#ricky gervais just nails it
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…I’m just going to leave this here
#ted lasso#roy kent#brett goldstein#derek netflix#also ted lasso fans need to watch this show#ricky gervais just nails it
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My Top 10 Favourite Angry Comedians
New Post has been published on https://grahamstoney.com/anger/my-top-10-favourite-angry-comedians
My Top 10 Favourite Angry Comedians
One of the things that appeals to me about comedy is that comedians get to tell the truth. Especially about the things that piss them off. Many comedians adopt an angry schtick which gives the rest of us permission to deal with our own internalised rage vicariously.
Here are some of my favourite angry comedians:
1. Doug Mulray
I grew up listening to Uncle Doug on Triple-M in Sydney. I found him hilarious and suspect his sense of humour was forged in his youth because he had a great face for radio. His song I’m A Punk was undoubtedly unconscious inspiration for my own single Everything Is Fucked many years later:
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My other favourite was Janie’s not a nun:
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2. Ricky Gervais
I suspect it was Ricky’s frustration with religious beliefs that led him to write movie The Invention Of Lying. It’s one of the best commentaries of theology I’ve come across. His routines about the literal interpretation of The Bible are also pretty spot on:
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3. Bill Burr
The modern brand of sexist feminism clearly pisses Bill off. He doesn’t suffer fools gladly and refuses to bow down to unreasonable demands just because the person making them is a woman. You can’t argue with his rationalisation of the gender pay gap:
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Bill’s bit about radical feminist attitudes to the otherwise unfunny subject of domestic violence is also a hilarious reality check:
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4. Lewis Black
Lewis voiced the inner voice of Anger in the movie Inside Out, and he was perfect for the role. He regularly reads hilarious rants supplied by the audience at the end of his gigs and broadcasts them live on his YouTube channel. His reading of this rant about Mormons is hilarious:
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5. Larry David
Larry’s social awkwardness seems to be the driving force behind a lot of his comedy. Despite his huge success with Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm he says he’s still unable to walk up to attractive women and talk to them. It took me a long time to get around to watching Curb because I didn’t think an angry dude yelling at people would be funny. Turns out it’s hilarious:
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6. Russell Brand
I don’t know if Russell is really angry or is just channeling his excess sexual energy now that he’s in a monogamous marriage. I like how he is using his fame as a platform for positive social change. This MSNBC interview where he turned the tables on the interviewers after they talked about him in the third person is pure gold:
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7. George Carlin
Once he adopted the attitude “I don’t give a shit”, George became a fearless social critic. He was particularly critical of religion and what he saw as stupidity in authority figures. His Filthy Words routine challenged censorship all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court:
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8. Jim Jefferies
Jim is a fellow Australian whose comedy is sometimes a little too depressive for me. I suspect he could use some serious therapy. However his bit on gun control in the United States absolutely nails it:
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9. Rich Hall
Rich often performs as his redneck alter-ego Otis Lee Crenshaw, but it was the song expressing his disappointment with Bob Dylan had me laughing so hard when I first heard it at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival In 2016 that I could hardly breathe:
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10. Bill Hicks
I suspect the rage behind Bill’s comedy was fueled by anger at his overly conservative fundamentalist Christian parents. He had little respect for his father and was greatly distrustful of authority figures. Some of his acerbic comedy seemed paradoxical; for instance he spoke positively about his experiences with drugs yet became dependent. He was a heavy smoker and died way too early of pancreatic cancer. Check out his final Letterman appearance that wasn’t broadcast until years after he died:
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Bonus: Don Rickles
Don Rickles was the original insult comic. Being picked on by Mr Warmth became a badge of honour in the entertainment industry. Nobody has come close since. I think he was only pretending to be angry but I like his style so he’s here as a bonus. Here’s my favourite line:
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#Bill Burr#Bill Hicks#Comedians#Don Rickles#Doug Mulray#George Carlin#Jim Jeffries#Larry David#Lewis Black#Rich Hall#Ricky Gervais#Russell Brand#Anger
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Goode Rewatch Week 17 - Cemetery Junction 2010
This is a great little Brit coming of age movie, set in 1970′s Reading, directed by Ricky Gervais. ‘Reading’ is pronounced Reding BTW. Why? God knows. This is middle of the road England before the tech revolution happened in the M4 corridor. Coz it is set in the 1970′s some of the language and views from some of the older generation in this movie are shocking - there is racism, homophobia and xenophobia. Even tho’ the joke is about their ignorance, it is still tough to listen to.
It is the story of four young people who are trying make their way in the world - preferably by leaving Reading. One of the main characters is Freddie, played by Christian Cooke, who is training to sell life assurance. That’s where Matthew’s character comes in. He plays obnoxious Mike Ramsey who is the top salesperson who trains Freddie. Mike is an ambitious social climber who wants to take over from the boss, played by Ralph Fiennes.
OMG those two are hideous examples of the male species. I wasn’t around in the 1970′s but I think their attitude to women’s roles was outdated even then. They are sexist, bores, money and status mad and have no redeeming features AT ALL - except that one of them looks like Matthew Goode! They are cut throat sales guys who don’t really care about whether the customer actually needs or can afford Life assurance. They are just horrible. Mike is also engaged to the boss’s daughter, Julie, played by Felicity Jones. [Or ‘No Knickers Flickers’ as Matthew calls her! Would love to know why?]
Even tho’ Mike is played by the adorable Matthew, I was screaming at Julie to leave that A Hole immediately! Seeing Matthew play this awful man is so funny. My favourite scene is where he does the most manipulative sales pitch.
Matthew plays it completely straight. He just ‘gets’ how awful this man is and goes for it. Matthew nails it coz if you met his version of Mike you would probably want to slap him - hard.
Apparently Ricky Gervais had to make changes to the script to make sure we hated Mike.
“We had to make sure that eventually you dislike this character. With his one liners and his charisma they’re liking him too much and they’re not meant to!” [Ricky G to Trailer Addict featurette].
This is a fun watch for a Goode fan - Matthew is a supporting character and only in 7/8 scenes but you will enjoy watching him be so totally CRINGE.
Side note - I always find it interesting to see just how many of the actors Matthew has worked with multiple times - eight of them in this movie!
Felicity Jones (Brideshead)
Tom Hughes (Dancing on the Edge and ADOW)
Ralph Fiennes (Official Secrets and The King’s Man)
Burn Gorman (The Offer)
Emily Watson (Belle)
Michael Jibson (ADOW)
Christian Cooke (Ordeal by Innocence)
Jack Doolan (The Hatton Garden Job)
... and those are only the obvious ones that I noticed. They must have some great reunions.
#matthew goode#cemetery junction#goode rewatch#a discovery of witches#adow#just in case ADOW fans are interested - it's a stretch I know.........
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I was tagged by @proudlarents and @gingerandblue, thank you beautiful ladiess!!!
1. what is the colour of your hairbrush? light wood ( shut up it’s fucking beige)
2. a food you never eat? cabbage, chard, cooked spinach... you see a pattern
3. are you typically too warm or too cold? too cold, but being too hot in a country that’s not prepared for it is a million times worse than being cold in a country that’s not prepared for it. And that’s on Brussels summer 2018
4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? eating the best, most fluffy pancakes i’ve ever made
5. what is your favourite candy bar? Kinder Bueno (OMG BARBS)
6. have you ever been to a professional sports event? does louis’ football game in 2015 count? looool
7. what is the last thing you said out loud? ‘Oh my god’ to myself when i saw ricky gervais pop up in an episode of the office us
8. what is your favourite ice cream? hazelnut all the way! (Fede and barbs: TWINS)
9. what was the last thing you had to drink? coffee
10. do you like your wallet? i looove it my friend got it for me from turkey and i’m so upset cause it’s falling apart
11. what was the last thing you ate? pancakes lol
12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? mmm i wish i could say no but a blazer i really liked was super discounted. I know it’s fashion revolution week and i regretted it soon after. Also i’ve been buying waaay less clothes than i used to and mostly secondhand
13. the last sporting event you watched? probably diving or gymnastics
14. what is your favourite flavour of popcorn? i love buttery popcorn at the theatre but i found out that if you get the salty flavour for microwave popcorn they’re much better than the butter flavour.
15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? my sister
16. ever go camping? yessss in sardinia (where i’m from). And if you ever visit i highly recommend camping! There’s one near every beach and they usually have last minute spots, perfect for a road trip.
