all these things. There’s a reason your heart is fluttering right now. There’s a reason that time has frozen, and there’s a reason you feel like you’re floating a thousand miles up in the air.
It’s because you like him. You really, really like him.
Oh, shit.
reader on her first day: wow levi’s eyes are beautiful
reader whenever levi is in front of her: damn he is so alluring
reader every time levi so much as glances at her: does he like me?
reader for two years: if levi asked me to have sex with him i would
also reader: omg i have a crush on him??? how is that possible?????
falling for a guy just because he finally waved back at you after like sixteen months is kinda weird but you do you girl.
one chapter left! :O
#aot#attack on titan#aot x reader#levi x reader#levi ackerman x reader#levi ackerman#valkyrie stories
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Since you used to shipped Rina but now you shipped Portwell Which ship do you think will be the series endgame Portwell or Rina (assuming Joshua, Matt and Sofia stay on the show until the very end)?
Thanks for your ask anon! ❤ I wanna start by saying everyone is entitled to theorize who will be the endgame on the show, no matter what they ship. To each their own. 😁
In my opinion, I think it's highly likely Portwell will be each other's series endgame. Rina could have a fair shot too, but I'm just not sure Ricky and Gina can help each other's characters progress in a positive way, romantically (I believe they can help one another as [best😄] friends tho). So far, the 2 seasons have proved Rina's relationship has been more beneficial to Ricky than to Gina (but I believe S3 could provide some balance for the two in their friendship. Ricky just has to put in the work to show that their friendship is a two-way street).
I know there has been much speculation about Matt/EJs future on the show since EJ is a senior who just graduated from East High. While I can understand some theories/spec suggesting (or hoping) S3 is EJs last season, I'm more inclined to believe EJ is here to stay on the show for the rest of HSMTMTS's run. Lemme explain. 😙
We know for a fact East High's Theater Club is an "extracurricular" (according to the Principal in 1.06). That means most of the events the show documents takes place after school, once regular periods are done. If EJ starts college in the fall, since he's an undergrad, the majority of his classes will take place in the morning/early afternoon hours. Depending on what he decides to major in, it's likely that he'll have to do 100 + volunteer hours in his specific field. If this happens to be film studies/producing/theater etc., I have no doubt Mazzara or Jenn would be more than happy to help him out. If EJ were to do his major-required service hours at East High, this would mean he would still be on the show because it all takes place after school/classes. I've seen some theories about him working at EH but that seems...iffy to me. I don't love that idea. 😐 As someone who has graduated from an American college for her bachelor's degree, I think it's way more likely EJ will have to do volunteer hours in his specific field for his major (which would take at least 2 semesters [or S4-5]). I doubt S3 is EJs last season. I'm pretty sure Tim already has plans in place to keep Matt's character on the show in an organic way. I mean, they mentioned EJ getting into a state school for a reason.🤷🏽♀️ I've seen some criticism from the fandom about EJ being a "loser" and wanting him to "move on with his life" beyond high school, but it's clear to me many of these ppl probably haven't attended their undergrad yet. Whether you like it or not, once you declare a major, you have to do a certain amount of hours in that field using the resources available to you. Why wouldn't EJ ask his former teachers for help in this? 🤦🏽♀️
That being said, I think it's very likely Matt, Sofia, and Josh will be on the show until the very end, especially since they're all core four members. I think S3 will be Gina making a final decision on whether or not she stays in Salt Lake. I personally theorize she will end the season wanting to move back with her mom (which would be completely selfless) but her mom surprises her by moving back to Utah, permanently (or for as long as they want). I think that would be the perfect way for the narrative to reward Gina for her selflessness on the show.🤗 EJ, like Gina, will also have to make a big decision on his future in S3. I suspect this would end in deciding to attend the state college he got into and major in something that he wants, not what his dad wants for him.
