The idea of Ithan trying to sleep but hearing Bryce give Hunt a bj will forever be the funniest and saddest thing ever

House of Sky and Breath is just everyone being grossed out that other people are banging.

GROW UP RUHN

No thoughts, just imagining Ithan hearing this conversation through the walls 💀💀

bryce and hunt: enjoying each other in hunt's room

ithan right across the hallway listening through the thin ass walls with wolf hearing:

Do you ever think about how poor Ithan Holstrom got dragged into a massive clusterfuck of a rebellion with his ex best friend and some other people he's never associated with, and then ended up stealing three fire sprites, a dragon and a mystical oracle alpha wolf, all while trying to come to terms with his brother's death and get over his old crush, who has now accidentally yeeted herself across time and space to a different planet, all because he got kicked out after talking to a reporter and needed somewhere to stay?

Oh great, it's like in New Girl when Jess was with Sam and then sam left her to be with his best friend and

Who pulls the most bitches?

So I saw someone do something like this and I kind of wanted to do my own version with sjm characters. They get no bitches (besides that one girl who's a sucker for losers): Tamlin, Hunt, Ithan, Declan (only bc he's gay not for lack of game; he pulls ALL the men), Tarquin They get more than none but less bitches than you'd expect: Fenrys (bc he's with Maeve, poor boyo), Tharion (bc he's stuck with the river queen's daughter, oof), Aedion, Mor (because she has to hide her sexuality, rip) Now let's rank the remaining: Rhysand: for the supposedly most powerful fae guy to ever exist, he gets a surprisingly low amount of bitches. Perhaps it is due to his creepy evil reputation and the hatred for him within his own court: turns out a pretty face a male does NOT make. Even gold-diggers have standards! Cassian: I turned this over in my mind many times, but I realized Cassian pulls less bitches than Azriel after the line "I don't need to resort to poetry." He gets plenty of bitches because he's a bigass dude with muscles, but his shitty poetry is a turn-off to most eligible ladies. Azriel: he doesn't need to resort to poetry; he's a pretty boy with a cut body, but points have to be deducted for lack of game and pining over Mor for 500 years and being obsessed with having a mate (yuck). Dorian Havilliard: Come on, guys! He's a hot prince! Of course, he gets all the bitches. He's a little immature but he grows out of it! I mean he pulled the fucking man-eater, for God's sake. Points deducted for falling for Celaena wayyyy too fast (and getting rejected) and for his healer girl getting decapitated (rip Sorscha). Rowan: we KNOW this guy gets aaaaaaaalllll the bitches. Come on, he's Rowan-rutting-Whitethorn! Points were deducted for the whole Lyria thing AND serving Maeve for so long. Lorcan Salvaterre: He gets even more bitches than Rowan because... "Battles, riches, females- Lorcan always won, at any cost." And it's even said Rowan often allowed him to win. So yeah, he pulls a lot of bitches and participates in crazy orgies with his homie Rowan. Points deducted for being Stockholmed by Maeve (poor Lolo). Ruhn Danaan: I mean we already know the man's got game (evidence: CC2 chapter 3 plus all ruhnlidia chapters). He's also a young (by Fae standards) prince who lives in a fucking frat-boy house. And that sad-boy thing he's got going on? Girls love that. Eat it up. All the bitches wanna sit on him to take away his sorrow. Points deducted for crushing on a lesbian (oops). Tristan Flynn: Man gets even more bitches than Ruhn because he's just hornier and he's obsessed with his hair. Also, did you see the fire sprites becoming his cheerleaders? King shit. Points deducted for failing to rizz up Ariadne. Eris Vanserra: Come on, he's an Autumn Court male. Plus he's a Vanserra! It's practically in his blood! Points deducted for being rejected by Mor and Nesta tho. Chaol Westfall: Man gets a shockingly high number of bitches despite being a human character who until Dorian became king had a pretty lowly position. I mean, there was a literal PRINCE and his cousin hanging out and the girls were all drooling over Chaol. When he had a disability (which unfortunately due to prejudices that exist, often make you "undesirable" in the eyes of many) and he rizzed all those women, including Yrene, harder than Kashin. EVERY. GIRL. CHOSE. CHAOL. OVER. A. LITERAL. PRINCE. Both in Adarlan AND the southern continent. You're telling me he doesn't have the rizz??? A half a point deducted for being too hung up over Celaena (I don't blame him but still). But still, he pulls sooooo many bitches. Lucien (Vanserra? Spell-Cleaver? Cunt-Server?): Come on. Is there anyone else fitting to be number 1???? Man's got EVERYTHING Chaol has, PLUS he's the son of a High Lord and he's got that Vanserra rizz. Fuck it, he wouldn't stop at bitches. He'll pull every mfer to ever exist. If it breathes, it's into Lucien Vanserra. He is THAT guy.

