#re zero lost in memories
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#oficial art#re zero#re:zero#re zero kara hajimeru isekai seikatsu#re zero starting life in another world#re:ゼロから始める異世界生活#リゼロ#re:zero kara hajimeru isekai seikatsu#re zero lost in memories#re zero emilia#rezero emilia#emilia re zero#emilia re:zero#re:zero emilia#emilia rezero#natsuki subaru#rezero subaru#subaru rezero#rem rezero#re zero rem#rezero rem#ram re:zero#ram rezero#ram re zero#petra re:zero#petra rezero#julius rezero#reinhard re zero#reinhard re:zero#puck re:zero
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Sweet Creature: Chapter Seven
Pairing: Dieter Bravo x F!Reader (Nicknamed Poppy)
WC: 6600
Warning: 18+ Blog/Minors will be blocked; Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story.
A/N: We’ll, there’s a lot here. This week was draining with a teething/no sleeping babe— but I was determined to get this finished! I don’t have a lot to say, but I’m excited for this part of their story! Thank you to @gnpwdrnwhiskey again for her support and proofreading every week! And thank you to everyone who has continued to stick with these two dumb dumbs as they figure their shit out. Love you all!!
Series Masterlist / Playlist / Main Masterlist
Previous/ Next
Breathe.
In.
Out.
Dieter wills himself to regulate the adrenaline surging through him, it has his muscles tingling as its increasing levels spread through every pliable fiber.
Breathe.
In.
Out.
He takes in his surroundings, a steady attempt at grounding his mind, assuring him, keeping him present, giving him a chance to regain his composure.
He Sees…
The ornate tile that dresses the front steps to your Spanish Revival home, the perfect backdrop to the ‘welcome’ mat that greets him the minute he arrives to your place.
The sturdy wooden door attached to your home that keeps you protected, allowing you to live comfortably and securely without a bother from the outside world.
The well maintained landscape, no real knowledge of the specific varieties of plants that decorate the front, he senses a low maintenance and drought tolerant feel— a few things he had never heard of until moving in with Diem.
The way the sky begins to shift from its golden orange and purple hues to an even shade of deep blue as the sun tucks behind the horizon line, welcoming the stillness of the night.
The way he is actively replaying an episodic memory of you from just an hour ago when you had joined him at Diem’s house to read over his lines for his upcoming movie role.
*
“Are you sure you even want me doing this? I don’t know a single thing about acting. Can’t Diem help?? I don’t want to mess you up.”
It’s been a few days since the Capri re-grand opening. And a few days since yours and Dieter’s almost kiss.
There hasn’t really been a discussion on what had happened, or almost happened, only due to the fact that you hadn’t seen each other since Dieter had to leave to take Wren home.
Now you find yourselves sitting in Diem’s living room, on opposite ends of her sectional couch, ignoring the residual heat that is currently reigniting as you both look over the scripts you’re each holding— alone together, zero distractions.
“This scene is between two people who are navigating a new relationship, dancing around the sexual tension between them—“
The coincidence not lost on you.
“So, there’s no fuckin’ way I’d read through this with my sister. And I doubt she’d want to anyways, she hates this kinda shit, so I don’t even bother.“
“Okay, I’ll try my best, but if I fuck up—“
“You’re not gonna fuck up. I highlighted your lines in pink, just focus on those and you’ll do fine. Besides, you’re a teacher— you read stories for a living, just think of it like you’re reading to your class.”
“Dieter, it says right here at the bottom of the page in bold type, ‘HER EYES CLOSE AT HIS TOUCH FOLLOWED BY LOW SENSUAL MOANS’— there’s no fucking way I can imagine myself reading this to my class.”
You look up from the paper, his eyes already on you. You note the way his neck muscles flex as he swallows, the grip on his paper a little tighter— you’re not sure how you’re going to survive this.
*
He touches…
The weight of his chip, the brass cool against his warm clammy skin, pulling it from his pocket, it sits heavy in his palm— a quick reminder that who he was doesn’t define him now. A few light tosses, before gripping it with his thumb and his forefinger, one last look before returning it to his pocket.
The compact device that connects him to everything important to him in a single touch, his finger navigating back and forth between the home screen image of Wren and him eating donuts then to the text you had sent not long after leaving Diem’s house — Poppy💐- I have that easel ready, if you still want it. You’re more than welcome to come grab it — Then double checking the numbers on the house match the ones that you sent after he text back asking if he could come over tonight— a perfect match.
The silky strands of his ruffled dark brown hair as he tries to tame his wild curls, the cottony fabric of his gray weathered shirt pulling at it in such a way so it drapes over him just right, the rough texture of his faded jeans against his sweaty hands as he rubs them several times over where they hug his thighs— a blind once over of his appearance.
The way his hand skims over the velvety skin above your knee, the hem of your dress delicately dancing over his fingertips, the faint scar that now lives on the side of your thigh from a biking accident as a kid lays uneven under his gentle graze.
*
“Is this okay?”
Somewhere between shared lines, and fiery dialogue, Dieter finds himself sitting closer to you, his knee brushing against yours—hand so effortlessly placed on your thigh as he checks in with your comfort.
“Y-yeah— it says ‘HIS HAND REACHES THE APEX BETWEEN HER THIGHS’, so she would know that his hand is moving up her leg—.” Your voice trembles as you try to concentrate on the words printed in bold on the current page.
Looking up, you see Dieter’s focus solely on you, his folded script tucked between his leg and the couch cushion.
“That’s not what I asked.” There's a deep husk to his voice, his movements halted as he draws your attention away from the pages and up to him. “Are you comfortable with this, not what the paper reads or act is telling us to do. Is this okay with you?” Your consent, regardless of what the characters are doing, his number one priority.
“Y-yeah…” You murmur as you look down to where his hand is still subtly holding your leg. Your attention drawn back to his handsome face, placing your hand on top of his, encouraging him to continue his efforts.
*
He hears…
The symphonic resonance of the nightfall harmonics drifts through in the crisp evening air, a modest breeze carries the lilt of the chirping crickets throughout the stilled neighborhood, the rustling of the leaves scattered and swirling across the sidewalk, the faint cries of coyote pups awaiting the arrival of their mother who’s been in search of a hearty meal.
The way his heart beat reverberates against his eardrums, the thudding of his heart an emotive chorus, its pace evening out with each grounding thought.
The way your breath catches, its auditory staccato floats through the air and nestles somewhere deep within his mind, storing its melodic rhythm away as an echoic file, never wanting to forget how it sounds.
*
Dieter shifts himself forward, the crunch of the leather puckering as he settles a knee on the cushion, a hand gripping the back of the couch as he angles himself closer.
The crackle of paper startles you, Dieter grabbing the crumbled heap of papers and tossing it over his shoulder, removing any distractions that might be bothering.
Bit by bit you allow yourself to fall back onto the mound of decorative pillows in the corner of the couch. Dieter following your lead, keeping a close distance between you as he settled himself between your legs.
“When is Diem going to be home?” You breathed, a warmth spreads through your body as you fixate on the fact that this is really happening.
“Don’t know, at least an hour.”
A few loose curls fall into Dieter’s face, you lightly comb them back, the movements unhurried and attentive. Your fingers catching the frames of his glasses in the process, you gingerly remove them from his face, carefully tossing them to the side— producing your favorite lopsided grin from him.
Dieter pauses to study every little detail of this moment— the flash of want in your eyes, the way your fingertips skim over and around his taut biceps, the deliberate way the tip of your tongue wets your bottom lip before it’s drawn in between your teeth, the way your lungs continue to fill with the air you’re both sharing— he’s never felt more alive than in this moment.
*
He smells…
The night brings a refreshing scent of calmer air, the aromatic warmth of the citrus groves meld with the fragrant lavender farms that accumulates throughout the day, the herbal aroma that triggers a distinct nostalgic smell of his childhood.
The way your perfume mixes with your natural pheromones, the unmistakable notes of musky vanilla and orange blossom paired with your own unique scent stimulates his olfactory nerves, his spine tingling with pleasure as he breathes you in.
*
Dieter takes his time, deliberate in his own way, he wants to take his time— savor the moment.
He lowers himself down to the open space where your shoulder meets your neck— warm, delicate and inviting.
You angle your head, allowing him more space to move, your hands wrapping themselves around his neck, twisting his hair between your fingers.
Dieter places a soft tentative kiss to your shoulder, then slowly dragging the tip of his nose up the column of your neck, mindful of how responsive you are, nudging at your jaw before stopping.
“You’re so fucking soft.” His lips ghosting over your ear, voice honeyed and thick, his hand now situated on your bare hip, thumb toying with the seam of your underwear.
You nuzzle into the side of his head, his scent provocative in the way you crave it immensely. The smokiness of the sandalwood and cedarwood compliment the spicy musk and floral base— it’s Dieter, wild and delicious.
*
He tastes…
The ache for sustenance, a morsel of pleasure activates his taste buds, a palatable desire that he craves in hopes to fight off the hunger that plagues him.
*
A fieriness burns through your body, causing you to lose all ability to properly handle the way Dieter is making you feel— ravenous. You need more, something substantial that satiates the emptiness and the yearning.
The unfaltering look in his eyes, an unspoken feeling of infatuation that has you melting under his gaze.
Dieter leans in, gradually closing the gap between his lips and yours, sparking the immediate surge of oxytocin actively flowing through your veins.
His breath fanning across your lips, warm and minty, a brief remembrance of your almost kiss— several times over.
This position offers a new approach, angle of motion, feeling the fullness of his bottom lip catch your top lip, your fingers gripping tightly to his hair in anticipation as the weight of his lips begin to slot gently over yours.
*CLICK*
“Dieter? I’m home!” Diem announces her arrival.
Releasing the breath you were holding, grip loosened, warmth lifted— another moment gone.
“Fuck me!” Dieter grumbles, his forehead falling to your shoulder, your chest vibrating with a silent laugh.
Dieter places a kiss to your shoulder then pushes himself back from where he had been hovering over you seconds before, helping you to readjust the flowy fabric of your dress, a silent look to you asking “are you okay?”— you nod yes.
His body slumps back into the cushioned backrest, head falling back as he pinched the bridge of his nose, willing away his annoyance at Diem’s horrible timing.
“Oh! I didn’t realize you were here too, Poppy. I dropped Wren off for a playdate and picked up some dinner on the way home. You hungry?”
“Umm, no I’m good. Actually, I’m going to head out. I’ve got— there’s some things I need to do. So, yeah— I’m gonna go.”
You feel like two teenagers who were caught by the other’s parents. That awkwardness that looms over afterwards, not really knowing what to say or do.
You give his leg a light squeeze, pulling his attention back from his sulking, propping himself up with his arms on his knees, grabbing your hand and returning the faint gesture.
“I’ll text you later.” You mouthed to him before grabbing your items from the coffee table and making your way to the front door.
“You still on for this Friday?” Diem asks you as she’s unboxing the pizzas she had picked up, arranging a few slices nicely on plates.
“Yep— yeah! Friday is still good! See you later.” Your response short and to the point as you close the door behind you.
Dieter can hear the rustling of the wrappers and then a stillness hangs in the air. His back is to where Diem is standing in the kitchen, but he can feel her eyes boring into the back of his head.
“What?”
“Why didn’t you mention she was coming over? I would have grabbed more food, we could have all hung out together.”
“It was a last minute thing. I asked her to come read lines with me.”
Diem rounds the couch and places the food on the coffee table, before sitting and making herself comfortable.
“So… Did you finally kiss her?”
That gets a laugh from Dieter, face falling into his hands at the ridiculousness of Diem’s question.
“No, I haven’t kissed her.” Tilting his head towards where she’s sitting, chin resting against his clasped hands.
“Oh my god! You haven’t kissed her yet? What the hell, Dieter!”
“Trust me, it’s not for a lack of trying.” He assures her, picking at the toppings of his pizza slice that had fallen onto the plate.
“I don’t get it. If you’ve been trying, then what’s stopping you from actually doing it?”
“You are! Literally every chance I’ve taken, you stroll on in and fuckin’ cockblock me.”
“Wait— you’re blaming me for you not kissing her?” The shocked look on her face is priceless and equally hilarious.
“Yeah, I’m definitely blaming you. You have the worst timing ever!” He laughed, because even as annoyed as he is, the whole situation is a little funny.
*BUZZ*
The vibration of his phone cuts into their conversation, a text from you pops up on to the screen, he swipes it open.
Poppy 💐- I have that easel ready, if you still want it. You’re more than welcome to come grab it.
Uncle Dude - What’s your address? Be there in a few.
He wipes his greasy fingers with a napkin then tossing it onto his forgotten pizza. He stands to his full height, placing his phone in his pocket and makes his way to the door.
“Where are you going? I was going to turn on that one show we’ve been wanting to watch.”
“I’m— going out. Go ahead and start it without me.” He shouts as the door clicks closed behind him.
*
Uncle Dude - What’s your address? Be there in a few.
Poppy 💐- House number 402. White house on the left side of the street. See you soon!
The distance from your house to Diem’s is a short one, 3 minutes if you’re a fast Walker, 5-6 if you take your time.
Dieter was on his way— to your house.
You toss your phone onto the counter, and run to the bathroom. Not knowing how soon he was leaving after stating he’d be here in a few, didn’t leave you much time to freshen up.
You literally just saw him, so you kept it simple a few swipes of deodorant, clean away any mascara flakes and opting for a fresh coat of chapstick instead of lipstick— less is more approach.
2 minutes down.
Running through the house, you do a quick once over, grabbing any loose items, out of place items or kind of embarrassing items and tossing them into your hall closet— making sure to snag your copy of ‘My Pleasure: An Intimate Guide to Loving Your Body and Having Great Sex’ off of the coffee table.
4 minutes down.
Heading into the kitchen— Maybe he’ll want something to drink? You grab two tall glasses and fill them with ice, sitting on the counter waiting to fill with whatever Dieter wants.
5 minutes down.
Nervously, you stare at the front door, your nervous tick of picking at your fingernails keeps your hands busy. Should I turn some music on? Should I have put on a little more perfume? Maybe I should have brushed my teeth?
*Knock Knock Knock*
You grab for the door handle, pausing for a minute to take a deep breath, then cracking the door open to see Dieter standing on your front porch, hands in his pockets, casually looking down at his feet then up to you at the sound of the creaky door hinges— his face lights up instantly.
“Hey! Hope you found it okay?” You can’t help the dopey smile that grows on your face.
“No issues at all. Didn’t realize how close you lived this whole time.” He says, gesturing in the direction of Diem’s house.
