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nihilnovisubsole · 1 month

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phew! finally a weekend where i can set aside enough time to type up The Promised Endwalker Stream-of-Consciousness Post. i finished the base story... a month ago? but work has been busy, and i think tumblr benefits from me being quiet sometimes. anyway, what a ride. when you've been building up to the end of your arc for a decade, you want to hit it like an earthquake, and that's exactly what they did.

i think people love endwalker because it fires on all cylinders. it returns - in both story and vision - to the eorzea we love, and the dev team gets to show off everything they've learned. the dungeons and boss fights are dynamic and imaginative and colorful and bring the game's epic sense of scope to bear. the story callbacks are juicy. the music is orchestral again. we're back home, and we're saving the galaxy. what's better than this?

i love that we go to garlemald. i don't - i mean, you know, i don't like garlemald. i shouldn't have to qualify that. but it's hugely narratively satisfying to see the face of the enemy we've been fighting since the first few hours of ARR. you don't think about them when you're beating them up in castrum centri or ala mhigo. they're star wars bad guys. then you meet them on their own turf. you observe firsthand how they starve and cannibalize their own people to feed their obsession with state power and military strength. the wintry environment makes it seem all the more barren and desperate. my favorite part by far. i wish we'd spent more time there.

actually, on that note:

there is an argument that endwalker should've been two expacs. i've heard similar about stormblood - ala mhigo should've been the whole thing, and doma should've been either patch content or an expac of its own. the prevailing theory is that, after ARR, the devs are afraid of letting arcs run long. i can't speak to that, but i wouldn't have minded, that's for sure!

i won't pretend not to be biased. i've noted in many xiv posts that it hurries through its political plots to get to the magic stuff. i felt more conscious of it in heavensward and especially in stormblood. i made peace with it in endwalker. with dessert this good, who am i to complain? i can do small character drama on my own time. for now, the game wants royce to be a big damn shonen hero, and that can be fun, too.

speaking of characters, urianger and estinien have grown on me. this is the arc where, for me at least, the scions have congealed. they're all good, but with any large cast and custom player character, you tend to form the meatiest bonds with a few specific ones. i think royce appreciates urianger's cooler, more mature head. they're both so formal. he realizes she's someone he can confide in. i think she sees estinien as a gifted, but hotheaded whelp, which i find very funny. patience, child. stop sulking. do your breathing drills.

i love thancred's MGS sequence and in from the cold too. they're stressful, but i love that the team tried, you know what i mean? the fact that you can fight enemies in a pinch makes those duties way more bearable than some other games that experiment with stealth.

in from the cold as a whole, honestly. If You Know, You Know

all right, i can't avoid referencing spoilers anymore, sorry. there's a sense of classical tragedy to the whole elpis sequence. it's like watching macbeth or hamlet. you know how it's going to end, and you know you're powerless to stop it, but if they'd just made that different choice! but we had to leave eden. the warrior of light had to end up where they are to finish what elpis started. i don't do fate/destiny plots, but this? i'll take it.

i also knew what would happen going into ultima thule and still came away from it moved. it's strong writing. that's all there is to it. sure, the visuals are haunting, but the dialogue has to sell a gauntlet of difficult character moments, and it pulls it off. on the design side, there's some interesting intentional friction that forces you to linger in the zone and sit with its sense of despair. that part where you have to search the empty park for signs of life? oof

with the majority of the MSQ under my belt, i started sniffing around for what else there is to do ingame. i tried ninja. did terribly. i tried sage. did terribly too, but at least that gave me access to the healer role quests, which, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). the nier raids are gorgeous. i even did the controversial werlyt quests, and terncliff is so cute. i kind of wish we could have another story there!

what's next? i dunno! right now i'm burning through the hildibrand quests before i continue on with endwalker's patch story. the field operation stuff seems interesting to do after the MSQ, in a "hey, you saved the world, but we have more missions for you" way. i've also contracted Triple Triad Collector Disease, so that'll keep me busy for a long time.

all right. one last thing. Real Gamer Moments: i was in a mount-farming party recently, and i said that i sort of collected mounts, but only used the ishgardian chocobo. it's a roleplay thing - it's the chocobo royce took when she ran away from ishgard. one of the party members said "haurchefant would be proud of you." AUGH

#ffxiv #long post

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esther-dot · 4 months

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Idk how to explain it in better terms but the fact that Jaime focuses more on wanting to be perceived as good than actually doing good is a huge turn off for me and the reason why I don't believe grrm is writing a redemption arc for him.

So, here's a definition of redemption arc,

What exactly is a Redemption Arc? It's a type of character development in which your protagonist starts bad and becomes good in the end, often culminating in a heroic act that atones for their past

And I agree with you. His story won't fit the above. Jaime is bitter that doing the right thing is viewed the way it is by Westeros, and we can understand why he's angry, but I haven't seen any genuine regret about trying to kill Bran, for example, and kid killing is a big no-no, so imo, the flow of the story hasn't been to move Jaime from morally bad to morally good the way that expression implies.

In fact, in AFFC, he's talking about how he would have killed Arya and threatens to trebuchet a baby. When we have Ned's horror over Elia and her kids' deaths, over how the Hound murdered Mycah, his refusal to participate in the assassination of Dany, and his decision to risk his life/jeopardize his family by committing treason to protect Jon, I think we know Martin hasn't moved Jaime over into his "good" column. Our perception of his infamous act evolves, but that's not the same thing as Jaime changing.

What I think is so often perceived as a redemption arc is merely that Martin engaged our sympathy for Jaime later in the series and fans equate understanding/caring for a character with moving them into the "good" category rather than accepting that Martin routinely does this. The Hound, Tyrion, Theon...he calls them all villains, but at one point or another, we get tragedy and suffering in their lives That leads fans to conclude that the Hound and Tyrion are actually decent people, when by any objective standards, they aren't. The point isn't to move them from villain to hero, it's to offer believable explanations for why they are who they are, do what they do, and make them dynamic characters. Embracing the idea that good and bad impulses can exist in the same person, that the same person can be brave and kind as well as murderous and cruel, that's not too big of an ask. And imo, it's a shame fans want to use one to negate the other.

Even Jaime killing Aerys which kinda seems heroic is shaded by not only his greater loyalty to his family, but his own feelings about Aerys, and part of his memory is how he stood by while Aerys committed other cruel acts. In killing Aerys, he saved countless people, familial loyalty or no, it was the right thing to do, but we have all the rest of the series showing us, doing what is right really isn't of the utmost concern to Jaime. His loyalty is to his family of origin, he has an obsession with Cersei, and doesn't even seem to care much for his own children which again, I think indicates that as layered as he becomes with each new book, it's a misread to settle on the idea of redemption/good guy.

Fans think he's gonna kill Cersei as that final redemptive act, but to me that feels like looking at things from a Cersei hater perspective, not Jaime's. The man has been written as rather, disinterested in acting on a right/wrong spectrum, and is generally more concerned with family, it seems a little unreasonable to think a suitable ending for him is to reject that because how would such a man continue? He needs peace with his decisions, what he does has to flow from the essence of who he is, so it seems more likely to me that his end is dying with Cersei. That isn't redemption in the eyes of the fandom, but I think it could very well be redemption for himself. He has that nightmare about Rhaegar blaming him for Elia and the children's deaths, his own children may all die, there is nothing he can do about that, but going to their mother, the person he was faithful to his entire life, who is essentially his life partner/wife, it allows him to be truly loyal when all others think him faithless, and as annoying as some will find it, I think it gives him his own form of honor.

I wrote once about thinking he would die with Cersei:

I'm ok with Jaime deciding his fate is to be with Cersei, in birth, in life, even in death. As I thought it worked in the show, returning to Cersei in the books will likewise mean he is able to have some self-respect. I don't think you can read his, I mean, I would say Cersei obsession and believe he'd ever have any peace of mind if she died alone while he had to go on living. (link)

In that post I linked to meta about that and a great write-up on Jaime that I think you'll enjoy!