You write for all SJM characters, right? Can I please request something fluffy with Ithan? :)

Come to Bed Baby

Ithan x reader

A/n: poor Ithan gets no love and he needs it, he’s been through A LOT

Warnings: none

You jolted awake sucking in a harsh breath. Sitting in bed you gripped the sheets to get your bearings. Taking a few deep breathes you told yourself over and over again that your dream wasn’t real. It wasn’t a nightmare, it was just a really odd dream. Like one of those weird, brightly colored horror movies.

Shaking your head you look to Ithan’s side of the bed hoping to find him sleeping peacefully. You sigh, disappointed you couldn’t cuddle up to your boyfriend. You look at the clock on his bedside table which reads 2:30 AM.

You only came upstairs at midnight. Ithan must still be playing video games with the Flynn and Ruhn. Throwing the covers back you climb out of bed, padding across the room to grab Ithan’s Sunball hoodie that you’ve now claimed as yours and head downstairs.

You silently creep down the stairs, pausing when you see Ithan on the couch. He’s laughing with Ruhn and Flynn, controller in hand as he stares intensely at the giant TV screen. You smile to yourself. You’re so happy to see him smile. Ithan was lost and sad for a long time after Connor died.

Once Bryce was back in his life Ruhn basically took Ithan in and he became part of the Frat Pack. They might never fill the hole Connors death left in his heart, but those three are dam good surrogate brothers.

As you lean on the railing the old wood creaked under your weight. The three males’ attention snaps to you and your cheeks heat. Ithan smiles at you handing the controller over to Flynn who wiggles his eyebrows at him. “Baby what are you doing up?”

You pad down the rest of the stairs, over to the couch, and into Ithan’s open arms. Sitting on his lap he kisses your cheek. “I thought you were going to bed?” He whispered in your ear. “I had a weird dream. I couldn’t go back to sleep without you.” You whisper back.

Pulling away from his neck you give him a fake pout. “Will you please come to bed with me? I can’t sleep without you squishy.” Ithan goes crimson at the nickname. Ruhn is kind enough to hold back his laugh, even though it’s a piss poor attempt. Flynn on the other hand cackles repeating the nickname.

Ithan stares him down borderline growling at the Fae lordling. You giggle at him. Ithan quickly stands bidding his friends goodnight, carrying you bridal style back to bed.

He throws you on the bed earning another giggle from your lips. He strips down to his boxers and slips under the covers next to you. Ithan wraps his arms around you, pulling you to his bare chest, cradling your head and stroking your hair.

“Better?” You let out a hum. “Much. Sorry if I embarrassed you squishy.” Ithan let’s out a breathy laugh. “You could never embarrass me baby.” He kisses the crown of your head whispering, “Get some sleep baby. I’ll be here all night.”

Your eyes shut, heavy with sleep. Ithan heard your breathing even out and he smiled down at you. He was so in love with you and would do anything to make you happy. Even letting you call him squishy in front of his friends.

tags: @rigelus @nyotamalfoy @auggiesolovey @bubybubsters @baybay123455 @msiecrane @aroseinvelaris @twsssmlmaa

Initial thoughts after reading HOFAS

There is a shit ton of information in this book and I had a lot of feelings and I'm sure I forgot plenty of things throughout the 800+ pages, but here's a start.

SPOILERS AHEAD.

First things first: all hail motherfucking Ruhn. Ruhn is hands down, without a doubt, my favorite character ever written by sjm. Honestly, he's my favorite character ever written by anyone at this point. He is the absolute best, kindest, best brother and friend anyone could ever ask for. There were moments that I feared for his life. I thought I was going to throw up when Baxian bit off his fucking hand, and when the prince of hel said he was selected as the one to die I vowed to never read another sjm book if he didn't make it. Phew, glad we dodged that one guys because I don't know if I could have upheld that claim. But seriously, this book only made me love him more and I'm thrilled at his happy ending.