17. do you take vitamins? nou
18. do you go to church every sunday? noooo
19. do you have a tan? nope, i just got some colour on my face for all the time spent sunbathing in my backyard
20. do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? pizza but i looove chinese food a lot
21. do you drink your soda with a straw? no
22. what colour socks do you usually wear? white and black i’m so basic. I bought a whole bunch of colourful socks once and i only wear them around the house
23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? i can’t drive lol
24. what terrifies you? heights
25. look to your left, what do you see? WallsTM (Louis Tomlinson)
26. what chore do you hate? cleaning the floor
27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? maaate
28. what’s your favourite soda? coke
29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? i can’t drive hahaha i go in and then put everything in my rucksack and cycle back home trying not to spill my soda and i’m actually great at it thanks
30. who’s the last person you talked to? my family
31. favourite cut of beef? fillet
32. last song you listened to? red light - the strokes
33. last book you read? i’m reading the age of surveillance capitalism but i recently finished how to do nothing by jenny odell and i HIGHLY recommend it
34. favourite day of the week? idk probably friday
35. can you say the alphabet backwards? no i can’t
36. how do you like your coffee? black or with milk, half a tsp of sugar
37. favourite pair of shoes? trainers!
38. at what time do you normally go to bed? my average must be like 1.30 i wish i could do better
39. at what time do you normally get up? between nine and ten
40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets. Sunrises are just too early.
41. how many blankets are on your bed? one
42. describe your kitchen plates? white basic ikea
43. do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? beer
44. do you play cards? yes usually late at night with my friends and we used to get so competitive we wouldn’t talk to each other for hours just playing god i miss it
45. what colour is your car? i really can’t drive
46. can you change a tire? no
47. what is your favourite state/province? i feel the US in this chili’s tonight
48. favourite job you’ve ever had? being a waitress was more fun than working in comms
49. how did you get your biggest scar? my left leg fell into the space between the stage and the stairs and there was a nail, you know
50. what did you do today that made someone else happy? i made pancakes and i made myself happy and that’s on living alone in quarantine
i tag @flamboyanthaz @siamosalvimonfrere and @bibitheroselover
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Photo: “NO TITLE EXISTS” - photoshoot with photographer Dean Martin
Day 178: “The Artists Struggle for Integrity”
Date:
4-17-19
Mood:
Poet
Actor:
Sent for jobs, recorded voiceovers, kept on the up and steady. Yeah I’ve been thinking more and more about the “change” I’m gonna make. Too many middle men between me and what’s right.
Filmmaker:
Clay! Oh my good god Clay! I’m tellin you. I’m in the zone. It feels so damn good. I really step into that story. I’m with those characters. I actually started nailing down specifics today, small details in story and in character.. you know, I sometimes don’t even know where the story is gonna take me. I try outlining, and I do to a certain degree. But even with that I’m letting the story speak to me. It’s so much pressure off of myself. I’m in the 3rd Act writing as we speak. And I really think I landed my ending for the film. I mean, it’s been there but not clear. Today. It became clear. Like a damn breaking. I wrote for HOURS upon HOURS today because it was flowing. There was music there was rhythm there was movie. Now tomorrow I give clay a break and focus on some short films..
Speaking of I dabbled with that today too. Not much just touched on a “Time Travel”🧭 🧳Idea that hit me while I was in the middle of working out this past week. I elaborated a bit on the idea. I’m tellin you. If I can do these ideas justice. I’m gonna have pieces of art I can be very proud of. Got some exciting ideas planned. 😆
Final Thoughts:
James Baldwin. He is rapidly becoming one of my favorite novelist. I began my writing today listening to one of his many lectures. That’s how I started my writing ✍🏽. No words on the page. No music in the background. Just listening to a profound professional speak clearly and honestly about the necessity of Artist in our lives..
Here are a few quotes of his that I’d like to share..
“The Artist is no other than he who unlearns what he has learned, in order to know himself.”
“The poets (by which I mean all artists) are finally the only people who know the truth about us. Soldiers don’t. Statesmen don’t. Priests don’t. Union leaders don’t... Only poets.”
..I truly can’t do the man enough justice. He inspired me a lot today from a lecture he gave as writer and an African American man in 1962. ✊🏿
Today was filled with knowledge. Quentin Tarantino interview on writing and story, Nils Frahm as my composer for the evening, watching Ricky Gervais in his new Show “After Life”, a 10 Minute Freestyle from Black Thought that was genuinely the greatest freestyle known to man, Creating shots with my camera prepping for my short films.. really soaking up so much knowledge from people I respect and admire. And coming up with an ending for my feature that had me in tears. I actually was so filled with emotion today I broke down myself.. It was just a really great day. And I’m so grateful for it.
Thank you today. Let’s do this shit again real soon.
#joshmcclenney#artist#poet#poetry#james baldwin#actor#writer#filmmaker#director#acting#actors#actorslife#artists on tumblr#commercials#directing#film#filmfestival#films#art#filmmakers#film photograhers#voice over#voice acting#movie#movies#hollywood#write#writeblr#writers#writing
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My actor picks for a WIP.
After some serious soul searching I have come up with my top picks for actors in the film (or TV series) version of my book which does not even have a name yet.
Simon Pegg as Jack Dent, Jack Dent, and Danny Jackson.
Nathan Fillion as Barry, Bad Barry, Detective Barry, etc..
Eileen Atkins as Jackie Denton (an old batty and female version of Jack).
Hugh Laurie as Doc Landreth, Sober Doc, Depressed Doc, etc..
Rowan Atkinson as the voice of Normal the cat (and variants).
Ricky Gervais as Dave Chippy, the worlds most creepy man
John Cleese as Santa, the bearded Hells Angel & Computer Expert
Sarah Millican as Lilly (Normal's owner)
I'm torn between Karen Gillan and Jenna Coleman as Suzie, the literal girl next door and voice of reason.
Lenora Crichlow as Jesse, the shy "housemate" of Suzie
I'm torn between Gemma Chan and Katie Leung as Hannah, the kick arse spy from another reality
Peter Kay as the Six Inch Devil (SID)
Eddie Izzard as Quookwubbler Juckbox
Luke Pasqualino as Zack, who never notices anything odd.
Tim Curry as Hugh, the badly made android
This all started because I woke up imagining Nathan Fillion starring in something I had written. Then because I had a strong lead actor in the role of Barry I needed someone that could stop Fillion stealing the show and in my mind cast Simon Pegg as Jack. I would love to see Pegg and Fillion bicker and bungle their way through the increasingly bizarre and dangerous worlds I set this story in.
I also happen to think that both Nathan Fillion and Simon Pegg bring the required level of geekiness to the role. Both characters are utterly geeky and the actors have both shown they can make that work while also being funny.
Update: If I cannot have Nathan Fillion I would be just as delighted with @wilwheaton who, IMHO, would also make an amazing Barry and has both the geek and acting chops for the role. In fact, screw Fillion as Barry - I have a villain he can play - I want to see Simon Pegg and Wil Wheaton bring my book to life.
As a side note, I creased up laughing when I realised that Eileen Atkins could play an older female Simon Pegg. I'm not 100% certain that she is the perfect Jackie Denton (Squeeble Detective) but at least this casting choice would give the casting director a starting point. Whoever they pick, she'd have to carry a scene alone as Jackie Denton is a character written with the idea of a stand-alone novel or series of her own. That or Simon Pegg in drag which works too.
I needed an actor for Doc that could match the two boys for screen dominance. That led me to Hugh Laurie as the various Doc Landreth characters. We've already seen what he can do with House, and we know the actor can handle his comedy. I would pay good money to see Hugh Laurie being amusingly rude to Simon Pegg and Nathan Fillion. Add the voice of Rowan Atkinson to the mix and they would turn things up to eleven.
The hardest character to cast was Dave Chippy. Chippy has to hold his own but needs an actor that can handle comedy and has the chops to make a character truly unpleasant and creepy. Ricky Gervais may be the man for this. He has shown that he can pull off "character oblivious to everyone's true opinion of him".
Peter Kay would kill it as (at least the voice of) the Six Inch Devil. I can think of no better way to bring out the comedy of this character than Kay.
John Cleese would have the chops to make every moment with Santa memorable despite the presence of some acting giants with more lines. You will have to trust me when I say, Cleese as Santa would make you wet yourself laughing.
With Cleese in that role, I now want to put Santa and Juckbox in a scene together because Cleese vs Izzard would blow the roof off.
This is where I started to get a little less sure. Suzie is a character that holds things together and compels a cast of characters that are either feckless or too distracted towards moral choices. Given the sci-fi nature of the setting, I wanted a Doctor Who actress and could not make up my mind between Karen Gillan and Jenna Coleman.
I had a similar struggle trying to make up my mind for Hannah. Gemma Chan and Katie Leung both seem to be a good fit for the character.
I had no such problems casting Jesse. Lenora Crichlow would nail it, I have no doubt. As of this draft, Jesse is a character that needs a strong actor to fully realise the character. There's still time to fix the way she is written but Lenora Crichlow would still be amazing.
As for casting Zack, I must confess I chose Luke Pasqualino because he just looks like how I picture the guy.
Likewise, my casting of Tim Curry as Hugh is mostly because I'd be fascinated as to what the man would do with the character. The casting director might have other ideas. I just think Tim Curry is great.