So far, it looks like Gina and EJs character arcs will continue to cross paths and help each other grow in a positive manner. They could very well encourage each other to make the right decisions on their futures in S3. In my opinion, given the narrative of the show, Portwell will be the endgame of the series. I think it's safe to say Redlyn and Seblos are deff endgame because they're side ships that don't have to deal with too much drama, while any of the Core4 ships are up for debate in terms of endgame. EJ/Gina/Nini/Ricky will always have to deal with most of the season's drama b/c they're the main characters. 😬 So, there's that. Regardless, I believe Portwell will be each other's endgame on the show. But it's perfectly fine if others disagree!😄 None of us write the show, so we don't really know what will happen in the future. We won't know about the endgames until the very last season of the show, and who knows when that will be.🤷🏽♀️ Right now, we should probably just enjoy the anticipation leading up to S3. I for one am so excited! I just know they're all going to look so good in their summer looks.😍☀️
#hsmtmts#hsmtmts speculation#hsmtmts s2#hsmtmts s3#gina porter#ej caswell#portwell#ej x gina#gina x ej#ricky bowen#rina#gina x ricky#ricky x gina#nini salazar roberts#redlyn#seblos#benjamin mazzara#miss jenn#thanks anon!
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good enough (draco malfoy x fem!reader)
Good Enough
Draco Malfoy x fem!Slytherin!Reader
*based loosley on the song ‘line without a hook’ by ricky montgomery*
Request: can I ask for Draco x reader where the reader is sassy, but also kind Slytherin (like one of the kind Slytherin)?? And Draco has a huge crush on her? Super fluffy? ~ @lennylangdraws
Warnings: low self-esteem, angst, smidge of house stereotyping, i don’t know the meaning of fluff im so sorry
Authors note: you asked for fluff and I have no excuses for how this turned out except this song has been stuck in my head for weeks now. I hope you like it anyway despite the angst... i tried to make it fluffy make up at the end?
Also, I’m not saying this is a prequel to vulnerable love, but it kinda fits... pretty sure it makes vulnerable love hurt more though.)
.
Draco wasn’t sure it was possible to want back what he’s never had.
He never knew being stuck in the awkward phase of being an ‘almost couple’ is something he could miss, that he’d ever long to feel the heat that would creep up his cheeks when their eyes met, to feel the nauseating butterflies flap in his stomach when she smiled at him or the jolt of nervous energy that would rip through him whenever their fingers accidentally grazed each other’s under tables or in corridors.
Yet now that those little things are beyond his grasp, he’s desperate for them again, desperate for her. It might be easier to miss her if she were gone, rather than just sitting at the other end of the Slytherin table, or across the room during classes, it would be easier not to see her, the constant reminder of what he’s allowed him self to ruin.
They weren’t supposed to get along, every conflicting personality trait dooming them to a life as enemies. Everyone knows her, the ‘nice’ Slytherin. It’s a title given to her by her classmates, the too-cocky Gryffindors who can’t see past Slytherin’s bad reputation as bullies and snobs, a bad-reputation fuelled by Draco Malfoy himself.
No one could have expected them to end up the way they did, dates in Hogsmeade or hushed conversations by the common room fire in the early hours of the morning and afternoons spent by the lake. No one could have expected them to get along so well.
Draco knows that everyone has expected this though, for them to fall apart before they’ve even had the chance to begin. It’s what they’ve expected of him all along after all, to break her heart.
He’s pretty sure he hasn’t got the right to be looking for her like this, seeking her out desperately to get her back, once again deluded into believing he ever had her in the first place. He’s the one who called it off in a moment of certainty that it was the right thing to do, a selfless act. And so it’s wrong for him to be here right now, back in their secret spot.
She’s exactly where he assumed she would be, curled beneath the tree she was always affectionately calling theirs. His entire body tenses painfully at the sight of her, face hidden in her palms and body shaking, not from the cold, but from the trembling of barely silenced sobs.
He wonders if it’s his racing heart that she can hear that alerts her to his presence and has her looking up from her hands, teary eyes meeting his in surprise. Then, she pulls her brows into a well-justified scowl and a lump forms in Draco’s throat that he can’t seem to swallow.
“What are you doing here?”
