Tumgik
#related but i miss nanowrimo. i miss life being manageable enough that i could just Devote a Month to writing.
ghostzzy · 1 month
Text
they gotta invent a way to pause your life so you can play stardew valley for 300 hours straight with no repercussions
6 notes · View notes
shipmistress9 · 5 years
Text
FTLOAP: Chapter 45: The Time Will Come When You'll Have To Rise
Tumblr media
Fandom: HTTYD
Theme: Hiccstrid - Medieval-style AU - Romance - Angst/Hurt/Comfort
Summary: Reduced to little more than a stable boy, Hiccup, despite his noble birth, has few prospects for more in life. But when he meets a girl who came to look at the horses, being a stable boy might not be enough anymore. Together, they have tough choices to make and great risks to navigate if they want to survive and be together.
Rating: Explicit
FF-net  -  AO3 -
Discord-server for discussions and questions
Part 1: Prologue; Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6; Chapter 7; Chapter 8; Chapter 9; Chapter 10; Chapter 11;
Part 2: Chapter 12; Chapter 13; Chapter 14; Interlude 1; Chapter 15; Chapter 16; Chapter 17; Chapter 18; Chapter 19; Chapter 20; Chapter 21; Chapter 22; Chapter 23; Chapter 24; Chapter 25; Chapter 26; Interlude 2; Chapter 27: Chapter 28 ; Chapter 29 ; Chapter 30; Chapter 31; Chapter 32; Interlude 3; Bonus 1; Chapter 33
Part 3: Chapter 34; Chapter 35; Chapter 36; Interlude 4; Chapter 37; Chapter 38; Chapter 39; Chapter 40; Interlude 5; Chapter 41; Chapter 42; Chapter 43; Chapter 44
Alpha/Co-author: @athingofvikings
tagging @drchee5e @hey-its-laura-again @thepixiedustfactory
. – * – _ . o O o . _ – * – .
AN: Woohoo! I actually managed another chapter, hard to believe, I know...
I think at this point, it would be more sensible to remove any scheduled updates, and I just post the next chapter when it's done. Fair warning though: November is fast approaching now and with it NaNoWriMo. I'm not going to participate in that this year, but my alpha-reader does. So I don't know how much time he'll have for editing and helping. And after NaNo, I'm very close to my delivery date already, so no promises about updates then, either. However, I solidly plan to at least post one more chapter before that! Afterwards, I don't know how quickly I will get back to writing. If you have questions though, you can always contact me through PM here or through the ATOV Discord server. And without a regular update schedule, I now have a tagging list here, so if you want to get included there, just tell me. 😊
I feel positive about this other update because a good part of it is already written as I'd originally planned to have that scene in this chapter. But as it is, the chapter got pretty long already so I split it again. This time, the ending feels much more solid than the last time I had to do that, and I hope it feels that way for you, too.
This week's title comes from the song Warriors again by Imagine Dragons. After splitting the chapter, I again had to come up with a new title, and after a bit of thinking, this one felt exceedingly fitting. 😇
. o O o .
Throughout the following few days, Astrid kept pondering over it all; Eret’s accident and everything that had happened afterwards. It wasn’t entirely by choice; she much rather would have thought about Hiccup and how they could be together instead. But she was at a loss there, only having Hiccup’s renewed optimism to hold on to, and repeatedly going through the same pointless plans wasn’t exactly productive. Thinking about other problems instead wasn’t necessarily more pleasant, but it was still… easier.
And thinking about those incidents certainly had a grounding effect. The more she mentally reviewed the attempted stab in the back against Eret, the more certain she was about one thing – from the fierceness and aim of his attack, the now-dead nobleman had intended for it to be a killing blow. It was a hot topic of gossip among the nobles, with many supporting her opinion – without her ever having stated it openly – and being outraged on her and her future husband’s behalf, aided by more witnesses speaking up about their view of the man’s dishonourable attack. Tournament or not, melee or not, stabbing a man in the back was seen as low and cowardly. Some had even called for action against the man’s family, such as fines or other punishments. But as he was already dead, the King had dismissed the idea, saying that they’d been punished enough. However, the entire topic, with the number of witnesses essentially corroborating Astrid’s opinion, was enough that even Eret and Dagur had to admit that it probably hadn’t been an accident at all. 
At first, accepting that fact had made especially Dagur’s anger at Snotlout grow even hotter, though not for long. Snot hadn’t gotten through that fight unscathed either, despite initial impressions. The hit against his head had caused a mild concussion, and the kick to his side had cracked a rib. If he’d lost on purpose somehow, then he’d made an incredibly bad bargain. 
Both Eret and Snot had been confined to bed rest on the healers’ orders for the following few days, making Astrid anxious for both of her brothers. No matter how irritating Snot’s behaviour lately had been, she still cared for him. But now, two days later, Master Mulch had been willing to state that he was relatively certain that both ducal heirs would fully recover. Eret had even insisted on riding out for today’s hunt again; not to actually participate, but at least to show that he was recovering, that he was still there and the place at her side not vacant again.
And no matter how much Astrid – and practically everybody else – had scolded him for this unnecessary show of bravado, she was also grateful for it. Eret could be pretty foolhardy, she knew that perfectly well. But she also knew that he wouldn’t risk his health and life for something as superficial as this. No, she trusted in him, in his assurance that he was doing fine, and let it soothe her enough not to worry about his injury too much. His safety was another matter altogether, but there was little she could do about that. Right now, he was out in the forest, accompanied by Hiccup and Dagur, and probably with a few of her father’s guards keeping a close eye on him, too. That would have to be enough. 
Sighing, she turned the next corner. For once, she had nothing to do; with her suitors being out on that hunt and with her governess being done lecturing her for today, she was at loose ends, for a little while at least. But as there wasn’t enough time to go anywhere, she’d opted for a stroll through the castle instead, with Timothy walking a couple of steps behind her. 
Well, there was one place she could go, and if things were different, she would have gone to visit Fishlegs as soon as her governess had let her leave. But of course, that wasn’t an option these days. Just thinking about Heather made a bunch of twisted emotions rise inside Astrid. There was the fear that she might expose them, despite her declaration that she would keep their secret. She’d made it clear, after all: she didn’t feel any fealty to them, not when their actions might threaten her own little family. And no matter how much Astrid tried to avoid that thought; she was acutely aware of the fact that, if Hiccup wasn’t a consideration, she probably would have married Eret without question – and thus make Dagur more inclined to focus on his role as ducal heir as well. 
But beneath that fear, she could also relate to Heather. The threat of having the future she’d been so sure of ripped away from her, of losing those she loved, and being ready to do everything to keep them… yes, she could sympathise with that all too well. She just hoped that it wouldn’t come to that, that Heather wouldn’t feel threatened enough to take actions against her relationship with Hiccup. Because Astrid wasn’t sure what she’d do then, was even afraid of how far she might be willing to go. 
If only they would be able to come up with something of a plan, some way to achieve their goal without tearing anyone else down with them. She just wanted to be with Hiccup, to be able to love him in peace and spend her life with him. Was that really too much to ask for? 
To soothe her anxiety at least a little, she pressed her hand to her chest, focusing on and basking in the warm glow of Hiccup’s soul. They would find a way! Somehow… Maybe running away really wasn’t an option, but that didn’t mean that there couldn’t be other ways. 
With her hand still resting over her heart, she paused at one of the high windows and gazed out over the land around the castle. It was beautiful, with the lake to her left, the edges of the forest in the distance, and grassland in-between, littered with solitary trees and shrubs here and there. It was still early in the year, but it was obvious that spring was coming quickly now, trees and bushes showing first signs of green and some early flowers growing everywhere. 
Yes, it was beautiful… But that didn’t change that it was nothing but a cage, binding and suffocating her. 
She was about to turn away when a bit of movement caught her eye. There, on a meadow to the right, a handful of horses pranced over the grass and chased each other around. Some grooms were there, too, watching over the animals, all clearly enjoying the sunlight. 
The sight gave Astrid a painful sting. Usually, visiting the stables on a day like this would be an option too, but… but not yet. Someday, she certainly would have the strength to enter the stables again. She was even looking forward to riding and generally being around horses again. But for now, the pain of losing Markor was still too strong. It had all happened so fast. In one moment, everything had been as usual and in the next, he’d just been… gone. She missed him with a dull ache in her chest, one that only worsened when she remembered how she hadn’t even been able to say goodbye in any way and had no way of remembering or mourning him. 
