#quite a shit day if i say so myself
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having a really bad day and didn't even get a dan and phil easter baking video to help me cope...now what
#they do not owe us one and yet a part of me clung to hope#the now what is i'm going to drink soda and stare at the wall bc i don't feel good#i'm on my period and had a migraine all day and now i am feel quite depressed#and i have work tomorrow...#quite a shit day if i say so myself#i didn't even get to read or make dinner or go for a walk or anything#just napping and sulking#at least it's supposed to rain#personal
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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their relationship means everything to me
#THE WAY TINA WAS THE ONE WHO HATED SYD THE MOST AND MADE HER LIFE HELL AT FIRST AND TRIED TO GET HER TO QUIT#BUT SYD INSPIRED TINA AND THEY SLOWLY SLOWLY BEGAN TO WORK TOGETHER#AND NOW TINA IS THE FIRST TO ASK SYD IF SHE'S OKAY ON A BAD DAY AND SYD IS THE FIRST TO TRUST IN TINA AND HER SKILL#BAWLING ACTUALLY!!#this show is so genuinely good like i was saying to my mum the other day that this is the first time in so fucking long#where ive watched a new piece of media and it's just genuinely been GOOD. like i find myself pointing out shit that was once a given#in media like 'every single character is given time and depth and purpose and everyone has dynamics with everyone#not just the leads with each other and there's difficult-to-love characters that work hard to grow on you' etc etc#and it's such a shame that the entertainment industry got to such a place where every piece of media currently coming out was just awful#and you'd have to really dig to find something good but i hope with the strikes atm at the very least we're headed in the right direction#and i know this disney show isn't exactly some radical new thing but. idk it's just nice to watch something good again#and get really into something that is generally quite mainstream#the bear
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my god. skinny people really just have like. No Idea huh just absolutely not a single clue lmao it's almost funny to watch fr but then id lie if i said i wouldn't fucking kill to be able to be that ignorant
#girl i am SO sorry people react with surprise when you say you're studying to be an opera singer because you're#*checks notes* skinny and attractive. so so sorry that must be literal hell for you huh how will you ever recover :((((#no no please keep talking about how equally bad that is to the brutal fucking fatshaming and ED glorifying#in the industry that me and the only other fat girl in the room were talking about before you interrupted us <3#anyway. we were talking about this one review of a quite famous professional music critic whose only comment about a fat mezzo in the cast#was 'miss xyz.... lose some weight'. not a single word about her singing/acting/whatever. but yeah no you're too sexy for an opera singer#and THAT is the real problem here girl i totally understand yeah <3 thoughts and prayers dearest.#earlier that same day this same girl was standing next to me in her bodycon dress and went#*pointing at her stomach that's so flat its almost concave* 'ughhhh what do i have to do to not look pregnant in this dress 😩😫'#and i said 'girl' and just looked at her and like the sudden horrified realisation on her face was lowkey hysterical#like omg you really did forget you're not talking to your other skinny friends with whom you can pat each other on the backs#and reassure each other that 'dw girl ur not fat at all ur so so sexy!' huh sjshsjshsjs#but yeah i dont like making people uncomfortable irl so i did reassure her she looks hot and pretty and skinny as all shit#let at least one of us have a nice evening and not feel Absolutely Fucking Disgusting ig <3#and the day before that after i saw our (last ever btw never photographing myself with them ever again <3) picture and had a mini break down#the other even skinnier and smaller and petite-er crouched down next to me with the most guilty fucking expression and quietly asked me#if im alright and do i want her to delete those pictures (that she posted on two separate social media pages) and like#the look of immense fucking pity on her was even worse than seeing those pictures#like i know she meant well and was trying to be nice but my god. this really is how you all see me huh#like looking like me would be fate worse than death for yall#not even gonna mention the thing i just learned this friday that the retired ballerina who leads our ballet classes said about me#trying to cheer up the other fat girl who happened to have a bit of an emotional breakdown in the middle of the class :)))))))#like i am sooooooo so glad and honoured to be an inspiration to you. really. always happy to help. the exemplary Fat Girl Who Fucking Sucks#But Doesnt Let It Bother Her <333333#like on one hand. yeah it really does make me wanna jump off a cliff. but on the other. its just hilarious sjdgsjsgsj#you sure are right miss ma'am. i sure don't let this bother me at all. i am famous for my uncanny ability to Not Be Bothered by all this <33#but shes new. its ok. how could she know about the last two years when i was getting panic attacks and sobbing myself to sleep every tuesday#but yeah no. [lauren cooper voice] am i bovvered? am i bovvered tho? i aint even bovvered!