An incredibly valid question for which Draco can only provide selfish answers. It seems silly to tell her that he’s hear to win her back, and futile given her growing anger. Yet he won’t be able to live with himself if he doesn’t, miserable without her.
“I miss you.” He gulps honestly. “Truthfully, I’ve been a mess without you.”
“Merlin, Draco.” She gasps out a laugh of disbelief. “Maybe you should have thought of that before you started ignoring me. Frankly, that isn’t really my issue.”
“I know.” He sighs apologetically. “I know, I didn’t mean-“
“Just get it over with, Draco.” She rolls her eyes. “Say your piece and leave me alone.”
He nods, taking hesitant steps forward towards her, the frost coated grass crunching under foot. She avoids his eyes as he takes a seat beside her, staring determinedly at her lap and making a conscious attempt to hide the quickly accumulating tears.
“Aren’t you cold?”
She lets out a loud exasperated sigh and refuses him an answer. He agrees with the sentiment of it, regretted the stupidity of it the minute it left his lips. Still, he leans forward to pull the Slytherin scarf from his neck and twists himself to allow him to wrap it loosely around hers, fussing with it until he’s reassured that she’ll be warmer for it.
“You looked cold.”
“Tis’ the season.” She mumbles sarcastically.
Her sarcasm is another thing he’s missed from her, and it draws a momentary smile to his face. Then, the moment is over, and his eyes have fixed on the tear stains painting her cheeks, proof of his own fatal mistake.
“I’m so sorry, (Y/N).”
She scoffs.
“Two weeks overdue.”
“I know.” He agrees sheepishly. “I know, (Y/N).”
“Then why are you only here now?” She questions. “Why did you do it in the first place? You can’t just act like you have feelings for someone then disappear and ignore them for weeks!”
Her voice wobbles and cracks at the end, much to her own dismay, and each breath she takes is jagged in the way one’s always is when trying to conceal tears. He watches her press the balls of her palm to her eyes in frustration, letting out a small whimper that has every inch of him aching with remorse.
Part of him, a self-preserving part, tells him to lie. It’s a side of himself he’s grown to hate recently, the side that pushed him into this mess in the first place, and so he knows better than to bargain with it again. So, with a deep breath, he chooses to tell the truth, he chooses to be vulnerable.
“I’m not good enough.”
Although exhaled in a whisper the revelation is startlingly loud. Perhaps its due to the serene quiet always felt on crisp cold days like today, where the sun hangs low in the sky and the lake lies unimaginably still, or perhaps it’s the raw honestly in the statement that makes it seem so alarmingly bold.
She blinks at him, lips parting in surprise and brows furrowing in confusion or concern, Draco isn’t sure. He can hear his pulse in his ears, a slight trembling in his hands that he knows has nothing to do with the chilly breeze. He’s done something profound, terrifying even, and opened that vulnerably part of himself to someone, with no control over what happens to it next.
“What?” She manages.
“Everyone knows it, (Y/N).” He explains nervously. “I’m a terrible match for you.”
“Who the hell is everyone” She frowns. “Since when did they matter?”
There is a certain protective edge to her voice that he doesn’t deserve, but it replays itself in his head over and over, clinging to it for hope. It takes him a moment to let it go again, to push it down and answer.
“They’re right.” He sighs. “You’re too good a person for me, I’m too Slytherin.”
The concern instantly leaves her eyes, she sits forward with an urgent look of disbelief and another of her signature scoffs. She’s giving him an inspective look, trying to figure out if he’s serious, or if he’s suddenly picked up a new, strange sense of humour.
“You’re kidding, right?”
He isn’t quite sure what to say and his silence fuels another disbelieving shake of her head.
“I am a Slytherin, Draco.” She exclaims. “No matter what those big-headed Gryffindors are always saying, I was sorted into Slytherin and I’m proud of it- you’re supposed to be proud too, not agreeing with those stupid stereotypes.”
“It’s different.” He exhales in frustration. “I am those stupid stereotypes!”
Draco Malfoy has never been considered modest.