Except… that wasn’t really true, was it? she mused with something of a grimace. She still had the statue Hiccup had given her as a Midwinter gift. As a reminder, he’d said... Her lips twitched into a sad smile as she contemplated the irony. He’d meant that it would be a reminder of him for when he couldn’t be with her, and not of the horse it depicted. But somehow, she felt like this was the perfect way to remember Markor: frozen yet so alive in this tiny figurine – as if he was about to turn and run around at any moment. The thought made a lump rise in her throat, but she managed to keep any tears at bay. She would miss him, would always remember him. But no matter how pointless his death had been, endlessly crying over his fate wouldn’t revive him, either.
Tearing her thoughts away from that path, they inevitably landed where she hadn’t wanted them instead. It wasn’t even farfetched, her mind quickly drawing the connection between Markor and Hiccup, of him giving her that figurine, of the nights she’d spend in the stables, so comfortable and optimistic about their future. She still trusted in the Gods, or whatever force had woven their fates together, but even that didn’t really help when faced with the hopelessness brought by rejecting one impossible idea after the other. 
Maybe Dagur and Eret had been right after all and approaching Daniel with a request for help might work. But even though he certainly had been fond enough of Hiccup during the winter, Astrid wasn’t sure whether she could rely on just that flimsy hope, especially as he wasn’t to return for at least another week anyway. That would be hitting awfully close to when it would be too late… 
She also was aware of a certain piece of parchment that was still safely stored away in her new treasure box. She was ready to use her father’s boon for this; they would probably need every bit of help they could get. But without a plan, she was afraid of revealing her feelings to the King. She just couldn’t predict how he would react. All she knew was that simply ‘requesting to marry Hiccup’ wouldn’t work. The King had made it clear that his announcement of her marrying one of the eligible noblemen currently courting her wasn’t something he could or would take back. And ‘giving Hiccup land and title’ was equally hopeless. Because Hiccup had been right, there was no land even the King could easily give away just like that. 
It all seemed overwhelmingly hopeless, but she had to have faith, had to trust that they would find a way. Eventually…
Later, Astrid would be sure that what happened next had to have been the Gods who guided her steps. Meeting the Grand Dukes Oswald and Eret II in the vast labyrinth that was the castle’s corridors couldn’t have been just a coincidence – the timing was too perfect.
At first, she only heard a familiar voice from around a corner, one that made her feel a little more at ease in an instant, thanks to her mind associating it with enjoyable vacations in the South and days spent at Southshore’s sunny beaches. The voice spoke quietly, but as soon as she focused, the words became easily understandable. 
“...just received a letter from Lord Gregson. Apparently, it is as I feared.”
“That’s unfortunate,” came Eret II’s muttered reply. “What exactly did he– Oh, hello Astrid,” he interrupted himself as she stepped into view, a fond smile spreading across his weathered face at her sight. “How are you, lass? Are you bored to death by all these tournaments and suitors yet?”
Astrid’s face twisted, unsure how to react to that. Of course, Uncle Eret knew her well enough to know that she didn’t exactly enjoy all this fuss, just like she in return knew that he wasn’t any better when it came to overly formal events. But on the other hand, he’d been in on this plan, so it felt a little two-faced for him to complain about them now. Either way, she couldn’t ignore the fatherly smile on his face and not the usual sense of ease it gave her either. And it again reminded her of how, under different circumstances, she’d be about to join his House, his family, and do so happily. 
“You know me too well,” she played along, plastering an indulgent smile on her lips. “I’m just glad it’ll all be over soon.”
“Aye, it certainly will be,” Oswald agreed with a light snort. Beneath his own smile, he seemed troubled though, making Astrid wonder what the men had been talking about before she’d interrupted them. 
Cocking her head, she tried to look as innocent as possible. “But enough of that. What was it you were talking about just now? It seems to bother you, is anything the matter?” She wasn’t even sure what kind of answer she expected. But asking couldn’t hurt, right?
“Oh, that,” Oswald waved her off with a forced smile. “That’s just politics. Believe me, you wouldn’t be interested in this, lass. If you really think tournaments are boring, be glad that it’s not on you to deal with such things, too.”
Astrid had to bite back any comment on that. It was so typical that the men wouldn’t tell her anything.
Eret II grunted in agreement and shook his head. “Yeah, this really is nothing you need to be concerned about. But it’s good that we met here. I wanted to ask whether my son is already settled in his new rooms. I hardly get the chance to talk to him these days, he’s always so busy.” He chuckled and winked at her. 
Because of… reasons, Eret had been made to relocate into other rooms, reasons that made her have to hide a smirk. “As far as I know, he’s relocating today,” she replied as calmly as she could. “A group of servants should be transferring his belongings to the new room as we speak. At least I’m supposed to meet him there for a private dinner later – with a whole entourage of chaperons, of course.” She forced something of an amused grimace onto her face, hoping that it was an appropriate reaction. Deep down, she was glad over this development, though. With having made her unofficial choice at the ball came a few privileges that certainly were to her liking. Like being allowed to spend time with her future husband in a more private setting, with only her warder or maidservant and Sir Eret’s squire as chaperons.
Apparently, her reaction had been what the men had expected from her as they both chuckled fondly at her comment. Even Timothy behind her couldn’t stay completely quiet, covering up his laughter as coughing. Of course, his amusement had an altogether different reason, but that was something the Grand Dukes didn’t need to know about. 
“That sounds about right,” Eret II eventually commented, sobering up again. “Then we better not delay you, wherever you were heading to. See you soon.”
The men nodded at her with something of an insinuated bow – more of a polite nod with a bit of a bend at the waist – which Astrid dutifully returned with a curtsy of her own before she took the obvious dismissal and continued on her way. The fact that she’d again been excluded from any political knowledge bugged her though, so when she reached another junction only a few steps further down the corridor, she went there, giving the Grand Dukes a last friendly smile as she turned around the corner. As soon as she was out of sight though, she made a step to the side to hide in a doorway, indicating Tuff to be quiet and follow her lead. Maybe, just maybe, she could learn something about the political situation of the Kingdom after all. 
And for once, she couldn’t believe her luck.
“So, what was it Lord Gregson wrote to you in that letter?” Eret II said, picking up their conversation.
There was a low, unamused snort from Oswald. “Basically, that he’s giving up. He used so many fancy words that I think he asked one of Frigga’s Gythias to help him compose it. All of these wonderful, florid turns-of-phrase, on and on. About how honoured he felt that we put such trust into him and how he’d wanted to give his best to live up to these expectations and so forth.”
“Aye, I know the type of report,” Eret II said. “I think I’ve even written a few in my time, back when we were younger.”
“I know. I helped, remember? But you were drunk at the time, so I’m not surprised that you don’t,” Oswald said tartly but fondly. The pair of them walked past the doorway, and Astrid gave Tuff a look of dire threat if he so much as blinked loudly. Outside, Oswald continued. “But it all boils down to the fact that he doesn’t feel up to the task of rebuilding County Ravenledge. And at this point, it doesn’t even matter whether it’s because he feels as if the people there deserve better after all they’ve been through or whether he just realised how much work that would be and is too lazy to stand his ground under such circumstances. At least he’s honest enough to admit that he doesn’t feel up to the challenge. But that means that we have to find someone else to take it on, and I fear that the reasons for Lord Gregson’s pull-out will become publicly known sooner rather than later. Which also means that in a week or two, it’ll become increasingly difficult to find a replacement. Everyone is hungry for titles, yes, but that’s because they’re all spoiled brats who want to live like, well, nobles, not have to work with me looking over their shoulder.” 
"Yes, I see your problem," came Eret II’s reply, his voice getting lower and lower as the distance between Astrid and the Grand Dukes grew. "I wish we could spare Osmond this problem in addition to everything else, but he has to know about it."
"No doubts about that. But maybe, this can even come in handy." Oswald laughed harshly. "Although, while it would make for a great white elephant, it’s getting the poor sap to accept it that’ll be the tricky part. We…"
The voices grew too low for Astrid to understand more, but she felt as if she'd heard enough anyway. Stunned, she stood in her doorway and stared at Tuff, unsure whether she was ready to believe what she'd just heard. But in his eyes, she spotted the same excited gleam that was buzzing in her mind as well, and tentatively, she let hope take roots inside her.