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DURAN DURAN rinde tributo a DAVID BOWIE con su cover de "FIVE YEARS"
Duran Duran (Gentileza BMG)
Otras actuaciones : IAN ASTBURY, GARY BARLOW, BILLY CORGAN, ANNA CALVI, ANDRA DAY, PERRY FARRELL, PETER FRAMPTON, BOY GEORGE, RICKY GERVAIS, MACY GRAY, ADAM LAMBERT, DAVE NAVARRO, GARY OLDMAN, TRENT REZNOR, GAVIN ROSSDALE, TONY VISCONTI, RICK WAKEMAN, YUNGBLUD, y muchos más!
“FIVE YEARS” YA DISPONIBLE EN PLATAFORMAS DIGITALES
https://duranduran.lnk.to/fiveyears
Las leyendas del pop multi-premiadas y aclamadas internacionalmente DURAN DURAN iniciaron sus celebraciones de su 40 aniversario volviendo al lugar donde todo comenzó con una impresionante versión del clásico atemporal de David Bowie “Five Years”
El líder de Duran Duran, Simon Le Bon, revela: "Mi vida como adolescente giraba en torno a David Bowie. Él es la razón por la que comencé a escribir canciones. Una parte de mí todavía no puede creer en su muerte, pero tal vez sea porque hay una parte de mí donde todavía está vivo y siempre estará… Cuando compramos el disco en vinilo de Ziggy Stardust, nuestra primera prueba de su perfección fue la canción “Five Years”. No puedo explicar lo honrado que me siento que Duran Duran tenga la oportunidad de interpretar a este ícono y colocar nuestro nombre junto a Bowie para esta conmemoración de su música ".
Escucha Five Years de Duran Duran Aqui.
La canción es parte del muy esperado evento tributo de streaming mundial que tuvo lugar en conmemoración del que hubiera sido el cumpleaños 74 de Bowie y el quinto aniversario de su fallecimiento.
Duran Duran presentó “Five Years” en vivo en lo que fue una experiencia virtual cinematográfica espectacular e innovadora: A Bowie Celebration: Just For One Day! Una parte de lo recaudado se destinará a Save The Children, una organización benéfica importante para David Bowie.
Para más información, boletos, paquetes VIP y mercadería exclusiva, visita: http://rollinglivestudios.com/bowie.
El lanzamiento de la canción es solo una de las 40 iniciativas emocionantes que se están llevando a cabo para celebrar la rica y colorida carrera de cuatro décadas de la banda, bajo el lema "Duran Duran 40".
SOBRE “A BOWIE CELEBRATION: ¡JUST FOR ONE DAY!
Comenzando el 8 de enero a las 11pm ARG/CH, el espectáculo estuvo disponible para que los poseedores de boletos de todo el mundo lo disfruten en vivo y durante 24 horas después de su transmisión inicial.
Producida por Mike Garson en colaboración con Stacey Sher y Kerry Brown junto a Rolling Live Studios, A Bowie Celebration: Just For One Day! contó con actuaciones de artistas como: el líder de Culture Club, Boy George, el líder de la banda Pretty Reckless Taylor Momsen, el galardonado comediante y estrella de After Life Ricky Gervais, el supergrupo Ground Control con Dave Navarro (Jane's Addiction), Corey Taylor (Slipknot, Stone Sour), Taylor Hawkins (Foo Fighters) y Chris Chaney (Jane's Addiction), Gary Barlow (Take That), Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nails), William Corgan (The Smashing Pumpkins), el actor ganador del Oscar Gary Oldman, Gavin Rossdale (Bush), Perry Farrell (Jane's Addiction), Joe Elliott (Def Leppard), la cantante ganadora del Grammy Macy Gray, Ian Astbury (The Cult), Lzzy Hale (Halestorm), Gail Ann Dorsey (David Bowie, Lenny Kravitz), Bernard Fowler (The Rolling Stones), Corey Glover (Living Color), la ganadora del Tony Awards Lena Hall, Judith Hill (ganadora del Grammy por 20 Feet From Stardom), Charlie Sexton (David Bowie, Bob Dylan), Adam Lambert, YUNGBLUD, la tres veces nominada al Grammy Andra Day, el actor y músico Michael C. Hall, Ian Hunter, la cantautora y virtuosa guitarrista Anna Calvi, el galardonado Atticus Ross, la vocalista de Kind Heaven Orchestra Etty Lau Farrel y la vocalista de How to Destroy Angels Mariqueen Maandig Reznor
Otros artistas que se unieron al streaming mundial: Everett Bradley, Matt Chamberlain, Ava Cherry, Richard Cottle, Greg Errico, Mark Guiliana, Henry Hey, Emir Ksasan, Tony Levin, Geoff MacCormack, Andy Newmark, y Pablo Rosario, la banda de Bowie de su última gira Mike Garson, Earl Slick, Sterling Campbell, Gerry Leonard y Catherine Russell, junto a Zack Alford, Carlos Alomar, Kevin Armstrong, Alan Childs, Robin Clark, Emm Gryner, Omar Hakim, Clare Hirst, Erdal Kızılçay, Tim Lefebvre, Martha Mooke, Holly Palmer, Mark Plati, Carmine Rojas, Charlie Sexton, el productor histórico de Bowie y músico Tony Visconti, más invitados especiales como Nandi Bushell, Mr Hudson, Gaby Moreno, Joe Sumner, Simon Westbrook, The Section Quartet y más.
¡Más noticias de Duran Duran por venir!
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Gervais hit the nail on the head with this statement. Hollywood liberals are paid millions of dollars just to play pretend for a living, so it doesn’t take long for them to lose touch with the real world once they have “made it” in the entertainment industry. Gervais told the Hollywood actors, “So if you do win an award tonight, don;’t use it as a platform to make a political speech. You’re in no position to lecture the public about anything. You know nothing about the real world. Most of you spent less time in school than Greta Thunberg.”
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227's™ Facebook Fries!¡' (aka YouTube Chili' NBA) #Nike'Spicy'Tunes Trending News! #Nike'Spicy' NBA Mix! Spicy' Prince #Harry'liciously' Harry Honors Chili' Grandmother Queen Elizabeth, Gives Meghan Markle a Shout Out in Forum Speech #Walmart'Spicy'Tun
Prince Harry has had a busy Monday!
The 33-year-old Royal was appointed Commonwealth Youth Ambassador by his grandmother, Queen Elizabeth, and shortly after attended the opening of the Commonwealth Youth Forum in London.
Harry wore a black suit and olive green tie as he greeted the youth representatives present. He was joined by British Prime Minister, Theresa May, and had a roundtable discussion with the youth leaders, calling the group “absolutely crucial” and expressing his excitement at being involved.
via www.msn.com
Prince Harry Honors Grandmother Queen Elizabeth, Gives Meghan Markle a Shout Out in Forum Speech
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Bruno Mars
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Provided to YouTube by Warner Music Group Finesse · Bruno Mars 24K Magic ℗ 2016 Atlantic Recording Corporation Background
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Bruno Mars Rehearsing for the Grammy’s ~Finesse~
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Bruno Mars rehearsing for his Grammy Performance for the song Finesse.
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Bruno Mars ft. Cardi B - Finesse (Lyrics)
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Song: Finesse Artist: Bruno Mars ft. Cardi B Length: 3:43 I don't own anything. Sorry if some of the lyrics are wrong. Hope you enjoy it
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FINESSE (Remix) - Bruno Mars ft Cardi B Dance | Matt Steffanina
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Bruno Mars - Finesse (Remix) [Feat. Cardi B] 1 hours Get it : https://Atlantic.lnk.to/FinesseRemixID Connect with Bruno: http://www.
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Bruno Mars - Finesse (Official Music Video)
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Bruno Mars - Finesse (Lyrics Video)
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Facebook page : https://www.facebook.com/dopeboii94/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/callmedopeboii/ "Finesse" LYRIC
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What surprised you about Victoria?
I knew she was famous for being temperamental and spirited, but I really didn’t know about her exuberance and how passionate she was. Also, as somebody who became queen of England at 18, you might think she might want to shy away a little bit, but she was just so incredibly open.
Victoria ascended the throne at 18. Did you prepare to play a queen or a young girl on her way to becoming comfortable with power?
I think always you have to approach her as a girl and a persona. That’s what comes across in her diaries. More than anything, she’s this vibrant young girl with lots of impulses. She’s really guileless and very open with her thoughts, and then she steps into the destiny that she was born to, so it’s very much a role that she’s got to navigate. I think first and foremost, it’s always that, but that’s what makes it so interesting to play because we’re always navigating between teenager and queen, youth and power and responsibility.
To play her, what skills did you have to learn?