“Yeah, almost neighbors.” Your smirk is laced in flirtation, your head leaning against the edge of the door in the most 90s rom-com way. “You wanna come in?”
“Sure.”
“Are you thirsty at all? I have sparkling and regular water, Diet Coke, and some beer— I haven’t made it to the store this week so I’m running low on things. I’ll be more prepared next time.” You ramble as you lead him into the kitchen, your nervous energy spiking just slightly.
“I’m good for right now, thank you. So, there will be a next time?” He asks, observing the way you bite at your lower lip when he mentions the prospect of a “next time”.
“Yeah,” You shrug your shoulders, noting the way the corner of his mouth quirks up and the light flutter in your stomach that follows. “I think so, if that’s what you want?”
“Yes, definitely want that.”
There’s a beat of silence, sans the sounds of home— the tick of the clock, the clinking of ice falling into the tray, a faint sound of music coming from another room.
“Oh! I—I have your jacket, I keep meaning to bring it over and then it would slip my mind…” Very much a lie, you were wearing it early this morning while you sipped your morning coffee, reading the latest chapter of ‘My Pleasure’… and you also might have worn it afterwards, when you needed a little— relief. “I’m so sorry.”
“No, it’s totally fine. I mean, a little Birdie has been asking about it— it’s not a big deal.”
“Let me go grab it so I’m not tempted to hold it ransom for longer. Umm, help yourself to whatever. Then I can show you the easel, see if it’s something that will work for you.”
“Okay.”
Dieter takes in your home, it’s very much you.
Your love for plants extends inside, dozens of potted green plants, in varying shapes and sizes grace just your living room alone.
There’s a hint of a modern flare to your style, clean lines and lots of wood, a very neutral aesthetic— most of the color living as art work on your walls.
The art hanging throughout your home, he can only assume is your own. He’s drawn to the texture and the style of each painting— faint lines formed into human figures , landscapes resembling the world outside of these walls, and vivid abstract strokes of color adorn canvas everywhere he looks.
A soft glow catches his eye and like a moth to a flame, he’s lured to a dimly lit room— your art studio.
Large windows flank the walls, he imagines the natural light in the daytime is ideal in a space like this.
Tattered empty tubes of acrylic paint, evidence of being overly pinched to extricate every last bit of paint, strewn across a large table against the wall. Empty glass food jars repurposed as storage for your massive collection of paint brushes, while spatulas and other painting instruments lay haphazardly across the tabletop.
The table seems to double as a desk, once light colored, now coated in layers of colorful dried paint drips and spills. He runs his fingers over the surface, a balance of smooth and irregular textures, imagining the years you’ve spent standing over this table deliberately colors and mixing new ones.
Dieter thinks you must have been painting recently, a clear palette holds fresh dollops of paint in the center with a few experimental strokes on the side. He dips a finger into one of the little mounds, rubbing the emulsion between three fingers. It's cold and wet as it glides over his skin.
The wall of windows behind him he finds an easel, it too covered in coats of paint— a newer canvas sits in the support bar, a rough sketch of something just barely visible.
Next to where the easel rests, there are canvases stacked neatly against the wall along the floor. He analyzes each painting with regard, taking in each deliberate stroke and use of color— intently connecting with the emotions you’ve experienced in creating each piece.
He admires your tenacity. Through your long days of teaching at the school, little humans requiring so much of your attention for hours. To volunteering your time to help others explore their creativity at the gallery, planning and teaching weekly. And yet, you still find time to cater to your needs by doing something that makes your life more fulfilling, not allowing any roadblocks to deter your endeavors.
There’s an ache in his chest, a deep reminder of how different his life could have been had he not been bound by the shackles of Hollywood and the dark world that surrounds it.
Dieter had only ever dreamed of having such a space like this of his own, where he could chase a creative high and drown out the loud noises that followed him daily.
Stopping his thoughts before they begin to spiral, he thinks back to a motivational speaker he listened in on while in rehab. There were a lot of valuable words shared during the speech, but he remembers the line that really stood out to him— even through the darkest moments and afflictions that overpowered all his memories and people closest to him, it didn’t mean he is less worthy of a good life, a great life, moving forward.
Dieter realizes that with everything he’d lived through and how much hurt he had caused, he knows those things led him to this point in time— they led him to you.
“I ended up washing it, read the care instructions on the tag so I wouldn’t fuck it up. I found some melted Kit-Kats in the pockets and a few condom wrappers— this jacket has definitely seen some things…” You stop talking when you realize you’re met with an empty room, Dieter not where you had left him. “Dieter?”
There’s a slight movement that pulls your attention in the direction of your studio.
You find Dieter standing in the center of the room, the flicker from a burning candle emits a diffused light, washing his sharp features in a soft glow. There’s almost a pensiveness to his expression, hands tucked in his pockets lost in his thoughts, you watch him quietly take in the room around him.
“I see you helped yourself to a house tour.” You announce your presence as you enter the room, placing his jacket on the overstuffed chair in the corner then turning around to walk in the direction of your large art table, the skirt of your dress shifting from side to side as you walk.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep—“ He starts to apologize, realizing you both hadn’t set any boundaries with each other.
“It’s fine, I’m just messing with you. I hid all my incriminating things already.” You joke, but there’s something about him that makes you feel like you don’t have to be guarded.
“Are these for your showing?” He asks, pointing to the canvases he had just been studying.
“Yeah,” You say as you turn to face him, lean back against the table. “They’re all pretty much done— I’ll probably fine tune some things before the big day.”
“Can I ask what they represent?? I can see two figures— a man and a woman in some sort of intimate setting. I see the woman is fully fleshed out in color with distinct features, similar to your own— but the man looks like a shadowed figure, starting out blank, then slowly gaining color and personality in each painting— like an evolution of some sort. But what’s the narrative behind them?”
The way he’s analyzing your work, makes you feel even more captivated by him.
“I was having this dream— a nightmare maybe? For weeks, it would come to me every night, always starting out in the same way. I would feel him all around me— his hands, lips, everything. I would try to speak to him, but he would never respond, and I could never see his face, didn’t know who he was. Then he would vanish, like I had lost him and I would wake up in a panic. But as the weeks went on, it was like I could start to see him a little clearer…”
Dieter hangs on to your every word, he’s drawn in to your openness to share your thoughts so freely with him. He steps closer to where you’re standing, wanting to know more about these dreams.
“Go on.” He says softly, encouraging you to share more details.
“Some nights his face was a blur, but I could see his features, more clearly each night. And as his face became more visible over time, the dreams didn’t feel like I was losing him— it felt like I was gaining more of him. The last week or so, I can see his face— I know who he is.”
At some point in explaining the story behind your paintings, your eyes fell to the floor— the way he was watching you so intently felt overwhelming the closer he got.
“Who is he?” He asks, placing two fingers under your chin to slowly lift your gaze up to him.
“You.”
It’s a fierce softness in the way his mouth molds to yours, the gentle press of his lips is breathtaking— punching the air right from your lungs.
His touch is meticulous and thoughtful, resting his hands on your bare thighs, fingers lightly graze over your soft skin leaving a trail of tiny goosebumps.
Your hands snake up his body, settling back to where they were not so long ago— cupping the back of his head, slow drawn out scratches to his scalp.
“Is this okay?” He murmurs against your mouth.
“Y-yes— more than okay!” You breathe out— you’ve literally dreamt of this moment.
Experimentally you slowly swipe your tongue across his plump bottom lip, silently begging for a little more and he obliges, allowing you to slip your tongue into his mouth. An equal exchange of feelings and yearning as the kiss alternates between a tangle of tongues and sweet pecks.
Dieter pulls back, resting his forehead on yours, his breaths ragged puffs across your warm face.
“Why did you stop?” Your breath equally as ragged, chest heaving as you question his halted movements.
“Be-because—“ His throat dry as he tries to regulate his breathing. “If we don’t stop, things will get— more serious.”
“I-I’m failing to see the problem in that.” You tease.
“I don’t have any condoms— I didn’t think we’d get this far with our track record.”
“I locked the door, after I let you in— didn’t want to chance any interruptions.” His chest vibrates with a soft chuckle at your response. “I’m clean and on the pill— but only if you’re comfortable.”
“I am, clean I mean— I’m clean, plus haven’t been with anyone in, well, awhile now. Might be a little rusty in all actuality.” He confesses, his thumbs still moving in sweeping motions over the tops of your thighs. “You sure you want this?”
“Very, very sure.” You whisper against his lips, grabbing one of his hands and dragging it slowly up under your dress to the throbbing ache that has settled between your legs since he started kissing you.
“Fuck!” His eyes flutter shut at the sensation of your bare cunt, nearly choking on air— his fingers start to tentatively swipe through your wet folds, watching as your eyes start to roll back in pleasure.
“I thought I had felt some kind of underwear earlier?” He asks, as his fingers coated in your slick start to draw lazy circles over your sensitive clit.
“Ah!— I-I did. But I was so keyed up when I — left, I came home and had to— Oh! I had to— Fuck I can’t think straight when you’re doing that!”
“Did you come home and touch yourself?”
“Yessss— Oh god!” You whine breathlessly as two of his fingers enter your heated core, remnants of your earlier orgasm fully welcoming him.
“You’re so perfect.” He exclaimed,
his free hand cupping your face, keeping you close, his thumb lightly tracing across your lower lip.
His two fingers continue to move in and out of you, working up so effortlessly. He presses a long slow kiss to your lips, followed by a few short light ones.
You can feel yourself moving closer to the edge, there’s a tingle running down your spine, converging with the fire that’s beginning to break within you. Your velvety walls begin to flutter around Dieter’s fingers, prompting him to kiss you a little deeper and it’s just the push you need.
“Oh my god! I’m gonna come—“ Your body begins to shake, your hands slamming done on your table— paint splattering into the air.
It’s an inferno of ecstasy blazing through your body, you wrap your arms around Dieter’s waist, clinging to him as you ride it out— letting the embers cool down.
Without a single breath, you grab for the button on Dieter’s jeans as he tries to pull at the straps of your dress. It’s a jumbled mess of limbs, but finally working in tandem to rid each other of clothes.
Dieter crowds you against the table, the edge digging into your lower back causing you to yelp.
“Are you okay?” His eyes etched in concern, as he scans over your blissed out features.
“Ye-yeah! The ta-table is digging.” You say, pointing to show him.
He bends down to grab onto the back of your thighs. “Jump.” He says as he helps guide your naked body onto the table.
His hands rest on the table as he leans in to kiss you again, unhurried as he licks into your mouth as he guides your body to lay down on the table.
“You’re so beautiful like this, Poppy.” He says as he leaves a trail of kisses down your neck and over your chest, stopping and pressing his lips over the spot that he hopes to hold on to for a while— your heart.
The gesture has your eyes welling up, blinking rapidly to fight them off. You feel so completely overwhelmed by him, you have to actively stop yourself from telling him how in love you are with him.
He lifts himself off of you just enough to reach between the two of you, giving his cock a few hasty strokes before notching its weeping head at your entrance.
“Fuck!” He gasps as he slowly pushes his full length into your warm cunt— the slightest ghosting of your climax now pulsing around him.
Your legs wrap around his waist, pulling him in as close to you as possible, silently begging him to move, but he grips onto your leg to halt your movements.
“Wait— I need a minute otherwise this is going to be over before it even happens.” He says, resting his head on your sternum to give himself a moment.
“Dieter, it’s fine. Just take what you need— I’m— I’m good.” You feel more than satisfied with the two orgasms you’ve already had, you just want to feel him.
He slowly states to move his hips, several purposeful thrusts, wanting to savor the way you feel, the warmth already starting to bloom in his belly.
Dieter lifts himself off of you, sensing this new angle is pleasant based on how you start to arch your back off the table, his steady thrusts working you both up in a desired frenzy.
“Fuuuuck, you feel like a dream., Poppy.” His voice is hoarse, glancing down to watch the way your arousal coats him, his hands gripping your waist as he thrusting into with a little more earnestness.
“Dieter— I think I’m going to come again— oh god!!” You announced into the lust filled room, the tell-tale signs barreling through your body.
You try to grab onto something, hands looking for something to anchor yourself to, Dieter too far away and too lost in his own pursuit— each thrust is a little deeper producing your muscles to tighten on their own accord.
An unexpected swipe of Dieter’s thumb over your clit is blinding, sweet erotic sounds pouring from your mouth, hands slamming back onto the table, you're met with wetness, your brain registering where you are and that your hands are covered in paint.
The thick emulsion is cold when it hits your skin, your nipples pebble at the sensation of the paint gliding over them, your hands kneading the weight of your breasts— paint building up between your fingers with each calculated squeeze, each roll of your nipple sends you closer to your third orgasm.
You look up to see Dieter’s slack jawed expression, which only makes you emphasize your movements, giving him a little show. You’re arched back putting your chest on display, your hands working over your exposed skin covering your upper body in a rainbow of colors.
“Oh shit— shitshitshitshit— I’m gonna— fuck!” The sight of you sets Dieter off, folding himself over the top of you, face nestled into the crook of your neck as his thrusts begin to falter at the way your cunt begins to contract around him.
A gravelly moan against your damp skin and one final thrust, his hips still as he’s spilling into you.
The room is still again. The faint scent of your oud and sandalwood candle is overpowered by the sex hazed aroma. Chests moving against each other simultaneously, lungs begging to properly breathe, skin slipping with each pull of air— this might become your favorite way to create art.
A soft kiss to your shoulder as Dieter lifts himself up into his forearms, resting his temple against your jaw to give his arms a chance to regain their strength before giving you a softer kiss to your lips.
“That was—“ He’s still trying to regulate his breathing, words jumbled in his brain and not quite producing properly.
“Amazing!” You finish his sentence for him.
“Yeah— amazing.” He says, one more kiss because he doesn’t think he’s given you enough yet, then he’s slowly pulling out of you and helping you sit upright.
“What a mess we made of ourselves.” You laugh as you examine both of your colorful torsos.
“Worth it.” Dieter replied with a slight shrug and a quirky smile on his handsome face.
“I’m going to go grab some stuff to clean us up. I’ll be right back.”
Hopping off the table to head towards your bathroom, Dieter grabs you by the wrist, spinning you back towards him, your bodies flush against each once more as he gives you a toe curling kiss.
“Alright, hurry back.” He says, giving your backside a few taps.
*
You take a few minutes to freshen yourself up, wiping away as much of the paint as you can.
Throwing on a clean pair of underwear and a loose shirt, the hardwood cool against your bare feet, you make your way back to your studio where you’re met with an unexpected sight when you get to the door, Dieter sitting in front of your easel where your last canvas sits. His naked body wrapped in his fuzzy coat, his brow furrowed in concentration as his hand moves around the canvas with a paint drenched brush.