Self-confidence isn’t a trait earned in the Malfoy family clan, but rather inherited between generations, a birth right bestowed upon them the minute they are old enough to understand. It’s a confidence Draco has always been comfortably protected by, unwaveringly sure of his own self-importance gifted to him by his ancestors
Yet something about the infamously kind (Y/N) (Y/L/N) has him constantly falling apart at the seams with the need to be good enough for her. He’s never met anyone like her, no one so capable of making him question the unwarranted self-importance he was raised on as a Malfoy.
Even now, wrapped unceremoniously in his scarf, late falling orange leaves lying in her hair and her cheeks stained with tears, he’s never felt so undeserving of a person in his life. She’s a lady, and he’s just a boy, he’s heartbreakingly inadequate.
“I just want to be someone you can be proud to call yours.”
With his eyes solemnly fixed on his lap, anywhere other than her reaction, he jumps slightly at her cold fingertips on his hand, prying them from the tightly curled fists he has no recollection of clenching and slipping her fingers into his.
“Draco, look at me.” She pleads softly. “Please.”
He does so slowly with her encouraging squeeze of his hand, she’s smiling at him, sympathetic, but unpatronizing.
“I am proud.” She states softly, but confidently. “I don’t want some perfect golden boy, I want you, Draco.”
Three words he never knew he needed from her, ‘I want you’, and they fill a space in his chest that was gaping for reassurance. She’s amazed him again as she always does, she has a talent for making him speechless than no one else has ever mastered.
“You’re so harsh on yourself you haven’t even realised how much you’ve grown, Draco.” She informs. “You’re not the bully you used to be, you’re not the carbon copy of your father anymore, and I’m sorry that no one has allowed you to move on from your past to see your present.”
She smiles sheepishly at his dumfounded expression and gives him the moment he needs to collect his thoughts and process it all. Then, slowly, he’s shaking his head in surprise, letting out a soft sigh.
“You’re too good to me.”
“Don’t make me repeat myself.” She jokes. “I think I straightened that misconception out already.”
“No but- you’re just so…”
The heat burning his cheeks is worse than ever before, he feels almost overwhelmed by it all, her compliments, her smile, that genuine look in her eyes that convinces him she’s unwaveringly sure of every word she’s said.
“Thank you.” He blurts finally. “Especially after I- well I ruined it all.”
“Yeah, I won’t lie, you really fucked up.” She admits. “But you’ve made an honest recovery…”
“Thank you for giving me a second chance.” He exhales gratefully. “You didn’t need to do that.”
“I was going to tell you to piss off after the ‘are you cold’ bit to be honest.” She chuckles. “Stayed because you gave me your scarf- which I’m stealing by the way.”
“Take it.” He urges, a smile finding his lips for what he’s sure is the first time in two weeks, since his misguided decision to end their almost-relationship. “Take whatever you want from me, it’s yours.”
She lets out a shaky breath and gulps. She purposely drops her gaze momentarily to his lips before retuning them to his eyes again, a gesture that has his eyes widening and the tips of his ears turning scarlet. Slipping her fingers from between his, she tentatively cups one of his cheeks, fingertips grazing the red colour blossoming on his pale skin.
“Can I kiss you?”
“I-“ He chokes. “Yes.”
She smiles nervously, reassuring him that he’s not the only one flustered. Then, curling her free hand around the lapel of his jacket, she pulls him closer with eyes shut. Their lips are cold when they meet, and slightly chapped by the cool air, but neither care. Draco places a hand on her waist, pulling her somehow closer as their lips begin to move hesitantly together. She lets out a soft content sigh, sending a breath of warm air into the kiss and causing him to positively melt inside. She’s done it again, completely incapacitated him with such a simple thing as a kiss.
“You’re going to be the death of me.” He exhales.
She lets out a giddy laugh as she pulls back, forehead still pressed to his and eyes still shut.
“There are worst ways to go than my lips.”
He knows, he’s very quickly decided that’s the only way he ever wants to go. She presses her lips to his again for a split second before pulling back completely, he aches for the feeling again, greedy for it now that he’s felt it once.
