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wen-kexing-apologist · 6 months

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The Greatest Kisses of All Time

So @neuroticbookworm just finished watching Old Fashion Cupcake and @waitmyturtles is never not watching Bad Buddy, and this naturally sparked a conversation around two of the best kisses of all time. The kiss between Togawa and Nozue in Episode 4 of OFC and the kiss between Pat and Pran in Episode 5 of BBS.

For as much as there are similarities in these four characters, namely that Pat and Nozue both exist for years without any understanding of Pran and Togawa’s feelings, and that Pat and Nozue both exist for years without realizing their own queerness. I don’t know how many people who may be reading this were around for the BL-Bracket Best Kiss competition, but myself and quite a few others on here were fighting tooth and nail for the final fighting ring to be Bad Buddy vs. Old Fashion Cupcake because these are just…such emotionally complex, beautifully shot, and masterfully performed feats of acting and filmmaking. But their kisses could not feel more different. So I wanted to take a moment to break these scenes down.

Bad Buddy, Episode 5

There is already so much want and hope and pain in Pran’s eyes when he turns around to face Pat. When Pran says “we aren’t even friends” Pat’s response is this extremely small, ironic smile and an exhaling of breath. When he responds to Pran’s statement, his is listing off all of these barriers to the two of them being together, the tow of them being friends with each other. But the way his voice sounds, the way the music supports makes the words and the emotions so dichotomous. Pat is listing all these reasons that they should not be together, but Ohm delivers these lines like Pat is telling Pran all the reasons they should be. And part of that has to do with the subtle ways in which he undermines the impossibilities of their friendship with the realities of it. “How can we be friends if we live next door to each other but can’t even talk?” but they do talk. They have spent their whole lives talking.

And I think you can kind of tell the way this kiss is going to go at the end (with Pran walking away) with how much sadder Pran progressively gets as Pat continues to talk “[when you were away] I was so damn happy” and Pran looks crestfallen. And again we get a dichotomy here with Pat listing off all these positives of Pran being gone from his life, but the tone that is being set by the irony in Pat’s face and the sadness in Pran’s is building on this idea. Pat is listing all these reasons why being apart from Pran was good for him, but Ohm delivers these lines like Pat is telling him all the reasons why being apart is not an option. The way that realization and hope comes in to Pran’s eyes, in to his face when Pat says “It was so depressingly lonely for me”. Like, that line is fucking tragic, this moment is fucking tragic. Pat admitting how lonely he was is sad, and yet it is the thing that gives Pran hope that finally finally his feelings may be reciprocated.

This is the constant trend. Why should the lines “Do you want to be my friend?” “No.” be so heartwarming and hopeful, so honest and pure, and raw when at face value saying you don’t want to be someone’s friend would not be regarded as a positive thing. The moment of happiness when Pat pulls away from their first soft kiss knowing something is right, the way Pran’s jaw sets in determination when he grabs Pat and pulls him in for more. Their kiss builds and builds and builds in its intensity the longer it goes on, the more time neither of them pulls away, how hungry they both are for it the more it feels right, the more things settle in to place. The look of pure and utterly joyous relief on Pat’s face when they finally part, everything having clicked in to place for him. Finally understanding himself after all of these years, only to have Pran, who has known for so long what he wants, how he feels about Pat, sobbing and walking away because he cannot allow himself to believe this is real.

I think I said this in one of my Our Skyy 2 posts about PatPran that Pat is someone that is unable to ponder. It may take him his entire life up to this point to realize that he has feelings for Pran, but the second that he does, he does not linger on the thought, he does not mull it over, he does not find shame in it. He is upset at Pran because Pran sang their song, because that song is important, because Pran is important, because he wants to be with Pran, and then he immediately goes to tell Pran all of this, to admit his feelings, to kiss him, to want to be together. While Pran has been sitting on this love, this knowledge for years, pining and in pain at all the ways Pat has kept him close while being completely oblivious to both Pran’s feelings for him, and his feelings for Pran. And, I don’t know, maybe it is just that hindsight is 20/20, or that Bad Buddy is so deeply ingrained in me at this point that I may be overestimating my powers of prediction here. But Pran walking away from that kiss was not a surprise. Pat’s reaction to that kiss was not a surprise. You can see every part of where this kiss is going, you can see the pain in Pran’s eyes, you can see the desperation in Pat’s. You know what is going to happen the second they break apart.

But Nozue and Togawa? I am not certain that I can say the same

Old Fashion Cupcake, Episode 4

Honestly throughout most of Old Fashion Cupcake, we do not get anywhere near the level of sexual tension we get between Pat and Pran, though the few moments there are are fucking powerful. Leading up to the Episode 4 kiss, Togawa has convinced Nozue to try to plank, and boy oh boy is it a good excuse to get this hot man on his bed. I do appreciate the fact that there does not appear to be any sexual tension to begin with. Togawa getting on Nozue’s back may look sexually suggestive, but it does not (initially) feel sexually suggestive. And that is in part due to the fact that Nozue is currently distracted, he isn’t tuned in to the sexual tension. And it is a testament to Takeda’s acting prowess that in a split second Nozue is able to go from laughing at being tickled to laying the tension on thick. We move in to the conversation about the positive impact they have had on each other’s lives. A complete opposite of Pat and Pran. This is an admission on Togawa’s part about his feelings for Nozue, even if he does not say that directly.

It is why he starts the conversation with his back to Nozue, it’s why it takes him so long to make eye contact. And Togawa walks away, while Nozue smiles fondly to himself, reflecting on the importance of Togawa to his own life, and I honestly do not think it is until the second that Togawa comes rushing back towards him, saying his name low and with such intensity that it really starts to click for Nozue what is about to happen, what is happening. Over the past few episodes, Nozue has been turning over these thoughts and questions about why he feels so irritable and out of sync when he thinks Togawa has ignored his email. But I do not think it is until Ochi-san calls Togawa and snaps him out of this moment, that the embarrassment kicks in. We enter the continuous shot, Nozue says he has to leave, and he will not make eye contact with Togawa.

And it must be said, that while do not in any way shape or form doubt that Ohm and Nanon could have absolutely demolished a continuous shot for their Ep 5 kiss, I think we rely too heavily on their microexpressions for it to have worked. But here, it is such a brilliant choice, because everything that ends up unfolding is spontaneous, unexpected in some regard. The episode 4 kiss being a continuous shot serves to express and highlight the motion of the scene, the energy of the scene, which is what we need for the eruption that will occur, where we rely more on seeing the difference in the words and the emotions that are coming out of Pat in Ep 5 of BBS. I think that Nozue’s feelings, his realization, his anxiety comes on suddenly, so suddenly that the camera does not have time to cut away. Nozue is panicking, and he is trying to stay emotionally detached in a way that Pat and Pran are not, in a way that Pat and Pran are incapable of. Because Pat has been oblivious and Pran has been repressed, while Togawa has been repressed and Nozue has been oblivious, and Nozue, unlike Pat, is a character that is prone to decision paralysis. His habit of maintaining the status quo because making different choices means something bad might happen, means that he is much more likely to keep things the way they were. To ignore his feelings, or to run from them, unlike Pat who is physically incapable of holding those feelings in his body.

There is desperation between Togawa and Nozue, just as there is desperation between Pat and Pran, but the desperation for Pat and Pran comes from Pat needing Pran to understand his feelings, while the desperation for Togawa stems from trying to stop Nozue from running from his feelings, while Nozue’s desperation is to flee. I love love love that Nozue’s approach here. Where Pat was listing off all these impossibilities for their relationship, that were tragic yet true, and delivered with hope, Nozue is trying to shut down. He is being as polite as he can muster, but he is absolutely not concerned with seeming like he is lying. Again, where Pat is rambling off a list of things that were true but had not been said aloud in years, Nozue is rambling off a list of things that were not true and are only said because Nozue’s brain is disconnected from his body. The first thoughts that pop in to his head are the first things that come out of his mouth, any and every poor and pathetic excuse, and Togawa’s desperate attempts to counter every argument, to try to keep Nozue here. There is a tension underlying the scene that we get through the background music, that is far more discordant than the romantic, hopeful swells we got in Bad Buddy.

Togawa grabs Nozue, and kisses him, and the music cuts out so that it is just silence. Nozue’s mind goes blank, and where we get the intensity of Pat and Pran’s kiss escalating from both sides as their kiss goes on, what we get from Nozue is a physical reaction that his brain has not caught up with. Because at every turn, Nozue kisses Togawa back. But his eyes are wandering, he’s very much uncertain about what is happening. Not in a “do I like this? How does this feel?” kind of way, in my opinion, but in a “how did I get here? What is happening?” kind of way. And then he drops, and Togawa follows, and we get the “I’m seducing you” confession. And for a while Nozue is just frozen there on the ground, but the longer Togawa speaks, the more Nozue’s brain and body finally connect, and the more he seems to relax. He tries to engage Togawa in conversation, they have switched roles as Nozue tries to stop Togawa’s ramble.

And Togawa won’t let him. Pran walks away because he cannot allow himself to hope that Pat is actually serious about liking him, Togawa puts his hand to Nozue’s lips to make sure that he Nozue cannot reject him. Togawa’s internalized homophobia will not allow him to dream of a world where Nozue returns his feelings. So he hurts himself by rejecting Nozue before Nozue can reject him. Togawa asks to be hit, just sits there bowing and waiting to be beaten for being queer, for liking his boss, and you can see the way it hurt Nozue to see that Togawa assumes that Nozue would resort to violence like that. Nozue gets this look of disgust on his face, this look of pain when Togawa tells him he can hit him.

And where I knew where the PatPran kiss was heading, while it was no surprise that Pran walked away at the end of that, I cannot say I know what Nozue would have done if Togawa hadn’t jumped the gun. I don’t think Nozue knows what he would have done if Togawa had let the moment linger. If Togawa had let Nozue speak.

Anyway all of this to say that I love both of these scenes so much, and it is a testament to the acting prowess of all performers involved that so much can be conveyed. That Ohm and Nanon had to film all the rooftop scenes for the entire show in one evening, had to change the nature of Pat and Pran’s relationship as the Qs progressed. That Takeda and Kimura could carry four minutes of an intensely emotional scene where the power and the comfortability must flow between Togawa and Nozue, where Takeda has to stay physically in the scene while ensuring that his character looks and acts like he is in two different places. Pat’s hope, Pran’s despair, Nozue’s understand, and Togawa’s fear are all so visceral, it is no wonder these scenes have made and maintain such an impact.

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bengiyo · 11 months

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We Are Better Together: Why I Enjoyed the Our Skyy 2 Crossover

I enjoyed this four-part special with every part of my being, but I’m a gay man in his thirties that often feels like I understand exactly where Aof is coming from in his work. As I’ve said many times on this block and in @the-conversation-pod, I desperately want more stories about gays sticking together alongside all of the stories about discovering love. For so many reasons, I love that Aof chose to use Pat and Pran as a catalyst to help Tian and Phupha, and in turn compare their relationship with another couple experiencing some of the same challenges lets them see themselves properly. I have a lot to say, so let’s just get into it.

