#probably with similar taste and goals and personalities that mesh with the two to want to let them join | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

haikyuu-matches · 3 years

Text

｡˚✰˚✦ 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐁𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐏

exchange with @necr0misis

— ❛ 𝗂𝖿 𝗂 𝗄𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗂𝗌, 𝗂𝗍 𝗂𝗌 𝖻𝖾𝖼𝖺𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎 ❜

˚✶⋆｡˚☆ﾟ✦

thank you so much for waiting !! and, thank you for bearing with me. i really hope you like this in spite of such a long wait (over a month oof--) ! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

˚✶⋆｡˚☆ﾟ✦

— 【❈】 ‣ i match you up with … 𝐌𝐈𝐘𝐀 𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐔 !!

you and atsumu would make such a powerful pair that i can’t think of matching you up with anyone else. first and foremost, i can imagine you two not getting along splendidly (*cough* frenemies to lovers trope *cough*), but as time goes on, you two will realize you harbor romantic feelings for each other !! and it’s actually goals--

it kind of goes like this: you don’t necessarily like how atsumu . . . has an arrogant streak. you can tell he knows he’s hot shit. he has this habit of calling things as he sees it, which is both admirable and kind of rude. he holds himself and others to a high standard. he sometimes fails to look at the way he treats others. even if he does see it, he doesn’t care enough to change himself.

whereas. . . you’re a bit of a foil to him. you’re kinder in your approach. given you’re naturally smart & you feel obligated to help others no matter how busy you are, you are so selfless! as opposed to atsumu, you recognize your flaws with social interactions! you try to fix it by sympathizing with and helping others even if it’s not natural to you.

with that note-- atsumu ends up realizing this about you & he think it’s pretty endearing. although he would be fairly annoyed that people may take advantage of you since you have a problem saying “no” to others. he’ll surprise you by seriously letting you know he has no problem letting down people for you if you ever need it.

it’s the small things that will shift your view on atsumu, and in turn, push you guys closer--

essentially, you may not like him especially at first. but ! i feel like you would see some of yourself in him, and you have more similarities than you both stubbornly refuse to admit. one being the fact you two hold such high expectations for yourselves, and you aren’t satisfied with the bare minimum. arguably, you both have this quality where if you’re passionate about something, you two will obsess over it and work at it.

i can see you guys often bumping into each other because you two are always working. you can’t avoid each other lol. with atsumu working on his volleyball skills on the court, and you working on crossfit in the gym, you see each other in passing ALL THE TIME.

when you two become close enough. . . in passing, you will playfully jab at each other about your respective work. to the onlookers, it’s definitely flirting, but to you guys, it’s not just that because your words definitely have an impact on each other. whether you intended this or not, you two push each other to be better with your teasing and sometimes brutal words.

for example, to the handsome setter, you might say something like “your serve’s looking weak there; you sure you’re putting in enough work ?” and that kind of riles atsumu up. he’d want to do better because his game depends on it, but also a large part of him (ahem, his ego) would want to prove you wrong. besides . . . is he a bit attracted with that someone who has the audacity to say such things to him? oh, that’s an easy yes.

on a different note, you never have to worry about filtering your words or saying something to appease atsumu. in fact, the setter would always want you to be “unapologetically yourself”, and he’d never want you to change for the supposed norm. i feel like he had a pretty apathetic view when it came to girls before meeting you (that squealin’ pig scene comes to mind dfiosjls).

he didn’t really seem to have an interest in relationships since he’s so dialed in on volleyball. however, in terms of what he generally looks for in a girlfriend, osamu remarks atsumu’s whipped for someone who has enough confidence to deal with his blunt, crude ways & not take everything he says so sensitively.

after a moment or two . . . atsumu will realize that’s literally you. catch osamu being like obviously

the two of you would be perfect because you stand your ground & call him out for his bullcrap. you just have this effect on him where you basically ground him & keep him more structured if that makes sense. in any case, you’re not so delicate and insecure that atsumu has to walk on ice for you. and vice versa.

also- atsumu loses it when you use your sarcastic humor & sharp wit against him. he absolutely lives for the banter you have. honestly, there’s so much tension whenever you guys are together that people just want you to kiss already. and you guys will. . . but in due time ~

it’s a bit of slow burn because it takes you both awhile to come to terms to the fact you like each other so much. . . even though you probably exchange more harsh comments than kind ones. after all, there’s a thin line between love and hate. yet, you two both get the unspoken message in spite of those words. but yeah, grappling with these feelings is hard. . .

when you guys finally exchange numbers (because you’re not just enemies now but perhaps friends-), atsumu surprisingly gets most of your memes you send him?? like, , , it’s kind of weird how he’s on the same wavelength as you, and you’re just like how does he know all these references??

by the way, your taste in music ? immaculate.