#dot chat #anti jaime lannister #(just to be safe)#anti asoiaf fandom #asoiaf speculation

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most-tragic-character-tournament · 6 months

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It's a lot, but OP please read this to the end. I need to say my piece. What upsets me most about the polls is all the people threatening violence, who were legitimately triggered, cussing, and angry in the tags, and all the insults towards "a kids show" and the fans, like, that's already an argument I hear in the Pokemon fandom, but they still have more leeway. Anyone can enjoy any media they like. Even myths, famously written in old english, are a pain in the butt to read and decipher. It's not much different for us. We analyze things too. We can find tragedies and parallels too. Everything that exists in this world came from something real. Our love for it isn't a lack of intelligence, it's not a lack of maturity. If anything, there's some serious common ground with the overarching question of pre-destiny and choice. On parentage and what that means for you. In doing what is right, difficult, and merciful over what everyone would expect of you. There are a lot of kids in the fandom, yes. But there's a lot of young adults too, who have put in a lot of sincere heart in developing the issues and characters, and analyzing them. Ninjago is special for a lot of reasons. The writers have deeply connected it to the fans with their inclusion, and it's a memorial to those who passed away. I have friends for whom Ninjago played a huge part in major transitions in their lives, who have found many deep connections in the show. It's set them on the path to their future careers. And if with this loss in the polls, should that be your final stance, everything we are be spit upon and laughed at be increased three-fold, when Ninjago fans have not been violent like that, all the tags I've been reading every few minutes this past week have only talked about the silliness of it all, or talked about it in a manner that was silly in tumblr spirit, or voted in counter to the outrage. If Antigone wins, then win. But you cannot deny us. Do not reject humanity, for the same zealous heart that beats in you, beats in us. Tragedy lies in the splinter of the blind man's eye, whose narrow view cannot see the bigger picture that there is more of and to his brethren that what is seen. We exist! We are here! We are alive! We think and feel, cogito ergo sum. sentio ergo sum. We are not an amalgamation of what you've decided of us. And yet, you wish to bury everything we are with the same hands and hearts that buried Antigone, by the simple act of disdain. You repeat these stories, and cannot see that you do. Our love is not beneath yours. Do not deny us. Can we not shake hands at dawn and be at peace? Don't admonish us should victory be your favor. There lies no error for one who had loved with all their heart. There is no losing in having loved at all.

………….wow.

#sir. sir this a tumblr tournament /j #ninjago #antigone

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acewizardinspace · 9 months

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So Sabine is training as a jedi. Lets just say I have mixed feelings.

On one hand, I actually love the idea of a jedi who is not very force sensitive. In contrast to characters like Anakin who were just naturally talented, a jedi character who has to train much harder has a lot of narrative potential. A jedi that is only a little force sensitive sounds really cool! (A little force sensitive, not not-force sensitive. Two different things, one is a cool idea, the other sucks.) This is a story I would absolutely be down for seeing and I think there is a lot of potential here.

I also think giving Ahsoka a student is a fantastic idea. Giving her a padawan would force her to face her past and make peace with the reality of what Anakin did and who he became. It could allow her to finally embrace her lost culture by following one of their most important customs: teaching. It would functionally let the audience know that even after tragedy their culture survived. This could be an amazing story.

So, in theory at least, I should love this idea, right? But I don't.

If this has been another character, I think a new one would work best, I would love this! But it just doesn't make sense for Sabine.

For one, it is a huge retcon and causes rebels to retroactively not make sense. There was no foreshadowing that I can recall about Sabine being force sensitive. This just comes out of no where. (Don't say using the darksaber is foreshadowing. Its not. Other, none force sensitive people have used a lightsaber before.)

I think the explanation they are going for is that Sabine has so little force sensitivity that no one ever noticed before, but that just doesn't make sense. If she had meet a jedi once or twice, sure maybe they didn't notice, but for how long she was with Kanan? This leaves three possibilities.

Kanan really never noticed, which retroactively kind of make him look bad? Like you were with her for how long?

Kanan noticed and didn't tell her, which makes him seem like a jerk tbh. You have no right to keep info like that from someone.

Kanan did notice, and he did tell her, but it was so unimportant that it happened off screen and was never shown to us. I don't think I need to explain why that one is bad writing.

The second reason it doesn't make sense for Sabine is that she already has an established backstory and culture. There is literally so much you can do with Sabine's character already! You don't need to add jedi stuff, or if you did, it could (and should) be showing what she learned from living with jedi. Things like handling your emotions, letting go and living to help others.

Frankly, a lot of people love the mandolarians. It seems odd to me that they wouldn't want to center the plot on that part of her heritage? She would be the perfect opportunity to show off non violent parts of their culture. (I think this is the consequence of forcing Ahsoka's show and the rebels sequel together.)

This writing decision creates plot holes were there were none, and for what? What was gained with this decision. The only thing I can think of is that they wanted two popular characters to interact and this was the best they could come up with?

When it comes down to it, I just really dislike that they keep wanting to retcon stuff. We liked rebels the way it was, please don't retroactively change it!

But, even taking my initial dislike of the concept into consideration, I am still hype for the show tbh! I don't want to be negative, I want to like the show so so bad. I truly like the idea of Ahsoka getting a padawan and barely force sensitive jedi. So, I'm staying hopeful.

#ahsoka spoilers #my thoughts #my posts #my meta

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so-i-grudgingly-joined-this-site · 1 year

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Part 6: “I reject your reality, and substitute my own”: Maybe There is Hope After All

Note: this is a part of my essay "The Awkward Meta-Tragedy of Neil Gaiman's The Sandman", see [here] for the masterpost of all links, reading order, and content warnings.

Well, despite everything the author might have possibly intended, I still do care about Morpheus and his fate. To paraphrase Ludo’s 2008 album title, “He’s awful, I love him.”

And that’s part of why the most common interpretation of his ending—as both a fully planned suicide and a tragedy—disturbed me so much. At best I could metaphorically “scoot” it around to interpret it as a traditional tragedy where his fatal flaw was his inability to seek help/treatment or cope with his issues, and thus the warning to the audience is a positive one to seek help if you’re struggling. Once again, though, given the way depression sometimes works, that still feels vaguely close to victim-blaming.

Another way to get around the unfortunate implications would be if his death was not, in fact, a carefully planned suicide. Maybe he just fucked up enough that eventually the various things he fucked up all stacked properly to be his downfall without any intent involved? But, that does raise the huge question of who got Loki to kidnap Daniel, provoking Lyta and thus causing the rest of the dominoes to topple. In the suicide interpretation it’s implied to be Morpheus himself who intentionally set the situation in place; without that explanation that’s an odd open thread left. But still, an accidental buildup of issues rather than intentional suicide would make things a lot less uncomfortable. Somehow, “you can do everything you can to change and still have negative and destructive consequences come your way” or “you can try your best and still fail” feels more reassuring than the alternative of “he did change, but he still decided to die—in the end, it didn’t even matter.”

Totally replacing a dead loved one still feels weird, regardless of their manner of death; I don’t think there’s any way around that. But, at least if it was not a suicide, then it doesn’t validate the “my family would be better off without me” sentiments that might be present in suicidal ideation.

And then, there’s the theories about how Morpheus might not be dead—at least not completely—and that he might have found peace and happiness outside of oblivion after all.

One major factor is the fact that Hob dreams about seeing Morpheus and Destruction together after the events of The Wake. While Hob himself dismisses it as “just a dream,” there’s the fact that both Morpheus in-universe and Neil Gaiman out-of-universe both insist that dreams in this series are never “just a dream.” Combine that with what I pointed out about “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” and how the story is meant to let the fae live on despite leaving Earth, and it paints an interesting possible picture.

