#pumpkin spice lattes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

onthevirgeofdestruction · 1 year

Link

Pumpkin Spice

Remy’s irresponsible roommate Virgil has uttered the most vile and detestable thing to Remy in all existence, so Remy decide to get him back with a series of pranks. Remy wants to see how far he can go until Virgil tells him off to get sweet, sweet vengeance for the blaspheme. But the reaction he got from Virgil isn't the one that Remy expected.

Words: 12,025 Warnings: Food, Mild Derogatory Language (Remy and all), Bickering, Pranks Characters: Remy, Virgil Genre: Fluff & Humour Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Human, Sleep | Remy Sanders-centric, Remy is a Little Shit, Remy is Bossy, Remy is trying (and trying), Remy has Zero chill about Pumpkin Spice, Virgil is a mess (and messy), Misunderstood Virgil, Accidental Classical Conditioning, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Cussing, Enemies to Lovers, and they were roommates, oh my god they were roommates

Remy’s eyes gleamed with excitement as he stepped into the coffee shop. Pumpkin spice was finally in season, and he would be at his best. He stood in line impatiently, crossing his arms and tapping his foot while he waited. He should have used the app to place a pickup order, but Remy wanted it as fresh as possible. Remy glanced around the coffee shop disinterestedly as he waited. He just wanted his drink, damnit.

The line moved and Remy finally got to order his pumpkin spice latte in the largest size, feeling very gratified with himself as the machine chirped as it accepted his payment. Remy went to go stand by the counter and wait for his gourdy heaven. He counted every second it took to get it, growing more frustrated by the minute. When it was finally ready, Remy had snatched the cup and stolen a sip before the barista even finished calling out his name. It was an ill-advised move that resulted in him burning his tongue slightly, but Remy didn’t regret it for a second.

It flooded his mouth with delicious seasonal spices and the smooth creamy latte, making the whole world feel right again. Remy turned and marched outside, heading home with his fresh cup of joy. It was his day off, and he now had the delicious resource to start it out in the best way. Nothing could ruin his day now.

Remy savoured every small sip of his coffee on the walk home, a pep in his step as he strode into his apartment. His keys jangled loudly as he threw them on the pass-through entryway arch counter. After relishing a deep breath of his liquid ambrosia, he turned the corner past the arch to throw himself unceremoniously on the couch. He landed on a loose hoodie and grunted bitterly, pulling it out from under himself and throwing it on the arm. Damn his messy roommate.

Still, that couldn’t get him down. Remy clicked on the television and loaded up a movie to veg out to. He picked a highly rated romance film and leaned back, kicking up his feet on the support bars of the coffee table. A long sip and lingering flavour of delicious pumpkin-spiced latte across his tongue helped him bask in the day off even more. Remy was so right about requesting his high holy day off from work to enjoy every second of it.

One movie later, Remy felt refreshed and well caffeinated by his now completed coffee. He stood up from the couch and headed into the kitchen to rinse and wash his reusable coffee cup, but was hindered by a sink full of dishes. Remy glowered at the dish pile with contempt. Damnit, Virgil. Remy did his best to push his roommate’s dishes aside and clean out his cup, but it splashed him with gross dishwater despite his best efforts.

Remy groaned loudly and put the cup in the rack to dry and went to his bedroom to change shirts. This was his day off. He’s trying to recover. He needs to be an adult about this… but goddamnit if he didn’t want to call Virgil up right now and give him a piece of his mind. But that’s not what today was about. He was supposed to be recharging his beautiful batteries on the sacred day off. Remy sighed and retreated to his room, opting to spend some time trying to learn guitar instead.

An hour of guitar practice, lunch, a face mask, a nap, and another movie later, Remy was craving another pumpkin-spiced crack. He glanced at the clock, seeing that the sun was nearly set, but he didn’t care too much. Remy had the money and the coffee shop was close by and still open, and that’s all that mattered right now. He picked up his things and headed back out.

