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#really want to be able to create
brunettebabbydoll · 5 months
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Catch your ideas in the void. Capture every single idea and write it down on the train, on a walk, in bed, or in the shower. If you wake up with an idea, turn on a lamp and record it. Every idea is crucial, each and every idea has the power to be something so incredibly grand. Ginsberg said, “first thought, best thought”. We shouldn’t ignore our initial thoughts, we shouldn’t lose them. Every fleeting creative thought is one worth remembering
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psqqa · 7 months
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yes, yes i know edgeworth’s big wet eyes and loser boy personality have captivated us all, but listen. listen.
phoenix wright
phoenix “genuinely unable to reconcile the girl on the stand with the girl he dated for eight months, a cognitive dissonance so profound it’s ultimately explained by them being literally two different people, but which he first sits with for five years and does not talk about at any point to anyone” wright
phoenix “don’t mention that name to me. i don’t want to talk about it. i don’t want to think about it. i am just going to keep myself in this state of perpetual crisis mode focus on other people’s problems until eventually i die and get to hang out with mia on the astral plane and never have to deal with any of these emotions ever again” wright
phoenix “overnight loses his career and reputation and sense of identity while gaining an adopted, probably pretty traumatized eight-year-old daughter, and rather than leaning on his friends for help, or getting therapy, or taking any time to process any of this, he *checks notes* spends seven years dedicating all his free time and energy to investigating the weird fucking circumstances around it and maintains a friendship with the guy he suspects was behind it all” wright
phoenix "runs across a burning bridge and falls through it, half a day after the game establishes that he is terrified of heights, because his friend is on the other side of that bridge" wright
phoenix “i sure felt surprised. maybe i had my poker face on” wright
phoenix “looking back on it that was actually a pretty dark period in my life” wright
phoenix “don’t ask me how i got started. i don’t remember” wright
phoenix “only you stood still, your eyes calmly watching” wright
phoenix “sometimes, life just sucks” wright
just
phoenix wright
crunchiest man in the world
and all i wanna do is chew and chew and chew on him
#ace attorney#where are all the people gnawing on phoenix's bones so white??#i need to find the phoenix bone-gnawing corner of this fandom PLEASE#this is me asking for the Phoenix Fic btw#where is the fic meditating on phoenix's whole mental state in general?#where is the fic about how it's phoenix's cageyness and poker face and flat affect under stress that is the hurdle?#the relationship ramifications of being actually really fucking hard to read when it comes down to it?#where is the fic about the week of his disbarment?#the one detailing the panicked blow by blow of it rippling through his social circle while he stands in the eye of the storm?#the one that ends messy and anxious and unresolved because it's week 1 of 7 years?#where is the birth of phoenix wright: poker legend fic?#where is the art school/theatre major phoenix fic?#no not the able to art/act phoenix fic but the kind of person who chooses to go to art school/study theatre phoenix fic#where is the supremely disinterested in pop culture phoenix fic?#where is the actually incredibly meticulous and competent phoenix fic?#capcom can tell me all they want that he's essentially an adhd disaster flying by the seat of his pants making it all up as he goes#but that's not what they're actually showing me#they're the ones who created an in-fiction legal system that functionally necessitates that#and the nature of the game is that phoenix is almost always proven right so rather than him coming off as hare-brained#his opponents rather just come off as short-sighted. either negligently or maliciously so#and the choices the writing makes in service of retaining mystery and audience suspense in fact function to make phoenix a person#who is astute and puts the pieces together but is cautious in his conclusions#i will grant them that phoenix does tend to lose sight of his overarching goal in getting drawn into proving or disproving minor points#the fact that edgeworth on the other hand never loses sight of this or where the various arguments stand in relation to it#is his sexiest trait as a character by far#but those minor points are actually functionally critical to the ultimate argument phoenix makes#so even though i do read that trait through the game mechanics i do also judge the other characters for being dicks about it#my point is phoenix wright does in fact have the character of a lawyer and is conventionally good at his job fucking fight me#my point is that you all have had 20 goddamn years to Rotate this man#my POINT is that there should be Intricate Fucked Up Meditations On Phoenix that rewire my fucking brain and i NEED to know where they are!
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oceanwithouthermoon · 4 months
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at the end of a lot of my posts involving toritsuka i always stop myself from elaborating too much cuz i end up thinking like 'ah everyones knows how i feel about toritsuka' but DO THEY ?? do they.. because ive gotten (and ignored) multiple asks from people who think i fucking hate toritsuka and its so insane to me because WHERE DID I FUCKING SAY THAT?? guys.