Funding A Tale of Thousand Stars

There is no way Aof was going to be able to produce a Tale of Thousand Stars special without merging the Bad Buddy budget. If you start from the fundamental problem that it’s expensive to film on a mountain, we need to find a problem that works well. At the end of ATOTS, Tian and Phupha agree to stay in Pha Pun Dao together, but there’s no way that can work forever. Tian has medical needs and a family in Bangkok. We also never resolved the lingering doubts and uncertainty that plagued Phupha in the story, since we focused on Tian’s journey.

With Pat and Pran, they were set on their commitment to each other after episode 11. They are just hiding themselves in college, and won’t experience any changes without some form of outside stimulus. Likewise, Tian and Phupha live in a bubble. I love the idea of shoving these four men together and seeing what comes out of it.

Playing with Archetypes and Expectations

I particularly like Aof shoving these four characters together because it allows Aof to further poke at our expectation and assumptions about BL characters. Aof is aware of the cultural understanding around seme and uke archetypes, and the decision to style Pran to physically resemble Tian is not subtle. However, as we move through the special, we realize that Pran has more in common with Phupha than he does Tian. What a gift that is from, Aof.

Aof invites the viewers through Pran to consider where they sit as viewers in these stories. We are often asked to ride along with our primary viewpoint character and see the world through their lens. Sure, we can challenge their lens, and ask the audience to grow along with the character, but I truly love the way this story hands the lens over to Phupha as we move through this special. As a gay man in his thirties, I am particularly fond of Phupha and the decision to focus on him.

It is hard growing up the way some of us did. We don’t have BL experiences like the ones we fawn over in these shows. Life was hard. We suffered. Some of us are stuck performing a version of masculinity that we haven’t ever been able to unlearn. I continue to present normie because it’s what I was trained to do. I make use of it as the face of my local queer circle. I talk to the government when we need someone who won’t get ignored right away, just like Phupha dedicates himself to the people of his village.

We might expect Pat and Phupha to mirror each other because of their physicality, but that breaks almost instantly. They’re unlike each other. The first allusion to this comes in the reminder that Tian is an engineer, and so is Pat. Additionally, Phupha rejects Tian’s diary immediately because he only gives it a surface reading. It’s only once he gets to know Pran and Pat a bit, and really listens to what Tian is saying that he starts to wake up.

I personally loved seeing these characters get lost in the woods and spin around each other for an entire episode. The best thing you can do when you’re lose in the woods is stay where you are and wait for rescue to find you. Tian can’t do that, and honestly neither can Pat. The common thread between them is how antsy and foolish they can be. Tian went all the way up a mountain with a weak heart the way only a fool could. Pat rushed after Pran to the wilderness with barely a plan because all that matters is getting to Pran.

Like many of the baby gays we sometimes help with volunteering, I wish they would just sit still and let us find them. They’re in such a hurry to grow up and do all the big gay milestones that they’ve envisioned for themselves, but it just doesn’t work like that. Sometimes you have to just finish school and become financially independent. Sometimes you need to let your partner get the help they need and the right diagnosis to manage their neurotic behaviors. Sometimes you need to just having someone beg you to just sniff your boyfriend and get over yourself. Sometimes you need someone who actually understands the weight of internalized homophobia you carry validate that it’s hard. Sometimes you just need to accept that you are now a “we” and admit openly that you can’t live without each other.

You Blame the Rebel That You Sold Out

I’ve been thinking a lot about the instinct I’ve noticed to pick apart the creative team when people find they aren’t enjoying a show for some reason. I wrote about this first during The Eclipse, and I’m feeling it again here. As I said there, I’ll say here: It’s okay to say you didn’t like something and didn’t find this to be your taste.

I’m a lifelong Star Trek fan who can’t watch Lower Decks because I find American animation to rely on a loud quality that I find overstimulating. I also don’t appreciate Seth McFarlane’s brand of humor. I didn’t get into Star Trek: Prodigy because it’s aimed at kids in a way that I found a bit boring to engage with. I think Star Trek Picard is overall pretty bad and a waste of nostalgia. I still love Star Trek, and find things worth engaging with every time I sit down and watch new things.

I recently attended a Matchbox Twenty concert and have been thinking about the song “Rebels” from their new album Where the Light Goes. There’s a portion of the lyrics that I think best covers how I feel about this instinct to turn on the creators when they do something you don’t like with characters they created.

And it's all exciting You were so alive Like a wheel in motion You were terrified you'll lose it Hell, everybody loses It was never how you wanted Now it's never good enough We're all rebels when we're young I think it's time you let it go now When you get angry with yourself You blame the rebel that you sold out You blame the rebel that you sold out That you sold out Let go and be yourself right now Let go and be yourself right now Let go and be yourself right now Let go and be yourself right now

It’s all fun and games when experiences are new to us. We’re excited to be in this new untested space for the first time, but we are all changed by it. We bring different lenses and experiences to the table. We take different things from the stories, and our tastes change because of these experiences. Then the creator comes back with a new season or new outing with these characters and they have different things they want to focus on this time. It’s not what we wanted, and so we turn on them. The only way out of that is to let go and see who you are now.

Aof is a gay man who is working at a major company to tell meaningful queer stories. Aof clearly knows that life is the future, not the past. He’s committed to bridging us to a better world for queer people so that we can see each other more.

We Are Better Together

I love that Pat and Pran met Tian and Phupha. I love that these characters made each other better in the brief week they spent together. I like that they became friends and expanded their queer circle. Your relationship is not the only component you need for stability in your life. You can get stuck in a rut. You need other people to talk to you. You need outlets for your frustration. You need friends to remind you that you’re being obnoxious, and maybe you should just have sex and see if the issue is still there.

Tian and Phupha were not at their best alone. Pat and Pran were not at their best alone. I love the idea of a lonely Pran looking for queer connection on the web and discovering Tian’s diary. I love the romantic notions he projected onto Tian and seeing them shattered by the intense physical reality of life in Pha Phun Dao, and his interactions with Phupha.

About ten years ago, we had a member of our circle who tried to view our group through the lens of Noah’s Arc, and he struggled with fact that we didn’t fit exactly. What a joy it is to realize that your own queerness is distinct in this world, and that you and your friends are special. Bad Buddy and A Tale of Thousand Stars are BETTER for me now that they’ve touched each other.

I love that Phupha finally let Tian love him the way Tian wants to. I love that he let go of his concern about Tian’s wealth. I like that he let Tian’s parents see him properly and extend to love to him that he’s given their son. I like that he finally let’s them thank him for helping their son find stability and purpose, because Phupha maybe doesn’t appreciate how much of a fuck up Tian was being before the transplant. I love that Phupha found it in himself to propose to Tian. I love that Phupha let Tian take charge in the bedroom. I love that Phupha gave Pat and Pran the gift of sharing their love on a stage to adoring fans, and giving Wai a chance at redemption. Pran got to see people finally cheering for their love online.

I can’t claim to understand everyone’s frustrations with this special, and I won’t pretend to. However, I wanted to say quite plainly that as a gay viewer who has appreciated Aof’s work for years, I was particularly touched by this crossover. I don’t care about the balance other seem concerned about between Pat and Pran. I don’t care about how much they did or didn’t talk. All I know is that since episode 5 of Bad Buddy, Pat has shown that he’s all in on Pran and has never waivered. I like that so much of this special was about Pran finally accepting the way Pat loves him, just like Phupha learned to accept the way Tian loves him.

It really is as simple as the final sequence for Pat and Pran for me. It’s Pat asking if they can finally kiss and Pat and Pran again and finally getting that, Pa interruptions and everything.

So, I hope everyone finds peace with reactions to this special. I am completely satisfied, and excited to see what Aof wants to say next in Last Twilight, despite my reservations about Jimmy.

#our skyy 2 #bad buddy #a tale of thousand stars #bad buddy meta #atots meta #Ben watches

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aestheticsfandomsandmore · 10 months

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Episode 1 of Bad Buddy is really not that great when you watch it for the first time, for a variety of reasons. But it is such a treat to rewatch it, and it gets so much better in retrospect: now you already know who these characters are and what they’re thinking and feeling—of course, Bad Buddy’s writing has always been grounded in the ‘show, don’t tell’ method, therefore they rarely spell it out, hence more than one single interpretation of their actions’ motives is valid, but overall we know what’s going through their heads.

And to see Pat show this level of vulnerability and openness breaks my heart a little, because you can really sense (especially, like I said, in retrospect) how much he missed Pran and how happy he is to merely be allowed to stand next to him; to have him back in his life, with the hope that nobody will take him away again.

Let’s not forget that Pat blames himself for Pran’s transfer, which explains why, when Pran says ‘Things don’t end well whenever I’m with you’, he does look a bit sad, but he immediately shakes it off and smirks, as if to say “Yeah, I know, right? I know. But at least this time you’re still here. With me.” And then he smiles softly (and shyly!) at Pran, although Pran has literally just insulted him.

Oh, Pat, my beautiful baby boy.

#this is also the most genuine form of emotion we see him expressing since the start of the episode #he's not trying to impress anyone #he's not wearing a mask #if anything he's opening up #showing somewhat of a weakness #but he gets to do it because it's pran #because he's always been able to be himself around pran #patpran #pat napat jindapat #pat napat #bad buddy #bad buddy series #bad buddy the series #pat x pran #phat x pran #pran parakul #pran parakul siridechawat #gia talks about bad buddy

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lurkingshan · 1 year

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On Jae Won and Pran

Last night I read a couple excellent posts - this one from @emotionallychargedtowel breaking down the evolution of Jae Won’s mindset in the final two episodes of The Eighth Sense, and this one from @waitmyturtles about themes of generational trauma explored in Bad Buddy, and how his mother’s trauma, his role as the only child of the family, the expectations heaped on him by his parents to carry all their hopes and dreams, and his fear of family rejection manifested in Pran’s inability to see a future for himself with Pat and his subsequent (initial) hesitance to risk it all on a relationship with him. And this really got my wheels turning, because I’ve been thinking a lot about the similarities between Pran and Jae Won.

Like Pran, Jae Won has inherited generational trauma. We don’t know most of the details, but we do know Jae Won’s father is “aggressive” towards him and appears to lash out at him in anger. We can only assume that those family issues got even worse after his brother’s death, which he feels responsible for (and given what we know of his family, it’s a fair bet that his parents have placed blame on him, too). It is usually the case that perpetrators of family violence were themselves victims of the previous generation’s family violence, so it seems fair to assume there is multigenerational trauma in Jae Won’s family.

Also like Pran, Jae Won is now his family’s only (living) child, and feels enormous pressure to be successful (as his family defines the term) and avoid disappointing his parents. This is a big source of the paralysis he feels following his return from military enlistment, when what he wants to do is completely at odds with what he knows is expected of him. Turtles talked about how for Pran, risking alienating his parents means risking giving up the only family he has - that fear must be even more pronounced for Jae Won, who has already lost his precious brother and feels utterly alone in the world.

Pran and Jae Won are both people pleasers. Pran is the problem solver in his group of friends, the one who smooths things over and mediates conflicts. Even when he is the wronged party (coughcurtaindropcough), he goes out of his way to forgive and disregards his own needs in order to make everyone happy again. And of course, his ultimate act of people pleasing is to carry on a charade of ending things with Pat in order to assuage his guilty feelings toward his mother and keep his family intact. Jae Won simply never acknowledges conflict in the first place, choosing instead to bend to the will of those around him rather than putting up any kind of fight, and the end result is the same. He disregards his own needs and wellbeing to avoid rocking the boat.