atsumu will definitely get into 70s music because that’s all you force let him to listen to when you’re hanging out. i can imagine that once you two become a thing, you’ll definitely have impromptu singing where atsumu is singing horridly (maybe on purpose to get on your nerves) and you’re trying to offset it. tbh, david bowie would cringe at atsumu’s poor rendition.

your hobbies of studying theoretical fields & absurd theories about reality may go over atsumu’s head at times, but he finds this side of yours rlly intriguing. he’s the "smarter” twin, so he’ll try to show off what knowledge he does possess in order to capture your affections. study dates are basically you two trying to roast each other & flirt more so than studying ahah.

generally speaking, you two tend to match each other’s energy, and i feel like it wouldn’t take too, too long for you to open up to atsumu and him for you. at least for friendship wise. there was initial dislike, but you two just mesh so well that the dislike kind of becomes a thing of the past.. like you two will find that you’re laughing and giggling in each other’s presence instead of just going at each other’s throats— you two can show your silly & goofy sides and i’m all here for that. just, the development!

and yes, it may take awhile for atsumu to accept his feelings for you, but once he does, he’ll make it clear what his intentions are. he’ll actually be a little weird at first because he’ll try to do something thoughtful or kind, like killing a spider instead of laughing at your horror like he normally does. and it’s unsettling to you.

anyway ! i feel like he’d just out of nowhere confess to you & you’re just left with a shook face because he likes you?? given your history with crushes, you weren’t expecting for atsumu to take that sort of interest in you but now you’re left with him awaiting your answer. . .

you say yes eventually- but atsumu definitely teases you for your mental lapse. but really his heart is doing somersaults and he’s over the moon-

honestly you two are like that athletic couple?? you doing crossfit and also swimming & atsumu doing volleyball? you two just look perfect together.

but also, power to you guys for working hard & chasing your dreams-- it’s so inspiring. atsumu will 100% support all your dreams & endeavors even if they seem all over the place. like if you want to go into biomedical engineering, yes, atsumu will be there for a caffeine run if you need some for studying. or perhaps even astrophysics? atsumu will do his best to support you with whatever it may be-- even with his own busy schedule. his actions tend to show his love than his words.

to conclude, atsumu and you would make such a great match. because there would be obvious attraction but also that relentless, aggressive support. there’s some stark differences in your personalities, yes, but there’s also enough similarities to keep you two compatible as well. i see your relationship as a crackling fire because i get “eternal flame” vibes from you two. like your relationship will stay alive in spite of fights or arguments, and the passion to relay your love for each other will remain through and through.

possible runner-ups:

iwaizumi hajime

tsukishima kei

9 notes · View notes

traumatized-motherfuckers · 3 years

Text

CPTSD relationship patterns on repeat

Listen wherever you stream, search “complex trauma” and subscribe. Or, find episodes, blog posts, and a private support community at t-mfrs.com

.............................................................................................................................

Things I’ve gotten good at throughout this Trauma journey:

Seeing connections between where I’m from and where I am

Thinking for the first time about where I’m going

Letting myself have emotions

Letting those emotions go

Redirecting my energy and attention away from ruminating

Being accountable for my own feelings

Being accountable for times of being a shithead

Listening and validating other humans

Listening and validating myself

Recognizing what circumstances do/don’t work for me

Realizing how my codependency plays with relationships

Letting go of self-hate inner critic talk

Reframing events with reasonable views

Accepting myself, even when I first want to thrash myself

Semi-consistently caring for myself

Setting realistic boundaries and goals

Sleeping

Things I’m still shitty at:

Letting my overwhelm skew reality

Anxious self-slave-driving

Being a snarky turd when my head is overloaded

Taking on other people’s energies and emotions

Trusting myself in all areas of life

Forming healthy relationships.

Okay, it’s that last one that has me most perpetually fighting feelings of panic and doom.

This seems like an apt way to kick off the new year. I think a lot of us have questions about relationships and would like to improve our operations in 2021. I can also tell you, this one is extremely appropriate looking back at the last year of my life.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned in the past few spins around the sun has been how romance does - and definitely doesn't - fit into my life. I think 2020 was particularly packed full of important lectures and pop quizzes, many of which I failed. It felt like knowing that the correct answer was C, but finding my hand filling in the circle for A every time, anyways.

This is a terrible ideaaaa... and I'm doing it. Pause for about 2 months. Now I'm upset that it was a terrible idea.

Yeah, it's been great. But I have no one to blame but myself. Because as much as I've worked on this trauma management life of mine, I haven't done a good job of working on the relationship aspect of it. I've let my usual patterns dominate. And that's what needs to be examined today.

I mean. Can someone tell me about healthy relationships in functional terms? What IS that even?