Maybe Morpheus did find a way to leave his job after all. To live on as something else, as Morpheus rather than Dream of the Endless, as a dream or a story or a memory or a friendship, but no matter what, separate from the responsibilities that so stressed him—and with a responsible and eager successor to take up the reins in his place. Maybe Hob’s example of living through everything even showed him that changing with the times is possible. Just walking away like Destruction did wasn’t an option for him, and not just because Morpheus felt he couldn’t abandon his realm without leaving someone to be responsible. He also couldn’t just walk away because, probably, it wouldn’t be dramatic enough!

Come on, Morpheus is a (possibly literal) Drama King; of course he’s not going to quit quietly. Plus, he knows from Destruction’s example that just leaving also leaves open an eternity of the other universal powers trying to nag you into going back. What’s more dramatic, and conveniently going to prevent anyone from coming after you, than making sure everyone thinks you’re dead?

Or, well, actually dying. Sort of. I have no doubt that some aspect of Morpheus died. Perhaps the aspect that was Dream of the Endless, died, but, as I mentioned, left Morpheus to live on separately in some other form. “You cannot kill an idea” can go both ways; it can mean that we’re not supposed to care that Morpheus is dead, or it can mean that Morpheus lives on. He, as an independent identity, with a specific name he has chosen, is also an idea. If the question is “change or die,” it obscures the fact that this is also a universe where people can change by death.

Heck, there’s even an example in this series of people deciding to finally live upon finding themselves post-life. Chapter 4 of Season of Mists introduces the Dead Boy Detectives. At first, much like “Façade,” this chapter seems to have little to do with the overarching story; besides showing how bad it is to have the formerly hell-bound dead returning to Earth and featuring a cameo by Death, there’s little to connect it to the primary narrative. The majority of it is just about two random boys dealing with supernatural bullies, and both ending up having been murdered by the bullies at the end. But, the story ends on the fact that they choose to “make the most of their afterlives.” They leave behind the crappy situation assigned to them by their circumstances by living on in a new form (in the boys’ case, ghosts). If two random kids can do it, why can’t Morpheus do the same?

Actually, there’s a whole lot of events in Season of Mists that I’ve seen propped up as evidence that Morpheus was settling his circumstances to prepare for his suicide, but I believe can just as easily be interpreted otherwise. It could either be him setting up backup plans in case of his accidental imprisonment or death, or even intentional preparations for a successor to take over for him when he dramatically retires rather than straight-up dies. I could fill an entire other essay with that evidence; I planned to include it here but my page count is already far exceeding what I intended, so I’ll save that for a possible later time. If anyone reading made it this far, let me know if you’d like to read that!

So, do I believe in these more optimistic interpretations of the ending? In terms of authorial intent, I’m not sure. I think there’s certainly a reason everything seemed so shockingly pessimistic at first read, and possibly that was the intent. The books were written at a different time, when the author was at a different place in his life. But stories are also about belief. And when the author straight up says that it’s open to interpretation, well… I’d rather choose to believe that this grand, sweeping, thought-provoking narrative isn’t about an irredeemable depressed asshole being rewarded for suicide, with the reader being scolded for caring.

Perhaps asking whether or not that’s “true” is missing the point.

#the sandman #the sandman comics #the sandman spoilers #the sandman comics spoilers #neil gaiman's sandman #the sandman comics meta #the sandman comics analysis #literary analysis #my writing #sandman essay

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palatial-monstrosity · 8 months

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So you wanna write a novel…

I decided to write this after a post by @corpsepng asking how people plan their stories. It got out of hand so I made a separate post!

This is the system I used for planning, which is the result of mixing various strategies and amount of planning. The concern that "if I plan everything then I do not feel motivated to write" is valid and good news, there's ways to defeat that specific situation while reaping the benefits of planning the story beforehand.

THE BASICS

Step 1: the main character

Disclaimer: for simplicity, I'll assume only one main character but it can be adapted for more.

It's useful to know a few things about your mc before starting. Try to answer these questions:

Who are they? What does a typical day of their life look like? (ex, are we talking about a young wizard, a 50s housewife or a grizzled old warrior?)

What are they good at? (everyone is good at something, no matter how small and unimportant it may seem)

What do they want? Everyone wants something, even if it's just peace and quiet.

What do they lose if they quit? This will tell us a lot about the stakes of the story. Ultimately, is it about survival, belonging, respect, etc? It has to be quite important for your character, because if they change, they do it to save it.

What is their main flaw? This will greatly influence the story, so spend some time on this. In the context of your story a characteristic may be a flaw even if we would see things differently: maybe your character needs to become a cold-blooded killer to protect their family, maybe they need to be less generous, maybe they trust people too much… remember, context is king here.

Step 2: the environment

Who is their main antagonist? It could also be nature, magic or some organization, but there has to be someone opposing your character or there's no story.

How do they behave? What makes them succeed (until they don't, or they do)?

What is the setting? Again, go for the meaning here, not just the aesthetic. If your character needs to become a cold-blooded killer, maybe they're surrounded by monsters, zombies or something else that cannot be reasoned with. Or maybe you can reason with them and your MC has been successful in the past and thinks that's possible, until it doesn't work anymore…

Step 3: The ending

You need to know how the story ends, my friends. Some minor details may change, but the more you know about it, the easier the work is (and the less you'd have to rewrite, which is frustrating)

THE BASIC STRUCTURE

Once you have these elements, I strongly suggest you become familiar with the character arc, as it will be a useful guideline. You can divide your story in 5 or 3 parts, as you prefer, both work (I'm currently using a 5 acts structure).

Here's a very quick outline:

1 ACT The basics. Introduce the character and make us root for them, tell us what's happening and how it will affect them. Show us their flaw and we'll put 2 and 2 together. Introduce the main allies and antagonist, though you can add more important characters later.

2 ACT Your character tries to solve their new problem (bring the ring to Mordor, fight against the evil Empire, etc) and fails. They lack allies or refuse them.

3 ACT A huge failure makes them sit and stop for a moment - they either change for the better, or go down the road to tragedy (I am simplifying things a lot here) If they change, allow them to catch their breath as a reward.

4 ACT Their change was not complete/perfect and now the antagonist has become harder to fight. Your MC is on the road to failure again, one last time. And this time, everything seems lost. Hope seems to disappear.

5 ACT Your MC finds hope again, and finds out how to win against the antagonist. Not everything is lost. They regain old (and new) allies and fight. It is hard and there are losses, but they have changed (where, we might add, the antagonist has not), and they win. Or they don't, if you set them on a path to tragedy.

Once you've sketched a rough outline of these acts, the fun begins!

Take the first act and divide it in chapters, taking notes of what you want to show. I do this scene by scene, but in a very simple way. I might write "MC fights, he is injured because he refuses to kill his enemy" and this will be my way to show that his flaw is that he is too merciful. I do not go into details about the fight just yet.

Once you finished this for the first act, pick your very first scene. This will be the hardest one as it needs to set, well, everything. Where are we, who is the mc, etc. This might need a few rewrites. Once you've chosen what you want to show, I want you to THINK about it. All the fucking time. At the bus stop, in traffic, in the shower, at lunch, whatever. Think about how you'd write it. How would you start it, how will you show us that it's night and we are in a deep dark forest, or that we're in an office building at dawn, whatever. The first scene might take a few days of this, but it will be easier as you go. It is important that you get at the very least one night of sleep between the thinking and the writing as sleep organizes stuff in your mind. Only then, sit down and write that specific scene. You will notice that it will be different from how you originally planned it: maybe you added a side character, maybe you decided it's not night but sunset, etc. Your brain will give you new ideas! And that's great. After you've written that, well, start thinking about the next scene, and so on, and so on… I currently manage the thinking for the next scene + the writing in the same day ( I write first thing in the morning so I get that part out of my brain).

MISCELLANEOUS ADVICE

your character's opinion aren't your opinions. get crazy, it will be fun.

everything you write will be on your mc's point of view, so they will notice things differently than you would. They might notice things that are ordinary for us, or they might have different views on things like religion, family, sexuality, etc.