You take a moment to just watch him, leaning into the door frame, watching how he looks so relaxed and happy.
“You snoop and you help yourself to my painting, you sir are a menace.” You jokingly say to him, it earns you a generous laugh.
“Sorry, guess I’m two for two now. I saw you had it roughly sketched out and thought I’d paint you the way I see you.” He explained, leaning back into the small metal chair.
“And how do you see me?”
“Beautiful.” The word floats out and around you, its weight settling into that little space in your chest that has felt empty for so long.
“That’s two times you’ve painted me now— I think those would be grounds for someone to fall in love.” You tease, but there’s truth wrapped up in your statement. Pushing yourself off the doorframe, making your way over to where he’s sitting.
He places the brush in the glass of water, his hand reaching out for you to come closer, softly grabbing at your hips he’s pulling you down so you’re straddling his lap— fully aware he’s still naked and covered in paint under his jacket.
“Do you?” He has to know if you’re feeling the same way as him. “Do you, love me?”
“Yes.” Your voice a little wobbly, your emotions bubbling up in your chest.
But you do, you love him without a doubt and it’s the most terrifying and thrilling feeling you’ve experienced in a long time.
“I love you too, Poppy.” He whispers to you, his eyes glossy as he fights back tears.
“Why are you crying?” Wiping the single tear that has started to fall down his cheek.
“I’m scared— that I’m going to fuck this up. And you’re going to resent me. And I’ll be back to where I was a year ago— alone.”
Your heart nearly breaks at his confession.
“That’s not going to happen though.” Brushing his wild hair away from his eyes, caressing his face and hoping he hears the sincerity in your voice.
“How do you know that?”
“I don’t. But a wise man once told me— we’ll figure it out as we go.”
His arm wraps around your waist as his other hand cups the back of your neck, bringing your face to his, your nose bumping into his.
“I love you.” He breathes against your lips.
And before you even have a chance to reciprocate, he’s kissing you with so much love and feeling.
“Will you come? To see my showing on opening night?” You ask between feather-like kisses.
“I wouldn’t miss it, Poppy.”
*
It’s a few hours later when Dieter walks through the front door of Diem’s house, ready for a shower and sleep.
“You’re home late.” Diem’s voice sounds from the same spot on the couch he’d left her in.
“Uh, yeah. Lost track of time.”
“Were you at Poppy’s?” She asks with herround of motherly questioning.
“Yeah, I was. She had that easel, so I went to get it.”
“Where is it?”
“Where’s what?”
“The easel.”
“Oh, I— I must have forgot it. We were talking, lost track of time. I’ll grab it another time. I’m gonna take a shower then head to bed. Night.” Hoping to throw her off his scent, the last thing he wants is to hear her boast about what you and him were up to.
“Night. Oh hey, Dieter.”
“Yeah.” Turning back towards her.
“Make sure you wash that cute hand print on your neck.” Her devilish grin beaming at him.
He gives her a middle finger for good measure, then heads to the bathroom.
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#sweet creature series#dieter bravo x fem!reader#dieter bravo x f!reader#dieter bravo x you#dieter bravo x reader#dieter bravo#pedro pascal#dieter x poppy#wildemaven writes
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I am know this is an insanity broad question but do you have any specific thoughts on Revolutionary Girl Utena? or anything that you think hasn’t been said or just caught your attention? Your one of my favorite meta writers and I’ve been reading your blog since you were doing semi-regular AOT meta, so I guess I should have figured you had seen the series—RGU is a show so dense symbolism, metaphor, ect.—there was just so much to pick apart. Anyway, I would love to hear anything you had to say abt the series!
Sure, I've always wanted to do a meta on the Black Rose arc which is a totally underrated arc. I feel part of the reason it's not as discussed as other arcs is from a lack of understanding of it's role in the story.
The Black Rose arc is a moon arc.
You've heard of the hero's journey, now it's time to learn about the fool's journey. In Tarot, The Fool's Journey is a journey to self fulfillment where each of the 22 major arcana represent a stage on that journey - an experience that a person must incorporate to become whole.
The fool begins their journey at (0), fresh as a newborn, naive and unaware to the world. The fool is strangely empty, as is zero. Who better to serve as our analogue for the fool then the main character Utena Tenjou, characterized by 1) her naivete and 2) her emptiness.
Several years after losing her parents she lost the will to keep on living. Desperately in search for a reason to live a prince appeared before her and gave her one, showing her something eternal, and leaving with her a ring to lead her to him one day. That was all very well and good, but so impressed was she by the prince, that the princess made up her mind to become a prince herself!
Or so the story goes.
Utena is blindly striding forward (and right off a cliff) like the fool card, and also like the fool she's on a journey to fill her emptiness and become whole. At the start of the story she's not a complete person. She's 14 to begin with, but also look at how she reacts when Anthy is stripped away from her at the end of the first arc and the "purpose" given to her is gone. She becomes depressed and barely responsive, and only stands up again to get that purpose back but she's still clinging onto someone else for purpose. Utena is like the fool, on a journey to become a complete person by gaining knowledge of the world.
That is what I would say separates the Hero's Journey from the Fool's Journey, the Fool's Journey is a Jungian narrative in nature. It's not about battling obstacles like in the Hero's Journey, but about the process of individuation. Individuation is the process by which an immature and fragmented psyche, and the experiences of a person's life, become integrated into a well-functioning whole. You can integrate your past memories, your shadow in a jungian sense, your subconscious, into a well-functioning whole.
Utena is not whole however by the time the Black Rose arc comes around, and her lack of awareness of this fact and of her own shadow is exactly what allows it to overtake her.
So we're following Jung here. Jung, Jung, Jung.
Jung and Tarot go hand in hand because Jung believed in archetypes, sets of symbols that were universal across all cultures, that appeared in both dreams and mythologies and were deeply meaningful to us on a subconscious level. The idea of prince and princesses in Utena are a Jungian Archetype. The Moon card Tarot also has major associations with Jung's idea of the subconscious.
PIctured is the full moon int he ngiht sky, positioned between two large towers. The moon is the symbol of dreams and the unconscious,it's light is dim comapred to the sun and only slightly illuminates the path to higher consciousness leading between the two towers.
In the foreground is a small pool, representing the watery, subconscious mind. A small crayfish crawls out of the pool, symbolizing the early stages of unconsciousness unfolding. A dog and wolf stand in a grassy field both howling at the moon, representing both the tamed and wild aspects of our mind.
The moon is a card heavily tied to Jung's idea of the subconscious, or the shadow. If the persona is our outer face to the world, what “what oneself as well as others thinks one is” [CW9 para 221], the “shadow is that hidden, repressed, for the most part inferior and guilt-laden personality whose ultimate ramifications reach back into the realm of our animal ancestors…If it has been believed hitherto that the human shadow was the source of evil, it can now be ascertained on closer investigation that the unconscious man, that is his shadow does not consist only of morally reprehensible tendencies, but also displays a number of good qualities, such as normal instincts, appropriate reactions, realistic insights, creative impulses etc “ [CW9 paras 422 & 423].
Jung believed in a separated consciousness, the conscious mind is the persona the light we can see and the shadow is the subconscious mind which consists of all that we are unaware of and/or is hiding in the dark, quite literally the shadow of our conscious minds.
In Fool's Journey the Moon Card is the stage at which the light is so dim that our shadows become the longest. When I say a Moon Arc in any kind of story, I mean a story arc where characters are essentially caught in the Moon Phase of the fool's journey, which is a special time of confusion and illusion.
Essentially, the Star which is the card preceeding it is the card of temporary inspiration. The star's light is what makes the fool vulnerable to the moon's illusions.
The light that illuminates this for him is The Star (17) which provides hope and a sense of renewal; this is the light at the end of the tunnel. The Fool feels inspired to start shining as his true self. However, its opposite – The Moon (18) – represents any fears and subconscious programming that may prevent him from enjoying this new state of bliss. Light casts a shadow and the shadow, in this case, is the old anxiety and fears which may rise to the surface when attempting to shine brightly as The Star.
The light of the star makes the fool vulnerable to the illusions of the moon. His positive emotions aren't subject to mental clarity. In his dreamy condition, the Fool is susceptible to fantasy, distortion and a false picture of truth.
So that is the moon arc in a nut-shell, an arc where a character gets too close to the light only to be trapped in shadows. How else can you describe the confusing Black Rose Arc but the characters themselves being trapped within a mage of illusions? Much like a dream the characters are trapped in, there's no sense of direction, time flows strangely, and the events of the entire arc are forgotten by the time the characters wake up.
I'm not making up this Tarot symbolism either, in the first episode of the Black Rose Arc we are introduced to Akio, Anthy's older brother who likes to gaze up at stars in an indoor planetarium. A figure who gives advice to Utena all throughout the arc, but who is also clearly hiding another agenda and misleading her on purpose. The light of the stars leads to the illusions of the moon. He even discusses the moon with Utena in Episode 15.
Utena: Akio-san, you really think about your sister a lot, don't you?
Akio: Do I?
Utena: I probably wouldn't understand since I don't have any siblings myself,
Utena: ...but what does it mean for a girl to have an older brother?
Utena: What's this?
Utena: The moon?
Akio: Normally, it's something useless and of little concern.
Akio: But, every now and then, you look up at it and feel a certain degree of comfort
In this context he uses the moon as a metaphor for a sibling, someone who's always there but you don't usually notice them, but those words could describe the subconscious mind as well. Also, one final instance of star / moon symbolism within this arc the stars made by Akio's projector are fakes. The stars themselves are illusions.
The Back Rose Arc follows a formula to a T. Every episode a duelist comes to the Mikage Seminar for help (which is specifically a therapy seminar more Jung symbolism right there), they begin talking about their problems as an elevator descends down an elevator shaft and the voice listening urges them to go deeper.
Utena later rides an elevator up to the dueling arena too, because the elevators are symbols for traveling to different areas of consciousness. The three levels, the dueling arena at the highest, the academy on the ground floor and the bottom of the elevator shaft era a metaphor for Freud's iceberg theory of consciusness which similarly divides the human mind into three levels.
Not only are the characters physically descending down an elevator shaft, they are also plumbing the depths of their own unconscious minds and revealing to themselves what they have intenionally kept hidden and repressed by trying to bury it that deep.
On the wall there's a specimen of a butterfly that slowly reverses its metamorphosis, from a butterfly, to chrysallis, to caterpillar, and then to a leaf with eggs on it. This too is a symbol of the unconscious, but this time of Jung, because Jung believed the unconscious mind was made up of our most primal instincts. The butterfly regresses to its infantile state while the characters in the elevator regress with it.
These characters become shadow possessed. In the story quite literally possessed as Mikage uses a black rose to turn them into duelist. However, Jung theorized that traits in our lives we repress or refuse to acknowledge are still there, they just come out in other ways.
“That which we do not bring to consciousness appears in our lives as fate.” (Carl Jung)
In the Curios Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde the good doctor Jekyll is a philantrophist who has lived a good life, but makes a potion to bring out his worst traits and transform himself into a hideous monster, so he can commit barbarous acts and get away with it. He just needs to drink the potion again and return to being Jekyll and all of his cruel acts will be blamed on Mr. Hyde. Over the course of the story the potion stops working and Jekyll can no longer drink a poition to neatly divide between his philanthropic good side, and his ugly bad side which robs and murders. He becomes Mr. Hyde all the time, his shadow gains dominance over him making him shadow possessed.
"With every day, and from both sides of my intelligence, the moral and the intellectual, I thus drew steadily nearer to that truth, by whose partial discovery I have been doomed to such a dreadful shipwreck: that man is not truly one, but truly two.” - Robert Louis Stevenson
Not only are the Black Rose Duelists possessed by their own shadows, the repressed qualities that are brought out in the Mikage Seminar's evil therapy session but they themselves also serve as shadows figuratively in story to the duelists they steal the sword from.
Kozue is the fixation of her brother the chaste and knightly Miki's madonna-whore complex, while Miki appears to be the most harmless of the boys he has an obsession with purity especially in his childhood days that he projects onto his sister and also any woman resembling his sister like Kozue.
Juri is the calm, cool, and collected female of the student council. Immediately seems like the most decent student council member. Just as looked up to by all the female students as Utena is. Until you find out she's a lovesick puppy reduced to a total emotional wreck over her unrequited love, unable to do little more than pine over her in secret. Then you meet the person she's in love with and her fixation on her friend Shiori just makes her look even more desperate.
Nanami is desperately attempting to stand in for her brother as the student council president, yet another one of the many ways she tries to earn his affection as his little sister. Nanami's desperately trying to recreate the closeness her and Toga had as children, but Toga's already left her behind for the world of adults, so now she's stuck trying to prove she can join him there when she's not even close as an incredibly high strung and spazzy thirteen year old who's more naive then even the younger student council members. She also has a kid tagalong who is three years younger than her, the same age gap between Nanami and her brother, who's also desperate to enter the same age group as her and be her equal but for the most part just gets treated like a pet or toy.
Kozue takes the sword from Miki, because Miki's issues revolve around his relationship with his sister which is a constant problem that plagues him in his life but something he chooses to ignore rather than address and fix.
Shiori takes the sword from Juri because she too is a shadow archetype, the object of Juri's affection but someone she doesn't talk to, or attempt to mend their relationship, and she especially doesn't seem to understand the real Shiori to the point where you wonder why Juri is so hung up on this person in particular. Is she even hung up on the real Shiori or is it just a fantasy because the real one falls far short of the romantic ideal that has Juri wandering the gardens at night and composing poetry like she's Lord Byron.
Mitsuru takes the sword from Nanami, because Nanami can't see the fact that the way she's treated by her brother, is ultiamtely the way she treats Mitsuru. No matter what Nanami does or how hard she tries to earn it, nothings going to close the gap between her and her brother and she can't force it the same way Mitsuru can't magically become thirteen.
Toga's is the hardest to fit into this category because he's not really around this arc and Keiko isn't much of a character, but it's interesting nonetheless one of Toga's many groupies is convinced of this cinderella like fantasy that Toga's evil sister is getting in the way of her true love with Toga and only if Nanami were out of the way Toga would be hers and hers alone. Just completely unaware of the way Toga treats women and just who Toga is in general. .