Look, I’m not hoping that someone will pop up and share some, “mutual respect, good communication, trust, support, care, similar goals, similar beliefs…” sort of shit. I fucking KNOW about the idealistic, flowery terms that all the light-hearted couples counselors recommend establishing for a happy relationship. I get it.

I’m not ignorant when it comes to the ways humans should interact. I’ve had enough experience with friendships and relationships, alike, to understand the basics of person-to-person interactions. I know I talk about myself like I’ve been a feral child locked in a cage for 20 years, but the truth is that if you met me on the streets I’d probably seem like a normal, well-adapted, personable human being. That Leo Ascendant component of my personality tricks people into actually thinking I’m an extrovert who wants attention. (Hilarious, explains a lot of comments I’ve gotten in my past)

Nah, I’m not asking for the trite descriptions of a healthy partnership that everyone who’s ever been friends on a basic girl’s Facebook has seen before in cursive writing on top of a washed-out pink-tinted field. Those are empty sounding words that I don’t believe most couples manage to put into action, no matter how many selfies they take together or labradoodles they adopt.

For me, Fuckers, the mystery isn’t, “in a fairytale world, how do two humans interact to have a lifelong bliss factory?” Respect, trust, appreciation, mutual understanding… blah blah blah. What the fuck ever.

The real question is how.

And, shit, let me just be honest with all of you - not just the Patrons who’ve already heard my personal bitching - it’s on my mind because I did a thing I definitely should not have… recently, I got into a new romantic relationship that I definitely was not looking for. I’ll spare you all the details today, but know that I’ve entered it kicking and screaming, and it’s caused me a lot of grief already.

Let the life shittery begin! Can’t wait to be destroyed.

Today, I want to bring this personal fire burning in my gut into the podcast. Motherfuck me, if it hasn’t become difficult to ignore… plus, I know that a lot of us Traumatized folks are in a similar boat when it comes to relationship confusion, unhealth, and destruction. So let’s just count the ways that I have no idea how to do this right and I’m destined to be let down by my poor choices.

This time around, I'm bringing you a list of all the ways I tend to fuck things up with other humans. In part, due to Complex Trauma. In other part, probably due to my own personal shortcomings. Listed in no particular order. On a later date, I'm going to be revisiting a lot of these patterns as I examine how early life set a lot of us up for a lot of abuse acceptance in greater detail. Stick around for those continuations on romantic disaster, if this sounds like you, too.

I'm talking about:

Partner choice: Musicians, narcissists, and addicts

Emotional codependency

Mistrust

… That turns into willful blind belief of their words

Inadequacy

Parenting analogues

Authority figures & disappointment

Misdirected commitment

Learned helplessness

Partner choice: Musicians, narcissists and addicts

Who has bad taste in partners? Over and over and over again? It’s me! And probably a lot of you.

Maybe that’s not fair. Maybe they’ve been wonderful guys who just didn’t mesh well with my inner or outer world… but I can tell you, there have been some similarities, and they don’t bode well for a happy future together.

You know me by now. Difficulty connecting with “normal” humans, no interest in small talk, a huge fan of deep emotional honesty, a bit gritty and assholeish, tends to be repelled by anything too widely embraced by the general public, definitely comes with a difficult past, fears of the future, and ongoing challenges in the present.

So, who do you think I get along with? Ivy leaguers with stable, supportive families, an optimistic outlook, and a 20-year plan? Or equally messy and complex humans with a set of neuroses handed down from their unexamined early traumas that make them similarly bitter and disillusioned with life? Just… probably hidden from immediate sight.

Grown men who’ve responsibly built a life for themselves with ambition, personal insight, and balance? Or man-children who’re still figuring out that they can’t drink every night of the week if they want to be functional in life and financially sound? But... with their addictions hidden behind “an appreciation for fine whiskies” or a necessity to sample the craft beer they brew.

Independent, confident humans who have no problem running their own world like a boss and trust that I’m capable of doing the same, with integrity and respect? Or distrustful turds who need me to be in their sight, half-directing their lives at all times unless I’m aiming to be accused of cheating, lying, and being unable to care for myself? Only… they hide their controlling and aggressive tendencies behind go-with-the-flow facades in the beginning.

If you guessed “B” in all three examples, you are correct!

Plus... so, so many musicians. Like, the last 6 of them have either subscribed to guitar or drum camp. And that hasn't been a purposeful decision - those are just the men I get along with until we hate each other.

It's always a rapid connection, a mutual respect for our interests in the arts, and a shared shitty attitude that starts out directed at the world and ends directed at each other. So many emotions. So many ups and downs. So many proclamations of "I can't live without you!" until the day we run in opposite directions and never look back.

Is that a coincidence? Or are all musical folk a bit wild? I hate to generalize, but I can tell you with great amusement that if you start typing "Are all musicians..." into Google, it will autocomplete with "cheaters, narcissists, and crazy." It also suggests "rich," but I can tell you for a fact that isn't true. The narcissist thing... uh.... very well might be correct. But I'll leave that for someone else to study.