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they made us do some shit survey for work. they said it's anonymous. well if it's not i'm about to get fired hhsksjsh
#didn't write anything i wouldn't dare to say in person but i picked a day when i don't feel so good to fill it in#and i might have snapped more than i should have but all stands idc 😭😭#do you see yourself in this company in 3 years GIRRRRL LMAAAO#i don't see myself by the end of this year if heaven will allow#not hating it that much atm but also all i do feels pointless and they cheat taxes so much which harms me in the long run idk#and i know they'll make me do stuff i don't want to again soon so 😭😭#and i'm doing some specilization which is stressing me tf out and i have no interest in#not to mention being underpaid that was one of the questions loool#i'm also trying to quit my side job but idk how i just know i don't want to do any of this shit anymore!!!#i'll go insane i'm already insane i sleep 3 days a week
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no one ever talks about how Not being a dsmp fan was so fucking isolating during and after the first quarantine lockdowns dude
#heavenly melodies#before the major callouts and shit#that dude never sat right with me and my social life never recovered#i tried so hard to become friends with the juniors in my school pre graduation bc my school used to have a solid relationship between the#grade levels but they would never really talk to me and the only thing they were all interested was in the green motherfucker and co#so i literally just couldn't make conversation with them and thus got myself isolated out of a club i felt like i really belonged in#it makes me double sad thinking back onthis bc we held a valentines day celebration (my idea btw) that i couldnt celebrate with them bc i#had to go to the optometrist but i still made them little bags with candy and made them stickers myself (designed and cut them all out)#and none of them ever thanked me for it or told me how they missed me at the celebration or saved me any treats :(#i tried so hard and from what. to jump the favoritism scale down to hated with the teacher that was our sponsor that i thought i could#confide in? because i became the last one standing to finish our club projects and couldn't do it anymore bc of how isolated i felt and she#got mad at me for getting fed up with being so lonely that i had to quit because it all genuinely hurt so fucking much?#they wouldnt even say hi to me in the halls when we were phasing to hybrid learning dude#they walked right next to me in the stairwell once and i kept saying hi but they just looked the other way and wouldnt talk to me#we were literally shoulder to shoulder and they just ignored me. it was not good. like at all bc they werent wearing masks but it sucked
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everyone who's disabled one way or another and simply has to keep going to work no matter how devistating it is on your body and/or mind, I see you and I love you. that shit is so rough and you're an absolute trooper for keepin it pushin
#talkin.555#disability#cfs#i tell myself this every day#i dont even have a diagnosis for whatevers goin on w me but some type of way#my legs bad my heart bad my anxiety is present which it never rlly was as a teen n shit so like#something#def is going on#my personal theory is cfs but goddamn do i not have the energy to schedule a dr appt#and i brought it up to my pcp and he was like#first of all u ducked out on the last 3 appts so bringing up a whole xtra thing is like not sumn im equipped to address#which is understandable#but also he was like nah ur prolly fine just get more sleep#like dawg#ive tried every sleep schedule feasably possible for weeks at a time each to self test if i can manage anything better that way#and Now that ive exhausted my personal efforts to self doctor i am coming to you and u just say#nah prolly not#like mf i am livid#i cant stand for more than 10 mins without limping and i have a series of quitting jobs i liked because i couldnt handle the physical strain#of standing up for 8 hrs#im always groggy my brain foggy my hearing slow and i cant move like a 21 yo usually does like#there is something wrong and he didnt even give me time of day#like sorry i gave u an extra hour off a few times the past few months but like i am miserable and wanna know#Any way to at least help#lotta tags#sorry abt the rant im just#a commie and dont think a 40 hr work week is good anyway#and ive been progressively getting worse with my Exertion Tolerance for bout 3 years now#like i would love at least a finger in the right direction#from a med professional
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💃🔪👨🏻
👨🏻🔨👩🏻🔧
🏃♀️🏃🏻♀️🏢
#this is an illustration of me enthusiastically committing patricide and then running away#because that is the mood of the day#my mom got her report from her adhd testing and she shared it with me because i am an experienced reader of psych reports#and a longtime adhd haver and knower abouter#and she didn’t want to share it with him because she KNEW he’d be mean and leverage it against her#and she called me because she was sad it’s taken her so long to get diagnosed when she has it actually quite bad#and i was like well it speaks to your strengths that you’ve been successful even as this flew under the radar#and i pointed out her strong score on initiation as something that probably helped disguise other symptoms#since she can start things better than anyone else i’ve ever known with adhd#and he cruises in to say THATS NOT A STRONG SCORE ITS JUST BETTER THAN OTHERS. ITS JUST AVERAGE#and i’m. livid actually#and the way this brings up soooo much of what i hated myself for way back when#and how the ways he does not respect her so closely parallel the ways i thought about myself for years. because i’m SO much like her#and he denies that as a compliment to me and i’m like no i like being like her???? asshole lol#he also had shit to say re her lowish score on emotional regulation and she’s like…if you think living with me is hard imagine BEING me????#anyway we’re going down there in a week we’ll see if he survives or if i have to break out his oversize hammer collection#alhpd#ok actually i updated the pictures. eva’s knifing him i’m beating him w tools and then we run away together. marriage!