Recommended reading

It's just three books, read at the very least the first two books as they will be incredibly useful for the character arc and to write compelling characters:

Inside Story: The Power of the Transformational Arc: The Secret to Crafting Extraordinary Screenplays by Dara Marks

The Science of Storytelling: Why Stories Make Us Human, and How to Tell Them Better by Will Storr

Into The Woods: How Stories Work and Why We Tell Them by John Yorke

#writing

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icouldhyperfixatehim · 7 months

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BINGO ROUND UP

a GL & a disabled MC: pluto!! we got one gang!! i'm just so pleased that we're making some headway on GL being regularly scheduled as part of their production rotation as it should be <3 i will say that the plot of this one wouldn't be doing it for me if it weren't GL, and whacks of nicholas sparks a bit more than is usually my taste. BUT things change over production, and i'm more than willing to be surprised!! interesting that they're opting for another disabled lead specifically w/blindness. i'm still scared but hopeful about their engagement w disability generally, and i do think it's cool that they're not portioning out intersections to their own shows to be the ~ focal issues ~ . it bodes well i think, and i'm really buzzing to see namtan and film's dynamic.

big shock pairing to make me rub my hands together like a fly: my golden blood come collect your trophy!! also putting a dent on main role for fluke and speculative element series, this has me absolutely fucking roided with anticipation lmao. it looks bananas, and chancey, and like the people making it are determined to do so with fun and camp, which is my favourite way to see a project made. i love that as well as unbranded, fluke has managed to stay role flexible enough that he can slide into this fantasy damsel space, and i'm gagging to see it all. maybe he'll wear something white and billowing and dashed with blood, gmmtv seems to be in the spirit of granting wishes w this one.

there seemed to be some rivals to lovers edged stuff, but not in the flavours i wanted so i left it uncircled. also disappointed by the lack of girl violence...that friend vs friend/school gang series could have been fun if it'd been girls in ripped fishnets with bats but i digress.

2024 for 23.5 is not the series of numbers i wanted to write, and no final trailer. and also barely any milk!! she was only on stage the once and not for something i'm interested in, so i'm chalking that up to tragedy. but she looked fucking smashing today, so i'll just have to fold up her event portrait in a locket or smth

congrats to the enigma fans [weeps in midnight museum]

i'm frustrated by how much leaning is being done on remakes, even just because being tagged in so many people's bingo i see how many cool, original ideas there are out there, and it just makes me gag in corporate to see this laziness. i wanted to watch whatever the gemfourth offering was bc i liked them so much in moonlight chicken, but i'll probably be giving their kieta hatsukoi a miss. i've never seen ossan's love, and getting a last dance with mix was on my list so i'll probably give it a go but i'm still miffed about it

i got monkeys pawed on the fighting and stunts bc none of it (except the camp acrobatics of my golden blood) seems like my flavour. alas alack

and a campy comedic role for my girl jan in the other drama to hit my spec fic box!! just like UMG, peaceful property on sale (not 100% sure on the title) looks like exactly my bag. i'm indifferent to whether it's actually BL, but thrilled that tay will be there. i can't think of anyone better to play the guy that can see ghosts, given his huge irl superstitious dramatics and easy goosing. this show is going to be so fun, and i think i might have even spotted a similar ghost-makeup style to what they used in something in my room? i'm so looking forward to this one, and it's so rude of them to tease me with it in october of all times, and not give it to me immediately.

overall, hits, misses, dodgy singing. thanks to everyone who played bingo with me, you all have beautiful creative minds and i hope anyone who had a bingNO this time gets a better part 2 <33

#gmmtv 2024 #gmmtv2024 #genuinely thanks so much to everyone who played/tagged me when they used the template #i feel very connected to this wild exciting fiction-enjoyer community

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cosmicjoke · 1 year

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Ahh, shit, so, looks like the diseases that European’s brought to the New World are making their entrance in “Vinland Saga”. For some reason, despite knowing the history here, the thought hadn’t even occurred to me, but of course, disease is a large part of why the Native American’s got wiped out in such huge numbers. Some people were saying it’s the black plague, but I don’t think that happens for another 300 years or so. But it could be any number of diseases brought from Europe. Either way, what’s interesting is how this is going to impact, well, everything. This isn’t something Thorifnn can negotiate his way out of, and once the Lnu see what’s happening to the other natives, I imagine they’re going to freak out and want to keep away from the Nords. And considering how high tensions already are between the two groups, that can only spell trouble. I really love how since coming to Vinland, Thorfinn’s been met with one obstacle after another, his well laid plains constantly under attack or threat. The only criticism I’ve had of “Vinland Saga” has been that it at times tends to solve the obstacles Thorfinn faces with a little too much idealism, the story sometimes shaping itself to fit the theme, rather than the theme’s developing organically within the story. I understand why, because given the actual nature of the world, of violence and war and just people, it can be next to impossible to convey the notion that peace can be achieved through non-violent means convincingly, without idealizing certain realities. So I don’t hold it against the manga too much, considering the message it wants to push. But with that said, I’m appreciating the way this New World arc is tending more toward the kind of bleak reality we saw with the prologue of the story, with Thorfinn really running into serious push back and obstacles to his idyllic dream. I really have no idea how this story is going to end. I hope Thorfinn doesn’t die. Ugh, I’d be so sad if he did. I know this is meant to be the final arc, so it’s going to be interesting. Considering the actual bleak history between European settlers and the natives of America, if the story is sticking to reality, then it can’t, actually, end well. But maybe for Thorfinn’s own group, things will be okay, in the end. Still, there’s a genuine sense of grief, in knowing that Thorfinn’s dream of a new world, free of war and slavery, will eventually, well past his own time, morph into the very thing he’s fighting against, resulting in a literal genocide of millions of Indian’s. There’s an undertone of inevitable tragedy to this story, because of that,knowing that no matter how hard Thorfinn works, or how pure his intentions, his attempts to create a better world will, in their way, be the catalyst for so much horror and death and destruction in the future.

Also, once again, I see people bitching about the wait between chapters. This was less than a month since the last chapter. The art never dips in quality, but these people act like each chapter should be 20 pages long or they whine and moan. Like damn, stfu. There’s plenty of manga’s with shitty art that get released on a weekly basis. Go read one of those if you aren’t going to show appreciation for the immense amount of work that obviously goes into this one. Idiots everywhere.

#Vinland Saga #Thorfinn #Chapter 201

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septembersghost · 2 years

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Why do you like the character of Jimmy Mcgill so much, what makes him such a good interesting protagonist to follow? Do you love Walter White as much as Jimmy ?

By the way, I love your blog, your analyses! Long live Kim Wexler and Mcwexler! ❤

if anything suggests i have any love whatsoever for walter white, i have been doing my job here entirely incorrectly adljkgfkjhgh

walt is a great character - monstrously compelling, brilliantly acted (bryan was lauded for a reason!), and while i definitely have discussed his evolution (or devolution, as it were) and the fact that at times i still find tattered remnants of sympathy for him and tragic fallibility from him, i'd also push him off a cliff without hesitation. i posted a tweet a while back that said something like, "breaking bad is full of characters i love to watch, better call saul is full of characters i love," and that (with the exclusion of jesse) sums it up fairly succinctly for me, and is why - as a character person first and foremost - i'm far more emotionally attached to bcs. i think breaking bad is ultimately narratively stronger (i didn't expect to say this), but better call saul made me love and care about its players so deeply that it's the best at character study. (obviously these are completely subjective opinions, and in many ways the shows are quite different and difficult to compare because their strengths and highlights play for varying reasons!)