Pran and Jae Won are also both extremely skilled at masking their true emotions and keeping people at a distance. Pran was in love and pining away for years, and absolutely no one - even his best friend - knew about it. Pran was so skilled at hiding his relationship with Pat that he probably could have kept the secret going indefinitely. It was Pat who couldn’t stand it, and ultimately they were forced to return to Pran’s tactic of pretending (and honestly, my heart breaks a little when I imagine Pran having to teach Pat how to hide himself). Similarly, Jae Won’s friends don’t actually know him. They don’t know about his brother, his mental health struggles, or his fraught relationship with his parents. They look at him and see only what he wants them to see - an unbothered chaebol sailing through life. At the core of this tendency for both Jae Won and Pran is a need to protect themselves, because they’ve already learned that they will never be fully accepted for who they are and they live constantly under threat of losing the only security they know if they reveal too much of themselves.

And finally, in matters of romance, Pran and Jae Won are similarly hesitant to allow themselves to go after what they want. Pran always believed his love for Pat would have to stay a secret tucked into a corner of his heart, and even when his feelings were finally reciprocated, he struggled to believe there was any chance he could really be allowed to be with him. After his brother’s death, Jae Won never felt he was deserving of happiness, and he surrounded himself with toxic users to ensure he wouldn’t get it. Even as he was inexorably drawn to Ji Hyun, his hesitation and doubt was clear in every moment. He was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and as soon as it did he fell right back into resigned acceptance of the shitty relationships he felt he deserved. Both Jae Won and Pran likely would have stayed in that purgatory forever, except that they each found someone with the confidence and persistence to help them see a different way.

Which brings me to where Pran and Jae Won ultimately find release from their family trauma, guilt, and self-doubt - in Pat and Ji Hyun. For both of them, they find courage in creating a new bond that is strong enough to weather the coming storm. Pran forms a new family unit with Pat and draws strength from him when his parents inevitably reject his vision for his life. Jae Won pushes and pulls away from and returns to Ji Hyun when he is certain he can trust him to hang in through the hard parts (and we know there are many hard parts still to come). From these bonds they also both build a stronger community around them - Pran strengthening his relationships with the friends in their inner circle that know the truth about him and Pat, Jae Won finding new closeness with Yoon Won and an extended support system in Ji Hyun’s friends.

Their fear of family rejection hasn’t gone away, but they are better fortified against it. They haven’t magically cured their generational trauma, but they have found a way to live beyond it. And I just think that’s beautiful.

#never doubt my ability to make everything about bad buddy #the eighth sense #bad buddy #shan shouts into the void

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greenteadumplings · 7 months

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What are your most heart-wrenching and heart-warming Bad Buddy moments?

Hi anon. There r many such moments for me in this show. But for the sake of this post, I'm gonna go with 5 for each.

Heart-Wrenching:

5. Unresolved Guitar Scene

I mean just see his face. He saved that guitar for 3 years. Probably his only physical connection to Pran during his depressingly lonely days. He saw that Guitar as a thing between him and Pran, only to find out that Pran gave that Guitar to Wai. We as audience know what happened and why Pran gave it to Wai for safekeeping. But Pat never did and he had to find out about it hiding behind a couch while Wai gets to sit on that same couch so easily. All of that and that issue never gets addressed. I was so confused when they meet of rooftop again and it's like the memory of this is erased. I waited the whole episode before I finally had to accept that it won't be resolved. Poor baby. I wish It was handled properly.

4. Hopeful Iced Milk Tea Date

This scene hits hard for me because of the scene before it. The scene where Pran is waiting for his milk tea at the stand and Pat casually says that he will see him in music room. His fond smile while ordering another tea for Pat and his little shy expression. It may be a small thing, but when u r not allowed to even speak with someone, sharing an iced milk tea feels like a privilege. And we can exactly see the moment where his hope gets shattered. And he didn't even have the heart to drink the tea he ordered for himself either.☹️

3. Pat in pain

My heart can't handle sunshine golden retriever Pat Napat Jindapat breaking down in pain like that. He just found out that, his father the person he's been admiring his whole life, the person he saw as his hero, is the reason for the fued. He did something so horrible which hurt Pran's mother which in turn hurt Pran. His whole life must have felt like a lie. And yet here he is, trying to stay strong for Pran's sake but silently breaking down when Pran can't see him. That single tear running down his face while he fought to keep the others haunted me for days.

2. THE ROOFTOP

@inventedfangirling mentioned in this post that telivision peaked here, and I can't agree more. I'm a permanent resident of the rooftop sharing it with other Bad Buddy refugees. There are many moments in these five minutes where we can feel our heart getting wrecked. But what gets me every time is the difference in their expressions right after the kiss. Pat being happy, relieved. Him finally understanding many things about him and their relationship. Pran being devastated, being sure that if he doesn't stop now, then he will surely drown in his own tears. Both of them leaving the rooftop with broken hearts, broke my heart.

1. Pain in Pain

Pran's love for Pat might have started as something small in his heart. But it grew and grew during the years until his heart felt heavy with it. So heavy to the point where it must have felt like a burden. But a burden he want to carry willing just because it's Pat. Then Pat goes on and adds more weight to his already heavy heart. But Pat didn't know it. He doesn't know he's hurting Pran and thats the worst part. He can't even be mad about it. So he suffers silently, because it's the only thing he can do, the only thing he's been doing for years. Pran softly watching Pat with eyes full of tears and shaking his head as if to wake himself from a daydream never fails to break my heart.

Heart-Warming:

Before we go into this I want to say that picking just five had been one of the toughest decisions I had to make. There are many other ones that I absolutely love and wanted to include. But for the sake of this post I included these 5.

5. Forehead Kiss

I'm a sucker for forehead kisses and this one just so soft so tender and so simple it leaves me breathless. Pran in his childhood bed room, on his own bed where he yearned for Pat all his childhood, with his guitar and Pat who is in love with him has honestly healed me a bit. This whole scene followed by the tin can conversation and the scene cutting to their childhood, it's just *chefs kiss. No wonder it won the best scene award.

4. Boyfriends holding hands on a bench

No matter how many times I watch this it won't fail to give me butterflies. Pat offering to stage a break up for the sake of Pran. Pran gently taking away his hand to stop him. And then! And then he goes and holds Pat's hand below the table!!! Pran initiating more and more physical contact with Pat as the show progress letting himself have things he wished he did when he was in high school just makes me so happy.

3. First time on Beach

Episode 11 is one of my favorite episode. It starts with a sad bus ride gradually lightening the mood and hits us with speeches given in pseudo wedding attires, our song and 'good luck, buddy' without giving us any time to breath. The whole episode has a underlined theme of sadness lurking just beneath the surface. In the midst of all that this scene just feels so full of love. At this moment nothing else matters but just them. Just them soaking in their love and being with each other. And what feels like freedom than being with the love of ur life and basking in each other's presence.

2. Show me your dimples

If I had to show a person a scene from this series in order for them to watch this I will show them this particular balcony scene. Whenever I rewatch this, I will be buzzing with happiness. No but, the acting, lighting, background music makes this scene one of the best in the series. The way Pran tries to cheer up Pat and Pat laughing happily, virtual hugs and scented t shirts, cute ear phone cases and them being in love with each other and doing silly things. It can't get better than this. Whenever I watch this scene I feel like I'm somehow intruding them. It's feels so natural and realistic.

1. The Guitar Pick

Here we not only see how Pran fell in love but we can also understand why. Simple gestures as this, done without much thought tells us so much about a person. Pat cutting his student ID for Pran, Pran's look while taking the pick, Pat's soft chuckles, Prans fond smile, the innocence of first love. It's just so simple yet I makes u feel warm from inside. I just love this moment so much. The golden lighting their gazes and the soft music everything makes it feel so warm and fuzzy.

#answering asks #bad buddy #this show is never not on my mind #i just love it so much #bad buddy post #thanks for the ask anon

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mahuhumaling · 9 months

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why the entire bus stop sequence is one of my top 5 fav bbs scenes

EXT. BROKEN BUS STOP — NIGHT

preface: back when bad buddy was still airing up until episode 8, i had two favorite scenes so far and this from episode 3 was one of them. the reason for why this scene is so good is quite simple, unlike my other favorite scene.

here, it is easily digestible, and the back and forth between the actors is entertaining. it's important to understand the foundation of pat and pran's relationship.

pran is so right. as a fellow creative, it's so hard to be one. and people who work on technical fields won't understand firsthand how the minds of creatives function, especially an aspiring architect like pran because the design has to be practical, clean, right, feasible, and appealing. all aspects of aesthetics and functionality are considered.

clearly, pran is in a bit of a creative slump, and someone with a fresh mindset can help.

they do, however, sneak in a bit more depth at how these two feel about each other, rather than act around each other, but it's still a glimpse. a taste test, if you will. the moment passes by and finishes immediately. pran tries to protect himself and his feelings, while pat breaks down a layer of wall.

ohm does a such a good job with his facial expression: wincing at the cold answer. pat's smart, he probably has an idea that it's the usual snarky pran comment, but pat's still clearly hurt.

this small exchange ends, and we go back to banter. it's very representative of the show as a whole. it refuses to dwell on the heaviness of drama, and immediately gives it audience levity without undermining that it can get serious sometimes.

(not gonna lie, i cried a little seeing pran so in his element and pat being secretly happy for giving him motivation. the sneaking glances.)

so after pat helping pran for the nth time by allowing him to organically come up with the bus stop's design and not force him just like how he folded the poster of the project pitch grant into a paper airplane + one oishi ad later,

we get this. (also i see you nanon, you really moved a little bit so your blocking is v-shaped. you're not slick.)

this is what cemented the scene for me and made it one of my favorites: just six lines of dialogue.

"Do you like it? // The new bus stop." "I do. // I'm just not sure they will do too." "They will. // Because I do."

this original commentary was literally from december 2021 so some time has passed and a lot more facts sprung from this dialogue, namely the translation of it being "do you like [dot dot dot]? the new bus stop?" being a double meaning to pat asking if pran likes him, why there's a pause, and that's great of course, and we understand why pran always feels so apprehensive around pat when he says flirty shit like that lmao.

but the moment right after, the look pran gives pat when pat says "because i do" is so emphasized and knowing and that's why i zeroed in on it. this is my interpretation:

at first, i was slightly reserved with "they will because i do" particularly; i felt like it could've been better if pat said that it didn't matter if others didn't like it as long as pran likes his own work (and that it works obviously),

but i realized that that is not what pran needed to hear at that moment.

aside from the romantic context that pat believes in pran when no one else will (ahem his shit ungrateful friends making him carry most of the work when they broke the bus stop ahem) and it's genuinely a really sweet thing to say, it also eases pran's doubts. we know pran is a neurotic person, so i'm sure validation from someone (bonus if it's from your crush) is something he values a lot.

also: pat's absolute, genuine sincerity.

no games. no funny business. no pretenses.

pran finally looks at pat without the stern facade and coldness, and for once he lets go. he accepts that warm feeling rushing back.

[x.]