County Ravenledge… the name alone was enough to make her cringe at the reminder of Harold, of his foul breath on her skin and his filthy hands on her body. But he was the past and that wasn't what truly was on her mind anyway. 
The man her father and the Grand Dukes had instituted as new Count Ravenledge had resigned his office. And now, it was back in the hands of the Crown, free to be distributed to whoever was deemed fit or worthy of the job.
Astrid's heart was pounding rapidly against her ribs and she was incredibly glad for the hard wood in her back keeping her upright. This was it! This was what they'd been looking for, the solution to their problem, the way out. If Hiccup became the new Count Ravenledge, then he definitely would be of a high-enough rank for her to marry him. Nobody would dare to object to such a choice.
"I assume you want to meet with Eret as soon as possible?" Tuff needlessly asked, emphasising the name to let her know that he knew who she really wanted to see. Astrid could only nod, her mind whirling with countless possibilities. "Then I suggest we return to your rooms and Ruff and I see whether we can help to get his new rooms ready. The sooner you all can talk this through the better.” 
. o O o .
The reason why Eret had to move into other rooms was the source of a wide range of emotions to Astrid. It had all started with some whispered mutterings on the morning after the ball, whispers Astrid herself hadn’t learned about until a day later. Apparently, some people thought it was inappropriate for Eret, the soon-to-be-but-not-yet-husband of the Princess, to spend his nights in such close proximity to her. After all, he inhabited an entire suite of rooms in the family wing of the castle, only separated from his future wife by three corridors. Why, behind two sets of thick oak doors, all sorts of... things could happen in his bedroom!
Yesterday, when Astrid finally had heard them from Eret, she’d initially laughed before another thought had struck her, making her irritation smoulder. Apparently, people were serious about the insinuations against Eret’s character. Eret had slept in that suite for months now, ever since he’d arrived in the capital last fall. And back then, people had already believed them to be a ‘couple’, and had for years. But now it was a problem? Just when things were heating up to the point that Eret was surviving attempts on his life? 
It was an obvious smear campaign, and her fury had started to kindle– 
–Only to vanish like smoke in a high wind when Tuff had burst out laughing at her indignation and Ruff had, after fighting her own mirth, explained that she and her brother had started the whispers. But even this confusion – and granted, Eret’s and Dagur’s as well – hadn’t lasted long. 
The rumours and public demands for decency had apparently all been part of their plan; a few comments down in the kitchens and washer-rooms and elsewhere had spread like a wildfire on open grasslands. With the castle still being unusually packed from the celebrations, there weren’t exactly many other places for Eret – and Hiccup – to move to. House Jag’r’s townhouse certainly was an option, but with Eret still healing and having to participate in the events again as soon as he was recovered, it was more sensible for him to stay at the castle. So, after some discussions – discussions in which the twins were included, in their positions as Eret’s apparent-betrothed’s personal servants – it was decided that Eret would relocate to the so-called haunted rooms. 
At that, Eret had merely raised an eyebrow, and Dagur had made an encouraging gesture, all of them waiting for Ruff to continue in her explanation. 
“The ‘haunted rooms’ are what the staff call the Greatpine Suite,” Ruff explained. “Two floors down from Astrid’s suite and on the other end of the building. Everyone thinks that they’re haunted because there’s this eerie whistling that everyone who stays there hears.” She met Eret’s eyes with a smirk. “So you’ll trade with the men currently barracked there; they’ll be happy to get out, even though your current suite is smaller. But surely a brave knight like Sir Eret of House Jag’r won’t mind, right?”
Laid out in his sickbed, Eret gave her a dubious look that made the twins burst out in even more laughter. Slapping her knee, Ruff gasped, “Don’t worry, there’s no draugr buried under the floorboards or anything else that people say about the rooms.”
“In fact, be honoured that we’re telling you,” Tuff snickered. “Because it’s a secret.”
“What is?” Astrid demanded.
“Why, the secret passage, of course!” Ruff said innocently.
Astrid blinked. “Secret passage?”
“Yup. The one that ends behind that particularly warty painting around the corner from your rooms, Princess,” Tuff said cheerfully. “It was probably meant to be an easy escape route in case of an attack, but hardly anyone knows about them by now.” 
Astrid gave another blink as Eret protested. “But you two can’t be the only ones that know about them. Secret or no secret, it’s really hard to hide a whole passageway, even in a building this big. Someone else will make the connection and complain – and it’s too big a risk to use them, if the servants use them, too!”
“But the servants don’t use them,” Ruff emphasised.
“Present company excepted,” Tuff corrected, grinning. “They’re too small,” he mimed a space only a bit wider than his shoulders and lower than his head, “and filled with cobwebs and... gunk.”
Astrid rolled her eyes. “And you use them for prank getaways?”
“Milady!” Ruff exclaimed, faux-scandalized. “Such accusations!” She smirked and said, “Besides, even the ones that do know...” She shrugged and looked at Astrid and Eret. “They’re all caught up in the romance of it all. I know at least one cook gave me a wink when I made the suggestion.” Spreading her hands out helplessly, she looked between the two of them. “They know what’s up and are rooting for you two.”
“Greaaat,” Hiccup drawled. 
“It is, because it means that we can smuggle you in without a problem,” Tuff said, crossing his arms. “So say ‘thank you.’”
They had thanked the twins for their work. And now, two days later, all Astrid felt was a deep sense of gratitude and a good amount of anticipation, giddiness, and nervousness. If everything went as planned, Hiccup would spend this night with her again, and in her bed no less! Oh, if only it was that late already! She couldn’t wait to feel his hands on her body again, to kiss him and to lose herself in his touch.
But it was only mid-afternoon, with Astrid sitting at her decorated tea table, drinking tea, and nibbling at some light pastries as she waited for the hunting parties to return and for her private dinner with Eret to begin. And before she could enjoy feeling Hiccup’s closeness again, there was something else she had to do anyway.
Aside from making sure that they’d all made it back unharmed and wanting to be close to Hiccup again, she also couldn’t wait to tell them about the conversation she’d overheard. A part of her warned her to be cautious, to not get too excited yet. The idea of Hiccup becoming a full Count in only a few days, of him legally joining those participating in the tournaments and hunts to court her… it felt too good to be true. 
Nervously tapping her fingers against the porcelain cup between her hands, she tried to imagine the reactions to her officially and openly changing her mind and choosing Hiccup instead of Eret. Would it be possible for her to ask her father to excuse Hiccup from participating in any fights, just to keep him safe? After what had happened to Eret, that certainly wasn’t an unreasonable concern, right? But would the King even support such a request? Would he support her choice at all? Or would it be better if she only made her choice public at the very last moment, not giving anyone even the slightest chance to take action against Hiccup? 
For hours, her mind circled around those same thoughts, over and over, until a knock on her door drew her attention. Astrid heard a servant girl delivering a message to Ruff and it made her heartbeat quicken almost unbearably. 
“Are they back?” she asked as soon as Ruff approached her and got up from her seat, unable to sit still any longer. 
Her maidservant smirked. “Yes, they’re all back, unharmed, and Sir Eret awaits you for your dinner in about half an hour,” she replied in a ridiculously formal voice. Astrid’s lips twitched but she didn’t say anything and simply let Ruff dress her for the occasion, waiting impatiently for her to be done. 
Walking along the corridors and down the stairs to Eret’s new rooms seemed to take forever. She knew that this distance served a purpose, one she supported wholeheartedly, but right now, the prolonged walk was driving her insane in her impatience. Eventually, Tuff halted in his strides though and turned to knock on a door to their right. As Eret’s only servant, it was Hiccup who opened them, the sight of him enough to somewhat calm Astrid’s unquiet mind. He was clearly happy to see them, his eyes nearly flowing over with love as they met her own. But there also was a certain tension in them, in his every movement, and after he’d closed the door behind them again, it became clear that Eret and Dagur were just as tense as he was, the atmosphere overall enough to make her forget everything else.
“What happened?” she asked anxiously, looking around from one man to the other. In a corner, she spotted a table set for two even though it was laden with enough food to last at least twice as many people. But where before she’d been looking forward to this informal meal with her brothers and Hiccup, she now couldn’t even think about eating anything. 