I had to learn how to ride sidesaddle, which was great; I loved it. I tried to learn to play a bit of the piano. We’d have to go to waltzing lessons, and nailing the accent in particular was a lot of work. Her voice changes as she grows up and inhabits her own role in terms of public speaking.
In watching your portrayal, the young Victoria seems like a party girl more than the very conservative idea we have of her.
I have to say when she was younger, and in particular during her Lord Melbourne years, that’s what she was. She loved parties, she was incredibly social, she loved balls, she loved the excitement. She never did want to go home.
On one of her first meetings with Albert, when they were about 16, he went to bed at 9 p.m., and she wrote in her diary that she was really not impressed by him because he was this quiet boy, and she wanted to never go to sleep. She wanted to stay up and dance all night. It’s not until they married that she became more subdued.
She used to have evenings when she and Lord Melbourne sat by the fire gossiping and making each other laugh. She had a real sense of humor and lust for life, which is really surprising.
Speaking of Lord Melbourne, was he more than a trusted advisor?
They’ve been described by Baron Stockmar, who was very, very close to them, as half lovers, whether they were conscious of it or not. I think what is most interesting about their relationship is they were two people who just sparked as friends. There was a real common ground there, and I think it was humor between the two of them.
Victoria grew up without a father, so for her, I think, he was a father figure. He was also the prime minister, who she could trust, who could give her advice and enable her in this role that she had to navigate. She’d grown up with nobody in her household that she could trust, especially any males. So to have someone who didn’t try to manipulate her, this incredibly strong friendship was born.
More than anything, they just loved each other’s company. They brought each other to life in a way. So it’s an amazing relationship that not a lot of people know about and which hasn’t really been explored before, but it’s very blurred in lots of ways. What is really clear is how dependent she was on him. Almost every other sentence in her journal is, “Lord M said this” or “he did this.” It’s kind of hero worship, I think.
Are you prepared to play this until Victoria’s death? She reigned for 63 years.
I’m not sure how realistic that [would be]. I think we need to work out the pacing, the story and how to do it, which is something that’s very much under discussion. Obviously, it depends on the appetite for the show. I think the problem we’re going to have is how to tell it as well as we want to and to cover it all, so we’re talking about that at the moment.
What do you do when you’re not working?
I’ve been doing lots of house decorating, and I traveled a lot over the summer. I’ve been getting into photography, doing lots of reading and seeing friends. It’s been great to just be living, because I went straight from Doctor Who on to Victoria, so I had about 14 months of straight filming. It’s been really lovely to actually be in my own shoes for a while.
Not too long ago, you bought a new home. Are you DIY?
I’d like to claim so. I have the ideas but I can’t claim to be that great at DIY. I maybe better than most, but luckily I have a father who can help out.
What’s the best advice anyone ever gave you?
I read something on Instagram that I quite liked. Ricky Gervais said, “No one else knows what they’re doing either,” which gave me quite a mental comfort.
You started acting as a child. How did you know so young it was what you wanted to do?
It was just never really a question. It was never something that ever felt like a chore, or it never felt like a job ever. I loved watching films, I loved reading stories, and I loved watching people and so for me, it was just never a question. It was just what I was always engaged with and what I’ve wanted to spend my time doing. It’s what feels right within me.
What do you consider your biggest challenge?
I think it’s a challenge but, obviously, a worthwhile one, but it’s maintaining your bonds with your friends, because as an actor, you leave your life for so long, six or eight months at a time and then you come back into your life and that requires quite patient friends and loved ones. So it’s a challenge that I luckily manage. I’ve still got all my school friends, so my challenge is maintaining those very important relationships. We all do completely different jobs, but it’s been 16, 17 years now and none of us have let go or let life take us away from one another. It’s something that I really value.
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1-44 :^) You may omit any if you wish.
Under the cut cause this got long
1. Any scars?
I’m probably about 90% scars
2. Self harmed?
Unfortunately yes and I am getting a lot of help so I can stop
3. Crush?
@mellodramaticworld
4. Kissed anyone?
Yeah
5. Coke or Pepsi?
Cherry pepsi my dude
6. Someone you hate?
Ricky Gervais pisses me off
7. Best Friends?
Got a nice group of them :3c
8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs?
Yeah
9. What’s your dream job?
Pay me to review your hotels in any country in the world!
10. Ever been in love?
Yeah
11. Last time you cried?
I cried watching voltron the other day shits intense man
12. Favorite color?
Cyan
13. Height?
5′6″
14. Birthday?
3rd November
15. Eye color?
Hazel
16. Hair color?
Okay so I dyed it brown but turns out the dye was red and I’m colourblind af so I didn’t know also turns out you can’t really dye over blue so now my hair’s red and green ombre
17. What do you love?
Mihael Keehl
18. Obsession?
Death note death note death note
19. If you had one wish, what would it be?
Answered
20. Do you love someone?
Yeah
21. Kiss or hug?
Please don’t touch me
22. Nicknames people call you?
I get called a lot of things I answer to anything now
23. Favorite song?
?????????????????????? Who knows not me
24. Favorite band?
?!?!?!??!?!?!
25. Worst thing that has ever happened to you?
Lol it’s like a twenty way tie so lets move on
26. Best thing that has ever happened to you?
Probably getting into writing honestly it’s helped me so much and made me so many good people and find a community which is just so good ahhhh
27. Something you would change about yourself?
Is everything an option
28. Ever dated someone?
Yes
29. Worst mistake?
Oh boy this one time I was shaving my leggies and i got the razor caught under my nail and i cut a bit of my fingernail off and I still feel sick thinking about it
30. Watch the movie or read the book?
Watch the movie. It’s easier to judge the movie as its own thing that way
31. Ever had a heartbreak?
From friends yes
32. Favorite show?
Take a wild guess my guy
33. Best day of your life?
I can’t remember 99% of my life
34. Any talents?
I can put my hands on the floor without bending my knees
35. Do you wish you could ever start over?
All the time my dude
36. Any bad habits?
Chronic nail biter, I have never not bitten my nails
37. Ever had a near death experience?
Probably
38. Someone I can tell anything to?
Go for it
39. Ever lost a loved one?
I’ve lost like grandparents and stuff but no one I’m close too
40. Do you believe in love?
Yeah
41. Someone you hate/Dislike?
Loud people when I’m trying to sleep :/
42. Are you okay?
Not really my dude, fake it till you make it
43. Relationship status?
Engaged
44. Selfie?
Answered
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https://mailchi.mp/13dd6a79a3fc/america-naively-thinks-ricky-gervais-nailed-it-hes-a-limited-hangout
America Naively Thinks Ricky Gervais “Nailed It!” — He’s A Limited Hangout, by Lionel Nation
I knew America was gullible but never this much. Seriously. The level of naiveté is cosmic. And from those who fancy themselves as connected and [WOKE] or variations thereof.
Forgive me for doubling my newsletter efforts. I just laid one on you yesterday but I couldn’t let this go. If I hear one more person gasp at Ricky Gervais’s faux courage I swear I’ll puke. If you’re one of the twelve people who never bought this utter shite, forgive me and this. If you’re not, I’ve one question: How bloody gullible are you?
Ricky Gervais (RG) is a Pedowood [DS] shill who was handed a script that was written for him by a team of writers (though he most certainly provided adequate tweakage with his own unique slant and take). But think not that this sole intrepid comic took on Tinseltown single-handedly. It’s a work, Sparky. A con. A con that repeats itself yearly as America falls for this bit every time.
That script after crafting was then placed in the teleprompter whereupon it was read by RG, directors, camera people, AD’s, TD’s, line producers, cleaning ladies, receptionists . . . everybody! After that, camera positions had to be blocked and arranged so that when the bad boy of slash and burn references De Niro or Baby Yoda, they had to be at the ready. Which means they knew and were poised. Prepared and standing by for the choreographed moment of brilliant skewering. When Tom Hanks was allowed his series of aghast takes, that had to be scripted in advance. You see, the director had to be standing by, camera positioned and targeted. Impromptu, my arse!
These sick people are so monumentally demented that they’d feel left out if they weren’t insulted. It’s somewhat akin to a Don Rickles engagement. “Why didn’t he mention me?” and not only did they want to be skewered but so did NBC, the Golden Globers, agents, managers, the whole lot.
But here’s the kicker. While you feel RG skewered so-and-so, he/she/it was laughing at your mindless innocence in thinking anyone cares. Because nothing will be done regarding anything that was mentioned. Nothing about Leo’s underage dates, Apple’s use of sweatshops and slave labor, nothing. Even the Felicity Huffman joke was most probably negotiated by her agent orchestrating the big post-pen return. Notice how Lori Loughlin wasn’t mentioned. As well as transgender jokes. Or Oprah skewering, James Gunn pedo tweets, Disney. Nothing. Nada. RG can get ballsy to a point but no further. Ah, yes, RG the bad boy of scripted and contrived would never deign to cross that line.