It could be a shadow archetype in two senses, one just the bright image of the prince has caused everyone even Toga himself to not notice who Toga really is as a person. They're too caught up in the romantic fantasy of Toga. Or maybe since Keiko taking the sword from Toga practically looks like she's assaulting him in a hospital bed, it could be showing the darker side of the way Toga views sexuality, that it's not necessary something he even likes or wants and has harmful connotations with him. Two it could just be another shadow archetpye for Nanami, there's really no becoming Toga's special girl. Toga's not really going to treat you any differently from everyone else, because he is for reasons completely emotionally unavailable.
Oh, while editing this post I realized I skipped Wakaba and Saionji. Very quickly Wakaba's relationship with Utena mirrors Saionji's with Toga, and Saionji similiarly wants to be someone important / a main character / special like Toga is because he believes it's the only way they can be equals. Wakaba's inferiority complex similiarly drives a wedge in the friendship between her and Utena. Wakaba also kind of uses Saionji as a rose bride of source to validate her feelings and make her feel special when he's relying on her for a place to sleep, whereas Saionji really only seems to want possession of Anthy and the Rose Bride to get one over on Toga so he won't have it.
Not only are the black rose duelists shadow possessed people, but the student council duelists have their swords stolen (symbols of agnecy, power, etc) by their shadow archetypes within the story. Other characters in the story who embody their repressed issues.
They confront their Mr. Hydes and then lose to them. They are temporarily made aware of the moons in their lives, which as Akio describes is someone normally useless of little concern but is always there nonetheless. He was using that to describe himself and Anthy, and by association Miki and Kozue but it applies to almost every duelist / black rose duelist pair, someone who is usually there but they take for granted, or ignore, or in Juri's case just don't want to confront. The Black Rose Arc forces a confrontation for each character with both their shadow, and their shadow archetype.
I could go list the similarities and differences with each set of character but I don't want to go on forever, so maybe in a post for another time. Instead I'm going to focus on the main one at the end of the arc and precisely why this arc is so important Nemuro Mikage, the shadow archetype to Utena.
In all mythologies there appears a trickster, a character which challenges the current ruling authority.
From mythology it is the character of the Trickster “…a collective shadow figure, a summation of all the inferior traits of character in individuals” [CW9 para 484], whom Jung thought could save us from ‘hubris’ and free the conscious mind from its fascination with evil. The trickster is usually thought of as atrocious, unconscious and unrelated, but someone who can nonetheless transform the meaningless into the meaningful. Often encountered at cross-roads, s/he is always moving, duplicitous, sexually rampant and a joker. The trickster is best portrayed, perhaps, by the figure of Hermes, who gave Pandora (‘the all-gifted one’) audacity and cunning.
From the shadows, and quite literally from nowhere appears Nemuro Mikage, a character who believes he can take the power of miracles for himself and also replace the Rose Bride by killing the original and making his partner Mamiya into the new Rose Bride. Can he even do that? How does that work? Who knows, this is Utena we don't explain anything.
The important part is Mikage is the manipulator who challenges the rules at Ohtori, and the established order attempting to subvert things. That's what Utena hates him the most for, being a person who willingly manipulated people who came to him with their issues, twisting them into thorny black roses to lash out at Anthy, and therefore Utena as well. Not only is Mikage made up of inferior character traits he's also an evil therapist who makes you act out on your worst impulses by bringing your worst insecurities to light.
Mikage's not just serving as the temporary trickster archetype however, he's also a shadow archetype of Utena made up of all of her inferior character traits. His name literally means "One's true nature"
根/Ne: lit. 3. “root (of all evil, etc), source, origin, cause, basis” or lit. 4. “one’s true nature” 室/Muro: lit. 1. “greenhouse, icehouse, cellar”.
Nemuro, like Utena is a duelist attempting to seize the rose bride and the power of miracles / eternity / the shining thing for the sake of someone else rather than themselves. They do so because saving Anthy / saving Mamiya gives them purpose.
Nemuro, like Utena is someone who doesn't have friends or family or any connection to the world but suddenly becomes involved in another family consisting of a brother and a sister. He becomes obsessed with the idea of them as a family of three because it fixes the lack of love or connection to other people that is missing in their lives.
Utena becomes obsessed with the idea of playing house with Anthy and Akio, to the point where she completely ignores the true nature of Akio and Anthy's relationship and misses very obvious warning signs. She sees them as a trio especially after moving in with them the next arc. Utena even urges Akio to get in the picture he's taking to commemorate her and Anthy's friendship.
Nemuro also believes he is in love with the older sister, an adult (Nemuro is a child, a child genius but a child nonetheless) but also experiences queer subtext with the younger brother. Nemuro fawns over Tokiko like she is some lost love and makes her the central figure of her motivations, but it's Mamiya he hallucinates actively as being his companion and flirts with when it's Anthy pretending to be him.
Utena is obsessed with a prince from her past driving her actions who is actually Akio, but who she's memorialized in her mind the same way that Nemuro memorialized Tokiko. She also believes there's a relationship between her and the older brother Akio, but that relationship isn't real because she is a child and Akio is an adult. Meanwhile she also experiences the same queer relationship between herself and Anthy who like Mamiya and Nemuro are actuall the same age.
Utena and Anthy's relationship also mirrors Mamiya and Nemuro in that Nemuro's main motivation is to give Mamiya eternity to cure his sickness, something Mamiya has said he doesn't want.
Nothing in this world is eternal, although a heart that longs for eternity could be considered beautiful.
Utena is also attempting to use the duels to protect Anthy, something Anthy never asked for her to do, and something that is actually just Utena selfishly using Anthy to give her some sense of purpose in life.
Nemuro and Utena both imagine themselves as main characters in a narrative, fighting for the sake of their loved ones, and at the end of their hero's journey they will be rewarded with everything they've fought so hard to earn. They're creating stories of their lives and making a narrative to give themselves a reason to keep going after death. For Utena it's a symbolic death, the feeling she should have died alongside her parents. For Nemuro it's his likely literal death, as apparently the Nemuro Memorial Hall and everyone inside died fifty years ago and Mikage has been stagnating for fifty years as a ghost in Ohtori unable to remember the fact that the Mikage hall burning is the long past and he hasn't changed in all this time. They are figuratively and literally dead, and in need of a reason to keep living create a story where they are the main characters.
They also imagine themselves as noble, selfless heroes sacrificing for the sake of their loved ones. Yes, even Mikage when he's playing the villain role of evil therapist and messing with people's minds he's still talking about it as some great heroic sacrifice on his part. It's a bit extreme yes but it's to point out how ridiculous Utena's own hero complex about her duels over Anthy is, especially in Anthy's mind. Nemuro burns down a hall and declares himself a hero for doing so. Utena gets in swordfights behind the school gym class and declares herself a hero. Neither Mamiya nor Anthy ever asked for them to do this, in fact when Anthy starts to genuinely like Utena she asks for the opposite for Utena to run and save herself it's just they decide to do these things on their own while imaining it as some great sacrifice on their parts.
Even your brother's crime!
Souji... Come and see now?
Back then, in that place who was there. Who wasn't there? Who was it that really set that fire?
Mikage makes it like he's a hero who took the heat for Mamiya's crime of burning down the hall when really he's the one who burned down the hall, and he simply blamed Mamiya for it in his memories.
Everything Mikage is fighting for is based upon unreliable memories, lies, and illusions because you know moon arc.
Anthy openly mocks him for his misguided notion and his hero complex that he's doing this to save someone, by unraveling the memories he thought was guiding him right in front of his eyes, sabotaging him in his fight against Utena.
Souji, you're going to lose.
Mamiya!
She will scatter the rose you wear.
What? Where are you? Mamiya! Mamiya!
What the? Who's?
You can't beat her.
You will never beat my sister who dwells in your memories.
We see this exact same thing happening when it's time for Utena to fight Akio, just when she's about to win Anthy sabotages the fight, mocks her for playing hero and says it's impossible for her to have ever won against her older brother Akio. The way Nemuro cries out Mamiya's name in pain and confusion before realizing Mamiya has been dead for years and the person he's been talking to all this time wasn't the real one, even mirrors Utena calling out Anthy's name in desperation as she realizes she never once understood the true Anthy.
Akio calls Nemuro to tell him shortly afterwards that he was using his unreliable memory of the past in order to further his agenda at this school.
Akio: I exploited the illusion you cherished in your memory so much that you even halted your own time.
Akio: The period where you hid the possibility in your heart, not growing up, was useful.
Akio similiarly takes advantage of Utena's vague memory of the prince within her heart, in order to manipulate her into the dueling games even perfectly playing her prince later on to both lead her on by the nose and try to poison her relationship with Anthy.
Which is the greatest connecting thread between Utena and Nemuro. They both are creating fiction in their heads by imagining themselves as heroes in a storybook, and they have both built their entire motivations out of unreliable memories. The foundation they are standing on is a misremembered past. A past they've made into beautiful stories in their own minds.
Mikage: You sound like you're yelling out, "Don't touch my precious memory!"
Utena: What did you say?!
Utena: Don't even talk like you understand me!
Utena: My memory is...
Mikage: I see. It's that memory that's been supporting you up until now.
Mikage: No need to be ashamed.
Mikage: Because the memory you possess is a worthy one.
Mikage: Only those with beautiful memories are allowed to wish,
Mikage: "If only those days could last forever, if only I could still be what I was back then."
Mikage: I know that you're the same as myself.
Mikage: Your eyes are like those people who can't help wanting to make memories last forever.
What is a story but a lie? A fiction? The lies they are told by tohers and the lies they tell themselves are what manipulate them into going forward, straight off of that cliff. After all is there any character with less agency over themselves than the main character of a story? A character in a story doesn't have any free will after all they just go where the author tells them to go, and do what the author writes for them. However, to Mikage and Utena that doesn't even seem to matter because they're both so desperate they need something, even something they subsconciously know is a lie or doubt themselves to keep moving forward. If they don't even have that, then they're dead.
Mikage: I knew since the first time I saw you.
Mikage: You met the person important to you long ago, right?
Mikage: And so, that person changed your life forever, right?
Mikage: You're standing here on the strength of that illusion.
Mikage: That's why you were able to enter the Duel Arena.
Mikage: Am I wrong?
Mikage: After all, you're just like me.
The fools who are the heroes of their own stories, and characters in Akio's stageplay just keep moving forward until they walk off that cliff. They try to be storybook heroes from beginning to end, unable to see the problem in that until it's too late. Mikage represents Utena's own journey through the labyrinth of illusions that is the moon and what's waiting for her at the end.
The Black Rose arc foreshadows exactly what happens to Utena at the end of the story. Nemuro graduates from the academy, disappears, and all trace of him is gone and people quickly forget about him.
Akio: However, that's all over.
Akio: From now on, the path before you is not prepared.
Akio: You, graduate now.
Utena: Oh, darn it.
Utena: What a weird place we ended up in while searching for Himemiya.
Miki: There was a really big fire here a long time ago.
Utena: Really? So there really was that kind of trouble.
Miki: It seems there weren't any casualties, but since it was before the time of the Student Council, no records remain.
Miki: Let's see... What was the building called? Kushiro Memorial Hall...
Miki: Sounds wrong. Noboribetsu Memorial Hall? Argh! I hate it when I can't remember!
Utena similiarly leaves the academy and Akio comments that just like Nemuro she'll fade quikcly from people's minds.
Akio: It hasn't been that long since then, but everybody's forgotten about her completely.
Akio: She didn't cause a Revolution after all.
Akio: Now that she's gone, she was just a dropout to this world.
They also reach their tragic end for similiar reasons, they couldn't stop playing the role of the hero until the very end.
It's pretty much spelling out to us how the series is going to end in the second arc. Utena / Nemuro are brought into the dueling games on a false memory that's manipulated by Akio to give them a reason to participate. In their final duel, they're betrayed by Anthy and sabotaged in the middle of their fight causing them to lose. Afterwards they struggle against the truth. The result of them learning the truth is them being exiled from Ohtori Academy forever, and they are unable to save the person they want to save by playing prince, Mamiya was never alive, and Utena never got to know the true Anthy. All because they decided to play storybook prince in the first place rather than look at the reality.
Utena's however, ends on a much more hopeful note. As she's at least escaped the fiction of Ohtori Academy and Anthy insists that she is still there somewhere out in the real world. Just like the world in Tarot is the last card of the Fool's Journey, where as a whole person the Fool is now ready to join the rest of the world.
However, the Black Rose arc doesn't just foreshadow the ending of the story perfectly with Mikage's ending, it also is just the nature of the moon tarot card itself. People call it fillerly because there doesn't seem to be any real substantive change to the story, but illusions are illusions they're not supposed to be substantive. The characters don't change after the confrontation with their shadow selves.
You think so?
Huh but she's.
She hasn't changed. Not a bit.
Number one there's no real end in the conflict between the shadow and the conscious mind and number two that's what happens with dreams they fade in the daytime and are forgotten when you wake up.
That's the moon in general too. Always there for you. You don't usually think about it and it doesn't serve any real purpose, but from time to time you look up at it... and it makes you feel better.
#askspookies#rgu meta#revolutionary girl utena#utena tenjou#nemuro mikage#akio ohtori#anthy himemiya
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It's me once again- I see the post and I really want to say I like it so much technically I just sitting on the bed and I just got an idea you know how demon they lost their memories when they was a human right so I was thinking how about reader turned into a demon but he forgot about his husband/wife and what I mean is the upper-moon I don't know it just it just popped in my head and yeah I have nothing to say more by the way have a nice day on night time and take care of too!!
[I'm not English by the way so if I say something wrong I'm sorry]
It was a bit messy, but I think that I understood enough to work on it. The reader in the traditional courting headcanon was already a demon, so I will change a bit the content.
Sorry it took so long, I had some things accumulated.
Male husband reader forgets Uppermoon after becoming a Demon.
Warnings: Angst, Referenced threats to reader, Implied suicidal character (why are we doing this to Akaza?), Douma...
Gyutaro:
"So that's it, ne?" He feels bitter about it, but doesn't see the need to fight against the change. So what if you had a relationship? A marriage? It's all useless if you don't remember it. It was a miracle that you loved him, now it's gone. Because he doesn't think you could come to love him a second time. And that hurts him too much, he rathers to evade you than trying again.
He distances himself and Daki gives you hell as her brother becomes everyday depressed, and even as you try to reconnect, none of them would let you, making it a cycle. None of them will do anything if you want to redo your life ("I never liked you anyway. My onii-chan is much better without you!")
The best thing would be to move on, but it's your choice. Just take in account, if managing to get Gyutaro warming up to you before, now it's impossible. [Also Muzan would kill you since you would become useless.]
Gyokko:
Gyokko doesn't give a damn, he is mostly offended, but besides that? It's not like most demons remember their human life, but he would think he is impactful enough for you to not forget your own marriage.
