salvaged from the office fire in 1998

XIN YA MOMENT

curious, confused, adorable puppy energy

BAS ASAVAPATR AS ARM IN KINNPORSCHE (2022), dir. Khom Kongkiat

1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!

2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr

3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!

overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!

It wasn't even the funeral that was hardest. It is leaving the house.

This house has been more of a fixed point in my life than any I myself have lived in. The bed I'm sitting on has been standing here for longer than my memories reach back.

Now the house is still lived in. But tomorrow, when we leave tomorrow, that's when it truly becomes empty. I... cannot fathom the idea of this house being empty.

Cannot sleep :/

just hung out w friends for five hours and feltso full of whimsy I could pass out <333 I miss them so bad already but I get to see them tomorrow tooooo

WIP Wednesday, I guess (hey, I haven’t gone to sleep yet)

This bit, springing off of my tags from this post, shout outs to @purplelea, punched me in the face while I was trying to take a nap or at least think about the two fics I’m actually seriously working on, so I guess you’re going in the rotation.

“Besides, he’s already rejected me,” Joshua says.

Shiki and Beat turn toward him. “What, for real, yo?” Beat asks. Joshua nods.

“He never mentioned it to us,” Shiki says, frowning. “Just that you offered him your job again. Without the guns this time.”

Joshua frowns. “Yeah, and? He turned me down.” When this only makes them look more confused, he goes on. “Clearly if he were interested, he’d have said yes. I’d name him my eventual successor, we stay in the UG together and visit you guys, and then eventually when he was ready to be Composer I’d take over the Producer role, and we'd rule the city together. Obviously.”

“Or maybe he just ain’t interested in the job,” Beat says. Joshua looks at him like he just suggested the moon doesn’t exist. “What? Jus’ sayin’, he didn’t say anything 'bout that, yo.”

“It was implied.”

“In other words, you didn’t confess, and Cowards Club continues,” Shiki says. Beat nods. Joshua groans.

“Like it matters? Even if he didn’t turn me down,” Joshua says, clearly humoring them, “he’s obviously way more into you two than me. One of you should go for it.”

“Uh, no? How’s it obvious?” Beat asks. “‘Cuz I heard ‘im when you showed up, Priss. He wasn't that happy to see me, yo.”

Joshua looks at Shiki. “Neku broke back through a hole in reality to save Beat and punched the power overload right out of Minamimoto. There was glowing. Sparkles. I have seen every ill-conceived dramatic romantic gesture anyone’s ever committed in this city, and it topped all of them.”

Probably am not gonna attend lab in the morning, bc I have complete certainty that if I do, I am going to have a complete mental breakdown (as if I haven't already been in the midst of one)

I'll email my professor if I'm unable to finish the lab by the end of the day. He's pretty understanding about this stuff, & if I get some points docked for being late, it's not the end of the world. I've been doing well in this class, overall.

What I AM going to do. Is call the damn psychological services in the morning. Bc Clearly, I am not coping well.

//Managed to finally get a few replies done and it felt really good. I’ll be continuing work on replies throughout the weekend and hopefully get a few done.

I’ll be focusing on threads I owe featuring Cayin, as some of these have been waiting for a long time and/or feel like rather essential interactions in the dynamic. After that I’ll tackle asks and threads with Ornstein, and this time I intend to go all the way through and make him a semi-consistently active character.

Needless to say, plots are welcome as always!

hhhh fomo is such a bitch

all these instances of dudes hitting from the back imagining their gf is someone else got me feeling rlly bad :/

idk i think what is interesting about astarion to me is the fact that you have a guy who started out an asshole (normal type) and then spent two hundred years in a very carefully and specifically crafted (by the writers of the game) Become A Terrible Person Or Die nexus. like it wasn’t just a Torment Nexus, he wasn’t just in hell, i feel like this is very important not to forget, he was in hell but it was specifically a hell designed to, over time, kill the empathy of anyone trapped in it, kill their brain’s ability to prioritize other peoples’ survival, to numb one’s conscience.

and then he gets yanked directly out of that nexus and despite that the fact that he spent, again, two hundred years in a situation that was sort of a rock tumbler for the human soul, there’s still a pebble left in there. and it’s a pebble that can be grown if placed in the right environment and provided with a support network.

so i think it becomes interesting because it really does i think force you to start thinking about the limits of free will even on as basic a level as the human personality. i think the fact that he becomes such a different character based on player choice, that his end morality is so hugely dependent on player choice, is uhhh. a big part of what the devs were going for probably.

it makes a lot of people really uncomfortable to acknowledge some bad people would be good people if literally nothing changed except they had a good support network and different circumstances. especially because it means the opposite is also true. which is even more uncomfortable.

you know that part in the beginning of fellowship of the ring where gandalf is talking about how gollum is ultimately only like that because of the ring and gandalf thinks his story is sad? astarion is kinda like if they sexualized gollum.