“Next time, talk to me.” She pleads. “If you ever feel like you’re not good enough, I’ll be there to convince you otherwise, but don’t just disappear.”
“I won’t.” He assures. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know that, Draco.” She smiles sadly. “I just want you to know that you can talk to me.”
“I do.”
The hard part, that initial step, is over. He’s leapt into the unknown, flung himself into the terrifying depths of vulnerability, and there is no going back, but he never wants to, he never wants to leave her again.
“Also if I ever hear you speaking shit about our house again I swear to-“
She’s cut off by his lips once again on hers, startled only for a minute before she’s grinning, grateful to see his confidence returning. She can feel his own grin on her lips and the vibrations of a light laugh before he’s pulling back again.
“Consider me warned.”
“Good.” She exhales. “Or I’ll be confiscating your tie next.”
.
(Authors note: its not my favourite but if i rewrote it one my time i was flinging my laptop out my window... its not particularly proofread.)
#draco malfoy x reader#draco malfoy imagine#draco x reader#draco malfoy fan fic#draco imagine#draco malfoy angst
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i really hate how much i see people saying ricky wasn’t supportive of nini and her dreams, particularly when they talk about yac as an example...
he’s not as selfish as people want to paint him out to be. i could probably think of a bunch more examples, but here’s the yac arc because it’s typically people’s top argument on this point. ricky did support nini’s dreams, he always did, even when it was hurting him privately.
(he also didn’t not support her going to theatre camp- i know people say that too, but him not getting the whole theatre camp thing doesn’t mean he didn’t support her doing it. he just got scared after she told him she loved him on instagram and used that as his excuse.)
in season 1, he’s the FIRST person to be fully on board supportive of her going to yac in 1.08. you can see that he’s like- a little sad to think about the idea of her leaving when she tells him it’s in denver. but even so, he’s immediately entirely on board to encourage her that she can and should do it if she wants to. he tells her that of course she’s talented enough. this is the same episode that she and kourtney fight about it. yes, kourtney does the heavy lifting to get the dean to come when she realizes she has to let nini embrace her dream even though she doesn’t want to do senior year without her, but ricky was the first one to support her in it.
in season 2...
and i know, i know, he said he wished she was staying home with him forever. but missing his girlfriend is not a crime. it doesn’t make him a selfish person, it makes him a human being with selfish thoughts. that was explicitly not him telling her to come home for him, just that he almost wishes she could, because he felt lonely when she was gone. there is absolutely nothing wrong or “unsupportive” about expressing how he was feeling. particularly when in the same episode, she said that they could talk about it if things were getting hard. particularly when, in the same episode, she kept talking about “you’re still smiling”, and that it’s okay for him to be sad. because she’s sad to leave him too.
like- y’all- he spent the whole episode not telling nini that it was making him sad to have to see her leave again, because he was wanting her to feel good about going to yac and not be worrying about him. because he did support her wholeheartedly in pursuing her dream, even if it took her far away. the point was that he decided in the very end to tell her because he wanted to get better at communicating openly with her. having a selfish thought because you miss someone does not make you a selfish person. the fact he doesn’t tell her all episode how he was feeling about all this, and his coming to the train station to see her off, despite it hurting to have to watch her walk away, doesn’t make him selfish.
his behavior throughout 2.04 in regards to nini was actually rather selfless. he puts his own desires aside pretty much the whole first portion of the second season. and he does it because he loves her. he’s been supporting her dreams even if they take her away from him since the start.
#ricky bowen#hsmtmts#hsmtmts: ricky bowen#ship: ricky x nini ( hsmtmts )#in defense of ricky bowen#hsmtmts: analysis#//i have a lot of feelings about him tbh... probably because his whole deal is so relatable to my very best friend#//it feels like people feel like you can't lift up one character without putting another down and while part#//of it is obviously for the ship war so that people can make ej the obviously superior option... but you don't have to make stuff up#//part of it's about the ship war and part of it's also usually people who like o and hate j. wanting his character to be a bad person...#//i truly think fandom is so complicated sometimes and i just wish we could be kinder to another
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