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he is literally so silly! i lowkey feel like i need to make a masterpost of everything ive ever said about him just so that i can force it down everyones throats and make you all understand my complex feelings on this stupid dumb idiotic little freak!
its a love-hate kind of obsession <3
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jammboe · 29 days
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Why do you draw hijabji women?
I love seeing your hijabi characters btw :-) thank you so much!!!
Thank you! Mainly for me i think it was quite important to have some sort of representation in my art especially if I'm part of that faith/culture. I remember seeing a lot of muslim characters in tv shows or films and they were always written so wrong, so i wanted to do illustrations showing them in a way that just shows them as human beings and not something completely foreign or different to everyone else. Hope this makes sense 😭
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rist-ix · 8 days
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Hi Rist!
So, I feel like I’ve asked something similar to this, cuz I’m getting the sense of Dejavu (or it could be my clairvoyance lol), but
let’s say Sparked! Bloom sleepily said, near Valtor, that she wanted kids. Would he have kids with her if he could?
I think his reply would be something like this
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mister13eyond · 2 months
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talking to a friend about getting back into art and i think the #1 most important piece of art advice i could ever get or give is just "figure out what is FUN to you"
like i think there is sooooo much emphasis on how to build SKILL in art but a lot of it really treats art like a job or like video game grinding, like it's this thankless job that you have to work at in order to reach a Threshold and i know it's not EASY to make yourself have fun but like
imo a solid 70% of the reason i create art is because the Act of Drawing is fun to me. it's fun problem-solving and planning and putting down lines and playing with colors and tools. it's fun to depict little scenes in my head or to create outfits or to find ways to fill the canvas. never forget that creating can be fun. sometimes it's hard and sometimes you have to battle through your own blockades to get there but the ultimate goal should always be to ENJOY it, to find what you enjoy doing and then do it forever. improvement will follow enjoyment.
i think especially with all the debate about ML image generation it's more important than ever to embrace FUN. if you're only focused on the end result it's so easy to get in your own head- to think about what doesn't look good or what skills you don't have yet or to compare yourself to other artists. but photography didn't kill the art of drawing and AI won't either because, simply put, there will always be people who want to do the physical act of making art because it's fun to do! using paints and markers, splashing colors around, doing shitty pen doodles, using the symmetry tool in your art program to do abstract mandalas that are just squiggles formed into patterns. do art like you're 5 and you've been handed markers to pass the time. do art like you're bored in class and you're keeping your brain entertained by drawing stick figure comics in the margins. do art like an absent thing, do art because it satisfies your brain. the goal is not to make something beautiful and perfect, the goal is to make something because your hands need to make and your body needs to make.
#i know and love so many people who have intense anxiety about their ability to create art and who are so hard on themselves about the result#and i think that's a REALLY easy thing to feel because creating is also vulnerable & physically difficult and there is SOOOO much to master#but i think for me the people who churn out 300 colored pencil front facing hands behind their backs oc doodles on lined notebook paper-#are the ones with the right idea. they're the ones i aspire to be like#i'm not saying i never struggle either bc tbh#as someone with depression and adhd there are times where the Act of Having Fun is simply not possible#sometimes i CAN'T enjoy things because my ability to feel joy is locked behind a barrier of my mental illness#so i don't think it's an Easy thing to do by far and I don't think you can just Magically Make Yourself Happy And Having Fun#but i DO think that experimenting in a low-stakes low-pressure manner until you find something that clicks in your brain helps#doing things for the sake of doing them is the only way to figure out which ones WILL be fun to you#not all of them will. some things will feel like a slog#but i think you have to look for the passion before you're able to face the slog#if you jump right into the parts that are Hard and Challenge Your Limits it's easy to spin your wheels and get stuck#but if you focus on the super small stakes and the things that are thoughtless and focused more on Sensation-#the sensory experience of mixing paint or the scratch of pencil on paper or the smooth way a specific pen makes lines-#then you can lose yourself in the physical aspect of it FIRST#and then once you've started really ENJOYING those sensations you can start learning new ways to use them#because now you have the drive to want to do more#now you have the desire to find new ways to apply this thing you like doing#long post#even longer tags#art#drawing#artists#art advice
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Ok yes America hating the cold is funny (eh) BUT. have you considered that I like the imagery of an America sitting alone in the forest in the bleak mid-winter landscape of an east coast woods, all alone in both body and mind, agonizing over her seeming doom to be stuck in the throes of loneliness for all eternity?