MY TOP 5 FAVORITE BAD BUDDY SCENES

(In no actual order)

3 - Broken Bus Stop Redesigning

5 - Fight in the Dorm Parking Lot

10 - Pran Sings "Our Song" Draft

10 - InkPa in the Darkroom

12 - Dissaya Watches Ming

#bad buddy #bad buddy series #bbs #bad buddy the series #uranus #commentary #patpran #pran parakul #parakul siridechawat #pat napat #napat jindapat

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inventedfangirling · 11 months

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PatPran & Sacrifice

This post is borne out of my genuine confusion about what people mean when they say pat's sacrifice (to stay in the closet to be with pran) is so great that pran will never be able to repay it.

First of all the universe of the show doesn't even have homophobia so the closet in this context is something that is uniquely made just for them and them alone and is not something that a person unfamiliar to their family dynamics will understand.

So then even if we do consider this closet that both pat and pran are in, why do we say that pat is in it for pran and has therefore made a huge sacrifice when pran literally has done the same thing for him?

Even if we assume that pat no longer gives ming the power to dictate things in his life and thus can see and be with pran as he pleases, and even if it's cos of dissaya's opposition to any association between their families that has forced them into this fake break up drama, it is still a decision that both of them took based on what they wanted alone.

Pat wants to be with Pran, whether he gets to be public with their love or not. Ideally would he prefer shouting it from the rooftops? Yes. But he also doesn't think its worth it if it means losing pran, like he showed in ep8 when he apologised to pran and told him he wouldn't post stuff on social media anymore if it bothered him so much. So here he was willing to give up doing that, to do what he actually wanted to do- be with pran.

Pran similarly offers to give up his need for privacy and living a lowkey non social media flaunt-ey life (free of threat of getting transferred and uprooted again) cos he wants to be with Pat more than he wants all of that. And in this context it is Pran who ultimately gives it up by allowing Pat to post pictures which he immediately does too.

And look at completely smitten babies smiling after having offered to give up something for the other, communicating through the shitstorm that is carrying all that intergenerational trauma.

That's love and that's love by choice.

Now flashforward to the fake break up and the continued pretense of being exes while being lovers. Pat has given up the chance to flaunt his relationship (like the heart on sleeve guy he is) to be with Pran. But the crucial thing here is he wants to be with Pran more than wanting to flaunt the relationship. He isn't giving up any alternate happy future with somebody else where he could be open about who he loves, because the one he loves is Pran and if he gives up Pran it is he himself who would be the most miserable. He loves Pran and he wants to spend his life with him and so there isn't any alternate in front of him for him to give up to be with him. This is his one and only option, the only choice he wants to make and he is evidently more than happy with that decision as we see at the end of episode 12 even if ofc he does miss pran terribly cos he's in singapore.

Coming to Pran, i dont understand if im reading it wrong, or if i haven't read the right posts yet but a lot of what i read feels like he doesn't sacrifice anything. {It is a whole different thing that Pat keeps offering help to Pran and Pran accepts it, but we also see Pran do a lot for Pat without being asked, and its just their way of expressing love being different. And them recognising that. This isnt about that}. What im so confused about is the way it feels like there is general acceptance of an imbalance (that Pat gave up so much more than what Pran did) in the ultimate sacrifice that is the fake breakup because if Pat sacrificed something then didn't Pran sacrifice something exactly similar too?

If Pat's sacrifice is giving up the chance to be in a relationship where he doesn't have to hide, then why are we ignoring Pran giving up the same? Or am i missing something? It's not like Pat is the only who can pursue alternate relationships. Pran could too. Dissaya would be very supportive of any other relationship he chooses to be in. And he could probably find somebody who is more similar to him who doesn't mind not flaunting the relationship and having it be lowkey and stuff. These are all possibilities that are open to him too, and yet, it doesn't even occur to Pran ( like it doesnt to Pat) because Pran loves Pat and wants to be with Pat and while ofc it is terrible to have to hide your love and a part of yourself, and while ofc it would be great if they didnt have to hide, if thats what takes to be with each other he would do that, they would do that .

Look at them yelling and teasing each other in full audio range of both their families, smiling from ear to ear having the time of their lives. The closet be damned.

That's 2 men who have gone through shit side by side and continue to choose to love each other daily. No matter how obvious (to eo) that choice might be. Let's never forget that it was intentional.

So to conclude, the fake breakup pretense was a mutual choice, based on their own self interests and any sacrifice was made for their own sake, and it was equally done from both ends. And if anybody disagrees with me, Pran has something to say to you.

#not but fr i genuinely am curious where this came from #no pran slander while im around #bad buddy #pran x pat #patpran #pran parakul #pat napat #closet be damned

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melto · 1 year

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like the way pran is a stranger to everyone in his life vs the way pat is a stranger to himself. it’s so much.

while both pat and pran have these strained relationships with themselves and those around them, the way their issues and loneliness manifest are so distinctly different while basically stemming from the same source and being remedied by the other.

with pran, his main response is to distance himself from everyone in his life. intimacy has time and time again proven to be something more akin to violence; if no one truly knows him, then no one can truly hurt him, he thinks. he's forced into a position where he had to get good at manufacturing closeness, revealing things about himself that are only skin deep to create a faux sense of it. it's very clear that pran had already been raised to be more reserved, so it is easy to do but not ideal. pran is constantly in this state of wanting to be known and fear of being known, something i think everyone knows since it's a very vital part of bbs and shown regularly— pran associating any type of relationship with pat to be a sign of unavoidable doom, pran leaving pieces of the most vulnerable parts of himself behind in hopes someone will pick them up (the multiple times he's vaguely spoken to his friends about his feelings in regards to pat: with wai about the guitar, on the beach with his "break up", at the bar talking to wai about being in a relationship you have to hide, etcetc), the ways pran steps out of his comfort zone with pat, his defiance with his mother after an attempt to walk away from the confrontation; and pran's fear is validated more often than it's not. save for with pat. because while pran is still experiencing these reactions to his honesty, it is not pat himself who is reinforcing that fear, even if he is a major factor in creating these reactions.

unlike the others in pran's life, pat knows pran. pat's the first person to pick up on the version of pran that he's always attempting to hide, and is desperate to know more. the diligent and genuine effort pat puts in literally changes the way pran interacts with the world around him. getting pat's presence in his life back is enough to start allowing pran to be more vulnerable with people around him (even if it blows up in his face), it lets him take himself not so seriously and breathe a lot easier as things progress. pran doesn't have much of a choice but to be vulnerable and honest with pat, because it's just so much all the time with him and it's nearly primal to bear his soul to the other, which is why he has to fight so hard. but he's not immune, and he opens up. starts with pat, then with ink and pa, followed by pat's friends and then his own. pran is able to finally be known by others in a way that matters due to pat's influence, and he's also able to know himself more in the process. out of the two of them, pran is far more familiar with himself, but pat (and the friends pran makes through him) offers him more space than he ever has had in his life to explore himself in regard to others. he's had so much time to get to know pran, on his own, but he doesn't entirely know pran the friend, pran the boyfriend— due to his upbringing and then the isolation he put himself through, he doesn't know the bounds of his own love. pran doesn't think loving loudly would suit him, that he doesn't deserve it because it's not something he's ever known. but thanks to pat, he's able to figure out that it is the way he wants to love and be loved. he's so hesitant of being open about his relationship with pat at first but you can see how he comes into himself and loving loudly; he wants people to know, and he wants it to be shouted. it's not something he could have ever pictured for himself if not for pat. so pat does still help pran know himself more, it's just that pran's life is more dominated by his lack of closeness and being known-ness with his friends and family.

pat, however, is the opposite. he doesn't purposefully create a distance between himself and others, but it's an unavoidable side effect at times due to the massive disconnect he has with his own personhood. pat only knows himself through his relationships with people in his life. he's a good and obedient son, an annoying older brother, a devoted friend, a smart student, a cruel fighter, etcetc— he understands these roles and how to play them, without them, he'll lose himself because what does he have without all of these titles? his relationship with pran was the only place he could connect with the real version of himself, due to the fact that their relationship was never static, it was constantly changing and unable to be coherently defined so it gave pat a lot of room to explore within it. being "pran's rival" became the most defining role for pat because of this, even if he was unaware of the true weight behind it. when pran was sent away, he took the real pat with him. pat no longer existed in tandem with pran; there were no more comparisons, leaving his actual self to now be defined by the absence of pran, something that was no longer tangible and within reach. as soon as pran's presence is reintroduced into his life, the shift in pat is almost comically obvious. immediately he is trying to reestablish his pran-defined role to get the person pran made him back. it changes the way pat interacts with the world, able to fully realize the version of himself he wants to be, that he really is. it doesn't flip every relationship pat has on its head, because they weren't built on lies or anything— he just buried himself under the various roles assigned to him throughout his life.

pat's never had space to know himself truly; he struggles to understand exactly what he wants because he's always been so focused on what has been laid out for him by others. pat doesn't want to play rugby but he does because he's told to. pat isn't inherently violent but he gets into fights because it makes people respect him. pat constantly sacrifices himself and his own autonomy for the approval of others because without it he doesn't know what he has left. save for pran. his relationship with pran is something of his own making, something that wasn't expected and pat's able to see himself as an individual for the first time. like it is still very much in reference to pran, but it is still something he sought out of his own wanting. pran is freedom and strength for pat, the place he can dream for himself, and what gives him the courage to go after it despite the pushback of what he had been relying on all his life for validation. without pran, pat would never be able to see himself. much like pat had been the first person to truly see pran, pran was the first person to see pat. and to a much lesser degree, like with pran's relationship with himself, pat was able to be known more by his friends thanks to pran. they were able to watch pat grow into the true version of himself that he was proud of, allowing them to learn more about someone they loved so much right alongside him and bringing them closer due to the newly found honesty and courage.

for pat and pran, i think a major part of their love is very much being known and to know. since before they were born they were defined by their relationship with each other. there is never a single point in time when they were strangers, there is nothing that could reverse the impact the other's very existence has on their own, even if they had never met again they would forever be defined by what they shared, for better or worse.

how could it even be expected for pran to be known by others, for pat to know himself, if the only person who was never and could never be a stranger wasn't at their side?

#i posted this like. back in may on my twt but im thinking about it again.#society if i went back to pat mental illness posting like every other day of the week lmao #i at least dont think ive posted this here before. Liz if ur seeing this have i. i feel like ur the only person who'd know.#bad buddy the series #patpran #isaac drama posting hours #long post /

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telomeke-bbs · 2 years

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BAD BUDDY RERUN SEASON – EP.4 (NOTES ON THE REWATCH)

I've fallen behind Channel GMM25's rerun of BBS and I don't think it will ever be possible to catch up. Nonetheless, still continuing with my notes on the rewatch, even though GMM25's well past Ep.4 by now! 🤷‍♂️ (Links to my notes for Episodes 1 to 3 are at the bottom of this write-up if you're interested to read more.)

Episode 4 opens with the discussion between the Archi and Engine teams on how to co-ordinate while rebuilding the bus-stop. The shot is quite formally framed, with Archi on one side and Engine on the other. We are being given a smack of visual foreshadowing here – the conflict of Ep.9 (when Wai comes in between Pran and Pat) is quite literally echoed in the physical blocking:

So when the talks break down, we see Pat and Pran having several discussions in a staircase on how to get the best out of their workteams:

It's meant to suggest the staircase of their apartment building (because they're dressed so casually in tank-tops/t-shirts, shorts and flip-flops) but it actually isn't the same staircase – the railings, treads and risers don't match what we see when they race up to their apartments at Ep.3 [1I4] 9.58.