{ya know what, for the hell of it imma share lmao--}

🥀} Length of 5.5"; Fine hair that's kept trimmed, though given it's snowy white color, it's probably far easier to feel than see-- mostly average in terms of girth, if perhaps a touch on the thinner side. Sits in a middle ground between cut/uncut, as while there is some of the skin there, it's not as much as one might usually expect. (only about half as much--)

🌸} 6" in terms of length; Also an owner of snowy white strands down below, though with a somewhat dense and fluffy texture. Kept slightly trimmed and generally well groomed, so things do look tidy even with such fluff-- Slightly on the thicker side of average, but again, nothing all too unexpected. Cut.

It's that time of year again where Mari Lwyd starts to be talked about and shared around and an INCREDIBLY misleading post gets shared a lot. As someone who grew up with Mari Lwyd I wanted to clear some things up.

Also hello, if you are unaware who Mari Lwyd is. This is about the Welsh tradition of the horse skull who visits houses during the Christmas to New Years period in Wales asking for alcohol.

First off and probably the most important one:

Mari Lwyd is not a cryptid!

I can not emphasise this enough. She. Is. Not. A. Cryptid. There is no story or mystery about a ghost or zombie horse roaming the Welsh valleys. She's not even supposed to be a ghost or a zombie. It's just a horse skull on a stick with a guy under a sheet. She's a hobbyhorse and a folk character used to tell Welsh stories and keep songs alive. When people spread the misinformation that she's a cryptid, it's the equivalent of saying Kermit the Frog is a cryptid.

She is actually only one character in a wider cast of characters who go door to door or, in more modern times, pub to pub. The cast of characters can change town to town and village to village but there are some common ones I see time and time again. The Leader, the Merryman, The Jester and The Lady are just some I see regularly. Punch and Judy used to be more popular a few years ago but I haven't seen them in a while as their tradition has mostly fallen out of popularity. In most cases, almost the whole cast will be played by men. Even the characters are considered and referred to as female. Though this again depends and varies by which group is partaking in the Mari Lwyd tradition.

This point also goes onto my second point,

Mari Lwyd does not rap.

I think this comes from a very common misunderstanding of what rap is vs spoken word. Rap is a very specific style of music originating from the African American communities of the USA and has it's own structure and motifs unique to it. It's a lot more complex than people give it credit for as a style of music and just flippantly assign anything similar to it as being rap. If someone is talking fast or reciting poetry, it is not rap. Or anything that is an exchange of words between two people is not a rap battle. Mari Lwyd does not do rap, actually something that gets left out of these posts is the fact Mari Lwyd does not even speak. It's actually the Leader, who does all the speaking and song based banter between the house/pub owner for entry. Mari Lwyd just clicks her mouth, bites people and bobs her head around.

I think Mari Lwyd is a really beautiful and unique part of Welsh culture. She's not actually as wildly celebrated as a lot of the posts make her out to be. Actually, I think most Welsh people themselves learn about Mari Lwyd through the internet as well. Her popularity is increasing thanks to the drive of local groups wanting to keep the traditions alive and a renewed desire to document Welsh traditions before they're gone. Which is why it's such a shame that she's turned into something she's not to earn horror points on the internet. I think this is why it bothers me so much to see the misunderstandings of the culture and the folk tradition. Mari Lwyd's origin is very hot debated as well as how long it's been going on for. But I think it's thanks to a lot of traditions like this that the Welsh language and our stories weren't lost forever. Welsh culture is recovering as is the language. But it's still in a very fragile place. I think it's why it's important to document and correct information when it's spread.

Anyway, if you want to see the tradition in action, here's a lovely video from the Cwmafan RFC going to one of the pubs for charity. It includes the song exchange with the pub owner for entry and the whole pub singing and joining in once Mari Lwyd and the rest are inside.

As well with another video from St Fagan's showcasing the more traditional and door to door form with the larger cast.

So... saw something about Zip Stitch, and was reminded I might want to get them given I'm in the middle of nowhere

Go to try and find stuff about their efficacy...

...literally... every... last... study... I... find... is about their efficacy, very specifically, in "vaginal cuff closure during laparoscopic hysterectomy"

Every single one across multiple sites (can't even tell you if they're good at it, I didn't click through to the studies cause I find studies often very very dense and hard to pick out the worthwhile info, so I'm not doing that for not what I'm looking for)

Like... I mostly want to know if this is a good idea to grab these (look good) or if it's a good way to bleed out (advertising isn't always truthful)

I'm not totally sure if it's the same study on many sites, or if they just... really wanted to study this but... that's what I've found

We know at the very least that they tried it out with a very specific application