At this time in the evening, there was zero line and Remy got a hold of his drink promptly. He didn’t even bother with decaf, caffeine didn’t seem to wake him up the way it did other people. It just sort of helped him feel more evened out and capable than anything else, so he could still get to sleep on time for his stupid early shift tomorrow. When he took the first drink for the second time today, it filled him with all the good, warm feelings as before. The feeling of crunching leaves in his soul.

Remy opened the door to the apartment and dropped off his keys, pausing at the sight of Virgil collapsed on the small dining table with a pile of his own detritus around him. He rolled his eyes, the sweet flavour that lingered on his tongue bittered by the scene in front of him. Virgil was gripping a cup of water for dear life at the table, his face directly down. When Remy cleared his throat next to the table and took another sip, Virgil groaned and looked up.

“Oh, hey Remy,” he rasped out. “I had the worst fucking day. I couldn’t even find my favourite hoodie, so I was running late. I had to stay after two hours, and got chewed out by three people,” he explained, dropping his head back down to the table with a thud.

“That’s because you left it on the couch,” Remy stated flatly, leaning up against the wall. “And I had a fantastic day,” he announced with pride, just to rub it in. Virgil just groaned again, letting out a grievous sigh after the pissy noises.

“Good for you,” Virgil replied sarcastically.

“It is, isn’t it?” Remy hummed and took another sip of coffee.

“If you had such a good day, how about you make us dinner?” Virgil asked bitterly into the table.

“Hmm,” Remy stalled, watching Virgil for a moment and letting him stew. “Enjoy your sandwich, babe!” He announced, lifting his drink at Virgil with a smug smile. “That is, if you left yourself any clean plates to eat it on,” he added more sourly, shooting Virgil a dirty look.

“My alarm went off late. I thought I had more time for breakfast than I did and missed my dishes, okay?” Virgil shot back defensively.

“I see two meals worth of dishes in there,” Remy pointed out the flaw in his excuse.

“I spaced out, okay? Give me a fucking break. They have overworked me to hell lately. It’s like eight whole dishes, not the end of the fucking world,” Virgil scoffed and spoke curtly, though with his nose crushed against the table, it curbed the bite to his voice.

“I’ll end your world if we get bugs,” Remy snapped back, glaring at the lump of a man against the table.

“For fuck’s sake, if I order us delivery will you do my dishes so that we don’t”—Virgil switched to a mocking tone mid sentence, higher pitched and bitchier, now—“get bugs.” Virgil made weak finger quotes against the table to go with the mocking.

Remy bristled for a moment and nearly shot back, but considered it practically for a moment. He wouldn’t have to cook, he’d save money on dinner, and it was maybe twenty minutes of dishes and cleaning off the counters after. Probably also wiping up after dinner. All that was reasonably worth the money he’d save like this and could get another pumpkin spice latte or two with the savings…

Virgil flipped his head to glance over at Remy, looking kind of hopeful. Wow, he really didn’t want to do dishes that bad? Remy couldn’t believe how irresponsible Virgil could be, but at least he was getting something out of it this time. “Deal. I’ll wipe up after dinner, even. Assuming you’re not talking about fast food, anyway,” Remy agreed airily, though there was still a sharp aspect to his tone.

“I need a solid meal, not just filling comfort crap,” Virgil huffed and sluggishly reached into his pants pockets with a minor struggle to pull out his phone. He poked around for a bit on his smartphone while Remy enjoyed his coffee and watched Virgil eat his humble pie.

“The Korean-Mexican place has 15% off. Does that sound good?” Virgil asked wearily.

“Yeah, gimme.” Remy stepped closer and motioned with his fingers to hand over the phone. Virgil passed it off and Remy ordered what he wanted. He could be petty and order something expensive, but he still had to split the bills with this jerk. “Do you want to split an order of kimchi fries?” Remy asked passively, building his burrito on the app. Virgil nodded into the table, the bags under his eyes looking deeper than normal. Remy added them on to make it a combo and grabbed a limeade and slid it back onto the table, then went to wash the dishes, leaving his drink on the counter near the sink.

“Why’d you get a drink if you already have one?” Virgil asked curiously, still clicking through the app.