In the Behind-the-Scenes video for the rooftop filming (linked here: [Behind The Scenes] จนกว่าจะพบกันใหม่ครับเพื่อน! | แค่เพื่อนครับเพื่อน | BAD BUDDY SERIES, timestamp 1.29) Ohm and Nanon confirm that key scenes planned for the rooftop were rained out and had to be relocated indoors.

I think these were discussions at the rooftop, that then became these staircase discussions (Ep.4 [1I4] 2.58 and 4.22), since they show Pat and Pran at an intermediate stage of their relationship, between the first contact of their blind-date-gone-wrong and their Epic Rooftop Kiss – drawing closer but not yet (overtly) romantic in any way.

If these discussions had indeed been planned for the staircase of their apartment building, they would have been filmed in the same staircase at the Tinidee Hotel Bangkok Golf Club (where their student apartments are located); the fact that they weren't suggests that they may have been a last-minute switch-out from the rain-soaked roof.

So when Pat and Pran are startled by a bump in the night and proceed to investigate fearfully, it's not because our two brave boys have suddenly turned into total scaredy-cats out of character from their usual courageous selves:

In Thailand, and all across Southeast Asia, there is a strong belief in the supernatural as a very real, unseen part of everyday life. People grow up believing that malevolent spirits and beings are all around, which are to be given respectful distance, feared as uncontrollable forces, and appeased where necessary.

This is why there are shrines, offerings and talismans everywhere in Thailand – the supernatural world is as much a part of the surrounding reality as everything else that you can see and touch (and it is dealt with differently according to the different rules by which it operates).

Pat and Pran are simply doing the prudent thing here – you can't control the supernatural and you are at its mercy for the most part, which is why they're being so terribly cautious. If it was just a normal human intruder that they were worried about we know they would have been a lot bolder.

When Ink turns up characteristically flustered (BBS plays with this idea a bit) to photograph the Archi-Engine teams at the new bus-stop, Pran's expressions reacting to her appearance out-of-the-blue land quite differently on the rewatch:

What must have been going through Pran's mind is his mantra of “Things don’t end well whenever I’m close to you”, repeated at Ep.1 [4/4] 3.28 and Ep.2 [3I4] 9.01. Every time he'd allowed himself to get closer to Pat, something bad would happen (see this link here for more explanation).

Against the received wisdom of a hard lesson learnt time and again, Pran was all ready at the end of Ep.3 to stop pushing Pat away (when they talked in the corridor of their apartment building). But here at the bus-stop the universe is responding negatively just as before, and this time it is with the most epic smashdown possible.

Just as Pran and Pat are jibing and joshing at each other (Ooh your shoes are shiny! Ooh you smell nice!), in a demonstration of closeness visible only to them (a kind of mock-antagonism that masks their true relationship) – by some cosmic coincidence, the one individual whom Pran had seen Pat actively showing romantic interest in (and who beat him to Pat's affections in high school) suddenly bursts onto the scene.

So the expression on Pran's face (kudos to Nanon here) is not (just) because he's concerned that Ink is going to expose their deception (that they're not the enemy-strangers whom their uni friends think they are). What we're seeing is the realization sinking in for Pran that his old rival for Pat's love is suddenly back in their lives, and he knows (or rather believes) from experience that he has no chance against her.

Plus Pat whisks her away at first sight – to Pran it looks like Pat is grabbing the first chance to be with Ink again (even if it's really just action-man Pat stopping her from spilling the beans about their friendship in front of their friend groups).

Pran's expression at Ep.4 [1I4] 8.46 is also a parallel with his expression at Ep.4 [1I4] 8.25 during the high school flashback. That was the first time Ink appeared in their lives, and at timestamp 8.25 he showed he had already noticed way back in high school that Pat felt some kind of attraction for Ink.

Perhaps it was Ink's reappearance at the bus-stop that fully convinced him, but later we do get to see that Pran really does believe “Things don’t end well whenever I’m close to you” is some kind of sacred text to live by, when he repeats a version of it at Ep.4 [1I4] 12.09, after Pat steps on his lost earbud – "See? The two of us shouldn’t get close to each other."

So when Pran realizes that Pat had rushed out of class just to meet with Ink at the nearby café, shortly after he'd sent him a friendly little text message, this life lesson (“Things don’t end well whenever I’m close to you”) is cruelly nailed into his consciousness yet again – he is reminded of the time when he reached out to Pat (with some iced milk tea) back in high school, only to be knocked back by the sight of Pat flirting openly with Ink, in the flashback at Ep.4 [2/4] 0.35.

And then we see Pran getting hammered with reminder after reminder of Pat and Ink seemingly as a couple – when he finds out Pat's abandoned the bus-stop construction (their joint project, that he even sent a text reminder about) to be Ink's photoshoot model (Ep.4 [2/4] 5.27), when he sees them sharing a meal together (Ep.4 [3I4] 2.51), and when he sees Pat wearing the friendship bracelet Ink gave to him in high school (Ep.4 [3I4] 4.40).

The photoshoot was to thank Ink for keeping PatPran's friendship a secret, the dinner wasn't planned as a romantic date (nor did it turn out like one), and the bracelet was simply a platonic gift for Pat (and Pran would get his own too later). But I guess from Pran's POV it did look like InkPat was becoming a thing, whether or not he was overthinking it.

So now, a few observations about Pat's photoshoot with Ink (which as a scene is as important for InkPa as it is for Pat):

At Ep.4 [2/4] 4.37 we see that it was Ink's idea that Pa should enroll in the Faculty of Communication Arts – which she does.

There's a tiny continuity error between Ep.4 [2/4] 2.59 and 5.07 – Pran's white sleeves miraculously grow longer, and he's also lost his collar.

At Ep.4 [2/4] 3.49 we see that the seeds of Pat's romantic confusion are sown when Ink tenderly re-adjusts his stray locks, and he feels the stirrings of something. He misinterprets what he feels for something else (when she gently brushes some debris away from his hair), and perhaps misdirects the incipient feelings he has for Pran toward Ink instead. And of course BBS tells us that he and Ink are not to be, when this moment of tenderness is broken up by – who else? – Pa, physically coming between them with contact lenses for Pat.

The reference to Pat's contact lenses is a set-up for Pat's reference to Lasik in Ep.7 [1I4], which is a set-up for Pa's reference to her own contact lenses as part of her new look, which is in turn a set-up for her losing her contact lenses at the faculty and needing to be rescued by Ink in Ep.7 [1I4] as well.

At the photoshoot, the contact lenses (or lack thereof) are also a metaphor for Pat's shortsightedness vis-à-vis his feelings for Ink. He thinks he's seeing something, but he's not really (kind of like the way he was trying to model for the camera but unable to see exactly where it was). And it's Pa who holds the key to where his (and Ink's) true feelings lie, when she turns up with the remedy for his blurred vision, while at the same time personifying the answer to the question of who actually has dibs on Ink's heart.

This little scene also foreshadows Pat's ill-fated date with Ink at the dessert café in Ep.5 – there just as here, he leaves Pa with Ink after being presented with the gift of clear-sightedness (contact lenses at the photoshoot, while at the dessert café it's the results of Pa's love guru test).

Ink's heart is also symbolized by her camera (which lends extra significance to their Magic of Zero episode). She had her camera trained on Pat while he was modeling, but there was an awkwardness to him (Ep.4 [2/4] 3.07) and he couldn't see exactly where she was at (before Pa arrived and made things clear for him). This parallels how Ink's kind and friendly heart is open to Pat platonically, but is unavailable to him for a deeper (romantic) connection. And when Pat steps away, Ink then trains her camera on Pa, who has no problem posing for her, taking to it easily and naturally – for Pa is the real romantic focus of Ink's heart, and with whom it belongs.

One tiny detail later at the Flagpole Bar though – we see that Pat pulls up a chair for Pran (Ep.4 [3I4] 3.40), whereas he didn't do that for Ink when they first sat down:

Pran rebuffs the gesture, but what this seems to say is that Pat always unconsciously finds some way to tend to Pran.

Despite what Pat might have been thinking about Ink, when we see him performing acts of caring – the object for his bubbling emotions is Pran, not Ink. I think Pat can't help himself, and Pran is unconsciously the center of his world and the focus of his feelings. At Ep.4 [3I4] 5.51 he starts out delivering fried chicken (Ep.4 [3I4] 5.55), and then moves on to tendering kindness and ointment for Pran's injured shoulder. But actually, if you look at the preceding scene in the Flagpole Bar, Pran leaves before ordering any food and that means that Pat and/or Ink must have ordered extra fried chicken for him. I like to think this is Pat going out of his way to think of Pran, and also perhaps giving him an excuse to knock on Pran's door.

So when Pat asks Pran to show him his rugby injury, he's solicitous and insistent, but the one thing he doesn't do is touch Pran in any way until Pran himself has rolled up his sleeve.

I think this is BBS doing a tip of the hat to the idea of consent before intimacy, that has shown itself to be one of the problematic areas in BLs that have come before.

But remembering that Pran is in love with Pat – what a fine-bladed torture it must have been for him to have Pat tending to his injured shoulder like that.

Pat is ministering to Pran's outward hurts, but in blithe ignorance he's leaving Pran's inner, emotional pain (his unrequited love) still unalleviated, raw and bleeding – a hurt that he had unknowingly caused, and to which only he holds the cure.

And Pat is possibly making Pran's heartache worse here, since from Pran's POV he's undergoing a demonstration of love in action without any affirmation or possibility of love behind it (especially in the light of his belief about InkPat as a couple). To Pran it's an absolutely brutal reminder of a love that can never be.

I didn't notice it before, but Pran's t-shirt in this scene is about the only time that we see him with a smiley on his person.

Pat has several t-shirts that either depict or suggest smileys (see this write-up here), but Pran (at least in the earlier episodes) is always all buttoned-up in colorless long-sleeved shirts that are a metaphor for his repressed nature. Usually the smileys are around Pran (on his lamp, his mobile phone, his doorhanger, his posters), and I think they are a reminder to him of his sunshine boy Pat.

But Pat now seems to be spiraling further and further away from Pran, ever since Ink – an undefeatable love rival in Pran's mind – reappeared in their lives.

After the trauma of being pulled into thirdwheeling their intimate dinner, and being reminded of Ink and Pat's (supposed) couplehood several times elsewhere in this episode, Pran in this scene is going beyond just surrounding himself with reminders of Pat. He's consoling himself by positioning the symbol for his beloved Pat right at the center of his chest, where his broken heart is. 💔

Yes, the sequence with the Nivea Micellar make-up remover beginning at Ep.4 [3I4] 8.00 is more cringey cringe product placement, but BBS takes this necessary evil and makes something more of it.

It's impossible not to feel something when someone is tending to you with kindness in their physical touch – we saw Pat experience a twinge of that when Ink was adjusting his hair at Ep.4 [2/4] 3.49. So poor Pran must have been shredded to bits inside when Pat was applying ointment to his shoulder. But then we see that Pat – after proffering intimacy (with the ointment) – now offers himself up for the same from Pran, with the make-up removal.

The ointment application and make-up removal are really the two of them trading kindness and intimacy because they do care about each other, despite their outward jabbing and prodding. And Pat demonstrates he's happy to be on the receiving end of Pran's ministrations too.