jimmy, on the other hand...there are things that maybe should've turned me on jimmy (scamming, lying), but they just. didn't. part of me wonders if it's my affinity and empathy for kim coming through since kim loves him, and because of how i feel regarding their story and aching romance together, but even beyond that, in jimmy's better qualities, in his relationship with his brother, in the way he does try, but is so doomed in his story before it even begins...his character and shifting identity and place in his narrative universe is gripping and sympathetic to me. such a huge part of it is bob's performance - someone else probably would've played him sleazier or more arrogant, but bob managed to take him from the garish comic relief in brba to a man struggling inwardly with his sense of self, with his worth, with his darker impulses vs. his innate affability, someone who has such heart and pathos that it's devastating and horrible watching him erode. the fact that he's capable not only of humor but also of kindness and vulnerability, and yet opposite that weaponizes his likability and his intelligence and his trauma to harmful effect, the way the narrative convinced us to root for him and want better for him even though we knew where he was headed, it works in such a powerful way. a very human way. i feel like we got to know jimmy in a much more intimate sense - there's a wall between us and walt from the beginning, often a violent one, but jimmy in his crummy little nail salon office feels accessible. jimmy pining for love and acceptance feels more tangible than power hunger. jimmy lashing out and curling into himself hurts, jimmy making decisions to reclaim his name and find some piece of himself (or peace in himself) and a delicate reconnection with the woman he loves, his one person in the world, infused with such loss and melancholy, is bittersweet and haunting.

walt is always on a collision course with death, but it's as though jimmy is always on a collision course with life, with choosing how, even after harm and self-loathing and tragedy, one continues to seek to live. there's an irrepressible spirit in jimmy somehow. in kim too. a flickering flame in darkness. it isn't much, but it's something eternal in spite of the odds.

i'm not explaining this well, but idk! i just feel such an enormous amount of love and sorrow for him. and he's my pathetic bestie

thank you so much, lovely, i am very happy you're here. 💗 kim wexler for life!!! mcwexler in love forever and ever!!!!!!

#anonymous #jimmy my best friend jimmy #letterbox #jimmy mcgill #better call saul

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ms-scarletwings · 7 months

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Woopsie, I Put Too Much Effort Into A Character Song Playlist (Zib)

Just showing off some contextual brain worms. Feel free to toy with it as hyperfix fuel, art/fic ideas, a discussion starter, or just to know what’s been rattling around in my ears lately. Addition suggestions welcome. No particular order to arrangement.

Breakdown/Preview below:

Outer Science, English Ver. [Kuraiinu]

Song artist: Jin (covered by Kuraiinu, English lyrics by Kuraiinu)

Fact of fun: The story told in the original song is part of a whole rabbit hole of a work, the Kagerou Project. Outer Science is specifically about one very bad ending out of a huge branch of connected timelines and possible “routes”.

Sorter’s note: This badass track is a huge favorite of mine both with and without even considering this character list, but holy shit did I find it appropriate for this purpose- from the action, the vibes, and especially for it to center around another villain as utterly maniacal as the star of the list. In my little headspace I love to imagine it mostly addressed from Zib’s perspective toward our main timeline’s Dib.

Sample lyrics:

[Does it matter when you, will soon awaken anew

That I’m reveling in every suffering just like a demon?

“Ahh why! No! Why!” you howl and cry

“I never wanted this” you lie..!

Look into my own eyes, there lies your fate and demise

And I know there another fated eloquent master awaits]

[Ahh, not enough, I can’t evade the desire

To eat up their darkened hearts upon the pyre

Taking ahold of every one of their lives

I’m buried in their eyes

Ahh, it’s also in you, deep down inside

The power bigger than them all, Combining Eyes..?

Yes, within this sad tragedy

You are the “queen”]

[How pitiful to live and die

Time and again you all defy

Though it will end the same, you keep resetting the game

Remiss and pain all aflame

Crying, howling, ever writhing]

Broadcast Illusion

Song artist: GHOST & Pals

Fact of fun: This is effectively a remake of one of GHOST’s earlier works, “Colorbars” and was the last song released as part of their Communications project before the series cancellation.

Sorter’s note: With the instrumental stylizations and dark themes of this piece outright, I hope my associations with the favored freak become self evident.

Sample lyrics:

[We’ll wake up in a singular reality

The death of a nation

A toxic reaction

So scream and shout, make a whole lotta noise

Don’t be afraid, let the night run out

Well, after all, it’s a television show

A telecast promoting vertigo]

[A moment in time to reconcile

Came a little too late, and now it’s gone

A moment in history

Produced by the broken and thrown away

And I’m already here

For you to see, for you to see, to see you

I’ve always been here]

Goodbye Moonmen

Song artist: Ryan Elder (Cover by Shadyvox)

Fact of fun: It’s generally accepted that this song was composed in a way to parody/tribute the musical style of David Bowie

Sorter’s note: I felt this one fitted Zib to the point of comedy. The original context of the song was literally about a universe-wide genocide with xenophobic motivations. To me this might as well have been going through his head in canon had he gotten his way.

Sample Lyrics:

[The worlds can be one together

Cosmos without hatred

Stars like diamonds in your eyes

The ground can be space, space, space, space, space

With feet marchin' towards a peaceful sky

All the moonmen want things their way

But we make sure they see the sun

Goodbye, moonmen

You say goodbye, moonmen

Goodbye, moonmen

Oh, goodbye]

Final Transmission (Remix)

Song artist: Remixed by The Living Tombstone

Fact of fun: The original version was by Temporal Walker & Voodoopony

Sorter’s note: Delicious Title. Pretty darn catchy on its own. Trippy AND sad when you think about it for too long.

Sample Lyrics:

[He feels it in his stomach and in his bones

The weight is lifted now, he's never going home

Drifting in silence, now he's all alone

Difference is that now, there's no need to atone

Spaceman, that's what they said he was

Head up in the clouds, he never put up a fuss…]

[Eyelids getting heavy, sleep it off now kid

Everyone now knows exactly what you did

Go on, finish up the fuse that you lit

It doesn't matter now, cause we'll see you in a bit

Tapestry of nightlights above and below

Sanity coiled tight, the Earth he'll out grow

Amnesty a slight, too late to forego

Vanity benight, all to do now is let go]

Control

Song artist: Halsey (pitch edit presumably by Lunarex)

Sample Lyrics:

[I paced around for hours on empty

I jumped at the slightest of sounds

And I couldn't stand the person inside me

I turned all the mirrors around

I'm bigger than my body

I'm colder than this home

I'm meaner than my demons

I'm bigger than these bones

And all the kids cried out, "Please stop, you're scaring me"

I can't help this awful energy

God damn right, you should be scared of me

Who is in control?

I'm well acquainted with villains that live in my head

They beg me to write them so they'll never die when I'm dead]

Bacterial Contamination [Bookiezz]

Song artist: Kanimiso-P (covered by Bookiezz)

Fact of fun: The original music video with Hatsune Miku is super famous for good reason, and it’s actually a terrifying piece of art. The song by itself carries a really sad story involving themes of alienation, the vicious cycle of bullying, and possibly suicide, depending on how you interpret its ambiguous ending. There’s also a lot of body horror in the fashion of arthropod imagery, and that’s neat. This pick happens to be my favorite version of it, something about the part with the laughter still gives me actual chills.

Sorter’s note: I’m keeping it a secret for now what segment of the song I’m referring to but I actually started working on storyboarding for a brief animation of Zib to an audio snippet earlier this month.

Sample lyrics (approx. translated):

[Bacterial Contamination

You're not worth believing in my mind

Recently my "common sense" has corroded

I can't even hold my purity

The contamination is spreading

You’ll want to become stronger

Even if I barely survive

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts]

[My contamination has healed

I’ve been starting to feel much better

All because I transmitted it to her

Aha Aha Aha AHAHAHA…

Bacterial Contamination

Everyone's infected wounds keep bleeding

Killing themselves from contamination

They can't even die with grace now

The contamination has spread

None of you are here; you're dead in my mind

I'm eventually alone

It hurts (x13)]

The Distortionist -

Song Artist: GHOST & Pals

Sorter’s note: Oh hey look, a ditty specifically about gaslighty, abusive assholes for the self loathing bug bastard that started his own cult.