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fuck dude i have got to find a job where i can be self-employed and creative. i cannot be in fucking retail hell anymore
#she bork#tbd#like now i don't deal w customers which is cool but now that i work at like a big retail store and not a little mall outlet the pressure is#insane. and i have bosses who never say good job or thank you and who have set me up to fail by throwing a department on me that i was not#hired to run or trained for and frankly don't have time to run properly either. so every week just starts w me in our weekly meeting being a#fucking piñata like 'why didn't you get this done 🤨 you need to manage your time better 🤨 you're losing sales 🤨' and i'm like i'm trying!!!!#what more can i do!!!!!! and then the side of it i actually kind of enjoy (which is what i was originally hired to do) is very very hard on#my body bc it's a very physical job (i run the team that unloads the trucks every day and like i'm usually helping unload bc i'm not just#gonna stand there and watch while my team busts their asses lol) and now i'm finding out that it's actually not normal to wake up every day#w your joints screaming and stiff and that i might have a chronic condition (doctor is thinking some sort of chronic inflammatory arthritis#but i won't know if my imaging and blood tests showed anything until like mid-june) and i'm like. so even the part of my job that i don't#mind as much is not good bc it's like actively destroying my body. okay sick 🤠 and i don't wanna quit bc i've only been there for like#eight months and this job would be really valuable on a resume but i don't want it to look like i'm a job hopper or like i'm fickle or#unreliable. so i'm stuck here for a while i think. but the pressure is destroying me mentally and i know i need to find a position somewhere#else that is 1. not fucking goddamn retail bc retail will always be hell and 2. not management bc i don't see myself ever really getting#into upper management but lower/middle management gets shit on the most so if i go somewhere else and end up in middle management i'll be#right back to wanting to kill myself in a matter of months. basically i'm tired of expectations and pressure and stress and i'm tired of#waking up at fucking 2:30 every morning just to go in and get shit on and destroy my body all over something that in the end i do not fuckin#care about. i need to make art and be held accountable by only myself. idk i've been toying w the idea of learning how to tattoo and trying#to start establishing some artistic skill so maybe eventually i can do that? not now bc the economy sucks and that's scary lol and anyway i#have to give myself some time to actually learn the skill and perfect a style. but it makes decent money (at least before the expense of#supplies and taxes) and allows you to travel and still work and also it would be fun. and i could tattoo myself so it would cut some#expenses for me since i cannot stay away from the damn needle. idk lol i need to save some money before i buy a tattoo gun or anything but#i'm considering it bc i am going fucking crazy rn and ik this feeling will leave me eventually but i also know it will come back bc it#always does. and i'm tired of just surviving and just making it through every day and every week like i want to be happy and this is just#not doing it for me anymore#ugh fuck why couldn't i have been born w a brain that likes numbers and code and technology. i love being an artist but it makes finding a#sustainable career really difficult bc i feel so restless and miserable when i'm stuck in a passionless job but my passions are not#particularly profitable. hate it here why wasn't i born a capybara no job no responsibility just squint and squeak and sun
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💭
#i need to rant so I’m going to do it in the tags#I went on spring break with a friend I made this past fall when I transferred to my current university#and we have known each other for quite a few months before we planned it and I thought it would be fun#but during the trip she was really mean to me#like making fun of me for anything being passive aggressive and just making me walk on egg shells the entire week#by the end I was gaslighting myself and just overall felt terrible#I saw her the week after we got back to get a purse I let her borrow but after that I did not see her at all#and she hasn't reached out to me#which is so weird bc before the trip we would hang out almost every day or every other day getting lunch together all the time etc#but I don't want to reach out to her at all but also im annoyed she isn't reaching out to me like I wasn't the one who was horrible#and the worst part is after the trip she was super nice again like right as we got off the train#and it is very clear she thinks everything is fine and nothing is wrong. that is to say she thinks what she did to me was not a problem#and it is so hard to be friends with her because how tf am I even supposed to be okay with her#but now I feel so lonely bc with my other friends I dont see them as much as I saw her so now I feel so alone and lonely#and I dont want to complain about this to my friend bc she heard enough about it already#but now I feel like im starting over bc I only have more casual friends now :((#ugh I feel like shit but it really annoys me that she isn't reaching out. I dont even want to see her I just want to be like#no I cant see you blah blah blah#yes that is childish no I do not care! bye