At the beginning of the scene Pran was all spiky and withdrawn, but Pat and his persistence keep chipping away at his walls, and by timestamp 8.20 we see that it's worked again and the genuine closeness (and heartfelt tenderness) between the two boys resurfaces once more.

In a sense this foreshadows almost all of Ep.6's story arc, when Pran withdraws yet again after the Epic Rooftop Kiss, and Pat is persistent in trying to draw him back out again.

So after the gentle closeness of the shoulder ointment/Micellar Water scene, the action moves on to the rough-and-tumble rugby game between Architecture and Engineering at SouthTechnology University.

Perhaps Pat is still high off the previous scene's intimacy and all charged-up from the close physical contact of the game, but we see that something has definitely changed for him, because he really lays the innuendo on thick with this line: "Are you afraid people would think I’m flirting with you?" (Ep.4 [4/4] 0.48) – before reaching out to touch Pran (having been given the message in the previous scene how closeness and physical touch between them was consensual and felt good, maybe).

Pat stomps off in a huff when Ink arrives and Pran sends him away; it looks a bit like he's hurt that Pran's chosen her over him.

And when he glances back with a smile at Ep.4 [4/4] 1.40, that look of longing is clearly for Pran. But I think Pran misinterprets this as Pat looking at Ink though (Ep.4 [4/4] 1.48).

Knowing how important competition is for Pat and Pran and how it represents emotions that are deeper between the two of them, it's hard not to see the rugby game as a stand-in for their repressed (romantic) passions.

Pat even goes "If you hug me this tight, you might as well take me as your boyfriend" (Ep.4 [4/4] 3.47). All of that sweaty huffing and rough body contact reads quite like a surrogate for something else – and both Pat and Pran are giving it all they've got:

(above) Pran gets atop Pat and they linger in the moment a bit too long

So on the rewatch, I think there are definitely signs that Pat feels the stirrings of butterflies for Pran in Ep.4, from his suggestive comments, his unexplained desire to spend the night (because he conveniently "forgot" his keys, twice), the tenderness and caring he displays, and the careful steps he takes to enter Pran's personal space after having learnt that consent was important (when Pran threw him out of his apartment the first time).

But our gold-hearted dumbass isn't used to looking inward or trying to process his emotions, possibly because he'd spent so much of his life directing his energies outward, living a life based on values and norms imposed from the outside (the definitions and dictates of his father), rather than as directed by his own internal compass.

I also think Pat may have shut down a lot of his inner emotional life after Pran was sent away in high school, hence the ineptitude that we see in Episodes 4 and 5 when it comes to him trying to make sense of the feelings that Pran's reappearance in his life has stirred up – he'd been out of practice for years!

So Pat's frown at Ep.4 [4/4] 8.31 is because he's jealous of Pran (apparently) flirting with Ink, and getting a friendship bracelet from her too.

But he's quite likely frowning because deep down his still unknowable heart is concerned at losing Pran to Ink, not the other way around. (This is echoed later in Pat's sigh of relief at Ep.4 [4/4] 14.57 – after Pran confirms he isn't into Ink romantically – it's less to do with Ink being available to him, than it is for Pran being taken.)

So the episode ends with Pat finally getting to bunk over at Pran's place, and this is when BBS really starts to roll out its big guns.

OhmNanon worked wonders here, shifting deftly from light comedy to heartwrenching emotional gutpunch and back again, and I was certainly left reeling (wasn't everyone?) from every actorly twist. Nanon exercised his dramatic subtleties to their finest, but in terms of impact Ohm's playful earnestness was not far behind.

To me this was the scene in BBS when you could actually sense a shift in the center of gravity, that the proceedings had begun to take on a certain emotional weightiness, without fully shedding their outward air of breezy nonchalance.

For the most part, this scene was played raw and real without the clever screenwriting winks and nods seen elsewhere in BBS – Director Backaof was relying on an uncomplicated recounting of the narrative with the actors delivering their lines shot through with honest emotions, and I think it paid off.

OK so there is one clear writerly flourish – Pat doesn't ask Pran why he thinks Ink should like him. He hypothetically asks whether Pran himself would like him (if Pran were in Ink's place), ignorant about what could be driving him to frame his question so oddly.

And then he lists out the reasons why Pran should like him (at Ep.4 [4/4] 15.45) simultaneously giving lie to his purported interest in Ink, while unknowingly twisting the dagger wrought of his innocent words even deeper into Pran's already wounded heart.

Other than that though, the scene plays out as a straightforward unfolding of the storyline, that could have manifested quite flat if it had been in the hands of a director or actors whose caliber was closer to average – but luckily for us we had Director Backaof and OhmNanon instead, and they pumped up all the quieter moments with emotions roaring into our headspace.

Similar to how the shoulder ointment application had made him feel, having Pat lying right next to him must have been just crushing for deeply-pining Pran. But he gave in and went ahead with it anyway, having been unable to toughen his heart and condemn his beloved, keyless Pat to a hard night out in the corridor.

And Pran hit the absolute rock-bottom of emotional devastation when Pat responded "Yes" to the question of "Do you like Ink?" at Ep.4 [4/4] 14.48 – his throat catching, blinking back tears and a side-eye at Pat were all wordlessly speaking volumes.

Pran then parries Pat's unwitting thrusts with more characteristic contrarianism when he goes "I… hate you" at Ep.4 [4/4] 17.08. And shortly thereafter we are pulled under, into the depths of Pran's sweet, longing sorrow when he turns to gaze upon Pat in the dark (at Ep.4 [4/4] 18.27), echoing Pat's words "You always look at me" from Ep.3. When you're in love…

The rest of the scene is just silent, unverbalized emoting – but it's pulled off so powerfully it takes time to realize how well it was done. Really, it's quite a marvel that it actually worked – there were no clever lines, nothing of the sort to build on. Just longing looks and a single tear, so kudos to Nanon yet again.

Fortunately for us, Director Backaof then lets us off the burner a little bit. We see Pran – made of tough stuff – pull himself together, and defiantly challenge Pat one more time by pulling the blanket off him, to end the scene on a wry note, a welcome (if rueful) bit of comedic relief winking through the tears.

So I found this final scene of Ep.4 [4/4] (especially when it showed us Pran's single tear) so memorable because it was the one that got me emotionally invested in BBS.

Pran's PP bag during their staircase race in Ep.3 [1I4] was the first detail that made me sit up and take notice of the cleverness encoded into Bad Buddy, but that was mostly an intellectual interest (see this write-up here for more elaboration). But little did I know that after Ep.4's raw depiction of feelings, the Epic Rooftop Kiss would be lurking at the end of Ep.5 to grab my intellectual interest and emotional investment, wrestle them to the ground and wring them out into straight-up adulation and obsession.

Once BBS started dealing out the emotional punches, there was no turning back. Not that I'd really want to anymore; I'm now an addict who loves his drug – but thank goodness my drug of choice (Bad Buddy) is truly a healing one. 💖

[Afterpost Edit: for notes on the rewatch of other episodes, see these links here: Ep.1, Ep.2, Ep.3 and Ep.5. 😊]

#bad buddy #bad buddy analysis #patpran #telomeke #bad buddy episode 4

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thegayneurodivergentagenda · 10 months

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hi hello pran autism anon here again!! i just watched ep 4 again and i noticed at the scene when pat comes to give pran his earphones, and lets himself in, pran repeatedly expresses his distaste at the fact for two reasons. yes, he doesn’t want pat infringing on his privacy or messing up his meticulously arranged living space. but it's the other reason that intrigues me when looking at pran through an autistic lens. he repeats that pat entered without being let in. he's very bothered not only by pat's actions, but also the fact that pat is breaking a social norm. as an autistic person, i find that i tend to feel uncomfortable when i see other people not follow social norms, which i feel is because i've had to consciously learn these and remind myself to follow them for years. i feel like pran is having a similar internal experience here, where he's seeing pat do something that isn't considered 'socially acceptable', which bothers him because he has a script in his head that he's built up over the years, and this doesn't follow the script that he uses to dictate what is and isn't okay to do, what does and doesn't get him acceptance from his peers etc. he then comments that pat 'has no manners'. i think this is a pretty common thing that many autistic people have experienced, being told we have no manners because we unconsciously broke an unwritten social rule we never learnt about. pran, in my opinion, can't help but project the rules he's learnt to help himself fit in and mask onto other people. it might be a very small detail to focus on, but it's something that really got me thinking.

thank you for reading my rant about literally three lines of dialogue!! hope you have a great day!!!

I love you anon.

I know you didn't technically ASK me to rant about Pran's relationship w his room but I have too much to say and I hope you're okay w that.

Pran and his room: from the lens of autism

1. As someone with autism, social rules and norms that we agree with are set in stone. So your analysis about Pat breaking a social rule makes a lot of sense. Especially when you see the other interactions at the food stall and music shop (you're not supposed to sniff people????????????)

2. It's also likely that he's very transparently present in his room. For people with autism, our rooms are our safe spaces and worst nightmares because they reflect so much of who we are. If they are messy, It's our mess. If it's organized, It's customised to our space. Rooms, dorms and other living spaces are basically a self portrait.

Which is why when Pat dares enter and sneak a peak at his barest self, lit with fairy lights and faces telling him how to smile, rituals along every curve and table, he feels scared. What if Pat notices his smilies and thinks he's still a child (he should have overcome the hyperfixation by now? Will Pat understand?) What if Pat notices his coffee stained couch and calls Pran on being an imposter who only pretends to get angry at messy stains. There's so many ways Pat could see behind his carefully constructed masks.

His apprehension from pat entering could be from not letting Pat see him.

And that's also why he holds the social norm of asking before entering so close to his daily functioning; revels in the safety of enforcing this rule rigidly.

[I sometimes liken this to the idea of a nest in the omegaverse where it's extremely personal and reflective of the person making it. I also love the omega verse so much because it takes a lot of neurodivergent traits and makes them seem normal and that's just another post altogether]

3. When Pat and Pran finally get their shit together Pran let's Pat change his room and make the space theirs. It's the biggest declaration of love if I've ever seen one. He let's Pat put up photos and shares his bed and doubles the Pillows and makes space for Nong Nao. All because he's ready to allow Pat in his space. Across the rituals. Inside his safety.

4. The fact that the most crucial of the moments (The Kiss, The Bet, The Ming) happen away from the safety of his room goes along with this and his canon OCD.

If you're living with OCD, safe spaces can turn into compulsions at the sight of threat. And the fact that he was so adamant on keeping the relationship behind closed doors felt a lot like stemming not just from his anxiety about his parents but also his imposter syndrome: It's a glitch in the matrix that Pat likes me back and we should not test the matrix lest it remind Pat I'm an annoyance that he rather not deal with.

If you have autism, the safety of your room provides familiar and clear cues that could be helpful if an emergency is to arrive (I could just start talking about the rotting food if conversations get tougher// I could go to my own washroom and pretend to take my time if I feel overwhelmed). These safety nets are not present Outside.

And it is through his autism that Pran shows his love to Pat.

He let's Pat break his rules constantly. Not because they don't cause him discomfort. They still do. But his love for Pat is just greater than that.

He will let Pat drag him outside. Let Pat post photos of him. Let Pat make a mess on his kitchen table. Go with Pat to an unknown room.