Sample Lyrics:

[Surely you can see the problem

I don't wanna lose my own reflection

A deplorable perception of me

Was none other than an image of you

You're making a wreck of broken glass and leaving me a fuckin' mess!

Bending light in a way that shows exactly how the story goes]

[In all this madness, it's madness

Oh-ho, it's sickening, it's sickening

You know it's unfair, it's unfair

How you distorted my reflection

You know it's too late…

You're lost in a world of funhouse mirrors, twisted for eternity

Bending light in a way that shows refraction of hypocrisy

Whimsical, dear, your lies are clear, now, who the hell would've ever guessed?

Play my games and abide my ways, there's no way you can compensate]

CORROSION

Song Artist: R.I.P.

Sorter’s note: I’m just gonna let “I've lived in fear my whole life; I'll give you a taste, you can't change my mind” speak for itself. This is one of the more tragedy flavored ones.

Sample Lyrics:

[Don't you know? I'm truly evil, and

Everybody 'round me's dropping dead!

Overflowing, oddly gleeful, and

You're all blue and cold, yet painted red!

Undergone drastic changes

Oh, it's the only thing that's left for me

All along I've known it's wrong

But I can't fix what I am

It's all I know

Low and behold!

I'm truly evil, and

You're a person standing in my way!

Have I shown I can be lethal

I'll leave them all to rot and to decay

Hold on tight, it will be painful

Oh, it's more than your weak mind can conceive

You're all blind, I'll take what's mine

Oh, I wish I could restrain

It's all I can be]

Wake Up!

Song Artist: Oomph!

Fact of fun: The German version of this song goes really hard too.

Sorter’s note: This one was selected more to reflect the broader nature of the Zimvoid and the hierarchy itself.

Sample Lyrics:

[Got no time for waiting

Got no time to waste

Everywhere machines here

Set a deadly pace

Got no time for questions

You have work to do

Got no time to stand now

If you stop, you lose]

[Your life is seeping through your fingers like sand

And time, it flies like the wind

You run in circles and you're losing your mind

But all you want is to win

Just breathe in

Then breathe out

Wake up! Now you're stuck in this game

And even if you run, the score is the same

Wake up! Now you're stuck in this game

You're just stuck in this game]

Confrontation

Song Artist: Frank Wildhorn, Et al.

Fact of fun: yeah yeah it’s from that Jekyll and Hyde Musical. The one people been making animatics of forever and they had every right to be because it’s still good decades later.

Sorter’s note: A little red meat for some of you who like to toy with the two minds, one body idea/headcanon, or your cute little corruption arc narratives.

Sample Lyrics:

[This is not a dream, my friend

And it will never end!

This one is the nightmare that goes on!

Hyde is here to stay,

No matter what you may pretend,

And He'll flourish, long after you're gone!

Soon you will die, and my memory will hide you!

You cannot choose but to lose control.

You can't control me! I live deep inside you!

Each day you'll feel me devour your soul!]

Amygdala’s Ragdoll -

Song Artist: GHOST & Pals

Fact of fun: For some reason the chorus of this caught on as a little animation trend once. Think they dubbed it the Trypophobia Meme. If I do actually ever do something with it myself, I know I’m not calling it that.

Sample Lyrics:

[Today something changed

I figured it’s true

The frontal lobe placed me behind my own strings

‘Cus I defy the way the game works

I’ll say it again, I’m only getting worse]

[Say we take what had been torn apart

Say we mend any patchwork discord

Turning eyes to the trypo-puppeteer

Waiting for the world to burn

So, One two three, and we’ll tie the tourniquet

Larvae eating away at everything

Word goes ‘round, I’m the trypo-puppeteer

Laugh along, I’m spreading holes

Now I know this has always been my fault

and I can’t inhale anymore]

Honorable Mentions:

• C e n t i p e d e by GHOST & Pals, omitted for personal and practical reasons.

• Honey I’m Home, another GHOST hit, omitted because most of my Zib association with that goes along with my personal “darker harvest” theory/headcannon

#iz #zimvoid #iz zib #invader zim zib #zib membrane #character playlist #scarlet talks about things #youtube playlist #enthusiastic recommendations #we hyperfixating

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hadeantaiga · 2 years

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I am currently thinking of several episodes of Star Trek that have a similar theme. And not just Star Trek - this theme crops up in many kinds of media, including sci fi and fantasy.

The theme of the episode is that of an alien race. These aliens are depicted solely as masculine. They are huge, hulking, warlike, and violent, and the crew's first encounter with them may be a violent encounter. The alien may express confusion or anger when the crew does not react the way he is expecting to his violence (often, the crew deescalates the situation).

Throughout the episode, it is revealed that this species is bred from birth, biologically altered, and/or raised in a militaristic society that teaches them they are meant to only be warriors, to only fight, and that there is no other kind of life to be had.

This is always, without fail, presented as a tragedy.

The crew is always, without fail, horrified and upset on behalf of the alien that he has never known gentleness, or love, or kindness. The audience is expected to feel the same sense of horror and empathy for these violent aliens.

Sometimes, the crew is able to show these aliens peace. Sometimes, even if it's just one of them, the crew saves him. Sometimes he goes to live with the Federation, sometimes he takes his lessons back to his homeworld and fights the authorities from the inside.

Sometimes these aliens are presented as the enemy in the episode or season; if they are, there is still care taken to make sure the audience empathizes with them, understands that not all of them are like this, and many of them are blinded by their upbringing or propaganda. Often the aliens the crew reached out to early on are pivotal in taking down the alien army and helping the crew win the day.

The message is that empathy for people raised in such environments is a crucial part of taking down those systems and freeing the very people who may be upholding it.

Anyway this post is about feminism and how men should be a part of your feminism.

#star trek #feminism #intersectional feminism #anti radfem

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andmaybegayer · 2 years

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Last Monday of the Week 2022-10-03

Several parts for a project got lost in the mail and if I don't blow up a motor doing something ill-advised with transistors soon I'm going to become the Joker.

Listening: I went to see the Ndlovu Youth Choir, a youth music group out of Limpopo who became extremely well known after they got on America's Got Talent a few years ago. Great style, they do a wide array of different styles and songs over a pretty wide time period, here's two songs:

youtube

Reading: Mostly scraps of SCP stuff, but a bad week for reading

Watching: Finished Arcane. God damn. Yes I know it's been like a year since that came out shut up.

It's so good. The animation is beautiful, it's so carefully considered, there's so few shortcuts taken. There's a scene where Jayce throws up on the bridge and it's a really close shot that sells the physicality of vomiting so well, it's messy and unpleasant. Another studio might have cut to a really long silhouette shot for that kind of thing. The Ekko/Jinx fight might be one of the best fights in the show. Even basic conversations have thoughtful blocking and framing, very little simple shot/reverse, there's always a focus on body parts and movements.

It's very predictable, which is probably because it's very character driven and the characters don't change much, you could write a comprehensive study of most characters on a post-it. There's a few major pivotal moments and twists for a few characters which are huge, but for the most part you can just run what you know about them forward to predict what happens next. Even having no knowledge of LoL you can guess that the Firelighters are led by Ekko in like zero seconds.

Jinx and Jayce are the main sources of unpredictability but that's because she's Da Joker Baby and paranoid and has psychosis, and he's a very smart boy who doesn't know what he's doing so the moment someone suggests any kind of solution to him he immediately does it without thinking.

Every single characters' design slaps. They did not make the mistake of trying to be sensible. Why is the cop uniform kind of demure but hot in a sexy maid kind of way? How does Jinx maintain twin braids longer than she is while also being on fire some of the time? How does Ekko fight with all that stuff on? These are not questions to ask. The question to ask is how fucking cool does this look and the answer is very.

The levels of tragedy are off the charts. Every second episode there's an opportunity for things to be resolved and for peace to succeed and everyone to talk and it doesn't happen ever.

Viktor and Jayce should have fucked at some point if only to make the breakup even worse.