So, I don't know what to make of this trend. There do seem to be some commonalities between the musicians in my past life - and they do seem to be categorized by the instrument of choice. For instance, drummers are never concerned with my time, and guitarists are emotional catastrophes. But what do I know? Can't make sweeping conclusions... I, at least, need a larger sample size. With my track record, I'm sure I'll have the numbers soon enough.

Congratulations if you predicted nothing but unstable disasters in my past. It's true, I’m an idiot. Okay, that’s not fair. No inner critic talk. Get out of here, Pam and Karen.

The fact of the matter is, I am a terrible judge of character when I start sensing a connection. I tend to connect with people who have complicated lives and inner worlds, just like I do. And from what I can tell, that is always my downfall.

Challenging connections

Let’s go ahead and chalk this one up to never having close connections or support growing up.

You know what I always wanted, hoped for, and idealized as a kid? Someone loving me. Another human actually understanding my weirdness and signing on for more. The idea of a human who wanted to know what I thought and felt. The option of spending time with someone and feeling cared for. Also, somebody finding me attractive, instead of being repulsed by my ass-length ginger hair, flat chest, dorky hand-me-downs, bleach-stained horse sweaters, and buck teeth... also would have been a dream come true.

I’m pretty sure that growing up lonely didn’t help me in any regard when it came to my later-in-life relationship problems. Starving for connection apparently puts you in a state of deprivation, where you’re likely to think anything is better than the empty feeling inside. You know, just for the rest of your life or so.

To this day, if I meet someone and we’re able to converse without abundant clarifications or apologies for the prickly things that come out of my mouth as dry humor or unbendable opinions… we’re on a roll. If we can connect over shared perspectives on humans, life, and psychology… things are getting more serious. If we can honestly talk about the ways we’re horrible to ourselves and joke about our shared challenges in figuring out what the point of this shitty slip-and-slide of life is about… uh oh, this might be a real connection.

And so, it makes sense that I connect with all the most complicated people you’d ever meet. And we connect INTENSELY. I’m complicated, myself, and I look for folks who can accept it without their heads exploding. I’m never going to be happy holding conversations with Sports Bar Joe or Pretty Boy Blaine. They’re never going to understand the internal strife that dominates my world. I’m never going to understand how they can be all *happy,* *close with their families,* and *laid back about life.*

Gross. I can’t even say the words.

But give me the angstiest, most anxious, most misunderstood dude on the block, and we’re likely to get along swimmingly. We’ll talk over beers until the birds start to chirp. We’ll joke in our native tongues, playing with words, obscure references, and dry humor as if we’ve known each other for 25 years. We’ll share secrets about our tumultuous inner worlds and the ways that we can’t seem to get our heads on straight enough to keep our ships on course.

And the next thing you know, we’ll be incestuously connected with a somewhat false sense of intimacy that erupts out of the gates. “No one has ever understood me the way you do. I can really be myself around you. I’ve never had such easy conversations about this shit before.”

… That’s about the point when I lose all perspective. There’s a tunnel running from my face to this dude’s heart. I stop seeing things for what they are. I project a kinder, gentler, more well-intended personality on the subject of my feels. I quickly turn a blind eye to all the shit they’re doing that I wholeheartedly hate or otherwise cause my red flags to be unpacked.

I feel like I know them, inside and out. I feel like I can help them - like we can help each other - to sort through this dumb world we’ve been born into and all the circumstances holding us back. A real Sid and Nancy storyline emerges. No one gets him like I do. If only they could see the things I see. We’re just two broken souls who found each other, a little rough around the edges, but we see the diamonds underneath. And we’re in this battle together from now on.

Yeah, right.

Sooooo… This is how I wind up with the unpredictable narcissists who seem like nice guys, the secret addicts who keep their substance abuse hidden from everyone, and the emotional abusers who are ready to leverage my mental health admissions against me the first time they get the chance. Dudes who have highly emotional worlds and no idea how to deal with them. Men who don’t want to explore their own shortcomings and instead choose avoidant courses in life.

And, again, the musicians. So, so many musicians. I really am coming to think that they’re the most fucked up people of all - and that's saying a lot coming from me. Generally speaking, I've seen that there’s no sense of personal responsibility, an obsession with themselves, and a hidden inferiority complex that turns them into bitchy little dogs when they feel threatened. What’s with that, anyways? Can you guys try to be more original in your plight to be the most original?

Okay, anyways. Sorry to keep dragging on musicians.

The point is, my attempts at relationships start out on the wrong foot. Choosing the wrong partner is a pretty surefire way to dash all hopes for those fluffy ideals I mentioned earlier. No one is going to respect me, listen to me, or support me when they’re too busy dealing with their own alcoholism, abandonment issues, and narcissistic flailings… or, not dealing with them, to be more specific.