#aph nyo america#aph america#i want engagement <3#secret confession i actually hate that canonically america doesnt do well in the cold#it gives too much ammo to the west coasters (villains) who can’t let my poor baby alfred be the east coast girl he truly is#also in a broader sense i feel like it creates a weird divide in both the portrayal of america and the connection he has with his country#as its representation#america is one of the most climate diverse countries in the entire world and i feel like making the REPRESENTATION OF AMERICA not be able t#handle a large majority of his country’s climate is an Odd choice and creates an unfortunate barrier between american culture#and the way it’s portrayed in hetalia#imo one of the most amazing parts of the geography of the us is its ability to be a metaphor for the american people#so insanely diverse and fundamentally different and completely irreconcilable—but it works anyways.#the land works together anyways //we// work together anyways we become one anyways despite what any and all logic dictates#what any and all logic DEMANDS#so for america to not be able to represent that cohesion + community—and in fact represent an intense and almost INNATE complete inability#to even try being accepting of and embracing our differences—is just.. not something I like + insinuates a very odd view of American cultur#my eyes are shutting as i type this im so tired#sorry if this is horribly written rip#i see this a lot in the hetalia fandom (IK I JUST DID IT IN THIS POST LMAO BUT I SWEAR I DO IT AS A JOKE; I REALLY DO APPRECIATE THE WEST#COAST AND AM FULLY AWARE OF ITS ROLE IN THE US CULTURE AND FUNCTION) where people write alfred as being almost hostilely exclusionary???#towards certain areas of america—city al who doesn’t like the country; country al who doesn’t like the newfangled cities; northerner al#who hates the southerners (because theyre poor + dont fit the author’s view of respectable people BUT THATS FOR A DIFFERENT POST);southerne#al who hates the northerners—and it’s all very gross to me. america is not—at its core—a country/culture founded on separation!! our ideals#are based on being—at our most basic—separate multi-faceted individuals who COME TOGETHER!! as one because of common ideals and love#E PLURIBUS UNUM!!!!!!#ok im done gn
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puhpandas · 7 months
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Watch
(2,984 words)
Gregory dies saving the Pizzaplex from the virus. In return, Evan saves Gregory by giving him the gift of life. Evan is done with just watching. (warnings: major character (child) death (gregory), implied murder, implied stabbing, blood.
Evan had to go fight his Father on his own.
Vanessa had been too incapacitated. Too distraught to come along. She'd woken up not too long after Gregory had freed her, hair greasy and wirey and body weak, knees wobbly. It had only gotten worse after she'd seen the cost.
Theres nothing Evan could have helped with. All he could do is finish things.
His Father had gone down easily. Theres not much you can do as an animatronic on the brink of collapse, no matter how much of your virus is spread across the network. No matter how many brute machines you have at your command. Its hard to kill somebody whose already dead. To hurt somebody who isnt tangible.
All Evan had to do was call in a favor.
The amalgamation hadn't needed any more than a promise. It had thrown itself at his Father, giving itself up to secure that his Father is gone forever. For good.
Evan had promised to set the fire. He knows that Freddy has a lighter in his finger. He knows that his Father is stuck, and is at Evan's will.
Evan has the power to take the call, here. He can set the fire whenever he wants. He gets to choose when it all ends.
He hasn't, yet. He just needs to see Gregory again.
Vanessa has barely moved by the time Evan phases through floors, arriving back in Vannys old hideout. Shes sitting up, but unmoving. Before, her shoulders shook harshly with barely contained grief.
Now, it's like shes empty. Like there's nothing left of her.
After what was lost to free her, Evan understands why.
He can barely look, once he floats next to Vanessa. Gregory is right where Evan had left him, still laid flat on the linoleum tile under Vanessa's hunched form.
Shes almost curled around him, as if to protect him. He cant be protected much, anymore. But he deserves to have whats left of him taken care of.
It hurts so much more than the others when Evan forces himself to look. Nothings changed; Gregory is still unmoving, eyes open and unseeing. The knife is discarded to their left, tossed in some corner to rot.
The floor is a mess. Gregorys blood stains every crevice. His blue shirt is barely recognizable, violent rips and tears litter the area near his stomach, and blood stains the fabric a sickening black.
Evan stares at his face. It doesnt so much as twitch.
He knows better than to beg. He knows better than to hope, or plead, or wish.
He's dead. Evan knows. He's known this whole time. He knew when he'd gone off to fight his Father. To get revenge.