Playing: Brought my desktop's storage back online so I have somewhere to put games again, but I haven't actually done much with it. Fortunately since I moved to Arch again my Proton is more stable, I got Ace Combat working under Linux.

Making: weekend making time was lost to a number of minor emergencies, but I did have to pop a door off its hinges because the lock completely failed which was fun. Unfortunately it was the door to the toolshed so I had to scrabble together the tools to do said pin popping from whatever tools I keep in my desk.

Tools and Equipment: Treating a minor injury in the family so here's a reminder to check your first aid kits, I had to run out and grab a bunch of non-absorbing gauze because we were all out.

I'm currently in the process of stocking a more severe trauma care kit for the family because my dad is on anti-clotting and blood thinning medication for a while which makes all his wounds one level of severity worse, so also learn how to use Chest Seals and Tourniquets, there's good online resources but you can probably also find a Stop The Bleed training course near you, it's a big international programme.

#last monday of the week #Youtube

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theherocomplex · 2 years

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A few thoughts on Ghost, my unfinished albatross.

I was thinking about Ghost today, and how it feels to have invested so much time and energy into a huge fic -- one that started as a prompt on the Mass Effect kinkmeme, no less! -- and then to have stopped writing it.

When I went back to try to find the original kinkmeme post, it appeared to have been lost in the morass of my bookmarks, but I do know that I started posting it on Ao3 on May 31, 2013 (holy cats, that was a long time ago!). It wasn’t the first Mass Effect fic I wrote (that would be “Honey in the Bushes, Water in the Well”, a regrettable title for a great fic), but it is certainly the uh longest, and definitely one of the most ambitious writing projects I’ve ever taken on!

...and a failed experiment.

I don’t call it that to try and get sympathy; I’ve made my peace with Ghost and I don’t want to go back in time and keep working on it -- or to pick it back up -- but I do think it’s accurate. I am a very different writer now, in 2022, than I was in 2013, for so many reasons, and not just because I started writing Ghost when I wasn’t yet 30, and am now inching closer to a whole new decade.

One thing that’s changed is that while I still love writing big, intense, high-concept sort of stories, I know that’s not necessarily what fandom is looking for. No one is wrong for having a preference, and I wasn’t wrong for aiming at a complex, scifi/supernatural horror mash-up -- though I will say the way I went about it was wrong (with all the benefits that come with growth as a writer, and with hindsight).

Why was it wrong? Well.

First off, there is a significant tonal shift at the end of part one, where the Omega Years links up with game canon. Those first 80k words still hold up as a discrete story, and it was a great training ground for me as far as writing fight scenes and heist-y shenanigans went, as well as helping me develop distinct character voices (both in dialogue and in narration). Writing a dozen very different characters will do that.

The tonal shift happened on several levels: part one of Ghost is not just me trying to fill in a big gap in the overall game storyline, but it’s also about mystery (Is this really Shepard? If so, why is she here? And how?) and about not processing grief in any healthy way. It’s a friends-to-lovers story, and it’s a tragedy, because we know from the beginning how it’s going to end for Archangel and his squad. So it’s already doing a lot of heavy lifting, long before the overtly supernatural elements get brought in.

And...that leads me to the first mistake of the fic: bringing in overtly supernatural elements.

I remember talking to a friend about Ghost, who came down pretty hard on Shepard as a gimmick in part one -- it’s not an incorrect assessment; Shepard has to be a bit of a plot device for things to work -- and on the weird burned lady, Nor.

Honestly, I cringe looking back. The burned lady was too on the nose, too obvious for what I was trying to accomplish. If I was writing Ghost now, I would have left it up for debate if what Shepard and Garrus (and the readers) were seeing was Shepard, or Ashley, or something else completely. That would have benefited the story in so many ways -- adding narrative tension; giving Shepard and Garrus a point of conflict that wasn’t about their relationship but that could still show interesting things about both characters; just being plain scarier because what you don’t understand is always worse than what you do.

Instead, I wrote myself into a corner, because once established, I couldn’t undo the burned woman or what she meant, which lead to a lot of issues in part two...

You can start to see what I mean about a failed experiment, right?

I didn’t have the knowledge or experience, back in 2013-2015, when the bulk of Ghost was written, to know how to handle all the ideas that pop into your head as you’re writing and that you feel like you have to cram in or you’ll lose them. Now, I know that sometimes those ideas are good ones, or that they need to cook a little longer, or that they’re a cool thing to mull over and play with, but ultimately they’re not right for the story. That’s okay! But I confused inspiration with urgency, so in went the burned lady.

So. I had a story that was already 80k+ long, a lot of unwieldy elements (burned ladies who might be ghosts! Actual ghosts! A lot of grief! Trauma! Game canon! Memory loss!), but that still worked as a standalone. It’s a flawed story, but a good one!

And then, I brought in:

a new narrator, who had to learn everything that had happened in part one; the marked change from the somewhat blank-slate Jane Shepard of part one to the Eliza Shepard of Ghost threw everything into a new light;

more overt supernatural elements, because that had worked out for me so well before;

canon game events and characters;

a much more dense, wordy writing style;

the pressure of having a fairly popular fic

I am not upset, at all, about the mostly wonderful, kind, and thoughtful feedback that Ghost got, at all! But having a fic that was suddenly on rec lists and having people excited for updates made me stress about chapters or reveals not living up to anyone’s standards. Not anyone’s fault but my own, though my penchant for not having any kind of chapter cushions also didn’t help.

It’s pretty obvious (at least to me) where I started running into dead ends, because of all the threads I was carrying over from part one, and all the things I thought I needed to cover in part two to make up for the fact that Shepard didn’t remember she had been dead, and in love...it was really easy for the stress to get to me.

Also, around this time, I had made the spectacularly bad decision to start TMNT and Dragon Age longfics, so for a while I was updating three massive fics at the same time. Each fic taught me something different, and presented unique challenges, but splitting my attention three ways (at least, because I was also doing ficlets, and working on original stories) didn’t really benefit anything I was working on.

It got too stressful to find any joy in the writing, which is pretty crucial when you’re writing a fic that’s as intense as Ghost is, and so updates got delayed while I beat my head against chapter after chapter. The update where they discover the Sarcophagus on Haestrom went through at least five different versions before I finally posted a “done is better than good” chapter.

And I was still adding ideas: Miranda was brought into the secret, spirits were really a pan-galaxy thing, the Sarcophagi did something to the dead and the Reapers were now explicitly supernatural -- it was like throwing ingredients into a boiling pot, each time hoping you’d come out the other side with something edible.

That’s not to say there isn’t good, even excellent, writing in part two of Ghost. I learned a lot, and the more fluid, poetic narrative voice I’ve locked on to now (and that worked so well in A Lesson in Drowning) first pops its head up in part two of Ghost. That said -- that kind of narrative voice doesn’t fit the fic, or the narrators. I had some great tools, but they were wrong for the project.

I remember when I came to the decision to stop updating Ghost. I’d started -- and finished -- a 200k+ TMNT longfic (which seems like a whole lifetime ago), and was well into A Lesson in Drowning, but Ghost was still languishing. I couldn’t move the plot forward, any time I wrote anything else, I felt guilty because I wasn’t working on Ghost, and (it has to be said) some of the unsolicited crit I was getting from commenters -- and stuff fandom friends had said -- really stung. The joy was gone. The light in the story had gone out.

I vented to the amazing @snuffes about it, and confessed -- it felt like a confession, honestly! -- that I didn’t want to keep writing Ghost, and she said, very simply and wisely, “Then don’t.” And -- good lord, the freedom I felt.

(Thank you for that, Snuffes! <3)

It sucks to leave something like that unfinished. There are still days when I think, wow, maybe I could finish it, knowing what I do now about myself as a writer, and being that much better a writer -- but I know not to listen. Sometimes stories don’t work out. A lot of them don’t. I would bet every dollar in my bank account that the majority of writers have a couple failed projects lying around, but the thing with leaving fanfic unfinished, once you’ve started posting, is that it’s out there, for everyone to see. We’ve all felt the pain of reading something great, but then coming to the last chapter and realizing the fic hasn’t been updated in three years.