We aren’t going to be able to work through things when they’re consumed with being the king of the world, hiding from all negative emotions, and trying to keep their head away from analysing their own actions. Hell, it’ll be difficult to even find the time for serious talks, since they’re so busy traveling to band practices, hustling away for barely-paying gigs, and staring at their social media while they count the ways they’re victims of the universe.

Choose imbalanced, mentally ill, self-serving partners… get unhealthy, controlling, unpredictable relationships. Pretty goddamn obvious. And yet, I still can never seem to see the full picture of the human who’s caught my attention through the fog that’s created by the connection of our shared dysfunctions.

I guess this is where that, “love yourself and get yourself healthy first,” sentiment comes into play, so the connections don’t continue to be as disasterious as your personal experience is. Hopefully I’m on the right path in my own journey, at least. Also, a lot less starved for connection. I got y’all Motherfuckers in the Discord community, for starters. And I’ve become determined to live a life where I support myself and rely on no one outside of Archie’s snuggles, for finishers.

Step one: Be careful about who you deem a good person, just because you can share self-deprecating jokes about being nutjobs and similar musical interests. Learn to choose someone who isn’t an even trashier trash human than you are. It’s a start.

Emotional codependency

Hand in hand with forming connections that include deep emotional outpourings and admissions of all the dark things we hide from the light at our office jobs… comes codependency.

I’ve said it before and let me say it again… I didn’t understand codependency until very recently.

In my mind, it was akin to those creepy couples who won’t leave the house without each other, have the same friends, interests, and opinions on everything... and possibly wear matching cat shirts. Those people who never spend time with other humans because they're too busy being shoved up their partner’s ass. The folks who call to check in on each other throughout the day when they’re at work. Gag. Particularly, I imagined those pathetic girls who cry when their boyfriend is out of sight and post 12 pictures a day of them together.

Rightfully, I scoffed and insisted that I didn't have problems with codependency. That’s not me. But it turns out, this view isn’t quite right, so much as I was being an uninformed asshole.

Codependency doesn’t mean you’re a needy, incapable human being who sucks the life power out of someone else, like I used to think. Codependency is a two-way relationship defined by poor boundaries and non-existent emotional regulation. Two humans who see their experiences as one, all the way down to how they feel and how they deal with how they feel. (i.e. turning to their significant other for comfort and emotional control in a time of need instead of working through it by themselves). Relationships where the emotions are transferred from party to party until it's unclear who’s bringing what dish to the gathering. Waking up not knowing how your day is going to be, because it depends on how someone else feels about theirs. Emotional enablement city.

Oh, yeah, when you put it like that, I definitely have issues with codependency.

For me, the codependency is largely going to be emotional. In the past, I didn’t know how to have a relationship of any sort without having a third influence in the mix. There was the person, myself, and our shared emotions... that often called more shots than either of us did.

Because I tend to be on the empath scale (although I do everything I can to fight it out of defense), I think I’m naturally tuned into other people’s emotional and energetic states, for better or for worse. When someone walks into the room with a bad vibe, I feel it to my core. I become so uncomfortable that I take it on myself to try to “fix” the problem for them, and in doing so, I avoid the negative sensation, myself. This is negative reinforcement, if anyone wanted to ABA with me.

That being said, clearly if my boo is having a hard time… it’s not okay. They’re in a shit place and therefore so am I. I must do whatever I can to make it better. To sit down and talk in circles with them, if that’s what relieves some of their tension. To commiserate about how unfair the circumstances are. To validate the negativity that they’re projecting and wallowing in.

Don’t worry though, this goes the other way, too. In the past, I have fully expected my romantic partners to alleviate any inner discomfort that I’ve felt. If I was having a low-down day, I wanted them to cheer me up. If I was full of anxiety, I wanted them to find a way to release it. If I was frustrated with a work situation or coworker, I wanted them to be as angry and indignant as I felt.

So… I guess that doesn’t even sound too off-base to me, at least not when I’m leaning on my teenage expectations of what relationships are supposed to be. In my head, it was always completely ideal that I would wind up with someone who could essentially read my thoughts and comfort me like my family never did. I just wanted someone who would be by my side, thinking about me all the time, and working double time to make sure I was keeping my depression and anxiety on the up-and-up. Is that too much to ask? Uh… yeah, it is.

Maybe in a fairytale love story like the ones I saw in teenage romance movies growing up, this is the perfect way for two broken misfits to interact. “We’re both so damaged and hurt that no one has ever really seen us - but now we have each other to lick our shared wounds.” Yeah, romantic. Also really fucked up and dangerous in the real world.