“Nothing, really,” Eret eventually mumbled, looking up from where he sat on his bed’s edge. Astrid wanted to scoff at this obvious lie, but he lifted his hand to directly ward off her protest. “Nothing that changes anything, at least. It’s just been… let’s say, it’s been a rough day.”
Astrid still wasn’t inclined to let the topic drop, but before she could demand a more thorough explanation, Dagur already jumped in. 
He was sitting backwards on a chair, his arms crossed over the backrest, but she suspected that he was still ready to jump in case Eret needed help. “A new rumour was spreading like wildfire during the hunt,” he grumbled, shaking his head in annoyance. “The rumour that… well, that Eret and I are more than just close friends since our childhood and that the whole betrothal is nothing but a charade to cover for us.” 
Astrid could do little more than gape, her eyes wandering from Dagur to Eret and back again. They both looked heartbroken, hunched over and with their arms defensively crossed in front of them. 
“Okay, but why’s that a problem?” Tuff commented after a few more uncomfortable seconds had passed. “I mean… it’s true? And it’s not as if that’s unheard-of; we have Freyr’s male Ástir for a reason, after all.”
With a heavy sigh, Eret raised his head to look at Tuff. “You’re right, it shouldn’t be much of a problem. But that didn’t make this day any easier. Every time we encountered some of the other men in the woods, they made comments about how I should be ashamed of myself for leading the Princess on like that. That I should openly stand to my preferences and tell her the truth, decline her choice, and leave her to someone who can truly satisfy her.”
“That’s a nice way to describe their insults,” Dagur scoffed angrily, but Eret just shrugged.
“It’s what it all boiled down to,” he replied, sounding tired. “And they’re right. I mean... Aside from Hiccup and this charade of a betrothal not being real anyway… It could have become real. And they would’ve been right; you’d deserve better than that, Swanja. Better than me.” 
With the lump forming in her throat making it hard to say anything, Astrid made the few steps to cross the distance between them and sat down next to Eret on his bed. She wasn’t sure whether she was even capable of comforting him right now, but she at least had to try. 
“Hey, don’t say that,” she said softly, reaching to squeeze his hand. “I… When I agreed to marry you, I knew about all this, remember? So whatever they said, it’s nothing but bullshit. And no matter how things are now… I rather would have spent my life with you, as my partner and best friend, than with any of those idiots who only see me as a trophy to be added to their glory.” Imagining a life where Hiccup didn’t exist felt weird. Wrong! But she also knew that what she’d just said was true. If it wasn’t for Hiccup, she would have gladly married Eret.
She wasn’t sure whether her words were able to help him though, or whether they would only make it worse instead. But after a short pause, Eret squeezed her back. “Thanks,” he muttered with a weak smile. “I just… well, I just hope that whoever Father might eventually pick as my wife will think the same. So maybe it’s even good that this cat is out of the bag now. It means whoever it might be will know what to expect right from the beginning.”
To that, Astrid wasn’t able to say anything. It was because of her that this was something to worry about again, and there was nothing she could do to help him there. But instead of letting the awkward silence linger, Eret shook his head and put on an almost scarily dark expression. 
“But that’s not really the problem here,” he went on in a far graver voice than before. “The question is who started this ‘rumour’. And why now?” He motioned for her to sit down at the set table, gladly accepting her help to get up himself without straining his bound chest too much.
“Could it have been Heather?” she asked as she sat down on her seat, her worries over the other woman and how much harm she could do resurfacing again. 
But Dagur vehemently shook his head. “That wouldn’t make any sense. That was a secret she would have wanted to keep, in her own interest. With everyone now knowing that I’m not interested in women, me producing an heir to get her and her child off the hook became just that much more complicated.” He sighed. “And I have no idea who else could be behind this, either. I mean… we tried to not let anyone know but it certainly wasn’t an ironclad secret either. Everyone could’ve found out.” 
Astrid wasn’t entirely convinced though. “Are you sure? There were quite a few people who knew, after all. Could anyone–”
“Maybe,” Eret interrupted her, though directly contradicted himself by shaking his head. “But I don’t think anyone here started that rumour, and I can’t see why Cami would do so, either.” He paused, taking a deep breath, before he continued in a darker tone. “And I don’t want to suspect Snot. He’s acting weird, but… we still know him, right? And I don’t see why he’d do it anyway. Certainly not to separate us; he knows that you know, after all. No, I don’t think he would go behind our backs like that. Especially not with him still being not allowed to get up anyway. He didn’t even have the chance to spread such a rumour without it being too easy to trace it back to him. Anyway,” he went on, noticeably aiming to change the topic and mood to something more cheerful. “People know, and we’ll have to deal with it from now on. Which doesn’t really change anything; it’s just annoying.”
Dagur huffed. “Yeah. Just as annoying as your grandfather making the effort to come and meet you this morning only to yell at you two. I’m just glad this circulating rumour hadn’t reached him yet. But who knows? Maybe he’ll have a heart attack once they do. That would make so many lives easier.” 
At the mentioning of his grandfather, Eret winced and threw an apprehensive and apologetic look to the side – or, more precisely, to where Hiccup was leaning against the wall next to her. Astrid turned too, and easily spotted the pained grimace that crossed Hiccup’s face. Their grandfather… As far as Astrid knew, this had to have been the first time Hiccup even met the old goat with the old man also knowing who Hiccup was. And judging by his reaction, it hadn’t been a pleasant meeting.
Without even thinking about it, she reached for his hand, letting her thumb glide across his knuckles in a way to comfort him. “What did he want?”
Hiccup seemed to appreciate the gesture, squeezed her hand in his and even let something of a weak smile tug at his lips before he said anything. “He scolded Eret for choosing what had to be the worst squire in history,” he said in a low, but clear and almost emotionless voice. “‘It obviously was the fault of that failure that your armour wasn’t in a good-enough state to deflect the blow like good chainmail should. That idiot might as well have tried to kill you himself and he should get executed for his sloppy mistakes.’” he quoted, and let out a harsh laugh. “He didn’t even deign to look at me or to talk to me directly.”
“And just like the old pigheaded asshole he’s always been, he didn’t even listen when I explained that that had only been my decorative armour anyway,” Eret grunted bitterly. “In opposition to all these noblemen who came here because your Father invited them and who knew about the upcoming tournaments, I didn’t bring my heavy battle armour from Eastervale when we came here last fall. That piece of ceremonial chainmail I was wearing was never meant to withstand such a blow, and we didn’t expect… Oh, whatever. He didn’t even want to listen to any of that anyway.”
“Yeah. You said that it wasn’t your good chainmail, and his response was ‘And whose fault is that!?’” Hiccup added, sounding pained. 
“My father’s,” Astrid murmured.
Eret shrugged. “Yes and no. It’s not like we should have expected the armoury here to have chain in my size.” He flexed sarcastically, showing off his physique, and Astrid had to agree with the point; Eret was taller and broader in the chest than most men. “But let’s be honest here. This wasn’t about me,” he continued. “This was about him being upset that all of his dynastic game moves almost got wasted because his last playing piece got a dent. He wasn’t doing it to listen to anybody, just to vent his frustration that we’re not doing what he wants us to do, like good pawns.”
“Well, he never listens, does he?” Tuff threw in, mirth saturating his voice. “Although I’d love to make him listen, especially if someone told him about you and Dagur. Loki, I’d love to see his face.” He shared a dark grin with his sister, but quickly turned serious again, his gaze shifting to Astrid again.
“Anyway,” he went on, the changed tone of his voice and expression on his face showing that he was about to start an entirely different topic. “Wasn’t there something you wanted to tell the others, Astrid?” 
For a heartbeat or three, she just blinked at him in puzzlement. But then, her mood brightened. “Right! There’s something I have to tell you,” she exclaimed at the reminder. The dark atmosphere had distracted her when she’d arrived, had made her focus on her friends’ – no, her family’s – problems instead of what lay ahead of them. But now, it was all back at the forefront of her mind. 
Eagerly, she turned to look at the others again, her hand still holding Hiccup’s squeezing him. “I was lucky this morning,” she began, cheeks heating with excitement. “Tuff and I overheard a conversation between your fathers,” she nodded at Eret and Dagur. “Something about Ravenledge – the county, not the man. Apparently, the man who was supposed to become the new Count resigned – because it was too difficult a job for him, or something – and now, it’s back in the hands of Uncle Oswald and my father. If we can convince them to install Hiccup in that position, then that would be the solution, wouldn’t it?”