A limited hangout is the deliberate and controlled revelation of some information (e.g. something scandalous or even criminal) to try to confuse and/or prevent discovery of other information or to provide the impression and belief that this is the full extent of the subject matter. So in this instance Hollyweird pretends to be shocked and embarrassed over RG’s shocking scripted and previously approved jokes, jabs and jibes hoping you’ll move on thinking that’s the extent of the attack. Did you notice how the Catholic Church was included in the pedo joke while a glowering Bergoglio doppelgänger, Jonathan Pryce, feigned absolute mortification as his The Two Popes gets lumped into the gag? Brilliant. See, there’s always time to slash Christianity, especially Catholicism.
Remember, these folks are actors. At least on paper. And they live in a world that you and I will never visit or even approximate (GOOD!) and as such they’ve no sense of reality or believability. These are cons. Freakish pervo pedo cons. Rapists, paraphiles, debauchers, troilists and demented sexual predators. And such has been the way since Chaplin and Fatty Arbuckle. Since Shirley Temple, Judy Garland, name it. These sickos have no appreciation for normalcy and goodness and as of late they realize the gig just might be up. So what to do? This.
That’s right. Create the image and fantasy that the actual reality of their sordidness has been found out by none other than Hollyweird outsider and Brit outlier RG. What blinding bilge! Especially now, especially with Jeffrey Epstein in the news. Thanks to another limited hangout. Let me explain.
Sunday night’s 60 Minutes highlighted preeminent forensic pathologist Dr. Michael Baden in his brutal TV deposition that Epstein was dispatched, whacked and offed via ligature-obvious strangulation and homicide. #EpsteinDidntKillHimself live and in color. And what that did was again via limited hangout show the world that this dastard’s elimination has been exposed. Therefore, case closed and nothing to see here. Meanwhile Ghislaine Maxwell’s on the lam unindicted and unscathed. You see, they tell you, they show you. They admit exactly what you know to be true because (1) they don’t care what you think and (2) they know you’ll do absolutely nothing.
Now, any questions?
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Been There, Done That
by Wardog
Thursday, 19 February 2009
Wardog is also having thoughts about Dollhouse.~
“I have existed merely to perform tricks for you, Torvald. But you wanted it like that. You and father have committed a great sin against me. It is your fault that I have made nothing of my life. Our home has been nothing but a playroom. I have been your doll-wife, just as at home I was papa's doll-child; and here the children have been my dolls. I thought it great fun when you played with me, just as they thought it great fun when I played with them. That is what our marriage has been, Torvald.”
Given my willingness to talk extensively about Dollhouse, I thought I’d probably better actually better watch the thing. Given that I’m in the UK, let’s not think too deeply about how I managed to do that.
So, as all the world knows by now, the Dollhouse is a top secret facility containing a bunch of hot young people (mainly female, it appears, but I did see some Ken-like men in the shower scene) who have had their memories and personalities wiped so that they can be fitted with new ones in order to carry out missions for those wealthy and powerful enough to be able to afford to hire them. The scope of these missions is limited only by the writer’s imaginations. In the pilot we had our heroine doll – Echo – playing companion to a sleazy playboy and then being refitted to negotiate with a bunch of kidnappers. Between assignments, the Dolls are childlike and obedient and sleep in weird coffin like things fitted into the floor, for no apparent reason whatsoever beyond the production of a creepy atmosphere. This being a Whedonwork, as well as the individual episode plot, the pilot is also rife with hints at longer, deeper story arcs – there’s a random FBI dude is seeking the Dollhouse, Echo is showing very slight hints of a developing sense of self, who did Echo used to be, what is going on here etc. etc.
Although the pilot isn’t precisely gripping, it is – I suppose - intriguing. The eerie, dystopian atmosphere is very successful and Eliza Dushku is actually surprising competent in a role demanding a high degree of versatility. She is also hot as mustard, but more on this later. Sadly, the episode-storyline itself is much less successful and, as yet, there are no characters in this show, which I cannot help think is mildly problematic. I mean, there are people in it – there is “immoral tech guy” and “melancholy, scarred Amy Acker girl” and “morally concerned black dude” and “cold, British woman who might be in charge” and “I seem to be Russian chap” – but none of them are really presented with sufficient force for them to be any more than a succession of faces. I know it’s only the pilot but I didn’t care about any of them, I wasn’t even curious. It’s a combination of lack of screentime and rather depressingly bland dialogue. I don’t know how long it will take Echo to develop sufficient self-awareness to be a person but there are real problems associated with a show without a protagonist. It feels shallow and empty, and there’s nothing really to keep you watching except perhaps intellectual curiosity about the premise.
I know, arguably, this is kind of the point. But, again, this only highlights some of the problems with Dollhouse. By reinforcing the emptiness of the fantasies offered by the Dollhouse by confronting you with an empty show … what you’ve still got there, Joss, is an empty show. And there is something fundamentally quite problematic in a text that chooses to explore themes such as exploitation and social roleplaying, by forcing its viewers into a weird state of complicity with the more exploitative aspects of the show itself. There’s plenty footage here of Eliza being wild and sexy and/or wide-eyed and helpless and/or wearing a very short skirt and/or any of the other things that you can’t help but find titillating, but without these bits the show is ponderously melancholic. There’s no snappy Whedon dialogue to enliven it. And, as I said above, at the moment there are no actual characters to utter it. So, yes, I did spend the pilot wondering when I was next going to see Eliza do something fun but this is not me being exploitative (aaaah d’you see?), this is Whedon being manipulative. If Dollhouse had more to offer me as a viewer, I’d be less interested in Eliza Dushku’s legs. Maybe.
It’s just a cheap shot, really. You can’t keep up a parade of beautiful people in revealing outfits and expect that to constitute a criticism of society’s attitude to beautiful people in revealing outfits.
It’s like Ricky Gervais using his current fame to whinge on about how hard it is being famous.
I think I’d have reacted less badly to this if Dollhouse wasn’t so self-consciously gendered all the damn time. So it feels very much like you’re watching the show with Joss Whedon sitting next to you and yelling in your ear: “Isn’t it terrible the way society treats WOMEN?” and “Do you see the way we all unconsciously exploit WOMEN” and “Look at the way the televisual standards of female beauty to which you yourself subscribe abuse WOMEN” and “Sometimes WOMEN never get over the horrible things that happen to them.”
The main story of the pilot involves Echo taking on the personality of a hard-as-nails, super-experienced kidnapping negotiator. Let’s not spend too much time dwelling on the fact she looks like Eliza Dushku (i.e. about 21 and super hot – but they put her in glasses, so that’s okay). Of course, it turns out that the reason why she’s poured all her life and energy into Getting Really Good At Something is because she was kidnapped at the age of 9 and horribly abused by her captor.
Because WOMEN, you see, are incapable of empathy and we’d never bother to lift a finger to help other WOMEN if we didn’t have direct experience of abuse ourselves.
I was really annoyed by the sex abuse plot (the real woman who suffered the abuse ended up killing herself because society does terrible things to WOMEN, or had you forgotten that?) because for a split-second I half-believed the Dollhouse setup had a whisper of moral complexity to it. I mean, having your personality erased so you can become the idle hour plaything of a pointless playboy is, y’know, unspeakably awful but genuinely being able to saving live and do things you couldn’t otherwise do is another matter. It still might not be the worth the death of yourself, but it’d be worth consideration.
But, no, the Dollhouse is evil. Because it’s a metaphor for how society treats WOMEN.
The truly tragic thing is that it’s an awesome premise for a TV serial. It’s like all the best bits of Quantum Leap and all the best bits of Alias smooshed up together. The scope is practically limitless and I think I could accept an argument that you might agree to have your personality erased if it was going to allow you kick ass and save lives on an entertaining weekly basis. I think it would even be quite empowering.
But, no, the Dollhouse is evil. Because it’s a metaphor for how society treats WOMEN.
And the show continually reinforces this by showing you attractive women in sexy outfits and then condemning you when you look at them.Themes:
TV & Movies
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Arthur B
at 17:15 on 2009-02-19
I think I might have guessed where Joss got the idea from.
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Rami
at 17:47 on 2009-02-19Yep, Joe 90 is acknowledged (I think even by Whedon) as one of the major influences...
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Nathalie H
at 21:53 on 2009-02-19Ooh, very interesting! I still haven't seen it and probably won't bother, so it's interesting to hear about the gender angle because I haven't read one really decent review on the internet so far. allecto did one but she's a bit mad, and everyone else is like 'oh it's Joss, he is a feminist so it's amazing.'
And considering how dicey it sounded before, it makes a lot more sense to me that he's using sexy mind-wiped prostitutes to make a really heavy-handed feminist point than that he hasn't even noticed, (because I think it would have been too stupid if he'd never thought the women would be looked on as sex objects, considering how much he supposedly knows about feminism).