“Pumpkin spice doesn’t pair well with burritos,” Remy answered, shrugging a little and slipping on the dish gloves.

“Ugh,” Virgil made a disgusted noise. “They’re gross on their own, even without cilantro. Says a little over an hour for delivery.” Virgil didn’t even give Remy a chance to object to that complete and utter heresy he just uttered.

“Excuse me?” Remy asked incredulously, stopping in his tracks entirely. He didn’t know how to process that.

“An hour is pretty reasonable delivery time, dude,” Virgil responded disbelievingly.

“No, bitch, not about that, that’s fine, I’m talking about how you think pumpkin spice is gross,” Remy stated, completely baffled by that sentiment.

“It’s overrated old-people spices. Plus, the latte just tastes like licking a scented candle,” Virgil answered, doubling down on the blasphemies. Remy fought the urge to throw Virgil’s dirty skillet at him and glared at him so intensely that it hurt his forehead, but Virgil wasn’t looking to see his scorn. “Anyway, more for you, man.” Virgil stiffed a yawn.

Ugh, the roommate matching service was so fucking wrong about this match-up. Remy gripped the sink and took a deep breath, grabbing a dish to wash through his frustration. They had fucking nothing in common and living with him was so damn grating, but they signed a lease together with the agreement they have to find their replacement if they don’t stay, even if Virgil was messy and always forgot his fair share of the chores.

Free food, Remy… Free food. Free food and halved bills, plus Virgil’s almost always at work, anyway. He could have landed a worse roommate, even if Virgil was sucky. Remy scrubbed the dishes with his irate energy, getting anything left from last night unstuck with ease. Suds flew about, but he was going to clean the counter, anyway.

Virgil started getting up from the table, and Remy shot him a quick “Take your shit to your room,” rather than the scathing comments he wanted to say, just for the sake of not pissing Virgil so much he spite-eats Remy’s dinner. Because he had done that before. Remy would have been impressed if he wasn’t still tee’d off about it. Though admittedly, Remy had lost any of the begrudging respect Virgil had earned for doing that with his ‘overrated’ comment. The fucking audacity of this bitch.

Remy looked behind him to see that Virgil had at least cleared the table of his shit, though his shoes stayed kicked off in the middle of the small front hall and his hoodie was still on the couch, so he half-assed it at best. Remy cleaned off the counters and Virgil’s face sweat from the table as his last step, and put away the gloves. He went to kick Virgil’s shoes to the side so that nobody would trip over them later, though he’d love to watch Virgil eat it on the ground over his own shoes sometime. But if he tripped and spilled all their food, that would be terrible.

He had a TV episode’s amount of time until the food got there and Virgil had already holed up in his room, so Remy plopped back down in front of the TV to pass the time and finish his latte. He put on a wonderfully gay show and leaned back, pulling out his phone and scrolling social media while he watched it. It was nice to see some gay fluffy nonsense on TV instead of all the gay drama for once, and it evened out Remy’s anger a bit.

Virgil came back out part way through the next episode and retrieved the delivery from the doorstep. Remy wasn’t sure if he missed the knock or the delivery person just didn’t knock, but at least dinner was here. Dinner got spread on the table and Virgil sat down to eat slowly, leaving the fries in the middle. Remy sighed, realizing if they shared something, it would be more practical to eat with him. He should never have offered to split them. He got up to join Virgil at the table, leaving his show on so that he could very easily and pointedly ignore Virgil while they ate.

The food was all delicious, though. The limeade paired well with everything, too. Virgil leaned on one elbow, also watching the show and thankfully not talking. Remy couldn’t even with him right now. He would have spite-ate all the fries if they didn’t have massive burritos, and he didn’t want to have a stomach ache and make tomorrow harder on himself.

He’d learned to pick his battles after a while. Virgil didn’t start them (though he’d certainly caused them) but he could finish them. Otherwise, he’d still be up in arms about the hateful comment earlier that Virgil insulted Remy’s very lifeblood. Though maybe he needed to line up a prank or something.

Read the Rest on AO3!

21 notes · View notes