Gregory's dead.
It hurts so much more than the others.
Evan floats downwards, sitting by Gregory's body next to Vanessa as much as he can as a ghost. She doesn't seem to register that hes there, just staring blankly at Gregory. At the empty husk of the boy Evan had just begun to know.
Shes already expressed her grief. She'd yelled and screamed and sobbed when he'd still been alive, clinging to life by a thread, but despite Vanessa's attempts, he'd died in her arms.
They'd only shared little words before it was over.
They'd watched as the life left his eyes. Evan watched as Gregory went still in that way only dead people can. He'd watched as Vanessa fell apart.
It hurt so much more than the others.
He'd just been getting to know Gregory. He'd only scraped the surface. He'd only known Gregory for six hours, but he'd felt like he'd known him for a lifetime.
He'd just been getting to know him, and Evan had been planning to stick around. He'd been planning to follow Gregory. He'd been planning to take the one child who'd been brave enough, smart enough, to survive, and lead him to the source.
Hed been planning on finally doing something. He'd been planning on ending it all, and saving one child out of it. He'd been planning on being done with watching, and doing something about it. He'd tried to help the others, to guide them where it mattered, help them survive, but they'd been snuffed out before they could begin.
And all Evan could do is watch.
He's so tired of just watching.
"Gr-- Gree-- Gregory..." Freddys voice filters out of the watch, crackling and glitching. "Gregor-- ory-- Please tell me you are saf-- fe. I cannot re-- each you--"
Something snaps in Evan, at that. Freddy doesn't know. Freddy had tried so hard, like Evan had, to save someone. To save one person after so many were lost.
Evan has seen Freddy. Hes seen them all. Hes seen how they all wake up the next day horrified at the blood under their claws, and the memories of murdering burned into their code. Evan has seen how all Freddy's been able to do is watch as he's hijacked, unable to fight back, and forced to sit backseat in his own body.
This time had been different. Freddy had been spared. Freddy had fought for Gregory. Freddy didnt just watch this time.
Evan doesnt want to just watch anymore.
Evan's stomach burns, normally, his soul is cold, as lifeless ghosts are. Just a figment of who he used to be.
So unlike the chill hes used too, how unfeeling he usually is, warmth bursts in his stomach, at hot as fire, and it swirls. Unfurling and spreading.
It tingles, prickling and sharp, and to Evan, somehow, it feels like an invitation.
Evan had been the first. He'd been there for it all. He'd been there when Charlie had died. He'd been there when she had given life to the other children. He'd been there when they'd all lost their humanity. He'd been there for the first fire, the second, and soon, the third.
Evan had been the first.
His chest burns with intensity, hot and bubbling.
Gregory will be the last.
He welcomes it; the simmering feeling underneath the film of numbness. It claws to escape, and Evan let's it.
He curls inward, a burst of light shining from his body, and at its warmth, it's like Vanessa comes back to life. She jerks when a glow spreads across the room, twisting her neck to watch it with wide eyes.
He cups his hands gently, shutting his eyes and reaching inward.
The Remnant responds to him. It hears him. It hears his grief, his wishes, and his determination.
Like the others, Gregory never deserved to die. Like the others, he'd been lost to his Father. Like the others, he'd been lost to a long string of tragedy that began on the day Evan died.
His chest opens, a yellow, pinprick of light seeping out and into his hands.
Unlike the others, Gregory will be the last.
Evan holds the remnant gently as can be, and ignores the blatant emptiness inside of him. He ignores how much weaker he feels. He ignores how he essentially just halved his life force.
Instead, he offers the life to Gregory's body, like giving a gift.
It receives it.
The light seeps into Gregory's body, spreading across his injuries and soaking in. Light crawls across his skin, spiderwebbing and stitching skin and flesh together.
The light mends Gregory's body, fixing what had been broken.
Evan never thought that anything involved with his Father could be good. That it could help instead of hurt.
But when Vanessas lights up as Gregory's eyes ignite with life, all gifted by the warmth in Evan's soul, he thinks it's not the magic that's bad, but the man who wields it.
Its agonizing; waiting those few seconds for Gregory to wake up, but the shine that had re-entered his eyes only grows brighter when he gasps harshly, jerking to life.
With a cry of joy, Evan shoots forward, attempting a hug as much as he can as a ghost. At the same time, Vanessa sobs with barely contained relief and reaches out, pulling Gregory out of the puddle of his own blood and setting him gently against her chest.