On that note, basically everyone made it through this book. I mean yeah, Cormac sacrificed himself and that was sad, and jessiba traded her life, but I mean she had 15 thousand years. Everyone I care about and their friends and family made it. I am shocked. I fully expected Tharion, Baxian, maybe Ithan, or either Flynn or Declan to die. And I was bracing myself for the heartache, but they literally all survived.

Speaking of Ithan...what the hell even was that? His storyline is so strange and roundabout to me. I already thought it was weird and unnecessary that they through him loving Bryce into CC2, then he gets offered a spot as alpha, doesn't want it.. saves the mystic wolf, fucking kills her.. tried to bring her back, turns her into a reaper.. still tries to get people to follow her, even though he doesn't want the Fendrys to lead anymore and basically everyone is hinting for him to just do it himself, but no, he doesn't want to lead...and then poof he's not just an alpha he's the fucking prime. Okay pup. I like his character, sort of, but that storyline is weird.

Where the hell was the dragon the whole book? I assume Tharion's book will be the next one and we'll get some answers on that.

Speaking of my poor little Mer. His life is depressing as hell in this book. I fully didn't expect him to make it because, man he just kept taking losses. Here's to hoping he gets a better story in the next one.

I wanted more from the world merging. I loved Az and Nesta being Az and Nesta, and I loved this book, but I was annoyed with Bryce for her entire trip there and she kept making stupid decisions that led to her being on terrible terms with them and I didn't like that. I do appreciate that her and nesta ended on better terms though.

I feel like they just casually glossed over the fact that Rhysand and Bryce are basically distant cousins. He is a descendant of one sister and Bryce is a descendant of another, and that wasn't addressed at all. Neither was the fact that Ruhn looks just like Rhysand. Maybe I'm being greedy about the world collision, but I just wanted moreee.

Speaking of world colliding if we don't get a TOG spin off out of this she is just being cruel. The shifter world. Urd = wyrd. The drawings in the caves. Lidia's son is literally named after Brannon! I mean come on. Give me the unfinished stories of TOG.

I'm sure there is more I want to say, but that's all that is coming to me at the moment. Also, in case it wasn't clear, I really really loved this book.

List of people who died too quickly in HOFAS

POLLUX 😡🔪🔪🔪

The Autumn King 🍁

Morven 😶‍🌫️

The Murder Twins (can't even remember their names they died so quickly) 👯‍♂️

The Under-King 🧊

SABINE (that bitch, seriously. I know we got to enjoy her face being blasted off but, drag it out a bit) 🐺

The Astronomer (don't eat my soul, nooooooo) 🔭

The Harpy (part 2) (aka death by masking) 🎭

The Asteri that went into the black hole 🕳️

EDIT

Mordoc and the Hellhounds (forgot they even died tbh) 🐕

On The Other Hand...

The Middengard Wyrm (part 2) 🪱 took too long to kill - Nesta, Azriel AND Bryce had to resort to The Mask ™️, when Feyre slew the beasty as a human with a few bits of bone 💅

Honourable Mention

Sigrid 🧟‍♀️ - poor Siggy. Girl just wanted to not take showers and beat your ass to a pulp. Not her fault she's a little rusty and Ithan is number one dumbass. Reapers gonna reap 💚

I just wanna see how Ithan would react when he realises that he was snuggling with the fucking head of Asteri. Poor boy is gonna die of a heart failure lmao.

Happy Day 5 (Feelings Realization) of @sjmromanceweek!!!

Pairing’s mentioned: Itharion, Chaorian, Jassa

I couldn’t resist making a couch ad since SJM seems to love using chairs as a vehicle for love 😈

Dearest reader, this author has been fondly keeping up with the latest season of Fangs and Bangs. Especially now that Ithan Holstrom, famed Lunathion sunball player, has made his acting debut as a charming guitarist starring opposite a seductive singer, played by the handsome Tharion Ketos. 

The chemistry between the wolf shifter and mer was off the charts during the first three episodes. Indeed, the two sparked dating rumors after being spotted strolling along the Istros riverwalk (well, Tharion was swimming, his coppery tail illustriously flashing in the sun) and eating lunch in the Moonwood district the last few weeks. 