Still, he is mostly dissapointed, no surprise there. He will give you the chance to go home or go big at the start, if you don't choose there, then he is not welcoming you again, and he will not let ypu regret it of you do choose him.
On the bright side, he will help you to get back into the routine and he will be as patient as he can be with you re-learning, even if he is not naturally patient. But he will try for you.
Sakido:
"Fuck you!" He curses you, insults you and so on. He is insulted, hurted and it takes a long time for him to stand having you around again. The rest of the clones have to convince him to give your relationship another chance.
He really doesn't want to warm up to you again, not knowings things will change with your memory loss, not knowing there is a chance you will stop loving him, so to save his pride he doesn't want to give it a chance. He constabtly puts you down and insults you, but it's not worse than it was before you married.
Moving on would be healthy, but none of the clones, not even Sekido, would forgive you for that. Karaku and Urogi would kill you, Aizetsu would let them knwing they will have much less mercy than he would.
Karaku:
Karaku would not be mad, just dissapointed. Still, he likes the fact that he gets to court you this time. After getting over how it hurt that you don't remember, he would get all flirty with you, giving you gifts and willing to re-start from zero, confident that you will love him again.
Sekido seems a lot more angry and offended than he is and at times tries to urge Karaku to give up on you (there is also that he keeps using you as an excuse to not work, so you would have to win Sekido.... again).
He would court you untill you fall in love with him, so you would not get a chance to reject him (he is insisntence). Also Sekido would torture you if you did (he would be so angry none of the others would dare to intervene).
Urogi:
Does it looks like Urogi cares that you don't remember him? The answer, he does. But that is not going to stop him from treating you as if you were still husbands. He would be confident you will reciprocate sooner or later.
Sekido, Karaku and Aizetsu worry over this, since they know Urogi is trying his best to deny reality. Your memories are gone, and they will never come back again. They intervene to make sure will give him a chance at least, even if they have to be the civiliced ones about it for Urogi.
And if you reject him or want to move on, then Sekido and Karalu will be the ones to kill you themselves, Aizetsu would rather comfort Urogi, but he would share the sentiment.
Aizetsu:
Aizetsu would actually cry, and while he is a sorrowful being, he is not fond of crying. He would let you choose what you want to do, but he would mostly shy away, not wanting to face the consecuence of your memory loss and the fact that is permanent.
Karalu and Urogi would urge you both to give tge relationship another chance (and prevent Sekido from killing you). In the end Aizetsu would give it another chance, rather unsure if you will love him again.
But again, he would hate to feel he is imposing his feelings, so you're free to do whatever you want. (Sekido, Karaku and Urogi say otherwise, and this is Aizetsu we are talking about. Nl matter how scary Sekido is, they are all in the same page. Break his heart, they break you.)
Nakime:
Nakime would not know how to react, she never wanted to have a husband again on ghe first place, but she became fond of ypu. You help her a lot around and became an important part of her routine. She would not push you away, but she would also make no effort to redo things.
He would be the one to force you to start up with her, and she would resent the fact that you got no choice. Again, she would not know what to do no matter what. You were the one who stablished the dynamic and Nakime isn't even sure kf she wants you to love her. She just knows she misses you.
Still, if you wanted to move on and make your own life, she would let you. In the end it would be your move. [Just know that Muzan would kill you since you became useless.]
Akaza:
Akaza would cry and hug you tight, he would not be able to let go as he holds you both gently anf firmly. He feels he lost you and at the same time you are just there. You don't remeber, and you never will. You are esencially a different person right now, not his husband.
He is utterly destruyed, he lost his beloved again, he lost it all again. You promised that nothing would happen, but you are gone, someone did it. Nobody did it. Akaza doesn't know what tl do but cry, and he wants to die so badly. It can be fixed, but he is not in conditions to do it, so if you choose to not redo your relationship...
He apologizes a lot and lets you do as you please, he doesn't want anything out of pity, but someone will die if nobody helps. [Also, you know the deal. Muzan will kill you if you fail to be useful.]
Douma:
"Well, it's a pity! Really, but you still have duties as my consort!" Douma doesn't feel affected by it. The official ceremony makes it your duty to stay by his side and help him with his followers, so he doesn't care.
That doesn't mean that he doesn't notice the difference, you no longer know how to treat him, what he likes or to satisfy his needs. It's rather annoying that you have to learn all this things again, but he gives you time and have his cult members helping you through it.
Things will go back to normal in time, wherever you want it or not.
Kokushibou:
Well, that's sad, really. It was nice to have you as a husband, but time's up and life goes on. And yes, those are Kokushibou's thoughts. He jas left a family behind once and was left behind by family before, this is not new and he can continue easily as he did before meeting you.
He will pity himself and put distance between you both, but if you don't insist into getting close he will take it as a rejection. He doesn't think you will come to love him again, so he doesn't want to try anything.
It's all up to you, he will literally do nothing, as always. [And Muzan will not kill you, since your part wasn't as important to begin with. Your presence barely matters, so hou are truly free to do as you please]. Re-start should be just a bit harder than the first go, but is a pausible quest.
#demon slayer#kny#top reader#upper moons#kny x reader#karaku#urogi#aizetsu#douma#gyutaro#sekido#akaza#gyokko#kokushibou#daki#nakime
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Re: wtf is going on with Gojo’s Six Eyes/A list of Gojo’s ridiculous powers
Tbh I had to write this up because I too have trouble keeping up with this man’s massively over-powered abilities lol. Y’all also I’m lowkey shook how many of you haven’t watched jjk and only know the shitposting dumpster fire that is Ru-kun 🤣 amazing
Six Eyes: Okay so in JJK the Six Eyes can see cursed energy in, like, super granular detail, up to great distances, and Gojo can tell a lot about a person from that alone. It’s also the reason he has like, infinite cursed energy, because it can use all the info to regulate his cursed energy to maximum efficiency so his output is almost zero. He’s also impossible to sneak up on (by everyone but Toji lol) because of it, and has some kind of eidetic visual memory? I imagine he just has an eidetic memory to begin with though haha. I honestly just kinda assume it’s like the Byakugan without the weird seeing right through people. In the BNHA verse this basically just means he can ‘see’ people’s quirks all around him, in a radius thats probably like 25m at rest (like has his blindfold on and isn’t actively using it) and up to 1km (.5 miles) in like ‘battle mode’, he’s paying attention doesn’t have a blindfold on etc, and like 5k+ in the ‘oh shit I’ve lost my kid’ panic mode. So from like an AoE standpoint it’s okay, BNHA has heroes with quirks that have a better radius than that, but the level of detail it has is pretty god-tier, like if he’s in a crowd of hundreds of people he can still pinpoint every single quirk and what it is.
In this universe the Six Eyes can see Plus Alpha Energy, aka Quirk Energy. Gojo can see what a person’s quirk is and more or less how it works. As of the most recent JJK chapters, it was also revealed that the Six Eyes can see souls or something like it? It’s also unclear how much they see beyond just ‘energy’ as Gojo regularly walks around with a blindfold on and doesn’t bump into shit, and inanimate objects don’t have Cursed Energy in JJK canon, so idk how he does that if the Six Eyes only see Cursed Energy.
They also tire him out to some extent, and can’t be ‘turned off’ like the Sharingan/Byakugan, which is why he normally covers them with a blindfold, sunglasses, or bandages as he did for whatever reason in JJK 0. I headcanon that it’s not debilitating for him to go a long time with them uncovered by any stretch, but it does exhaust him. And since he doesn’t like using his Reverse-Cursed Technique without reason, he’d rather just keep them covered.
It’s also never stated why tf they’re called the Six Eyes. Why Six??? Whatever there’s a lot that is unexplained in JJK we just gotta roll with it.
THEY ARE ALSO BEAUTIFUL??? What a vibe Akutami-sensei so glad we’re done with the whole creepy byakugan shit ✨
Limitless Techniques (blue, red, hollow purple): They work the exact same as they do in JJK, manipulating space using the concept of infinity, etc etc. The only real difference is that people can see them in BNHA even if they don’t have cursed energy (I think in JJK technically non-shamans can’t see cursed energy at all?) For readers who haven’t watched JJK, Limitless acts on the atomic level and more or less works like gravity. There’s Blue, which attracts, and Red, which repels. Hollow Purple is when Gojo combines positive infinity and negative infinity and makes a spatial anomaly in a very epic and unsubtle way. We’ve only ever seen Gojo use it as a beam of pure destruction, so we don’t really know much about its actual limitations. Since it’s more or less voiding reality though, I imagine it’s unstoppable and there’s just no way to block it, you either get out of the way or don’t exist anymore lol. In my fic, it’s main limitation is that it’s on the slower time (long activation) isn’t very precise and can’t be stopped once he starts it.
Infinity: Again, exact same as in JJK. Gojo’s mastery of it + his Six Eyes + his reverse-cursed energy technique means he never has to turn it off ever. He has an impenetrable forcefield around him that theoretically can be activated 24/7. Is it good for him to have it on that long? Probably not because he has to use his reverse-cursed technique to constantly ‘refresh’ his brain and I am of the opinion there is nothing more curative in life than good sleep lol. What does Infinity keep out? Literally everything. Every. Fucking. Thing. Rewatching JJK ep8 is insane this thing even stops sound waves. At any rate in this fic it again stops everything, even quirk energy (or rather, the plus alpha energy waves emitted by quirk energy)
^ Gojo being op asf in EP 8 stopping Jogo’s attack and his soundwave-attack bug things
Infinity is also automatic. JJK S2 ends with Gojo perfecting Infinity to the point it works without conscious thought on his part, and literally filters ‘dangerous’ things out by calculating their speed/matter/velocity. He can reconfigure what can/can’t pass through his barrier basically instantaneously, and as of JJK S2 was figuring out how to go even further and filter out things at the atomic level, like parsing out certain molecular structures that are poisonous. Infinity in a nutshell runs like a computer program, or more specifically an if/then statement, and Gojo can program it however he likes.
An explanation of how Infinity interacts with Quirks/what quirks work on Gojo vs. what quirks don’t can be found here
Domain Expansion (Infinite Void): Forgot to include this one on the first go around but adding it since he does use this technique in this fic at least once. Domain Expansion in JJK is the ‘pinnacle of Jujutsu Sorcerery’ and in essence it envelops the user and nearby people in a certain radius (not sure what it is exactly but I’m assuming you have to at least see the person to be able to drag them into your domain) into a ‘domain’ controlled by the user. It’s the most OP of all cursed techniques and Gojo isn’t the only sorcerer who can use it, although his is like the most lethal of everyone’s. His is called Infinite Void and its this existential crazy ass world where all the information of the entire universe floods his opponent and basically renders them inert because its too much information for any mortal brain to process.
Aaaaand the only way to combat it is to lay out an opposing domain, and since no one can do that in bnha it’s unbeatable lol. Gojo doesn’t use it often because it tires him out and it’s also just not useful unless he’s trying to render someone brain dead or other very specific occasions.
Reverse-Cursed Technique: Using reverse-cursed energy to heal. Idk how this works it confuses me to this day, all I know is that it can heal crazy shit and Gojo used it on himself to bring himself back from the brink of death: spoiler alert, like knifed in the brain kind of ‘brink of death’. So even if someone ever manages to get past Infinity, they’d have to blow him up/cut off his head to have him stay dead lol. As of canon, he hasn’t ever used it on anyone else other than himself - apparently that’s harder to do than self-healing?
Quirk - Blue Flames: His actual ‘quirk’ that he was born with as Todoroki Touya are his flames, and he basically never uses them on their own in this story. This is the exact same quirk as the OG Dabi, it just doesn’t hurt him because he can use Infinity to create a barrier between himself and his own flames, since I don’t believe they’re ‘emitted’ from inside his body. While he may no longer injure himself using his flames, they still tire him out way more than his cursed techniques (where he has his Six Eyes to precisely ration how much he uses to a negligible amount) just like over-using a quirk would any other quirk-user.
Quirk + Cursed Energy - Cremation: This is a combo of using his quirk and his cursed techniques. He was already god level from his cursed energy, but cremation makes him like a double god or something 🤣 stupidly overpowered. Insta-death shit. He emits flames using his quirk, draws an imaginary barrier of ‘Infinity’ around a defined perimeter, and uses the pressure of his Limitless Blue (attraction) to condense the flames in that space into, like, supernova levels almost instantaneously. Like this is not fire anymore, this is legit plasma. Basically he’s using heat and pressure to cause nuclear fusion on the atomic level. It seemed very fitting, since his cursed techniques are all atomic based. It achieves the same end state as Hollow Purple using different methods.
Pros - it doesn’t leave a trail of destruction like Hollow Purple; Gojo can be very granular on what area is effected by the technique; its much faster than Hollow Purple, being almost instantaneous.
Cons - not as flashy (which would totally be a con for Gojo lol); leaves no trace behind; tires him out since it requires him to use his quirk, which is not refreshed by his reverse-cursed technique or regulated by his Six Eyes.
Teleportation: had to come back to add this one too lol. This is still pretty unexplained in JJK, so I’m making it up. Mine is based on 2 things - time and proximity. Time as in - the last time Gojo was at the point he wants to teleport to (an hour ago, yesterday, two weeks ago, etc.). Proximity as in - how close the two points he’s traveling to are. To me, Teleportation and Hollow Purple are his two cursed techniques that require the most energy, but teleportation’s energy expenditure depends on the two factors I mentioned above. Like Gojo warping him AND Hawks back to his hotel in Tokyo from Palawan? That would put a noticeable dip in his reserves, even with his Six Eyes. Because it’s a long-ish distance, because it had been at least a few days since he’d last been to his hotel, and the real kicker - because he was teleporting another person, which I imagine to be 100x more taxing than teleporting himself. But him teleporting around the forest in the training camp? That’s nothing to him because the distance was so close. (Although him teleporting Izuku and Kota back to the camp cost him more in energy than erasing Muscular from existence LOL) In my fic he doesn’t need to know the exact destination of where he’s teleporting if he has a ‘lock’ on someone’s quirk and knows their exact GPS coordinates - i.e., how he found Yui.
Also unrelated to gojo’s powers I bought the Mappa animation keyframe book for JJK and omggg look at it its stunning!! also Gojo 10/10 confirmed wears lipgloss 🤣 Mappa has it outlined and everything!!
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The Rem Infodump.
The one where i rant about rem and subaru's dynamic and why it's special but i dont think a lot of people really understand it!
This was written a while ago and i may have some things wrong, and it's also good to note I don't think subaru and rem are unnhealthy for each other in the sense that they shouldn't be together (whether romantic or platonic), i just mean the situations they were in forced them to act in certain ways!