Evan meets his eyes, and man, do they look exhausted, but they also look alive. Evan cant contain the grin on his face when Gregory's eyes dart to him, seeing but not. Hes still in that stage between floaty and aware, but Evan waits for him.
It only takes a moment for Gregory himself to understand, but then hes clutching back, breaths deep, life laced within every intake of air.
Vanessa is crying. Shoulder shaking sobs that leave tracks down the dirt and blood on her face, and snot smudged across her cheek.
He doesnt blame her. Evan feels more alive than he has in a long time.
"You--" Gregory rasps out before coughing, but despite the fact, it's the most beautiful sound Evan's heard in years. Compared to the last words Gregory spoke before now being goodbyes. "You saved me."
Evan knows that Gregory knows. He knows everything. When Evan shared a piece of himself with Gregory, it connected them. Their souls are entertwined, now.
Evan feels the remnants of true fear deep inside Gregory of truly dying. He feels the relief that its over. He feels the accomplishment that nobody else will be lost.
Evan knows Gregory knows his feelings, as well. Evan knows Gregory feels the grief for the others. He knows he feels the satisfaction of sending his Father back to Cassidy. He knows he feels the anger at being forced to observe for so long.
So Evan just nods, the permanent tears on his face growing thicker and inkier. "I did."
And it's as simple as that.
Gregorys tucked under Vanessa's chin, her stringy hair falling out of what used to be a ponytail. Shes still sobbing, and Evan doesnt think she'd be able to do much of anything right now.
That's okay. Evan knows Vanessa had cried for the others, too. He knows Vanessa had been horrified at the memories. He knows shed been lost for years.
"You're you?" Gregory asks, weak and thready. He brings up a shaky hand and sets it on Vanessa's arm. Shes still wearing the bunny suit; she hadn't had it in her to tear it off when the only thing shed been focused on was the kid who saved her dying in her arms.
All Vanessa does is nod, over and over, almost deliriously. "Yes--" She sobs. "Because-- Because of you."
And its right there that Evan let's himself relish in the fact that they're all here. After watching so much grief and tragedy take place, its finally over. Gregory saved them, and now Evan was able to save Gregory.
He laughs in delight, feeling more hope and warmth than he has in a long time.
Three victims sit in a circle, relieved and alive.
"Gr-r--" Gregory's watch sputters to life, staticky and warbling. "Gregory-- I'm so worried about yo-- you-- P-P-Please respo--"
Three sets of eyes blow open.
"Freddy!"
👻
Gregory and Evan had been alone together all night. Freddy wasnt able to follow them everywhere, and Gregory, with that determination that saved them that night, carried them far. Deep into the belly of the beast.
But its only when they finally haul themselves up when the clock gets a little too close to six, hop in Vanessa's car, and hightail it to her apartment that Gregory and Evan are alone again.
Vanessa, with a little more energy in her step, had followed through with her promise. Before they'd left, she said she would set the fire. All she wanted to do is take care of a few things. Freddy went along with her, wanting to collect his friends when they wake up free of the virus.
It's just the two of them, now. They're sitting (floating, in Evan's case) on Vanessa's couch, Gregory is eating some cereal, since its all Vanessa had on hand, and hes wearing one of Vanessa's too-big shirts when his had been too ruined to keep.
Theres some cartoon on the TV about a girl and a weird blue floating blob, but Evan isnt paying attention. Not when Gregory is staring at his bowl with furrowed brows, lost in thought.
Evan can tell he wants to say something, so he just sits patiently, and stays quiet when Gregory eventually starts opening and closing his mouth, trying to find the words.
"Evan--" Gregory begins eventually, and when Evan looks over, Gregory's looking at the carpet instead of him. "Um... can I ask you something?"
Evan nods. "Of course."
"Kay." Gregory responds, and then sighs, scratching the back of his neck and fiddling with the fold of fabric where his stomach is. "Uh... well..."
Evan stays silent, waiting for Gregory to gather his thoughts. Evan had hated it when people rushed him when he spoke while he was alive. He wasnt stupid, just nervous.
Eventually, Gregory throws his hands down and huffs, as if biting the bullet. He turns to Evan, looking him in the eyes as he asks, "Why did you save me?"
Evan blinks, and looks at Gregory, confused. They'd already communicated everything when Gregory woke up. "What do you mean?"
Gregory fidgets again, glancing to the side and looking frustrated. "Well-- I mean... just, why did you choose me?"
Evan furrows his brows. "Um... I dont understand."