Such rumors were confirmed last night at the White Raven, where Ithan (drunkenly) shouted, "if my boyfriend wins this dance battle, next round of drinks are on me!" With the mer being known for their flexibility, it is no surprise that Ithan left the club with Tharion hand-in-hand and a sky high credit card charge. 

One might argue that "Itharion" is a fake dating situation used to generate press for the new season. Others, like this author, firmly believe that the feelings developed as a result of long hours on set were simply realized after spending time together off camera. 

With Fangs and Bangs being shot and aired on a weekly basis, the finale is not set in stone. But it has come to my attention that producers are planning a romance arc between Tharion and Miss Natalia Paloma, who plays a vampyr songwriter in the show. With Natalia and the general public being staunch Itharion fans, this author hopes the writers may be persuaded to change the season's course before it is too late.

King Dorian Havilliard and Lord Chaol Westfall have been two peas in a pod since the tender ages of 8 and 12—historians will call them close friends. But the chasm that often separates platonic and romantic love can thin to a fine line, and this author has become privy to information that implies such line has been finally crossed. 

Gentle reader, you may recall how the flirtatious prince attended his fair share of courtly revels with the young Captain of the Guard in tow. Perhaps watching Dorian seduce all sorts of ladies had Chaol broodily wishing Dorian was flirting with him instead. Well, last month, the Hand of the King was in for a treat when he offered to organize his King's old paperwork, finding "Dorian Westfall" scribbled across several margins of palace tutoring notes. These precious records were dated to a decade prior, when Dorian was but 15 years old. 

This author surmises that the court ladies were not the only ones ogling at a shirtless 18-year old Chaol Westfall as he trained with Theodus Brullo, Adarlan's Weapons Master. But whatever the cause for Dorian's affections, one cannot deny the prince has continuously prioritized Lord Westfall above himself over the years. Whether it be backing off Aelin Galathynius (nee Celaena Sardothien) or repeatedly saving his friend's life using magic, Dorian's love for Chaol is steadfastly unquestionable. 

There is only one thing that comes to mind when mutual feelings are realized: "Now what?" The sensation is akin to reaching the crest of a hill, stomach tight with nerves and anticipation. It has come to my attention that the two will announce their engagement tomorrow at noon. King Dorian has been reviewing potential candidates to succeed Chaol in his role as the King's Hand, and Chaol has been busy settling into the royal chambers. Take that, historians! 

Adarlan is not the only kingdom with citizens eager to see their ruler wed. This author does not consider itself impatient, but it certainly has had enough of Queen Vassa and General Jurian beating around the bush. I am sure their bickering is equally grating on their foxy roommate's poor nerves. My condolences to him, but what does one expect by throwing a mad general into the cauldron and adding a firebird queen to the mix? Passion, dear readers, passion. Well-mannered folk may believe the best relationships are maintained with agreeable manners, but this pair will have them considering otherwise. After all, we need partners who can keep our egos in check! 

It is well known that the young queen has rejected multiple proposals from fair noblemen across the lands. After all, why settle for a pasty duke when you have a seasoned general always at your side? Before you accuse this author of being a hopeless romantic, consider: what is affection, if it is not scouring the markets for the queen's favorite birdseed and scratching all the hard-to-reach itches while she is stuck in her bird form (even if it is all done under a guise of teasing)? What is desire, if it is not peeping at the bathing general while perched on a tree branch, or nesting in his clothes (and thusly rolling around in his scent)?

Stubborn hearts may deny their feelings all they want, but this author wagers that forcing Queen Vassa and General Jurian in even closer proximity (a locked bedroom, perhaps?) will have them at each other's throats in a more sensual manner.

Dear Suriel, it has been centuries since the Valkyries have passed, so of course I had to drop in on the Valkyrie revival in my own court. My good friends roped me into the training session by pairing me with an Illyrian Valkyrie for a round of sparring. With her earthy brown eyes assessing me, her glossy hair fluttering in the wind, her full lips set with curiosity and determination...my heart was positively pounding! You can imagine that I tried to prolong the sparring session to the best of my ability.

