I’m having a really hard time. 365 days ago a piece of my heart went to Jannah. Today marks one year since I delivered our stillborn daughter. There has been so much pain, guilt, anger, regrets, and still so many questions. Over the past weeks, I’ve been avoiding my feelings & trying to stay positive.. but I’m feeling absolutely shattered, especially today.

To my daughter, I thank Allah every day for allowing me to be your mom. My beautiful journey with you went south all of a sudden, and losing you is the hardest thing to accept. There hasn’t been a single day that has went by that I don’t think of you. I’m not entirely who I used to be, but I do have you to also thank for that. Even though the time we spent with you was so short, your dad and I just wanted to do things the right way & to do what was best for you.

And no matter if I experience joy, you are always on my mind and my heart will always have a void. I would give anything to have you back just for a second. I miss you more then words can express, my sweet dear Asiyah.

01.15.22 💜

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It is with great sadness that I announce Goldie left us on July 14th 2022 aka today at the ripe age of 23. A little backstory on Goldie: He was abandoned by the neighbors when he was 3 years old & my landlady adopted him & has remained my building’s cat for 2 decades. I remember hearing about Goldie for the first time & my face lit up as I was excited to meet the cutie of the building. Goldie, thank you for helping me get through all of my darkest nights in 2020 - early 2022. Thank you for all the cuddles that got me through painful times, every hug/cuddle meant the world to me especially when we were locked indoors. Your affection, the greetings every morning & for always being there for me whenever I needed you the most. I’ll never forget these precious moments 😭 You lived a long boujee cat life, requesting steak & fine foods that I’m thankful to have shared your final 2 years with you. Saying goodbye was the hardest as you were frail & I couldn’t bear to cuddle you one last time without the fear of hurting you, but your head rested on my hand & refused to let me go. Thank you for being my friend, a companion & to many others as well. You’ll be dearly missed & forever adored. Your name matched your heart as you were truly golden 🥹Rest In Peace 😿♥️xxx #griefrecovery #stillbirth #weight #memories #pregnancyloss #anxiety #mentalhealthawareness #sadness #sad #weightloss #art #rip #widow #profit #bereavedparents #quotes #memorial #bereavedmother #covid #gain #griefshare #therapy #bereaved #writersofinstagram #in #selflove #siblingloss #funny #memes #poetrycommunity (at London, United Kingdom) https://www.instagram.com/p/CgCO3fHDkjf/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

This annual event has become a very special day for the family and I. Last uear was a huge success. This year we celebrate not only the memory of my father but all those close to our heart that we have lost recently. At the same time we want to raise awareness for those who have struggled or are struggling with pregnancy loss. Hope to see you there! #allarewelcome #pregnancyloss A huge thank you to @randomgolfclub_rivesud and Club de Golf Rive-Sud for hosting us. (at Club de Golf Rive-Sud) https://www.instagram.com/p/CdL_GzOplCrxFnYeeQa6cPVsaEvpM_j_mE9TiM0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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It's been almost three months. Every month is hard but I'm not sure I'm ready to face 4 months without you. I'm getting anxious about it. It will have meant we passed your due date. Passing it almost feels like the "end" to this horrifying chapter. Sweet RJ, it will never be over for me. I know that you will always be in my heart & on my mind.

I want to spend every second talking about my child who didn't get to stay. I know that it makes others uncomfortable & I'm approaching a point of no longer caring. I think people miss that for a grieving mother, it's hard to wade through the silence. I want to talk about my son like every other mother. I want to share my few photos I have of him.

I don't know why I started writing today, just felt like I needed to get this out of my system. I'm just tired.

eleven

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day 2023...

This day is always so bittersweet.

I am beyond grateful for my healthy child; the child I cried for and begged the universe for.

The child who came into my life at the perfect time.

The child I needed.

The child who saved my life.

But.

I remember wondering why people who were unable to provide a good life for their children were granted parenthood so easily. I spent years wondering if I'd ever become a Mother. Years hating my body for not working the way it should, years putting on a happy face for others while I cried myself to sleep at night.

So many tears.

Too much time.

Ridiculous amounts of pain.

And.

All of the losses. The physical and emotional pain it caused and the stress it placed on my marriage isn't something I'd wish on anyone. I spent all day wondering who they would have been, what they would have looked like, and why they had to leave me. I hated myself for not keeping them safe. I felt like a failure of a woman.

I was bitter.

I was angry.

I was heartbroken.

Now.

I see there was a plan in place for my life and for my future. This child I have was sent to me for a reason, and I would go through everything all over again to get to where I am right now. To have her by my side, I wouldn't change a thing. And, I will always be open to talk about the ones who made me tough. The ones who gave me hope.

I have made peace.

I have grieved.

I have healed.

So.

Today, on October 15th, I let myself remember. I let myself wonder. I think of the eleven would-have-been babies who the universe had other plans for, and hug my one-and-only extra tight.

It hurt then.

It hurts now.

But the pain is different.

.

.

.

You are not alone.

Tips on Preventing Miscarriage

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Miscarriage is a common pregnancy loss that occurs before 20 weeks of gestation. It is estimated that about 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage. If you have had a miscarriage, it is important to talk to your doctor about your risk of having a repeat miscarriage. With the right care, you can have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. Dr. Asmita Dongare is one of the best gynecologists in Baner, Pune with over 15 years of experience in helping women achieve their dreams of motherhood.https://www.drasmitadongare.com/

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“I’ll never forget that moment when… “ — Missing you a lot these days. Without even looking at the calendar my body just knows that it’ll be the 15th & my mind starts thinking about all the possible outcomes again but with you in it.

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It is mostly seen that some couples face Pregnancy loss issues. For proper information or need pregnancy tips | IVF Treatment | consult the best fertility clinic in Bhubaneswar | Santaan|

 There are many reasons that affect pregnancy. Lifestyle factors are more affected during pregnancy and also weak uterine conditions.

 “Pregnancy Loss” or Miscarriage happens when something goes wrong in the uterus. Before Miscarriage, there are many signs and symptoms that occur: like

 ·     Bleeding in your vagina

·     Lower Back pain

·     Fluid discharge from your vagina.

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