At first, all three men just gaped at her. They seemed to need a few moments to wrap their heads around this news, but Astrid couldn’t blame them; she was hardly able to believe in this simple solution either. And that was after she’d already had hours to think about it all. 
“That… that could actually work,” Eret eventually muttered after a seemingly endless pause, something like cautious optimism swinging in his voice. “If Hiccup becomes a count, he automatically should become eligible for you, too. The only question is how we can convince them to–”
“I can use my boon for that,” Astrid interrupted him. Her gaze darted up to Hiccup, eyes filled with excitement. He knew that she was more than willing to use her father's promise in his favour. This was the solution they’d been searching for!
Hiccup was looking at her in return as well, but with a somewhat wavering expression instead of the hope she’d expected to see. As if he wanted to let that hope take over but didn’t quite dare to accept it. 
Dagur seemed more confused though. “Uh, what boon?”
It took her some effort to tear her eyes away from Hiccup, from assuring him that this could work, and look at Dagur instead. “After… after Harold’s execution, my father granted me a wish,” she explained, grimacing at the renewed reminder. “A royal boon. He said I just need to name what I want and as long as it’s within his power, he’ll grant it to me. And I don’t see why naming Hiccup the new Count Ravenledge would not be in his power. Odin, from how it sounded, they even expected to have trouble finding someone who’d be willing to take this position.” 
Eret nodded at her explanation, thoughtfully turning his attention to Hiccup. “What do you think?”
Hiccup’s eyes wandered from one waiting face to the other across the room. He still seemed hesitant though, reluctant even, and Astrid could read his thoughts as if he was saying them out loud. This is too good to be true! 
She got up from her chair and turned toward him, heart singing when his hands glided around her waist practically on reflex. Capturing and holding his gaze, she tried to assure him that this was real. There wasn’t much to be misunderstood from the conversation she’d overheard, after all. 
For an endless moment, they gazed at each other, silently communicating. Astrid didn’t need words to know what Hiccup was thinking and feeling, his love for her and the growing hope crystal clear in his eyes. He nodded ever so slightly, probably only visible to her, and his expression softened, his lips stretching into a cautious smile. “There was a time where I wouldn’t have felt comfortable with this solution,” he murmured, voice rough with emotions. Swallowing, he glanced past her to where Eret and Dagur had to be watching them. “I openly admit that I’d hoped to gain this title back when it was vacant a few months back. If… if things had been different that night, if I’d known you’d distribute the county right away, then I’d probably come up with some reason to stay. I would have tried to recommend myself as best I could, hoping…” He trailed off, his eyes gliding back to Astrid as he lifted one hand to caress her cheek. 
She remembered that night, the first night she’d sneaked out to meet him at the stables. Missing out on those hours they’d spent together that night would have felt devastating back then… but if it had meant that he’d had that title already, it would have been worth it.
“But unrelated to that, I also wanted to gain this title, or any other, with my own means,” he continued in a low voice, his eyes back on her now. “ I wanted to prove myself worthy of you. But now, I know how stupid that was. Now, I won’t turn down such an opportunity. So yes, I’m okay with this idea. More than okay. I’d do anything to be with you, no matter whether it includes gaining a title without my doing or accepting any difficult circumstances that might follow.” He gave her a loving smile. “Because it will be worth it.” 
From one moment to the other, Astrid felt as if every bit of space between them was too much, every thought about decency unimportant. Before she could think about it, she’d stretched, her mouth pressed to his and her hands on his back and in his hair pulling him even closer. This was it! They’d found their solution, the way to be together. This was really happening.
And it seemed as if Hiccup had accepted this truth now, too. He was kissing her back with equal eagerness, holding her close with one arm around her back and the free hand at the nape of her neck – still reflexively mindful of her hair as it seemed, but also unwilling to part from her anytime soon. From behind her, Astrid thought she could hear noises of amusement, chuckling and low voices talking, but she wasn’t in the mood to pay the others any mind. All she wanted to focus on was Hiccup, his body pressed so tightly against hers and his tongue dancing along her own, playful, teasing, joyous. 
But it seemed as if at least one of those assembled in this room wasn’t quite as optimistic as the rest. 
“When you listened in on my father and Uncle Eret,” Dagur asked, apprehensively but in a voice loud enough that it drew even her and Hiccup’s attention, “did they say anything about why exactly Lord Gregson resigned?”
Reluctantly, Astrid parted from Hiccup, though just enough to turn in his arms and give Dagur a thoughtful look. “I… don’t think so,” she said, her forehead wrinkled as she scoured her memories. “Just that there apparently were some reasons to it, but not what those were. Oh, and they said something about an… an elephant, but I don’t know what that was supposed to mean. Elephants are these weird animals in the Southlands, right? Big, with ridiculously large ears and noses?” She threw Hiccup a look and spotted his lips twitching. Clearly, he remembered how they’d looked at that book together, too. Especially the last pages.
“An elephant?” Dagur inquired, his brows furrowed. “That... Was that all they said?”
Astrid shrugged. “I… think so?”
But Tuff shook his head, drawing everyone’s attention when he pushed himself off the wall he’d been leaning against. “No, that wasn’t all,” he said with a thoughtful expression. “I remember because it sounded so odd, as if it meant something completely different. So I memorised it to find out later. Lord Berserker said that ‘while it would make for a great white elephant, it’s getting the poor sap to accept it that’ll be the tricky part’.”
Dagur’s face darkened. “That’s what I feared,” he grumbled.
Eret cocked his head, clearly intrigued by his lover’s reaction. “What is it, Dag? Does that mean anything to you?”
Dagur nodded, lips pressed into a thin line. “A ‘White Elephant’ is something of an idiom we took over from the people of the Southlands,” he explained in a pressed voice. “It means it’s a… a trap, you can say. As in, they give the county to some rival they want to get rid off, knowing that the effort of rebuilding it will ruin them.”
From one moment to the other, Astrid’s good mood fell, her stomach feeling as if it was dropping down to her knees, not helped by Tuff nodding and mumbling something like, “When something looks too perfect, it probably sucks." 
“So… so it’s not a sensible solution after all?” she asked meekly. All this had sounded too good to be true… did that mean it had been nothing but wishful thinking after all?
But Dagur shook his head, albeit reluctantly. “I… didn’t say that. I mean, let’s be honest, it’s not as if you have much to lose anyway. It’s not as if Hiccup would put some major fortune into this county or risk his high reputation if he wasn’t able to succeed.” He gave a harsh snort. “But I’ve read a few of the reports that came in from Ravenledge over the past weeks. The county really is in a horrible state. You’d have to rebuild the entire main city, along with some smaller ones, and that’s not even counting the long-term damage from the old count’s rule.” He started ticking off on his fingers. “You’d have to do all that without having the craftsmen nearby because they have no place to live or to work yet. And without being able to organise the work, because you don’t have any administration. Not even the Orders can be of any help with organising or manpower, because there are no central temples anymore. And in addition to all that, the people won’t easily trust yet another nobleman who comes to rule over them, especially not after Lord Gregson now gave up.” He shook his head. “I’m not saying it’s impossible, but...” He shrugged, looking grim.
Astrid felt the weight of Dagur’s words pressing down on them, noticeably dampening the good mood from only moments before. But before she could work through them and try to come up with reasonable objections, Ruff beat her to it. “Not trying to downplay the problems you just mentioned,” she said dryly. “But I think Hiccup and Astrid have an advantage your Lord Gregson didn’t have.” 
Dagur cocked his head at her, puzzled. “And that would be what exactly?”
Ruff gave a snort. “Astrid is the Princess! It’s not just any other nobleman who comes to these people but the daughter of the King herself. That alone should give the people there a little hope, the trust that, this time, their problems get taken seriously. And I’d be surprised if the King wouldn’t send some more serious help in the form of goods and men and money when it comes down to ensuring his daughter’s future.”