To my surprise, the fierce Valkyrie became a blushing lady once we started conversing normally! I'll admit I was flustered, too. After learning how she enjoys drinking tea and reading smutty books, I plan to "drop in" again next week with a special edition novel. And maybe an invitation to high tea the following week, if all goes well. Oh, did you know that she also runs her own business? And it's a clothing store?!? Can this female get any more perfect? I think her wings are the loveliest out of all Illyrians. Actually, I think I may be in love. Help! All my love, Wine o'Clock

Dear Wine o'Clock, this is an advice column, not your personal diary! Help? It seems you are doing fine, when it comes to your courtship plan. But if you are in a tizzy over your newfound feelings...alas, there is no remedy to love sickness! But I am certain a delightful future is in store for both of you, if you catch my meaning. Cauldron bless you both, Suriel

Nolan’s Furnishings: couch BLOWOUT sale! Blow your back out on the hottest deals in Prythian! Pink couches, golden couches, red velvet fainting couches…you name it, we have it! Hear what our customers have to say about our couches: “plush enough for hours of lounging,” “sturdy enough to withstand sexual activities”

Kink List: Tristan Flynn

a/n: hello friends! So since I want more of this male, I decided to make a wonderful headcanon, well, not a true headcanon but you all know what I mean. So enjoy this wonderful daydream of mine. I'm doing these for the rest of the frat pack (Ruhn, Ithan, and Tharion).(also we still don't know much about Declan and his sexuality so that is why I left him out bUT he still very well have headcanons about him in the future, just not smut ones for the time being)

warnings: mentions of smut; cockwarming, choking, praising, etc.

This man loves to be between your thighs and kiss along your sensitive skin. He could be down there for hours if you let him. 

He loves rough, hard sex (not where he hurts you in any manner bc he would never). Idk if I remember it correctly (someone please tell me) but doesn’t Ruhn say something along the lines of “The poor female” while Tristan is fucking some female upstairs? DID I IMAGINE THAT SOMEHOW? I can’t find it in the book again lol

Cockwarming (he makes a game out of it.) He sees this as an opportunity to get you begging and whining for him. He wants to see how long it'll take you to cave. On rare occasions, you would be the one testing him and seeing how long it would take for him to start pounding into you.

Begging. This male loves when you beg for him to touch you and when you tell him where to touch you…

Choking. Yes, I said it. And it’s true.

Praising. 

“Good girl” “Atta girl” "Such a good girl" "You take my cock so well,"

Gods, I could go on and on about what that man is like in the bedroom but these are the highlights of my (our) daydream.

Bryce & Azriel are not mates. I get that people don’t like the idea that they just ‘decided’ they were mates & if that were the only scene we had of them being mates I would understand it to a certain extent - but every single theory post I’ve seen seems to forget a few very important details. (Contains Crescent City spoilers)

Ruhn & Bryce have a whole conversation that lasts approximately 2 pages where Ruhn comments on the fact that their scents have merged & how Hunt is going ‘ballistic’ in the way the Fae do when they’re true mates in their bodies & souls. And he was suspicious even before this from what I remember, saying how Bryce smelt different.

SJM has to be careful with how much happens in Prythian during the cross over. Why? Because she has two more books in the ACOTAR series (plus at least one novella if not two) that she has already set up the plot for. I know antis don’t like it but Elriel have four books worth of build up & foreshadowing. For something so integral to happen in another book series would be extremely arrogant on Bloomsbury & SJM’s part. Casual readers may not have read Crescent City (I know if I wasn’t on tik tok I would have probably only read TOG) & some people may not have liked Crescent City so they didn’t continue after the series or DNF’d it. Either way, they’d have to assume people had read that series before carrying on with ACOTAR & that just seems like an incredibly poor writing choice to me.

Following on from my last point, whatever does happen in CC3 has to be quickly and easily explained in ACOTAR5 (assuming the plot follows on from those events - which I assume it will to avoid SJM spoiling too much for the upcoming series or writing herself into a corner plot wise) in order to not spend too long on it - because then you get the opposite problem for readers who have read CC3 - it would be annoying to spend more than a page or two on something you’ve already read.

Now, imagine. Let’s say, Bryce & Azriel are mates. Given where ACOSF left off, you’re going to have a bunch of confused readers- who could sense something was building up with Elain for it to have fizzled to nothing or for Azriel to have found his mate in another book? How does that work? We have so many unanswered questions. Why did Azriel & Elain act so mate like to each other, for one? Do they still have feelings for each other & if not, why not? Amongst the so many other unanswered questions we have.