The problem is, after a few months of this, it gets pretty hard to determine what’s my experience and what’s yours. The emotions become so transitive that it can be invigorating, immersive, overwhelming, and exhausting to be in each other’s company, depending on the day and the event. Living together or essentially sharing a residence makes it much worse - there’s no physical barrier between us, so that emotional barrier is even less existent. We don't have to try to text about our woes, we can just unleash them the moment we step foot in the door. Ready or not, your night is about to be ruined by my day, and vice-versa.

How does this go wrong? Uh, let’s count the ways.

1. My emotional management was never up to par, in the first place. Having your feelings catapulted my way effectively pushes me off the balance beam that I was already wobbling on. If I was having a difficult day but holding it together on my own through coping techniques and reasonable thinking - fucking forget it, that’s over now. We’re both in a shitty state now. Great. In the context of trying to recover from mental health issues… yeah, it’s a fucking disaster. Being retriggered by your partner or sucked into a depressive undertow when you’re trying to make positive change is a losing battle.

2. I never learned how to cope with my own emotions. There was generally someone else for me to hurtle them at, and our subsequent hours of bitching would give me the comfort I was looking for. I didn’t need to learn to manage my feelings - I always had a glorified babysitter to keep me alive. I never had to be accountable for my inner world. I never had to look at things with logic or reason. I could let myself spiral and trust that my best friend or boyfriend would catch me before I slipped down the drain.

3. It becomes impossible to talk about issues - personal or shared. When you’re already sharing emotions there’s an explosive effect when conflict is brought up. Neither one of us knows how to handle our shit, we expect the other person to hold us up with kid gloves, annnd now that person is the source of my distress? We’re both completely beside ourselves, upset, hurt, and angry… and it’s towards each other? Now who the fuck do we call? There's a huge sense of confusion and betrayal. No one has the skills to de-escalate the argument or return to a normal emotional state.

4. How do you break up when half of your existence is in the body of another human? You can’t mentally or emotionally separate yourself from them. Physically separating yourself feels like ripping out a few of your organs and leaving them on the streets. And, who’s going to keep you afloat when you’re going through the pain of the break up? That’s the job of your partner, afterall… can’t have a vacant desk sitting here. It’s best to just suck it up and stick with it. No one would understand what you’ve both been through together, anyways.

In a word, that’s codependency.

Not what people think it is. Not what our culture describes it as. Not so easy to spot until you’re educated and honest with yourself… plus, probably viewing things through the lenses of hindsight.

Definitely a sneaky recipe for disaster when you let it take over a well-intended, emotionally transparent, highly connective relationship. And, Motherfuckers, I’ve always tended to.

Head to t-mfrs.com for more!

#cptsd #healcptsd #just cptsd things #cptsdsurvivor #cptsdwarrior #cptsd problems #cptsd romance #trauma #ptsd #childhood ptsd #childhoodtraumarecovery #healingcomplextrauma #relationships

3 notes · View notes

musicfeedsmysoul12 · 5 years

Text

My gift to everyone on my birthday... a long ass headcanon post.

I do want to write a full out fic for Punk!AU but I’m not 100% sure how, so ya’ll get some headcanons.

-I’ve mentioned before but Chloe was the one to start the ‘pretend to be Marinette’s friend and then break her heart thing’ but I’ve never mentioned how much it hurt Marinette. Like seriously- it hurt. Chloe was Marinette’s first real friend and she’d been so happy for a friend and then Chloe just dumped her. Hard, and made fun of her- posting all of her secrets and telling people...

-It keeps going and for two years the ‘game’ went on and Marinette is just so cynical and salty and like she doesn’t trust anyone.

-this is also after the death of her cousin and one of the closest people to Marinette so she’s very much NOT okay.

-Marinette’s Punk attire and attitude is actually because of her cousin’s friend who was into it and who helped Marinette get into it.

-This means it was 2 years, not one year of Emile’sdisappearancee. I hate the timeline and I’ve always felt one year was to little for like the drama it’s caused.

-Alya does not get the Fox because in this AU Resonation is a thing and Marinette sits down to talk things out with Tikki and figures out who is better for the fox. Alya does get a Miraculous but it’s not the fox. Not sure who gets it but Alya isn’t it. Actually, I’m torn between Marc and Nathanael.

-Alya probably gets the ox as it symbolizes going after your goals and all that.

-Alya is a much better reporter in this au. As Marinette is more cautious, she makes Alya work for anything from Ladybug. Alya fact checks everything and Marinette offers advice and the Ladyblog is like 100% top of the line.

-Ladybug leaves any interview that tries to ‘get the scoop’ and Nadja does not get even one question out about her and Chat before she tells the woman ‘Keep going and I leave’.

-Adrien is less... difficult in this AU as his crush is something Nino knows about and interferes with if it’s going into bad territories. As well, Alya knows and also interferes.