Gregory growls, but Evan can sense it's not at him, just at Gregory's own scrambled thoughts. He rubs at his eyes, before, "I mean--!. eight other kids went missing before me."
Evan starts to get it. "Oh."
"Just... why did you save me?" Gregory asks again, a little more surely this time. "Like... you literally gave up half of your life force just so I wouldnt die. You met so many other kids that didnt make it... I... just want to know why you see me as so special to sacrifice for."
Evan shakes his head, twisting in place to better face Gregory. He tries to convey so much in one motion, his brain swirling with thoughts, and remnants of feeling from past memories.
"Gregory..." Evan glances downward, an old feeling of grief coming back. It's his old friend at this point. "...Nobody deserved to die. Nobody. But... in a way, some of us didnt. I'm still here, and I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I'm technically living, arent I?"
Gregory nods, but he looks confused. "Yeah, I would say so. But what does this have to do with what I said?"
Evan looks at the couch, watching as his fingers phase through the cushion. "I mean... the others, they died, but they didnt leave. They were still there, but... they weren't living. Bit by bit, they lost themselves, until they really were as good as dead."
Gregory is silent, so Evan continues. "I didnt feel like I was living for a long time, even though I technically wasnt dead. I had my friend. That's what we had that the others didnt. That's how we held on. But when she left... I had to stay for her to, as well, and I was stuck. I couldn't see my family. I was living, but I didnt want to be. I was living, but didnt have a life."
Evan glances up, and sees Gregory's own face looking back at him, eyes sad. Evan frowns, feeling decades of memories creep back up on him. He shoves them down. "All I did was watch tragedy and death occur for years, while I was alone. And I couldnt do a thing about it."
"You were done just watching." Gregory mumbles.
Evan nods. "...I was. So when you came along, and you survived, and dodged death, and saved everybody... you didnt deserve to die. More than the others. After all youd done, you deserved to live."
Theres a stretch of silence, after that. Evan has patience to spare, so when Gregory just stares, probably turning Evan's words over in his head, he waits.
After a while, Gregory tries to set a hand on Evan's shoulder, but it phases through. Gregory frowns, eyes downcast as he stares at his body dissipating at Gregory's touch, falling away like sand. "You havent felt alive in a long time, huh...?"
Theres that connection, again. Evan's gonna have to get used to this; he hasnt been connected to someone this way since Cassidy.
He nods, but in the melancholy, he smiles, and looks pointedly at Gregory. "Yeah," He agrees. "but that changed."
Gregory understands quickly. Evan pushed all of his feelings and earnesty towards that seemingly now permanent sense of Gregory presence, after all. He looks suprised, if his wide eyes are any indication, but then he finally sees the undeniable smile on Evans face, and Evan can sense that Gregory believes him.
Tears swim in Gregory's eyes, and he wipes at them half heartedly, grin on his face. He chuckles wetly. "Would you believe me if I said nobody has ever said something like that to me?"
Evan fractures, smiling. "Not really. I doubt you've met a lot of other dead people."
"Youd be right." Gregory replies. "Man, I wish I could hug you. It doesnt feel right just letting you sit there and be all... ghosty after saying something like that."
Evan chuckles at that, smile wide. "Put your arms around me."
Gregory raises a brow, but does it anyway.
It's funny. How Gregory, a boy who was in the wrong place at the wrong time saved the ones at the heart of the tragedy. He saved everyone without being involved himself, and Evan cant help but feel like Gregory saved him as well, in a way.
And Evan, who shuts his eyes and brings forth every ounce of power he has as a poltergeist, let's his body fall against another solid one, and sink into the hug.
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amyriadfthings · 1 year
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Sometimes you´re out grocery shopping and idly browsing the frozen veg section when you suddenly remember that the queen threw up after Erik´s death when Wille said he´s always been compared to his brother and Wille threw up when he realized he´s going to have to keep being crown prince.
And you think about similar reactions to stress of parent and child and you remember the queen told Wille to take three deep breaths when he freaked out over Simon´s date and how she sends him to therapy to control his outbursts (ugh).
And you think where did it all go wrong that she can´t ever connect with her son when she´s obviously got some experience in that department. I think we meet her so far into her own history of controlling her emotions that she´s unable and mostly unwilling to connect even when Wille is outright asking her to be his mom (gah!), because oh hey, those would be more emotions she would need to allow to break through, and those walls are staying. Maybe in her mind even for Wille´s own good, to teach him how it´s done.