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Another annoying day at work
#I want to say a lot but I’ve already complained and had an attitude at work all day and got so worked up I was out of breath and my boss#gave me a gummy I was like 😑 I’ll take it#don’t even feel like going into details I’m tired man i just got here and it’s already-#I don’t want to quit tho#good money#but man I am not a slave either gtfoh#and don’t make it seem like I’m not doing enough/ my part when you got everybody else sitting on their asses on their phones and eating and#shit and standing around acting like they’re doing shit (the concierge’s 😑 they literally don’t do anything but greet guests and show them#to their lockers and stand around looking pretty like that’s literally it) so don’t get up in my face talking about we need this and that#like I’m only one person I’m one nigga we keep telling them to hire more ppl in our department there’s like 4 of us and 3 of them are#transitioning soon then it’ll just be me all by myself like bro this is so unprofessional#even other departments are like they need help 😵💫-#rambling#Sunday’s aren’t usually hectic but today sure was#and the coworker who I usually work with#well they forced her to come in to close instead of coming in as a mid like usual because I was wondering if she called off#it’s so stupid#my sis usually closes but she’s on a trip rn#and there’s another girl who doesn’t show up on sundays and misses work a lot anyway because of school/ family stuff#its literally never anyone’s fault if they call off it’s always the jobs fault for not having coverage/ hell never the person#then I already had a feeling that today was gonna be annoying because the girl who calls off often wasn’t coming in but I figured that#someone else would’ve finished the shit in the back at least but nope I had to play catch up and do the shit from yesterday and this morning#so there was a lot to do and this bitch comes back there talking about some you need to prioritize this and that and do this and that as if#I don’t know how to do my job as if I wasn’t just doing what she said needed to be done etc etc like she isn’t even the boss she’s just#another worker like girl get your bosse’s pet ass out of my face#killing stabbing slamming
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happy eurovison!! do your stretches!!!
babe it's been days since i did my stretches at this point im too scared
#in my defence idk WHAT was going on with my sunday shift bc i only waitressed 7 hours and that's a pretty normal shift for me#like im aware compared to a normal person it would be very difficult to just out of nowhere expect them to be on their feet#walking back and forth the entire length of a restaurant regularly carrying heavy things all the while keeping up ABOVE AND BEYOND socially#for SEVEN ENTIRE HOURS with ZERO BREAK like masking that entire time on top of the 7 hour physical workout#like it's insane if u think about it for more than 2 seconds and im really trying to bc every time i falter i beat the shit out of myself#and like? NO? my job is actually very physically demanding and emotionally draining compared to most people's day-to-day activity#it's gonna have impacts sometimes!#so yeah long story short i finished my shift sunday and when i tell you my legs LOCKED UP in bed that night#like mainly my thighs but it was all in my hips and knees and it was so bad that i lay there until 2am before getting painkillers#bc i couldnt hack it#which is SAYING SOMETHING for me bc im normally both quite good with pain and also a hardass for taking painkillers#ive had that happen once before (again after waitressing lol) & never worried about it but my mum recently got diagnosed with arthritis#and ever since ive been like. Looking at my own joints any time they even HINT at playing up#like i am RENOWNED for inhereting all of my mum's medical shit from mental to physical like i KNOW i'll get it it's just a matter of when#and yeah that was sunday it's now tuesday and my thighs STILL feel bruised#and im like. embarassed about it bc it's not like i did anything spectacular? and idk why it's happening?#yeah idk hiiii rori did u like me ranting about my physical health in ur stretch reminder ask sorry do u still think im hot <3#ask
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it's 4 AM so you know what that means! Time for me to make a list of all my disabilities so I can clearly lay them out for both myself and the nonbelievers to see! Like a normal person!