I think a lot of people who are bigger re zero fans (who also understand what the story is about) shy away from rem as a character because she's the one "only fake fans who watch the anime for the waifus" like, but while she's not my favorite character i want to bring her a little more appreciation from this side of the fandom!!
new-to-tumblr post spam 3/4 complete, i'll slow down after this XD
I tried tagging with spoilers but just in case it didn't work: spoilers ahead!
So. The rem thing. Ive talked about it vaguely before but never went into detail cause there were people that could be spoiled. The whole point of rems attraction to subaru is not because of harem wish fulfillment. The author clearly stated he hates harems. Subaru does love both rem and emilia, but he has solidly chosen emilia and that's the end of that. It doesn't matter what romantic feelings he could have towards rem because it's already doomed. They both know it. The relationship they form episode 12 and beyond is not meant to be healthy for either of them!! Rem has been saved from her mindset of needing to atone for what she thought of her sister, but her self esteem is still AWFUL which is why she attaches herself to a "hero" instead of learning to recognize her own self worth. Subaru saved her from some things but he's not a hero and he's not exactly the person rem says he is. Partially, but not all of it. It's kind of a mutual decision of theirs to lie to each other and themselves because they need it to cope with themselves. Subaru needs to be a hero for rem or he could never step out of his depressive state. Rem needs a hero in subaru or she cannot feel loved and understood. It's not good for either of them but they don't have an alternative. NOTICE: When subaru rants about how awful he is and rem responds with her famous speech, she doesn't actually contradict much of what he says. They love each other and need each other but it's bad for the both of them. Rem lost her memories because the witches (later correction: it's the bishops) targeted her for her sin, and subaru killing himself over rem is not the action of a person in a healthy mindset. Rem's development was cut short and kind of fridging, its frustrating, but it's not basic waifu stuff and it is meant to be tragic!!!! This is also all a mirror to how subaru and emilia are!
Because while subaru constantly talks about needing to save emilia, he also calls her the main heroine. I used to think about rem as a yesman, but she does many a thing behind subaru's back for his sake the exact way he did to emilia. He learns more about the consequences of his actions that way. oh, it hurts. and oh boy the speech is so misunderstood. That is rem's promise to love him "unconditionally", without acknowledging his flaws, and it helped. It's absolutely what he needed to hear. But it wasn't good. but also, for other reasons, it mirrors another little speech.... subaru's season 2 confession to emilia. Where she can't believe he'd love her, and where he starts to list off things he's done for her and the ways she's made it hard for him. And then tells her, he still loves her, because that's who she is and he wouldn't want it any other way. Which could be taken as another niceguy rant (like a repeat of the season 1 fight) but it's NOT!! Because this is what Emilia needed to hear, because she is not the kind of person who can accept praise without a drawback or asterisk. If she heard all that, all she'd see is another pedestal to fill. this is the healthier version of the rem speech, where she can accept she's flawed and realize she's still loved. Both despite, but also for it. And... it's still not perfect. Because the characters are still growing and learning!!! They are young adults with so many problems and a whole life ahead of them and they still need to learn!!! The upsides and downsides of unconditional love,,,, and is it more unconditional if you love them "despite flaws" or "with flaws" or without seeing any? And is any of that healthy? How can it be good? How can it be bad? Maybe it can be both at once, maybe love isnt perfect!!! a lot of this is hidden in subtext, and the framing of rem's speech may even trick you cause it's triumphant but no there's so much complexity to why they say every single thing they say!!!
Subaru is a character who struggles with love for himself and with love for others, he doesn't know how to make others happy and gets caught in a loop of thinking the only way he can possibly be loved is if he's constantly putting his life on the line for others, without asking anything of them in return. which ends up with him breaking and needing support, and not knowing how to ask, which is why he yells at emilia in season 1 (doesn't help that his deepest trauma is something he is magically obligated not to share for fear of death). His relationship with emilia in season 1 is both very sweet and very unhealthy. he's just a guy with a crush on a girl who's far too good for him and he's trying to work for it but the basis for it is not good- he's attached himself to the first kind person in this new world that he knows and due to "return by death" he's far more invested in her than she is in him- she will never know everything they went through together. and then.... he finds rem. someone who didn't trust him. someone who killed him multiple times throughout the mansion arc, but someone who could understand his loneliness because she was also lonely, and wow- he managed to save her, too! and she doesn't know everything about what he's gone through, but she knows how to read his emotions like no one else can. so they... fall into a codependency. like said before, they can't live without each other, but not everything they do is good for each other. subaru, while gladly taking the role that emilia has in this new relationship, learns more about how she feels. with rem, he learns more about what it means to love, and they both know that it won't last. they didn't expect it to end so soon, though. but oh well, subaru does not have the option to stop. the nature of his powers means dying is pointless, and he has to press on anyways. and he does!!! He meets more people he thinks he can trust. some betray him, but some stick with him. Otto (my sweet boy!!!) is notable!
and now he knows more about love, about trust, about how to treat people, and how he should expect to be treated. so many things. keeping in mind it's been a while since i've watched re zero so i probably don't even have everything there is to say. but like.... then in the end, he can approach emilia with his true emotions. and he can tell her about it in a way she'll understand. and he knows he can do it without being a burden this time. he's become a better person. he's not sure if he'll be rejected, but that's not the point anymore! The point is he loves her and wants the best for her and wants her to know and hopes, no matter the outcome, that she'll be happy to know she's not alone! and the honesty, that's what his speech has over rem's. he's not putting her on a pedestal, he's not using her for the sake of his own self esteem anymore, he just wants to love!
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Extra note on the end (talk about suicidal thinking, be warned!!!)
something I've talked about but don't have saved writing for, a bit more about rem!
I do also think Rem is suicidal. i think she and Subaru recognized each other in that mindset without ever really talking about it. To me, this relationship is two suicidal people trying to prop each other up so the other will keep living, and knowing that if they really give up the other will too. That's why the season 2 development was so punishing for Subaru. I think that Rem's terrible self esteem and feeling of needing to atone for """"ruining her sister's life"""" contributed to it, though i don't know if that's all of it. She also makes multiple comments that are extremely concerning, like how Subaru is her "reason to die", how when she was ready to die fighting the white whale she said she felt like this was the moment she was made for, and biggest of all!! When she was telling her hypothetical story of how she and Subaru would run away together, she planned it all up to the death "I'd like to die first and I'd like my family to be with me", and to me it felt like she was *trying to think of a death that would make her life worth living*. Her motivation to live is following people she can die for, and that's, that's concerning. i hope her character arc properly follows through on what's happening in her head (i don't know how arc 7 goes yet)
...and i also think that Beatrice is the first time Subaru's had to confront his mindset head-on, because Beatrice would refuse to dance around the subject. The lesson he takes from Rem carries over to both Emilia and Beatrice in healthier ways, and I think that's incredibly important!!!!
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thank you for reading!
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Uncontrollable Rolo
I skipped last month's Lost Stories update because it was just a faithful adaptation of Turns 13 & 14... and yeah, Shirley is no longer alive.
Pilotsuit!Rolo can't be obtained yet either (which I honestly prefer, because I doubt many users would be willing to pull for him right now), but there might be a plan to release him someday, as his pilot suit outfit isn't available at the costumes shop. That is to say, some outfits are not released as a separate unit with its own specific type/parameters/lines/etc., but rather as a swappable skin. In Rolo's case, his Akito outfit (called "Neblos" by the game itself) is just a re-skin for either regular or sailor Rolo:
Then again, by this point of the story Vincent is damaged beyond repair, so unless pilotsuit!Rolo is added during some special or flashback event, he might also just not be added at all, not even as a re-skin.
Anyways, I recorded a video because this month's Turns 15 & 16 did have a few new Rolo scenes compared to the anime, though I can't exactly say they paint him in a good light...
Truth be told, from Turn 13 to Turn 18 the anime did very little to make Rolo likeable. He's all sweet at the beginning of Turn 13 and pitiable at the end of Turn 18 when Lelouch yells at him, but everything else in between is just him murdering Shirley, murdering children and then planning to murder Nunnally. And now Lost Stories added "almost murdering Benio and Savitri" to that list.
During the first scene, Rolo's worried that Brother has disappeared. When Kinoshita says they can't find Doumeki (Mario/Maya's alias) either, Rolo's response is "Worry about Doumeki later. He was probably killed by that Golden Decoration anyway" ("Golden Decoration" is the nickname for the KMF used by Carly, an evil lady from the game). Kinoshita also suggests first verifying the damages suffered, but Rolo irritatedly tells him that finding Zero is the priority. No wonder Kinoshita's only face during the entire video is "😟".
Next, there's a small scene after Lelouch has returned from the Sword of Akasha. In the anime, too, Lelouch told C.C. that he had called Rolo, and now we see Lelouch and Rolo interact:
Rolo: Brother!
Lelouch: You're here, Rolo.
Rolo: I've been looking for you the whole time! And I searched here so many times as well...
Lelouch: I'll explain it later. We will retreat.
Rolo: Eh? But...
Lelouch: V.V. has been defeated. He's gone.
Rolo: That can't... I mean, V.V. is immortal...
Lelouch: Still, I defeated him. The Emperor too, most likely...
More importantly, how is the progress on the bomb installation I requested?
Rolo: Ah, yeah... I think they'll be ready soon...
Kinoshita (over the communicator): Kinoshita here. We have finished placing the bombs at the designated locations.
Lelouch (Zero voice, over the communicator): Well done. Us Black Knights will return to Hourai Island. To all units, head back to the airship.
Kinoshita (over the communicator): Zero? R-roger.
Lelouch: You too, Rolo. I'll take care of the rest.
Rolo: Y-yeah. Okay.
Lelouch then says to himself that he was at least able to defeat V.V., who gave Rolo his Geass, and the Emperor, who manipulated Shirley's memories. He crushes the Geass Order once and for all.
Afterwards, inside Zero's room at the Ikaruga:
Lelouch: What? You can't find Doumeki? Why didn't you tell me sooner?
Rolo: I couldn't. I couldn't contact you, and I had to take command of the scene...
Lelouch: Tch, what's done is done. Then begin the search immediately...
Rolo: It's not possible, Brother. My airframe isn't in working condition, and we can't let other people get near the Order.
Lelouch: Then we should just use Kinoshita or Benio and the others. There's no doubt that the one who took him [Mario] away was the Golden Decoration. We must follow its trail.
Rolo: Brother, is that what you want? This isn't the moment to be fixated on that guy, is it? After destroying the Geass Order, in order to create a place for us, we have no choice but to strike at Britannia's homeland. You promised, didn't you? That you would give me a place to belong...
Lelouch: ... Very well. I want to collect myself and think about the next move. Could you leave for a while?
Rolo: ... Yeah. Alright. But Brother, don't forget it, okay. Our promise...
Lelouch: I know.
I suppose it would be easier to feel sorry for Rolo if he said "I just want to be happy with you" instead of "don't forget our promise", but the fact that Lelouch made a promise *is* the only argument Rolo has, so he needs to use it. Not only that, but Rolo isn't the type to open up about his emotional vulnerabilities in front of others. He has Arabesque, BokuTori, Turn 19.02, the regret message and other stuff where he expresses his emotions in such a heartfelt manner, but then he doesn't actually ever directly talk to Lelouch like that, you know what I mean? I wish we got more of that "contemplative Rolo" here, even if it's through some scenes where he's alone, because just watching the anime you probably get the impression that Rolo is much colder and unable to understand the world around him than he actually is.
Before I continue with the video, here are some screenshots of Lelouch talking about the only people who know his identity:
Lelouch: Among the people who know Zero's true identity only Jeremiah and Sayoko remain. And then, there's Rolo… (However, Rolo's uncontrollability is a double-edged sword. There's what happened with Shirley, too. I must be careful with how I handle him...)
I find it funny that there isn't a more Japanese word to say "uncontrollability". アンコントローラブルさ, really? Sasuga Britannian prince...
To continue with the video, next comes a longer version of the scene where Rolo benevolently spares Asahina's life. Yes, the scene where Asahina doesn't agree that "the value of a member of the Black Knights is measured by how much Zero trusts them". Now Benio is part of that moment too, and she wants to speak with Zero (about the mission where they massacred the Geass Order).
Rolo: You are... Benio Akagi, huh. Weren't you listening right now? What matters is how much Zero trusts you. There's no way Zero would speak with someone like you.
Benio: But...!
Rolo: You better stop...
Asahina: Hm. If you're speaking on behalf of Zero, then so be it. However, don't forget that because of people like you, Zero's popularity is declining. Let's go, you two.
Kinoshita: Y-Yes. Come on, you too, Akagi...
Benio: Yes...
Rolo: Hm. (Zero's popularity, he says? Brother only needs me. I'm the only one...
At any rate, that Benio Akagi might let out the secret. I should deal with her as soon as possible...)
Rolo making friends! Him going all paranoiacally possessive when Nunnally is brought up is one thing, but now this... I'm not sure if Turn 19 is going to be enough for Lost Stories players to "forgive" him?
The final part of the video is almost the same as the manga's here, so I won't translate it again. Except for these crazy lines:
Rolo: Why do you question Zero? What Brother decides is absolute. He promised that he would create a place for me. That's why it was necessary to destroy the Order. When Brother decides it, it's absolute. Because it leads to my future with him. So there's no need for anyone who has doubts or doesn't listen to what they are told. He doesn't need them. Apart from me, Brother needs no one.
In his defense, it's not like Rolo's brain works like that all the time. He was able to calmly give Lelouch actual, convincing reasons why it was better for him to forget Nunnally and stay with Rolo instead during Turn 7. Rolo really must be panicking during this scene with Benio to reach such levels of irrationality (also, I get the impression that "that's why it was necessary to destroy the Order" isn't an answer to Benio's question, but rather something he keeps telling himself because having to destroy his previous home did affect him a little?). I think a part of him recognizes that he's disobeying orders himself by deciding to eliminate Black Knights members without Lelouch's permission, and that's why he sounds so delusional? Unlike me, who's totally not delusionally justifying the actions of this assassin with an untraceable body count.
#rolo lamperouge#actual unhinged rolo#code geass#translation#lost stories#code geass lost stories#lelouch lamperouge#benio akagi#kagari savitri#zero (code geass)#code geass r2#shougo asahina
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Ladies and gentlemen, they and thems, fellow victims of the Mortal Kombat brainrot, I present to you:
TAVEN RE-WRITTEN
Taven from Edenia is a character from Mortal Kombat Armageddon, he was playable there and never again. He appeared in Kenshi and Takeda's arcade endings in Mortal Kombat X and in a handful of mentions in intro dialogues. But that's not enough, I want him in a game properly, even if he's an npc, so here's some ideas that i have for my boy, so listen up, NRS, cause i know one of you is listening.