And there´s certainly reasons for those walls and it´s probably part self-protection and probably people telling her from a young age she needs to have them, and probably also because she´s a woman on the throne, so people would probably insist a little extra on them.
The most honest and raw I´ve seen her in the show is the moment she throws up.
(I usually question what she´s saying to Wille or August, no matter what warm or soft tone she´s using about what the court allegedly wants her to do, how it´s not really her, and how she actually supports Wille etc, as she´s been proven to manipulate Wille (and August in S2) into doing what she thinks is best for the institution she´s the head of. The one whose survival is always the priority, as per her own words.)
She´s shown to do royal business in what looks like pyjamas after all, the most casual and private of clothes, telling us there´s no separation, ever, that she´s always the queen. She rolls her eyes at her son after ending a phone call in which a rattled Wille sits among shards of glass negotiating with her (!), after she wanted to forcibly remove him from school. She doesn´t ever truly seem torn or conflicted, except that one time she throws up.
When her emotional core literally breaks its way out of her against her will.
No wonder she completely underestimates Wille and the depth and power for change his emotions hold after he´s finally allowed some therapy (that he could have used long ago just for growing up in that institution) and experienced actual emotional growth and healing instead of using it for control like she probably has. No wonder she and the court collectively underestimate Simon and what his love, what their love and connection mean to Wille. (Looking at you, Jan-Olof, allowing Wille a moment with Simon, you fool!) It´s simply been too long behind those impenetrable walls that she can´t even see it anymore. Until her son shows her. And you wonder if he´s even breaking through to her, or if she´s just been confirmed in her fears about his emotional unruliness and will dig in deeper inside her fortress. (Another time if feels like we see some honest emotion from her is of course in S1 when she´s visibly angry as she says that nobody ever chooses the royal life, so maybe Wille can relay Boris´ message about choosing how to live your life to her? Maybe she´s not beyond Boris´ wisdom. Anyway.)
The show shines such an unforgiving light on that institution that chokes all feelings and individual freedom out of you, especially over such a long time as with the queen, but I love love love how hopeful and defiant Wille´s journey of deliberate progress is in the face of it.
And I do hope he´ll continue therapy and never allows his own walls back up once they´re down.
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jack-crow-lantern · 22 days
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Patchwork skirt made of whatever fabrics I found.
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astragatwo · 6 months
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In contrast to my last two Rain World OC posts, these guys aren't one offs and are part of my current core OC group. More info about them under the cut since it's lengthy.
First starting with The Serpent —
The Serpent is one of AV's many bio-engineered slugcats - if you can even call him a slugcat at this point - as part of a simple passion of experimenting with flexible slugcat biology
They share several traits in common with red lizards, those being constant hyper-aggression, tremendous strength, projectile spit and size
As for similarities with slugcats, well, a general elongated shape? Oh, mobility, unlike red lizards, the Serpent is very adept with vertical movement
AV didn't really have a clear goal in mind with the Serpent unlike the rest of their tube babies, they just sort of... happened.
The spontaneity of their creation though has been very interesting as despite initially being created with the solitary lifestyle of a red lizard, the Serpent still keeps his slugcat instinct of adopting random children they find
Though the Serpent seems at first, displeased with this development but rest assured that if you ever LOOK at his pup wrong they will kill everyone in the room and then himself
Though not pictured in his reference since he was my first Rain World OC, created with very little knowledge of the lore and started as a one-off, he has a citizen ID drone which AV uses to keep track of him
He was also simply created out of my desire to have a long slugcat and my obsession with red lizards combined so there's that, too
Speaking of AV, moving on to Administrative Violence —
Named after the song of the same name by Lauren Bousfield, you'd expect them to be - well - violent. They're not, at least not with those they commonly interact with
They are actually quite sweet with Blown Blooms, their partner, and Peach the slugcat
Weather conditions, all things considered, are pretty mild where they are but far, far off into the distance their partner Blown Blooms isn't so fortunate and natural erosion as well as other random unfortunate events unrelated to weather, has taken quite the toll on them
As a result and fearing for Blooms in every way possible but especially for their communication's inevitable severing and also Blooms being lonely all on their own, AV created a slugcat who resembles a strawberry lizard - a species of lizard Blooms is especially fond of
Peach was designed for protection and companionship first and foremost and an emergency messenger/relay secondly.
Outside of worrying for Blooms' condition and yearning & longing for close physical proximity to them the way creatures who aren't supermassive structures have the luxury of, AV spends most of their time studying their bio-engineered slugcats.