Of course, the other problem then is that by setting up a sexy premise and condemning you for being taken in by it, is the question of how much this counts as reinforcement. And of course the fact that being aware of your own prejudices is a very important part of the lib movement (for example the problems of l/b women in being feminists and viewing women as sexual objects) so condemning the viewer is maybe a little too holier-than-thou when I'm sure he likes Eliza in a mini-skirt too.
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Arthur B
at 23:49 on 2009-02-19Natalie, where's allecto's
Dollhouse
review? I agree that she's a bit mad (in the same way that the Sun is a bit hot), but I find her rants weirdly compelling. But I can't find the review anywhere...
As an offering I present you her take on the
Buffy "Season 8" comics
. Gems: allecto opines that lesbians simply "don't look like" the girls depicted in one of the panels she depicts, sneaking a little homophobia into her heterophobia, and in the comments she reveals that
Buffy
almost brainwashed her into being straight.
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http://descrime.livejournal.com/
at 05:51 on 2009-02-20I was disappointed by the dialogue too. (Hello, new person. Pleased to meet you.) It was especially jarring because earlier that day, I had looked up an episode summary of a Firefly episode where people had submitted pages of funny quotes and memorable lines.
Joss is good at humor, one of the best in television at the moment, I would say. It's what allows him to take otherwise silly ideas and make them work in a way that actually lets the audience take them seriously. The Scooby Gang might have quipped their way through Sunnydale High and Vampire Master Ascensions, but they dealt with real issues teenagers faced. If Buffy had been serious, it would have been depressing as hell.
At a time when every show seems to be trying to one-up each other to be seen as the most Serious (aka depressing as traumatic things happen one after another and people make stupid decisions that serve to make them even more unhappy), I had been looking forward to Joss's brand of comedy-adventure. Dollhouse left me alternatively bored and laughing at their Hollywood spa dungeon.
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Arthur B
at 09:47 on 2009-02-20
If Buffy had been serious, it would have been depressing as hell.
And when it was serious, it was terrible. The magic-is-heroin plotline being a case in point.
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Wardog
at 12:55 on 2009-02-20I might re-watch Firefly and sob quietly to myself.
so condemning the viewer is maybe a little too holier-than-thou when I'm sure he likes Eliza in a mini-skirt too.
Nathalie! How can you say that?! Joss Whedon is a FEMINIST, he would never objectify Eliza Dushku!
I was disappointed by the dialogue too.
I'm glad it's not just me; I mean obviously it's a darker, setting etc. but everybody is so terribly bland and dull, that it's hard to remember who they are. I read a book on the linguistics of Buffy once, and it was actually fascinating to trace the complexities and cleverness of Scooby Gang slang. I know he was quite consciously creating something that would sound like "youth culture" but not date the show and there's no particularly *need* to do that for Dollhouse but ... blah.
Joss is good at humor, one of the best in television at the moment, I would say
I have feeling that are things that are funny are meant to be less worthwhile than things that aren't, hence his move ever more towards "darker" shows. Buffy Season 2 still strikes me as one of the most painful story arcs I can call to mind, albeit tinged by adolescence (eeek, I have slept with my boyfriend, and now he is a different person) - but it's done with such a light touch that you never get bogged down in woe.
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http://sistermagpie.livejournal.com/
at 17:10 on 2009-03-02I've seen a number of comments about this show (which I haven't seen) lately referring to the skimpy clothing, for instance, where people claim that the only reason it's there is because "the network" forced Joss to put that in. Which I think is kind of bizarre, and reminds me of those elaborate theories about how co-stars are having sex but "the network" or "the producers" made them sign a contract that says they're not allowed to openly be together.
It just seemed like a really interesting addition to the "Joss is a feminist therefore it is amazing" idea.
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Dan H
at 18:41 on 2009-03-02
I've seen a number of comments about this show (which I haven't seen) lately referring to the skimpy clothing, for instance, where people claim that the only reason it's there is because "the network" forced Joss to put that in.
It's something you always get with auteur-types. Everything that is brilliant about their work is a result of their genioos, anything that is less great about it is a result of other people interfering with their genioos.
To be fair, I can see that it's unfair to criticize Whedon for having to work within the limits of his medium - a TV drama about a hot young woman will get made, a TV drama about a dumpy unattractive young woman won't get made. On the other hand, one cannot be entirely absolved of responsibility for the standards of a group of which you are a part (and this, again, is my problem with the whole Man!Feminism thing).
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Arthur B
at 21:33 on 2009-03-02Also, for the love of god, it's Whedon. He's one of the few people in TV whose name next to the words "Writer", "Director" or "Producer" is, in and of itself, a massive draw. (Auteur writer/directors tend to be vastly more common in film because it's a medium which is just plain friendlier to them - witness David Lynch's failure to get the coherent half of
Mulholland Drive
accepted by ABC). Whedon is arguably more free of the networks' meddling than 99% of the other writers and directors in his medium, simply because the networks
want his name attached to the product
.
Which of course brings its own dangers. When
Firefly
wasn't working out for the network, they didn't try to change it: they just killed it.
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50 football jokes to make you laugh – or groan
New Post has been published on https://funnythingshere.xyz/50-football-jokes-to-make-you-laugh-or-groan/
50 football jokes to make you laugh – or groan
With the 2018 World Cup kicking off in Russia next week, football fever is upon us – after a break of approximately two weeks.
But you don’t have to take the beautiful game completely seriously.
Prepare to laugh – or groan – at these 50 (clean) football jokes:
What did the ref say to the chicken who tripped a defender? “Fowl!”
What is black and white and black and white and black and white? A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill!
I left two [insert team] tickets on my dashboard yesterday. Someone smashed the window and left two more.
Why was the footballer upset on their birthday? They got a red card!
What do you call someone who stands inside goalposts and stops the ball rolling away? Annette!
England are playing Iceland tomorrow. If they win that game, they’ll play Tesco’s next Saturday and then Asda on Wednesday.
Which football team loves ice-cream? Aston Vanilla!
Where’s the best place in America to shop for a football kit? New Jersey!
What’s the difference between The Invisible Man and [insert team name]? You’ve got more chance of seeing The Invisible Man at the World Cup Finals!
(Photo: Shutterstock)
What do Lionel Messi and a magician have in common? Both do hat-tricks!
The new manager of our struggling football team is strict and won’t stand any nonsense. Last Saturday, he caught two fans climbing over the stadium wall and was angry with them. He grabbed them and said: “Get back in there and watch the game until it finishes!”
Why is a football crowd learning to sing like a person opening a tin of sardines? They both have trouble with the key!
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team? Because she kept running away from the ball!
What is a goalkeeper’s favourite snack? Beans on post!
Why don’t grasshoppers watch football? They prefer cricket!
What is a ghost’s favourite football position? Ghoulkeeper!
Why did the manager bring pencils and sketchbooks into the dressing room before the game? He was hoping for a draw!
(Photo: Shutterstock)
Have you heard about the new Arsenal Bra? It has a lot of support but no cups!
Who scored the most goals in the Greek Mythology League? The centaur forward!
What did the manager do when the pitch became flooded? He sent on his subs!
My partner just split up with me because they think I’m obsessed with football. I’m a bit gutted about it – we’d been going out for three seasons.
What did the referee say to the South American footballer in the World Cup who lied about handling the ball? I don’t Bolivia!
Three hours of football and the goalkeeper is still England’s top scorer…
Why do football players do well in school? They know how to use their heads!
During the World Cup in Brazil, the England team visited an orphanage. “It was heart-breaking to see their sad little faces with no hope,” said João, age 6.
As the team’s struggles continued, a pound coin was thrown onto the pitch. Police are trying to determine whether it was a missile or a takeover bid.
These jokes are guaranteed to keep you smiling through the World Cup. Even if your team goes out on penalties… (Photo: Shutterstock)
What ship holds 20 football teams but only three leave it each season? The Premier-ship!
What’s the difference between [insert team here] and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup!
Why was the the best footballer in the world asked to tidy up their room? Because they were Messi!
What part of a football pitch smells nicest? The scenter spot!
Why did the football quit the team? It was tired of being kicked around!
What does a [insert team here] fan do after watching their team win the Premier League? Turn off the PlayStation!
I was playing Football Manager on my PC when I was offered the [insert team here] job. I knew it was a poor squad with no future, so I declined the offer. I then put the telephone down and returned to Football Manager.
What tea do footballers drink? Penal-tea!
Why aren’t football stadiums built in outer space? Because there is no atmosphere!
Why are footballers like babies? They both dribble!
God and the devil were having an argument, and Satan proposed a football game between heaven and hell to resolve the dispute. God, in his eternal goodness, pointed out that it wouldn’t be a fair match because all the ‘good’ players go to heaven. The devil smiled, replying, “Yes, but we’ve got all the refs.”
(Photo: Shutterstock)
Which soccer team has nailed their formation? The Hammers.