~Taven being an amnesiac~
In Armageddon, Taven's character can be summed up to "who are you?" or "Have you seen my brother?" Because my man slept through maybe 6 or 7 games sleeping in a stalagmite. So taking this a step further, he could have been fooled by a higher ranked villain into getting his memories for a master plan of some sorts, or he lost them earlier in life to slowly learn about his past as the story progresses. Or someone who heard of him helps him in his quest to discover his past. So a dialogue of him and another character can be something like:
Person A: Who are you?
Taven: My name is Taven, or at least that is what i'm told...
Person A: ...told?
Taven: I am unsure of this, or anything really. I cannot remember anything of my past, but i can hope it was brighter than my future.
~Taven's bridging between life and death~
This entry is just a big JoJo reference so i'll make it quick so i don't get cringed on. Taven gets into a fight with higher powers defending those who couldn't themselves, something like the elementals from the temple of the elements from MK: Sub Zero. After beating Taven to a pulp, they basically give him an expiration date up to a month to try and defeat them again. With some help and alot of training, he does defeat them last minute. Ex:
Taven: my life expectancy is getting shorter by the day, but i know i can make this.
~further flesh out his dynamic with Daegon~
Daegon is Taven's little brother who only appeared older because he hatched sooner. He founded the Red Dragon clan and killed Kenshi's wife in the NRS (alt) timeline. I could either A: keep their short-lived rivalry they had in Armageddon, or B: have them stay together and make Daegon the brother i'd like him to be. Have him as someone to help Taven on his travels and whatch his back when he can't hold his own. Ex:
Taven: I am glad that you are always here for me, brother.
Daegon: So long as you keep yourself safe, Taven.
Look, i'm not a writer, im just a local dipshit who happens to have ideas for characters that aren't used in the games. Hope this reaches someone and have a good one (;
#mortal kombat#mk#character discussion#mortal kombat armageddon#mortal kombat x#mkx#mk taven#mk daegon#writing help#writing#i made this for my glup shitto
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Hope was a Fragile Little Thing
I don't know if I need to tag it as such, but spoilers for the last season of Thunderbirds Are Go.
This was just a short piece that I thought up whilst I was listening to Bigger Than The Whole Sky, by Taylor Swift.
"I've got a lot to pine about; I've got a lot to live without; I'm never gonna meet; what could've been, would've been, what should have been you" got me thinking about how Jeff would have probably had doubts that he'd ever see his boys again, and that he would never see them continue to grow, especially his baby boy.
Thus, this drabble was born. It was written quickly, and comes in at just over 1,000 words, but I thought I'd share it anyway.
I hope you enjoy reading it. I'm sorry for any pain, and I refuse to take responsibility for any heartbreak caused. <3
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was cold out here, wherever here was.
He still wasn’t sure that this place wasn’t some kind of purgatory, that he was wrong in thinking that the blast from the explosion had sent him spiralling off into the depths of space, and that he was actually waiting to be judged by a higher power, whoever that might have been. Jeff Tracy wasn’t sure which outcome he would have preferred. Was that something to worry about? He didn’t know. All he knew was that it was so much colder than he could ever have expected.
After a few days inspecting the wreck, Jeff decided that he had indeed been flung out into space and that this wasn’t purgatory. At least, not in the biblical sense. He still wasn’t sure whether that was something to ponder on, or where he’d ended up. Apart from the cold, all he knew now was that he was far from home. From his family. His boys. The capsule in which he’d unwittingly ridden out here had plenty of rations that he could live on. For a while. When they ran out, he’d have to think up something else. His suit would protect him from the elements. Brains always built equipment to last. He could survive. That was the easy part.
Learning to live, however… That would be tricky.
For the first few months, Jeff grieved, not to dissimilar to the way his family were no doubt grieving his loss. Did they even know he was alive? He couldn’t bare to think about it. His mother would have been broken. His sons… They’d already lost one parent, and now he’d left them essentially orphaned. God, he hoped they knew he was still alive, if only so they wouldn’t have to grieve his (not-actual) death. He had hope that they’d find him, but despite what he had instilled in his boys, what he told the rescuees whenever he was on a mission, Jeff knew that hope was a fragile little thing. If they found a way to find him, they’d come. He knew that. Until then, he was alone.
So desperately alone.
Jeff tried to commit his son’s faces to memory, drew the island upon which their rescue service was built. It almost seemed ironic, how he was the one in need to rescuing now. Jeff refused to give up, however. Hope may have been fragile, but he would use each and every day trying to find a way back to his family. He would tinker with what was left of the Zero X. He would explore the rock which he was cast upon. Jeff Tracy would fight tooth and nail to get home, to get back to his family.
With only the thought of his boys to keep him going, he eventually passed the one year mark. One year of being trapped in a desolate part of deep space, with no way of reaching out to anyone. He had tried, and he would keep trying, but the odds of some ship flying in deep space picking up his signals were slim to none. Jeff Tracy had learnt to live with those odds. He had made peace with it. Yet his mind would constantly torture him by wondering what his boys had become, and about how his family had coped after so long without him. Jeff never had any doubts that they would thrive. The Tracy family fought hardships and continued regardless of the situation. That ethic was what helped International Rescue thrive.
International Rescue.
His sixth child, so to speak.
Was it still operational, or would the family shut down the service? Jeff found himself hoping for the former, and not because it helped keep that hope that they’d find him one day. He had built that organisation up so it could outlive him, even if he had banked on his demise being a fair few more years down the line that what it had been. Life never was fair like that. His boys were experienced enough to carry the torch now, his youngest fast approaching the rest of his brothers once he’d finished school.
Alan had always held a special place in Jeff’s heart, and whilst Jeff thought of all the boys everyday, it was Alan he found himself crying for. It was Alan he missed the most, because it was Alan’s adolescence that he would be missing out on. Jeff had watched each of his boys grow up and become the remarkable men that they were. Alan would be the only one he’d miss out on, and the thought of him not being able to see what would become of youngest broke his heart.
He had hopes and dreams for all of his boys. Though he wasn’t a religious man, Jeff found himself praying, to whoever would listen, that those wishes would come true for them. He hoped that Gordon would go on to win many Olympic golds in swimming one day. He hoped that Virgil’s art would hang in some prestigious art gallery somewhere. He hoped that John would help Alan realise his dreams of becoming an astronaut once he’d finished his schooling, and as for his eldest, Jeff just hoped that Scott wouldn’t ever blame himself for what had happened. Scott deserved more than that. He deserved to be happy.
As the days passed, and Jeff continued to try and make sense of time in the vastness of nothing, the bright, burning flame of hope began to dim. It never quite extinguished, but Jeff began to accept the brutal truth; that he’d probably never see his home again, that he’d never know if any of his dreams and wishes that he’d granted his boys had come true.
It was just another routine supplies run. He’d left his make-shift base for five minutes. He had to start thinking about getting off this rock before it disintegrated. Jeff wasn’t sure how he’d get off it, or where he would go, but he returned to find a familiar figure. Falling fast. He had no time to acknowledge how quickly that flame of hope reignited with fervour. Jeff wasn’t even sure if he was hallucinating. He’d done his best to stop himself from going mad whilst stuck out here alone, but time flies even when you’re not having fun, and perhaps it wasn’t who he thought it was. Perhaps he’d finally cracked. Perhaps the blue and grey helmeted silhouette, so similar to his own uniform that he still wore, wasn't real.
It didn’t stop him, though. His years of training kicked in and, working on autopilot, Jeff was running, and jumping, and catching… Scott. His boy.
He was real.
He was here.
“I’ve got you, son.”
He was saved.
#thunderbirds are go#thunderbirds fanfiction#thunderbirds#thunderfam#this is my first time posting any kind of fiction so i'm nervous#i hope you guys enjoy it#jeff tracy#five fics
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youtube
*I noticed this after posting the video, Bouquet of Heather.
"OH MY CAT!!!! The video was silent!!!!"
I've re-uploaded it, sorry.
youtube
昔つくった曲「ハビービー」の再々修正版と、「ハビービー」の英語＋サイケ/エレクトロニカなアレンジ版「Bouquet of Heather」を公開しました。Bandcampから無料でダウンロードできるよ。
I released both the revised mix version of the song "ハビービー: Ḥabībī" that I made a long time ago, and the English + Psychedelia/Electronica version of the song "ハビービー" ＝ "Bouquet of Heather".
Both songs are available for free download on Bandcamp.
https://isuzu-akatsuki.bandcamp.com/album/modal-fetter
Below are the lyrics for each.
＋＋＋
ハビービー
(The lyrics have changed slightly compared to the first version)
＋＋＋
“愛していたわ”
今の今までもずっと、変わらずに
“愛しているわ”
今後も何があろうと、変わらずに
解けない魔法のような愛を誓い合った―
私とあなた、それはまるで月蝕のようで
真昼と夜闇
あなたは月で私が太陽―
照らし続けなければ消えてしまう
そんな脆くも必然な恋でした
互いに惹かれ合うままに近付いては
あなたの闇に触れ―
荒れ地のようなその心に、
私までもが寒さに震えてたわ
荒涼とした風が吹く―
あなたという名の渓谷に
一条の温度を差したかっただけなの
過ぎ去った時間に
あなたは何故怯えているの？
昔むかしの幻影は
あなたが生み出した幻なのに―
暗闇の中でもがいてる
自ら作り出した牢獄の中で
ねぇハビービー、私を見てよ―
“愛していたわ”
今の今までもずっと、変わらずに
“愛しているわ”
今後も何があろうと、変わらずに
だけど、
どうか私のことを忘れて欲しい
それで、
あなたが暗闇から抜け出せるのであれば―
解けない呪いのような人生だと呟いた
あなたの声は、それはまるで月蝕のようで
夜闇と吹雪
あなたは月で同時に藍影―
覚めぬ眠りを願い続けてた
そんな脆くも儚い人でした
互いに惹かれ合うままに近付いては
あなたの闇に触れ―
荒れ地のようなその心に
私までもが寒さに震えてたわ
荒涼とした風が吹く―
あなたという名の渓谷に
一条の温度を差したかっただけなの
襲い来る幻影は
どうやら今は私の姿で―
今もあなたの心を
罪悪感の中に縛り付けていて―
暗闇の中でもがいてる
自ら作り出した牢獄の中で
ねぇハビービー、私を忘れて―
“もう私は過去なのよ”
＋���＋
Bouquet of Heather
＋＋＋
Characters entwined,
Beaten pages in the book;
A story, fate forsook.
The chapters now closed,
But still echoes endure;
A dear, remains pure.
She's worried,
Watching him trapped in the past —
Buried in memories of agony.
He's haunted by ghosts of the way things were,
She feels his pain.
They're like a lunar eclipse,
Both shining brightly,
But not at the same time.
In his heart,
She's lost,
Like a relentless night.
Midday replaced by shadows,
Covered in fright.
in the fading evening twilight
anxiously wandering
i loved you deeply
a fire in my heart
but now apart
worlds apart
in solitude
often shed many tears
bereaved by the absence
the emptiness inside
i trying to turn the tide
maybe it's a waste of effort
but —
Gone from the glow
Like a lunar eclipse
With each passing day
As the days go by
Something is fading
From the shadows that haunt
No one be able to escape?
Slowly revealing
Emotions start to fall
why do you fear the ghosts
that have passed away?
all their whispers
they make you sway
haunted by memories
the chains won't let go
i feel your burden now
We're like a lunar eclipse
Both want to snuggle
Both want to walk together
Why couldn't we do those things at that time?
In your heart
I'm buried in pain and despair
In the fading evening twilight
Anxiously wandering
I loved you deeply
A fire in my heart
But now apart
Worlds apart
In solitude
Often shed many tears
Bereaved by the absence
The emptiness inside
I trying to turn the tide
Maybe it's a waste of effort
But —
＋＋＋
余談：Just a side note
＋＋＋
The song "ハビービー: Ḥabībī" is derived from my novel "Water Under the Bridge". And I hate this song. Out of all the songs I've written, it's the only one with lyrics that I can definitely say I hate.
Only one person in the novel utters the word "Ḥabībī". However, she only speaks with the nuance of "hey, bro!"
… And she's not the motif of this song; The motif is another woman named Erica.
The lyrics of this song in Japanese are, to put it mildly, "seriously shitty", so translating them into English was a real challenge.
Actually, the English version is almost completely different.
I can't just ship shit as shit. In that case, it would be faster to rewrite it from almost zero. And this time I did.
And since the English version is linked to this one (the Japanese version is the same, but it's hard to understand where they connect), I think if you listen to them together, you'll be able to see a creepy world.
youtube
Then the flow continues, those songs.
youtube
The novel it is based on is a story that depicts the quagmire of a man who is confused after losing the woman he loved, until the female protagonist mentally destroys and brainwashes him.
I'm planning to publish the second part of that story in print at the end of this month or next month.
#vocaloid#avanna#song#vocaloid songs#music#lily vocaloid#lily v3#electronica#aeropolis: alusthogrun#Bandcamp
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#oficial art#re zero#re:zero#re zero kara hajimeru isekai seikatsu#re zero starting life in another world#re:ゼロから始める異世界生活#リゼロ#re:zero kara hajimeru isekai seikatsu#re zero lost in memories#emilia re zero#rezero emilia#re zero emilia#emilia re:zero#re:zero emilia#emilia rezero#rem rezero#re:zero rem#rem re:zero#rezero rem#rem re zero#ram re:zero#ram rezero#ram re zero#re:zero ram#priscilla re:zero#priscilla re zero#barielle priscilla#re:zero crusch#beatrice rezero#beatrice re:zero
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btw i did finish patch yesterday and I really liked it :] I know it is certainly not everyone’s favorite postmsq plotline but it made me smile and also be excited for things to come. like hey people brushed off WoD/ARDBERT when they first appeared dragonsong and now the power of Continuous Storyline has meated it up. I will say my biggest crit is still the overinvolvement of the scions; the need for them to be included kind of crowds out a lot of potential for new things and more experiences centered on characters that might actually have more of a personal relevancy to the situation/place. zero and golbez and the lords were great representatives of a lot of the struggle of the memoriates, but the source itself has had a long history with voidsent & a lot of cool things could’ve been done re: the history of mhach and the revelation that voidsent come here to die but we lost that opportunity. THAT BEING SAID AGAINNN threads are in place and this does not look to be the end of things for the 13th
#6.5 spoilers#ffxiv#really i love the scions but it imo really has been a huge mistake to just. Now estinien is the bus driver all of a sudden
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Questions & Answers
Hi hi, finally some time to write this! Due to recent events I've been getting some questions from various people and I also have some questions for you guys so I'll try to do this in 1 post 😸
My answers:
Are you really not planning to write fics anymore?