“She’s right,” Eret threw in before anyone else could say anything, a grin on his face now as his eyes met Astrid’s. “And that’s not the only advantage you might have.” He took a moment to look from one to the other, his grin widening. “Remember what we talked about the other night? We might not be able to get Hiccup a title… But once he has one, we’re definitely in a position to support him. We’d still have to talk to our fathers, but I don’t think they’d be against drawing up trade contracts and assurances of support in advance. Hiccup might not have much to offer all on his own, but he sure as Hel has friends in powerful positions.”
Slowly, Dagur nodded. “That would make a difference, indeed,” he agreed, his face brightening. “It still won’t be easy, though. It’ll probably take years before something like normalcy or routine would come back to your life. Are you sure you’re feeling up to such a task and the responsibility?” he asked, his eyes firmly on Hiccup. 
Hiccup nodded, though a little tense. “I’m prepared to take that kind of responsibility.” His eyes dropped to her, his lips forming a soft smile. “So yes. I’ll do whatever it takes.”
 . o O o .
Oh, wow! Looks like there's an easy solution after all. 😇
Or... is there? *evil laughter in Author*
Next chapter
34 notes · View notes
elenajohansenauthor · 6 years
Text
Fictober18, Day 23: “This is not new, it only feels like it.”
OCs: Shannon and Noah
Project: Untitled paranormal romance for Fictober18/NaNoWriMo, now tagged #spookyromancenovel on my blog
Potential Triggers: none
Word Count: 2,127
About: Shannon and Noah manage to talk and admit some squishier than usual feelings.
I gave myself the next three days off. Not of work—I still opened the shop and sold things and drove my little engine of merchant capitalism—but of Noah-related stress and worry. I destroyed the list of names and phone numbers, along with all my notes about my secret plan. It hurt to let that much work go, but once I had, I felt immeasurably lighter.
Scheduling my life around not seeing Noah was easy, too. He returned to my apartment in the early mornings. I heard him come in as early as two, as late as five—he must be enjoying the new shift in his body, even if ultimately it wasn't something he wanted. If this kept up, the entire district would be ghoul-free in just a few weeks.
Unless he went farther to hunt, to keep that exact thing from happening. Since my eye-opening chat with Orlando, I was trying to think more strategically, since that was the first obvious step in my journey to getting smarter. Or wiser, maybe that was the right term. Less naive was the end goal, either way.
If Noah completely depopulated one area of ghouls, someone would probably notice and wonder why. There weren't many nearby, as I'd seen on my way to Orlando's—but there were still some.
In the mornings, all I needed to do to avoid Noah was to stay in my room past sunrise. I liked to wake up early, but I stayed in bed with a book, reading for pleasure instead of research. If Noah knew I was awake, he had no obvious reaction, like knocking on my door just to see me.
At night, I stayed at work well past sunset. My shelves had never been so organized, the floors swept clean in every corner, the windows shined to an alarming sparkle. My midnight outing had given me a paradoxical confidence in my own self-reliance physically while still turning my brain to mush intellectually. Walking home safely through the dark seemed so trivial, now that I knew I could handle myself with just a few precautions. And with Noah keeping down the local ghoul population. But even if they'd been more prevalent, I still could have managed.
With a few hours of concentrated prayer and a shitload of material components, I'd enchanted a small bit of black tourmaline, the stone of protection against spiritual and psychic harm. It was also said to help break obsessions and unwise habits; a side benefit I could definitely use. Over those base properties, I layered charm upon charm to turn it into a potent amulet—it carried the strongest version I could muster of my concealment spell, as well as minor charms for silence, clarity, and courage. With it around my neck, I felt practically invincible, though I reminded myself often that it wasn't true, and letting the magic do the work for me was a quick way to make a sloppy mistake and get myself into trouble.
But no trouble found me on those night walks. I had missed the velvet feeling of darkness on my skin, the difference between a day breeze and a night wind, and the stars. I had missed feeling safe enough to look up at the stars. Gazing at them from inside my apartment, even with all the lights out, wasn't the same.
At the end of the third day, I went home early, mid-afternoon. I hadn't had many customers that day anyway, and I wasn't expecting any regulars. Instead of working, I sat on my couch for a few hours looking at Noah, kneeling in a shifting patch of sunlight because I'd thrown the curtains completely open. It didn't hurt him, he didn't react at all. I studied him and thought about what I wanted to say, now that I felt ready to tell him what had happened.
I was going to have to, because I'd figured out, finally, what Orlando needed from me to make his plan work. What a fool I'd been. Maybe the way he'd played me, played us, should have made me distrust him. Yet, how could I blame him for his games when he'd set my feet on a new path, one that would make me a stronger person? He wasn't my guru, I wasn't about to become a disciple and worship his every utterance.
But I also couldn't deny that the harsh truths he'd shown me had undoubtedly saved my life. And thus, Noah's—so I would never be able to thank Orlando enough. Noah hadn't wanted me to try for the Archives, and I'd dismissed his concern as simple overprotectiveness—a mistake I wouldn't make again. But Orlando had made me understand just how foolish I was, and how far I had to go.
I didn't want to help him out of gratitude. I wasn't sure I wanted to help him at all. His idea was still so far beyond what I'd planned that it stole my breath if I thought about it too long. The audacity of it, the potential for failure. It was too big to handle alone. So I had to tell Noah. I had to explain everything.
I braced myself for being called an idiot again, but it didn't deter me from what needed to be done. I was there, waiting, when the sun sunk below the horizon and Noah woke up.
I let him roll his shoulders and get to his feet, to flex his muscles and shake himself back to life. He knew I was there, certainly, but neither of us said anything.
Eventually he settled cross-legged on the floor, in my usual spot at the table. He glanced at it, visibly noticed it was bare, and looked up at me. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
“What's up?” Not why have you been avoiding me, though in fairness to me, he hadn't made any attempt to bridge the gap. No notes left for me, no showing up to the shop, no knocking on my bedroom door. Noah's eternal respect for my boundaries was a blessing, but it also meant I could never do the peevish thing and expect him to come to me after a fight.
“I'm not going to the Archives.”
He blinked, his head snapping back. “Um, good?” He waited for me to explain. When I didn't, he cocked his head, studying me. “What's changed?”
I told him everything. It took two hours, due to three interruptions from Noah (two angry, one confused;) a short period of time where I talked through making dinner, and then through eating it, alternating sentences with bites of food; and an unexpected phone call from my mother, who gushed for a few minutes about the preliminary design she'd come up with for my dress, she was so excited she couldn't wait until next Sunday to tell me.
Overall, I think Noah handled it pretty well. No threats of murder or dismemberment, which wouldn't have bothered me much, being clearly hyperbolic. No threats of ending our friendship, either, which would have been far more devastating. I'd've continued to search for a cure anyway, because giving up was out of the question, but I'd be saving him only to let him go at the end, to let him leave my life for good.
But it didn't happen. I'd been more than a little afraid it might, given how long I'd been lying to him, and about such a serious subject. I spoke excitedly, maybe even passionately about my reaction to Orlando's wisdom, waving my hands in wide gestures that Noah watched with uneasy attention. I knew I was being over the top, but when I thought about how foolish I'd been and how I was trying to change, the combination of shame and elation was this weird, unstoppable high. I couldn't contain it, only channel it into what I hoped was a convincing speech.
It was only toward the end that it finally occurred to me: I might like the person I was becoming, but Noah might not.
He seemed to sense my sudden fear when I faltered mid-sentence. I gripped the amulet around my neck, reminding myself to be brave. “I've come so far so quickly, but it's a big shift in the way I look at the world. I'm used to being The Smart One, all the way back to the first days of kindergarten when I already knew my alphabet. It's hard to accept that relying on that self-image was actually getting in my way. And I don't want to change so much that you don't recognize me anymore.”
Noah “I don't think this is new, Shannon. It only feels like it.”
I shook my head. “I don't understand.”
“I get that you've had an epiphany, and I don't want to take that away from you. Growth is hard work. But you've always been changing your outlook. You've always accepted that you don't have all the answers, and you've never been afraid to admit that you're wrong.”
I took a step away from him, still sitting easily on the floor. My back hit the wall and I pressed myself against it, into it. “I'm plenty afraid. I've made a lot of mistakes, so many it's hard to think about them without feeling overwhelmed.”
Noah stood and held out his hand. “Not so many, really—I know what you're thinking, but the research doesn't count. Those weren't mistakes, those were hypotheses you proved incorrect. That's just part of the scientific method, right?”