-Alya also interferes cause Marinette does NOT like Adrien for a long time. Like through season one she dislikes him and only begins warming up near the end. Adrien respects that Marinette doesn’t like him but tries to get to know her. She’s not into it until like... way, way later. Maybe mid-season 2?

-Alya also respects the dislike. Seriously she does but as she gets to know Nino a bit more cause Marinette suggests they work together to get camera footage of Akuma fights, she starts liking Adrien herself. She doesn’t say anything though cause she respects the shit out of Marinette and doesn’t want her to have issues.

-Alya has been known to step in and make Adrien back off when he presses. Sometimes, she wonders how Nino puts up with him

-Animan goes way different without the date. Instead, Alya and Marinette go to see the panther cause Alya’s dad is excited and really Kim? So no awkward date. At all.

-Alya and Marinette aren’t best friends. Super close yes- but they don’t have the same closeness as Marinette has with Chat. Those two are best friends, totally.

-Marinette’s crush on Chat is more background then like in people’s face. She likes Chat- she does. But she’s also cynical and doesn’t think they’ll ever reveal themselves.

-Marinette herself is a very cynical person. It’s just that she’s had a lot of crap thrown at her. Her cousin dies, her ‘friend’ betrays her and she keeps being betrayed. So she does not like people and is very cautious.

-Chloe does not get the Bee. Sorry, not sorry. Chloe does get a redemption arc though- when Alya and Marinette are pushed to far. Alya has footage of Chloe being a spoiled brat and she sends it to various people along with proof that her dad does nothing about his kid using him as a threat. Not good for the popularity man.

-Her dad has to be a dad and Chloe gets a reality check.

-Nathanael’s crush is based off of Marinette’s art and how calm and cool she is. It’s kinda shallow and that’s part of the reason they don’t mesh as a couple. Marinette isn’t offended by it being shallow- that’s being a teenager. Shallow crushes and all. They are good friends as Nathanael went through similar shit to Marinette with fake friends and Reverser doesn’t happen as Nathanael trusts Marinette.

-Marinette and Ivan are also way better friends as both have similar music tastes and tend to go to concerts together.

-Marinette has a really good poker face and can comment on anything about Ladybug and Chat Noir. once, she and Alya discussed if Chat was into bondage for like an hour during a group meeting, and also if Ladybug was into being a domme. Adrien and Nino were sitting near them.

-Nino and Adrien did not survive the talk.

#punk marinette #miraculous ladybug #ml au #resonation

109 notes · View notes

weddmeshine-blog · 5 years

Text

Step by step instructions to Take Striking Candid Wedding Photos

Authentic photographs are the most effective when you get a sentiment of real feeling, regardless of whether as happiness, misery, or anything in the middle. Catching legitimate sentiments (and having it decipher with a still picture) is no simple errand, particularly in the event that you are normally a bashful individual and you and your prospective life partner don't love the possibility of multi day-long camera association. To get a thought of how to take the best real to life photographs, we addressed the specialists on acceptable behavior common with regards to taking real to life photos of your own.

Grasping your environment (regardless of whether that is the horizon of your picked city, the regular scene of your service site, or the front yard of a private living arrangement), is one way our specialists produce easily authentic photographs. Catching sparkles of unconstrained collaboration before your wedding's one of a kind setting will convey much progressively enchantment to your day of photos. From preparing with your bridesmaids to the last snapshots of your after-party, there are a lot of chances to make a lot of off the cuff enchant. In case you're searching for how to include considerably more contacts of immediacy to your big day collection, at that point we propose perusing these tips from the absolute best picture takers in the business, an exercise in never again modeling for the camera.

While surveying a picture taker's collection, search for the key minutes you need caught: Did they get photographs of both the lady of the hour and the lucky man when they bolted eyes out of the blue? Likewise search for freshness of pictures, astute arrangements (completes a shot look great the manner in which it was confined, or is there a lot of messiness in the edge?) and great lighting (be careful with washed-out pictures where little subtleties are obscured—except if that is the style you're after). It's likewise critical that you recognize affectability in catching individuals' feelings; ensure the picture taker's subjects look, dislike deer got in headlights. While both of you are critical, obviously, you need to see grinning shots of your companions as well.

Make Sure Your Personalities Mesh

Try not to disparage the significance of enjoying and holding with your picture taker. Is the picture taker energized by your vision when you portray it? When they influence recommendations, to do they present them in a reasonable and aware way, or would they say they are meek? Are their quirks off-putting? So as to get the best photographs, run with an expert who has a firm handle of social graces yet is sufficiently intense to go out chasing for incredible pictures and who, most importantly, comforts you and doesn't chafe you in any capacity. Keep in mind that: They'll be shadowing everything you might do, and the more agreeable both of you are with the picture taker, the better the photographs will turn out. In like manner, you don't need the picture taker to affront or pester any visitors, yet to shoot them in their best light in an unpretentious way. To get the best photographs, your picture taker should be sufficiently confident to search out extraordinary minutes, wheedling enough to urge loosened up grins and normal positions from visitors, and quiet enough to be a positive power. They ought to solicit parts from inquiries and be a decent audience.