Why did the footballer hold their boot to their ear? Because they liked sole music!
What’s the chilliest ground in the Premiership? Cold Trafford!
Which team always start the match with a bang? The Gunners!
What runs along the edge of the pitch but never moves? The sideline!
Which team is the chewiest? The Toffees!
What’s the best position to play if you don’t like football? Right back – right back in the changing rooms…
My computer’s got the ‘Bad-Goalie Virus’. It can’t save anything.
How did the football pitch end up as triangle? Somebody took a corner!
Why did the footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch? They were the skipper!
How do football players stay cool during a game? They stand near the fans!
What do you call a [insert team here] player in the knockout stages of the World Cup? A referee!
More jokes:
25 of Katherine Ryan’s most cutting jokes and put-downs
100 of the best jokes for kids that are actually funny
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31 Best Man speech jokes that will work for any wedding
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Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners
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25 of the greatest Absolutely Fabulous quotes, darling
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23 Valentine's Day Movies People Never Get Bored Of
Valentine’s Day is a great day to cuddle up and watch a movie about love. In fact, they actually made a movie called Valentine’s Day, but it was just a rip-off of Love, Actually. With so many sappy movies out there, it’s hard to sift out the good from just more of the same.
So we’ve done the work for you! Here are twenty-three of the best romantic movies ever made to watch on Valentine’s Day.
23 – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
In this moving film, it is slowly revealed that a couple chose to have a procedure that erased memories of each other. Jim Carrey plays Joel, opposite Kate Winslet playing Clementine. As the movie slowly reveals loving and intimate moments in their relationship, you become more and more emotionally involved in the story.
Best Quote
Joel: “I could die right now, Clem. I’m just… happy. I’ve never felt that before. I’m just exactly where I want to be.”
22 – About Time (2013)
Tim Lake (played by Domhnall Gleeson) discovers a superpower when he turns 21: he can travel in time and change past events. While he could try doing any number of things to make the world a better place, he decides to use his power to…get a girlfriend. His romantic interest is Mary (played by Rachel McAdams), and their relationship endures its share of trials and tribulations.
This film is from the creators of Love Actually, and it’s worth a try for anyone looking for a well-done romantic comedy.
Best Quote
Tim: [voiceover] “We’re all traveling through time together, every day of our lives. All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable ride.”
21 – The Notebook (2004)
The Notebook is beloved by women everywhere for good reason. Allie (Rachel McAdams) is such a warm and likable character, pursued by the equally charming Noah (Ryan Gosling). Their love story withstands many tests but we realize that it lasts into their old age.
Wonderful performances by McAdams and Gosling have made this a super-popular and award-winning film. It might be cheesy, but it’s heartwarming and genuine too.
Best Quote
Noah: “I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who’s ever lived: I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.”
20 – Love and Basketball (2000)
While many romance movies are difficult for men to watch, Love & Basketball helps draw male viewers into this “chick flick” genre becuase of its underlying sports theme. Quincy (Omar Epps) and Monica (Sanaa Lathan) meet on the basketball court as kids. Their love/hate relationship develops as their lives continually intersect – they’re both pursuing their individual dreams of playing pro ball.
If you’re young, enjoy sports, or crave passion, this movie’s for you.
Best Quote
Monica says, “It’s a trip, you know? When you’re a kid, you see the life you want, and it never crosses your mind that it’s not gonna turn out that way.”
19 – Cactus Flower (1969)
Kate Hudson’s mom, Goldie Hawn, won an Oscar for her portrayal of Toni Simmons, a confused 21-year old woman in a relationship with an older man (Walter Matthau). Although it sort of looks like an Austin Powers film, Hawn’s wit and charm allows you to still get into it.
The complicated love story is about the various lies a dentist tells to keep a relationship. Interestingly enough, the story was appropriated by by Adam Sandler in Just Go With It (2011).
Best Quote
Toni Simmons: “Now why don’t you go back and mind your own business like everyone else in New York City?”
Although it’s one of those bleak comedies, Lost in Translation has a great romance at its heart. Bob Harris (Bill Murray) and Charlotte (Scarlett Johansson) really capture what it feels like to be traveling somewhere completely unfamiliar and wanting a connection. The brief moments of Anna Farris spoofing Cameron Diaz add just the right amount of laughs to tide you over, until the moment when Bob whispers something in Charlotte’s ear and they say goodbye.
Best Quote
Charlotte: “Let’s never come here again because it would never be as much fun.”
17 – When in Rome (2010)
Although Forgetting Sarah Marshall is Kristen Bell’s most popular role, her performance in When in Rome (2010) is underrated. Bell plays Beth, an ambitious New Yorker who steals some coins from a famous love fountain in Italy during her sister’s wedding. Because of her theft, she’s chased down by Danny DeVito, Will Arnett, Jon Heder, and Dax Shepard, who are under a love spell.
The movie is lighthearted, funny, and a great way to create and celebrate a happy Valentine’s Day.
Best Quote
Beth: “Dad. When you married Mom, did you ever think that you wouldn’t make it?”
Beth’s Dad: “Elizabeth Ann. Honey, you cannot learn from my mistakes. You’re going to have to go out there and make your own. Now, you could get your heart broken or you could have the greatest love affair the world has ever known, but you’re not going to know unless you try.”
16 – 50 First Dates (2004)
You’d be hard pressed to come up with a more likeable couple of people than Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. In 50 First Dates, they’re in Hawaii, and after they meet, Henry Roth (Sandler) turns from a playboy to a devoted boyfriend—the only problem is the girl of his dreams has no short-term memory, so she relives the same day over and over. This movie brings laughs, but it’s also a sappy romance movie as only Sandler can do. It’s a chick flick anyone can enjoy.
Best Quote
Dr. Keats: “Tom was in a hunting accident and he lost part of his brain. His memory lasts only ten seconds.”
Ten Second Tom: “I was in an accident? That’s terrible.”
Dr. Keats: “Don’t worry, you’ll totally get over it in about three seconds.”
15 – Slumdog Millionaire (2008)
A testament to just how far a man will go to win over the woman he loves. Slumdog Millionaire portrays a poor man being tortured by the police for being suspiciously good at Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Dev Patel plays one of the most lovable characters on film.
This compelling film won no fewer than eight Oscars and garnered a lot of critical acclaim. The mixture of love, violence, and socioeconomic messages makes for a great date night screening. It’s a great pick to watch with someone who appreciates good films and with whom you want to share an intelligent conversation.
Best Quote
Jamal Malik: “I’ll wait for you at the train station every day at five.”
14 – The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)
Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield) always has problems—the media hates him, the police hate him, other superheroes hate him, and he’s constantly struggling with his love life because of it. Regardless of how you feel about the new Spider-Man series, they made the right move dropping Mary Jane for Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone). Their romance is one of the most memorable in comic book history.
Best Quote
Peter Parker: “We all have secrets: the ones we keep… and the ones that are kept from us.”
13 – The Tourist (2010) (Runner Up: Original Sin)
It’s not just that Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie are beautiful people; the location shots in Paris and Venice are simply stunning. This cat-and-mouse tale has enough thrills going for it to satisfy your intellectual needs, and it has some nail-biting action scenes to boot. You’re never quite sure who to believe, but you can’t deny there’s chemistry between the two—if there’s anyone who could steal Jolie from Pitt, Depp seems like the type.
Best Quote
Hotel Waiter Guido: “Bongiorno!”
Frank Taylor (Depp): “Bon Jovi!”
12 – This Means War (2012)
Reese Witherspoon is omnipresent in chick flicks – for good reason! All of her romantic comedies are enjoyable, but This Means War wins for mixing spy-versus-spy action into the mix. Chris Pine and Tom Hardy do a great job of keeping men distracted from Reese’s message that it’s OK to date multiple people. Adventurous couples will love this action-packed romp.
Best Quote
Trish (Chelsea Handler) “Don’t go with the better guy, go with the guy who makes you better.”
11 – (500) Days of Summer (2009)
Zooey Deschanel is that quirky and beautiful girl everyone wants to be or be with. In short, the boy (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) meets the girl (Deschanel), and falls in love, but she’s just that into him. The movie highlights their relationship in a non-linear fashion, and is a great portrayal of modern love and relationships. (500) Days of Summer isn’t your traditional romantic comedy, and maybe that’s a good thing – unlike all the others, it’s a thought-provoking film about love.
Best Quote
Rachel Hansen: “Just because she likes the same bizzaro crap you do doesn’t mean she’s your soul mate.”
10 – Walk the Line (2005)
This portrayal of Johnny and June Cash is an epic biopic. Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon beautifully capture the essence of the romance. Johnny loved June Carter so much, he knew he had to marry her. Seeing their love blossom over the course of their lives is a great way to celebrate life and a relationship with someone you truly love beyond anything. These two real life people even died around the same time. It’s said Johnny died of a broken heart after June passed.