A smile tried to form, tugging at my lips. “I'm not a scientist. My sample size is one and I don't have a control group.”
“Okay, then, you're a mad engineer.”
I couldn't help it, I laughed. We'd had this discussion while watching Young Frankenstein one night instead of studying for a biology test.
Noah took a step forward, his hand still waiting for mine. “I don't like that he calls you 'duckling,' though.”
Was that a hint of jealousy? I'd become a nun before I ever fell in love with Orlando—he was too bizarre, too avuncular, and if my guess was correct, far too old for me. “I actually do. It's cute without being insulting.” To soften my disagreement, I took his hand.
He led me to the window and wrapped one arm around my shoulders. We looked out into the night sky. “If you're okay with it, I guess I have to be.”
His physical closeness was strange, after he'd spent so long keeping me away from him. He must really be getting comfortable in his new body, finally. On the thought, I gasped.
“What? Shannon, what's wrong?” He went tense. I'm not sure how I could tell, exactly, because his muscles were already as hard as stone, but they definitely tensed.
“Here I am trying to be better,” I whispered, “and I've just spent the whole evening doing nothing but talk about me. I'm so self-absorbed! It's stupid, I'm so embarrassed.” I wanted to slip free of his arm and hide—not even my shiny new amulet could deflect that amount of shame.
But Noah used that arm to turn me to face him, placing both hands on my shoulders. “Shannon, you've spent the last three years entirely on me. You don't think I want to hear about you for a while instead? I didn't like everything you had to say, but don't you get how happy it makes me that you finally told me?”
I leaned forward, hiding my face by thunking my forehead against his chest. But I miscalculated and it hurt, driving a soft ow from me. Noah chuckled. “You're the most selfless person I've ever known. Now, why don't we put on a movie, something you like and something I've missed while I've been...well, away. I don't have Netflix like you do. Catch me up a little.”
I looked up to find an absolutely serious expression on his face. He wanted to watch a movie? Not how I expected my night to end. I thought I'd be crying in bed after Noah ranted at me for all the shit I'd pulled. “You're not hungry?” I asked in a small voice.
“I'll be fine. I'll hit the town for a few hours after you go to bed.”
“Okay.”
He let me go, but detoured around the couch and headed into the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets systematically. “Noah?” I called as I settled on the couch.
“Aha!” A few beeps later, I heard the whirr of the microwave. “I knew you'd have some.”
I leaned my head back, slouching deeply. I did always have popcorn, and I always let Noah make it for me. Some things, apparently, wouldn't change after all.
5 notes · View notes
falneou17 · 6 years
Text
Falneou17 2017 Fanfiction List
I have seen a lot of these posts that bring up the visual art that visual artists have done in the past year. Intrigued, I felt like it would be as good a time as any to do something similar, but then for the fanfiction that I have uploaded throughout the year. In part because I feel like a lot has happened in 2017 and to remind myself of everything that I have done in 2017, here are all the chapters that I have uploaded in the past year (of course with links to every one of them for your convenience).
List under the cut.
January
22 - Frozen Tears 02 - the second part of my Strawberry Ice Cream (RWBY) twoshot that had been postponed time and time again. I personally don’t think it did all that well, but I guess some people would disagree with me there. It is also relatively recently that people have started to find it again and put it on their favorite and/or follow list, which I highly appreciate!
February
4 - Field of Tomorrow 08 - the eighth chapter of my White Rose (RWBY) fanfiction. It felt like so long ago that I uploaded this, and while I know that it has been almost ten months ago, it felt much longer... I do intend to go back to this story one day, but until then...
March
Saten Ruiko Day Countdown Stream - Oh how I remember doing this... it was a lot of fun and I thoroughly enjoyed it, it being the first time where I dedicatedly wrote oneshots and when I first really tried to branch out to other franchises. While I don’t intend to keep going with the majority of those franchises, it was a good learning experience for sure!
01 - The First Steps - Nakano Azusa (K-On!) 02 - The Next Step - Nicomaki (Love Live!) 03 - A Step in the Right Direction - Blake Belladonna (RWBY) 04 - A Step Back in the Shadows - Ichijouji Ken (Digimon) 05 - Stepping into the Past - Fei Rune (Inazuma Eleven) 06 - A Step at a Time - Shirai Kuroko (Toaru Kagaku no Railgun) 07 - Taking the Step Towards the Future - Specialjewel (Pokémon Special) 08 - The Steps We Take - Misaka 10032 (Toaru Majutsu no Index) 09 - The Final Step - Asada Shino (Sword Art Online) 10 - The Leading Step - Saten Ruiko (Toaru Kagaku no Railgun)
20 - Field of Tomorrow 09 - the ninth chapter and, at time of writing, the most recently updated chapter of this story. I enjoyed this chapter, and I think that people enjoyed it as well, but... Field of Tomorrow has not been updated since. When will it be updated again, I wonder?
April
02 - A Step Back - my first story for this franchise, focusing on Yamabuki Saaya (BanG Dream!). It was also the first English-written story for this franchise to be uploaded over on fanfiction.net, so it has that distinction going on as well. The writing is as well as you would have expected, but since this was the first time that I help start a fandom’s list of fanfiction... I thought it went pretty well. Especially considering how difficult Saaya is to depict to begin with...
10 - The Times We Lost 01 - Probably the story that I will be remembered for in this fandom, it was my first multi-chapter story of this fandom. Focusing on the at-time-of-writing only ship with an actual ship name: BlueFlora! Even this chapter feels a bit rough, but it sure beat out the first chapters of my other multi-chapter stories; so that makes me happy with it.
15 - The Times We Lost 02 - What can I say? I was quick to follow up on the previous chapter with an update in the very same week (the 10th was a Monday and the 15th was a Saturday). I think around this time was also when I started to get the backlash for “leaving” some of my older fandoms, but eh... who cares?
22 - The Times We Lost 03 - At this point in time, I think I already somewhat established a weekly update schedule for every Saturday? I think so, at least... it worked out and I have managed to keep up with it ever since almost perfectly if I do say so myself.
May
06 - The Times We Lost 04 - I said what I said for the 3rd chapter, but then I ended up missing a week completely... whoops? In my defense, real life started to pick so I was forced to take a little break that lasted... a while...
August
08 - The Times We Lost 05 - I already said I had to take a break for “a while”, didn’t I? This chapter was one of my personal favorites, however, and I did manage to get double updates for the day to make up for the period of inactivity. 08 - Bonds of Five - An Afterglow-centric oneshot that I wrote to celebrate my birthday. I was originally going to dedicate a oneshot for Tsurumaki Kokoro (because her birthday is on that same day as well), but I wasn’t confident enough with my depiction of her... so I ended up falling back on what I knew best: Afterglow.
September
03 - Wish of the Blue Flower - A oneshot dedicated to the birthday of my second favorite character of the franchise: Aoba Moca. The theme of this oneshot was given to me in passing by @reiriniverse  (thank you again for that :))
16 - The Times We Lost 06 - A month-long gap between 05 and 06 because of health problems on my end, I did manage to keep up a weekly schedule after this, however.
23 - The Times We Lost 07 - As said, I was fortunate enough to be able to upload the seventh chapter only a week after the sixth. I don’t think a lot has to be said about this chapter as everybody who has read it would already understand...
30 - The Times We Lost 08 - Somehow, I managed to wrap up this story in only five and a half months, which really made me happy. Before the end of September had rolled around, my first multi-chapter story of BanG Dream (but definitely not my last!) had been completed.
October
07 - The Times We Lost Collection 01 - This was right after the end of The Times We Lost; I already noticed just how many headcanons I was using in my worldbuilding for The Times We Lost, so I decided to write an actual series to try and clear up any potential confusion. The first chapter went live only a week after the conclusion of The Times We Lost.
14 - The Times We Lost Collection 02 - I remember this chapter causing some confusion as it was not directly related to 01 (despite having said that TTWLC is a collection of oneshots not in chronological order). I still like how this chapter went, and I think it is safe to say that others felt the same way.
21 - The Times We Lost Collection 03 - And here we have what was an anticipated chapter, I think, as it picked up right where 01 had left off two weeks earlier. I am not 100% happy with how it turned out, but it went well enough so I decided to upload it.