This is an argument that I have with G*ynriels as well, when I say that Elain’s book is next with Azriel as LI - and they say yes but they’ll both move on from each other to G*yn & L*cien in that same book. How do you expect SJM, in one single book, to deal with not one, not two but four love interests in one single book AND fit in a plot somewhere? This is without even mentioning that SJM herself has said each book focus’ on one couple - it will have the same lay out as Nessians book (dual pov + happily ever after for said couple within the same book)

Then we have the CC3 plot just on its own. It’s covering (as far as we know) two worlds. Bryce is currently in a world where she can only communicate with two people. She has to find a way to communicate with Aidas, perhaps travel to Hel, & get help. That’s all incredibly complicated stuff. Ruhn, Hunt & Baxian are in Midgard going through god knows what. Ithan, Declan & Flynn have rescued Ariadne, and Ithan has just freed the unnamed Fendyr heir. Thats without going into whatever is going on with Tharion. Where is SJM supposed to drop the bomb that Bryce & Hunt aren’t mates, she’s actually mates with this random guy that she can’t even talk to from a different planet? We’ve got too much to find out without adding that to the mix.

SJM herself has said, that this trilogy is Bryce & Hunts love story. Adding in a different mate doesn’t really fit with that narrative, particularly when the book doesn’t even support it.

I could go on and on about how this just isn’t going to happen & I love crackships I truly do! But it’s when people try & insist that it’s going to happen, then laugh at me for trying to say that actually I think Elain & Azriel are mates or at the very least endgame.

Vague HOFAS spoiler up to Ch 45 ⬇️

The Jesiba-Ithan comedy duo is the joy&delight I didn’t know I needed

“You’re asking things you have no right to know”

“Then stop telling so much!”

“You’re not as boring as you seem”

💀

… one of my theories about Jesiba was very wrong but I am very pleased where her character went.

Also can we take a moment and appreciate the massive amount of AWKWARDNESS SJM keeps throwing at Ithan, poor bb 😭🤣

Not the prince of hel in his lap, the dragon left him, Sabine hates him, Sigrid is a pain, being played by the Vipe, now he’s stuck w/Jesiba and the shit at the house of FAS

But seriously, pup needs a break 🐺

Ranking the top 10 most pathetic SJM men

10: Ithan Holstrom Come on, if you didn't think him simping for Bryce after knowing her for like 5 seconds was pathetic then idk what is. Also, him being mad about the Fendyr heir being enslaved and stealing fire sprites for revenge will never not be hilarious

9: Fenrys Moonbeam Bro was so desperate to escape Maeve that he almost killed himself. Then he had that "You'd rather my queen die than your king" line. Like bro is Aelin's dog at this point.

8. Eris Vanserra Thanks to @kateduchessofdolittle for making me see how pathetic Eris is.

-Fiancee goes to *great lengths* to get out their engagement. After all that, bro still bailed her out by dealing with her father Keir in ACOSF

- Got to be a passive little bitch to monster father

- seems to be a surrogate father to the *worst* people

- he's giving mama's boy

- his allies taunt him with another engagement and she laughs in his face too

At least he has his dogs.

7. Hunt Athalar Not sure how to explain this one. It's just the *vibes*

6. Tarquin Poor Tarquin. I felt so bad for him during that Feyre-Tarquin scene in ACOMAF (one of these days I shall write the Feyquin fanfic and rectify Feyre's mistakes here).

5. Ruhn Danaan You may be surprised Ruhn is so high up on this list. But bro, Hypaxia duped him so badly. Also, he was so desperate to get back in his sister Bryce's good books. Here are just a few examples from the book:

Ruhn bared his teeth at Maximus as the glowering vamp headed toward the golden steps. “Riso called me a few minutes ago and said you were here. With that fucking creep.” “Excuse me?” Her voice sharpened. It had nothing to do with the fact that she highly doubted the diplomatic club owner had used those terms. Riso was more the type to say, She’s with someone who might cause the dancing to cease. Which would have been Riso’s idea of Hel. Ruhn said, “Riso can’t risk tossing Tertian to the curb—he implied the prick was being handsy and you needed backup.” A purely predatory gleam entered her brother’s eyes. “Don’t you know what Tertian’s father does?” She grinned, and knew it didn’t reach her eyes. None of her smiles did these days. “I do,” she said sweetly. Ruhn shook his head in disgust. Bryce leaned forward to grab her drink, each movement controlled—if only to keep from taking the water and throwing it in his face. “Shouldn’t you be home?” Ruhn asked. “It’s a weekday. You’ve got work in six hours.” “Thanks, Mom,” she said.