As Anon said, these rules and norms and safe spaces are all in place because of being reprimanded for being neurodivergent by the neurotypical system builders. They are precautions to avoid being hurt or being called out on the fact that they don't belong.

But Pran doesn't feel hurt in Pat's presence. Because regardless of if they are friends or enemies, they've always belonged together.

#hi anon i love you #and i hope you know your efforts are appreciated sm in this home #i cant help but feel like youre apprehensive about the accuracy of your analysis #but i hope you know that youre so insightful and fun?#all autism is different in its nuances and i love you for putting in so much efforts for our dear old pran #bad buddy #patpran #bad buddy brain rot #bad buddy text posts #autism #neurodivergent #ill wait for anon to become non anon but take your time bb #we have hugs for you!!!

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charthanry · 2 years

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BBS: Depressingly Lonely? Not Pran.

If what Pat experienced during their three-year separation was “depressingly lonely” imagine what Pran went through. Three years or 1,095 days or 26,280 hours or 1,576,800 minutes and you know, you know, he counted every single one of those minutes. Here I am living another minute without him.... that’s one more minute I haven’t fully lived.

So Pran stood there on that rooftop, legs wobbly, as Pat confessed that the time he spent away from Pran was depressingly lonely. And Pran can only stare at him in disbelief because depressingly lonely doesn’t come close – it doesn’t even touch the vicinity of close – to what Pran felt then and what Pran feels ALL THE TIME even when PAT IS RIGHT THERE next to him. The classic case of I’ll take what I can get, whatever he is willing to give, I’ll pick up every crumb and tuck it away to take out and quietly examine later, away from eyes that KNOW ME, that SEE ME, not realizing that Pat has SO MUCH MORE TO GIVE but is unsure if Pran will accept, well, him.

Then Pat bravely asks (and truly what Pat initiates on that rooftop can only be described as bravery, it’s akin to ripping open his chest and presenting his bleeding heart to Pran in a THIS IS ME, ALL OF ME kind of way) what we have now, what should we call it? If we’re not enemies, do you think we could be friends? And at this, Pran’s emotions overwhelm him and the single tear falls, unbidden. He then asks what he’s been wanting to ask since that day long ago when he first felt his chest flutter at Pat’s proximity, why? do you want us to be friends?

And while Pat works up his response, those 94,608,000 seconds they spent apart lives inside the few seconds it takes for Pran to hear Pat’s answer. Can you imagine what went through Pran’s mind? All those times Pran sat alone in his dorm room in some far-off city where he knows absolutely no one, staring at pictures on his computer of a boy he loves frozen in time. All those times he allowed himself to take out ‘the world’s one and only handsome guitar pick’ and smile at it longingly, never knowing that same boy kept the other piece of himself, his cherished guitar, and safeguarded it for him. Safeguarding himself really, for Pran’s eventual return, someday maybe. Or how Pran must have filled countless sketchbooks full of drawings of a boy from back home never knowing when their paths would cross again, if ever. No, depressingly lonely doesn’t come close to describing what Pran went through.

And then Pran finally registers that Pat said no, he doesn’t want them to just be friends. Their 28-second kiss is truly the first time Pran allows himself to freely and fully live. And there’s something really triumphant yet so incredibly sad about how much he pours of himself and his feelings into this kiss. And we felt it down to our bones, in his reaction, the way his face contorts painfully as he looks back at a joyous Pat. I can’t have this. He isn’t mine to have. He likes Ink. He said so. His family hates mine. Not mine to have. Not mine to keep. Not mine. Ever. And he runs away, to break apart in private away from eyes that KNOW HIM, eyes that SEE HIM.

#bad buddy #patpran #don't mind me #rewatching the rooftop scene and had thoughts #we hear pat's depressingly lonely all the time #has anyone considered what pran went through all those years?#bbs #ep5 #it's bad buddy hours #really I wanted to better understand the cold shoulder Pran gave Pat in EP6 #he wasn't avoiding Pat or acting like it didn't happen because he was playing mind games (as Pat thinks he is)#instead it was a defense mechanism this 'not mine to have' constantly on loop in his head as if he's trying to convince himself of it

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wanderingrain · 1 year

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How does life continue to move forward after the Rooftop Scene TM? The way Pran, for one moment, allows himself to take the one thing he wants most in the whole world into his shaking hands. The way their tears fall at the same time right before they move towards each other. The music that feels like everything's about to change but also like coming home. The way Pat just stares at Pran before he even walks up to him and then just keeps staring because he's ready to give in, ready to admit to himself that he's in love with this boy, possibly has been forever but never noticed.

The way Pran tries to put on his Everything's Fine façade but just can't because you can see the pain in his eyes. The way he calls Pat out for sending him mixed signals, the first time he's ever hinted at his feelings for Pat. The way Pat kisses him first and it feels like relief. The way Pran pulls him back in for a second kiss because if this is all he's allowed, he's going to make it count. The way they're so desperate for each other.

The way Pat's hands clench at the back of Pran's head. The way Pran's sweaterpaw hand comes up to hold Pat's neck and cheek. The way you can tell how much Pran loves him from how delicately he holds him. The way the first time the separated, Pran was the first one to open his eyes and the second time Pat is because Pran knows when he opens his eyes it's all over.

The way Pat is so happy and relieved because this is just the beginning for him. The way Pran finally shatters because he's been in love for so long, has had years and years of telling himself that they'll never work out, that his love is a tragedy. The way Pat's whole world pieces itself together just as Pran's breaks apart. The way Pran walks away broken. The way Pat slowly realizes something's wrong. The way his face goes from relief to heartbreak. The way their parents messed them up so much.

How can we move on from this moment? How does the world keep turning?

#re-watching Bad Buddy #in order to write a fic #watched Ep 5 two nights in a row and cried both times #continued crying while writing chapter 5 #probably the single most heart breaking scene in history #But also the most beautiful #I have so many feelings #Bad Buddy #Pran #Pat #PatPran #PranPat #the rooftop scene #also the way Nanon and Ohm give it their everything #no holding back #their eyes tell everything #WanderingRain

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transpat · 2 years

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y'all remember this?

here, pat's not at a point where he would ever entertain the idea of an actual break up, but the fact that he suggested it all is indicative of how he's aware the only way to settle this ordeal, to placate their faculties' anger is to cave into their demands and carry on w the rivalry. to break up. but obv the faculties weren't an obstacle big enough, weren't the ppl pranpat were financially dependent on, and so it was easy to brush them aside.

this is also when they're at a point where a hidden relationship would be alright for them. bc here, the entire world is against them, but they're not willing to let go of each other, so even if they have to lie to deceit to pretend to stay together, they'll do it. but it's the resolution of this arc, of this faculty grudge, that let them breathe in the open for the first time, that gave them a taste of what freely loving each other would be like, and it's bc of this pran and pat can't go back. they can't lie anymore, they can't deceive. it's not fair to them, to their love - treating it like smth dirty secret - so they refuse to go back hiding their relationship.

which brings us onto this:

pat was the one who broke up w pran. and pat does it bc he loves him too much to see him hurting for his sake.

pran's always sacrificed and sacrificed and sacrificed for those he loves. pat's watched and watched and watched as he does. confined to the sidelines helpless, seething but unable to do anything. now he's watching pran do that for him, pran lying to appease him, pran hiding his pain to bask in pat's joy. and he hates it. its what he's always hated the most and that he made pran do that for him breaks him in a way no betrayal from his friends or family could have.

that's why they have that fight at the beach, that's why pat's so upset. he's like 'ur my lover and ur in pain, how could u hide that from me'. he's saying 'i was supposed to be special, different. ur pretenses, ur facades are supposed to be for other ppl, why would u use that on me'. he's hurting and thinking 'i hurt pran. i hurt pran and made him hide it from me'. bc his pran is supposed to be happy, his purpose is to keep his pran happy, so how could he have done this to him.

and he knows pran needs to go home to, needs his parents too to be truly happy. he knows they won't be able to keep both, not for now, not for as long as they're dependent on shitheads for parents. so pat lets go of him, puts an end to their journey, their romance if that's what it means to make pran stop hurting. for pran to stop hiding, deceiving. to prevent pran from becoming the person he hates.

and pran saw all of that saw the herculean strength it must have taken pat to say all of that, that too w/o a single tear, withholding his pain so pran won't have to see. but pran spent his entire youth watching this boy, how could he possibly miss it. so he accepts pat's grace w no arguments, since pat was doing it for him and arguing despite knowing it's what he needed at the moment would only hurt pat more.

but it tore him to watch himself become the reason pat had to let go of the one thing he was willing to fight till the end for. that's why he doesn't cry again, that's why he doesn't allow himself to crack when he says goodbye, that's why he speeds into his house w/o so much as a glance back. he thought he didn't deserve to cry like pat did. thought that if he tried to show pat he was less effected, maybe at least pat's competitiveness would force him to get over this sooner.

#bad buddy #pranpat #bad buddy series #patpran #no one else but pat knows #how much pran hates lying #pran hates the person he'd become from all that lying #he lied to save his skin he lied to protect those he loved he lied bc he had no other choice and he hated himself for it #pat was the only one who noticed #who saw how it ate at him #and so to find out that somehow pran's come to do the same for him #it was earth-shattering #pat was the one who was willing to go to the world's end to make their relationship work #but in the end it was pat who put an end to it #bc the only thing that could break him was seeing pran hurt himself for pat's sake #to see pran hurt #and like he fought the world for pran's happiness #he also fought himself #and let go #he let go when he never imagined he would #he let go even as every part of his soul wailed and protested #he let go although giving pran up was like forsaking oxygen #he was so brave for it #and pran for somehow managing to hide that gaping hole he must feel in his chest #he ended up hiding his pain again #again doing what he hasn't realized was what pushed pat into making this decision #like when they fought at the beach pran really thought pat was just upset about pran not wanting to stay #that's why he thought taking the permanent job would fix it #but that's not what pat was upset about #and then it only solves the problem bc to pat it looks like he's finally putting himself first

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boyfriendsmalec · 2 years

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Bad Buddy fic, Post-Episode 5

Of course Pran had imagined over the years what it would be like to kiss Pat. As much as he tried to ignore it, as much as he tried to push those feelings down into the deepest recesses of his mind, time and time again those feelings would bubble over.

In his dreams, in his waking hours during those quiet moments late at night when he would allow his mind to wander. In those moments he could imagine a world where Pat would want to be with him. A world where he could be with Pat freely. Where they didn’t have to worry. Where they could just be.

But he never imagined being with Pat to be quite like this. For kissing Pat to be like this.

It was all too much. Overwhelming in the very best way.

Pat’s lips, his heat, his smell washing over Pran as he dragged Pat into kiss after kiss. And Pran, who always tried to hold himself together, always the straight-laced golden child, was unraveling under the fingertips of a man he was supposed to hate.

And then they weren’t kissing anymore and the clock that seemed to stop started to tick onward. And Pran was violently thrust back into a reality that was unlike the fantasy he’d been occupying for the last several minutes.

Pat was smiling at him, his face awash in relief. And yet Pran couldn’t feel joy in that moment. No matter how much he wanted to.

Pran was practical where Pat was not. He supposed in a lot of ways they balanced each other out. But he knew how Pat would react. He would dive into this, whatever this was, headfirst without any forethought. Without any acknowledgement of how this would impact them long-term.