23 - Himari’s Request - A oneshot dedicated to the birthday of Uehara Himari. It was based on something that she had said in passing in one of the more recent events at the time, and I decided that I could use that and work it into a oneshot. And then this oneshot got published...
November
04 - The Times We Lost Collection 04 - At this point, I was only going to upload two chapters this month for this story because of something else that was happening: NaNoWriMo 2017; you can see a bit further down below on how that went. This chapter in and of itself, I have to admit, was a ton of fun to write.
19 - The Times We Lost Collection 05 - Somehow, this chapter managed to be even more fun to write than the previous one. I can’t really say why, but it ended up a lot of fun. It is still a bit rough around the edges, but I enjoyed it too much to not post it at the time.
25 - A Day Out - Something like this was something that I had actually wanted to do for a very long time, but I never really had the reason or excuse to do so. When I saw someone post in one of my Discords about wanting to see a fanfiction where Uehara Himari and Maruyama Aya interacted, I knew I had the perfect excuse to write this... and so this oneshot was born several days later.
December
01 - A Poppin’ Snow Time - Nothing too fancy about this oneshot, really. Just a oneshot revolving around BanG Dream’s Poppin’ Party having fun with the snow. It was also to tie in with the Christmas event that was going on in the mobile rhythm game around the same time as well.
02 - The Times We Lost Collection 06 - The contents of chapters like these are what actually drove me to write this oneshot collection series in the first place. I also feel like people enjoyed seeing these chapters in particular, which also made me happy.
05 - The Nighttime Terror of Academy City 01 - People were wondering what I was doing in November, well this story is exactly what I was doing! On this day, I started to upload this story on a bi-weekly schedule (every other Tuesday), and this first chapter alone... did surprisingly well and was welcomed surprisingly well by the people who ended up reading it... which, for it being my first serious Toaru Kagaku no Railgun multi-chapter fanfiction, was really reassuring.
09 - The Times We Lost Collection 07 - A chapter that I found really fun to write personally, but I wasn’t sure how it would be accepted by those who read it. As far as I could tell, people quite enjoyed it.
16 - The Times We Lost Collection 08 - This was a cute chapter, but it ended up so very different from the original design of it. It didn’t end up badly, but it is still funny to see how different a chapter when compared to how we thought that it would be...
19 - The Nighttime Terror of Academy City 02 - The second chapter of this fanfiction. I honestly can’t say anything more as it was all already written back in November (where I spent hours on it every single day).
30 - The Times We Lost Collection 09 - At first, I wasn’t even planning to upload this in 2017, but I still wanted to do something with it. In the end, I ended up publishing it anyway. In hindsight, I think it was a good idea to upload a somewhat lighthearted chapter, as the very next day...
31 - The Final Glow of Afterglow - A lot of people would think of the end of the year as something beautiful and symbolic, but at the same time... as a result, people tend to forget or, at the very least, push away the bad and negative memories of the year. I wanted to bring light to that one last time before the clock struck midnight with this Angst/Tragedy oneshot revolving around Afterglow. Who knew that it would become my longest oneshot ever, standing at a very comfortable 11290 words?
And that is all the fanfiction that I uploaded in 2017. As you can see, it was rather slow at the start and in the middle of the year, but I am pretty comfortable with how much I have uploaded in the months aside from that.
Now to see if I can improve on this in 2018, right?
3 notes · View notes
silence-ion-om · 6 years
Text
Dead or Alive 2.0
Today I asked my clients what makes them feel dead and what makes them feel alive. It is a version of an exercise I posted about here 5 years ago that just reemerged into my consciousness when I was planning my art therapy group. Isn’t it wild how cyclical things are?
One thing I have learned about this “dead/death” concept, both from tarot and from life experiences, is the element of ending and letting go that it entails. I elaborated on the original exercise by encouraging my clients to consider what is holding them back that they need to let go, and what they would like to nurture and cultivate. Life-Death-Life cycle all around. Here is what I came up with:
ALIVE:
My relationships. I am co-cultivating a great love with a wonderfully supportive, understanding, patient and kind partner. Seriously, he is like a living wishlist of things I didn’t know I needed (and some I did) that I put out into the Universe and man, did the Universe deliver in a big way. I wish I could go back in time and tell me from 5 years ago to be patient and wait and ride out a lot of heartbreak because this is worth it. 
Reconnecting with a dear old friend who is walking a similar life path to mine right now, and feeling some divine alignment in that reconnection. I think it is seriously cool how people from our past can come back into our lives exactly when we need them so we don’t feel alone, and her badassery inspires me. 
Living with my aforementioned travel buddy best friend, still pulling each other out of funks with perspective taking. I also have a diverse and resilient team of coworkers that I can count on, which greatly contribute to feeling alive at...
Work. Yes, I have days when I feel less than lively here but overall, my work gives me life. I get to help people for a living. I get to hold space for folks who don’t always have it and hear secret stories that beg to be brought into the light and teach families how to talk to each other. I am in a more open place lately where I can intuit what my clients are trying to teach me. My boundaries are feeling fortified after A LOT of work building. I got that license, which seemed to mean everything to my baby therapist self and I have learned that being an MFT doesn’t help with credibility as much as my confidence. (Because I AM a B.A. MFT y’all!) Work is the kind of “life” thing that vascillates between dead and alive all the time. Up until very recently, it was starting to feel heavy and uninspired but I did something about it instead of staying stuck.  And now I get to make art with teenagers.
My tarot practice. I am learning so much and seeing things manifest. It feels meaningful in a way I never could have predicted, like I am tapping into Jung’s collective unconscious every time I read. A different type of spiritual experience for sure.
Writing, art and this flow of creative inspiration I got going lately. Two days ago, I woke up from a dream and decided to write a young adult novel. (NaNoWriMo, here I come!) Two months ago, I submitted several art pieces to an online art magazine. My brain feels abundant (sometimes a bit overabundant) with ideas and I am enjoying it to its fullest potential.  
My dog. I call him Cyrus the Great for a reason. Sometimes if I am really still, I can literally feel the dopamine rush to my brain when I stroke his sweet little face. This dog has kept me from going to the dark places and I am beyond grateful that I got to keep him. 
The smell of this rain right now and the season of fall. Summer sucks for a myriad of reasons, so fall is my time of rebirth. 
DEAD:
(Still) worrying about money, student loans and bills. Having a scarcity mentality of “never enough” when it comes to the end of the month or I’m between paychecks and anxiety sets in. Five years later, the difference is that I’m doing something about it by budgeting and consolidating and generally trying to be more mindful of where my money goes. Baby steps, people.
When I feel like I don’t have enough time. Still feeling rushed, like there is not enough time in the world to possibly accomplish all I need to do to a lesser extent. More scarcity mentality. I am learning patience the hard way. This is directly connected to…
Future-fucking myself. So many (Fakebook) friends seem to be getting married and having babies and somehow managing to buy property despite the Denver housing market’s madness. It’s killing me in a very specific way because it fuels jealousy and comparison and makes me lose sight of my values. Yes, I desperately want all those things but I also want to do them on my time, without feeling rushed. I’m hitting snooze on that stupid biological clock.
Work (certain aspects). Told ya it could be both. What I used to feel was a really inspiring and unique opportunity to do school based therapy is leaving me feeling underwhelmed and disconnected. It’s taking longer than it has in the past to get into the swing of things.  I am giving myself some time to figure out why this doesn’t quite fit before I make any decisions.
Sedentary lifestyle. I no longer ride my bike or exercise everyday. I miss that. I also eat a lot of crap when I don’t carve out the time to meal-prep. Some of this is also related to recovery, learning to think about the things I put in my body and why I am choosing to at that moment.
Sobriety. It’s just existing, which is entirely my choice. This one exists in the middle. I’m feeling like A.A. doesn’t fit the way it used to but that does not negate its usefulness or mean there is no space for it in my life. I am understanding my relationship to alcohol and the label that entails differently, and it’s complicated. One of the perils of a know-it-all sober therapist I guess.
Unhealthy or old relationships that no longer serve me. I keep coming back to this one, and I think it is one of those curious cycles that will keep repeating and teaching me no matter how old I am. Cliche as it sounds, losing my Mom has taught me that life is too short to put up with unnecessary bullshit from people. I get to chose who I let in my circle as family, including blood relatives and old friends, which is a radical concept I still grapple with. 
0 notes