That's the plan *nodnod*, but you know me. There's always a 'but' and a clown mask ready in my storage to put on if I happen to go against my own words. But the intention is to stop posting fics here, I'm too tired of it now lol. I might post a fic or two on AO3 once in a while, maybe write a collab with Mia if I feel like it. It's just... how do I say it.. my motivation to write more fics basically got washed down the drain together with blog #1. Let us see for how long that motivation swims in the sewers...
Can you reupload [fic name]?
If it's on my AO3, I won't. If it's not, hmm.... I probably also won't. But! It depends on the fic. Always feel free to ask, but please don't get angry when I say no! ^^ For now I have an exception: commissions. More about this down below in my question to you guys.
Why won't you try to get your old blog back?
It would require filing an objection against the copyright claims against me with all the legal risks, submitting my personal info from home address to name, and consenting to USA legal law stuffs bluhblahblah... :") For me too much of a hassle. I don't think my blog is worth it. Even if I don't know the exact details, I'm sure they're not wrong. Whether it's fair or not, most fandom stuff has copyright issues in the end, so I can't protest against the claims with 100% certainty it won't get me in real trouble. More info about this soon in another post!
My questions:
👇 only for those interested, feel free to comment, send ask or DM if you have can help :)
Do you have reblogs of my old posts?
To everyone who has some posts left on their blog that were mine, whether it's a headcanon, fic (still accessible one, so not a broken 'keep reading'- link), manga or anime scene, ask game, gif set or translation, if it's not too much trouble could you maybe comment on that post and @ me? Or... send me a link or smth in DM? Doesn't need to be every single trivial post. Maybe just the ones you liked most, or something... idk. I just might want to re-share a couple of posts here and it's so hard finding reblogs of my anonface-blog through search functions and stuff. Any help will be greatly appreciated!
P.S. I also found a lot of old posts, or posts that I liked (such as tickle art etc.) in the archives of @ticklygiggles, @ticklishdreams, @infrequent-creator - I hope you guys won't mind me making use of this (also thank you for the awesome support through the years afihs;ogojjoihgjn)!
Did you have a commission that was on my blog and do you prefer if this is reposted or not?
Some people 'bought' fics back when I had a shady kofi shop running and those fics were posted both on my AO3 and Tumblr (+ were sent in PDF format if requested). No matter how much you paid for the fic, part of the deal was that it would be posted on Tumblr so if by any chance you lost a commissioned fic and wish for me to repost this here on the new blog, please let me know...:3
Anything else? 👀
Well... With the loss of my account there were more things that went lost than just my fics, such as asks that were still in my inbox, DMs, personal stories and more. I did not back up anything and have zero overview and my memory is shit. If I am forgetting something, if you once sent me something and it's now gone (and you still have it), or if there's anything else I am missing smh, please let me know.
However please note that I am not planning to turn this blog into a copy of my previous one. If you submitted a fic to my old blog, I won't repost it here sadly (I hope you saved it). But if you posted an irl tickle story (I'll still accept these), a headcanon for your fav character or pairing or something else, I'll gladly accept it even if it's a copy of what you once sent to my old blog! With that said, I'll go back to finishing that second-to-last tickletober fic of mine... after I eat dinner. muhahah.
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Not 100% certain of the username here of lurkweed, who's been leaving much-appreciated comments on Ao3 - but wanted to note something re: the survivability of Organoids. Specifically ones without heads.
tl;dr Core-based creatures have varying levels of requirement for their heads/brains.
A Core covers functions that'd be considered part of a terran creature's nervous system: the Core covers the functions of the CNS (re: innervating the body and being the primary target for input/output), brainstem, and cerebellum. Their "brain" part is only analogous to the cerebrum, but even then most sensory and motor info is processed in the Core.
Zoids have a lot more body to work with than Organoids and smaller creatures do. Zoids are able to isolate the Core in the face of extreme non-central injuries to protect it from damage and fuel+blood loss. Zoids' "brains" - especially manmade ones (the octagonal memory cells) - aren't actually that important to the Zoids' survival. Sure, it will lose its memory and personality if their "brain" is completely removed or destroyed, but as long as the Core's okay, a Zoid can regrow those and continue on.
(In the case of manmade Zoids, this is just replacement & refurbishment, as regrowing things takes both a) a long time and b) the right environment - it can also result in very non-standard (read: difficult to service) configurations.
This is part and parcel of the inhumane treatment Zoids are constantly subject to on modern Zi. They largely aren't acknowledged anymore as living entities.)
But Organoids, having evolved the unique inner-cabling network, actually lost the ability to internally cordon off their bodies in the same way. And their brains are far more critical to them functioning. The portions responsible for being able to bond & communicate are all there. A wild Organoid would likely die of shock just from being severed from the colony. The domesticated ones are hardier in this way.
Realistically One and Zero are the only Organoids capable of actually surviving an extended loss of their head though. A normal Organoid, if helped very quickly, might be able to heal such an injury and survive. But otherwise, losing their head would be fatal (if not from shock, then because they'd quickly bleed out.)
And since what happened was effectively the same thing as losing a head-
Zeke as anyone knew him ceased to be in KYH - if his Core hadn't been removed immediately, it would've died in a minute or two. Zero? Just has (extremely severe) memory problems...
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The wrecking of the Steadfast
I just published Chapter 4, in which
…Finn must come to terms with his undiagnosed force sensitivity
Hux corrected the tugboat’s course to avoid collision with a large piece of scrap metal from the Steadfast that came tumbling their way. Then he took up the conversation again:
“Damn… Why didn’t Ren ever say something this useful! You’d think he’d be capable of doing the same things an untrained force sensitive can? But, no, all he ever contributed was swordplay to achieve victories a blaster wielding unit would have scored just a minute or so later. That, and keeping the maintenance crew busy.”
“Venturing a guess, I’ve heard tell that the Dark Side dishes out quick and easy power, but exerts a heavy price later. The more Ren lost himself in it, the more he might have lost an idea of the big picture, too, and forgot all the small ways to nudge things into the desired direction.”
“Makes sense.”
The way I’m paying the price for my folly now. Let’s face it, for all practical purposes I’ve become what I’ve been fighting: a rebel, the distinction between having joined the Resistance and acting as its ally being near meaningless in our situation. I really need to take care not to get too comfortable in this role.
…the rebels dismantle a Star Destroyer
Rose yanked a control panel off a console and gave it a little momentum. The panel soared towards the navigation station, where Hux had removed the remains of that one’s destroyed panel. He caught the replacement and slammed it into position with a little more force than was advisable, unable to correctly judge his strength or lack thereof in the vacuum of space. Losing no time, BB-8 plugged it in.
When the computer lit up again, Hux pulled up a navigation software and maps of New Harvest. Unfamiliar with working in a zero G environment he lost his footing a few times, until BB-8 spat out a liquid cable, that he subsequently tied loosely around the human’s hip.
“I can’t tell whether that was supposed to be help- or spiteful…”
Beeping the equivalent of an impish giggle, BB-8 went to help Rose re-establish the connection between the navigation computer and the systems that received their instructions from it.
…Hux becomes housetrained
“Wait, are you saying that we are something like noble barbarians to you?” Rose uttered.
“With an innocent charm. Those last few days I felt… sheltered. But it cannot last. It’s cute, just not sustainable. The Resistance is doomed to fail same as the republics failed.”
“Then help us create an environment in which our way of life will be sustainable! Even if only to scoff at each of our ideas, prompting us to improve them just to shut you up!”
“That would be the day, wouldn’t it?”
“Armitage…”
“Let’s finish this mission. And stop being so damn paranoid about me killing you guys left and right already! It’s irritating!”
…and Poe struggles with the aftermath of his concussion.
“I take it as a tactician you rarely leave your bridge? This is going to be rough! I need a co-pilot, especially one who understands what each of the screens is trying to tell me.”
It wasn’t just that everything was arranged completely different, although still making sense, as there were only so many ways one could put the different panels and still be efficient. The damn First Order font, that was so similar, yet different, irritated Poe to no small degree. He had no muscle memory to apply to the Upsilon, and additionally would have to waste precious split seconds just deciphering the unfamiliar letters. No, he definitely needed a co-pilot now, and something primeval and ancient within Poe insisted that this co-pilot being Armitage was a huge bonus.
Five minutes later Hux once again knew what Poe had meant when he had said things would become turbulent. The world was spinning way too fast, with far too many opponents coming at them (or the same opponent appearing to be in several places at once). He held fast to the console and kept focusing on the numbers, for the first time in his life grateful to be the second row player only. Keeping track of all the information and relaying the most important bits to the actual pilot was the co-pilot’s main task, as expected, but equally important was to snarl “Breath!” regularly, whenever Poe started looking a bit too green around the nose. The last thing they needed now was him retching all over the cockpit.
“Too many… too fast…” Poe gasped, painfully aware that no enemy craft would be left by now, were he sitting in his trusty Freitek T-70.
Also: the first kiss!
“Yes. Pondering where to go from here, I think I’d like to extend this alliance until I can see Ren’s corpse with my own eyes. That, or sufficient proof of his passing.”
“Still that obsessed…”
Hux shrugged. Poe suspected that the General had practiced even this oh-so natural looking gesture in front of a mirror a lot.
“Clinging to that obsession is the easiest way to retain my sanity right now. My head is spinning, differently from yours, though. Nothing’s quite fitting into place anymore.”
“How so?”
“Ever since we joined forces, I felt liberated. As if an invisible whip in my back just wasn’t there anymore. The prospect of going back from that to my old life too soon is unpleasant.”
The good news is that you wouldn’t go back to your old life, but to prison, the moment you called the alliance off, Poe thought. Out loud he said: “We’ve gotten used to have you around”, then his eyes went wide. “Bucket!” he cried, followed by a gurgle.
“Well”, Hux commented while handing the bucket back without looking at it. “It was worth a try.”
One vomiting fit later, Poe raised his head.
“I once had a near-boyfriend”, he said, feeling silly for withholding the name, when the whole galaxy knew who that man had been. “But I was too indecisive, or maybe took things to be for granted too much, so nothing came from it and now he’s spoken for by another. I don’t want that to happen again. I… Uh… somebody hold that bucket for a spell? It kinda gets in the way of the message.”
And with these words, he slung his arms around the other man, looked up and kissed him. Given what Poe had spent his time with before, the contact could have been more pleasing. A lot more.
Why, Hux wondered. Why does this keep happening? I have the skills, the determination and the patience, but something in the universe must be against me. Every time I get what I want, it gets delivered in the worst fashion imaginable.
“One day, little rat, you’ll be the end of me. And I of you.”
Read it here: Chapter 1-4 or only Chapter 4
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Stampede S2 Predictions
posting these now before I get influenced by anyone else's predictions lmao
many spoilers for Trigun Stampede and Trigun Maximum ahead!
Vash has fully lost his memory of everything that happened immediately before and after JuLai
it's possible he's forgotten Meryl and Wolfwood and Roberto as well
He'll gradually gain memories back as Wolfwood and Meryl show up and trigger something in his brain
Wolfwood will find Vash (as Eriks) and be like "hey man" and Vash will be like "?????" until he sees the way Wolfwood handles the Punisher
when Meryl finds Vash he'll remember her and Roberto when she shows him the photo of the 4 of them that's seen when's she visiting JuLai. or he'll remember her just by the way she says "Vash"
Milly is going to be so plucky and will help pull Meryl out of her depression, or at least ground her whenever Meryl starts feeling like she wants revenge for Roberto
at some point, Meryl will point her derringer at Elendira and possibly even shoot it
the underside of Vash's hair will be black and we'll get more lore on decaying plants
somehow Doctor Conrad survived JuLai (maybe with Elendira's help?) and helps Legato to revive Knives
Meryl is gonna be very standoffish when she sees Wolfwood again
Wolfwood will start saying he's a priest rather than an undertaker (credit to my friend for this one!)
Meryl: "ugh you're here, Undertaker?" Wolfwood: "excuse you, I'm a priest now!"
Wolfwood has started smoking the same brand of cigarettes as Roberto and Meryl notices and then feels warmer toward Wolfwood
Wolfwood is looking for Vash because he's been contracted to look for him again under threat of the destruction of the orphanage again
but this time, Wolfwood already knows Vash and knows what Vash is capable of and he's hoping that Vash can stop Knives and the Eye of Michael for good this time
in her search for any clues of what happened to Vash, Meryl looks into Wolfwood's past and the eye of Michael between her reporting assignments
as a result, Meryl is extremely distrustful of Wolfwood when they meet again
I think it's a given that we'll see the rest of the gung-ho guns: Dominique, Rai-Dei, Midvalley, Leonof, Midvalley, Hoppered, and Razlo
Legato will finally confront Vash himself and may even establish the killing game with the gung-ho guns
it's possible that E.G. the Mine will make another appearance since he's seen being taken back with the plants to HQ in episode 3
Vash and Wolfwood will fight as a team again and again. Vash's trust in Wolfwood will be tested but he'll always believe in Wolfwood
Brad will repair Vash's arm again after the Eriks arc... but Vash's journey to visit Brad and Luida will bring trouble to them again... possibly resulting in Brad and/or Luida dying
Knives' entire body needs to re-constituted -- as it was after July in the manga. but since we're already diving into the timeskip, Knives won't get his body back until Vash is captured (like in Trimax vol 8) and at that time, Vash's memories of JuLai will fully come rushing back to him (like in Trimax vol 5).
Elendira will have grown to be adult size and will be way more powerful than before
Wolfwood and Livio and Razlo fight will still result in [redacted] and I will sob my heart out
I think Chapel will appear in some capacity! Someone probably had to have trained Wolfwood and Livio
Most characters will get updated outfits for the timeskip
Midvalley and Knives killer music duet??? (I just think it'd be fun)
Knives or Elendira gravely injures Legato for not following Knives' wishes
a non-zero number of episodes will start with radio updates on the arrival of the Earth ships
Legato's backstory will include lore about his blue hair
Knives will survive the final confrontation with Vash
Vash won't say his signature "love & peace" catchphrase until after the dust from the final battle has settled
#trigun#trigun spoilers#trigun stampede spoilers#trigun maximum spoilers#trigun stampede#trigun stampede predictions#not commentary
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