She just opened the door. “If you hear anything about the Viper Queen, call me.” Ruhn stiffened, his heart thundering. “Do not provoke her.” “Bye, Ruhn.” He was desperate enough that he said, “I’ll go with you to—” “Bye.”

She flinched as Ruhn said at her ear, “You don’t need to see this.” This was another murder. Another body. Another year. A medwitch even knelt before the body, a wand buzzing with firstlight in her hands, trying to piece the corpse—the girl—back together. Ruhn tugged her away, toward the screen and open air beyond— The movement shook her loose. Snapped the droning in her ears. She yanked her body free from his grip, not caring if anyone else saw, not caring that he, as head of the Fae Aux units, had the right to be here. “Don’t fucking touch me.” Ruhn’s mouth tightened. But he looked over her shoulder to Hunt. “You’re an asshole.”

Ruhn was in the apartment lobby when Fury dropped her off. Tharion left them at the docks, saying he was going to help haul in the seized synth shipment, and Fury departed fast enough that Bryce knew she was heading out to make sure the Viper Queen didn’t abscond with any of it, either. Ruhn said nothing as they rode the elevator. But she knew Fury had told him. Summoned him here. Her friend had been messaging someone on the walk back from the docks. And she’d spied Flynn and Declan standing guard on the rooftops of her block, armed with their long-range rifles. Her brother didn’t speak until they were in the apartment, the place dark and hollow and foreign. Every piece of clothing and gear belonging to Hunt was like an asp, ready to strike. That bloodstain on the couch was the worst of all. Bryce made it halfway across the great room before she puked all over the carpet. Ruhn was instantly there, his arms and shadows around her. She could feel her sobs, hear them, but they were distant. The entire world was distant as Ruhn picked her up and carried her to the couch, keeping away from that spot where she’d yielded herself entirely to Hunt. But he made no comment about the bloodstain or any lingering scent. 4. Lucien Vanserra (or Spell-Cleaver? Vanserra sounds better)

Ah, Lucien, Lucien, Lucien. My poor baby just wants somebody to marry him. Does it get any more pathetic than "I'm a mated male now?" My man prepares for rejection every holiday without fail. He and Lucien did not exchange gifts, though the male had brought a gift for Feyre and one for his mate, who barely thanked him after opening the pearl earrings. Cassian’s heart strained at the pain etching deep into Lucien’s face as he tried to hide his disappointment and longing. 3. Chaol Westfall I don't think many people remember Lithaen, but Chaol was in love with her and she fucked Dorian's cousin instead. Also there was this:

Babe, ily but wtf. You ran into a different fucking dimension to save your ex-girlfriend's DOG??? Talk about pathetic. 2. Lorcan Salvaterre Bro abandoned the queen he served more loyally than any of the rest of the cadre the moment a tiny little human with witch blood showed a little cleavage and bossed him around. Bro wanted to be someone's bitch SO BAD. He RIPPED his shirts up for her periods even after she refused to even speak with him and said she hopes he's miserable and spends the rest of his life alone (and threatened to gut Rowan and Gavriel if they ever told her it was him). He swore a blood oath to his greatest enemy just to protect her and lost the will to live when she called him a monster. Absolutely fucking pathetic and we love him for it. 1. Tamlin It was a close fight to first, but nobody can beat Tamlin in the pathetic category. For one, of all the love interests we have seen, he is in possession of the least rizz. Negative rizz, actually. Lucien actually roasted him so badly for his negative rizz, and Lucien personally backed off so Tamlin and his negative rizz could rizz up Feyre. Bro sacrificed all of PRYTHIAN to keep Feyre safe, bartered with his enemy to get her back, only to have her destroy his court. Even after that, he saved her life at the Hybern camp and revived her mate. And unlike the others above, he didn't get the girl, and probably won't get any girl, actually. We could always put him up for adoption and one of the members of the fandom can take him? Maybe??? Maybe @kateduchessofdolittle will take him.