Best Quote
June Carter: “Well, then start loving yourself, so we can go back to work.”
9 – Ghost Town (2008)
The cynical among us love Ricky Gervais. In Ghost Town, he plays a man who can see dead people and is now doomed to help them with their love problems. It’s a wonderfully unique Valentine’s Day romance story. Everyone’s tired of people bragging about their relationships on Facebook, and Gervais portrays this feeling perfectly. Love isn’t always as much fun as it sounds; sometimes, you just end up involved in other people’s drama.
Best Quote
Bertram Pincus (Gervais): “All work and no play makes Jack- a vital member of society.”
8 – Shrek (2001)
It’s hard to believe it’s been over a decade since Shrek came out (!). This is a fun, backwards fairy tale where the ogre gets the girl. Featuring the voice talents of Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz, and John Lithgow, Shrek is a feel-good movie that’s perfect for the young – and mature – at heart.
Best Quote
Shrek: “For your information, there’s a lot more to ogres than people think.”
7 – Seems Like Old Times (1980)
Ahhh, the classics. One of the best movies from the 80s, Seems Like Old Times is a Neil Simon film that still maintains its charm. Chevy Chase and Goldie Hawn are a divorced couple, and, after being forced to take part in a bank robbery, Chase hides out at Hawn’s house. The only problem is Hawn’s husband (Charles Groden) is the district attorney, so a lot of hijinx ensue. If you pine for an old flame, Seems Like Old Times is the Valentine’s Day romantic comedy for you.
Best Quote
Glenda (Hawn) “Chester. You just went through a stop sign.”
Chester (Chase) “I can’t help it. I don’t like to read when I drive.”
6 – About a Boy (2002)
You’d think watching a man hang out with an unrelated boy would be a little weird – and not great romantic-film fodder. But in About a Boy, it plays out beautifully. This is a buddy flick and a romance rolled into one, and it teaches men that parenting isn’t scary. If you’re a slacker who still hasn’t grown up, About a Boy is for you.
Best Quote
Marcus: “After a few visits, Will seemed to think he had to ask me serious questions, when I knew he really wanted to watch Xena Warrior princess.”
5 – True Romance (1993) (Runner Up: Natural Born Killers)
Quentin Tarantino isn’t exactly known for the romance in his films, but True Romance, which he wrote, is an epic romantic crime drama. There are drugs, hookers, and all sorts of guns. The love between Clarence (Christian Slater) and Alabama (Patricia Arquette) is something we all wish we had. By the time this movie reaches its bloody climax, not only will you be in love with Elvis, but you’ll know the origin of Sicilians.
Best Quote
Clarence Worley: “You just said you love me, now if I say I love you and just throw caution to the wind and let the chips fall where they may and you’re lying to me I’m gonna fuckin’ die.”
4 – Titanic (1997)
If you’ve never seen Titanic, you must! And if you have, consider watching it again for Valentine’s. This classic romantic-disaster film won eleven Oscars, because of its superb cast, plot, and music.
Spoiler Alert: The ship sinks, and it takes like half the movie. Before it happens though, Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio) steals Rose (Kate Winslett) from her rich husband-to-be. Titanic is a tear-jerker with an epic romance that is fated to failure.
Best Quote
Jack Dawson: “Where to, Miss?”
Rose DeWitt Bukater: “To the stars.”
3 – Bride and Prejudice (2004)
This Bollywood take on the classic “Pride and Prejudice” is a musical delight. Aishwarya Rai Bachchan may not be well-known in majority-English-speaking countries, but she is beautiful and talented – her acting, singing, and dancing expertise is on full display. This movie is beautiful, tells an old story; and you’ll look sophisticated for suggesting it. The colorful costumes and set designs are like taking an exotic vacation from your couch.
Best Quote
Lalita Bakshi (Rai): “You should be stirring your husband’s dinner not trouble.”
2 – Love, Actually (2003)
Love Actually follows the intertwining stories of eight British couples dealing with love in very different ways. It’s a romantic comedy and a Christmas film, but its sappiness is matched by genuine and heartwarming moments. It’s impossible to watch this movie without laughing, crying, and falling in love with at least one character! Love Actually may be the best romantic comedy ever written.
Best Quote
Billy Mack (Bill Nighy) “Hiya kids. Here is an important message from your Uncle Bill. Don’t buy drugs. Become a pop star, and they give you them for free!”
1 – The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)
This Oscar-nominated flick might not come to mind as a movie perfect for Valentine’s Day. But you and your Valentine’s Day date just might find that refreshing!
Martin Scorsese is known for his thrilling films, and Wolf of Wall Street does not disappoint. It’s a raw and emotional movie, with some violence, nudity, and drug use – all to show the underbelly of the high-octane world of finance. DiCaprio’s performance is compelling and exciting – this movie is worth your time!
Best Quote
Jordan Belfort: [to the waiter] “Oh, I’m good with water for now.”
Mark Hanna: “It’s his first day on Wall Street. Give him time.”
The post 23 Valentine’s Day Movies People Never Get Bored Of appeared first on Lifehack.
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32 Life Lessons I Learned by Age 32
1) There has never been a better time in history to live an extraordinary, unlimited life.
2) Don’t listen to others when it comes to making big decisions. Your inner voice has the answers.
3) How good you look is a reflection of how good you feel inside. The woman who taught me this is the incredible Rupa Mehta, founder of Nalini Method, here in New York!
4) We’re all connected. As Mark Nepo says, “being human is looking so deeply into the other person that you recognize yourself.”
5) Life is better when you’re in it (not on the sidelines, watching).
6) Take your desires seriously. They’re all you’ve got. Deepak Chopra teaches, “Inherent in every desire is the mechanics for its fulfillment.”
7) You don’t have to work in a corporate job. It’s not safe anyway, despite what they tell you. There’s much more fun and money to be had if you can handle a little uncertainty (warning — most people would choose misery over uncertainty, but you don’t have to be one of them). Doing work that you truly love is the best gift you will ever give yourself.
8) Laugh often. People who laugh vs. get offended or get upset over small stuff have way healthier lives.
9) Ask for a raise when you feel it’s due.Always. It adds up to more than you believe.
10) Kindness counts above all else. It does not matter how good looking, educated or interesting someone is. It all means nothing without kindness.
11) Worry less. As happiness researcher Shawn Achor says, “Adversities, no matter what they are, simply don’t hit us as hard as we think they will. Our fear of consequences is always worse than the consequences themselves.”
12) Visualize! Picture your ideal life daily and consistently take small steps towards your vision. Each small step adds up to a life.
13) Always be de-cluttering! Closets, paperwork, unsupportive friends, apps, inboxes. Simplicity is heaven.
14) It’s never about where you start. I come from a small town, a broken home, an alcoholic father and no money. If you hate your situation, I guarantee you that you can change it. Your current circumstances are always temporary (both good and bad).
15) Qualifications mean less than you think. Knowledge is only potential power. Doing/creating/building is what counts (and it’s where you gain the real knowledge).
16) The best way to do it is to do it. Take risks. You’ll be dead soon. As my friend Sean Behr says, “don’t die wondering.”
17) Read like a maniac — biographies especially. All mistakes that can be made and lessons that can be learned have already been experienced by someone else. Reading is like a Cheater’s Guide to navigating your life.
18) The biggest regrets come from pleasing other people. A Buddhist monk said if you meditated for 20 years the final message you would arrive at is, “Be yourself.”
19) Live where you want to live. Despite what you might think — you are NOT stuck! If your dream is to live in London, Paris, San Francisco — go!
20) Love yourself. Especially when you don’t “deserve” it.
21) Forgive others no matter what they did to you. This is like inner-peace on a platter. BUT you don’t have to be friends with people who’ve hurt you.
22) Success isn’t passive. Elizabeth Gilbert nailed it when she said, “Participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings.”
23) Talk to new people. All opportunities come from the people you meet. It’s humans who make things happen, nothing else.
24) Time cures heartbreak. Nothing else. As Regina Brett says, “Give time time.”
25) It’s OK if people don’t like you. Truly. I love what Paulo Coelho says, “Haters are confused admirers who cannot understand why everyone loves you.”
26) Say no and don’t feel guilty about it. Martha Beck put it best, “When it comes to saying yes or no to something or someone, choose the answer that feels like freedom.”
27) No one is ever ready. Just begin, baby!
28) Focus on your strengths, always.Crafting your strengths will get you much further than improving your weaker areas. Let your strengths shine and don’t apologize for them!
29) Everyone is scared.
30) “No-one knows what they’re doing either.“As Ricky Gervais says. We are all just doing our best as we go along. Let this make you feel free, liberated and tolerant of all others who are just doing their best, too.
31) Love is stronger than death. When we lose our loved ones all that’s lost is their physical form.
32) You are going to be OK.
by Susie Moore
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