Their friends, their parents.

This wouldn’t end well.

Pran hated that he could hardly have a moment to bask in the joy of his feelings being returned. He hated that he couldn’t shut his brain off, that he couldn’t enjoy this moment like Pat.

He had to get away. He couldn’t look into Pat’s eyes without feeling sick. Without his stomach twisting and anticipating all the myriad of horrible ways this could end.

Once he was away from the rooftop, Pran didn’t know where to go. He couldn’t just go back in his room and stew. He couldn’t very well go home. His parents would know something was wrong immediately. He couldn’t go to Wai’s. He couldn’t go anywhere.

So he just walked. And walked. And walked some more. He walked around the campus, from the Architecture to the Engineering buildings and back again. He didn’t even have his phone to keep him company, having forgotten it in his room before he’d gone to the roof to get some fresh air.

He wondered how long it’d been since he’d left Pat on the roof. It felt like hours with the way his feet were beginning to ache and the way his eyes dipped as he walked.

He tried not to think of what tomorrow would bring. He tried to not think about Pat and how soft his lips were and how Pat’s fingers felt tangled in his hair. He tried not to think about the cute curl of Pat’s smile and the way he called Pran “dimples.” He tried to not think of Pat at all. It proved to be quite a Herculean task.

It was only when dawn began to break that Pran dared come back to the dorms. Pat had to be asleep by now. He had to.

But it didn’t take Pran getting more than halfway down the hall before he saw Pat slumped against Pran’s dorm room door. His eyes shot up at Pran’s footsteps.

Pran tightened his hands at his sides as Pat shot up. They both stared at each other, too afraid to break the silence that fell between them.

Finally Pran had enough. He felt like he was a breath away from collapsing from exhaustion, so he darted forward, hoping Pat would take the hint and leave him be.

Instead Pat grabbed at his wrist before Pran could even pull out his key.

“Are you okay?”

Pran’s eyes met Pat’s and to his surprise he saw Pat’s eyes were red-rimmed. His cheeks blotchy. Pran’s chest tightened.

“Don’t talk to me,” Pran said, his voice hollow, as he pulled his wrist free from Pat’s grip, managing to fish out his keys to open the door. Surprisingly Pat didn’t fight him even as he opened his door and made his way in. But before he could close the door, Pat’s foot darted out to block the door from closing.

“Pran,” Pat’s voice was low. Pran paused and he cursed himself for it. Pran wasn’t weak when he came to most things. He excelled at everything he put his mind to. Be it academics, music, sports. But Pat was his weakness. Always had been.

“Pran, please. Please, don’t shut me out again.”

Pran bit hard at the inside of his cheek, his eyes beginning to burn as he looked at the ground, unable to meet Pat’s steady gaze.

He never shut Pat out. Not really. Pat was the first boy he ever liked before he even knew what liking someone meant. He was always there, at the periphery of Pran’s mind.

“This won’t end well. Me and you,” Pran managed to get out, letting out a low sniffle that he tried best to cover with a cough.

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.” Pran’s eyes met Pat’s again. “And if you think otherwise then you’re kidding yourself.”

“I know you and I always like to challenge the impossible,” Pat said, unshaken by Pran’s persistence.

“But I’m--” Pran stopped short. He couldn’t bring himself to finish his sentence.

“You’re too what?”

Afraid.

Thankfully Pat didn’t press him on it.

But somehow during Pran’s internal struggle Pat had pushed past his door and was now inside his room. Again.

Pat closed the door and Pran let him. Pat took his hand and brought him to his bed. And Pran let him because he was too tired to fight back.

“We don’t have to talk now,” Pat said, his thumb sweeping over the back of Pran’s knuckles. Pran didn’t want to think about how such a simple gesture made his heart leap in his chest. “You should get some rest first.”

Pran just nodded and sat down on the bed while Pat pulled back the covers. Pat let out a shaky sigh, as he tried to guide Pran into laying down. Pran hadn’t been tucked into bed like this since he was a child.

Pat looked like he wanted to say more but was holding himself back. Pran grabbed onto Pat’s wrist before he could leave, his resolve crumbling. He didn’t want to be left alone. Not now.

“Stay?” Pran whispered.

“Okay,” Pat said, not missing a beat. He tried to stand again and Pran shook his head, his grip growing tighter on Pat’s wrist.

“Not on the floor. You can sleep with me,” Pran said. Any other time he knew Pat would have cracked a joke about the insinuation but it was obvious this wasn’t a joking type of situation. So instead Pat just nodded.

So that’s how Pat ended up in Pran’s bed. Pran doesn’t remember too much after that. He only could recall bits and pieces as his eyes began to fall, succumbing to the exhaustion weighing him down. He remembered wrapping his arm around Pat’s waist, the feeling of Pat’s fingers splayed on his lower back, the brush of Pat’s lips against his forehead.

Some hours later, when Pat awoke, head still feeling heavy, limbs leaden, but mind buzzing, he had no choice but to confront his poor, poor decision making last night.

Pat was wrapped around him, and to be honest Pran didn’t want him to let go.

Maybe he could just last in this fantasy for a little bit longer.

He pressed closer to Pat, his head resting in the juncture of his shoulder. And then Pat’s eyes opened.

Pat’s eyes were warm, like molten chocolate and Pran felt himself getting drawn in deeper and deeper until somehow, inexplicably they were kissing again. Like two magnets being drawn back together. It felt beyond Pran’s control. Like it was some force of nature that made him feel the need to be close to Pat. As close as he could possibly get.

This was not good. This was definitely not good.

Pran didn’t have much experience with relationships. Meaning he had none. Last night was his first kiss. Not that he was about to tell Pat that.

It was obvious Pat had done this before. He tried not to think about that too much. He didn’t want to think about Pat kissing other people.

Pat’s tongue swiped over Pran’s lower lip and suddenly Pran’s mind went blank.

And then Pat was rolling himself on top of Pran and the weight and the warmth became too much for Pran. He pushed lightly on Pat’s shoulders and Pat pulled back immediately.

“Too much?”

It was but also not enough.

“Yeah,” Pran nodded and Pat rolled back onto his side.

“Sorry.” There was hesitation about Pat with him now. Pran didn’t like that. Normally they could joke around and be playful with each other. Now it was like they were walking on eggshells.

“Don’t be sorry.” Pran hesitated. “It was good.”

“Oh. Yeah?” Pat’s eyes began to shine at the compliment and Pran’s heart seized in his chest.

“Don’t get too cocky. I just said it was good,” Pran wondered if he played it off light if Pat would fall into their usual joking dynamic. “You kiss all your friends like this?”

Maybe just maybe if Pran played his cards right he could get this whole thing to breeze by like some kind of joke.

Unfortunately Pat’s face grew serious.

“Pran. I need you to know I’m serious about you,” Pat said. “I mean it. What I said last night. I don’t want us to be friends. I want… more.”

Pran swallowed. “More?”

“I want to date you. I want to be your boyfriend. And for you to be mine,” Pat said, no hesitance in his voice about it.

“Pat…”

“I did a lot of thinking when you disappeared last night, Pran. I… I was going out of my mind with worry. I saw you leave the dorm building from the roof. I went to wait for you outside your room. I tried calling you about a hundred times. I didn’t know if you were okay or if you were hurt or--” Pat cut himself off, shaking his head. “Point is, I don’t want us to waste anymore time. Maybe in some ways, in the back of our minds, we knew this was always going to happen. Why fight it?”

Pran had never seen Pat so serious. He wanted to share Pat’s idealism. Wanted to believe they could have a relationship. But Pran knew how this would only end in tears and heartbreak. They were going to just hurt themselves if they tried.

“Pat. You know why,” Pran whispered. “What will happen when our friends find out? Because believe me, they’ll find out. We can’t hide this forever.”

“We don’t have to hide it forever. Just until we can find the right way to tell them,” Pat reasoned and Pran wanted to laugh at the very suggestion that there was a right way to tell their friends any of this.

Maybe, maybe Pran’s friends would understand. They didn’t seem to care if he was interested in guys, so that was one less hurdle, but the fact that it was Pat made the situation complicated. He tried to imagine what Wai would think about him dating Pat. Would he be supportive? Or would he cut off all ties with Pran? Or god forbid, what if he told Pran’s parents? Pran couldn’t risk that.

“And what about your friends?”

“I don’t care what they think,” Pat said, his fingers coming up to brush along Pran’s cheek. “I only care about you.”

Pran stilled, Pat’s eyes warm and focused on him.

There was no way in Pran’s mind that Pat’s friends would ever be okay with their relationship. The way Korn looked at Pran and his friends was one of disgust. Like they were gum on the bottom of his shoe.

“Your parents,” Pran said weakly.

“Let’s not worry about them for right now,” Pat said, batting the words away with a wave of his hand.

Pran looked at him in disbelief.

“What about my friends. My parents.”

“What about them? Pran just think about what you want and not what Wai would think. Not about what your mom and dad would think. What do you want?” Pat said, his eyes boring into Pran.

“What I want is for you to be logical,” Pran said, pulling away from Pat and sitting upright on the bed.

“Pran,” Pat shook his head, sitting up too, though keeping distance between them. “You’re deflecting.”

Pran’s eyes narrowed.

“Fine I…” Pran wrapped his arms around his knees, looking anywhere but at Pat. “I want to believe that everything will be okay.”

“And it will. I’ll make sure of it.”

Pran wanted to believe that. He did.

“Can I hug you?”

The question caught Pran off guard. “What?”

“You just look like you could use one,” Pat said, shifting closer to Pran and before he could say another word Pran threw his arms around Pat, dragging him in close. He felt Pat let out a sigh against his hair.

Pat felt warm and solid and it grounded Pran for a moment. He wanted to believe in Pat’s words but the logical, practical side of him was telling him that he was only going to get hurt if he allowed this to continue.

“I’ve never been anyone’s boyfriend before,” Pran whispered. “I don’t think I know how.”

More excuses. He needed to find some way to get out of this.

“I haven’t been either,” Pat admitted and it had Pran pulling back in surprise.

“What? Seriously?”

“Thanks for the confidence boost though,” Pat smiled and Pran tried to ignore the way Pat’s smile sent a flurry of butterflies swooping through him. “I guess we’ll be each other’s firsts then.”

“Huh?” Pran blinked.

“First boyfriends,” Pat said. He sounded confident saying it too. Not unsure, not guarded. Not like Pran. He envied the way Pat could be so sure of himself. Sure of their relationship.

Pran could pull back right now. He could tell Pat to get out of his room. Get out of his life. Get out of his head. Get out of his heart.

But it felt as though some spell had been cast over him. But really it was just Pat. Pat’s presence and his smile and his, well, his everything.

“Okay,” Pran whispered. Pat’s eyes widened.

“Okay?” Pat was smiling now, a broad, gleaming smile that sent Pran’s pulse racing.

“Okay.” Pran found himself returning Pat’s wide smile and Pat leaned forward to cup his face, pulling him into a sweet kiss and Pran was drowning, wondering exactly what he was getting himself into.

For now he could live in this fantasy. At least for a little while longer.

Maybe the heartbreak would even be worth it.

#bad buddy #bad buddy fanfiction #bad buddy fanfic #patpran #pranpat

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