Compare Packages

You won't almost certainly nail down an accurate dollar sum until you're certain about what you need, what number of collections you need and where your picture taker is based, and bundles extend from $2,500 as far as possible up to $15,000-in addition to on the higher end of the range. While talking with applicants, request a general range dependent on the picture taker's standard "shooting charge" and bundle, in addition to their standard rates for the sort of collection you think you'll need and the measure of inclusion you're wanting to book them for (day of, entire end of the week). It's imperative to discover what's incorporated into the standard bundle, in addition to the fundamental range for any additional items you may need, similar to a commitment shoot, enhancements or extra inclusion, so you can think about rates. Specifically, discover precisely how long of inclusion are incorporated. In a perfect world, you need your picture taker to be there for best wedding photographer in Delh day—from when you begin preparing until after you make your fabulous exit from the gathering. While bundles fluctuate, most incorporate around 6 to 12 hours to cover everything from preceremony occasions (preparing with your bridesmaids or first-look photographs) as far as possible of the gathering. It's typically better to pay for more inclusion if there's a shot you'll keep running over and you unquestionably need your picture taker there until the end (additional time is normally charged at a higher hourly rate). Likewise think about whether you'll need to complete a commitment shoot or have your picture taker shoot different occasions amid your wedding end of the week (the folks' golf excursion, the bridesmaid lunch).

Additionally, check if there's a second shooter incorporated into the agreement, and if there's not, get some information about the likelihood. It's probable the second shooter can be affirmed later on, yet the principle advantage to having two shooters is, obviously, you get twice as much inclusion. For instance, amid your formal photograph session, one picture taker can catch the formal photographs, while the second one can get in the background, photojournalistic photographs, similar to your visitors blending. In case you're having a bigger wedding (250 visitors or more), you may even need to get some information about having three shooters so your photography group can make certain to catch the occasion from all points.

Ask About Your Rights

Most contracts stipulate that the picture taker possesses the rights to all photographs taken at the wedding, even you ones. As such, the picture taker can utilize them promotionally (on their site or blog, submit them for production and even spot them in advertisements). That likewise implies you can't simply post the advanced confirmations they send you—most picture takers have an approach that you can just share watermarked pictures or pictures with their credit on them. Additionally, except if you arrange something else, in the event that you need to print the pictures yourselves or request a collection from another source, you'll need to purchase the rights to the pictures.

Get the Postproduction Details

It normally takes something like a month to recover every one of those photograph proofs from your picture taker. Why? Your picture taker is shooting gigantic crude records far greater than your common JPG. Shooting crude documents gives your picture taker more prominent capacity to address the photograph, yet it likewise sets aside a more drawn out effort to transfer, process and alter each one of those records (so as to address shading levels, etc). It shifts, however numerous picture takers state they go through an extra 40 hours altering pictures from a candid wedding photography , so it can take up to six to about two months (or more, contingent upon the picture taker and that they are) to get proofs back. This is what to ask: what number pictures would it be a good idea for me to anticipate? Will they be high goals or low goals? Will I have the capacity to get prints made myself, or does the picture taker hold the rights to the pictures? Will the evidences I see be the corrected forms, or does that occur after I select the photographs I need? Discussing correcting, get some information about modifying alternatives and enhancements (which can run from straightforward white adjusting to magnificence modifying and adapted craftsmanship impacts like super-soaked hues) and the extra expense for both.

Prep Together for the Day-Of

Keep in mind that your picture taker is the genius, so—while it's useful—you shouldn't invest a lot of energy assembling a nitty gritty shot rundown for them. Rather, go along your day-of course of events, give them a thought of what pictures you'd like caught (like a shot with every one of your bridesmaids notwithstanding wedding gathering representations) and let them do their thing. This is likewise the ideal minute to surrender them a heads on any familial or kinship complexities they ought to know about, as separated from guardians, a grandma that necessities to stay sitting for pictures or a groomsman and bridesmaid that don't get along (hello, it occurs!). In case you're planning to get your big day distributed on the web or in a magazine not far off, make certain to transfer that to your picture taker. Thusly, they'll put additional accentuation on snapping shots of all your astonishing subtleties and will probably come furnished with exquisite styling adornments, similar to strips, materials and the sky is the limit from there, with the objective of helping your wedding tasteful really emerge.

#Wedding Photographer in Delhi #candid wedding photogrpher #Delhi Wedding photography

1 note · View note