Each and every one of them is given a citizen ID drone for ease of tracking as well as general classifications
They couldn't give a shit about whatever problem the other iterators are working on - just these funny little slugcats
They take the occasional interest in other animals too but it's mainly slugcats
And finally, Blown Blooms and Peach —
Blooms, like AV, is named after a song of the same name by Lauren Bousfield. Peach is just named after her colors.
Blooms, like their partner AV, has a complete disinterest in the great problem and a very big interest in bio-engineering
This time with plants rather than animals though they have a soft spot for small critters but they're usually never the subject of any experiments - just study and admiration
However, due to a deteriorating state, Blooms isn't quite able to use their equipment to manipulate genetic information like they used to - which is upsetting
So instead, they help AV with their current studies as well as keeping tabs on their own prior experiments
They have Peach now, though, which brings a much appreciated break from constant studying and nice close companionship
Peach will often catch prey outside and come back to eat it with Blooms and occasionally Blooms will play around with Peach and levitate the prey around for Peach to chase in anti-grav
The event that pushed AV to create Peach was when a creature entered Blooms' chamber and attacked them, partially damaging their puppet before being killed and then expelled from the chamber
Blooms is absolutely still capable of themselves and ultimately damaging the puppet a bit is nothing when taking account the sheer scale of an iterator - but AV will be AV
Plus, Blooms isn't complaining about getting a cute little companion from AV
And general trivia/info —
Everyone here is aroace. All of them. AV & Blooms' relationship is non-romantic in a sapphic way
The Serpent's pup's name is Pipsqueak
I know rudder tails shouldn't curve like that but I decided that after I finished drawing the Serpent and I wasn't about to redraw anything at that point
The other Iterators in AV and Bloom's local group are Illuminated Crown of Fire, Projections of Watchful Eyes, and an unnamed lunar-eclipse inspired iterator.
I have little information on them right now, but they are each based off of solar eclipses, stars and lunar eclipses respectively
In all, this local group is just a bunch of experiment freaks to varying degrees except for ICoF whose presence is often forgotten because of how little they speak but is also ever looming
And that's all! Thank you for reading this far in <3
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Woe, angst be upon yee
Think about this plot for more than a minute and it'll start to fall apart probably but just uhhh please don't think about it too much😞🙏
So Sosu has been frozen for over 210 years, they came from a world that wasn't as irradiated as the Commonwealth is currently, so, why not give them radiation poisoning?
They feel fine when they first step out but even still, they can just feel things are different, everything, even the air, feels contamimated. Over the many years, most of the radiation has disappeared, people of the Commonwealth have grown a tolerance to the low amount of radiation that still persists, but Sosu being completely new to this world has no such tolerance and even with a radiation suit slowing the process, the poisoning still seeps into them, slowly starting to kill them. At first it's barely noticeable but the closer they get to their goal, the weaker they seem to get.
First true problem presents itself, the Dimly-lit desert- I mean the Glowing Sea. Even with the power armor taking most of the radiation, by the time they get to the insitute, they're severely ill. The fatigue, the effects of the radiation, it's all obvious. Despite never knowing them it pains the Father to see them in such a way, perhaps it was cruel to let them out of their frozen prison.
Nonetheless the institute is smart, has people to deal with what radaway can't heal, and so with time Sosu is cured but it's made clear to them; any trips to Commonwealth are risky, simply put their body can't handle the radiation.
Obviously there are companions that want the Institute destroyed, but I wonder how they'd react to this? Going off of the assumption that they're close to Sosu, just how willing would they be to write their death sentence by demanding them to destroy the only thing that can help them stay alive? The thing that'd let the companion keep their close friend, maybe their lover, alive? How willing would they be to sacrifice the person whose been there for them this entire time, despite Sosu having their own struggles to deal with?
And with X6? Oh with X6 just think about it. Time passes and he's, dare he say, attached to the future leader. Slowly, without his notice, he's started to truly care. How would he take it, hearing other companions, or faction leaders, demand that Sosu does the "right thing" and destroy the Institute, destroy the only place where they can roam free without a hazmat suit, without having to worry about radiation?
He'd be kinda angry about it I think
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torchickentacos · 5 months
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winter depression is here and I am ANNOYED about it
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lhrry · 2 years
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harry styles really wrote an album about long-term relationship which is overflowing with love in all its diverse forms, with domesticity, with assurance, with softness, and with profound emotions including a declaration of the deepest lifelong love, steady through the good and the bad, always choosing to keep going (driving), he really did that
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