Yes, I'm able-passing, and there were days previously where I questioned whether or not I'm actually disabled or if I was just faking/exaggerating it, but no. Not anymore. The sheer length of this list alone is enough, let alone if I had just one or two of the things on here.
I have:
- Chronic Depression
- Chronic Anxiety
- ADHD
- Autism (more than likely, not confirmed)
- Graves Disease / Hyperthyroidism
- Balance issues
- Weakness in knees / elbows
- (Tendency to fall the fuck over because of this combination)
- Aversion to heat above 60º F (15.5º C)
- Need glasses
- Astigmatism / sensitivity to light / Graves eye bulging
- Audio processing disorder
- Fucked memory / focus / CANNOT read numbers quickly idk why
- Breathing issues (I deadass just. Forget to breathe sometimes.)
- Shakiness in hands (thank fuck it's mostly gone away, but not 100%)
- Inconsistent heart rate
- Unsteady grip / "chronic butterfingers" as I've been calling it
- Back pain
- Hip pain
- This one doesn't have a name but I walk on the sides of my feet instead of just stepping down normally because nothing I have ever done in my entire fucking life is normal
- Bad leg that never healed properly
- Trauma
- More trauma
- Holy shit there's so much why is there so much of it and why am I only just realizing how much there is holy fuck
- I know I'm forgetting some but this is all I can remember off the top of my head
But yeah I'm able-passing. :)
#dimond speaks#is this a vent?#idek at this point#i'm just tired of people not fucking believing me when I say that i need a minute or that there are Many Things Wrong With Me#I feel like i'm really self-aware as a person but i have to be because of aforementioned Trauma™ from my past#i don't want this shit to define me- i really really fucking don't#but at the same time i literally cannot ignore any of this shit#all of it gets in the way of my every day life too fucking much#people are wondering why i need a cane to walk even if “i'm fine”. this is fucking why#i'm NOT fine and have not BEEN fine since like 2nd grade#i'm tired of hiding my pain#i'm tired of shoving it down and pretending that it doesn't exist#doing that made me actually traumatized from fucking SUMMER. y'know- the SEASON?#i ignored my needs and forced myself to work during the summer just so i could get a bit more extra cash that A) i didn't need#and B) so my mom would stop bugging me about it#i deadass almost died last year. and now we're gonna do it again.#i'm in a better spot both physically and mentally than i was last year but still#if i feel like this is getting to be too much i'm quitting and finding a different job.#this is me making a promise to myself right now.#i honestly like working at dollar general. i really really do. but i am promising myself right now to give it up if shit hits the fan#until then... i'll keep trying to stay positive. i hate dwelling on this stuff but i'm also tired of running from it#i shouldn't be running anyway lol i'm gonna have a heart attack#...that wasn't funny i'm sorry#the moral of the story is that you never know what others are going through i guess#disabled#actually disabled#chronic illness#chronic disability#graves disease#hyperthyroidism
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🧍🏻 girl help the blood tests came back and I do possibly have pre-hypothyroidism. They want me to come back in 3 months to do another panel just in case bc smth was apparently way way too high 😭 wtf !!