I tried to leave Ghost on a note of...if not resolution, then of some closure and hope. Shepard and Garrus are back together, she understands more of what’s going on, and they will, as they always do, keep fighting the Reapers. I’m at peace with that.

But...I am still sad about not including some of the cooler plot points I imagined.

... like how the doctor Eliza Shepard rescues on her N7 mission in Heroes and Principalities is one of the doctors who worked on the Lazarus Project and does all sorts of horrible experiments with mortality in the hopes he can figure out why Shepard came back, because he’s a weirdo religious cultist who worships the Reapers (he’s the Dr. Gaiden Miranda mentions at one point).

Or my own version of the Citadel DLC, leaning more into the horror of that whole set-up (which I do still want to write someday, but probably as a ficlet rather than a full-blown fic; in 2022 we know our limits and we take care of ourselves!).

Or a resurrected Saren and Nihlus showing up in Ghost’s version of ME3.

Or Miranda and Thane having a very sweet, doomed, unspoken love affair.

(Also, Kal’Reegar lives in the Ghost canon. Just saying.)

Looking back at the whole of Ghost, I don’t see all the things I planned to do, but what I wanted to try (if you can believe it, the first idea for part two of Ghost had Kaidan and Shepard be friends! Best friends! This was before I realized how much I didn’t like Kaidan, and that the dislike had transferred to Eliza Shepard as she evolved). I see a main character at odds with herself, because her writer didn’t really know what she was doing. Sometimes I feel the urge to apologize to Eliza Shepard, because I was learning so much as I wrote her, and I think she suffered for it. I remember a friend telling me they liked Eliza, but never knew which way her moral compass pointed -- and man, at the time I was hurt and sad about that, but knowing what I do now? I could have used that. Taken the hypocritical aspects of Eliza’s character that happened by accident, and turned them into something deliberate and complex.

Growth and hindsight, of course. If I had it to do over again, I would keep part one as its own fic, and explore the ME2/ME3 events in that universe in shorter ficlets or more episodic vignettes. If nothing else, learning that I don’t have to write everything is valuable enough that I’ll always be grateful to Ghost for it.

It really is a good thing that I laid Ghost to rest, if you’ll pardon the awful pun. As sad as I am about the fic not being complete, and as much residual guilt I have over that, I can’t deny that I learned so much -- about writing, about myself, and about myself, the writer -- that it’s really not a failed experiment at all. Ghost is one piece of a vast tapestry of writing, one that will stretch across the vast majority of my life. It isn’t incomplete. Its particular story is unfinished, but it’s part of something much larger, and its value goes far past the words I wrote, and posted.

#oh writing #Ghostfic #long post #a very long mediation on Ghost indeed

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lumiereandcogsworth · 1 year

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Also papa Maurice!

M: What is their favourite dessert? hm. pie, i think <3 blueberry pie!!!!

A: What are/were this character’s best subjects in school? art!!!! we got a professional artist in the house!!! show some respect!!!! i think he also thought history was kind of fun too though.

U: What’s their voice like? cheery :) he’s just so 😊 especially after adam and belle get together he’s just so happy!! but in general he’s very soft spoken, as we hear, but even when he was younger. soft and kind man <3

R: What are their hands like? always always always has paint or other stuff in his nails and cuticles. i think you literally see it all over his fingers in the beginning scene of him working on the music box.

yes see look!! look at his thumb!!

anyway. artist’s hands <3 (credit!!!)

I: On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do they love themselves? maybe like. 5. he didn’t have a great childhood and he spent a huge part of his adult life on his own, just trying to get by and figure out life. i don’t think he hated himself but he just didn’t find much to like. nothing was really going for him. then he met maria and found purpose. he learned to love himself more because she loved him so completely. and then he became a father and he tried to love himself even more, so his little girl would learn to do the same. and then maria died. and then he moved to a small town across the country. and then he felt loss. and guilt. and despair. and tragedy. he felt worse than he ever had been and he stopped thinking about himself altogether. it was all about belle. keeping her happy, keeping her fulfilled, keeping her alive.

when he thought about himself he longed for the self he was when maria was alive. when he thought about himself even longer he felt the painful guilt in his heart for keeping his bright, adventurous daughter in this tiny little town with no opportunities for her. so he didn’t think about himself much at all. but these days? with the waters calm, with his daughter happy, with a son-in-law and grandchildren to love?? he finds peace in himself. he may not ever love himself the way he did when his maria was alive, but he’s trying to be more forgiving, trying to find happiness in himself when there’s so much happiness around him. he is so adored by his family, and it reminds him very much of maria’s love.

C: Can they swim well? he’s okay at it, he taught belle to swim in the river by villeneuve <3 but it’s not his strong suit.

E: How are they with children? oh he’s so good with kids!!! i talked about it a bit in this fic (everyone please read this fic i love it so much) but yeah kids love him!! they think he’s like an old wizard or something sjdksj. cuz he makes art and has such bonkers stories that are only partly true. and his grandchildren?? OH my gosh. they ADORE him. i have a really old headcanons post that i don’t have the energy to go find and link, but aaahhhh he’s such a wonderful grandfather. i mean, he’s such a wonderful father!! so of course he’s an amazing pépère <3 he thinks children are just so funny and great. he couldn’t have asked for a better daughter in belle, and he absolutely couldn’t have asked for more incredible grandchildren!!!

#the way i always end up going off about this man #i love him sooooooooo much 😭#papa maurice #batb headcanons

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godstaff · 11 months

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What do you like about Superman in general? Or at least what drew you to Superman?

When I was a little kid, I was thrilled by the idea of flying. Since I didn't know anything about couples, I was accepting the romance with Lane at face value. I was six and in love with the prettiest girl of my classroom, and she treated everybody like shit and beneath her, so I assumed that Lois attitude was normal in every woman. Now I wonder if Lork fans are in reality little kids, but their viciousness and dirty tactics showed me they are just shitty people.

He is conscious of the great sacrifice the Kents did and the huge love they gave him and he is grateful and fearful he will never be able to pay them back in kind, so he tries to live according to their teachings and moral values. No matter how far in space he is, they always are with him. He extended their love to the whole human species they taught him to love.

He's a godlike individual, with his powers and all, but he tries to stay down to Earth, humble and hard working.

He finally ditched the stupid secret identity. I don't know how it happened, but I'm glad it did. I suggested it several years before it miraculously finally occured.

He said Justice League is not to take humanity to the finish line but to help us when we stumble and fall along the way.

He's loyal to a tee.

He's a positive role model for humans and superheroes as well.

He deserves better writers.

He's the most powerful, but he never refuses help or hesitates to ask for it, He also never denies his help.

He tries hard not to kill, but he has done it when there was literary no other choice or outcome. He's not delusional about it.

He never presumes he has the right to tell others what to do.

He feels he lives in a world made of tissue paper, but still enjoys living among humans.

He willingly sacrifice himself for justice, truth and peace if he has to.

He has voluntarily abandon Earth when he became a danger to others in multiple occasions. Only when he was absolutely positive the peril was over and he was in the clear, he dared to come back.

In spite of being one of the handful of survivers of his lost planet, he keeps its people's culture alive in his Fortress.

He deserves better writers.

He's optimistic even if the odds are against him by far.

He inspires everyone around him.

His smile is his way of saying "Relax, everything is gonna be alright."

He, like Diana, is a hero by choice, not forced by a personal tragedy.

He trusts everyone implicitly. Sometimes he shouldn't.

Far from thinking of himself as infalible, he gave others the weapons to nullify him if he goes rogue.

He sees a brilliant future for humanity and works alongside us to make it so.

He deserves better writers.

As with Diana, these are only part of the reasons.

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