#I don’t know what they’ll do if it’s confirmed I mean. I mean they confirmed my levels are high but maybe it’s a fluke 😭 PLSS if that’s#actually fr a reason or contributing factor to my mental stuff I will lose it I don’t want another diagnosis I have enough shit wrong!!!#enoughhhhh like stoppp ittttt 😂 please. ☹️#I am also going to …book an appointment w a disability lawyer#I once again quit a job after 2 days 😔#but I’m alive! I survived a level 10 brain crisis . I can’t keep getting jobs and then having huge horrible week long meltdowns over them#it’s disability or bust!!!! if the lawyer tells me it’s not realistic and she doesn’t think I’ll get it idk 😭#but like. I’m not able to work rn. I can’t keep lying and downplaying it and then spending weeks recovering after meltdowns#it’s not sustainable!!!! it cannot continue!!!!#literally nervously admitted to my sister how bad it actually is and saying it out loud was so hard and embarrassing but…#I promised the crisis hotline lady I’d get help and tell my support system that I need help. I will not let her down 🫡 I will get help#if I have to drag myself. which I will .#lol…(pained) I rly hope the lawyer takes me seriously 😐#medical talk#sanchoyorambles#actually thyroid issues run in the family my grandma has thyroid issues!!! I’ve gone w her to a specialist that’s like 3 hours away!!!#maybe I shouldn’t be surprised but I genuinely am I am like wtf!! bro !!#I mean tbf I’ve had anxiety forever like even as a very small child so I don’t think that’s the ONLY reason but if it’s contributing…🔫#I don’t even kno how they’d treat that I will look it up I guess 🧍🏻
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Girl help I keep thinking about freaking persona 4
#i have banned myself from engaging with any persona 4 related content (except for memes my sister sends me)#because yeah its genuinely deeply upsetting for me and i always feel like absolute shit#but aghhh for some reason my brain has been fixated on it this week thinking about all the offensive garbage it is#and i keep thinking of all the evidence i can gather definitively proving that the writing is sooooo homophobic/transphobic#which is a very easy thing to gather up and prove since its all over the damn place lol#but like im just so fixated on how awful the game is and how the fans are even worse and i have this urge to argue forever#something im sure a lot of yall can relate to#cuz god it hurts to be screaming at people that theyre hurting you and for them to just say no to you as if its up for debate#if this sounds dramatic cuz its Juat A Game liiiike no its not Just A Game this is about#my daily life requires me to argue my existence constantly and its the same for every other damn marginalized person out there#and idk if youre still gonna either ignore or deny that persona 4 isnt batshit insanely offensive then youre stupid#i dont have the patience to argue shit like this anymore because theres no way someone with a brain can deny shit like that#and quite frankly even well intentioned queer fans who try to make headcanons that either say fuck you to the game#or hcs that do nothing at all to challenge the bigotry in p4 are kinda annoying to me#cuz it hurts too much to play along like yeah id LOVE to just slap a rainbow on kanji and a trans guy badge on naoto#and call it a day and enjoy the game outside of it all but thats kinda impossible#when these two characters entire existence revolves around the bigotry and its done in a way that hurts like hell to see#its too real for me to enjoy even if i make positive ‘fuck you atlus’ fan art#yeah ughhhh whatever its just annoying cuz I’ve been doing a good job at blocking this game away from my life#cuz it brought nothing but anger to me but its just been something thats been stuck on me lately#and im really not sure what triggered this or why its been lingering so long like please stoppp#its really embarrassing to be having bad mental illness over a shitty bibleo game 🙄
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MY MANAGER PISSES ME THE FUCK OFFF at work today and she pulls me aside and is like You and other coworker walked right past a customer and i was on the phone and we made eye contact and kind of just laughed about it So please dont do that LIKE GIRL ? WHY R U ACTING LIKE THERES NOT 4 OTHER PEOPLE AROUND MEEE who can serve & also its literally not my fault if i didnt see ONE fucking customer & PEOPLE HAVE VOICES LIKE speak the FUCK up if you want to be served i swear to god they want me to have eyes in the back of my fucking head i dont think any regular human being could work a deli job because its the most stressful fucking thing in the world i am so tired of customers being like you must really get your steps in mf i walk to the bus stop at 6 in the morning to work an 8hr shift which i will be entirely on my feet for and then i walk back to the bus stop and then get on the bus and then walk home like i literally am living a type of hell u Could never comprehend because you cannot comprehend a customer service job .
#text#and AURR IM SICK OF REDACTED WHO IS JUST LIke hehe let me do dishes my whole shift like why not come around the front#bc our manager is watching me like a fucking hawk#im literally soo wish there was some malicious compliance i could play into#but i swear sometimes she goes to ask me to serve AND I AM ALREADY SERVING !#its just constant serving one customer after the other i cannot fucking wait#to quit this motherfucking job and kill myself because i cant take another day of her telling me serve customers or Like#keep my eye out IM SO STRESSED OUT AT THIS JOB ALL THE TIMEEEE#and this man today was trying to play jokes with me but they werent funny so i just kept saying okay#and he was like im just messing with you haha#and ik he felt damn awkward after like yeah u should feel fucking awkward IT WASNT FUNNY & DONT TRY TO JOKE AROUND WITH ME#the way that customers say things to me they think r funny or quirky or cute and im just like okay so what were you after#and then they dont know what to do w me im not here to play arounnd Brother do u want ham or fucking not#valkyrie.txt#also i need to clarify bc apparently in america a deli is something different to in australia#which americans literlaly dont fucking say shit abt it im not in the mood 4 it#its a delicatessen
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